Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. I
Speaker 1: love this podcast because I get to sit down and
Speaker 1: have really cool, insightful conversations with people I respect and admire,
Speaker 1: and then we all collectively learn from one another. What
Speaker 1: could be better? My guest today is known for playing
Speaker 1: the beloved character Claire Dumpy on Modern Family, which she
Speaker 1: received two Emmys for. She's starring in the new Peacock
Speaker 1: show Hysteria, coming out in October. She's hilarious, brave, and
Speaker 1: just an all around badass woman. Please welcome Julie Bowen
Speaker 1: to the I Choose Me podcast. I just saw you
Speaker 1: this morning on my TV. Actually, I saw your commercial.
Speaker 2: For words and is it WhatsApp?
Speaker 1: Nope, Nope, not that one. The eyes.
Speaker 2: Drawn Yah, that's right, that's right, that started airing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I actually have eye problems since so I'm doing and
Speaker 2: I'm doing a partnership with them. I love that about
Speaker 2: the eye drops. Yes, they're actually saving my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's good. The best part is that my husband
Speaker 1: was in that commercial with Yes.
Speaker 2: Yes, you can see him, I mean a second. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it was really fun to see him. He's so handsome.
Speaker 2: Oh thanks, Yeah, Like I noticed him as I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, what a handsome man. I was like,
Speaker 2: don't talk to handsome man, you know, like you don't
Speaker 2: want to ever talk to like somebody really good looking
Speaker 2: on a set because it just, I don't know, could
Speaker 2: get concentuated. Yeah, I could make it weird. And then
Speaker 2: he came over and he's like, you know, you know
Speaker 2: my wife Jenny Gart And I was like, oh my god, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm totally talking to you. I don't care. I don't
Speaker 2: care how good looking you are. Now I'm talking to you.
Speaker 1: I was so glad. I was like, you better talk
Speaker 1: to her because he kind of to do his own
Speaker 1: he loves doing his commercials.
Speaker 2: Well, he's you got a good looking one.
Speaker 1: I want to go. Can we start at your beginning
Speaker 1: because I find these stories fascinating. So tell me about
Speaker 1: the kind of household that you grew up in. I
Speaker 1: know that you were in Maryland, right, was that where you.
Speaker 3: Grew up in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I grew up in Baltimore, just outside of the city,
Speaker 2: so it was suburbia, but it was still Baltimore with
Speaker 2: two sisters, no boys, and went to all girls' schools
Speaker 2: and like never did not know what to do with
Speaker 2: a boy. I did not have a boy in my
Speaker 2: class until I was fourteen and I went to boarding school.
Speaker 1: Whoa, yeah, that's a culture shock.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then I end up with three boys for kids,
Speaker 2: I've got three. I've got a seventeen year old and
Speaker 2: two fifteen year olds and they're all boys. And I
Speaker 2: literally had just been lost since day one because I
Speaker 2: grew up with old girls.
Speaker 1: That's so funny you say, you're one of three girls.
Speaker 1: So I thought always that I would have three boys,
Speaker 1: Like I just knew when I grow up, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have three sons. And then I grew up and I
Speaker 1: had three daughters. Yeah, so exact opposite of you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I've seen your girls on social media and
Speaker 2: they are so gorgeous? Is it? I mean, are they
Speaker 2: all out of the house? No?
Speaker 1: No, no, just one of them is out of the house,
Speaker 1: one officially, but the other one is like biting at
Speaker 1: the bit to get out of the house. So yeah,
Speaker 1: well where are.
Speaker 2: They gonna go? Like, come on, your house is gonna
Speaker 2: be nicer than whatever, shiny apartment right.
Speaker 1: And nobody's gonna be cooking for them and cleaning for them, doing.
Speaker 2: Their laundry, folding their laundry and little packages.
Speaker 1: Yeah, uh huh No, there's gonna be a reality moment
Speaker 1: for my youngest daughter when she goes to college. I think.
Speaker 2: So you still have seen but you still have two
Speaker 2: at home and one is still in high they're both
Speaker 2: still in high school.
Speaker 1: I have one that's in New York. She's a career woman.
Speaker 1: I have one that is Lola, who's twenty one, who
Speaker 1: was in school in New York. She moved back home.
Speaker 1: Now she's going to school out here. She's living at home.
Speaker 1: I could not be happier. And then my daughter who's
Speaker 1: going into our senior year this year. Oh wow, she.
