Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: The midterm elections and I know you're all really excited
Speaker 2: are only a month away, and their outcome will be
Speaker 2: in the hands of one constituency.
Speaker 1: Women are going to decide this election.
Speaker 3: The importance of women over women are going to be
Speaker 3: the ones that decide who controls the Senate.
Speaker 1: Seemed awfully high pitched.
Speaker 2: Women are in the top interest group in twenty fourteen,
Speaker 2: in last place once again, Merman Lawyers.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: Now, Usually women are a sure thing for Democrats, but
Speaker 2: this year the GOP is launching a big rebranding effort
Speaker 2: to change that.
Speaker 1: And you know what that means.
Speaker 2: Republicans are trying to leverage the women's.
Speaker 4: Vote is big rebranding effort the National College Republicans.
Speaker 1: They ran an ad with.
Speaker 4: The idea of attracting younger women into voting Republican.
Speaker 3: The barrage of TV advertisements sponsored by a well funded
Speaker 3: conservative group featuring women. A nearly one million dollar campaign
Speaker 3: ad to draw young female voters to the GOP.
Speaker 1: I'll give you one million dollars to spend just five
Speaker 1: minutes in the voter's booth with the old demographic for.
Speaker 2: More, we turn to see your women's issues correspondent to Christenshaw.
Speaker 1: Kristen, So do id you're feeling? Vote me too? Christen?
Speaker 2: How is this Republican ad campaign outreach to women going
Speaker 2: so great? John?
Speaker 3: Republicans have finally figured out what's most important to women
Speaker 3: men folk. Women don't see candidates as potential leaders. We
Speaker 3: see them as possible soulmates. And Republicans are finally running
Speaker 3: as to reflect that.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the candidate. Bachelorette.
Speaker 3: Ashley now must make her final decision always in reading.
Speaker 5: My space, spying on my messages, reading my emails.
Speaker 3: Will Ashley send Mark the Democrat packing? Will she finally
Speaker 3: choose Rick.
Speaker 1: The Republican who will work for her future?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: My god, Rick's so dreamy. I damn choose Mark. He's
Speaker 3: a mess.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but so far as the GEOPI goes, women think
Speaker 2: elections are just about getting into relationships.
Speaker 3: No, No, that's insulting and reductive. Women don't just think
Speaker 3: about getting into relationships. We also think about getting out
Speaker 3: of them, Like the one ran with Obama.
Speaker 5: In two thousand and eight. I fell in love. His
Speaker 5: online profile made him seem so perfect. I trusted him.
Speaker 5: But by twenty twelve, our relationship was in trouble.
Speaker 3: Oh what it up?
Speaker 4: Girl?
Speaker 3: What it out? We've all been there.
Speaker 5: He's in my emails and text messages, spying on me
Speaker 5: but ignoring real threats. Thinks the only thing I care
Speaker 5: about is free birth control, but he won't even let
Speaker 5: me keep my own doctor.
Speaker 3: She's right. We gave Obama our hearts, and all they
Speaker 3: got in return is this free birth control.
Speaker 1: Christ and I is that? Isn't that really too many?
Speaker 3: Not for democrats? The reckless?
Speaker 1: You know this, this whole camp. I'm really hoping those
Speaker 1: fell off your life instead of what I just saw.
Speaker 2: I just saw something under the table move and then
Speaker 2: I heard them hit the floor. I don't I don't
Speaker 2: know what happened, this whole angle that the robins gonna
Speaker 2: have it. It feels like you were when they wanted
Speaker 2: more girls to play pac Man. So then they just
Speaker 2: slapped lipstick in a bow on pac Man and then
Speaker 2: called it MS pac Man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, John, MS pac Man is a feminist hero. She
Speaker 3: didn't subscribe to your patriarchal idea of what a woman's
Speaker 3: body should look like, Shane. Whatever she wanted pineapples, pretzels, ghosts.
Speaker 1: I didn't know her courage.
Speaker 3: I don't forgive you, John face it. Republicans finally figured
Speaker 3: out how women's brains work. Science shows that this part
Speaker 3: right here is devoted to thinking about relationships, and the
Speaker 3: small part here is bitchiness.
Speaker 1: Were those were those scientists men by any chance?
Speaker 3: Yeah? They were scientists, women's scientists.
Speaker 2: You You.
Speaker 3: Maybe even just the an ad for when you meet
Speaker 3: the perfect candidate and you know right away that he's
Speaker 3: the one, and then it's time for every little girl's
Speaker 3: wet dream finding a wedding dress.
