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Speaker 1: Good afternoon, everybody. It's me Chesty hand Job Libert and

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Speaker 1: Catherine Low Oh hello, Hi, Oh my god, you guys.

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Speaker 1: I was in Tennessee all weekend. I had dates in

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Speaker 1: I performed at Graceland, I performed in Knoxville and then Chattanooga,

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Speaker 1: so I thought, for sure, you know, there was going

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Speaker 1: to be trouble, and there never is.

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Speaker 2: They were like three of the greatest tour shows of

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Speaker 2: my tour so far.

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Speaker 3: That's awesome.

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Speaker 2: And Tulsa was another highlight.

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Speaker 1: All these random places that I'm like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to go there because you know how I feel about Florida,

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Speaker 1: which listen, I know you guys are all dming me

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Speaker 1: about Florida, and I know that I have fans in Florida,

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Speaker 1: and I have friends in Florida that I want to see,

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Speaker 1: and I have relatives that my Rabbi lives in Florida.

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Speaker 2: So nothing would make me happier than to go to Florida.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, the only stance I could take politically

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Speaker 1: that matters is an economic one. And while it may

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Speaker 1: not make a difference if I don't go on tour there,

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Speaker 1: like hopefully other artists are feeling the same way. And

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Speaker 1: will do the same thing because it's just not a

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Speaker 1: place that I'm going to contribute when the laws are

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Speaker 1: so discriminatory.

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Speaker 2: The NAACP just put out a travel warning for the.

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Speaker 1: LGBTQ community and all African Americans that Florida is a

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Speaker 1: hostile environment.

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Speaker 3: It's basically one large sundown town.

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Speaker 1: It's exactly like that. Speaking of sundowners. I was on

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Speaker 1: a plane to Memphis this weekend going to perform at Graceland. Right,

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Speaker 1: this is my first time ever. So we went to Graceland,

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Speaker 1: but more on that later. And this man sat down

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Speaker 1: behind me. He was older, seventy ish. He was next

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Speaker 1: to a fifty year oldish and I was sitting next

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Speaker 1: to the man's wife, I think, and I was reading

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Speaker 1: my book. I'm reading Andrea Augusty's book right now, which

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Speaker 1: is really good, cool, and it's worth reading.

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Speaker 2: Because he was addicted to Crystal Beth.

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Speaker 1: I like, and his whole childhood about being controlled by

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Speaker 1: his father. But I love any addiction story, and I

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Speaker 1: like any affair story. I want to hear about cheating

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Speaker 1: and drugs. That's what I'm interested in. So I heard

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Speaker 1: this guy, the older man, and talk.

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Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, yeah, where you from? Where?

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Speaker 1: He had just come from Manila or something, and he

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, where are you from? And he goes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I somehow they just got right to guns.

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Speaker 1: And the guy goes, no, I just I want I'm

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Speaker 1: never giving my gun. They talk about giving our guns away.

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Speaker 1: I'm never giving my guns away. I don't trust this government.

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Speaker 1: And I'm gonna you're gonna have to shoot me if

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Speaker 1: you want my guns. You know what my guns are

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Speaker 1: for if the wrong person walks up to my door.

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Speaker 3: And so I give me a chill down. My fine.

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Speaker 2: So I turned around and between the two seats and

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Speaker 2: put my.

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Speaker 1: Popped my head in and said, please stop talking like that,

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Speaker 1: because what you're talking about right now is murder and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about it. And the older

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Speaker 1: man was like oh, Like clearly he had never had

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Speaker 1: anyone call him out on any ray. He was like, oh, sorry, sorry,

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Speaker 1: Like it was first they don't realize what they're sing

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Speaker 1: acceptable conversation to be having in a public space, you know,

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Speaker 1: never mind in a private one. But anyway, we weren't

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Speaker 1: in private space. And so he stopped and then they

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Speaker 1: were quiet for a couple of minutes. And then they

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Speaker 1: picked back up again, but this time he was talking

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Speaker 1: about and how the country's going to hell in a

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Speaker 1: handbasket because of all of the immigrants, and it's Biden's

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Speaker 1: fault and he hopes somebody shoots him before the election.

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Speaker 4: WOA.

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Speaker 1: Then I got up for the second time to get

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Speaker 1: my bag over my overhead bin to get my headphones

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Speaker 1: in so that I didn't have to listen to this nonsense.

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Speaker 1: And while I was standing, I said, do you know

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Speaker 1: how racist and disgusting you sound? I'm sorry, do you

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Speaker 1: know how racist and disgusting you are?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And the both of the men just looked at me

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Speaker 1: and didn't say anything.

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Speaker 2: And he was like, what, I go racist? You are

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Speaker 2: a racist?

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Speaker 3: And because what do you think they're talking about when

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Speaker 3: they say the wrong person?

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Speaker 2: We know what I said?

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Speaker 1: Do you know that there was a boy that was

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Speaker 1: just shot three weeks ago because he was picking up

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Speaker 1: his two younger brothers and he accidentally went to the

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Speaker 1: wrong house, an innocent boy who was shot by a man.

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Speaker 2: Like you do you know that?

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Speaker 1: And then the guy just couldn't even respond, and my

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Speaker 1: heart was beating out of my chest. Yeah, and his

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Speaker 1: wife was like hiding in the corner for me, and

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Speaker 1: so I was like, oh, great, here we go, you know,

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Speaker 1: but I was shaking, and I was like, I couldn't

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Speaker 1: not say something because I just wouldn't be able to.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be happy with myself if I didn't. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I sat down, and as I was sitting down, the

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Speaker 1: fifty year old Ish guy said, why don't you mind

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Speaker 1: your own fucking business?

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Speaker 3: Pretty hard to do when they're talking in your direction.

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Speaker 1: I said, in excuse me, what did you What did

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Speaker 1: you just say? I would love, I would love to

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Speaker 1: mind my own business, but unfortunately we're in a public

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Speaker 1: place and all I could hear is you talking about

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Speaker 1: murdering people.

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Speaker 2: And then then they didn't talk again.

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Speaker 3: You can talk about anything else.

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Speaker 2: It's not working. Actually, just you now you're suspended.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, it was so disgusting to think like that casually.

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Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh, remind yourself. You're on

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Speaker 2: your way to Memphis. And then I thought, oh god,

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Speaker 2: this is going to be tough.

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Speaker 1: And I have to tell you, Memphis was one of

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Speaker 1: the most moving trips because we went to go see

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Speaker 1: where Martin Luther King was shot at the Lorraine Hotel and.

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Speaker 2: Right next door to it. They have they have bought

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Speaker 2: in the.

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Speaker 1: Hot Boughton, Oh god, they've that's from the guy on

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Speaker 1: the plane.

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Speaker 2: I learned that from Boughton they had bought.

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Speaker 1: They have bought, they have who knows what the churches

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Speaker 1: they have purchased the hotel. The hotel's part of the

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Speaker 1: Civil Rights Museum, and the Civil Rights museum that they

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Speaker 1: had in Memphis was phenomenal. It was at least like

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Speaker 1: a two hour ninety minutes to two hour minimum time,

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Speaker 1: which I appreciate that kind of information. It was so comprehensive,

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Speaker 1: all about MLK Junior and about all the other people

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Speaker 1: who had stood up for something for the first time

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Speaker 1: and real heroes.

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Speaker 3: Well, and I'm glad it's part of the museum. I

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Speaker 3: know you had posted a picture of the hotel, and

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Speaker 3: I guess I just didn't even realize it was at

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Speaker 3: a hotel. You know, that wasn't where I pictured. I

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Speaker 3: don't know where I did picture it happening.

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Speaker 2: But so you can in the museum.

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Speaker 1: I in the tour, you walk in and you at

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Speaker 1: the end it is you see the hotel room exactly

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Speaker 1: how it was. But I didn't realize Martin Luther King

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Speaker 1: was only five foote seven. I realized that in the picture.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, how did I.

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Speaker 2: Not know that?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he was not super tall.

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Speaker 5: I know.

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Speaker 2: Interesting.

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Speaker 3: I always think that.

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Speaker 2: I don't know why that's interesting, but it is for

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Speaker 2: some reason to me.

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Speaker 3: Because it's a man of stature. Al right, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, statue does an equal height, clearly, but

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Speaker 1: there's also an you know.

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Speaker 2: And then we went to grace Lann.

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Speaker 1: We got a tour of Graceland right before I performed there,

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Speaker 1: and that was really cool. I didn't expect it to

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Speaker 1: be that cool. I was like, oh, I mean, I'm

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Speaker 1: not a huge like Elvis fan. I mean, obviously I

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Speaker 1: respect what he did and how meaningful he was, but

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Speaker 1: I don't care about that stuff anyway. I was like

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Speaker 1: into the tour. We saw his house. They it's so cool.

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Speaker 3: And it's still done. Yeah, Like how was there?

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Speaker 2: It's yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then they have had Lisa Marie Presley's casket there

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Speaker 1: already next to her son who died during COVID, and

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Speaker 1: then him and his parents, and I guess Priscilla Presley

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Speaker 1: was just denied to be buried there.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: She wanted to be buried with her family, which seems right. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and she is a major part of his legacy. Like

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but maybe her and her granddaughter. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what the deal is with that.

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Speaker 3: They just have a lot of sam and drama.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, the woman at the thing was like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: Priscilla's not being buried here. I'm like, okay, copy that.

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Speaker 1: I won't ask again. But yeah, so that was cool.

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Speaker 2: And then we went to doll Leywood.

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Speaker 1: I had a full time an experience, and Knoxville was amazing.

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Speaker 1: Chattanooga was also so much fun. I just love going

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Speaker 1: to these southern towns. But I mean, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: have to keep crossing states off my list with all

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Speaker 1: of the legislation that is being passed.

