WEBVTT - A Guide to Heal Trauma and Step Into Your Soft Girl Era with Devi Brown 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.720 Not everyone knew that I had several people in my 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:05.520 life that had been murdered at various times in my life, 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:07.800 or that I had bared witness to a lot of 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:11.119 abuse or pain, or had a lot of harmful abusive 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:14.080 experiences in my own life. And everyone is walking into 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:16.400 the room with something that we don't know about. And 0:00:16.680 --> 0:00:18.599 you know, there really is just in a planet of 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.640 nine billion, hundreds of millions of people that have had 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.520 the experience of never having love reflected to them or 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:26.920 role modeled for them. 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:30.360 Today we have Davey Brown. She is a renowned well 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:34.040 being educator, Ahila and an author that has dedicated her 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:37.680 life to guiding individuals towards holistic wellness and self discovery. 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:41.120 How can someone be in survival mode, be or a 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:44.159 low place in their life, but still stop behating. 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:47.760 Journey sometimes just letting yourself break a little bit, you know, 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:50.120 I think that's the thing that we tend to avoid 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:52.800 for so many like valid reasons, like you have to 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:56.279 keep going, But there's no amount of talk therapy that 0:00:56.360 --> 0:00:59.959 is going to change your experiences in life. Only somatic 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.720 processing can do that. We can all say we're a 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:05.680 lot of things and believe that and have the knowledge 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:08.640 that enforces that, but until you practice it, it's just 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:10.760 the theory. You have to prove the theory and the 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:12.360 hypothesis by doing. 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:20.000 I'm Radi Wkah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:23.920 we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:28.039 for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:31.520 to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:34.200 Hi everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:35.279 A Really Good Cry. 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:38.720 Today we have Davey Brown. She is a renowned well 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:42.360 being educator, a healer, and an author that has dedicated 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:46.240 her life to guiding individuals towards holistic wellness and self discovery. 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:49.760 She was also Chief Impact Officer at Chopra Global, founded 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:53.000 by Deepak Chopra, and her new book, Living with Wisdom 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:56.080 is such a beautiful guide to help relieve pain that 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.160 is blocking your spiritual growth. Thank you so much for 0:01:59.200 --> 0:01:59.640 being here. 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.760 Thank you, Roddy. I'm so excited to be with you. 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:04.680 Oh, I'm so happy to be with you. And I 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:07.360 read your book and I just thought it was one 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:10.200 so beautifully written but also felt like a friend that's 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:13.440 talking to you, which I really appreciated. It didn't feel 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.640 like as much as you are so wise and you 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:17.359 have so much wisdom to share, it didn't feel like 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:21.120 an educator. It felt like a friend giving you advice 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:25.080 in a way that holds experience and your own pain 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:27.880 and trauma being put through it and sharing yourself with us. 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:30.960 So thank you, so much, thank you, thank you beautiful. 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:35.200 That was so my intention, Like it felt amazing to 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:37.640 hear that. That's like what you were feeling from it, 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.520 and what you got from it, and. 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.800 What experiences brought you to write this book. 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:43.680 God, so many you know. 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:47.280 I think I have always been studying my life from 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:50.120 a very young age, and I think some of us 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:53.639 are naturally kind of that sensitive or that aware that 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:57.240 we're noticing paradox even before we know the word, or 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:02.560 we're noticing, you know, contrast in the things people say, 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:05.040 but then the way the world behaves. That was always 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:08.160 kind of like very glaring to me. But then just 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:11.359 also someone who has had a lot of experiences from 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:15.320 a very young age with trauma, with loss, with kind 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:20.880 of living a really really doalistic experience, There's just never 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:23.360 been a moment in my life that I think I 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:27.320 haven't been investigating grief to some extent, or investigating like 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:30.360 what is joy actually or why does it feel like 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:33.239 some people have it in some don And these were 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:35.760 just always kind of themes that no matter where my 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:38.480 life took me, that was always kind of like the 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.520 undercurrent the underflow of what I was kind of watching 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:45.320 and witnessing and just like developing a lot of perspective 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:47.240 on Yeah. 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:50.280 And do you feel like worth and joy have a 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:53.400 connection to each other. I feel like I've had the 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:56.320 lowest moments of joy or the hardest moments in my 0:03:56.360 --> 0:03:58.880 life where I think I've lacked a sense of worth 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:02.480 and so so from my experience, I think worth and 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:05.840 joy in your own self have such a deep correlation. 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.000 But how has your experience been with that? 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:09.240 You know what? 