Speaker 1: Hey, and thanks for joining us on this bonus episode
Speaker 1: of Two Doting Dads. We are extremely privileged to share
Speaker 1: with you Cat Clark's story.
Speaker 2: Cat Clark, she's a successful business owner with millions of
Speaker 2: followers online. She's a thriving skincare business that she co
Speaker 2: runs with her daughters, Letitia and David.
Speaker 3: It's called Kalade.
Speaker 2: She found a lot of success on TikTok with her
Speaker 2: healthy recipes, gaining popularity and a supportive community.
Speaker 1: She's got about six point two millions at all on TikTok.
Speaker 1: It's one of those situations that at a glance, I
Speaker 1: remember when I first came across Cat Clark. It's when
Speaker 1: she won TikToker of the Year of the year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I thought, gosh, this woman's got such an amazing life.
Speaker 1: She's got all these opportunities, she's killing it. How good.
Speaker 3: She gets swamped in the streets.
Speaker 1: People literally, she can't even go to the shop without
Speaker 1: people coming up to her and be like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: She's like the newest form of celebrity in Australia. But
Speaker 1: her life wasn't always this picture perfect. She felt pregnant
Speaker 1: at the age of sixteen with her her first child, Letitia,
Speaker 1: when she was living in Brisbane, and she found herself
Speaker 1: in an abusive relationship with the father of that child. Luckily,
Speaker 1: she summoned the courage to leave her abusive partner and
Speaker 1: start a new life with her daughter. From here, Kat
Speaker 1: was able to rebuild her life to where it is today.
Speaker 2: On average, one woman dies every week at the hands
Speaker 2: of a man. Those numbers aren't going down. In fact,
Speaker 2: they're going up, with a thirty percent increase since last year.
Speaker 1: We're immensely grateful for Kat for her bravery in sharing
Speaker 1: her experience, including her journey through domestic violence. If you
Speaker 1: or someone you know as in need of support, please
Speaker 1: don't hesitate to reach out to one eight hundred. Respect
Speaker 1: We will also.
Speaker 2: Put further resources in the show notes.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.
Speaker 1: I am Maddie, Jay, I'm Ash and I'm Cat. This
Speaker 1: is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
Speaker 1: it is the bad and the relatable. And if you
Speaker 1: have come winning advice, hang on a second, whoa it
Speaker 1: may come today. Cat. Normally we don't give any advice.
Speaker 3: But you never know.
Speaker 1: You see that far wiser than myself.
Speaker 2: I don't know about that parent longer than I, so
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's something you can teach along the way.
Speaker 1: Default you are the most experienced.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. It goes cat and we're on a
Speaker 3: similar level.
Speaker 1: It's it's a murky second and third and ash. I
Speaker 1: do want to start off and say congratulations on Colade,
Speaker 1: thank you, which is, by the looks of things everywhere,
Speaker 1: a roaring success.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's been awesome. It's been really good. We're very lucky.
Speaker 4: We have amazing supporters.
Speaker 3: How did it come about?
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean for everyone looking in, it's sort
Speaker 2: of just unless you're really avidly following your family for
Speaker 2: us and see it pop up and like whoa, look
Speaker 2: at this thing come out of nowhere.
Speaker 3: And I know, you.
Speaker 2: Guys really hero your own success. And you see a
Speaker 2: lot of it.
Speaker 3: You know it's sold out and people are going give
Speaker 3: us more. Where did it all come from?
Speaker 4: I was shocked, if I'm being honest. A lot of
Speaker 4: people like as if you were shocked. I was, honestly
Speaker 4: so shocked. But the reason we came up with skincare
Speaker 4: was because my daughter actually struggled with exma for so
Speaker 4: long and I've logged about her journey for ages. She
Speaker 4: was getting bullied because her skin was like getting discolored.
Speaker 4: And we went on this journey trying to find like
Speaker 4: organic skin care and we did find really good stuff,
Speaker 4: but it wasn't like perfect, and so we decided to
Speaker 4: create our own. And so when I came to my
Speaker 4: husband with the idea, I was like, let's do this
Speaker 4: and he's like great. I was like, we'll be ready
Speaker 4: by the time it's my birthday, so in like three
Speaker 4: months time, and he's like, no, we're not going to
Speaker 4: be ready.
Speaker 5: So it took like nine.
Speaker 4: Into twelve months for us to actually get everything together.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a really long time. And to keep
Speaker 5: that secret for so long. Oh my gosh, it was crazy.
Speaker 3: But did you just do it out of your house?
Speaker 1: I saw, Yeah, there was like a shot of you
Speaker 1: guys in the living room. Yeah, like packing orders.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I was.
Speaker 4: Like it was insane. And we live in a townhouse.
Speaker 4: So when we moved to the Gold Coast, we downsized
Speaker 4: because we wanted to be really close to the water
Speaker 4: and so and it worked well for us because Tisha
Speaker 4: was about to move out of home and we only
Speaker 4: had one child at home and then we're like, let's
Speaker 4: start a business. And yeah, we were in our downstairs
Speaker 4: area with you know, six or seven friends of T
Speaker 4: Shirt and mine, like floating in and out helping pack orders,
Speaker 4: get everything sorted.
Speaker 5: But yeah, it was an experience the videos.
Speaker 2: Of your husband carrying big boxes.
Speaker 4: Because we had to like walk to the garage get
Speaker 4: the product, bring it into the house.
Speaker 5: For us so that we could pack the orders. So yeah,
Speaker 5: it was crazy.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about you growing up. What was
Speaker 1: a young cat like, even if as far back as
Speaker 1: like primary school.
Speaker 4: I feel like I have different stages in my life.
Speaker 4: But primary school I was. I went to this Catholic school.
Speaker 4: Me and my cousin were the only Asian people at
Speaker 4: our school, and it felt very isolating and we were
Speaker 4: bullied quite a bit for the color of our skin
Speaker 4: and stuff like that. So I was actually very I
Speaker 4: don't know what the word is like, I was very
Speaker 4: timid and didn't have a lot of friends. I had
Speaker 4: like one close friend. Yeah, it was quite sad my
Speaker 4: primary school.
Speaker 5: I bring, if I'm being honest, Brisbane in Brisbane.
Speaker 1: Okay, did that ease off when you would transitioning into
Speaker 1: high school or is that something that stuck with you.
Speaker 4: No. When I went to high school, it changed, Like
Speaker 4: I remember going because I went to a private girls school.
Speaker 5: Got kicked out of that school.
Speaker 4: That's why, just a little brief reason, I was a
Speaker 4: really naughty girl.
