WEBVTT - Big Words for Being Cheap with Chelsea + Catherine 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:04.800 Good afternoon, everybody. It's me Chesty hand Job Libert and 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:08.360 Catherine Low Oh hello, Hi, Oh my god, you guys. 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:11.840 I was in Tennessee all weekend. I had dates in 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:16.640 I performed at Graceland, I performed in Knoxville and then Chattanooga, 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:19.439 so I thought, for sure, you know, there was going 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:21.040 to be trouble, and there never is. 0:00:21.120 --> 0:00:23.159 They were like three of the greatest tour shows of 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:24.400 my tour so far. 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:25.160 That's awesome. 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:26.800 And Tulsa was another highlight. 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:29.640 All these random places that I'm like, I don't want 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:31.760 to go there because you know how I feel about Florida, 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:34.279 which listen, I know you guys are all dming me 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:37.479 about Florida, and I know that I have fans in Florida, 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:39.920 and I have friends in Florida that I want to see, 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:42.760 and I have relatives that my Rabbi lives in Florida. 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:45.640 So nothing would make me happier than to go to Florida. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.200 But I mean, the only stance I could take politically 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:51.120 that matters is an economic one. And while it may 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:53.080 not make a difference if I don't go on tour there, 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.240 like hopefully other artists are feeling the same way. And 0:00:55.280 --> 0:00:58.440 will do the same thing because it's just not a 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:01.640 place that I'm going to contribute when the laws are 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:02.640 so discriminatory. 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:05.840 The NAACP just put out a travel warning for the. 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:11.280 LGBTQ community and all African Americans that Florida is a 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:12.240 hostile environment. 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.160 It's basically one large sundown town. 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:19.880 It's exactly like that. Speaking of sundowners. I was on 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:23.080 a plane to Memphis this weekend going to perform at Graceland. Right, 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:25.640 this is my first time ever. So we went to Graceland, 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:29.080 but more on that later. And this man sat down 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:33.000 behind me. He was older, seventy ish. He was next 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:36.640 to a fifty year oldish and I was sitting next 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:40.559 to the man's wife, I think, and I was reading 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:43.840 my book. I'm reading Andrea Augusty's book right now, which 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.760 is really good, cool, and it's worth reading. 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:47.280 Because he was addicted to Crystal Beth. 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.160 I like, and his whole childhood about being controlled by 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:52.640 his father. But I love any addiction story, and I 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:55.080 like any affair story. I want to hear about cheating 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.280 and drugs. That's what I'm interested in. So I heard 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:00.559 this guy, the older man, and talk. 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:02.120 And he's like, oh, yeah, where you from? Where? 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:05.040 He had just come from Manila or something, and he 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:07.400 was like, oh, where are you from? And he goes, yeah, 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:09.880 you know, I somehow they just got right to guns. 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:12.839 And the guy goes, no, I just I want I'm 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.240 never giving my gun. They talk about giving our guns away. 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:17.919 I'm never giving my guns away. I don't trust this government. 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:20.079 And I'm gonna you're gonna have to shoot me if 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:21.880 you want my guns. You know what my guns are 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:23.880 for if the wrong person walks up to my door. 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:27.519 And so I give me a chill down. My fine. 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.160 So I turned around and between the two seats and 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:30.600 put my. 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:33.520 Popped my head in and said, please stop talking like that, 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:36.040 because what you're talking about right now is murder and 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:38.960 I don't want to hear about it. And the older 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.280 man was like oh, Like clearly he had never had 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:44.400 anyone call him out on any ray. He was like, oh, sorry, sorry, 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:46.560 Like it was first they don't realize what they're sing 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.560 acceptable conversation to be having in a public space, you know, 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:52.160 never mind in a private one. But anyway, we weren't 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:55.520 in private space. And so he stopped and then they 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:57.120 were quiet for a couple of minutes. And then they 0:02:57.120 --> 0:02:59.280 picked back up again, but this time he was talking 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:02.120 about and how the country's going to hell in a 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:05.160 handbasket because of all of the immigrants, and it's Biden's 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.280 fault and he hopes somebody shoots him before the election. 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:08.160 WOA. 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:10.480 Then I got up for the second time to get 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:13.240 my bag over my overhead bin to get my headphones 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:15.280 in so that I didn't have to listen to this nonsense. 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:17.400 And while I was standing, I said, do you know 0:03:17.440 --> 0:03:20.680 how racist and disgusting you sound? I'm sorry, do you 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:22.560 know how racist and disgusting you are? 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:23.320 Yeah? 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:25.400 And the both of the men just looked at me 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:26.880 and didn't say anything. 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.959 And he was like, what, I go racist? You are 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:30.920 a racist? 