WEBVTT - S06E03 - Delve deeper into... Weddings 

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<v Speaker 1>Like no one was thinking of us like in that way,

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<v Speaker 1>remembering like w.

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<v Speaker 2>T, why do you think weddings are attached like ego?

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<v Speaker 1>Though? I really had to deep to speak up for myself. Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes let's throw.

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<v Speaker 3>Just I'm always always be careful those.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to It's Layered Podcasts.

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<v Speaker 1>We are under the Blackcast Network powered by iHeart, and

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<v Speaker 1>we are recording in person in.

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<v Speaker 2>Studio, and we expect the airhorns from you.

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<v Speaker 1>We just need to get that song.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so good to be here and bittersweet studio with

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<v Speaker 2>this beautiful setup by Pink Lady Picnics enjoying our high

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<v Speaker 2>Tea or soft girl life era fully locked and loaded.

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<v Speaker 1>This is our sign to the universe. We want a

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<v Speaker 1>soft life twenty twenty five, and we wish a soft

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<v Speaker 1>life twenty twenty five for you and you and you,

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<v Speaker 1>especially if you're a black woman.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, especially black women. We're not please, We're not God's

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<v Speaker 2>from the Soldiers twenty five. We're tired.

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<v Speaker 1>We've checked out.

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<v Speaker 2>We have played that role for too long. Agree Now

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<v Speaker 2>we need to lean into a feminine energy and enjoy life.

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<v Speaker 1>But am I agree? One thousand percent. And speaking of

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<v Speaker 1>feminine energy, we're gonna talk about a topic that is

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<v Speaker 1>something that I guess where supposedly we dream about into

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<v Speaker 1>a little girl's I didn't really do this, but apparently,

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<v Speaker 1>and we're gonna be talking about wedding, wedding taking down

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<v Speaker 1>that aisle? Did you dream about it as a little girl,

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<v Speaker 1>like my wedding's gonna be like this, this or the other? Really?

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<v Speaker 1>I think.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I love to party, definitely have a good time,

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<v Speaker 2>but wedding involves family.

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<v Speaker 1>So immediately I was like, it's shot byed know this one?

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<v Speaker 2>And also you like see a typical Zimbabwean wedding where

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<v Speaker 2>you have rice, chicken and cortloads and you cook the

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<v Speaker 2>night before and for women.

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<v Speaker 1>Of stress, stress, stress, stress stress.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think you know when you I was lucky

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<v Speaker 2>enough to take part in a lot of those growing

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<v Speaker 2>up that I just every wedding just made me think.

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<v Speaker 1>Not for me like work. This looks like work. You

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<v Speaker 1>basically sound like a wedding hater, but you you love

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<v Speaker 1>a good wedding. This is true.

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<v Speaker 2>The African planning wedding Yeah, stressful.

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<v Speaker 1>So how did it go for you? Can you give

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<v Speaker 1>us a bit of like a backstory of what was

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<v Speaker 1>you know.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so funny because unintentionally we did like a COVID

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<v Speaker 2>wedding before COVID even happening. Yeah, twenty nineteen, so obviously

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<v Speaker 2>way before. It's so funny because my husband had been

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<v Speaker 2>like twenty twenty when we got engaged twenty eighteen, late

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<v Speaker 2>twenty eighteen. It's like, twenty twenty is a good ring

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<v Speaker 2>to it, and we can have time to save up,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, for a wedding, but whatever we want to do.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, Jack, I'm not being engaged to

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<v Speaker 2>you for that long, like that'd be over a year,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just you know, we were just doing a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of things financially at the time. We were thinking

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<v Speaker 2>of getting our first house together. So I remember thinking,

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<v Speaker 2>and then what how we do it? Like you'd have

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<v Speaker 2>to save all the money because you know, when you're

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<v Speaker 2>getting a more god, when you're getting a mortgage, they

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<v Speaker 2>look at all your innings and goings with your money

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<v Speaker 2>and they want to see stability. I was like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>how would that makes sense if we're doing this huge

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<v Speaker 2>financial draining thing. And then moreso like which one, So

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<v Speaker 2>why don't we just get the wedding out of the

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<v Speaker 2>way and then you know, hunkered down to get our

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<v Speaker 2>first house. So I remember we were like, I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh yeah, let's just do it next year. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>let's just do it. So it literally was just like

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<v Speaker 2>one step after the other in terms of wasn't really intentional,

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<v Speaker 2>but we definitely knew we wanted to honor because my

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<v Speaker 2>husband's from Germany, I'm from Zimbabwe.

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<v Speaker 1>We live in Australia.

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<v Speaker 2>We wanted to honor all three spaces and places, but

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<v Speaker 2>they're now when.

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<v Speaker 1>You're doing that, badget the budget and budgets are like.

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<v Speaker 2>And then obviously Roorra, which we spoke about just before

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<v Speaker 2>Rumby's won and previous seasons, we.

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<v Speaker 1>Were like, how do you fit it all in a lot?

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<v Speaker 2>How do you and especially because a lot of it

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<v Speaker 2>was going to fall onto us, like you know, SA

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<v Speaker 2>family can support, but can support so much they can't

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<v Speaker 2>run it all. So when we got to thinking, we

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<v Speaker 2>were like, okay, maybe we would just do Roorra in Zim,

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<v Speaker 2>an engagement party in Hamburg which Rumby also came to,

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<v Speaker 2>and then do like a long table dinner after having

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<v Speaker 2>a civil ceremony in Perth. So that is literally what

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<v Speaker 2>we did you know those COVID weddings you saw people

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<v Speaker 2>just strip it back. Yep, just you and you're very

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<v Speaker 2>very close few, or go to quarters, just you and

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<v Speaker 2>your witnesses and then after doing dinner. That is literally

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<v Speaker 2>what we did. So we're trend set ups, guys, just

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<v Speaker 2>letting you know for real, but unintentionally we set that

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<v Speaker 2>trend not knowing then when twenty twenty happened, you can

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<v Speaker 2>best believe I gave my husband a side I like,

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<v Speaker 2>I know at all because twenty twenty would not have worked.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, even that sounds complicated right that every week

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<v Speaker 2>we were in a different location, but it just worked

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<v Speaker 2>so well for us, and it made it accessible for

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<v Speaker 2>all our family and friends. Almost gave you no excuse,

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<v Speaker 2>right one of them you had one of the locations.

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<v Speaker 2>Ye surely if you're in our life, you're in one

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<v Speaker 2>of those close to one of those three locations. But

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<v Speaker 2>it's not to say when you do it small that

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't come with its own stresses, true, which we'll get.

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<v Speaker 1>Into for sure. So yeah, but how about you room bed?

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<v Speaker 1>Did you do? So? You know people always ask me

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<v Speaker 1>like would you do it again? And I say no,

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<v Speaker 1>I say to my husband all the time, you better like,

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<v Speaker 1>this is it. If you leave me or I leave you,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not doing it again. But it was beautiful, don't

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<v Speaker 1>get me wrong. We had Aurora traditional wedding and then

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<v Speaker 1>we had a white wedding similar to you, again honoring

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<v Speaker 1>the different cultures going to Zimbabwe to do our honoring

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<v Speaker 1>our traditions there. If you haven't listened to the RTA episode,

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<v Speaker 1>go find it, as Amanda said a couple of seasons back.

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<v Speaker 1>And then we had essentially the white I struggle called

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<v Speaker 1>white wedding, like but the sort of court wedding, not

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<v Speaker 1>even what people would call the white and where you

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<v Speaker 1>sign your papers. We had it in the Czech Republic,

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<v Speaker 1>obviously honoring that my husband is check and listen, I

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<v Speaker 1>agree with you. The family aspect, we were kind of

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<v Speaker 1>fortunate because in Zim at the time this was twenty

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<v Speaker 1>twenty two April, it was those that'd hunker down for

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<v Speaker 1>COVID then open things up like it kept on and off.

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<v Speaker 1>So the maximum number of guests at the time for

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<v Speaker 1>an outdoor event was two hundred and fifty people, which

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<v Speaker 1>I know a lot of people are like, that's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people, but zoom for zoom it's not typically

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<v Speaker 1>five hundred plus exactly, So that helped dwindle down the numbers.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think tapping on family to help with different

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<v Speaker 1>like logistical aspects of it helps a lot. I remember

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<v Speaker 1>sourcing a lot of things from South Africa because Zimbabwean

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<v Speaker 1>prices just do not make sense. I had the help

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<v Speaker 1>of a good friend of mine and my sister who

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<v Speaker 1>sourced and then shipped things over. That helped a ton.

