1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot M, a production of My Heart Ratis. 2 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: Ladies and Gentlemen, Jill Scott presents Jay dot Ill with 3 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 1: my sister friends Aga and my ear and I'm Jill Scott. Somebody, 4 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: somebody is hooking up with us right now? What's going on? Oh? 5 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,640 Speaker 1: Who is hooking up with us? We are talking about 6 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 1: the voice of the sports world, the one that we 7 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: all listened to. That's what we're talking about. We are 8 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: talking about the woman who has no problems telling us 9 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: how she really feels about everything. We are talking about 10 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: one of our favorite representatives. Honey, Miss Jamal Hill. You 11 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 1: wanna thank you ladies for having me on. It's not 12 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: that often that when I do podcast interviews that I 13 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: actually am in the company of such esteemed ladies. I 14 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: rarely do interviews with women in the podcasting space. So 15 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: I'm really excited about this and I'm just looking forward 16 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: to it to relax and kicking it back. What we're 17 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: talking about, what we do. I should have mentioned we 18 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: are also talking to the host of Unbothered. Yes, we 19 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 1: have to throw in that plug. They're plug award winning journalists. 20 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,479 Speaker 1: I just want to throw that out there. Yeah, see 21 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: y'all can see it on the screen. That is come, hey, 22 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 1: I would like to visit you, so I would like 23 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 1: you to come and stay on at some point in 24 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: this here life. Please tell you have to you have 25 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 1: some hardware of y'all. You have definitely a an elder 26 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:43,320 Speaker 1: relative for Granby. I believe I'm trying to be Egott 27 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: in this lifetime. Yah heard that I heard speaking into 28 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: exist you anybody reading or listening to the Secret again? 29 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: You want to make us listen to us? She has not. 30 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: It's been so many years since I have listen to that. 31 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: But I have to go. I'm gonna circle back for 32 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: you that ancient part because I always get weirded out 33 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: by that. You don't need to get anything like the 34 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: ancient ancestors. Ancestor ancestor let's me talking about. I just 35 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: want to know which ancestor we're talking. I'm not I'm 36 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 1: glad with it. I'm like, listen, white man, don't be 37 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: telling me about listen ancestors you don't know you And 38 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,359 Speaker 1: the video they was wearing hoods, brown hoods, So honey, okay, 39 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 1: secret video anyway, listening, we listen. Jamal asked what we 40 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: were talking about? And we have here for a very 41 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: special moment that we all truly enjoy. We have literally 42 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 1: one question, which for us leads to many right, and 43 00:02:54,200 --> 00:03:15,800 Speaker 1: that question is Jill Shan Tisa Orisa Carl Sean. She 44 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: called every possible girl in the name. You have every 45 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: nickname from middle school, like all in one. Yeah, to 46 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 1: keep it a thousand percent real. Was in my heart 47 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: right now is probably sexy because I am at the 48 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: as of the taping of this podcast, I am a 49 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: couple of days away from taking a very much needed 50 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: vacation with my husband, and so I'm just like, man, 51 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: we so what country y'all gonna get it in? And Jam, 52 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,119 Speaker 1: We're actually not going to a country. We are going 53 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 1: to Hawaii because you know, we're in Los Angeles and 54 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 1: looking at you know, given the time that we're in, 55 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: you have to be very careful about where you're going. 56 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: And as I know, more of the world is getting vaccinated, 57 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 1: but Hawaii is like on their ship. It's like you 58 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: have to have a a negative COVID test before you 59 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: get on the plane, you're tested when you land. Um 60 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 1: they have been they've had really low cases this entire time, 61 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: and so being in l A, we thought that that 62 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: would be a nice, little, quick, little five day getaway 63 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: so that I could distress and UM had but nick 64 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: and ha sex. So that's what I am looking forward 65 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: to UM in the next two days. So very excited 66 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: about that. So that's what you know. I'm very jealous 67 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: of you. I'm in Canada and I'm quarantined, so I'm 68 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 1: I'm on the top of a mountain by sexy. It 69 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: does sound sexy. There's even at your couzy, my personal 70 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:50,279 Speaker 1: and I'm okay. I was wondering about that little house 71 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 1: on the prey background that you had, Like what was that? 72 00:04:52,839 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: I was like, this is it's the background every from humans. 73 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: Well I heard that Canada quarantine. A friend of mine 74 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: she had to film a couple of movies there and 75 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: it was what she had to do fourteen days in 76 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 1: the pan you have to do days. So how just 77 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 1: Jills got entertained herself that your mal asked questions that 78 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:26,039 Speaker 1: she end up where I want journalist as what do 79 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: I do? I've been writing songs, I've been masturbating, I've 80 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:34,840 Speaker 1: been using, uh distilling some some essential oils. I've been 81 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: in j couzy. I've written some poetry. I've I've i meditated. 82 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: I've released a monster that was chasing I had to 83 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: release that thing. Who I talked to a reader? Oh yeah, 84 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,239 Speaker 1: I'll tell you all about it. Talk to a reader. 85 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 1: And I've been talking to my family. But a lot 86 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: of it is super quiet. I've just been real quiet. 87 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:06,479 Speaker 1: It's actually a luxury. It's actually a luxury. So so, 88 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 1: so are you taking toys with you on your trip? 89 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,159 Speaker 1: Because I never trying to suckle back to the button, 90 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: didn't want to be that, but I was like, since 91 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 1: you had mentioned it or whatever, and I love it 92 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: that you said it was your husband, because for some 93 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,240 Speaker 1: reason people be thinking that married people be having dry 94 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: that they should dry, and I'm like, no, how many 95 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: years have you have been married? So we got married 96 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: November twenty nineteen, so we're headed towards two years in November, 97 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,159 Speaker 1: so you know, still very fresh, still got that merry 98 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: glow feeling if you will, which you know you hope 99 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 1: never moves obviously, but yeah, so toys, you know what, 100 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: maybe I will because I really haven't broken those out 101 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: in a long time. A coome of my home girls 102 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: suggested a few that looked quite intrigued. One would like 103 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: a like a suction cup and suppose it like I've yes, 104 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: that started a partner. A partner, that's right, That's what 105 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: I was gonna say. Like, I don't know if it's 106 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: designated for one, but it feels like, you know, if 107 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: it's in the vicinity, why not, right, I'm thinking y'all 108 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: should get that remote. So I think we do have 109 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 1: a remote thing. Yes, I gotta, I gotta dig it up. 110 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: We haven't used it in a while because we don't 111 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: even think we take it on our hut moved with 112 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 1: this or whatever. I think we we had. We had 113 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: our own ideas of what to do. Excited, I'm really chilled. 