WEBVTT - The Unexpected Joys of Being a Caregiver 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:04.440 Hi everyone. 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:09.360 I'm Holly Robinson, pete, actor, author, advocate, do it All mom, 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.399 and I'm also a caregiver. And this is care Walks, 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:18.480 a podcast from iHeartRadio and Voltaian Arthritis Pain Gel. It's 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:21.639 a show for family caregivers who give everything to everyone 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:25.640 and need to make time for themselves through movement. Every 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:28.040 episode is designed for you to walk as you listen, 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:30.520 so just think of me and my guests as your 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:34.840 weekly walking buddies. We'll hear stories from caregivers and gain 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:38.319 tips and insights from health experts and advocates who know 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:41.239 how important it is to take care of yourself and 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:44.520 manage joint pain due to arthritis that often accompanies being 0:00:44.560 --> 0:00:49.560 a caregiver. We'll discover community ourselves and maybe even alleviate 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:52.480 some joint pain due to arthritis in the process as 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:55.560 we walk together and connect to the best parts of 0:00:55.600 --> 0:01:03.760 being a caregiver. Welcome back to care Walks. I'm so 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:08.240 glad you're here today. How are you feeling? You know 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:12.320 it's okay if the answer is I'm okay or I'm 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:16.759 hanging in there, because it's important to acknowledge and recognize 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:21.320 our feelings, especially if we're not one hundred percent. Caregiving 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:24.440 is twenty four to seven, and it's okay to say, 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:28.800 you know what I'm struggling today. That is the first 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:31.400 step to asking for help and finding time to take 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:34.800 care of yourself. I'm also hoping today's show can be 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:38.440 an uplifting self care moment for you too. But first, 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:41.680 just a quick reminder. Right now, you're listening to the 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:44.319 full version of this episode, But if you don't have 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:47.200 time for a full walk today, that's okay. Just go 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:50.480 check out our bridged version of the same episode. It's 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:54.760 like the cliff Notes for podcasts. All right, I'm really 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:58.000 looking forward to today's episode. We're talking about the joys 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:01.600 of being a caregiver. We talk so much about how 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:05.040 hard and difficult caregiving can be, which is true, but 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:08.720 caregiving can bring a lot of bright moments too. So 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:11.600 I know that from my own experience, being a caregiver 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:15.680 gave me some really valuable quality time with my father. 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.680 We had a lot of deep conversations, and it became 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:21.800 a time where we really got to work on and 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:25.079 improve our relationship. We got to say things to each 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:27.640 other that we'd never said before, and we had some 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:32.640 major breakthroughs. I cherished that time. Today, I'll be joined 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:36.959 by caregiver Rob Phobion. Rob is the chief community Engagement 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:40.519 officer for the Austin Groups for the Elderly in Central Texas, 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:43.440 but he's also been a primary caregiver for the last 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:47.280 twenty four years for his husband, who suffers from early 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:51.359 onset dementia. While finding how to strike a balance between 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:54.519 the many aspects of his busy schedule, Rob has found 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:58.360 boundless joy in the relationship that caregiving has forged, and 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:03.000 understands the importance of finding support and joy throughout his journey. 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:07.360 Before we get to my conversation with Rob, let's get walking. 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:18.560 Let's bring our full attention to this walk. Find things 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:21.680 to anchor onto in this moment to help you stay present, 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.280 whether it's the feeling of the ground beneath you or 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:30.120 focusing on the sound of my voice. 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:31.919 Take a deep breath in. 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:43.640 And out. We can always return to our breath to 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:51.840 anchor ourselves again. Take another deep inhale and release it 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:55.800 out of your mouth. Don't be afraid to release a sigh, 0:03:56.080 --> 0:04:03.120 a good sigh along with it. Recognize that the stresses 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:06.280 from the day or from this week are only obstacles. 