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<v Speaker 1>And having it in my parents' garden, so like the

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<v Speaker 1>celebration because essentially what I wanted to do was to

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<v Speaker 1>say to my parents, this is your day. So the

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<v Speaker 1>actual wrought up proceedings and that happened with a much

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<v Speaker 1>smaller group and was more intimate. Then everyone comes and celebrates, which.

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<v Speaker 2>Is quite typical I mean the same year, because there's

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<v Speaker 2>like certain roles people have to play and not everyone

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<v Speaker 2>is invited to that. It's very I think always has

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<v Speaker 2>been very nuclear for that part, our version of nuclear.

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<v Speaker 2>And then then you have people lunch everyone. But I

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<v Speaker 2>love how I mean we talked about our own the episode.

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<v Speaker 2>It has kind of circled back and become more predominant,

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<v Speaker 2>yes than a while before.

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<v Speaker 1>For sure, because it used to be like if people

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<v Speaker 1>just did, people will be like, huh, but now we

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<v Speaker 1>all overstand the cost of weddings.

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you think there's a pressure to have a

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<v Speaker 2>wedding even in mondern society? Like surely why? I think

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<v Speaker 2>COVID it boils.

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<v Speaker 1>Back to that little girl thing when you're a little girl,

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<v Speaker 1>like you dream of this day. And obviously capitalism capitalizes

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<v Speaker 1>on people's dreams, right, so as soon as you say

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<v Speaker 1>anything as a wedding. So for a lot of things,

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<v Speaker 1>especially with RA I got other people to just say

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<v Speaker 1>I need this for my check wedding. I said, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to someone's wedding, not it's mine, just for cost implications.

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<v Speaker 1>So I think that's why so expensive people know you

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<v Speaker 1>will go all out, just like how businesses capitalize on parents,

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<v Speaker 1>knowing that parents want to give their children the best,

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<v Speaker 1>so they're willing to fork out. Yeah, I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>what you think.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think it's like so somehow whatever really marketed

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<v Speaker 2>this like stuck it down hour Like you can't even

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<v Speaker 2>imagine not having one. It's like if you don't have one,

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<v Speaker 2>are you really married?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, And I think COVID a whole freaking pandemic

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<v Speaker 2>is what made people think o atually, actually it's just

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<v Speaker 2>a legal binding document can do in a legal office.

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<v Speaker 1>This really is a band, that's it.

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<v Speaker 2>Especially if you're not religious, you know, you can just

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<v Speaker 2>go with your witness and you're married.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think people had almost forgotten that.

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<v Speaker 2>And I mean we we obviously for logistics did that,

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<v Speaker 2>but now I think we're circling back to the ramping

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<v Speaker 2>up and now and I think it's also aspirational for

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<v Speaker 2>some reason. People definitely use it as a couple of

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<v Speaker 2>move made our mark. You know, you see in a

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<v Speaker 2>group of principle which I app each other with things

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<v Speaker 2>copy each other.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean Kim Kadeshian and things like I got married

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<v Speaker 1>and to him.

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<v Speaker 2>So like everyone throughout whether your celebrity all the way

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<v Speaker 2>is just weddings are just like.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's supposed to be a mid day similar you

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<v Speaker 1>know how someone some people will be like Rachel and

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<v Speaker 1>then it's like it's their birthday, yeah, and they really

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<v Speaker 1>like try and like show up, like look at me,

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<v Speaker 1>celebrating me. I think it's a sign that people don't

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<v Speaker 1>feel seen all the time, celebrated all the time, where

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<v Speaker 1>some of I was like cowering, like I remember when

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<v Speaker 1>you asked me what do you want for your bachelor

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I just want my p around.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I think it's a sign that maybe people feel

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<v Speaker 1>not seen or celebrated and family it's a family emblem.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yes, you know, because the family also feels the

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<v Speaker 2>need to step in. Remember the friends waiting, They were like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>should we do know alcohol? And the dad's eyes almost

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<v Speaker 2>boulge out of his head, like how are we gonna

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<v Speaker 2>do this wedding with my friends?

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<v Speaker 1>There? Rolling deep, no sober, nope.

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<v Speaker 2>And then you know, obviously zimbabwe especially and I'm sure

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people know about this. Zimbabweans are known

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<v Speaker 2>for drinking, reputation for drinking.

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<v Speaker 1>So now it's like to have fun without it.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think also for family, like I don't have

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<v Speaker 2>that feeling yet with jeromy is probably way too young,

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<v Speaker 2>but I wonder when it comes.

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<v Speaker 1>Along where I'm like I have to have it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we even see some families out gifting each other.

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<v Speaker 1>Also, speaking of family, how does I how does one

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<v Speaker 1>navigate all the demands of family, demand of friends, Because

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<v Speaker 1>now you're seeing the example is like families saying we

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<v Speaker 1>don't want alcohol in the dad saying but my homies.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you expect siblings, spouse, and yourself when you're

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<v Speaker 1>planning and having.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you navigate the do you someone's going to be upset? Yep, yep,

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<v Speaker 2>you should know. I mean it depends what I personally are.

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<v Speaker 2>I think this is where that brings her to the forefront.

0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.520
<v Speaker 2>Some people are like, ah, my parents are planning everything

0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:29.520
<v Speaker 2>and I'm just along for the ride, especially if they're

0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:30.640
<v Speaker 2>financially providing.

0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:31.000
<v Speaker 4>Yes.

0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:34.160
<v Speaker 2>Then some people are like, I wanted this way. I've

0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.480
<v Speaker 2>thought about it ever since I was a little girl. Yes,

0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:39.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's like such an array. I don't know

0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:42.440
<v Speaker 2>how I think for self, you have to just be

0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:46.199
<v Speaker 2>able to communicate with your people and be honest, especially

0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.600
<v Speaker 2>about your budget and your expectations. I would personally say,

0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:55.400
<v Speaker 2>just to make sure that everything is done, it's done properly.

0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.800
<v Speaker 2>You have to obviously say these are my limits, this

0:12:57.880 --> 0:12:59.520
<v Speaker 2>is what I can do, this is what I can't do.

0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:05.040
<v Speaker 2>But really, as Rumby said, expect disappointment. Expect people to

0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:08.400
<v Speaker 2>think you need to provide everything that they've ever thought

0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:10.520
<v Speaker 2>of as your own wedding.

0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.560
<v Speaker 1>How did you navigate? Oh, if you can give.

0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:17.120
<v Speaker 2>Us, I think I was really honest so see you

0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:20.520
<v Speaker 2>can imagine when we had the chat, I started chat

0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:23.959
<v Speaker 2>with all my tetters. I barely chat to talk about Rora.

0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:26.880
<v Speaker 2>Then once we were having that chat, I was like, oh,

0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:30.959
<v Speaker 2>by the way, the wedding is two weeks later and

0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:34.040
<v Speaker 2>it's you're you guys are not going to be like

0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:38.520
<v Speaker 2>it's super small. And because we're choosing between Rora and

0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:42.120
<v Speaker 2>a wedding, which one, I pretty much gave them the choice,

0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.079
<v Speaker 2>but I knew what they would choose, so I kind

0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:47.280
<v Speaker 2>of played the game. Family is really, especially as a

0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.920
<v Speaker 2>publican family really rooted in Rorra and it's that's more personal.

0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.640
<v Speaker 2>So I knew they would choose to do that. And

0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.920
<v Speaker 2>there's this perception that you can always do a wedding later. Yes,

0:13:57.080 --> 0:13:59.960
<v Speaker 2>you can always do a wedding when you're more financially stable,

0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.160
<v Speaker 2>or even for go one if things are really tough

0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:07.319
<v Speaker 2>or family can't rally around you. So I gave them

0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:09.959
<v Speaker 2>the choice because I can't do both, choose one. They

0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.000
<v Speaker 2>chose Rara, and then once they did that, I kind

0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.000
<v Speaker 2>of knew, Okay, now the wedding is just for me

0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.160
<v Speaker 2>and our Australian family.

0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:18.559
<v Speaker 1>Which our refriends.

