Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms, Flex and Firms.
Speaker 2: This is the Flex and Frooms catch.
Speaker 1: Up podcast, Flex and Firms on Cada. I hate to
Speaker 1: say the R word recession, but I will because I
Speaker 1: want to know if we're in a friendship recession. You
Speaker 1: might say, well, what does that mean? It's this idea
Speaker 1: that resources are scarce, babe. The way that we even
Speaker 1: speak about friendships is from such a place of scarcity
Speaker 1: that it scares me. Either you don't have enough. I
Speaker 1: don't feel like they're strong enough. You feel like you're
Speaker 1: on the out. You're scared about keeping them, making them,
Speaker 1: especially as people moving to different life stages and milestones change.
Speaker 1: So you go from high school to UNI? Is my
Speaker 1: friend group big enough? From UNI to those core romantic relationships?
Speaker 1: Do I have enough friends? Marriages?
Speaker 2: Babies? Oh oh?
Speaker 1: Red flag, red flag, red flag. We've got this grab
Speaker 1: here from TikTok by zaid Leppelin.
Speaker 3: So we're in a friend recession right now, which is
Speaker 3: a term that I don't love. The Atlantic released a
Speaker 3: piece at the beginning of this year of how we
Speaker 3: Learned to be Lonely, and this idea of learned loneliness
Speaker 3: I think is a big contributor to this friendship recession,
Speaker 3: and the reason has hit me so hard was because
Speaker 3: this was me last year.
Speaker 4: All of the emotional turmoil that was COVID, the pandemic,
Speaker 4: the social response to it all, it created this like
Speaker 4: deep rooted distrust in me of other people, and when
Speaker 4: coupled with the difficulty I was having as a twenty
Speaker 4: something trying to make friends as an adult, it just
Speaker 4: caused me to become hyper independent and ice out my
Speaker 4: support systems.
Speaker 1: Pipes that music is doing well timed, well timed, little
Speaker 1: sonic introduction in a bit of the school it built.
Speaker 2: It built.
Speaker 1: This idea of learning how to be lonely is a
Speaker 1: very scary concept because I would say, and I'm not
Speaker 1: a scientist or anything, but I would say, the majority
Speaker 1: of the learning that we do is osmosis. We're sponging it,
Speaker 1: We're catching a vibe. We're observing our friends and saying, Okay,
Speaker 1: these are social norms. I'm gonna now copy them. We're
Speaker 1: observing our family, this is appropriate conduct, with how I
Speaker 1: speak with older people, this is what I'm gonna repeat
Speaker 1: and whatever. And with the loneliness thing, it's crept up
Speaker 1: on people. People are convinced that they don't want to
Speaker 1: be in social spaces anymore.
Speaker 2: Oh, I just hate when you go outside and there's
Speaker 2: people and it's like, that's.
Speaker 1: Not it's not a great You're entitled to feel how
Speaker 1: you want to feel, you know, free.
Speaker 2: The most speech.
Speaker 1: However, you have so much more time to be alive
Speaker 1: and so little time to enjoy. I would hate for
Speaker 1: people to succumb to isolation when it can be remedied, right,
Speaker 1: Like I would hate for people to really not get
Speaker 1: to experience the joy of just connecting with people.
Speaker 2: And it's really interesting.
Speaker 1: Because as a self described and therapized lone wolf.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now, I for so.
Speaker 1: Long convinced myself that so much of connecting with people
Speaker 1: was going to be few because people can be so
Speaker 1: annoying and then they expect stuff from you or but
Speaker 1: if you can't rely on them, and what if you
Speaker 1: need them, they're not going to be there. Like why
Speaker 1: would I risk that when I can just do things
Speaker 1: on my own and like speak with myself and enjoy
Speaker 1: my own company. And it's such a defense mechanism that
Speaker 1: in some ways is like no one's coming to save
Speaker 1: you from that mentality, right, nobody's gonna come and be
Speaker 1: like Hey, it's gonna be way fun if you hang
Speaker 1: out with me then on your own. But when you
Speaker 1: allow yourself to enjoy the reality of what is to
Speaker 1: interact with people, you see it differently, because like for me,
Speaker 1: I was like, well, what if I don't have fun?
Speaker 2: What if you do have fun?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What if they get negative? But what if they do
Speaker 2: get you? Oh? But then like what if? Like what
Speaker 2: bags you?
Speaker 1: And this like worrisome attitude is a self soothing technique
Speaker 1: often than not. And as my good friend Bobo said,
Speaker 1: and probably collective from someone else, the same walls that
Speaker 1: you like erect to protect you are the same walls
Speaker 1: that trap you from everything.
Speaker 2: We don't want to be trapped, babe. So much of
Speaker 2: life sucks.
Speaker 1: And another thing that I feel really strongly about is
Speaker 1: that you can't simulate connecting with people. There's nothing I
Speaker 1: can do that feels the same as laughing with someone,
Speaker 1: totally going on an adventure with someone, talking with someone.
Speaker 2: Walking down the street, and you smile someone, they smile back.
Speaker 2: Nothing do that alone. It's impossible, Emode. You just don't
Speaker 2: cut it. They don't cut it.
Speaker 1: And if you want to go a step further, one
Speaker 1: of those things I learned in therapy that stuck with
Speaker 1: me is this idea that when you get really used
Speaker 1: to being alone, you start to convince yourself that everything
Speaker 1: can be fixed on your own, right, like like I
Speaker 1: get to heal.
Speaker 2: On my own.
Speaker 1: It's like, No, a lot of the healing we need
Speaker 1: to do with people needs to happen with people, like
Speaker 1: being triggered by our environment and having to respond, or
Speaker 1: relying on other people, or seeking advice, commiserating, building like.
Speaker 2: You need if you can.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say what you need to do, but
Speaker 1: if you can, and try to learn to enjoy the
Speaker 1: ups and downs to the nuances of being around people
Speaker 1: and with people.
Speaker 2: Hard to do, hard to start, But isn't being lonely
Speaker 2: or harder hard to start, is what I'll say. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: but once you start, you can get on a roll.
Speaker 1: Oh, swing of things, swing of things, beautiful, beautiful work Flex.
Speaker 2: You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
Speaker 2: For more, tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.