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:10.960 They do not define your abilities. They do not define 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:15.880 your happiness. Take this opportunity to loosen your shoulders if 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:22.479 they're tense, unclench your jaw, and take another cleansing breath in, 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:34.359 end out. Now, start to find a natural and comfortable 0:04:34.400 --> 0:04:37.919 walking pace to settle into. And let's explore how we 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:41.440 can find renewed joy and love in our role as 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:45.080 caregivers every day with my guests, Rob Phobian. 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:52.640 Rob, thank you so much for joining us today. 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:55.600 Holly, thank you so much. I appreciate this opportunity. 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:58.480 Yes, oh so, I'd love to get to know your 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:01.240 story a little bit more. Can you tell us about 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:02.679 how you first became a caregiver? 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:07.400 Most certainly, first I started caring for my husband. He 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:11.640 has been HIV positive for more than thirty years, so 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:14.919 he takes thirty six pills every day, and you multiply 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:17.359 that time thirty years. You know, everything that goes in 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:20.320 your mouth eventually ends up in your brain. And so 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:23.839 the doctors told us very early on that if he 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:27.120 lived long enough that he would probably develop some type 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:31.720 of cognitive issue because of all the medication. Luckily, he 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:35.600 is doing terrific health wise. His viral load is undetectable. 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.039 His T cell count is through the roof, which is 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:40.880 a blessing because the meds are doing exactly what they're 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:46.120 supposed to. They're keeping him alive. Unfortunately, because of all 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:49.400 of that medication, it's starting to affect his cognitive. 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:54.320 Yes, the cognitive it's a give and take, right, How 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:57.760 did you approach taking on the challenges of his health 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:00.880 as it declined and did you is you get to 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:02.920 talk about together or strategize about it. 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.800 We certainly did and that was one of the blessings 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:08.640 that we had is knowing that we had time to plan. 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:13.480 And for many families who are dealing with memory loss 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:17.599 cognitive issues, they don't have that time or they don't 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:19.840 take the time. Many times they don't, you know, they 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:24.560 start seeing something happening with mom, dad, husband, wife, and 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:28.200 they think, oh, that's just part of normal aging, or 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:32.880 you know, that's just them being silly, but in reality, 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.760 they are slowly starting to have cognitive issues, and so 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:40.600 addressing it early on is so important because we were 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.679 able to talk about the what ifs and what would 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:47.880 he like And the same thing has happened with my parents. 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:50.640 My father had a brain bleed stroke three years ago, 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:54.120 and so I'm also his caregiver along with helping my mother. 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:57.280 They live independently, but in order for that to happen, 0:06:57.360 --> 0:06:59.880 I helped take care of them. They're in their mid 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:04.000 to late eighties, and so in addition to the normal 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:07.000 aspects of aging, we have this on top of it 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:09.960 as well. And so that's one thing we did is 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:13.480 we sat down and had those very honest conversations about 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:16.160 what if and what comes next and what do you 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:20.160 want because the time to have that is early into 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:23.560 these situations. It's not when you're at the hospital in 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:26.880 an emergency having those conversations. You need to have them 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.520 early on. And you know a lot of people don't 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:34.040 like talking about those things, but it's so important. It's 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:35.800 not the if it's going to happen, it's the win 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:37.720 it's going to happen, and you really need to have 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:38.960 those conversations early. 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:40.000 That's right. 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.679 As a caregiver for both your parents and your husband, 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:46.280 how do you approach caregiving differently for each. 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:50.360 Well, you know, in one case it is my spouse, 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:53.560 my partner, my life partner who i'd live with twenty 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:57.160 four to seven, and so that's a different dynamic than 0:07:57.480 --> 0:08:01.120 my parents. As we know, being care taking care of 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:05.680 our parents, we kind of become the parent in many ways. 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.600 It's the role reversal and you have to kind of 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:10.720 tread lightly. 