Speaker 2: To were senior year. We have kids. I have a
Speaker 2: rising senior.
Speaker 1: Yes, you have a seventeen year old.
Speaker 2: Yeah. They all know each other through social media and
Speaker 2: they all hang out because you're living in studio city
Speaker 2: Ish Hills.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm out of the city a little bit more
Speaker 1: now we moved out east.
Speaker 2: Which does she go to school in She does?
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: Oh, I wonder if they know each other.
Speaker 1: I bet they do. Its like a it's like the
Speaker 1: biggest city ever. But somehow they all know each other.
Speaker 2: They all know each other from Snapchat. They literally look
Speaker 2: on snap maps and they're like, I mean my kids
Speaker 2: anytime I drive, we're driving down the street and they
Speaker 2: see a group of it's like so and so. Then yeah,
Speaker 2: I know those kids. Keep going. I'm like, just verify
Speaker 2: that you know them and then keep up.
Speaker 1: Yes, isn't that creepy? They know where everybody is all
Speaker 1: the time?
Speaker 2: Now, I know, I know. It's really weird. It's really
Speaker 2: weird because there's nothing more disturbing than me. I always
Speaker 2: a turning off my location services, uh, you know, unless
Speaker 2: I need them to be on. The weird feeling of
Speaker 2: being followed or tracked freaks me out. And these kids
Speaker 2: are so native to this idea of everybody knows where
Speaker 2: everybody is all the time. Just deal with it.
Speaker 1: Who do you share your location with? Do you share
Speaker 1: your location with anyone?
Speaker 2: I only share it with my kids for oh, and
Speaker 2: my life wife. I have a Rachel is my Rachel
Speaker 2: Field is my producing partner and my like if I
Speaker 2: was if I was lucky enough to be gay, she
Speaker 2: would be my person forever. But we're both straight, and
Speaker 2: we spend like eighteen hours a day together and so yes,
Speaker 2: we share our locations with each other.
Speaker 1: That's good, that's it. Yeah, I share mine with my
Speaker 1: best friend Adele, And I would have to say she's
Speaker 1: my life wife too. I wish I could be gay
Speaker 1: because if I think, it would be so amazing to
Speaker 1: be married to her.
Speaker 2: I mean, I am married to Rachel, Like she has
Speaker 2: a room in my home, Like, oh, my love, she
Speaker 2: is my life wife. She has a boyfriend, and I
Speaker 2: am so excited for her because she's younger and she's
Speaker 2: gonna get married and have babies. I can't wait. But
Speaker 2: she's my person, and it's really important to have a
Speaker 2: person and not just a dude, you know. Yeah, women
Speaker 2: are women in friendships. I've been thinking about this so
Speaker 2: much lately. Like, I mean that women used to be
Speaker 2: you couldn't hang out, Like if somebody was claimed called
Speaker 2: a witch in you know, the sixteen hundreds, everybody had
Speaker 2: to stay away from her or else you'd be called
Speaker 2: a witch. And there's always been this historical process of
Speaker 2: keeping women separated because if they're together, it's what too powerful,
Speaker 2: too scary.
Speaker 1: They're afraid of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and I'm what are you afraid of? You
Speaker 2: make everything better?
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be a witch.
Speaker 2: Sign me up. I have some really good witch friends.
Speaker 2: I have a one friend who is a terrific witch,
Speaker 2: and she freaks me out. Sometimes. She knows way more
Speaker 2: than like you don't tell I don't tell her anything.
Speaker 2: She knows everything. She gives me all sorts of She's like, here,
Speaker 2: carry this crystal. I'm like what, And then I'm like
Speaker 2: why is it burning my hand? And she's like just nodding.
Speaker 1: Well, okay, So you went to an ivy league college, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I did. What did you study? Did you went to Brown?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 1: Did you study acting? There was that like what you
Speaker 1: thought you were going to go into.
Speaker 2: I always thought I was gonna do like we would
Speaker 2: put on plays in our yard. That's what we did.
Speaker 2: My mom was not into television. It was you know,
Speaker 2: the seventies early eighties, like benign neglect, like get out
Speaker 2: and come back for dinner. She literally got one of
Speaker 2: those triangles d D.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was huge, though, like one of those big, like
Speaker 2: branch style ones that she could ring when it was
Speaker 2: time to come home, so you could hear it all
Speaker 2: over the neighborhood. We knew we weren't allowed to cross
Speaker 2: like the big street, but otherwise we were like wild animals.
