Speaker 1: That's why I would you hear you hear something mostly
Speaker 1: right when you go like I like I like dogs
Speaker 1: more than people. That that's crazy, that's crazy. Yes, I
Speaker 1: think when they say that, they're saying I like animals
Speaker 1: more than black people, right, that's what it feels like.
Speaker 1: That's like, I like animals more than people who don't
Speaker 1: look like me. Everybody else I'm pretty cool with, and
Speaker 1: I rank above in him. Like if you have Spider
Speaker 1: Man's delima when he could say, Barry Jane, what the
Speaker 1: train call? But accept it's a dog and a bus
Speaker 1: for the black people. Chips and yours are racists money stuff.
Speaker 1: I can't tell me. Yep, yep, yep, there it is.
Speaker 1: There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal
Speaker 1: episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we
Speaker 1: dive deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories
Speaker 1: and we finally worked to prove that Chuck Berry had
Speaker 1: to have invented rocking roll, because what's more rocking rod
Speaker 1: then secretly filming hundreds of women while they ship. You
Speaker 1: think Elvis Presley had that kind of commitment to the art. No,
Speaker 1: he did not. Elvis may have died on the toilet,
Speaker 1: but Chuck Berry lived on that toilet. He lived with
Speaker 1: a terrible, terrible conscience from all of the terrible things
Speaker 1: he did to the women he hurt. That's that's my
Speaker 1: that's the theory I'm spreading this week. I think i'm
Speaker 1: your host, lengths Thon Kerman. I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about crimes of Chuck Berry. I guess that's
Speaker 1: that's the energy. I'm coming in with, a little hot,
Speaker 1: a little weird. Did y'all know Chuck Berry watch Women? It?
Speaker 1: I did. I've known it for quite a while, and
Speaker 1: I'm happy to share with you the listeners at own.
Speaker 1: My guest today, he's shaking his head no, as if
Speaker 1: to say he didn't know that Chuck Berry filmed Women Shitty.
Speaker 1: But it's an exciting revelation for everybody. He's a wonderful
Speaker 1: stand up comedian, fucking hilarious. He's been on on Comedy Central.
Speaker 1: He most recently and most importantly as a killer fucking
Speaker 1: set on the stand Ups on Netflix season three. Y'all
Speaker 1: need to go watch the ship so funny. Please give
Speaker 1: it up for my guests. Mr Bryan Simpson, Hell yeah, damn.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that Chuck Berry watched people's ship. Yeah, well, women,
Speaker 1: he's not a sick Oh what how did how did
Speaker 1: it win? How? How? Apparently and this is like, you know,
Speaker 1: he had to have really invested because this was back
Speaker 1: when cameras were big and challenging to mount. But apparently
Speaker 1: he like would set up cameras in bathrooms and in
Speaker 1: his home so that he could he could have that footage,
Speaker 1: and then he he edited together to like basically have
Speaker 1: like a super cut of just ladies taking dumps. And
Speaker 1: so when he got arrested, FBI found all of that.
Speaker 1: I didn't know any of this about Chuck Berry. I
Speaker 1: just thought he was like a forgotten hero that had
Speaker 1: been robbed by the white man. I mean it's that too.
Speaker 1: Both can be true. You can be robbed by the
Speaker 1: white man and a real fucking sick oh you know. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The last time heard was like they don't give a
Speaker 1: chuck about no Berry. Yeah, wow, he was feeling people shitty. Man,
Speaker 1: they all got that thing. I guess I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it's like he would throw away the urine ones.
Speaker 1: He would he didn't want to see baby alright, I
Speaker 1: mean I guess that's how you think of something like
Speaker 1: rock and roll. Look, you think you could have written
Speaker 1: Run Run Rudolph if you didn't see somebody's ship, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, you gotta see somebody ship
Speaker 1: to feel inspired in that. We've got to be operating
Speaker 1: on your own frequency exactly. That that ship that had
Speaker 1: to come from something real dark and real heavy. And
Speaker 1: they also invent the poop fetish. I don't know. And
Speaker 1: that's a great question that that maybe we need to
Speaker 1: explore in an episode, is that that Chuck Berry also
Speaker 1: is not getting credit for a different invention that he
Speaker 1: very much should be getting credit for it, because maybe
Speaker 1: Rock and Roll activated that fetish in in you know humans,
Speaker 1: m hm, you know maybe before there's no prior cases
Speaker 1: of people having a poop fetish before that. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: in a in an odd way, I do think that
Speaker 1: the poop fetish has has similarly been made to be
Speaker 1: a white sensation, right that that we sort of poke
Speaker 1: at these odd fetishes and we, oh, well, that's white
Speaker 1: people do that nasty ship. Black people wouldn't do that,
Speaker 1: and that's wrong. Chuck Berry invented that ship, and we
Speaker 1: got to take back our poop fetish you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think we were getting me a pushback there either.
Speaker 1: I don't think white people are gonna be like, no,
Speaker 1: get no, you've gone too far. Well, well, who knows, man,
Speaker 1: that's an organization for everything that may be. That may
Speaker 1: be like a sub reddit for poop fetish people in
Speaker 1: preserving the history of Maybe there's one a a poop
Speaker 1: reddit Redding. Yeah, No, there's gotta be. If there's a
Speaker 1: boy Lovers of America or whatever, there's gotta be a
Speaker 1: fetish Yeah. I like to think that there's It's it's
Speaker 1: less of like the entire reddit dedicated to the history
Speaker 1: of it and more just there's a poop reddit, and
Speaker 1: some historians are a part of the poop reddit, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like they come in and they
Speaker 1: hit the group with facts. Yeah, that seems more likely. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we keep talking about Chuck Berry and Poopy or Brian
Speaker 1: because you came to me with a conspiracy theory that
Speaker 1: I think this is gonna be a good one. It's
Speaker 1: one that I feel we've we've sort of covered on
Speaker 1: many episodes of the show, but never in the way
Speaker 1: that you're presenting it, and certainly not to the death
Speaker 1: that we need to go today. But you said, my
Speaker 1: mama told me Black people don't like dogs. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, like my mom because I think, honestly, man,
Speaker 1: I think it comes from the old, old, old black
Speaker 1: need to present us as clean as like an encounters
Speaker 1: like almost like a subconscious counter argument to that we
Speaker 1: were dirty. It was like it was like the animals
Speaker 1: aren't in the house, damn, all up on the bed,
Speaker 1: all up in the counter, none of that. And so
Speaker 1: like my mom is, she is adamant about it, Like
Speaker 1: the animals. She won't come to my house because I
Speaker 1: have a cat. So she won't even visit you because
Speaker 1: you you have gone into this quote unquote dirtny space
Speaker 1: by hallowing an animal into you. Now, now she may
Speaker 1: come in, but she definitely won't eat. I feel like
Speaker 1: I can sit on your couch, but I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: not eating your food. Yeah, damn. She's serious about it too.