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:11.840 In many ways. 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:16.000 You know what is best for them, you know in 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.720 your heart what needs to happen, but at the same time, 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:24.760 they still view you as their child, and so it's 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:27.400 a complete role reversal and you have to come at 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:27.640 it in. 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:28.960 A different way. 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.840 The way that I would talk with my husband about 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.360 things would be different, the way that I would talk 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.480 to my father about things. 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.400 Seeing that you dedicate so much of your time for 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:41.240 being there for your loved ones, what would you say 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:42.680 caregiving means to you? 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:48.000 It is such a blessing, It really is. For example, 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:52.720 I have learned so much about my family and my 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:56.120 parents getting to spend this much time with them. I 0:08:56.280 --> 0:09:00.240 just found out that my mother was a roller scapeading 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:03.800 car hop when she was a senior in high school. 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:08.240 I never knew that, Wow, that's impressive. 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:12.640 And that my dad would come in his car every 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:16.720 night and you know, park in her area just to 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.240 get to spend some time with her before they ever 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:23.240 started dating, because he thought she was so beautiful and 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:27.240 so I'm learning all these great stories about the family, 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.400 and it's time that I probably would not have gotten 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:36.400 to spend with my family because honestly, as a career professional, 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.880 like most people, I wouldn't probably have taken as much 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:42.360 time as I have to spend with my family. 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:46.560 That is one of the blessings of caregiving, hearing you 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:50.960 discover these things about your parents that you did not know. 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:54.360 You know, you mentioned that not everyone is meant to 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:57.000 be a caregiver. What are some of the challenges that 0:09:57.040 --> 0:09:59.480 you've had to overcome in your relationship while being a 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:01.079 caregiver to your partner? 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.640 Well, obviously trying not to take charge of everything. You know, 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:10.280 it's very hard when you care so much about someone 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:14.400 and you want everything to be just so perfect for them, 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:19.360 and you become overprotective and you forget that this is 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:23.120 an individual who has their own purpose in life and 0:10:23.160 --> 0:10:26.400 their own desires, their own feelings, and you don't want 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:30.360 to take any of that away. You want to be 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:33.240 the hand to help them when they need it, but 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:35.400 you also want to be the pat on the back, 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:39.320 the encouragement just to support them in their journey as well. 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.760 Because when someone has. 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:46.040 A cognitive issue, it is incredibly confusing for them. I 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:49.680 heard it best explained of someone that I work with 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:52.880 talking about dementia, saying that people who live with dementia 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.280 know something's wrong, they don't know what it is or 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:59.199 how to fix it, and that is living in twenty 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:04.160 four hours of confusion. And I understand that that. You know, 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:08.640 when he lashes out at me, it's not because he 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:12.880 is attacking me, it's because he doesn't know how else 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:16.160 to express because he doesn't know what's going on, and 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:18.160 so he's gone to fight or flight mode. 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:23.720 Oh my goodness, there's just such a level of empathy 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:26.839 and an ability to try to put yourself in someone 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:30.520 else's shoes that sometimes it's very difficult to do that. 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:35.280 My dad had dementia for a long time at the 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.520 end of his journey with Parkinson's, and I was never 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:42.600 really able to I don't think properly empathize with him 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:45.000 about the dementia. So what you just the way you 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:48.240 just defined what that is is super helpful, I think 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:49.080 to a lot of people. 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:52.280 And trust me, this is not something that just came 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.480 to me overnight. As a caregiver, you grow into your role. 0:11:55.640 --> 0:12:00.040 For many of us, caregiving sneaks up on us and 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:04.720 we go from being helpful to being the one that's 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:06.240 relied on twenty four to seven. 