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:33.400 And because what do you think they're talking about when 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:34.280 they say the wrong person? 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:35.840 We know what I said? 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:37.160 Do you know that there was a boy that was 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:39.560 just shot three weeks ago because he was picking up 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:42.280 his two younger brothers and he accidentally went to the 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.480 wrong house, an innocent boy who was shot by a man. 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:46.760 Like you do you know that? 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:50.440 And then the guy just couldn't even respond, and my 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:53.400 heart was beating out of my chest. Yeah, and his 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.760 wife was like hiding in the corner for me, and 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:57.720 so I was like, oh, great, here we go, you know, 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:00.400 but I was shaking, and I was like, I couldn't 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:02.720 not say something because I just wouldn't be able to. 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:05.720 I wouldn't be happy with myself if I didn't. Anyway, 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:07.640 I sat down, and as I was sitting down, the 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:11.280 fifty year old Ish guy said, why don't you mind 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:12.640 your own fucking business? 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.200 Pretty hard to do when they're talking in your direction. 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:17.440 I said, in excuse me, what did you What did 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.839 you just say? I would love, I would love to 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.880 mind my own business, but unfortunately we're in a public 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:25.559 place and all I could hear is you talking about 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:26.680 murdering people. 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:29.320 And then then they didn't talk again. 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:30.800 You can talk about anything else. 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:33.760 It's not working. Actually, just you now you're suspended. 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:37.360 Yes, yes, it was so disgusting to think like that casually. 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:38.880 And then I was like, oh, remind yourself. You're on 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:40.680 your way to Memphis. And then I thought, oh god, 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:41.600 this is going to be tough. 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:43.440 And I have to tell you, Memphis was one of 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:45.400 the most moving trips because we went to go see 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:48.760 where Martin Luther King was shot at the Lorraine Hotel and. 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:50.719 Right next door to it. They have they have bought 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:51.040 in the. 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:54.560 Hot Boughton, Oh god, they've that's from the guy on 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:54.880 the plane. 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:57.559 I learned that from Boughton they had bought. 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:00.679 They have bought, they have who knows what the churches 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.440 they have purchased the hotel. The hotel's part of the 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:05.600 Civil Rights Museum, and the Civil Rights museum that they 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:08.560 had in Memphis was phenomenal. It was at least like 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:12.200 a two hour ninety minutes to two hour minimum time, 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.760 which I appreciate that kind of information. It was so comprehensive, 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:19.440 all about MLK Junior and about all the other people 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:22.080 who had stood up for something for the first time 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:23.840 and real heroes. 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:26.000 Well, and I'm glad it's part of the museum. I 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:27.960 know you had posted a picture of the hotel, and 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:30.440 I guess I just didn't even realize it was at 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:33.280 a hotel. You know, that wasn't where I pictured. I 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:34.760 don't know where I did picture it happening. 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:36.719 But so you can in the museum. 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.160 I in the tour, you walk in and you at 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.640 the end it is you see the hotel room exactly 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:44.200 how it was. But I didn't realize Martin Luther King 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.920 was only five foote seven. I realized that in the picture. 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:47.760 I'm like, how did I. 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:48.240 Not know that? 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:49.520 Yeah, he was not super tall. 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:49.839 I know. 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:50.520 Interesting. 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:51.640 I always think that. 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:54.280 I don't know why that's interesting, but it is for 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:55.120 some reason to me. 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:58.359 Because it's a man of stature. Al right, yeah, yeah. 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.520 But I mean, statue does an equal height, clearly, but 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:01.680 there's also an you know. 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:04.440 And then we went to grace Lann. 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.880 We got a tour of Graceland right before I performed there, 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:09.680 and that was really cool. I didn't expect it to 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:11.720 be that cool. I was like, oh, I mean, I'm 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:13.960 not a huge like Elvis fan. I mean, obviously I 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.640 respect what he did and how meaningful he was, but 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:18.839 I don't care about that stuff anyway. I was like 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:22.839 into the tour. We saw his house. They it's so cool. 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:25.200 And it's still done. Yeah, Like how was there? 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:26.039 It's yeah. 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:29.600 And then they have had Lisa Marie Presley's casket there 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:33.080 already next to her son who died during COVID, and 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:36.080 then him and his parents, and I guess Priscilla Presley 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:37.680 was just denied to be buried there. 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:38.279 Oh. 