1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,480 Speaker 1: Like no one was thinking of us like in that way, 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: remembering like w. 3 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,920 Speaker 2: T, why do you think weddings are attached like ego? 4 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:12,080 Speaker 1: Though? I really had to deep to speak up for myself. Hey, 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,040 Speaker 1: sometimes let's throw. 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 3: Just I'm always always be careful those. 7 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:39,919 Speaker 2: Hi. 8 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 1: I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby. 9 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 2: Welcome to It's Layered Podcasts. 10 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: We are under the Blackcast Network powered by iHeart, and 11 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: we are recording in person in. 12 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 2: Studio, and we expect the airhorns from you. 13 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: We just need to get that song. 14 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 2: It's so good to be here and bittersweet studio with 15 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 2: this beautiful setup by Pink Lady Picnics enjoying our high 16 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 2: Tea or soft girl life era fully locked and loaded. 17 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,479 Speaker 1: This is our sign to the universe. We want a 18 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: soft life twenty twenty five, and we wish a soft 19 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,959 Speaker 1: life twenty twenty five for you and you and you, 20 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: especially if you're a black woman. 21 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, especially black women. We're not please, We're not God's 22 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 2: from the Soldiers twenty five. We're tired. 23 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: We've checked out. 24 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 2: We have played that role for too long. Agree Now 25 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,800 Speaker 2: we need to lean into a feminine energy and enjoy life. 26 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: But am I agree? One thousand percent. And speaking of 27 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 1: feminine energy, we're gonna talk about a topic that is 28 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: something that I guess where supposedly we dream about into 29 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: a little girl's I didn't really do this, but apparently, 30 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:55,559 Speaker 1: and we're gonna be talking about wedding, wedding taking down 31 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: that aisle? Did you dream about it as a little girl, 32 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: like my wedding's gonna be like this, this or the other? Really? 33 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: I think. 34 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 2: I think I love to party, definitely have a good time, 35 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 2: but wedding involves family. 36 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: So immediately I was like, it's shot byed know this one? 37 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 2: And also you like see a typical Zimbabwean wedding where 38 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 2: you have rice, chicken and cortloads and you cook the 39 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 2: night before and for women. 40 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,640 Speaker 1: Of stress, stress, stress, stress stress. 41 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 2: So I think you know when you I was lucky 42 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 2: enough to take part in a lot of those growing 43 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 2: up that I just every wedding just made me think. 44 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,520 Speaker 1: Not for me like work. This looks like work. You 45 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 1: basically sound like a wedding hater, but you you love 46 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 1: a good wedding. This is true. 47 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 2: The African planning wedding Yeah, stressful. 48 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: So how did it go for you? Can you give 49 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: us a bit of like a backstory of what was 50 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: you know. 51 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 2: It's so funny because unintentionally we did like a COVID 52 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 2: wedding before COVID even happening. Yeah, twenty nineteen, so obviously 53 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 2: way before. It's so funny because my husband had been 54 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,360 Speaker 2: like twenty twenty when we got engaged twenty eighteen, late 55 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 2: twenty eighteen. It's like, twenty twenty is a good ring 56 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 2: to it, and we can have time to save up, 57 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 2: you know, for a wedding, but whatever we want to do. 58 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,359 Speaker 2: And I was like, Jack, I'm not being engaged to 59 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 2: you for that long, like that'd be over a year, 60 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,799 Speaker 2: and I just you know, we were just doing a 61 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 2: lot of things financially at the time. We were thinking 62 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 2: of getting our first house together. So I remember thinking, 63 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,240 Speaker 2: and then what how we do it? Like you'd have 64 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 2: to save all the money because you know, when you're 65 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 2: getting a more god, when you're getting a mortgage, they 66 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 2: look at all your innings and goings with your money 67 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 2: and they want to see stability. I was like, well, 68 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 2: how would that makes sense if we're doing this huge 69 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 2: financial draining thing. And then moreso like which one, So 70 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,520 Speaker 2: why don't we just get the wedding out of the 71 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 2: way and then you know, hunkered down to get our 72 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 2: first house. So I remember we were like, I was like, 73 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 2: oh yeah, let's just do it next year. You know, 74 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 2: let's just do it. So it literally was just like 75 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 2: one step after the other in terms of wasn't really intentional, 76 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 2: but we definitely knew we wanted to honor because my 77 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 2: husband's from Germany, I'm from Zimbabwe. 78 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: We live in Australia. 79 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 2: We wanted to honor all three spaces and places, but 80 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 2: they're now when. 81 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: You're doing that, badget the budget and budgets are like. 82 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 2: And then obviously Roorra, which we spoke about just before 83 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 2: Rumby's won and previous seasons, we. 84 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,720 Speaker 1: Were like, how do you fit it all in a lot? 85 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 2: How do you and especially because a lot of it 86 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 2: was going to fall onto us, like you know, SA 87 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 2: family can support, but can support so much they can't 88 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 2: run it all. So when we got to thinking, we 89 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 2: were like, okay, maybe we would just do Roorra in Zim, 90 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 2: an engagement party in Hamburg which Rumby also came to, 91 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 2: and then do like a long table dinner after having 92 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 2: a civil ceremony in Perth. So that is literally what 93 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,559 Speaker 2: we did you know those COVID weddings you saw people 94 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 2: just strip it back. Yep, just you and you're very 95 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 2: very close few, or go to quarters, just you and 96 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 2: your witnesses and then after doing dinner. That is literally 97 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: what we did. So we're trend set ups, guys, just 98 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:17,840 Speaker 2: letting you know for real, but unintentionally we set that 99 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 2: trend not knowing then when twenty twenty happened, you can 100 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,159 Speaker 2: best believe I gave my husband a side I like, 101 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 2: I know at all because twenty twenty would not have worked. 