Speaker 5: The Tom Corbett is perfect.
Speaker 1: I like the Tom Wolf.
Speaker 4: It's overpriced and a little outdated, but I know best.
Speaker 4: And don't forget the tom Wolf comes with additional costs.
Speaker 5: There's increased taxes.
Speaker 1: Mom, this is my decision.
Speaker 5: I see a better future with Tom Corbett.
Speaker 2: You don't work out in the air because Brittany said, yes,
Speaker 2: it's a Tom Corbett.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm so happy for you, Brittany. I mean I'm
Speaker 3: a little jealous because that dress would have looked so
Speaker 3: much better on me. But you look beautiful. Congratulations Christen.
Speaker 2: This is outrageous And why don't men get these kinds
Speaker 2: of ads?
Speaker 3: Oh, don't worry. Republicans also have ads targeting men in
Speaker 3: the exact same insulting way. You know, the same I'm
Speaker 3: a god, came up with that and I a Republican.
Speaker 3: You want to get your what? You gotta kick Mary
Speaker 3: Lander to the kurve? A centrist Democrat? What is that?
Speaker 1: Even?
Speaker 3: It's so confusing, just like chicks, right, vul republic kid?
Speaker 3: If you want to rush.
Speaker 1: Bull?
Speaker 3: Republic kid? If you got the Nats?
Speaker 1: What that guy? Because I want to vote for that guy?
Speaker 1: Got that guy? Right?
Speaker 2: We beginning night in Washington, known a season of physical discipline,
Speaker 2: House Republicans are discovering the cutting spending isn't as easy
Speaker 2: as they had hoped. It turns out people like some
Speaker 2: of the things the government does for them. Luckily, the
Speaker 2: Republicans will come up with a brilliant idea. What if
Speaker 2: instead of cutting services for people, they cut services for witmen?
Speaker 4: Seven hundred and forty seven million in to the nutrition
Speaker 4: program for women, infants, and children.
Speaker 3: Cutting more than a billion dollars from the head Start
Speaker 3: education program. One of the.
Speaker 4: Bills eliminates tax breaks for private employers who provide health
Speaker 4: coverage if their plans offer abortion services.
Speaker 6: Allowing hospitals to refuse to perform an abortion on a
Speaker 6: woman even if she'll die.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's so pro life, even if it kills you.
Speaker 1: So they want to cut everything from family care to
Speaker 1: prenatal care to the child nutrition. It's like they're probably
Speaker 1: the Congress.
Speaker 2: You're saying, you can't prevent an unwanted child, you can't
Speaker 2: get care if you do get pregnant, and we won't
Speaker 2: give you any help feeding the kid after it's born.
Speaker 1: But those two minutes when that skull is crowning your
Speaker 1: baby's the most precious thing on that.
Speaker 2: Much of the GOP focuses on planned parenthood, which, to
Speaker 2: hear them tell it, is apparently in the abortion business
Speaker 2: for an unusual reason.
Speaker 1: My parenthood isn't about health, it's about profit.
Speaker 5: They're focused on becoming big business. They reported a sixty
Speaker 5: three billion dollar profit.
Speaker 1: They make money on the abortions. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Everyone knows Plan PARENTO doesn't make money on the abortions.
Speaker 1: It's the concessions. That's that's where the money wents. You're
Speaker 1: junior mints. You're not jokes.
Speaker 2: I mean, who needs that big a drink to go
Speaker 2: in for more on the House's defunding efforts. We're joined
Speaker 2: by senior women's issues correspondent Kristin Shaw.
Speaker 1: Christen. Thanks you this way, this way, or this way.
Speaker 2: Last time you were here, Christen, if you remember, we
Speaker 2: discussed the House Conservatives move to reduce federally funded abortions
Speaker 2: for rape victims by redefining the term.
Speaker 3: Rape, which would have totally worked if the Republicans hadn't
Speaker 3: backed down at the last minute.
Speaker 2: Pussies may be the most chilling way I've ever heard
Speaker 2: that phrase.
Speaker 1: That was like from Saw three or something. Christen. Are
Speaker 1: we seeing bills.
Speaker 2: That would receive abortions by cutting funds for a much
Speaker 2: broader range of services? Now?
Speaker 1: Is that? Is that what's going?
