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Speaker 1: Hey, and thanks for joining us on this bonus episode

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Speaker 1: of Two Doting Dads. We are extremely privileged to share

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Speaker 1: with you Cat Clark's story.

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Speaker 2: Cat Clark, she's a successful business owner with millions of

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Speaker 2: followers online. She's a thriving skincare business that she co

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Speaker 2: runs with her daughters, Letitia and David.

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Speaker 3: It's called Kalade.

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Speaker 2: She found a lot of success on TikTok with her

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Speaker 2: healthy recipes, gaining popularity and a supportive community.

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Speaker 1: She's got about six point two millions at all on TikTok.

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Speaker 1: It's one of those situations that at a glance, I

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Speaker 1: remember when I first came across Cat Clark. It's when

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Speaker 1: she won TikToker of the Year of the year. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, gosh, this woman's got such an amazing life.

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Speaker 1: She's got all these opportunities, she's killing it. How good.

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Speaker 3: She gets swamped in the streets.

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Speaker 1: People literally, she can't even go to the shop without

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Speaker 1: people coming up to her and be like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: She's like the newest form of celebrity in Australia. But

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Speaker 1: her life wasn't always this picture perfect. She felt pregnant

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Speaker 1: at the age of sixteen with her her first child, Letitia,

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Speaker 1: when she was living in Brisbane, and she found herself

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Speaker 1: in an abusive relationship with the father of that child. Luckily,

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Speaker 1: she summoned the courage to leave her abusive partner and

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Speaker 1: start a new life with her daughter. From here, Kat

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Speaker 1: was able to rebuild her life to where it is today.

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Speaker 2: On average, one woman dies every week at the hands

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Speaker 2: of a man. Those numbers aren't going down. In fact,

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Speaker 2: they're going up, with a thirty percent increase since last year.

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Speaker 1: We're immensely grateful for Kat for her bravery in sharing

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Speaker 1: her experience, including her journey through domestic violence. If you

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Speaker 1: or someone you know as in need of support, please

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Speaker 1: don't hesitate to reach out to one eight hundred. Respect

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Speaker 1: We will also.

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Speaker 2: Put further resources in the show notes.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.

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Speaker 1: I am Maddie, Jay, I'm Ash and I'm Cat. This

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Speaker 1: is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,

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Speaker 1: it is the bad and the relatable. And if you

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Speaker 1: have come winning advice, hang on a second, whoa it

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Speaker 1: may come today. Cat. Normally we don't give any advice.

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Speaker 3: But you never know.

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Speaker 1: You see that far wiser than myself.

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Speaker 2: I don't know about that parent longer than I, so

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Speaker 2: I'm sure there's something you can teach along the way.

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Speaker 1: Default you are the most experienced.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. It goes cat and we're on a

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Speaker 3: similar level.

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Speaker 1: It's it's a murky second and third and ash. I

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Speaker 1: do want to start off and say congratulations on Colade,

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Speaker 1: thank you, which is, by the looks of things everywhere,

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Speaker 1: a roaring success.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's been awesome. It's been really good. We're very lucky.

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Speaker 4: We have amazing supporters.

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Speaker 3: How did it come about?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I mean for everyone looking in, it's sort

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Speaker 2: of just unless you're really avidly following your family for

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Speaker 2: us and see it pop up and like whoa, look

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Speaker 2: at this thing come out of nowhere.

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Speaker 3: And I know, you.

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Speaker 2: Guys really hero your own success. And you see a

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Speaker 2: lot of it.

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Speaker 3: You know it's sold out and people are going give

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Speaker 3: us more. Where did it all come from?

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Speaker 4: I was shocked, if I'm being honest. A lot of

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Speaker 4: people like as if you were shocked. I was, honestly

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Speaker 4: so shocked. But the reason we came up with skincare

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Speaker 4: was because my daughter actually struggled with exma for so

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Speaker 4: long and I've logged about her journey for ages. She

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Speaker 4: was getting bullied because her skin was like getting discolored.

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Speaker 4: And we went on this journey trying to find like

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Speaker 4: organic skin care and we did find really good stuff,

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Speaker 4: but it wasn't like perfect, and so we decided to

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Speaker 4: create our own. And so when I came to my

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Speaker 4: husband with the idea, I was like, let's do this

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Speaker 4: and he's like great. I was like, we'll be ready

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Speaker 4: by the time it's my birthday, so in like three

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Speaker 4: months time, and he's like, no, we're not going to

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Speaker 4: be ready.

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Speaker 5: So it took like nine.

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Speaker 4: Into twelve months for us to actually get everything together.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a really long time. And to keep

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Speaker 5: that secret for so long. Oh my gosh, it was crazy.

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Speaker 3: But did you just do it out of your house?

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Speaker 1: I saw, Yeah, there was like a shot of you

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Speaker 1: guys in the living room. Yeah, like packing orders.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And I was.

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Speaker 4: Like it was insane. And we live in a townhouse.

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Speaker 4: So when we moved to the Gold Coast, we downsized

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Speaker 4: because we wanted to be really close to the water

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Speaker 4: and so and it worked well for us because Tisha

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Speaker 4: was about to move out of home and we only

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Speaker 4: had one child at home and then we're like, let's

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Speaker 4: start a business. And yeah, we were in our downstairs

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Speaker 4: area with you know, six or seven friends of T

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Speaker 4: Shirt and mine, like floating in and out helping pack orders,

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Speaker 4: get everything sorted.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, it was an experience the videos.

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Speaker 2: Of your husband carrying big boxes.

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Speaker 4: Because we had to like walk to the garage get

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Speaker 4: the product, bring it into the house.

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Speaker 5: For us so that we could pack the orders. So yeah,

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Speaker 5: it was crazy.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about you growing up. What was

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Speaker 1: a young cat like, even if as far back as

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Speaker 1: like primary school.

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Speaker 4: I feel like I have different stages in my life.

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Speaker 4: But primary school I was. I went to this Catholic school.

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Speaker 4: Me and my cousin were the only Asian people at

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Speaker 4: our school, and it felt very isolating and we were

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Speaker 4: bullied quite a bit for the color of our skin

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Speaker 4: and stuff like that. So I was actually very I

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Speaker 4: don't know what the word is like, I was very

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Speaker 4: timid and didn't have a lot of friends. I had

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Speaker 4: like one close friend. Yeah, it was quite sad my

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Speaker 4: primary school.

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Speaker 5: I bring, if I'm being honest, Brisbane in Brisbane.

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Speaker 1: Okay, did that ease off when you would transitioning into

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Speaker 1: high school or is that something that stuck with you.

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Speaker 4: No. When I went to high school, it changed, Like

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Speaker 4: I remember going because I went to a private girls school.

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Speaker 5: Got kicked out of that school.

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Speaker 4: That's why, just a little brief reason, I was a

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Speaker 4: really naughty girl.

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Speaker 3: Okay, great.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if you've heard that saying strict parents

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Speaker 4: raise sneaky kids.

