Speaker 1: And I invited you here. I thought I made myself
Speaker 1: perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you
Speaker 1: gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests,
Speaker 1: you're o presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
Speaker 1: So how do you dare to surbey me?
Speaker 2: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Bridger Winecker. I'm
Speaker 2: opening my computer already, just to make sure it's online
Speaker 2: for all of us. Last night's Little House on the
Speaker 2: Prairie was all action. I will say that Mary is
Speaker 2: obsessed with winning a dictionary and I'll leave it at that.
Speaker 2: What else was on TV? We started watching? Is it
Speaker 2: Sherry Peppini? Now she's got her own docuseries telling her story.
Speaker 2: She seems totally normal. I don't think she did anything wrong.
Speaker 2: I'm on her side, and there are eight more episodes
Speaker 2: or so, but we'll see what I feel like Sherry.
Speaker 2: You know, she had a plan and she went through
Speaker 2: with it, and I think she pulled it off in
Speaker 2: a big way. What else is going on? There's something
Speaker 2: I have to bring up because I can't dance around
Speaker 2: this the rest of my life. The listener needs context
Speaker 2: for my life. On occasion we got a dog. We
Speaker 2: got a new dog. I was not We've been looking
Speaker 2: for a few weeks and you know, going from shelter
Speaker 2: to shelter, having a very difficult time. I was against
Speaker 2: the idea of getting a puppy for so many reasons.
Speaker 2: But then this little goblin popped up on one of
Speaker 2: the million rescues we were following, and now she lives
Speaker 2: in our home. Her name's Bonnie, and so far she
Speaker 2: seems to you know, I don't like to bring up
Speaker 2: this sort of thing. I watched that documentary about the
Speaker 2: parents who adopt their kid and then gave it away
Speaker 2: or whatever, so I don't want to end up with
Speaker 2: my own docuseries being shamed on HBO. But I think
Speaker 2: we're gonna hold on to Bonnie as long as she's
Speaker 2: okay with staying with us. So now you've got the
Speaker 2: context of my life, that's essentially. And I watch The
Speaker 2: Little House on the Prairie and I take the dog
Speaker 2: out every two hours.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: I think today's guest is so funny. I just adore him.
Speaker 2: It's Gill Osari Gil Welcome, Dyson.
Speaker 3: Doma, Hi, thank you for having me. Roger, how are you?
Speaker 3: I'm doing all right, Is that true that you watch
Speaker 3: a Little House on the Prairie.
Speaker 2: Yes, we've started. I had never seen it, okay, and
Speaker 2: my boyfriend had seen every single episode as a kid
Speaker 2: and was obsessed with it. And then, you know, because
Speaker 2: I want to watch anything else on TV, we found
Speaker 2: this and I'm having the time of mind.
Speaker 3: How many seasons are there? I think they are four hundred.
Speaker 2: I think they are honestly like four hundred episodes because
Speaker 2: every season is like twenty five episodes.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: Each one is an hour long, only nominated for one
Speaker 2: Ammy apparently.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: I don't know what happened with the academy, But.
Speaker 3: How is it? What does it hold up?
Speaker 2: Have you seen any of the show before?
Speaker 3: I mean I saw it when I was younger. Okay,
Speaker 3: it I remember. It's being melodramatic.
Speaker 2: Correct, it's very melodramatic, but also very gentle.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: And the most of the problems are pretty low steaks.
Speaker 3: Right, I mean the horse won't eat an apple.
Speaker 2: There's an episode where they adopt a raccoon and then
Speaker 2: it gets out of control.
Speaker 3: Usually the pretty close to your bonnie.
Speaker 2: Yes, I mean she's probably going to become rabid pretty sooner.
Speaker 2: But we I think we're only about ten episodes in,
Speaker 2: so it's a long journey, long journey. And recently Tim
Speaker 2: Hideker was on the show and he said, do you
Speaker 2: know what happens in the final episode? And then when
Speaker 2: someone says that on a podcast, you kind of have
Speaker 2: to have the information has to be shared. So he
Speaker 2: told me what happens? Oh god, do you want to
Speaker 2: know what happens?
Speaker 3: I think I have heard this, but go ahead.
Speaker 2: They blow up the town.
Speaker 3: WHOA is that true? That's not what was in my head.
Speaker 3: What were you thinking? I thought? I thought he dies
Speaker 3: of cancer, maybe Michael, maybe.
Speaker 2: Michael Landon dies of cancer and real life unfortunately, that's okay,
Speaker 2: that's what I've heard.
Speaker 3: I heard the real true story.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were mixing up Access Hollywood and Little House
Speaker 2: on the Prayer.
Speaker 3: I was, which I often do. Very was Mario Lopez
Speaker 3: and Billy Bush? Were they on?
Speaker 2: They run the general Store? Mario has not aged a
Speaker 2: day since nineteen seventy two, amazing, And then he got
Speaker 2: into Save by the Bell.
Speaker 3: It's a weird career.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the trajectory of this man bounced around, but he
Speaker 2: finally found where he needed to be. Access Holly Reporting
Speaker 2: life from from the American or the Grove. There was
Speaker 2: the Grove, and I think maybe city Walk Universal city Walk.
Speaker 3: Okay, so an even worse place. Yes, it's getting worse.
Speaker 3: It's worse and worse. Soon he'll be at knots very
Speaker 3: far on the side of the freeway. Side of the
Speaker 3: freeway exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it will be interesting to see how much longer
Speaker 2: he I think he'll hold on to that until he's
Speaker 2: hosting a New Year's Eve specials.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like that's probably the net thing they'll
Speaker 3: let him there. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I hope so I feel like that must be what
Speaker 2: he has a sight set on.
Speaker 3: I guess. So, yeah, he wants that's like the which is.
Speaker 2: Interesting, right do we feel like he has like as
Speaker 2: a person, like is he like, do I have bigger
Speaker 2: and this isn't what I'm meant to do. There's this
Speaker 2: thing I want to do? Or is he like, this
Speaker 2: is what I'm doing?
Speaker 3: I heard he really wants to save people, is what
Speaker 3: he really wants to do. He physically, he wishes he
Speaker 3: could be a doctor fire. He wants to change the world,
Speaker 3: but he's only made it to extra I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know I do. Do you think, yes, I'm
Speaker 3: sure he has, Like right, you never really thought about that,
Speaker 3: But I feel likes a show like that.
Speaker 2: I feel like there's gotta be like one. You must
Speaker 2: have at least one thing beyond yes talking about celebrity birthdays.
Speaker 2: Uh huh and like what's happening on Dancing with the Stars. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but is it like host the Oscars? There must be
Speaker 2: some unreasonable dream that he's never going to attend.
Speaker 3: Yes, maybe to me Oscars. If he's dreaming about the Oscars,
Speaker 3: he's a lunatic. He needs to put he put in
Speaker 3: like an institution. I feel like maybe he could get
Speaker 3: to like you know, Miss America or something like that,
Speaker 3: or like you know, host the way. No, he won't
Speaker 3: even do that. I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Doesn't there's not like a natural path for that sort
Speaker 2: of person. Yeah, especially if they were already an actor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess. And also if like Ryan Seacrest is alive,
Speaker 3: right Ryan Seacrest, that it should be the goal. I
Speaker 3: wonder if he still wants to be an actor?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: Maybe does he act still? Inside? I wonder what his
Speaker 3: last performance You were going to say, was he ever
Speaker 3: an actor? And I was going to say, no, that's
Speaker 3: not nice. Just burn him down, burn him down. What
Speaker 3: was was saved by the bell? The last thing.
Speaker 2: I wonder if that was the last the say when
Speaker 2: he gets the special, when they go to Vegas and
Speaker 2: get married.
Speaker 3: I think, well, have you seen? You should watch? If
Speaker 3: you're doing rewatches, you should see The College years Saved
Speaker 3: by the Bell. Oh I've seen, I've seen the College
Speaker 3: Oh my god, yes, insane. It's a very wild show,
Speaker 3: very wild chat.
Speaker 2: My last memory, and I don't we don't need to
Speaker 2: get into nostalgia nineties blah blah.
Speaker 3: But my last.
Speaker 2: Memory of that was I think, uh, one of my
Speaker 2: birthdays in elementary school that was on live on TV.
Speaker 2: But we had rented jurass Park and I secretly wanted
Speaker 2: to watch that. I was dying to know what would
Speaker 2: happened as the one gay child.
Speaker 3: In the room, and everyone wanted Jurassic Jurassice Park.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which I guess sure, we had paid the ninety
Speaker 2: nine cents to rent it. You want to throw that
Speaker 2: had you already seen Jurassical I had already seen it too,
Speaker 2: So it's not like I'm learning anything new.
Speaker 3: I will say, I think the College years is a
Speaker 3: better piece of heart than Jurassic Paul. I'm gonna, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna that's my hot take for today.
Speaker 2: All I remember is them waiting in line for.
Speaker 3: YouTube for you, for you too? Oh yeah? Is that
Speaker 3: how you say YouTube?
Speaker 1: Do you say?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 3: This is my podcast is about.
Speaker 2: The way I say things too syllables.
Speaker 3: Well, I never I've never put the emphasis on on two.
Speaker 3: Let me always say you too.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of, like in a vacuum, how
Speaker 2: you would say the band name YouTube, because you.
Speaker 3: Said it almost like YouTube like you and I was confused.
Speaker 3: I was like, did he just forget the B and.
Speaker 2: Bonto and the edge present YouTube? Let me see, I'm
Speaker 2: trying to think you too, you too? I would say
Speaker 2: you too? Okay, what would you say? That's right? You
Speaker 2: just said I said something.
Speaker 3: Do you said YouTube? YouTube? Yeah?
Speaker 2: That sounds weird.
Speaker 3: YouTube. It just sounded weird to me.
Speaker 2: There's too much weight. Uh, I mean a similar way there.
Speaker 2: You have to see, I'll never say it now.
Speaker 3: Now it's like yeah, now, it's like if you repeat
Speaker 3: a word over and over again, it doesn't sound correctly
Speaker 3: at all. Too. That was good. That was good. That
Speaker 3: was a good one. Why did they call it you too? Like?
Speaker 3: I think it's like, yeah, I think it's included. You're
Speaker 3: part of Yeah, you're part of the band. To come
Speaker 3: on join us. That's so corny. It is. Most band
Speaker 3: names are corny, I feel like, I mean, even the Beatles, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the Beatles is the most classic corny
Speaker 2: band name, which almost kind of altered language in a
Speaker 2: way where you kind of just assume the word beatle
Speaker 2: is with an A.
Speaker 3: That's right, that's right. Someone I just recently watched someone
Speaker 3: said that the band being good makes the name being good.
Speaker 3: I'm interesting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wonder if there's a band that is good
Speaker 2: and their name continues to stink.
Speaker 3: Maroon five, they're amazing, perfect, perfect catalog, perfect catalog, bad name.
Speaker 3: They made one mistake. They made one mistake, and that
Speaker 3: was Maroon. If they had just been called five or
Speaker 3: like Burgundy five, I would have been like.
Speaker 2: Dark red five, red five. I think I feel like
Speaker 2: there was a band name called five. Is that a
Speaker 2: boy band that feels like but it's probably I feel
Speaker 2: like it's the number five I V E. Which then
Speaker 2: becomes completely baffling and makes.
Speaker 3: No one knows how to pronounce it.
Speaker 2: It's five viv viv Yeah. And then there's h five
Speaker 2: for fighting. Another perfect band five for fighting. Yes, uh,
Speaker 2: not a single mistake.
Speaker 3: There, No these great names. Are you really trying to think?
Speaker 3: What are you trying to ild?
Speaker 2: Really like to think of a good band. Good band
Speaker 2: where I don't agree with their name.
Speaker 3: Okay, and I don't agree with their name let's see here, hmm,
Speaker 3: but I feel like it is.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's so much taste aligns with.
Speaker 3: With with Yeah, I don't want to say something that's
Speaker 3: a good band, and then you're just like say, oh
Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, I'm nervous to tell you my opinion. I'm
Speaker 3: trying to think the.
Speaker 2: Listener does like to just listen to two people kind
Speaker 2: of just slow.
Speaker 3: Slowly come up with something. All the bands that I'm
Speaker 3: coming up with are terrible right now. I guess the
Speaker 3: Rolling Stones.
Speaker 2: I like Rolling Stones.
Speaker 3: We're talking about bands. We're talking about sixties bands were
Speaker 3: exclusively For some reason, I cannot think of a band
Speaker 3: past the nineteen sixty nine right now.
Speaker 2: I feel like there's probably an area within the eighties
Speaker 2: when there's like a band that's amazing and they just
Speaker 2: happen to pick not a super great name, but unfortunately.
Speaker 3: In the eighties, like a rock band tears, because it'd
Speaker 3: be like the first one that.
Speaker 2: Came my tears is a bad name. But I feel
Speaker 2: like they're like a mid mid quality.
Speaker 3: Okay, oh, that that's a shot. I loved your reasons. Yes,
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: Well, now let's see what's their biggest song.
Speaker 3: Everyone wants to rule the one.
