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Speaker 1: At forty one and about to be forty two years old,

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Speaker 1: what I consider to be hot.

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Speaker 2: It's not the same as what I considered twenty years ago.

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Speaker 3: I was about to say, once you've lived enough life,

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Speaker 3: you realize things that once made you hot, it's ice cold.

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Speaker 2: Oh oh, that's an interesting take.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 5: Three.

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Speaker 1: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 1: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 1: Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 3: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,

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Speaker 3: be raw.

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Speaker 2: Of course, but most apportly be us.

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Speaker 3: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,

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Speaker 3: and through it all, one thing has never changed.

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Speaker 2: This is a severer after dead.

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Speaker 3: Ass, because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 1: All right, story time, I'm gonna take y'all back to

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Speaker 1: February of this year, February two and three. Oh man,

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Speaker 1: February two thousand and three. I met this young lady

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Speaker 1: named Kadeen. That was all right, I was.

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Speaker 3: Saying that, okay, yeah, I was about nineteen.

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Speaker 1: She had just moved into her dorm at Hafstra and

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Speaker 1: of course I was attracted to her beautiful, long hair,

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Speaker 1: fat booty, you know what I'm saying, slim ways Patrick.

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Speaker 2: I was attracted to all of that, right, but there

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Speaker 2: was this.

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Speaker 1: One thing in particular that really like made me look

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Speaker 1: at you like, wow, she's different.

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Speaker 2: Well, two things actually. The first thing was when you

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Speaker 2: made your room.

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Speaker 1: I remember when you came to you made your room

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Speaker 1: in your room had like a little rug, had a

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Speaker 1: little sense you had.

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Speaker 3: You had you know before they was doing the dorm

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Speaker 3: room makeovers and whatnot because them dorm rooms nowadays.

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Speaker 2: It's crazy. Are like shout out to y'all.

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Speaker 3: Like, yeah, y'all doing that. But I was ahead of

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Speaker 3: the time.

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Speaker 1: But this is what really did it for me. It

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Speaker 1: was your care for things that mattered to me.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: Number one, I needed to register for classes at a

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Speaker 1: certain time because I played football, so those classes had

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Speaker 1: limited space.

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Speaker 2: So you was like, yo, I know what to do.

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Speaker 2: You set up two laptops.

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Speaker 1: You put the first two classes and you copy and

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Speaker 1: paste it and put the link for the codes.

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Speaker 2: The codes.

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Speaker 1: In a minute, it went to twelve pm twelve A.

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Speaker 1: You hit it, bang bang, and then you switched in

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Speaker 1: another one ban bang. You was like, Yo, babe, I

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Speaker 1: got all your classes.

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Speaker 6: Yo.

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Speaker 3: That was like a rush for me trying to get

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Speaker 3: the classes that we needed with the right professors. Hell.

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Speaker 1: Yah, it was your attention to detail as a woman

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Speaker 1: that really made me say, like, Yo, there's something very

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Speaker 1: very different about you outside of all of the physical things.

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Speaker 1: The attention to detail, especially when it came to me

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Speaker 1: that really like warmed my heart and was like.

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Speaker 2: You know what, that's hot? Yeah. And I got other

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Speaker 2: stories too.

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Speaker 1: You remember the letter you wrote waking up at three

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Speaker 1: in the morning to make breakfast, Like, there were so many.

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Speaker 2: Things that you did that really made me be like

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Speaker 2: that was hot.

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Speaker 3: Get a good run, elis we did, we are, we're

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Speaker 3: having a great We're having a great having you're having

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Speaker 3: a great I'm not sure when this is going air,

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Speaker 3: but October third of this year is gonna be twenty

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Speaker 3: three years is I beg baby?

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Speaker 6: All right?

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Speaker 3: Karaoke time time. It's funny you you literally thought of

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Speaker 3: the same word, same song that I thought of because

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Speaker 3: of the word.

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Speaker 2: Hot twenty three years.

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Speaker 4: Ready to go, Let's.

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Speaker 2: Go, It's hot.

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Speaker 3: So hot in here?

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Speaker 7: Oh mine's boot things shis things doing this sum turn

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Speaker 7: to sing?

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Speaker 2: Oh and I'm like, no, I mean things, I don't

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Speaker 2: know the worst of this song. I'm a singer.

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Speaker 7: This's to.

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Speaker 3: Let's just go straight to the corn.

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Speaker 4: Your clothes can't intil hot.

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Speaker 3: I want to take my clothes off.

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Speaker 2: The time when we was.

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Speaker 3: Getting that was definitely around us.

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Speaker 2: Came thousand and four. That was like was he went diamond.

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Speaker 2: That's when he was going.

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Speaker 3: Downtown Street in the range drove up boom.

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Speaker 2: You know, people didn't know he was talking about busting guns.

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Speaker 2: Really yes, because.

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Speaker 4: He sweeper and it goes boom boom.

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Speaker 2: I'm ready to let it go, like he was talking about.

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Speaker 1: This is one thing people need to realize, right because

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Speaker 1: Nelly came out he had the band aid and the

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Speaker 1: jerseys and all this other stuff, and they thought it.

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Speaker 2: Was all cute, cute.

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Speaker 1: He from Saint Louis, right, Saint Louis at one point was,

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Speaker 1: if not the murder capital, was close to being the

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Speaker 1: murder capital. And he was talking about the same things

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Speaker 1: we go through in our hus but he just made

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Speaker 1: it catchy, which is kind of not gonna say, kind

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Speaker 1: of dope. But he was telling his story in his way,

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Speaker 1: in a creative way, and in a creative way commercial

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Speaker 1: way to but shout out to Nelly.

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Speaker 2: All right, Hot three six.

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Speaker 3: All right, y'all, let's go pay some bills around and

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Speaker 3: come back and toss it to triple for op or

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Speaker 3: no op, And this is your topic today, Handram yep,

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Speaker 3: Jero came up with this one, so I'm curious to

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Speaker 3: see what you got to say. Hot three sixty will

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Speaker 3: be back, y'all. All right, and we're back. Let's jump

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Speaker 3: right into op or no op. Everybody got their paddles,

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Speaker 3: we're your pedals.

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Speaker 1: Yet I like that we'll be surprising us now because

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Speaker 1: the opp no op don't be on here, so I

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Speaker 1: can't even read it, which is good like that.

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Speaker 2: I like that it's like a natural, like what we

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Speaker 2: got today, like that we got.

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Speaker 6: But I've been waiting my whole life for this moment.

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Speaker 8: Oh last year, okay, and that last year is the

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Speaker 8: time when I came up with this idea for Hot

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Speaker 8: three sixty the day and so I want to know

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Speaker 8: if you guys think this is a good idea. Okay,

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Speaker 8: So we talked about this on the after show one time.

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Speaker 8: But now for the non Patreon listeners and watchers, you

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Speaker 8: gotta hear this.

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Speaker 6: It's the best.

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Speaker 8: It's the best idea that I've ever come up with,

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Speaker 8: So I decided to use the entire OPERAOV segment for this.

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Speaker 6: Okay, Hot three sixty.

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Speaker 8: Originally the idea was for a dating show for me,

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Speaker 8: because I mean, my my love life is pretty comical already,

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Speaker 8: they might as well be entertained.

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Speaker 6: So yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 8: Exactly, and that's exactly how I explain it. I'm Flavor

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Speaker 8: Flavor in this scenario, and there's contestants and they're already

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Speaker 8: physically attractive, because I do think that in order to

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Speaker 8: be attracted to somebody, you gotta first be physically attracted

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Speaker 8: to them.

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Speaker 6: And I like hot girls, So everybody's super.

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Speaker 8: Hot and the the game and during the show there's

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Speaker 8: a segment a series of challenges to figure out if

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Speaker 8: these win are hot three sixty, which means hot all

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Speaker 8: around in other ways. So here's some example challenges. Okay,

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Speaker 8: there's a game night with all the girls in the

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Speaker 8: house to see if you're a sore loser or can

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Speaker 8: you have fun even when you're losing.

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Speaker 1: Hot three sixty, So you automatically set it up to

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Speaker 1: where they're going to be losing, to see how they were.

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Speaker 3: How they absolutely.

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Speaker 2: I actually like that.

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Speaker 3: But they're all hot though they are all so even

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Speaker 3: if she pounting, she's still hot.

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Speaker 8: No, that's really unattractive today.

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Speaker 2: I like the thing is I like that.

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Speaker 1: That's why I actually like the idea about the show,

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Speaker 1: because it's not about the physical. It's about all the

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Speaker 1: things people don't talk about. They'll watch the show because

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Speaker 1: it's a bunch of physically attractive women, But when you

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Speaker 1: get down to the nitty gritty, we're actually breaking down

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Speaker 1: to see if these women are healed in other ways

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Speaker 1: outside of them just being attractive. I actually like that

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Speaker 1: they should be a hot three sixty for gods too.

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Speaker 1: What's look Josh is dating?

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Speaker 9: What jo face looks crazy? I make I stand down,

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Speaker 9: stand stand up.

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Speaker 2: It was just a joke.

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Speaker 1: The reason why I brought brought it up is because

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Speaker 1: it was Trible's idea. Because Triple loves women. They think

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Speaker 1: it's all about finding if women a hot three sixty.

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Speaker 1: My point is is that this can be attached to

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Speaker 1: anybody for any number of guests to see if the

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Speaker 1: people they are dating are hot or are you just

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Speaker 1: this person who objectifies who are you trying to date

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Speaker 1: and only like them?

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Speaker 2: For being hot. They're sixty. That's why I like the idea.

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Speaker 2: I think it's dope.

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Speaker 3: I think it's dope. Did you copyright this yet?

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Speaker 6: Troops?

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Speaker 2: I should will be you should?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, the air this will be a copyright idea. This

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Speaker 6: is my ip. So if you try to steal my idea,

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Speaker 6: I'm coming after you, period.

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Speaker 4: Because I'm still.

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Speaker 1: That would be hilarious if Matt came out with a

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Speaker 1: data show call hot three sixty, just with everything exactly

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Speaker 1: the same.

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Speaker 6: So that would be that would be some hatership, that

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Speaker 6: would be that.

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Speaker 4: Would be on you, that's business, that would be.

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Speaker 10: On you, the world your idea, and it ain't yet.

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Speaker 2: He got a different different woman was also lesbian.

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Speaker 3: And am sure she looks like a grimmle too. What

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Speaker 3: does a gribble look like? Oh my god, grimbling?