Speaker 3: Okay, great.
Speaker 4: I don't know if you've heard that saying strict parents
Speaker 4: raise sneaky kids.
Speaker 5: Well, now I just know that.
Speaker 4: Well, I was a very sneaky kid because I had
Speaker 4: very strict parents. But anyways, I was kicked out of
Speaker 4: that school and I went to a state school and
Speaker 4: it was filled with so many different ethnicities and it
Speaker 4: was a weird experience because I was kind of used
Speaker 4: to being like in these private schools where I didn't
Speaker 4: see that part of the world.
Speaker 5: And then that's where I really went off the rails.
Speaker 1: Was it nice to be in that state school environment
Speaker 1: where all of a sudden, yeah, your heritage wasn't something
Speaker 1: that was unique.
Speaker 5: For sure? I loved it. Do you know the Brisbane area?
Speaker 3: You do?
Speaker 1: I grew up in Kenmore.
Speaker 4: Oh, okay, so your north side. Immediately I'm on the
Speaker 4: south side of Well, I grew up on the south side.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It was just really cool to kind of go, oh,
Speaker 4: there's other people who were Filippinas and other kind of ethnicities.
Speaker 1: And so how was it then, trying to like live
Speaker 1: a double life with your parents and if you were
Speaker 1: like talking about being sneaky.
Speaker 4: Yeah, me and my parents had a really tough relationship.
Speaker 4: My mum was very religious and it kind of made
Speaker 4: me this rebellious child that didn't want to do anything
Speaker 4: or live by her rules. So I would sneak out
Speaker 4: of the time, I would wag school, I would you
Speaker 4: get into things that I wasn't supposed to be getting into,
Speaker 4: hang around with people that I wasn't supposed to be
Speaker 4: hanging around with.
Speaker 5: It was tricky.
Speaker 4: Thankfully, me and my mom have a good relationship now,
Speaker 4: okay relationship, but back then it was Yes.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that your mom wasn't welcoming to boyfriends.
Speaker 4: No, she hated all my boyfriends. She didn't want me
Speaker 4: to have anything to do with men at all, guys
Speaker 4: at all. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I suppose falling pregnant with with T Shirt at sixteen, Yeah, well,
Speaker 2: I mean that probably wouldn't have been surely wouldn't have
Speaker 2: loved that, you know, she.
Speaker 4: Definitely did not. It was a really Yeah, it was
Speaker 4: very hard. It's weird though, During my pregnancy, she was
Speaker 4: actually quite nice to me, so, you know, for Mother's Day,
Speaker 4: she bought me like a little gift, and I was
Speaker 4: like heavily pregnant. But it was after t Sha was
Speaker 4: born that it just went downhill again. And I often
Speaker 4: think about this, and I think because I was pregnant,
Speaker 4: I when I was like a naughty teen, and then
Speaker 4: I found out I was pregnant, I went from getting
Speaker 4: d's in every single one of my classes to a's
Speaker 4: within a month of finding out. The key some people
Speaker 4: say they have baby brain, but I was like so
Speaker 4: determined to give my child like a better life that
Speaker 4: I just like switched my life around. So I stopped
Speaker 4: going out. Obviously I'm not going to go out while
Speaker 4: I'm pregnant. I'm sixteen, and I was just like studying
Speaker 4: all the time, trying to really better my life. Then
Speaker 4: when I gave birth, that's when I started to gain
Speaker 4: a little bit more freedom and I was able to
Speaker 4: kind of leave the house a bit more.
Speaker 5: And that's what I don't think she liked.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the moment where you told your mum
Speaker 1: that you were pregnant.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well I didn't actually tell her, so.
Speaker 3: She still doesn't know.
Speaker 4: So, because my mum and I had this really difficult relationship.
Speaker 4: Every time I would go to speak to my mom,
Speaker 4: she would just lecture me, and I just didn't feel
Speaker 4: comfortable going to her about anything. So when I found
Speaker 4: out I was pregnant, I was like, crap, I kind
Speaker 4: of have to tell her. I'm starting to get morning sickness,
Speaker 4: Like I need to tell.
Speaker 1: Her how many weeks?
Speaker 4: Roughly that was around six weeks I started getting sick,
Speaker 4: and so I started writing these letters to tell her.
Speaker 4: And every time I would write a letter, I was
Speaker 4: just like, oh, this isn't making sense, and I'd scrunch
Speaker 4: it up. And I eventually gave up and I went
Speaker 4: for a walk and got back home and.
Speaker 5: My mom was like, get in the lounge room right now.
Speaker 5: And I was like, what the hell? And she had
Speaker 5: gone through my bin and read all the letters.
Speaker 1: What did you say?
Speaker 4: So we sat down in the lounge and my dad
Speaker 4: was kind of sitting where you are and my mom
Speaker 4: was there, and my mom was bawling her eyes out,
Speaker 4: obviously because this is like every religious mother's worst nightmare. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and my dad was kind of like I could tell
Speaker 4: he was disappointed, but he was more like, what are
Speaker 4: you going to do? That type of thing, like very
Speaker 4: I don't know, he's just always being philological. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: It was a very emotional conversation. But then after about
Speaker 4: an hour, they will like go to your room, and
Speaker 4: I just sat there and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, oh wow, I just can't imagine that feeling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, at this point, were you set in your mind
Speaker 1: that you're going to keep the baby or was it
Speaker 1: discussion of potentially aborting?
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 4: I didn't know what I was going to I mean,
Speaker 4: I'm sixteen, just found out I was pregnant.
Speaker 5: I was so like lost in what to do, and there's.
Speaker 4: Everyone kind of giving me their opinion about what I
Speaker 4: should and shouldn't do. I think deep down I knew
Speaker 4: that I didn't want to go down that route. And
Speaker 4: it actually partly has something to do with how I
Speaker 4: was saying. My mum was a very religious lady, so
Speaker 4: I was brought up you just don't do that.
Speaker 5: You don't get rid of your child if you feel pregnant.
Speaker 4: And you know, I was scared about getting rid of
Speaker 4: a life, like there is a life in me, and
Speaker 4: it really like freaked me out that I you know
Speaker 4: what I mean like it was just left a.
Speaker 5: Bad kind of feeling in me.
Speaker 4: So it was something that it was a conversation that
Speaker 4: we definitely had, but it was something that I don't
Speaker 4: think I would have ever done, even though I was
Speaker 4: so young and.
Speaker 1: Your partner at the time. What was his reaction to
Speaker 1: the situation?
Speaker 5: Honestly, I block a lot of him out. There was
Speaker 5: just so much trauma there.