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Speaker 5: Well, now I just know that.

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Speaker 4: Well, I was a very sneaky kid because I had

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Speaker 4: very strict parents. But anyways, I was kicked out of

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Speaker 4: that school and I went to a state school and

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Speaker 4: it was filled with so many different ethnicities and it

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Speaker 4: was a weird experience because I was kind of used

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Speaker 4: to being like in these private schools where I didn't

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Speaker 4: see that part of the world.

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Speaker 5: And then that's where I really went off the rails.

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Speaker 1: Was it nice to be in that state school environment

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Speaker 1: where all of a sudden, yeah, your heritage wasn't something

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Speaker 1: that was unique.

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Speaker 5: For sure? I loved it. Do you know the Brisbane area?

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Speaker 3: You do?

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Speaker 1: I grew up in Kenmore.

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Speaker 4: Oh, okay, so your north side. Immediately I'm on the

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Speaker 4: south side of Well, I grew up on the south side.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: It was just really cool to kind of go, oh,

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Speaker 4: there's other people who were Filippinas and other kind of ethnicities.

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Speaker 1: And so how was it then, trying to like live

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Speaker 1: a double life with your parents and if you were

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Speaker 1: like talking about being sneaky.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, me and my parents had a really tough relationship.

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Speaker 4: My mum was very religious and it kind of made

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Speaker 4: me this rebellious child that didn't want to do anything

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Speaker 4: or live by her rules. So I would sneak out

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Speaker 4: of the time, I would wag school, I would you

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Speaker 4: get into things that I wasn't supposed to be getting into,

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Speaker 4: hang around with people that I wasn't supposed to be

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Speaker 4: hanging around with.

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Speaker 5: It was tricky.

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Speaker 4: Thankfully, me and my mom have a good relationship now,

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Speaker 4: okay relationship, but back then it was Yes.

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Speaker 1: I'm assuming that your mom wasn't welcoming to boyfriends.

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Speaker 4: No, she hated all my boyfriends. She didn't want me

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Speaker 4: to have anything to do with men at all, guys

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Speaker 4: at all. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I suppose falling pregnant with with T Shirt at sixteen, Yeah, well,

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Speaker 2: I mean that probably wouldn't have been surely wouldn't have

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Speaker 2: loved that, you know, she.

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Speaker 4: Definitely did not. It was a really Yeah, it was

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Speaker 4: very hard. It's weird though, During my pregnancy, she was

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Speaker 4: actually quite nice to me, so, you know, for Mother's Day,

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Speaker 4: she bought me like a little gift, and I was

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Speaker 4: like heavily pregnant. But it was after t Sha was

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Speaker 4: born that it just went downhill again. And I often

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Speaker 4: think about this, and I think because I was pregnant,

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Speaker 4: I when I was like a naughty teen, and then

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Speaker 4: I found out I was pregnant, I went from getting

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Speaker 4: d's in every single one of my classes to a's

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Speaker 4: within a month of finding out. The key some people

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Speaker 4: say they have baby brain, but I was like so

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Speaker 4: determined to give my child like a better life that

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Speaker 4: I just like switched my life around. So I stopped

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Speaker 4: going out. Obviously I'm not going to go out while

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Speaker 4: I'm pregnant. I'm sixteen, and I was just like studying

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Speaker 4: all the time, trying to really better my life. Then

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Speaker 4: when I gave birth, that's when I started to gain

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Speaker 4: a little bit more freedom and I was able to

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Speaker 4: kind of leave the house a bit more.

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Speaker 5: And that's what I don't think she liked.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember the moment where you told your mum

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Speaker 1: that you were pregnant.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, well I didn't actually tell her, so.

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Speaker 3: She still doesn't know.

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Speaker 4: So, because my mum and I had this really difficult relationship.

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Speaker 4: Every time I would go to speak to my mom,

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Speaker 4: she would just lecture me, and I just didn't feel

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Speaker 4: comfortable going to her about anything. So when I found

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Speaker 4: out I was pregnant, I was like, crap, I kind

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Speaker 4: of have to tell her. I'm starting to get morning sickness,

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Speaker 4: Like I need to tell.

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Speaker 1: Her how many weeks?

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Speaker 4: Roughly that was around six weeks I started getting sick,

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Speaker 4: and so I started writing these letters to tell her.

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Speaker 4: And every time I would write a letter, I was

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Speaker 4: just like, oh, this isn't making sense, and I'd scrunch

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Speaker 4: it up. And I eventually gave up and I went

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Speaker 4: for a walk and got back home and.

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Speaker 5: My mom was like, get in the lounge room right now.

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Speaker 5: And I was like, what the hell? And she had

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Speaker 5: gone through my bin and read all the letters.

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Speaker 1: What did you say?

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Speaker 4: So we sat down in the lounge and my dad

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Speaker 4: was kind of sitting where you are and my mom

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Speaker 4: was there, and my mom was bawling her eyes out,

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Speaker 4: obviously because this is like every religious mother's worst nightmare. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and my dad was kind of like I could tell

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Speaker 4: he was disappointed, but he was more like, what are

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Speaker 4: you going to do? That type of thing, like very

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Speaker 4: I don't know, he's just always being philological. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 4: It was a very emotional conversation. But then after about

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Speaker 4: an hour, they will like go to your room, and

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Speaker 4: I just sat there and I was.

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Speaker 3: Like, oh wow, I just can't imagine that feeling.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, at this point, were you set in your mind

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Speaker 1: that you're going to keep the baby or was it

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Speaker 1: discussion of potentially aborting?

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Speaker 3: It was.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know what I was going to I mean,

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Speaker 4: I'm sixteen, just found out I was pregnant.

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Speaker 5: I was so like lost in what to do, and there's.

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Speaker 4: Everyone kind of giving me their opinion about what I

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Speaker 4: should and shouldn't do. I think deep down I knew

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Speaker 4: that I didn't want to go down that route. And

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Speaker 4: it actually partly has something to do with how I

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Speaker 4: was saying. My mum was a very religious lady, so

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Speaker 4: I was brought up you just don't do that.

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Speaker 5: You don't get rid of your child if you feel pregnant.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I was scared about getting rid of

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Speaker 4: a life, like there is a life in me, and

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Speaker 4: it really like freaked me out that I you know

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Speaker 4: what I mean like it was just left a.

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Speaker 5: Bad kind of feeling in me.

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Speaker 4: So it was something that it was a conversation that

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Speaker 4: we definitely had, but it was something that I don't

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Speaker 4: think I would have ever done, even though I was

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Speaker 4: so young and.

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Speaker 1: Your partner at the time. What was his reaction to

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Speaker 1: the situation?

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Speaker 5: Honestly, I block a lot of him out. There was

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Speaker 5: just so much trauma there.

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Speaker 4: We were so immature, so immature, and so stupid. I

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Speaker 4: don't think it was a big deal to him. I

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Speaker 4: mean he was nine, no, he was eighteen at the time.