Speaker 1: Do you so? I I assume based on that, so
Speaker 1: your mother was the person who introduced this idea to you? Then? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And so with that, do you did you believe it
Speaker 1: when you first heard it? Because now you have a cat,
Speaker 1: you obviously are I would hope an animal lover was
Speaker 1: the holerable. I've never I've never heard it from her.
Speaker 1: She just behaved that way. Oh but yeah, you I
Speaker 1: rarely saw any black people growing up with dogs that
Speaker 1: weren't like for protection purposes. Right, everybody's dog had a function,
Speaker 1: not friend. It wasn't none of these little dogs, these
Speaker 1: little cute dogs. You know. It was a German shepherd,
Speaker 1: it was a pit bull, it was a rot wallet.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a you know, a ship suit or none
Speaker 1: of that. But the truth is, I think I don't
Speaker 1: think this is a conspiracy theory. I think this is true.
Speaker 1: I think whoa, I think Black people don't like dogs
Speaker 1: because dogs don't like us. Oh. Like that was our
Speaker 1: general experience because having a dog is it's privileged, right.
Speaker 1: So it's like whenever you encounter your white friend's dog,
Speaker 1: it would be like right right, right, right, right right.
Speaker 1: They'd be like, oh, he doesn't usually act like this,
Speaker 1: right No, So so that that was always my experience.
Speaker 1: Whenever I would always just assume, oh, you don't have
Speaker 1: enough black people around your dog, right. You know. I
Speaker 1: talked about this a little bit earlier, but we did
Speaker 1: do a mini episode where someone suggested that exact theory
Speaker 1: that dogs are racist, that there there are some dogs
Speaker 1: and not some dogs. But the argument that I think
Speaker 1: that you're making is that animals have an inherent racism.
Speaker 1: And one of the things that we sort of found
Speaker 1: in that episode is that a lot of studies are
Speaker 1: arguing that they don't have inherent racism, and in fact,
Speaker 1: it is the lack of interaction that the owners have
Speaker 1: with these other groups that makes them react that way
Speaker 1: to black and brown people who they don't recognize. That like,
Speaker 1: dogs funk with people who look like their owners, and
Speaker 1: if you don't introduce them to people who don't look
Speaker 1: like you, they're gonna act weird when they finally see
Speaker 1: somebody else. Yeah. But if that's an excuse for dogs
Speaker 1: and wise and that excuse for people, I mean, look,
Speaker 1: you know, you know what, Horses ain't racists. Okay, they
Speaker 1: don't need to be socialized. Every time I met a horse,
Speaker 1: they were cooler ship. But so now dogs need to
Speaker 1: be socialized to like black people that than you racist?
Speaker 1: Then that's inherent balious. Okay. Now I'm I'm I'm enjoying
Speaker 1: going down this train because you are pointing out that
Speaker 1: that there are no other animals, not like you go
Speaker 1: to your friend's house and they have a bearded dragon
Speaker 1: and you gotta be like chill bro real racist right now.
Speaker 1: That said, I think the argument some people would make
Speaker 1: is that dogs are smarter animals than than the others
Speaker 1: by comparison, but not smart enough to be like cats,
Speaker 1: who are just like I'll kill the entire human race equally.
Speaker 1: I hate all of y'all. No one's special here. What
Speaker 1: about dolphins? Okay, dolphins don't gotta be there. They I
Speaker 1: think they're arguably the smartest creature other than us. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and they and they don't they don't well, I mean,
Speaker 1: they do sometimes kill humans, but they ain't never kill
Speaker 1: no black people. Yeah, what a bold statement. Can you
Speaker 1: prove that? I doubt it, But I love this the
Speaker 1: confidence that you went into that sentence with. I think
Speaker 1: it will be all over. It will be all over
Speaker 1: the news dolphin kills black man because we would add
Speaker 1: that every time a creature kills a black person, we
Speaker 1: added to the list. Sure, we don't. You know, we
Speaker 1: have an odd relationship with sort of like violence and animals.
Speaker 1: I think because I remember and I'm sure you remember
Speaker 1: this as well. Those uh, those when animals attack videos,
Speaker 1: And they used to do like specials on Fox when
Speaker 1: I was a kid, of like just showing you hours
Speaker 1: and hours of people getting fucking mauled by tigers and
Speaker 1: bears and ship And I remember my mother having like
Speaker 1: great pride in the fact that there were rarely, if ever,
Speaker 1: any black people in those videos. That she would be
Speaker 1: she'd be like, see, that's why, that's what's wrong with
Speaker 1: white people. They shouldn't be up in these fucking animals faces.
Speaker 1: And she would she'd go to bed all warm and
Speaker 1: cuddly knowing that there were no black men and women
Speaker 1: in those videos. And I wonder if that was just
Speaker 1: because we didn't get footage of it, or if they
Speaker 1: truly don't attack us, you know. And and here's the
Speaker 1: other side of that corn is when did you see
Speaker 1: black people getting attacked my animals? Uh? In civil rights
Speaker 1: footage and police was sicking dogs on us. Yes, so
Speaker 1: we a long time ago we added dogs as a
Speaker 1: list of animals we don't. I gotta know a dog
Speaker 1: friendly before I sure so, And most other animals I'm
Speaker 1: I'm willing to get in the benefit of the doubt,
Speaker 1: and and in a lot in a nice way, we
Speaker 1: already know what our relationship is with like gorillas and
Speaker 1: fucking tigers and ship, you know, going into that they
Speaker 1: don't like you, and so you can just objectively go,
Speaker 1: I there's no reason for me to even create this interaction.