Speaker 4: What it would do is deny millions of women routine
Speaker 4: checkups and examinations, defund gynecological exams, cervical cancer tests, UTI treatments,
Speaker 4: and the full panoply of women's health services that Planned
Speaker 4: Parenthood provides.
Speaker 3: Admit Planned Parenthood is running quite an elaborate front for
Speaker 3: its abortion stores, but the facts are just what Mike
Speaker 3: Pince said. If an organization has anything to do with abortions,
Speaker 3: then everything that organization does is tainted and it shouldn't
Speaker 3: get any government money.
Speaker 1: So you are you are coming out in support of
Speaker 1: this new house.
Speaker 3: Yes, If anything, they don't go far enough. Our taxes
Speaker 3: are going to abortions in ways no one is even
Speaker 3: talking about.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it now.
Speaker 3: What how well for starters, we have to cut funding
Speaker 3: for fire departments.
Speaker 1: Now why would that be?
Speaker 3: Hello? What if an abortion clinic catches fire and firefighters
Speaker 3: put it out, paving away for more abortions? Abortion is
Speaker 3: firefighters paid for with our taxpayer dollars.
Speaker 2: Well, that's like saying we have to defund the Coast
Speaker 2: Guard because abortion providers go to the beach.
Speaker 3: Oh I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right,
Speaker 3: No more Coast Guard. Give me another. This is fun.
Speaker 3: FAA Mile High Club number one cause of unwanted pregnancies
Speaker 3: between York and Lax.
Speaker 2: Mining Safety Commission, Mile Below Club, Libraria, Congress.
Speaker 3: Sexy Librarians, NASA, Space Abortions.
Speaker 1: Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco on Firearms.
Speaker 3: John, Please, I'm getting pregnant just listening to you.
Speaker 2: Person. If you try hard enough, you try hard enough,
Speaker 2: that's the bubon stock. You can link abortion to any
Speaker 2: piece of spending exactly.
Speaker 3: It's disgusting. I mean, how can Mike Pence be sure
Speaker 3: that when he pays money for something, it will ultimately
Speaker 3: go to pay for an abortion.
Speaker 1: Well, there's no I guess there's no way to guarantee it.
Speaker 3: So there is now presenting stork bucks, a pro life
Speaker 3: currency that can't be spent on anything having to do
Speaker 3: with abortion. Here, try to buy something for me from me,
Speaker 3: not for me. Well, if you want to.
Speaker 2: Uh, hello, hello, I'd like to buy a cup of
Speaker 2: coffee with my store box, would you, yes?
Speaker 1: Droll with coffee.
Speaker 3: It has caffeine the drum that keeps abortion doctors awake
Speaker 3: so they can perform abortions all night long. I don't
Speaker 3: think so.
Speaker 1: People do not listen. It's a delicate issue.
Speaker 2: There's not people that are not gleeful about performing abortions.
Speaker 1: They're not gleeful about these things are oh god, what
Speaker 1: are these native? By the way, they seem very flammable, just.
Speaker 3: Tree pulp, gumpowdern stork meat. After the whole VP thing,
Speaker 3: the stork meat just really lights up stark covered in Christ.
Speaker 2: Everyone objects to something the government spends money on. I
Speaker 2: may not want my taxes paying for for uh, waterboarding
Speaker 2: or subsidies or Mike Bence's pross state exams.
Speaker 1: But but there goes my money.
Speaker 3: Straight up, Mike Pences ass, I know, unless, of course
Speaker 3: you're spending my new currency Sunshine Bucks. They don't go
Speaker 3: where the sun don't shine twenty as Mike Pences prostrate
Speaker 3: on it. Do we have that image?
Speaker 1: I don't think we have that image. I think all right,
Speaker 1: thank you very much, Christian, Christian Shawl, everybody, We'll be
Speaker 1: right back.
Speaker 2: Everyone knows that in the real Merca people ride pick
Speaker 2: up trucks and fix your flat tires.
Speaker 1: But if you live in a city, you got your
Speaker 1: public transportation where people from all walks of life come together,
Speaker 1: do know each other very closely. They're always finding new
Speaker 1: ways to do it. It's a battle against man spreading.
Speaker 4: It is a guy taking up two seats for.
Speaker 1: The first time.
Speaker 5: The metropolitan transportation authority is asking men to mind the gap.
Speaker 1: Mind the gap.
Speaker 2: I think that might be the nicest way to say,
Speaker 2: don't be an asshole in the subway. And yet it
Speaker 2: seems like a simple question of manners. Taking up two
Speaker 2: seats when you could take up one has somehow opened
Speaker 2: a new front in the culture war.
