1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,440 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to go ahead and make that trip 4 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: to visit family and friends, whether that's over the holiday 5 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaker 1: season or any other time. Yes, it's inconvenient and expensive, 6 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: but nurturing relationships is a good use of time and money. 7 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,920 Speaker 1: You'll almost always be glad you went. So, my family 8 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: isn't traveling anywhere this holiday season. My baby is due 9 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,879 Speaker 1: in mid January, so we need to stay close to 10 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: home to avoid any on the road labor surprises. But 11 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: we've traveled to visit family during many previous years. It's 12 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: never terribly fun to cram everyone in the minivan for 13 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 1: ten hours. But my kids don't seem to remember those 14 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: hours of complaining about someone else's minivan movie choice. When 15 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: they talk about how much fun it is to visit cousins, 16 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: they don't remember those minivan hours or the time we've 17 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: spent in airports. Because memory is a funny thing. While 18 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: we think of ourselves as one person, we are really 19 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: comprised of multiple selves. There's the anticipating self, which looks 20 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: forward to the future, the experiencing self, which is in 21 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 1: the here and now, and the remembering self, which thinks 22 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 1: back upon the past. Curiously, the anticipating and remembering selves 23 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 1: tend to have a more rosy view of life than 24 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: the experiencing self. One study of people going on an 25 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: epic bicycling trip found that before the trip they were 26 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: excited about this adventure. Afterwards they recalled the sense of 27 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 1: accomplishment and the great scenery. During the trip, well, they 28 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 1: felt tired and their legs hurt. The experiencing self is 29 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: never entirely happy. You can be on a tropical beach, 30 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: drink in hand, watching a gorgeous sunset, the love of 31 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: your life next to you, and you could be thinking, 32 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: my toe hurts, I have to go to the bathroom. 33 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: Was that a mosquito? We experienced the present in our 34 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:11,119 Speaker 1: temporal bodies. Plus there are anxieties involved in figuring out 35 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 1: anything new or challenging, but the present is fleeting. It is, 36 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: as William James once wrote, melted in our grasp, fled ere. 37 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,639 Speaker 1: We could touch it, gone in the instant of becoming. 38 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,720 Speaker 1: If we only listen to our experiencing selves and only 39 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: do things that make our experiencing selves happy and comfortable, 40 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: in the moment, we'd never get off the couch. We'd 41 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: miss the opportunity to do things that might be difficult 42 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 1: in the moment but will give us great memories to 43 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 1: look back upon. So yes, packing your suit cases is 44 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: less fun than watching TV. So is sitting on an 45 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: airplane or in a minivan. You will not sleep as 46 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,519 Speaker 1: well in your aunt's guest room as you will at home, 47 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: but you will only have to deal with these woes 48 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 1: for a little while. You can look back on the 49 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: memories fondly, and in the long run, these memories might 50 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: make you feel like you have more time. From my 51 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: book Off the Clock, I had nine d busy people 52 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: track their time for a day. Then I asked them 53 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 1: questions about how they felt about their time. I could 54 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: assign people time perception scores based on whether they felt 55 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: time was scarce or abundant. I found that these time 56 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: perception scores rose in direct correlation with how much time 57 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:30,959 Speaker 1: people spent interacting with family and friends. You'll remember those 58 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: four days spent with family over the holidays, even if 59 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: some of it is challenging, more than you'll remember an 60 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: equivalent four days spent watching TV at home. Now there 61 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: are caveats to this. If your family is abusive or 62 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: dysfunctional in ways that triggered dangerous feelings for you, best 63 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: to stay clear. Also, fairness matters. It's worth it for 64 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: anyone to make the trip, which means it's not fair 65 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: for one part of the family to always be traveling 66 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: to at the others. Having young kids isn't really an 67 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: excuse for staying put. Having few vacation days isn't really 68 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: an excuse either. Well, it's nice for people without these 69 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: constraints to do more of the traveling. The point still 70 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,719 Speaker 1: stands unless someone is physically unable to travel or told 71 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: medically it's a bad idea, which is my issue, then 72 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 1: it's a possibility. If something is a priority to you, 73 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 1: it's a priority, and if it isn't, it isn't. So 74 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: if you say relationships are a priority, why not prove it. 75 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,719 Speaker 1: Go to weddings, go to funerals, and go travel over 76 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 1: the holidays. You might be more rested staying at home, 77 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:45,240 Speaker 1: but what are you saving your energy for in the meantime. 78 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 1: This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making 79 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:58,039 Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to 80 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,039 Speaker 1: hear from you You can send me your tip, your questions, 81 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook 82 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the 83 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also 84 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i 85 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out 86 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 1: with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward 87 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of 88 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: I heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, 89 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 90 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.