Speaker 2: Oh right, right, it's a little too uh you don't
Speaker 2: like that new wave big big too like, uh, it's
Speaker 2: too attle down the middle. I was gonna say along
Speaker 2: those lines, is o MD, which sends for orchestral Maneuvers
Speaker 2: in the dark, who I think is a great band.
Speaker 3: That's a bad band. That's a bad name.
Speaker 2: That's I mean, that's stupid. It is, It's ultimately stupid, stupid.
Speaker 2: I guess that's we make the four bands out there,
Speaker 2: O M D, Tears for Fiers, Rolling Stones in.
Speaker 3: The d and the Beatles. Everybody knows the four bands
Speaker 3: out there.
Speaker 2: I'm just I feel good that I was able to
Speaker 2: remember four things from a few minutes ago. That feels
Speaker 2: impressive for my.
Speaker 4: How do you feel about Steely Dan?
Speaker 3: Steely Dan? Okay, Well, I people are very divided about. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I like Steely Dan, right, sometimes they run into like
Speaker 3: Dad Country, Right, but the name is okay, I guess yeah.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like it means nothing.
Speaker 3: It means kind of nothing, right, right, And.
Speaker 4: It's named after a dildo in the novel Naked Lunch
Speaker 4: William Right.
Speaker 2: Well, then I feel like like, sure, sure, great, I
Speaker 2: can't argue against it. And also the band has become
Speaker 2: this kind of thing where it's divisive, but it's also
Speaker 2: kind of joke, a joke but not.
Speaker 3: But not sometimes people, I mean, I don't know I
Speaker 3: like the band, right, I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not familiar enough with Steely Dan. Okay, So I
Speaker 2: couldn't say one way or the other. But the name
Speaker 2: doesn't offend me, it doesn't offend you. Ultimately, Maroon five. Ultimately,
Speaker 2: it all goes back to Maroon five and the boys.
Speaker 2: I assume the singer is named Maroon five.
Speaker 3: The main guys, Wait, it's Adam Levine, Adam Levine. Is
Speaker 3: there another Adam Levine? I'm oh, my god, is there
Speaker 3: another Adam Levine? Uh? There's like Adam Uh. I don't think.
Speaker 3: I don't Maybe it sounds like it.
Speaker 2: Sounds like a name it's Yeah, it's like an innocuous
Speaker 2: enough but sound.
Speaker 4: I'm thinking of Adam divine, Adam.
Speaker 3: Divine, devine, which you would pronounce devine just like you two,
Speaker 3: Adam de Vin, reach out, reach out to us. We
Speaker 3: need clarification on how you pronounce your divine name.
Speaker 2: God knows how it got to Adam devine.
Speaker 3: What else is going on? What is going on in
Speaker 3: my life? Yeah, I'm speaking of dads. I am living
Speaker 3: the dad life. I have two children. I didn't know
Speaker 3: you had kids. Yes, I have a seven and a
Speaker 3: half year old and a two and a half year old,
Speaker 3: and my life is mostly consumed with their life. Was
Speaker 3: naming them a nightmare? Yes? It was. I love that.
Speaker 3: That's your first follow up? Yeah? Is this about Bonnie? Yes?
Speaker 2: Yes, because it's so different, I mean difficult, I mean,
Speaker 2: I guess the stakes are equally high for when your name. Ever,
Speaker 2: you're naming something you love.
Speaker 3: Yes, and you're I will say that having had a pet,
Speaker 3: this is your first.
Speaker 2: Pet, No, this is our this is our second dog.
Speaker 3: Okay, you're The name changes all the time. You start
Speaker 3: to call it all kind of like yeah, shithead or
Speaker 3: whatever it is, and it just changes over time. Anyway, right,
Speaker 3: but uh, yeah, I had a terrible time coming up
Speaker 3: with a name with pets. I have a list. I
Speaker 3: have a list, you do, yes, I have have a list.
Speaker 3: Can you reveal any of the names? Well, the number
Speaker 3: one list. The number one name that me and my
Speaker 3: wife have for a cat they were gonna get is Bopkin.
Speaker 3: Oh that's great, yes, and that is after a salesman
Speaker 3: that we found in a tile place. First name Bopkin.
Speaker 3: We were like, that is a perfect name for it.
Speaker 3: A cat.
Speaker 2: That's such a good It's like, sounds kind of like
Speaker 2: a name, but not so much that it's not so
Speaker 2: bizarre that it sounds like a joke.
Speaker 3: No, it almost sounds like it's like some English dessert
Speaker 3: or like else I have a piece of Actually, now
Speaker 3: it sounds like a jew like maybe it's too close
Speaker 3: to Bobka. Oh that's true.
Speaker 2: It's very close, but also could be like one of
Speaker 2: the cats and Cats, Yeah, one of the cut cats
Speaker 2: from Cats.
Speaker 3: Huh didn't quite make Yeah, Bopkins didn't make it.
Speaker 2: Bupkin's a very nice name.
Speaker 3: No, it's hard with how'd you get to Bonnie? Well?
Speaker 2: You know, with pet names, I feel like there are
Speaker 2: several categories. There's like I feel like there was a
Speaker 2: trend for a while that was like just find the
Speaker 2: most bland human name you can for a right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: which whatever? I darrel like that kind of that sort
Speaker 2: of thing.
Speaker 3: Which whatever?
Speaker 2: And then there's like I feel like there's a new
Speaker 2: trend where it's like you name the thing table you know,
Speaker 2: you know which I don't. I don't. God bless everyone
Speaker 2: that's doing it. But you got to give the animal
Speaker 2: some respects.
Speaker 3: That's the first thing I thought of, Like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: that's like, yeah, no respect for the animal you're calling it.
Speaker 2: It shouldn't be an object unless it's an object you appreciate. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it sounds kind of nice.
Speaker 3: Let's name it toilet mak it's life miserable. Uh.
Speaker 2: Then there then there's a category that everyone runs into
Speaker 2: of names where you associate it with the people in
Speaker 2: your life you hate, and so that eliminates so many
Speaker 2: names for me.
Speaker 3: Okay, yes, all and that that that's the same way
Speaker 3: it is with naming babies. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean with babies it's even more difficult because
Speaker 2: you only really have human names to pick.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's true. You can't just name them strawberry. I
Speaker 3: mean you can, sure, but also you have to keep
Speaker 3: in mind like what are they going to be made
Speaker 3: fun of for? What are the are the nicknames? Of course? Yeah,
Speaker 3: so you're limited in that way. And also initials like
Speaker 3: does it spell something awful? So you have to sort
Speaker 3: of think about all that. There's traps everywhere, right.
Speaker 2: What's your middle name?
Speaker 3: I don't have one?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Interesting? Yeah, you're too disgusting, you really, I am, No,
Speaker 3: I do not have. My full name is gillad Oh yes,
Speaker 3: I would have assumed Gilbert obviously, No, just gil odd
Speaker 3: g I L dash A D. I have a dash
Speaker 3: on my birthday that I don't. I mean, it's like fine,
Speaker 3: it's fine. It means joy forever.
Speaker 2: I mean that's gorgeous.
Speaker 3: That is I like that. That's cute. What's your middle name? Eric?
Speaker 2: Eric, which is to me a middle name with a
Speaker 2: confusing first name. It's nice to have a middle name
Speaker 2: that most people.
Speaker 3: Can under named after someone.
Speaker 2: A mountain man named Jim Bridger, a mountain many. I
Speaker 2: grew up in Salt Lake City and he was a
Speaker 2: mountain man throughout the mountains. Okay, I think in Salt
Speaker 2: Lake and.
Speaker 3: Your parents had a connection to him or just just
Speaker 3: from living in and where's Eric. That's a great question, huh.
Speaker 2: I should probably get into that with my parents, But
Speaker 2: I feel like it was just a name they like
Speaker 2: the sound of which to me, I think is an
Speaker 2: odd pick for a middle name. I feel like, should
Speaker 2: you want to pick like something sent the very strange?
Speaker 2: They kind of did it backwards with me, right, But
Speaker 2: I'm glad they gave me that because at restaurants, you
Speaker 2: know you're not I can just be Eric.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, you know you're not going by.
Speaker 2: Not expelling my name all the time to everybody. I
Speaker 2: like that, but often I'll say Eric to people, and
Speaker 2: when they mishear that, I give up and just say,
Speaker 2: well whatever.
Speaker 3: H And if they also that's part of the reason
Speaker 3: why I cut to just Gill. Of course, I was
Speaker 3: just like, I can't anymore. I'm fucking done.
Speaker 2: There are very few situations where, like you, the investment
Speaker 2: is enough to be like, okay, this is how my
Speaker 2: name is spelled. You need to know what it's like
Speaker 2: your passport and your driver's like exactly, and maybe your
Speaker 2: spouse should know yea.
Speaker 3: But outside of that, well, my child now uses it.
Speaker 3: My older child in a derogatory way. My name. Oh no,
Speaker 3: that just says it in like he key lot. You know,
Speaker 3: it's like it's like a curse or something. And I actually,
Speaker 3: because I am sort of self conscious about it slightly,
Speaker 3: it feels insulting, of.
Speaker 2: Course, and she'll probably continue to wep. Yeah, she grows
Speaker 2: to absolutely and so she should. I'm proud of her.
Speaker 2: I'm proud of her for doing so. When did she
Speaker 2: learn your whole name?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: When she was like four or something? Okay, yeah, or four?
Speaker 2: And was there a period when you had to be like,
Speaker 2: don't do me gil, don't call me gilla.
Speaker 3: There are yeah, sometimes where she's trying to be disrespectful
Speaker 3: on purpose, you know, and calling me by my name
Speaker 3: or by my full name, or you know, she likes
Speaker 3: to call me butthole too. She is obsessed. The older
Speaker 3: one now is obsessed with like buttholes, but butt cracks
Speaker 3: of course, like hairy crack, all the type of like
Speaker 3: cracks you can have.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like she learned that at home or
Speaker 2: at school?
Speaker 3: The obsession with butts probably home, okay, sure, And I
Speaker 3: think but I think, like, yeah, reinforced at school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's terrible kids there's terrible. You can't you really
Speaker 2: can't choose who your kids get to commune at school,
Speaker 2: and they need some real tough type.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like there's real gross hose out there with like
Speaker 3: awful parents who are just you see it like trickle
Speaker 3: down to your own kid and it's a nightmare.
Speaker 2: But I guess kind of good that some level of
Speaker 2: their life is not in your control. They bring things home.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they bring the Yeah, they bring diseases home. They
Speaker 3: bring uh, they so much weird food. Like I traded,
Speaker 3: I traded my my carrots for this like fucking weird
Speaker 3: you know, like version of a twinkie that it's like
Speaker 3: it's you. Yeah, they're just like eating you have no
Speaker 3: control and it's just they come back with like weird stuff.
Speaker 2: Did your parents pack you lunch for school?
Speaker 3: They did?
Speaker 2: And was it stuff you wanted to eat? No?
Speaker 3: No, it was the same shit every day. It was
Speaker 3: a granola bar and it was like a sandwich with
Speaker 3: cream cheese on it. Sometimes it had pickles. It was
Speaker 3: just it was gross. What about you did you.
Speaker 2: My mom packed lunch and it was a similar thing
Speaker 2: where I think it was like an apple, uh huh,
Speaker 2: some type of cookies. Which were rotating yel fudge, choreo chips,
Speaker 2: a hooy that sounds great. Those were the only thing
Speaker 2: that basically got eaten.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then a sandwich which my mom would put butter
Speaker 2: on no matter what the contents. Oh no, God bless,
Speaker 2: but it would be like a peanut butter sandwich. Ad
Speaker 2: But I think in an attempt to be like, I
Speaker 2: need to get some weight on these kids, but my
Speaker 2: thin children. But the paradox was I was eating none
Speaker 2: of it because this is.
Speaker 3: Like, this has butter on this. But did you have
Speaker 3: you seen those like videos online of that like father
Speaker 3: who will He's like he has like a really like
Speaker 3: soft voice.
Speaker 5: And he's like, I'm packing my children lunch today. Today
Speaker 5: it's you know steak over, you know, steakover rice, charred broccolini,
Speaker 5: and it's like sliced octopus. Like sometimes he puts like
Speaker 5: baby octopus on there. It really is, Uh, I don't
Speaker 5: know if it's true or not.
Speaker 3: He doesn't have kids. He probably does not have kids.
Speaker 3: It's like also those people who have they pack lunches
Speaker 3: or not pack lunches. They make lunches for their dog
Speaker 3: and it looks like give me five star. It looks
Speaker 3: like a Michelin Star dinner but with like rabbit heads
Speaker 3: and I don't know who it's four or what's It's
Speaker 3: like so confusing to me and upsetting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just don't believe any of that's actually happened. Actually,
Speaker 2: it's very easy to put yourself on video doing whatever
Speaker 2: you want. Yeah, put a GoPro in the lunch bag
Speaker 2: and let me go to school with the kid and
Speaker 2: see them eat that lunch.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Otherwise I know it's I guess part of it's
Speaker 3: just to make me angry, right, Oh yeah, it's like yeah, ye,
Speaker 3: pure rage bait, Like, look what I'm doing for my
Speaker 3: child that you cannot possibly do. There is no way,
Speaker 3: there's no way. It's insane. You have to wake up
Speaker 3: at like four in the fucking.