0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.360
<v Speaker 2>But it was definitely not a like there was a

0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:26.240
<v Speaker 2>bit of pushback. They're like, oh, so Germans don't get married,

0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.840
<v Speaker 2>and they're like, read what but then they don't do race.

0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 2>It was like back and forth, back and forth, and

0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:36.280
<v Speaker 2>then eventually it was like sunk in and I think

0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:39.640
<v Speaker 2>I almost use like the threat all, but then we

0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:43.400
<v Speaker 2>also don't have to do anything. Hey, like y'all and

0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:46.920
<v Speaker 2>Zimbabweans are like, that's the end of the world and

0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:50.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm here in Australia, Oh, you're not already married. This

0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:54.240
<v Speaker 2>is like so I think I just used a bit

0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:58.360
<v Speaker 2>of practicality and also finances at the end of the

0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.240
<v Speaker 2>day is what answer did for us us because it

0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:02.920
<v Speaker 2>was like, okay, you can have your opinion, but how

0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:04.200
<v Speaker 2>much are you forking out.

0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:05.920
<v Speaker 1>To help us with that said opinion?

0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.680
<v Speaker 2>And then when people realize, oh, I have to financially contribute,

0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.640
<v Speaker 2>you realize people didn't Oh yeah, what you're doing is fine, great,

0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:14.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, good idea. You know, oh you're also

0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:17.000
<v Speaker 2>getting to Germany on ah, great idea.

0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:19.320
<v Speaker 1>And the opinion you are almost forced to be less

0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:23.720
<v Speaker 1>because they're not fucking out, yes exactly, all dependent on

0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:27.520
<v Speaker 1>you on news. So that's almost like the benefit if

0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:31.200
<v Speaker 1>you are financing your own weddings. Yeah, as opposed to you.

0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.480
<v Speaker 2>So it was like, okay, okay, that's fine, Oh this

0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:36.440
<v Speaker 2>is new, you know, and and there, and there's a

0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.600
<v Speaker 2>running joke now my family that yeah, we were ahead

0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:41.120
<v Speaker 2>of the time and we knew COVID was happening because

0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:44.560
<v Speaker 2>we did like a COVID style wedding before. But yeah, really,

0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:47.440
<v Speaker 2>even if COVID hadn't happened, that's what we had chosen

0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:47.800
<v Speaker 2>to do.

0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:50.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and it worked for us. And that's the thing.

0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:52.680
<v Speaker 2>That's the thing with weddings. You have to make it

0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:56.800
<v Speaker 2>work for you. Whatever that looks like it's for you.

0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:58.360
<v Speaker 2>And so you know, you go to some weddings and

0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:00.640
<v Speaker 2>you're like, oh this theme, oh this press them or

0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:01.240
<v Speaker 2>whatever it.

0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:03.240
<v Speaker 1>Is, like how did you come up with?

0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 2>But then it's so then true, So I feel like

0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:10.000
<v Speaker 2>you weddings, I guess there are a form of identity.

0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.520
<v Speaker 1>People use them to show what type of couple they are.

0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:17.920
<v Speaker 1>They are That definitely helped in terms of like our

0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:22.880
<v Speaker 1>having to be foot the bill and so that helped.

0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:27.920
<v Speaker 1>With the say and with numbers, you're managing number room,

0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:31.120
<v Speaker 1>how did you manage numbers? Like you said, honestly and

0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:33.640
<v Speaker 1>like some straight shooting, some straight talks and kind of

0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.800
<v Speaker 1>giving quotas to different sides of the family, saying like

0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:40.320
<v Speaker 1>this is all we have because in Europe, unfortunately, you

0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:42.040
<v Speaker 1>pay per head. It's not like in Zoom where you

0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:44.920
<v Speaker 1>can just make it, make a plan and then having

0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:48.800
<v Speaker 1>to allocate. Of course, some folks who rubbed the wrong way,

0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:51.040
<v Speaker 1>but we also had to be honest to ourselves. We

0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:55.280
<v Speaker 1>wanted to live after the wedding, so it's you almost

0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:57.120
<v Speaker 1>have to learn to step up. And I think what

0:16:57.280 --> 0:17:00.560
<v Speaker 1>helped was we were aligned with my husband like on

0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.040
<v Speaker 1>what we were about, and that was a very key.

0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:07.800
<v Speaker 1>So we never ever thought or argued like oh but

0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.920
<v Speaker 1>I wanted like we had agreed on how we wanted

0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:13.520
<v Speaker 1>things to be, and it was just like getting everyone

0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:15.560
<v Speaker 1>else on yeah yeah, yeah.

0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:18.560
<v Speaker 2>But did you have to because obviously did you have

0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:21.359
<v Speaker 2>to equalize numbers? Like how did numbers I'm just trying

0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:24.720
<v Speaker 2>to think. Obviously for the Rora usually typically zim site

0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:27.600
<v Speaker 2>of course, and obviously in zo I guess Tom would

0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:29.639
<v Speaker 2>have autumn, But for check, how did you work that?

0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:32.600
<v Speaker 1>So I just said it was their side now running

0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:37.080
<v Speaker 1>and you need to equalize. So they shouldn't feel overpowered. Yeah,

0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:39.600
<v Speaker 1>you know with the ZIM squad, but I mean they

0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.520
<v Speaker 1>still did to some degree. But yeah, it was really

0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:45.520
<v Speaker 1>like it's there's time to shine and budget.

0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:48.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, to be fair, Why do you think weddings are

0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.800
<v Speaker 2>attached like ego though? Because I feel like, you know,

0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:53.720
<v Speaker 2>I kind of touched upon that saying, you know, people

0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:54.560
<v Speaker 2>feel like that's the.

0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:57.639
<v Speaker 1>Time to shine. Why do you think it's so? It

0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:00.720
<v Speaker 1>really is the event that all eyes on you and

0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:03.359
<v Speaker 1>people get to see you who you are, you and

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.360
<v Speaker 1>your person Like I think, so it's like I want

0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:11.120
<v Speaker 1>to come across or position myself this way in this light.

0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:16.520
<v Speaker 1>And so it is really much about like perception. If

0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.160
<v Speaker 1>you think about egos, all about how I'm perceived, how

0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:21.879
<v Speaker 1>I look to the world. I want to look a

0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:25.960
<v Speaker 1>certain way and be understood a certain way. It's a

0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:28.159
<v Speaker 1>lot to do that. And then culturally, for us, I

0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:30.960
<v Speaker 1>think family see it as a rite of passage that

0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:35.320
<v Speaker 1>your child goes through this. And then comparison culture, which

0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:38.560
<v Speaker 1>we've spoken about in previous episodes, also plays a part.

0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.280
<v Speaker 1>Because my friend did this, I want to look even

0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:43.679
<v Speaker 1>better than they did, and they did this, and I

0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:45.760
<v Speaker 1>want to do even more than they, So it's all

0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:49.160
<v Speaker 1>keeping up with the Joneses. It's all kind of people

0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:51.639
<v Speaker 1>will think I'm not this if it doesn't look like that,

0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:54.840
<v Speaker 1>so and so and so forth. I remember even at Rhora,

0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:58.520
<v Speaker 1>I wanted, you know, to wear pants, and I was like, oh,

0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:02.199
<v Speaker 1>what will people say? And I was adamant that my

0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:05.280
<v Speaker 1>bridal team wore pants. And then I wore dress for

0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:08.080
<v Speaker 1>like the blessing, but I still change into pants. So

0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:11.040
<v Speaker 1>it's like you're always like compromise, compromising and so on.

0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:13.080
<v Speaker 1>And then I refused to like a head rapper. I

0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:14.560
<v Speaker 1>was like, it's not just it's not going to happen,

0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:17.440
<v Speaker 1>so it's yeah, things like that. It's funny like some

0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:19.000
<v Speaker 1>things are just expected of you.

0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:20.639
<v Speaker 2>But like, what do you think when it comes to

0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:25.000
<v Speaker 2>friendships though, because I feel like, okay, family, I guess,

0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:28.440
<v Speaker 2>as you said right off passage and typically in our

0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:31.560
<v Speaker 2>culture with family, they do it for someone else. So

0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:33.880
<v Speaker 2>we notice that, like even even me, some weddings where

0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:36.680
<v Speaker 2>the mom kuru that's like the older uncle or the

0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:39.120
<v Speaker 2>mom nini younger uncle who walk you down the aisle,

0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:43.080
<v Speaker 2>not the actual dad. And then maybe I'm guessing your

0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:45.360
<v Speaker 2>actual dad would have done the same for their your

0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:49.280
<v Speaker 2>cousins essentially, or you know, speeches are done by instead.

