WEBVTT - #64 BONUS Doting Mum Kat Clark 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:03.199 Hey, and thanks for joining us on this bonus episode 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:07.240 of Two Doting Dads. We are extremely privileged to share 0:00:07.280 --> 0:00:09.160 with you Cat Clark's story. 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:12.360 Cat Clark, she's a successful business owner with millions of 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:16.000 followers online. She's a thriving skincare business that she co 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.079 runs with her daughters, Letitia and David. 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:18.840 It's called Kalade. 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:21.600 She found a lot of success on TikTok with her 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.239 healthy recipes, gaining popularity and a supportive community. 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.440 She's got about six point two millions at all on TikTok. 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:32.760 It's one of those situations that at a glance, I 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:35.159 remember when I first came across Cat Clark. It's when 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:38.160 she won TikToker of the Year of the year. Yeah, 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:41.600 and I thought, gosh, this woman's got such an amazing life. 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:44.800 She's got all these opportunities, she's killing it. How good. 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:46.640 She gets swamped in the streets. 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:48.200 People literally, she can't even go to the shop without 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:50.120 people coming up to her and be like, oh my god. 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:55.360 She's like the newest form of celebrity in Australia. But 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:58.560 her life wasn't always this picture perfect. She felt pregnant 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.560 at the age of sixteen with her her first child, Letitia, 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:04.800 when she was living in Brisbane, and she found herself 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:09.280 in an abusive relationship with the father of that child. Luckily, 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:12.480 she summoned the courage to leave her abusive partner and 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:15.120 start a new life with her daughter. From here, Kat 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:18.120 was able to rebuild her life to where it is today. 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:21.440 On average, one woman dies every week at the hands 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:24.800 of a man. Those numbers aren't going down. In fact, 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:28.240 they're going up, with a thirty percent increase since last year. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:31.399 We're immensely grateful for Kat for her bravery in sharing 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:35.039 her experience, including her journey through domestic violence. If you 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.319 or someone you know as in need of support, please 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:40.520 don't hesitate to reach out to one eight hundred. Respect 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:41.760 We will also. 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:56.000 Put further resources in the show notes. 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:02.200 Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum. 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:05.440 I am Maddie, Jay, I'm Ash and I'm Cat. This 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:08.000 is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, 0:02:08.360 --> 0:02:11.040 it is the bad and the relatable. And if you 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:15.200 have come winning advice, hang on a second, whoa it 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:18.160 may come today. Cat. Normally we don't give any advice. 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:19.800 But you never know. 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:22.440 You see that far wiser than myself. 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:25.200 I don't know about that parent longer than I, so 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.160 I'm sure there's something you can teach along the way. 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:30.600 Default you are the most experienced. 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:34.040 Yeah, that's true. It goes cat and we're on a 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:34.840 similar level. 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:39.600 It's it's a murky second and third and ash. I 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:43.000 do want to start off and say congratulations on Colade, 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:47.200 thank you, which is, by the looks of things everywhere, 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:48.440 a roaring success. 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:52.440 Yeah, it's been awesome. It's been really good. We're very lucky. 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:53.760 We have amazing supporters. 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:55.400 How did it come about? 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:57.760 I mean, I mean for everyone looking in, it's sort 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:01.360 of just unless you're really avidly following your family for 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:02.880 us and see it pop up and like whoa, look 0:03:02.880 --> 0:03:04.080 at this thing come out of nowhere. 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:05.800 And I know, you. 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:08.400 Guys really hero your own success. And you see a 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:08.880 lot of it. 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.200 You know it's sold out and people are going give 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:13.080 us more. Where did it all come from? 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:16.320 I was shocked, if I'm being honest. A lot of 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:19.000 people like as if you were shocked. I was, honestly 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:22.519 so shocked. But the reason we came up with skincare 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:25.840 was because my daughter actually struggled with exma for so 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:29.440 long and I've logged about her journey for ages. She 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:34.000 was getting bullied because her skin was like getting discolored. 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.400 And we went on this journey trying to find like 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:41.080 organic skin care and we did find really good stuff, 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:45.560 but it wasn't like perfect, and so we decided to 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.400 create our own. And so when I came to my 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:50.200 husband with the idea, I was like, let's do this 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:52.480 and he's like great. I was like, we'll be ready 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:54.200 by the time it's my birthday, so in like three 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.920 months time, and he's like, no, we're not going to 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:57.480 be ready. 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:00.160 So it took like nine. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:03.280 Into twelve months for us to actually get everything together. 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:07.720 Yeah, it was a really long time. And to keep 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:11.920 that secret for so long. Oh my gosh, it was crazy. 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:13.720 But did you just do it out of your house? 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:21.960 I saw, Yeah, there was like a shot of you 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:25.120 guys in the living room. Yeah, like packing orders. 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:26.280 Yeah, And I was. 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:29.400 Like it was insane. And we live in a townhouse. 0:04:29.960 --> 0:04:33.360 So when we moved to the Gold Coast, we downsized 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:35.479 because we wanted to be really close to the water 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:38.320 and so and it worked well for us because Tisha 0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:40.200 was about to move out of home and we only 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:42.960 had one child at home and then we're like, let's 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:46.960 start a business. And yeah, we were in our downstairs 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:50.400 area with you know, six or seven friends of T 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:53.400 Shirt and mine, like floating in and out helping pack orders, 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:54.599 get everything sorted. 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:57.640 But yeah, it was an experience the videos. 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:05.000 Of your husband carrying big boxes. 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.320 Because we had to like walk to the garage get 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:07.640 the product, bring it into the house. 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:10.159 For us so that we could pack the orders. So yeah, 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:11.400 it was crazy. 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:14.480 I want to talk about you growing up. What was 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:17.880 a young cat like, even if as far back as 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:19.560 like primary school. 