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Speaker 1: Please welcome Talia. We met. She is an author, a

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Speaker 1: dating coach, and a matchmaker.

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Speaker 2: Hello.

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Speaker 1: I hear young people saying that people aren't meeting people

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Speaker 1: out anymore because everybody's on the apps, and if you're

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Speaker 1: with a group, people want to approach, and they're all

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Speaker 1: these different things people are saying. So it's like an

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Speaker 1: archaic dinosaur sport and everyone's got their head in their

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Speaker 1: phone to meet people out. So I was talking to

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Speaker 1: these two young girls, they're twenty six, and they were

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Speaker 1: saying like, I said, well, are you seeing people that

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Speaker 1: you think are attractive out that you'd like to go

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Speaker 1: say hello to? And the one said she would say, yeah,

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Speaker 1: are you single? I was like, well, that's a terrible

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Speaker 1: in my opinion, I'm not an expert you are, but

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Speaker 1: I think I said, that's a terrible opening line. I

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Speaker 1: would talk about find some way to talk about business

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Speaker 1: to them or something. Because these girls are food reviewers,

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Speaker 1: So I was like, you're in a restaurant. You could

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Speaker 1: say like, Hi, I'm a food reviewer. What did you say?

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Speaker 1: So it gives you an in that doesn't make you

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Speaker 1: feel desperate like So I was going to ask you

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Speaker 1: how people should handle approach and connectivity out in a

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Speaker 1: social space, by a pool, at a bar, at a casino,

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Speaker 1: the supermarket, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: I love those topics so much because I wrote an

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Speaker 3: entire chapter about it in my book, and it's called

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Speaker 3: dropping the modern day handkerchief. So women should make the

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Speaker 3: first move, and guess what they've always been doing it

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Speaker 3: if you look back at the Victorian era. I give

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Speaker 3: a little bit of history in my book, like a

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Speaker 3: very small amount.

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Speaker 1: But what's the book called.

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Speaker 2: It's called How to Attract the Right Guy.

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Speaker 3: It's on Amazon, but I devote an entire chapter to

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Speaker 3: it because there's this whole like, oh, he has to

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Speaker 3: make the first move, how he has to come up

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Speaker 3: to me, And I'm like, no, we were never doing

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Speaker 3: that to begin with. Back in the day, the lady

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Speaker 3: would drop the handkerchief when she saw a guy that

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Speaker 3: she thought was really cute, and he would pick it

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Speaker 3: up in the conversation would start. So, really, women weren't

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Speaker 3: always making the first move women. I'm such a huge

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Speaker 3: fan and a proponent to women making the first move.

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Speaker 3: And I'm not saying, like walking up to a guy

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Speaker 3: in sad no, hi are you single? Like that's not

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Speaker 3: what we're doing here. No, we're doing the geese. So

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Speaker 3: we are calling them in with their eyes, our like,

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Speaker 3: our smile, our energy. Like in the book, I talk

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Speaker 3: more about it, but I just think that it's so

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Speaker 3: simple to tell a guy and signal a guy that

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Speaker 3: I am interested in you come over and talk to me.

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Speaker 3: And the biggest problem we have now is that when

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Speaker 3: a girl likes a guy and they're out at the

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Speaker 3: bar or they're at the beach, they'll.

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Speaker 2: Like avoid them.

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Speaker 3: They're like, oh my god, my god, he's so cud

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Speaker 3: cate look at them and it's like no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: give him the eyes so that he knows he has

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Speaker 3: okay to come talk to you.

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Speaker 1: M yeah, the handkerchief. That's brilliant.

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Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, And it works so well, Like you would

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Speaker 3: be surprised how well it works when you make the

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Speaker 3: first move and you were just like opening up your

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Speaker 3: body language, like square up to him so that he

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Speaker 3: knows like you are open.