0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.320
<v Speaker 1>Of your actual like I do think sometimes was like

0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:53.280
<v Speaker 1>to get back, like I've done for everyone else, so

0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:56.400
<v Speaker 1>it's my time to get back. It's almost like an investment, yes,

0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:58.119
<v Speaker 1>but you know, like in the Western world you invest

0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:01.600
<v Speaker 1>like money into accounts that that realize and you know,

0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:04.840
<v Speaker 1>an appreciation there's you know, but like it's like I

0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:07.399
<v Speaker 1>gave X amount of this person's so now when my

0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:10.320
<v Speaker 1>child's getting married, they're gonna bring this back. And it's

0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:11.560
<v Speaker 1>like it's not guaranteed that.

0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:13.560
<v Speaker 2>Yes, some people will be like, oh if you people

0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:16.320
<v Speaker 2>give you if you you know, and you're like, what

0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:17.000
<v Speaker 2>if they don't.

0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:20.720
<v Speaker 1>Yes, So that came up as well around like oh,

0:20:20.880 --> 0:20:22.840
<v Speaker 1>you can just like take the money from gifts. You

0:20:22.880 --> 0:20:26.120
<v Speaker 1>get to pay for extra people we need, And I

0:20:26.160 --> 0:20:31.120
<v Speaker 1>was like, no, that's like bad like bad finance, financial planning.

0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:34.160
<v Speaker 2>But you know, with friends, why do you think our

0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:35.640
<v Speaker 2>ego like I reckon.

0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:37.080
<v Speaker 1>People?

0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:39.840
<v Speaker 2>Also the friends want to feel special, yes, and like

0:20:39.880 --> 0:20:42.119
<v Speaker 2>if you're part of the bridal party or if you're not,

0:20:42.280 --> 0:20:45.520
<v Speaker 2>if you're planning the hands or making the close like.

0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:47.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah.

0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:51.040
<v Speaker 2>And also a bit of the I did yours, you

0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:54.600
<v Speaker 2>do mine starts to happen. But then also family structures,

0:20:54.600 --> 0:20:56.439
<v Speaker 2>like some people will be like only if they have

0:20:56.520 --> 0:20:59.080
<v Speaker 2>lots of sisters, all my sisters and my bridesmaids. But

0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:02.800
<v Speaker 2>then if they're friends don't have sisters or and it's like, okay,

0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:05.640
<v Speaker 2>but you were my bride's maid, like don't you. It's

0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:08.760
<v Speaker 2>always so funny. All these awkward conversations.

0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:09.640
<v Speaker 1>Have to happen, and I don't think you ever really

0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:12.359
<v Speaker 1>have that conversation with friends, Like so when it's my wedding,

0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:14.879
<v Speaker 1>this is how I'm seeing it, and you will unfortunately

0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:18.159
<v Speaker 1>not be because you don't really have that happens, and

0:21:18.160 --> 0:21:19.600
<v Speaker 1>you kind of have to be like, well, this this

0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:21.760
<v Speaker 1>is how it's happening. Do you understand what There's a.

0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:25.160
<v Speaker 2>Lot of assumptions we're friends. Of course, I'm going yeah,

0:21:25.680 --> 0:21:26.400
<v Speaker 2>but in mind.

0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:29.959
<v Speaker 1>But you don't necessarily have that, so yeah, yeah.

0:21:29.480 --> 0:21:32.159
<v Speaker 2>Why do you think it's socially acceptable for wedding to

0:21:32.320 --> 0:21:37.280
<v Speaker 2>like leave people in financial ruin because we all know,

0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:40.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean you said it yourself.

0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:42.280
<v Speaker 1>Like with the gifts, people were like, oh, if you

0:21:42.280 --> 0:21:42.800
<v Speaker 1>get gifts and.

0:21:42.840 --> 0:21:44.720
<v Speaker 2>You can cover the cost, but you're already paid for

0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:47.200
<v Speaker 2>the cost, so you're ready and you may never reach

0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:49.120
<v Speaker 2>And what if that gift doesn't come through you when

0:21:49.119 --> 0:21:50.880
<v Speaker 2>you get pots and pans instead of.

0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:54.120
<v Speaker 1>Do you think it's keeping up with the Joneses thing

0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:57.480
<v Speaker 1>and it only comes by once and we know with

0:21:57.600 --> 0:22:03.440
<v Speaker 1>the statistics around marriage and divorce it's no. But yeah,

0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:05.679
<v Speaker 1>I really think it is kind of like if not

0:22:05.720 --> 0:22:08.439
<v Speaker 1>for this, then what we don't have? Other events we

0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:14.800
<v Speaker 1>don't have like you've like retired, Like maybe certain birthdays

0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:18.840
<v Speaker 1>like fortieth, fifty and sixtieth you do, but there's no expectations.

0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:20.800
<v Speaker 1>There's no this like when you're sixty you have to

0:22:20.800 --> 0:22:23.560
<v Speaker 1>have this huge party. Yeah, it may be common, but

0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:26.960
<v Speaker 1>weddings it's like this is the one time you throw

0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:29.840
<v Speaker 1>it all out there and go big or go home. Yeah.

0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:32.800
<v Speaker 1>And I think the fact that, for instance, you can

0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:37.600
<v Speaker 1>get loans for weddings shows that it's all like capitalizing

0:22:37.600 --> 0:22:41.120
<v Speaker 1>on people's desire to have maybe what is not within

0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:42.440
<v Speaker 1>their regions. Yeah time.

0:22:42.560 --> 0:22:45.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I think like social media doesn't help as well,

0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:48.760
<v Speaker 2>because now you're comparing yourself to a celebrity like yes,

0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:50.360
<v Speaker 2>and you're like, oh they did this in Italy.

0:22:50.520 --> 0:22:53.760
<v Speaker 1>Ah my guy, I'd be seeing all these tuscan I'm

0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:57.160
<v Speaker 1>like all these places and you're like, guy.

0:22:57.280 --> 0:22:59.920
<v Speaker 2>But and also the funny thing is, and I think

0:23:00.119 --> 0:23:03.760
<v Speaker 2>even like courte niy Kodashian talking about that showed this,

0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:06.000
<v Speaker 2>some of those weddings can be sponsored, like I think

0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:10.080
<v Speaker 2>torturing Bana like literally so things like you are comparing

0:23:10.119 --> 0:23:14.080
<v Speaker 2>yourself even even they're not paying for their wedding.

0:23:14.720 --> 0:23:18.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, isn't that just insane? I don't know.

0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:20.800
<v Speaker 2>It's like sometimes I'm like, are we okay as the people?

0:23:20.960 --> 0:23:24.040
<v Speaker 1>We're not? And I think we're gonna be studied. I'm

0:23:24.080 --> 0:23:26.359
<v Speaker 1>scared to you know, sometimes you look back in history

0:23:26.359 --> 0:23:28.560
<v Speaker 1>and you're like, what were they thinking? We are definitely

0:23:28.560 --> 0:23:31.160
<v Speaker 1>going to be a generation where they're like what were

0:23:31.320 --> 0:23:34.359
<v Speaker 1>they thinking? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. What are the realities of

0:23:34.400 --> 0:23:38.480
<v Speaker 1>wedding planning that often aren't spoken about? Because I feel

0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:40.359
<v Speaker 1>sometimes you just like fumble into You're like, WHOA, I

0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:42.000
<v Speaker 1>do not I never expected this.

0:23:42.720 --> 0:23:47.480
<v Speaker 2>I think family dynamics, like true, talk about that, family

0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:51.320
<v Speaker 2>dynamics like whether even if your parents are still together,

0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:54.040
<v Speaker 2>whether if you're like now in a single parent home

0:23:54.280 --> 0:23:58.040
<v Speaker 2>or your parents are remain whatever, this whatever your setup is,

0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:03.440
<v Speaker 2>it truly brings that all, if there's any unspoken conversations,

0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:07.359
<v Speaker 2>any unspoken drama, any of that, if there's alcoholism in

0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:11.400
<v Speaker 2>the family, if there's whatever it is, stinginess, people don't

0:24:11.400 --> 0:24:11.800
<v Speaker 2>want to.