Speaker 2: It was fantastic, and we would It was a bunch
Speaker 2: of girls in our neighborhood. There was a couple boys,
Speaker 2: but we didn't pay a whole lot of attention to them.
Speaker 2: And we put on plays. That's what we did. That
Speaker 2: would be our project. And we put on these very
Speaker 2: elaborate productions. But my older sister, you know, families label
Speaker 2: you and you get like your role. You were the
Speaker 2: lawyer or and she was the actress, and I then
Speaker 2: had to be something else.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what did you choose? Well, what
Speaker 1: did you I was.
Speaker 2: Supposed to be the artist, and then my younger sister
Speaker 2: was always the doctor, and she did become a doctor.
Speaker 2: And then my oldest sister and I Mollie, and I
Speaker 2: eventually flip flopped. She is an artist and I'm actress.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they had you pegged wrong. I love
Speaker 1: that they did.
Speaker 2: So. In college, I was really scared of all the actors.
Speaker 2: Brown had a very fancy theater department, and I always
Speaker 2: felt like they were terrifying and so thinking that I
Speaker 2: was supposed to be the artist, I studied art history
Speaker 2: and I became a Renaissance studies major.
Speaker 1: Whoa it was.
Speaker 2: I mean, I went to Italy, lived there for a year.
Speaker 2: I spoke fluent Italian, and I was just like, I
Speaker 2: guess that's what my major is. And then at the time,
Speaker 2: you know, school cost a lot less. My parents were
Speaker 2: pretty awesome about education. They said, study whatever you want
Speaker 2: in college. Grad school is where you really focus, and
Speaker 2: something that we would never say to our kids now
Speaker 2: because we're like, it's eighty thousand dollars a year. It out.
Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, and then at the end
Speaker 2: of college, I said I want to go to grad
Speaker 2: school for acting. I started doing acting at Brown and
Speaker 2: this indie film came to town. And this is like
Speaker 2: ninety one, so it was like literally film in a
Speaker 2: film camera, and the opportunity to get film on yourself
Speaker 2: was that was hard back then, Like it didn't just magically.
Speaker 2: Everybody didn't have.
Speaker 1: A phone, right, You couldn't just film yourself, right.
Speaker 2: So I got the lead in this little indie film
Speaker 2: that was really cool and black and white and super
Speaker 2: artsy and awesome, and I was like, oh, I love this.
Speaker 2: I was doing some plays, but I was like this.
Speaker 2: I loved doing film right away. I was like, it's
Speaker 2: so collaborative. This wasn't this feeling of like you're all
Speaker 2: alone on stage. It was like there's the guy with
Speaker 2: the boom pole and somebody's holding a light. And I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, this is so fun. And so right
Speaker 2: away I got that bug. And so I wanted to
Speaker 2: go to grad school for acting. And my parents like, not,
Speaker 2: that's not what we met. We met like the lawyer,
Speaker 2: like master's degree, and God bless them. They were like,
Speaker 2: if that's your chosen path, you're on your own. And
Speaker 2: so I moved to New York and waited a lot
Speaker 2: of tables and started taking a bunch of classes and
Speaker 2: got an agent and did a bunch of really silly commercials.
Speaker 2: But they paid the bills. And you know, I clearly
Speaker 2: still do commercials because they still pay the bills.
Speaker 1: God love them. Ah, you want to go back to
Speaker 1: You've You've chosen to talk about this before you struggled
Speaker 1: when you're a teenager with eating disorders? Yeah, body image issues?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, when.
Speaker 1: Do you think that started for you? And do you remember,
Speaker 1: like what was the tipping point that made you get help?
Speaker 2: Oh? Well, I was I was. And again it's like
Speaker 2: language we would never use now, and I just have
Speaker 2: to like preface it because we said things so casually
Speaker 2: then that were we would never say to a child now.
Speaker 2: But I was like the fat kid, and it wasn't fat.
Speaker 2: And if you if I was walking around now as
Speaker 2: a you know, twelve year old, you wouldn't ever say that.