Speaker 4: We were so immature, so immature, and so stupid. I
Speaker 4: don't think it was a big deal to him. I
Speaker 4: mean he was nine, no, he was eighteen at the time.
Speaker 1: Slightly ignorant.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't really know anything at that time. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah. So it wasn't like he was like like, oh
Speaker 5: my life is over or anything like that.
Speaker 4: He was just like, oh yeah, sweet, And how long
Speaker 4: are you being together for at this point?
Speaker 5: So we weren't together for long at all.
Speaker 4: I would say, we're probably together for like three to
Speaker 4: six months.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's such like you don't really even know each other,
Speaker 2: especially at that age, and you don't really know yourself
Speaker 2: at all.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And I was actually going to break up with him
Speaker 4: a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, yeah, the breakup or the potential breakup. Did
Speaker 1: you just think it wasn't that he wasn't the right
Speaker 1: guy for you or what was the reason behind that.
Speaker 4: Well, I was just like I was sixteen, you know,
Speaker 4: you get a crush.
Speaker 5: On like, yeah, five different people, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: So it wasn't anything serious to me.
Speaker 4: It was just like I didn't really think it was
Speaker 4: going to work out with us, and I started getting
Speaker 4: feels for another guy at school and.
Speaker 3: During the pregnancy. Was a supportive Yeah, he.
Speaker 5: Was really supportive.
Speaker 4: I mean as supportive as an eighteen year old can be.
Speaker 4: He actually grew up on Thursday Island. Do you guys
Speaker 4: know who that it is?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I heard of it.
Speaker 4: It's like the very tip of Queensland, so very secluded
Speaker 4: little island.
Speaker 5: He grew up there.
Speaker 4: He actually moved to Brisbane to study and be closer
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 5: So he was supportive.
Speaker 1: You've decided you're going to keep the baby. Your mom
Speaker 1: is being more I guess warm to the idea of
Speaker 1: you being a young mum. Yeah, things are going well
Speaker 1: or your partner's being supportive. Was it all smooth sailing
Speaker 1: then up until Bert?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was pretty good, like the pregnancy was really good.
Speaker 4: I had a lot of support, which was amazing. My
Speaker 4: school was incredible. They let me stay at school till
Speaker 4: I was two weeks due. Oh my gosh, because I
Speaker 4: was like so determined. I was like, I need to
Speaker 4: finish grade twelve, like I need to make my life,
Speaker 4: you know, I need to make something of my life
Speaker 4: type of thing.
Speaker 3: What was that experience of it? It was horrible, crazy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was horrible.
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously the bullying was just crazy, but not
Speaker 4: only from my own school but from the other surrounding schools.
Speaker 5: So there was so many rumors going around.
Speaker 4: We would go on these excursions where other schools would
Speaker 4: go on the same day, and that would just be
Speaker 4: like yelling out and obviously like there's a pregnant sixteen
Speaker 4: year old who isn't going to say something.
Speaker 5: It's like shocking, right, It's brutal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's probably the most brutal place you could you
Speaker 2: could be pregnant. Do you think the workplace is the
Speaker 2: workplace for and like how hard it is as well,
Speaker 2: just you know, just mobility wise and getting around and
Speaker 2: then also like how people treat you in that area.
Speaker 3: But imagine being a teenager.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you, like, how do you support yourself
Speaker 1: in that environment where you are copying so much from
Speaker 1: so many other people? Like do you just boil it up?
Speaker 1: Or was there someone who was helping you through this?
Speaker 4: Oh? My friends and my my actual teachers. So I
Speaker 4: had a drama teacher.
Speaker 1: Teachers are always.
Speaker 5: That he hosted my baby shower for me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and every time I'd go into the classroom he'd
Speaker 4: actually have a seat for me so that I didn't
Speaker 4: have to sit on the ground like.
Speaker 5: The rest of the student. You remember his name, mister Edwards.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I had like amazing support, like my teachers
Speaker 4: and my friends, but obviously outside of that it was
Speaker 4: quite difficult. But yeah, I'm just very lucky that I
Speaker 4: had a good network of friends because it was tough.
Speaker 1: And then you gave birth in Brisbane, Yeah, on your birthday,
Speaker 1: on my birthday.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know what, going back twenty one years ago,
Speaker 4: people in the hospital were not nice with me being
Speaker 4: a team.
Speaker 5: It was like like the nurses and midwif Yeah.
Speaker 4: Really so I had one nice midwife who brought me
Speaker 4: a little piece of cakee and like helped me and whatever.
Speaker 4: But because it was my birthday, after I gave birth.
Speaker 4: I was terrified of taking Tisha home. I wanted to
Speaker 4: stay in the hospital for as long as possible because
Speaker 4: I just didn't know what I was doing. Like, I
Speaker 4: was just like scared. The lady was like, okay, so
Speaker 4: you've been here for three days, you don't need to
Speaker 4: be here. Your babies latching perfectly, like everything was fine,
Speaker 4: you need to go home, and I.
Speaker 5: Like begged her. I was like, couldn't leave anyways. They
Speaker 5: ended up moving me to the psych ward. Okay for
Speaker 5: how long?
Speaker 4: No, they were obviously filling up, and so they moved
Speaker 4: me to that ward so that I could stay there
Speaker 4: for longer. But I was like, did it really have
Speaker 4: to be the psych word, Like, for real, I.
Speaker 1: Can't imagine that. It's like it's probably not a safe
Speaker 1: place for Yeah. And so then after that, you went
Speaker 1: home to your mom and dad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So went home to my parents and my partner,
Speaker 4: then went back up to Thursday Island.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It got really tricky between me and my mom, and
Speaker 4: I ended up sneaking out when Tsha was six weeks
Speaker 4: old and flying up to Thursday Island with Tea Sha.
Speaker 3: Yeah, with teacher, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I just couldn't meet my mom. Was just
Speaker 4: my mom and I were just fighting and it was
Speaker 4: like causing me so much stress, especially with like having
Speaker 4: a little baby. It was a lot to take on.
Speaker 5: So I just left.
Speaker 2: Ye.
Speaker 1: Wow, so you're seventeen, your new mom, You're now on
Speaker 1: Thursday Island, Like, how is that trying to raise a child?
Speaker 5: Oh my god?
Speaker 4: It was hard because not only was I dealing with
Speaker 4: what you just said, but I've also left the city
Speaker 4: life to live.
Speaker 5: On an island.