102 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 2: But yeah, even that sounds complicated right that every week 103 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,360 Speaker 2: we were in a different location, but it just worked 104 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,160 Speaker 2: so well for us, and it made it accessible for 105 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 2: all our family and friends. Almost gave you no excuse, 106 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 2: right one of them you had one of the locations. 107 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,160 Speaker 2: Ye surely if you're in our life, you're in one 108 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 2: of those close to one of those three locations. But 109 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 2: it's not to say when you do it small that 110 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:55,239 Speaker 2: doesn't come with its own stresses, true, which we'll get. 111 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 1: Into for sure. So yeah, but how about you room bed? 112 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: Did you do? So? You know people always ask me 113 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:07,359 Speaker 1: like would you do it again? And I say no, 114 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:09,919 Speaker 1: I say to my husband all the time, you better like, 115 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: this is it. If you leave me or I leave you, 116 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 1: I'm not doing it again. But it was beautiful, don't 117 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 1: get me wrong. We had Aurora traditional wedding and then 118 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: we had a white wedding similar to you, again honoring 119 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: the different cultures going to Zimbabwe to do our honoring 120 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: our traditions there. If you haven't listened to the RTA episode, 121 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: go find it, as Amanda said a couple of seasons back. 122 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:39,280 Speaker 1: And then we had essentially the white I struggle called 123 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: white wedding, like but the sort of court wedding, not 124 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: even what people would call the white and where you 125 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: sign your papers. We had it in the Czech Republic, 126 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:54,880 Speaker 1: obviously honoring that my husband is check and listen, I 127 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 1: agree with you. The family aspect, we were kind of 128 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: fortunate because in Zim at the time this was twenty 129 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: twenty two April, it was those that'd hunker down for 130 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: COVID then open things up like it kept on and off. 131 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 1: So the maximum number of guests at the time for 132 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: an outdoor event was two hundred and fifty people, which 133 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people are like, that's a 134 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: lot of people, but zoom for zoom it's not typically 135 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: five hundred plus exactly, So that helped dwindle down the numbers. 136 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 1: And I think tapping on family to help with different 137 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 1: like logistical aspects of it helps a lot. I remember 138 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: sourcing a lot of things from South Africa because Zimbabwean 139 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 1: prices just do not make sense. I had the help 140 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 1: of a good friend of mine and my sister who 141 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: sourced and then shipped things over. That helped a ton. 142 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: And having it in my parents' garden, so like the 143 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: celebration because essentially what I wanted to do was to 144 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 1: say to my parents, this is your day. So the 145 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: actual wrought up proceedings and that happened with a much 146 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: smaller group and was more intimate. Then everyone comes and celebrates, which. 147 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 2: Is quite typical I mean the same year, because there's 148 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 2: like certain roles people have to play and not everyone 149 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 2: is invited to that. It's very I think always has 150 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 2: been very nuclear for that part, our version of nuclear. 151 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 2: And then then you have people lunch everyone. But I 152 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 2: love how I mean we talked about our own the episode. 153 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 2: It has kind of circled back and become more predominant, 154 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 2: yes than a while before. 155 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: For sure, because it used to be like if people 156 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,560 Speaker 1: just did, people will be like, huh, but now we 157 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 1: all overstand the cost of weddings. 158 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 2: Why do you think there's a pressure to have a 159 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 2: wedding even in mondern society? Like surely why? I think 160 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,839 Speaker 2: COVID it boils. 161 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 1: Back to that little girl thing when you're a little girl, 162 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: like you dream of this day. And obviously capitalism capitalizes 163 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: on people's dreams, right, so as soon as you say 164 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: anything as a wedding. So for a lot of things, 165 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 1: especially with RA I got other people to just say 166 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: I need this for my check wedding. I said, I'm 167 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 1: going to someone's wedding, not it's mine, just for cost implications. 168 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: So I think that's why so expensive people know you 169 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: will go all out, just like how businesses capitalize on parents, 170 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: knowing that parents want to give their children the best, 171 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: so they're willing to fork out. Yeah, I don't know 172 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: what you think. 173 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 2: And I think it's like so somehow whatever really marketed 174 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 2: this like stuck it down hour Like you can't even 175 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:42,199 Speaker 2: imagine not having one. It's like if you don't have one, 176 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 2: are you really married? 177 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: Yeah? 178 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,319 Speaker 2: You know, And I think COVID a whole freaking pandemic 179 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 2: is what made people think o atually, actually it's just 180 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,560 Speaker 2: a legal binding document can do in a legal office. 181 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 1: This really is a band, that's it. 182 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 2: Especially if you're not religious, you know, you can just 183 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 2: go with your witness and you're married. 184 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,679 Speaker 1: And I think people had almost forgotten that. 185 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 2: And I mean we we obviously for logistics did that, 186 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 2: but now I think we're circling back to the ramping 187 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,560 Speaker 2: up and now and I think it's also aspirational for 188 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:19,079 Speaker 2: some reason. People definitely use it as a couple of 189 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 2: move made our mark. You know, you see in a 190 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 2: group of principle which I app each other with things 191 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 2: copy each other. 192 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: I mean Kim Kadeshian and things like I got married 193 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: and to him. 194 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:35,560 Speaker 2: So like everyone throughout whether your celebrity all the way 195 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 2: is just weddings are just like. 196 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: And it's supposed to be a mid day similar you 197 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 1: know how someone some people will be like Rachel and 198 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,199 Speaker 1: then it's like it's their birthday, yeah, and they really 199 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: like try and like show up, like look at me, 200 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 1: celebrating me. I think it's a sign that people don't 201 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: feel seen all the time, celebrated all the time, where 202 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: some of I was like cowering, like I remember when 203 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 1: you asked me what do you want for your bachelor 204 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: and I was like, I just want my p around. 