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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buggel up and hold on tight.

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Speaker 2: We got it for you here. It is Strawberry. Let up.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, nephew. Subject my success is intimidating. Dear Stephen Shirley.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty seven and never been married. I was in

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Speaker 1: a four year relationship and when I got promoted, my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend left the relationship. We met on an online dating

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Speaker 1: site for professionals, and we were compatible on so many levels.

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Speaker 1: He is an administrator at his job and I was

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Speaker 1: a team leader. When we started dating. I wanted love

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Speaker 1: and he provided that. But he also added a lot

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Speaker 1: of competition to our relationship. When I get dressed in

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Speaker 1: the morning to head out to work, he'd say I

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Speaker 1: looked powerful instead of beautiful, and he would tell me

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Speaker 1: to boss up if I complained about stress at work.

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Speaker 1: He treated me like he was my mentor and I

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Speaker 1: was beneath them professionally, but I actually made more money

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Speaker 1: than him. Then I got a promotion and a company car,

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Speaker 1: and he overheard me telling my mom what I'd be

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Speaker 1: making annually. He insinuated that I was too close to

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Speaker 1: my boss and that's why I got a promotion. We

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Speaker 1: argued for days, and then he moved out. Since we

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Speaker 1: broke up, I've had a few dates, but I haven't

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Speaker 1: found a man that matches me intellectually or financially. One

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Speaker 1: guy told me that my success is very intimidating. I

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Speaker 1: wish men could see my sweet and nurturing side, but

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Speaker 1: as soon as I tell them what I do for

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Speaker 1: a living, they decide that I don't have time for

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Speaker 1: a relationship. I have thought about telling guys that I

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Speaker 1: have an entry level job, just to see if they

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Speaker 1: would ask me out again. There are so many these

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Speaker 1: sides of me, and I would hate to have to

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Speaker 1: diminish all that I am to satisfy a man. My

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Speaker 1: ex married and art teacher go figure. So are women

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Speaker 1: expected to bet our eyelashes and act needy to get

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Speaker 1: a husband. That's true for insecure, controlling men. If you

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Speaker 1: want that for your husband, they do try to compete

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Speaker 1: with you and knock you down a few pegs, But

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't have to dim your light or make yourself

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Speaker 1: smaller for any man. A real man would want you

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Speaker 1: to be all that you can be and would support

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Speaker 1: you every step of the way. He would celebrate you.

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Speaker 1: Relationships are supposed to be partnerships that lead to marriage

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Speaker 1: or whatever, and unfortunately a lot of women do dumb

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Speaker 1: themselves down to get a man. My advice to you

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Speaker 1: is simply to be yourself. Don't change who you are,

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Speaker 1: shine brightly, wait for the right man to come along

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Speaker 1: and to accept you for who you are a strong,

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Speaker 1: confident woman. I mean, the people at your job see it.

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Speaker 1: Why can't he? Why can't your ex see it? Steve?

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Speaker 3: Real men are not intimidated by women, period.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh.

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Speaker 3: Real men are not intimidated by women.

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Speaker 2: Period.

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Speaker 3: Now, if you're dating an underdeveloped man, that was your pick.

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Speaker 3: You picked him. So listen. I understand the narrative that

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Speaker 3: women have created. And this is more or less about

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Speaker 3: an open discussion between me and the ladies on the.

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Speaker 2: Show, because this letter.

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Speaker 3: Is how many times have we heard this that women

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Speaker 3: live under the guys or the illusion or delusion that

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Speaker 3: men are intimidated by your success. Now I offer this

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Speaker 3: to you, sometimes men are not intimidated but ashamed. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: men are not where they want to be and are

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Speaker 3: a bit embarrassed by it when they find out that

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Speaker 3: you are, and because it becomes a bit of shame

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Speaker 3: and embarrassment.

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Speaker 2: But there are so many women that.

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Speaker 3: Have taken this and turned it into I intimidate them.

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Speaker 3: And I guess that was a fair thing for you

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Speaker 3: all to say, because.

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Speaker 2: It sounds empowering.

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Speaker 3: But I want to just offer you an alternative line

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Speaker 3: of thinking. And if you had this alternative line of thinking,

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Speaker 3: it can help you cope with it. Now, Steve, why

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Speaker 3: women always got the dumb it down?

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Speaker 2: And figure this out?