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Speaker 1: I actually my oppos I think it actually would be

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Speaker 1: a really good show. Think about the shows on Netflix

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Speaker 1: now Love is Blind. All of these shows are actually

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Speaker 1: talking about the different aspects of relationships and people have

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Speaker 1: a catch.

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Speaker 2: But here's my thing, what would would be the catch?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 1: What if how about this? They're all hot but you

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Speaker 1: can't even see them? Wow, you have to date them?

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Speaker 2: Through a wall.

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Speaker 1: Situation about them, through everything other than how they look.

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Speaker 2: You already know they hot.

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Speaker 10: You can see all of them in the beginning, so

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Speaker 10: she knows that they're all hot.

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Speaker 4: But I know who you're talking to. You don't know

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Speaker 4: who she's talking to.

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Speaker 2: That's crazy. That's what you got to see them.

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Speaker 4: Literally right developing mat show right now.

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Speaker 1: Matter of fact, this is actually good that she I

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Speaker 1: think she should see. You want to know why this

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Speaker 1: is what I think she should see if she does

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Speaker 1: see them, Now we get to break down Triple because

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Speaker 1: we know which girls are good for her and which

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Speaker 1: aren't based on watching the show.

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Speaker 2: So now we get to see how she makes her decisions.

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't matter if the girl is chaotic, because

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Speaker 1: if she's so hot and Triple keeps picking her because

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Speaker 1: she's right, then we see like it only matters, like.

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Speaker 4: That's what that is.

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Speaker 8: Here's the catch, though, They also get to judge if

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Speaker 8: I'm hot three sixty. So when I go at the

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Speaker 8: end to pick who I want to pick, whoever won

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Speaker 8: the challenges, they have the opportunity to say, I don't

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Speaker 8: like how you did this thing.

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Speaker 6: Oh I don't think you're hot three sixty, So they have.

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Speaker 3: So if you go to pick a certain young woman,

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Speaker 3: she has the option to be like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: I'm actually off this trip, not really feeling you like that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I like that.

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Speaker 8: That would hurt my feelings so bad, which is what

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Speaker 8: I'm kind of dating for. Anyway, it seems like at

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Speaker 8: this point for her feeling.

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Speaker 1: Her feeling well, well, I have a question though, because

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Speaker 1: I mean, we're all heading towards the fourth floor. Some

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Speaker 1: of us are already here.

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Speaker 3: I'm already established, I moved years, I am comfortable. Well, dang,

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Speaker 3: I'm mad.

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Speaker 1: When y'all consider it hot? Like what what do y'all

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Speaker 1: consider hot? Because it changes? Me and Matt were talking

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Speaker 1: about No, me and Josh talking about this last night,

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Speaker 1: and I believe yeah, Like, there's so many different variables

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Speaker 1: to hotness, right, and you're what you consider to be

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Speaker 1: hot changes annually or seasonally.

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Speaker 3: And I wonder if that makes it difficult for people

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Speaker 3: who are in committed really and shifts, because what if

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Speaker 3: the person that was hot for you once is not

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Speaker 3: hot to you anymore?

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Speaker 2: So let's get how does that work?

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Speaker 3: Sounds like we're in a conundrum, it is.

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Speaker 1: So let me ask you a question, baby, what things

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Speaker 1: outside of looks now at over forty uh huh over.

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Speaker 3: Forty saying it's okay, I'm proud.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you'll be forty two.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I will be.

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Speaker 1: And what things now matter more in your three sixty

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Speaker 1: room that didn't matter before or you found out now

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Speaker 1: that you're in a committed relationship for this long time?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, one thing that I absolutely love to see.

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Speaker 3: And I think this is not just something that you've exhibited,

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Speaker 3: but I like to see it in men in general,

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Speaker 3: as I'm like having friends and parents who are some married,

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Speaker 3: so I'm looking to be married again. A man with

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Speaker 3: a plan like a man Yeah, a man who has

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Speaker 3: ambition and who is drive and has a vision, who

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Speaker 3: wants to work with someone to build. That's super attract

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Speaker 3: And it's funny because yeah, I could have said that

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Speaker 3: that's something I wanted early on with you and I,

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Speaker 3: but when you're kind of in it in your twenties,

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Speaker 3: you're not really sure where things are going to go.

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Speaker 3: But here in hindsight, I see the value in that

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Speaker 3: and having somebody with a plan also stability. Stability that

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Speaker 3: maybe a portion or like a byproduct of a plan,

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Speaker 3: but I definitely value you know, a guy who can

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Speaker 3: provide some level of stability and protection for me. What

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Speaker 3: else I'm trying to think outside of like the physical things,

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Speaker 3: someone who's okay with just calm, like calm and quiet peace.

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Speaker 2: That was the number one thing me and Josh.

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Speaker 3: Said, peace like just value, like we can just be

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Speaker 3: at peace with each other, with our life, with the process,

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Speaker 3: with the journey, knowing that okay, at least we're locked

293
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Speaker 3: in together and we're doing this together. So that sense

294
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Speaker 3: of like calm in a crazy world is definitely in valuable.

295
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Speaker 1: Now, that was a change for both me and Josh.

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Speaker 1: We talked about it last night. It was like, what

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Speaker 1: was you thinking? The first thing as a man, and

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Speaker 1: we both was just like peace finding finding a young

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Speaker 1: lady that is healed and knows herself well enough that

300
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Speaker 1: she doesn't always choose the hard way when things can

301
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Speaker 1: be easy. For example, when we were in our twenties,

302
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Speaker 1: and I'll speak for myself, when you're in your twenties

303
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Speaker 1: and you see that girl and she's pretty and she

304
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Speaker 1: got everything, y'all get into a little fight and she

305
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Speaker 1: a little feisty.

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Speaker 2: You're like, y'all like that, you know what I'm saying.

307
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Speaker 1: Like the little fight, a little tussle. You know we're

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Speaker 1: gonna make up later. Now at forty you're like, man,

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Speaker 1: why do we got a tussle?

310
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Speaker 2: You know I don't.

311
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Speaker 1: We don't have to raise our voices in this conversation,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: At all, you reach a.

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Speaker 1: Point where that's not not only is it not hot,

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Speaker 1: it's not even attracted, right, Like when you're out somewhere

316
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Speaker 1: and you see, Like for me, if I see a

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Speaker 1: beautiful woman and there's somewhere in the restaurant, she could

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Speaker 1: be with her friends or with someone, and then she's

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Speaker 1: getting loud and fire crist in the in the past

320
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Speaker 1: and my twenties, I'd have been like, yeah, you know,

321
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Speaker 1: I want to.

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Speaker 2: I want to. Now it's like.

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Speaker 4: It's like you.

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Speaker 10: Realize you detoxified yourself, true, right, because that.

325
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Speaker 3: Was always bading a fire crack.

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Speaker 4: Was always a bad thing.

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Speaker 2: It's a good point.

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Speaker 10: And it's you that's changing yourself too. You know, that's

329
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,640
Speaker 10: me growing up and becoming better. It really has nothing

330
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Speaker 10: to do with the young lady. Is everything that that's

331
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Speaker 10: a good.

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Speaker 3: Point, meaning it's something that once did it for you. You'll

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00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,680
Speaker 3: become self award enough to know now that this is not.

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Speaker 10: For mefications actually prematurity.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a safe to say you detoxified yourself is

336
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 1: because think about it, that's what we saw growing up

337
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Speaker 1: and we aspired to his love.

338
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Speaker 2: Right.

339
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,840
Speaker 1: I grew up and I loved Baby Boy. I watched

340
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,760
Speaker 1: that movie so many times. So when I watched them fight,

341
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Speaker 1: I just thought that was a natural part of the

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Speaker 1: love progression.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, people are gonna.

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Speaker 1: Fight y'all young, and then when you get older, you

345
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Speaker 1: realize that you don't have to do that in or

346
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Speaker 1: you know, this another thing we said we value other

347
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:07,000
Speaker 1: than just being healed, learning how to communicate effectively. It's

348
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:11,440
Speaker 1: so hot, right, Like for me, a young woman who

349
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 1: can sit down and say exactly what they want, what

350
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,600
Speaker 1: they need, what they require, not be off put, but

351
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,800
Speaker 1: also take criticism or take my opinion and not be

352
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,080
Speaker 1: offended that my opinion may be different than hers.

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Speaker 2: That's attractive to me.

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00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,240
Speaker 1: Oh we can have a conversation and no one can

355
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Speaker 1: get offended and no one will be.

356
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,560
Speaker 2: Put Oh my god, like that to me is attracted.

357
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Speaker 3: Maybe we had to work on that, because now I

358
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,960
Speaker 3: was gonna say, maybe we had to work on that

359
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 3: because I was not always that girl.

360
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,560
Speaker 2: That was theah communication was wanting.

361
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,240
Speaker 3: To communicate, and not for lack of like wanting to

362
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,080
Speaker 3: just like see eye to eye with you or at

363
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,000
Speaker 3: least to come to some sort of like agreement or understanding.

364
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 3: It was just like I didn't know how to.

365
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,680
Speaker 2: Neither one of us knew how to. That wasn't even

366
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:51,320
Speaker 2: just a youth thing.

367
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 1: It's just older now working on myself and knowing now

368
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,120
Speaker 1: how I can better communicate. It's important to me that

369
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,920
Speaker 1: my partner also knows to communicate, you know, like that's

370
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 1: also part of the healing and the peace part of it. Like,

371
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,000
Speaker 1: just tell me exactly what you want, what you need,

372
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 1: what you require. We don't have to play the games.

373
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 1: You don't have to throw out a little fish and

374
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,240
Speaker 1: rod and see if I can catch the hook. No,

375
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,200
Speaker 1: tell me directly what it is you want out of life.

376
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,200
Speaker 1: Like that to me is hot if you can eloquently

377
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:18,840
Speaker 1: express that.

378
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

379
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,800
Speaker 8: Direct, It's tough to be direct, especially if you feel

380
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 8: slided in a way, like if you're on the you're

381
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 8: teeter tidy ring on conflict. A lot of people will

382
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,600
Speaker 8: instead of saying what's upsetting them, they'll, you know, start

383
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,720
Speaker 8: being petty, start being mean to you.

384
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:34,879
Speaker 6: I don't like that.

385
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,720
Speaker 8: I like for somebody to be like, hey, I don't

386
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,720
Speaker 8: like that you just did that, and they don't, you know,

387
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,879
Speaker 8: cause you got to learn how to trust yourself that

388
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,439
Speaker 8: you're picking the right person to get what you want

389
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,960
Speaker 8: out of your relationship, and to trust that your partner

390
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 8: is going to hear you and respond to you in

391
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Speaker 8: a way that's loving too.