114 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: Do you have nipple clamps? I do? Yes, I do. 115 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: It's like a delicious kind of pain or whatever. My 116 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: husband was really he really wants me to get my 117 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: nipples peers. I am not a fan of this. So 118 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 1: he goes about me some um, you know, I figured like, 119 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, I got your tattooed on me? Is that right? Right? 120 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 1: And I'll let you pick the spot. I feel like 121 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: that right. Yeah, So, um, they didn't pick any place 122 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: like super crazy or pay for but put it like this. 123 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: If you see it, then you're down there for a reason, 124 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: and so he would be we're here for the we're here, 125 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 1: we're here for that. So that's so funny. But see, 126 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: it's so funny that you would mention that and then like, yeah, 127 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 1: got shot, because it's never never, this never happens because I, 128 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 1: for what, I'm not really a clamper, but it is 129 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: a spot, so you know, and you can and you 130 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: can push it, and so I'm just surprised that you 131 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 1: would that you would feel like that, like, well, you 132 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: know what, And I'm not a total crude. I get 133 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: the whole pain. Sometimes it's like even to pleasure because 134 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 1: I'm like a little pressure on the neck and whatnot. 135 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 1: But it's just I've been bitten on my nipple and 136 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: I didn't like it. So was it like an accident 137 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 1: or on purpose? You know what's on purpose? Some dudes 138 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 1: they just think they know what I'm so giddy about. 139 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: Often times, women particularly I don't know about all women. 140 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 1: I can't speak for all women, but I can speak 141 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: for black women in this area. You can't compartmentalize so easily. Oh, 142 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 1: if you're intelligent, you can't be the freaking week, you know. 143 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,080 Speaker 1: If you're a mom, then you have to be you know, 144 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: sweet and kind and loving and patient. You know, like 145 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 1: you can't have the full spectrum of women if you know, 146 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 1: you're an award winning journalist. So if you're if you, 147 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 1: if you're a female, it's in the sports world. I 148 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: just love that we're having this conversation with your male 149 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: who's a leader in this world. Who Yeah, you're not 150 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 1: used to hearing that, but that's why these women are sexual, 151 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: just like the rest of that. But I feel like 152 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 1: sex is always the equalizer, right, Like it's the thing 153 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 1: that will bring up all of the flavors in a person. 154 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,199 Speaker 1: So if you really want to talk about somebody, get 155 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 1: them to really you really get a major perspective on 156 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 1: their personality, get them into a conversation about sex, because 157 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: it's always gonna be a surprise. It's always gonna be 158 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 1: something in there that you did not see. Couple, And 159 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 1: that's what I mean, you know, obviously, you know, people 160 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: like I do with this all the time because because 161 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,559 Speaker 1: I've been married for a bunch of years and I 162 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: got a bunch of kids and stuff like that. It's 163 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: either one thing or the other. Either people think that 164 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: we don't even look at each other, or people think 165 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,440 Speaker 1: because we have a lot of kids that we just 166 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: literally have sex all the time. They're like, oh, y'all, 167 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: y'all gotta stop. It's like I'm trying to brag about 168 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: your sex life. Angel. It is kind of fabulous. Like 169 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 1: I got friends, they got six kids, they married, they 170 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 1: worked together, and they'd be having sex because they like 171 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: each other. Y'all my only friends. I can say that 172 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,680 Speaker 1: about when you really think about it. I mean, I 173 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 1: got married friends, but you can't break all of those 174 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,559 Speaker 1: things down and it'd be the same couple. No, I'm 175 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: not gonna love to you, know I love it. He'd 176 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: be like you pretty and I like you and I'm 177 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: want to do it to you now. I love it. 178 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 1: I love just to little fingers right there in between 179 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: that little role on the side. And I got a 180 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 1: new set. I got some new um waist beads and girl, 181 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: when the waist beats show up, child, yeah, what is that? Okay? 182 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: So we're going to do is Jamale We're going to 183 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: get together your you don't have they never come off 184 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: Jamale Asians showing her waist beat. I'm sorry, Jae, I 185 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 1: mean to cut off your wisdom. God love that we're 186 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 1: gonna get you, your your little packet, your your bag, 187 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: your goodie bag. Yeah, I mean, so what's gonna find? 188 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: How many days do we have before you are you out? 189 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 1: Oh see? If it probably is too soon because we 190 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,439 Speaker 1: leave Wins today. So it's like, but don't worry. We 191 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: we have a we have another trip for his birthday. 192 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: His birthdays in August, so we're going away. I'm just saying, well, 193 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: we we did doatures awesome. So yeah, but he's on 194 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: the list board boards on the list but I usually 195 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: surprise him. We surprised each other on our birthdays and somewhere. 196 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,200 Speaker 1: We've been doing this, uh since we were dating. So yeah, 197 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: like he took me to belize we went to Aruba. 198 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: I mean we've been. We've traveled to a lot of 199 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 1: countries and so that part is, you know, we're both adventurous. 200 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,679 Speaker 1: We love to travel. So yes, I would love some 201 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 1: kind of a package before we leave. I'm sure he 202 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: would love that for his for his birthday. I want 203 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 1: to get back to those to something. You you know, 204 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: we're talking about marriage, and I am amazed now that 205 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: I am married, how many people are with spouses they 206 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: don't actually like that is really shocking, you know, like 207 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: they don't like hanging out with them. And I've had 208 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:01,080 Speaker 1: this discussion with men before, and some of them agree 209 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: with me. Some of them have been like, I don't. 210 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: I disagree. I think men settle much more than women 211 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: now they do because like when I talk about when 212 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: I just said about how I am astonished at the 213 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 1: number of people who don't actually like their spouses, most 214 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: of them are men. And that's not to say that's 215 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: not to demean men or whatever. I'm sure it's playing 216 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,160 Speaker 1: women who don't like their spouses either. But what I 217 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: found when they are in the mode where their light 218 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 1: is on, as they said, the sex in the city, 219 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: and they're ready to get married, they look at will 220 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 1: she be a good wife? Will she be a good mother, 221 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: and sort of like if she's a cool person to 222 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: hang out with, that's like so much lower on their list. 223 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: And I'm actually really shocked at this because I think 224 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: about women and what we want typically from a maide. 