0:24:11.760 --> 0:24:13.080
<v Speaker 1>Help like whatever it is.

0:24:13.320 --> 0:24:17.000
<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's just like brings it all up to the surface.

0:24:17.359 --> 0:24:19.399
<v Speaker 2>You're like, oh, yeah, you really don't roll with me,

0:24:19.680 --> 0:24:21.840
<v Speaker 2>or well you really do roll with me, semple just

0:24:21.920 --> 0:24:23.960
<v Speaker 2>hunkered down and help you with anything and everything you

0:24:24.040 --> 0:24:26.000
<v Speaker 2>need for wedding, you know.

0:24:26.320 --> 0:24:29.680
<v Speaker 1>So it's just and I think also then finances is

0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:33.959
<v Speaker 1>a big reason why that these dynamics come to the forefront,

0:24:33.960 --> 0:24:37.240
<v Speaker 1>because anything to do with the money brings out different

0:24:37.240 --> 0:24:38.800
<v Speaker 1>sides of people that maybe you don't.

0:24:38.640 --> 0:24:43.600
<v Speaker 2>Necessarily be on a daily definitely, And yeah, you're so right,

0:24:43.640 --> 0:24:45.520
<v Speaker 2>And I think we don't want to be judged. So

0:24:45.520 --> 0:24:47.360
<v Speaker 2>people will be like, oh, we're not going to get

0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:49.080
<v Speaker 2>that cater or we're not going to get this or

0:24:49.119 --> 0:24:51.720
<v Speaker 2>that because of this and that. And you're like huhmm, yeah,

0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:53.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, we're going to get married in the church

0:24:53.720 --> 0:24:56.600
<v Speaker 2>because my church buddies can't you know, you can't just

0:24:56.600 --> 0:24:57.560
<v Speaker 2>do a garden wedding.

0:24:57.640 --> 0:24:58.760
<v Speaker 1>What is that? You know?

0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:00.399
<v Speaker 2>So it's like I don't know if I feel like

0:25:01.480 --> 0:25:04.639
<v Speaker 2>it's it's like we use weddings as a way to

0:25:04.720 --> 0:25:07.240
<v Speaker 2>be like, oh, this is how you are in the world,

0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:07.960
<v Speaker 2>this is you.

0:25:08.280 --> 0:25:10.560
<v Speaker 1>I agree, but it's not. And I think for me,

0:25:10.680 --> 0:25:16.080
<v Speaker 1>another reality of wedding planning is that what you envision

0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:19.280
<v Speaker 1>is not necessarily what always happens, or you don't always

0:25:19.440 --> 0:25:22.960
<v Speaker 1>you're always able to materialize that. It could be financially,

0:25:23.280 --> 0:25:29.399
<v Speaker 1>it could be service providers wise, it could be something happens,

0:25:29.560 --> 0:25:31.960
<v Speaker 1>or you know, certain family members aren't there, that your

0:25:31.960 --> 0:25:35.000
<v Speaker 1>father can't walk you down the aisle, Yeah, do you understand?

0:25:35.119 --> 0:25:37.600
<v Speaker 1>And and sometimes in those moments you have to let

0:25:37.680 --> 0:25:39.840
<v Speaker 1>that go. There's a lot of letting letting go. I

0:25:39.880 --> 0:25:42.960
<v Speaker 1>think that we don't compromise your lies. Yes, And also

0:25:43.000 --> 0:25:45.920
<v Speaker 1>you're not marrying yourself. Yeah, so like you imagine you're

0:25:45.960 --> 0:25:51.240
<v Speaker 1>wrappling these thoughts your husband. Most husbands probably aren't, but

0:25:51.359 --> 0:25:54.280
<v Speaker 1>you know they're also going to bring their dynamics to

0:25:54.320 --> 0:25:57.639
<v Speaker 1>the forefront, right Whereas like even with friendships, I remember,

0:25:57.640 --> 0:26:00.200
<v Speaker 1>I've been to so many weddings with it, Oh my

0:26:00.200 --> 0:26:02.439
<v Speaker 1>my partner only has two friends.

0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:05.159
<v Speaker 2>And then you're like, I'm rolling five deep. Who do

0:26:05.280 --> 0:26:09.800
<v Speaker 2>I drop off the marital list now because or or

0:26:09.880 --> 0:26:11.800
<v Speaker 2>vice versa, you only have two girlfriends and you got

0:26:11.840 --> 0:26:14.280
<v Speaker 2>to rustle up three more, you know. So I find

0:26:14.320 --> 0:26:17.760
<v Speaker 2>that I don't know, but it's just it brings every

0:26:17.760 --> 0:26:19.800
<v Speaker 2>eat and every dynamic of your life comes.

0:26:20.600 --> 0:26:25.880
<v Speaker 1>And within yourself to start grappling, like expectations versus reality

0:26:26.119 --> 0:26:28.240
<v Speaker 1>and all these kinds of things. How do you reckon

0:26:28.320 --> 0:26:32.640
<v Speaker 1>people should feel if they're not asked to be a bridesmaid.

0:26:33.720 --> 0:26:38.359
<v Speaker 1>I think it's normal to feel like you if you

0:26:38.480 --> 0:26:40.920
<v Speaker 1>wanted to be there for that person that you couldn't.

0:26:41.119 --> 0:26:43.199
<v Speaker 1>I mean, if I think of your wedding, I was

0:26:43.240 --> 0:26:45.320
<v Speaker 1>able to be at your engagement party, but because I

0:26:45.359 --> 0:26:47.920
<v Speaker 1>was starting my life and you in the Czech Republic,

0:26:48.160 --> 0:26:51.160
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't make it to the Australian wedding. And it's

0:26:51.160 --> 0:26:53.600
<v Speaker 1>something I will always know, like I never got to

0:26:53.720 --> 0:26:56.840
<v Speaker 1>be there, but at the same time it was the

0:26:56.880 --> 0:26:59.240
<v Speaker 1>best decision. Yeah, but I don't even think like that,

0:26:59.600 --> 0:27:02.520
<v Speaker 1>And so like I think I showed up for you

0:27:02.920 --> 0:27:07.679
<v Speaker 1>in the way, so I understand the feeling. And I

0:27:07.680 --> 0:27:09.919
<v Speaker 1>remember when you thought you could make my wedding, like

0:27:09.960 --> 0:27:14.240
<v Speaker 1>I understood your feeling of it. But I think it's

0:27:14.280 --> 0:27:16.640
<v Speaker 1>also like the way it's supposed to be. It will

0:27:16.680 --> 0:27:18.879
<v Speaker 1>be the way it's supposed to be. And the most

0:27:18.920 --> 0:27:21.400
<v Speaker 1>important thing for you as a friend to a friend

0:27:21.400 --> 0:27:24.200
<v Speaker 1>getting married is for you to be happy for them

0:27:24.200 --> 0:27:27.600
<v Speaker 1>and support them. There are enough stresses around them and

0:27:27.680 --> 0:27:29.720
<v Speaker 1>for you to be like, oh, why wasn't I, Why

0:27:29.880 --> 0:27:33.719
<v Speaker 1>wasn't I. It adds like a sour taste to what

0:27:33.760 --> 0:27:38.040
<v Speaker 1>already a complex. So I think it's normal to feel

0:27:38.080 --> 0:27:39.919
<v Speaker 1>that way. But I think there are other ways to

0:27:40.000 --> 0:27:42.800
<v Speaker 1>show up. You can write a letter, you can you know,

0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:45.800
<v Speaker 1>do a video, you can give them. There's so many

0:27:45.800 --> 0:27:48.280
<v Speaker 1>different ways you can show up if you're thoughtful, and

0:27:48.320 --> 0:27:52.439
<v Speaker 1>I think people still underestimate the importance of thoughtfulness beyond

0:27:52.560 --> 0:27:56.000
<v Speaker 1>just like monetary. But there's ways when you can show

0:27:56.080 --> 0:27:59.880
<v Speaker 1>up for those you love in like unique ways that

0:28:00.520 --> 0:28:02.840
<v Speaker 1>say you still care and support them. It could be

0:28:02.920 --> 0:28:05.160
<v Speaker 1>running around with them, it could be Yeah.