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Speaker 2: Right, I mean, Texas is a huge place to perform.

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Speaker 1: I mean there's so many cities there that I go to,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, all right, what am I doing about Texas?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, can you just go to Austin? Probably not,

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Speaker 3: you know, you got a lot more.

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Speaker 2: Oh you can, But do I want to?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 1: Is that the right thing to do? So I have

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Speaker 1: to really consider all of those things. I want to

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Speaker 1: be really responsible and back up my action my words

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Speaker 1: with actions, not just you know.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean I know, you know a friend of

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Speaker 3: mine who is you know, traveling and performing as well.

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Speaker 3: She has been trying to get pregnant with her husband

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Speaker 3: and she had had an abortion that she had to

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Speaker 3: have because of an ectopic pregnancy a year ago. And

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Speaker 3: she basically was like, there's places I can't go because

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Speaker 3: if I need an emergency treatment for an ectopic pregnancy

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Speaker 3: or something else, which is like in her situation, more

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Speaker 3: likely to happen again. She's like, I just can't go

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Speaker 3: to these places. Yeah, it's right now, and that's not

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Speaker 3: safe for women, not safe for a lot of people. Well, Chelsea,

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Speaker 3: I have an update from a caller, and I'm really

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Speaker 3: excited about this one. I might have cried a little

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Speaker 3: bit reading it, but this is from Anna who called

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Speaker 3: in about her dental work that she needed help with.

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Speaker 3: And she you know, had a lot of guilt and

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Speaker 3: shame around her eating disorder which had caused the need

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Speaker 3: for this dental work. And so we talked to her

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Speaker 3: through that and Dear Chelsea listeners contributed to her gofund me,

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Speaker 3: which was really exciting. Anna says, Dear Chelsea wanted to

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Speaker 3: send y'all an update. First, I can't even begin to

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Speaker 3: express the depth of my gratitude to you, Chelsea Otsco

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Speaker 3: and the entire Dear Chelsea family for the outpouring of

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Speaker 3: support you've shown me in the last few months. Since

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Speaker 3: the podcast in December, the Ana from Dear Chelsea go

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Speaker 3: fund me page has raised over fourteen five hundred dollars

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Speaker 3: for my dental fund, and as of today, seven hundred

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Speaker 3: and twenty three people have donated. Oh these numbers speak

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Speaker 3: volumes to the power and compassion of the community that

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Speaker 3: you've cultivated through this podcast. From the bottom of my heart,

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Speaker 3: thank you, thank you, thank you. As a non profit

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Speaker 3: professional and marketer, I know the importance of sharing impact

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Speaker 3: stories to help people better understand the power of their donation.

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Speaker 3: So here's how you've changed my life to your Chelsea fam.

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Speaker 3: Over the last five months, I have gone to the

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Speaker 3: dentist monthly for batches of procedures aimed at repairing and

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Speaker 3: healing my teeth. In January, I went for a set

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Speaker 3: of procedures to repair three teeth and crowns. Unfortunately, it

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Speaker 3: was too late to salvage one of those teeth and

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Speaker 3: it had to be extracted. Ah but wait, there's more.

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Speaker 3: That could have been the end of that story, and

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Speaker 3: I would have had to live the rest of my

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Speaker 3: life missing a very important tooth. But thankfully the GoFundMe

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Speaker 3: allowed me to say yes to the process of a

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Speaker 3: bone graft and eventually an implant to help me salvage

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Speaker 3: that moler. Undoubtedly, being able to tackle these procedures with

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Speaker 3: urgency is saving many more of my teeth that otherwise

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Speaker 3: I would not have been able to attend to for

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Speaker 3: years due to financial limitations. My dentists confirmed this and

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Speaker 3: wanted me to make sure I sent this gratitude to

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Speaker 3: the dear Chelsea community for your support in this process.

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Speaker 3: Y'all have changed my life profoundly, not only with your donations,

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Speaker 3: but with your compassionate and empathetic messages on the GoFundMe

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Speaker 3: as well. Thank you for helping me heal on so

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Speaker 3: many levels. I'm forever grateful. Anna.

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Speaker 2: Oh I love it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it's awesome. It's so exciting.

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Speaker 1: I see what happens when people care and are nice

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Speaker 1: and caring and sweet and empathetic and compassionate instead of

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Speaker 1: buying fucking guns.

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Speaker 3: For sure, and also, like Anna came to us with

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Speaker 3: this issue, and was so vulnerable and open about the

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Speaker 3: shame she felt and guilt she felt, and that I

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Speaker 3: think for me was what was so moving about her story.

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Speaker 3: Is like she wasn't actually even here asking for money.

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Speaker 3: She was like talking about what she'd gone through, why

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Speaker 3: she felt like she'd done it to herself, and why

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Speaker 3: she deserved it when like none of that is true,

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Speaker 3: is all just head trash, and she deserves all the

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Speaker 3: good things.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, and a beautiful smile is everything.

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Speaker 3: Yes, Well, we are back with our sponsored segment, calling

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Speaker 3: in back up with Better Help, and we have a

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Speaker 3: brand new therapist to help us out today, licensed marriage

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Speaker 3: and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at Betterhelp,

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Speaker 3: Courtney Cope.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Courtney Cope, what's happening.

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Speaker 7: Oh, it's good to be here. Thank you for having me.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Well, we love Better Help and we love

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Speaker 1: referring people to Better Help.

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Speaker 3: Yes, we love therapy. Well, we have kind of a

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Speaker 3: really tough question that we're gonna have Courtney help us

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Speaker 3: out with. Priscilla says dear Chelsea. I'm twenty five years

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Speaker 3: old and just finished graduate school. I've been with my

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Speaker 3: boyfriend for over four years. We're young. I know, but

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Speaker 3: I'm in a phase in life where I feel it's

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Speaker 3: time to decide if this is the person I'm marrying

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Speaker 3: or not. I love him so oh dearly. He's everything

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Speaker 3: that most women in my age complain about not being

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Speaker 3: able to find. He's sensitive, in touch with his emotions,

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Speaker 3: an excellent communicator, and he tries so hard at everything

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Speaker 3: he does. The problem, however, is that he's severely depressed.

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Speaker 3: He's been hospitalized twice for his mental illness and continues

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Speaker 3: seeking treatment today. He never gives up even when things

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Speaker 3: are really hard. He always takes his medication and is

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Speaker 3: extremely willing to try any and everything to help. But

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Speaker 3: despite his best efforts, nothing seems to really alleviate his hurting.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I can live in fear of

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Speaker 3: him dying from this my whole life. I want children,

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Speaker 3: and I don't want them to lose a parent that

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Speaker 3: way either. Any advice, Priscilla.

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Speaker 7: Wow, such an important question, and first of all, I

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Speaker 7: just want to commend this person for really weighing the

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Speaker 7: importance of this decision regarding a long term partnership and

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Speaker 7: potentially bringing children into the world together with someone. So

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Speaker 7: kudos to this person for wanting to make a thoughtful

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Speaker 7: decision here. Second of all, I think the broad theme

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Speaker 7: to this question is the one that we see a

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Speaker 7: lot in the therapy office, and that theme is I

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Speaker 7: love my partner, and they have so many great qualities,

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Speaker 7: and here's all the things I value about them, but

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Speaker 7: there's also this other thing that has me questioning if

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Speaker 7: we're a good fit. And so one of the biggest

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Speaker 7: pitfalls I see when people are asking this question in

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Speaker 7: their relationships is to make it specifically about their partner

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Speaker 7: or their partner's behavior, or their partner's issues alone, meaning,

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Speaker 7: my partner has this thing, and if this one thing

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Speaker 7: could go away, then we could move forward and everything

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Speaker 7: would be great. So instead, what I find to be

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Speaker 7: really helpful for people who may find themselves and you know,

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Speaker 7: listeners who may be listening to this and finding themselves

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Speaker 7: even in a similar quandary situation, is to take a

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Speaker 7: compassionate approach and approach this from honestly asking yourself, do

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Speaker 7: I have the capacity to love this person on their

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Speaker 7: journey wherever it will take them and wherever it will

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Speaker 7: take us? Am I equipped for that? Do I possess

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Speaker 7: the capacity? Do I possess the desire. Is this something

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Speaker 7: I want to put effort into because you get to

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Speaker 7: say in how you want one of the most important

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Speaker 7: decisions of your life, potentially marrying and creating children with

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Speaker 7: someone you know to play out.

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Speaker 3: Does that make sense mmmmmm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And as you mentioned having children with this person, as

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Speaker 3: Priscilla did, there is also something to consider about a

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Speaker 3: lot of times depression, anxiety. These things are hereditary, and

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Speaker 3: you know that can be past generation to generation, So

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Speaker 3: there is something to think about there as well when

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Speaker 3: you're choosing a life partner or somebody to approcreate with.

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Speaker 7: And the other thing I want to point out is, look,

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Speaker 7: we any one of us. We could have a partner

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Speaker 7: who struggles with their mood or emotions. We might have

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Speaker 7: a partner who maybe spends more money than we're comfortable with,

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Speaker 7: or has a different sexual appetite than us. So we

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Speaker 7: may have a partner as a different religion or culture

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Speaker 7: than we are a part of. And none of these

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Speaker 7: things are inherently wrong. These are all just kinds of

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Speaker 7: typical things that we see in therapy, whatever the subject

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Speaker 7: matter is. So like, we have to be honest about

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Speaker 7: what our capacity is to be with someone who is

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Speaker 7: fill in the blank. And so for this specific person,

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Speaker 7: one thing that I would recommend is to start with

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Speaker 7: some self exploration here and inquire is this partnership with

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Speaker 7: this specific person and all that comes with it, the

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Speaker 7: good and the not ideal, is it really something that

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Speaker 7: you want and something you have the capacity for in

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Speaker 7: your life. Because if it is, then perhaps it's about

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Speaker 7: bolstering the support that you have for yourself and your

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Speaker 7: partner so that you have someone to help you when

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Speaker 7: you're helping your partner with their feelings of depression. Maybe

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Speaker 7: it's about getting in couples counseling with both of you

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Speaker 7: so that as a unit you two have support for

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Speaker 7: navigating these challenging situations. Or as a third option, perhaps

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Speaker 7: it's about acknowledging that this life path and this specific

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Speaker 7: relationship isn't it right for you? And that's okay too.