205 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,079 Speaker 1: Like I think it's a sign that maybe people feel 206 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: not seen or celebrated and family it's a family emblem. 207 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 2: Oh yes, you know, because the family also feels the 208 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 2: need to step in. Remember the friends waiting, They were like, oh, 209 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 2: should we do know alcohol? And the dad's eyes almost 210 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 2: boulge out of his head, like how are we gonna 211 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 2: do this wedding with my friends? 212 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: There? Rolling deep, no sober, nope. 213 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 2: And then you know, obviously zimbabwe especially and I'm sure 214 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 2: a lot of people know about this. Zimbabweans are known 215 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 2: for drinking, reputation for drinking. 216 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: So now it's like to have fun without it. 217 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 2: So I think also for family, like I don't have 218 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 2: that feeling yet with jeromy is probably way too young, 219 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 2: but I wonder when it comes. 220 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: Along where I'm like I have to have it. 221 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, we even see some families out gifting each other. 222 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:56,319 Speaker 1: Also, speaking of family, how does I how does one 223 00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: navigate all the demands of family, demand of friends, Because 224 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: now you're seeing the example is like families saying we 225 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: don't want alcohol in the dad saying but my homies. 226 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 1: How do you expect siblings, spouse, and yourself when you're 227 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 1: planning and having. 228 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 2: Do you navigate the do you someone's going to be upset? Yep, yep, 229 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 2: you should know. I mean it depends what I personally are. 230 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 2: I think this is where that brings her to the forefront. 231 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 2: Some people are like, ah, my parents are planning everything 232 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 2: and I'm just along for the ride, especially if they're 233 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 2: financially providing. 234 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 4: Yes. 235 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 2: Then some people are like, I wanted this way. I've 236 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 2: thought about it ever since I was a little girl. Yes, 237 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 2: you know, it's like such an array. I don't know 238 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 2: how I think for self, you have to just be 239 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:46,199 Speaker 2: able to communicate with your people and be honest, especially 240 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 2: about your budget and your expectations. I would personally say, 241 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 2: just to make sure that everything is done, it's done properly. 242 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 2: You have to obviously say these are my limits, this 243 00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 2: is what I can do, this is what I can't do. 244 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 2: But really, as Rumby said, expect disappointment. Expect people to 245 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 2: think you need to provide everything that they've ever thought 246 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 2: of as your own wedding. 247 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 1: How did you navigate? Oh, if you can give. 248 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 2: Us, I think I was really honest so see you 249 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 2: can imagine when we had the chat, I started chat 250 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,959 Speaker 2: with all my tetters. I barely chat to talk about Rora. 251 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 2: Then once we were having that chat, I was like, oh, 252 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,959 Speaker 2: by the way, the wedding is two weeks later and 253 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 2: it's you're you guys are not going to be like 254 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 2: it's super small. And because we're choosing between Rora and 255 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 2: a wedding, which one, I pretty much gave them the choice, 256 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,079 Speaker 2: but I knew what they would choose, so I kind 257 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 2: of played the game. Family is really, especially as a 258 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 2: publican family really rooted in Rorra and it's that's more personal. 259 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 2: So I knew they would choose to do that. And 260 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,920 Speaker 2: there's this perception that you can always do a wedding later. Yes, 261 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,960 Speaker 2: you can always do a wedding when you're more financially stable, 262 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 2: or even for go one if things are really tough 263 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,319 Speaker 2: or family can't rally around you. So I gave them 264 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,959 Speaker 2: the choice because I can't do both, choose one. They 265 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 2: chose Rara, and then once they did that, I kind 266 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 2: of knew, Okay, now the wedding is just for me 267 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 2: and our Australian family. 268 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,559 Speaker 1: Which our refriends. 269 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 2: But it was definitely not a like there was a 270 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 2: bit of pushback. They're like, oh, so Germans don't get married, 271 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 2: and they're like, read what but then they don't do race. 272 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 2: It was like back and forth, back and forth, and 273 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 2: then eventually it was like sunk in and I think 274 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 2: I almost use like the threat all, but then we 275 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 2: also don't have to do anything. Hey, like y'all and 276 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 2: Zimbabweans are like, that's the end of the world and 277 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 2: I'm here in Australia, Oh, you're not already married. This 278 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 2: is like so I think I just used a bit 279 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 2: of practicality and also finances at the end of the 280 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 2: day is what answer did for us us because it 281 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 2: was like, okay, you can have your opinion, but how 282 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 2: much are you forking out. 283 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: To help us with that said opinion? 284 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,680 Speaker 2: And then when people realize, oh, I have to financially contribute, 285 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 2: you realize people didn't Oh yeah, what you're doing is fine, great, 286 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, good idea. You know, oh you're also 287 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 2: getting to Germany on ah, great idea. 288 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 1: And the opinion you are almost forced to be less 289 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 1: because they're not fucking out, yes exactly, all dependent on 290 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 1: you on news. So that's almost like the benefit if 291 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: you are financing your own weddings. Yeah, as opposed to you. 292 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 2: So it was like, okay, okay, that's fine, Oh this 293 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 2: is new, you know, and and there, and there's a 294 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 2: running joke now my family that yeah, we were ahead 295 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 2: of the time and we knew COVID was happening because 296 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 2: we did like a COVID style wedding before. But yeah, really, 297 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 2: even if COVID hadn't happened, that's what we had chosen 298 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 2: to do. 299 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it worked for us. And that's the thing. 