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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shore and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say, question it out you, Okay, So this week

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Speaker 1: I am back in my hometown, which UM is always

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Speaker 1: an interesting experience. So I grew up in Portland, Maine,

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Speaker 1: and spent the first eighteen years of my life here,

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Speaker 1: and I also spent the first eighteen years of my

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Speaker 1: life constantly dreaming of a way out. And I think

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Speaker 1: this probably happens to everybody. But like as you get

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Speaker 1: older and get like move away or whatever, your your

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Speaker 1: hometown starts to get its charm back. And when you

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Speaker 1: go back and visit, it's there's this nostalgia attached to it,

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Speaker 1: but it's also a complex emotion. And I have this

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Speaker 1: song with Will J that I wrote UM and he released.

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Speaker 1: It's called Homesick, and the choruses I'm homes in my

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Speaker 1: hometown because everything feels so different now. It all changed.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why, but then again, so did I.

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Speaker 1: And I really really love that song. You guys should

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Speaker 1: go check it out. He's an incredible singer and it's

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Speaker 1: a very special song. But hometowns are complicated, Like I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I've ever had a more love hey

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Speaker 1: relationship with anything in my life. And I was so

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Speaker 1: excited to come back this week because it's my brother's wedding.

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Speaker 1: Super fucking pump for that. But I haven't been home

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Speaker 1: in like a year and a half because of COVID.

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Speaker 1: And it might not seem like it because they're both

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Speaker 1: on the east side of the country, but Maine is

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Speaker 1: really far. It's hard to get to. There's no NonStop flights.

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Speaker 1: I usually fly into Boston and then I have to drive,

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Speaker 1: and then my dad's in northern Maine, so that's like

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Speaker 1: five hours from Boston. It's this whole thing, and so

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Speaker 1: when I go, I can't just go for a weekend.

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Speaker 1: I have to go for like a long pater time.

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Speaker 1: So I'm here for a week, actually over a week,

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Speaker 1: and I'm really really excited about it. Sam's first time,

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Speaker 1: uh not meeting not meeting my family, but meeting my

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Speaker 1: whole family, and it's his first time here as well.

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Speaker 1: Also getting to show him around this town. It's really cool.

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Speaker 1: I Mean, you hear a lot like high school is

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Speaker 1: the best days of your life, and like there's it's

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Speaker 1: super not but it is probably some of the most

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Speaker 1: important years of your life because the things that you

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Speaker 1: discover like that you love, whether it's you know, sports

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Speaker 1: or music or a band or like you know, skiing snowboarding.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, anything that you fall in love within

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Speaker 1: high school is probably going to be something that you

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Speaker 1: carry with you into adulthood. Especially music, Like whatever you

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Speaker 1: were listening to in high school is going to be

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Speaker 1: forever like immortalized and take you back to this like

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Speaker 1: super crazy nostalgic time and you're probably always gonna love it.

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Speaker 1: Maybe not the time, but definitely the songs. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I hear songs that I used to bawl my eyes

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Speaker 1: out to you that are so depressing, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I remember that, oh my god depression.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, weirdly like this more sweet than bitter memory,

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Speaker 1: and like those time super sucked. So it's just weird

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Speaker 1: how nostalgia can just put this foggy haze over everything

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Speaker 1: and make it look really pretty and you're like when

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Speaker 1: you were in it, I mean, I swear to god,

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Speaker 1: I feel like the world was ending at all times,

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Speaker 1: and now I'm just like, oh my god, what a

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Speaker 1: romantic time. It was just so such a depressed artist,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, what the fun? Why does that happen, Like,

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Speaker 1: why is it the like further away we get from something,

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Speaker 1: the better looks relationships anything. I mean, if I'm walking

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Speaker 1: towards you and like I don't have makeup on, it

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Speaker 1: probably look better from far away than I do up clothes.