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:21.719 I feel like I have different stages in my life. 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:27.080 But primary school I was. I went to this Catholic school. 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:31.240 Me and my cousin were the only Asian people at 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:36.880 our school, and it felt very isolating and we were 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:38.880 bullied quite a bit for the color of our skin 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:42.760 and stuff like that. So I was actually very I 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:44.360 don't know what the word is like, I was very 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:47.080 timid and didn't have a lot of friends. I had 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:51.240 like one close friend. Yeah, it was quite sad my 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:52.280 primary school. 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:56.240 I bring, if I'm being honest, Brisbane in Brisbane. 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:58.920 Okay, did that ease off when you would transitioning into 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:01.760 high school or is that something that stuck with you. 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:05.880 No. When I went to high school, it changed, Like 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:09.160 I remember going because I went to a private girls school. 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:12.040 Got kicked out of that school. 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:17.440 That's why, just a little brief reason, I was a 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:18.320 really naughty girl. 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:19.000 Okay, great. 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:21.680 I don't know if you've heard that saying strict parents 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:23.560 raise sneaky kids. 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:25.880 Well, now I just know that. 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:28.680 Well, I was a very sneaky kid because I had 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:32.039 very strict parents. But anyways, I was kicked out of 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:34.680 that school and I went to a state school and 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:38.960 it was filled with so many different ethnicities and it 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:42.440 was a weird experience because I was kind of used 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:45.159 to being like in these private schools where I didn't 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:46.839 see that part of the world. 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:50.320 And then that's where I really went off the rails. 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:56.320 Was it nice to be in that state school environment 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:59.520 where all of a sudden, yeah, your heritage wasn't something 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:00.000 that was unique. 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.479 For sure? I loved it. Do you know the Brisbane area? 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:03.919 You do? 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:06.320 I grew up in Kenmore. 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:13.760 Oh, okay, so your north side. Immediately I'm on the 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:16.160 south side of Well, I grew up on the south side. 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:17.960 Yeah. 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:19.880 It was just really cool to kind of go, oh, 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:23.760 there's other people who were Filippinas and other kind of ethnicities. 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:27.320 And so how was it then, trying to like live 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:29.680 a double life with your parents and if you were 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:31.320 like talking about being sneaky. 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:36.200 Yeah, me and my parents had a really tough relationship. 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:41.000 My mum was very religious and it kind of made 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:45.480 me this rebellious child that didn't want to do anything 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.400 or live by her rules. So I would sneak out 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:52.000 of the time, I would wag school, I would you 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:54.440 get into things that I wasn't supposed to be getting into, 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:56.480 hang around with people that I wasn't supposed to be 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:57.320 hanging around with. 0:07:57.880 --> 0:07:58.680 It was tricky. 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:02.560 Thankfully, me and my mom have a good relationship now, 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:07.000 okay relationship, but back then it was Yes. 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:11.840 I'm assuming that your mom wasn't welcoming to boyfriends. 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:18.080 No, she hated all my boyfriends. She didn't want me 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:21.760 to have anything to do with men at all, guys 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:23.600 at all. Yeah. 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:28.960 And I suppose falling pregnant with with T Shirt at sixteen, Yeah, well, 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:31.720 I mean that probably wouldn't have been surely wouldn't have 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.079 loved that, you know, she. 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:38.679 Definitely did not. It was a really Yeah, it was 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:43.600 very hard. It's weird though, During my pregnancy, she was 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:47.560 actually quite nice to me, so, you know, for Mother's Day, 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:49.920 she bought me like a little gift, and I was 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:56.440 like heavily pregnant. But it was after t Sha was 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.000 born that it just went downhill again. And I often 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:02.280 think about this, and I think because I was pregnant, 0:09:02.800 --> 0:09:06.200 I when I was like a naughty teen, and then 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:09.480 I found out I was pregnant, I went from getting 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.840 d's in every single one of my classes to a's 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:18.320 within a month of finding out. The key some people 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:20.480 say they have baby brain, but I was like so 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:23.640 determined to give my child like a better life that 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:26.920 I just like switched my life around. So I stopped 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:28.600 going out. Obviously I'm not going to go out while 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:31.880 I'm pregnant. I'm sixteen, and I was just like studying 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:35.280 all the time, trying to really better my life. Then 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:39.360 when I gave birth, that's when I started to gain 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.200 a little bit more freedom and I was able to 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:42.880 kind of leave the house a bit more. 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:45.040 And that's what I don't think she liked. 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.400 Do you remember the moment where you told your mum 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:48.359 that you were pregnant. 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:51.880 Yeah, well I didn't actually tell her, so. 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:54.520 She still doesn't know. 0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:01.160 So, because my mum and I had this really difficult relationship. 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:03.840 Every time I would go to speak to my mom, 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:08.040 she would just lecture me, and I just didn't feel 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:11.080 comfortable going to her about anything. So when I found 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:13.760 out I was pregnant, I was like, crap, I kind 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:16.000 of have to tell her. I'm starting to get morning sickness, 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:17.679 Like I need to tell. 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:18.760 Her how many weeks? 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:22.959 Roughly that was around six weeks I started getting sick, 0:10:23.360 --> 0:10:26.680 and so I started writing these letters to tell her. 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:28.760 And every time I would write a letter, I was 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:31.600 just like, oh, this isn't making sense, and I'd scrunch 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.040 it up. And I eventually gave up and I went 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:36.760 for a walk and got back home and. 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:39.800 My mom was like, get in the lounge room right now. 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:41.800 And I was like, what the hell? And she had 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:46.120 gone through my bin and read all the letters. 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:48.200 What did you say? 