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Speaker 7: There's literally no right or wrong answer here. It's just

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Speaker 7: about being lovingly honest with yourself and not getting yourself

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Speaker 7: into a situation where when the rubber meets the road,

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Speaker 7: you'll feel resentful or full of regret for decisions you

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Speaker 7: made in the past.

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Speaker 1: But how do you handle something when it's delicate like,

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Speaker 1: you know the other partner suffers from severe depression. You know,

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Speaker 1: I think that puts a lot of pressure on the

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Speaker 1: partner even thinking about leaving or breaking up the relationship.

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Speaker 1: There's a sense of responsibility that comes with that. So

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Speaker 1: what advice do you give to people who are making

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Speaker 1: the decision to say, Okay, maybe I'm not cut out

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Speaker 1: for this, maybe I don't want to bring children into

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Speaker 1: this dynamic.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, look, relationship issues are tough because you're

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Speaker 7: dealing with two people's lives and potentially children's lives. And

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Speaker 7: so if this is one of those tough situations, like

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Speaker 7: you're mentioning you know someone who's dealing with depression and

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Speaker 7: you feel bad about leaving, I mean, there's all kinds

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Speaker 7: of reasons why we have to be really mindful about

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Speaker 7: the decisions we are making. And this person sounds like

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Speaker 7: they have a lot of great qualities right, Like they

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Speaker 7: are sensitive, they're doing all the things. Like, there's a

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Speaker 7: lot of reasons why this person loves their partner, And

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Speaker 7: if they aren't the person to be with them for

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Speaker 7: the rest of their life, there's gonna be someone else

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Speaker 7: who's gonna love them and accept them where they're at

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Speaker 7: I think where people get into trouble is where they

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Speaker 7: think this, these two people, we're together, and you have

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Speaker 7: to meet all my needs and I have to meet

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Speaker 7: all your needs. And if those two people aren't compatible,

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Speaker 7: sometimes the most loving thing is letting them go so

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Speaker 7: that they can go and find their better match.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think this question jumped out to me because whether

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Speaker 3: it's us that's been with a partner who's depressed, or

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Speaker 3: a friend, like everyone knows somebody who's been like I

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Speaker 3: can't leave them they're having xyz mental health issue. When

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Speaker 3: would you say? It's like, I mean, obviously we want

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Speaker 3: to prioritize our own mental health before we can like

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Speaker 3: reach out to another person. But what would you say

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Speaker 3: is sort of like the defining factor of I know

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Speaker 3: that I can't withstand a relationship with this person. What

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Speaker 3: would you say is the flection point there?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean it's the same thing that we hear

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Speaker 7: every time we board an airplane. It's put on your

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Speaker 7: oxygen mask first, and then help the person next to you,

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Speaker 7: or your child or your partner. It's like, if you're

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Speaker 7: finding yourself in a place in your life where you're

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Speaker 7: not able to thrive and function, in an ongoing basis.

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Speaker 7: I mean, every couple goes through rough patches, every person

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Speaker 7: goes through periods of feeling down. But like, if you're

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Speaker 7: not able to thrive in your own life because you

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Speaker 7: are self sacrificing just so that another person can live,

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Speaker 7: I mean, we're not meant to self sacrifice to the

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Speaker 7: point of our own depletion. We have to be radically

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Speaker 7: self responsible for our own happiness and our own path

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Speaker 7: and our own trajectory and give that other person the

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Speaker 7: gift of doing that as well. Like I think that

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Speaker 7: we make a mistake when we say I have to

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Speaker 7: stay with this person because they're depressed. It can sometimes

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Speaker 7: be the most loving thing to allow that person to

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Speaker 7: be on a journey where they're not feeling guilty. Like

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Speaker 7: they can read the room. They can tell, oh, my

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Speaker 7: partner doesn't enjoy being with me or spending time with me,

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Speaker 7: or is feeling resentful. So I think that's the elephant

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Speaker 7: in the room that I want people to hear, because

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Speaker 7: I see that in the counseling room a lot. You know,

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Speaker 7: the person who has depression, they know if you're resenting them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think another thing to point out here

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Speaker 3: too is you know, we're not static beings. I think

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Speaker 3: one of the really cool things that Priscilla outlines is

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Speaker 3: that her partner is willing to try new things, you know,

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Speaker 3: down its taking his meds, etc. And I think that's

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Speaker 3: kind of half the battle, Like not that we can

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Speaker 3: bootstrap our way out of depression, but you never know,

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Speaker 3: like when that certain therapy is going to make all

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Speaker 3: the difference for him, or adding that extra drugg to

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Speaker 3: his you know, regimen, whatever the case may be. You know,

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Speaker 3: I have someone in my life who has been severely

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Speaker 3: depressed for years and it was like, Okay, we're going

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Speaker 3: to add this extra medication and therapy is going to

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Speaker 3: be two times a week, and it's made a huge

440
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 3: difference in how they operate in the world. So, you know,

441
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 3: you can have somebody who's like perfectly fine with their

442
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,879
Speaker 3: mental health going along one day and then all of

443
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,360
Speaker 3: a sudden something happens and it triggers years long depression

444
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,680
Speaker 3: or on and off years long depression. So giving her

445
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 3: partner room to change and grow I think is huge

446
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,400
Speaker 3: too if she feels like she can go the distance.

447
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 7: Absolutely, And I love that she mentioned all these positive

448
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 7: things about him because it sounds like this is a

449
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 7: person who is a great partner and who would eventually

450
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 7: be a great great father as well. They possess some

451
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 7: of those traits and it's a matter of figuring out

452
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 7: what works best for the two of them, and if

453
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 7: they can partner together and move forward in a way

454
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 7: that's meaningful.

455
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 5: Great.

456
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,480
Speaker 7: If there's a way maybe for this person to navigate

457
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 7: her own anxiety around having a partner who is depressed, like,

458
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 7: that's great too. Again, I just like to bring it

459
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:03,879
Speaker 7: back to individual personal responsibility, because we cannot control the

460
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 7: choices of our partner and whether they're going to continue

461
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,360
Speaker 7: to whatever, take their medication, go to see their therapists

462
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 7: or whatever. So it really comes back to what we

463
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 7: can control, and I think that's the most powerful thing

464
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,679
Speaker 7: any individual can do in their own life.

465
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 3: Awesome, Any closing thoughts healthy, I know.

466
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,880
Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's a tricky situation.

467
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 1: But I think it's difficult for people to make those

468
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 1: kinds of decisions, you know, especially when you're dealing with

469
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: depression and possibly suicidal thoughts and ideations. You don't know

470
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,440
Speaker 1: how deep somebody is, so it's very tricky. Yeah, I'm

471
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: glad that you're here to help navigate. Courtney, thank you.

472
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 3: Thank you awesome. Well, thanks again to Betterhelp for sponsoring

473
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 3: this segment, and thanks to Courtney, who's a licensed marriage

474
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 3: and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at Betterhelp

475
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 3: for being our backup today.

476
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 7: Absolutely my pleasure.

477
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 3: Awesome. We'll see you next time.

478
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 2: Hi, Courtney.

479
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 3: Bye, and we'll take a quick break, Chelsea, and we'll

480
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 3: be back to talk.

481
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 2: To some callers, and we're back.

482
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 3: We are back, okay.

483
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: Well.

484
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: Our first email comes from Leanne. Leanne says, Dear Chelsea.

485
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 3: I'm a thirty four year old lesbian female in South Louisiana.

486
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 3: My partner and I have been together for three years.

487
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 3: We have an exterior maintenance company that's very successful.

488
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 2: Sounds very lesbian.

489
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 3: It it's great. We work together, we live together, and

490
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,440
Speaker 3: we basically do everything together. We're both in recovery from

491
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 3: extreme drug use, so we're both on a medically assisted

492
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 3: treatment called sabasone, and this medicine really affects our sex drive,

493
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 3: so we rarely have sex. The thing is, the rare

494
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 3: sex doesn't bother either of us, and we're both very

495
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 3: happy in our relationship.

496
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 2: Great.

497
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we honestly don't have any problems in our

498
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 3: work relationship nor our home relationship. My question is this,

499
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 3: Is it healthy that we're both happy and content and

500
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 3: very much in love even though we rarely connect intimately.

501
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 3: Would love to hear an outsider's opinion. Thanks so much, Leanne.

502
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, who gives a fuck about sex? Same? I don't

503
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 2: give a shit about sex.

504
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,959
Speaker 1: I care about it when I'm in a relationship, when

505
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,399
Speaker 1: I want to have it, but when I'm not having it,

506
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: I don't even think about sex.

507
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 2: I mean, first of all, welcome to being a lesbian.

508
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 1: I would imagine lots of lesbian relationships are sexless.

509
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 3: Great lesbians are.

510
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 2: A lot of heterosexual relationships.

511
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: As well, So the only relationships that are not sexless

512
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: are homosexual met Okay, but no, I wouldn't worry about

513
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,399
Speaker 1: that at all. You found your person. You have a

514
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: reason why you're not having sex. It's like a medical reason.

515
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,400
Speaker 1: It's much more important for you to stay sober than

516
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 1: it is for you to have sex period.