Speaker 4: It's really hot, yeah, but it was like Thursday Island
Speaker 4: is very secluded. Indigenous Australians live on there, so I
Speaker 4: felt very like out of place. I felt like I
Speaker 4: didn't belong there, and it just was like, you know,
Speaker 4: I didn't know what to do type of thing.
Speaker 5: So it was like a huge.
Speaker 4: Culture shock because I was like this city girl, you know,
Speaker 4: used to dressing up in crop tops and heels and
Speaker 4: you know, just being that type of person. And then
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, I'm on an island where people
Speaker 4: are fishing every day.
Speaker 1: Like what at this point, were you're thinking like this
Speaker 1: is where I'm going to be forever?
Speaker 5: Yes? But I also.
Speaker 4: Yes and no, because a lot of people on Thursday
Speaker 4: Island kind of go back and forth from Cans, so
Speaker 4: they because all the main workers in Cans, you know,
Speaker 4: all the good schools are there, So people aren't on
Speaker 4: Thursday Island for a very long time unless you know
Speaker 4: you've retired or you've got your job there. So part
Speaker 4: of me was willing to kind of accept that's where
Speaker 4: I was going to be. But then there was also
Speaker 4: part of me that was like, I need to get
Speaker 4: back for me.
Speaker 1: Like my youngest is three, but her newborn phase a
Speaker 1: pretty much like blurred it all out because it was
Speaker 1: bloody heart. Yeah, how was it for you figuring out
Speaker 1: motherhood at the age of seventeen when you're going through
Speaker 1: like sleep regressions and teething and moving on to solids
Speaker 1: very scary.
Speaker 4: I remember one day T shirt she because I had
Speaker 4: to put that kid on her dummy because my god,
Speaker 4: she was just driving me insane. So and it was
Speaker 4: my big biggest regret, gret putting her in on a dummy,
Speaker 4: because like, taking that dummy off her was just crazy,
Speaker 4: but it failed me. I used to give her a
Speaker 4: dummy to kind of help soothe her, and one day
Speaker 4: I gave her the dummy and there must have been
Speaker 4: like a little grain or something on that dummy, and
Speaker 4: she started choking and it was the most terrifying day
Speaker 4: of my night, of my life. So we took out
Speaker 4: the dummy, were trying to me and my ex partner's
Speaker 4: parents were trying to kind of help her choke up,
Speaker 4: get out whatever was in her throat, and we're like
Speaker 4: racing to the hospital. It was so so scary. So yeah,
Speaker 4: it felt really isolating, and obviously I don't know. I
Speaker 4: didn't know how to be a mom, and all I
Speaker 4: had was like people telling me their best advice, which
Speaker 4: I really regret. Whenever I see a new parent, I'm like,
Speaker 4: just do what makes you feel good, because I took
Speaker 4: on all this advice not knowing what was wrong, and
Speaker 4: everyone telling me, don't do this, don't do.
Speaker 2: That, feel worthless, do what's best. It's worked for you,
Speaker 2: because it might be completely different for someone.
Speaker 5: Else, exactly. Yeah, so it was challenging for sure.
Speaker 1: And how is the relationship with your partner At the stage.
Speaker 4: It was actually okay because at that point we were
Speaker 4: living with his parents. So when I moved up to
Speaker 4: Thursday Island, we lived in this tiny little house. It
Speaker 4: was a one bedroom home with six of us in
Speaker 4: the house. Holy shit, yeaes six or yeah, seven actually
Speaker 4: seven including Ta Shir, my partner Titsha, and I had
Speaker 4: that room and they would sleep in the lounde room.
Speaker 4: It was good because it was kind of like family
Speaker 4: gathering every single.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it was fine then. But when we moved
Speaker 4: out of that home into a larger home and we
Speaker 4: were given one section of the house where we had
Speaker 4: our own privacy, that's kind of when our relationship started
Speaker 4: to go downhill.
Speaker 5: He drank a lot, and he would.
Speaker 4: Come home a lot of the time wasted and get
Speaker 4: quite physical and violent.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, do you look back and do you think
Speaker 1: there were any warning signs that that's where things were leading?
Speaker 4: Definitely, I didn't know at the time, but looking back now,
Speaker 4: for sure, I can definitely see that there were signs
Speaker 4: that he was like very controlling. But back then it
Speaker 4: just actually felt like he cared about me in some
Speaker 4: stupid way. But looking back, it is definitely him being controlling.
Speaker 1: And when you say controlling, in what kind of way,
Speaker 1: who I.
Speaker 4: Was speaking to, who I was hanging out with, If
Speaker 4: I was like five minutes late, he'd kind of lose
Speaker 4: lose it, that type of thing.
Speaker 3: So a lot of manipulation. Yeah, someone's that controlling.
Speaker 2: It must have made you feel even more isolated, considering
Speaker 2: you're already removed from you know, your family, your friends,
Speaker 2: and he's starting to control what you're saying, what you're doing,
Speaker 2: who you're talking to, where you're going all the time.
Speaker 2: And sometimes it's really hard for I mean I hear
Speaker 2: all the time. Sometimes really hard to see what someone's
Speaker 2: really like when you're the closest to them. But now
Speaker 2: you reflect on it, are there any other warning signs
Speaker 2: that you think, Oh, man, now I look back at
Speaker 2: that for sure.
Speaker 4: Definitely the financial side of things as well, a lot
Speaker 4: of people that really got me by surprise. So he
Speaker 4: would often say that I was really bad with money
Speaker 4: and that he would have to kind of look after
Speaker 4: the money side of things.
Speaker 5: And so it got to a point.
Speaker 1: Where were you bad with money?
Speaker 4: We know, I'm like the best with money, I'm like
Speaker 4: so good at saving.
Speaker 5: And all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 4: But he had made me think that, oh, it's better
Speaker 4: for me to kind of give him full control of
Speaker 4: all the money that's coming through to me, so that
Speaker 4: you know, he can be in charge and it got
Speaker 4: to a point where I didn't even see the money
Speaker 4: that would come into our lives. So that is definitely
Speaker 4: something that I should have been more aware.
Speaker 1: But he wasn't like that in the beginning though. No,
Speaker 1: this is over an extended period.
Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure. So a lot of people say, like,
Speaker 5: why didn't you just leave?
Speaker 4: But you for me personally, I can't speak for anyone else,
Speaker 4: but for me personally, I was always thinking, but what
Speaker 4: if he can change, what if he can go back
Speaker 4: to how he used to be? And you know, he's
Speaker 4: promised me so many times that he's gonna, you know,
Speaker 4: be a better person, and I always believed that when
Speaker 4: he's told me so. For the first year, he was amazing.