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Speaker 1: And then if if you're giving him the eyes and

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Speaker 1: he's not giving it back, like he's not interested, so

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Speaker 1: you know anyway.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So there's a fun study that says that men

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Speaker 3: take up to five times to realize it's for them really, yeah,

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Speaker 3: And it's funny because it's true though, because I tried

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Speaker 3: this was like ten years ago. I was in London

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Speaker 3: and I was in the Henley Regatta and I saw

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Speaker 3: this beautiful prince looking guy. I mean he was like

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Speaker 3: six or five, blond hair, blue eyes, like typical bridge,

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Speaker 3: just gorgeous. And I gave him I dropped the handkerchief

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Speaker 3: and I gave him the look and it took up

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Speaker 3: to five times, and I remember he was like me

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Speaker 3: and I was like yes, and he like came over

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Speaker 3: like guys will second guess and they're like.

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Speaker 2: Oh, there's no way it's me, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Wow, that's a great note too. Look at you full

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Speaker 1: of the pearls of wisdom. Because I always say manner

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Speaker 1: a little bit on a delay, not being rude, but

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Speaker 1: I found this out from a therapist. Certain men are

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Speaker 1: on a delay. They don't catch up to what we're

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Speaker 1: doing and thinking and saying, even in communication styles right away.

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Speaker 1: They don't. They don't know.

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Speaker 2: Interesting though, it takes up to five so don't give up.

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Speaker 3: He might be taken, like he might be unavailable and

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Speaker 3: not be married yet and not have a ring. But

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Speaker 3: if he doesn't have a ring on, he just might

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Speaker 3: be saying, might as well shoot your shot? Gave him

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Speaker 3: the eyes, and if he's single, he will come up

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Speaker 3: to you.

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Speaker 1: What about the texting and the phone call and the

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Speaker 1: pen pal stage, First of all, it's from in the apps,

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Speaker 1: So then you get out of the apps, and I

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Speaker 1: have told people I'm not looking for a pen pal.

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Speaker 1: Like it's gotten to the point where it's days and

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Speaker 1: it's like, what do we do? What are we doing?

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Speaker 1: I don't care, Like now you're talking, how's your this?

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Speaker 1: Did you go do that? How is your dinner? Nobody cares.

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Speaker 1: We don't know each other. Like that's almost like on

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Speaker 1: the first day telling someone too much. I don't need

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Speaker 1: to tell you how my stake was because we've been

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Speaker 1: doing this for three So what's that whole rule? Like,

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Speaker 1: how do we how much texting should happen, how much

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Speaker 1: phone calls should happen, how much I believe in FaceTime.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you should leave the house to go

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Speaker 1: meet someone until you've seen their face. That's my personal opinion.

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Speaker 1: And matchmakers, I don't think believe that.

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Speaker 2: No I do.

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Speaker 3: If you were dating on an app and you don't

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Speaker 3: have anyone betting on your behalf and thank.

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Speaker 2: You, it's you and your phone.

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Speaker 3: Do not go out with a complete stranger unless you

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Speaker 3: have done any FaceTime.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Amen. You don't understand these twenty six year

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Speaker 1: old girls. They're like, they're getting up, they're getting dress,

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Speaker 1: they're doing the lashes, they're spending the money, they're going out,

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Speaker 1: they're getting in, they go there, They've just some of

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Speaker 1: them are calffishing and they're I go, what are you doing? Like,

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Speaker 1: you're right, a matchmaker like you is vetting for someone

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Speaker 1: You've spoken to them. It doesn't mean it's perfect, but

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Speaker 1: it means it's you have eyeballs. You said they're good looking,

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Speaker 1: you're being a girlfriend. These girls are going. I was like,

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Speaker 1: what it's make it cute, I said, just be like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, hey I just got the greatest sushi.

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Speaker 1: Let's FaceTime like like throw it in so it doesn't

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Speaker 1: seem weird and like a zoom yeah, or just.

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Speaker 3: Be like, hey, I'm actually about to get home from work.

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Speaker 3: We'd love to see you and chat for a second.

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Speaker 3: Are you free, Like just make it like like you said,

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Speaker 3: make it where it's not just can you face time?

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Speaker 3: Like make it where it's more in.