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:41.960 She wanted to be buried with her family, which seems right. Yeah, 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:44.880 and she is a major part of his legacy. Like 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.640 I don't know, but maybe her and her granddaughter. I 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:48.680 don't know what the deal is with that. 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:50.480 They just have a lot of sam and drama. 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:52.200 Anyway, the woman at the thing was like, oh no, 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:54.479 Priscilla's not being buried here. I'm like, okay, copy that. 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:57.559 I won't ask again. But yeah, so that was cool. 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:59.240 And then we went to doll Leywood. 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:03.600 I had a full time an experience, and Knoxville was amazing. 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:06.360 Chattanooga was also so much fun. I just love going 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:08.480 to these southern towns. But I mean, I'm just gonna 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:10.480 have to keep crossing states off my list with all 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:12.440 of the legislation that is being passed. 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:15.320 Right, I mean, Texas is a huge place to perform. 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:17.200 I mean there's so many cities there that I go to, 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:19.680 and I'm like, all right, what am I doing about Texas? 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.400 Yeah, it's like, can you just go to Austin? Probably not, 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:23.600 you know, you got a lot more. 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:26.280 Oh you can, But do I want to? 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:26.680 Right? 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:28.840 Is that the right thing to do? So I have 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:30.840 to really consider all of those things. I want to 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:33.280 be really responsible and back up my action my words 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:35.720 with actions, not just you know. 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:37.280 Well, I mean I know, you know a friend of 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.760 mine who is you know, traveling and performing as well. 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:43.000 She has been trying to get pregnant with her husband 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:45.920 and she had had an abortion that she had to 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:49.680 have because of an ectopic pregnancy a year ago. And 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.119 she basically was like, there's places I can't go because 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:56.560 if I need an emergency treatment for an ectopic pregnancy 0:07:56.680 --> 0:07:59.200 or something else, which is like in her situation, more 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:01.480 likely to happen again. She's like, I just can't go 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.480 to these places. Yeah, it's right now, and that's not 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:08.240 safe for women, not safe for a lot of people. Well, Chelsea, 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:10.840 I have an update from a caller, and I'm really 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:13.960 excited about this one. I might have cried a little 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:18.280 bit reading it, but this is from Anna who called 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:20.960 in about her dental work that she needed help with. 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:23.560 And she you know, had a lot of guilt and 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:27.120 shame around her eating disorder which had caused the need 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.800 for this dental work. And so we talked to her 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:34.439 through that and Dear Chelsea listeners contributed to her gofund me, 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:39.920 which was really exciting. Anna says, Dear Chelsea wanted to 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.920 send y'all an update. First, I can't even begin to 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:45.960 express the depth of my gratitude to you, Chelsea Otsco 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:48.760 and the entire Dear Chelsea family for the outpouring of 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:51.880 support you've shown me in the last few months. Since 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:54.600 the podcast in December, the Ana from Dear Chelsea go 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.920 fund me page has raised over fourteen five hundred dollars 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:01.000 for my dental fund, and as of today, seven hundred 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:04.800 and twenty three people have donated. Oh these numbers speak 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.480 volumes to the power and compassion of the community that 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:10.880 you've cultivated through this podcast. From the bottom of my heart, 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:13.600 thank you, thank you, thank you. As a non profit 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:16.840 professional and marketer, I know the importance of sharing impact 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:19.800 stories to help people better understand the power of their donation. 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:22.880 So here's how you've changed my life to your Chelsea fam. 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:25.439 Over the last five months, I have gone to the 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:28.920 dentist monthly for batches of procedures aimed at repairing and 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.960 healing my teeth. In January, I went for a set 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:35.320 of procedures to repair three teeth and crowns. Unfortunately, it 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.240 was too late to salvage one of those teeth and 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:40.079 it had to be extracted. Ah but wait, there's more. 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:42.880 That could have been the end of that story, and 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.280 I would have had to live the rest of my 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:48.440 life missing a very important tooth. But thankfully the GoFundMe 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:50.640 allowed me to say yes to the process of a 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.720 bone graft and eventually an implant to help me salvage 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:57.480 that moler. Undoubtedly, being able to tackle these procedures with 0:09:57.640 --> 0:10:00.840 urgency is saving many more of my teeth that otherwise 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:02.600 I would not have been able to attend to for 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:06.720 years due to financial limitations. My dentists confirmed this and 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:09.120 wanted me to make sure I sent this gratitude to 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:11.920 the dear Chelsea community for your support in this process. 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:15.880 Y'all have changed my life profoundly, not only with your donations, 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:19.319 but with your compassionate and empathetic messages on the GoFundMe 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:21.960 as well. Thank you for helping me heal on so 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.440 many levels. I'm forever grateful. Anna. 