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Speaker 1: And that's exactly what nostalgia does as well. Although my

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Speaker 1: skin has been doing pretty well because I've been doing

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Speaker 1: my skin caroutines, so I've been wearing less makeup. Also sidebar,

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Speaker 1: I am so excited that it is trendy to wear

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Speaker 1: less makeup now, Like that's the trend is to just

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Speaker 1: do less and oh my god, my skin is thinking

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Speaker 1: like the universe for it. And also I just I'm

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Speaker 1: like not buying as much makeup, so I love that

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Speaker 1: total total sidebar there it So high school wasn't the

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Speaker 1: best years of my life, but it really really mattered,

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Speaker 1: and that's when I started really taking music seriously. That's

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Speaker 1: when I met all my first industry connections. That's how

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Speaker 1: I went to Nashville for the first time and just

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Speaker 1: discovered so much about myself even when I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: that I was. And I think that's when I got

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Speaker 1: my work ethic because in high school I had a

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Speaker 1: really non traditional high school experience, um A, because I

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Speaker 1: was doing music all the time, and like sometimes i'd

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Speaker 1: like play a show and then I have to go

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Speaker 1: to school the next morning at like six thirty am,

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Speaker 1: and I would have been out until, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: really late, playing a show, and that's just like not

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Speaker 1: a normal thing. But also my senior year of high school, UM,

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Speaker 1: I turned eighteen rape before it, and moved out the

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Speaker 1: week I turned eighteen, like out of my mom's house.

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Speaker 1: And I was just really independent and I didn't I

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Speaker 1: didn't like the house I grew up in. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: in a great neighborhood, and um, I just didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be there. And I tried so hard to get

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Speaker 1: my mom to move and she just wouldn't. And I

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Speaker 1: am very much so the kind of version where I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you what to do, but I can't

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Speaker 1: control what I'm going to do. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be here anymore. I don't like

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Speaker 1: this place, so I'm just going to leave. And I did,

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Speaker 1: and um, in retrospect, a little fucking aggressive on my part,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think i'd change anything. I'm really glad

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Speaker 1: that my first time living on my own wasn't in

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Speaker 1: Nashville because that would be a little freaky because it's

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Speaker 1: just such a big city. Like I lived half a

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Speaker 1: mile down the street from my mom, So that was

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Speaker 1: a nice little like sort of dipping my toe into

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Speaker 1: full on adulthood before I had to do it. But

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Speaker 1: it was weird because I remember moving into the my

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Speaker 1: like new place, and then, um, I went to summer

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Speaker 1: camp because I went to summer camp kindergarten through um

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Speaker 1: senior year, and so I had to go back after

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Speaker 1: having like, you know, these three weeks of being a

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Speaker 1: total adult and doing my own thing, and then having

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Speaker 1: like all these rules at summer camp, and I just

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Speaker 1: felt so weird. I was like, what, You're taking my cellphone?

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Speaker 1: Like I what? And and it was just a really

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Speaker 1: bizarre experience. And so school was. I mean, I barely

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Speaker 1: went to school my senior year of high school because

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Speaker 1: I graduated early, but I finished. Um I only needed

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Speaker 1: like two credits for these two separate classes. Um, so

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Speaker 1: I did. I would go to school from seven am

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Speaker 1: to ten fifty am every day, catch the bus at

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Speaker 1: ten like literally run out of class, and then go

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Speaker 1: to work from eleven to four at one place and

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Speaker 1: then go like four thirty, take another bus and do

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Speaker 1: four thirty two nine at another place. And that was

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Speaker 1: like most of my my days of the week, and

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Speaker 1: it was crazy, and like my week ends, like I'd

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Speaker 1: always be working, so I didn't get to go to

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Speaker 1: a lot of football games or do stuff like I

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Speaker 1: always had to request off. And like my senior year

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Speaker 1: was just like me working, wanting to move to Nashville

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Speaker 1: and trying to make it happen. Um. I did get

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Speaker 1: to go to prom and walk down you know walk

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Speaker 1: for my graduation, but prom was weird because I hadn't

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Speaker 1: been in school with anybody for months because I finished