Speaker 2: But beauty standards were really different. And I was in
Speaker 2: elementary school until you know, sixth grade, and my two
Speaker 2: best friends were ballerinas. So they were these lithe, gorgeous spinning,
Speaker 2: spinning and they both ended up leaving Baltimore to become
Speaker 2: professional dancers at thirteen. One went to the Royal Ballet
Speaker 2: and one went to American Ballet. And you know, they
Speaker 2: were fantastic and fun and they happened to have these
Speaker 2: beautiful bodies. But I was always compare and despair and
Speaker 2: I was like the chunky one. I was like, I
Speaker 2: always felt like they're friend. They never said that to me.
Speaker 2: This was all an internal dialogue. And then I had
Speaker 2: an opportunity that summer between sixth and seventh grade going
Speaker 2: to a new school. I'm like reinvention, I'm going to
Speaker 2: start that. I'm going to lose weight, and I did,
Speaker 2: and I was really good at it, and I felt
Speaker 2: it felt great. It actually felt really good. And then
Speaker 2: it became a thing where you can't go back. You know,
Speaker 2: going back somehow is a failure, and but going forward,
Speaker 2: even I knew, I was like, you can't go forward forever.
Speaker 2: You can't. You can't lose weight until you don't you're
Speaker 2: at your birth weight, you know, like seven pounds is
Speaker 2: not my goal. But I think I discovered in that
Speaker 2: a sense of a false sense of control, and also
Speaker 2: so much positive feedback at first, and then you sort
Speaker 2: of crossed this line. Then you look great, You look
Speaker 2: so great. How do you do it? Oh my god,
Speaker 2: you're so amazing. It was so disciplined, incredible, and then
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, one day goes that's enough. Oh wait,
Speaker 2: what changed? But they were right, I mean, my poor parents,
Speaker 2: God bless them, were like, oh, we have three girls.
Speaker 2: Of course, we got one with an eating disorder, and
Speaker 2: they did every intervention that they could and put me therapy.
Speaker 2: But honestly, it was not until the advent of prozac,
Speaker 2: God love you Prozac, that I really was able to
Speaker 2: turn the volume down on that internal dialogue that I
Speaker 2: had to look a certain way and fit to a
Speaker 2: certain size, that that noise finally got turned down.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you went on medication. Help you with those yes,
Speaker 1: negative thoughts? Interesting? Well, how old were you?
Speaker 2: I was eight nineteen. I mean i've been and I've
Speaker 2: been struggling like I was, you know, I was. I'd
Speaker 2: get a little better and then I get a lot worse,
Speaker 2: and then you know, they didn't have medication back then.
Speaker 2: I mean, it wasn't just came out because we're about
Speaker 2: the same age.
Speaker 1: And I remember going on prozac very young as well, Yeah.
Speaker 2: And being like and all my friends were like, I
Speaker 2: didn't want to. I thought, oh no, this is so weird.
Speaker 2: I thought it was like, you know, psych meds, you
Speaker 2: know where you think of like lithium and thorisine and
Speaker 2: people sort of drooling.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But I had a really wonderful doctor in Maryland, in
Speaker 2: Baltimore who was out of Johns Hopkins. And he came
Speaker 2: to my house, the nicest man alive. And I went
Speaker 2: to his office. But he drew a map of like
Speaker 2: this sort of wave, and he drew a line and
Speaker 2: he drew this wave, and he said, normal is a wave.
Speaker 2: It goes up and down, life goes up and down,
Speaker 2: and he goes, but normal should go across this line
Speaker 2: of oh I feel good, feels so good, and you're
Speaker 2: experiencing your whole life below the line, and I was like, oh, so,
Speaker 2: I would you know? At best, I was still pretty
Speaker 2: bummed out. I was depressed, and he and everybody was
Speaker 2: trying to sort of treat this eating thing. And I
Speaker 2: was like, he explained to me, and rightly, so it's
Speaker 2: not an eating thing. It's a mental thing, and it
Speaker 2: is really a function of your depression and anxiety, and
Speaker 2: this is how you're managing it. He was right. When
Speaker 2: you're really hungry and you're really limiting your ability to
Speaker 2: express yourself, you limit your feelings as well. And I
Speaker 2: was like, this is working. I'm not having any feelings.