300 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 2: That's the thing with weddings. You have to make it 301 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 2: work for you. Whatever that looks like it's for you. 302 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 2: And so you know, you go to some weddings and 303 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 2: you're like, oh this theme, oh this press them or 304 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 2: whatever it. 305 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: Is, like how did you come up with? 306 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 2: But then it's so then true, So I feel like 307 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 2: you weddings, I guess there are a form of identity. 308 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: People use them to show what type of couple they are. 309 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: They are That definitely helped in terms of like our 310 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 1: having to be foot the bill and so that helped. 311 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: With the say and with numbers, you're managing number room, 312 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 1: how did you manage numbers? Like you said, honestly and 313 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: like some straight shooting, some straight talks and kind of 314 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 1: giving quotas to different sides of the family, saying like 315 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: this is all we have because in Europe, unfortunately, you 316 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: pay per head. It's not like in Zoom where you 317 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 1: can just make it, make a plan and then having 318 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: to allocate. Of course, some folks who rubbed the wrong way, 319 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: but we also had to be honest to ourselves. We 320 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: wanted to live after the wedding, so it's you almost 321 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 1: have to learn to step up. And I think what 322 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: helped was we were aligned with my husband like on 323 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: what we were about, and that was a very key. 324 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: So we never ever thought or argued like oh but 325 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 1: I wanted like we had agreed on how we wanted 326 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: things to be, and it was just like getting everyone 327 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 1: else on yeah yeah, yeah. 328 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 2: But did you have to because obviously did you have 329 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 2: to equalize numbers? Like how did numbers I'm just trying 330 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,720 Speaker 2: to think. Obviously for the Rora usually typically zim site 331 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:27,600 Speaker 2: of course, and obviously in zo I guess Tom would 332 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 2: have autumn, But for check, how did you work that? 333 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 1: So I just said it was their side now running 334 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: and you need to equalize. So they shouldn't feel overpowered. Yeah, 335 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 1: you know with the ZIM squad, but I mean they 336 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: still did to some degree. But yeah, it was really 337 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: like it's there's time to shine and budget. 338 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, to be fair, Why do you think weddings are 339 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 2: attached like ego though? Because I feel like, you know, 340 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 2: I kind of touched upon that saying, you know, people 341 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 2: feel like that's the. 342 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,639 Speaker 1: Time to shine. Why do you think it's so? It 343 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 1: really is the event that all eyes on you and 344 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 1: people get to see you who you are, you and 345 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,360 Speaker 1: your person Like I think, so it's like I want 346 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:11,120 Speaker 1: to come across or position myself this way in this light. 347 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 1: And so it is really much about like perception. If 348 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,160 Speaker 1: you think about egos, all about how I'm perceived, how 349 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 1: I look to the world. I want to look a 350 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 1: certain way and be understood a certain way. It's a 351 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 1: lot to do that. And then culturally, for us, I 352 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,960 Speaker 1: think family see it as a rite of passage that 353 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: your child goes through this. And then comparison culture, which 354 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 1: we've spoken about in previous episodes, also plays a part. 355 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: Because my friend did this, I want to look even 356 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 1: better than they did, and they did this, and I 357 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 1: want to do even more than they, So it's all 358 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,160 Speaker 1: keeping up with the Joneses. It's all kind of people 359 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,639 Speaker 1: will think I'm not this if it doesn't look like that, 360 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: so and so and so forth. I remember even at Rhora, 361 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: I wanted, you know, to wear pants, and I was like, oh, 362 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:02,199 Speaker 1: what will people say? And I was adamant that my 363 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,280 Speaker 1: bridal team wore pants. And then I wore dress for 364 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,080 Speaker 1: like the blessing, but I still change into pants. So 365 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 1: it's like you're always like compromise, compromising and so on. 366 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: And then I refused to like a head rapper. I 367 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 1: was like, it's not just it's not going to happen, 368 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,440 Speaker 1: so it's yeah, things like that. It's funny like some 369 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 1: things are just expected of you. 370 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,639 Speaker 2: But like, what do you think when it comes to 371 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 2: friendships though, because I feel like, okay, family, I guess, 372 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,440 Speaker 2: as you said right off passage and typically in our 373 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 2: culture with family, they do it for someone else. So 374 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,880 Speaker 2: we notice that, like even even me, some weddings where 375 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,680 Speaker 2: the mom kuru that's like the older uncle or the 376 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,120 Speaker 2: mom nini younger uncle who walk you down the aisle, 377 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 2: not the actual dad. And then maybe I'm guessing your 378 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,360 Speaker 2: actual dad would have done the same for their your 379 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 2: cousins essentially, or you know, speeches are done by instead. 380 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,320 Speaker 1: Of your actual like I do think sometimes was like 381 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,280 Speaker 1: to get back, like I've done for everyone else, so 382 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,400 Speaker 1: it's my time to get back. It's almost like an investment, yes, 383 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,119 Speaker 1: but you know, like in the Western world you invest 384 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: like money into accounts that that realize and you know, 385 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: an appreciation there's you know, but like it's like I 386 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,399 Speaker 1: gave X amount of this person's so now when my 387 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 1: child's getting married, they're gonna bring this back. And it's 388 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: like it's not guaranteed that. 389 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 2: Yes, some people will be like, oh if you people 390 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 2: give you if you you know, and you're like, what 391 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 2: if they don't. 392 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,720 Speaker 1: Yes, So that came up as well around like oh, 393 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,840 Speaker 1: you can just like take the money from gifts. You 394 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,120 Speaker 1: get to pay for extra people we need, And I 395 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 1: was like, no, that's like bad like bad finance, financial planning. 396 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,160 Speaker 2: But you know, with friends, why do you think our 397 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,640 Speaker 2: ego like I reckon. 398 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 1: People? 399 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 2: Also the friends want to feel special, yes, and like 400 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,119 Speaker 2: if you're part of the bridal party or if you're not, 401 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 2: if you're planning the hands or making the close like. 402 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. 