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:51.640 So we sat down in the lounge and my dad 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:53.760 was kind of sitting where you are and my mom 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:57.320 was there, and my mom was bawling her eyes out, 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:03.920 obviously because this is like every religious mother's worst nightmare. Yeah, 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:05.840 and my dad was kind of like I could tell 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:09.040 he was disappointed, but he was more like, what are 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.280 you going to do? That type of thing, like very 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:15.920 I don't know, he's just always being philological. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:20.040 It was a very emotional conversation. But then after about 0:11:20.080 --> 0:11:21.560 an hour, they will like go to your room, and 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:22.640 I just sat there and I was. 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:25.880 Like, oh wow, I just can't imagine that feeling. 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:30.160 Yeah, at this point, were you set in your mind 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:31.640 that you're going to keep the baby or was it 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:34.120 discussion of potentially aborting? 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:34.800 It was. 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.719 I didn't know what I was going to I mean, 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:40.920 I'm sixteen, just found out I was pregnant. 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:45.040 I was so like lost in what to do, and there's. 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:47.560 Everyone kind of giving me their opinion about what I 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.120 should and shouldn't do. I think deep down I knew 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:55.920 that I didn't want to go down that route. And 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:58.800 it actually partly has something to do with how I 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.560 was saying. My mum was a very religious lady, so 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:05.160 I was brought up you just don't do that. 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:08.320 You don't get rid of your child if you feel pregnant. 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:11.280 And you know, I was scared about getting rid of 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:13.200 a life, like there is a life in me, and 0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:15.760 it really like freaked me out that I you know 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:17.400 what I mean like it was just left a. 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:19.160 Bad kind of feeling in me. 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:23.600 So it was something that it was a conversation that 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:26.720 we definitely had, but it was something that I don't 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.360 think I would have ever done, even though I was 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:31.640 so young and. 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.600 Your partner at the time. What was his reaction to 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:35.200 the situation? 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:40.320 Honestly, I block a lot of him out. There was 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:42.160 just so much trauma there. 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:47.120 We were so immature, so immature, and so stupid. I 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.320 don't think it was a big deal to him. I 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:52.880 mean he was nine, no, he was eighteen at the time. 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:54.440 Slightly ignorant. 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:57.920 Yeah, you don't really know anything at that time. Yeah. 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.319 Yeah. So it wasn't like he was like like, oh 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:02.000 my life is over or anything like that. 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:07.120 He was just like, oh yeah, sweet, And how long 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:08.920 are you being together for at this point? 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:12.319 So we weren't together for long at all. 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.280 I would say, we're probably together for like three to 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:16.000 six months. 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:16.559 Wow. 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:17.319 Yeah. 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:17.640 Yeah. 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:18.600 Yeah. 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:21.440 It's such like you don't really even know each other, 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:24.360 especially at that age, and you don't really know yourself 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:24.719 at all. 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:25.440 Yeah. 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.559 And I was actually going to break up with him 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:32.840 a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant. 0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:37.480 Oh wow, yeah, the breakup or the potential breakup. Did 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:39.360 you just think it wasn't that he wasn't the right 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:41.079 guy for you or what was the reason behind that. 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:44.240 Well, I was just like I was sixteen, you know, 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:45.400 you get a crush. 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:49.000 On like, yeah, five different people, you know what I mean. 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:51.880 So it wasn't anything serious to me. 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:55.400 It was just like I didn't really think it was 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:57.439 going to work out with us, and I started getting 0:13:57.440 --> 0:13:59.480 feels for another guy at school and. 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.319 During the pregnancy. Was a supportive Yeah, he. 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:04.560 Was really supportive. 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:07.800 I mean as supportive as an eighteen year old can be. 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:11.040 He actually grew up on Thursday Island. Do you guys 0:14:11.040 --> 0:14:11.680 know who that it is? 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:12.160 Yeah? 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:13.120 I heard of it. 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:17.839 It's like the very tip of Queensland, so very secluded 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:18.600 little island. 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:19.400 He grew up there. 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:24.840 He actually moved to Brisbane to study and be closer 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:25.640 to me. 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.520 So he was supportive. 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:32.520 You've decided you're going to keep the baby. Your mom 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:36.760 is being more I guess warm to the idea of 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:40.080 you being a young mum. Yeah, things are going well 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:43.960 or your partner's being supportive. Was it all smooth sailing 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:44.760 then up until Bert? 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:47.280 Yeah, it was pretty good, like the pregnancy was really good. 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:49.240 I had a lot of support, which was amazing. My 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:52.560 school was incredible. They let me stay at school till 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:55.280 I was two weeks due. Oh my gosh, because I 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:57.160 was like so determined. I was like, I need to 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:00.400 finish grade twelve, like I need to make my life, 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.160 you know, I need to make something of my life 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:02.720 type of thing. 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.720 What was that experience of it? It was horrible, crazy. 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:07.120 Yeah, it was horrible. 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:11.640 I mean, obviously the bullying was just crazy, but not 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:15.480 only from my own school but from the other surrounding schools. 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:17.680 So there was so many rumors going around. 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.400 We would go on these excursions where other schools would 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:23.440 go on the same day, and that would just be 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:27.000 like yelling out and obviously like there's a pregnant sixteen 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:29.040 year old who isn't going to say something. 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.400 It's like shocking, right, It's brutal. 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:35.480 Yeah, it's probably the most brutal place you could you 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:37.800 could be pregnant. Do you think the workplace is the 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.440 workplace for and like how hard it is as well, 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.240 just you know, just mobility wise and getting around and 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:45.160 then also like how people treat you in that area. 