392
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,560
Speaker 2: Who does sound like oh, you can't say it on him?

393
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 1: One of my prototype kids who's in college as a girlfriend,

394
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,119
Speaker 1: and he calls me once a monight, coach de Vallum

395
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:01,719
Speaker 1: dealing with this.

396
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:02,399
Speaker 2: I'm dealing with that.

397
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 1: So I told him last year. I think this is

398
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: literally what I told him.

399
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,440
Speaker 2: I said that.

400
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 1: Young lady has her own things going on in her life, right,

401
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 1: she has to focus on you keep chasing after her.

402
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,560
Speaker 1: It's gonna come a point where, because y'all lives are

403
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 1: not working in synergy, where y'all gonna clash.

404
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:27,120
Speaker 2: Right. He calls me two days ago, I'm over there,

405
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:27,959
Speaker 2: she being petty.

406
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:33,360
Speaker 1: She being petty with her car, with her car. I said, what,

407
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 1: she's being petty with her car? Yeah, because I got

408
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:42,600
Speaker 1: practice and she got practice. You hear yourself, sir, I

409
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,200
Speaker 1: can somebody.

410
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:48,000
Speaker 2: Even be petty with their own car. You have no

411
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,160
Speaker 2: entitlement to that car.

412
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,240
Speaker 3: Bro, He's like, you need a car.

413
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,320
Speaker 2: Bro's so what am I supposed to do? He's supposed

414
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:54,680
Speaker 2: to be a team.

415
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 1: I said, well, first of all, I told you two

416
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,400
Speaker 1: years ago or a year ago, she has her own

417
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 1: thing going with you. If your own thing's going, you

418
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,640
Speaker 1: need to focus. Unless y'all things work in synergy. For example,

419
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 1: we work together. She wasn't an athlete, right, and I could.

420
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,919
Speaker 2: I was like, yo, let me borrow your car.

421
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,760
Speaker 1: Kay was like here or Kay would change her plans

422
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,560
Speaker 1: because she could in order to give me her car.

423
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:23,080
Speaker 1: This young lady's an athlete too. She can't change her plans, bro. Like,

424
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 1: and the fact that you are even coming to her

425
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,320
Speaker 1: with this, it's super inconsiderate.

426
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 2: And it's also just like very childish.

427
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:32,320
Speaker 6: Bro.

428
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 2: You're not bringing no peace to her.

429
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,679
Speaker 1: And I said, and she's not bringing no peace to

430
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 1: you because y'all can't figure it out. But that's a

431
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 1: perfect example. Now, this girl who was so hot to

432
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 1: him because she won't get her car when he wants it.

433
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,680
Speaker 1: So this actually goes back to what Josh was talking

434
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,600
Speaker 1: about how things can change and how you can detoxify yourself.

435
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 2: Right.

436
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 1: What he thought was hot, She's an athlete. He's an athlete.

437
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 1: This is gonna work.

438
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,200
Speaker 2: Right, immediately became unhot to him when he could.

439
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,560
Speaker 1: And get exactly what he wanted out of his version

440
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,680
Speaker 1: of the life he wanted to create for himself.

441
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 3: Is that just selfishness?

442
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 2: It is selfishness. But let's be real, right, you only

443
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 2: get one life. Right.

444
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 1: The first thing I said was communication, Tell me exactly

445
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 1: what you want, need, and require for me, so I

446
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,400
Speaker 1: can decide if that's something I want.

447
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 2: To try to contribute to. Right.

448
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: He should have been as honest too to say, hey,

449
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:27,160
Speaker 1: I need to borrow your car. Right, If you say

450
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 1: that at the beginning, and you say, yo, this is

451
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,240
Speaker 1: what I need and require, and y'all can come to terms.

452
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 4: Cool.

453
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 1: But when it's like, yo, we both athletes, we can

454
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 1: work together, but secretly it's like I'm gonna need them

455
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: car four days a week.

456
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 2: And then now it's like for her to run. See

457
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, It is a ref flight.

458
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 1: Well, because he wasn't being honest at all, right, absolutely

459
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,879
Speaker 1: a red flag for her. And that's what I told him, like, yo,

460
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 1: you call her petty for not giving you her car,

461
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 1: the cornyest thing ever, it's like the corn is thing.

462
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: But what it also showed him is that like dating

463
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 1: an athlete for him is not hot.

464
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. It was hot then y'o she

465
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:03,960
Speaker 2: an athlete too.

466
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 8: Like me.

467
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 2: And then the minute things ain't working like this ain't cool.

468
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,040
Speaker 1: You know how often we see that with people, Right,

469
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 1: I want someone who's justice driven is me. I want

470
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 1: someone who's justice vocal as me. I want someone justice committee.

471
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 1: Until that person can't do what you need for you

472
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,679
Speaker 1: done because they're working on themselves, then it's like it was.

473
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,360
Speaker 2: Hot from far.

474
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 3: Well, didn't you have a moment like that with us?

475
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 3: Because you said, the main thing that attracted you to

476
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 3: me non physically was the fact that I had ambition,

477
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 3: that I was you know, competitive, that I was doing

478
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 3: all the things right. Yes, so you realized after a

479
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 3: while when I got busy, maybe I wouldn't be able

480
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 3: to be there for you as much as you needed.

481
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 3: And then reverse when I then kind of took a

482
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:52,159
Speaker 3: step back, for example, moved to Michigan so that I

483
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 3: would take some time off after grad school and didn't

484
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 3: necessarily have that ambition anymore. Did you lose a little

485
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 3: bit of attraction to me because you were like you

486
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 3: weren't You're not the person that y'all.

487
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 2: Can never lose a traction. Let me just make that.

488
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 3: Clear, not the physical but just the drive perspective you

489
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:11,920
Speaker 3: were like, because at one point you did say, damn K,

490
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 3: like you don't. You don't seem to want the same

491
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,640
Speaker 3: things that you wanted when I met you, And I'm like, well,

492
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily have to do that right now. And also,

493
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 3: you need this. You need me to be here for

494
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 3: you in this moment.

495
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And that that goes to what we talked about before, like.

496
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 2: Things change seasonally.

497
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 1: At one point I was like, yo, I think I

498
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 1: need K to be here, right And then you were

499
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: there all the time, and I was like, man, I

500
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:34,439
Speaker 1: liked K.

501
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 2: Better when K was had something to do. Yeah, when

502
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 2: she was like.

503
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 1: Running after something, right, and when you were running after something,

504
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 1: it was just like, hey, man, where's my baby? Then

505
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 1: you come home, we have a bunch of kids, and

506
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: then you get tired of being home, and I'm enjoying

507
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: you being home, But then you go out and you

508
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 1: start working and I'm like.

509
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 3: Dang, that was us this year to go to film.

510
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: That's the seasonal part of what you think is hot

511
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: changes depending upon where you are in your life, and

512
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,160
Speaker 1: that's why sometimes you how to give you a partner grace.

513
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: But also, like Josh saying, detoxify yourself. Find out from

514
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: you what do you need so that you can share that.

515
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 1: Like Matt just said, you kind of a fuck boy

516
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,200
Speaker 1: if you don't want to tell somebody what you need

517
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: and require upfront and you're trying to get it on

518
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,919
Speaker 1: the low, and then you call that person petty for

519
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,399
Speaker 1: not giving you what you never expressed you needed from

520
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 1: the very beginning.

521
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,479
Speaker 2: That's very childish, you know that? Is it is?

522
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, he just had to say I need your car

523
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 3: from Jump. That's one of the c.

524
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 1: And he needed to detoxify his soul and so that

525
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 1: he knows that that's something that you need to tell people.

526
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 3: Does detoxification come with age, Josh.

527
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 4: Hell yeah, it's maturity absolutely.

528
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 10: I think you realize at a certain age that some

529
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 10: things that you liked just ain't it no more, and

530
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,119
Speaker 10: it's childish. There's a great, great court in the Bible.

531
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:57,159
Speaker 10: When I was young I'm about to preach I was young,

532
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 10: I did young things. No, man, I put away childish things. Yes,

533
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 10: you know what I mean. So I think it's important

534
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 10: to realize that you are now a man in your

535
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 10: age dictates that you do certain things differently than when

536
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 10: you were a child. Same thing is when you're in

537
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 10: a relationships, and when you're a relationship, the things that

538
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 10: you wanted and served you when you were a child,

539
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 10: they should no longer serve you to that extent as

540
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:23,120
Speaker 10: a man.

541
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 4: That's just my opinion.

542
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: That's deep, but that is very true though. So here's

543
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: what we did learn about Hoigh three sixty. Right, as

544
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: you mature and you detoxify yourself from the things that

545
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:37,359
Speaker 1: you think you want, then what you think is hot changes.

546
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 10: But no, I don't know if if you think you

547
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,120
Speaker 10: want the things that you wanted right and the things

548
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 10: that you actually because you needed those things, and then

549
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 10: sometimes you need those things to realize that you actually.

550
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 4: Don't need those things later on in life.

551
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 2: So how about the things you want that are not

552
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 2: good for you?

553
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: Once you detoxify yourself, then you start to realize and

554
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 1: I no longer want them things because they're not good

555
00:24:59,240 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 1: for me.

556
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 3: Thought they were good or maybe they were good in

557
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 3: that moment.

558
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 4: They were good in that moment.

559
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 1: I say that when they're ever good though, Like you say,

560
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: you're arguing with a chicken, y'all fighting, but you you

561
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 1: think this is what love is.

562
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 2: That was never good?

563
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, good for you, And I think can't learn unless

564
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 8: you go through it, you know.

565
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 3: Sometimes yeah, you might be like, yeah, I like that

566
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 3: makeup joint. You know what I'm saying, Salmon, just argue

567
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 3: so we can do that.

568
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,680
Speaker 10: There's a lot of people like you said, like you said,

569
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 10: remember you said Baby Boy was sort of like this

570
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 10: sort of thing that you liked or not that you like,

571
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 10: but the toxic environment. Probably what you liked about it

572
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 10: was the aftermath, like arguing and then the makeup after

573
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 10: it is what drove you like. I love that passion

574
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 10: of making up after an argument. It's not the argument.

575
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 10: Nobody likes to argue, right, it is what comes out

576
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 10: of it, connection, closeness, the the the that comes in

577
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 10: after that. Maybe that's part of the attraction that you like.

578
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 10: It's not necessarily the rod to get there, but the

579
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 10: final outcome is what I see will be the benefit

580
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 10: out of it, because I'll be honest with you. Makeup

581
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 10: sex is probably the craziest sex that you ever have

582
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,119
Speaker 10: with getting aggression out.

