WEBVTT - The Truth About Big 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:06.960 Wine down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast. Okay, 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:12.280 we have a lot to discuss. Um, we're not discussing 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:17.600 the reflection. Um. I got to ruin my question. What 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:20.119 was your question? Well, I wasn't really a question. I 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:24.000 was just going to give you crap. But I didn't notice. 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:28.240 I didn't. I didn't. Yes, I don't look into reflections, 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:31.200 and so then when you realize I really I can't 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:33.640 take it down. So I was going to ask at 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:37.160 that point it's like yes, but then it's like then 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:41.440 it's something. Did you have a did you have a 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:48.600 lot of responses? Yes? Okay, that's what I was litering. Um, yes, okay, 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:53.480 that's all I have to say. Um, fine, what would 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:56.720 you like to know about the reflection photo? Katherine? What 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.040 would I like to know? Would actually going to ask 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:02.320 ask what did you notice it before you put it up? 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:09.320 And then I'm just asking asking for a friend now, 0:01:09.520 --> 0:01:11.240 But then you can't take it down because then it's 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:13.240 like then it becomes like oh people are It's like 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:16.440 then it becomes something. Right, What was the next question? 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:19.120 I really just wanted to know if you noticed I 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:23.360 did not notice it. I mean, okay, go ahead, No, nope, 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:29.479 go ahead, Well no the tag, Yeah, I know, right, 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:36.160 So but do we have to keep skirting around this? Okay, 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:40.640 yes we do. Okay, I got it, because it's it's 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:44.440 a weird. Because I don't know what to do. I 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:53.000 can tell I. I just I'm I I'm like, I 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:57.800 I I I I UM, it's a very weird situation 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:01.280 that I'm in right now. Understand that it's fair. It's 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:04.360 a weird time. It's a weird and I'm but I'm 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:09.680 just how do I say this. I'm still I've still 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.399 so much work to do that I'm trying to find 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:17.080 the balance between happiness and doing my work. Well, I 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:19.919 think that you can do your work and enjoy happiness 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:24.440 at the same it's just very strange to you. Yes, 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.840 because I don't trust it. That makes sense, because I 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:33.160 feel like, because you still have work, you can't be happy. Um. 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:38.639 I feel like there's no way that someone can be honest. Well, 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:41.680 that's going to take some work on it, and like 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:46.160 that it can be good. Like I was. I ran 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:50.280 into a friend, um, Lindsay l Actually I ran into 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:54.280 her um at the airport and we were talking about it, 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:57.040 and I was like, I think I'm so afraid of 0:02:57.080 --> 0:03:02.840 like like I'm used to just war and not and 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:05.600 not being on like steady ground, and like I'm used 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:07.480 to like my you know, my therapist as like you're 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:10.200 used to standing in sand, so you can never really 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:13.760 get your footing. And so it's like when something's like 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:17.200 can be and looks like it could be, study, it's like, oh, 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:22.839 that freaks me out because I'm like, would like that 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:26.000 can't be really, like you're waiting there's no way. Yeah, 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.760 I and for what seven six years, I was always 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:31.119 waiting for the other shooter drop, So clearly there's another 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.280 shooter drop, and I don't want to be fooled again. 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.520 So I think that's where like I get scared to 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:41.800 like I want to talk about, you know, dating and 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:45.360 my dating life because I'm like, I've been so fooled 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:48.880 that I'm terrified to be fooled again. So you're terrified 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:50.480 to be fooled, which is why I have not shared 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:53.680 just understand anybody. But you're also probably scared of putting 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:57.640 someone in the public and then something happening. But for sure, yeah, 0:03:57.720 --> 0:03:59.600 that makes sense. So it's kind of twofold. It's kind 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:04.520 of yeah, because I'm like, yeah, because I'm like, I'm 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:07.520 I'm just I'm I'm again, which is why I haven't 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:13.800 been in anything that was exclusive. And also um or 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:17.680 have shared. Obviously, the whole j stuff like that became 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:19.600 public because we went out, and that's a very he 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:22.159 was a very public person, so like, obviously that came out, 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:25.320 but I never spoke on it because I didn't want 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.039 to speak on it because I didn't know what it was. 