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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's making people actually look forward

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Speaker 1: to their annual physicals with a new facility called heart

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Speaker 1: Throb Hospital that only employs the hottest doctors who are certified.

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Speaker 2: Nines or above.

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Speaker 1: Hey, sure they don't have quote real medical degrees, but

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Speaker 1: at least you're not getting stethoscope by some weird looking

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Speaker 1: nerd with toothpick arms. Okay, I mean, come on, you

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Speaker 1: want to see a hot person when you're super sick?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: No, absolutely, it's cool in your posset won't be the

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Speaker 1: only thing rising thanks to Laser Stories, the segment where

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Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe, just like

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we've got a laser.

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Speaker 2: Those other scalpel stallions just know.

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Speaker 1: This first laser story is out of New York City.

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Speaker 2: Thirty three year.

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Speaker 1: Old Gustavo DeJesus Torres pulled off a string of bank

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Speaker 1: heists who in only five days. He was accused of

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Speaker 1: robbing six different Chase Bank branches.

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Speaker 3: Whoa, and it's a lot of banks.

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Speaker 1: While he wanted to flee the country with his fortune,

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Speaker 1: there was one small problem. He was only able to

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Speaker 1: nab six hundred and five dollars.

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Speaker 3: Total bucks from each bank.

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Speaker 1: At each robbery, he'd pass a note warning that people

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Speaker 1: would be hurt if money wasn't handed over, But he

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Speaker 1: never claimed to have a weapon, so not everybody took

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Speaker 1: his threat very seriously.

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Speaker 3: And they're in New York City. Yeah, like whatever, pocket

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Speaker 3: fingers nothing.

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Speaker 1: For example, a Jackson Heights bank handed him three hundred

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Speaker 1: and twenty dollars.

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Speaker 3: That's a lot of money, though, that's over half of

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Speaker 3: his total.

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Speaker 1: He got to sixty five from the Flatbush Chase Bank,

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Speaker 1: and then the Harlem branch only gave him twenty bucks. Suck.

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Speaker 3: Is that just an insult? Do you even take it

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Speaker 3: at that point? I love the low A Mountain bank robberies, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's just a bake teller reaching into her pocket.

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Speaker 1: Well, there were three more locations that gave him absolutely nothing.

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Speaker 1: One teller reportedly even laughed and told him to get

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Speaker 1: out of her bank.

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Speaker 3: He did not look very intimidating at all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's like a small guy.

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Speaker 1: So he fled on foot and was seen on one

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Speaker 1: surveillance photo in between crime.

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Speaker 2: Standing on a subway platform with a cup of coffee

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Speaker 2: and a big frown man.

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Speaker 3: But he didn't even have a getaway car, the forward one.

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Speaker 1: Gustavo was arrested and is now awaiting trial. And no,

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Speaker 1: he did not have enough funds to cover his bail.

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Speaker 3: Am I rooting for him?

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Speaker 1: Yea? Or Gustavo, let's go to your next laser story

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Speaker 1: out of Germany. Patience is a virtue that's not nearly

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Speaker 1: as common as it used to be.

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Speaker 2: And it's not just an issue here, it's worldwide.

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Speaker 1: And I say that because a woman in Germany called

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Speaker 1: the cops yesterday and said her husband.

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Speaker 2: Had been murdered.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, because when her officers arrived to the scene,

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Speaker 1: they found out he was fine.

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Speaker 2: So what was the deal. Turns out the woman just

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Speaker 2: claimed he'd been.

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Speaker 1: Murdered because she thought they'd show up to their house

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Speaker 1: faster and tow a car that was blocking her drive.

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Speaker 3: I cannot do that. Oh god.

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Speaker 1: Now, I'm not sure if this played a role in it,

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Speaker 1: but she was drunk at the time.

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Speaker 2: After she told officers the truth.

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Speaker 1: She attempted to make a getaway and hopped into her

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Speaker 1: car to drive.

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Speaker 3: Off, but the car was blocking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they stopped her because the car blocking the driveway.

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Speaker 2: Was in the way.

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Speaker 3: At least she didn't drink a drive.

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Speaker 2: That's a way to see the silver lining.

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Speaker 1: But she's now facing a large fine and possible criminal

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Speaker 1: charges for misusing an emergency number. Yeah, good show to

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Speaker 1: your next lazer story out of trend town. Your honeymoon

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Speaker 1: is supposed to help you relax and bond after all

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Speaker 1: the chaos of planning your wedding is done.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, or at least that used to be true.

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Speaker 1: Because, according to a recent article, the hot new trend

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Speaker 1: is separate honeymoons.

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Speaker 3: Whoa, you know that's literally not the point. I mean,

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Speaker 3: you don't go together.