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Speaker 3: You do want to wrote the letter in and say

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Speaker 3: you want somebody. I ain't never wrote a letter in

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Speaker 3: and said I wanted nobody. So now if you want somebody,

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Speaker 3: there's a game to this.

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Speaker 2: There's some gamesmanship.

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Speaker 3: It's gamesmanship that men have to play to get you,

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Speaker 3: and you know it. And it's things that you require

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Speaker 3: and you know it. So when something gets required of you,

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Speaker 3: some type of gamesmanship, you ain't got to get mad

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Speaker 3: at Uncle Steve because he telling you the game.

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Speaker 2: I'm just trying to help you with the game. Now.

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Speaker 3: I could use this letter, which I think i'll do,

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Speaker 3: but I wanted to say that first so we could

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Speaker 3: get on the same page. I really want women to

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Speaker 3: understand this. Y'all met online for professionals, and we were

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Speaker 3: compatible on so many levels. He's an administrator. I was

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Speaker 3: a team leader. I wanted love and all this here.

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Speaker 3: When I got dressed in the morning the head to work,

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Speaker 3: he'd say I look powerful instead of beautiful. He would

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Speaker 3: tell me the boss up. If I complained about stress

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Speaker 3: at the work. He treated me like my mentor, and

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Speaker 3: I will beneath him professionally. You the one went on

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Speaker 3: this dating site for professionals. That's where you went. You

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Speaker 3: looked for people with similar mind sex. You want a

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Speaker 3: professional man, but what you oftentimes forget is a lot

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Speaker 3: of men bringing their jobs home. So that guy that's

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Speaker 3: a professional at work, he tried. He acts like he's

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Speaker 3: a professional at the house too. Boss up, you look

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Speaker 3: powerful today.

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Speaker 1: Goodbye. All right, we'll have part two of your response

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Speaker 1: coming up. Steve At twenty three minutes after the hour,

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Speaker 1: Today's Strawberry letter, subject my success is intimidating. We'll get

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Speaker 1: back into it right after this. You're listening to the

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Speaker 1: Steve Harvey Morning Show. Holidays. It's hard to find the

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Speaker 1: You can give a couple away and get yourself one too,

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Speaker 1: or you could keep them all to yourself. No one

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Speaker 1: has to know. Stop by your local Verizon. All right,

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject

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Speaker 1: is my success is intimidating.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I've told you the way that I want you

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Speaker 3: all sometimes to consider this, and I appreciate it. I

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Speaker 3: understand why you say it's intimidating, because intimidating is a

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Speaker 3: more empowering urn.

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Speaker 2: I'll give it to you.

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Speaker 3: And you've earned what you've earned, and you deserve to

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Speaker 3: be where you are, and congratulations. But a real man

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Speaker 3: is not intimidated by your success. Now, some men are

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Speaker 3: a shamed of where they are. So there's a bit

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Speaker 3: of shame when they meet a woman who has it together,

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Speaker 3: and a bit of what he called it, disappointment in themselves.

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Speaker 3: But if you want to call it intimidation for the

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Speaker 3: sake of the letter, Okay, so you're intimidating, I'm just

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Speaker 3: offering your way. So now, but I want to show

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Speaker 3: you something in this letter that I just noticed you.

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Speaker 3: So you were in a four year relationship then and

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Speaker 3: when you got promoted, your boyfriend left the relationship. Now

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Speaker 3: you met on an online dating site for professionals. Right here,

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Speaker 3: you went seeking this type of man, where you got it.

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Speaker 3: We would compare on so many levels. He's an administrator

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Speaker 3: at his job. I was a team leader. When we

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Speaker 3: started dating. I wanted love and he provided that. But

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Speaker 3: he also added a lot of competition to our relationship. Okay,

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Speaker 3: you're in the professional zone. Now, that's what y'all do

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Speaker 3: in corporate America. When I got dressed in the morning

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Speaker 3: to head out the work, he said I look powerful

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Speaker 3: instead of I look beautiful. He would tell me to

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Speaker 3: boss up if I complain about stress at work. See,

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Speaker 3: you meet these professional men, so you think, and they

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Speaker 3: bring their job home because he thinks that's what you like.