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Speaker 1: in January, but like didn't officially graduate until June, and

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Speaker 1: it was just really bizarre. It was really it was

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Speaker 1: a weird thing to be like, I mean, because you

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Speaker 1: already feel in between when you were a senior or

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Speaker 1: when you're eighteen and like you're getting ready to start

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Speaker 1: college or whatever. But I felt so in between because I,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was totally on my own, paying my

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Speaker 1: own bills and all of that, but then would have

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Speaker 1: to like go to high school or then like go

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Speaker 1: hang out with my high school friends at their parents house,

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Speaker 1: and it just was like it was really weird. It

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Speaker 1: was a weird time. And I've grown apart from a

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Speaker 1: lot of my high school friends. Um, I think there's this.

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Speaker 1: I think there's really a lot of value and old friends.

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Speaker 1: But I also think that sometimes people stay friends with

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Speaker 1: someone who's really toxic just because of how long they've

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Speaker 1: been in their lives. And a big lesson I've learned

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Speaker 1: recently is that I can be friends with somebody and

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Speaker 1: not have to be best friends with them. I don't

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Speaker 1: have to give somebody access to every part of my

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Speaker 1: heart or every part of my life or even you know,

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Speaker 1: have like I don't have to take down my boundaries

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Speaker 1: like that. That person might not get to tell me

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Speaker 1: their opinion on things, and I'm just like, you know,

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Speaker 1: because I don't care, and I don't let myself care,

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Speaker 1: or I might not, um, you know, want to hang

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Speaker 1: out with them all the time because sometimes they're like

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Speaker 1: not nice. Like, but if it's somebody I still care

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Speaker 1: about and want to have a relationship with, like, it's

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Speaker 1: possible to do that. And um, I think that's what

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Speaker 1: a lot of adult relationships end up evolving into, because

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Speaker 1: you know, being friends with someone based on proximity is

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Speaker 1: different than being friends with someone by choice, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: like you know, those two things happen and and like

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Speaker 1: you would be friends with them even like without the proximity.

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Speaker 1: But like for the majority of your high school relationships,

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Speaker 1: I guarantee you've grown apart from them. And people change

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Speaker 1: so much between eighteen and twenty five. I mean, the

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Speaker 1: second you get a pre frontal cortex, you look back

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Speaker 1: and you're like, holy ship, what the fuck and you

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Speaker 1: just reevaluate everything. But I keep in touch with a

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Speaker 1: lot of my high school friends, and I'm on good

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Speaker 1: terms with most people. I mean, high school drama just

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Speaker 1: doesn't fucking matter now. But um, I got to see

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Speaker 1: some friends from high school this week, which was really

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Speaker 1: fun and always super special, and one of them just

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Speaker 1: kind of gay, and like, I'm at this point. I

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Speaker 1: had three of my closest friends get engaged in the

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Speaker 1: past two weeks, so it's like I'm officially entering that time.

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Speaker 1: Like I literally turned twenty seven and immediately everybody started

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Speaker 1: getting engaged. And I feel like that's the year that

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Speaker 1: millennials start doing it, and then they wait and are

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Speaker 1: engaged for like three years before they get married, but

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Speaker 1: like it just happened so fast, so that'll be fun.

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Speaker 1: I'll get to go home for some weddings and like

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Speaker 1: that will be great. Now I look for any excuse

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Speaker 1: I can to go home, because it really is this beautiful,

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Speaker 1: charming city. But there's still some really bad memories there.

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Speaker 1: I mean, hello, childhood trauma all happened there. There's reminders

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Speaker 1: on every street corner of like bad things that happened.

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Speaker 1: And like high school is tough on everybody. Even the

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Speaker 1: most popular girl in school has dealt with some dark shit,

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Speaker 1: even like the person bullying everybody, like they have some

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Speaker 1: dark ship that they had to get through. It's just

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Speaker 1: a weird time where you get all this life experience

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Speaker 1: in a four year period and nobody knows what to

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Speaker 1: do with it. Nobody knows what they're doing. I mean

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Speaker 1: we're like children running around like chickens with our heads

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Speaker 1: cut off, trying to figure out how to like function. Um,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, some some bad ship's going to come with that.