Speaker 1: Whereas dogs, it's a much more complicated relationship because people people,
Speaker 1: White people have presented them as as friends, as partners
Speaker 1: for humanity, and then subsequently black people have not always
Speaker 1: gotten that same feedback from the animals. Right, they're like
Speaker 1: man's best friends. Yeah, it's like na not not every man.
Speaker 1: They don't really want to be friends with. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: and maybe we've been because I'm you know, like you said,
Speaker 1: we inherently know not to fun with any animals that
Speaker 1: could take you out in wance, white tigers, guerrillas of things,
Speaker 1: anything I could just rip you apart. You shouldn't be
Speaker 1: messing around with. But uh, you know, dogs of a
Speaker 1: certain size. You know, I've learned all the techniques. I
Speaker 1: let them sliff my hand. You know, I play like
Speaker 1: this as I as I got closer to the West Coast,
Speaker 1: I've encountered less hostile dogs as I'm one of them,
Speaker 1: as I'm in more diverse areas I've encountered less of
Speaker 1: less hostility from people's animals. I will say that in
Speaker 1: l A feels very singular in its behavior this way.
Speaker 1: But l A people treat their dogs like people to
Speaker 1: the point that they like bring them everywhere into restaurants.
Speaker 1: If you invite someone with a dog to your home
Speaker 1: in l A, they presume they can just bring the
Speaker 1: dog as that it's another guest. It drives me crazy
Speaker 1: as well, leave your fucking dog at home. But that said,
Speaker 1: I do think that also creates more of a a
Speaker 1: constant relationship with all races and communities for the animal
Speaker 1: in a way that if it's just trapped in a
Speaker 1: cage or in the you know, the walls of your home,
Speaker 1: it just looks at you and then doesn't know what
Speaker 1: to do. With everybody else, well that's not worth it.
Speaker 1: Look this, this, this recently just happened to me. I
Speaker 1: was so excited. I hit my cold medallion on Delta
Speaker 1: mm hmm, and I got upgraded the first class. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: that never happens. I got so I'm sitting in the
Speaker 1: first class for you know, and this big in this
Speaker 1: big giant like he'll billy looking motherfucker sat down beside me,
Speaker 1: and maybe like eight or nine times during the flight,
Speaker 1: this is a five hour flight from New York to
Speaker 1: l A. He would he was he would fart, and
Speaker 1: I'm talking wicked, just nasty to the point where, you know,
Speaker 1: I kept looking at him and here here act like
Speaker 1: he was trying to act like he was sleeping, you know,
Speaker 1: And and I, you know, and I get up and
Speaker 1: walk down the other than the plane or go to
Speaker 1: the restroom or something just like like the tamn man,
Speaker 1: like hassle control yourself. And I'm sitting there a pistol
Speaker 1: this man the whole flight in the plane lands and
Speaker 1: we get up and I realized the lady in front
Speaker 1: of me had the damn dog in her lap and
Speaker 1: it was the dog farting the whole time. Oh so
Speaker 1: you're blaming it on this man and it wasn't the
Speaker 1: man at all. Yeah, I'm sitting it a whole time,
Speaker 1: like one smoke like younger me would have wanted all
Speaker 1: the smoke. Yeah, but yeah, I said, the whole time,
Speaker 1: blaming this nasty dog farts on this man and this
Speaker 1: lady just no shame, just shameless letting the dog. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you could tell it it wasn't like a service
Speaker 1: dog or nothing, because because of the way it was,
Speaker 1: the way it was behaving. You know, Oh, I thought
Speaker 1: you were gonna say because of the size and breed
Speaker 1: of it that you know, service dogs got to be
Speaker 1: like a sturdy dog. I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: people are bringing like lap dogs on and being like yeah,
Speaker 1: an it's like, yeah, that's alp dog. This is alp dog.
Speaker 1: And and you know, and she didn't even apologized or
Speaker 1: she didn't look ashamed or I mean, here's here's what
Speaker 1: I'll ask you. What could she have done because it's
Speaker 1: a fucking dog, like she can't be like, cut it out, Maurice.
Speaker 1: Quit quit farting on this guy. Damn plane. You're embarrassing
Speaker 1: me in first class. And that's because because you know, listen,
Speaker 1: if you're dog, because I get it dogs and dogs
Speaker 1: dogs gonna fire. Yeah, but if your dog got a
Speaker 1: problem with gas to deployment, like he's farting you know
Speaker 1: too three times an hour? Right, you're aware and you
Speaker 1: know what you're about to subject people to in this
Speaker 1: dag on tin can in the sky. You know, but
Speaker 1: we are a captive audience. Put a little mask on
Speaker 1: your dogs, but hole and and help us help ourselves
Speaker 1: through this experience. Yeah, and I think she may have
Speaker 1: hasn't kind of deodoriser or something, but she gets she
Speaker 1: only used it twice, like she gave up. Uh damn. Well,
Speaker 1: let's let's circle back, because I do think that that
Speaker 1: you started a bit of a train that I don't
Speaker 1: want us to completely jump off of. Yet you said
Speaker 1: there was for your mom it was a question of cleanliness.
Speaker 1: And now, as a pet owner, do you at all
Speaker 1: a line or at least understand your mom's position in
Speaker 1: terms of not wanting to be around unclean animals. Do
Speaker 1: you feel like you're a cat make sure place dirtier.
Speaker 1: Are you worried about that at all? Yeah, definitely. I
Speaker 1: mean it's a it's a constant fight to get her
Speaker 1: hair out of things. They need they need everything to
Speaker 1: smell like them, so they're constantly rubbing their face and
Speaker 1: pause on things because they need their scent everywhere. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's a constant fighting, you know, uh, running behind
Speaker 1: and recovering up her scent and her marking it back again.
Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, I can understand completely. So you think
Speaker 1: your mom's not bugging when she goes like, nah, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna eat here, we gotta go elsewhere. Well, I
Speaker 1: think she's being a little unreasonable and how far she'd
Speaker 1: take it, But but her base reasoning is sound. I mean,
Speaker 1: animals are are gross. Sure they're they're not they're not
Speaker 1: up to human standards of cleanliness. If not, no, I
Speaker 1: mean because children are gross too. Oh oh, buddy, hell
Speaker 1: you know. So it's you know, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you I mean, it's like like unless you want to
Speaker 1: live in a clean room with the white suits on
Speaker 1: and the you know, the air being pool to the
Speaker 1: ground and all. I mean, it's gonna be something in
Speaker 1: your house. Know for sure. The amount of times that
Speaker 1: my baby has thrown up on my chest and then
Speaker 1: I just had to finish a meal is countless at
Speaker 1: this point. And that's just part of the deal. If
Speaker 1: you love something, you kind of have to to let
Speaker 1: them do whatever it is that they know how to do.
Speaker 1: And right now, all she knows how to do is
Speaker 1: ship and throw up. So here we are right right right.
Speaker 1: But having an animal is a hard choice, and it's
Speaker 1: also something you can undo after the fact. You can't,
Speaker 1: it's well, I guess you can do that with with
Speaker 1: kids too. But it's kind of frowned. Not legally, it's
Speaker 1: a it's a well, it's a messier legal situation when
Speaker 1: you when you just decide to undo it, you gotta
Speaker 1: kind of have a reason for it a little more. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: nothin you can just say give it up, I think,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you can do it, but but you
Speaker 1: gotta you gotta really prove this is worth it, because
Speaker 1: the court and just letting you like leave the house
Speaker 1: and never come back kind of vibes. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: that's definitely illegal. Yeah, let me ask you this before
Speaker 1: we before we go to break, because I do think
Speaker 1: that this is an important one. You said you do
Speaker 1: believe that black people don't like animals, and yet here
Speaker 1: you are a pet owner speaking to me. Do you
Speaker 1: think that like or or is there a rephrasing of
Speaker 1: this that you would want us to consider. Do you
Speaker 1: think you're just an exception to the rule for black people? No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would I would rephrase it. I would, I would.
Speaker 1: I would just say I think black people in general,
Speaker 1: we like animals from a distance, you know, it's more
Speaker 1: of an up close relationship that becomes challenging. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we have a different relationship with animals. I think you would.
Speaker 1: You would be hard pressed to find a lot of
Speaker 1: Black people that say they like animals more than people.
Speaker 1: H they out there, but generally speaking, black people are
Speaker 1: like no animals and animals I pro black, first time
Speaker 1: pro animal like probably right, like black people, Black people
Speaker 1: have outside dogs generally Yeah, yeah, I mean Instagram is
Speaker 1: kind of changing that way, like black women now have
Speaker 1: lap dogs, but that thing used to be the case. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do think to that point, some of this feels
Speaker 1: like a version of of like media, right, like the
Speaker 1: our relationship with media, where it's like yo, for years,
Speaker 1: we were told over and over again that our dogs
Speaker 1: were just meant to be attack dogs and movies and television,
Speaker 1: and so subsequently a bunch of people were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've got to get the attack dog. I'm not about
Speaker 1: to kiss it in the mouth like a psychopath everybody else,
Speaker 1: But like you know what you know. Two, we started
Speaker 1: to with mel Gibson. I don't know remember lead the
Speaker 1: weapon with mel Gibson shared the ice cream cone with
Speaker 1: his dog, absolutely man, And that was a whole different
Speaker 1: reaction in the black theaters. Nasty, what do you now?
Speaker 1: And it turns out the black theaters were more right
Speaker 1: about mel Gibson. Right, we should have booed him for
Speaker 1: a lot of his behavior this whole time. All Right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a break. We'll be back with more
Speaker 1: Brian Simpson and more, my mama told me, and we all, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're back here with more Brian Simes and more. My
Speaker 1: mama told me. We're still talking about the possibility that
Speaker 1: black people do not like dogs specifically, we don't like
Speaker 1: them up close. We're more of a keep your distance
Speaker 1: kind of relationship, or rather, we have more of a
Speaker 1: keep your distance kind of relationship with animals. Do you think, Brian,
Speaker 1: that that is specific to the breeds? Are we like, Yell,
Speaker 1: I funk with Schnauzers, but I don't funk with pit
Speaker 1: bulls or whatever it is. Or is it just the
Speaker 1: animals in general? Mm hmmm. I don't know, because because
Speaker 1: again too, I think I think this theory is a
Speaker 1: little antiquated, because like I said, because now it's sort
Speaker 1: of it's sort of just now started becoming acceptable for
Speaker 1: us to be more gentle, right and open with our
Speaker 1: mental health. Yeah, that sort of thing. And so you know,
Speaker 1: now you now and nowadays, in the last decade, you
Speaker 1: see more Black people with lap dogs and more Black
Speaker 1: people with other breeds. But seriously, when I grew up,
Speaker 1: I ain't see nothing but rock Wallace and pit bulls
Speaker 1: and German shepherds. Yeah, in a in a odd way,
Speaker 1: it's sort of like Black people couldn't learn to love
Speaker 1: dogs until they learn to love themselves. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get in a lot of trouble for that very
Speaker 1: stupid inspirational for them. Will put it on a T
Speaker 1: shirt and then then we'll see what happens. And police
Speaker 1: don't really use dogs as much to attack us, not
Speaker 1: in the way that they did generations before for sure. Right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I think that's another thing too. It was like,
Speaker 1: I think we're more convinced the dogs like us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to that point, And I'm glad you you sort of
Speaker 1: are are acknowledging the the rise, the the rise in
Speaker 1: sort of like pet ownership and certainly like the the
Speaker 1: improved pet relationship. I first wanted to be able to
Speaker 1: address this by looking up the percentage of dog ownership
Speaker 1: in the black community. As it turns out, as of
Speaker 1: I think twixteen, black people still the main the group
Speaker 1: least likely to own a dog or cat in this country.