225 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: In addition, of course we want stability and all those 226 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 1: other good things, but we want somebody we can relate to, 227 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 1: we can be friends with, who could be a confident 228 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 1: for us. And I don't think you necessarily want the 229 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: same thing, and it's it's kind of surprising. So I know, 230 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys know couples like this, who there 231 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,559 Speaker 1: are married men who are out socializing and never bring 232 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 1: their wife. That is the strangest thing to me, so strange, 233 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: And I'm like, y'all don't hang out like I don't 234 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 1: do something together. My wife not my friend, exactly exactly. 235 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,680 Speaker 1: They a lot of dudes don't see that as the 236 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: should be the same person. Your wife should be your friends, 237 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 1: should be your best friend if you're lucky, right, and 238 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,840 Speaker 1: so like I enjoy People have asked how me and 239 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: my husband have been during this pandemic because we got 240 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 1: married at three months later we were confined to the house, like, oh, 241 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,400 Speaker 1: how's it going? You know, I'm like, I like my husband. 242 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: I like hanging out with him. He's like the coolest 243 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: person I know, So it's not a stretch for me 244 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,600 Speaker 1: to be around from him all the time. I'm sure 245 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: there are moments where we might get on each other's nerve, 246 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: but it really, honestly hasn't happened. And so I'm amazed 247 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: to run into other married people whose spouses like get 248 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 1: on their nerves like all the time, and I'm like, damn, 249 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: it's like that. So it's just I don't know. That 250 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: just made me think of that is that there's a 251 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 1: lot of people who are married or in relationships who 252 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: just really don't like the person that there with not 253 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: only showed up and and and and turn it light on, 254 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: like you're still around? When are you leaving? Yeah, I've 255 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: seen it do both on the extreme ends. Extreme end, 256 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 1: it accelerated some relationships, like two of my girls got COVID, 257 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: one of them got got married, and I've seen it 258 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 1: go the opposite direcsion is that where a couple of them, 259 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 1: they had their relationships and rather quickly once the pandemic 260 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 1: started because at that time they were around each other 261 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 1: changed and so um they were forced to kind of 262 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 1: get to know each other at a different level and 263 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 1: it didn't go so well. But but yeah, no, I mean, 264 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: I think if my advice always to people when they 265 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 1: asked me about marriages, like you you really should be 266 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 1: with somebody you actually like, because if you're not, then 267 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: this is not going to be any fun at all 268 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,280 Speaker 1: at all. Okay, my married friends, would they tell me 269 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: that your spouse is not going to be everything to you? 270 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 1: They can't be so best friend is up there in 271 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 1: the priorities, you know, that's that's a priority, obviously your 272 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: favorite lover, you know? Or do you do you marry 273 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 1: your favorite lover? Y'all can't answer because you can't question 274 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: that remix that question of Jail's kind of like, do 275 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: you marry your top ten of lovers? Not your favorite? Okay, 276 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: you're married. I will say top three, Mary, your top three, 277 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: somebody your top three? Top three? Yeah, no, I was like, 278 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 1: I married my favorite one for sure. I mean, yeah, 279 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: so that's always that's always good. But I know what 280 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: you mean, because I think we've all been probably had 281 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: an experience with a guy that was not necessarily the 282 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,120 Speaker 1: best person, you know, the asia dude that can get 283 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: that can brow you back out, that can brow you 284 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 1: back out right exactly sweetie pie that I had, But 285 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: you know, in the bed, it was like, well, I 286 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 1: guess I gotta compromise. I'm just you know, some months 287 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 1: before that just so he just one of the best 288 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: before sific. Okay, so that that was a deal breaker. 289 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 1: Yeah right, that was a deal breaker. Yeah, yes, was 290 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 1: it a deal breaker? Um? After three years? Oh three years, 291 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,399 Speaker 1: to be honest with you, because, to be honest with you, 292 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 1: I got to a point where I was like, god, 293 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 1: he is so sweet. He is my best friend. Uh 294 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: he came, he was there for me when I needed him. 295 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: We lived together. It's great. Like the only problem I 296 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,199 Speaker 1: have is this, like are you is? Is that a 297 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:44,399 Speaker 1: shallow issue I had to come to It's actually was 298 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 1: it an issue you? Was it an issue you couldn't 299 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: You can't fix that. All you can do is find 300 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 1: your spot and then make him be still right. Well, no, 301 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 1: it's some issues you can't fix. You know, long time 302 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 1: ago before my husband was a twinkle in my eye. 303 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,439 Speaker 1: You know, I did this dude who checked every box 304 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 1: professional fine, you know, no kids like he checked literally 305 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,920 Speaker 1: every box. We got a long, great and we finally 306 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 1: went out on a date. And when it got to 307 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: the moment of truth, as you say, I saw there 308 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 1: was something that couldn't be fixed. And I think y'all 309 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about, Like like, well it was 310 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: see by the time I found out it was like right, 311 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:32,040 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well I'll be taking an ail tonight. 312 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: You're like back to the keel ke help that more 313 00:18:46,840 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 1: conversation after the break. I want to circle back and 314 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,920 Speaker 1: for fear of of of saying something that is quite 315 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,400 Speaker 1: typical of me, I'm gonna go ahead and go there. 316 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 1: You mentioned like the reason why you why you know, 317 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: like you felt like, okay, men when they're picking a 318 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: wife is like picking someone to be with. It's like wife, mother, 319 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,399 Speaker 1: and then like the whole friend thing ends up not 320 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 1: even coming into play. And it's like, well, because I mean, 321 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 1: men have an investment in the patriarchy, so they're the 322 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: way that they're socialized and the way that they're doing, 323 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: you know, the way they do things. It's like, oh, 324 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 1: this is what a wife is. A wife is not 325 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: a friend, is a person you see as an equal. 