583
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:18,360
Speaker 1: And yes, absolutely, no, you're right, absolutely, I actually knows

584
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: someone who like her.

585
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 3: Standard for staying with this one person was the fact

586
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 3: that he was always getting into like fights with people.

587
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 3: They would go out and he was like tough, and

588
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,360
Speaker 3: then sometimes she had to jump in and then they

589
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 3: like got off on like going home and talking about

590
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 3: the fight they just had like collectively, and then that

591
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 3: spiral into him now like yeah, and literally that spiral

592
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 3: into him then having like several babies, but several women,

593
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 3: and I get mad right so that she could get

594
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 3: mask she's pulling up on other women and it's like

595
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 3: a whole thing, and it's like they're devising plans. And

596
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 3: then now she's she's like in coahoots with the other

597
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 3: girl to catch him with another girl, and I'm just like,

598
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 3: you like this, you have to like this. But then

599
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 3: you fast forward. She finds a guy because she's like,

600
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 3: you know what, I can't do this anymore. So she

601
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,720
Speaker 3: finds a guy who's doting over her, taking care of

602
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 3: her and her child at her back, and call walking

603
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 3: the Straight and Narrow has a plan, and what she

604
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 3: said the nigga boring.

605
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 2: That's why I was saying, there's nothing good that can

606
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 2: come out of it. You ain't got no gun shadow.

607
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 3: She literally would pick apart, like look at the way

608
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 3: he's standing. You see how his foot is facing this way.

609
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:45,439
Speaker 3: I was like, like you start to then picking He

610
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 3: was given hot about ninety because there was just certain

611
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 3: things that she's and I said, is that what we're

612
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 3: really like? You literally were in gun battles and that

613
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 3: turned you on? But then she fast forward. Here we

614
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 3: are about twenty five years since that, and now she's

615
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 3: with you know, a little more stable, Yeah, a little

616
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 3: more boring.

617
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 1: But I mean we all need to grow up and mature, right, Like,

618
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 1: is there an age really where you decide, like, you

619
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 1: know what, now this is the point where I'm done maturing.

620
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 2: No, I'm hoping.

621
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 1: I honestly hope five to ten years from now, I

622
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: listen to these podcasts and go back and be like them,

623
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: I've grown from then, because I've sued the podcast from

624
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: before and be like I've grown from then. So I

625
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: don't ever want to get stuck and just be like

626
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: I've matured, I've meet my maximum maturity.

627
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 3: I'm plateau. You don't want that.

628
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: I respect older men now like well, I always respect.

629
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 3: You understand them. I think I understand older women.

630
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: Because I say, like, people can tell you about life,

631
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: but when you've lived four, five, six decades, seven decades,

632
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,719
Speaker 1: you have a perspective because you've seen so many things,

633
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: so many times, and sometimes you stay quiet because you

634
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: like them. Young people never gonna get it. But when

635
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 1: an older person going to speak on something, I'm going

636
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: to listen.

637
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 3: It's true, I am, It's absolutely true. I see. It's

638
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 3: almost like a sense of like peace or calm that

639
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 3: I noticed with the generation before us, and even just

640
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 3: people in our generation now as we're like getting into

641
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 3: our forties or people a little older than me, there's

642
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 3: definitely this sense of like, I don't give a fuck.

643
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 3: It is what it is. I'm not trying to convince you.

644
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 3: This is who I am. And that's why there's been

645
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 3: I was reading an article recently that there's been like

646
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 3: an influx of people either delaying getting married or remarrying

647
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 3: well into their fifties and sixties because at that point

648
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 3: they feel like they are who they are. And if

649
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 3: you meet someone and have a genuine connection at that

650
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 3: phase in life, It's like, oh, we can ride off

651
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 3: into the sunset together because I'm accepting you for who

652
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 3: you are, fully and holy, and you're probably done a

653
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 3: couple Hot through sixty, you know, hot through sixty. You

654
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 3: know what I want to say, hot through sixty sessions

655
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 3: in order to get to where you are now. So

656
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 3: I completely understand.

657
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 1: But you know what I'm realizing Listener's talk about this

658
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: being hot three sixty is more about knowing yourself.

659
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, the same thing, because all we keep coming back.

660
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 2: Is to yourself.

661
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 1: You can blame someone else for not being hot, but

662
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: it's like, is it really them more than you?

663
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 10: I mean, the foundation is probably yourself, yeah, right, and

664
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 10: everything that you desire, But damn it, I can't control

665
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 10: if you don't look good.

666
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

667
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 2: Ask a question. Here's here's here's a here's a question.

668
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: Would y'all say someone else is hot three fifty, right,

669
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 1: which means they got everything, they just not attracted.

670
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 3: That's not well yeah, but then there's not it's not hot.

671
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 4: Just how much does you cannot be attractive to get

672
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 4: to the three hundreds.

673
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 6: So you be attracted to them? Like they don't have

674
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 6: to mean, they don't have to be attractive to everybody.

675
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 6: But I got to be attracted to you.

676
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 1: That's what I'm not I'm not talking because this is

677
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 1: this is another thing. Attractiveness is not monolithic. What I'm

678
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: saying to you, trouble is, she got everything, but she's

679
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: not attractive to you. No other people could think she's attractive,

680
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: but to you, you not even I'm in agreement with you,

681
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: but I'm in agreement with you.

682
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 8: But you know what, I have dated somebody who I

683
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 8: don't think is attractive, but I maybe thought she was

684
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 8: attractive at the time.

685
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 6: And I do think that sometimes attractiveness.

686
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 8: Does grow from, you know, companionship and liking somebody if

687
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 8: you if you really take the chance to get to

688
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 8: another So I won't I won't say a hard no.

689
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 3: So like growing on you type of things. Someone who

690
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 3: may be like okay, because if.

691
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 6: They have all the traits, you're gonna start looking cute.

692
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 8: Like if you're being hella considerate, if you're fun to

693
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 8: be around, you make me laugh, you smell good, you

694
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 8: listen still a mess?

695
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 3: Like why is that a hardy?

696
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 4: So y'all see my wife?

697
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 10: Sorry, One thing I want to say, is attractiveness isn't

698
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 10: always physical appearance. That's the number one right, that's that's attractive.

699
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 10: Isn't always physical parents Now, I will say I personally

700
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 10: cannot be with someone who is not at least physically attractive.

701
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 10: That's probably like the first thing, like I'm looking at you,

702
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 10: and I gotta like what I see in order to

703
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 10: do anything.

704
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 4: But and I've tried it too.

705
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,959
Speaker 10: I've tried going out with girls and even if they

706
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 10: had their body like their body is nice and like

707
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 10: their face isn't just it's not good.

708
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 4: I've tried.

709
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 10: And I walk behind you, I'm like, damn, you look good.

710
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 10: Then I get to the front and I look at you.

711
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 10: I'm like, Jesus, you know look good. So I know

712
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 10: I cannot do it without the physical attraction. But there

713
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 10: are things when like when women go through like pregnancy,

714
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 10: and physical appearance isn't what it was before. I still

715
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 10: think that there are there are attractive qualities that will

716
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 10: draw you to the person. And even if you're you're

717
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 10: you were afore when I met you and you're twelve now,

718
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 10: I still can be physically attractive to you. And I

719
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 10: don't think the physicalness and it looks matter as much

720
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 10: as me being and why I was attracted to.

721
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: Universe this, this is my thing. I don't think attractiveness

722
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 1: is universal. I don't think there's one thing we can say,

723
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: this is attractive, this ain't attractive. Right, But what I'm

724
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: saying is is when someone chooses someone that they're attracted to,

725
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 1: right right?

726
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 2: What if?

727
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 1: What if that person has everything that we said but

728
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 1: the only thing, just that only thing, because we're talking

729
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: about hot three sixty and it's just mean. I feel

730
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: like saying no if they have minds saying I can't

731
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: what I would say?

732
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 8: May I would say maybe I think it's it. Somebody

733
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 8: can grow on me if they treat me well.

734
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 3: Maybe it's like we can go to the gun range

735
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 3: or something, we can go bumper cars.

736
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 2: But gender specific?

737
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 6: Do you think I was gonna say?

738
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 8: I think it might be easier as a woman who

739
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 8: dates women, because you know, the how you date each other,

740
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,439
Speaker 8: it's a little bit different. Like this person, this ugly girl,

741
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 8: might be very considerate. She might take me on nice dates.

742
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 8: She might be paying my bills or something where I'm like, wow,

743
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 8: you can the way you just send me that zeale.

744
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 8: You know what I'm saying payment for my rent.

745
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 7: That was.

746
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 6: But a woman probably maybe wouldn't do that for men.

747
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 4: So it be that women do that all the time.

748
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 6: I said, maybe, maybe, maybe, I don't even.

749
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 4: Think you need to put maybe in that women do

750
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 4: that all the time.

751
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 1: Taking care of dudes. That's what they're complaining about. And

752
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,399
Speaker 1: probably he let him stay in my house.

753
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 3: Example, What's Homeboys were about it.

754
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 1: About this the other night like that, seriously, we talked

755
00:34:58,239 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 1: about this the other night and I was just like, Yo,

756
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: there is a thing going around for people.

757
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 2: It isn't gender.

758
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,359
Speaker 1: Specific, but there are people who know that they can

759
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 1: fuck their way through life, right. And it's just like women,

760
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,319
Speaker 1: men and women. If I fuck this person, they'll let

761
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,760
Speaker 1: me stay at their house. If I fuck this person,

762
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: they'll let me drive their car. Right, And then in

763
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: their mind it's a barter, like Yo, I'm doing this

764
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 1: for you, right. But even that person may not even

765
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 1: find the other person attractive. They're just doing it because

766
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: they want something. My thing is like, if you're building

767
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: your life out, it can't be transactional what you do

768
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: for me, right, there has to be a deeper connection, right,

769
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,399
Speaker 1: Like for me, it's not just about attractiveness. There's also

770
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,719
Speaker 1: a physiological connection. There are some beautiful women.

771
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 2: Who I've been around who just don't like do it

772
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 2: for me, Like.

773
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: They're gorgeous, they're beautiful women, but I don't know if

774
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,280
Speaker 1: it's a smell, if it's an or if it's an essence,

775
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 1: I'm just not attractive.