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Speaker 1: And you know, there's there's streets I prefer not to

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Speaker 1: drive down in my hometown. Um, there's places I will

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Speaker 1: absolutely take a long way to avoid. And there's also

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Speaker 1: it's a really pretty city. So as much as I

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Speaker 1: kind of have to like dodge old ghosts, whether it's

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Speaker 1: people or places, I don't feel like there's any people

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Speaker 1: I avoid. I mean, there's probably some people that I

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Speaker 1: just like kind of like not be stoked to be

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Speaker 1: stuck in a conversation with, But like, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I dislike anybody. I'm trying to think I'm too tired

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Speaker 1: to dislike people from that long ago. Does that make sense.

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, I just can't be bothered with

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Speaker 1: like one more person to be pissed at, because I

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Speaker 1: have enough on my plate, Like I don't need somebody

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Speaker 1: else to be holding crunch against. Like I'll do that

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Speaker 1: for people in the last three years, not the like

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Speaker 1: last ten which is crazy because I'm like coming up

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Speaker 1: on my tenure high school tenure high school reunion, which

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Speaker 1: will be that just feels so grown up and like weird.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe that I was seventeen ten years ago.

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Speaker 1: Blows my mind. Anyways, Guys, going back to Portland, it's like,

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Speaker 1: just so I appreciate it in a completely different way now,

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Speaker 1: and I appreciate it in such a different way now,

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Speaker 1: And it's probably because you know, the traumas kind of

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Speaker 1: melted down a little bit. But also it is such

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Speaker 1: a cool city and it's such a cool place to

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Speaker 1: be from, and so I'm like so excited that I

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Speaker 1: got to bring Sam back to see it and visit

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Speaker 1: and you know, show him this really cool place, and

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Speaker 1: it's somewhere that I'm proud to be from. It's a

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Speaker 1: really interesting city. There's a lot of art. I realized

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Speaker 1: after I moved away, Like obviously Nashville as a town

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Speaker 1: of art, but for a small city, Portland has so

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Speaker 1: much music and so much like art and and so

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Speaker 1: many different things going on. And the worst part is

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Speaker 1: the bars close at like midnight, So that blows. But

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Speaker 1: that's really the only thing I really hate about it

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Speaker 1: right now. Um it has the um third highest vaccination

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Speaker 1: right in the U. S. So go Maine for doing

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Speaker 1: the right thing, guys. Um. Yeah, it's like probably the

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Speaker 1: safest place you can be during COVID because it's not

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Speaker 1: on the way to anywhere. Like nobody drives through Maine.

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Speaker 1: I mean to get to Canada, but we couldn't go

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Speaker 1: to Canada, so there was literally like it's not on

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Speaker 1: the way to anywhere. Is the easternmost part of the

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Speaker 1: US or northeastern I think no, I think it's the

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Speaker 1: easternmost because it's like a slope anyways, it's I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's way fucking up there. People think it's Canada all

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Speaker 1: the time. When I moved here, people will literally be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: is that in Canada. I'm like, what do they teach

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Speaker 1: you in the South, Like, Oh my god, what are

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Speaker 1: they teaching you? That mains in Canada? And that the

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Speaker 1: Civil War is called the War of Northern Aggression? Neither

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Speaker 1: of which are sucking true. Guys. My aunt was actually

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Speaker 1: an elementary school teacher or middle school teacher and UM

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Speaker 1: in the South, and she would like tell me the

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Speaker 1: stuff that was in their history books, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: holy fuck, that's just like so subjectively not what happened. Um.