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:47.080 But imagine being a teenager. 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:50.680 Yeah, how do you, like, how do you support yourself 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:53.240 in that environment where you are copying so much from 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:55.480 so many other people? Like do you just boil it up? 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:57.480 Or was there someone who was helping you through this? 0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:01.800 Oh? My friends and my my actual teachers. So I 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:03.000 had a drama teacher. 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:05.080 Teachers are always. 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:10.440 That he hosted my baby shower for me. 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:14.920 Yeah, and every time I'd go into the classroom he'd 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:17.240 actually have a seat for me so that I didn't 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:18.440 have to sit on the ground like. 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:21.640 The rest of the student. You remember his name, mister Edwards. 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:29.120 Yes, yeah, I had like amazing support, like my teachers 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:31.920 and my friends, but obviously outside of that it was 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:34.920 quite difficult. But yeah, I'm just very lucky that I 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:37.440 had a good network of friends because it was tough. 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:41.640 And then you gave birth in Brisbane, Yeah, on your birthday, 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:42.760 on my birthday. 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:47.120 Yeah, and you know what, going back twenty one years ago, 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:52.040 people in the hospital were not nice with me being 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:52.440 a team. 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:55.680 It was like like the nurses and midwif Yeah. 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:58.920 Really so I had one nice midwife who brought me 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:01.920 a little piece of cakee and like helped me and whatever. 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.760 But because it was my birthday, after I gave birth. 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:09.679 I was terrified of taking Tisha home. I wanted to 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:12.359 stay in the hospital for as long as possible because 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:14.240 I just didn't know what I was doing. Like, I 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:17.880 was just like scared. The lady was like, okay, so 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.760 you've been here for three days, you don't need to 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:24.520 be here. Your babies latching perfectly, like everything was fine, 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:26.240 you need to go home, and I. 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:32.840 Like begged her. I was like, couldn't leave anyways. They 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:37.199 ended up moving me to the psych ward. Okay for 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:37.760 how long? 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:40.560 No, they were obviously filling up, and so they moved 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:42.800 me to that ward so that I could stay there 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:44.199 for longer. But I was like, did it really have 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.720 to be the psych word, Like, for real, I. 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:50.480 Can't imagine that. It's like it's probably not a safe 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:54.840 place for Yeah. And so then after that, you went 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:56.760 home to your mom and dad. 0:17:57.040 --> 0:18:03.000 Yeah, So went home to my parents and my partner, 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:05.200 then went back up to Thursday Island. 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:06.080 Yeah. 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:09.560 It got really tricky between me and my mom, and 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:13.560 I ended up sneaking out when Tsha was six weeks 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:17.520 old and flying up to Thursday Island with Tea Sha. 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:19.120 Yeah, with teacher, Oh my goodness. 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.479 Yeah, because I just couldn't meet my mom. Was just 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:24.679 my mom and I were just fighting and it was 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:28.800 like causing me so much stress, especially with like having 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:31.800 a little baby. It was a lot to take on. 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:32.919 So I just left. 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:33.240 Ye. 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:38.119 Wow, so you're seventeen, your new mom, You're now on 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:42.119 Thursday Island, Like, how is that trying to raise a child? 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:43.520 Oh my god? 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.879 It was hard because not only was I dealing with 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:50.119 what you just said, but I've also left the city 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:51.320 life to live. 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:52.080 On an island. 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:56.480 It's really hot, yeah, but it was like Thursday Island 0:18:57.000 --> 0:19:03.040 is very secluded. Indigenous Australians live on there, so I 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:06.159 felt very like out of place. I felt like I 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:08.800 didn't belong there, and it just was like, you know, 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:10.680 I didn't know what to do type of thing. 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:13.120 So it was like a huge. 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:17.480 Culture shock because I was like this city girl, you know, 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:21.399 used to dressing up in crop tops and heels and 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:24.359 you know, just being that type of person. And then 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:26.600 all of a sudden, I'm on an island where people 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:27.640 are fishing every day. 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:33.280 Like what at this point, were you're thinking like this 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:34.680 is where I'm going to be forever? 0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:39.240 Yes? But I also. 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:42.840 Yes and no, because a lot of people on Thursday 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:47.000 Island kind of go back and forth from Cans, so 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:50.520 they because all the main workers in Cans, you know, 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:53.760 all the good schools are there, So people aren't on 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:57.080 Thursday Island for a very long time unless you know 0:19:57.119 --> 0:20:01.000 you've retired or you've got your job there. So part 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:03.520 of me was willing to kind of accept that's where 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:05.560 I was going to be. But then there was also 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:07.720 part of me that was like, I need to get 0:20:07.760 --> 0:20:08.399 back for me. 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:12.480 Like my youngest is three, but her newborn phase a 0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:16.199 pretty much like blurred it all out because it was 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:20.240 bloody heart. Yeah, how was it for you figuring out 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:22.640 motherhood at the age of seventeen when you're going through 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:26.800 like sleep regressions and teething and moving on to solids 0:20:27.280 --> 0:20:28.240 very scary. 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:33.960 I remember one day T shirt she because I had 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:36.320 to put that kid on her dummy because my god, 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:39.600 she was just driving me insane. So and it was 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:41.960 my big biggest regret, gret putting her in on a dummy, 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:44.880 because like, taking that dummy off her was just crazy, 0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:50.399 but it failed me. I used to give her a 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:53.800 dummy to kind of help soothe her, and one day 0:20:53.840 --> 0:20:55.760 I gave her the dummy and there must have been 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:58.560 like a little grain or something on that dummy, and 0:20:58.600 --> 0:21:02.760 she started choking and it was the most terrifying day 0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:05.760 of my night, of my life. So we took out 0:21:05.800 --> 0:21:09.840 the dummy, were trying to me and my ex partner's 0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:13.560 parents were trying to kind of help her choke up, 0:21:14.200 --> 0:21:16.240 get out whatever was in her throat, and we're like 0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:20.720 racing to the hospital. It was so so scary. So yeah, 0:21:20.760 --> 0:21:24.240 it felt really isolating, and obviously I don't know. I 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:26.439 didn't know how to be a mom, and all I 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:29.680 had was like people telling me their best advice, which 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:33.480 I really regret. Whenever I see a new parent, I'm like, 0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:37.920 just do what makes you feel good, because I took 0:21:37.960 --> 0:21:41.199 on all this advice not knowing what was wrong, and 0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:43.000 everyone telling me, don't do this, don't do. 