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:11.240 What I'm hearing in you saying that is like the 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:15.000 way I notice both of those as like inner feelings. 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:19.239 It's like having space, right, because like if you don't 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:23.120 have the space inside to even hold or notice or 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:25.440 rest in your own worth, you're not going. 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:25.880 To feel it. 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:28.039 And it's the same thing with joy, you know, And 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:31.880 I think that that's something that is really important for 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:35.040 a lot of people to know, especially if you've been 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:42.240 through challenging things. Joy truthfully takes practice, you know, in childhood. 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.200 Depending on your childhood, it may have been easier to 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:48.680 be known to you, but most certainly in adulthood, after 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.520 we've been carrying and contorting and also being you know, 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:55.840 put into so many boxes or programmed with. 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:56.720 So many things. 0:04:56.760 --> 0:05:01.360 It's like joy takes repetition, you know, and it's usually 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:05.040 very incremental. It's like giving yourself this space and the 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:08.640 trust to feel like really small things are enough, or 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:11.120 that you can smile with some of the smaller things, 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:14.640 and then that creates the space. And I think it's 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:18.359 important that we really start looking at the effects of 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.800 some of the things that didn't get our consent, like 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:24.880 the impact social media would actually have on us, right 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:29.159 and like what it actually does to you biologically, into 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:29.800 your brain. 0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:32.800 A lot of people have been used to. 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:36.240 Performative joy because they may not have had access to 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:39.200 know it otherwise. And performative joy is like, yeah, I 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:42.039 put up the big post, or I gave this speech, 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:44.320 or I had the party, or I'm having this big 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:48.440 way that I'm sharing. And it's like, you'll notice if 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:51.000 joy is some of the work you're being invited into 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:55.479 if the way you're presenting your happiness isn't the way 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:59.000 that you're actually feeling it in your inner world. And 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.760 I think there's no judgment around that, but it is 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:06.800 really valuable information to notice. Am I like celebrating and 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.200 big and I'm having all the pictures with the yeah, 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:13.320 you know, like all the smiles and the but like, inside, 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:16.640 I actually don't feel that proud. I don't feel that scene. 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:19.560 I don't feel like this is enough. Why hasn't this 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:24.279 fixed everything? You know, it's important to notice those differences 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.880 and our body and in our outward experience. 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.479 And sometimes if you've only had those those moments, you 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:33.200 actually don't realize that you don't know what joy actually 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:37.080 feels like. And so having those big moments, those moments 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:38.960 where you're like, oh, this must be what it is. 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:41.680 This must be what joy actually is, because that's what 0:06:41.720 --> 0:06:44.200 I see and that's the way that I've created it 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:47.560 in my life. But then when you experience those, you know, 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.080 when you said the little moments I was telling I 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.200 went for a walk yesterday night. I was feeling a 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:55.240 bit blah, and I went for a walk last night, 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:58.719 and I realized, no matter what I tried to bring 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:02.960 of momentary joy into my day before that, when I 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:04.520 went on the walk, I was like, oh my gosh, 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:08.000 the bird's chirping bringing me so much joy, or oh 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:11.120 my goodness, sing the sunset is filling my heart in 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:14.320 a way nothing else does. And so I think you're right. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.720 It's so much about the small moments, and we think 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:21.000 it's about the big moments until you start actually becoming, 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:24.600 and I think it's presence. Like I've had friends who've 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:27.920 been through I would say more than most people have 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:31.160 gone through, and they remind me that every single day 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:34.040 they've just making a choice to feel joy because they've 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.960 had to make it a choice they could have chosen 0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:40.600 not to, but every single day they've chosen too. And 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:43.560 so whether it is in a little piece of their 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:46.800 morning moment where they look outside and they see the sunrise, 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:50.080 to making eye contact with someone on the street, it's 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:53.960 like all those present moments allow you to opt in 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:54.559 for joy. 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:57.800 I love that opped in because it really is about 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:00.080 how do you figure out what gives. 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:01.200 You a private smile? 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:04.320 And so many of us look at happiness, enjoy or 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:08.640 goodness about there being some outward catalysts, most usually another 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:12.920 person right that is the reason or the person that brings. 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:13.240 That to you. 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:21.600 But it's so incredibly, incredibly powerful and empowering to be 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:23.360 able to bring your self pleasure. 