Speaker 2: Morning, right yeah, and you're doing it on camera.
Speaker 3: And you're doing it on camera. It's awful.
Speaker 2: No, I don't, uh yeah, I think that until I
Speaker 2: got to middle school. I'm unpacked me lunches, and then
Speaker 2: she started sending I think like two dollars to buy
Speaker 2: lunch at school, which I then would only use part
Speaker 2: of to buy cookies and then save the rest of
Speaker 2: my video games. I was just out of control. I
Speaker 2: think it probably is why I'm so short.
Speaker 3: I probably like that, that's why you think you're sure
Speaker 3: malnutrition self impose. That's so funny for me, it's definitely
Speaker 3: jeans is why I'm short. But my daughter will go
Speaker 3: to school and there's like a snack, so she'll eat.
Speaker 3: She'll be like, I'll be like, you cannot eat snack today,
Speaker 3: don't fucking do it, and she will go and eat.
Speaker 3: They have like fruit bars covered in like drizzled chocolate,
Speaker 3: and she will eat it. And then she'll be like,
Speaker 3: and any lunch today, I'm like, so annoying. Why do
Speaker 3: they have the snack?
Speaker 2: Why did they have that trap?
Speaker 3: They offer snack or recess, and you get one or
Speaker 3: the other, get one or the other. And so she
Speaker 3: chooses snack every fucking time so she doesn't have to
Speaker 3: eat the shitty lunch that I pack her.
Speaker 2: The psychological game the school is playing with the children, this.
Speaker 3: Chrie it is.
Speaker 2: That's very odd.
Speaker 3: Would you like pleasure or exercise? Yeah, exactly, Wow, that's
Speaker 3: very odd. No, we didn't.
Speaker 2: We weren't allowed to eat during school. I think in
Speaker 2: fifth grade our teacher would give us one saltine, but
Speaker 2: no gum or anything that's like prison food, but like
Speaker 2: you're so hungry in the middle of the day. Yeah, incredible.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's true. And I actually will say that
Speaker 3: for salty I'm sorry, I would say that giving saltines
Speaker 3: out and only saltines is prison like. But saltines are incredible.
Speaker 2: They really are an underrated they are. There's something about
Speaker 2: eating one saltine and it's just like pure salt.
Speaker 3: Pure salt. But I was whenever my grandparents had saltines,
Speaker 3: I was right. Let me steal that. Let me get
Speaker 3: your wheat thin, let me take your a bully, your
Speaker 3: total Like for some reason, their food seems appetizing to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you had that stuff at home, I don't
Speaker 2: think you would ever go for it. No, but like
Speaker 2: for as a forbidden foods ex. Saltine, Yeah, give me
Speaker 2: one of these.
Speaker 3: Give me one of those right now. Let me feel
Speaker 3: like I'm in a bunker for a minute. Let me.
Speaker 2: There are certain categories of food where like if I
Speaker 2: can kind of uh frame them as a certain type
Speaker 2: of thing, Like for example, if I'm eating McDonald's for
Speaker 2: whatever reason, if I'm like, huh, if I were on
Speaker 2: like a space station, oka and this is the like
Speaker 2: in the future. This is like Jetson's food. It's good,
Speaker 2: maybe not compared to regular hamburger or anything else. Like
Speaker 2: an example, I mean that mcdonalcdonald's. Yeah, like I'm at McDonald's.
Speaker 2: Like I'm not at McDonald's.
Speaker 3: I'm at a McDonald's right now, like you paint a picture.
Speaker 2: No, but like a cheeseburger barely resembles to me a
Speaker 2: real cheeseburger. Correct, So it's almost like I guess like
Speaker 2: in remember in the second Back to the Future movie
Speaker 2: where they have the pizza that turns into a big pizza.
Speaker 3: Yes, like you put it in like one of those
Speaker 3: toaster microwave.
Speaker 2: If I can just contextualize it as a future food, huh,
Speaker 2: then you can eat it. It's like a cheeseburger flavored food.
Speaker 3: So you're imagining when you eat like a McDonald's. My
Speaker 3: glasses are fogging, by the way, I'm always it's sweating
Speaker 3: and short hot in here. So when you eat a cheeseburger,
Speaker 3: you're imagining you're like in like a Kubrick movie, like
Speaker 3: in the future, like you're bright light. Then suddenly it's
Speaker 3: tasty for you. It's or it's tolerable. It's tolerable.
Speaker 2: It's better than what it is. Okay, but only with
Speaker 2: a McDonald's cheese. With only a McDonald I'm making a
Speaker 2: cheeseburger from a restaurant that cares. Okay, I don't have
Speaker 2: to give it any fish.
Speaker 3: Don't like you don't like the taste of McDonald's. You're
Speaker 3: just like it's McDonald's.
Speaker 2: It's another category. It's a food stuff, gotcha, instead of
Speaker 2: a food I could see.
Speaker 3: I guess it would make it more fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it makes it more fun. I think
Speaker 2: it makes it less depressed.
Speaker 3: Right, It's like cutting a sandwich into fours.
Speaker 2: Or something, or even now it's cute.
Speaker 3: Now I can eat it. It's a cute sandwich. Or
Speaker 3: diagonally it's like, whoa, you have to dress it up exactly.
Speaker 3: Let me put an olive in a toothpick on top
Speaker 3: of my sandwich, and now it's I can eat it.
Speaker 2: One of the great wastes of food is putting an
Speaker 2: olive on what That makes no sense?
Speaker 3: That's right, we should be eating the toothpick.
Speaker 2: Throw away the olive, toothck. I love the well there's
Speaker 2: something else that I kind of you know, occasionally on
Speaker 2: this podcast. Have to like think of another reframe in
Speaker 2: my mind, so I don't freak out. I was excited
Speaker 2: to have you here today. I already said I was
Speaker 2: looking forward to having you here the podcast.
Speaker 3: Is it too early to say I love you?
Speaker 2: I feel like I could get there maybe by the
Speaker 2: end of the podcast.
Speaker 3: Maybe if I dress you up with an olive, I
Speaker 3: can get there.
Speaker 2: Okay, but by then you're gonna be asking me to
Speaker 2: move in. Yes, now you're moving too fast. Uh, But
Speaker 2: you know, I was looking forward to having you here
Speaker 2: the podcast. Though it's called I said no gift.
Speaker 3: Correct.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you received an email or several
Speaker 2: phone calls from producer on a lease. They're known to
Speaker 2: kind of harass by.
Speaker 3: The man knocked on my door and said you better
Speaker 3: bring some shit.
Speaker 2: I was a little surprised when you walked in holding
Speaker 2: an enormous gift. I'll just say you walked in it
Speaker 2: in a way that I had to offer help.
Speaker 3: Uh huh, that's true.
Speaker 2: Uh, and I believe it does, say to Bridger's So
Speaker 2: I assume this is a gift for me, that's correct?
Speaker 3: Well, should I open it here on the podcast? I
Speaker 3: mean it's for you. Okay, I feel I love that
Speaker 3: you're acting like this is not something that you really
Speaker 3: really want. Wait, is this like a thing that you
Speaker 3: do on I don't know. It feels like you're trying
Speaker 3: to excuse your baby. Absolutely not.
Speaker 2: It feels like you're trying to back away from a
Speaker 2: mistake you made.
Speaker 3: No, I did not make I did not make a mistake.
Speaker 3: This this is a huge gift for you that I
Speaker 3: was required to bring. Bye who by who? The security
Speaker 3: guard at the front of the studio would not let
Speaker 3: me in if I didn't come. They I was forced.
Speaker 3: A guy came to my house dressed as an at
Speaker 3: and t.
Speaker 2: He was holding a gun.
Speaker 3: He was holding a gun. He did choke me out,
Speaker 3: and so I had to bring this gift. So, yeah,
Speaker 3: I was forced to bring something large.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well I'll open it here. I mean, I will
Speaker 2: say it's enormous, so let me grab it. I might
Speaker 2: have to, yeah, his headphones off?
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, I will should I do a voiceover
Speaker 3: and narrate? Okay, So Bridger is lifting this gift? It
Speaker 3: is I can now barely be uh seen over it.
Speaker 2: It's enormous for anyone watching. You're not gonna be able
Speaker 2: to see me for a few minutes. I'm completely blocked
Speaker 2: out by the gift where they get blocked out.
Speaker 3: By, which seems, by the way, very nice, I will say,
Speaker 3: nicely wrapped, beautifully, beautifully wrapped, and very important, like there's
Speaker 3: something extremely important inside there.
Speaker 2: It has two different bows on it. So let's let's
Speaker 2: I'm kind of.
Speaker 3: On camera here, Yeah, let's get in there. Okay, now
Speaker 3: we're opening, getting the ribbon off. We're just and have
Speaker 3: fun with it, you know what I mean. I mean,
Speaker 3: this seems like it's not every day you get such Okay,
Speaker 3: Oh my god, the rap rapping. It looks like it
Speaker 3: was wrapped. I don't know why. It looks like it
Speaker 3: was wrapped in a in a in a home for
Speaker 3: the age. It looks like these by the uniform. I
Speaker 3: hope there's not a bomb in there. Wink wink. I
Speaker 3: hope we're not gonna die today like the families on
Speaker 3: uh the little House on the prairie. Okay, we're still opening.
Speaker 3: It's an okay that I'm open, absolutely tear at it.
Speaker 3: It only took me years to get to do it
Speaker 3: this beautifully. Do you want to help? Sure? No? You
Speaker 3: know what? No, actually I want to kind of watch.
Speaker 3: I want it to be work, and that was part
Speaker 3: of the plan. Okay, we're getting closer. We're getting close,
Speaker 3: all right, I like this. What's in there?
Speaker 2: Another there's another a wrapped item.
Speaker 3: No, no way, no, it's one of these. Okay, all right, okay,
Speaker 3: all right, we've made it smaller.
Speaker 2: Listener, I've now pulled out a thing now in full
Speaker 2: wrapping paper. It was in a big brown box and
Speaker 2: now it's in some two different types of wrapping paper.
Speaker 3: And it's more of a round object. It's more of
Speaker 3: a round object. Yeah, it almost looks like an ottoman,
Speaker 3: a wrapped ottoman, beautifully wrapped. Might I add once again, someone,
Speaker 3: someone from some sort of department store, must have done this.
Speaker 3: This is a stroke. This is this is an elf.
Speaker 3: This is an Elves doing you went to Okay, all right,
Speaker 3: the wrapping taper is coming on.
Speaker 2: Another layer off, and now we're too like a plastic
Speaker 2: there's a bin, a bin with tape and another big
Speaker 2: piece of like poster or the tag.
Speaker 3: On the top here and now we're going at looks
Speaker 3: like there's packing tape here. Someone really cared about what
Speaker 3: they were doing. It looks like and we will get
Speaker 3: to the bottom of it. Yeah, we've got to find
Speaker 3: out what is a very important the longest un hasn't
Speaker 3: been Okay, I'm breaking records left and right here. Okay,
Speaker 3: we're getting I hear a little giggle coming from Now
Speaker 3: we're getting in. I'm getting I'm getting in. You look
Speaker 3: at the next thing. By the way. Bridgard's arms are
Speaker 3: cut and slashed. He's got blood running down his eyes.
Speaker 3: He's tried, what are we seeing here? Oh? This is weird.
Speaker 3: What's this?
Speaker 2: There's another wrapped gift inside a giant plastic bucket, So
Speaker 2: we'll take this.
Speaker 3: We'll take that out. Looks like a almost like a
Speaker 3: Russian doll. Yes, no, this is a beautifully bread. That's beautifully.
Speaker 3: This sounds really beautiful. It's like a almost.
Speaker 2: Like a treasure box, a chat in another wrapping paper
Speaker 2: with a gold bow.
Speaker 3: There's got to be like the balloons in here. Something
Speaker 3: obviously treasure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, pulling this apart, now, this one's really okay.
Speaker 2: Now the next thing is really beautiful. So this must
Speaker 2: be the gal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it must be. I think we're here.
Speaker 2: Okay, So now we're getting to the next layer, which
Speaker 2: is now all posts.
Speaker 3: By the way you're if you're listening to this on
Speaker 3: your you know your phone, you have not mistakenly rewound it.
Speaker 3: This is still the gift being opened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're now to a again a treasure chest or
Speaker 2: like a wagon train stock shaped box, which is made
Speaker 2: out of more cardboard and tape.
Speaker 3: We're very very close. I feel it must be to this,
Speaker 3: to the gift.
Speaker 2: Now we're getting in here.
Speaker 3: Oh, by the way, this is what I this is
Speaker 3: what I think heaven feels like to me, someone suffering
Speaker 3: through my horrendous bit.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, we're like a wood a wooden crate.
Speaker 3: What do we what do we see? Inside?
Speaker 2: Inside the wooden crate is a gift bag, So let's.
Speaker 3: Pull this out. Okay, we've pulled out the gift bag.
Speaker 3: All right, this has gotta be all right. Now, this
Speaker 3: is a gift bag that's kind of a wavy blue
Speaker 3: and green. Very cute. Yeah, very cute. Obviously very expensive.
Speaker 3: So we'll open it up. But I'm sure whatever's in
Speaker 3: here it's the gift. Absolutely the gift. Okay, what have
Speaker 3: we got here? We've got the gift and it is.