326 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: That's a word right there. The way that men are 327 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 1: socialized in this country and all over. You know, they're 328 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: not necessarily socialized to pick because that's not the role 329 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,720 Speaker 1: that they think that their wife or made shall play. 330 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,679 Speaker 1: And that's based on the way that that you know, 331 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:52,120 Speaker 1: the messages that they're consistently given. And unfortunately, I mean, 332 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:54,399 Speaker 1: we do break out of those things from time to time, 333 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 1: but it does it does make all the sense in 334 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: the world to me. I'm actually not shocked about that 335 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 1: that you're like, oh, men, choose from these particular you know, 336 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: this outline, and that's you know, how they do it. 337 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,239 Speaker 1: The thing about is that women do choose from that 338 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: same place also, It's just that we're more likely to 339 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,480 Speaker 1: also be concerned about the other stuff too. And I 340 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:19,479 Speaker 1: would say that women also have other ways of getting 341 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: fed in that way, so that men are fine to 342 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: allow us to have. So it's that kind of thing 343 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: as long as they don't have to participate. But you know, 344 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel like I feel that when 345 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,199 Speaker 1: you're when you're thinking about actually, you know, and I 346 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,680 Speaker 1: have so many thoughts about this, obviously because I will 347 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:43,359 Speaker 1: be married this year. Oh my god, y'all twenty three years, 348 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:53,679 Speaker 1: a baby motherfucking years. Oh my goodness. I remember the 349 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: day Scott scored Scott Storage and I were in the 350 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 1: studio and the team was there, and you showed up, 351 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 1: and I remember saying, oh for teen and age and Dayton, 352 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 1: that's nice. And then y'all went on about your business 353 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 1: and I looked out the window and I watched you 354 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:16,399 Speaker 1: walk away together. I don't know why I am not 355 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 1: a store, but but I saw it. I mean, I 356 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,879 Speaker 1: just saw that. I had no idea I was I 357 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: had no idea. I mean, we didn't know. We you know, 358 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 1: you don't never know this type of stuff. You know, 359 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: you don't know if you're gonna be together a long time. 360 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 1: You hope, but you don't know. You don't know what 361 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 1: life is gonna bring. You know what I'm saying. And 362 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 1: he is my friend. He's not my only friend, you 363 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And he is fun, you know 364 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But he's not my only sorts of fun. 365 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: He is, you know, sexy, and we have a lot 366 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 1: of sexual way I said, we have a lot of 367 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,520 Speaker 1: sexual energy between us. But it's like I've learned to 368 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:01,719 Speaker 1: love myself and feel sexy, not necessarily just because you know, 369 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,440 Speaker 1: he says that I am. You know what I'm saying. 370 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: And so those are things that you know, I had 371 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 1: to learn over time, and I've got married so young. 372 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, is like I I didn't 373 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,000 Speaker 1: know that I needed to know those things or feel 374 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: those things at the time. This is just what happens 375 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 1: over time, how our relationship matures after you learn things. 376 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 1: You've been through different things together, you know. But I 377 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 1: think that starting out in a place where you enjoy 378 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:30,640 Speaker 1: one another. That's everything and you actually enjoy the person 379 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,439 Speaker 1: because we all enter into marriage for many, many different reasons, 380 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,399 Speaker 1: and a lot of times we enter into marriage for 381 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:45,680 Speaker 1: reasons that we have yet to admit to. We don't 382 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: we don't want to talk about that real, real reason. Right, 383 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 1: We got all the good surface reasons, but there'll be 384 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 1: these other reasons and these other traumas that inform that decision, 385 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: and over time, those things work their way up to 386 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 1: the surface, and it may not happen right away, and 387 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 1: it means y'all might go through a thing. Somebody might 388 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: lose a parent, or you might lose a job, or 389 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 1: you might do this, or this might happen, and then 390 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,160 Speaker 1: all those little things push up and when it comes, 391 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 1: it is that initial investment in each other. That's that 392 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: initial understanding and love for the individual and wanting to 393 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,679 Speaker 1: get to know that person, have an empathy for the 394 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 1: person that helps you able to get through that part, 395 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,760 Speaker 1: that part you can never see coming, that part you 396 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:32,480 Speaker 1: can never prepare for. Well, I really loved this conversation 397 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,440 Speaker 1: being able to talk to to two married latest vote, 398 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: y'all is younger than me, but I am a two 399 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 1: time to force say and I would like to you know, 400 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: as as I moved forward, you know, there's always I think, 401 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 1: as long as I'm alive, then there's a possibility of 402 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: be getting married. I was just I was just about 403 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,720 Speaker 1: to ask you that, are you open? You would do it? Well? 404 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,399 Speaker 1: Can I have? I'm open? Can can I ask? Jamal? 405 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 1: I always wanted to ask you this question, but I 406 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,480 Speaker 1: never had a safe space because the last time I 407 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,320 Speaker 1: talked to you, we were amongst men, and I feel 408 00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,960 Speaker 1: like this is a safe space. I wanted to ask you, 409 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,199 Speaker 1: what was it like dating and leading up to getting 410 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:17,159 Speaker 1: married at this stage of life? Like? Uh, it was? 411 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,720 Speaker 1: It was honestly better, I think because I think about 412 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,719 Speaker 1: who I was in my twenties, I think about who 413 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,120 Speaker 1: I was in my thirties. I mean, when we met, 414 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,160 Speaker 1: my husband's younger than me, right, so it's a five 415 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:30,119 Speaker 1: year age difference. And when we met, I was just 416 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,399 Speaker 1: on the cusp of turning forty. And at that point, 417 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 1: I think I was ready to make certain sacrifices, and 418 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 1: I mean that in a positive way for a relationship, 419 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 1: a healthy one that I wasn't ready to make before. 