776
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 3: It's also like sex and sex appeal, right, So you

777
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 3: look at somebody and it's just like, man, this man,

778
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 3: for example, may not in the face, you know, be

779
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,280
Speaker 3: a ten for me, but there's something sexy about him. Yeah,

780
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 3: And then you have some people who are like super attractive,

781
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 3: but then it's just like you have the sex appeal

782
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 3: of a potato, you know. So yeah, it's one of

783
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 3: those things, but it's very specific to the person.

784
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 8: That's what I was gonna say too, Like the way

785
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,800
Speaker 8: that somebody carries themselves it makes a lot of a

786
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 8: difference too, Like if I if you're unattractive to me, like,

787
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 8: you can't be unattracted to yourself, because then that's going

788
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 8: to affect the way that you carry yourself. Like if

789
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:32,399
Speaker 8: you think you're fine, you got a great personality. I'm

790
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 8: more attracted to somebody's personality than I am their looks

791
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 8: maybe and the way they carry their self their sex appeals.

792
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 3: So maybe maybe we might be changing your mind over here,

793
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: trid Well, we.

794
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,720
Speaker 6: All have to see the person you're talking about, yeah.

795
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 3: Because confidence has so much to do with it. We

796
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 3: know somebody who by most people's standards, I'm sure if

797
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:55,279
Speaker 3: they saw him be like, oh not really, you know,

798
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 3: he was a little on the shorter side, you know,

799
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 3: but his personality and his confidence. And then the women he.

800
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 2: Used to pull, Oh my god, you.

801
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 3: Know exactly what I'm talking about, right, And I was

802
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 3: just like, but how and then and then I'm looking

803
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 3: at the women and I'm questioning them, Like girl used.

804
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 2: To pull them.

805
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 1: He used to pull them because of proximity. Right, We

806
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 1: used to all be around at the time, we were

807
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: all in the NFL.

808
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 3: And so if those women are coming to like your

809
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 3: sections and but he was like the loudest of the bunch,

810
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 3: and he was the smallest in the bunch. And it

811
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 3: was like the girls love.

812
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 1: They are And some girls are not attracted to, like

813
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:39,840
Speaker 1: you said, physical appearance, They're attracted to orr They attracted.

814
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 4: To the ability.

815
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, like his brotto, Like it was just a presence

816
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 3: that he had and I was like, he can have

817
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 3: all the persons he wants, and I still wouldn't give

818
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 3: me the time of day.

819
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,240
Speaker 2: But two, like is it gender specific?

820
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: Because even Trouble was just like, you know what, if

821
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 1: you can do something for me that may show me

822
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 1: that you're attracted, right, like if you're gonna pay this rent,

823
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: I might be for dudes. Sometimes I can't even say

824
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: it's not for dude sometimes because dudes be laying down

825
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: with chicks who are sometimes I be and I'd be like, yo,

826
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: why would you lay down with her? And I'm like, oh,

827
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: I see, I see you drive a car like But

828
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: that never lasts though ever.

829
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 2: That's the thing.

830
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: When you don't have that spark, that means it's just transaction, right,

831
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: So so it can't last if there isn't that initial

832
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 1: like baby.

833
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna tell you that spark and that physical

834
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 3: attraction has saved the Valini several times of twenty three years,

835
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 3: because there were moments where he and I were literally

836
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,439
Speaker 3: on the brink of you know what, I am about

837
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 3: to do all this? And then I looked at him

838
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 3: and he looked at me, and I was like, all right,

839
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:43,799
Speaker 3: well more time, yea one more time, one time for

840
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 3: the road and then here we are still.

841
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 4: You know, so.

842
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,760
Speaker 3: Hey call it shallow colla what it is, but it's

843
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 3: it's just something. He's just my person. He does it

844
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 3: for me, like I would hope that everybody finds their

845
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 3: person that does it for them, so that way, in

846
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:00,919
Speaker 3: the midst of the storm, at least you have that

847
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 3: to help get you through some of them difficult times.

848
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 2: Got another question, is there something someone can have, a

849
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 2: quality that someone can have that it don't matter what's

850
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 2: going on, that quality is the reason why you stay

851
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 2: or that quality is the reason why I know what

852
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,359
Speaker 2: the reason why you go, or you know.

853
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: What I was thinking, hot three sixty. What is a

854
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 1: quality that's like this quality is keeping me here?

855
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:31,320
Speaker 3: M not physical per se. It could be physic physical,

856
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:31,719
Speaker 3: it could be.

857
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 2: Physical, it could be anything. I know what honor is.

858
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 6: I think it would be the way they communicate.

859
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 8: I'm a huge personality person and if you're dedicated to

860
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 8: your own healing and you know how to communicate, I

861
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,280
Speaker 8: like that and we can talk through it brings whatever

862
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:47,839
Speaker 8: is going on.

863
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that. I like that one. I like

864
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 2: that one a lot.

865
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 3: Trying to think, but my one thing would be that one.

866
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 1: I guess it's because it's similar to what mine would

867
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: be because mine was loyalty like the mine is. It

868
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what me and Kay are going through. I

869
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 1: know we can sit down and figure it out together.

870
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,360
Speaker 1: That to me can trump everything. Like That's why I

871
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 1: always thought Kay was attractive, even even when she was

872
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 1: pregnant postpartum, she had gained how much way you again

873
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: with Jackson.

874
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 3: I was my heaviest Dakota. Actually I was like one

875
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 3: eighty one right, Ye.

876
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 2: None of that ever mattered to me, you know what

877
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 2: I'm saying.

878
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:27,959
Speaker 1: Like it was the fact that we could sit down

879
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: and figure anything out together that always made her attractive

880
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 1: because I felt like I had somebody who got me

881
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 1: regardless of what I'm going through, and there was no

882
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 1: look that can you know what I'm saying.

883
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 2: I remember when Ky was losing all her hair.

884
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,239
Speaker 1: Because she had just had baby back to back and

885
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 1: her hair was standing up in here and she was like,

886
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,399
Speaker 1: development you look at my hair, And to.

887
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 2: Be honest, it didn't matter to me, Like I you

888
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:49,480
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying.

889
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 1: You know how things changing any person physically. I love

890
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 1: Kadeen because she has this long, full hair that goes

891
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: over down to her back, and they had to come

892
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 1: a point where she was like, Babe, I might have

893
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 1: to cut.

894
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:00,399
Speaker 2: That shit.

895
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,359
Speaker 3: All I'm almost there again.

896
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 1: But that was something for me when I was young. Yeah,

897
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: but I was like, I could never be with a

898
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 1: woman who had short hair. That was a thing that

899
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 1: until you meet that person that is hot three sixties,

900
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 1: short hair gain weight.

901
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 10: And that's why I said attraction is not necessarily physical.

902
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:22,879
Speaker 10: Art time not physical, but looks, you know what I'm saying.

903
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 10: There's there's deeper things that you like, love about a

904
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 10: person that would consider them hot.

905
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 4: To be sixty.

906
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 6: Yeah.

907
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 3: That mutual respect too. I think that's what kind of

908
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 3: surfaces for me. It's like, regardless of what's happening, what's

909
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:37,320
Speaker 3: going on, what we're dealing with in that moment, respect

910
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 3: is big for me, Like knowing that regardless of anything,

911
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 3: you still see me as a person, you value me

912
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 3: as a human, you value me as your partner, and

913
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 3: you're not going to attempt to disrespect me in the

914
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 3: midst of everything.

915
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:49,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

916
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 3: I guess that kind of goes hand in hand with

917
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 3: loyalty to two. Yeah, Like, yeah, those are big for me.

918
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 2: Work ethic.

919
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: I watch you get on that treadmill and run when

920
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 1: you don't feel like I watch you go out and

921
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 1: work when you didn't want to. You know, like like

922
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,800
Speaker 1: watching someone work hard for the things they want in life.

923
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: To me is like that is a that gets you

924
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,760
Speaker 1: a high five hundred. You know what I'm saying seriously,

925
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,279
Speaker 1: because you got to my partner, like, we got to

926
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: be in life together. And if you got somebody who

927
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 1: every time you turn around, that person's just like.

928
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 2: I feel like life sucks. It's like you're not even

929
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:25,760
Speaker 2: trying to work.

930
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,600
Speaker 1: I like the work ethic to me is another one

931
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: loyalty communication work ethic. We're getting down to some some

932
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,359
Speaker 1: good ones to build a high three sixty. We're gonna

933
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: find trouble a nice young lay communication, loyalty work ethics.

934
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 10: You gotta be hot, I was mentioning earlier, active listening.

935
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 10: I think one of the most attractive things is a

936
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,959
Speaker 10: person that can be your proxy when you're not there

937
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 10: and literally everything I told you, you're you've understood it,

938
00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 10: and you're able to regurgitate that or or communicate that

939
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 10: to anyone else that you know that you might need to.

940
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 10: So for me personally, like, just like listening to me

941
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 10: makes me know that you are or actively actively listening

942
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 10: to me and being able to identify what my issue

943
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 10: is or my feelings or my desires or whatever.

944
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 4: That is beyond attractive to me.

945
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,840
Speaker 3: You know what's become attractive to me, And it's because

946
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 3: I've self corrected and I guess I detoxified myself accountability.

947
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 3: It has become so attractive to me, and I have

948
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 3: been more recently trying to not just take accountability but

949
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 3: then implement the change is necessary to make sure that

950
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:45,399
Speaker 3: I'm doing the things that I need to get done

951
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 3: for you. And that has made me. I have been

952
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 3: doing this try because I've tried in the past, and

953
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 3: then have it been consistent.

954
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 2: That's fair, You've been doing it right.

955
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 3: But more recently, I'm just like, man, this is like

956
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 3: a seconds behind being accountable saying you know what, I

957
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 3: haven't been showing up the way I should in certain

958
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 3: areas or whatever the case may be, and it's like,

959
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 3: you know what, I'm going to make this change, and

960
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,799
Speaker 3: I'm going to show you that I can do it

961
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 3: because I want to do it, not because you asked.

962
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 3: And that's been something more recently for me that I've

963
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 3: been finding to be so attractive. It's like taking accountability

964
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 3: for you know, the things that I might have let

965
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 3: go or the things that maybe I wasn't showing up

966
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 3: one hundred percent in and being more mindful about it.