Speaker 2: There's another nft in here. Now, this is a gift
Speaker 2: it's a smaller box. It's a kind of round.
Speaker 3: Top, a little bit less of a treasure chest, more
Speaker 3: of a well, how would you describe this is probably
Speaker 3: like a it's a swollen box, a swollen box with
Speaker 3: a star wrapping paper. It's a box that got stung
Speaker 3: by a bee, is what happened, but with a night.
Speaker 2: Sky scape and a purple bow. Okay, so let's I'm
Speaker 2: sure the gift is under here.
Speaker 3: So let's open this all right, and we're here. We
Speaker 3: are here.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm standing in maybe a foot of garbage.
Speaker 3: Which is part of the gift.
Speaker 2: Okay, I can finally sit down. Oh nice, so I can.
Speaker 2: I'm now back to the mic completely. I've been standing
Speaker 2: this whole time. So now we're to like a little
Speaker 2: white box, very cute again, well wrapped, a more tape,
Speaker 2: well wrapped, probably more tape.
Speaker 3: This is the most taped layer we've felt. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: can tell just from the wrapping that a lunatic did
Speaker 3: not wrap.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a normal part.
Speaker 3: This is a normal person. Yes, this is what it
Speaker 3: felt like for Ted, like Christmas at Ted Kaczinski's house.
Speaker 3: By the way.
Speaker 2: Okay, now the tape on here. This is again the
Speaker 2: most tape layer. So I'm sure whatever's beneath this layer
Speaker 2: is what gilbro.
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, so we'll open it where we go tough.
Speaker 3: This is the hardest layer yet. Okay.
Speaker 2: So we're getting into it and it's I.
Speaker 3: Believe there's no packing tape below this one.
Speaker 2: So there may be no This is the Yeah, this
Speaker 2: could have been shipped across the country.
Speaker 3: Roger is using his teeth. He's biting it and might
Speaker 3: I add you can't see it, but he's swallowing some
Speaker 3: of the tape. He's he needs to open this gift. Okay.
Speaker 2: So now we have a plastic bin kind of like
Speaker 2: a tupperware bin, and within this uh is actually a gift.
Speaker 3: So I'll pull this prize surprise.
Speaker 2: And now this is again this is like a treasure
Speaker 2: box that they would have at the dentist office.
Speaker 3: That's that's where you get your prize. But it's wrap
Speaker 3: that's right. This is a construction guy's lunchbox, right, A
Speaker 3: big bea yes, fall down if you make fun of
Speaker 3: your wife, that kind of thing.
Speaker 2: Okay, So this is a like a Dalmatian wrapping paper
Speaker 2: of the Dalmatians on skateboard and uh with a.
Speaker 3: Bow, another beautiful buzz we'll put that opening.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see what's in here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, what's very exciting.
Speaker 2: Okay, so interesting. So now there's another wrap. Now this
Speaker 2: is just you know, your white poster board girl with
Speaker 2: a scotch tape. That's just easier on the hands and arms.
Speaker 2: And I won't have to do my teeth this time.
Speaker 2: We're opening. We're opening, which.
Speaker 3: Is disappointing a little bit. Yeah, I would rather you
Speaker 3: do it with your teeth.
Speaker 2: But my jaws are so tired. Okay, so we've gotten
Speaker 2: and I've got some tape on my hand. We'll just
Speaker 2: slowly pull.
Speaker 3: You can hear that. Yeah, good sound effects.
Speaker 2: Now we've got a little cute, cute little plastic bin
Speaker 2: which uh uh clear see through and it's holding uh interestingly,
Speaker 2: a gift.
Speaker 3: A little little gift. It's a bag.
Speaker 2: It's a bag with all sorts of fun.
Speaker 3: Snatch and that I got in an adult store. This
Speaker 3: was adults only. Yeah, that's right. There was a parting
Speaker 3: gift at a strip club.
Speaker 2: It's got hot dogs and ice cream cones with faces
Speaker 2: and one has googly eyes, actual googly eyes. I guess
Speaker 2: they couldn't afford all googly eyes.
Speaker 3: Oh I didn't even notice that.
Speaker 2: So that's a special little treat. But let's see, let's
Speaker 2: see what let me see what gift is.
Speaker 3: Let's see it, because this is it. It can't get
Speaker 3: any smaller than this. And we've got what do we have?
Speaker 3: So we have a gift. Oh my gosh, it's almost
Speaker 3: like we're going nuts, folks. I'm gonna this is very
Speaker 3: This is the Greek, this is always.
Speaker 2: That's life is. You're just constantly opening a gift that.
Speaker 3: Never never, yeah, pans out. But I will say I
Speaker 3: really do hope it pays off for the for the
Speaker 3: person who made this. I hope it pays off once
Speaker 3: we get to Now look.
Speaker 2: At that little gift, it's like a it's a we're
Speaker 2: now half a shoebox size, that's right, with the most
Speaker 2: darling flower wrapping paper.
Speaker 3: Yes I would.
Speaker 2: So now we're opening this, we're unwrapping.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: If people are listening to this at a loud volume
Speaker 2: on their car speakers, the speakers are destroyed, destroyed, that's right, absolutely, Okay,
Speaker 2: Now we're getting to this is the most novel box.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this one.
Speaker 2: We haven't seen a box like.
Speaker 3: This, no It's almost like a bent out of shape
Speaker 3: to go box for a restaurant. Almost call it a
Speaker 3: stupid box. It looks very stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what this would actually hold. Medical supplies,
Speaker 2: It don't like.
Speaker 3: It looks like it is a like a little container
Speaker 3: for pens, like two of them taped together. That's what
Speaker 3: it looks like. I don't know if that's true.
Speaker 2: That would be an interesting guest, but I was thinking
Speaker 2: the same.
Speaker 3: Okay, so I lied about the package, the pack tape.
Speaker 3: It's back. It's back and harder than ever. Okay, all right,
Speaker 3: here we go and we open this. It does look
Speaker 3: a little styrofoam. It almost looks like the package in
Speaker 3: for the mcdelt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, mcdelt, or like a kidney kidneys for a kidney.
Speaker 3: Okay, oh oh, and now talk about cute. We're getting
Speaker 3: cuter folks now.
Speaker 2: The box is probably the size of uh yeah, like
Speaker 2: a mcdelt. I would say, okay, no, this is a McNuggets.
Speaker 3: This is a McNuggets. This is a six by the way,
Speaker 3: everything else we will refer to it as a McDonald's.
Speaker 2: Because this is the they said we'll pay start paying
Speaker 2: for the episode at forty minutes.
Speaker 3: Yes, uh huh.
Speaker 2: And so now this.
Speaker 3: We're in the future. By the way, this is the future.
Speaker 3: Everything is McDonald's. Like now this, this is this is
Speaker 3: the gift. By the way, I have to say, this
Speaker 3: is it. We have reached the gift, and I believe you.
Speaker 2: It's a pink wrapping paper with strawberries and flowers and popsicles.
Speaker 2: Very cute with a bow. I've never seen. This is
Speaker 2: like a four yeah, very flower, swush flower.
Speaker 3: Pull that off.
Speaker 2: Now we're unwrapping this gift. And what we got here, oh,
Speaker 2: inside is another wrapped and now this is probably the
Speaker 2: size of a I would say this is like a
Speaker 2: small McDonald's fries, that's right, a little mess fries on
Speaker 2: the market.
Speaker 3: That's right. You could also like you would also put
Speaker 3: like maybe six Wendy's nuggets in. Okay, but that again,
Speaker 3: Wendy says, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's McDonald's.
Speaker 2: It's this could be filled with the McDonald's yogurt. Okay,
Speaker 2: if they're still selling yogurt. I always buy yogurt at
Speaker 2: I think people only go to McDonald's for yogurt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's there. Over a billions, over a billion sold
Speaker 3: yogurt yogurts.
Speaker 2: Okay, so now we're opening this and we're pulling this
Speaker 2: white package.
Speaker 3: Oke, let's see what we got in here. Okay.
Speaker 2: So now now what I've found, and I believe this
Speaker 2: has to still continue to be open, but it is
Speaker 2: now the package is a dog food a Caesar Is
Speaker 2: it weird? Is Caesar the dog trainer guy?
Speaker 3: Is this dog? I couldn't tell you?
Speaker 2: Or is it a competing season?
Speaker 3: It might be the name of the dog. It might
Speaker 3: be this white dog here. Yeah, but it's overcalling him
Speaker 3: Caesar for a long time.
Speaker 2: That was so many years and meetings and but it's
Speaker 2: made with real beef and filats and gravy.
Speaker 3: But it is.
Speaker 2: It looks like it needs to be open because it
Speaker 2: still takes weird and it does smell like dog food.
Speaker 3: No, it must have been washed.
Speaker 2: So let's repeatedly open.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: So now we've opened this and for the viewer, for
Speaker 2: the listener, we're showing this little dog food thing. I've opened,
Speaker 2: uh to find interestingly, a small gift whoa which is
Speaker 2: now the size of a fifty cent piece, which can
Speaker 2: buy you maybe half a ninety nine cent drink of
Speaker 2: McDonald's if they're on sale, right, that's a rare thing.
Speaker 3: You find it almost like it looks like the size
Speaker 3: of a water bottle cap that you might get an McDonald.
Speaker 2: Or a very large contact for somebody with a huge eye,
Speaker 2: a very.
Speaker 3: That's so funny that you say that, and you'll find
Speaker 3: out why in a second. Okay, so we're also funny.
Speaker 3: This is almost like we're telepathic at this point. And
Speaker 3: now I will hand't even believe you just said that.
Speaker 3: That's absolutely wild. Do you have a camera in a
Speaker 3: Teddy Bear in my house? I don't understand.
Speaker 2: Well, i'll remind you a few weeks ago, you've got
Speaker 2: a delivery, a large box.
Speaker 3: That's right. An AT and T serviceman came and gave
Speaker 3: me a delivery, said keep this in the corner of
Speaker 3: your house.
Speaker 2: I was like, all right, And now I'll point out
Speaker 2: something else I've noticed here is the hair got attached
Speaker 2: to the tape.
Speaker 3: On this one. If you go back and look at
Speaker 3: the tape, there is a wig of hair here. You
Speaker 3: can make a fucking wig of hair.
Speaker 2: You can't wrap a gift without a piece of hair, gning.
Speaker 3: No, absolutely no, Actually, you gotta put one in for
Speaker 3: good luck.
Speaker 2: Yes, for good luck. Okay, So we're opening and this
Speaker 2: is a polka dot wrapped and again professionally wrapped this
Speaker 2: and now.
Speaker 3: Oh oh, how interesting, how interesting? I actually psychic unbelievable.
Speaker 3: It is the.
Speaker 2: Half of a contact lens holder.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: And I've never seen one in this color you have,
Speaker 2: I always see it in a green.
Speaker 3: Where Okay, I chose the purple. I was like, I
Speaker 3: love this one the most. Yeah, this is really nice. Surprisingly,
Speaker 3: they cut in half very easily. Yeah, I've never seen
Speaker 3: one cut in half. No, you don't because people usually
Speaker 3: have two eyes, you'll have the two contacts. Yep.
Speaker 2: But this is a mono contact.
Speaker 3: Yes. Now it's getting small. I don't know how many
Speaker 3: we're going to fit in here. What do we gotten there?
Speaker 2: Now, this is the first thing that is not dry
Speaker 2: which through this process that I've opened, and it looks
Speaker 2: like a raspberry.
Speaker 3: You'd be right, that is a raspberry. It's a true
Speaker 3: real resb. Now I have to ask you a question.
Speaker 2: Right, they're not sold a McDonald's.
Speaker 3: They're not sold at McDonald's, no fruit allowed. I have
Speaker 3: to ask you a question. What do you know about
Speaker 3: the properties of a raspberry? What do you know can
Speaker 3: you name a few properties of a raspberry?
Speaker 2: I would say a proper raspberry is hollow.
Speaker 3: That you could fit a what in there?
Speaker 2: I mean, whatever your imagination comes.
Speaker 3: A gift, my friend, a gift.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna pull out this raspberry from a contact lens.
Speaker 3: Nature's pocket, Nature's rapping, right, what do we got?
Speaker 2: I eat the raspberry as I'm opening it.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't know you want to get sick.
Speaker 2: So I've opened a raspberry.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: Put that back in the lens contact lens holder, and
Speaker 2: I found what appears to be a raisin.
Speaker 3: That's correct. Your gift is per absolutely, maybe back maybe
Speaker 3: a seed, maybe a tiny uh, you.
Speaker 2: Can't as well. We've gotten this far. My hands are wet,
Speaker 2: all right.
Speaker 3: This is what I wanted to do. Make you look
Speaker 3: like a psychopath because he's opening a raisin right now.
Speaker 2: It's a raspberry soaks raisin, that's right. And I think
Speaker 2: that's the end of it.
Speaker 3: That's it. This is kind of the center of the universe.
Speaker 3: It is this might be this is like the center
Speaker 3: of the units. It's like, you know, the universe on
Speaker 3: a turtle's back. It's where right? This is it?
Speaker 2: And who's really to say where the center of the
Speaker 2: universe is.
