Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to go ahead and make that trip
Speaker 1: to visit family and friends, whether that's over the holiday
Speaker 1: season or any other time. Yes, it's inconvenient and expensive,
Speaker 1: but nurturing relationships is a good use of time and money.
Speaker 1: You'll almost always be glad you went. So, my family
Speaker 1: isn't traveling anywhere this holiday season. My baby is due
Speaker 1: in mid January, so we need to stay close to
Speaker 1: home to avoid any on the road labor surprises. But
Speaker 1: we've traveled to visit family during many previous years. It's
Speaker 1: never terribly fun to cram everyone in the minivan for
Speaker 1: ten hours. But my kids don't seem to remember those
Speaker 1: hours of complaining about someone else's minivan movie choice. When
Speaker 1: they talk about how much fun it is to visit cousins,
Speaker 1: they don't remember those minivan hours or the time we've
Speaker 1: spent in airports. Because memory is a funny thing. While
Speaker 1: we think of ourselves as one person, we are really
Speaker 1: comprised of multiple selves. There's the anticipating self, which looks
Speaker 1: forward to the future, the experiencing self, which is in
Speaker 1: the here and now, and the remembering self, which thinks
Speaker 1: back upon the past. Curiously, the anticipating and remembering selves
Speaker 1: tend to have a more rosy view of life than
Speaker 1: the experiencing self. One study of people going on an
Speaker 1: epic bicycling trip found that before the trip they were
Speaker 1: excited about this adventure. Afterwards they recalled the sense of
Speaker 1: accomplishment and the great scenery. During the trip, well, they
Speaker 1: felt tired and their legs hurt. The experiencing self is
Speaker 1: never entirely happy. You can be on a tropical beach,
Speaker 1: drink in hand, watching a gorgeous sunset, the love of
Speaker 1: your life next to you, and you could be thinking,
Speaker 1: my toe hurts, I have to go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: Was that a mosquito? We experienced the present in our
Speaker 1: temporal bodies. Plus there are anxieties involved in figuring out
Speaker 1: anything new or challenging, but the present is fleeting. It is,
Speaker 1: as William James once wrote, melted in our grasp, fled ere.
Speaker 1: We could touch it, gone in the instant of becoming.
Speaker 1: If we only listen to our experiencing selves and only
Speaker 1: do things that make our experiencing selves happy and comfortable,
Speaker 1: in the moment, we'd never get off the couch. We'd
Speaker 1: miss the opportunity to do things that might be difficult
Speaker 1: in the moment but will give us great memories to
Speaker 1: look back upon. So yes, packing your suit cases is
Speaker 1: less fun than watching TV. So is sitting on an
Speaker 1: airplane or in a minivan. You will not sleep as
Speaker 1: well in your aunt's guest room as you will at home,
Speaker 1: but you will only have to deal with these woes
Speaker 1: for a little while. You can look back on the
Speaker 1: memories fondly, and in the long run, these memories might
Speaker 1: make you feel like you have more time. From my
Speaker 1: book Off the Clock, I had nine d busy people
Speaker 1: track their time for a day. Then I asked them
Speaker 1: questions about how they felt about their time. I could
Speaker 1: assign people time perception scores based on whether they felt
Speaker 1: time was scarce or abundant. I found that these time
Speaker 1: perception scores rose in direct correlation with how much time
Speaker 1: people spent interacting with family and friends. You'll remember those
Speaker 1: four days spent with family over the holidays, even if
Speaker 1: some of it is challenging, more than you'll remember an
Speaker 1: equivalent four days spent watching TV at home. Now there
Speaker 1: are caveats to this. If your family is abusive or
Speaker 1: dysfunctional in ways that triggered dangerous feelings for you, best
Speaker 1: to stay clear. Also, fairness matters. It's worth it for
Speaker 1: anyone to make the trip, which means it's not fair
Speaker 1: for one part of the family to always be traveling
Speaker 1: to at the others. Having young kids isn't really an
Speaker 1: excuse for staying put. Having few vacation days isn't really
Speaker 1: an excuse either. Well, it's nice for people without these
Speaker 1: constraints to do more of the traveling. The point still
Speaker 1: stands unless someone is physically unable to travel or told
Speaker 1: medically it's a bad idea, which is my issue, then
Speaker 1: it's a possibility. If something is a priority to you,
Speaker 1: it's a priority, and if it isn't, it isn't. So
Speaker 1: if you say relationships are a priority, why not prove it.
Speaker 1: Go to weddings, go to funerals, and go travel over
Speaker 1: the holidays. You might be more rested staying at home,
Speaker 1: but what are you saving your energy for in the meantime.
Speaker 1: This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear from you You can send me your tip, your questions,
Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the
Speaker 1: number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also
Speaker 1: shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i
Speaker 1: heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out
Speaker 1: with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward
Speaker 1: to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of
Speaker 1: I heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
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