WEBVTT - Make the trip

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to go ahead and make that trip

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<v Speaker 1>to visit family and friends, whether that's over the holiday

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<v Speaker 1>season or any other time. Yes, it's inconvenient and expensive,

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<v Speaker 1>but nurturing relationships is a good use of time and money.

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<v Speaker 1>You'll almost always be glad you went. So, my family

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<v Speaker 1>isn't traveling anywhere this holiday season. My baby is due

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<v Speaker 1>in mid January, so we need to stay close to

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<v Speaker 1>home to avoid any on the road labor surprises. But

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<v Speaker 1>we've traveled to visit family during many previous years. It's

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<v Speaker 1>never terribly fun to cram everyone in the minivan for

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<v Speaker 1>ten hours. But my kids don't seem to remember those

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<v Speaker 1>hours of complaining about someone else's minivan movie choice. When

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<v Speaker 1>they talk about how much fun it is to visit cousins,

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<v Speaker 1>they don't remember those minivan hours or the time we've

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<v Speaker 1>spent in airports. Because memory is a funny thing. While

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<v Speaker 1>we think of ourselves as one person, we are really

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<v Speaker 1>comprised of multiple selves. There's the anticipating self, which looks

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<v Speaker 1>forward to the future, the experiencing self, which is in

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<v Speaker 1>the here and now, and the remembering self, which thinks

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<v Speaker 1>back upon the past. Curiously, the anticipating and remembering selves

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<v Speaker 1>tend to have a more rosy view of life than

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<v Speaker 1>the experiencing self. One study of people going on an

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<v Speaker 1>epic bicycling trip found that before the trip they were

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<v Speaker 1>excited about this adventure. Afterwards they recalled the sense of

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<v Speaker 1>accomplishment and the great scenery. During the trip, well, they

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<v Speaker 1>felt tired and their legs hurt. The experiencing self is

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<v Speaker 1>never entirely happy. You can be on a tropical beach,

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<v Speaker 1>drink in hand, watching a gorgeous sunset, the love of

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<v Speaker 1>your life next to you, and you could be thinking,

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<v Speaker 1>my toe hurts, I have to go to the bathroom.

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<v Speaker 1>Was that a mosquito? We experienced the present in our

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<v Speaker 1>temporal bodies. Plus there are anxieties involved in figuring out

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<v Speaker 1>anything new or challenging, but the present is fleeting. It is,

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<v Speaker 1>as William James once wrote, melted in our grasp, fled ere.

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<v Speaker 1>We could touch it, gone in the instant of becoming.

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<v Speaker 1>If we only listen to our experiencing selves and only

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<v Speaker 1>do things that make our experiencing selves happy and comfortable,

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<v Speaker 1>in the moment, we'd never get off the couch. We'd

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<v Speaker 1>miss the opportunity to do things that might be difficult

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<v Speaker 1>in the moment but will give us great memories to

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<v Speaker 1>look back upon. So yes, packing your suit cases is

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<v Speaker 1>less fun than watching TV. So is sitting on an

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<v Speaker 1>airplane or in a minivan. You will not sleep as

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<v Speaker 1>well in your aunt's guest room as you will at home,

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<v Speaker 1>but you will only have to deal with these woes

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<v Speaker 1>for a little while. You can look back on the

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<v Speaker 1>memories fondly, and in the long run, these memories might

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<v Speaker 1>make you feel like you have more time. From my

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<v Speaker 1>book Off the Clock, I had nine d busy people

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<v Speaker 1>track their time for a day. Then I asked them

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<v Speaker 1>questions about how they felt about their time. I could

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<v Speaker 1>assign people time perception scores based on whether they felt

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<v Speaker 1>time was scarce or abundant. I found that these time

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<v Speaker 1>perception scores rose in direct correlation with how much time

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<v Speaker 1>people spent interacting with family and friends. You'll remember those

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<v Speaker 1>four days spent with family over the holidays, even if

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<v Speaker 1>some of it is challenging, more than you'll remember an

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<v Speaker 1>equivalent four days spent watching TV at home. Now there

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<v Speaker 1>are caveats to this. If your family is abusive or

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<v Speaker 1>dysfunctional in ways that triggered dangerous feelings for you, best

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<v Speaker 1>to stay clear. Also, fairness matters. It's worth it for

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<v Speaker 1>anyone to make the trip, which means it's not fair

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<v Speaker 1>for one part of the family to always be traveling

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<v Speaker 1>to at the others. Having young kids isn't really an

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<v Speaker 1>excuse for staying put. Having few vacation days isn't really

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<v Speaker 1>an excuse either. Well, it's nice for people without these

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<v Speaker 1>constraints to do more of the traveling. The point still

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<v Speaker 1>stands unless someone is physically unable to travel or told

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<v Speaker 1>medically it's a bad idea, which is my issue, then

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<v Speaker 1>it's a possibility. If something is a priority to you,

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<v Speaker 1>it's a priority, and if it isn't, it isn't. So

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<v Speaker 1>if you say relationships are a priority, why not prove it.

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<v Speaker 1>Go to weddings, go to funerals, and go travel over

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<v Speaker 1>the holidays. You might be more rested staying at home,

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<v Speaker 1>but what are you saving your energy for in the meantime.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you You can send me your tip, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the

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<v Speaker 1>number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also

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<v Speaker 1>shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i

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<v Speaker 1>heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out

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<v Speaker 1>with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward

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<v Speaker 1>to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of

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<v Speaker 1>I heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,

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