Speaker 1: They clock in around thirty seven percent compared to nearly
Speaker 1: sixty five percent for white households. That's like almost a
Speaker 1: hundred percent difference in in terms of our ownership. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's that's surprising. Yeah, it's it's it's a big difference.
Speaker 1: But you said dogs and cats, Yes, dogs and cats.
Speaker 1: We are neither seven percent of us own something and
Speaker 1: own is maybe a problematic word at this point, but
Speaker 1: thirty seven of us have a relationship with a dog
Speaker 1: or get whereas sixty five percent of white people have
Speaker 1: dogs or cats in their household. What do you think
Speaker 1: do you think that's an income thing like income disparity.
Speaker 1: I think that's a great that's that's actually one of
Speaker 1: the main things that people sort of point to in
Speaker 1: terms of the challenged relationship that black people have had
Speaker 1: over the years with dog ownership. Right, And this is
Speaker 1: something pretty simple that never fucking occurred to me until
Speaker 1: I started to do this research, that black people didn't
Speaker 1: we weren't considered people for a really long time in
Speaker 1: this country, right, Like that that just was part of
Speaker 1: the deal that like literally up until eighteen seventy black
Speaker 1: men weren't even allowed to vote or or or sort
Speaker 1: of like exist on the ballot. And then it isn't
Speaker 1: until like a hundred years later that black women are
Speaker 1: allowed to exist on the ballot. And so, uh, we're
Speaker 1: not people. There's no way they're not making us people
Speaker 1: and letting us own dogs, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like they you're not allowed to have a fucking dog
Speaker 1: if you're not a person as far as the white
Speaker 1: man is concerned, I would presume, right, It's like it's
Speaker 1: like letting the cow on the dog. Yeah, what the
Speaker 1: fun need a dog? Right? Yeah? Yeah, I never thought
Speaker 1: about like that. Yeah, that's damn sure. And so with that,
Speaker 1: the additional part that they sort of point to is
Speaker 1: that it also meant that by the time that we
Speaker 1: do start to to create freedom in this country, as
Speaker 1: it were, we're not immediately launched into wealth, right, Like,
Speaker 1: it's not like we suddenly have a bunch of money
Speaker 1: to be able to play around with. And so because
Speaker 1: of that, pet ownership isn't an asset, It isn't a
Speaker 1: thing that you're seeking out. It's a liability. If anything,
Speaker 1: it's just another mouth to feed, which means a lot
Speaker 1: of black people especially early in this country, had no
Speaker 1: interest in adding another party to their They're already growing problems. Yeah,
Speaker 1: another side effect of us not getting reparations. Yes, I mean,
Speaker 1: have we gotten for the acres and a mule? Maybe
Speaker 1: we've beuld have let a couple of dogs run around
Speaker 1: on those acres. You know, I don't need a You
Speaker 1: will give me two dogs stacked on top of each
Speaker 1: other the size of the meal. Yeah, give me. Give
Speaker 1: me a plot of land to cultivate, and maybe I
Speaker 1: can sell things at the market. Maybe I have some
Speaker 1: disposable income to teach a dog a few tricks, or
Speaker 1: or have had to act at an income to the family. Exactly.
Speaker 1: I I want to I want to feed a dog,
Speaker 1: but I need you to to do right by me first.
Speaker 1: I want to be able to to keep a dog alive,
Speaker 1: but I need you to to to repair this broken
Speaker 1: relationship white devil. In fact, in fact, how many black
Speaker 1: people have one that that that you know that dog
Speaker 1: show they have Westminster? Yeah? How many? You're looking it
Speaker 1: up now, I will say, while you're looking it up,
Speaker 1: one of the things I found is that Cosby actually
Speaker 1: at one point owned a dog that was a potential
Speaker 1: winner for the Westminster Dog Show. That he was like,
Speaker 1: the cars had a dog that was about to in
Speaker 1: it all, and what happened he rape probably it probably
Speaker 1: happens kissed it while he was sleeping, you know. Glass
Speaker 1: of guys. So it looks like black people shine. They
Speaker 1: shine at the Seen National Dog Show. Okay, does that
Speaker 1: mean they wonder? Does that mean they just showed up,
Speaker 1: oiled up and and happy to be there? Oh man,
Speaker 1: this is one of those local papers that writes like
Speaker 1: a like a paragraph and doesn't give you anymore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they didn't win. That just meant like there was more
Speaker 1: representation than than any year before. You know, yeah, and
Speaker 1: see and I see this is gonna take further research
Speaker 1: because I didn't realize they make a distinction between the
Speaker 1: owners and the trainers. Yeah. And it also to win
Speaker 1: it all is is a different thing than winning your category.
Speaker 1: And it's it's, uh, I think, a much more involved
Speaker 1: thing than I anticipated, certainly, but I did just about that.
Speaker 1: Even though Labradors are the most popular breed in the
Speaker 1: United States, they've never won best in Show at Westminst.