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:48.800 That, feel worthless, do what's best. It's worked for you, 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:50.800 because it might be completely different for someone. 0:21:50.560 --> 0:21:55.520 Else, exactly. Yeah, so it was challenging for sure. 0:21:56.119 --> 0:21:59.520 And how is the relationship with your partner At the stage. 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:03.480 It was actually okay because at that point we were 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:06.639 living with his parents. So when I moved up to 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:10.760 Thursday Island, we lived in this tiny little house. It 0:22:10.880 --> 0:22:16.159 was a one bedroom home with six of us in 0:22:16.200 --> 0:22:21.439 the house. Holy shit, yeaes six or yeah, seven actually 0:22:21.480 --> 0:22:25.280 seven including Ta Shir, my partner Titsha, and I had 0:22:25.320 --> 0:22:27.359 that room and they would sleep in the lounde room. 0:22:27.840 --> 0:22:30.679 It was good because it was kind of like family 0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:32.000 gathering every single. 0:22:33.240 --> 0:22:33.480 Yeah. 0:22:33.720 --> 0:22:38.040 Yeah, So it was fine then. But when we moved 0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:41.280 out of that home into a larger home and we 0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:43.880 were given one section of the house where we had 0:22:43.920 --> 0:22:47.440 our own privacy, that's kind of when our relationship started 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:49.200 to go downhill. 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:54.440 He drank a lot, and he would. 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:59.280 Come home a lot of the time wasted and get 0:22:59.359 --> 0:23:01.920 quite physical and violent. 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:06.800 So, yeah, do you look back and do you think 0:23:06.840 --> 0:23:10.119 there were any warning signs that that's where things were leading? 0:23:11.760 --> 0:23:16.760 Definitely, I didn't know at the time, but looking back now, 0:23:16.920 --> 0:23:19.520 for sure, I can definitely see that there were signs 0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:23.840 that he was like very controlling. But back then it 0:23:24.000 --> 0:23:27.360 just actually felt like he cared about me in some 0:23:27.440 --> 0:23:31.879 stupid way. But looking back, it is definitely him being controlling. 0:23:32.240 --> 0:23:34.920 And when you say controlling, in what kind of way, 0:23:36.240 --> 0:23:36.840 who I. 0:23:36.720 --> 0:23:39.880 Was speaking to, who I was hanging out with, If 0:23:39.920 --> 0:23:42.439 I was like five minutes late, he'd kind of lose 0:23:43.040 --> 0:23:44.280 lose it, that type of thing. 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:48.800 So a lot of manipulation. Yeah, someone's that controlling. 0:23:48.840 --> 0:23:51.360 It must have made you feel even more isolated, considering 0:23:51.440 --> 0:23:55.320 you're already removed from you know, your family, your friends, 0:23:56.160 --> 0:24:01.240 and he's starting to control what you're saying, what you're doing, 0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:03.280 who you're talking to, where you're going all the time. 0:24:03.440 --> 0:24:05.880 And sometimes it's really hard for I mean I hear 0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:08.240 all the time. Sometimes really hard to see what someone's 0:24:08.280 --> 0:24:10.400 really like when you're the closest to them. But now 0:24:10.440 --> 0:24:13.720 you reflect on it, are there any other warning signs 0:24:13.720 --> 0:24:16.560 that you think, Oh, man, now I look back at 0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:17.640 that for sure. 0:24:17.920 --> 0:24:21.280 Definitely the financial side of things as well, a lot 0:24:21.280 --> 0:24:24.840 of people that really got me by surprise. So he 0:24:24.840 --> 0:24:27.080 would often say that I was really bad with money 0:24:27.080 --> 0:24:29.120 and that he would have to kind of look after 0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:30.320 the money side of things. 0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:32.480 And so it got to a point. 0:24:32.280 --> 0:24:33.600 Where were you bad with money? 0:24:33.640 --> 0:24:36.119 We know, I'm like the best with money, I'm like 0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:38.800 so good at saving. 0:24:38.520 --> 0:24:39.440 And all that sort of stuff. 0:24:39.440 --> 0:24:43.200 But he had made me think that, oh, it's better 0:24:43.240 --> 0:24:45.000 for me to kind of give him full control of 0:24:45.040 --> 0:24:47.040 all the money that's coming through to me, so that 0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:49.600 you know, he can be in charge and it got 0:24:49.640 --> 0:24:52.439 to a point where I didn't even see the money 0:24:52.440 --> 0:24:58.080 that would come into our lives. So that is definitely 0:24:58.119 --> 0:25:00.080 something that I should have been more aware. 0:25:00.359 --> 0:25:02.680 But he wasn't like that in the beginning though. No, 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:05.440 this is over an extended period. 0:25:05.320 --> 0:25:07.240 Yeah, for sure. So a lot of people say, like, 0:25:07.280 --> 0:25:08.280 why didn't you just leave? 0:25:08.320 --> 0:25:12.680 But you for me personally, I can't speak for anyone else, 0:25:12.720 --> 0:25:16.320 but for me personally, I was always thinking, but what 0:25:16.400 --> 0:25:18.560 if he can change, what if he can go back 0:25:18.560 --> 0:25:20.400 to how he used to be? And you know, he's 0:25:20.440 --> 0:25:22.840 promised me so many times that he's gonna, you know, 0:25:22.880 --> 0:25:26.680 be a better person, and I always believed that when 0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:31.080 he's told me so. For the first year, he was amazing. 0:25:31.280 --> 0:25:33.400 He made me feel like I was the only girl 0:25:33.440 --> 0:25:34.560 in the world, like you know. 0:25:35.320 --> 0:25:36.639 Ticked all the right boxes. 0:25:37.160 --> 0:25:42.159 It wasn't until I kind of left home, left my family, 0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:46.159 left my friends where things started going downhill really quickly. 0:25:47.040 --> 0:25:50.640 And then what was the process then for you deciding 0:25:50.720 --> 0:25:53.800 that enough's enough? I need to leave this guy. 0:25:55.240 --> 0:26:00.000 So there was one main incident for me where. 0:26:01.560 --> 0:26:05.640 Tisha would have been, like I'm going to say, nine 0:26:05.680 --> 0:26:12.199 months old, was when they start crawling right around, so 0:26:12.240 --> 0:26:15.320 she was around that age, and she was sitting at 0:26:15.320 --> 0:26:19.400 this damn tissue box like pulling the tissues out like. 0:26:22.000 --> 0:26:22.560 They still do. 0:26:23.880 --> 0:26:26.399 So she's doing this thing in the lounge room and 0:26:26.560 --> 0:26:29.000 my partner at the time walked in and he was wasted, 0:26:29.080 --> 0:26:31.600 and I was like, oh my god. So I moved 0:26:31.600 --> 0:26:33.439 her into another room with a tissue box so that 0:26:33.480 --> 0:26:36.080 she could keep herself busy in the room, and we 0:26:36.160 --> 0:26:41.560 started having an argument and it got heated really really quickly, 0:26:42.280 --> 0:26:45.840 and he actually grabbed my throat and held me up 0:26:45.880 --> 0:26:49.800 against the wall, and at the same time, Tisha had 0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:53.479 crawled out of the room. You know, when your kid cries, 0:26:53.520 --> 0:26:56.240 you can kind of tell when they're hungry or when 0:26:56.280 --> 0:26:56.879 they're tired. 0:26:57.040 --> 0:27:02.600 I've hurt themselves, also when they've hurt themselves, when they've 0:27:02.600 --> 0:27:03.639 really hurt themselves. 0:27:03.800 --> 0:27:12.520 Y pit stop breathing, yeah you yeah, it's like a 0:27:12.600 --> 0:27:17.240 language that parents just go right. Well, she crawled out, 0:27:17.520 --> 0:27:22.680 and she screamed a scream that I had never heard before. 0:27:22.640 --> 0:27:23.960 Like ever in my life. 0:27:23.960 --> 0:27:27.760 It was like pure terror, and it just made me realize, like, 0:27:28.280 --> 0:27:29.320 what the fuck am I doing? 0:27:29.440 --> 0:27:32.919 Like I don't want my child to why, why what 0:27:33.000 --> 0:27:33.560 am I doing? 0:27:33.680 --> 0:27:37.119 Like it was just like a fucking you know wow 0:27:37.240 --> 0:27:41.800 moment for me, like I'm terrified, but so is my child. 0:27:42.480 --> 0:27:46.119 So that's kind of when I thought, I need to 0:27:46.160 --> 0:27:46.720 do something. 0:27:46.840 --> 0:27:50.720 You're on Thursday Island right at this point, so then 0:27:51.040 --> 0:27:52.320 how quickly can you get out? 0:27:53.600 --> 0:27:57.040 It took a long time, so not only did I 0:27:57.119 --> 0:28:00.040 have to have that realization, but I also had to 0:28:00.040 --> 0:28:03.600 to build up my self worth because at that point 0:28:03.840 --> 0:28:07.040 I was I don't even know who I was. At 0:28:07.040 --> 0:28:10.479 that point, I had no self confidence. My anxiety was 0:28:10.520 --> 0:28:12.520 through the roof, like I was just in a really 0:28:12.600 --> 0:28:15.919 bad place mentally. I had no money because at that 0:28:16.040 --> 0:28:18.800 point he was he had all control of the money. 0:28:19.000 --> 0:28:22.600 We were fighting every weekend like it was bad. 0:28:23.480 --> 0:28:27.199 What I did was I would actually steal like a 0:28:27.280 --> 0:28:31.200 dollar or two dollars from his wallet every few weeks, 0:28:31.600 --> 0:28:34.960 and I think I saved like fifty or fifty five 0:28:35.040 --> 0:28:35.640 dollars at. 0:28:35.520 --> 0:28:38.880 The point at that point, and walk down. 0:28:38.680 --> 0:28:42.680 To the Telstra shop bought like a prepaid Sagam you 0:28:42.680 --> 0:28:44.560 know those little crappy vines. 0:28:45.840 --> 0:28:48.