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Speaker 1: Slightly ignorant.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't really know anything at that time. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. So it wasn't like he was like like, oh

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Speaker 5: my life is over or anything like that.

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Speaker 4: He was just like, oh yeah, sweet, And how long

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Speaker 4: are you being together for at this point?

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Speaker 5: So we weren't together for long at all.

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Speaker 4: I would say, we're probably together for like three to

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Speaker 4: six months.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's such like you don't really even know each other,

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Speaker 2: especially at that age, and you don't really know yourself

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Speaker 2: at all.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And I was actually going to break up with him

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Speaker 4: a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, yeah, the breakup or the potential breakup. Did

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Speaker 1: you just think it wasn't that he wasn't the right

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Speaker 1: guy for you or what was the reason behind that.

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Speaker 4: Well, I was just like I was sixteen, you know,

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Speaker 4: you get a crush.

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Speaker 5: On like, yeah, five different people, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 5: So it wasn't anything serious to me.

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Speaker 4: It was just like I didn't really think it was

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Speaker 4: going to work out with us, and I started getting

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Speaker 4: feels for another guy at school and.

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Speaker 3: During the pregnancy. Was a supportive Yeah, he.

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Speaker 5: Was really supportive.

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Speaker 4: I mean as supportive as an eighteen year old can be.

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Speaker 4: He actually grew up on Thursday Island. Do you guys

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Speaker 4: know who that it is?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I heard of it.

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Speaker 4: It's like the very tip of Queensland, so very secluded

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Speaker 4: little island.

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Speaker 5: He grew up there.

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Speaker 4: He actually moved to Brisbane to study and be closer

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Speaker 4: to me.

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Speaker 5: So he was supportive.

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Speaker 1: You've decided you're going to keep the baby. Your mom

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Speaker 1: is being more I guess warm to the idea of

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Speaker 1: you being a young mum. Yeah, things are going well

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Speaker 1: or your partner's being supportive. Was it all smooth sailing

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Speaker 1: then up until Bert?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it was pretty good, like the pregnancy was really good.

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Speaker 4: I had a lot of support, which was amazing. My

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Speaker 4: school was incredible. They let me stay at school till

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Speaker 4: I was two weeks due. Oh my gosh, because I

305
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Speaker 4: was like so determined. I was like, I need to

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Speaker 4: finish grade twelve, like I need to make my life,

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Speaker 4: you know, I need to make something of my life

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Speaker 4: type of thing.

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Speaker 3: What was that experience of it? It was horrible, crazy.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was horrible.

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Speaker 4: I mean, obviously the bullying was just crazy, but not

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Speaker 4: only from my own school but from the other surrounding schools.

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Speaker 5: So there was so many rumors going around.

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Speaker 4: We would go on these excursions where other schools would

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Speaker 4: go on the same day, and that would just be

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Speaker 4: like yelling out and obviously like there's a pregnant sixteen

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Speaker 4: year old who isn't going to say something.

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Speaker 5: It's like shocking, right, It's brutal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's probably the most brutal place you could you

320
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Speaker 2: could be pregnant. Do you think the workplace is the

321
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Speaker 2: workplace for and like how hard it is as well,

322
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Speaker 2: just you know, just mobility wise and getting around and

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Speaker 2: then also like how people treat you in that area.

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Speaker 3: But imagine being a teenager.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you, like, how do you support yourself

326
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Speaker 1: in that environment where you are copying so much from

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Speaker 1: so many other people? Like do you just boil it up?

328
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Speaker 1: Or was there someone who was helping you through this?

329
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Speaker 4: Oh? My friends and my my actual teachers. So I

330
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Speaker 4: had a drama teacher.

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Speaker 1: Teachers are always.

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Speaker 5: That he hosted my baby shower for me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and every time I'd go into the classroom he'd

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Speaker 4: actually have a seat for me so that I didn't

335
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Speaker 4: have to sit on the ground like.

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Speaker 5: The rest of the student. You remember his name, mister Edwards.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I had like amazing support, like my teachers

338
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Speaker 4: and my friends, but obviously outside of that it was

339
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Speaker 4: quite difficult. But yeah, I'm just very lucky that I

340
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,440
Speaker 4: had a good network of friends because it was tough.

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Speaker 1: And then you gave birth in Brisbane, Yeah, on your birthday,

342
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Speaker 1: on my birthday.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know what, going back twenty one years ago,

344
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:52,040
Speaker 4: people in the hospital were not nice with me being

345
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Speaker 4: a team.

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Speaker 5: It was like like the nurses and midwif Yeah.

347
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Speaker 4: Really so I had one nice midwife who brought me

348
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Speaker 4: a little piece of cakee and like helped me and whatever.

349
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Speaker 4: But because it was my birthday, after I gave birth.

350
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:09,679
Speaker 4: I was terrified of taking Tisha home. I wanted to

351
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,359
Speaker 4: stay in the hospital for as long as possible because

352
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,240
Speaker 4: I just didn't know what I was doing. Like, I

353
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,880
Speaker 4: was just like scared. The lady was like, okay, so

354
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,760
Speaker 4: you've been here for three days, you don't need to

355
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 4: be here. Your babies latching perfectly, like everything was fine,

356
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,240
Speaker 4: you need to go home, and I.

357
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:32,840
Speaker 5: Like begged her. I was like, couldn't leave anyways. They

358
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:37,199
Speaker 5: ended up moving me to the psych ward. Okay for

359
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:37,760
Speaker 5: how long?

360
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Speaker 4: No, they were obviously filling up, and so they moved

361
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Speaker 4: me to that ward so that I could stay there

362
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Speaker 4: for longer. But I was like, did it really have

363
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,720
Speaker 4: to be the psych word, Like, for real, I.

364
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Speaker 1: Can't imagine that. It's like it's probably not a safe

365
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 1: place for Yeah. And so then after that, you went

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Speaker 1: home to your mom and dad.

367
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Speaker 4: Yeah, So went home to my parents and my partner,

368
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Speaker 4: then went back up to Thursday Island.

369
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Speaker 5: Yeah.

370
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 4: It got really tricky between me and my mom, and

371
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 4: I ended up sneaking out when Tsha was six weeks

372
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Speaker 4: old and flying up to Thursday Island with Tea Sha.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, with teacher, Oh my goodness.

374
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,479
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I just couldn't meet my mom. Was just

375
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,679
Speaker 4: my mom and I were just fighting and it was

376
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Speaker 4: like causing me so much stress, especially with like having

377
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Speaker 4: a little baby. It was a lot to take on.

378
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:32,919
Speaker 5: So I just left.

379
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Speaker 2: Ye.

380
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:38,119
Speaker 1: Wow, so you're seventeen, your new mom, You're now on

381
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,119
Speaker 1: Thursday Island, Like, how is that trying to raise a child?

382
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 5: Oh my god?

383
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,879
Speaker 4: It was hard because not only was I dealing with

384
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,119
Speaker 4: what you just said, but I've also left the city

385
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 4: life to live.