420 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,439 Speaker 1: And I just knew myself so much better. So we 421 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: came into this both relatively emotionally healthy, financially stable. A 422 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:54,919 Speaker 1: lot of the the awkwardness and emotional upheaval you go 423 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:59,120 Speaker 1: through in other stages in life, it wasn't quite there now. 424 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,199 Speaker 1: The one thing I will say that people always, you know, 425 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:06,119 Speaker 1: I've said this before, it bears repeating, like, this is 426 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: really the best thing that I've done. It's the most 427 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 1: challenging thing I've ever done, but it's the best thing 428 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,920 Speaker 1: I've ever done because marriage exposes you, and I am 429 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,960 Speaker 1: somebody who was never comfortable with that. I didn't realize 430 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:24,159 Speaker 1: until this relationship just how much I wasn't vulnerable in 431 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 1: other relationships and some of my emotional blockades that I 432 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 1: just did not know that we're there. And when you're 433 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,920 Speaker 1: in a situation and you made this kind of commitment 434 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: to somebody, it forces you to be real with yourself 435 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,359 Speaker 1: and be real with another person in ways that you 436 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:45,240 Speaker 1: just never imagine that you would do. So, despite sometimes 437 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:49,720 Speaker 1: feeling intense levels of discomfort because I'm a you know, 438 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:53,160 Speaker 1: I'm somebody, I'm a bit of an emotional porcupine um. 439 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 1: Despite feeling that having to attack this part of myself 440 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,119 Speaker 1: and really deal with it has been extremely rewarding, and 441 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,159 Speaker 1: so for the experience, I'm grateful for that because it's 442 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,120 Speaker 1: helped me unlock a part of myself that I didn't 443 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,119 Speaker 1: realize was so buried, you know, from childhood trauma and 444 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 1: a lot of other stuff. So it just I didn't 445 00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:15,120 Speaker 1: realize it was it was there. Okay, last uncomfortable question 446 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 1: because okay, so, and I want to ask this correctly too, 447 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,400 Speaker 1: because I know there's a way to ask a woman 448 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 1: this question, but I just got to know because I'm 449 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna, I feel like I'm gonna try it 450 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,240 Speaker 1: with you in a way. How do you deal with 451 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:33,920 Speaker 1: the pressures of family that you to have to be 452 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,159 Speaker 1: two children? And oh? So you know that was a 453 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,639 Speaker 1: conversation that me and my husband he rely on. It 454 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 1: was funny because when we were just dating, I told 455 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 1: him I was like, if you at the stage where 456 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,959 Speaker 1: you feel like you really want somebody who can have 457 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,879 Speaker 1: kids and that be a priority, I don't know if 458 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,439 Speaker 1: I'm the one for you. You You know, I told them 459 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: that early and so. But the funny thing is is 460 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 1: as we you know, loved and grew, I would I 461 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,720 Speaker 1: would is much more open to it. I'm not saying 462 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: that we have decided. We're still kind of figuring that out. 463 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:05,880 Speaker 1: Of course, we have to figure out fast, because girl, 464 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:10,840 Speaker 1: these ovaries is like the quiet you saying these operies 465 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 1: they like see the way these ovaries work. I don't know, 466 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,240 Speaker 1: but you ain't got no want you think. I don't know. 467 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 1: I don't know what I got. So it's like I 468 00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 1: gotta do that part first. It will just see where 469 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 1: that is. But I think because we were able to 470 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,640 Speaker 1: have the discussion that it took a lot of pressure 471 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,439 Speaker 1: off the situation. Of course, you know, as soon as 472 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 1: you get buried, everybody's like, what, we have a keydl 473 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,639 Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, I think we're able to 474 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: take an in stride. The good thing. It's not coming 475 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,959 Speaker 1: from our family. My mother is not pressuring me or 476 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 1: you know, saying hey, I want to be a grandmother 477 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 1: like his family is not that way either. So I 478 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: think from our from our inner circle, like that is 479 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 1: not a concern at all. But you know, it's one 480 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,879 Speaker 1: of those things that I think we'll probably make a 481 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,440 Speaker 1: decision one way or or another in the next two 482 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,920 Speaker 1: years for sure, to see if if this is something 483 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 1: that you know, we want to do, you know, and 484 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 1: The other thing that I'll add that kind of is 485 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,040 Speaker 1: is something that you asked in the first question, is that, 486 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: you know, the the tricky part I will say for 487 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 1: me dating at this age was that I had never 488 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 1: dated when I was on TV every day. That was 489 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: the tricky part. And so and you know, it's it's 490 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,200 Speaker 1: different when and I'm sure Jill can attest this, saying 491 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: all you ladies can, it's different when the woman is 492 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,439 Speaker 1: in the spotlight, like it's it's just different, you know. 493 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,240 Speaker 1: And he the one of the reasons why I failed 494 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:39,000 Speaker 1: for him was because he was so comfortable and so secure, 495 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 1: and that was much harder to find than I thought 496 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 1: it would be, you know, because I'm around professional athletes, 497 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: a lot of UM friends and professional athletes, and so 498 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,560 Speaker 1: a lot of men would not be good with that 499 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,360 Speaker 1: situation or just wouldn't be comfortable, wouldn't be themselves, and 500 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,000 Speaker 1: or in the media business and saying that everything that 501 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,840 Speaker 1: member reporter has been like your salary is reported on 502 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 1: all the time, right, what you're doing is reported on 503 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 1: all the time. And this was a different phase where 504 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: I had to deal with that. And even when I 505 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,600 Speaker 1: left ESPN, it was just like, oh, you know, let's 506 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,840 Speaker 1: talk about what my buyout was and all this, and 507 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 1: so you know, he handled it extremely well despite the 508 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 1: fact that sometimes you know, social media, I know that 509 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: people were saying like, oh, you know, you got yourself 510 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 1: a sugar mama like stuff like that, But that was 511 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,880 Speaker 1: never an issue in our relationship because of you know, 512 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,120 Speaker 1: how secure he is and and just emotionally mature. But 513 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: it was something that I had just not factored in 514 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: ever being an issue. And it was like, oh, I 515 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 1: gotta think about this now, like, you know, how is 516 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,680 Speaker 1: he going to handle this and everything? And it um 517 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,720 Speaker 1: he handled it exceptionally well and being able to have 518 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 1: someone that isn't a fan. See, Jill, I'm so glad 519 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 1: you said that because people don't get this. And me 520 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: and my girl who also is on TV, we talked 521 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,479 Speaker 1: about this a lot. Is that it's one thing if 522 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,160 Speaker 1: they're show an interest in your job, okay, or interesting 523 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,480 Speaker 1: what you do, but it's just the way that you 524 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,840 Speaker 1: do it. And being that I worked for a place 525 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 1: that pretty much ninety percent of the male population, you 526 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:15,080 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying center watching ESPN, you know, the 527 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:19,240 Speaker 1: easiest way to basically kill my libido is if I'm 528 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 1: talking to you and you asked me what Steven A 529 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 1: Smith like, I'm like, I don't give a funk about 530 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:27,200 Speaker 1: seven A Smith Like right now, he ain't okay, right, So, 531 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 1: like if they got just too excited about like what 532 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: I did of like really good, Like I don't need, 533 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 1: you know, I don't want I don't want to play 534 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: around the horn when I get home. I don't want 535 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 1: to play ESPN when I get home. Right, So it 536 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 1: is that fine line between appreciating, understanding, supporting what you 537 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 1: do and then being a fan. We know what a 538 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 1: fan boy is, and you know there are male groupies. 