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:26.080 Oh I love it. 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:30.240 Yeah, well, it's awesome. It's so exciting. 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:32.640 I see what happens when people care and are nice 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:36.120 and caring and sweet and empathetic and compassionate instead of 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:37.120 buying fucking guns. 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:41.840 For sure, and also, like Anna came to us with 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:45.240 this issue, and was so vulnerable and open about the 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:49.240 shame she felt and guilt she felt, and that I 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:52.280 think for me was what was so moving about her story. 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:55.160 Is like she wasn't actually even here asking for money. 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.920 She was like talking about what she'd gone through, why 0:10:57.960 --> 0:10:59.800 she felt like she'd done it to herself, and why 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:02.400 she deserved it when like none of that is true, 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:05.000 is all just head trash, and she deserves all the 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:05.840 good things. 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:09.079 Absolutely, and a beautiful smile is everything. 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:13.080 Yes, Well, we are back with our sponsored segment, calling 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.640 in back up with Better Help, and we have a 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:19.200 brand new therapist to help us out today, licensed marriage 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:23.959 and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at Betterhelp, 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:24.920 Courtney Cope. 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:27.920 Hello, Courtney Cope, what's happening. 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:31.320 Oh, it's good to be here. Thank you for having me. 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:33.760 Oh yeah, Well, we love Better Help and we love 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:35.160 referring people to Better Help. 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:39.720 Yes, we love therapy. Well, we have kind of a 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.920 really tough question that we're gonna have Courtney help us 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:47.040 out with. Priscilla says dear Chelsea. I'm twenty five years 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:50.000 old and just finished graduate school. I've been with my 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:53.320 boyfriend for over four years. We're young. I know, but 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.480 I'm in a phase in life where I feel it's 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.640 time to decide if this is the person I'm marrying 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:01.559 or not. I love him so oh dearly. He's everything 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:03.680 that most women in my age complain about not being 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:07.160 able to find. He's sensitive, in touch with his emotions, 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:10.600 an excellent communicator, and he tries so hard at everything 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:14.640 he does. The problem, however, is that he's severely depressed. 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:18.480 He's been hospitalized twice for his mental illness and continues 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:22.240 seeking treatment today. He never gives up even when things 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:25.400 are really hard. He always takes his medication and is 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:28.680 extremely willing to try any and everything to help. But 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:32.600 despite his best efforts, nothing seems to really alleviate his hurting. 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:35.000 I don't know if I can live in fear of 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:37.720 him dying from this my whole life. I want children, 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:39.560 and I don't want them to lose a parent that 0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:42.079 way either. Any advice, Priscilla. 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:46.120 Wow, such an important question, and first of all, I 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:49.360 just want to commend this person for really weighing the 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:53.080 importance of this decision regarding a long term partnership and 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.960 potentially bringing children into the world together with someone. So 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:00.400 kudos to this person for wanting to make a thoughtful 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:04.920 decision here. Second of all, I think the broad theme 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:06.880 to this question is the one that we see a 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:11.000 lot in the therapy office, and that theme is I 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:14.080 love my partner, and they have so many great qualities, 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.640 and here's all the things I value about them, but 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:22.000 there's also this other thing that has me questioning if 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:24.520 we're a good fit. And so one of the biggest 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:28.200 pitfalls I see when people are asking this question in 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:32.280 their relationships is to make it specifically about their partner 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:36.319 or their partner's behavior, or their partner's issues alone, meaning, 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.200 my partner has this thing, and if this one thing 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.520 could go away, then we could move forward and everything 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:45.600 would be great. So instead, what I find to be 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:48.640 really helpful for people who may find themselves and you know, 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:50.840 listeners who may be listening to this and finding themselves 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:54.640 even in a similar quandary situation, is to take a 0:13:54.640 --> 0:14:00.480 compassionate approach and approach this from honestly asking yourself, do 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:05.240 I have the capacity to love this person on their 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:08.520 journey wherever it will take them and wherever it will 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:12.000 take us? Am I equipped for that? Do I possess 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:15.360 the capacity? Do I possess the desire. Is this something 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.079 I want to put effort into because you get to 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.560 say in how you want one of the most important 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:24.680 decisions of your life, potentially marrying and creating children with 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:26.120 someone you know to play out. 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:28.200 Does that make sense mmmmmm hmm. 0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:29.120 Yeah. 