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:25.720 And joy on your own, yeah, and not be relying 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:27.720 on external people or things. 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:28.440 That are temporary. 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.119 You talk so much about, of course healing in your book. 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:35.480 How can someone who still feels like they're in survival mode, 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:37.480 Let's say they've listened to this up till this point 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:39.600 and they're like, oh my god, that's me. I actually 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:42.520 don't know what joy feels like. How can someone be 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:46.040 in survival mode, be or a low place in their life, 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:49.160 but still start their healing journey? Like what does that 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:49.599 look like? 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:54.480 Yeah, you know, it looks like sometimes just letting yourself 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:57.120 break a little bit, you know. I think that's the 0:08:57.160 --> 0:09:00.320 thing that we tend to avoid for so many like 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:03.240 valid reasons, like you have to keep going and the 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:06.320 world doesn't stop just because something is happening. 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:07.880 To you, or if you have children, it's like. 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:12.160 Trying to keep your spirit fortified enough to like be 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.880 who they need you to be first, you know. So 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:19.000 I think just really kind of being able to settle 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:24.160 into observing the fact that something hurts in general, that 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:27.960 first step is so massive. You know, no one wants 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:30.480 to admit their broken or that someone else harm them 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:32.840 or hurt them, or that they're not where they want 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:33.640 to be in life. 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:34.640 Right, so we do. 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:39.520 All these protective measures, but like nothing comes of that, right, 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:42.439 Like you're just more stuck and you can look up 0:09:42.440 --> 0:09:45.360 in two decades have passed and there's been no progress, 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.800 you know, So I think that kind of just willing. 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:50.800 You don't have to say that out loud, you don't 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:52.360 have to wear it as some kind of badge in 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:56.160 front of everyone. But being able to create honest dialogue 0:09:56.160 --> 0:10:00.800 with you inside is a powerful first step. Connecting to 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:04.480 those tiny joys is a powerful second step. Just beginning 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:08.400 to temper yourself into and see how much you can tolerate. Ye, 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.760 you might notice that like joy can really trigger you, 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:15.240 and it can bring forward a lot of sadness. Honestly, 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:17.600 it can bring forward a lot of anger. When you 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:21.240 start to realize that you actually are lovable and it's 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:24.280 not hard to do. It can be kind of shocking 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:27.160 to your system and maybe remind you of ways that 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:31.160 you have fought to earn love or earn support. 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:31.560 Over the years. 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:34.160 And then I think, you know, the biggest thing and 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:36.400 this is the piece that everyone a boys and I 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.360 have to say, like I specifically wrote this book for 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:43.880 the over intellectualizers, for the people that are addicted to 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:47.680 self help books, right, Like I have just between clients, 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:50.959 between friends, between you know, different junctures in my own journey. 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.960 I'll see people that have walls like a library, right, 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:58.280 oh yeah, lean walls or if you bring up you know, 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:00.760 something like breathwork, Oh yeah, I know all that. Oh yeah, 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:04.679 whim hoff or yama yup, yup, yup, you know, and 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:08.640 it's like, yes, that is the information and do you 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:09.160 do it? 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.680 Yes, right, Becauyes that's the piece. 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:16.720 Like nothing changes, no amount, and there's so many phenomenal 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:21.160 resources and modalities and each of us need different things, 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:25.080 but there's no amount of talk therapy that is going 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:29.760 to change your experiences in life. Only somatic processing can 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:32.600 do that. It's about integrating the two. It's bringing what 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:36.000 you're learning, what you've recognized, what you've named, what you 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:40.560 finally understood happened or didn't happen, and then being willing 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:44.439 to be in practice with your body when the triggers 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:49.480 of those things inevitably come up and so practice is 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:54.640 the only way to change your life long term in 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:57.520 a sustainable way. And I think the lens that I 0:11:57.559 --> 0:11:59.800 try to look at that through in my book is 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:04.080 really seeing those practices that can feel triggering and feel 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:08.520 irritating and angering, is to make it something that is 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:11.920 a lot more devotional. It's less about checking boxes. It's 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.720 less about you know, okay, my daily practice, my self 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:17.319 care practice I do, this is Jeff, And it's more 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:23.000 about like, I am so freaking devoted to the beauty 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:26.040 in my life. Like I am so devoted to the 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:28.840 fact that I deserve to feel good about myself and 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.679 my life. I deserve to have a healthy body. I 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:35.280 deserve to have a heart that feels open and filled 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:35.720 with light. 