Speaker 3: It's right here. It could be this, Yeah, it could
Speaker 3: be this, it could be city walk, it could be
Speaker 3: Mario Lopez, could be Mario Lopez would be that's his goal.
Speaker 2: It made it the center of Okay, I need to
Speaker 2: buy something to wipe my hands with, so I and
Speaker 2: unfortunately I.
Speaker 3: Don't have much paper from here, so I'll have.
Speaker 2: To look around the ground.
Speaker 3: Oh, here's some, here's some. I'll just use this as
Speaker 3: a napkin. Have you ever gotten a raisin before?
Speaker 2: In my Life's actually like the last nine episodes, which
Speaker 2: just a shame because it's you know, you get tired,
Speaker 2: you do.
Speaker 3: And it's so funny. We were talking about old people
Speaker 3: food and along comes the sweet raisin, the gentle raisin.
Speaker 2: Kind of the basis of every senior's diet, that's right foundation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not too sweet.
Speaker 2: It's it's a little snack.
Speaker 3: It's a little little treat, gives you a little pick
Speaker 3: me up during the day.
Speaker 2: Not too hard to choose through, but not too soft
Speaker 2: to make you feel old.
Speaker 3: Uh huh. Children like it, and old people.
Speaker 2: Children, I will say, out of all people, children love
Speaker 2: raisins the most love raisin. Probably the biggest audience for raisins.
Speaker 3: It's children. Children.
Speaker 2: You go trick or treating, a child will love a raisin.
Speaker 3: I was just talking about how fun it is to
Speaker 3: get raisins in a little box. Okay, you know those
Speaker 3: little sun made box. Of course, I mean the little
Speaker 3: box is half of the raisin. I mean, like, think
Speaker 3: about like these boxes, that's half the gift.
Speaker 2: I'm shocked one of those little boxes didn't come into
Speaker 2: play here.
Speaker 3: That's right, that's right. I fucked up huge. Actually overlook
Speaker 3: oversight by, do me a favor. We'll just pause recording.
Speaker 3: I will go by.
Speaker 2: You're not far from here.
Speaker 3: No, I'm just run home.
Speaker 2: And if you wouldn't I just doing this all over
Speaker 2: one difference.
Speaker 3: It is though, like exactly like the olive, isn't it
Speaker 3: where Like it makes raisins, It makes you want to
Speaker 3: eat like the kids. If I offer my child like
Speaker 3: just straight up loose raisins, right, if I put it
Speaker 3: in a tiny fucking cute box, suddenly it's like, whoa,
Speaker 3: look what I got? I got? I got a fun toy.
Speaker 2: And that's happening at you.
Speaker 3: I mean, it could speak to how like moronic my
Speaker 3: children are. But I think it more speaks to we
Speaker 3: love opening little presents.
Speaker 2: It's there's nothing more fun.
Speaker 3: I mean, I've just opened, did you I would get
Speaker 3: like nineteen yeah, something.
Speaker 2: Like byers of yeah, and each one was more fun
Speaker 2: than the less. That's right, you know the first one.
Speaker 2: If I had just opened and there was just one
Speaker 2: thing in there, day I'm already hanging by a thread, right,
Speaker 2: I would have been a mess yep. But then to
Speaker 2: see I have eighteen more things to open, it's like
Speaker 2: Christmas over and over.
Speaker 3: Not work at all. No, that's what you want to do,
Speaker 3: is you want to keep opening gifts.
Speaker 2: You never want to get an object and then you want.
Speaker 3: It to be a fucking meaningless little raisin. That's what
Speaker 3: you want. You want a huge gift. Do you want
Speaker 3: the anticipation and then the payoff of a raising anticipation
Speaker 3: is better. It is always and the unknown.
Speaker 2: Exactly in a horror movie, once you see the monster,
Speaker 2: it's over. Exactly at Christmas, once you open the sweater,
Speaker 2: it's over.
Speaker 3: It's over once you go. Once you're like, oh, let's
Speaker 3: go out on New Year's Eve, Let's go to a restaurant.
Speaker 3: Let's go to Disneyland. Anytime you get there, it's just like, oh,
Speaker 3: now there's people here. Now this is my life, this
Speaker 3: is my life. It's like the excitement is so much better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the imagining of what could possibly be here, Yeah,
Speaker 2: could have never lived up to a.
Speaker 3: Raise to a raisin. Well, I'm glad you.
Speaker 2: Edible raspberry and ate you did find nature's gift wrap.
Speaker 2: I did, at least as far as the berry category,
Speaker 2: I would say within vegetables, probably a romaane.
Speaker 3: Romane, I mean, strawberries have a little hole in the middle.
Speaker 3: Let's not forget that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that one always feels wrong.
Speaker 3: It does.
Speaker 2: It feels like you couldn't just fill it up.
Speaker 3: They made a mistake. What is that hole for? What
Speaker 3: is what's people call in or write to the show
Speaker 3: about berries, about berries, things you find in the woods
Speaker 3: for it. Yeah, you should have people if anyone knows
Speaker 3: what that hold of evolutionary like, what's the point of it?
Speaker 2: Like what allowed Maybe it allowed the bug to live
Speaker 2: in there rather than to eat its way in. So
Speaker 2: it's like, listen, this is a home for you as
Speaker 2: long as you don't mess things up there or is allowed.
Speaker 3: Just don't eat any just don't eat anything.
Speaker 2: And that allowed them for billions of years to become
Speaker 2: the strawberry we know and loved.
Speaker 3: Is the strawberry flour. Strawberry is exclusively a flower, it is.
Speaker 3: And what about a raspberry? A raspberry a nut? It
Speaker 3: is a nut? Uh huh? Yes, wow, So you that
Speaker 3: was an immediate response, so much so that I believe
Speaker 3: that you have this is something you've studied or learned.
Speaker 2: Well, that's my other podcast. Okay, is it a nut
Speaker 2: over a flower? Okay, cauliflower cauliflowers a meat, Colie nut
Speaker 2: Callie nut is a space rock Okay, Okay, So things
Speaker 2: are and that's another podcast for someone else. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, leave that out of my show.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: I mean I can only do so many things.
Speaker 3: I apologize for mixing and matching.
Speaker 2: Yes, And a raisin ultimately is a gift. That's the
Speaker 2: category within the whole family tree of the category is gift.
Speaker 2: Raisin is gift. Well, I'm so thrilled. I wonder it
Speaker 2: happened with the rest of the raisins you had.
Speaker 3: Okay, so now I have to be honest with you.
Speaker 3: That raisin I found on the floor, that is a
Speaker 3: loose child rug raisin, so I would highly recommend not
Speaker 3: eating it. It could have been like weeks old.
Speaker 2: Did you find the raspberry in the back of your car.
Speaker 3: The raspberry I took out of the fridge. Raspberry took
Speaker 3: out of the fridge, by the way, I had to
Speaker 3: like search a bunch of different I needed a perfect pocket.
Speaker 3: But that raisin. I was like, I need something, I
Speaker 3: need something. Should it be like I was thinking a crumb?
Speaker 3: Maybe I needed something perfect? And then it was just
Speaker 3: like you know, like the guy like a choir saying ah,
Speaker 3: and like the light came down from like a stained
Speaker 3: glass window and shined onto this dirty, little shitty raisin
Speaker 3: on the floor.
Speaker 2: This reminds me like the one story I've heard about you,
Speaker 2: I think was from Daniel Libman, okay, and I think
Speaker 2: it like the first day that you were working.
Speaker 3: Or like very was they were just recently on the show. Yes,
Speaker 3: I loved this too so much.
Speaker 2: They were working with you on a show very early on,
Speaker 2: and one of them noticed you had I think a
Speaker 2: vanilla oreo. You had a shark and you were and
Speaker 2: I was coloring, coloring it to look like a regular area.
Speaker 2: So this is where they come together.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know it does it does? I like doing that?
Speaker 3: I like drawing on food.
Speaker 2: Do you have ever any memory of that?
Speaker 3: Oreo? I do? I mean you just brought me back
Speaker 3: like nom too. It was on Happy Endings. We worked
Speaker 3: together on a show. Yes, yes, but yeah I was.
Speaker 3: I was at first. I started as a writer's assistant
Speaker 3: on that show, and I was horrific, like not taking
Speaker 3: didn't care not taking notes, didn't know what I was doing,
Speaker 3: didn't know how to use final draft, like was like
Speaker 3: hired for something specific but didn't And then that's what
Speaker 3: I would do all day. It's like, you know, how
Speaker 3: did you make it? Maybe? Yeah? I was just like,
Speaker 3: you know, trying.
Speaker 2: To be silly writers as system job is one of
Speaker 2: the most stressed shows you can you.
Speaker 3: Can have, and I was terrible at it and yelled
Speaker 3: at and then got promoted to a writer after that,
Speaker 3: They're like, you're so bad, we want please you can't.
Speaker 3: It was always like did you take notes on that?
Speaker 3: I'd be like it was like all that, like Gil,
Speaker 3: did you write that down? You get that? Whoo?
Speaker 2: It was a lot of that. Did you ever get
Speaker 2: in trouble for it?
Speaker 3: I mean trouble I don't know.
Speaker 2: You ever feel like, oh, my job's in danger.
Speaker 3: Uh No, I didn't care. I think at that point
Speaker 3: I was just like, yeah, I was like for some
Speaker 3: reason in my head, I was like, I you know,
Speaker 3: you guys need me. I don't need this. It was
Speaker 3: very right turns. It's good to have that attitude when
Speaker 3: in any job, not to be grateful for anything. That's
Speaker 3: what I've learned entry level. Just be the worst possible
Speaker 3: at your job, that's right, and people will be mesmerized
Speaker 3: by you. You will work yourself up. It is like
Speaker 3: Forrest Gump or what's that movie being, Being? There Being
Speaker 3: I've never seen Being. Oh, it's great, it's like the
Speaker 3: good Forrest Gump. Oh he's watching?
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is the He just goes through life and
Speaker 2: has interesting things happened to him.
Speaker 3: Exactly and just like moves through life. I forgot his
Speaker 3: name is like something Chance something. I forgot what his
Speaker 3: name is in the movie, but it's Yeah, Peter Sellers
Speaker 3: is incredible in it. It's good. It's sort of the
Speaker 3: same premise.
Speaker 2: Right, I like the premise falling up kind of right.
Speaker 2: And then there was a sequel to Forrest Gump. Apparently
Speaker 2: there was what was it. Apparently Forrest Gump two. No,
Speaker 2: that's true, that's not true.
Speaker 3: There was a book sequel. Stop the movie is based
Speaker 3: on a book. Apparently it is.
Speaker 2: Look and now maybe I'm saying.
Speaker 3: This, Oh my god, no, no, no, I think it sounds
Speaker 3: it sounds right.
Speaker 2: But apparently there was a sequel. And I think it
Speaker 2: gets very dark.
Speaker 3: In Forrest Gump. What oh no, it happens to Forrest. Wait,
Speaker 3: is he alive at the end of the first one, yes,
Speaker 3: right before he snaps he kills. He kills Haley Jills
Speaker 3: killing like, oh oh you liked him, you morons.
Speaker 2: Every famous person and he meets in the sequel die
Speaker 2: ends up dead in a.
Speaker 3: Horrifically first scene in Fars Gump, Too farst Gump puts
Speaker 3: Hayley Joe Osman in a dryer and turns it on.
Speaker 3: That is what happened. What a disappointment. That's what we
Speaker 3: were rooting for.
Speaker 2: This guy and.
Speaker 3: This guy, and now he's tumbling his little child. That's
Speaker 3: fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: He had just been through a lot. He went to war,
Speaker 2: he had met one president.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: Those are two things I remember.
Speaker 3: Everyone forgot that he was stupid.
Speaker 2: He met he saw his girlfriend play naked Live, that's right,
Speaker 2: and he played Ping Pong, opened a or co, opened
Speaker 2: a franchise shrimp company, that's right, which is still maybe
Speaker 2: at CityWalk, Mario Lopez maybe eating there right now for
Speaker 2: all we know.
Speaker 3: My god, when's the last time you were there at citywas?
Speaker 2: I've been to CityWalk one time and it was because
Speaker 2: of this show someone gave me.
Speaker 3: By the way, you're still there. You don't know this,
Speaker 3: but you're actually still there hallucinating something broken.
Speaker 2: That day, I was given a gift certificate to go
Speaker 2: indoor skydiving.
Speaker 3: Oh did they have that there? They have that there?
Speaker 2: And so I went for that purpose only the I mean,
Speaker 2: there are a colleidoscope of reasons I don't want to
Speaker 2: go to the Universal city Walk, but the main one
Speaker 2: is I don't want to pay for parking, and so
Speaker 2: this was a free parking Okay, So I thought, okay, fine.
Speaker 3: I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll suffer.
Speaker 2: So I was there at about ten thirty in the
Speaker 2: morning before the crowds when indoor skydive a smart way
Speaker 2: to do it. Yes, it was empty. I imagine Maroon
Speaker 2: five was blasting over the speakers.