Speaker 4: He made me feel like I was the only girl
Speaker 4: in the world, like you know.
Speaker 5: Ticked all the right boxes.
Speaker 4: It wasn't until I kind of left home, left my family,
Speaker 4: left my friends where things started going downhill really quickly.
Speaker 1: And then what was the process then for you deciding
Speaker 1: that enough's enough? I need to leave this guy.
Speaker 5: So there was one main incident for me where.
Speaker 4: Tisha would have been, like I'm going to say, nine
Speaker 4: months old, was when they start crawling right around, so
Speaker 4: she was around that age, and she was sitting at
Speaker 4: this damn tissue box like pulling the tissues out like.
Speaker 3: They still do.
Speaker 4: So she's doing this thing in the lounge room and
Speaker 4: my partner at the time walked in and he was wasted,
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh my god. So I moved
Speaker 4: her into another room with a tissue box so that
Speaker 4: she could keep herself busy in the room, and we
Speaker 4: started having an argument and it got heated really really quickly,
Speaker 4: and he actually grabbed my throat and held me up
Speaker 4: against the wall, and at the same time, Tisha had
Speaker 4: crawled out of the room. You know, when your kid cries,
Speaker 4: you can kind of tell when they're hungry or when
Speaker 4: they're tired.
Speaker 1: I've hurt themselves, also when they've hurt themselves, when they've
Speaker 1: really hurt themselves.
Speaker 4: Y pit stop breathing, yeah you yeah, it's like a
Speaker 4: language that parents just go right. Well, she crawled out,
Speaker 4: and she screamed a scream that I had never heard before.
Speaker 5: Like ever in my life.
Speaker 4: It was like pure terror, and it just made me realize, like,
Speaker 4: what the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 5: Like I don't want my child to why, why what
Speaker 5: am I doing?
Speaker 4: Like it was just like a fucking you know wow
Speaker 4: moment for me, like I'm terrified, but so is my child.
Speaker 4: So that's kind of when I thought, I need to
Speaker 4: do something.
Speaker 1: You're on Thursday Island right at this point, so then
Speaker 1: how quickly can you get out?
Speaker 4: It took a long time, so not only did I
Speaker 4: have to have that realization, but I also had to
Speaker 4: to build up my self worth because at that point
Speaker 4: I was I don't even know who I was. At
Speaker 4: that point, I had no self confidence. My anxiety was
Speaker 4: through the roof, like I was just in a really
Speaker 4: bad place mentally. I had no money because at that
Speaker 4: point he was he had all control of the money.
Speaker 5: We were fighting every weekend like it was bad.
Speaker 4: What I did was I would actually steal like a
Speaker 4: dollar or two dollars from his wallet every few weeks,
Speaker 4: and I think I saved like fifty or fifty five
Speaker 4: dollars at.
Speaker 5: The point at that point, and walk down.
Speaker 4: To the Telstra shop bought like a prepaid Sagam you
Speaker 4: know those little crappy vines.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: So I brought one of those phones and then started
Speaker 4: getting in touch with my friends again. And then maybe
Speaker 4: like three months after getting that phone, That's when I
Speaker 4: started to believe, like, Wow, I can actually leave, I
Speaker 4: can start a new life. I'm not some you know,
Speaker 4: single mother that nobody's gonna love, Like there is another
Speaker 4: chance for me. So it took a lot of time.
Speaker 4: It wasn't like it happened and I just gained all
Speaker 4: this strength and I could kind.
Speaker 5: Of believe in that moment. It was a long time build.
Speaker 3: The courage up too.
Speaker 2: I could imagine that that in that moment, if this,
Speaker 2: if this guy's already put his hands on you while
Speaker 2: I was going to stop HI from putting his hands
Speaker 2: on you again, when he finds out the year trying
Speaker 2: to find an escape route, I can't imagine having to
Speaker 2: build up to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, with the friends that you were reaching out to,
Speaker 1: was there feedback as simple as well just come home?
Speaker 1: Or were they saying go to the police? Were getting
Speaker 1: mixed information on how to act?
Speaker 4: Yeah, they were telling me to go to the police.
Speaker 4: So I don't know why, but it was so scary
Speaker 4: for me to call the cops. So the only the
Speaker 4: thing that I did a lot instead of calling the
Speaker 4: police was actually call women shelters, which were incredible, Like
Speaker 4: they literally saved my life. So many times. But yeah,
Speaker 4: my friends were like, you know, go to the cops,
Speaker 4: and obviously telling me to just leave.
Speaker 5: They did say those things.
Speaker 4: But I think the thing that made me actually want
Speaker 4: to go back is just having those friends miss me
Speaker 4: and say come back, like we want you back home,
Speaker 4: that type of thing, and just made me realize that
Speaker 4: I can still have a life outside of what I
Speaker 4: currently was living.
Speaker 1: Do you remember what it felt like when you you
Speaker 1: did leave, when you step foot outside of the house
Speaker 1: and you close that door behind you and you had
Speaker 1: in your mind that I'm not coming back.
Speaker 5: It was the best day of my life, like the.
Speaker 2: Best as soon as you could tell.
Speaker 4: Honestly, can I share the story, It's like my favorite story.
Speaker 4: I was living with him in cans at that point,
Speaker 4: and I said that I really wanted to go back
Speaker 4: to see my mum because t Sha wanted to kind
Speaker 4: of you know, see her grandma or whatever. And I
Speaker 4: was like, and you should go back up to Thursday
Speaker 4: Island and see your parents and we can go on
Speaker 4: like a mini separate holiday whatever. Anyways, he wasn't too
Speaker 4: keen on the idea, but he was like, Okay, we'll
Speaker 4: do it. So that night he took my ID, he
Speaker 4: took my birth certificate, he took all Tisha's photo albums,
Speaker 4: and he hid them in the house because he knew
Speaker 4: that if he hid those things.
Speaker 5: It would make me come back. So we psychotic.
Speaker 4: So that night he fell asleep and I turned off
Speaker 4: his alarm for the next morning because that next morning
Speaker 4: I was getting on a train to go back to Brisbane.
Speaker 4: So I turned off his alarm and I waited till
Speaker 4: he was asleep, and I searched the whole house for
Speaker 4: those items, found them, put them in my bag. And
Speaker 4: then the next morning, I waited like five minutes before
Speaker 4: we had to leave, and I woke him.
Speaker 5: Up and I was like, we slept through our alarm.
Speaker 5: Let's go, let's go.
Speaker 4: And so he didn't have time to check anything, the
Speaker 4: items or anything, and we were out the door.