0:28:05.680 --> 0:28:09.000
<v Speaker 2>I think lots of friendships fracture around weddings, which is

0:28:09.119 --> 0:28:13.720
<v Speaker 2>so it's almost ironic, right, we were celebrating love and

0:28:13.760 --> 0:28:16.280
<v Speaker 2>then people like simple tell you that she was my

0:28:16.320 --> 0:28:19.399
<v Speaker 2>bridesmaid and it was horrible. We weren't vibing and I

0:28:19.480 --> 0:28:22.399
<v Speaker 2>haven't talked to her since my wedding, so like, but

0:28:22.520 --> 0:28:24.480
<v Speaker 2>it was a wedding, yeah, you know. And I think

0:28:24.520 --> 0:28:26.800
<v Speaker 2>also like even people do ask you to be part

0:28:26.840 --> 0:28:30.080
<v Speaker 2>of the bridal team doesn't almost necessarily mean it's like

0:28:30.200 --> 0:28:31.160
<v Speaker 2>this amazing thing.

0:28:31.280 --> 0:28:32.520
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes you're like now.

0:28:32.440 --> 0:28:35.399
<v Speaker 2>Stressful, Yeah, now you're stuck with them, but like that,

0:28:35.960 --> 0:28:39.280
<v Speaker 2>or you're financially also putting in Like I think, as

0:28:39.320 --> 0:28:42.480
<v Speaker 2>you're saying about my wedding, I never thought that about you.

0:28:42.760 --> 0:28:44.760
<v Speaker 1>I think I automatically knew. Of course.

0:28:44.880 --> 0:28:47.160
<v Speaker 2>I think that was what I was quite grateful about

0:28:47.160 --> 0:28:50.680
<v Speaker 2>with our wedding. Were quite realistic of where of how

0:28:50.760 --> 0:28:53.800
<v Speaker 2>things work. Yes, I mean even my own families weren't

0:28:53.800 --> 0:28:55.880
<v Speaker 2>in the one Australia because who's about to be doing

0:28:55.880 --> 0:28:57.959
<v Speaker 2>a visa? And like we just was too much admin.

0:28:58.480 --> 0:29:01.680
<v Speaker 2>So I guess it's like but obviously you personally would think,

0:29:01.680 --> 0:29:03.840
<v Speaker 2>oh it would have been nice, But I think you

0:29:03.920 --> 0:29:06.120
<v Speaker 2>have to also have a touch of realism for sure.

0:29:06.520 --> 0:29:08.880
<v Speaker 1>And that's similar the thing when you thought you could

0:29:08.880 --> 0:29:12.040
<v Speaker 1>make it, I completely understood. And even like inviting people,

0:29:12.040 --> 0:29:14.280
<v Speaker 1>people were like, oh, sorry, I can't come. I was like,

0:29:14.440 --> 0:29:16.280
<v Speaker 1>it's fine, I don't want to put you out because

0:29:16.280 --> 0:29:18.160
<v Speaker 1>these things add up especially when you're in the age

0:29:18.200 --> 0:29:22.320
<v Speaker 1>of like, way everybody is getting married around you. But

0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:26.480
<v Speaker 1>based on our experience and what you've learned through getting

0:29:26.480 --> 0:29:29.680
<v Speaker 1>married and all that, what do you wish you'd known

0:29:30.440 --> 0:29:33.000
<v Speaker 1>about weddings before? And what would you advise your younger

0:29:33.120 --> 0:29:33.840
<v Speaker 1>self on.

0:29:35.280 --> 0:29:40.719
<v Speaker 2>Communicate honest, communicating to you about what about everything? So,

0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:42.760
<v Speaker 2>like we're talking about bridal party, if you do have

0:29:42.800 --> 0:29:44.600
<v Speaker 2>a homie who's like making a joke like, oh, I

0:29:44.640 --> 0:29:46.440
<v Speaker 2>can't wait at your wedding and you know they're not

0:29:46.440 --> 0:29:50.280
<v Speaker 2>going to be one, Like, let's start also be as

0:29:50.400 --> 0:29:55.760
<v Speaker 2>you know needs, Yeah, planting seeds or explaining a situation. Yeah,

0:29:55.880 --> 0:29:59.880
<v Speaker 2>I think once people like feel they like I feel

0:29:59.880 --> 0:30:03.160
<v Speaker 2>like when people are blindsided, that's when this problem starts.

0:30:03.160 --> 0:30:06.400
<v Speaker 2>So whether it's financially blindsided, like oh I didn't realize

0:30:06.440 --> 0:30:07.720
<v Speaker 2>that my bridesmaid I have to pay for it?

0:30:07.840 --> 0:30:09.560
<v Speaker 1>D D D DA DA dad, Like, be honest.

0:30:09.600 --> 0:30:12.320
<v Speaker 2>Okay, girls, girlies, if this is what you know, if

0:30:13.040 --> 0:30:14.880
<v Speaker 2>this is what I'll be expecting, you're gonna maybe forg

0:30:14.960 --> 0:30:17.520
<v Speaker 2>off your own dress. It's gonna be a detonation wedding.

0:30:17.520 --> 0:30:21.280
<v Speaker 2>It's gonna always be. But then also realize in doing

0:30:21.320 --> 0:30:24.160
<v Speaker 2>that that you're gonna get the feedback back and then

0:30:24.240 --> 0:30:26.880
<v Speaker 2>how you deal with that. So if someone says, oh, sorry,

0:30:26.920 --> 0:30:29.320
<v Speaker 2>I really can't afford these loose button shoes you want

0:30:29.360 --> 0:30:31.719
<v Speaker 2>us to all wear? Yeah, and then what does that

0:30:31.960 --> 0:30:34.040
<v Speaker 2>understand it? Do you know either you pay for them

0:30:34.120 --> 0:30:36.120
<v Speaker 2>or you don't. Do you put that within your budget

0:30:36.200 --> 0:30:39.840
<v Speaker 2>or not? So I feel like it's open honesty in

0:30:40.000 --> 0:30:45.160
<v Speaker 2>every aspect, but especially like obviously relationships or relational telling

0:30:45.160 --> 0:30:48.600
<v Speaker 2>your parents if something's gone too far or you know,

0:30:49.240 --> 0:30:54.800
<v Speaker 2>it's just be prepared for awkward, honest conversations, don't avoid them. True,

0:30:55.160 --> 0:30:59.240
<v Speaker 2>because whichever way it's gonna come to roost, bra.

0:31:01.320 --> 0:31:03.480
<v Speaker 1>And you've hit the nail, the nail on the head

0:31:03.520 --> 0:31:06.720
<v Speaker 1>around like, be prepared to stand up for yourself. There's

0:31:06.720 --> 0:31:09.360
<v Speaker 1>one thing I would give myself advice on is like

0:31:09.800 --> 0:31:15.400
<v Speaker 1>trust yourself and know you are your best advocates. Yeah,

0:31:15.440 --> 0:31:18.880
<v Speaker 1>in those situations. I think something I learned during our

0:31:18.880 --> 0:31:22.040
<v Speaker 1>wedding process is that you can be generous in how

0:31:22.080 --> 0:31:26.200
<v Speaker 1>you approach your wedding, but don't expect everyone around you

0:31:26.280 --> 0:31:26.600
<v Speaker 1>to be.

0:31:26.640 --> 0:31:30.800
<v Speaker 2>Selfless or like make you, make you priority. They also

0:31:30.800 --> 0:31:31.600
<v Speaker 2>want to feel they.

0:31:31.480 --> 0:31:36.320
<v Speaker 1>Also have their own sort of agenda, and.

0:31:37.000 --> 0:31:39.680
<v Speaker 2>You should probably be a bit more selfish. It's probably

0:31:39.720 --> 0:31:42.120
<v Speaker 2>what I would say and communicate with your partner. Chair

0:31:42.600 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 2>sometimes he doesn't get the dynamics and it's.

0:31:44.760 --> 0:31:46.560
<v Speaker 1>Like, oh, why don't we just do it? That's not

0:31:46.600 --> 0:31:51.120
<v Speaker 1>how this family or you know. So there's so many

0:31:51.120 --> 0:31:52.959
<v Speaker 1>little things. I'm like, we should have just been like whatever.

0:31:54.280 --> 0:31:57.480
<v Speaker 1>I would have gone on honeymoon immediately after. I think

0:31:57.480 --> 0:31:59.200
<v Speaker 1>we travel with my parents because it was their first

0:31:59.200 --> 0:32:01.440
<v Speaker 1>time to the check Republic. Wouldn't do that again.