Speaker 1: Bleke spreaders.
Speaker 3: They're the worst men.
Speaker 1: Ben. Yeah. Yeah, the field one's a little.
Speaker 6: With the restraint.
Speaker 3: Men's groups are calling it male oppression.
Speaker 2: And apparently calling themselves men's groups.
Speaker 1: Take that for what it's worth.
Speaker 2: From where, we're joined by senior women's issues correspondent Kristin Shawl.
Speaker 1: Kristin do it.
Speaker 3: This is a big deal, John, and I just just
Speaker 3: want to say, men, I'm sorry. You should absolutely have
Speaker 3: that extra seat. You deserve that extra seat. But do
Speaker 3: the math. Men make thirty percent more than women, they
Speaker 3: should have thirty percent more space. On the right to work.
Speaker 2: It's not a Chris, there's not even what it's about.
Speaker 2: It's this is just an issue of common courtesy on
Speaker 2: the subway.
Speaker 3: That's oh no, John, you've been so brainwashed by this
Speaker 3: feminized world. You can't even see everything that men have lost.
Speaker 3: You used to run companies by yourself. You used to
Speaker 3: run countries by yourself. You used to do everything just
Speaker 3: you dudes. And if a woman showed up, you got
Speaker 3: to call her sugar tits with no consequences. You give
Speaker 3: her a seat in the typewriter pool with all the
Speaker 3: other sugar tits.
Speaker 1: Is uh minor point. I think it's tits I, TITSI.
Speaker 3: The subway is the only placemen have left. We've literally
Speaker 3: driven you underground to find that last inch of ball space,
Speaker 3: and now society saying no, even there. A man's place
Speaker 3: is on one seat, knees together. As a woman who
Speaker 3: has struggled her entire life to keep her knees together.
Speaker 3: I am your ally.
Speaker 1: Well that you know.
Speaker 2: You may not be aware of this, but one regular
Speaker 2: subway seat does grant you a good amount of ball space.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not wow?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: Wow? What?
Speaker 3: John? Can I talk directly to your testicles for a second,
Speaker 3: because I think you're holding them hostage? These four caged balls.
Speaker 3: Your ancestors used to roam free, the wind blowing through
Speaker 3: your soft, fuzzy hair, the sun soaking up into your
Speaker 3: wrinkled skin, knowing that this day, this land, this whole
Speaker 3: goddamn world was yours.
Speaker 1: That was actually that was That was quite moving.
Speaker 3: That was, Oh, John, your balls are crying, not crying,
Speaker 3: Christ in there allergic to wool. Come on, John, just
Speaker 3: get it together. Occupying all the territory U can is sexy.
Speaker 3: When I'm in a subway car with all those men
Speaker 3: taking charge of the seats around them. I get so
Speaker 3: weak in the knees I can barely stand. But I
Speaker 3: have to.
Speaker 2: See that thought that seems that seems rude to make
Speaker 2: you stand in that John, who's.
Speaker 3: The manliest man in the world.
Speaker 1: That's George Clooney manlies.
Speaker 3: Yes, Jean Claude man. Damn, And look how much room
Speaker 3: he needs for his balls. Would you call that rude
Speaker 3: or amazing?
Speaker 1: It's amazing. I think my balls would would protest a
Speaker 1: move like that.
Speaker 3: Well, then get out of the way, because this man
Speaker 3: spreading train is going express. It's no longer about individual comfort.
Speaker 3: It's a movement. The MTA wants to run its ads. Fine,
Speaker 3: we're gonna run ours. When they tell men to rent
Speaker 3: it in, you lock those legs together, united, we sit,
Speaker 3: that's right. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know how effective a movement is, but it
Speaker 2: seems a nice way to make a friend.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you guys, John Stewart is the loneliest man.
Speaker 1: She doesn't mean that, Guys, don't listen.
Speaker 3: I want to see men fighting the good fight, spreading
Speaker 3: with pride, and hey, while you're at it, maybe yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, you show us what you're fighting for.
Speaker 1: I don't understand what you're well, just don't be.
Speaker 3: So up tight, sugar balls. You don't give us a little.
Speaker 1: Pea like this guy.
Speaker 3: You not showing about full stack. It's a little quick now,
Speaker 3: a little ball cleavage. If you're joining the movement, we
Speaker 3: gotta see the goods. You're moving right.
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