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Speaker 1: Flow, right, not like it's an interrogation that you need

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Speaker 1: to vet them. But okay, so let's go through the.

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Speaker 2: Text waste face time.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, I love that you said that because I

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Speaker 1: said that, I think less. I think said that in

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Speaker 1: a video or on a live last night, and I

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Speaker 1: just said it and no one told me about it.

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Speaker 1: But I was like, what are you doing? Oh was

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Speaker 1: on here? What are you doing going without seeing their face?

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Speaker 1: Like cause you could even get a chemistry match from there.

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Speaker 1: It's a lot cheaper to be home and just look

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Speaker 1: semi cut with you know, no pants on, because you

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Speaker 1: don't have to get dressed and put heels on and

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Speaker 1: then don't waste the outfit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it doesn't have to be I think people

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Speaker 3: don't realize it doesn't have to be an hour. It

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Speaker 3: could be five minutes. Like you can learn a lot

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Speaker 3: in five minutes, Like you can say, okay, I'm at

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Speaker 3: least physically attracted and there's good energy flow five to

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Speaker 3: ten minutes. I mean, if it's really flowing like fifteen minutes, great,

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Speaker 3: But I'm just saying it doesn't have people I think

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Speaker 3: get scared so are like, oh my god, what if I.

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Speaker 2: Get stuck on there just saying like you have a

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Speaker 2: girlfriend coming over or.

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Speaker 1: No, that's a good note, Just be like, hey, let's FaceTime.

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Speaker 1: My friend's coming at five fifteen, but at five o'clock.

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Speaker 1: So then it's like, oh, hi, yeah, that's a great Exactly.

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Speaker 1: I think that that is something that people are not

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Speaker 1: doing and people just need to be doing period the end.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And here's the beautiful thing. It builds an investment

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Speaker 3: in that person. Because if you were completely strangers and

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Speaker 3: you've never met before, and you met on a dating app,

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Speaker 3: there's not a whole lot of investment. But if you

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Speaker 3: guys met on FaceTime and you're both attracted to each

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Speaker 3: other and you both felt a vibe, the likelihood of

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Speaker 3: that person ghosting is very minimal, way more minimal than

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Speaker 3: having not seen you.

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Speaker 2: Before, not having that chemistry flow.

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Speaker 1: That's great. So that's an investment. That's brilliant. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: what about the texting to the phone overall? Like, how

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Speaker 1: do you drive that traffic?

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Speaker 3: Minimal minimal texting before you meet up because you want

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Speaker 3: to get to know someone in person.

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Speaker 1: No, but how do you know you're getting to the Meeta? Hi,

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Speaker 1: how are you? How's your summer going, it's going great.

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Speaker 1: Where do you live? I live here? Where do you live?

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Speaker 1: I live there? What do you like to do? I

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Speaker 1: like to do this. I like to do that. We

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Speaker 1: get through the entire like then, okay, what's going on

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Speaker 1: this weekend? Nothing? Just going to the beat, like how

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Speaker 1: do we You don't want to be a weirdo? Like

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Speaker 1: do you want to call me and ask me out?

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Speaker 1: Or like how do you move from that thing to

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Speaker 1: the next thing? Because you don't want to be a penpal.

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Speaker 2: He has to be the one to make the move. Period.

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Speaker 3: The biggest mistake I see women make is turn on

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Speaker 3: the alpha and being that business person and being like, hey,

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Speaker 3: let's meet for coffee.

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Speaker 2: It's like, let hell, God, let him ask you out.

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Speaker 3: And if he doesn't, he's not the one, Like he's

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Speaker 3: just maybe he's not even ready and he's just warming up,

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Speaker 3: trying and get his feedback into like the world of dating.

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Speaker 3: But like, people know how to do this. It is

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Speaker 3: so simple, And if he's not doing it, do not

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Speaker 3: ask a guy out because then you're steping, because then

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Speaker 3: you're stepping into your maskline and then you're playing the

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Speaker 3: mask in the role. We don't want that and it

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Speaker 3: also doesn't set the right president for moving forward.