967
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,399
Speaker 3: And it's actually kind of put me in a better

968
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 3: place of like structure and discipline. And it was a

969
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 3: challenge for me to be able to show up not

970
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 3: just for you, but for myself, for my kids in

971
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 3: this space of a challenge, you know, I think growing

972
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 3: up there is always this pressure. And it could just

973
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:49,359
Speaker 3: be the firstborn, firstborn daughter, being the oldest, knowing how

974
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 3: strong of a woman my mom is, so that she

975
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 3: was trying to of course raise strong women, right and

976
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,399
Speaker 3: my sister and I that this pursuit of this level

977
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 3: of perfection that I felt like I was never going

978
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 3: to attain every aspect of my life kind of just

979
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 3: allowed me. I think it allowed me, or it gave

980
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 3: me permission to be like, you know what, I can

981
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 3: kind of not give one hundred percent because it may

982
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 3: not turn out perfect anyway. And once I realized that

983
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 3: there really is not this level of perfection that I

984
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 3: need to aspire towards, is about really just doing just

985
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 3: getting it done right, and I realized how procrastination also

986
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 3: was impeding my progress.

987
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: Wait, one question, do you feel like having to be

988
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 1: perfect or feel like you had to be perfect?

989
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 2: Was the reason why you avoided accountability?

990
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 1: Because if you take accountability now I'm no longer perfect

991
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: and the game is over it.

992
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 3: Absolutely, that's nuts. Yeah, that was the revelation I had

993
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 3: recently for myself, and I think that's why I was

994
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 3: able to self correct now and self correct in areas

995
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 3: that in the past I might have problems with. But

996
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 3: now I'm like, Wow, the.

997
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 1: Reason that was it all along, I say that's nuts

998
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 1: is because I see Jackson, Matt, you'll be down here, right.

999
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 1: I asked Jackson all the time, why did you make

1000
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,840
Speaker 1: that decision? He'll just stay at me, and I'm like,

1001
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,919
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to I'm not trying to prove you wrong.

1002
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 1: I want to know why you made a decisions. We

1003
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: could talk about it, and then he'll finally come around

1004
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 1: to talk about it, and I'm just like, well, why

1005
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 1: did you just say that? And He's like, because I

1006
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,239
Speaker 1: knew if I did, I did something wrong. And then

1007
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 1: I'm like and then what, like, you're fourteen. Mm. Then

1008
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 1: he was just like, I just want to be perfect

1009
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 1: like you and mom. And I'm like, Dad, y'all sound

1010
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:22,720
Speaker 1: like the same exactly.

1011
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 3: And here I am. I don't think we put that

1012
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 3: kind of pressure on him as parents, because I know

1013
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 3: how it was a detriment to me growing up or

1014
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 3: even in my adulthood. But it's funny that I think

1015
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 3: him just seeing us now that he's old enough to

1016
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 3: witness his parents doing great things and having progress in

1017
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 3: life that he didn't realize at one point, like this

1018
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 3: wasn't the case, Like we had to work through, we

1019
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 3: had to fail. We're still failing and figuring things out. Yeah,

1020
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 3: but you can see how intimidating it is for a

1021
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 3: fourteen year old. So I would never want to put

1022
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:50,839
Speaker 3: that kind of pressure on him, and I don't think

1023
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 3: we did, per se. Maybe it was just a pressure

1024
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 3: that he's put on himself based off of the standard

1025
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:57,399
Speaker 3: he's seen his parents set.

1026
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could take a little bit of accountability that

1027
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,399
Speaker 1: I did put pressure on Jack. Yeah, I didn't know better.

1028
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 1: When I didn't know, I didn't know how it was

1029
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 1: gonna affect him.

1030
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:06,800
Speaker 2: Seeing now how.

1031
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: I'm a lot like your mom, putting that pressure on

1032
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 1: him can create the same thing as that.

1033
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 3: You're absolutely right, mom, You're almost like because you or

1034
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 3: my mom have a lot of that, those similar traits.

1035
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but first born. Yeah, both have responsibility of all him. Yeah,

1036
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 2: that's why I said, you know, I did toxify it.

1037
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 2: When you just that, it really hit me. I'm not joking.

1038
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:31,800
Speaker 4: I was going to ask when did you come to that? Revelation?

1039
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 4: Was that? I was going to ask when did you

1040
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 4: come to that? When did you see that?

1041
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 1: When she just said, you know, it was just the

1042
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 1: you know, I felt like I had to be perfect,

1043
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I feel like I'm talking to Jackson

1044
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,360
Speaker 1: right now. And then it hit me, Wow, your mom

1045
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 1: made you feel like you had to be perfect. So

1046
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: in order to be perfect, I'm avoiding accountability because the

1047
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 1: minute I say I did something wrong or admit that

1048
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: I did something wrong, I'm no longer no longer perfect.

1049
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 1: And then I had asked Jackson during track season, Remember,

1050
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,360
Speaker 1: I was like, why you feel like you got to

1051
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: be perfect? It's the same conversation. And then I realized, shoot,

1052
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,400
Speaker 1: I'm mean me because I have things I want for

1053
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:09,320
Speaker 1: my children, so I push them in a way where

1054
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 1: it almost feels shameful if you don't push yourself the

1055
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 1: way I'm pushing you.

1056
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 3: And it's only coming from a place of as a parent,

1057
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 3: you kind of can foresee the road to right and

1058
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 3: you just want to do everything that you can, not

1059
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 3: to coddle them, but to also direct them right. That's

1060
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:24,320
Speaker 3: our job as parents. So my mom meant no malice

1061
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:26,440
Speaker 3: at all in any of it, and she did because

1062
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 3: of the way she was and raised me and my

1063
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,760
Speaker 3: sisters specifically, we are the women who we are today

1064
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 3: because of it. So I'm grateful for that. But then

1065
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 3: in the back of my mind, I'm always just like, man,

1066
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 3: the progress that I probably could have had I didn't

1067
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:41,040
Speaker 3: have because I was just so afraid to even try.

1068
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:44,320
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's just like I don't really want that because

1069
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 3: I was afraid of not being perfect at it.

1070
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: Well, in dedoctifying, you realize that and you've made changes,

1071
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:53,560
Speaker 1: and I ain't gonna lie it is. It is definitely attractive, bro,

1072
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: when you come and use like you know not when

1073
00:48:56,040 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: you come and it's a very different conversation when you

1074
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,439
Speaker 1: be like, you know what, babe, I handled that wrong.

1075
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 1: I should do this, I should have did this. That

1076
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:07,439
Speaker 1: was my mistake. Let me this is my favorite thing.

1077
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 1: Let me make that up to you. That's something that

1078
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: we've never you used to never say. They used to

1079
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 1: always be like, I didn't.

1080
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,240
Speaker 3: Do it wrong, right, I would find why.

1081
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 1: That's when you Yep, that is very attractive to And

1082
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:20,800
Speaker 1: that goes back to active listening.

1083
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 2: Josh Man, you know what you need to do. You

1084
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 2: need to coach Trouble through high three sixty expert.

1085
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: You did come up with a lot of good points.

1086
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 1: I ain't even come up with a lot of one.

1087
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,240
Speaker 3: Listen, we can be part of the commuter.

1088
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, my legs are smooth. Thank you very much.

1089
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,440
Speaker 10: I was actually talking to Trouble because I know she

1090
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 10: can hit everything with.

1091
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 4: The headphones on.

1092
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,520
Speaker 3: Hey, we can all play a part in the show, Triple.

1093
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 3: Just let us know where you need us. You know

1094
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, You.

1095
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 8: Know what, I really be in love like every two

1096
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 8: and a half weeks. You know what I'm saying. Right now,

1097
00:49:59,320 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 8: it's not working O.

1098
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,240
Speaker 2: In Atlanta this I know you love it Atlanta.

1099
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 8: It's some beautiful Oh my god, I got like twelve

1100
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 8: numbers this past weekend.

1101
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 4: Did you to what did you go to the Chris

1102
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 4: Brown concert?

1103
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 2: No? Man, you you tripping. It was the capital of

1104
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 2: the world.

1105
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 4: They got twelve numbers and it was black double at

1106
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 4: the christ twelve numbers life.

1107
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 8: So Atlanta has two Pride festivals. One is just Black

1108
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 8: Pride and one is regular Pride. So it was Black

1109
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:30,360
Speaker 8: Pride weekend.

1110
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:31,120
Speaker 3: Oh dope.

1111
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 8: So all the black girls were at the girl events.

1112
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:36,359
Speaker 8: And these are girls who like girls. You know, I've

1113
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 8: I've had my sheriff straight girls who would be at

1114
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,360
Speaker 8: the Chris Brown concert.

1115
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 3: But exactly.

1116
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 8: Right now I'm looking for and Atlanta is full of

1117
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 8: real gay girls who are sexy.

1118
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:53,839
Speaker 3: So there you go. At least you were within your

1119
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 3: It's like we said before on a previous episode, go

1120
00:50:56,480 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 3: to places like minded.

1121
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,799
Speaker 10: I'm probably because a few episodes ago you said you

1122
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 10: only like first times.

1123
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 6: I did that.

1124
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 2: Show.

1125
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 3: Well, on that note, let's go pay some bills and

1126
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:29,360
Speaker 3: we're going to come back for the listener letters segment.

1127
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 3: Stay tuned, y'all. All right, we're back with our listener letter.

1128
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,279
Speaker 3: I'm going to dive in. Hey, Candeve, I want to

1129
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,040
Speaker 3: start off by saying thank you both for all that

1130
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 3: you share and sacrifice, and I pray God continues to

1131
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 3: cover blessed and heal you both continually.

1132
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 2: Thank you. I received that.

1133
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:00,919
Speaker 3: I am single. I do not have any kids yet,

1134
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 3: but I want them. I do not have a potential

1135
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:06,319
Speaker 3: spouse yet. I'm currently earning my doctorate and will be

1136
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 3: done in January. My friends say that when I'm in school,

1137
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 3: I only focus on school and I don't date. It

1138
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 3: wasn't until my thirties that I realized dating is difficult

1139
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:17,280
Speaker 3: for me. I want to go out to the correct

1140
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:19,840
Speaker 3: spaces so that I can date, but it's extremely comforting

1141
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 3: staying at home and not getting hurt again or dealing

1142
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:27,400
Speaker 3: with having to sift through potential men. I prefer to

1143
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 3: just meet my husband and be done. But reality, I

1144
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:32,880
Speaker 3: was not raised being taught how to date. I was

1145
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:35,320
Speaker 3: raised in strict homes. I was told that I couldn't

1146
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 3: date in high school and college, so the concept of

1147
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 3: dating was studying was studied instead of or learn experience.

1148
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 3: I bought my first home in Atlanta, leaving my hometown

1149
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,840
Speaker 3: of Birmingham. What advice would you give on how to

1150
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,399
Speaker 3: break my comfortability in dating? First of all, you moved

1151
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 3: to Atlanta, honey, I don't know what the prospects are

1152
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 3: like here in Atlanta For straight women looking for straight men. However,

1153
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 3: breaking comfortability and dating to be a lot of dating

1154
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 3: questions lately. So what are we saying? Do you know

1155
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 3: what you want for your hot three sixties?