403 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 2: And also a bit of the I did yours, you 404 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 2: do mine starts to happen. But then also family structures, 405 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,439 Speaker 2: like some people will be like only if they have 406 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 2: lots of sisters, all my sisters and my bridesmaids. But 407 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:02,800 Speaker 2: then if they're friends don't have sisters or and it's like, okay, 408 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,640 Speaker 2: but you were my bride's maid, like don't you. It's 409 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 2: always so funny. All these awkward conversations. 410 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,640 Speaker 1: Have to happen, and I don't think you ever really 411 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: have that conversation with friends, Like so when it's my wedding, 412 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 1: this is how I'm seeing it, and you will unfortunately 413 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,159 Speaker 1: not be because you don't really have that happens, and 414 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: you kind of have to be like, well, this this 415 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,760 Speaker 1: is how it's happening. Do you understand what There's a. 416 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,160 Speaker 2: Lot of assumptions we're friends. Of course, I'm going yeah, 417 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:26,400 Speaker 2: but in mind. 418 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,959 Speaker 1: But you don't necessarily have that, so yeah, yeah. 419 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 2: Why do you think it's socially acceptable for wedding to 420 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:37,280 Speaker 2: like leave people in financial ruin because we all know, 421 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 2: I mean you said it yourself. 422 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 1: Like with the gifts, people were like, oh, if you 423 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: get gifts and. 424 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 2: You can cover the cost, but you're already paid for 425 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 2: the cost, so you're ready and you may never reach 426 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,120 Speaker 2: And what if that gift doesn't come through you when 427 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:50,880 Speaker 2: you get pots and pans instead of. 428 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,120 Speaker 1: Do you think it's keeping up with the Joneses thing 429 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 1: and it only comes by once and we know with 430 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 1: the statistics around marriage and divorce it's no. But yeah, 431 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,679 Speaker 1: I really think it is kind of like if not 432 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,439 Speaker 1: for this, then what we don't have? Other events we 433 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 1: don't have like you've like retired, Like maybe certain birthdays 434 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: like fortieth, fifty and sixtieth you do, but there's no expectations. 435 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: There's no this like when you're sixty you have to 436 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 1: have this huge party. Yeah, it may be common, but 437 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 1: weddings it's like this is the one time you throw 438 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,840 Speaker 1: it all out there and go big or go home. Yeah. 439 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: And I think the fact that, for instance, you can 440 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: get loans for weddings shows that it's all like capitalizing 441 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:41,120 Speaker 1: on people's desire to have maybe what is not within 442 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 1: their regions. Yeah time. 443 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think like social media doesn't help as well, 444 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 2: because now you're comparing yourself to a celebrity like yes, 445 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,360 Speaker 2: and you're like, oh they did this in Italy. 446 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: Ah my guy, I'd be seeing all these tuscan I'm 447 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:57,160 Speaker 1: like all these places and you're like, guy. 448 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,920 Speaker 2: But and also the funny thing is, and I think 449 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 2: even like courte niy Kodashian talking about that showed this, 450 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 2: some of those weddings can be sponsored, like I think 451 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:10,080 Speaker 2: torturing Bana like literally so things like you are comparing 452 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 2: yourself even even they're not paying for their wedding. 453 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: You know, isn't that just insane? I don't know. 454 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 2: It's like sometimes I'm like, are we okay as the people? 455 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: We're not? And I think we're gonna be studied. I'm 456 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,359 Speaker 1: scared to you know, sometimes you look back in history 457 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: and you're like, what were they thinking? We are definitely 458 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,160 Speaker 1: going to be a generation where they're like what were 459 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 1: they thinking? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. What are the realities of 460 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 1: wedding planning that often aren't spoken about? Because I feel 461 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 1: sometimes you just like fumble into You're like, WHOA, I 462 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: do not I never expected this. 463 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 2: I think family dynamics, like true, talk about that, family 464 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 2: dynamics like whether even if your parents are still together, 465 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 2: whether if you're like now in a single parent home 466 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 2: or your parents are remain whatever, this whatever your setup is, 467 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:03,440 Speaker 2: it truly brings that all, if there's any unspoken conversations, 468 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 2: any unspoken drama, any of that, if there's alcoholism in 469 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 2: the family, if there's whatever it is, stinginess, people don't 470 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 2: want to. 471 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 1: Help like whatever it is. 472 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,000 Speaker 2: Yes, it's just like brings it all up to the surface. 473 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,399 Speaker 2: You're like, oh, yeah, you really don't roll with me, 474 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 2: or well you really do roll with me, semple just 475 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 2: hunkered down and help you with anything and everything you 476 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 2: need for wedding, you know. 477 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,680 Speaker 1: So it's just and I think also then finances is 478 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:33,959 Speaker 1: a big reason why that these dynamics come to the forefront, 479 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 1: because anything to do with the money brings out different 480 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 1: sides of people that maybe you don't. 481 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 2: Necessarily be on a daily definitely, And yeah, you're so right, 482 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,520 Speaker 2: And I think we don't want to be judged. So 483 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,360 Speaker 2: people will be like, oh, we're not going to get 484 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 2: that cater or we're not going to get this or 485 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 2: that because of this and that. And you're like huhmm, yeah, 486 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,640 Speaker 2: you know, we're going to get married in the church 487 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 2: because my church buddies can't you know, you can't just 488 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:57,560 Speaker 2: do a garden wedding. 489 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:58,760 Speaker 1: What is that? You know? 490 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 2: So it's like I don't know if I feel like 491 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,639 Speaker 2: it's it's like we use weddings as a way to 492 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 2: be like, oh, this is how you are in the world, 493 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:07,960 Speaker 2: this is you. 494 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: I agree, but it's not. And I think for me, 495 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: another reality of wedding planning is that what you envision 496 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 1: is not necessarily what always happens, or you don't always 497 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,960 Speaker 1: you're always able to materialize that. It could be financially, 498 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 1: it could be service providers wise, it could be something happens, 499 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 1: or you know, certain family members aren't there, that your 500 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 1: father can't walk you down the aisle, Yeah, do you understand? 