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.240 You know, you seem to have such clarity about the 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:12.400 realities of your situation. I mean you have to, obviously, 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:14.960 And I know you said it didn't all come to 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:17.880 you overnight and it was a journey. But what have 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.200 you been able to learn about yourself since becoming a 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.679 caregiver for your husband and parents. 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:26.439 I don't know if it's said I've learned about myself, 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:29.320 but what I have learned to do is exactly what 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:32.840 you said. You know, realize that most of it is 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:36.560 not in my control, and that's okay, and so you 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:40.560 take a deep breath and you make good choices and 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.720 you keep going. I'm the kind of person that makes 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:48.120 lots of lists and has multiple plates spinning simultaneously, and 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:50.920 always got lots of projects going. And I've had to 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:54.880 learn when I'm caregiving with my parents with my husband 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:58.160 in that situation, put all that aside. I am there 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:02.080 with them. I'm not thinking about the project tomorrow. I'm 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.600 not thinking about what I need to do next week. 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.040 I need to think about what they need and the 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:10.520 time that I'm spending with them, and that's been difficult 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:12.880 for me because it's not my personality to do that. 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.320 But I think that has helped me be a better 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:19.959 person because it is giving me a new skill set 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:21.000 that I'm very proud of. 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:35.719 We'll be right back with more from Rob Phobion, And 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.000 now back to my conversation. 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:38.720 With Rob Phobion. 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:44.440 Tell me about the work you do with the Austin 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:47.200 Groups for the elderly in Central Texas and how that 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.920 organization works with those who are aging and their caregivers. 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:54.880 Yeah, our acronym is AGE, and so Age of Central 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:59.560 Texas is a regional nonprofit organization that serves older adults, 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:03.079 in particular those who are experiencing a cognitive issue in 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.720 their life, to help them stay connected in the community, 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:11.319 continue to socialize, continue having that purpose in life. We 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:14.679 give them those opportunities, those outlets, and that support so 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.800 they can continue to be that important part of the 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:22.240 world that they want to be. Our founders founded US 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.200 thirty six years ago locally here in Central Texas. They 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:28.000 were very forward thinking and knowing that in order for 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:31.240 older adults to succeed, we had to support the family 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:34.120 caregivers as well. Because, as I mentioned, no one teaches 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.680 you how to do this. I go and speak to 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:40.360 elementary school students about aging and caregiving. As we grow 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:44.040 up in our lives, we don't have many opportunities to 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.960 watch other caregivers in action. And then suddenly we're at 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.560 the hospital with an emergency and we have no earthly 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.720 idea what a medical power attorney is or do we 0:14:54.840 --> 0:14:59.120 know who the doctor is that prescribe this medication? Are like, no, 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.160 I don't know any of this stuff. And so having 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:06.840 a place that provides the resources, the education, the support, 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.560 the shoulder to cry on, whatever you need to help 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:13.440 you connect to the resources and let you know that 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:16.120 you're doing a fantastic job and we're right here behind 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:19.280 you to help you. And so that's available on our website, 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:23.360 along with lots and lots of caregiving resources, both local 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:26.480 for our Central Texas area but also that are available nationally. 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:28.960 And so I'll just give a plug to that. Our 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:34.280 web page is Age of Central TX dot org. 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:38.480 This is the ongoing thread through all of these care 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:39.360 walks that we've done. 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:41.360 You have to take care of yourself. 