386
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Speaker 5: On an island.

387
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,480
Speaker 4: It's really hot, yeah, but it was like Thursday Island

388
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 4: is very secluded. Indigenous Australians live on there, so I

389
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,159
Speaker 4: felt very like out of place. I felt like I

390
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,800
Speaker 4: didn't belong there, and it just was like, you know,

391
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Speaker 4: I didn't know what to do type of thing.

392
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,120
Speaker 5: So it was like a huge.

393
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:17,480
Speaker 4: Culture shock because I was like this city girl, you know,

394
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:21,399
Speaker 4: used to dressing up in crop tops and heels and

395
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,359
Speaker 4: you know, just being that type of person. And then

396
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, I'm on an island where people

397
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:27,640
Speaker 4: are fishing every day.

398
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 1: Like what at this point, were you're thinking like this

399
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:34,680
Speaker 1: is where I'm going to be forever?

400
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,240
Speaker 5: Yes? But I also.

401
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 4: Yes and no, because a lot of people on Thursday

402
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 4: Island kind of go back and forth from Cans, so

403
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 4: they because all the main workers in Cans, you know,

404
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 4: all the good schools are there, So people aren't on

405
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 4: Thursday Island for a very long time unless you know

406
00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 4: you've retired or you've got your job there. So part

407
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 4: of me was willing to kind of accept that's where

408
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 4: I was going to be. But then there was also

409
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,720
Speaker 4: part of me that was like, I need to get

410
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 4: back for me.

411
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 1: Like my youngest is three, but her newborn phase a

412
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,199
Speaker 1: pretty much like blurred it all out because it was

413
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 1: bloody heart. Yeah, how was it for you figuring out

414
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,640
Speaker 1: motherhood at the age of seventeen when you're going through

415
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 1: like sleep regressions and teething and moving on to solids

416
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 1: very scary.

417
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 4: I remember one day T shirt she because I had

418
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 4: to put that kid on her dummy because my god,

419
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 4: she was just driving me insane. So and it was

420
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,960
Speaker 4: my big biggest regret, gret putting her in on a dummy,

421
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,880
Speaker 4: because like, taking that dummy off her was just crazy,

422
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 4: but it failed me. I used to give her a

423
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 4: dummy to kind of help soothe her, and one day

424
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 4: I gave her the dummy and there must have been

425
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 4: like a little grain or something on that dummy, and

426
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 4: she started choking and it was the most terrifying day

427
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 4: of my night, of my life. So we took out

428
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 4: the dummy, were trying to me and my ex partner's

429
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 4: parents were trying to kind of help her choke up,

430
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 4: get out whatever was in her throat, and we're like

431
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 4: racing to the hospital. It was so so scary. So yeah,

432
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 4: it felt really isolating, and obviously I don't know. I

433
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,439
Speaker 4: didn't know how to be a mom, and all I

434
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,680
Speaker 4: had was like people telling me their best advice, which

435
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 4: I really regret. Whenever I see a new parent, I'm like,

436
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,920
Speaker 4: just do what makes you feel good, because I took

437
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,199
Speaker 4: on all this advice not knowing what was wrong, and

438
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 4: everyone telling me, don't do this, don't do.

439
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 2: That, feel worthless, do what's best. It's worked for you,

440
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 2: because it might be completely different for someone.

441
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 5: Else, exactly. Yeah, so it was challenging for sure.

442
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 1: And how is the relationship with your partner At the stage.

443
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 4: It was actually okay because at that point we were

444
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,639
Speaker 4: living with his parents. So when I moved up to

445
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 4: Thursday Island, we lived in this tiny little house. It

446
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:16,159
Speaker 4: was a one bedroom home with six of us in

447
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:21,439
Speaker 4: the house. Holy shit, yeaes six or yeah, seven actually

448
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 4: seven including Ta Shir, my partner Titsha, and I had

449
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 4: that room and they would sleep in the lounde room.

450
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,679
Speaker 4: It was good because it was kind of like family

451
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 4: gathering every single.

452
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

453
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it was fine then. But when we moved

454
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 4: out of that home into a larger home and we

455
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,880
Speaker 4: were given one section of the house where we had

456
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 4: our own privacy, that's kind of when our relationship started

457
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 4: to go downhill.

458
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 5: He drank a lot, and he would.

459
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 4: Come home a lot of the time wasted and get

460
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 4: quite physical and violent.

461
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 1: So, yeah, do you look back and do you think

462
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 1: there were any warning signs that that's where things were leading?

463
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 4: Definitely, I didn't know at the time, but looking back now,

464
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 4: for sure, I can definitely see that there were signs

465
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 4: that he was like very controlling. But back then it

466
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 4: just actually felt like he cared about me in some

467
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 4: stupid way. But looking back, it is definitely him being controlling.

468
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: And when you say controlling, in what kind of way,

469
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 1: who I.

470
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,880
Speaker 4: Was speaking to, who I was hanging out with, If

471
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 4: I was like five minutes late, he'd kind of lose

472
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 4: lose it, that type of thing.

473
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 3: So a lot of manipulation. Yeah, someone's that controlling.

474
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,360
Speaker 2: It must have made you feel even more isolated, considering

475
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 2: you're already removed from you know, your family, your friends,

476
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 2: and he's starting to control what you're saying, what you're doing,

477
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 2: who you're talking to, where you're going all the time.

478
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,880
Speaker 2: And sometimes it's really hard for I mean I hear

479
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 2: all the time. Sometimes really hard to see what someone's

480
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,400
Speaker 2: really like when you're the closest to them. But now

481
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 2: you reflect on it, are there any other warning signs

482
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 2: that you think, Oh, man, now I look back at

483
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 2: that for sure.

484
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 4: Definitely the financial side of things as well, a lot

485
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 4: of people that really got me by surprise. So he

486
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 4: would often say that I was really bad with money

487
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 4: and that he would have to kind of look after

488
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 4: the money side of things.

489
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 5: And so it got to a point.

490
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 1: Where were you bad with money?

491
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,119
Speaker 4: We know, I'm like the best with money, I'm like

492
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 4: so good at saving.

493
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 5: And all that sort of stuff.

494
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 4: But he had made me think that, oh, it's better

495
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 4: for me to kind of give him full control of

496
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 4: all the money that's coming through to me, so that

497
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 4: you know, he can be in charge and it got

498
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,439
Speaker 4: to a point where I didn't even see the money

499
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 4: that would come into our lives. So that is definitely

500
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,080
Speaker 4: something that I should have been more aware.

501
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 1: But he wasn't like that in the beginning though. No,

502
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 1: this is over an extended period.

503
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure. So a lot of people say, like,

504
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 5: why didn't you just leave?

505
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 4: But you for me personally, I can't speak for anyone else,

506
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 4: but for me personally, I was always thinking, but what

507
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 4: if he can change, what if he can go back

508
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 4: to how he used to be? And you know, he's

509
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 4: promised me so many times that he's gonna, you know,

510
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 4: be a better person, and I always believed that when

511
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 4: he's told me so. For the first year, he was amazing.