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:37.520 I deserve to have a brain that. 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:41.560 Isn't ruminating in thought or telling me things that feel 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:45.080 that make me feel bad about myself. Like and only 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:49.520 kind of an energy of not proving, not discipline, but devotion, 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:51.920 I think can really bring that forward. 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:55.000 Yeah, I love that you said that. And when you 0:12:55.040 --> 0:13:00.840 said the intellectuals, I always remember there's knowledge and then 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:05.080 there's wisdom, which comes with experience. And I remember my 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:10.040 spokesure teacher once said that when you accumulate too much knowledge, 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:13.120 like when you keep building and building and just grabbing 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:16.480 and grabbing and constantly learning and learning, it actually builds 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:20.080 more ego in you than it does goodness, because you 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:23.120 end up feeling like the Noah instead of the doer 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:26.000 and the person that is experiencing. And so he always 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:28.679 said that when you learn, then there's a process of learning, 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:31.360 but what comes with learning is sharing. What comes with 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.520 learning is doing. And so if you're just harboring knowledge, 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.320 actually that builds ego, which is the opposite of probably 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:39.120 what you're trying to do when you're learning all these 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:42.960 self help books and right, I think that's so interesting. 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:45.920 I mean, it's just so deeply true, and it's all 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:49.199 just theory until you put it into practice. We can 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:51.880 all say we're a lot of things and believe that 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:55.160 and have the knowledge that enforces that, but until you 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:58.240 practice it, it's just the theory. You have to prove 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:01.720 the theory and the hypothesis by doing and devotion. 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.800 I recently started, you know, when I was thinking about 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:09.440 why I do, whether it's physical wellness practices or mental 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:11.960 or spiritual things that I grew up doing. My mom 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.720 taught me how to do or all these different things. 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:19.000 I realize that sometimes the thing missing was this idea 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:21.960 that actually every single thing is a gift. So if 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:23.760 I think of my body as a gift, if I 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:27.480 think of everything that's coming into my life as a gift, 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:31.000 how can I not gift from God? Then actually looking 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:34.920 after myself is a devotional practice. And so when you are, 0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:38.320 of course you're devoted to yourself, but at the same time, 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:43.200 it becomes even a little bit easier to be devotional 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:45.960 towards your body, to be devotional towards your heart when 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:47.840 you think of it as a gift of God, when 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:49.240 you think of it as a gift from the universe, 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:53.400 whatever words or phrases connect to you most. But I 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.080 do think when you realize that it's not yours and 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.520 it's something that has been given to you, then you 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:01.080 look after a little bit more. It's like when something's 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:02.760 given to you free, or you feel like it's yours, 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:04.600 you probably look after it a lot less than if 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.200 your mum gave you something that was like an heirloom 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:11.080 that you're looking after and it's precious. And so when 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:12.960 you start thinking about yourself in that way, it doesn't 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:15.680 then feel selfish. Self love and self care doesn't just 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:19.160 feel like you know, buzzwords that people are using. It's like, 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.920 oh no, like every part of me has been gifted 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:24.280 to me, so I have to look after it, and 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:26.240 the practices are the ways to look after it. 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.600 I mean, that's just so incredibly beautiful, you know, and 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:34.920 just so deeply true, and even that it takes time, 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:38.560 you know, And so I think it's like so many 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:41.200 of us and myself included, for so long it's like 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:44.160 an awareness will come to you and you know. 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:47.880 That's the path, right, but it just takes so. 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:52.280 Long and slow work, right, and it takes even the 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.440 practice of believing the thought in addition to the practices, 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.840 because you know, I think, just something that we can 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:02.600 and that I hope more people really kind of look 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.960 at and open their hearts too, is like we have 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:09.880 our individual experiences and everyone is walking into the room 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:12.880 with something that we don't know about, and you know, 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:15.480 there really is just in a planet of nine billion, 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.560 hundreds of millions of people that have had the experience 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:22.480 of never having love reflected to them or role modeled 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:25.640 for them. And it's very hard to sit in that 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:29.280 truth because it's counterintuitive to what this country is built on, 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:32.200 this belief in family or you know, these kind of 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:36.280 ideals that we share, but not everybody lives these, right, 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:39.920 And so if you never had real love or acceptance 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:43.080 reflected to you, that might be a barrier on why 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:45.800 it's harder for you to connect to an ideology of 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.680 self love, even though to your mind that makes perfect 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.680 sense and you wish you could. And I think this 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:55.040 book is really written for that too. It's written for 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:58.400 people who may have CPTSD, who may have a lot 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:03.320 of complex madic experiences over time, and it's not just 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:05.760 the one thing that happened to you once. 