Speaker 5: So we get to the train station.
Speaker 1: I've got and then you've got You've got them in
Speaker 1: your bag?
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're in my bag.
Speaker 4: So we get to the train station and he hands
Speaker 4: me a phone because he doesn't know that I have
Speaker 4: my segam at this point, mate, your lifeline. So he
Speaker 4: hands me a prepaid phone one that he's purchased and
Speaker 4: He's like, I want you to make sure that you
Speaker 4: answer this every time I call you, otherwise I'm coming
Speaker 4: to get you.
Speaker 5: And I was like, yeah, of course, babe, I'll answer it.
Speaker 4: So I get on the train and we The train
Speaker 4: is like twenty four hour trains, a long way.
Speaker 5: I see, this is what I was saying.
Speaker 4: My anxiety was so bad I could not even get
Speaker 4: on a plane.
Speaker 5: So I have a fear of flying.
Speaker 4: But at that point, I legitimately could not even step
Speaker 4: foot on a plane.
Speaker 5: So I had to get on a train to leave him.
Speaker 1: That's a long way.
Speaker 4: So we get on the train. He's given me five
Speaker 4: dollars for the twenty four hour generous, very generous. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 4: we stop off like every hour or so. But I
Speaker 4: just kept in contact with him until we got to Townsville,
Speaker 4: and I remember sending him this text and I was like,
Speaker 4: I'm never fucking coming back, and I threw the phone
Speaker 4: in the bin, and then I got back on the
Speaker 4: train and went to God because I needed to give
Speaker 4: it enough time so that he couldn't catch up in
Speaker 4: the car.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine your feeling while you're riding. We've all
Speaker 2: written a text to someone where we're like, whether it's
Speaker 2: an angry text to someone.
Speaker 3: Or something that you're like, how is this going to
Speaker 3: go down?
Speaker 2: And the adrenaline behind Yeah, you can imagine the adrenaline
Speaker 2: behind that text. Yeah, never fucking come back. You must
Speaker 2: have felt after you've done it like some sort of superhero.
Speaker 5: Oh I felt invincible.
Speaker 1: It was that's crazy almost, like I want to tell
Speaker 1: someone on the train.
Speaker 3: You just did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean what was What was it like getting
Speaker 2: to the other end and essentially seeing a loved one
Speaker 2: or a friend.
Speaker 3: Was it just out of relation? Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah it was. But there was also that fear of
Speaker 5: is he here? Did he follow me?
Speaker 4: That's that feeling stayed with me for like a month
Speaker 4: or two months, like is he going to come after me?
Speaker 4: He knows where my parents live, he knows where I am,
Speaker 4: So there was still fear, but it's a long way
Speaker 4: from cans.
Speaker 1: Did he ever?
Speaker 3: Did he ever try?
Speaker 4: And he did? But I had my friends with so
Speaker 4: I never kind of was. I met up with him
Speaker 4: like twice because he wanted to see T shirt, which
Speaker 4: obviously I didn't want to kind of beat that parent
Speaker 4: where I didn't let him see his kid. But I
Speaker 4: always had friends with me in.
Speaker 1: Those moments where you did see him. Was he trying
Speaker 1: to convince you it or had come back?
Speaker 5: Oh? Yeah, definitely, did you consider it? No?
Speaker 4: No, I broke up with him months before I actually left,
Speaker 4: and that's what helped me kind of leave. I detached
Speaker 4: any sort of feeling or anything towards him, like three
Speaker 4: or four months before I actually physically left.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: And so when you're back in Brisbane, are you living
Speaker 1: with your family again for a little bit?
Speaker 4: So again, like me and my mum have a very
Speaker 4: tricky relationship. So I stayed with my mom for about
Speaker 4: three weeks and then I went to live with my
Speaker 4: best friend.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Wow, Wow, that's such an amazing story having to rebuild
Speaker 2: after that. I mean, you've you've recognized that I could
Speaker 2: have a life that's better than this. You've escaped, you've
Speaker 2: got down, you're living with your friend, You've got letitia, Like.
Speaker 3: What happens next?
Speaker 4: Yeah. I wasn't really focused on guys because I was
Speaker 4: more focused on being a good mum for Teaser, like
Speaker 4: that has always been my goal. Like remember when I
Speaker 4: was saying I went from a d student to an
Speaker 4: A student like she has always been. Yeah, one hundred
Speaker 4: and I know this. You know, stats for teen moms
Speaker 4: aren't the best.
Speaker 5: So I was really.
Speaker 4: Determined to kind of not be the stereotypical teen mom.
Speaker 4: So I came back to Brisbane. I actually tried to
Speaker 4: finish year twelve again through tape. I got a job,
Speaker 4: and then I ended up getting promotions within the job,
Speaker 4: so I gave up on the idea of finishing year
Speaker 4: twelve and just kept working my ass off and never stopped.
Speaker 1: When you think back to that time, we got that
Speaker 1: and you're able to make contact with your friends back
Speaker 1: in Brisbane, was there anything that they did or way
Speaker 1: that they behaved.
Speaker 5: That really helped you my friends?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just thinking if there is anyone else out
Speaker 1: there who may have a friend who's going through something
Speaker 1: similar and they're unsure of how they can support them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think my friends were really patient with me,
Speaker 4: because when you're in a toxic relationship, you can you
Speaker 4: always go back and forth. Well, for me personally, I
Speaker 4: don't know about anyone else, but for me, I was
Speaker 4: breaking up with him, getting back with him, fighting with him,
Speaker 4: going to women's shelters, going back and forth, and there
Speaker 4: was a lot of that, and then to have a
Speaker 4: friend who would hear that day in day out, and
Speaker 4: you know, constantly remind me that I can do better,
Speaker 4: I can live a better life and just put up
Speaker 4: with listening to that meant the world to me because
Speaker 4: there's so many people that well, I don't know if
Speaker 4: there's so many people, but there would be a few
Speaker 4: people who would be like, oh my god, girl, how
Speaker 4: many times do I have to tell you to leave him?
Speaker 5: And like not kind of give you the time of.
Speaker 2: Day song you just want, you just want someone to hear,
Speaker 2: not try and give you the immediate solution. You know
Speaker 2: what the solution is really deep down, but it's kind
Speaker 2: of like someone who can stick by you.
Speaker 3: That's pretty powerful.
Speaker 5: Yeah, aod friend. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So that's why whenever I talk to my girls about this.