512
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 4: He made me feel like I was the only girl

513
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 4: in the world, like you know.

514
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 5: Ticked all the right boxes.

515
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 4: It wasn't until I kind of left home, left my family,

516
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:46,159
Speaker 4: left my friends where things started going downhill really quickly.

517
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,640
Speaker 1: And then what was the process then for you deciding

518
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: that enough's enough? I need to leave this guy.

519
00:25:55,240 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 5: So there was one main incident for me where.

520
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 4: Tisha would have been, like I'm going to say, nine

521
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:12,199
Speaker 4: months old, was when they start crawling right around, so

522
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 4: she was around that age, and she was sitting at

523
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 4: this damn tissue box like pulling the tissues out like.

524
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 3: They still do.

525
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 4: So she's doing this thing in the lounge room and

526
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 4: my partner at the time walked in and he was wasted,

527
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh my god. So I moved

528
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,439
Speaker 4: her into another room with a tissue box so that

529
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 4: she could keep herself busy in the room, and we

530
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 4: started having an argument and it got heated really really quickly,

531
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 4: and he actually grabbed my throat and held me up

532
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 4: against the wall, and at the same time, Tisha had

533
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,479
Speaker 4: crawled out of the room. You know, when your kid cries,

534
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 4: you can kind of tell when they're hungry or when

535
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 4: they're tired.

536
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 1: I've hurt themselves, also when they've hurt themselves, when they've

537
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 1: really hurt themselves.

538
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 4: Y pit stop breathing, yeah you yeah, it's like a

539
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 4: language that parents just go right. Well, she crawled out,

540
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 4: and she screamed a scream that I had never heard before.

541
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 5: Like ever in my life.

542
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 4: It was like pure terror, and it just made me realize, like,

543
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 4: what the fuck am I doing?

544
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 5: Like I don't want my child to why, why what

545
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 5: am I doing?

546
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 4: Like it was just like a fucking you know wow

547
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 4: moment for me, like I'm terrified, but so is my child.

548
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 4: So that's kind of when I thought, I need to

549
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 4: do something.

550
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: You're on Thursday Island right at this point, so then

551
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: how quickly can you get out?

552
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 4: It took a long time, so not only did I

553
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,040
Speaker 4: have to have that realization, but I also had to

554
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 4: to build up my self worth because at that point

555
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 4: I was I don't even know who I was. At

556
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,479
Speaker 4: that point, I had no self confidence. My anxiety was

557
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 4: through the roof, like I was just in a really

558
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 4: bad place mentally. I had no money because at that

559
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 4: point he was he had all control of the money.

560
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 5: We were fighting every weekend like it was bad.

561
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 4: What I did was I would actually steal like a

562
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 4: dollar or two dollars from his wallet every few weeks,

563
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 4: and I think I saved like fifty or fifty five

564
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:35,640
Speaker 4: dollars at.

565
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 5: The point at that point, and walk down.

566
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 4: To the Telstra shop bought like a prepaid Sagam you

567
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 4: know those little crappy vines.

568
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

569
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 4: So I brought one of those phones and then started

570
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 4: getting in touch with my friends again. And then maybe

571
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 4: like three months after getting that phone, That's when I

572
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 4: started to believe, like, Wow, I can actually leave, I

573
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 4: can start a new life. I'm not some you know,

574
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 4: single mother that nobody's gonna love, Like there is another

575
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 4: chance for me. So it took a lot of time.

576
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 4: It wasn't like it happened and I just gained all

577
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 4: this strength and I could kind.

578
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 5: Of believe in that moment. It was a long time build.

579
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 3: The courage up too.

580
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 2: I could imagine that that in that moment, if this,

581
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 2: if this guy's already put his hands on you while

582
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 2: I was going to stop HI from putting his hands

583
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 2: on you again, when he finds out the year trying

584
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 2: to find an escape route, I can't imagine having to

585
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:32,719
Speaker 2: build up to that.

586
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, with the friends that you were reaching out to,

587
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: was there feedback as simple as well just come home?

588
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,719
Speaker 1: Or were they saying go to the police? Were getting

589
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: mixed information on how to act?

590
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, they were telling me to go to the police.

591
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 4: So I don't know why, but it was so scary

592
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 4: for me to call the cops. So the only the

593
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 4: thing that I did a lot instead of calling the

594
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 4: police was actually call women shelters, which were incredible, Like

595
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 4: they literally saved my life. So many times. But yeah,

596
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 4: my friends were like, you know, go to the cops,

597
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 4: and obviously telling me to just leave.

598
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 5: They did say those things.

599
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 4: But I think the thing that made me actually want

600
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 4: to go back is just having those friends miss me

601
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 4: and say come back, like we want you back home,

602
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 4: that type of thing, and just made me realize that

603
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 4: I can still have a life outside of what I

604
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 4: currently was living.

605
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,719
Speaker 1: Do you remember what it felt like when you you

606
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 1: did leave, when you step foot outside of the house

607
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,239
Speaker 1: and you close that door behind you and you had

608
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: in your mind that I'm not coming back.

609
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 5: It was the best day of my life, like the.

610
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 2: Best as soon as you could tell.

611
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 4: Honestly, can I share the story, It's like my favorite story.

612
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 4: I was living with him in cans at that point,

613
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 4: and I said that I really wanted to go back

614
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 4: to see my mum because t Sha wanted to kind

615
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 4: of you know, see her grandma or whatever. And I

616
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 4: was like, and you should go back up to Thursday

617
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 4: Island and see your parents and we can go on

618
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 4: like a mini separate holiday whatever. Anyways, he wasn't too

619
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 4: keen on the idea, but he was like, Okay, we'll

620
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 4: do it. So that night he took my ID, he

621
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 4: took my birth certificate, he took all Tisha's photo albums,

622
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 4: and he hid them in the house because he knew

623
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 4: that if he hid those things.

624
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 5: It would make me come back. So we psychotic.

625
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 4: So that night he fell asleep and I turned off

626
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 4: his alarm for the next morning because that next morning

627
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 4: I was getting on a train to go back to Brisbane.

628
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 4: So I turned off his alarm and I waited till

629
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 4: he was asleep, and I searched the whole house for

630
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 4: those items, found them, put them in my bag. And

631
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 4: then the next morning, I waited like five minutes before

632
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 4: we had to leave, and I woke him.

633
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 5: Up and I was like, we slept through our alarm.

634
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 5: Let's go, let's go.

635
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 4: And so he didn't have time to check anything, the

636
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 4: items or anything, and we were out the door.

637
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 5: So we get to the train station.

638
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: I've got and then you've got You've got them in

639
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: your bag?

640
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're in my bag.