Speaker 2: I'm like half dead. It's awesome.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: So and prozac just it's like I went to hear
Speaker 2: like it was like the light turned on. It took
Speaker 2: four six weeks, and just remember being in an argument
Speaker 2: with my boyfriend at the time, who would really get
Speaker 2: to me and upset me, and all of a sudden
Speaker 2: I started laughing. He goes, what are you laughing about
Speaker 2: and I said, I'm laughing because this is a whole
Speaker 2: conversation is bullshit. This is ridiculous. And I realized, oh
Speaker 2: my god, I'm touching something normal. I don't have to
Speaker 2: take everything so seriously and horribly. And it was a
Speaker 2: huge game changer, and I've always I'm happy to admit
Speaker 2: that I've been on Prozex. It's the dawn of time
Speaker 2: because it changed my life.
Speaker 1: And it's worked for you throughout the years of your life,
Speaker 1: like you didn't have to change medications or.
Speaker 2: I thought, you know, everybody goes through different periods where
Speaker 2: I would go off of it and be like, I
Speaker 2: don't need this, right right, I do.
Speaker 1: That's like the story of it all. Like you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm great, I don't need this anymore. I'm going to
Speaker 1: just go off of it for a while, and then
Speaker 1: you just it starts to creep back in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and yes, I try. And then I I when
Speaker 2: I I was trying to get pregnant, I thought, okay,
Speaker 2: I needed to be like holistically pure and clean and
Speaker 2: nothing in me. And that was a terrible idea because
Speaker 2: then I'm like, why would I bring a child into
Speaker 2: this world? Because this immediately just went back into some
Speaker 2: major depression. And I went and I saw a woman
Speaker 2: at UCLA who did a study on women depression and
Speaker 2: pregnancy and stuff. And I waited and waited to get
Speaker 2: into her, and I paid a fortune and I go
Speaker 2: in and fifteen minutes she goes, looks at my chart,
Speaker 2: looks everything. She goes, You're on twenty miligrams of prozac.
Speaker 2: It's like spitting into the ocean. Take your drugs, Take
Speaker 2: your meds. And I was like, what, I waited months
Speaker 2: for this. She's like, it's not going to do anything
Speaker 2: to your baby. You're going to be absolutely fine. I
Speaker 2: did go down, just like to ten milligrams, baby, because
Speaker 2: I still felt like, I don't you know, you're creating
Speaker 2: something in your body. Yeah, And I thought, if they
Speaker 2: all fail third grade, it's going to be my fault.
Speaker 1: Did did any of them fail?
Speaker 2: No grade, no memories, fail third grade? They're all perfectly
Speaker 2: normal and healthy. And we talk about mental health, and
Speaker 2: we talk about, you know, good medication, and you know,
Speaker 2: should you ever need to avail yourself with medication, don't
Speaker 2: be shy. You know, sometimes depression and anxiety can run
Speaker 2: in a family. And I'm always like looking at them
Speaker 2: like good, you good. They're like, mom, I'm fine. But
Speaker 2: they're also dudes.
Speaker 1: I know. Well that's got to make a big difference
Speaker 1: in it too. But like I do sometimes do that
Speaker 1: as well, Like I project my anxiety over what I've
Speaker 1: been through or just like trying to figure my life
Speaker 1: out when it comes to like my emotional orlder coaster
Speaker 1: or my medications or whatever it's been. And I sometimes
Speaker 1: will project that onto my kids maybe and give them
Speaker 1: worries that they didn't even have, like yeah, I know, I.
Speaker 2: Know I have this one of you know, I've got
Speaker 2: twins and they're very different, and one is mister social
Speaker 2: and like super sporty, and his twin brother is a
Speaker 2: not identical, is much more like I was just quieter
Speaker 2: and kind of hangs back and then joins it when
Speaker 2: he feels like it. But I am guilty of projecting
Speaker 2: onto him. Oh no, oh no, you're depressed.
Speaker 1: Something's wrong.
Speaker 2: It's like what you know, like, don't put that on him. Luckily,
Speaker 2: I have a great therapist who tells me to stop
Speaker 2: doing that, so I don't do it.
Speaker 1: Oh God, love therapy, Oh yeah, the best I can
Speaker 1: really relate though, with your struggles with your body image
Speaker 1: and everything, even at such a young age, even before
Speaker 1: Hollywood was ever in the picture. You know, just the
Speaker 1: pressure that we, like you said, compare and despair, like
Speaker 1: what we the pressure we put on ourselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I mean, look you were how old were.
Speaker 1: You on Io two and L.