517
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 2: So you're putting your priorities in order, and I applaud you.

518
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, I totally agree. I feel like ninety percent of

519
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 3: the issue that any of us have with like sex,

520
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 3: with our partner is frequency. You know, so many people

521
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 3: have this issue. He wants it more, she wants it more.

522
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 3: Somebody wants it less. The fact that you're on the

523
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 3: same level is like amazing.

524
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 2: Go to other callers.

525
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: You want to get on the same meds as your

526
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 1: person so that you guys are on the same wavelength.

527
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 1: So Leanne, yeah, you're just fine, Leanne. Don't worry about it,

528
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: don't overthink things exactly.

529
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 3: Just enjoy your partner.

530
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 2: You know.

531
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 7: Well.

532
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Samantha. Samantha is calling it in today.

533
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with something I love your input on.

534
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 3: I have a friend who is having an affair with

535
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 3: one of our coworkers. Well, technically he's her superior, as

536
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 3: he's the principal and she's a teacher. She's recently divorced

537
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 3: and this affair was a huge catalyst to her divorce.

538
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 3: Oh she divorced. He did not.

539
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 2: Oh, oh god, this is real. Juicy Hucy is my favorite.

540
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 3: Here is why this is an issue for me. Eight

541
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 3: years ago, I was in a very similar situation, had

542
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: an affair with a colleague that led to the end

543
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 3: of my marriage. He though did not divorce and went

544
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 3: on about life as as usual. Not to get into

545
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 3: the sort of details, but this was hugely devastating to

546
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,960
Speaker 3: me in many ways. I see so much of myself

547
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 3: and my situation in my friend, and yes, I know

548
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 3: I'm projecting a lot onto her. However, I also know

549
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 3: these situations aren't really unique. They generally end in the

550
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 3: same way devastation for at least one, if not many.

551
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 3: It's very hard to hear about her participation in this affair,

552
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,880
Speaker 3: especially after her divorce and her now being the side

553
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 3: check to this married man. I've seen her melt into

554
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,360
Speaker 3: an incapacitated puddle over this man. I've talked her off

555
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 3: the ledge several times and gotten her to free yourself

556
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 3: from him. But since they work together, they always end

557
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,159
Speaker 3: up back together after daily and constant text calls and

558
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 3: in person meetings. Now they're regularly having sex at her home,

559
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,879
Speaker 3: even when her kids are home and in bed, a

560
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 3: line she said she'd never cross. She refuses to see

561
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 3: it negatively at all. I can only see the negative.

562
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 3: She's my best friend and I don't want to lose her. Samantha, Hi, Hi, Samantha,

563
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 3: who how are you?

564
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 5: I'm good? Thanks, Thanks, for having me.

565
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 1: I have the same feelings as you do about affairs,

566
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: not that I've been completely guilt free of having them

567
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: in my younger life. I did, but I also am

568
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 1: very judgmental about participating in that because I just feel

569
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 1: like it's such bad jiju, Like there's no reason to

570
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: have sex with somebody that's married when there are so

571
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,199
Speaker 1: many other people to have sex with or have an affair.

572
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: So I understand where you're coming from, but I don't

573
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 1: think there's anything you're going to be able to do

574
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: to convince your friend, ether than distancing yourself from her,

575
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 1: if that would make you feel like have a greater

576
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,479
Speaker 1: peace of mind. I don't think there's anything you can

577
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,239
Speaker 1: do to make somebody stop doing something that they're addicted to,

578
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. She's in love, so that's

579
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,159
Speaker 1: like an addiction and it's sad, but it's going to

580
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 1: have to play itself out and somebody is going to

581
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: get her, probably more than one person. But you know,

582
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: if you are constantly in judgment of someone, they're going

583
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 1: to stop sharing with you.

584
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 2: And maybe that's what you want. I mean, I don't

585
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 2: know what would.

586
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 1: You like to see, obviously, besides the affair ending your

587
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 1: relationship with her? Does ninety percent of it take up

588
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,879
Speaker 1: this affair? Like, is that what you're always talking about?

589
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean yes, when she's actively involved in it,

590
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 5: then yes it is. I would say ninety percent of

591
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 5: our conversations, our interactions are surrounded by that, whether it's

592
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 5: her personal meltdowns that she's having because of whatever has

593
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 5: recently happened, or whether it's her just being in turmoil.

594
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 5: You know over what to do, what to do, and

595
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 5: I'll give her the same guidance and she won't take it.

596
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: And you've told her she I'm sure she understands that

597
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 1: you don't approve.

598
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, she understands that. And I mean part of the

599
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 5: situation is that I was also in that same situation

600
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 5: eight years ago, and so I project onto her my

601
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,400
Speaker 5: own experience and I know how this is going to end,

602
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 5: and it's not going to be good. There is no

603
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 5: good way.

604
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

605
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 3: And I think to even like make it more pointed

606
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 3: of your situation versus her is, if I'm doing my

607
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 3: math correctly, she's about the age that you were when

608
00:27:56,359 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 3: that happened to you correct exact age, yeah, yeah, yeah, And.

609
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 2: So are you willing to take a step back from

610
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 2: the friendship.

611
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, and I have. That's the thing. Like this

612
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,919
Speaker 5: whole school year, we've been kind of back and forth

613
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 5: between being super close when she's off, you know, and

614
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 5: I'm proud of her, I'm a cheerleader, I'm encouraging her,

615
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 5: and then the next thing, you know, I feel her

616
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 5: kind of distance and then if I call her on it,

617
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 5: well then she's upset with me.

618
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,719
Speaker 1: So it is like an addiction for her, you know,

619
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: it's like addict behavior. Yeah, I would try to just

620
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,439
Speaker 1: remove yourself from her. I understand you want to be

621
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 1: a good friend, and you should be, but there's no

622
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,400
Speaker 1: reason to subject yourself to her when she's basically using

623
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 1: her drug, you know what I mean, Like, you don't

624
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 1: have to be up there for the upside downs of it,

625
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: and when she comes crying to you. You don't have

626
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: to be so available to her in that way. You

627
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: can just say, like, listen, as a friend, this is

628
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: so unhealthy. I've been watching this now for however, how

629
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: long has it been going on for?

630
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 2: In total?

631
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: Two and a half years, Okay, so that's plenty of

632
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 1: time for you to have drawn your own conclusion about

633
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 1: why this is toxic. For her, And did she leave

634
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: her husband hoping that the principal guy would leave his wife.

635
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, she won't admit that, but that's exactly what happened.

636
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 1: Well, of course, I mean, and what's his plan not

637
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: to leave his wife?

638
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 5: No, I mean I think he'll continue having affairs because

639
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 5: she definitely wasn't his first one. So this is how

640
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 5: he lives his life. And he believed that he can

641
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 5: keep his marriage separate from you know, other women, and

642
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 5: that that's his mindset and belief.

643
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 2: So does he know that, you know, he does?

644
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 5: The reality is there's about twenty people that know that.

645
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 6: I know.

646
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 5: I mean, who knows. You know, it's like a spider work, right, yea,

647
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 5: because she's pull multiple people. So he knows that.

648
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 4: I know.

649
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 5: I was there on the ground level when it began,

650
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 5: and I mean, he trust me, but he would he

651
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 5: would die if he knew that all these people.

652
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 3: No, well, he's going to get caught. I mean, yeah,

653
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 3: every bet he gets caught. If twenty people know that,

654
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 3: one hundred and fifty yeah.

655
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 2: Right, exactly. Probably some of the students know.

656
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 3: Probably probably.

657
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

658
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 3: There was a pastor at my church when I was

659
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 3: growing up who, like everybody thought was the BEA's knees

660
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 3: and he was great. I never liked him, but he

661
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 3: wound up having an affair with one of the other

662
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 3: people at the church, and kids would come up to

663
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 3: his kids and be like, oh, is that your mommy

664
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 3: with your daddy?

665
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 2: Like the kids could spot.

666
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 3: It even when they were just standing next to each

667
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 3: other at a church function. Like people know, like people

668
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 3: can read between the lines, and also people talk yeah,

669
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 3: oh yes. Is there any world in which like he

670
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 3: actually has an open marriage.

671
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 5: Probably not, no, no, no, no no, because he's very

672
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 5: careful about his wife not finding out. And he would

673
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 5: also be just I mean he could be fired for sure.

674
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, yeah, for sure, he could be fired.

675
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 1: Part of me, I mean if I kind of want

676
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: to like tell on him because he deserves whatever is

677
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: coming his way.

678
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 2: But yeah, you don't want to do that to your friend.

679
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 1: You want to just I think you just want to

680
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: be a little bit firmer in your boundaries and explain

681
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: to her that this isn't a situation that you enjoy

682
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 1: watching her be a part of and compare it be

683
00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: like it's like watching an addict go back and forth,

684
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: and I know that this is not going to work

685
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: out the way you want it, and you're not being

686
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 1: honest with yourself. You're pretty you know, delaying the rest

687
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: of your life. The next person that's supposed to come

688
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: into your life is on hold because of this of

689
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 1: this bullshit.

690
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 2: And you know, people have to learn their lessons their

691
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 2: own way.

692
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, you know, you could tell the truth as long

693
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: as you want, but you can only tell the truth

694
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 1: in your sense of like creating a boundary like this

695
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 1: isn't working for me anymore.

696
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 2: I'm not interested in.

697
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: Picking up the pieces every time your heart gets broken

698
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 1: or you're having a meltdown. This is not a good

699
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 1: use of my time. It's starting to weigh heavily on me.

700
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: You know, not even start it obviously has been for

701
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: some time, and just create boundaries with her that you're

702
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 1: not going to be social with her or hang out

703
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: with her while she's seeing him, and it's just not healthy.