641
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 4: So we get to the train station and he hands

642
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 4: me a phone because he doesn't know that I have

643
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 4: my segam at this point, mate, your lifeline. So he

644
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 4: hands me a prepaid phone one that he's purchased and

645
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 4: He's like, I want you to make sure that you

646
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 4: answer this every time I call you, otherwise I'm coming

647
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 4: to get you.

648
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 5: And I was like, yeah, of course, babe, I'll answer it.

649
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 4: So I get on the train and we The train

650
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 4: is like twenty four hour trains, a long way.

651
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 5: I see, this is what I was saying.

652
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 4: My anxiety was so bad I could not even get

653
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 4: on a plane.

654
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 5: So I have a fear of flying.

655
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 4: But at that point, I legitimately could not even step

656
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 4: foot on a plane.

657
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 5: So I had to get on a train to leave him.

658
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,239
Speaker 1: That's a long way.

659
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 4: So we get on the train. He's given me five

660
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 4: dollars for the twenty four hour generous, very generous. Yeah yeah,

661
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 4: we stop off like every hour or so. But I

662
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 4: just kept in contact with him until we got to Townsville,

663
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 4: and I remember sending him this text and I was like,

664
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 4: I'm never fucking coming back, and I threw the phone

665
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 4: in the bin, and then I got back on the

666
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 4: train and went to God because I needed to give

667
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,479
Speaker 4: it enough time so that he couldn't catch up in

668
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 4: the car.

669
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 2: I can't imagine your feeling while you're riding. We've all

670
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 2: written a text to someone where we're like, whether it's

671
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 2: an angry text to someone.

672
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 3: Or something that you're like, how is this going to

673
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 3: go down?

674
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 2: And the adrenaline behind Yeah, you can imagine the adrenaline

675
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 2: behind that text. Yeah, never fucking come back. You must

676
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 2: have felt after you've done it like some sort of superhero.

677
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 5: Oh I felt invincible.

678
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:21,359
Speaker 1: It was that's crazy almost, like I want to tell

679
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: someone on the train.

680
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:23,680
Speaker 3: You just did.

681
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean what was What was it like getting

682
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 2: to the other end and essentially seeing a loved one

683
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 2: or a friend.

684
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 3: Was it just out of relation? Oh?

685
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 5: Yeah it was. But there was also that fear of

686
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 5: is he here? Did he follow me?

687
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,320
Speaker 4: That's that feeling stayed with me for like a month

688
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 4: or two months, like is he going to come after me?

689
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 4: He knows where my parents live, he knows where I am,

690
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:51,759
Speaker 4: So there was still fear, but it's a long way

691
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 4: from cans.

692
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 1: Did he ever?

693
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 3: Did he ever try?

694
00:34:55,400 --> 00:35:00,440
Speaker 4: And he did? But I had my friends with so

695
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 4: I never kind of was. I met up with him

696
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 4: like twice because he wanted to see T shirt, which

697
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 4: obviously I didn't want to kind of beat that parent

698
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 4: where I didn't let him see his kid. But I

699
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 4: always had friends with me in.

700
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 1: Those moments where you did see him. Was he trying

701
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 1: to convince you it or had come back?

702
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 5: Oh? Yeah, definitely, did you consider it? No?

703
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 4: No, I broke up with him months before I actually left,

704
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 4: and that's what helped me kind of leave. I detached

705
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 4: any sort of feeling or anything towards him, like three

706
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 4: or four months before I actually physically left.

707
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 3: Wow.

708
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:43,239
Speaker 1: And so when you're back in Brisbane, are you living

709
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 1: with your family again for a little bit?

710
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 4: So again, like me and my mum have a very

711
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 4: tricky relationship. So I stayed with my mom for about

712
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 4: three weeks and then I went to live with my

713
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:57,360
Speaker 4: best friend.

714
00:35:58,239 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 5: Yeah.

715
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 2: Wow, Wow, that's such an amazing story having to rebuild

716
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: after that. I mean, you've you've recognized that I could

717
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 2: have a life that's better than this. You've escaped, you've

718
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 2: got down, you're living with your friend, You've got letitia, Like.

719
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:12,839
Speaker 3: What happens next?

720
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 4: Yeah. I wasn't really focused on guys because I was

721
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 4: more focused on being a good mum for Teaser, like

722
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 4: that has always been my goal. Like remember when I

723
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,359
Speaker 4: was saying I went from a d student to an

724
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 4: A student like she has always been. Yeah, one hundred

725
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 4: and I know this. You know, stats for teen moms

726
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 4: aren't the best.

727
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 5: So I was really.

728
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 4: Determined to kind of not be the stereotypical teen mom.

729
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 4: So I came back to Brisbane. I actually tried to

730
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,720
Speaker 4: finish year twelve again through tape. I got a job,

731
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 4: and then I ended up getting promotions within the job,

732
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 4: so I gave up on the idea of finishing year

733
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,840
Speaker 4: twelve and just kept working my ass off and never stopped.

734
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 1: When you think back to that time, we got that

735
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: and you're able to make contact with your friends back

736
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 1: in Brisbane, was there anything that they did or way

737
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 1: that they behaved.

738
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,360
Speaker 5: That really helped you my friends?

739
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just thinking if there is anyone else out

740
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,320
Speaker 1: there who may have a friend who's going through something

741
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 1: similar and they're unsure of how they can support them.

742
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think my friends were really patient with me,

743
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 4: because when you're in a toxic relationship, you can you

744
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,400
Speaker 4: always go back and forth. Well, for me personally, I

745
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 4: don't know about anyone else, but for me, I was

746
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 4: breaking up with him, getting back with him, fighting with him,

747
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 4: going to women's shelters, going back and forth, and there

748
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 4: was a lot of that, and then to have a

749
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 4: friend who would hear that day in day out, and

750
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 4: you know, constantly remind me that I can do better,

751
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 4: I can live a better life and just put up

752
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 4: with listening to that meant the world to me because

753
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,839
Speaker 4: there's so many people that well, I don't know if

754
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 4: there's so many people, but there would be a few

755
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 4: people who would be like, oh my god, girl, how

756
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 4: many times do I have to tell you to leave him?

757
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 5: And like not kind of give you the time of.

758
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 2: Day song you just want, you just want someone to hear,

759
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 2: not try and give you the immediate solution. You know

760
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,359
Speaker 2: what the solution is really deep down, but it's kind

761
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 2: of like someone who can stick by you.

762
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 3: That's pretty powerful.

763
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, aod friend. Yeah.

764
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 4: So that's why whenever I talk to my girls about this.

765
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 4: The biggest red flag for me is when a partner

766
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,280
Speaker 4: starts trying to cut your friends and family out. Because

767
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:38,720
Speaker 4: I needed that, I needed my friends, I needed my family,

768
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 4: and that's something that he literally physically flew me across

769
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 4: the country, you know, on the opposite side of Queensland

770
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 4: to kind of get me.

771
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 5: Away from that.

772
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 4: So whenever I hear someone saying, oh, he doesn't like

773
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 4: my best friend, I'm like, why because you like your

774
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 4: best friend, right, keep in touch with your friends, Do

775
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 4: not cut them out whenever you in a new relationship.