Speaker 1: That actually reminds me of something we've talked about on
Speaker 1: the podcast before as well. Is have you ever heard
Speaker 1: of anything called black dog syndrome. No, Oh, the harder
Speaker 1: to adopt. Yeah, not harder to adopt. They're easy to adopt,
Speaker 1: but they are harder for the adoption agencies and and
Speaker 1: sort of like the kennels to get rid of because
Speaker 1: of I guess, and inherent racism that white people already
Speaker 1: have against black things, that that they're less likely to
Speaker 1: buy or or adopt black animals. And the argument that
Speaker 1: white people make for this is that they don't show
Speaker 1: up as well in pictures. But yeah, yeah, we know,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, I know when when I went down again,
Speaker 1: when I went when I was trying to find an
Speaker 1: animal at the shelter, it was that it was it
Speaker 1: was black dogs and great dogs. Yeah, yeah, where it
Speaker 1: was full of black and gray dogs and black cats. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Apparently they they ain't think moving off the shelf too fast,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. But but now people say they don't
Speaker 1: show up well in pictures. But I think this was
Speaker 1: an issue well before social media exactly, And that's that's
Speaker 1: more My challenge to whatever that suggestion is is that like,
Speaker 1: if this were in fact just a picture issue, it
Speaker 1: would be a more recent issue. But the reality is
Speaker 1: y'all have an inherent bias against things of this color,
Speaker 1: and maybe we need to explore that and not just
Speaker 1: scapegoaded through like no, my camera, you don't know how
Speaker 1: to capture my dog and I want to film it,
Speaker 1: so I can't love this thing. Yeah, And to be
Speaker 1: fair though, cameras, you know, I don't I know every
Speaker 1: black person who has experienced this, but it wasn't until
Speaker 1: just recently like the ass on twelve, where those cameras
Speaker 1: started putting the box around black faces more easily. Or
Speaker 1: unless the whole photo was black people it you know,
Speaker 1: you would it would it would? It would be like
Speaker 1: confused because I think they would only they would test
Speaker 1: it on in Japan. They would only test it on
Speaker 1: Japanese people. Well, I would say this as a light
Speaker 1: skinned man. I've been very fortunate that iPhone has been
Speaker 1: able to recognize me for a while. But I've I've
Speaker 1: heard tell of of the darker skinned man's experience, and
Speaker 1: I will say that that is still true even for
Speaker 1: fucking those sensors with like bathrooms, like with like putting
Speaker 1: my hand under sinks and ships like it don't even
Speaker 1: pick me up, and I should be easy to to
Speaker 1: turn the faucet on for Oh, I see, I didn't know.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that that that was why that was happening.
Speaker 1: I think so, I think it's not great calibration for
Speaker 1: dark skin. And and that's true for cameras as well,
Speaker 1: that it isn't until recently that cameras were even built
Speaker 1: in a way that they could hand seeing dark skin.
Speaker 1: It's like you have to smile with the attitude, are
Speaker 1: you yeah? Exactly? Now you gotta show them teeth. And
Speaker 1: we don't all look good with our teeth showing. Some
Speaker 1: of us look good with a you know, a closed
Speaker 1: mouse smile exactly, A little just little grant. So here's
Speaker 1: here's another thing. And this sort of connects to what
Speaker 1: you were saying about the the poverty of it all
Speaker 1: that I did not realize. But because of the lack
Speaker 1: of pet ownership, right, or rather the struggles of pet
Speaker 1: ownership when you don't have a lot of money. There
Speaker 1: there are lots of of of examples I guess historically
Speaker 1: where even when people attempted pet ownership, the powers that
Speaker 1: being made it more challenging. For example, in the early
Speaker 1: twentieth century, there were in fact laws that banned people
Speaker 1: who were on welfare from pet ownership. They weren't allowed
Speaker 1: to have pets if they were on welfare. WHOA. So
Speaker 1: that meant because of that, this was not only a
Speaker 1: way to weaponize dogs against black people in the sense
Speaker 1: that like, you can't have one without risking your own
Speaker 1: safety because of this odd relationship that that sort of
Speaker 1: white people created with you know, German shepherds attacking and ship.
Speaker 1: But even if you wanted a dog, you could be
Speaker 1: potentially risking your house and home by having one if
Speaker 1: a social worker shows up. There are stories of people
Speaker 1: hiding their dogs when social workers come to check on
Speaker 1: the home to make sure that they don't like lose
Speaker 1: their funding or their public housing or whatever. It is,
Speaker 1: all because of these odd laws. Man. I had no idea. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: it was just like the Ronald Reagan welfare queenship. He
Speaker 1: was like us, you're running around in the Cadillac with
Speaker 1: a new weaves in the vaccine. I wish it was
Speaker 1: that late in history. No, I don't wish it was
Speaker 1: that late, but it's actually even earlier. It's it's it's
Speaker 1: like much earlier in the twentieth century that this is happening,
Speaker 1: which makes it even sadder, right, because these are if
Speaker 1: we're talking about periods of reconstruction, and even if we
Speaker 1: push all the way into you know, the Great Depression
Speaker 1: and all these times, if white people were having a
Speaker 1: bad time during this point, black people were having a
Speaker 1: much harder time and much more in need of these
Speaker 1: social services. And then subsequently, white people are creating all
Speaker 1: kinds of barriers to not only make accessing those social
Speaker 1: services harder, but also to keep you from experiencing a
Speaker 1: type of joy that maybe you otherwise would like to experience.
Speaker 1: What is a dog? You know, dogs make people happy,
Speaker 1: they make people feel good to have around them, and
Speaker 1: they're making sure people can't. But you have to also
Speaker 1: remember the whole basis of like American racism, right, it
Speaker 1: was it wasn't to just shift on black people, but
Speaker 1: it was too. It was to plagukate poor whites by
Speaker 1: by giving them someone that's poorer. Sure, at their poorest
Speaker 1: they needed they you know, it's it's it was hard
Speaker 1: for a poor white to see a black person with
Speaker 1: a dog when they can't afford a dog. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's that kind of ship. It's because people do the
Speaker 1: same thing with welfare. And now, like you see it
Speaker 1: would be you know, the cash has complaining because somebody
Speaker 1: paying with food stamps and they got an iPhone. How
Speaker 1: to fun this? I can't qualify from food stamps. How
Speaker 1: you got an iPhone. It's that kind of thing. It's
Speaker 1: like you're supposed to be poorer than me, and it's
Speaker 1: like the iPhone is not a reflection of of my poverty,
Speaker 1: is a reflection of something i've I've gotten access to.
Speaker 1: You don't know how the funk I got this iPhone
Speaker 1: or why I need this iPhone for? Didn't give me this,
Speaker 1: Yeah it was. It was a gift. I stole it.
Speaker 1: It ain't none of your business. It truly has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with you. And please still count my poverty
Speaker 1: wherever you count, like I'm still as poor as I
Speaker 1: was before with the iPhone. Ring up the king crabs, right,
Speaker 1: I might be allergic to regular as food. I might
Speaker 1: need king crab legs for for my survival, ring up
Speaker 1: these state medallions. So I'm glad you brought that up,
Speaker 1: because one of the things that I found even more
Speaker 1: sinister underneath all of this, and this one blew my
Speaker 1: fucking mind, or at least it didn't then blow my mind.