704
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 3: Here is a question that I have for you, Chelsea.

705
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 3: Do you think it's like we can't have a relationship

706
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 3: or it's I love you, I want a relationship with you,

707
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 3: But you can't talk about him positive or negative, broken

708
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 3: up or together, Like you cannot talk about him with me.

709
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, I guess that's an option

710
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 2: for everybody. Personally.

711
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: Setting a boundary about what you're allowed to talk about

712
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 1: is not a friendship.

713
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

714
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 5: I've read I tried that right.

715
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 2: And it doesn't necessarily work.

716
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: Like you can't talk to me about this, It's like, well, okay,

717
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: then we're how are we friends? I think you could say, like,

718
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 1: I love you, I will always be here for you,

719
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: but not for this.

720
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 2: I'm not interested in this anymore. It's been too long.

721
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 1: You're not learning your lesson, and you're continuing to kind

722
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: of poison yourself with this man's behavior, and you're gonna

723
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 1: get caught on top of it, and then her job

724
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: is at risk, not only his job, but her job

725
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: is as well.

726
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, And just the reputation. You know, a female

727
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 5: processes that I think so much differently than a male,

728
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 5: and I just know that she would be crushed shattered.

729
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 3: Well, and people process that about the scorned woman differently

730
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 3: than they do about the guy, you know, I mean,

731
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 3: she will have a different reputation in the community. And

732
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 3: it's obviously a small enough community that like, people know

733
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 3: and people are talking.

734
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: People do know, and they're Yeah, I'm sure they're talking.

735
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: And also it's just karmically like for me, I'm not

736
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 1: doing anything that's going to bring back any negative karma

737
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 1: in my life.

738
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 2: That was what my twenties and thirties were for.

739
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: I don't do anything that is going to be perceived

740
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 1: like you.

741
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 2: Don't a want to harm another woman.

742
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 1: Let him go fuck someone else that is less informed,

743
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to. She doesn't have to

744
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 1: screw his wife over in this way, because that's essentially

745
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: what you're doing. It's not just him doing it. You're

746
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 1: choosing to betray his wife.

747
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 5: You don't have to.

748
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: Aid him in betraying his wife. Let him go do

749
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 1: that with someone else, you know. If he's single, gets divorced,

750
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 1: then of course that's a different story. But that's not

751
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 1: the story right now, and you don't have to be

752
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: part of that story. And I think creating boundaries for

753
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: that is exactly what you should do. And don't feel

754
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 1: any guilt about it. You're doing the right thing. You

755
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 1: don't want to be exposed to it anymore.

756
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I appreciate that because I have had a

757
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 5: lot of guilt.

758
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, no, you shouldn't have any guilt. Why

759
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: would you have guilt? What do you have guilt about?

760
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 5: Just about betraying her as a friend. You know, she's

761
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 5: been a good friend to me.

762
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 2: She's like, oh, but you're not betraying her.

763
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 5: Well, I guess just not. I don't know, maybe kind

764
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 5: of taking the easier way because this is hard. It's

765
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 5: hard on me, you know.

766
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, you're not betraying her.

767
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 1: Betraying her would be telling everybody about it and outing her.

768
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 2: That's a betrayal. You're not betraying her.

769
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: By setting up boundaries, you're actually setting up a guardrail

770
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: to protect her and yourself.

771
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,240
Speaker 2: You don't want to know any more information.

772
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: You don't want to have any more information in your

773
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: head to ever have it come up or discuss it

774
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: with another person. Betraying her would be telling other people

775
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 1: about it, you know what I mean.

776
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 2: Betraying her. There's a million ways to betray her. This

777
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 2: is not one of them.

778
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: You don't need to feel guilty for having a moral

779
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 1: compass in this situation.

780
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 2: You know, I understand people cheat.

781
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: All the time and they're having affairs all the time,

782
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: but it's your exposure to that affair that is what's important,

783
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 1: Like as long as you're not part of it, you know,

784
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 1: then you're not aiding and embedding something like that.

785
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 3: Sometimes real consequences in our lives are what make us

786
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 3: change our behavior. And a real consequence for her that's

787
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 3: not blowing up her life, but is a real consequence.

788
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 3: Is you saying I can't be your friend again until

789
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,799
Speaker 3: this is well and truly over, you know, when we

790
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 3: lose relationships.

791
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, I can speak from personal experience that the consequence

792
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 5: is what will will change the behavior. So okay, well,

793
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 5: I so appreciate you ladies.

794
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 2: So what are you gonna do?

795
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 7: Well?

796
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 5: I am going to stand my ground with the boundaries.

797
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 5: And I told Catherine call I actually requested a transfer

798
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 5: to a different school for other reasons, not just this.

799
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 5: I have some other personal reasons. But I'm honestly so

800
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 5: looking forward to it, like I can't wait to get

801
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 5: out of here and get out of this mess environment.

802
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 5: And if she chooses to leave, I mean she should,

803
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 5: She needs to leave more than I do.

804
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,439
Speaker 2: I'm seriously she should transfer too.

805
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah she should, But I made up my mind.

806
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 5: You know, I can't make her do that.

807
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 3: And honestly, this actually brings something else up for me.

808
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 3: I think it's a really good thing for you to

809
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 3: be getting out of that sort of like soup of grossness.

810
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:01,479
Speaker 3: I have someone in my life in my life who

811
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 3: didn't she knew about an affair. It was a coworker thing.

812
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,239
Speaker 3: It was like this person always came to her talking

813
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 3: about the affair. It literally made her physically sick, and

814
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,439
Speaker 3: now she's dealing with the consequences of that illness. But

815
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 3: really and truly, I believe and she believes it's like

816
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 3: part of what caused her chronic illness.

817
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't need it, so I'm looking forward to

818
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 5: what's next.

819
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 2: Well, good for you. You seem like you're solid.

820
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think so now eight years ago not so

821
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 5: much totally.

822
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:32,399
Speaker 1: Well, you know what you learn and listen, I did

823
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 1: that once when I was young, and I would never

824
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 1: ever do that again, no matter what, Like it's just

825
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:38,919
Speaker 1: not worth it.

826
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would never do that to myself. I'll never

827
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 5: do that to myself again because just I can't even

828
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,800
Speaker 5: think about the anguish and like I was on the floor.

829
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 5: I mean, it's just it's shameful.

830
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, but no, you no better.

831
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 1: Well just tell her that anguish is easily available elsewhere.

832
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 3: Right, like in regular dating relationships.

833
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, right, Well this has been a dream come true.

834
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 5: Really truly.

835
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 2: Thanks man, Okay, thanks, take care, bye bye.

836
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 1: Solve that, Chelsea M Well, I don't know if we

837
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: solved it, but I wish women just didn't do that.

838
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 2: Men too many men, so many men. Why don't you

839
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: fuck somebody that's married?

840
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 3: He's also like by that definition, like not a good

841
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,760
Speaker 3: one or another shitty one, but they're.

842
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 2: Getting divorced for what for him? Like what?

843
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 5: Right?

844
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 3: Like it caused her a divorce and like still this

845
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 3: man's poor wife doesn't know. Yikes. Well, our next caller

846
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 3: is Amelia. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been dating the

847
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 3: same guy on and off for nearly two years. I

848
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,240
Speaker 3: love him dearly, and most of me wants to stay.

849
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 3: But I have a few serious reservations due to one,

850
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 3: how he's treated me in the past six months while

851
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 3: he's dealing with a health crisis, and two his seemingly selfish,

852
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 3: cheap tendencies. I just listed my condo and we talked

853
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 3: of moving in together when his lease ends, but now

854
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 3: I'm having doubts and wondering if I can tolerate the

855
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 3: way he operates for the rest of my life. Regarding

856
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 3: his above selfish cheap tendencies, here are a few anecdotal examples.

857
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 3: He frequently plans social events or dates, yet more often

858
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 3: than not lets me treat or splits the bill down

859
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 3: the middle. I'll fully admit that part of it's my

860
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 3: fault for constantly offering. Mind you, he literally makes fifty

861
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 3: thousand dollars more than I do and has lower bills

862
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 3: and expenses. We live in a mountainous area and go

863
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 3: hiking or skiing most weekends, and since I have a dog,

864
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 3: he pushes to always use my car instead of his,

865
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 3: which puts wear and tear on mine. In addition to

866
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 3: not offering to chip in for gas, I've flat out

867
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 3: told him before I cannot keep up with your spending

868
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 3: and if we're going to take my car most times

869
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 3: I would appreciate if you split gas with me. He

870
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 3: will agree and then suddenly, quote unquote forget. He occasionally

871
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 3: will make a point to pay, but it does it

872
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 3: in such odd ways. We recently went to the movies together,

873
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 3: for example, and his contribution was to venmomy for both

874
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 3: of our water bottles. I'm not sure how to approach

875
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 3: this topic with him, or if I should throw in

876
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 3: the towel, as generosity in a relationship is a deal

877
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 3: breaker for me. I'm overly generous, forgiving and patient, yet

878
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 3: I have to plainly and repeatedly ask him to contribute

879
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 3: financially and in other ways in the relationship while I

880
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 3: love him dearly. This, coupled with his constant excuses of

881
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 3: his recent health crisis, is getting old help Amelia.

882
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 2: Hi, Amelia, Hey, how's it going?

883
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 3: Hi God, how are you good?

884
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 4: Thank you?

885
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 3: So can you tell us a little bit about what's

886
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 3: the health crisis?

887
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 2: You didn't?

888
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 3: You mentioned it, but didn't really expound on that.

889
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's been dealing with a series of neurological I

890
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 4: don't know that I want to go too much into

891
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 4: detail just for the sake the constant headaches, fatigue, trouble sleeping, focusing,

892
00:39:59,000 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 4: mood swings.