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Speaker 1: But that's another thing I love about me. And it's like,

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Speaker 1: I really loved my high school because they had a

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Speaker 1: huge emphasis on the arts, and there were you know,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't afford a piano, and there were times like

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Speaker 1: I couldn't afford like guitars and amps and stuff like that,

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Speaker 1: but they had them at school that we could use

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Speaker 1: and have access to, and it gave me the opportunity

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Speaker 1: to fall in love with music when I might not

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Speaker 1: have been able to have access to a lot of

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Speaker 1: those things. And we had like little recording rooms that

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Speaker 1: I would use and that was just really really cool.

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Speaker 1: And it was all down in the basement, so I

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Speaker 1: would always hide there, like during lunch and stuff. And

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Speaker 1: they had a guitar elective, so I literally got to

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Speaker 1: go play guitar for an hour and a half every

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Speaker 1: day at school, which was just awesome and probably has

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Speaker 1: a lot to do with like how I got good

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Speaker 1: at guitar, you know, because it just didn't cut into

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Speaker 1: my time doing anything else. And I'm just really thankful

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Speaker 1: to come from a place that cares about things like that.

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Speaker 1: And if you go there, oh my god. The food

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Speaker 1: is also amazing. Obviously you have lobster and like you

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Speaker 1: can go get lobster that was caught that morning and

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Speaker 1: eat some eat that like the day that it was caught,

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Speaker 1: and it absolutely does taste different. Um. It also has

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Speaker 1: the most restaurants per capita, so even though the population

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Speaker 1: is really small, there's so many fucking restaurants and they're

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Speaker 1: so good. And Maine in the summer is beautiful. It's

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Speaker 1: becoming even more of a tourist destination. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people are moving there because a lot more people are

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Speaker 1: telecommuting to work, and um, a lot of people from

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Speaker 1: New York City and Boston are moving to Portland because

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Speaker 1: it's slightly cheaper and like they can do the back

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Speaker 1: and forth because it's like under two hours away from Boston,

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Speaker 1: which is also really cool because Boston is a great city. Um.

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Speaker 1: But another cool thing about me and it is like

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Speaker 1: it's it's a difference between like like nothing in Nashville

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Speaker 1: is really older than the eighteen hundreds, but the first

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Speaker 1: house I lived in on my own was built in

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Speaker 1: seventeen sixty, so it's older than the United States. It

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Speaker 1: is literally older than our country. It is pre Declaration

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Speaker 1: of Independence, and it's a It was such a beautiful

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Speaker 1: house and had all these really cool details. Definitely super

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Speaker 1: fucking haunted. But to have like you have civil war

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Speaker 1: stuff in Tennessee always sounds like this very dark energy,

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Speaker 1: but um, in Maine you have Revolutionary war stuff, which

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Speaker 1: is just super fucking cool. And there's all these like

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Speaker 1: old forts and just like stuff is just ancient, Like

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Speaker 1: I didn't really appreciate like how old things were until

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Speaker 1: I moved to nash will And also Nashville had like

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Speaker 1: a really massive fire in the late eighteen hundreds and

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Speaker 1: so a lot of the older you know structures like

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Speaker 1: burned down. So that's why most things are like post

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Speaker 1: late eighteen hundreds here. So if you're a history nerd,

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Speaker 1: Maine is the place for you. UM. I grew up

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Speaker 1: volunteering at this place called the Neil Dowhouse, and my

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Speaker 1: mom would volunteer there, and it was a like almost

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Speaker 1: perfectly preserved um house of a Civil War general who

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Speaker 1: was um started the abolitionist movement actually, so you can

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Speaker 1: thank him for um, alcohol not being a thing for

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Speaker 1: a while there. Um. But he was a very cool dude,

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Speaker 1: like very anti slavery and um was just awesome. I

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Speaker 1: think he ran for president or something like that. But

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Speaker 1: they have all this cool ship in the house literally

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Speaker 1: looks exactly the same, like it has like the couches

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Speaker 1: that were there in the eighteen hundreds. It had like

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Speaker 1: his books, and and then there's this thing called a

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Speaker 1: death map that they used to do for people. Maybe

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Speaker 1: in some weird places they still do that, UM, but

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Speaker 1: it's like a plaster cast of your face after you die.