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Speaker 3: And now that's what he trying to be. Now he

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Speaker 3: go to park right here. He treated me like he

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Speaker 3: was my mentor and I was beneath him professionally. Whoa

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Speaker 3: wait a minute, now hold up. Now, you either want

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Speaker 3: a man in charge. You want a man that was

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Speaker 3: shureley you can crown. You want a man that's a

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Speaker 3: I don't know what you want because when he acts

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Speaker 3: like he you minutor, mentor, and then you say I

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Speaker 3: was beneath him professionally, but I actually made more money

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Speaker 3: than him. Okay, See, you got to make up your

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Speaker 3: mind now. Oh, because you make more money than him,

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Speaker 3: he can't tell you nothing, He can't act like he

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Speaker 3: ment of you. He do know the male side of

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Speaker 3: things that he can offer to you and that you

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Speaker 3: may not have from female perspective.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but actually mail more money him.

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Speaker 3: Then I got a promotion and a company car, and

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Speaker 3: he overheard me telling my mom what I'd be making annually.

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Speaker 3: He insinuated that I was too close to my boss

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Speaker 3: and that's why I got a promotion. Oh now he

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Speaker 3: gonna make you think you slip your way to the tongue.

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Speaker 3: I understand your ankle. Like I said, systems, you got

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Speaker 3: your education, you did the credentials, you put your time in.

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Speaker 3: You deserve to be who you're gonna be. We arguing

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Speaker 3: for days, and then he moved out. He couldn't take

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Speaker 3: it no more because I think he got ashamed of

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Speaker 3: where you were getting to.

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Speaker 2: And he wasn't.

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Speaker 3: Because now he mentoring you getting promotions, company cars, making

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Speaker 3: most salary.

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Speaker 2: All this him.

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Speaker 3: Now, since we broke up, you had a few dates,

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Speaker 3: and I ain't found a man that matches me intellectually

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Speaker 3: or financially. One guy told me that my success was

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Speaker 3: very intimidating. I told you, real men, not intimidate that

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Speaker 3: this little boy you'd have met with all these little

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Speaker 3: hang ups in his own little life.

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Speaker 2: That's what he gonna tell you. I wish men could

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Speaker 2: see my sweet and nurturing inside.

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Speaker 3: But as soon as I tell him what I do

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Speaker 3: for a living, they decide that I don't have time

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Speaker 3: for me this. I've thought about telling guys that have

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Speaker 3: an entry level God, just to see if they would

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Speaker 3: ask me how to Can all right?

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Speaker 2: Go ahead? Try to do now?

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Speaker 3: So many sides of me I would hate to have

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Speaker 3: to diminish all that I am to satisfy a man.

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Speaker 3: So let me ask you a question when you say

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Speaker 3: you don't want to diminish all that I am just

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Speaker 3: to satisfy man.

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Speaker 2: So what are you leading with all this in the conversation?

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Speaker 3: Have you made this a level of importance to you

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Speaker 3: because you don't want you You can't find a man

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Speaker 3: that intellectually matches you or financially that seems to be

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Speaker 3: a package deal with you.

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Speaker 2: So now.

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Speaker 3: Are you looking for a good man or are you

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Speaker 3: looking for a certain type of man? And it's okay,

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Speaker 3: you got every right to want what you want, but

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Speaker 3: in here can be part of the problem because if

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Speaker 3: you're not just looking for a good man, if you're

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Speaker 3: looking for a good man with a certain type of

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Speaker 3: job making a certain amount of money, then get in line,

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Speaker 3: because everybody looking for him. So I'm not gonna be

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Speaker 3: able to help you because you've created all of the

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Speaker 3: stereotypes that keep you right where you need to be.

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Speaker 3: You're intimidating to men you make more money than him.

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Speaker 3: How he mint her in me? Okay, I don't know

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Speaker 3: what to tell you. My ex maritor, art teacher, go figure, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: he got he married art teacher, Go figure, what's you?

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Speaker 2: You? You you throwing me a little bit? What's the

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Speaker 2: matter with the art teacher?

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Speaker 3: Well, oh, she ain't a professional, she ain't a team leader,

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Speaker 3: or she don't make the money you make. Oh all right,

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Speaker 3: so now you ain't happy what men make all other women.

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Speaker 1: From Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram.

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Speaker 3: And so women expected to better hour lives and that

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Speaker 3: needy four husband.

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Speaker 2: I like our last bat Oh stop that.

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Speaker 1: Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on the free Heart

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Speaker 1: Radio app. We never sounded so good. You can download

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Speaker 1: it Today you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show