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.560 You've got to keep yourself and put self care and 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:47.320 make it a priority, and so speaking of that while 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:52.200 helping other caregivers prioritize themselves at age and by the way, 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.920 that work sounds amazing that you're doing there. Do you 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.800 rob have a self care routine to find that me 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:00.680 time I do. 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:05.120 I go to the gym, And that is not something 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:08.720 I ever thought I would say out loud, but that 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:09.760 has become. 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:11.280 Something that I really enjoy doing. 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:14.200 So I go to the gym and that is my 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:18.160 time where I just disconnect and you know, I can 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.120 listen to my inner voice while I do my workout routine. 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:26.000 The other thing that has been really wonderful is we 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:29.360 bought a house seven years ago, but the grass never 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.640 grew in in our backyard, so we just dug it 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:34.560 all up and turned it into one huge flower garden. 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:38.160 And he has a degree in botany, so that's something 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:42.280 we've been able to share together, is we have this big, 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:46.880 beautiful flower garden. And so when I get home every day, 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:49.320 the first thing I do is I walk outside and 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:51.240 I go in the backyard and I just walk around 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:52.160 and look at the flowers. 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.320 That has been my blessing. 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.760 That that's my escape, that I can just go out 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:00.720 there look at the bees, the birds, the flower, the plants, 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.400 go dig in the dirt, just kind of get lost 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:07.080 in that for ten fifteen minutes. That kind of recharges 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:08.639 my battery and it's like, oka, I'm ready to go. 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:10.720 Oh. Flowers always do it. 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:15.000 They're just They're just like a serotonin for the brain 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.600 and just give you so much. I mean, for me, 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.280 I just grew up loving flowers so much. My mother 0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:22.919 used to take me to flower shows in Philadelphia. Like 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:26.679 my earliest memories are just what how flowers made me feel. 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:30.000 And so I love hearing that. I would love to 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.280 see a photo of that garden. I know, it's amazing. 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:33.440 What do you have in there right now? 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:34.679 What's coming up? Tulips? 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:36.520 What do you have right now? 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:39.399 My bearded iris are blooming, all of our trees are 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:43.280 starting to bloom out. By hibiscus are starting to come 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:46.560 up nice. Yeah, and all of my roses are in 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:48.320 full bloom. So it's really beautiful. 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:50.600 I'm seeing all the colors as you say that. That 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:51.240 is so great. 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:54.040 So what are your favorite ways to incorporate movement in 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:54.720 your schedule? 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:58.440 Whenever I have the opportunity, I like to go out 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:02.760 to the park and go walk, go jog, my knees 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:05.680 will hold up for that day. You know, one of 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:07.480 the things you learn about yourself as you get older, 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:08.360 your knees start. 0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:09.600 Going what in the world are you doing? 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:14.719 So, especially as a caregiver, rub right exactly. 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:16.359 Because as you said earlier, you know, we tend to 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:19.000 just feel that pain and we just pushed past it 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.000 because we're so busy doing all these other things. 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:23.400 We have to make note of that. 0:18:24.000 --> 0:18:26.000 Yeah, we have to listen to our bodies. Our bodies 0:18:26.040 --> 0:18:28.879 are telling us what's going on. We've got to tune 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:31.280 into that. But just being able to go out and 0:18:32.200 --> 0:18:35.840 go walk in the park is fantastic because again that's 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:40.159 a great way of recharging your battery. You're in nature, sunshine, 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:44.520 the trees, the birds, just getting to see other people 0:18:44.600 --> 0:18:48.440 walk by, and that helps build you back up. 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:52.680 I understand that you're a caregiver who does manage joint pain. 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:56.040 We talked about your knees. How has joint pain affected 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:56.760 your caregiving? 