Speaker 3: Obviously, and I was digning gifts or something like that.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: They have a book signing there every morning there exactly.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what book. Bring them any book. Adam
Speaker 2: Levine will sign your book at Universal City Walk. But
Speaker 2: I went, I did the skydiving. Fell in love with
Speaker 2: indoor skydiving. Really what a time? Haven't been back.
Speaker 3: It sounds fun.
Speaker 2: The price ranges a little, I imagine. But yeah, now
Speaker 2: since I've been.
Speaker 3: Just a few people get you know, sucks the man.
Speaker 2: Kind of Willy Wonka stuff. Yeah, but people are very
Speaker 2: good at it. It's like you can like learn like ballet. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Like people since I've been on that listeners have sent
Speaker 2: in like have you seen this, and they're like World
Speaker 2: Indoor Skydiving Championship. People will be like synchronized skydiving, which
Speaker 2: to me doesn't make any sense, like physically, I don't
Speaker 2: know how you've learned to do that. That was my
Speaker 2: one experience at the and I'd like to keep that
Speaker 2: my one experience, one experience. The only other thing I'll do.
Speaker 3: You see a movie there every week. You see a
Speaker 3: movie there every week.
Speaker 2: During my break on my shift at the theater. No,
Speaker 2: I'll say if Mario is willing to interview me.
Speaker 3: Then you'll do it. I'll do it. The last time
Speaker 3: I was there was Valentine's Guy of course guests. Well
Speaker 3: I didn't go. I went with a friend because our
Speaker 3: wives were out of town, okay, and so we were like,
Speaker 3: let's have a date ourselves. So we went to City Walk,
Speaker 3: went to eat at Wolfgang Pucks, which was closed a restaurant.
Speaker 3: Oh he did, he did that monstrosity. I think is
Speaker 3: still I think it's open. I'm not sure, but because
Speaker 3: I haven't been there since like forever, like ten years
Speaker 3: or so. And we went and couldn't get into Wolfgang Pucks.
Speaker 3: It was packed because it's ended up having to eat
Speaker 3: at Subway. But the worst day of our yet. Do
Speaker 3: you know Jo? Do you know him? I know of him? Okay,
Speaker 3: that was who I was with. And then we went
Speaker 3: to eat. Then we went to see Percy Jackson, another
Speaker 3: romantic another romantic movie. We get in there there was
Speaker 3: like coca cola like spilled all over the like concession
Speaker 3: stand like and it was like in my sleeve. We
Speaker 3: got we had the we were having the worst night ever.
Speaker 3: We go into the movie theater. He's got this like
Speaker 3: huge cup of cherry coke or something, and some god
Speaker 3: I goes, like, trying to be funny, goes to John, uh,
Speaker 3: hey can I get a sip of that that drink?
Speaker 3: And John was like at breaking point and he goes, yeah,
Speaker 3: but you're gonna have to fucking kill me first, and
Speaker 3: I lost it. I like dropped to my knees and
Speaker 3: started crying of laughter. It was just like like a
Speaker 3: culmination of like the worst night ever. It was so funny.
Speaker 3: And the guy was like, whoa, whoa, what did I
Speaker 3: just walk into right now?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Oh that's terrifying. That's what. That's what that is what
Speaker 3: city walk the vibes City Walks gives me.
Speaker 2: But how was Percy Jackson?
Speaker 3: Incredible? The best movie I've ever seen? Best movie I've
Speaker 3: ever seen.
Speaker 2: It's like Percy Jackson in the Lightning Chasers or.
Speaker 3: Something something like that. Yeah, it's like, yeah, what a night,
Speaker 3: Harry Potter.
Speaker 2: Clone, Yeah, exactly kind of off brand. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't know what I know. People who regularly go to
Speaker 2: the Universal any Walk, I don't.
Speaker 3: Know how you can stand it. I were trying to
Speaker 3: have like an ironic night and it ended up being
Speaker 3: like no, it's actually very bad.
Speaker 2: You do me when people do things like big activity
Speaker 2: activities ironically, it's like you're doing a bad thing. You're
Speaker 2: doing I'll tell you, it just won't be a good experience.
Speaker 3: And I want to remind everybody this was a long time.
Speaker 3: I don't do things ironically anymore. This was that was
Speaker 3: the last time I was like, oh, I'm paying for it.
Speaker 2: I've never you know, the ironic. My number one least
Speaker 2: favorite is going to a restaurant ironically. Yes, I'm like,
Speaker 2: well then I'm just eating.
Speaker 3: Food that Yeah, the joke's on you. Exactly.
Speaker 2: No, let's just have a nice tone. But that feels
Speaker 2: like at least you got all in you odd on
Speaker 2: this time experience.
Speaker 3: Exactly, it was an overdose and you had a.
Speaker 2: I mean, at least you got to watch John Threatn
Speaker 2: a stranger.
Speaker 3: That was good.
Speaker 2: A friend just told me about an experience, a road
Speaker 2: rage experience where he was backing. He was going to
Speaker 2: back his car out and the person beeped too hard
Speaker 2: or something and freaked out, and then my friend backed
Speaker 2: out and was a little annoyed, so he like followed
Speaker 2: the person.
Speaker 3: Oh no, that's oh step person, Oh gosh.
Speaker 2: And said I've got nothing to lose, so good. And
Speaker 2: so my friend was like okay and just had to drive.
Speaker 2: What's he doing that experience in that situation?
Speaker 3: Okay, you you you can't do that. You don't know
Speaker 3: why people have like guns and everything. It's like so bad.
Speaker 3: Once I was in a car and somebody coming out
Speaker 3: this is also a long time ago. I do not
Speaker 3: do this, and somebody cut me off and I pulled
Speaker 3: my car up to their front when and I had
Speaker 3: like this was complete road rage, and I was like,
Speaker 3: you pit the wrong day, lady. That is my line.
Speaker 3: That's what came out of my mouth. Can you believe
Speaker 3: that forward? I don't know, I don't know. It sounded
Speaker 3: like something Stallone would say. And I was just like
Speaker 3: we were both looked at each other like what and
Speaker 3: and then I just drove away. Yeah. It was so
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm so sorry that.
Speaker 2: When you say you picked the wrong day, you have
Speaker 2: to kill the person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. And it's like I wasn't having a bad day.
Speaker 3: It was like a fine day. I don't know, like
Speaker 3: what I was. Road rage is crazy. It's crazy.
Speaker 2: Your brain goes to a totally different place. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean I was talking to some of one about this recently,
Speaker 2: and like, is the reason that happens is because it
Speaker 2: just naturally your body's adrenaline while driving really fast has
Speaker 2: to be up a little bit. So it's like you're
Speaker 2: not aware that you're adrenaline is super high. I think so,
Speaker 2: so you're ready to be set off.
Speaker 3: You're like, Okay, my life is at stake, right, and
Speaker 3: this person has no care. It's also that feeling that
Speaker 3: you have, like when you're on the internet and you
Speaker 3: can't see the person's face and you're like, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: say whatever the fuck I want in this comment section.
Speaker 3: That's what I feel like.
Speaker 2: And you're a notorious and I'm a notorious trow. I
Speaker 2: will go to anybody, especially like younger actors. But seriously, though,
Speaker 2: it feels like I'm now equating, like, Okay, maybe YouTube
Speaker 2: comments are like road rage on the internet, but it
Speaker 2: it is like you don't know, You're like, they're not
Speaker 2: a real human being until you actually see their face,
Speaker 2: you know, and so you're like, I can say whatever
Speaker 2: the fuck I want?
Speaker 3: How dare they?
Speaker 2: And everybody kind of has this reservoir of just built
Speaker 2: up frustration and anger. Oh, this is a place to
Speaker 2: kind of let that out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. But it's so dangerous. It's so dangerous it
Speaker 3: makes no sense. And also I talk about I just
Speaker 3: talked about this with my wife. We talk about this
Speaker 3: all the time, which is you want the person who
Speaker 3: you're talking to to learn a lesson ultimately be like
Speaker 3: either a better driver or not do it in the future,
Speaker 3: and that is never going It's like in your head,
Speaker 3: the fantasy is, oh, that person taught me that, like
Speaker 3: taught me ago. Now I will actually follow the rules.
Speaker 3: Thank god, No, I didn't know. Yeah, Like you're like,
Speaker 3: I hope that person gets into an accident, and but
Speaker 3: they're okay and they just learned their lesson, and then
Speaker 3: like it's it's you. You're not it's just anger. It's
Speaker 3: just like pent up anger. Nothing comes from letting it out.
Speaker 3: I feel like the like most all do at this point.
Speaker 2: And I actually think this might be even more dangerous
Speaker 2: is when someone's mad at me is to smile and wave,
Speaker 2: which I have to imagine is even more infuriating.
Speaker 3: Probably, yes, that is more infuriating. One time I had
Speaker 3: someone in New York. I was walking on the street
Speaker 3: and someone said something horrible to me. And for some
Speaker 3: reason my reaction was I forgive you. I forgive you.
Speaker 3: And this insensed the man. He was like, you can't
Speaker 3: forgive me, you can't be sweet to me. He was
Speaker 3: just like so angry, and I was like, I forgive you,
Speaker 3: I forgive you. It was like a goodwill hunting or
Speaker 3: something like. I was like, I forgive you, sir. It
Speaker 3: like it is. There's something about being kind to someone.
Speaker 2: Like they don't like they short circuit.
Speaker 3: Yah, they short circuit.
Speaker 2: They're like, I thought you would just match my energy.
Speaker 3: Yeah no, no, no, I am better than you, sir.
Speaker 3: I'm better. I am like zen right now.
Speaker 2: The only kind of satisfying road rage is when someone
Speaker 2: cuts you off, speeds past you, and then you end
Speaker 2: up at the red light together. You don't even have
Speaker 2: to look at them. It's just that feeling of like, oh,
Speaker 2: I feel like the most powerful person in the universe
Speaker 2: right now. That person must be like such an asshole.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they have to like look at you and
Speaker 3: such shame. Yeah, shame sitting their mess. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 3: I get off on, actually, the shame of other people,
Speaker 3: especially if they're like older people. If like an older
Speaker 3: person's cut me off, I'm like, okay, so late in
Speaker 3: life they're almost close to death and you still feel shame,
Speaker 3: like that's like you've never gotten over it. I'm never no.
Speaker 2: Oh, well, is there anything left to say about raisins
Speaker 2: or raspberries?
Speaker 3: They're great. Do you have a favorite berry? Oh? God,
Speaker 3: I will say. I was gonna say strawberry, but I
Speaker 3: find them recently to be too inconsistent. That's their big law, right,
Speaker 3: that is, strawberry was number one on my fruit list.
Speaker 3: Now I think it's peach, and that is because but
Speaker 3: that's also so it's way more inconsistent. But I would
Speaker 3: say that the best peach is better than the best strawberry.
Speaker 3: I agree, So that's how I rate it. Now, whatever
Speaker 3: the best, give me the best of the platonic, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I will say for peaches, there's like a
Speaker 2: pretty good time window that you're aware of that they'll
Speaker 2: be good. Strawberries I've never been able to figure out
Speaker 2: when you're supposed.
Speaker 3: To get that's right? And what about the whole? Can
Speaker 3: we talk about the whole? For no one's talking about
Speaker 3: what's talking about that missing fruit?
Speaker 2: Once people know about this whole.
Speaker 3: Yeah, strawberries or strawberries are done. Once people figure out like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm missing like I paid for a
Speaker 3: full strawberry. I'm getting, like, you know, two thirds of
Speaker 3: a strawberry.
Speaker 2: Life has been wasted.
Speaker 3: What is this? What's this? Lie? Meanwhile, peach half of
Speaker 3: it is a stone. It's right, it's true. Even there's
Speaker 3: like grooves in the pit of a peach, you fit
Speaker 3: fruit in there. That's true. You're getting fruit. That's a
Speaker 3: efficient that's efficient.
Speaker 2: And you get something you can throw at someone use
Speaker 2: as a toy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or like like rap and gives it to a
Speaker 3: gift or something like that. You can always jewelry the
Speaker 3: whole buffalo.
Speaker 2: What happens when a peach pit dries out? Is it gross?
Speaker 2: Or is it usable?
Speaker 3: Uh? Are you really? I feel like somebody could like
Speaker 3: build something out of those. I'm sure they can feel
Speaker 3: like you could. Well, thank you, first of all, thank you.
Speaker 3: I'm actually very flattered and blushing right now. I can
Speaker 3: build something out of peach pits.
Speaker 2: You should become a pit worker.
Speaker 3: I should. I should do stuff just a pit artist.
Speaker 2: Like on YouTube building things out of hits.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: This is an ideas podcast. I say it all the
Speaker 2: time you throw it out and let the guest. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we'll see with the benefits. Yeah, well I'm incredible. I'll
Speaker 2: obviously be saving both of these great those will not
Speaker 2: be thrown anywhere.
Speaker 3: No, no, as well as all of this rap. If
Speaker 3: you want me to send you some sort of vibe
Speaker 3: to put them in trying too, I can do that.
Speaker 2: You know, a little uh fragrance sampler, that would be great.
Speaker 2: Stuff those down in there, seal it up. But then
Speaker 2: it's a time capsule. That's right, the world for as
Speaker 2: time capsule, that's right, not a bad idea.
Speaker 3: Nope.
