WEBVTT - Are We In A Friendship Recession? 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms, Flex and Firms.

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<v Speaker 2>This is the Flex and Frooms catch.

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<v Speaker 1>Up podcast, Flex and Firms on Cada. I hate to

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<v Speaker 1>say the R word recession, but I will because I

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<v Speaker 1>want to know if we're in a friendship recession. You

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<v Speaker 1>might say, well, what does that mean? It's this idea

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<v Speaker 1>that resources are scarce, babe. The way that we even

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<v Speaker 1>speak about friendships is from such a place of scarcity

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<v Speaker 1>that it scares me. Either you don't have enough. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't feel like they're strong enough. You feel like you're

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<v Speaker 1>on the out. You're scared about keeping them, making them,

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<v Speaker 1>especially as people moving to different life stages and milestones change.

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<v Speaker 1>So you go from high school to UNI? Is my

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<v Speaker 1>friend group big enough? From UNI to those core romantic relationships?

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<v Speaker 1>Do I have enough friends? Marriages?

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<v Speaker 2>Babies? Oh oh?

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<v Speaker 1>Red flag, red flag, red flag. We've got this grab

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<v Speaker 1>here from TikTok by zaid Leppelin.

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<v Speaker 3>So we're in a friend recession right now, which is

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<v Speaker 3>a term that I don't love. The Atlantic released a

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<v Speaker 3>piece at the beginning of this year of how we

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<v Speaker 3>Learned to be Lonely, and this idea of learned loneliness

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<v Speaker 3>I think is a big contributor to this friendship recession,

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<v Speaker 3>and the reason has hit me so hard was because

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<v Speaker 3>this was me last year.

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<v Speaker 4>All of the emotional turmoil that was COVID, the pandemic,

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<v Speaker 4>the social response to it all, it created this like

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<v Speaker 4>deep rooted distrust in me of other people, and when

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<v Speaker 4>coupled with the difficulty I was having as a twenty

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<v Speaker 4>something trying to make friends as an adult, it just

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<v Speaker 4>caused me to become hyper independent and ice out my

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<v Speaker 4>support systems.

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<v Speaker 1>Pipes that music is doing well timed, well timed, little

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<v Speaker 1>sonic introduction in a bit of the school it built.

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<v Speaker 2>It built.

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<v Speaker 1>This idea of learning how to be lonely is a

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<v Speaker 1>very scary concept because I would say, and I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>a scientist or anything, but I would say, the majority

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<v Speaker 1>of the learning that we do is osmosis. We're sponging it,

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<v Speaker 1>We're catching a vibe. We're observing our friends and saying, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>these are social norms. I'm gonna now copy them. We're

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<v Speaker 1>observing our family, this is appropriate conduct, with how I

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<v Speaker 1>speak with older people, this is what I'm gonna repeat

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<v Speaker 1>and whatever. And with the loneliness thing, it's crept up

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<v Speaker 1>on people. People are convinced that they don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>be in social spaces anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I just hate when you go outside and there's

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<v Speaker 2>people and it's like, that's.

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<v Speaker 1>Not it's not a great You're entitled to feel how

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<v Speaker 1>you want to feel, you know, free.

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<v Speaker 2>The most speech.

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<v Speaker 1>However, you have so much more time to be alive

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<v Speaker 1>and so little time to enjoy. I would hate for

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<v Speaker 1>people to succumb to isolation when it can be remedied, right,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I would hate for people to really not get

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<v Speaker 1>to experience the joy of just connecting with people.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's really interesting.

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<v Speaker 1>Because as a self described and therapized lone wolf.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, now, I for so.

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<v Speaker 1>Long convinced myself that so much of connecting with people

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<v Speaker 1>was going to be few because people can be so

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<v Speaker 1>annoying and then they expect stuff from you or but

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<v Speaker 1>if you can't rely on them, and what if you

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<v Speaker 1>need them, they're not going to be there. Like why

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<v Speaker 1>would I risk that when I can just do things

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<v Speaker 1>on my own and like speak with myself and enjoy

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<v Speaker 1>my own company. And it's such a defense mechanism that

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<v Speaker 1>in some ways is like no one's coming to save

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<v Speaker 1>you from that mentality, right, nobody's gonna come and be

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<v Speaker 1>like Hey, it's gonna be way fun if you hang

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<v Speaker 1>out with me then on your own. But when you

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<v Speaker 1>allow yourself to enjoy the reality of what is to

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<v Speaker 1>interact with people, you see it differently, because like for me,

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, well, what if I don't have fun?

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<v Speaker 2>What if you do have fun?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>What if they get negative? But what if they do

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<v Speaker 2>get you? Oh? But then like what if? Like what

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<v Speaker 2>bags you?

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<v Speaker 1>And this like worrisome attitude is a self soothing technique

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<v Speaker 1>often than not. And as my good friend Bobo said,

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<v Speaker 1>and probably collective from someone else, the same walls that

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<v Speaker 1>you like erect to protect you are the same walls

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<v Speaker 1>that trap you from everything.

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<v Speaker 2>We don't want to be trapped, babe. So much of

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<v Speaker 2>life sucks.

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<v Speaker 1>And another thing that I feel really strongly about is

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<v Speaker 1>that you can't simulate connecting with people. There's nothing I

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<v Speaker 1>can do that feels the same as laughing with someone,

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<v Speaker 1>totally going on an adventure with someone, talking with someone.

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<v Speaker 2>Walking down the street, and you smile someone, they smile back.

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<v Speaker 2>Nothing do that alone. It's impossible, Emode. You just don't

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<v Speaker 2>cut it. They don't cut it.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you want to go a step further, one

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<v Speaker 1>of those things I learned in therapy that stuck with

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<v Speaker 1>me is this idea that when you get really used

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<v Speaker 1>to being alone, you start to convince yourself that everything

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<v Speaker 1>can be fixed on your own, right, like like I

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<v Speaker 1>get to heal.

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<v Speaker 2>On my own.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, No, a lot of the healing we need

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<v Speaker 1>to do with people needs to happen with people, like

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<v Speaker 1>being triggered by our environment and having to respond, or

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<v Speaker 1>relying on other people, or seeking advice, commiserating, building like.

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<v Speaker 2>You need if you can.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna say what you need to do, but

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<v Speaker 1>if you can, and try to learn to enjoy the

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<v Speaker 1>ups and downs to the nuances of being around people

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<v Speaker 1>and with people.

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<v Speaker 2>Hard to do, hard to start, But isn't being lonely

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<v Speaker 2>or harder hard to start, is what I'll say. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>but once you start, you can get on a roll.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, swing of things, swing of things, beautiful, beautiful work Flex.

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<v Speaker 2>You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.

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