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:02.560 Well, obviously it does slow you down. My father is six' 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:07.960 three and he was a full grown linebacker sized man 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:10.240 by the time he was, Twelve so he's a big, 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:14.520 guy and so you, know helping him in and out 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:18.919 of the, car and when we use a, wheelchair or 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:20.959 WHEN i need to help him go to the. Bathroom 0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:25.520 these types of, things you, know, stooping, bending standing it 0:19:26.400 --> 0:19:29.600 when you already have got joint, pain that just adds to. 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:34.120 It and so that's why it's so important to make 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:36.359 sure that you're taking care of. Yourself if you're feeling, 0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:39.320 pain go find out what it. Is you, know don't 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:42.960 let it keep getting, worse because that's not the right 0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:43.320 thing to. 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:43.679 Do as a. 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:47.080 Caregiver you're going to wear yourself down physically to the 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:50.479 point where you can't continue to be effective in your 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:54.240 journey in helping the ones that you, love and so 0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:58.200 it's so important to get it diagnosed and look for your. Treatments, 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:00.960 rob you seem like some that can handle. 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:03.880 Everything are people from the outside look at you and, go, 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.800 oh he's got. It rob can handle. It he's doing, 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:09.160 this he's down at, age he's got the, parents he've 0:20:09.160 --> 0:20:11.720 got the. Husband you, know one of the things THAT 0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:16.520 i never did WHEN i was a, caregiver And i'm still, 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:19.359 caregiving but WHEN i was caregiving for my father and 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:21.040 my son who had special needs at. 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:25.919 The same, time was ask for. HELP i never asked for. 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:28.440 Help so what would you say to people listening who 0:20:28.880 --> 0:20:32.679 about the importance of asking for help and building a 0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:33.840 community to support. 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:38.320 You that is the perfect, question you. 0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:41.400 Know, honestly IF i were not in this job That i'm, 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:44.920 IN i would not know a lot THAT i. Do 0:20:46.000 --> 0:20:50.959 AND i see caregivers every day that are struggling and 0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:54.920 who are suffering and who are hurting because they don't 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:59.600 ask for. Help and for most, caregivers it's not a 0:20:59.720 --> 0:21:00.720 natural thing for us to. 0:21:00.760 --> 0:21:01.480 Do you. 0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:04.920 Know we feel, Like, Okay I'm i'm the oldest. Son 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:07.000 this is What i'm supposed to. Do i'm the oldest, 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:09.320 Daughter i'm the, Wife i'm the, husband this is What 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:13.880 i'm supposed to. Do but there is so much involved 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:16.560 in it that it's not something that one person can 0:21:16.600 --> 0:21:21.440 do by. THEMSELVES i always tell caregivers there is never 0:21:21.640 --> 0:21:25.080 ever any shame in asking for, help because all of 0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:28.240 us need help at points in our, lives and there's 0:21:28.280 --> 0:21:30.520 nothing wrong with SAYING i don't know how to do, 0:21:30.560 --> 0:21:33.679 this OR i don't know what the answer is for, 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:35.879 this OR i don't know where to find this. Resource 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:39.399 and that's why organizations Like age Of Central, texas like 0:21:39.440 --> 0:21:43.000 the area agencies on, aging like The Alzheimer's, associations that 0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:47.240 the meals On, wheels all these great organizations around the 0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:52.080 nation exist to help us as caregivers in this. Journey 0:21:52.600 --> 0:21:56.719 and it is absolutely one hundred percent okay to Say 0:21:57.680 --> 0:21:59.280 i'm a little lost IN i don't know what to. 0:21:59.320 --> 0:22:03.240 Do people don't realize that this is in their most 0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:06.600 likely in their, future AND i think that's something that 0:22:06.640 --> 0:22:09.040 we never you, know like you, said it's not something 0:22:09.080 --> 0:22:11.920 we get educated. ON i feel like two things should 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:15.240 be taught in, school financial literacy and, caregiving and how 0:22:15.320 --> 0:22:19.200 and how important that? Is so, amen do you talk 0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:21.760 to a lot OF i, mean obviously you with your the, 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:24.919 organization you talk to a lot of other caregivers and 0:22:24.960 --> 0:22:29.199 you hear about these similar. EXPERIENCES i think one of 0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:32.520 the things that helped me through my caregiving journey was 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:36.760 talking to other, caregivers sharing, experiences having a sense of. 0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:38.040 HUMOR i think that's very. 0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:41.720 IMPORTANT i found to be very helpful to try to 0:22:41.760 --> 0:22:43.960 approach it from a more positive point of, view. 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:46.639 And being able to talk with other caregivers gives you 0:22:46.720 --> 0:22:51.280 an opportunity to learn from their journeys as. Well you, 0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:54.800 KNOW i always say that support groups are so important 0:22:54.880 --> 0:23:00.000