Speaker 2: Well I think it's time play a game. Okay, We're
Speaker 2: gonna play a game called Gift you a Curse. Okay,
Speaker 2: but first I need to number between one and ten
Speaker 2: from you. Ten okay, wow, I think you're a very
Speaker 2: small number of people who I have to do some
Speaker 2: light calculating to get our game piece right now, game pieces,
Speaker 2: So right now, you can recommend, promote, do whatever you
Speaker 2: want with the microphone. I'll be right back.
Speaker 3: Okay. So all right, so I recommend and promote the
Speaker 3: show Big Mouth, which I write for and act on.
Speaker 3: This final season is out right now on Netflix, so
Speaker 3: please check that out. It's uh, it's great and it's
Speaker 3: nice to say goodbye. It was out. How's that was
Speaker 3: that good? A little bit on here. Netflix is a
Speaker 3: streaming service. Basically, you go onto your your big computer,
Speaker 3: you use your okay.
Speaker 2: And again, Netflix is only available via the desktop PC.
Speaker 3: That's correct. You have to have a mouse. You have
Speaker 3: to have a mouse and one of those like big
Speaker 3: huge PCs. Yes, you can hear down the block.
Speaker 2: An engine, power engine, a diesel powered modem.
Speaker 3: Oh god, this is how we play.
Speaker 2: Gift or a curse. I'm going to name three things
Speaker 2: and you're can tell me if they're a gift or
Speaker 2: a curse and why Okay, then I'll tell you if
Speaker 2: you're right or wrong. Because there are correct answers. There's
Speaker 2: a strong chance you can lose. There's a small chance
Speaker 2: you can win. And what happens if I lose, Well,
Speaker 2: you're humiliated. Oh okay, and you've had a flawless podcast
Speaker 2: so far. It would be sad to see you fall
Speaker 2: on your face at the very end. Absolutely, the nerves,
Speaker 2: my god, Yeah, you're shaking.
Speaker 3: I'm shaking. You're shaking.
Speaker 2: You're drooling for some.
Speaker 3: Reason, I'm drooling. I feel number three coming on. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm that okay.
Speaker 2: This first one is from a listener named Sydney from
Speaker 2: the Megateer of Suggestions.
Speaker 3: Okay, so it's very important.
Speaker 2: Gift you a curse checking your bag at the gate
Speaker 2: because the flight is too full.
Speaker 3: Checking your bag at the cake. I would uh, I
Speaker 3: would say curse why because I fucking hate checking and waiting.
Speaker 3: I hate waiting for baggage, and I don't know what
Speaker 3: is the what are you what's the benefit just that?
Speaker 3: What is the benefit or checking your bag? What's the
Speaker 3: benefit that you're helping other people out? Is that it?
Speaker 3: I'm truly asking you. Well, I've got an answer. Okay, great,
Speaker 3: So then I know I feel like I'm wrong and
Speaker 3: I'm going to change my answer to of course you
Speaker 3: check your bag, all right? What is it?
Speaker 2: So you think it's a gift or a curse.
Speaker 3: I think it's a curse. I will say it's a curse.
Speaker 2: Gill, it's a gift. We got to get the word
Speaker 2: out that this is a game.
Speaker 3: Okay, tell me why.
Speaker 2: I explain to you, Well, first of all, what a
Speaker 2: generous thing to do from your home?
Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no service. That's your answer. First
Speaker 3: of all, not people airlines.
Speaker 2: When you're boarding an airline, the first thing you should
Speaker 2: be thinking is what is the health of Delta, What
Speaker 2: is happening on United Airlines?
Speaker 3: How can I help Jet Blue?
Speaker 2: Yes, what is the what's happening financially for this company?
Speaker 2: They've got to pack these things with people, They've got
Speaker 2: to they have to overbook, and I'm part of that process.
Speaker 3: You're worried about the airline. I'm worried about airlines first,
Speaker 3: in the in the industry, or just the corporations.
Speaker 2: The corporations specifically. I don't care about the technology, the
Speaker 2: people working, the employees, that doesn't matter to me. The shareholders.
Speaker 2: It is the shareholders ultimately. So I'm thinking about shareholders,
Speaker 2: which I do in every situation, and so this is
Speaker 2: my little contribution to the shareholders is saying, look, you
Speaker 2: can take this thing that I went out of my
Speaker 2: way to pack and bring with me as just as
Speaker 2: tightly as possible.
Speaker 3: So knowing that I wanted to bring it on the plane.
Speaker 2: Yes, so I wouldn't have to wait at the carousel
Speaker 2: after so I could just get into the car or
Speaker 2: god forbid, the lax shuttle to the car just trying
Speaker 2: to eliminate one step from my life. But that was
Speaker 2: a little selfish of me. That is true, I want
Speaker 2: to send my bag to the bottom of the plane
Speaker 2: and potentially lose it in transit.
Speaker 3: Well, I will agree with you on one condition. If
Speaker 3: when you arrive at the airport, yes that you're going
Speaker 3: to everyone claps for you. If that is, if you
Speaker 3: can give me some sort of reward, I'm all in.
Speaker 3: Everyone's just like, thank you for then I'm in. Then
Speaker 3: I'm in.
Speaker 2: Uh they I feel like they did use to offer
Speaker 2: some incentive that's gone away.
Speaker 3: Oh like a like we'll give you a or a
Speaker 3: free scum. You're a complete scum on an airport, on
Speaker 3: an airplane.
Speaker 2: Now, it's just out of the generosity, the openness of
Speaker 2: your heart that you're willing to to sacrifice.
Speaker 3: And maybe maybe the clerk will laugh at you. Maybe
Speaker 3: they'll be like you animal, you belong to a stupid
Speaker 3: piece of shake. Go sit next to the bathroom. You know,
Speaker 3: don't worry. Your luggage will be wet when you get it.
Speaker 3: So ultimately, a gift.
Speaker 2: People need to know. This is a gift.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And uh, now I think I see where we're heavy.
Speaker 2: You understand how stupid. You were a curse, absolutely, and
Speaker 2: uh it's unfortunate, but you're learning.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay.
Speaker 2: So number two, this is from a listener named Mark. Okay,
Speaker 2: and this is a longer one, so pay attention, okay,
Speaker 2: gift a dun't dose off? Gift or a curse. When
Speaker 2: you're reading off a credit card number on the phone
Speaker 2: and after every four digits they sit m hmm or okay,
Speaker 2: or someone's reading off a number to you and they
Speaker 2: won't continue until you satan hm or okay after every
Speaker 2: four digits. I assume Mark is working at a call
Speaker 2: center maybe yeah, or in customer service.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or he just recently had a traumatic experience with
Speaker 3: it right, or just got a credit card, just got
Speaker 3: a credit card. He's thirteen, Mark age eleft eight eleven.
Speaker 3: Is it a gift or curse? At what that that
Speaker 3: you have? An? Mm hmm h. I guess we should
Speaker 3: reread this because there's a hard one to be like
Speaker 3: what it looks like there's three scenarios in this question. Okay.
Speaker 2: So, so when you're reading off a credit card number
Speaker 2: on the phone and after every four digits they satan
Speaker 2: or okay huh, or someone's reading off a number to you,
Speaker 2: and they won't continue to till your satan hm or okay,
Speaker 2: after everything, I think.
Speaker 3: That's a curse. I think that they should. It is
Speaker 3: known at this point that everyone just needs to keep going.
Speaker 3: They can, They can separate with a little like four five, five,
Speaker 3: five six two. You can do that. If I have
Speaker 3: to hear your mm hmm, I'm like, just hurry the
Speaker 3: fuck up. What are we doing here? We both don't
Speaker 3: enjoy this. That's where I am wrong. Wrong, I knew it.
Speaker 3: The credit card companies.
Speaker 2: I'm on the side of positive affirmation. Oh okay, get
Speaker 2: a little reinforcement is good, Okay, No, I said the
Speaker 2: four things. I need to hear from somebody else that
Speaker 2: I did a good job, and I need to tell
Speaker 2: somebody else that they did a good job. We need
Speaker 2: these little moments of validation. And you know, every day
Speaker 2: we're all really struggling through life.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 2: And if you get four numbers in a row, you
Speaker 2: should hear from another person a plus.
Speaker 3: That's true. If we have it in our personal life,
Speaker 3: why can't we have it in Like when I'm having
Speaker 3: sex with my wife, she'll go mm hmm, and I
Speaker 3: know I'm doing like a solid job every four every
Speaker 3: four seconds. I've asked her to go mm hmm, and
Speaker 3: then you say okay, and I say okay mm hm.
Speaker 3: And if I don't hear that, I'm like, wait, we
Speaker 3: have to start over again on the second. Where's the
Speaker 3: Let's start from the beginning. I thought this was supposed
Speaker 3: to be electric. Yeah, but no, no, I need that value.
Speaker 3: You're right, You're right, Okay, I made a mistake.
Speaker 2: I apolog so. You've gone too wrong so far.
Speaker 3: It's a shame. But let's give you one more change.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: This is from a listener named Emily. Gift you a
Speaker 2: curse short sleeved sweaters.
Speaker 3: Oh I'm sorry, I revealed my short sleeved sweaters. Now
Speaker 3: what does that mean? Does that mean like cut off?
Speaker 2: I think it's kind of whatever you want. They just
Speaker 2: don't have a foul.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna split my answer here. I'm gonna say that
Speaker 3: if there is like a ringer at the end or
Speaker 3: like it's hemmed, it's a fucking curse. It's disgusting. And
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say that if it's cut off, like you know, uh,
Speaker 3: what's his name in the Goonies? Uh? What was the
Speaker 3: actor's name in no country, roll men, Oh he's so good.
Speaker 3: Thank you. It looks insanely good in a cutoff sweater
Speaker 3: anywhere one in no country for old hen he does too.
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna say, gift if it's like cut off
Speaker 3: in a organic way, not in a bought way, and
Speaker 3: curse every other way. Okay, but I do need you
Speaker 3: need his fallen answer for need. Okay, I'm gonna say
Speaker 3: curse then wrong, wrong?
Speaker 2: No, what's wrong with taking a sleeve off? With sewing
Speaker 2: up a sleeve? I've I've been watching secret lives of
Speaker 2: Mormon wives, and I think I've seen this a little bit.
Speaker 2: I think I saw somebody with a sleeveless sweatshirt or
Speaker 2: sweater looked great. It's it's unconventional, it's fun. It's warming
Speaker 2: up the part of the body that you want. Sometimes
Speaker 2: you want just the chest to be warm, Sometimes you
Speaker 2: just want the shoulder.
Speaker 3: I have a feeling you're being contrarian. I have a
Speaker 3: feeling that you actually hate sweaters that are sleeveless or
Speaker 3: half sleep.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna google one right now, without sleep or sleep?
Speaker 2: What is it with short sleeves?
Speaker 3: He's on a private tab, folks, he doesn't even want
Speaker 3: to show his husband that he looked for this stuff.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see here, let's see. Okay, these are great
Speaker 2: looking Look at this. How can you say this isn't?
Speaker 3: Who is it? If you're showing me a picture of
Speaker 3: Adrian Brodie right now?
Speaker 2: Okay, now that's a more that's on the Loft website.
Speaker 3: Okay, for gals, decide what you want. You want to
Speaker 3: be hot or you want to be cold, decide what
Speaker 3: you want. Let's see and let's see.
Speaker 2: Okay, now here's a man in one.
Speaker 3: Let's see here. I think that's perfectly Now what site
Speaker 3: are we on here? Banana Republic Factory.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I guess they're not selling it in the
Speaker 2: main sho.
Speaker 3: You know what, take this with a grain of salt.
Speaker 3: If you're buying your stuff at Banana Republic, sure, go
Speaker 3: for it, go for it. But if you're like me
Speaker 3: and you shop at J Crew or you shop at
Speaker 3: the Gap, you're not buying sweaters that have cut off sleeves. Okay,
Speaker 3: well you got all three wrong. I know, I know
Speaker 3: it's a travesty. Actually I apologie.
Speaker 2: You've ventured a very small pool of people who have
Speaker 2: lost the game completely completely, So that's something to be
Speaker 2: proud of in a way.
Speaker 3: No, I will go home and feel sick. Yeah, like
Speaker 3: one of these old people who have just cut somebody off.
Speaker 3: Total shame.
Speaker 2: And now on a lease, our producer has one gift
Speaker 2: or curse which we both have to answer to. They
Speaker 2: know the correct answer.
Speaker 3: Okay, on a lease. What is it?
Speaker 4: The County Fair?
Speaker 3: Hmm? Do you want to go? Or should I go?
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go. Oh god, this is one where the
Speaker 3: anticipation is better than the actual thing. Okay, you think
Speaker 3: County Fair, You're like, I'm gonna have a good time.
Speaker 3: You get there, it's like city walk on crack. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna say, no fucking way, that's a curse. You go
Speaker 3: there and it's the dregs of humanity doing the dregs
Speaker 3: of humanities. You know, it's just activities. It's I would
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say fun in maybe an ironic way, but
Speaker 3: mostly it's a curse. It's a curse.
Speaker 2: I'm going to actually say gifts, I think and I
Speaker 2: have a I'm going to say state Fair curse. State
Speaker 2: state Fair.
Speaker 3: Is trash, So it depends on the side.