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:32.040 And as you mentioned having children with this person, as 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:36.200 Priscilla did, there is also something to consider about a 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:40.240 lot of times depression, anxiety. These things are hereditary, and 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:42.760 you know that can be past generation to generation, So 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.760 there is something to think about there as well when 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:47.840 you're choosing a life partner or somebody to approcreate with. 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.000 And the other thing I want to point out is, look, 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.200 we any one of us. We could have a partner 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.600 who struggles with their mood or emotions. We might have 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:57.920 a partner who maybe spends more money than we're comfortable with, 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:00.480 or has a different sexual appetite than us. So we 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:03.320 may have a partner as a different religion or culture 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:05.320 than we are a part of. And none of these 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:09.240 things are inherently wrong. These are all just kinds of 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:12.600 typical things that we see in therapy, whatever the subject 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:14.840 matter is. So like, we have to be honest about 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:17.480 what our capacity is to be with someone who is 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:21.360 fill in the blank. And so for this specific person, 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:23.760 one thing that I would recommend is to start with 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:27.760 some self exploration here and inquire is this partnership with 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:30.720 this specific person and all that comes with it, the 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.880 good and the not ideal, is it really something that 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:36.240 you want and something you have the capacity for in 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:39.320 your life. Because if it is, then perhaps it's about 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.080 bolstering the support that you have for yourself and your 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:45.240 partner so that you have someone to help you when 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:48.240 you're helping your partner with their feelings of depression. Maybe 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:50.560 it's about getting in couples counseling with both of you 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:53.360 so that as a unit you two have support for 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:58.160 navigating these challenging situations. Or as a third option, perhaps 0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:03.200 it's about acknowledging that this life path and this specific 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:06.400 relationship isn't it right for you? And that's okay too. 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:09.520 There's literally no right or wrong answer here. It's just 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:13.480 about being lovingly honest with yourself and not getting yourself 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:15.800 into a situation where when the rubber meets the road, 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:18.960 you'll feel resentful or full of regret for decisions you 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:19.720 made in the past. 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:22.920 But how do you handle something when it's delicate like, 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:26.480 you know the other partner suffers from severe depression. You know, 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:28.280 I think that puts a lot of pressure on the 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.200 partner even thinking about leaving or breaking up the relationship. 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:34.520 There's a sense of responsibility that comes with that. So 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.800 what advice do you give to people who are making 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:38.920 the decision to say, Okay, maybe I'm not cut out 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:40.920 for this, maybe I don't want to bring children into 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:41.600 this dynamic. 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:46.760 Yeah, I mean, look, relationship issues are tough because you're 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.680 dealing with two people's lives and potentially children's lives. And 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.520 so if this is one of those tough situations, like 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.360 you're mentioning you know someone who's dealing with depression and 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.000 you feel bad about leaving, I mean, there's all kinds 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:01.520 of reasons why we have to be really mindful about 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:04.600 the decisions we are making. And this person sounds like 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:07.040 they have a lot of great qualities right, Like they 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.399 are sensitive, they're doing all the things. Like, there's a 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.880 lot of reasons why this person loves their partner, And 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.399 if they aren't the person to be with them for 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:18.160 the rest of their life, there's gonna be someone else 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.080 who's gonna love them and accept them where they're at 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.960 I think where people get into trouble is where they 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.760 think this, these two people, we're together, and you have 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:27.360 to meet all my needs and I have to meet 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.640 all your needs. And if those two people aren't compatible, 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:32.879 sometimes the most loving thing is letting them go so 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:34.840 that they can go and find their better match. 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:35.680 Yeah. 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:38.680 I think this question jumped out to me because whether 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.199 it's us that's been with a partner who's depressed, or 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:44.119 a friend, like everyone knows somebody who's been like I 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:48.720 can't leave them they're having xyz mental health issue. When 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.400 would you say? It's like, I mean, obviously we want 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:54.399 to prioritize our own mental health before we can like 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:58.080 reach out to another person. But what would you say 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:02.119 is sort of like the defining factor of I know 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:05.320 that I can't withstand a relationship with this person. What 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:07.159 would you say is the flection point there? 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:09.240