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:28:48.040 --> 0:28:50.400 So I brought one of those phones and then started 0:28:50.400 --> 0:28:53.600 getting in touch with my friends again. And then maybe 0:28:53.720 --> 0:28:57.160 like three months after getting that phone, That's when I 0:28:57.200 --> 0:29:01.040 started to believe, like, Wow, I can actually leave, I 0:29:01.160 --> 0:29:04.840 can start a new life. I'm not some you know, 0:29:05.240 --> 0:29:07.960 single mother that nobody's gonna love, Like there is another 0:29:08.080 --> 0:29:10.080 chance for me. So it took a lot of time. 0:29:10.120 --> 0:29:12.840 It wasn't like it happened and I just gained all 0:29:12.840 --> 0:29:14.240 this strength and I could kind. 0:29:14.040 --> 0:29:18.120 Of believe in that moment. It was a long time build. 0:29:17.840 --> 0:29:18.640 The courage up too. 0:29:18.720 --> 0:29:21.480 I could imagine that that in that moment, if this, 0:29:21.720 --> 0:29:24.240 if this guy's already put his hands on you while 0:29:24.240 --> 0:29:26.160 I was going to stop HI from putting his hands 0:29:26.160 --> 0:29:28.400 on you again, when he finds out the year trying 0:29:28.400 --> 0:29:31.800 to find an escape route, I can't imagine having to 0:29:31.840 --> 0:29:32.719 build up to that. 0:29:33.080 --> 0:29:35.640 Yeah, with the friends that you were reaching out to, 0:29:37.080 --> 0:29:39.920 was there feedback as simple as well just come home? 0:29:40.040 --> 0:29:42.719 Or were they saying go to the police? Were getting 0:29:42.800 --> 0:29:44.680 mixed information on how to act? 0:29:45.280 --> 0:29:49.120 Yeah, they were telling me to go to the police. 0:29:49.240 --> 0:29:52.240 So I don't know why, but it was so scary 0:29:52.280 --> 0:29:55.800 for me to call the cops. So the only the 0:29:55.840 --> 0:29:58.400 thing that I did a lot instead of calling the 0:29:58.400 --> 0:30:03.120 police was actually call women shelters, which were incredible, Like 0:30:03.160 --> 0:30:08.240 they literally saved my life. So many times. But yeah, 0:30:08.240 --> 0:30:10.040 my friends were like, you know, go to the cops, 0:30:10.240 --> 0:30:13.240 and obviously telling me to just leave. 0:30:13.320 --> 0:30:15.120 They did say those things. 0:30:15.440 --> 0:30:19.520 But I think the thing that made me actually want 0:30:19.600 --> 0:30:22.960 to go back is just having those friends miss me 0:30:23.480 --> 0:30:25.760 and say come back, like we want you back home, 0:30:26.000 --> 0:30:28.920 that type of thing, and just made me realize that 0:30:29.680 --> 0:30:33.760 I can still have a life outside of what I 0:30:33.840 --> 0:30:35.000 currently was living. 0:30:35.680 --> 0:30:38.719 Do you remember what it felt like when you you 0:30:38.760 --> 0:30:42.200 did leave, when you step foot outside of the house 0:30:42.240 --> 0:30:44.239 and you close that door behind you and you had 0:30:44.280 --> 0:30:45.600 in your mind that I'm not coming back. 0:30:45.920 --> 0:30:49.240 It was the best day of my life, like the. 0:30:49.080 --> 0:30:54.320 Best as soon as you could tell. 0:30:54.520 --> 0:30:59.920 Honestly, can I share the story, It's like my favorite story. 0:31:02.080 --> 0:31:05.160 I was living with him in cans at that point, 0:31:05.600 --> 0:31:07.440 and I said that I really wanted to go back 0:31:07.480 --> 0:31:10.480 to see my mum because t Sha wanted to kind 0:31:10.480 --> 0:31:13.600 of you know, see her grandma or whatever. And I 0:31:13.640 --> 0:31:15.480 was like, and you should go back up to Thursday 0:31:15.560 --> 0:31:17.480 Island and see your parents and we can go on 0:31:17.560 --> 0:31:21.160 like a mini separate holiday whatever. Anyways, he wasn't too 0:31:21.280 --> 0:31:24.400 keen on the idea, but he was like, Okay, we'll 0:31:24.440 --> 0:31:28.920 do it. So that night he took my ID, he 0:31:29.000 --> 0:31:34.240 took my birth certificate, he took all Tisha's photo albums, 0:31:34.280 --> 0:31:37.160 and he hid them in the house because he knew 0:31:37.160 --> 0:31:39.400 that if he hid those things. 0:31:39.840 --> 0:31:45.760 It would make me come back. So we psychotic. 0:31:46.240 --> 0:31:51.760 So that night he fell asleep and I turned off 0:31:51.840 --> 0:31:54.120 his alarm for the next morning because that next morning 0:31:54.200 --> 0:31:57.760 I was getting on a train to go back to Brisbane. 0:31:58.520 --> 0:32:00.640 So I turned off his alarm and I waited till 0:32:00.640 --> 0:32:03.360 he was asleep, and I searched the whole house for 0:32:03.440 --> 0:32:09.000 those items, found them, put them in my bag. And 0:32:09.040 --> 0:32:13.640 then the next morning, I waited like five minutes before 0:32:13.680 --> 0:32:15.560 we had to leave, and I woke him. 0:32:15.440 --> 0:32:17.480 Up and I was like, we slept through our alarm. 0:32:17.720 --> 0:32:18.800 Let's go, let's go. 0:32:19.000 --> 0:32:21.760 And so he didn't have time to check anything, the 0:32:21.840 --> 0:32:24.200 items or anything, and we were out the door. 0:32:24.880 --> 0:32:26.760 So we get to the train station. 0:32:26.880 --> 0:32:29.240 I've got and then you've got You've got them in 0:32:29.280 --> 0:32:29.720 your bag? 0:32:29.800 --> 0:32:30.680 Yeah, they're in my bag. 0:32:33.720 --> 0:32:37.280 So we get to the train station and he hands 0:32:37.320 --> 0:32:39.160 me a phone because he doesn't know that I have 0:32:39.320 --> 0:32:42.400 my segam at this point, mate, your lifeline. So he 0:32:42.480 --> 0:32:46.360 hands me a prepaid phone one that he's purchased and 0:32:46.400 --> 0:32:48.800 He's like, I want you to make sure that you 0:32:48.960 --> 0:32:52.120 answer this every time I call you, otherwise I'm coming 0:32:52.160 --> 0:32:52.640 to get you. 0:32:52.880 --> 0:32:55.160 And I was like, yeah, of course, babe, I'll answer it. 0:32:55.360 --> 0:32:59.560 So I get on the train and we The train 0:32:59.720 --> 0:33:01.720 is like twenty four hour trains, a long way. 0:33:02.080 --> 0:33:03.520 I see, this is what I was saying. 0:33:03.600 --> 0:33:05.880 My anxiety was so bad I could not even get 0:33:05.880 --> 0:33:06.440 on a plane. 0:33:06.920 --> 0:33:08.200 So I have a fear of flying. 0:33:08.240 --> 0:33:11.480 But at that point, I legitimately could not even step 0:33:11.520 --> 0:33:12.360 foot on a plane. 0:33:12.880 --> 0:33:15.400 So I had to get on a train to leave him. 0:33:15.560 --> 0:33:17.239 That's a long way. 0:33:17.960 --> 0:33:21.840 So we get on the train. He's given me five 0:33:21.920 --> 0:33:29.400 dollars for the twenty four hour generous, very generous. Yeah yeah, 0:33:29.440 --> 0:33:34.520 we stop off like every hour or so. But I 0:33:34.600 --> 0:33:37.880 just kept in contact with him until we got to Townsville, 0:33:38.480 --> 0:33:41.160 and I remember sending him this text and I was like, 0:33:41.400 --> 0:33:43.800 I'm never fucking coming back, and I threw the phone 0:33:43.800 --> 0:33:46.600 in the bin, and then I got back on the 0:33:46.640 --> 0:33:51.320 train and went to God because I needed to give 0:33:51.360 --> 0:33:53.479 it enough time so that he couldn't catch up in 0:33:53.520 --> 0:33:53.960 the car. 0:33:54.240 --> 0:33:57.760 I can't imagine your feeling while you're riding. We've all 0:33:57.800 --> 0:33:59.880 written a text to someone where we're like, whether it's 0:34:00.360 --> 0:34:02.080 an angry text to someone. 0:34:01.880 --> 0:34:03.560 Or something that you're like, how is this going to 0:34:03.640 --> 0:34:04.000 go down? 0:34:04.040 --> 0:34:07.920 And the adrenaline behind Yeah, you can imagine the adrenaline 0:34:07.960 --> 0:34:11.640 behind that text. Yeah, never fucking come back. You must 0:34:11.640 --> 0:34:14.000 have felt after you've done it like some sort of superhero. 0:34:14.160 --> 0:34:15.680 Oh I felt invincible. 0:34:15.760 --> 0:34:21.359 It was that's crazy almost, like I want to tell 0:34:21.520 --> 0:34:23.000 someone on the train. 0:34:22.840 --> 0:34:23.680 You just did. 0:34:24.040 --> 0:34:26.880 Yeah, I mean what was What was it like getting 0:34:26.880 --> 0:34:30.080 to the other end and essentially seeing a loved one 0:34:30.160 --> 0:34:30.680 or a friend. 0:34:30.760 --> 0:34:32.160 Was it just out of relation? Oh? 0:34:32.239 --> 0:34:34.880 Yeah it was. But there was also that fear of 0:34:35.640 --> 0:34:38.200 is he here? Did he follow me? 0:34:38.480 --> 0:34:41.320 That's that feeling stayed with me for like a month 0:34:41.400 --> 0:34:44.200 or two months, like is he going to come after me? 0:34:44.239 --> 0:34:46.719 He knows where my parents live, he knows where I am, 0:34:47.200 --> 0:34:51.759 So there was still fear, but it's a long way 0:34:51.800 --> 0:34:53.120 from cans. 0:34:53.480 --> 0:34:54.040 Did he ever? 0:34:54.480 --> 0:34:55.359 Did he ever try? 0:34:55.400 --> 0:35:00.440 And he did? But I had my friends with so 0:35:00.520 --> 0:35:04.040 I never kind of was. I met up with him 0:35:04.080 --> 0:35:07.120 like twice because he wanted to see T shirt, which 0:35:07.640 --> 0:35:10.120 obviously I didn't want to kind of beat that parent 0:35:10.160 --> 0:35:12.160 where I didn't let him see his kid. But I 0:35:12.200 --> 0:35:14.000 always had friends with me in. 0:35:13.920 --> 0:35:16.279 Those moments where you did see him. Was he trying 0:35:16.320 --> 0:35:17.640 to convince you it or had come back? 0:35:17.680 --> 0:35:21.960 Oh? Yeah, definitely, did you consider it? No? 0:35:21.960 --> 0:35:27.120 No, I broke up with him months before I actually left, 0:35:27.320 --> 0:35:31.319 and that's what helped me kind of leave. I detached 0:35:31.880 --> 0:35:36.080 any sort of feeling or anything towards him, like three 0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:39.600 or four months before I actually physically left. 0:35:40.280 --> 0:35:40.640 Wow. 0:35:40.719 --> 0:35:43.239 And so when you're back in Brisbane, are you living 0:35:43.239 --> 0:35:45.920 with your family again for a little bit? 0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:50.200 So again, like me and my mum have a very 0:35:50.560 --> 0:35:54.880 tricky relationship. So I stayed with my mom for about 0:35:54.880 --> 0:35:56.799 three weeks and then I went to live with my 0:35:56.800 --> 0:35:57.360 best friend. 0:35:58.239 --> 0:35:58.640 Yeah. 0:35:58.680 --> 0:36:02.520 Wow, Wow, that's such an amazing story having to rebuild 0:36:02.560 --> 0:36:06.000 after that. I mean, you've you've recognized that I could 0:36:06.080 --> 0:36:08.440 have a life that's better than this. You've escaped, you've 0:36:08.480 --> 0:36:12.040 got down, you're living with your friend, You've got letitia, Like. 0:36:12.000 --> 0:36:12.839 What happens next? 0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:16.799 Yeah. I wasn't really focused on guys because I was 0:36:16.920 --> 0:36:21.440 more focused on being a good mum for Teaser, like 0:36:21.480 --> 0:36:24.000 that has always been my goal. Like remember when I 0:36:24.040 --> 0:36:26.359 was saying I went from a d student to an 0:36:26.360 --> 0:36:29.240 A student like she has always been. Yeah, one hundred 0:36:30.040 --> 0:36:33.400 and I know this. You know, stats for teen moms 0:36:33.440 --> 0:36:34.400 aren't the best. 0:36:34.760 --> 0:36:35.759 So I was really. 