893
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 2: Except so that has nothing to do with him being cheap.

894
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, I would say, if I honestly, I have

895
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 1: a real problem with paucity or thenuriousness, which is a

896
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: two words for being very cheap. I feel like it

897
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 1: is much more than a money thing. It is a

898
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 1: personality thing, and it is tight holding onto everything for yourself.

899
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 1: All the examples you've listed made my skin crawl. I

900
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 1: find that irredeemable, you know what I mean? I just

901
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 1: I can't to express enough that cheapness is just not

902
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,840
Speaker 1: about money. It's just about what you are willing to

903
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:40,360
Speaker 1: give of yourself, your generosity of spirit, your generosity of attention.

904
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 1: And because you're always always preoccupied with saving money, that

905
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 1: is your number one you know thing in your mind

906
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: is like, how do I get away without paying this?

907
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: How do I trick her into driving? And then I

908
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 1: send her money for a fucking bottle of water on venmo?

909
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: I mean, please getting married and space in your life

910
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: with somebody. There are going to be so many hurdles

911
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 1: that you're gonna have to cross, and there are going

912
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 1: to be ups and downs throughout a lifetime. Naturally, you

913
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 1: don't even want to deal with the money aspect of

914
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 1: this shit, you know. You want somebody who's like minded,

915
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,879
Speaker 1: who's like, oh, yeah, let's split it evenly or or yeah,

916
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 1: and maybe it is your fault for offering it up

917
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 1: too much, but who cares. He shouldn't have accepted that

918
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 1: all the time, he makes more money than you, and

919
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,400
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship.

920
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it. People want to be fifty to fifty,

921
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 2: but not down to the tea like that.

922
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 1: It's icky to the penny, it's not attractive, and they're

923
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: gonna not be attracted to him after a while if

924
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 1: you already you know, I mean, I'm sure I can't

925
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 1: imagine it not having an impact on your sex life already.

926
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, And to be clear, he's phenomenal, he's a great person,

927
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 4: but there's only so many.

928
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 2: Times better be Yeah, with that fucking quality.

929
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 4: I mean, there's only just so many times. And it

930
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 4: just kind of makes me feel ick to have to ask, right,

931
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 4: like please sir?

932
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, I very much agree. I'm in the

933
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 3: same boat with Elsie. If there were a fix for this,

934
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,920
Speaker 3: I wonder first questions. First, if you guys are going

935
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 3: to move in together and you are actually thinking about

936
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,879
Speaker 3: spending more of your life with this person, is there

937
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,359
Speaker 3: a world in which you'd combine finances, because it kind

938
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:15,919
Speaker 3: of would negate the entire thing.

939
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 4: Well, I think he's I should have probably added this.

940
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,360
Speaker 4: I'm pretty ambivalent when it comes to getting married and

941
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 4: having kids. He's pretty set it on not so I

942
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 4: can't imagine that he would be open to being on

943
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 4: the mortgage with me or something like that, So that

944
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 4: would probably be a no. I haven't asked that question though, yet.

945
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I just I think you know the answer

946
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:35,720
Speaker 2: to this question.

947
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: But when you wrote in, I think you're already on

948
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 1: your way out, and I think I encourage that exit.

949
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you do allude to like there are

950
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 3: other ways he's stingy more than just money, and like

951
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,839
Speaker 3: just money is pretty big and pretty icky. It may

952
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 3: help you could try it for a few weeks to

953
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 3: be like, okay, time for you to get out and

954
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 3: pump and pay for gas, like just being very direct

955
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 3: about it, which I find sometimes helps when I've been like, hey,

956
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 3: could you Sometimes you just got to be like, here

957
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 3: you go. I'm gonna sit in the car while you

958
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 3: pump and pay or whatever the case may be. But

959
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 3: it does feel like this is emblematic of bigger things

960
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 3: in the relationship, right Amelia.

961
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I don't think that anything's ever going

962
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 4: to be like fifty to fifty of the time, but

963
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 4: it doesn't. It shouldn't be like ninety ten ninety percent

964
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:23,879
Speaker 4: of the time.

965
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 3: Oh for sure, for sure it should not.

966
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 1: And why have you guys broken up, you said on

967
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: and off for two years, Like what were the issues

968
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: that broke you up?

969
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 4: I think that he will not have anything that inconveniences him.

970
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 4: He doesn't have a history I think of long committed

971
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 4: relationships from what I've been told, so various reasons, but

972
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 4: they actually weren't related to money.

973
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 3: Okay, Smurprisingly, I think if you needed a last ditch,

974
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 3: if you guys weren't going to combine finances like when

975
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 3: you move in together, if you move in together and

976
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 3: get to that point for other people who might be

977
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 3: having maybe a lesser version of this, you could always

978
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 3: have a combined slush fund of like here is how

979
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 3: much you contribute, how much I contribute, And since you

980
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 3: point out the disparity and how much you guys make,

981
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,319
Speaker 3: it should be a percentage of what each of you make,

982
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 3: so that it's even in a way that's not like

983
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 3: monetarily the same dollar amount.

984
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 4: Now that makes sense, and I think that's more than fair.

985
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,479
Speaker 4: So yeah, I think that's a great yea.

986
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 2: Cool Okay, And you know where I stand?

987
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I did.

988
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 5: You've made it pretty clear, so.

989
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, let us know how it goes. Well,

990
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 3: Thank you, all right, thanks so much, hebe.

991
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 1: It reminds me of I remember my friend dated this

992
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 1: guy and he was always I mean, at the minute

993
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: I met him, I was like, is he cheap or what?

994
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 2: Because he's so and.

995
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 1: You know how I am with money, I don't give

996
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 1: a shit, yeah at all. And I was like this

997
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 1: when I had no money, which is why you get money.

998
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 2: It's true.

999
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 1: Tighter you hold onto money, the easier it is to lose.

1000
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,840
Speaker 2: Yes, the less you hold onto money, the more comes

1001
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,800
Speaker 2: your way. That is a fucking of life.

1002
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 3: I fully believe that. The more you're just like, oh, money,

1003
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:06,839
Speaker 3: isn't this like big cloud over my head, It's it's

1004
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 3: in and out, it's always moving around. That is what

1005
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 3: helps it flow through you.

1006
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 2: What I wanted to say is the more tight your

1007
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,479
Speaker 2: grip is, the more you tighten your grip, the more

1008
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 2: likely you are to lose something and someone to and

1009
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 2: someone exactly. When you cannot control your emotions or your

1010
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,720
Speaker 2: feelings towards something, that is a bad sign. My friend

1011
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 2: had this guy and I remember him bringing groceries over

1012
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 2: and she was cooking or I don't remember. I definitely wasn't,

1013
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 2: and she was.

1014
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 1: He was literally looking at he had like a six

1015
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 1: pack of beer that he had brought over and I

1016
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 1: went to grab a beer.

1017
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 2: She went to grab a beer, and he's like, we

1018
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 2: only have four left.

1019
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: And it's like wait, wait, wait, wait, you just brought

1020
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 1: a fucking beers over.

1021
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 2: What is the what did you want to happen?

1022
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: Nobody to take any And if you're sitting there counting

1023
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 1: that and you're counting money, how are you present?

1024
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,320
Speaker 2: Why are you present when you're preoccupied with saving?

1025
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 3: Yeah? And how are you enjoyable to be around? Also,

1026
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 3: like when you have an open hand, it just it

1027
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 3: fills you up in a way that you can't even explain.

1028
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 3: It's not tangible, but it also is tangible, you know,

1029
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 3: like you see it come into your life. People are

1030
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 3: generous with you when you're generous with them.

1031
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 2: It's more of an energetic thing, you know.

1032
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 1: And I guess people who aren't consumed or you know,

1033
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 1: don't care about that. They don't care about energy or

1034
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 1: karma or whatever. They think of it as concrete money

1035
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 1: that they have that is going missing and that they're

1036
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 1: losing this when they spend this. And it's one thing

1037
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 1: to want to save money, but it's one thing to

1038
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: hold onto something that's going to go away anyway, like

1039
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 1: fucking food or beer or you know, tangible items like

1040
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 1: all of it is just it's not important enough to

1041
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 1: get upset about and to obsess over. So I have

1042
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 1: a brother who's very, very cheap, and it's a big

1043
00:46:54,840 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 1: turn off. M It'll fly to let's say California from Jersey,

1044
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 1: but he'll stop over in Atlanta and perhaps Texas in

1045
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 1: order to save money to get to La. I'm like,

1046
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: why not go to Guatemala, you fucking moron. Why don't

1047
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: you have LA over there?

1048
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 3: There is like a mental and emotional toll that that

1049
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:12,959
Speaker 3: also takes.

1050
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 1: I remember the first time I was in with my

1051
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,800
Speaker 1: brother Glenn. I was in a hotel room. We were dating,

1052
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 1: and I went into the mini bar to grab something.

1053
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 1: Goes don't take anything out of there, it's too expensive.

1054
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: And I looked at him and was like, if you

1055
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 1: think that I'm going to live a life where I

1056
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: don't get to eat or drink shit out of the

1057
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:35,880
Speaker 1: mini bar, then you're fucking out of your tree. Like

1058
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:37,800
Speaker 1: I am going to take out of the minibar and

1059
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 1: then you're gonna pay for it.

1060
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,720
Speaker 3: Sorry, Glenn, No, that is sort of a mental shift

1061
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:44,720
Speaker 3: that I mean, I had to make at one point

1062
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,359
Speaker 3: from being like, oh my gosh, I don't have any

1063
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 3: money whatever and being like, wait, no, I do need

1064
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 3: a drink of water, and it's worth seven dollars to

1065
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 3: have this drink of water.