539 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,719 Speaker 1: I mean there are, yeah. So it's just like I 540 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: ran it to that type a few times and it 541 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 1: was such a turn off because I'm like, man, I'm 542 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 1: I don't wanna you know, I don't want to date 543 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: anybody who's like so into more to my job than 544 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: into me. And I can imagine you're You're right down 545 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:14,320 Speaker 1: their lane. You're in the lane everywhere they want to be, Like, man, 546 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:19,800 Speaker 1: all their dreams can come true. But I gotta tell you, though, Jamal, 547 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 1: it was might get your song played on the right 548 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:29,360 Speaker 1: DEO station. That's the thing like trying to find somebody 549 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 1: that is not a fan of yours but appreciates what 550 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,440 Speaker 1: you do and isn't I had a date asked me 551 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 1: one time, how did I feel to be an icon? 552 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 1: But that's such a weird question. I'm from a date. 553 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,120 Speaker 1: Now you've been right out? How to get out of it? Jail? Like, 554 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:50,040 Speaker 1: how do I get so? Wait? What what did you say? 555 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: I'm not doing interviews today? And then how long? Much 556 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: longer was the date? Not much longer? Oh? Dang, it 557 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,239 Speaker 1: so nice to see you, so nice to meet you. 558 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,120 Speaker 1: I he wasn't kind enough for you to get past that. 559 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 1: It was very attractive, but that is just not That's 560 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 1: not enough. I don't need that. Like I said, I'm 561 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:14,120 Speaker 1: a two time de boss, right, I don't have time patience. 562 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: I know what I want to know what I don't. 563 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 1: I've I've learned what I don't want to do. Spend 564 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,720 Speaker 1: a journey, yes, ma'am, and I don't want to make 565 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:28,240 Speaker 1: the same mistakes period. Also to add like not for nothing, Jamal, 566 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,480 Speaker 1: it was great to watch your love story because, on 567 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,360 Speaker 1: top of all the other things we just talked about, 568 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 1: you are also perceived as a very I love and 569 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,120 Speaker 1: hate this word at the same time. So, Jill, you're 570 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:42,959 Speaker 1: the word person finessing and them for me strong black woman. Okay, 571 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 1: so it was that's a loaded word, right, strong. It's 572 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,040 Speaker 1: so it's so loaded because I feel like it's a 573 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,280 Speaker 1: whole pressure that's thrown on us and everything else because 574 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,520 Speaker 1: we also understand it with most of us strong black women, 575 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 1: we are weak at times and we are not allowed 576 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,120 Speaker 1: to be. But my point being is that it just 577 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,080 Speaker 1: made it just it was just great to see. It 578 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: was just great to see a love story. Can I 579 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:07,280 Speaker 1: you know, like I'm I was just being honest. Yeah, 580 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,440 Speaker 1: that's a that's a better that's a better word for us, 581 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 1: because yeah, because it's strong though it is a double 582 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,360 Speaker 1: ed short while I know it's meant complimentary because men 583 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,280 Speaker 1: as a compliment. The problem is that people start to 584 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 1: think that we're invincible, and it's like, no, no, we're 585 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,960 Speaker 1: not invincible. They be weak, Yeah they don't. And I 586 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,240 Speaker 1: think we don't allow ourselves to be that either. We 587 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: start buying into the hype as well, and so that's 588 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 1: why a lot of us we come to a point 589 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,800 Speaker 1: we still we look around and we we realize that 590 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: we are falling apart, and we didn't even know it. 591 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:42,600 Speaker 1: I use this analogy a lot because emotionally, I want 592 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: to have a better understanding of myself, which is one 593 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,000 Speaker 1: of the main reasons I went to to therapy a 594 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 1: few years ago. But, um, I don't want to be 595 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 1: Big Mama from Soul Food. When she was her forearm 596 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: was on the stove burning up, but she had no idea. 597 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,760 Speaker 1: Like right, it's like Big Bama's forearms on the stove 598 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: burned up and she had no idea to be just 599 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 1: makes her family is as happy and good. Correct. I 600 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 1: don't want to be Big Mama with the forearm on 601 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 1: the stove from so Food. Right. So it's like I think, 602 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 1: I try to, you know, find spaces where it's okay 603 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,840 Speaker 1: for me to just kind of fall apart in the moment. 604 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 1: It feels, you know, and you can pick yourself up. 605 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,000 Speaker 1: It feels good. You're like, who, I got that out, 606 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 1: Thank God. Now I can go about the rest of 607 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,799 Speaker 1: my day. I just like to see you. I like 608 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 1: to see it. It makes me feel so good to 609 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 1: see this strong, beautiful black woman handling and dealing with 610 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:42,000 Speaker 1: this industry. And when I say in this industry, I 611 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,879 Speaker 1: just mean entertainment, even though it's a sports industry. It's 612 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: also entertainment. He said the right word, Yeah, entertainment. It's 613 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 1: so attractive. It makes it so much better to know 614 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,480 Speaker 1: you've got somewhere to fall. I'm just saying because with 615 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,440 Speaker 1: everything that Jill says, I watch you, and as I 616 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 1: listened to you, I'm like, when where I hope she 617 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: got somewhere to fall, like and she wants to just 618 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 1: feel weak when she wants to just like breathe. It's 619 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,239 Speaker 1: a lot on it. The other thing I hope that 620 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 1: people got, at least from I guess watching my love 621 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:12,759 Speaker 1: story is that I hope they were aware of my 622 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,239 Speaker 1: age too, because there's like this narrative that you know, 623 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,040 Speaker 1: I'm I'm forty five. There's this narrative that if it 624 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,480 Speaker 1: doesn't happen by the time you X aged, then it 625 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: ain't never gonna happen and it can't be as good. 626 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 1: And it's it's like there's I always knew I was 627 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,439 Speaker 1: gonna get married later in life. Always knew it because 628 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,799 Speaker 1: I was so career driven and I didn't want to. 629 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:33,880 Speaker 1: You know, I made that choice, and I made it 630 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,640 Speaker 1: consciously and I made it unapologetically. It's like, no, I 631 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 1: really want to pour x amount of