Speaker 1: None of this blows my mind, but it definitely gave
Speaker 1: me pause. Is that there are studies that show that
Speaker 1: pet ownership has a positive benefit on the human body,
Speaker 1: on literally our our own health and functionality. Right, they
Speaker 1: say that pets by owning pets, people who own pets
Speaker 1: decreased have decreased loneliness, lower blood pressure, and increased socialization.
Speaker 1: So it's literally making you a healthier person to own pets.
Speaker 1: And I would argue that there's a real chance that
Speaker 1: like the powers that be have have created this tumultuous
Speaker 1: relationship with dogs and cats for black people as a
Speaker 1: way of shortening our lifespan. Mm hm man, that's that's wow.
Speaker 1: That's yeah, man, Yeah, you might have learned me something today,
Speaker 1: because yeah, that that that has to be what it
Speaker 1: is that fits into the larger conspiracy against our people.
Speaker 1: I think. So they don't want us to have dogs
Speaker 1: because they want us to have high blood pressure, which
Speaker 1: is something that we suffer from over over the the
Speaker 1: average or whatever. And yeah, increased loneliness. I like that.
Speaker 1: So all of this as I sort of like found
Speaker 1: myself accumulating this research, it all felt like this weird
Speaker 1: chess move for me. To almost abuse black peop pool
Speaker 1: with an animal. They call black people cold, hot hearted
Speaker 1: monsters for not liking right that, Like you spent generations
Speaker 1: using dogs to attack black people. Both uh enslaved black
Speaker 1: people all the way through fucking civil rights movement, and
Speaker 1: even today there's plenty of footage you can find today
Speaker 1: I'm still thinking about and it's dogs, it's horses, it's
Speaker 1: all the animals that police love to use. But like
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about those fucking Haitian refugees who were being
Speaker 1: sort of like whipped and and wrangled by the people
Speaker 1: on the border on horseback and like with dogs running
Speaker 1: next to them, and ship and all of this is
Speaker 1: sort of like this intentional move to be like, yo,
Speaker 1: we're gonna weaponize these animals against you. And then when
Speaker 1: you go, hey I don't like that animal, you go, hey,
Speaker 1: you're you're a bad guy, bro, Why would you not
Speaker 1: like it? Yeah, that's that's that's crazy. The other thing
Speaker 1: that I think is intentionally happens with a lot of
Speaker 1: these things. To say, they love to point to our
Speaker 1: most hyperbolic examples, right that, Like obviously Michael Vick it
Speaker 1: did some pretty fucked up ship with dogs and had
Speaker 1: a complicated relationship with animals in general, I imagine, But
Speaker 1: Michael Vick is not necessarily representative of all Black people,
Speaker 1: certainly in terms of our relationship with animals. That motherfucker
Speaker 1: ain't like me in a lot of ways. And you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, I can't run that fast, throw
Speaker 1: that far, or do any of the things Michael VICKI
Speaker 1: I certainly don't have his taste in dog blood, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. But also it's like I feel
Speaker 1: like people would kind of harsh on him. I mean, listen,
Speaker 1: he wasn't running the dog ring. He funded it. If
Speaker 1: he gave his look, if he gave his the same
Speaker 1: family members money to open up a chicken spot, nobody
Speaker 1: would have batted an eye, even though they slaughtering thousands
Speaker 1: of chickens. So you can have Louisiana hot or yeah,
Speaker 1: or I forget what they call it. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is like, just so you can have chicken strips,
Speaker 1: all the ship that has to happen to an animal
Speaker 1: before that, like you're raising him just to chop their
Speaker 1: heads off. Nobody would have a problem with that. He
Speaker 1: was you know, he was keeping these dogs alive long
Speaker 1: enough to you know what, I'm not just how's that saying?
Speaker 1: I feel like you're defending uh, Michael Vick right now,
Speaker 1: and and yeah, but but but I just feel like
Speaker 1: some of those same people they go to these hot
Speaker 1: chicken spots out here knowing, knowing what happened to them chickens.
Speaker 1: So I'm not both things are wrong, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I'm not vegan, but but I have accepted that I
Speaker 1: don't have an argument against vegans. They just taste good
Speaker 1: and and I'm evil in that way. Yeah, I I
Speaker 1: do think. But to your your your point and maybe
Speaker 1: a grander point to build from this is the fact
Speaker 1: that Michael Vicks sort of got taken down as like
Speaker 1: a person funding this ring, but he wasn't. We weren't
Speaker 1: then looking at how far these branches extend out to,
Speaker 1: like the breeders or the other people who may have
Speaker 1: provided some of the the assets to make this dog
Speaker 1: fighting ring happen. They're just going, you are a target.
Speaker 1: We will put you in prison as the face of
Speaker 1: animal cruelty. And the reality is there's plenty of evidence
Speaker 1: that all the people who are who are intentionally making
Speaker 1: more and more of these dogs that they know are
Speaker 1: are less healthy and less able to defend themselves function
Speaker 1: out in society. Are also doing a very cruel thing
Speaker 1: and should be held accountable, if nothing else, for what
Speaker 1: they're doing. Yeah, those dogs with the long bodies, they
Speaker 1: always got hips. Ye people still people still want them
Speaker 1: just because they cut I had a I had a
Speaker 1: pug when I was in college, and I found out
Speaker 1: just from studying pugs and ship that they they weren't
Speaker 1: even the reason pugs exist. This because the emperor in
Speaker 1: China wanted to make a dog that looked like a monkey,
Speaker 1: and so he went to his scientists people and said, hey,
Speaker 1: get me a monkey dog, and they came back with
Speaker 1: a pug. And then those motherfucker's don't live past ten
Speaker 1: because they're mutants, because this this emperor was like, give
Speaker 1: me a fucking mutant to please me. It's it's all cruel.