1066
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,279
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I was broke for many years when

1067
00:47:58,320 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 1: I moved to LA I moved here when I was

1068
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: in iteen years old, and I waited tables and I

1069
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 1: barely scraped by and I didn't have money, but I

1070
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 1: had credit cards and I used them not sparingly. I

1071
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 1: use them all the time. I mean I acted like

1072
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 1: a hot shot when I wasn't a hot shot. I

1073
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: take all my friends out to dinner all the time.

1074
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: I racked up like thirty sixty grand worth of debt,

1075
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 1: and I watched all my friends do the same thing,

1076
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: not to the degree that I did. But you know,

1077
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 1: file bankruptcy like girls were filing bankruptcy because back then

1078
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 1: you could, I guess that's probably the same now. I

1079
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: haven't had to contemplate that in recent years. But you

1080
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:35,759
Speaker 1: could just get new credit cards, like a week after

1081
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,719
Speaker 1: you filed bankruptcy, so you started it all again. They

1082
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 1: expunge your whole previous record and you get to start

1083
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 1: a new and I never did that because I was like,

1084
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 1: that's so dishonest.

1085
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 2: I know I'll make the money to pay back. I

1086
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:47,280
Speaker 2: know I'm going to make money.

1087
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 1: And sure enough I did, and I was able to

1088
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 1: pay back all of that debt in a matter of

1089
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 1: probably months once I started, you know, really like hitting

1090
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 1: it and making real money. And it felt so good.

1091
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 1: It felt good to pay off my debt. It felt

1092
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 1: good to not be in debt. And so I understand

1093
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 1: like the notion of stressing out about you know, you

1094
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 1: have a lot of debt to pay, and that's one thing.

1095
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,879
Speaker 1: And so I don't want people to get confused about

1096
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 1: being broken being cheap, you know what I mean, Yes,

1097
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 1: you can be broke, and you can also not be cheap.

1098
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 1: You can just be like you have to have confidence

1099
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 1: in your ability to be able to earn that money

1100
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,360
Speaker 1: at some point in your life and pay your bills

1101
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 1: and also not to hoard things.

1102
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, for yourself. I mean, it's not it's not even

1103
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 3: like about how much you have. It's about your willingness

1104
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 3: to share what you do have. Yeah, like that, I think,

1105
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,719
Speaker 3: you know, especially traveling, like that's what you see in

1106
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 3: so many other cultures like here, we're very about you know,

1107
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 3: keeping up with the Jones is. Here's what I have,

1108
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,720
Speaker 3: here's my benchmarks. But like in so many other cultures,

1109
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 3: when you travel like people who have so much less

1110
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 3: than you are so willing to give everything they have,

1111
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,399
Speaker 3: you know, come stay with me, come have a meal

1112
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 3: in my home. Whatever, And that's what it's about about

1113
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 3: being open handed.

1114
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:03,319
Speaker 1: With what Oh, I have a really moving story. This

1115
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 1: is kind of like me patting myself on the back,

1116
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 1: but fucking who cares. I always like to leave a

1117
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 1: tip in the in the hotel room for the chambermaid

1118
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: or the cleaning lady, whatever the you know.

1119
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 2: Whatever they prefer to be called.

1120
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 1: I think chambermaid is from the seventeen hundred, so probably

1121
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 1: cleaning ladies more apt are appropriate.

1122
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 2: Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm from Canada. Now sorry did you

1123
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 2: hear that? It flipped? It slipped out? My my Canadians

1124
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 2: are having such a big influence on me.

1125
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,959
Speaker 1: Anyway, I want to say so, I always leave money,

1126
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 1: and when I'm in really small towns that I think

1127
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 1: people are suffering, I leave more money. And obviously I

1128
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 1: don't have any financial issues. Now I have a healthy

1129
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 1: financial situation going on.

1130
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:41,839
Speaker 2: So when I'm in a.

1131
00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 1: Small town or a worse town, I'm like, oh, I

1132
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 1: should just give more money because these people are even

1133
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 1: more they need it more, right, right, So over one

1134
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 1: weekend when I was on tour, we were in Grand Rapids, Michigan,

1135
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 1: and I just thought, you know what, fuck it, I'm

1136
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:57,919
Speaker 1: going to leave. I had a hundred on me. I said,

1137
00:50:57,920 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: I'm just going to leave a hundred. This is a

1138
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 1: nice thing to do instead of going down breaking change

1139
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 1: that I don't need. So I left one hundred dollars,

1140
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 1: walked out of the room and I was sitting there

1141
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 1: waiting at the elevator, and the cleaning lady ran up

1142
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 1: to me with tears in her eyes and hugged me

1143
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 1: and said, thank you so much. You just made my

1144
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 1: entire month. And I was like, no, you just made mine.

1145
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 1: You know, because you don't know how you're helping people.

1146
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:22,880
Speaker 1: So if you are in a position where you do

1147
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 1: have money, please be generous with these people like we are.

1148
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 1: You know, with inflation and everything that's going on, Like

1149
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: twenty dollars isn't what it used to be right now,

1150
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 1: it's not, and you have to make sure you're thinking

1151
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: of all these people when you're in a position to

1152
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: think of them. I know, if you're broke and you

1153
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:41,640
Speaker 1: don't have twenty dollars to leave housekeeper that when you're

1154
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 1: staying in hotel, I get it.

1155
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:44,760
Speaker 2: You don't have to leave twenty dollars, but leave whatever

1156
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 2: you can.

1157
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 1: If you can leave something, you know, you're impacting and

1158
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:51,320
Speaker 1: then you're causing this beautiful ripple effect of goodness wherever

1159
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: you go. You know, you leave it around, and the

1160
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 1: more you have, the more you should share.

1161
00:51:57,160 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it goes back to you know, what we were

1162
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 3: saying on the season finale. You know, my dad's saying

1163
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 3: is always you're blessed to be a blessing. And when

1164
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 3: you have blessings, whether that's financial or spiritual or mental

1165
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 3: health or whatever, it is, good things bubbling up in

1166
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 3: your life. Passed them along. Yeah. Yeah, Well, our last

1167
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 3: caller today is Katie and this actually goes right with

1168
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 3: what we're saying. So this is this is perfect. You're Chelsea.

1169
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 3: I'm a woman in my mid thirties who crafted an

1170
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 3: amazing career and can provide for my super hilarious family

1171
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 3: of four five if you count our loving doggo When

1172
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 3: the pandemic hit, my husband lost his primary income. He

1173
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 3: was an independent contractor for a travel company that was

1174
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 3: devastated by lockdowns. There wasn't any time to panic when

1175
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 3: our financial situation changed. We kept our heads down, figured

1176
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,839
Speaker 3: out a plan, and pushed through it. He and I

1177
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 3: always find a way to make opportunities out of disasters.

1178
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 3: He's the hardest working guy I've ever known. I have

1179
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 3: a full time job in the tech industry and an

1180
00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 3: academic side hustle. Sometimes it feels like both have taken

1181
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 3: off almost faster than I can keep up with. I

1182
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 3: went from being a stay at home mom and part

1183
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 3: time psychology student to a formidable breadwinner, and ultimately I'm

1184
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 3: happy that things have turned out this way. My husband

1185
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 3: went back to school to become a lawyer, and I

1186
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 3: was able to pay his tuition. He's finishing his law

1187
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 3: degree this semester and has already secured a contract at

1188
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,680
Speaker 3: the top rated law firm in his field. Here's the thing.

1189
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 3: We've grown accustomed to not telling others about our accomplishments

1190
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,839
Speaker 3: throughout this process, as we continued to level up and

1191
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 3: our hard work started to pay off. Anytime we shared

1192
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 3: some details about ourselves, like getting promotions, buying a new house,

1193
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:41,560
Speaker 3: giving speeches, et ce. Some friends and family would remain quiet,

1194
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:45,719
Speaker 3: say very few words or past sarcastic remarks. For example,

1195
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 3: when Hubby got into law school, some people from our

1196
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,320
Speaker 3: inner circle said, oh okay, and that was the extent

1197
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 3: of their feedback. I'm the kind of person who will

1198
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 3: shout from the rooftops on behalf of my friends and family.

1199
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,399
Speaker 3: Although not everyone is a hype girl, A big part

1200
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 3: of me was at a more congratulatory reception. Don't get

1201
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:05,280
Speaker 3: me wrong. There were so many people who've been supportive

1202
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 3: of us, and I understand the three years in lockdown

1203
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 3: knock the wind out of everybody's sales, so it might

1204
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 3: be hard to rejoice on behalf of someone while you're struggling.

1205
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:16,360
Speaker 3: I totally get it. Somehow, hitting massive milestones without the

1206
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:19,480
Speaker 3: support of people who intimately know your journey feels different.

1207
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 3: I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this matter. As we

1208
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,800
Speaker 3: grow our personal wealth, succeed in our careers, and elevate

1209
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 3: to a new status or whatever, is there an inherent

1210
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:33,080
Speaker 3: isolation that comes with advancement. Best Katie hiy, Katie Hi,

1211
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:34,879
Speaker 3: How are you good?

1212
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:35,840
Speaker 2: How are you doing.

1213
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:36,959
Speaker 5: I'm doing well.

1214
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 6: I'm very happy to be here with you and Hi

1215
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:39,800
Speaker 6: gun conference.

1216
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:40,319
Speaker 3: Hi.

1217
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 1: Well, what I would say first and foremost is that

1218
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 1: your success and your milestones and all of the hard

1219
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 1: work you guys have put into everything isn't contigent upon

1220
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 1: other people's reactions. Mike, I understand what you're saying.

1221
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 2: I've been there.