energy into my career, 632 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,000 Speaker 1: Exhaust that, and then I'm gonna get to a point 633 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,920 Speaker 1: where I've done what I've had to do and I 634 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 1: can then do what I want to do. Right, So 635 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,399 Speaker 1: now I can do what I want to do now 636 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,880 Speaker 1: that if let's say my husband got a job, you know, Paraguay, 637 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 1: I could go to Paraguay. That's right, right, So it's 638 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: like I wanted to I laid the foundation for that. 639 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,560 Speaker 1: Did I love that? Because I think because to me, 640 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 1: I feel like there's this thing where black women we 641 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,520 Speaker 1: have to apologize for saying what we want. It's like, 642 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,400 Speaker 1: that's just unbelievable. It's like, why not, why not? This 643 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,720 Speaker 1: is exactly the life that I wanted. Like I chose 644 00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,719 Speaker 1: this life. I didn't freaking stumble and do it. It's like, 645 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,800 Speaker 1: and it's okay to say, oh, oh, I was focused 646 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 1: and I didn't think about it, and but oh, I 647 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,919 Speaker 1: know what she says, I intentionally made this decision, which 648 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,919 Speaker 1: I think is really important because it's like, no, yes, 649 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 1: that is some people's story and that's fine, but all 650 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,719 Speaker 1: our stories don't have to be the same, and that 651 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,400 Speaker 1: there is a very you know, it's a way to 652 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:54,240 Speaker 1: live your life intentionally more conversation after the break. So anyway, 653 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 1: like I've always talking about people having their personal constitutions 654 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,239 Speaker 1: and stuff like that, and I just love to know, like, 655 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,879 Speaker 1: you know, what is the constitution that you have, Like 656 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,520 Speaker 1: maybe not the whole thing, but can you give us 657 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,359 Speaker 1: some like key points on your conscert the constitution you 658 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:27,520 Speaker 1: have between you, Like look, all right, damn okay, y'all 659 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:33,719 Speaker 1: should that's like I feel like I should start off 660 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:41,000 Speaker 1: with four scores seven years ago? I mean, right there, 661 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,320 Speaker 1: you know the question to ask I know. I was like, 662 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,880 Speaker 1: but that's all right, i'mnna steal that question. I'm gonna ask, 663 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,480 Speaker 1: can you those people? He say? That's like, yeah, no, 664 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:53,279 Speaker 1: you know what for me, I think what I and 665 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,239 Speaker 1: I mean this is obviously metaphorically. I don't mean this 666 00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 1: literally the promise that I made him or under our constitution, 667 00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:03,640 Speaker 1: I promised to be naked with him. I did, And 668 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,680 Speaker 1: so I was like, I didn't mean that literally. I 669 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:13,680 Speaker 1: meant that metaphorically, as in big just showing your faults. Correct. 670 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,120 Speaker 1: It's like, I just I promised to be naked with 671 00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:18,400 Speaker 1: him because the one good thing about us is that 672 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 1: we emotionally balance each other out. My husband is the 673 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,960 Speaker 1: type of person that when he feels it, he says 674 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,840 Speaker 1: it right. So not in a rude way or not 675 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 1: in a I don't know how to watch, you know 676 00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:30,880 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, But like he is, so you know 677 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,719 Speaker 1: that way he's He's always been more emotionally mature than 678 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,440 Speaker 1: I am. Like when something bothers him, he gets it 679 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,279 Speaker 1: off his chest. You always know where you're staying with him, right, 680 00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:45,360 Speaker 1: I'm totally opposite. I stu I'm married. I think about 681 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:49,120 Speaker 1: things for a long time before I say something like 682 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 1: you might piss me off. Last April, so you and 683 00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:56,799 Speaker 1: my husband y'all came off. I don't know what I mean, 684 00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,719 Speaker 1: I know why I like this. I mean, which trust me, 685 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,920 Speaker 1: that's a whole another podcast. But okay, all right. I 686 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,279 Speaker 1: was like, you'll probably have addressed it, I'm sure, but um, 687 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,080 Speaker 1: but but that in that way it forces me to 688 00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,239 Speaker 1: be more open and to be more naked and to 689 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 1: say like, hey, I didn't like this, or hey I'm 690 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,880 Speaker 1: feeling this way today, because there are sometimes you know, 691 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,160 Speaker 1: like he made a joke points and it took me 692 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,400 Speaker 1: three hours to tell him that. I was just like, 693 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,239 Speaker 1: I don't know, were you kidding or was that like 694 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,640 Speaker 1: that kind of other be a little and he's like, 695 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 1: why does it take you so long? I was like, 696 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,800 Speaker 1: I don't know, because I'm funked up. I have no idea, 697 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:37,279 Speaker 1: you know. So, so in that way we are. I 698 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,880 Speaker 1: do think that a lot of times we are attracted 699 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,960 Speaker 1: to people or attract people who are strong in the 700 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,279 Speaker 1: area that we wish we were stronger, and so he 701 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,279 Speaker 1: is stronger in that area than me, and so that 702 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 1: also is part of our constitution, is being each other's 703 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,680 Speaker 1: emotional balancing points. But most but I had to, you know, 704 00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 1: promise to be naked with him, because I spent so 705 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 1: much time time I think, kind of hiding myself in 706 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:05,320 Speaker 1: other relationships and I didn't want this one to be 707 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 1: that way. I've certainly made my mistakes on that end, 708 00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:12,319 Speaker 1: but I think that I'm so much further along than 709 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:16,759 Speaker 1: I think I because it's because I'm, like you said, 710 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:21,680 Speaker 1: you're not emotionally mature. But this is all, oh my god, 711 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,800 Speaker 1: and and honestly, I feel like this is something that 712 00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,759 Speaker 1: really just happens to women when they are if we're 713 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,480 Speaker 1: not all women, obviously it's not the same, but it's 714 00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,160 Speaker 1: something about being over forty or being close to forty, 715 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,239 Speaker 1: that gives you that kind of perspective that really is 716 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,120 Speaker 1: a heads up in this game. Because the marriage game, 717 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,560 Speaker 1: like you said, it's hard. So if you can come 718 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:44,240 Speaker 1: into it at that place in your life, you're actually 719 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,880 Speaker 1: have really at an advantage, you know, in a lot 720 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,640 Speaker 1: of ways to have it be successful. So you know 721 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,440 Speaker 1: again that thinking about being at some sort of disadvantage 722 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,560 Speaker 1: at this age, No, the the core of marriage and 723 00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,399 Speaker 1: what it takes to be married if you can come 724 00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,520 Speaker 1: in with it with the kind of life arians and 725 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:04,839 Speaker 1: self awareness that you and your husband have. And also 726 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:08,560 Speaker 1: you also got a massive head started mac surely you 727 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,160 Speaker 1: know that had some coins. That's one less fight to have, 728 00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,320 Speaker 1: especially considering that so many people break up because of that. 729 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:17,719 Speaker 1: But we both came in, you know, very established, and 730 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,680 Speaker 1: and that part, you know, I think it was really good. 731 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:24,680 Speaker 1: And also we both came in not feeling like we 732 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,399 Speaker 1: were missing anything, you know, like when you know, when 733 00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:32,480 Speaker 1: I was in other relationships, I certainly you know, had 734 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,760 Speaker 1: those experiences and that was fine. But when I was single, 735 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,560 Speaker 1: I was single, and so I didn't come in like, 736 00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,520 Speaker 1: oh what about that time? I was like, I wish 737 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 1: I would have done. Nope, I did that. Oh but 738 00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,160 Speaker 1: yep I did that too. So like there was nothing 739 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,120 Speaker 1: that I was missing. I wasn't gonna be sitting up 740 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,200 Speaker 1: at night like, damn, I wonder what it would be 741 00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,960 Speaker 1: like already did it? Yeah, industry when a lot of 742 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,960 Speaker 1: men this, Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just my personal fantasy, 743 00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,080 Speaker 1: but I was. I was like, I see that bust combiding. 