501 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: And and sometimes in those moments you have to let 502 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 1: that go. There's a lot of letting letting go. I 503 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 1: think that we don't compromise your lies. Yes, And also 504 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,920 Speaker 1: you're not marrying yourself. Yeah, so like you imagine you're 505 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 1: wrappling these thoughts your husband. Most husbands probably aren't, but 506 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 1: you know they're also going to bring their dynamics to 507 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: the forefront, right Whereas like even with friendships, I remember, 508 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,200 Speaker 1: I've been to so many weddings with it, Oh my 509 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,439 Speaker 1: my partner only has two friends. 510 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,159 Speaker 2: And then you're like, I'm rolling five deep. Who do 511 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 2: I drop off the marital list now because or or 512 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,800 Speaker 2: vice versa, you only have two girlfriends and you got 513 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 2: to rustle up three more, you know. So I find 514 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,760 Speaker 2: that I don't know, but it's just it brings every 515 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 2: eat and every dynamic of your life comes. 516 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 1: And within yourself to start grappling, like expectations versus reality 517 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: and all these kinds of things. How do you reckon 518 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:32,640 Speaker 1: people should feel if they're not asked to be a bridesmaid. 519 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 1: I think it's normal to feel like you if you 520 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,920 Speaker 1: wanted to be there for that person that you couldn't. 521 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,199 Speaker 1: I mean, if I think of your wedding, I was 522 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,320 Speaker 1: able to be at your engagement party, but because I 523 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 1: was starting my life and you in the Czech Republic, 524 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,160 Speaker 1: I couldn't make it to the Australian wedding. And it's 525 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 1: something I will always know, like I never got to 526 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,840 Speaker 1: be there, but at the same time it was the 527 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,240 Speaker 1: best decision. Yeah, but I don't even think like that, 528 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: And so like I think I showed up for you 529 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:07,679 Speaker 1: in the way, so I understand the feeling. And I 530 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,919 Speaker 1: remember when you thought you could make my wedding, like 531 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:14,240 Speaker 1: I understood your feeling of it. But I think it's 532 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,640 Speaker 1: also like the way it's supposed to be. It will 533 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: be the way it's supposed to be. And the most 534 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,400 Speaker 1: important thing for you as a friend to a friend 535 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,200 Speaker 1: getting married is for you to be happy for them 536 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 1: and support them. There are enough stresses around them and 537 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,720 Speaker 1: for you to be like, oh, why wasn't I, Why 538 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:33,719 Speaker 1: wasn't I. It adds like a sour taste to what 539 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 1: already a complex. So I think it's normal to feel 540 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:39,919 Speaker 1: that way. But I think there are other ways to 541 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 1: show up. You can write a letter, you can you know, 542 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,800 Speaker 1: do a video, you can give them. There's so many 543 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 1: different ways you can show up if you're thoughtful, and 544 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,439 Speaker 1: I think people still underestimate the importance of thoughtfulness beyond 545 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: just like monetary. But there's ways when you can show 546 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,880 Speaker 1: up for those you love in like unique ways that 547 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: say you still care and support them. It could be 548 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,160 Speaker 1: running around with them, it could be Yeah. 549 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 2: I think lots of friendships fracture around weddings, which is 550 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 2: so it's almost ironic, right, we were celebrating love and 551 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 2: then people like simple tell you that she was my 552 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,399 Speaker 2: bridesmaid and it was horrible. We weren't vibing and I 553 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,399 Speaker 2: haven't talked to her since my wedding, so like, but 554 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,480 Speaker 2: it was a wedding, yeah, you know. And I think 555 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 2: also like even people do ask you to be part 556 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 2: of the bridal team doesn't almost necessarily mean it's like 557 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,160 Speaker 2: this amazing thing. 558 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 1: Sometimes you're like now. 559 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 2: Stressful, Yeah, now you're stuck with them, but like that, 560 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 2: or you're financially also putting in Like I think, as 561 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 2: you're saying about my wedding, I never thought that about you. 562 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: I think I automatically knew. Of course. 563 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 2: I think that was what I was quite grateful about 564 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 2: with our wedding. Were quite realistic of where of how 565 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,800 Speaker 2: things work. Yes, I mean even my own families weren't 566 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 2: in the one Australia because who's about to be doing 567 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,959 Speaker 2: a visa? And like we just was too much admin. 568 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 2: So I guess it's like but obviously you personally would think, 569 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 2: oh it would have been nice, But I think you 570 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 2: have to also have a touch of realism for sure. 571 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 1: And that's similar the thing when you thought you could 572 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,040 Speaker 1: make it, I completely understood. And even like inviting people, 573 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 1: people were like, oh, sorry, I can't come. I was like, 574 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,280 Speaker 1: it's fine, I don't want to put you out because 575 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: these things add up especially when you're in the age 576 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:22,320 Speaker 1: of like, way everybody is getting married around you. But 577 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,480 Speaker 1: based on our experience and what you've learned through getting 578 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 1: married and all that, what do you wish you'd known 579 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 1: about weddings before? And what would you advise your younger 580 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: self on. 581 00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:40,719 Speaker 2: Communicate honest, communicating to you about what about everything? So, 582 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 2: like we're talking about bridal party, if you do have 583 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 2: a homie who's like making a joke like, oh, I 584 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 2: can't wait at your wedding and you know they're not 585 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:50,280 Speaker 2: going to be one, Like, let's start also be as 586 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 2: you know needs, Yeah, planting seeds or explaining a situation. Yeah, 587 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 2: I think once people like feel they like I feel 588 00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 2: like when people are blindsided, that's when this problem starts. 589 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,400 Speaker 2: So whether it's financially blindsided, like oh I didn't realize 590 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:07,720 Speaker 2: that my bridesmaid I have to pay for it? 591 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,560 Speaker 1: D D D DA DA dad, Like, be honest. 592 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 2: Okay, girls, girlies, if this is what you know, if 593 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 2: this is what I'll be expecting, you're gonna maybe forg 594 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 2: off your own dress. It's gonna be a detonation wedding. 