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Speaker 1: I love that. So you're saying make the first move

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Speaker 1: only in the handkerchief stage. Once you've got the person's attention,

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Speaker 1: you retreat and you go back, and they're making the

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Speaker 1: first moves from now on. Yes, So that's critical to

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Speaker 1: because people will think that you saying make the first

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Speaker 1: move means all this, and I agree with you. I

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Speaker 1: don't think that's you know, you're saying, give the nod

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Speaker 1: and the nuance first, but don't do anything that seems

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Speaker 1: like you're the aggressor.

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Speaker 3: I'm saying, literally, open the door for him, and if

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Speaker 3: he doesn't walk through it, that's on him.

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Speaker 2: But your dumb has to open the door.

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Speaker 1: So I would say the advice for people to crystallize

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Speaker 1: it is, you know, when you've gotten yourself into the

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Speaker 1: pen pal stage, you just retreat. Yeah, you just quiet,

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Speaker 1: You just go quiet quiet.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Period, you can get the hint and you know what,

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Speaker 3: that might put some fire under him to be like okay,

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Speaker 3: any to ask girl like she's clearly not enjoying this

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Speaker 3: like texting back and forth thing.

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Speaker 1: I feel that people that don't have good text banter,

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Speaker 1: I find that to be a pink flag. I don't

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Speaker 1: people are weird. Like you text them, they text you, hey,

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Speaker 1: haw's a day going? You text them back, Then they

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Speaker 1: don't text you for another two hours, like you're like great,

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Speaker 1: Then you feel like you're dangling and they're like, oh

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Speaker 1: I did this, I did that. It was great. Thanks,

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Speaker 1: and then like they don't tell like they don't know

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Speaker 1: how to text. I don't like that. I find that

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Speaker 1: to be like a reflection of them. Do you do

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Speaker 1: you agree or disagree? Banter and text? Banter and text

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Speaker 1: is it's great.

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Speaker 3: However, there are some people we have to remember we're

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Speaker 3: not all the same. Some like your perfect match might

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Speaker 3: not enjoy texting, and so it's so minimal for him

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Speaker 3: because he's the busy guy. But when you're in person

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Speaker 3: with him, he gives you that one hundred and ten

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Speaker 3: percent he's dialed in. So like, we can't I don't

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Speaker 3: think we can flag it, Okay, I think we can

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Speaker 3: just say like, oh, it'd be so nice if he

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Speaker 3: had good banter and text and we were good at

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Speaker 3: texting back and forth.

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Speaker 1: But okay, well, I say this because I was seeing

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Speaker 1: someone who was long distance. It's not my ex who

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Speaker 1: is great, and that's kind of what you had because

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Speaker 1: it's still a person that's long distance. I guess you

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Speaker 1: could schedule a FaceTime, but then you're getting into like appointments.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like if you if texting is a

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Speaker 1: part of your relationship, if it has to be, then

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Speaker 1: I feel like it has to be fairly good. If

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Speaker 1: you're not seeing someone on regularly, if it is a.

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Speaker 3: Long distance situation and you guys aren't even communicating often

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Speaker 3: enough on text on the phone, then it's just not

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Speaker 3: gonna work.

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Speaker 1: Right, And where do you stand on long distance relationships?

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Speaker 2: By the way, Oh, I don't think they work.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's great. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I just don't.

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Speaker 3: There is a rare occasion where I hear someone say

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Speaker 3: that they move from London to New York for someone

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Speaker 3: and they're still married.

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Speaker 2: But like, that is one in a million.

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Speaker 1: You're saying. There are exceptions to all of these things

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Speaker 1: we're saying. Yeah, you're saying, and it can.

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Speaker 3: Start off long distance, but it needs to there needs

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Speaker 3: to be something within the year of like, I'm happy

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Speaker 3: to move, let me just figure out how much time

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Speaker 3: it's gonna take me to do that with work and everything.