Speaker 4: The biggest red flag for me is when a partner
Speaker 4: starts trying to cut your friends and family out. Because
Speaker 4: I needed that, I needed my friends, I needed my family,
Speaker 4: and that's something that he literally physically flew me across
Speaker 4: the country, you know, on the opposite side of Queensland
Speaker 4: to kind of get me.
Speaker 5: Away from that.
Speaker 4: So whenever I hear someone saying, oh, he doesn't like
Speaker 4: my best friend, I'm like, why because you like your
Speaker 4: best friend, right, keep in touch with your friends, Do
Speaker 4: not cut them out whenever you in a new relationship.
Speaker 5: Always make time for your friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think we've all had friends, you know,
Speaker 2: male female that when they get into relationships, like where
Speaker 2: are they gone?
Speaker 1: Yeah, the energy becomes invested.
Speaker 2: In there, and you don't know if it's just they're
Speaker 2: all their energy because they all want to really just
Speaker 2: want to be with each other and they really enjoy
Speaker 2: each other's company, or if there's any any hate towards
Speaker 2: friend groups or whatever it might be, or if it's
Speaker 2: that because so easily be disguised one.
Speaker 3: As one or the other. Yeah, it's a scary thought.
Speaker 2: I mean both Matt and I have Matt's got two girls,
Speaker 2: I've got I've got a girl and a boy. And
Speaker 2: even for even for a boy like them growing up,
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, when they start to date and
Speaker 2: stuff like that, it's like, what do you do as
Speaker 2: a parent when you see when you see that happening?
Speaker 3: Is it is it just? Is it love? Or is
Speaker 3: it manipulation?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's really tricky.
Speaker 4: Like I remember when t Shirk started dating and she's
Speaker 4: dated some interesting characters. There was this one particular guy
Speaker 4: was giving me really bad vibes. I think this is
Speaker 4: why it's so important to have a good relationship with
Speaker 4: your kids where they feel like they can talk to
Speaker 4: you openly because they tell you things that happen within
Speaker 4: the relationship. It's also hard as a parent to how
Speaker 4: do you tell your kid you think that person is
Speaker 4: a psycho without you I exactly, well, that's why I
Speaker 4: was like, I don't want.
Speaker 5: To be that.
Speaker 3: A little bit.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like a it was a weird I
Speaker 4: remember having this conversation with Tsha and just being like, look,
Speaker 4: this is what I think is happening. Obviously I trust
Speaker 4: your judgment. You're a smart woman, but I want you
Speaker 4: to know but this is what I can see. And
Speaker 4: within a few weeks she broke it up with him.
Speaker 2: It's nice that she took on what you had to
Speaker 2: say and probably took some time to think about it.
Speaker 2: So just been like, well, I hate you now because
Speaker 2: you hate him, you know. So yeah, I mean we've
Speaker 2: spoken about that before, about being able to communicate with
Speaker 2: the kids, but not just with those things, but also the.
Speaker 3: Good things as well.
Speaker 2: Then it might give them a bit more encouragement to
Speaker 2: come to you with things that aren't so good.
Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: What's it like trying to get back into dating when
Speaker 1: not only have you come from such a traumatic experience,
Speaker 1: but I guess you've not really even experienced a really
Speaker 1: healthy relationship because one of your first ones, you know,
Speaker 1: was when you were sixteen and seventeen. So how do
Speaker 1: you start trusting men again and starting to get back
Speaker 1: into dating.
Speaker 4: It's funny you say that, because after that incident and
Speaker 4: I did start dating. I actually started dating one of
Speaker 4: my best friends. So but I think that's because I trust.
Speaker 3: Yes, we trusted.
Speaker 5: I already trusted him. He made me laugh.
Speaker 4: You know, we had a good relationship already. I think
Speaker 4: that's a great foundation to finding out who makes a
Speaker 4: good future partner, right, making sure you can have fun
Speaker 4: with them and that you're their friend.
Speaker 5: I think that's what helped for me, probably dating one
Speaker 5: ofever my best How to build your confidence.
Speaker 3: It's a good way to start. I mean, how long
Speaker 3: did that last?
Speaker 5: It wasn't like serious serious.
Speaker 4: We made clear guidelines where we're like, we're just going
Speaker 4: to be friends with benefits.
Speaker 1: Okay, and then it works out.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was only like three or four months and
Speaker 4: we decided we're still friends now.
Speaker 2: So and you, I don't want to skip too far
Speaker 2: forward because we go through your whole dating life, but
Speaker 2: your husband Jonathan.
Speaker 3: Yes, so you've been with him for sixteen years?
Speaker 4: I know I've been yeah sixteen Wait what month? Well yeah,
Speaker 4: sixteen years?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 5: Yeah crazy?
Speaker 3: That is crazy?
Speaker 1: And what was it about Jonathan that you thought this
Speaker 1: could be the guy for me?
Speaker 4: Obviously when I first saw him, I was like, damn,
Speaker 4: he's cute. But then like getting to know him, he
Speaker 4: was just a really nice guy. Like I remember when
Speaker 4: I went on my first date with him and I
Speaker 4: was like, so, I've got to tell you something and
Speaker 4: he's like, do you have a boyfriend?
Speaker 5: And I was like, I just have a kid.
Speaker 4: He was like what, But no, he was just a
Speaker 4: really cool, fun guy, and like I was saying before,
Speaker 4: he felt like my friend.
Speaker 1: And then how was it going back into the world
Speaker 1: of being pregnant again for a second time?
Speaker 4: It was so different because I actually so when Jonathan
Speaker 4: asked me to marry him, I actually said I will,
Speaker 4: but just so you know, I'm not having any more kids,
Speaker 4: because yeah, I was so traumatized from my experience.
Speaker 1: Did he say okay, sure, Yeah, he was.
Speaker 5: Fine with it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he was like, Okay, if that's what you want,
Speaker 4: then that's that's it.
Speaker 1: Which makes a lot of sense. I get it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But then when did you When did the thought creep
Speaker 1: into your mind that maybe I could go back for
Speaker 1: a second.
Speaker 4: Five years into being married, and my grandma actually passed
Speaker 4: away and I was sitting at her funeral and my
Speaker 4: granddad was sitting there with his two sons on either
Speaker 4: side of him, and I was like, I think I
Speaker 4: want to have another kid.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah.
Speaker 4: And so after because I didn't want my husband to
Speaker 4: like obviously he brought up tshirt like his own, but
Speaker 4: I just wanted him to have his own too.
Speaker 3: So and that relationship between him and t shir is
Speaker 3: that always been rock solid?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, they're besties.
Speaker 3: Oh that's great. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then was there was there anything that you learned
Speaker 1: as a first time mom that came in handy second
Speaker 1: time round? Or did you just completely clean the slaves?