595 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 2: It's gonna always be. But then also realize in doing 596 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 2: that that you're gonna get the feedback back and then 597 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,880 Speaker 2: how you deal with that. So if someone says, oh, sorry, 598 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,320 Speaker 2: I really can't afford these loose button shoes you want 599 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,719 Speaker 2: us to all wear? Yeah, and then what does that 600 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 2: understand it? Do you know either you pay for them 601 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,120 Speaker 2: or you don't. Do you put that within your budget 602 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 2: or not? So I feel like it's open honesty in 603 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 2: every aspect, but especially like obviously relationships or relational telling 604 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 2: your parents if something's gone too far or you know, 605 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 2: it's just be prepared for awkward, honest conversations, don't avoid them. True, 606 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 2: because whichever way it's gonna come to roost, bra. 607 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,480 Speaker 1: And you've hit the nail, the nail on the head 608 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:06,720 Speaker 1: around like, be prepared to stand up for yourself. There's 609 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,360 Speaker 1: one thing I would give myself advice on is like 610 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:15,400 Speaker 1: trust yourself and know you are your best advocates. Yeah, 611 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 1: in those situations. I think something I learned during our 612 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 1: wedding process is that you can be generous in how 613 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 1: you approach your wedding, but don't expect everyone around you 614 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:26,600 Speaker 1: to be. 615 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 2: Selfless or like make you, make you priority. They also 616 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 2: want to feel they. 617 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 1: Also have their own sort of agenda, and. 618 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,680 Speaker 2: You should probably be a bit more selfish. It's probably 619 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 2: what I would say and communicate with your partner. Chair 620 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 2: sometimes he doesn't get the dynamics and it's. 621 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: Like, oh, why don't we just do it? That's not 622 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:51,120 Speaker 1: how this family or you know. So there's so many 623 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:52,959 Speaker 1: little things. I'm like, we should have just been like whatever. 624 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 1: I would have gone on honeymoon immediately after. I think 625 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 1: we travel with my parents because it was their first 626 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: time to the check Republic. Wouldn't do that again. 627 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was actually gonna ask something definitely, what would 628 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,360 Speaker 2: be like, guys, I love you, I'm out, because I 629 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 2: ended up being very frustrated, like spending so much time 630 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 2: in post proximity with my parents doing everything for them 631 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 2: after we like. 632 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,760 Speaker 1: Had really labored on the way labored on the wedding day, 633 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,560 Speaker 1: and I think I really felt that loneliness for our 634 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 1: check wedding. We did a lot of work, the two 635 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,280 Speaker 1: of us. We had wedding planners, thank goodness. Uh, but 636 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,000 Speaker 1: I mean my husband had to go pick up his 637 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: parents and drive them to the vein like no one 638 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 1: was thinking of us like in that way, and I 639 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:40,960 Speaker 1: remembering like wtf, Like that really hosting hosting. It brought 640 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 1: to light and my system. She came about like a 641 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,120 Speaker 1: week or two early. She was like, you guys are 642 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,680 Speaker 1: really doing this alone? And I was like, yeah, so 643 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 1: I think that was an eye opener. Would you do 644 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: different than in that aspect, I'd be like, you're figuring 645 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 1: yourselves out, like we planned like transport from the thing 646 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 1: and the people are like, no, I'm gonna come from there. No, 647 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 1: the honeymoon. Definitely would do it alone. And Yeah, a 648 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: bit more adamant on certain things we wanted though. I 649 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,160 Speaker 1: think I was quite clear on what I did or 650 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,520 Speaker 1: did not want, but I really had to dig deep 651 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:19,120 Speaker 1: to speak up for myself, especially with family on certain things, 652 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 1: which is hard, especially we don't speak like that where 653 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 1: we come from. Yeah, definitely you just accept for sure. Yeah. Yeah. 654 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,560 Speaker 1: And last one, as we wrap this, if you could 655 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 1: do it all over again, what would you do exactly 656 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 1: the same? And what would you forego? 657 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 2: Wow, exactly the same, exactly the same. Probably still going 658 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 2: to the three destinations over three weeks because I feel 659 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 2: like we saw a lot of people along our journey 660 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:52,280 Speaker 2: who at certain aspects of our relationship have been there. Yeah, 661 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 2: So like everyone got to play homage or you. 662 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: Know, the party. 663 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,960 Speaker 2: So definitely, very very happy We've got to do. It's 664 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,640 Speaker 2: a lot of planning, especially when you're traveling and the 665 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 2: jet like yo, but you know it, I was very 666 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:12,000 Speaker 2: grateful and I've got to show myself's family Zimbabwe as well. 667 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:16,080 Speaker 2: So I think it was it was that part I 668 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,080 Speaker 2: would do exactly the same. It was just so beautiful 669 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 2: for going, I think being a bit relaxed about creating memories, 670 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:28,799 Speaker 2: so especially for Zimbabwe. A lot of my family since then, 671 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:32,360 Speaker 2: I've since passed away. I mean COVID then happened, so 672 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,840 Speaker 2: I think not having like a videographer or an official photographer. 673 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,640 Speaker 2: Obviously we took photos on their phones, yes, but I 674 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 2: should have probably just gone that extra step. Even though 675 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,720 Speaker 2: it was Rora and Rota mine June twenty nineteen to now, 676 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,239 Speaker 2: it's changed very as drastically changed, which I'm really happy about. 677 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 2: But at the same time, it also means that there 678 00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:53,799 Speaker 2: was some stuff that's so standard now that wasn't then. Yes, 679 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,799 Speaker 2: and forgetting a videographer and a photographers. Definitely, And I've 680 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 2: had some cousins of mine we're like, oh my god, 681 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 2: last person I saw, last time I saw that person 682 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,279 Speaker 2: sutural like, so it seemed like it bought a lot 683 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,000 Speaker 2: of people in my family just by chance together to 684 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:11,640 Speaker 2: get that and to not have proper documentation for that 685 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:12,479 Speaker 2: is a bit sad. 686 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:13,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. 687 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 2: And then the same thing happened in Germany. Same thing. 