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:31.120 So I can't understand just dating. Yeah, it's like, just 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:33.000 because I went on a date with someone doesn't mean 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:36.080 we're exclusive. And you know he's my boyfriend, he was 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:38.760 never my boyfriend. When you have to figure things out, 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:41.440 like people have to give you time to figure things out. 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:44.000 But I think, on the other hand, I think there 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:47.080 are people out there that can understand that y'all don't 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:50.080 know what it is whoever you're dating or whoever at 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.120 the time. You're not going to know right away what 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:54.680 it is. You get to date and you get to 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:57.320 have relationships. You don't have to have it all figured 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.919 out right now. It's just the critics, you know, the 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:02.880 people out there that and I get it too. I 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:05.120 mean that you know me tagging him well, that you 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:09.240 know it's like I'm I'm starting, I'm starting to like 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.200 warm up to the idea, but it's still just this 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:16.440 like I'm just so scared to be burned again and 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:19.120 I don't and and hearing comments from people being like, oh, 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.240 you moved on too fast, and oh you know, of 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:23.280 course it didn't work out because you moved anti faster, 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:25.279 of course, or it's like and I'm just and I 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:30.120 take that stuff unfortunately to like heart, and so I 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:33.000 I see all that, I read all it, and I'm 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:35.760 just like I'm just scared. And then I'm like, oh, 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:39.120 this can't be this can't be real. He's too nice, 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:41.240 and he treats me like a queen, Like there's no 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:45.000 way that that could never work. But that's not real. Yeah, 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:46.880 that's that's a tough one. I feel like that's going 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:48.920 to take some time. Yeah, And I don't want to 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:52.960 be embarrassed again. Like I was mortified with this stuff 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:55.760 that came out with my X and I like I 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:58.599 tried to change the narrative because I believe that we 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:01.120 could have made it work, but I also when it 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:04.000 happened again, now I look like a freaking idiot. Now 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:07.800 I look like a girl that you know, should have 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:10.000 left a long time ago. But I did believe in 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:13.040 someone that could change, and you know, I put forth 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:19.040 the work. But at the same time, I felt stupid 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:22.680 and I don't want that to happen again. Like I'm 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:26.640 so afraid of being like they're like is in Lindsay 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:28.960 was like Janna, She's like, there are good people out there. 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:32.680 I'm like, are there, Yes, there are good people out there, 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:34.240 because I mean even like when you you know, I 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:39.560 stated again, I've never been exclusive with anyone prior and 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:44.200 so you know, when I was going on random dates 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:45.880 and you know, and it wasn't a lot I was. 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.000 I think I hung out with two or three guys 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:53.680 like a date or so, um, you realize you're like, oh, 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:55.160 this is not for me. And thank god I didn't 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:57.520 talk about this person because that would have ended and 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:59.840 then I would have looked like from one person to 0:06:59.920 --> 0:07:05.600 the next. But again, that's dating. Yeah, so why would 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:10.200 it be bad that you dated X over here and 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:13.640 then y'all didn't work out. That's dating. But like in 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:16.160 the public eye, people think it's a relately. People thought 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:18.320 that me and Jay were boyfriend girlfriend Janea were never 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:22.200 boyfriend girlfriend. Now well, and that's the double edged sword 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:25.360 or whatever the saying is for not talking about it. 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:26.640 It's like you don't want to talk about it because 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:28.440 you don't know what it is, but you also haven't 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:31.320 explained because it's not to a point. I mean, it's 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.720 just this like do you talk about it? I don't know. 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:37.880 It's it's a hard no. You just kind of have to. 