Speaker 2: Twenty seventeen seventeen. Yeah, I mean I can't imagine. I
Speaker 2: cannot imagine and having gone through with my I call
Speaker 2: them my fake kids from Modern Family and watching them
Speaker 2: grow up in the public eye and go through literally
Speaker 2: changing bodies and hair and faces and everything, and going
Speaker 2: how are you doing this? I was in awe of
Speaker 2: their composure and their ability to say and they were
Speaker 2: living out loud and on social media and getting hate
Speaker 2: on social media, and I'm like, maybe you should just
Speaker 2: not be on Twitter or Instagram and maybe you shouldn't
Speaker 2: do those things. And they were like, we're fine, We're fine.
Speaker 2: It was just they they were had so much more
Speaker 2: composure about who they were in the world. But I've
Speaker 2: definitely no, I can't imagine having done that myself, and
Speaker 2: I can't imagine and how you did it. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean that was and that was a rocket chip of
Speaker 2: a show. Nine o two and oh that was like
Speaker 2: game changer.
Speaker 1: And that was in the nineties where anybody could say
Speaker 1: anything about you or your body.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and it was okay exceptable, that was okay
Speaker 2: until like five years ago.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like right, but when we struggle with
Speaker 1: our body image and then we choose to start to
Speaker 1: change the way our brain thinks and we start to
Speaker 1: love our bodies. Yeah, that is like the ultimate I
Speaker 1: Choose me moment? When did that happen for you? When
Speaker 1: were you like, was it because of the medication? Do
Speaker 1: you think that helped you reach that point?
Speaker 2: Definitely? Without without medication and you know, the help of SSRIs,
Speaker 2: I don't think I could ever have said I choose
Speaker 2: me at all. And I know that there was also
Speaker 2: a lot of work alongside it. You know, I've had
Speaker 2: great therapists over the years. I would have to say, really,
Speaker 2: the I Choose me, the biggest moment of that was
Speaker 2: much later, and I will never speak ill of my
Speaker 2: ex husband, but I needed to get divorced and we
Speaker 2: did get divorced, and I will never like go into
Speaker 2: the nitty gritty of it, but that was ultimately the
Speaker 2: first time as I was an adult I was a
Speaker 2: mother and I was living alone, you know, I'd had
Speaker 2: my kids for half the time, but I really had
Speaker 2: to go, Okay, you need to put yourself first. It's
Speaker 2: still hard to say that. It's so hard to say
Speaker 2: it because if you're not okay, you cannot carry this,
Speaker 2: you can't pull this train. And it's really hard. It's
Speaker 2: still it's hard to say out loud because it feels
Speaker 2: like shameful.
Speaker 1: Would you say that? Like for me, it was very
Speaker 1: hard for me to say I love myself and everyone
Speaker 1: would always say, oh, well, you can never really love
Speaker 1: someone else and to truly love yourself. And I used
Speaker 1: to just roll my eyes at that and think I
Speaker 1: can love people. Fine, I'm good. But it was it
Speaker 1: was the point of saying I do love myself that
Speaker 1: really shifted everything for me and being okay and able,
Speaker 1: like you said, to say that and feel me about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I still can't say that out loud, like
Speaker 2: I can't. It just feels like, oh no, they're going
Speaker 2: to come for me, you know, like I don't know
Speaker 2: about you, but I don't. I have a hard no
Speaker 2: googling rule, like I don't google myself. When my kids
Speaker 2: got old, enough to be online all the time and everything.
Speaker 2: I said, I don't ever want to know if you
Speaker 2: see something, I recommend you don't google me or yourselves
Speaker 2: because you will come up. And I said, I don't
Speaker 2: think it's a good idea. I think it's really unhealthy.
Speaker 2: But if you do, I don't need to hear about
Speaker 2: it because it is too upsetting, which means I'm still vulnerable,
Speaker 2: you know. And my therapist says to me all the time,
Speaker 2: I want you to get to a place where you
Speaker 2: just say I don't give a shit. I don't give
Speaker 2: a shit, But not there yet. It's really hard to say,
Speaker 2: you know, I am enough. I've gotten to a point
Speaker 2: in my life where I can say that about other people,
Speaker 2: and I think that that's a good indication, like a
Speaker 2: good step of going, Oh, I am not demanding perfection
Speaker 2: of the people in my life. I'm not demanding that
Speaker 2: everybody beats this banana's high standard. And I can then
Speaker 2: see that reflected back to me, like why do you
Speaker 2: hold yourself to this ridiculous standard as well?