0:32:01.560 --> 0:32:05.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I was actually gonna ask something definitely, what would

0:32:05.160 --> 0:32:07.360
<v Speaker 2>be like, guys, I love you, I'm out, because I

0:32:07.440 --> 0:32:10.240
<v Speaker 2>ended up being very frustrated, like spending so much time

0:32:10.360 --> 0:32:13.720
<v Speaker 2>in post proximity with my parents doing everything for them

0:32:14.080 --> 0:32:14.840
<v Speaker 2>after we like.

0:32:15.280 --> 0:32:17.760
<v Speaker 1>Had really labored on the way labored on the wedding day,

0:32:19.080 --> 0:32:22.560
<v Speaker 1>and I think I really felt that loneliness for our

0:32:22.640 --> 0:32:25.120
<v Speaker 1>check wedding. We did a lot of work, the two

0:32:25.160 --> 0:32:28.280
<v Speaker 1>of us. We had wedding planners, thank goodness. Uh, but

0:32:28.760 --> 0:32:31.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean my husband had to go pick up his

0:32:31.120 --> 0:32:32.880
<v Speaker 1>parents and drive them to the vein like no one

0:32:33.000 --> 0:32:35.360
<v Speaker 1>was thinking of us like in that way, and I

0:32:35.520 --> 0:32:40.960
<v Speaker 1>remembering like wtf, Like that really hosting hosting. It brought

0:32:41.040 --> 0:32:42.920
<v Speaker 1>to light and my system. She came about like a

0:32:42.920 --> 0:32:45.120
<v Speaker 1>week or two early. She was like, you guys are

0:32:45.160 --> 0:32:47.680
<v Speaker 1>really doing this alone? And I was like, yeah, so

0:32:47.760 --> 0:32:51.440
<v Speaker 1>I think that was an eye opener. Would you do

0:32:51.600 --> 0:32:54.560
<v Speaker 1>different than in that aspect, I'd be like, you're figuring

0:32:54.560 --> 0:32:57.440
<v Speaker 1>yourselves out, like we planned like transport from the thing

0:32:57.640 --> 0:33:00.280
<v Speaker 1>and the people are like, no, I'm gonna come from there. No,

0:33:02.520 --> 0:33:07.320
<v Speaker 1>the honeymoon. Definitely would do it alone. And Yeah, a

0:33:07.360 --> 0:33:09.520
<v Speaker 1>bit more adamant on certain things we wanted though. I

0:33:09.520 --> 0:33:12.160
<v Speaker 1>think I was quite clear on what I did or

0:33:12.200 --> 0:33:15.520
<v Speaker 1>did not want, but I really had to dig deep

0:33:15.600 --> 0:33:19.120
<v Speaker 1>to speak up for myself, especially with family on certain things,

0:33:19.120 --> 0:33:21.720
<v Speaker 1>which is hard, especially we don't speak like that where

0:33:21.720 --> 0:33:26.000
<v Speaker 1>we come from. Yeah, definitely you just accept for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

0:33:27.280 --> 0:33:30.560
<v Speaker 1>And last one, as we wrap this, if you could

0:33:30.600 --> 0:33:32.800
<v Speaker 1>do it all over again, what would you do exactly

0:33:32.800 --> 0:33:34.680
<v Speaker 1>the same? And what would you forego?

0:33:36.320 --> 0:33:40.800
<v Speaker 2>Wow, exactly the same, exactly the same. Probably still going

0:33:40.840 --> 0:33:45.600
<v Speaker 2>to the three destinations over three weeks because I feel

0:33:45.600 --> 0:33:48.160
<v Speaker 2>like we saw a lot of people along our journey

0:33:48.320 --> 0:33:52.280
<v Speaker 2>who at certain aspects of our relationship have been there. Yeah,

0:33:52.320 --> 0:33:55.920
<v Speaker 2>So like everyone got to play homage or you.

0:33:55.880 --> 0:33:57.440
<v Speaker 1>Know, the party.

0:33:58.200 --> 0:34:00.960
<v Speaker 2>So definitely, very very happy We've got to do. It's

0:34:01.000 --> 0:34:03.640
<v Speaker 2>a lot of planning, especially when you're traveling and the

0:34:03.760 --> 0:34:08.239
<v Speaker 2>jet like yo, but you know it, I was very

0:34:08.239 --> 0:34:12.000
<v Speaker 2>grateful and I've got to show myself's family Zimbabwe as well.

0:34:12.200 --> 0:34:16.080
<v Speaker 2>So I think it was it was that part I

0:34:16.080 --> 0:34:19.080
<v Speaker 2>would do exactly the same. It was just so beautiful

0:34:19.400 --> 0:34:24.120
<v Speaker 2>for going, I think being a bit relaxed about creating memories,

0:34:24.880 --> 0:34:28.799
<v Speaker 2>so especially for Zimbabwe. A lot of my family since then,

0:34:28.840 --> 0:34:32.360
<v Speaker 2>I've since passed away. I mean COVID then happened, so

0:34:32.400 --> 0:34:35.840
<v Speaker 2>I think not having like a videographer or an official photographer.

0:34:35.840 --> 0:34:38.640
<v Speaker 2>Obviously we took photos on their phones, yes, but I

0:34:38.680 --> 0:34:41.319
<v Speaker 2>should have probably just gone that extra step. Even though

0:34:41.360 --> 0:34:44.720
<v Speaker 2>it was Rora and Rota mine June twenty nineteen to now,

0:34:45.000 --> 0:34:48.239
<v Speaker 2>it's changed very as drastically changed, which I'm really happy about.

0:34:48.280 --> 0:34:49.680
<v Speaker 2>But at the same time, it also means that there

0:34:49.760 --> 0:34:53.799
<v Speaker 2>was some stuff that's so standard now that wasn't then. Yes,

0:34:53.920 --> 0:34:57.799
<v Speaker 2>and forgetting a videographer and a photographers. Definitely, And I've

0:34:57.840 --> 0:34:59.879
<v Speaker 2>had some cousins of mine we're like, oh my god,

0:35:00.040 --> 0:35:02.880
<v Speaker 2>last person I saw, last time I saw that person

0:35:03.000 --> 0:35:05.279
<v Speaker 2>sutural like, so it seemed like it bought a lot

0:35:05.320 --> 0:35:08.000
<v Speaker 2>of people in my family just by chance together to

0:35:08.040 --> 0:35:11.640
<v Speaker 2>get that and to not have proper documentation for that

0:35:11.800 --> 0:35:12.479
<v Speaker 2>is a bit sad.

0:35:12.640 --> 0:35:13.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I agree.

0:35:13.600 --> 0:35:16.080
<v Speaker 2>And then the same thing happened in Germany. Same thing.

0:35:16.120 --> 0:35:19.200
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have an official photographer or a videographer. Same

0:35:19.200 --> 0:35:22.120
<v Speaker 2>thing in Perth. You know, we had friends chipping and

0:35:22.239 --> 0:35:24.840
<v Speaker 2>help us, but like I should have. It's now it

0:35:24.880 --> 0:35:27.680
<v Speaker 2>seems like such a silly cost that I could have

0:35:27.760 --> 0:35:30.400
<v Speaker 2>just paid for. But at the time I thought, oh,

0:35:30.440 --> 0:35:32.879
<v Speaker 2>I can't be bothered, you know, and obvious I would

0:35:32.880 --> 0:35:35.520
<v Speaker 2>have to have three different sets of teens. There was

0:35:35.520 --> 0:35:38.000
<v Speaker 2>three different so I just thought, I'm a long list

0:35:38.040 --> 0:35:41.480
<v Speaker 2>of things to do. It just fell way way down.

0:35:41.800 --> 0:35:45.000
<v Speaker 2>But then now it's one of the last thing things

0:35:45.040 --> 0:35:47.440
<v Speaker 2>that could have had, you know what I mean. So

0:35:47.520 --> 0:35:51.040
<v Speaker 2>I feel like, yeah, definitely, please get a hodeographer and photographer.

0:35:51.120 --> 0:35:53.160
<v Speaker 1>We'll just do it for your for your tenure.