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Speaker 1: That's a It's called a uni moon or a solo moon.

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Speaker 1: It's where both people go on their own separate trips

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Speaker 1: after the wedding, either with friends or by themselves, but

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Speaker 1: their spouse stays away.

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Speaker 3: Is this also listed under red flags your marriage won't

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Speaker 3: work out?

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Speaker 2: This is working for some people. It's not just why

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Speaker 2: is it happening? Not being able to agree on a

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Speaker 2: destination what?

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Speaker 3: You can't even compromise that.

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Speaker 1: That's one reason couples do it, but others just do

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Speaker 1: it out of convenience. For example, one couple talked about

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Speaker 1: going on separate trips for work right after their wedding,

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Speaker 1: so there are traveling anyway, a.

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Speaker 3: Great temple who moved in together because it just was.

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Speaker 1: Financially The groom turned down his own personal honeymoon and

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Speaker 1: went to Paris while his wife went to the Dominican Republic.

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Speaker 2: That does not sound good.

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Speaker 3: Well, I wouldn't post those pictures.

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Speaker 1: It might be a little weird to us, but it

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Speaker 1: is a trend that is quickly gaining steam.

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Speaker 2: Me and my imaginary wife are going on the same honeymoon.

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Speaker 1: Jose, somebody believes in love. Still, Let's go to your

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Speaker 1: final laser story. Out of Survey World, a new survey

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Speaker 1: looked into different skills we wish we had and how

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Speaker 1: much we'd be willing to pay to magically have them

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Speaker 1: with zero effort.

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Speaker 3: Oh I'm glad you said magically because I wish I

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Speaker 3: was a magician. I'm speaking to other language language boring.

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Speaker 3: Everyone knows magic.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to speak the language.

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Speaker 1: It's because, like, who has the time to actually learn

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Speaker 1: anything these days? There's too much good stuff happening on Netflix.

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Speaker 1: But they found the skill that we pay the most

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Speaker 1: for is being good romantically. You got to pay for that,

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Speaker 1: and that includes everything, all the romantic skills.

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Speaker 3: There's people that think that they're really bad at it

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Speaker 3: out there. Oh no, that's so sad. Well, there are

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Speaker 3: people that are bad at I thought that those people

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Speaker 3: still think they're good at it, or they hooked up

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Speaker 3: with other bad people, but they don't know.

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Speaker 2: Yah, you need to look in a mirror.

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Speaker 1: The average person said they'd shell out eight thousand, two

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars for that skill instantly.

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Speaker 3: Dude, there's got to be some tutorials on YouTube y'all

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Speaker 3: could get for free.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. The rest of the top five skills are being

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Speaker 1: less anxious that's sixty eight hundred dollars people pay, public

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Speaker 1: speaking at sixty two hundred, being more patient sixty one

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Speaker 1: hundred one, and being more athletic fifty nine hundred.

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Speaker 3: In high school, playing a musical instrument or I don't know, woodworking, not.

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Speaker 1: In the magic playing an instrument in woodworking the opposite

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Speaker 1: of being good romantically.

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Speaker 2: Brooks don't know.

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Speaker 3: It's in the name, that's fair.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know that's what you meant, now the fun part.

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Speaker 1: The survey also asked people how much they'd pay for

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Speaker 1: different superpowers, and was healing or regeneration like Wolverine at

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Speaker 1: one hundred and forty three grand. Can I touch Brooks

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Speaker 1: arm and don't touch anyone?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Sorry, show me teleportation, Jeff, where are we a?

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Speaker 2: So here's the rest.

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Speaker 1: We'd pay one hundred and twenty eight K for the

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Speaker 1: ability to bend Time's valuable invisibility. One hundred and twenty

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Speaker 1: three thousand dollars.

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Speaker 3: That's the one you think you want, and you're like,

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Speaker 3: it's not the one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, teleportation is one hundred and twenty two k.

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Speaker 3: Put me on a beach right now and then send me.

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Speaker 1: Right back and then mind reading at one hundred and nineteen.

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Speaker 3: Grandy, have you been on social media? I want a

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Speaker 3: less less of it? Imagine unfiltered thoughts.

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Speaker 1: The survey also found the top things that prevent us

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Speaker 1: from learning a new skill are putting in the time,

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Speaker 1: losing interest because of Netflix and other cool distractions, and

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Speaker 1: also spending money.

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Speaker 2: As for this guy, he's.

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Speaker 1: Hoping for his own superpower moving things with his mind

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Speaker 1: and if he could do that, then he can finally

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Speaker 1: get off the viagra.

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Speaker 2: But until then he's start popping those pills. And that's

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Speaker 2: Laser Stories has come to an end for the day.

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Speaker 2: We'll do it again the same time on Monday,