Speaker 4: I think what I loved about being a mom the
Speaker 4: second time round is I didn't have so many people
Speaker 4: giving me their unsolicited advice and I just ran with
Speaker 4: being a mom.
Speaker 5: I wasn't so.
Speaker 4: Crazy about sleep schedules and you know, feeding every three hours.
Speaker 4: I kind of just did what felt best for me,
Speaker 4: whereas with T Shirt, I felt like I was bombarded
Speaker 4: with so much information and it was very overwhelming, and
Speaker 4: I didn't give her the dummy. Thank god, the dummy.
Speaker 5: Ruined my life.
Speaker 2: So yeahs both didn't latch onto it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, there was one point where I was like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, just give Dasia the dummy, and it
Speaker 4: was too late at that point.
Speaker 5: She just spat it out and I was like.
Speaker 1: And then, do you remember when you first publicly told
Speaker 1: your story?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it was actually really random when I started.
Speaker 4: I decided to share my story because at that point
Speaker 4: on social media, I was just sharing like recipes. People
Speaker 4: were slowly learning more about me through those recipes. So
Speaker 4: they were like, wait, you have a seventeen year old daughter,
Speaker 4: Like what the hell am I the math?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, and like questioning in the comments, and I was like,
Speaker 4: maybe I'm just going to give these guys like a
Speaker 4: little bit of a story time about my life. And
Speaker 4: I remember posting it and it just blowing up. People
Speaker 4: friends like from primary school, from high school were like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, my child is watching your video.
Speaker 5: That's so crazy, And I was like, what the hell?
Speaker 1: Anyone who you were like you used to fucking bully me?
Speaker 4: Yeah there were a few of those, but.
Speaker 1: Have anyone apologize or no?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Once your life blew up in terms of your story,
Speaker 2: and then I mean, you've built this essentially, You've built
Speaker 2: this empire being a mom and being a business person.
Speaker 2: You do everything with your family, Like You've got a
Speaker 2: really successful podcast with Letitia, And it's like, what's it
Speaker 2: like working so much with your kids?
Speaker 3: I mean, for me, I'm not.
Speaker 5: There yet, but I love it.
Speaker 4: I like working with T shirt Is. I know this
Speaker 4: sounds corny, but it is literally like working with my
Speaker 4: best friend, same thing as Dansa.
Speaker 5: And sometimes I have.
Speaker 4: To kind of remind myself I'm the mom, like I
Speaker 4: need to be more.
Speaker 5: Mature, you know what I mean. It's a whole heap
Speaker 5: of fun.
Speaker 4: There's obviously some ups and downs where we spend so
Speaker 4: much time together, but this is what I've always wanted,
Speaker 4: Like I've always wanted to be really close with my family,
Speaker 4: And yeah, it's great.
Speaker 1: And how does it feel now that she's flown the nest?
Speaker 5: Oh? You know what?
Speaker 4: The first like month was really hard. Nobody prepares you
Speaker 4: for this, nobody.
Speaker 1: Do you remember how the conversation went about when she said,
Speaker 1: I think I want to move out of home.
Speaker 4: Well, the first conversation happened when she was working at
Speaker 4: a nightclub and working like six hours a week, and
Speaker 4: she's like, I'm moving out with my friends.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, you make like fifty dollars a week,
Speaker 5: Like are going to do that? And so I convinced
Speaker 5: her not to. And then I was like, why don't
Speaker 5: you just save?
Speaker 4: Like you have no rules at home, Like we're pretty
Speaker 4: chill parents, Like, you know, just stay at home, save,
Speaker 4: and then when you're ready, you can buy your first home.
Speaker 4: She really didn't want to, but she did. And then
Speaker 4: when she finally bought her unit, she it was still
Speaker 4: really hard for me to kind of let go. And
Speaker 4: I remember the first night her, like we were all
Speaker 4: in her house and we're like, okay, we're going to
Speaker 4: go now.
Speaker 5: She's like, Mom, can you just stay?
Speaker 4: It's so lonely here, and I was like, and I
Speaker 4: remember like walking out the door to the car and
Speaker 4: her just like closing the sliding door, and I was
Speaker 4: like pulling my eyes out because I was like, left
Speaker 4: her there home alone in this quiet little apartment.
Speaker 1: From yours thirty minutes.
Speaker 4: But still it's just like the thought of her being
Speaker 4: in a home by herself. She had hardly any furniture
Speaker 4: in there at that point as well, so it was
Speaker 4: just it's tough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't even imagine what that's going to be.
Speaker 3: Like, I can't wait for minunder moon.
Speaker 4: I used to say that too, I really did. It's tough,
Speaker 4: But now I'm like, oh, God, go home. She comes over,
Speaker 4: still eats all my food. I'm like, what are you
Speaker 4: doing here?
Speaker 1: And then when there comes a time where Daye's not
Speaker 1: at home anymore? What do you want your girls to
Speaker 1: remember when they think back to the house that they
Speaker 1: grew up in.
Speaker 4: I just hope they when they think back that they
Speaker 4: feel a lot a lot of love and that everything
Speaker 4: we did was for them, because it literally is. And
Speaker 4: I'm sure most parents can relate to that. You know,
Speaker 4: we work hard for our babies to have a nice life,
Speaker 4: for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well answered, I want to say thank you so much.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: You tell an extremely difficult story in a really articulate way,
Speaker 1: and I can't even begin into imagine what it must
Speaker 1: have been like being so young, being so vulnerable, and
Speaker 1: having to escape someone so awful. But your story, Cat,
Speaker 1: it's nothing short of remarkable. You should be so immensely
Speaker 1: proud of just how brave and courageous you were when
Speaker 1: you were incredibly young. So thank you so much for
Speaker 1: sharing your story with us.
Speaker 3: Thank you listening, guys, such an eye opening story to hear.
Speaker 2: I mean, Matt and I don't often get to sit
Speaker 2: down with someone with a story like yours, and people
Speaker 2: that listen to us are really going to appreciate it,
Speaker 2: and we appreciate you and everything you've said.
Speaker 5: Thanks for listening, guys, Thank you.
Speaker 1: I want to give you a big hug. We are
Speaker 1: so immensely grateful to Kat for her bravery and sharing
Speaker 1: her experience, including her journey through domestic violence. If you
Speaker 1: or someone you know is in need of support, please
Speaker 1: do not have to reach out to one eight hundred. Respect.
Speaker 3: We will also leave some further resources in the notes
Speaker 3: of this show.
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
Speaker 2: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.