688 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,200 Speaker 2: I didn't have an official photographer or a videographer. Same 689 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 2: thing in Perth. You know, we had friends chipping and 690 00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,840 Speaker 2: help us, but like I should have. It's now it 691 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,680 Speaker 2: seems like such a silly cost that I could have 692 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 2: just paid for. But at the time I thought, oh, 693 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,879 Speaker 2: I can't be bothered, you know, and obvious I would 694 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,520 Speaker 2: have to have three different sets of teens. There was 695 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,000 Speaker 2: three different so I just thought, I'm a long list 696 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 2: of things to do. It just fell way way down. 697 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:45,000 Speaker 2: But then now it's one of the last thing things 698 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,440 Speaker 2: that could have had, you know what I mean. So 699 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, definitely, please get a hodeographer and photographer. 700 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,160 Speaker 1: We'll just do it for your for your tenure. 701 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:58,000 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah again, But like yeah, I just it's 702 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 4: it's sweet memories I have of all these people, but 703 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,759 Speaker 4: now they're just in my head because a lot of 704 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 4: people showed up and we're really grateful but we don't 705 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,480 Speaker 4: actually have good documentary. 706 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,040 Speaker 1: But I will say, at least you still have that memory. 707 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,680 Speaker 1: I do know how to treat it. Like imagine you'd 708 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,480 Speaker 1: be like, well, I'm not doing any of this, Like 709 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,759 Speaker 1: I still have that for sure, that memory for me. 710 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:23,600 Speaker 1: I think I loved both my weddings. I think my vision. 711 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 1: I was very like sure on what I wanted, and 712 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,400 Speaker 1: I think I love that I paid a much to 713 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 1: like Zim like I'm we ate out of metal plates 714 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 1: and what I remember. My mom was like huh and 715 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: I literally was like, yep, I know what I want 716 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,879 Speaker 1: and I knew it. Even the tint if I tell 717 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,720 Speaker 1: you how we panted for that tint to the stretch 718 00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:45,440 Speaker 1: tint and they're like, no, just get this, and I 719 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:46,160 Speaker 1: was like, no, I. 720 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,359 Speaker 2: Knew they want to get the standards the standard, but 721 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,279 Speaker 2: like I just hadn't we had like hey for people 722 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,759 Speaker 2: to sit on during them bliss all these things. It's 723 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,920 Speaker 2: like trusting my vision, and I think it was a 724 00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,880 Speaker 2: good reminder that you do have that create bone and 725 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,240 Speaker 2: like there's something there and to trust. 726 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,080 Speaker 1: Again, I keep saying, trusting yourself. I think it's a 727 00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: big thing because then I can still sit here and 728 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,440 Speaker 1: be like, I'm so happy with that turned out. I 729 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 1: would change what I said about the honeymoon and all 730 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:18,600 Speaker 1: that dynamic for sure. And I think I would invite 731 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,360 Speaker 1: more friends. Okay to which one to our check wedding. 732 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,360 Speaker 1: I think I would invite more friends because friends have 733 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,960 Speaker 1: really shown up more in a lot of ways than family, 734 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,240 Speaker 1: which is a really interesting thing because I think our parents' 735 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,440 Speaker 1: generation we were talking about this, it was a different dynamic. 736 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,000 Speaker 1: Family showed up. But for me, I found that friends 737 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: really show up the most. So I would definitely shift 738 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,839 Speaker 1: that around. And but yeah, I'm glad we timed it all. 739 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,080 Speaker 1: We did two in one year, which is mad. I mean, 740 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:51,200 Speaker 1: you did three in like a couple of weeks. But yeah, 741 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:55,319 Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have been so generous, That's what I'll say, 742 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,320 Speaker 1: with your time, with your with our money, or I 743 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,920 Speaker 1: think I love how like general we were with our 744 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,720 Speaker 1: like rides maids and team, because obviously we're there because 745 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,239 Speaker 1: you guys had our back, But there's some things I'm like, 746 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,560 Speaker 1: we didn't need to do all that team too much 747 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:10,400 Speaker 1: too much. 748 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,360 Speaker 2: Yeah it was beautiful, so we appreciate whatever it was 749 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:13,839 Speaker 2: you were doing. 750 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,960 Speaker 1: But I yeah, yeah, this has been good, like going 751 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,600 Speaker 1: back down memory. Yeah, because we talked about but we 752 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 1: never had this. 753 00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:24,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, we talked about dating, we talked about marriage, but 754 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,480 Speaker 2: like I think I was just Scott waiting. 755 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's draining. 756 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,920 Speaker 2: It is very draining, and you're almost like for you 757 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,560 Speaker 2: and I were such planners live in your head. Yeah, 758 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,640 Speaker 2: and sometimes even on the day to keep your mind 759 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,200 Speaker 2: the days or day and to keep your minding yourself 760 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,480 Speaker 2: to actually enjoy your hard labor after plannel. But we 761 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:44,480 Speaker 2: were up at two am for my cooking and the 762 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:45,520 Speaker 2: time you're like serving that. 763 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:50,400 Speaker 1: Food like you're best eating it and enjoy this. But like, yeah, 764 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,080 Speaker 1: I definitely did that and it was the best decision 765 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,120 Speaker 1: because it was the most perfect two days, like it 766 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,680 Speaker 1: could not have Like I enjoyed it. Things didn't work out, 767 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,400 Speaker 1: like our translator for the check wedding didn't arrive, but 768 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,840 Speaker 1: I was calm. You know, the dance floor thing. You 769 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,360 Speaker 1: didn't realize. I was fine, like, yeah, don't be a 770 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:09,359 Speaker 1: bright dance but didn't come. 771 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,200 Speaker 2: You see, these are things that yeah, you don't know 772 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,480 Speaker 2: until you're having a good time. 773 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:16,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. AnyWho, but yeah, thanks so much, thanks for listening. 774 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:18,320 Speaker 1: Let us know how your wedding. 775 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:22,760 Speaker 2: Please, what advice you would give the thick of planning 776 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:23,240 Speaker 2: a wedding. 777 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:27,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's by you. You can do this. You can 778 00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,799 Speaker 1: do this. Just try to do it once in your life. 779 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:40,400 Speaker 1: He is left flow when you do the guys. Free 780 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:41,640 Speaker 1: audio post production 781 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:44,920 Speaker 3: By ourphonic dot com