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Speaker 2: But there needs to be a plan within the year.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's great that you've said within the year. You

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Speaker 1: give people a lot of prescription, Like I'm saying, you're saying,

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Speaker 1: it can't be an open ended when the kids go

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Speaker 1: to college in five years, because you'll be dead by then,

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Speaker 1: the relationship will be dead. But then you'll waste the time.

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Speaker 1: So you're saying within the year, you have to have

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Speaker 1: a bigger game plan.

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Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, and especially at the very beginning, like day two.

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Speaker 3: If it's long distance, day two needs to be like,

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Speaker 3: are you open to relocating? Okay, what does that look

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Speaker 3: like for you? Okay, because what is the point of

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Speaker 3: falling for someone having crazy chemistry with someone long distance?

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Speaker 2: But then no one's even willing to move and no

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Speaker 2: one can move?

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Speaker 1: Okay? What about alcohol? How many mistakes have you heard

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Speaker 1: people make on dates by getting nervous and drinking too much?

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, you have no idea how many times

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Speaker 3: people bomb because they over drink and the nerves are

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Speaker 3: kicking in and they're just numbing, you know, trying to

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Speaker 3: get rid of those nerves. And I'm like, do breath work,

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Speaker 3: because the alcohol is number one going to fuzz all

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Speaker 3: your judgment right. And it's also let's not forget that

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Speaker 3: drunk chemistry is not real chemistry. I'm most people who

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Speaker 3: are drunk can get along with that brainbe okay. But

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Speaker 3: if they're completely sober, that's a different kind of chemistry.

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Speaker 1: And it's also sloppy and the person could get turned

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Speaker 1: off by it, and they can overshare, and they can

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Speaker 1: overshare okay.

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Speaker 3: Loose lips, too much alcohol, sharing way too much about

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Speaker 3: yourself that's relatively private with a complete stranger on a

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Speaker 3: first date.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's not a good look. It's not good

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Speaker 2: for your personal brand.

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Speaker 3: It's not good if you're taking dating seriously, learning how

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Speaker 3: to be confident without alcohol and showing up on these

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Speaker 3: dates with one glass of wine or one cocktail, that's

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Speaker 3: that's the right way to go.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about oversharing, Like where is the line you

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Speaker 1: know someone's asking somebody else about their divorce or or

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Speaker 1: their childhood or things like that. Like is it not

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Speaker 1: the things you're sharing but the way you're doing it,

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Speaker 1: Like if it's giving desperation or neediness or something like

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Speaker 1: how much should you share and not share?

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Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing.

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Speaker 3: If you're talking about a first date, this is a

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Speaker 3: complete stranger, so just keep in mind you might never

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Speaker 3: see this person again. So is this type of information

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Speaker 3: you would want a stranger to know about you?

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Speaker 2: The answers No, then I would withhold great.

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Speaker 1: So it could be not a big deal to you,

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Speaker 1: Like you could say something about your childhood or you

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Speaker 1: were an orphan or something that is like maybe even

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Speaker 1: out there, but you don't mind. But if it's sort

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Speaker 1: of like, oh, I stole my boss's car or something

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Speaker 1: like that, then you may not want to let somebody.

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Speaker 1: So you're saying the line is something that you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: want a complete stranger to know if you never spoke

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Speaker 1: to them again. Don't tell them tonight, right, Yeah, that's great.

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Speaker 3: And also match people's energy too, Like if you're on

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Speaker 3: date five and someone's really ready to be vulnerable because

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Speaker 3: they're starting to build that trust with you, and they

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Speaker 3: tell you a little bit more about their childhood and

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Speaker 3: how they were raised, match that energy, mirrored them and

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Speaker 3: say and you share too. And I think that that

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Speaker 3: the way vulnerability should work is we shouldn't just trust

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Speaker 3: each other from the get go because we're complete strangers.

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Speaker 3: It should be like a slow getting to know each other,

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Speaker 3: building the trust and sharing more as we get to

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Speaker 3: know each other.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and let's talk about the energy match. I know

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Speaker 1: that you believe in this. This is one of your things,

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk about energy match and what

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Speaker 1: that means. Because you already talked about rock and Star.