744 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,640 Speaker 1: It was because well that's the one thing I stayed 745 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,960 Speaker 1: out of my industry. Too good for you guy, Just 746 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:09,000 Speaker 1: for the record, Yeah, that's very smart. So that because 747 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,719 Speaker 1: I was like, I'll be there, You'll be talking about 748 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:15,279 Speaker 1: my vaginant in the streets. Thank you, thank you. I 749 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:18,120 Speaker 1: had to stay out right back to that joint, Salnce, 750 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,759 Speaker 1: that's my mom. She was like, listen, if you gotta 751 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:24,279 Speaker 1: deal with anybody, just one person around the way, just 752 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:29,200 Speaker 1: one Wisely, I wanna tell my little this is one 753 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:35,319 Speaker 1: per crew just on her. Well, in the same crew. 754 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,359 Speaker 1: I'm saying, it's the same thing. You know what I'm saying. 755 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,320 Speaker 1: I'm jumping around, girl. But at the moment, I just 756 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:45,120 Speaker 1: want to say, Jamal, thank you for inspiring a whole 757 00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:50,279 Speaker 1: group of women like myself with saying that you want 758 00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,520 Speaker 1: to make sure that people understand that you did this 759 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,640 Speaker 1: at this age and all the positivity that came with it, 760 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,799 Speaker 1: and giving us hope that it could still happen for us, 761 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,960 Speaker 1: because you know, something we lose it, but that's why 762 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:04,640 Speaker 1: we have sisters and black women like it could. Definitely, 763 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,760 Speaker 1: it definitely could, and it's nothing I could have predicted. 764 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,879 Speaker 1: I mean, I went to a tailgate at my alma mater, 765 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,799 Speaker 1: Michigan State, and I had no idea I was gonna 766 00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:17,640 Speaker 1: be my husband. So it just you never know, you know. 767 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:20,840 Speaker 1: And so um, I think because I wasn't building my 768 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:26,080 Speaker 1: life around that, like if it happened, looking wasn't looking. 769 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,279 Speaker 1: I wasn't looking, and it wasn't something that. It wasn't 770 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,359 Speaker 1: something that I felt like I needed to complete me either, 771 00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 1: And I think that like that can't see y'all, but 772 00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:41,560 Speaker 1: y'r eyes, I have to feel they heard. I listened 773 00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,759 Speaker 1: to your man's true. It's like, you know, it's a 774 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,000 Speaker 1: phrase athletes used all the time, Let the game come 775 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:51,080 Speaker 1: to you, and it says like I didn't. I didn't, 776 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,719 Speaker 1: I wasn't, I wasn't looking, So it just kind of 777 00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:58,160 Speaker 1: materialized and happened, and I was coming out of a 778 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,160 Speaker 1: nine year relationship, I had been one, so I was like, WHOA, 779 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,160 Speaker 1: I'll put loose, fancy free like I would be. I'm 780 00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:06,160 Speaker 1: gonna enjoy this part. And then next thing I know, 781 00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:13,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, I've been love what happened. I love what happened. 782 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:17,600 Speaker 1: But see, I like the fact that you said, y'all 783 00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:19,840 Speaker 1: you wanted to be naked with him. You started with 784 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:23,680 Speaker 1: the naked, with the literal naked. She didn't. We worked 785 00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:29,080 Speaker 1: that way up the metal to the emotional nacker, emotional knocker, 786 00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:32,120 Speaker 1: and I just want to circle back to the physical 787 00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:37,279 Speaker 1: knacker because I feel that I feel sick, feel there 788 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:41,160 Speaker 1: is a certain level of intimacy about just that whole 789 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:47,200 Speaker 1: being together naked with no just like and that's special. 790 00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:56,560 Speaker 1: Fateen Uh get your ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so 791 00:44:56,800 --> 00:45:00,960 Speaker 1: much to Jamal Hill. Thank you for being with you 792 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:06,120 Speaker 1: smashed up after when we want to spoon and it's 793 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:09,040 Speaker 1: like right there, you want his back and I'm sorry, ahead, 794 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:13,440 Speaker 1: I'm sorry you got damn Hill. Jamale Hill, thank you 795 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:18,120 Speaker 1: so much for being the podcast with these two fools 796 00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:36,400 Speaker 1: and myself. I was on Jamal Hill is unbothered recently 797 00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:40,320 Speaker 1: and if you enjoyed that conversation, then you will definitely 798 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:44,399 Speaker 1: enjoy what we talked about on her podcast Billing Check 799 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,960 Speaker 1: it out. Hey, what's up everybody? This is Jamale Hill, 800 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,719 Speaker 1: host of the Spotify podcast Jamal Hill is Unbothered. Make 801 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,640 Speaker 1: sure you check out season three because we have a 802 00:45:54,760 --> 00:46:00,800 Speaker 1: spectacular guest lineup which includes Jill Scott and also Michael B. Jordan's. 803 00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:04,560 Speaker 1: This season is going to be amazing or dare I 804 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:21,520 Speaker 1: say golden? Sorry, y'all, I couldn't resist. Hi if you 805 00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:24,960 Speaker 1: have comments on something he said in this episode called 806 00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:28,399 Speaker 1: eight six six, Hey, Jill, if you want to add 807 00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:31,879 Speaker 1: to this conversation, that's eight six six four three nine 808 00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:35,000 Speaker 1: five four five by don't forget to tell us your 809 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:38,360 Speaker 1: name and the episode you're referring to. You might just 810 00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:42,160 Speaker 1: hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for 811 00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:46,080 Speaker 1: listening to Jill Scott presents Jay dot Il the podcast. 812 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:49,840 Speaker 1: This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair 813 00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:54,320 Speaker 1: and agent Graden Danceler. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, 814 00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:57,879 Speaker 1: Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by La st 815 00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,399 Speaker 1: Clair and me Eve. Jeff Hope. The editing and sound 816 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:09,200 Speaker 1: design for this episode, We're done by Christina Loranger. Qucumbers 817 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,920 Speaker 1: is good for your ass, the good for for for 818 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:24,000 Speaker 1: for losing weight. Uh, they might be good when you're lonely. Lonely, Okay, 819 00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:30,600 Speaker 1: all right, and let the I see we already away always. 820 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,200 Speaker 1: J dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. 821 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:41,880 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i 822 00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:46,400 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 823 00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:47,600 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.