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:40.400 And I have respect for you know, everyone that I 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.360 have dated, and you know, it's some people just don't 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:48.960 work together, like and that's fine. But yeah, again, it's 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:50.520 like if you don't talk about it, then it's like 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:53.200 then people just assume. But then it's like and it's 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:56.920 the importance, Like why can't I just live privately? But 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:58.760 I can't really live privately because of my life. Here's 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:01.920 what here's what. I I think that you can you 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.200 can talk about it and you can enjoy it because 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.280 you're happy, and I know you like to talk about 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:09.240 things when you're happy. We all do. Who doesn't want 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:14.880 to share when they're happy. But if for some reason 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:19.720 a certain relationship doesn't work out, you don't. You You 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:24.400 get to control that, You get to control the narrative. 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:26.880 You don't have to share everything so you don't feel 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.800 stupid or whatever it is. It can just be the 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:30.720 people don't work out. I had a girl reach out 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:33.800 to me who's like, you can't bash your ex husband 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:35.480 and be in a new relationship. And I was like, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:39.200 first of all, I've never bashed my ex husband. No, 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:43.719 I would love to, but like I'm not in the 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:47.840 bashing industry, Like I don't want to bash. But I also, yeah, 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.360 I'm still posting narcissistic things because I dealt with that, 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:54.480 and that's okay that I can still be dealing or 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:57.680 have dealt with someone that was a narcissistic or you know, 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:01.440 emotionally abusive or whatever in pass whether it's my ex 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:05.400 X or my X. I don't even understand what she's saying. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:09.600 She's basically saying like, you can't be happy and with 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:13.480 a new relationship and talk about couldn't disagree more because 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:15.680 and but that's where I struggle too, because I'm like, what, 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:18.920 you know, with my I was talking about our our therapist. 0:09:18.920 --> 0:09:21.520 I was like, I'm divorced, Like why can't I just 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:24.080 be like, you know, why can't you just allow myself 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:27.839 to be happy and you know, let these that let 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:30.800 the negative energy of my ex go, well, I think 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.800 you can allow yourself to be happy, but you still 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:38.240 have scars. You still have scars that are going to 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:42.080 be there. We all mean, lots of people have those scars. 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.040 I have scars from a relationship I wasn't even in 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:48.280 a marriage from that will still come up, however, long later. 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:50.600 But that doesn't mean you can't be happy where you are. 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:54.680 I just think that you need to heal from those 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:57.800 things and that just takes time. But forget those who 0:09:57.840 --> 0:09:59.320 think that you can't be happy at the same time. 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:01.080 I think that's what culous. And I think people need 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:04.880 to shut up personally, but they won't. So here we are. 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:09.560 I just I'm just scared. I'm scared to be embarrassed. 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:15.480 I'm um, I'm just scared. But well that's fair, and 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:19.240 I just don't know. I don't know, and that's okay. 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:21.880 You don't have to know. So there might be a 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:24.959 reflection in the window, sometimes there might not. I don't know. 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:29.360 I don't know. I don't know the answer. Well, I'm 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:32.600 proud of you. Just be happy, wire yourself to be happy. 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:35.439 I mean, I'm trying, but it's just it's very strange, 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:37.800 it's very strange when you go from something that was 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.720 so toxic and so like making you feel like you 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:45.920 don't deserve anything to like someone that's like, to my knowledge, 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:49.640 could be great, you know, but it's so scary the 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.800 next like real relationship afterwards, because I don't like, that's 0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:57.080 just like a very scary place to live when you're 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:59.440 not used to it. Yeah. Well, and it's almost like 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:04.640 you're comfortable places my comfortable places warfare. Yeah, that makes 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:07.640 me comfortable. So it's like, you know, I'm trying to 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:11.280 like navigate that, and it's just like it's a very 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:14.080 strange feeling. It's like, why can't I just allow myself 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:20.000 to be happy and moments for sure alone and moments 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:24.960 you know with you know whatever, with whatever whatever reflection 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:31.760 in a mirror. Oh lord. Yeah. So I don't know 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:37.800 any other questions. So glad marks on on here. Couldn't 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:41.679 have been couldn't have been happier. Um. I do have 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:43.360 a question though, because I had a little bit of 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:46.280 a situation that will just keep it on the the 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.360 X thing, and I want to ask your opinion on it. 