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Speaker 1: So it doesn't mean that the rock has to be boring,

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Speaker 1: because I in my mind, it's like someone who's somewhat

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Speaker 1: solid and balanced and boring, and you're saying, that's not that.

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Speaker 1: So it's just that someone's allowing someone else to be

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Speaker 1: the peacock. What about the energy match? What exactly do

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Speaker 1: you mean?

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Speaker 2: So the energy match is your frequency.

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Speaker 3: You know when people meet someone other they're like, oh

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Speaker 3: my gosh, I loved her vibe, or people say in

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Speaker 3: the scene Ageic, I love her energy. That to me

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Speaker 3: like someone's energy and frequency. It has to be an

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Speaker 3: energetic match. If someone is low vibrational, you know, kind

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Speaker 3: of negative, like not really all the time, Like I

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Speaker 3: don't really see that person with someone who's like super happy, optimistic,

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Speaker 3: go getter always sees, you know, life in a positive way.

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Speaker 3: Like I think frequency matches is so important.

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Speaker 1: You almost mean literal energy, like someone's like low vibration

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Speaker 1: and the other person's active, because that could almost seem

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Speaker 1: like rock and rock store, and I think that can

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Speaker 1: be confusing. That could almost seem like peacock and not peacock.

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Speaker 1: That's why it's confusing to me. You mean like, are

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Speaker 1: they both go getters or like what exactly do you

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Speaker 1: mean by energy because you don't mean chemistry.

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Speaker 3: No, it's just like a frequency of like you know

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Speaker 3: when you meet someone and you walk out of the

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Speaker 3: room and you're like, wow, that person just like brought

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Speaker 3: me up, Like I feel lighter and I feel better

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Speaker 3: because they were either really funny or really happy or

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Speaker 3: they just had that like that aura around them of

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Speaker 3: high vibrating.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I know how to explain it.

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Speaker 1: It's just I know what you're saying. You're saying it's

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Speaker 1: like playing tennis with a better energetic tennis player, Like

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Speaker 1: you always want to play tennis, are the better tennis

382
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Speaker 1: player because it's raising you and not pulling your game down.

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Speaker 1: So each person should be finding that person that's going

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Speaker 1: to raise their energy game is what you're kind of saying,

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Speaker 1: Like it's energetically lifting you up, not meaning like a

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Speaker 1: in a gospel church, but meaning like you're just like

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Speaker 1: it's good for you, it's elevating you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and you'll notice how you feel when you cause

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Speaker 3: I talk about this in my book. Do the self

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Speaker 3: check in when you get home from any date, whether

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Speaker 3: it's the first date, the tent date, always tap in

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Speaker 3: and say how do I feel right now? Do I

393
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Speaker 3: feel bubbly and fun and uplifted or do I feel

394
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 3: super heavy and a little bit drained. Those are things

395
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Speaker 3: to look out for because your body will tell.

396
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Speaker 2: You if it's mister wrong or wister right.

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Speaker 1: That's unbelievable because I get that you could sort of

398
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Speaker 1: like someone but like they're droning on and you're just like,

399
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Speaker 1: shut up. You know, how do you deal with that?

400
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Speaker 3: Well, it's funny because you can also be so attracted

401
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,760
Speaker 3: to someone and they're so physically what you want, but

402
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,560
Speaker 3: then you get homeide do a self check and you're

403
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,200
Speaker 3: like like, oh, I don't feel that great, I feel

404
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 3: really heavy, I feel drinmed.

405
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Speaker 2: But it's so good looking and like it's kind of funny,

406
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Speaker 2: and then you kind of make excuse.

407
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,080
Speaker 1: Us for yourself, but you like, I'm supposed to like him.

408
00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,240
Speaker 1: You're telling yourself you're supposed to like him because of

409
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,720
Speaker 1: his packet. That's interesting, But the.

410
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Speaker 3: Energy match isn't there. You know, It's like your body

411
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:17,600
Speaker 3: will tell you the energetic.