776
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 5: Always make time for your friends.

777
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think we've all had friends, you know,

778
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 2: male female that when they get into relationships, like where

779
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 2: are they gone?

780
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, the energy becomes invested.

781
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,879
Speaker 2: In there, and you don't know if it's just they're

782
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 2: all their energy because they all want to really just

783
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 2: want to be with each other and they really enjoy

784
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,240
Speaker 2: each other's company, or if there's any any hate towards

785
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 2: friend groups or whatever it might be, or if it's

786
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 2: that because so easily be disguised one.

787
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 3: As one or the other. Yeah, it's a scary thought.

788
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 2: I mean both Matt and I have Matt's got two girls,

789
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 2: I've got I've got a girl and a boy. And

790
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 2: even for even for a boy like them growing up,

791
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, when they start to date and

792
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 2: stuff like that, it's like, what do you do as

793
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 2: a parent when you see when you see that happening?

794
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 3: Is it is it just? Is it love? Or is

795
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 3: it manipulation?

796
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:47,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's really tricky.

797
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 4: Like I remember when t Shirk started dating and she's

798
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 4: dated some interesting characters. There was this one particular guy

799
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 4: was giving me really bad vibes. I think this is

800
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 4: why it's so important to have a good relationship with

801
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 4: your kids where they feel like they can talk to

802
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 4: you openly because they tell you things that happen within

803
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 4: the relationship. It's also hard as a parent to how

804
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 4: do you tell your kid you think that person is

805
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 4: a psycho without you I exactly, well, that's why I

806
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 4: was like, I don't want.

807
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 5: To be that.

808
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 3: A little bit.

809
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like a it was a weird I

810
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 4: remember having this conversation with Tsha and just being like, look,

811
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 4: this is what I think is happening. Obviously I trust

812
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 4: your judgment. You're a smart woman, but I want you

813
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 4: to know but this is what I can see. And

814
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 4: within a few weeks she broke it up with him.

815
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 2: It's nice that she took on what you had to

816
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 2: say and probably took some time to think about it.

817
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,359
Speaker 2: So just been like, well, I hate you now because

818
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 2: you hate him, you know. So yeah, I mean we've

819
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 2: spoken about that before, about being able to communicate with

820
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,399
Speaker 2: the kids, but not just with those things, but also the.

821
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 3: Good things as well.

822
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 2: Then it might give them a bit more encouragement to

823
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 2: come to you with things that aren't so good.

824
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure.

825
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: What's it like trying to get back into dating when

826
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:16,319
Speaker 1: not only have you come from such a traumatic experience,

827
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 1: but I guess you've not really even experienced a really

828
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: healthy relationship because one of your first ones, you know,

829
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 1: was when you were sixteen and seventeen. So how do

830
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: you start trusting men again and starting to get back

831
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 1: into dating.

832
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 4: It's funny you say that, because after that incident and

833
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 4: I did start dating. I actually started dating one of

834
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:42,800
Speaker 4: my best friends. So but I think that's because I trust.

835
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:43,720
Speaker 3: Yes, we trusted.

836
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,240
Speaker 5: I already trusted him. He made me laugh.

837
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 4: You know, we had a good relationship already. I think

838
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 4: that's a great foundation to finding out who makes a

839
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 4: good future partner, right, making sure you can have fun

840
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 4: with them and that you're their friend.

841
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 5: I think that's what helped for me, probably dating one

842
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 5: ofever my best How to build your confidence.

843
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 3: It's a good way to start. I mean, how long

844
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 3: did that last?

845
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 5: It wasn't like serious serious.

846
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 4: We made clear guidelines where we're like, we're just going

847
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 4: to be friends with benefits.

848
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: Okay, and then it works out.

849
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was only like three or four months and

850
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 4: we decided we're still friends now.

851
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 2: So and you, I don't want to skip too far

852
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 2: forward because we go through your whole dating life, but

853
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 2: your husband Jonathan.

854
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 3: Yes, so you've been with him for sixteen years?

855
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 4: I know I've been yeah sixteen Wait what month? Well yeah,

856
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 4: sixteen years?

857
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 3: Wow?

858
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 5: Yeah crazy?

859
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 3: That is crazy?

860
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: And what was it about Jonathan that you thought this

861
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 1: could be the guy for me?

862
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,800
Speaker 4: Obviously when I first saw him, I was like, damn,

863
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 4: he's cute. But then like getting to know him, he

864
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 4: was just a really nice guy. Like I remember when

865
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 4: I went on my first date with him and I

866
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 4: was like, so, I've got to tell you something and

867
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 4: he's like, do you have a boyfriend?

868
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:05,879
Speaker 5: And I was like, I just have a kid.

869
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 4: He was like what, But no, he was just a

870
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,320
Speaker 4: really cool, fun guy, and like I was saying before,

871
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 4: he felt like my friend.

872
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,720
Speaker 1: And then how was it going back into the world

873
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,439
Speaker 1: of being pregnant again for a second time?

874
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 4: It was so different because I actually so when Jonathan

875
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 4: asked me to marry him, I actually said I will,

876
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 4: but just so you know, I'm not having any more kids,

877
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:38,439
Speaker 4: because yeah, I was so traumatized from my experience.

878
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,879
Speaker 1: Did he say okay, sure, Yeah, he was.

879
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:43,320
Speaker 5: Fine with it.

880
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, he was like, Okay, if that's what you want,

881
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 4: then that's that's it.

882
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 1: Which makes a lot of sense. I get it.

883
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 2: Yeah.

884
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 1: But then when did you When did the thought creep

885
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 1: into your mind that maybe I could go back for

886
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 1: a second.

887
00:43:56,080 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 4: Five years into being married, and my grandma actually passed

888
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 4: away and I was sitting at her funeral and my

889
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,720
Speaker 4: granddad was sitting there with his two sons on either

890
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 4: side of him, and I was like, I think I

891
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 4: want to have another kid.

892
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:13,879
Speaker 5: Oh yeah.

893
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 4: And so after because I didn't want my husband to

894
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 4: like obviously he brought up tshirt like his own, but

895
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 4: I just wanted him to have his own too.

896
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 3: So and that relationship between him and t shir is

897
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:27,880
Speaker 3: that always been rock solid?

898
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, they're besties.

899
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: Oh that's great. Yeah.

900
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,840
Speaker 1: And then was there was there anything that you learned

901
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,240
Speaker 1: as a first time mom that came in handy second

902
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 1: time round? Or did you just completely clean the slaves?

903
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 4: I think what I loved about being a mom the

904
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,280
Speaker 4: second time round is I didn't have so many people

905
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 4: giving me their unsolicited advice and I just ran with

906
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 4: being a mom.

907
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:54,399
Speaker 5: I wasn't so.

908
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 4: Crazy about sleep schedules and you know, feeding every three hours.