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:51.040 It's a friend that I've been friends with for a 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:55.920 long time. Okay, we were friends as a couple. Okay, 0:11:56.679 --> 0:12:00.720 when we got divorced, they didn't talk up to the 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:04.400 other my ex. It was just me and that person. 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:08.160 But we have grown apart because you know, we're in 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:13.440 different friend groups and um, you know, and I even 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:16.400 I saw this person at an event, was like, hey, 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.040 I'm sorry, I've been so far at my own ass, 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.040 like in my own that I you know, I haven't 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.800 been a great friend to a lot of people. Um, 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:24.600 and I apologize for that, and you know, I want 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:27.920 to see you and get lunch and but also knowing 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:31.800 that like again, we run in different a different circle. Um, 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.640 but it's still so much love for the person. So 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:39.160 then I got invited to their holiday party, um, to 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:40.840 which it was my premiere of the movie, which, by 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.240 the way, thank you guys so much for watching the 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:44.320 movie and supporting it and you know all the comments 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:46.280 and feedback and stuff. Love you guys so much. The 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:49.640 holiday fixed up. It was on Lifetime. UM, it'll probably 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:52.360 re airth if you guys missed it. But anyways, UM, 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.000 I appreciate the love, but I couldn't go to the 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:57.680 holiday party. But then I found out that my X 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:01.520 went to the holiday party, and so it hurt me 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.520 because I'm like, as my friend, why wouldn't you give 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:07.920 me a heads up? Like none of y'all would have 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:12.600 ever ever ever done that because and here's the thing, 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.280 like I get that way, we were friends as a couple, 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.200 but like you hadn't stayed in contact and you also 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:21.000 bad mouthed him, you know. So it's like, so now 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:24.080 you're inviting someone that you know did something really wrong, 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:28.079 and that's fine. People again, give people grace, give people forgiveness. 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:29.679 I have no problem with that. I think people should 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.080 absolutely still stay friends with my exit they're friends, like whatever, No, 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.240 it doesn't matter what people do. But but then don't 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.800 come to me and say bad things as well about 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.160 my ex and then invite them to a holiday part 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:41.520 and not tell me because I could have easily gone. 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:44.120 If I wasn't, I would have gone and then him 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:47.440 been there, like my my friend whether we had we 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:50.480 haven't talked or hung out in a few months, like 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:54.520 you would have told me. My true friend would have 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:59.000 told me, so I wouldn't be a question ever, right, 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:01.199 And like in my taking this like out of like 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:07.120 I think people lack communication. So then I text this 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:10.240 person and I say, hey, my feelings are very hurt 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:14.199 that you didn't even think to say, like, heads up, 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:17.280 we also invited your X, which i'd have been like, 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:20.360 thank you so much for telling me. The response that 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:23.160 I got back was the response. It was the response 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:25.200 that i've which is why I haven't reached back out 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:26.840 is because I'm having a hard time with how this 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.160 person responded back. They said, well, I've been hurt too. 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:33.920 Then communicate to me that you were hurt by me. 