0:35:53.400 --> 0:35:58.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah yeah, yeah again, But like yeah, I just it's

0:35:58.040 --> 0:36:00.400
<v Speaker 4>it's sweet memories I have of all these people, but

0:36:00.480 --> 0:36:02.759
<v Speaker 4>now they're just in my head because a lot of

0:36:02.760 --> 0:36:05.560
<v Speaker 4>people showed up and we're really grateful but we don't

0:36:05.600 --> 0:36:07.480
<v Speaker 4>actually have good documentary.

0:36:07.480 --> 0:36:10.040
<v Speaker 1>But I will say, at least you still have that memory.

0:36:10.200 --> 0:36:12.680
<v Speaker 1>I do know how to treat it. Like imagine you'd

0:36:12.680 --> 0:36:14.480
<v Speaker 1>be like, well, I'm not doing any of this, Like

0:36:15.320 --> 0:36:18.759
<v Speaker 1>I still have that for sure, that memory for me.

0:36:18.920 --> 0:36:23.600
<v Speaker 1>I think I loved both my weddings. I think my vision.

0:36:24.400 --> 0:36:27.680
<v Speaker 1>I was very like sure on what I wanted, and

0:36:27.719 --> 0:36:29.400
<v Speaker 1>I think I love that I paid a much to

0:36:29.520 --> 0:36:34.000
<v Speaker 1>like Zim like I'm we ate out of metal plates

0:36:34.040 --> 0:36:37.000
<v Speaker 1>and what I remember. My mom was like huh and

0:36:37.040 --> 0:36:39.000
<v Speaker 1>I literally was like, yep, I know what I want

0:36:39.080 --> 0:36:41.879
<v Speaker 1>and I knew it. Even the tint if I tell

0:36:41.880 --> 0:36:43.720
<v Speaker 1>you how we panted for that tint to the stretch

0:36:43.760 --> 0:36:45.440
<v Speaker 1>tint and they're like, no, just get this, and I

0:36:45.440 --> 0:36:46.160
<v Speaker 1>was like, no, I.

0:36:46.160 --> 0:36:48.359
<v Speaker 2>Knew they want to get the standards the standard, but

0:36:48.400 --> 0:36:51.279
<v Speaker 2>like I just hadn't we had like hey for people

0:36:51.320 --> 0:36:53.759
<v Speaker 2>to sit on during them bliss all these things. It's

0:36:53.840 --> 0:36:56.920
<v Speaker 2>like trusting my vision, and I think it was a

0:36:56.920 --> 0:37:00.880
<v Speaker 2>good reminder that you do have that create bone and

0:37:01.000 --> 0:37:03.240
<v Speaker 2>like there's something there and to trust.

0:37:03.320 --> 0:37:06.080
<v Speaker 1>Again, I keep saying, trusting yourself. I think it's a

0:37:06.120 --> 0:37:10.160
<v Speaker 1>big thing because then I can still sit here and

0:37:10.200 --> 0:37:12.440
<v Speaker 1>be like, I'm so happy with that turned out. I

0:37:12.440 --> 0:37:14.440
<v Speaker 1>would change what I said about the honeymoon and all

0:37:14.480 --> 0:37:18.600
<v Speaker 1>that dynamic for sure. And I think I would invite

0:37:18.600 --> 0:37:22.360
<v Speaker 1>more friends. Okay to which one to our check wedding.

0:37:22.520 --> 0:37:25.360
<v Speaker 1>I think I would invite more friends because friends have

0:37:25.480 --> 0:37:28.960
<v Speaker 1>really shown up more in a lot of ways than family,

0:37:29.360 --> 0:37:32.240
<v Speaker 1>which is a really interesting thing because I think our parents'

0:37:32.280 --> 0:37:35.440
<v Speaker 1>generation we were talking about this, it was a different dynamic.

0:37:35.520 --> 0:37:38.000
<v Speaker 1>Family showed up. But for me, I found that friends

0:37:38.040 --> 0:37:41.560
<v Speaker 1>really show up the most. So I would definitely shift

0:37:41.600 --> 0:37:44.839
<v Speaker 1>that around. And but yeah, I'm glad we timed it all.

0:37:44.880 --> 0:37:47.080
<v Speaker 1>We did two in one year, which is mad. I mean,

0:37:47.080 --> 0:37:51.200
<v Speaker 1>you did three in like a couple of weeks. But yeah,

0:37:51.239 --> 0:37:55.319
<v Speaker 1>and I wouldn't have been so generous, That's what I'll say,

0:37:55.400 --> 0:37:58.320
<v Speaker 1>with your time, with your with our money, or I

0:37:58.360 --> 0:38:00.920
<v Speaker 1>think I love how like general we were with our

0:38:00.960 --> 0:38:03.720
<v Speaker 1>like rides maids and team, because obviously we're there because

0:38:03.840 --> 0:38:06.239
<v Speaker 1>you guys had our back, But there's some things I'm like,

0:38:06.640 --> 0:38:09.560
<v Speaker 1>we didn't need to do all that team too much

0:38:09.880 --> 0:38:10.400
<v Speaker 1>too much.

0:38:10.680 --> 0:38:13.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah it was beautiful, so we appreciate whatever it was

0:38:13.400 --> 0:38:13.839
<v Speaker 2>you were doing.

0:38:14.440 --> 0:38:17.960
<v Speaker 1>But I yeah, yeah, this has been good, like going

0:38:18.000 --> 0:38:20.600
<v Speaker 1>back down memory. Yeah, because we talked about but we

0:38:20.680 --> 0:38:21.120
<v Speaker 1>never had this.

0:38:21.239 --> 0:38:24.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we talked about dating, we talked about marriage, but

0:38:24.480 --> 0:38:26.480
<v Speaker 2>like I think I was just Scott waiting.

0:38:26.840 --> 0:38:28.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because it's draining.

0:38:28.440 --> 0:38:30.920
<v Speaker 2>It is very draining, and you're almost like for you

0:38:31.000 --> 0:38:33.560
<v Speaker 2>and I were such planners live in your head. Yeah,

0:38:33.680 --> 0:38:35.640
<v Speaker 2>and sometimes even on the day to keep your mind

0:38:36.000 --> 0:38:38.200
<v Speaker 2>the days or day and to keep your minding yourself

0:38:38.200 --> 0:38:41.480
<v Speaker 2>to actually enjoy your hard labor after plannel. But we

0:38:41.480 --> 0:38:44.480
<v Speaker 2>were up at two am for my cooking and the

0:38:44.560 --> 0:38:45.520
<v Speaker 2>time you're like serving that.

0:38:45.520 --> 0:38:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Food like you're best eating it and enjoy this. But like, yeah,

0:38:50.400 --> 0:38:53.080
<v Speaker 1>I definitely did that and it was the best decision

0:38:53.280 --> 0:38:56.120
<v Speaker 1>because it was the most perfect two days, like it

0:38:56.200 --> 0:38:59.680
<v Speaker 1>could not have Like I enjoyed it. Things didn't work out,

0:38:59.840 --> 0:39:02.400
<v Speaker 1>like our translator for the check wedding didn't arrive, but

0:39:02.480 --> 0:39:04.840
<v Speaker 1>I was calm. You know, the dance floor thing. You

0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:08.360
<v Speaker 1>didn't realize. I was fine, like, yeah, don't be a

0:39:08.360 --> 0:39:09.359
<v Speaker 1>bright dance but didn't come.

0:39:09.400 --> 0:39:11.200
<v Speaker 2>You see, these are things that yeah, you don't know

0:39:11.280 --> 0:39:12.480
<v Speaker 2>until you're having a good time.

0:39:12.560 --> 0:39:16.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly. AnyWho, but yeah, thanks so much, thanks for listening.

0:39:16.960 --> 0:39:18.320
<v Speaker 1>Let us know how your wedding.

0:39:19.239 --> 0:39:22.760
<v Speaker 2>Please, what advice you would give the thick of planning

0:39:22.800 --> 0:39:23.240
<v Speaker 2>a wedding.

0:39:23.440 --> 0:39:27.839
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's by you. You can do this. You can

0:39:27.880 --> 0:39:29.799
<v Speaker 1>do this. Just try to do it once in your life.

0:39:30.920 --> 0:39:40.400
<v Speaker 1>He is left flow when you do the guys. Free

0:39:40.440 --> 0:39:41.640
<v Speaker 1>audio post production

0:39:43.239 --> 0:39:44.920
<v Speaker 3>By ourphonic dot com