Speaker 2: State Fair is all concrete and like Marilyn Monroe Flee Splingks, Okayta.
Speaker 2: Whereas the County Fair has got a little bit of
Speaker 2: charm and class. It's more of a Charlotte's Web vibe.
Speaker 2: They're blue ribbons. People are bringing their city Fair. Now,
Speaker 2: city Fair is interesting, starting to get in. It really
Speaker 2: is getting into city walk territory.
Speaker 3: It is okay and town fair.
Speaker 2: City Fair could be a new Rick Caruso property.
Speaker 3: What about a block party?
Speaker 2: Interesting?
Speaker 3: Block parties should start having pike contests. They should.
Speaker 2: I feel like that that's a new territory that block
Speaker 2: parties haven't gotten into. They should bring the blue ribbon
Speaker 2: in maybe some farman.
Speaker 3: Because you always want to see your neighbors with blueberry
Speaker 3: all over their mouth. That makes you respect them a
Speaker 3: little bit more.
Speaker 2: If you like look through their window and then turn
Speaker 2: out and you lock eyes and there's blueberries all over their.
Speaker 3: Face, You're like, oh, man, yeah, I want them to
Speaker 3: babysitting my child. So I'm going to say gift.
Speaker 2: As far as County Fair, State Fair again, trash got
Speaker 2: it on Elish.
Speaker 3: It's a gift.
Speaker 4: Yes, wow often, I mean, think about it this way.
Speaker 4: It's the closest experience we have to being able to
Speaker 4: be in Roman times in you know you're gonna you know,
Speaker 4: when you show up, you might see someone die.
Speaker 2: Interesting, now that feels like State Fair to me.
Speaker 3: There's something I have.
Speaker 2: Seen several people die at the State Fair.
Speaker 4: You look up at that carousel, you look up at
Speaker 4: that ferris wheel, it's shaking, it's rattling, the mighty rolling,
Speaker 4: it's you know that something bad could happen, and just
Speaker 4: the thrill. How many everything's so protected and organized these days.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I was talking to a total Nazi
Speaker 3: right now who wants to see death and destruction. But yeah, okay, fine,
Speaker 3: I love it. I absolutely love it. If you're going
Speaker 3: there to see death, Absolutely, the County Fair is the
Speaker 3: number one place to go. The County Fair.
Speaker 2: You'll see the risk of death and potential of death.
Speaker 3: That's fair.
Speaker 2: You will see, you will see death. You'll probably enter
Speaker 2: and there will be a body being there. You get
Speaker 2: to step over a body to get into that's right,
Speaker 2: to get your funnel cake, that's right. Whereas the County
Speaker 2: Fair it might just be an extra bit of spice
Speaker 2: to the night. I remember when that person.
Speaker 4: Says it's it's just a little extra thing there that's all.
Speaker 4: It's just a little excitement for your life.
Speaker 2: Gil for you to have lost the game in such
Speaker 2: a complete way. Oh my god, the efficiency, Oh my lord.
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have said ten is the problem.
Speaker 3: I think ten. You've started off too high right away.
Speaker 2: Okay, we need to answer a listener question people are
Speaker 2: writing into I said, no gifts at you email dot com.
Speaker 2: They're also occasionally, or we would hope more often. Now
Speaker 2: we just opened the gates to voicemail only. Is what
Speaker 2: are the needs and wants from you? As far as
Speaker 2: a voicemail.
Speaker 4: If you'd like to send us a voice note, please
Speaker 4: make it under sixty seconds, okay, record it in a
Speaker 4: quiet space. Okay, so no ac running in the background
Speaker 4: or anything, no dogs or anything. And then when you
Speaker 4: send it in you just have to acknowledge you give
Speaker 4: us permission to either use it or not use it
Speaker 4: at our discretion. So thank you.
Speaker 2: Okay, I said no gifts at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: Will you help me answer a question? Yeah, I would
Speaker 3: love to.
Speaker 2: Okay, we've got a run one right here. It says
Speaker 2: dear Bridger and delightful but incredibly rude guest. Okay, whatever,
Speaker 2: My sister moved to Portland, Oregon, from San Francisco Bay
Speaker 2: Area about twenty years ago with her husband. They bought
Speaker 2: a house, had a kid, and recently realized they've been
Speaker 2: homesick the entire time. They are moving back to the
Speaker 2: Bay Area with their seventeen year old and their dog.
Speaker 2: They are going to rent a house while they figure
Speaker 2: out where exactly they want to live. Slash can afford
Speaker 2: to live around here? Well, it sounds like she's kind
Speaker 2: of shaming her sister's bank account here. Whatever they anticipate
Speaker 2: renting for about three years, what is a housewarming slash
Speaker 2: welcome home gift I can give them and that won't
Speaker 2: add to clutter, especially since they'll be moving again three
Speaker 2: years from now. She's also kind of saying, my sister
Speaker 2: can't commit to anything. Whatever they are, they are literary
Speaker 2: types who love books and music. The seventeen year old
Speaker 2: has generously agreed to do their senior year of high
Speaker 2: school here. Okay, generously, you do what your parents tell
Speaker 2: you to do. Send this kid off to naval academy.
Speaker 2: A house plant is a given, my sister loves plants.
Speaker 2: And gift card for dinner out there out in the
Speaker 2: new town seems obvious. Okay, but there are some food
Speaker 2: allergies in the family that can make dining out difficult.
Speaker 2: Do you have any ideas? I love you and the pod. Okay, well,
Speaker 2: I apologize for everything I've said so far, and that's
Speaker 2: just from happy sister. I guess that's probably on her
Speaker 2: driver's license. Yeah, maybe her.
Speaker 3: Name is happy, Yeah, happy, last name, last name sister.
Speaker 3: Sure my first thought, and this is gonna be a
Speaker 3: weird answer, but tent steaks, tent stakes. Okay, your sister
Speaker 3: can't stay still, and you need to give her a
Speaker 3: fucking hint about what you want her to do, right,
Speaker 3: So give her something that's going to undermine her entire
Speaker 3: trip back, give her tense stak saying oh, yeah, this
Speaker 3: is what you need, right because you can't say still
Speaker 3: because you can't make a fucking decision. Let me get
Speaker 3: you grounded, honey, that's what you need to do.
Speaker 2: But Gil, the sister has just realized she's wasted her
Speaker 2: whole life.
Speaker 3: She's sorry, but she's still wasting her life.
Speaker 2: She's so I mean, the emotions are running high. She's like,
Speaker 2: my time is running out. She's probably going to realize
Speaker 2: soon that she's not in love with her husband. That's right,
Speaker 2: there has split the kid. Seventeen year old, kid's going
Speaker 2: to be miserable.
Speaker 3: We already have a hint that the kid's a brat. Yes,
Speaker 3: ungrateful brat, ungrateful, disgusting brat and the dog ugly. I
Speaker 3: would say, I mean the question, yeah, I mean it
Speaker 3: sounds disgusting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the kid, they would have said baby boy or
Speaker 2: baby girl, seventeen year old baby boy say.
Speaker 3: He probably has a middle part, Yes, but really gotte
Speaker 3: is Yeah, we really eight middle part. We've already decided
Speaker 3: that short people are disgusting right at the top of
Speaker 3: this show. So first of all, yeah, I mean, maybe
Speaker 3: get her the gift of a hit man for her
Speaker 3: ugly child. I don't know, take out the kickoff the kid.
Speaker 2: Then the kid probably has all the allergies, and so
Speaker 2: you can get a gift card to any restaurant in town,
Speaker 2: go crazy with it.
Speaker 3: Which where would you say, Wolfgang Poks?
Speaker 2: Where would you I assume he has a branch in
Speaker 2: San Francisco. Oh yeah, probably the San Francisco City Walk.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, there's a city walk by the way in every county.
Speaker 3: Every they hold the fair.
Speaker 2: This is her after this big move, She's going to
Speaker 2: be craving a steak, and I assume Wolfgang probably does
Speaker 2: a decent steak at one of his franchise. I bet
Speaker 2: he has one in the airport, right.
Speaker 3: Wait, did you mean steaks like.
Speaker 2: I meant realize.
Speaker 3: I mean we're on the same wavelength, like with the
Speaker 3: contact lens, and I just think something in the steak world.
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's ten steaks or real stakes.
Speaker 2: Speaking of steaks, my boyfriend just bought his uh father
Speaker 2: for Father's Day, first birthday, a box of one of those.
Speaker 2: He sent him one of those boxes of steaks you know,
Speaker 2: Oh okay, And there was a mistake in the mail
Speaker 2: where they sent sake.
Speaker 3: Oh my God and Jesus, this is classing.
Speaker 2: I can barely breathe with all the steaks around. But
Speaker 2: he sent it to him. But there was a mistake
Speaker 2: where they also sent us a box and we thought, oh,
Speaker 2: we got a box of stakes where we were going
Speaker 2: out for the night. So we left it on the
Speaker 2: counter because it's in the frozen thing. We get home,
Speaker 2: we open it up. There was no dry ice in there.
Speaker 2: It was just rotting me.
Speaker 3: No, oh God, did you complain and ask for a
Speaker 3: new freeze that's what my boyfriend said. But you can't.
Speaker 2: You can't complain about the thing that accidentally sent you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: He's like, we should have warned them. It's like, no,
Speaker 2: you did.
Speaker 3: You end up throwing it out.
Speaker 2: I had to be thrown out. And I'm sure a
Speaker 2: raccoon was so tempted. Mm or coyotes were probably give
Speaker 2: it to a neighbor and look, looks so nice, looks
Speaker 2: so nice until they're dead, Until they're dead. I feel like,
Speaker 2: send a box of steaks that I love.
Speaker 3: That your suggestion is exactly what you did for someone.
Speaker 3: What I did is actually a great gift.
Speaker 2: And uh and then but while it's in transit, go
Speaker 2: over with the wrapped box of tent steaks and double whammy.
Speaker 2: And if she freaks out when she sees the tent steaks,
Speaker 2: you'll be far enough away that she can have her
Speaker 2: melt down at home, and then she'll get this thing
Speaker 2: on the port and starving for meat. I've had my
Speaker 2: child's killed. She's gonna go crazy.
Speaker 3: That sounds like a good plan.
Speaker 2: What a way to enter the San Francisco Bay. I know, congrats,
Speaker 2: happy sister. I feel like we answered the question beyond perfectly.
Speaker 2: We saved a family.
Speaker 3: We saved a family, and we killed a child.
Speaker 2: That's what happens. That's the trade off thing exactly. That's family.
Speaker 3: If your marriage is falling, apart from kill your child,
Speaker 3: kill your kid. The kid's the problem, family, the family therapist,
Speaker 3: kill Ozari. Your child's a problem.
Speaker 2: Well I can see what the problem.
Speaker 3: I can see. Are they leaving raisins on the floor.
Speaker 3: Do yourself a favor and shoot them up.
Speaker 2: We answered the question perfectly.
Speaker 3: You failed the game. I failed the game.
Speaker 2: I have a raisin to hold on to for the
Speaker 2: rest of my life.
Speaker 3: And paper. You're not throwing any of this wrapping paper.
Speaker 2: No, no, no. I've been throughout this. I have been
Speaker 2: barely here mentally. Okay, I've been thinking where can.
Speaker 3: That go in my home? Because I did enter a
Speaker 3: like a new level at Target, getting all this like
Speaker 3: I have like the black card now at Target. I
Speaker 3: have entered like you know, the one hundred top customers
Speaker 3: at Target.
Speaker 2: Yeah you get to go in before store hours. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you get to use the private bathroom.
Speaker 3: Yeah they close it down for your birthday. That's right.
Speaker 3: I get a wipe down cart. I get everything I need.
Speaker 2: Well, I really appreciate all of this, of course, and
Speaker 2: I've so had that you could be here.
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. It was great. It's great
Speaker 3: to thank you for being here.
Speaker 2: And listener, I have so much paper in my life.
Speaker 2: I'm so I feel kind of settled for the first time.
Speaker 2: This might be the final episode of the podcast. This
Speaker 2: is kind of what I was looking for, and so
Speaker 2: I'm going to go off and try to decide if
Speaker 2: I'll do another an Oh no.
Speaker 3: This is really it? Just a gunshot rings you end
Speaker 3: the podcast? Kill scream? Oh no?
Speaker 4: Oh no?
Speaker 2: How long do you think I would have to stay
Speaker 2: here before I could leave? They would ask you wait
Speaker 2: till they clean up? Yeah, and then and can I
Speaker 2: take the reason? You can't take the risk? Okay, listener,
Speaker 2: the podcast is over. I love you, goodbye. I Said
Speaker 2: No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer
Speaker 2: is on Alise Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed
Speaker 2: by Ben Holliday. The theme song is by miracle Worker
Speaker 2: Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker,
Speaker 2: Patrick Cottner. You must follow the show on Instagram at
Speaker 2: I Said No Gifts. That's where you're going to see
Speaker 2: pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't
Speaker 2: you want to see the gifts?
Speaker 3: The lie invit? Did you hear?
Speaker 1: Funna made myself perfectly clear. When you're I guess to me,
Speaker 1: you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
Speaker 1: your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
Speaker 1: So how do you dare to survey me