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.720 By not she was like, she said, because, well, I've 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.160 been hurt too, And I'm like, I just communicated something 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:40.960 being like, hey, this really hurt my feelings, and then 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:43.560 you're gonna go straight to it. Well I've been hurt. Well, 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:47.920 I didn't know. I apologize to you at an event 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:49.360 being like, hey, sorry, I've been like you know, we 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:51.400 run in different groups, but like I apologize, like you know, 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.000 I haven't. I've been dealing with the divorce and stuff. Um, 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:58.000 I didn't know that you were that upset to then 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:00.320 now invite my ex husband because I was the first 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:03.160 time that you saw him at this one football thing 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:07.760 for Jolie. So now you're going to invite my X 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:09.280 as the first time you saw it. You know, I 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.000 just like that seems I don't even know who we're 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:14.560 talking about, just to be clear, so I'm going to 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.000 be careful with what I say. But that seems just 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:21.120 very vindictive to me. I don't know. I just don't 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:26.080 understand why you wouldn't obviously they were upset, then talk 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:29.000 to me. Why can't people just you and then not 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:31.120 communicate and say that your ex like, all of it 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:34.120 just seems very I don't like it. Well I don't either, 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.040 and that's why. But the response back to me, it's like, well, 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:38.360 I was hurt too, so so because you were hurt, 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:41.680 you then chose to invite my ex husband. That's why 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:44.920 it seems because you were hurt, that just seems. That 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.000 just seems like they're trying to get back at you. Yeah, Like, 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.720 then if you're hurt by me because I I don't 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:52.840 include you and some of my things with my friends 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:58.640 because we're in different groups, then communicate that to me. Yes, 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:02.040 you you don't, you aren't in my queendom whatever, I 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:04.720 still consider your friend. I'm not in your one group. 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:08.200 So like we all have other friends, we all have 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.720 other friends, and I get and hopefully someone y'all can 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:14.000 like m relate to this where it's just like, if 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.440 you're having feelings about someone else because you feel left out, 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:20.280 don't invite their ex husband somewhere because you feel left out. Yeah, no, 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.840 and communication. I've had similar situations with friends and well, 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:28.120 you have to communicate. And I I wrote this down 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.280 because it's very similar to a situation that you know, 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:31.880 we're kind of going with one of our friend groups 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:36.200 where it's like I would never knowing what you even 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:39.360 it's like nothing, I would never invite that person over 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:41.640 and they'd be like Cat come over too, and then 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:46.480 not telling you that I can't even imagine ever ever. 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:50.440 But to me, I'm like, that's because you're you're my regardless, 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:52.280 like you're my best friend and you're my friend. But 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:55.240 that's just something you just don't do. I mean, even 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:58.480 if even if it was the other person that I'm 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:02.520 having the issue with, you would even say to her, hey, 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:04.720 by the way, Cat's going to be there, Like it's 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:08.720 just yeah, I don't even I can't imagine. I'm sorry 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:11.959 that that happened. Well, I mean again, like I I 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:13.760 get it, and I don't, like I don't want people 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.080 to not invite, but I'm just saying like, don't say 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:20.159 you're my friend and then not even give me a 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:23.560 heads up and then respond back with will you hurt me? 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:27.640 You hurt me because I'm I hurt you because I'm sorry. Yes, 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:29.040 I've been in a hole because of my divorce, and 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:32.520 I've leaned on my closest friends. Absolutely. I I have 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:35.879 apologism outside friends been like, hey, you know, I really 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:38.520 just needed like my core, and then like and I 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.159 even and yeah, I like this is at the end 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:43.960 of the day, like this is what I needed for 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:47.399 my like healing. And maybe call me selfish, I don't know, 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.120 but I mean I even like pushed you guys away 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.240 at times too, because I just wanted to be alone. Well, 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:54.199 and I even told some people that weren't like in 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:57.360 your closest closest group. I had several people reaching out 0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:59.720 to me that are still friends, going what does she 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:03.760 need ned and me even having to say, like, she 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:07.120 will push people away and you have to force yourself 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:09.000 in if you want to be there. And we had 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:11.320 a friend that did. She she forced herself. She came 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:14.240 over anyway, whether you wanted to talk or not. Like, 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.879 but that becomes about them and them being selfish. I 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:21.080 think in my in my opinion, I think it can hurt. 