Speaker 1: We're all doing bad things to these animals. We just
Speaker 1: pick and choose which which version of this we're gonna
Speaker 1: call monstrous. All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll
Speaker 1: be back with more Brian lives in it. More. My
Speaker 1: mama told me we are that. No, no, no, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're back here with more, Brian Simpson. More. My mama
Speaker 1: told me we're still talking about the possibility that black
Speaker 1: people do not like dogs, and maybe this entire negative
Speaker 1: relationship was cooked up by the white devil himself, that
Speaker 1: this is not black people being cruel, evil people, but
Speaker 1: instead it is the white man choosing to create a
Speaker 1: tumultuous relationship between us. Brian, Let's play a game. This
Speaker 1: is the point in the podcast where we we like
Speaker 1: to play a game and and today's game, our our
Speaker 1: game this week is the game very popular game on
Speaker 1: the show. It's it's a game called white Lie Ugly.
Speaker 1: You're disgusting, I'm gonna kill you. Give me two white lies.
Speaker 1: This is a fun game, Brian, where I am going
Speaker 1: to introduce to you a popular conspiracy theory in the
Speaker 1: white community. And what I would love for you to
Speaker 1: do is break down why you think white people are
Speaker 1: so committed to this conspiracy theory. Why do you think
Speaker 1: they stick with this? What do you think these sneaky
Speaker 1: motherfucker's are up to? That makes sense? Hell yeah, So
Speaker 1: this is a fun one. Apparently, there are some people
Speaker 1: who believe there are some conspiracy theorists who believe that
Speaker 1: wind farms cause cancer. That there's cancer being caused by
Speaker 1: wind farms, not because of the wind that's being created,
Speaker 1: but instead the noise from the wind farms leads to
Speaker 1: cancer in the body. This is a real argument that
Speaker 1: people are making that when the noise from wind farms
Speaker 1: is leading to cancer. My question for you, Brian, why
Speaker 1: do white people believe that? M M. I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe maybe they hear the cries of our slave
Speaker 1: ancestors sneaking through the woods at night in the wind. Uh,
Speaker 1: They're like that this is carrying the wind that I
Speaker 1: didn't want winding my way exactly. And so by hearing
Speaker 1: all of that, they get sick in their bodies unintentionally
Speaker 1: in a way that they otherwise would not have if
Speaker 1: they didn't have to hear those. Their bodies so violently
Speaker 1: rejects the old Negro spirituals that they start developing tumors.
Speaker 1: It reminds me. I love this. It reminds me of
Speaker 1: a conspiracy theory we've talked about before on this podcast,
Speaker 1: of the theory that hurricanes are the souls of dead slaves.
Speaker 1: Have you ever heard that? So apparently hurricanes only really exist,
Speaker 1: certainly in this country coming across the Atlantic. That they're
Speaker 1: born off the coast of Africa and then come travel
Speaker 1: basically the route of the trans Atlantic slave trade to
Speaker 1: touch America. So that's why they always are moving sort
Speaker 1: of like westward and then slightly like arcing in that way. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: And so there are arguments to say that these are
Speaker 1: the souls of the people who did not make it,
Speaker 1: basically seeking redemption by attacking the country via the wind.
Speaker 1: And this is a conspiracy theory. No, this is black folks,
Speaker 1: black folks, they were These are our superhero stories that
Speaker 1: that Marvel didn't write, you know what I mean? All right, right,
Speaker 1: I thought hurricanes came for gays gay stuff? Is it?
Speaker 1: Is it old slaves that hate gays' old gay slaves? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm listening. Yeah, so these old gay slaves are blowing
Speaker 1: their way to the country, and nobody was nice. I
Speaker 1: can't imagine people were nice to old gay slaves. So
Speaker 1: they're like, I'll funk all y'all up, I don't care
Speaker 1: who's Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that that would have been really
Speaker 1: difficult to be a gay slave for sure. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: you're getting it on both sides. You getting whipped for
Speaker 1: being a slave, but then you're getting whipped for being gay? Right,
Speaker 1: and how do you even secretly? How do you even
Speaker 1: know what to call it? I think they gay is
Speaker 1: not a new invention. I think they had a pretty
Speaker 1: sense of like, yeah, I see the way he came
Speaker 1: out to field. This is great, Brian. I think we
Speaker 1: did it. I think I think we nailed this episode.
Speaker 1: This is this is really fun. Could you tell the
Speaker 1: people at home where they can find you and what
Speaker 1: cool ship you have going on? Yeah, you can find
Speaker 1: me at bs Comedian on Twitter and Instagram. You can
Speaker 1: click on my link tree. You'll see that I got
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of things going on. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be at the Irvine in Problem February nine and ten.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be at Madison, Wisconsin and Comedy on State
Speaker 1: on February. I'mna be in uh in Bakersfield or March five,
Speaker 1: and then Punchline Philly in April a seventh, eighth, Kim
Speaker 1: and then oh the Netflix Festival at the end of
Speaker 1: April night. Yeah. Yeah, so it's probably the other stuff
Speaker 1: in between that as well, so you know, but just
Speaker 1: click on my lenk tree. It's all there. Keep a
Speaker 1: look out for my own podcast is being relaunched very soon.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, we'll go go to any of those shows.
Speaker 1: Brian's got a ship ton of them, and follow Brian
Speaker 1: and go watch his Netflix special. It's so funny. Hell yeah,
Speaker 1: watch watch the special and then go see them live.
Speaker 1: That's you better do it, bit or I'll kill you.
Speaker 1: That's that's what I say. And as always, you can
Speaker 1: follow me at Lanston Kerman on all the platforms, and
Speaker 1: please please please remember to subscribe, remember to review comments,
Speaker 1: do whatever that bullshit is you're meant to do. And
Speaker 1: as always, if you have your own conspiracy theories, your
Speaker 1: own opinions, your your your drops that you want to
Speaker 1: send me, you can send them to my Mama pod
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. I would love to hear from you.
Speaker 1: Otherwise I don't know. Bye, bitch, because I'm brown bags
Speaker 1: my crop chips in your bails O Koala bears are racist,
Speaker 1: the wholestal players, wholescal money versions, many turkey stuff. I
Speaker 1: can't tell me noth