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Speaker 1: If you ever want to be horrified, google celebrity or

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Speaker 1: like famous people death masks like they're George Washington's is

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Speaker 1: very weird and it's also interesting because it shows you

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Speaker 1: that he looks exactly like the paintings and stuff. So

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Speaker 1: they did like a you can see what his face

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Speaker 1: actually looked like. But so um, Mr General Neil Dow

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Speaker 1: had one and I got to like see it and

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Speaker 1: it's crazy. And also there is um it was a

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Speaker 1: part of the underground Railroad, which is really cool, and

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Speaker 1: there's like they literally discovered like while me and my

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Speaker 1: mom were volunteering there because I was there all the

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Speaker 1: time and I was homeschool so I just like go

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Speaker 1: there and like do stuff, and um, it was really

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Speaker 1: like kind of a well kept secret to like super

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Speaker 1: not on purpose, it was just kind of like a

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Speaker 1: little hidden gem um in this cool neighborhood. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people didn't know about the

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Speaker 1: history behind it. But so while we were volunteering there,

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Speaker 1: they discovered like an underground thing under a man hole

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Speaker 1: cover that was like where they hit slaves. So it

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Speaker 1: was like because the underground railroad obviously was not completely underground, um,

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Speaker 1: but this part was it was so fucking cool and

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Speaker 1: like I got to like nobody else could fit down there,

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Speaker 1: so I had to. Like I think it was like

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Speaker 1: nine or ten or something like that, and like I

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Speaker 1: like went in and like showing a flashlight around and

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Speaker 1: like they took pictures and it was like a really

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Speaker 1: big deal. It's very cool. So I don't know how

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Speaker 1: many other people can say that they've been like in

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Speaker 1: the underground railroad, but something very very cool about Portland

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Speaker 1: and there's a lot of awesome history there and I

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Speaker 1: just I'm so happy to be back. And there's just

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Speaker 1: so many random things I missed. There's a bar called

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Speaker 1: Rosies that I love. They have free popcorn and they

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Speaker 1: always have like a one dollar beer and like two

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Speaker 1: dollar shot special. I think. I mean, obviously I stopped,

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Speaker 1: I stopped counting after I've had, you know, a drink.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, money isn't real. I'm just gonna buy of things.

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Speaker 1: But then you look at your bar tub and it

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Speaker 1: was like so cheap. But um, there's a picture of

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Speaker 1: me and my brother and I'm drinking beer out of

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Speaker 1: a picture And I've never had a worse hangover than

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Speaker 1: that morning after Rosie's but that's a great place. Um

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Speaker 1: My brother had his reception at this place called Demillows,

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Speaker 1: which is a floating restaurant. So it's literally just a

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Speaker 1: boat that's permanently docked on the Portland coastline and it's

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Speaker 1: like right downtown and it's just it's floating and it's

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Speaker 1: always there and it's been open forever and it's really great.

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Speaker 1: It's such a fun experience because you're literally on a boat.

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Speaker 1: You can like pretend you're on the Titanic. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I should do an episode about the Titanic. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you guys know that about me, but I

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Speaker 1: am obsessed with the Titanic. I've gone to the museum

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Speaker 1: in Vegas three times. I think, yeah, an excessive amount.

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Speaker 1: So thank you for listening to me be a history nerd.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's something that people might not know

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Speaker 1: about me. But um, if you ever get the chance

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Speaker 1: to go to Portland, it's amazing. Anyone's relationship with their

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00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 1: hometown is complex, but when Portlands comes up, I definitely

396
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,679
Speaker 1: light up in a way I didn't um, and I

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00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,879
Speaker 1: definitely have started to appreciate it more. The older I've gotten,

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Speaker 1: the further way I've moved and it just feels so

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Speaker 1: good because there really is no blazed like home. So

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Speaker 1: thank you guys so much for listening. I'm Kailie Shore

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Speaker 1: and this is too much to say. Asking questions ut

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Speaker 1: it out of you.