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:07.680 But there's space for that. 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.880 But it's also maybe an assordid amount of big tea 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:15.080 and little t traumas mixed in with the overall frictions 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:18.439 of life, mixed in with the overall collective grievings of life. 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:23.000 But you know, for anybody that feels because like, for example, 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:26.879 I remember I first started meditating and that made a 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.480 lot of sense to my body. Yeah, and that brought 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:32.280 me a lot of relief. And I think when you 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:34.720 come into that world, it seems like the next natural 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:38.199 step would be like yoga, right, and I remember the 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:41.199 first couple of times I tried to do yoga, it 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:44.639 angered me to such a degree and I couldn't understand why, 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:49.879 and I felt so annoyed, so frustrated, so judgmental about 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.080 other people in class with me and the teacher, and 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:55.679 it's just like, what are you people talking about? And like, 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:59.199 my body doesn't do that, and you know. And so 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:01.080 I think for a lot of people that have had 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:05.280 challenging experiences, there is a barrier to entering the wellness 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:09.440 world if you don't understand that grieving is a part 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:12.640 of this process, you know, and all of it. This 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:17.119 practice means the beginning of your practice is probably lots 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:21.040 of good cries, you know, lots of anger maybe, right, 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:26.080 lots of rage, sacred rage, lots of confusion, yes, And 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:28.840 then slowly that lifts, and then you get to the 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:30.840 next layer, and then that lifts, and then you go 0:18:30.960 --> 0:18:34.840 higher and higher and higher. But I think starting to 0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:39.720 teach really showed me the need, and it really showed 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:43.560 me how much I wanted my career in that space 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:46.119 to be rooted in trauma and formed healing and in 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:48.879 using language in a particular way and being able to 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.000 be slower with people and give a lot of people 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:55.800 step by step explanation. Like when I came in to 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.200 even my first retreat, you know, over fifteen years ago, 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:03.480 I kept saying, but how, and the response reflected back 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:06.800 to me kept being like, you're in your own way, Just. 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:09.560 Be free, just give it over, surrender. 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:13.639 Not everyone knew that I had several people in my 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:16.399 life that had been murdered at various times in my life, 0:19:16.480 --> 0:19:18.679 or that I had bared witness to a lot of 0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:22.560 abuse or pain, or had a lot of harmful abusive 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:24.280 experiences in my own life. 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:25.640 So without that. 0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:30.120 Information, you could cause me a lot of harm, even 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:33.600 if you mean well, because you're not aware that people 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:35.879 are having experiences that you aren't. 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:38.840 Yes, it's so true, And I think what you said 0:19:38.840 --> 0:19:41.720 about it takes time. I think there's one thing about 0:19:41.720 --> 0:19:43.920 knowing that grief is part of it, but also realizing 0:19:43.960 --> 0:19:46.439 that the goal is not onward and upward, it is 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.520 ebbing and flowing like you're constantly in this cycle. And 0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:52.560 in a tradition it says it takes lifetimes, not just 0:19:52.600 --> 0:19:57.840 one lifetime. It can take lifetimes to actually like you know, 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:00.240 imagine well in all culature says we have had so 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.679 many lifetimes. So imagine you're carrying the weight of all 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:07.480 those lifetimes plus this one lifetime that you have accumulated. 0:20:07.600 --> 0:20:09.920 Every single thing that you've allowed into your senses, or 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:12.600 not even allowed sometimes that have just come through your senses. 0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:15.320 All of that has left these little imprints called some 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:19.120 scarras like these little imprints. And the more you emphasize 0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:21.120 them in different ways, the more I guess, the more 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:23.240 you water them, the more you step into them, the 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.359 deeper they get. And so then you're carrying them, and 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:28.199 it gets harder and harder to make it through. And 0:20:28.240 --> 0:20:30.320 then what you said about it coming to the surface, 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:33.680 I noticed that so much when I came into my practice, 0:20:33.800 --> 0:20:36.840 And actually, I think that is the point. The point 0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:41.240 of it is, you are unraveling. When you start your practices, 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:44.359 you are bringing to surface all the things that you 0:20:44.400 --> 0:20:47.240 have buried and kept in a little cage in your 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:49.199 heart and kept in a cage in your body. And 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:52.159 so I remember when I started doing my meditation practice 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:55.200 and even a physical yoga practice, I found it so uncomfortable. 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:57.679 And not only did I find aches and pains that 0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:00.920 I didn't know existed because of emotions trapped in different places. 0:21:01.359 --> 0:21:04.080