1156
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 1: I'll say this, this is something that we don't talk

1157
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 1: about enough. But we're talking about a generation of twenty

1158
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 1: year olds and thirty year olds who had to deal

1159
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: with mass incarceration. Right, So we're dealing with a lot

1160
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 1: of black homes who don't have the father in the home.

1161
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 1: That's a fact, like that's something that we had to

1162
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:29,480
Speaker 1: deal with from the eighties up until now.

1163
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 2: It's twenty twenty fives. That's forty years, right.

1164
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 1: So a lot of people that we're talking to come

1165
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 1: from single parent homes. And when you come from a

1166
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 1: single parent home, you don't watch men and women interact

1167
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:42,880
Speaker 1: every day. So when people are asking me about dating advice,

1168
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:45,439
Speaker 1: it's because they don't really know, you know what I'm saying.

1169
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 1: And I think that we as a community of people

1170
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,439
Speaker 1: have to start talking about the courting process.

1171
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:52,359
Speaker 2: The courting process was a thing.

1172
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 3: I know, it seems kind of obsolete now.

1173
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:57,480
Speaker 1: At someone's house asked their parents if you could take

1174
00:53:57,480 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 1: them on the date, take them out on the day.

1175
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,919
Speaker 1: The day is not transactional where something's required on every

1176
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: first date, it was like, let me just get to

1177
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:08,279
Speaker 1: know you and let's see what happens. It's like all

1178
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:11,040
Speaker 1: of that first part of dating has just been removed.

1179
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems that people are just in it for

1180
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 3: getting something out of it.

1181
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,360
Speaker 2: Sex off the first date or a lifestyle.

1182
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:20,160
Speaker 11: That's why I call on Instagram a data because you

1183
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 11: you presumably know so much about a person already just

1184
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 11: by scanning their timeline, and then you go on a

1185
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 11: day and you want so much more. Meanwhile, you don't

1186
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:27,319
Speaker 11: know this person at all.

1187
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 6: Very true. I think men and women are always very

1188
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 6: comfortable with each other either.

1189
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,399
Speaker 8: So it's hard to go sit across from a man

1190
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 8: at at dinner table and actually have a good conversation

1191
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 8: or enjoy their company doing anything. So that could be

1192
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 8: a reason why it's hard to day you're not even

1193
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 8: used to spending time with the opposite sex and you're

1194
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:48,759
Speaker 8: like kind of awkward even about getting.

1195
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 3: To the Yeah, or is it even just being in

1196
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 3: physically being present with somebody, because I think we're all

1197
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 3: hiding behind phones nowadays, right, So just even the idea

1198
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 3: of getting out into spaces where you're interacting with someone

1199
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:04,399
Speaker 3: in like a live, real time space. It seems like, well,

1200
00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:06,719
Speaker 3: that's scary for some people because people are weird a

1201
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 3: But then also we're so accustomed to just doing everything

1202
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 3: digitally that I just think interactions in general have become

1203
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 3: awkward for people.

1204
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 1: Well, I think interactions are awkward because we've sensationalized the

1205
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 1: exceptions and the anomalies.

1206
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 2: Right, the only things you see on social media is.

1207
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 1: If something crazy happens, it goes on social media and

1208
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 1: gets reposted to where the exception.

1209
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 2: Or the anomaly becomes the norm.

1210
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 1: And to be honest, that's not the fact. Like what

1211
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,400
Speaker 1: you see on social media is not the norm. It's

1212
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 1: an anomaly. It's an exception. So imagine you're a young

1213
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 1: person and your idea of what dating is is all

1214
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: of these exceptions, right, a woman getting flown to Dubai, right,

1215
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 1: a man that takes a woman on this wild trip somewhere,

1216
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 1: or even worse, a lady gets abducted somewhere. It's like,

1217
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:54,759
Speaker 1: all of these wild, crazy things is what you see

1218
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:58,000
Speaker 1: is dating. It's fearful for people, you know, it gives

1219
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:01,360
Speaker 1: you anxiety. I don't think dating has to be that extreme.

1220
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: I think it's something very simple, like.

1221
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 3: A bit more casual.

1222
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:06,880
Speaker 2: I like you, you like me. You want to get a

1223
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,880
Speaker 2: cup of coffee, That's simple.

1224
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:12,760
Speaker 3: People were like turning down coffee dates, looking at coffee

1225
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,839
Speaker 3: and Bundy right saying, like, go for coffee. I don't

1226
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 3: want to go for coffee. But it's like Fania, as

1227
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:18,960
Speaker 3: a man, I can see why you don't want to

1228
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 3: spend necessarily two in three hundred dollars on a date

1229
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:23,840
Speaker 3: at some fine dine in restaurant. Did you see the

1230
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,719
Speaker 3: video of the girl that was eating the steak and

1231
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 3: the guy got up been left in the middle of

1232
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,320
Speaker 3: the date because of how she was eating her steak.

1233
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,800
Speaker 2: He recorded her. She she stabbed.

1234
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 3: Essentially and picked it and was biting it.

1235
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 1: And was biting it like me like this, and he

1236
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 1: left and she said, hey, you've gone to the bathroom

1237
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:44,479
Speaker 1: for a long time. Mm hm, you know what I'm saying.

1238
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:46,879
Speaker 1: When do you plan on coming back? And he said never.

1239
00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 1: You picked up the steak, Like what do you say,

1240
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 1: some sort of gorilla or something. You picked up the steak.

1241
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 3: Like it's some sort of like animal trying to eat

1242
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 3: this steak. And she was just like I can't believe

1243
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 3: you did.

1244
00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:58,839
Speaker 1: A real man would have told me how to eat

1245
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:03,239
Speaker 1: the steak. You gotta come back and from now. I

1246
00:57:03,239 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 1: would have said, a real man that she's leaving. I

1247
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:07,840
Speaker 1: would have said I'm leaving now. I would have probably

1248
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 1: covered the tibe. You know what, thank you, yeah, time,

1249
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,960
Speaker 1: but I'm interested. Dude was just like, I'm not doing it.

1250
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:14,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, he paid for his half, and then she's like, oh,

1251
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 3: I don't have money to pay for my half.

1252
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 2: You need to come back and pay for my hand,

1253
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 2: my hand.

1254
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 4: It was still abnormal though. I don't get I don't.

1255
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,440
Speaker 4: I don't fault him for walking out. That's picking up

1256
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 4: a steak.

1257
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 3: It's crazy in a restaurant.

1258
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:28,200
Speaker 10: Yeah, anyway, if you can't go get a couple of

1259
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:29,240
Speaker 10: coffee with me, we don't.

1260
00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 3: We don't exactly because what are we doing here? The

1261
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 3: coffee is the easiest and the cheapest way to say,

1262
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 3: you know what, there's a vibe, there isn't and too.

1263
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 8: I think you got to think about your exchanging your

1264
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:40,400
Speaker 8: time for this meal. So if you go on a

1265
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 8: coffee day, that's potentially something that's really quick, or it

1266
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 8: can extend into something else. Right right after thirty minutes

1267
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:48,960
Speaker 8: you'd be like, okay, well.

1268
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 3: It was yes, true, you got to get through appetizer. Man, course,

1269
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 3: you know what, spend.

1270
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 4: Four hundred dollars people are to not like you.

1271
00:57:58,960 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 3: It's crazy.

1272
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:02,480
Speaker 1: We're hearing these things on social media. Once again, that's

1273
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:04,920
Speaker 1: an exception. That's not a real place. There are a

1274
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 1: lot of real dates happening that we don't see because

1275
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 1: it's boring.

1276
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 2: But the exceptions like that one we see and everyone

1277
00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:11,800
Speaker 2: thinks that's all dated.

1278
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:13,919
Speaker 1: I do want to say this, because we talked about

1279
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 1: this before, the percentages of how many people say that

1280
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:19,080
Speaker 1: they don't want to get married versus want to get married.

1281
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:21,440
Speaker 2: I want to throw this out. It don't fucking.

1282
00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: Matter, right, if you're looking to get married and you

1283
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 1: want to marry one person, If half the population says

1284
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:32,000
Speaker 1: they don't want to get married, so fucking what. So

1285
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 1: let that half of the population not be married, then

1286
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 1: go do what they want to do and find the

1287
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 1: other half that want to get married and focus on

1288
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:41,080
Speaker 1: that half.

1289
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 2: And I really want to lead that charge on what

1290
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 2: we need to focus on here now.

1291
00:58:46,360 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, So if people don't want to get married,

1292
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,800
Speaker 1: if some men don't like women, some women don't.

1293
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 2: Like men, y'all have at it.

1294
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 1: We're talking about the men who love and adore women

1295
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: and the women who love and the door men or

1296
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 1: men who love and adore men and women who love

1297
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 1: and adore women who want to be in monogamous relationships.

1298
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 1: That's who we're talking to. Those people need to get

1299
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 1: together and go on the coffee date that could be

1300
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:11,479
Speaker 1: like a big party.

1301
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 3: Is that what they used to do with speed dating?

1302
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:14,680
Speaker 3: Is it that to be like pretty much write down

1303
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,720
Speaker 3: on your name tag, like you know, single, looking to

1304
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:19,840
Speaker 3: be married? Do want kids? Like you put a pretty

1305
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 3: much a whole resume on, and then you just mingle

1306
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 3: with people who you can see. Okay, our color coordination matches.

1307
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 3: I want this and you want that.

1308
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 11: Yeah, I was terrified as speed diding because of watching TV, Like,

1309
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:31,880
Speaker 11: I don't know what I'm gonna sit down and stay

1310
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 11: to all these women?

1311
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:36,000
Speaker 8: Uh huh. That's what I was going to suggest for

1312
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 8: this listener letter. Find a speed dating event just to

1313
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:43,400
Speaker 8: get comfortable sitting across from somebody and having an awkward conversation.

1314
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:46,919
Speaker 6: And they also give you so many.

1315
00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:51,520
Speaker 8: Like guidelines to record what you like and what you

1316
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 8: don't like, and then that'll give you a chance to

1317
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 8: get comfortable with what you're looking for in a partner

1318
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:58,920
Speaker 8: and how to look for that and the people you

1319
00:59:58,960 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 8: go on dates with.

1320
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 2: I don't mind that. I think that makes the most sense.

1321
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:05,840
Speaker 1: How do you get better at communicating other than communicating?