Speaker 1: So hard on ourselves?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so hard, so hard, and women have to do
Speaker 2: everything like we have to do. I was, I had
Speaker 2: babies and I was breastfeeding, and I was going to
Speaker 2: work at five am. I had three kids in diaper,
Speaker 2: and you know, you're going to work every day and going,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, and you still need to be nice
Speaker 2: and professional and you have to look good and you're
Speaker 2: not sleeping at all, and it's an enormous amount of pressure.
Speaker 2: But I think it was such a loving atmosphere on set.
Speaker 2: I was so lucky on Modern Family. I felt like,
Speaker 2: as much as you know, getting up at you know,
Speaker 2: four thirty in the morning to get to work and
Speaker 2: be a pain and not being with your kids is awful.
Speaker 2: I loved being there so much, and I felt so
Speaker 2: much validation and I felt so good. I spent the
Speaker 2: first year or year and a half of Modern Family
Speaker 2: being terrified because everybody there was so funny and so
Speaker 2: good at what they did.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean, how did you feel when you did it sitcom?
Speaker 2: Suddenly you were like you were like in front of
Speaker 2: a live audience, you know, having to get the big laughs.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. And I just did an episode called
Speaker 1: about imposter syndrome and just drugg that throughout my whole life,
Speaker 1: and that was one of the major moments when it
Speaker 1: really was clear to me that I was having it
Speaker 1: was when I was thrust into that world of doing
Speaker 1: something I didn't know how to do and doing just
Speaker 1: what you did, like comparing myself and saying I wasn't
Speaker 1: good enough and I don't belong here and everybody's so
Speaker 1: much better than me, and all that messaging can just
Speaker 1: really mess with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it does, and I can't even I mean, you
Speaker 2: went from I mean you were like a drama, you know,
Speaker 2: you were you were like literally lea teen soap opera
Speaker 2: of our time, and then you got to do a sitcom.
Speaker 2: I remember watching it, boy, like does she know how
Speaker 2: to do that? Like that's how does she stand there?
Speaker 2: And like go in to hold for the laugh and
Speaker 2: all that stuff, And it fucks with your head. Yeah,
Speaker 2: especially when you're with people who I mean, I look
Speaker 2: at Tyberell and before a scene, like he went a
Speaker 2: one line in the scene, he'd be like walking around
Speaker 2: thinking that, go, what are you thinking about? Like it's
Speaker 2: one line, and then he would bust out something genius
Speaker 2: and brilliant. I'm like, oh my god, why I need
Speaker 2: to think more? I'm not good enough? But maybe just
Speaker 2: a function of time or the fact that that was
Speaker 2: the most loving and supportive environment in the entire world
Speaker 2: that I just started to feel like, Okay, maybe I'm
Speaker 2: never going to be the best here, but I can
Speaker 2: hold my own and I felt confident about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it changes. This is going to another very personal topic.
Speaker 1: Some people don't know this, but you have a pacemaker,
Speaker 1: and I'm fascinating to this. I want to know all
Speaker 1: about it. Why do you have a pacemaker? When did
Speaker 1: you get it? How do you live with it? Tell
Speaker 1: me everything.
Speaker 2: I have a pacemaker that I got when I was
Speaker 2: twenty nine.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: I have been a really competitive runner all throughout high
Speaker 2: school and I was really good at it, but it
Speaker 2: was it, I guess was taking its toll. Also, not
Speaker 2: eating wasn't a great idea and do some damage. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I genetically my dad is an incredibly low resting
Speaker 2: heart rate. I always had a low resting heart rate,
Speaker 2: but it started to get really so like low and
Speaker 2: uneven that I noticed and it would feel almost like
Speaker 2: I was going to pass out when I was like
Speaker 2: sitting or watching a movie, like it would get solo
Speaker 2: that I was like, wait, and my sister was in
Speaker 2: med school or maybe her residency at the time, and
Speaker 2: she had a stethoscope one day and she just listened
Speaker 2: to my heart. Because what did they tell you that is?
Speaker 2: I said, Oh, they say it's runner's heart. It's like
Speaker 2: a thing that happens when people are really athletic and
Speaker 2: run a lot and they get a super low heart rate.
Speaker 2: Because that is not what that is. And I said,
Speaker 2: but and she insisted that I go see cardiologist immediately.
Speaker 2: And I was like, and I tried to put it off.