909
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 4: I kind of just did what felt best for me,

910
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 4: whereas with T Shirt, I felt like I was bombarded

911
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 4: with so much information and it was very overwhelming, and

912
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 4: I didn't give her the dummy. Thank god, the dummy.

913
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 5: Ruined my life.

914
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 2: So yeahs both didn't latch onto it.

915
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, there was one point where I was like,

916
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 4: oh my god, just give Dasia the dummy, and it

917
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:24,959
Speaker 4: was too late at that point.

918
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:26,399
Speaker 5: She just spat it out and I was like.

919
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 1: And then, do you remember when you first publicly told

920
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 1: your story?

921
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it was actually really random when I started.

922
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 4: I decided to share my story because at that point

923
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 4: on social media, I was just sharing like recipes. People

924
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 4: were slowly learning more about me through those recipes. So

925
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,840
Speaker 4: they were like, wait, you have a seventeen year old daughter,

926
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 4: Like what the hell am I the math?

927
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:54,839
Speaker 5: Yeah?

928
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, and like questioning in the comments, and I was like,

929
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 4: maybe I'm just going to give these guys like a

930
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 4: little bit of a story time about my life. And

931
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 4: I remember posting it and it just blowing up. People

932
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 4: friends like from primary school, from high school were like,

933
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 4: oh my god, my child is watching your video.

934
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 5: That's so crazy, And I was like, what the hell?

935
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: Anyone who you were like you used to fucking bully me?

936
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 4: Yeah there were a few of those, but.

937
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: Have anyone apologize or no?

938
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:25,799
Speaker 4: No?

939
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 2: Once your life blew up in terms of your story,

940
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 2: and then I mean, you've built this essentially, You've built

941
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 2: this empire being a mom and being a business person.

942
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,879
Speaker 2: You do everything with your family, Like You've got a

943
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 2: really successful podcast with Letitia, And it's like, what's it

944
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 2: like working so much with your kids?

945
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:49,399
Speaker 3: I mean, for me, I'm not.

946
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 5: There yet, but I love it.

947
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 4: I like working with T shirt Is. I know this

948
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 4: sounds corny, but it is literally like working with my

949
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 4: best friend, same thing as Dansa.

950
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 5: And sometimes I have.

951
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 4: To kind of remind myself I'm the mom, like I

952
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:06,320
Speaker 4: need to be more.

953
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,719
Speaker 5: Mature, you know what I mean. It's a whole heap

954
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 5: of fun.

955
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 4: There's obviously some ups and downs where we spend so

956
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 4: much time together, but this is what I've always wanted,

957
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 4: Like I've always wanted to be really close with my family,

958
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 4: And yeah, it's great.

959
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 1: And how does it feel now that she's flown the nest?

960
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 5: Oh? You know what?

961
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 4: The first like month was really hard. Nobody prepares you

962
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 4: for this, nobody.

963
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 1: Do you remember how the conversation went about when she said,

964
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 1: I think I want to move out of home.

965
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 4: Well, the first conversation happened when she was working at

966
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 4: a nightclub and working like six hours a week, and

967
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 4: she's like, I'm moving out with my friends.

968
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:53,480
Speaker 5: And I'm like, you make like fifty dollars a week,

969
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:58,279
Speaker 5: Like are going to do that? And so I convinced

970
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,879
Speaker 5: her not to. And then I was like, why don't

971
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:01,439
Speaker 5: you just save?

972
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 4: Like you have no rules at home, Like we're pretty

973
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 4: chill parents, Like, you know, just stay at home, save,

974
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,320
Speaker 4: and then when you're ready, you can buy your first home.

975
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 4: She really didn't want to, but she did. And then

976
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 4: when she finally bought her unit, she it was still

977
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 4: really hard for me to kind of let go. And

978
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 4: I remember the first night her, like we were all

979
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 4: in her house and we're like, okay, we're going to

980
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 4: go now.

981
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:31,319
Speaker 5: She's like, Mom, can you just stay?

982
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 4: It's so lonely here, and I was like, and I

983
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 4: remember like walking out the door to the car and

984
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 4: her just like closing the sliding door, and I was

985
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:44,800
Speaker 4: like pulling my eyes out because I was like, left

986
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 4: her there home alone in this quiet little apartment.

987
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 1: From yours thirty minutes.

988
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,959
Speaker 4: But still it's just like the thought of her being

989
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 4: in a home by herself. She had hardly any furniture

990
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 4: in there at that point as well, so it was

991
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 4: just it's tough.

992
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't even imagine what that's going to be.

993
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:04,879
Speaker 3: Like, I can't wait for minunder moon.

994
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 4: I used to say that too, I really did. It's tough,

995
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:14,319
Speaker 4: But now I'm like, oh, God, go home. She comes over,

996
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 4: still eats all my food. I'm like, what are you

997
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 4: doing here?

998
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 1: And then when there comes a time where Daye's not

999
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 1: at home anymore? What do you want your girls to

1000
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 1: remember when they think back to the house that they

1001
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 1: grew up in.

1002
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 4: I just hope they when they think back that they

1003
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:35,760
Speaker 4: feel a lot a lot of love and that everything

1004
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,239
Speaker 4: we did was for them, because it literally is. And

1005
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 4: I'm sure most parents can relate to that. You know,

1006
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:46,240
Speaker 4: we work hard for our babies to have a nice life,

1007
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 4: for sure.

1008
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, well answered, I want to say thank you so much.

1009
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,360
Speaker 5: Thank you.

1010
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:57,720
Speaker 1: You tell an extremely difficult story in a really articulate way,

1011
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,919
Speaker 1: and I can't even begin into imagine what it must

1012
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: have been like being so young, being so vulnerable, and

1013
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:09,320
Speaker 1: having to escape someone so awful. But your story, Cat,

1014
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:13,360
Speaker 1: it's nothing short of remarkable. You should be so immensely

1015
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:17,439
Speaker 1: proud of just how brave and courageous you were when

1016
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 1: you were incredibly young. So thank you so much for

1017
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:21,799
Speaker 1: sharing your story with us.

1018
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,799
Speaker 3: Thank you listening, guys, such an eye opening story to hear.

1019
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 2: I mean, Matt and I don't often get to sit

1020
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 2: down with someone with a story like yours, and people

1021
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 2: that listen to us are really going to appreciate it,

1022
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,359
Speaker 2: and we appreciate you and everything you've said.

1023
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 5: Thanks for listening, guys, Thank you.

1024
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:48,399
Speaker 1: I want to give you a big hug. We are

1025
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 1: so immensely grateful to Kat for her bravery and sharing

1026
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 1: her experience, including her journey through domestic violence. If you

1027
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: or someone you know is in need of support, please

1028
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,720
Speaker 1: do not have to reach out to one eight hundred. Respect.

1029
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 3: We will also leave some further resources in the notes

1030
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:06,360
Speaker 3: of this show.

1031
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

1032
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:13,840
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

1033
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,

1034
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,720
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander

1035
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:23,399
Speaker 2: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.