1322
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 1: Get used to putting yourself out there. Hey, there's billions

1323
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 1: of people in the world. All right, we know half

1324
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:13,960
Speaker 1: of these people don't want to get married. There's eight

1325
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 1: billion people in the world, so there's four billion people

1326
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 1: who want to get married. I can find one, you

1327
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, And it may mean that I

1328
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: may have to go through a couple of ducklings. All right, Hey,

1329
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 1: I'm interested in this. You're not interested in that. Cool,

1330
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:29,120
Speaker 1: enjoy your time. I'm enjoying my time.

1331
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:30,800
Speaker 2: It don't got to be a back and forth.

1332
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,280
Speaker 3: It don't want to be a convincing thing. Like we're

1333
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 3: not out there to try to convince somebody to think

1334
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 3: something else. No, that's not.

1335
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,000
Speaker 11: How You're not choosing your husband and wife on the

1336
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:43,240
Speaker 11: first date. Both the process, but also I see something

1337
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:48,560
Speaker 11: in here that I said. But I'm extremely comfortable staying

1338
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 11: at home and not getting hurt again. Sounds like they

1339
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:54,160
Speaker 11: may may have not have healed from yes prior pay

1340
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:55,919
Speaker 11: Yes got to be a step one.

1341
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 1: Yes for fear, it's to detaxify like that's but those

1342
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 1: so she has to detoxify that her parents.

1343
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 2: You can't date in high school, you can't date in college.

1344
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:08,120
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that they probably fed her with a

1345
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 1: lot of fear that led to some of those. You know,

1346
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 1: absolutely that anxiety, to which mine made it difficult for

1347
01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:15,400
Speaker 1: her to start dating when.

1348
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 2: She did start dating.

1349
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 3: It can go one of both ways, because my parents

1350
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 3: were super strengthening and allow me to date and you know,

1351
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,800
Speaker 3: high school and whatnot. But I'm going to college, honey,

1352
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:25,040
Speaker 3: and them to be outside. You know, it's I guess

1353
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 3: it just depends on your take on it, because you

1354
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:28,880
Speaker 3: know I took it and I got back clearly you

1355
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 3: did because I was, I was, I was giving it up.

1356
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 6: All right.

1357
01:01:33,400 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 3: Good luck to you as you get out there in

1358
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:38,440
Speaker 3: that Dayton space. You know, we hope and pray that

1359
01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:42,080
Speaker 3: you find exactly what you're looking for. All right, y'all,

1360
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 3: we're looking for yall to write in for listener letters.

1361
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:46,360
Speaker 3: We enjoy hearing from you. And if you haven't been

1362
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 3: featured yet and you want to be featured. Of course,

1363
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,200
Speaker 3: it's all anonymous and all that. Unless you want us

1364
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:53,360
Speaker 3: to shout you out, email us at the Ellis Advice

1365
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 3: at gmail dot com.

1366
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,120
Speaker 1: That's th h E E L L I S A

1367
01:01:57,280 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 1: d V I C E at gmail dot com.

1368
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:02,240
Speaker 3: All right, time for the moment of truth. We're talking

1369
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:05,400
Speaker 3: Hot three sixty today. Lots of really great revelations. I

1370
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 3: think you know, realizing that Hot three sixty might be

1371
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 3: a detoxification of self and how that evolves over time. Sorry,

1372
01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:16,280
Speaker 3: I start day simple.

1373
01:02:16,680 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 2: I'm steal from Josh's thing.

1374
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:21,840
Speaker 1: Hot three sixty starts with the whole time like that

1375
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:26,200
Speaker 1: was my dam I'm like, did I say that?

1376
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 3: That's I was just trying to recap, but Deval just stole.

1377
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:31,439
Speaker 2: Don't want to go first, baby? It was good though,

1378
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 2: the detoxification from stealth. That's how you start with Hot

1379
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:34,960
Speaker 2: three sixty.

1380
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:36,800
Speaker 1: You find out what your issues are, you learn how

1381
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 1: to heal first, and then you look for someone who

1382
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,440
Speaker 1: you think is hot based on healing first. But if

1383
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 1: you haven't healed, all the things you think are hot,

1384
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:46,919
Speaker 1: you may not want them later on once you heal.

1385
01:02:47,040 --> 01:02:49,400
Speaker 1: So yep, heal first, baby.

1386
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:53,280
Speaker 3: Who's up next? Moment the truth the Josh go last.

1387
01:02:53,280 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 2: Everybody still.

1388
01:02:58,760 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 4: Actively listen.

1389
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 2: I like the Josh came up with that one by yourself.

1390
01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:10,440
Speaker 4: Now, yo, stupid?

1391
01:03:10,680 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 10: All right, My my moment of truth is when I

1392
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:19,360
Speaker 10: was a boy, I did boyish things. Man, I do

1393
01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 10: things that only men do. And I can do that

1394
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:25,960
Speaker 10: because there was a point in the episode that I

1395
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 10: brought up. I can't remember what it was, but just

1396
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,760
Speaker 10: go with that. Just don't do boyish things if you

1397
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 10: were man.

1398
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:39,000
Speaker 11: Like that first Josh one and three, I like that.

1399
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:41,480
Speaker 6: I'm gonna refer to Josh as my pastor.

1400
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 10: Now, and the actual scripture is when I was a child,

1401
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:46,480
Speaker 10: not when I was a boy a child.

1402
01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:49,800
Speaker 8: I'm gonna look directly into the camera for this one.

1403
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:55,760
Speaker 8: If you want to marry me, hit me up on Instagram.

1404
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 8: Taking Insta proposals at this point doesn't really matter.

1405
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 6: You got a job, are you sexy? Are you kind?

1406
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 2: That's it?

1407
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:08,560
Speaker 3: I love that exactly. Is amazing. And I'll be here

1408
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 3: to sift through Trible's d M. So you got to

1409
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 3: get through me first to get to Triple.

1410
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:16,520
Speaker 6: Who was the who was?

1411
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 8: Like you know how on The Bachelor they got the

1412
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 8: dude in the suit that like, yeah, tells everybody that's cold.

1413
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:25,680
Speaker 3: Then I will be in a gown three sixty babies.

1414
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 2: You could find a nice guy that would I know.

1415
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 3: You going to ask about tea every time?

1416
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 8: Every time another woman breaks my heart, I'd be like,

1417
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:45,720
Speaker 8: if I could just find a man that I could

1418
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:47,280
Speaker 8: boss around, I will.

1419
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 3: Be I'm sure that's something there.

1420
01:04:56,400 --> 01:05:02,680
Speaker 2: That's all we do is husbands right there, we all.

1421
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 5: Be sitting there outside smoking. What your wife got you doing?

1422
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 5: Checklar group therapy for yall, balcony therapy.

1423
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:14,600
Speaker 6: Check.

1424
01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:15,520
Speaker 4: I know it is.

1425
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 3: That's why I never step foot out there. When y'all

1426
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:18,560
Speaker 3: be out there, I'm like, you know, and let them

1427
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 3: have their time that they had their little communal, honey.

1428
01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:23,480
Speaker 1: They put the calendar up in the kitchen, bro and

1429
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 1: I was like, what's this and it was like a

1430
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 1: calendar for everything.

1431
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:28,080
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, what's these colors? There was like

1432
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 2: that's your color? You read said, wait, that's the ship

1433
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:33,480
Speaker 2: for me to do? I didn't know, and it ca

1434
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:38,120
Speaker 2: was hate your button dropped down.

1435
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,440
Speaker 3: Yell, you gotta go up and show that.

1436
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:44,800
Speaker 1: Wives gonna do is boss husbands around and we're gonna sit.

1437
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 3: There like it's not boss It's just that you know,

1438
01:05:47,080 --> 01:05:49,520
Speaker 3: you're aware of the moving parts of this family, and

1439
01:05:49,600 --> 01:05:51,560
Speaker 3: essentially we have eight people in this house with eight

1440
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 3: different moving parts, and I need to close a couple

1441
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 3: of tabs in my brain, honey. So the calendar is there.

1442
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:57,720
Speaker 3: Don't ask me no questions. Period.

1443
01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:00,320
Speaker 4: I can't even get mad because calendar period. Tell the

1444
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:05,880
Speaker 4: bell to do this. That's literally josh my cross dirty period.

1445
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:12,720
Speaker 3: I am going to voice and voice exclamation point bold.

1446
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:16,120
Speaker 4: Didn't I tell you take that ship upstairs?

1447
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:17,520
Speaker 2: Quote end quote?

1448
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:22,200
Speaker 3: That is me? He accountable.

1449
01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:24,920
Speaker 2: That is me because I'd be like, why don't you

1450
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:26,520
Speaker 2: just call people? So I don't want to talk to nobody.

1451
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:27,160
Speaker 2: I send them to.

1452
01:06:28,920 --> 01:06:29,160
Speaker 6: Listen.

1453
01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:31,840
Speaker 3: Listen at your lead. All right, y'all, be sure to

1454
01:06:31,880 --> 01:06:34,200
Speaker 3: find us on Patreon if you have not done so already.

1455
01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:36,320
Speaker 3: We love it over here with our gang. You get

1456
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:39,600
Speaker 3: exclusive ls ever After content as well as family content.

1457
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:42,080
Speaker 3: You can find us on social media also at lls

1458
01:06:42,120 --> 01:06:45,640
Speaker 3: ever After on Instagram and TikTok. And I'm Kadiene, I Am.

1459
01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 10: And I Am I'm on the Score Ellis and I'm

1460
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:52,160
Speaker 10: Joshua Underscore Dwayne, I'm at Trips the Cool t R

1461
01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:52,680
Speaker 10: I B B.

1462
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 1: Z that's cool on everything, And if you're listening on

1463
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:57,200
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, be sure to rate.

1464
01:06:57,240 --> 01:07:01,640
Speaker 2: Review and subscribe and download. Make sure you down aloadle

1465
01:07:01,640 --> 01:07:02,480
Speaker 2: bit the fact.

1466
01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:04,640
Speaker 3: Baby, and don't forget to get the rest of your

1467
01:07:04,680 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 3: dead ass merch. I think we have a couple things left. Yes,

1468
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:10,080
Speaker 3: they're going like hotcakes, y'all. It's hoodie season, all right,

1469
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,120
Speaker 3: Rack up dead ass.

1470
01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:19,400
Speaker 8: Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1471
01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:24,040
Speaker 8: by Kadeen and deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1472
01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:28,640
Speaker 8: Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by

1473
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:29,560
Speaker 8: Lashawan Rowe

1474
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:10,240
Speaker 7: Talk Talk