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Speaker 2: Match isn't there. You should get home from the date

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Speaker 2: and feel good.

414
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Speaker 1: You're the only one talking about this that I've heard,

415
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Speaker 1: So that's amazing. Like it means like it's like you're

416
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,639
Speaker 1: eating food that feels good in your body, like it

417
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 1: makes you feel good. It's not eating junk food. Yeah,

418
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,440
Speaker 1: that's what you're saying. It's like emotional junk food. And

419
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Speaker 1: that's a harder one because you could be drinking and

420
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Speaker 1: having a great time, and you could be out dancing

421
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 1: and distracting, and you're not like when you're gonna be

422
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,879
Speaker 1: with this person for five ten years and you're staring

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Speaker 1: at them on a vacation alone. The energy match has

424
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Speaker 1: to be there. So if someone feels like a drag

425
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Speaker 1: to you, or they feel like I have a friend,

426
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,359
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of that. When they met, they were in

427
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 1: their twenties and going to clubs and drinking and having

428
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,879
Speaker 1: fun and going to the Hamptons, and like everybody was

429
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,119
Speaker 1: doing that. So even if people who aren't naturally inclined

430
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,679
Speaker 1: to do that like every but he was doing that

431
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,359
Speaker 1: because they wanted to meet someone. But now that they're married,

432
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Speaker 1: like she has to drag him. He doesn't want to

433
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,240
Speaker 1: do anything or go anywhere. He wants to any you

434
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,720
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So he wants to go to

435
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 1: bed really early, and he's just giving old man vibes.

436
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 1: And she likes to have fun, so she has to

437
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,960
Speaker 1: find it with her friends and other people. But I

438
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,360
Speaker 1: always wonder if that's good enough, like if your partner

439
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,439
Speaker 1: should be where you find it.

440
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,720
Speaker 3: That's a tough situation because then you're constantly compromising on

441
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,480
Speaker 3: what makes you happy and doing things with your partner

442
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,959
Speaker 3: that makes you happy. So that's really tough, especially how

443
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,160
Speaker 3: long have they been married.

444
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,879
Speaker 1: Years like years and years. And she says he's a

445
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 1: Jessu drip woof, like she talks to him about that.

446
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,040
Speaker 1: So like that, and I've heard that a lot, Like

447
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 1: I have friends that are women that are around my age,

448
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,040
Speaker 1: and something kicks in at this age where people want

449
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,399
Speaker 1: to like live. We're like, Hi, this is this is

450
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 1: also my life. It's not just me being twenty six.

451
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,639
Speaker 1: What are we ordering in for tonight? And we already

452
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,879
Speaker 1: had the kids and they're grown, what the hell is

453
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,640
Speaker 1: my journey? And they're saying to me like he doesn't

454
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 1: want to do anything, and like they want to live.

455
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 1: This is happening with more women that I hear, Like

456
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,399
Speaker 1: the women want to live and the men want to

457
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,119
Speaker 1: sit on the couch.

458
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, I haven't heard that.

459
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,359
Speaker 3: But that's tough because if someone isn't wanting to live

460
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 3: and do fun things and they don't have that in

461
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 3: them anymore, you know, I don't have the.

462
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 1: Solution for that, and I don't know that they ever

463
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 1: did in the beginning, is what I'm saying, because you're

464
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 1: masking it with the other things. Like so you're saying,

465
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 1: find that energy match.

466
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:30,679
Speaker 3: Yes, definitely find that energy match, and also just have

467
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 3: that transparent conversation with someone like what brings you true happiness?

468
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 3: Like if your true happiness is to stay at home

469
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,400
Speaker 3: and isolate and order in or have a chef come over,

470
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,919
Speaker 3: whatever it looks like, then you need to have an

471
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,560
Speaker 3: honest conversation with yourself. Is that what my happiness looks like?

472
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 3: And if it's a no, then that might not be

473
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 3: a lifestyle match.

474
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 2: To the aster

475
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 3: To the after