0:36:35.520 --> 0:36:39.640 Determined to kind of not be the stereotypical teen mom. 0:36:40.120 --> 0:36:44.279 So I came back to Brisbane. I actually tried to 0:36:44.280 --> 0:36:47.720 finish year twelve again through tape. I got a job, 0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:50.319 and then I ended up getting promotions within the job, 0:36:50.400 --> 0:36:52.680 so I gave up on the idea of finishing year 0:36:52.760 --> 0:36:56.840 twelve and just kept working my ass off and never stopped. 0:36:57.200 --> 0:36:59.880 When you think back to that time, we got that 0:37:00.280 --> 0:37:02.080 and you're able to make contact with your friends back 0:37:02.120 --> 0:37:04.799 in Brisbane, was there anything that they did or way 0:37:04.840 --> 0:37:06.399 that they behaved. 0:37:06.160 --> 0:37:08.360 That really helped you my friends? 0:37:08.600 --> 0:37:11.200 Yeah, I'm just thinking if there is anyone else out 0:37:11.200 --> 0:37:14.320 there who may have a friend who's going through something 0:37:14.360 --> 0:37:17.640 similar and they're unsure of how they can support them. 0:37:17.840 --> 0:37:21.040 Yeah, I think my friends were really patient with me, 0:37:21.760 --> 0:37:27.680 because when you're in a toxic relationship, you can you 0:37:28.400 --> 0:37:31.400 always go back and forth. Well, for me personally, I 0:37:31.400 --> 0:37:33.400 don't know about anyone else, but for me, I was 0:37:33.440 --> 0:37:36.120 breaking up with him, getting back with him, fighting with him, 0:37:36.160 --> 0:37:38.520 going to women's shelters, going back and forth, and there 0:37:38.560 --> 0:37:40.120 was a lot of that, and then to have a 0:37:40.160 --> 0:37:44.000 friend who would hear that day in day out, and 0:37:44.200 --> 0:37:47.960 you know, constantly remind me that I can do better, 0:37:48.120 --> 0:37:51.200 I can live a better life and just put up 0:37:51.239 --> 0:37:55.400 with listening to that meant the world to me because 0:37:55.400 --> 0:37:57.839 there's so many people that well, I don't know if 0:37:58.239 --> 0:38:00.200 there's so many people, but there would be a few 0:38:00.200 --> 0:38:02.200 people who would be like, oh my god, girl, how 0:38:02.200 --> 0:38:03.759 many times do I have to tell you to leave him? 0:38:03.760 --> 0:38:06.080 And like not kind of give you the time of. 0:38:06.080 --> 0:38:08.640 Day song you just want, you just want someone to hear, 0:38:09.320 --> 0:38:11.880 not try and give you the immediate solution. You know 0:38:11.920 --> 0:38:14.359 what the solution is really deep down, but it's kind 0:38:14.360 --> 0:38:15.680 of like someone who can stick by you. 0:38:15.800 --> 0:38:16.840 That's pretty powerful. 0:38:17.040 --> 0:38:20.600 Yeah, aod friend. Yeah. 0:38:20.800 --> 0:38:25.279 So that's why whenever I talk to my girls about this. 0:38:26.880 --> 0:38:31.040 The biggest red flag for me is when a partner 0:38:31.080 --> 0:38:34.280 starts trying to cut your friends and family out. Because 0:38:35.040 --> 0:38:38.720 I needed that, I needed my friends, I needed my family, 0:38:38.760 --> 0:38:42.360 and that's something that he literally physically flew me across 0:38:42.400 --> 0:38:45.640 the country, you know, on the opposite side of Queensland 0:38:45.719 --> 0:38:46.680 to kind of get me. 0:38:46.640 --> 0:38:47.279 Away from that. 0:38:48.000 --> 0:38:51.520 So whenever I hear someone saying, oh, he doesn't like 0:38:51.560 --> 0:38:55.520 my best friend, I'm like, why because you like your 0:38:55.520 --> 0:38:58.600 best friend, right, keep in touch with your friends, Do 0:38:58.760 --> 0:39:01.279 not cut them out whenever you in a new relationship. 0:39:01.320 --> 0:39:02.680 Always make time for your friends. 0:39:02.880 --> 0:39:05.200 Yeah, because I think we've all had friends, you know, 0:39:05.400 --> 0:39:08.040 male female that when they get into relationships, like where 0:39:08.040 --> 0:39:08.480 are they gone? 0:39:08.760 --> 0:39:12.320 Yeah, the energy becomes invested. 0:39:11.880 --> 0:39:13.879 In there, and you don't know if it's just they're 0:39:13.920 --> 0:39:15.719 all their energy because they all want to really just 0:39:15.760 --> 0:39:17.520 want to be with each other and they really enjoy 0:39:17.520 --> 0:39:20.240 each other's company, or if there's any any hate towards 0:39:20.360 --> 0:39:22.600 friend groups or whatever it might be, or if it's 0:39:22.680 --> 0:39:25.360 that because so easily be disguised one. 0:39:25.239 --> 0:39:27.680 As one or the other. Yeah, it's a scary thought. 0:39:27.760 --> 0:39:30.480 I mean both Matt and I have Matt's got two girls, 0:39:30.520 --> 0:39:32.640 I've got I've got a girl and a boy. And 0:39:32.680 --> 0:39:35.040 even for even for a boy like them growing up, 0:39:35.120 --> 0:39:37.360 it's like, you know, when they start to date and 0:39:37.400 --> 0:39:39.960 stuff like that, it's like, what do you do as 0:39:40.000 --> 0:39:42.960 a parent when you see when you see that happening? 0:39:43.040 --> 0:39:44.759 Is it is it just? Is it love? Or is 0:39:44.760 --> 0:39:45.879 it manipulation? 0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:47.760 Yeah, it's really tricky. 0:39:47.920 --> 0:39:53.000 Like I remember when t Shirk started dating and she's 0:39:53.080 --> 0:39:58.719 dated some interesting characters. There was this one particular guy 0:39:59.440 --> 0:40:01.840 was giving me really bad vibes. I think this is 0:40:01.880 --> 0:40:04.120 why it's so important to have a good relationship with 0:40:04.160 --> 0:40:07.000 your kids where they feel like they can talk to 0:40:07.040 --> 0:40:11.600 you openly because they tell you things that happen within 0:40:12.320 --> 0:40:17.000 the relationship. It's also hard as a parent to how 0:40:17.040 --> 0:40:19.680 do you tell your kid you think that person is 0:40:19.719 --> 0:40:24.520 a psycho without you I exactly, well, that's why I 0:40:24.560 --> 0:40:25.560 was like, I don't want. 0:40:25.360 --> 0:40:26.040 To be that. 0:40:27.600 --> 0:40:28.000 A little bit. 0:40:28.320 --> 0:40:31.759 Yeah, So it's like a it was a weird I 0:40:31.840 --> 0:40:35.000 remember having this conversation with Tsha and just being like, look, 0:40:35.120 --> 0:40:38.320 this is what I think is happening. Obviously I trust 0:40:38.360 --> 0:40:41.040 your judgment. You're a smart woman, but I want you 0:40:41.080 --> 0:40:43.480 to know but this is what I can see. And 0:40:43.560 --> 0:40:46.040 within a few weeks she broke it up with him. 0:40:49.160 --> 0:40:50.960 It's nice that she took on what you had to 0:40:50.960 --> 0:40:52.880 say and probably took some time to think about it. 0:40:53.040 --> 0:40:55.359 So just been like, well, I hate you now because 0:40:55.400 --> 0:40:59.000 you hate him, you know. So yeah, I mean we've 0:40:59.040 --> 0:41:01.400 spoken about that before, about being able to communicate with 0:41:01.440 --> 0:41:03.399 the kids, but not just with those things, but also the. 0:41:03.360 --> 0:41:04.440 Good things as well. 0:41:04.600 --> 0:41:06.520 Then it might give them a bit more encouragement to 0:41:06.560 --> 0:41:08.239 come to you with things that aren't so good. 0:41:08.360 --> 0:41:09.080 Yeah, for sure. 0:41:09.239 --> 0:41:13.640 What's it like trying to get back into dating when 0:41:13.680 --> 0:41:16.319 not only have you come from such a traumatic experience, 0:41:16.440 --> 0:41:20.440 but I guess you've not really even experienced a really 0:41:20.520 --> 0:41:24.080 healthy relationship because one of your first ones, you know, 0:41:24.400 --> 0:41:26.640 was when you were sixteen and seventeen. So how do 0:41:26.719 --> 0:41:29.560 you start trusting men again and starting to get back 0:41:29.560 --> 0:41:30.120 into dating. 0:41:30.640 --> 0:41:34.600 It's funny you say that, because after that incident and 0:41:34.680 --> 0:41:37.000 I did start dating. I actually started dating one of 0:41:37.080 --> 0:41:42.800 my best friends. So but I think that's because I trust. 0:41:42.920 --> 0:41:43.720 Yes, we trusted. 0:41:43.800 --> 0:41:46.240 I already trusted him. He made me laugh. 0:41:46.719 --> 0:41:49.680 You know, we had a good relationship already. I think 0:41:49.680 --> 0:41:53.319 that's a great foundation to finding out who makes a 0:41:53.360 --> 0:41:56.560 good future partner, right, making sure you can have fun 0:41:56.600 --> 0:41:58.480 with them and that you're their friend. 0:41:59.080 --> 0:42:01.480 I think that's what helped for me, probably dating one 0:42:01.480 --> 0:42:04.600 ofever my best How to build your confidence. 0:42:05.560 --> 0:42:06.880 It's a good way to start. I mean, how long 0:42:06.920 --> 0:42:07.640 did that last? 0:42:07.760 --> 0:42:09.640 It wasn't like serious serious. 0:42:09.760 --> 0:42:12.239 We made clear guidelines where we're like, we're just going 0:42:12.280 --> 0:42:14.080 to be friends with benefits. 0:42:13.600 --> 0:42:16.200 Okay, and then it works out. 0:42:17.960 --> 0:42:20.319 Yeah, it was only like three or four months and 0:42:20.360 --> 0:42:22.080 we decided we're still friends now. 0:42:22.200 --> 0:42:24.920 So and you, I don't want to skip too far 0:42:25.000 --> 0:42:28.440 forward because we go through your whole dating life, but 0:42:28.840 --> 0:42:29.880 your husband Jonathan. 0:42:30.120 --> 0:42:33.120 Yes, so you've been with him for sixteen years? 0:42:33.160 --> 0:42:37.560 I know I've been yeah sixteen Wait what month? Well yeah, 0:42:37.600 --> 0:42:38.239 sixteen years? 0:42:38.320 --> 0:42:38.840 Wow? 0:42:39.200 --> 0:42:40.520 Yeah crazy? 0:42:41.040 --> 0:42:41.960 That is crazy? 0:42:42.000 --> 0:42:45.120 And what was it about Jonathan that you thought this 0:42:45.200 --> 0:42:46.279 could be the guy for me? 0:42:46.680 --> 0:42:48.800 Obviously when I first saw him, I was like, damn, 0:42:48.800 --> 0:42:53.680 he's cute. But then like getting to know him, he 0:42:53.719 --> 0:42:58.080 was just a really nice guy. Like I remember when 0:42:58.080 --> 0:43:00.440 I went on my first date with him and I 0:43:00.480 --> 0:43:02.319 was like, so, I've got to tell you something and 0:43:02.320 --> 0:43:04.080 he's like, do you have a boyfriend? 0:43:04.120 --> 0:43:05.879 And I was like, I just have a kid. 0:43:07.600 --> 0:43:11.799 He was like what, But no, he was just a 0:43:11.880 --> 0:43:15.320 really cool, fun guy, and like I was saying before, 0:43:15.360 --> 0:43:16.880 he felt like my friend. 0:43:17.640 --> 0:43:20.720 And then how was it going back into the world 0:43:20.760 --> 0:43:23.439 of being pregnant again for a second time? 0:43:23.760 --> 0:43:28.200 It was so different because I actually so when Jonathan 0:43:28.239 --> 0:43:31.080 asked me to marry him, I actually said I will, 0:43:31.160 --> 0:43:33.239 but just so you know, I'm not having any more kids, 0:43:33.719 --> 0:43:38.439 because yeah, I was so traumatized from my experience. 