1222
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 1: I've had people been very close friends in my life

1223
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: not be happy for major accomplishments that I've had. And

1224
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 1: that's just there's really nothing you're going to be able

1225
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,799
Speaker 1: to do about that, going from person to person and

1226
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:08,239
Speaker 1: being like, why aren't you happy for me?

1227
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 2: Are you jealous?

1228
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:10,759
Speaker 1: Are you upset with your own You have to be

1229
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: doing all of these things for you, which you are,

1230
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 1: and looking for outside confirmation is going to be a

1231
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:21,120
Speaker 1: losing battle. You just can't depend or to be disappointed

1232
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 1: in that, and you and and maybe it's a lesson

1233
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 1: for you to maybe not maybe your accomplishments are supposed

1234
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,880
Speaker 1: to be celebrated between you and your husband. Look what

1235
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:33,240
Speaker 1: you guys did accomplish like it's fucking badass, that's incredible,

1236
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:36,240
Speaker 1: what you've done, that you supported him and were able

1237
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:38,759
Speaker 1: to do that for him, after him working so hard

1238
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: for so long and then changing his career trajectory, and

1239
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:43,400
Speaker 1: now he's already got a job, so he's going to

1240
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:45,840
Speaker 1: actually be able to, like, you know, return the favor

1241
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 1: to you if and when that's necessary, And like, there's

1242
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 1: already so much goodness. Don't look outside for confirmation and

1243
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 1: affirmation that comes from within. And the better you get

1244
00:55:56,719 --> 00:56:00,319
Speaker 1: at that by celebrating each other with each other, the

1245
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: less interested you're going to be. And what other people

1246
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:04,320
Speaker 1: think about.

1247
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 5: It, Yeah, thank you.

1248
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:06,440
Speaker 2: I'll say this.

1249
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 6: I wasn't really seeking validation from anyone. I was just

1250
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 6: kind of sharing news when people were asking, hey, like

1251
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:12,759
Speaker 6: what's going on?

1252
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:13,319
Speaker 5: How long are you?

1253
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1254
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I would, you know, share something positive kind

1255
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 6: of in this newer realm of career for me because

1256
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 6: before my career took off, I was the adventurous one

1257
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:27,000
Speaker 6: who always got in trouble. So I'm kind of also

1258
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:30,319
Speaker 6: wondering maybe I was typecast in a way as like

1259
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 6: that kind of crazy, fun girl and then I became

1260
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 6: quite serious. So I don't know if maybe that's a factor,

1261
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 6: but you're right, I definitely don't need to seek approval

1262
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 6: from anyone else.

1263
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:44,360
Speaker 2: Oh and who knows what's going on with other people.

1264
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:46,680
Speaker 1: Maybe other people feel like you're bragging, or maybe other

1265
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:48,680
Speaker 1: people feel bit shitty about what's going on in their

1266
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 1: own lives and they don't have room to celebrate you

1267
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 1: because they're struggling with something that you don't know about.

1268
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,239
Speaker 1: You know, like this is good stuff, You've got good

1269
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:59,400
Speaker 1: vibes going. Don't let other people rate on that parade, period,

1270
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:02,839
Speaker 1: and don't shove it in people's faces necessarily, especially if

1271
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 1: their feedback hasn't been what you had wanted it to

1272
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 1: be or hoped it would be. Maybe there is something

1273
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 1: going on with that person. Maybe you want to check

1274
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 1: in with them about what's going on with them. And

1275
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:16,440
Speaker 1: you know, before you kind of advertise your good news,

1276
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 1: I'll never forget.

1277
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 2: This is a perfect example.

1278
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 1: I was waiting tables and I got signed with this

1279
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,960
Speaker 1: management firm when I was in my early twenties or

1280
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:25,080
Speaker 1: mid twenties, and I walked into this restaurant I used

1281
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:27,320
Speaker 1: to work at called Chiavannas, and there was a morning

1282
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 1: meeting and everyone at the restaurant is trying to be

1283
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 1: an actor or an actress or a writer or whatever.

1284
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 1: And I walked in and I was so excited that

1285
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 1: I got representation, Like I was like, I just got

1286
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 1: represented by the same people who represent you know, I

1287
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 1: don't know who it was at the time, probably TYR

1288
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 1: Banks or something.

1289
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, that's my new manager.

1290
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 1: And the whole table just looked at me like no

1291
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:52,080
Speaker 1: one gives a shit, like we're all fucking struggling here

1292
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 1: and you're coming in here like you know, you're the

1293
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 1: king of the you know, the queen of the thing.

1294
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 1: And I was like it was a lesson for me, like,

1295
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:01,000
Speaker 1: don't spread your good news where it's not you know

1296
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like.

1297
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 2: Know your audience too.

1298
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta read the room.

1299
00:58:04,760 --> 00:58:06,440
Speaker 1: And when you're in a one on one with a

1300
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 1: close personal friend like or a relative like, then that's

1301
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 1: the moment to be like, oh my god, I'm feeling

1302
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 1: so great about everything we've done. But just be careful

1303
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 1: about spreading good news because you don't want you don't

1304
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,439
Speaker 1: want other people kind of reigning on your parade, even

1305
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 1: in their private moments. You know what if they're like, oh,

1306
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 1: she's so full of herself. She thinks she's accomplished this,

1307
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 1: and or she used to be so much fun and

1308
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 1: now she's so serious, Like all of that is just noise.

1309
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:30,920
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. What you're doing matters.

1310
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:33,640
Speaker 1: Your relationship with your husband matters, and what you've done

1311
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:37,280
Speaker 1: and cultivated is beautiful and that's all you need to know.

1312
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 6: No, thank you, And you're right. I think I am

1313
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 6: just going to be kind of selective, you know, about

1314
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:45,840
Speaker 6: what I do and don't share, And that's fine. I

1315
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 6: don't want to come off as braggadosius anyway, that's not

1316
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:49,120
Speaker 6: that's not my goal.

1317
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 2: No, not at all.

1318
00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think you know, there's room to talk

1319
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 3: about what's going on in your life. Like I had

1320
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:57,160
Speaker 3: a friend like this who you know, when I, I

1321
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 3: or anybody else in our friend group would like talk

1322
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:01,640
Speaker 3: about any sort of career successes, she would sort of

1323
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 3: like smile through her teeth. I'd be like, that's so

1324
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 3: great for you, but you could tell she was very

1325
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:09,800
Speaker 3: upset by it. And she has become a person like

1326
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:14,640
Speaker 3: because other things outside of career have improved in her life. Now,

1327
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 3: she's like genuinely can like spill over with happiness whenever

1328
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 3: anyone talks about something good that's happening for them. So

1329
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 3: you just you know, you never know what's going on

1330
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 3: for them, but like, I think it's okay to talk

1331
00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 3: about what's going on in your life and if it's

1332
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:29,000
Speaker 3: received with some lukewarm emotions, move on.

1333
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 6: All right, excellent, Thank you both. That's It's kind of

1334
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 6: what I was hoping to hear.

1335
00:59:33,640 --> 00:59:36,760
Speaker 2: So thank you, good well, congrats on everything. We're happy

1336
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 2: for you.

1337
00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 6: Thank you, thank you so much.

1338
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 2: Thanks Katie, bye.

1339
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 3: Ladies, Bye well Chelsea, what a fun episode we had today?

1340
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, lots of lots of money.

1341
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 2: Stuffs, cheap cheap stuff, cheap stuff.

1342
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 5: Cheap stuff.

1343
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 1: Wow, Juliana Marghilly's just texted me. We have to put

1344
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 1: her back on the new season.

1345
00:59:58,080 --> 00:59:59,520
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it.

1346
00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 2: Won't be the same without her.

1347
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 1: She's not texting me about that, but she's texting me,

1348
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 1: and it reminded me we have to use her for

1349
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:05,680
Speaker 1: every season because.

1350
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 3: She's a she is a fan favorite. I still get

1351
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:10,200
Speaker 3: emails all the time about like, when are you having

1352
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:14,880
Speaker 3: Juliana back on? So we'll have to have her post haste. Chelsea,

1353
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,040
Speaker 3: do you have any tour dates or anything else that's

1354
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:18,320
Speaker 3: coming up that you talk about.

1355
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 1: Yes, I have all sorts of shows on sale now,

1356
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 1: you guys, I'm coming to the Kennedy Center in Washington,

1357
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: d C. Check Chelseahandler dot com and Yeah, New York, La,

1358
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 1: San Francisco, all the good ones you guys. They're all

1359
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:32,680
Speaker 1: on sale and we're adding shows, so if your city

1360
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 1: sold out, look again.

1361
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:38,960
Speaker 3: Courtney Cope's input is general psychological information based on research

1362
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:42,320
Speaker 3: and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational

1363
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:45,440
Speaker 3: in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established

1364
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:49,480
Speaker 3: clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. Courtney's

1365
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:52,440
Speaker 3: feedback is in response to a written question, and therefore

1366
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 3: there are likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also,

1367
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:58,840
Speaker 3: just because you might hear something on the show that

1368
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:02,959
Speaker 3: sounds similar to what you're experiencing, beware of self diagnosis.

1369
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 3: Diagnosis is not required to find relief, and you'll want

1370
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:09,000
Speaker 3: to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnoses

1371
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 3: if that's important to you. If you are your partner

1372
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:15,600
Speaker 3: or in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety,

1373
01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 3: reach out for support like crisis hotlines and local authorities

1374
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:20,880
Speaker 3: have a safety plan that can be done with a

1375
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:24,400
Speaker 3: therapist too. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us

1376
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,720
Speaker 3: an email at Dear Chelsea, podcast at gmail dot com

1377
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 3: and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea

1378
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:34,120
Speaker 3: is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine

1379
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 3: Law and be sure to check out our merch at

1380
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:39,880
Speaker 3: Chelseahandler dot com