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:23.320 It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when you push away, 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:26.160 but you have to go. This isn't about me, This 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:30.080 is about you. Um. But communication, man, God, I can't 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:32.760 believe they didn't even tell you. I can't just say 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:34.919 like a head's up and then when yeah, so I 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:38.520 mean lesson heads up, someone give them a communication. And 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:41.240 then also like, don't go about when someone says like, hey, 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:42.880 this hurt my feelings, don't go back, well, this hurt 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:46.400 my feelings. Like to me, that's like you didn't even 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:51.240 you just disregarded, yeah, the other person's feelings. So it's like, 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:54.480 because absolutely, and I'm so sorry that she was hurt 0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:57.400 as well, but like to then invite like because you're 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.760 it's just like I didn't like it and I don't 0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:03.199 and I'm I texted me like, I'm I'm more than 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.320 willing to talk this out, but there's something that is 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:10.720 pausing me from calling back because it just doesn't feel 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:14.480 right because I'm like, a true friend would never I 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:16.399 don't care if I haven't spoken to that friend in 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:23.520 two years, they would never. Never, And it's not about 0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:24.879 And here's the thing it's not about my ax. I 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:26.800 don't care. We've been in the same events together. I 0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:30.280 don't care he comes over. We're fine. Like minus when 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.480 I was being bitchy the other day because I'm the 0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:35.119 holidays and I'm upset, and but I apologized, you know, 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:37.719 like I'm giving myself radical grace and we're gonna talk 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:40.280 about that on a bonus episode coming up the two 0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:45.160 days before Christmas. But like, you know, it has nothing 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:47.399 to do with him. It's all about how my friend, 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:50.160 someone that I loved handle, has nothing new about him 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:52.840 being read. I don't care. There's gonna be plenty of 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.639 things that were you know, we might be at the 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:58.720 same thing. Yeah. No, it's by your friend, for sure. 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:02.800 It's about how that was hand old that hurt my feelings. Yeah, 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:05.960 it's like I don't know. Yeah, I mean I had 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:08.760 a big My whole last therapy session was about friends 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:12.040 and loyalty and you know, as we get older, it's 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:15.080 kind of like, you know, you want to put your energy, 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:17.320 you know, she said to me, She was like, you 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:21.000 really need like five to seven people instead of worrying 0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:23.360 about making all these other people happy and what they 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:25.600 think about you and what you know, whatever. It's like, 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:28.440 hold onto your core five to seven people and cultivate 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:31.280 those relationships. And you know, I just think that's you know, 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:34.760 it's important. I'm about loyalty, man, and friendships. I'm loyal 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:38.399 friends are important, especially as we get older. Yeah. No, 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:39.879 I mean I agree with that, and I think about that, 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:42.680 and that's such a good point because it's like, obviously 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:45.040 we have different friends and other groups, but those ones, 0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:47.560 like they can still be respectful and I can still 0:20:47.600 --> 0:20:49.440 respect them. And guess what, I can't wait to be 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.720 at the same Christmas party next year with him. If 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:53.080 that's how like, that's fine. We're just not going to 0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:56.119 be super close because I you know, yeah, but you 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:59.280 can also choose to walk away. I can, yeah, And 0:20:58.960 --> 0:21:01.320 I just don't. Oh, like, I just it's kind of 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:03.440 one of those things where I'm like, I just it 0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:06.399 just is rubbing me the wrong way. But to flip 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:08.000 a switch a little bit, I have to tell you 0:21:08.080 --> 0:21:10.639 something that happened when I was in Los Angeles. It 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:18.640 was so embarrassing, like so embarrassing. I cannot wait because 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:20.360 I want to know what you would do. Well, first 0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:22.440 of all, you wouldn't have done it anyways, what I did. 0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:25.920 But but if you but but you'll know I for 0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:30.240 a second. So I went out to the premiere for 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:32.920 the Holiday Fix Up in Los Angeles last weekend, and 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:37.560