0:43:39.880 --> 0:43:42.879 Did he say okay, sure, Yeah, he was. 0:43:42.840 --> 0:43:43.320 Fine with it. 0:43:44.080 --> 0:43:46.439 Yeah, he was like, Okay, if that's what you want, 0:43:46.480 --> 0:43:48.040 then that's that's it. 0:43:47.960 --> 0:43:50.000 Which makes a lot of sense. I get it. 0:43:50.120 --> 0:43:50.319 Yeah. 0:43:50.640 --> 0:43:52.480 But then when did you When did the thought creep 0:43:52.520 --> 0:43:55.279 into your mind that maybe I could go back for 0:43:55.320 --> 0:43:55.840 a second. 0:43:56.080 --> 0:44:01.400 Five years into being married, and my grandma actually passed 0:44:01.440 --> 0:44:04.719 away and I was sitting at her funeral and my 0:44:04.760 --> 0:44:07.720 granddad was sitting there with his two sons on either 0:44:07.760 --> 0:44:11.200 side of him, and I was like, I think I 0:44:11.239 --> 0:44:12.160 want to have another kid. 0:44:12.239 --> 0:44:13.879 Oh yeah. 0:44:13.920 --> 0:44:16.680 And so after because I didn't want my husband to 0:44:16.920 --> 0:44:20.239 like obviously he brought up tshirt like his own, but 0:44:20.400 --> 0:44:23.719 I just wanted him to have his own too. 0:44:23.880 --> 0:44:26.520 So and that relationship between him and t shir is 0:44:26.520 --> 0:44:27.880 that always been rock solid? 0:44:27.960 --> 0:44:29.440 Oh yeah, they're besties. 0:44:29.480 --> 0:44:31.200 Oh that's great. Yeah. 0:44:31.239 --> 0:44:33.840 And then was there was there anything that you learned 0:44:34.480 --> 0:44:37.240 as a first time mom that came in handy second 0:44:37.280 --> 0:44:39.640 time round? Or did you just completely clean the slaves? 0:44:41.040 --> 0:44:45.239 I think what I loved about being a mom the 0:44:45.360 --> 0:44:48.280 second time round is I didn't have so many people 0:44:48.719 --> 0:44:52.520 giving me their unsolicited advice and I just ran with 0:44:52.680 --> 0:44:53.359 being a mom. 0:44:53.800 --> 0:44:54.399 I wasn't so. 0:44:54.480 --> 0:44:58.640 Crazy about sleep schedules and you know, feeding every three hours. 0:44:58.680 --> 0:45:01.239 I kind of just did what felt best for me, 0:45:01.440 --> 0:45:04.120 whereas with T Shirt, I felt like I was bombarded 0:45:04.160 --> 0:45:08.960 with so much information and it was very overwhelming, and 0:45:09.239 --> 0:45:13.880 I didn't give her the dummy. Thank god, the dummy. 0:45:13.600 --> 0:45:14.920 Ruined my life. 0:45:15.239 --> 0:45:19.640 So yeahs both didn't latch onto it. 0:45:19.960 --> 0:45:21.840 Yeah, well, there was one point where I was like, 0:45:21.840 --> 0:45:23.880 oh my god, just give Dasia the dummy, and it 0:45:23.960 --> 0:45:24.959 was too late at that point. 0:45:25.000 --> 0:45:26.399 She just spat it out and I was like. 0:45:28.680 --> 0:45:32.279 And then, do you remember when you first publicly told 0:45:32.360 --> 0:45:32.960 your story? 0:45:33.400 --> 0:45:37.560 Yeah, so it was actually really random when I started. 0:45:37.600 --> 0:45:40.400 I decided to share my story because at that point 0:45:40.560 --> 0:45:45.040 on social media, I was just sharing like recipes. People 0:45:45.160 --> 0:45:49.200 were slowly learning more about me through those recipes. So 0:45:49.239 --> 0:45:52.840 they were like, wait, you have a seventeen year old daughter, 0:45:52.920 --> 0:45:54.480 Like what the hell am I the math? 0:45:54.640 --> 0:45:54.839 Yeah? 0:45:54.920 --> 0:45:57.279 Yeah, and like questioning in the comments, and I was like, 0:45:57.560 --> 0:45:59.040 maybe I'm just going to give these guys like a 0:45:59.120 --> 0:46:02.520 little bit of a story time about my life. And 0:46:02.719 --> 0:46:06.640 I remember posting it and it just blowing up. People 0:46:07.040 --> 0:46:10.480 friends like from primary school, from high school were like, 0:46:10.480 --> 0:46:12.440 oh my god, my child is watching your video. 0:46:12.520 --> 0:46:14.680 That's so crazy, And I was like, what the hell? 0:46:15.160 --> 0:46:17.640 Anyone who you were like you used to fucking bully me? 0:46:17.880 --> 0:46:21.600 Yeah there were a few of those, but. 0:46:21.920 --> 0:46:25.560 Have anyone apologize or no? 0:46:25.560 --> 0:46:25.799 No? 0:46:27.200 --> 0:46:30.560 Once your life blew up in terms of your story, 0:46:30.840 --> 0:46:33.600 and then I mean, you've built this essentially, You've built 0:46:33.600 --> 0:46:37.200 this empire being a mom and being a business person. 0:46:37.680 --> 0:46:40.879 You do everything with your family, Like You've got a 0:46:40.920 --> 0:46:44.719 really successful podcast with Letitia, And it's like, what's it 0:46:44.880 --> 0:46:48.239 like working so much with your kids? 0:46:48.280 --> 0:46:49.399 I mean, for me, I'm not. 0:46:49.400 --> 0:46:51.719 There yet, but I love it. 0:46:51.840 --> 0:46:55.799 I like working with T shirt Is. I know this 0:46:55.880 --> 0:46:58.680 sounds corny, but it is literally like working with my 0:46:58.800 --> 0:47:02.200 best friend, same thing as Dansa. 0:47:02.280 --> 0:47:03.040 And sometimes I have. 0:47:03.040 --> 0:47:05.080 To kind of remind myself I'm the mom, like I 0:47:05.120 --> 0:47:06.320 need to be more. 0:47:06.200 --> 0:47:09.719 Mature, you know what I mean. It's a whole heap 0:47:09.760 --> 0:47:10.160 of fun. 0:47:10.239 --> 0:47:12.600 There's obviously some ups and downs where we spend so 0:47:12.719 --> 0:47:17.560 much time together, but this is what I've always wanted, 0:47:17.560 --> 0:47:20.440 Like I've always wanted to be really close with my family, 0:47:20.520 --> 0:47:21.560 And yeah, it's great. 0:47:22.280 --> 0:47:27.040 And how does it feel now that she's flown the nest? 0:47:27.320 --> 0:47:28.840 Oh? You know what? 0:47:28.920 --> 0:47:34.160 The first like month was really hard. Nobody prepares you 0:47:34.239 --> 0:47:35.759 for this, nobody. 0:47:36.040 --> 0:47:39.719 Do you remember how the conversation went about when she said, 0:47:39.840 --> 0:47:41.879 I think I want to move out of home. 0:47:42.280 --> 0:47:45.200 Well, the first conversation happened when she was working at 0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:49.560 a nightclub and working like six hours a week, and 0:47:49.600 --> 0:47:51.160 she's like, I'm moving out with my friends. 0:47:51.200 --> 0:47:53.480 And I'm like, you make like fifty dollars a week, 0:47:53.640 --> 0:47:58.279 Like are going to do that? And so I convinced 0:47:58.280 --> 0:48:00.879 her not to. And then I was like, why don't 0:48:00.920 --> 0:48:01.439 you just save? 0:48:01.640 --> 0:48:04.200 Like you have no rules at home, Like we're pretty 0:48:04.280 --> 0:48:07.439 chill parents, Like, you know, just stay at home, save, 0:48:07.640 --> 0:48:10.320 and then when you're ready, you can buy your first home. 0:48:10.880 --> 0:48:15.480 She really didn't want to, but she did. And then 0:48:15.560 --> 0:48:21.120 when she finally bought her unit, she it was still 0:48:21.160 --> 0:48:24.560 really hard for me to kind of let go. And 0:48:24.600 --> 0:48:28.120 I remember the first night her, like we were all 0:48:28.160 --> 0:48:29.719 in her house and we're like, okay, we're going to 0:48:29.800 --> 0:48:30.080 go now. 0:48:30.120 --> 0:48:31.319 She's like, Mom, can you just stay? 0:48:31.320 --> 0:48:36.120 It's so lonely here, and I was like, and I 0:48:36.160 --> 0:48:38.560 remember like walking out the door to the car and 0:48:38.600 --> 0:48:40.840 her just like closing the sliding door, and I was 0:48:40.880 --> 0:48:44.800 like pulling my eyes out because I was like, left 0:48:44.800 --> 0:48:48.400 her there home alone in this quiet little apartment. 0:48:48.360 --> 0:48:50.440 From yours thirty minutes. 0:48:51.320 --> 0:48:53.959 But still it's just like the thought of her being 0:48:54.000 --> 0:48:57.040 in a home by herself. She had hardly any furniture 0:48:57.080 --> 0:48:59.120 in there at that point as well, so it was 0:48:59.200 --> 0:49:00.000 just it's tough. 0:49:00.600 --> 0:49:03.440 Yeah, I can't even imagine what that's going to be. 0:49:03.520 --> 0:49:04.879 Like, I can't wait for minunder moon. 0:49:06.640 --> 0:49:11.799 I used to say that too, I really did. It's tough, 0:49:11.840 --> 0:49:14.319 But now I'm like, oh, God, go home. She comes over, 0:49:14.360 --> 0:49:16.160 still eats all my food. I'm like, what are you 0:49:16.200 --> 0:49:16.560 doing here? 0:49:19.400 --> 0:49:22.200 And then when there comes a time where Daye's not 0:49:22.239 --> 0:49:25.520 at home anymore? What do you want your girls to 0:49:25.600 --> 0:49:27.480 remember when they think back to the house that they 0:49:27.520 --> 0:49:28.040 grew up in. 0:49:28.440 --> 0:49:31.960 I just hope they when they think back that they 0:49:32.000 --> 0:49:35.760 feel a lot a lot of love and that everything 0:49:36.080 --> 0:49:39.239 we did was for them, because it literally is. And 0:49:39.280 --> 0:49:42.200 I'm sure most parents can relate to that. You know, 0:49:42.239 --> 0:49:46.240 we work hard for our babies to have a nice life, 0:49:46.400 --> 0:49:46.799 for sure. 0:49:47.640 --> 0:49:49.960 Yeah, well answered, I want to say thank you so much. 0:49:50.480 --> 0:49:52.360 Thank you. 0:49:50.800 --> 0:49:57.720 You tell an extremely difficult story in a really articulate way, 0:49:58.080 --> 0:50:01.919 and I can't even begin into imagine what it must 0:50:01.920 --> 0:50:05.319 have been like being so young, being so vulnerable, and 0:50:05.400 --> 0:50:09.320 having to escape someone so awful. But your story, Cat, 0:50:09.760 --> 0:50:13.360 it's nothing short of remarkable. You should be so immensely 0:50:13.400 --> 0:50:17.439 proud of just how brave and courageous you were when 0:50:17.440 --> 0:50:20.799 you were incredibly young. So thank you so much for 0:50:20.800 --> 0:50:21.799 sharing your story with us. 0:50:22.600 --> 0:50:25.799 Thank you listening, guys, such an eye opening story to hear. 0:50:26.040 --> 0:50:28.600 I mean, Matt and I don't often get to sit 0:50:28.640 --> 0:50:31.200 down with someone with a story like yours, and people 0:50:31.200 --> 0:50:33.600 that listen to us are really going to appreciate it, 0:50:33.880 --> 0:50:36.359 and we appreciate you and everything you've said. 0:50:36.640 --> 0:50:38.600 Thanks for listening, guys, Thank you. 0:50:39.520 --> 0:50:48.399 I want to give you a big hug. We are 0:50:48.719 --> 0:50:52.000 so immensely grateful to Kat for her bravery and sharing 0:50:52.040 --> 0:50:56.600 her experience, including her journey through domestic violence. If you 0:50:56.719 --> 0:50:59.120 or someone you know is in need of support, please 0:50:59.400 --> 0:51:02.720 do not have to reach out to one eight hundred. Respect. 0:51:03.280 --> 0:51:05.840 We will also leave some further resources in the notes 0:51:05.840 --> 0:51:06.360 of this show. 0:51:06.480 --> 0:51:10.120 Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country 0:51:10.120 --> 0:51:13.840 throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community. 0:51:14.080 --> 0:51:16.600 We pay our respects to their elders past and present, 0:51:16.640 --> 0:51:19.720 and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander 0:51:19.760 --> 0:51:23.399 peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.