Speaker 2: And I was doing two pilots that year, like two
Speaker 2: like back to back. You know, no one takes a
Speaker 2: day off of work. And I was like, well, I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't because I've got a lot of other things
Speaker 2: going on. But she wouldn't let it go. And I
Speaker 2: went to four different cardiologists and they all were like, oh,
Speaker 2: you need a pacemaker. And I was what, And yeah,
Speaker 2: I was so freaked out. And you know, I only
Speaker 2: knew them as like a box on somebody's like chest
Speaker 2: or something. Mine's underneath the muscles sort of in through
Speaker 2: my armpit.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's good. So it doesn't like show itself.
Speaker 2: It does some like in some outfits you can sort
Speaker 2: of see it, but I'm like at a point where
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't care.
Speaker 1: Look, you just said it. I don't care.
Speaker 2: That's true. I don't care because the pace it's such
Speaker 2: As much as I freaked out about it at the
Speaker 2: time and thought, oh no, this is like what does
Speaker 2: this mean I'm dying or I'm a free or something,
Speaker 2: I learned about the anatomy of the heart and it
Speaker 2: was there's an electrical impulse that wasn't traveling through the
Speaker 2: vagueal nerve in the middle. And it's such an easy fix.
Speaker 2: And I tell people this all the time because I've
Speaker 2: met so many young people who have pacemakers, because I
Speaker 2: have one, and it was such a simple fix. And
Speaker 2: I have to get the battery changed every i don't know,
Speaker 2: seven years or something, which means they take out the
Speaker 2: whole thing and put it back in. It's an operation,
Speaker 2: but otherwise it does not interfere with my life or
Speaker 2: change it in any way. And I'm just so grateful
Speaker 2: that my sister identified that this was a problem.
Speaker 1: I mean, that little box is going to keep you
Speaker 1: alive for longer than any.
Speaker 2: Long too long.
Speaker 1: They were like, please stop part.
Speaker 2: When I when I get you know, you have kids
Speaker 2: and suddenly you have to make a will, like because
Speaker 2: I didn't have a will until I have kids. And
Speaker 2: I was like, and they're like, you have to have
Speaker 2: it somebody who has your medical directive and all that stuff.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I made my lawyer write
Speaker 2: in like unplug my pace, turn it off. He's like,
Speaker 2: I'm wait, is that a thing? I was like, just
Speaker 2: write it in there that like if I am in
Speaker 2: a coma, turn off the fucking box because I'm not.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be kept alive from the box.
Speaker 2: And he was like, I don't know if that's the
Speaker 2: way it works.
Speaker 1: I was just right, that doesn't sound fun.
Speaker 2: No, but I'm not so concerned anymore.
Speaker 1: So we talked about your the beginnings and your your
Speaker 1: eating disordered. How do you feel now though in your
Speaker 1: body your pacemaker like you have. It seems like you've
Speaker 1: seem amazing care of yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm living with the fallout of not having
Speaker 2: taken amazing care of myself right now. You know, I
Speaker 2: don't know, maybe you feel the same way. There's something
Speaker 2: about you go through I said, I mean my body
Speaker 2: was destroyed after babies, you know, and you suddenly start going,
Speaker 2: what was I complaining about? At least my skin didn't
Speaker 2: look like a melted candle. At least I could wear
Speaker 2: a bikini and not have to wear like a Lily
Speaker 2: pulletzer with a skirt one piece. Why Lily, We love you, Lily.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that feeling of oh my god, I don't
Speaker 2: want to waste any more time. I wasted way too
Speaker 2: long and when I didn't realize how good I had it.
Speaker 2: And I think to myself whenever I get into like
Speaker 2: a little bit of a toilet spin in my head
Speaker 2: about oh I'm not good enough, or oh I'm looking
Speaker 2: old or whatever. I go, in a year, you're going
Speaker 2: to look back to today and go, what was I thinking?
Speaker 2: In ten years are going to be like, why were
Speaker 2: you not naked running down the streets having so much fun?
Speaker 1: We spend so much time worrying about it, and that
Speaker 1: I think just perpetuates it and makes us feel and
Speaker 1: look older.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So to really appreciate, like, I can I
Speaker 2: can move my body, I can go running, I can
Speaker 2: I'm recently obsessed with the rest of America pickleball, and
Speaker 2: I can play for two hours at a time, and
Speaker 2: I'm just like, I'm so glad that I can do
Speaker 2: all these things. I'm so happy that my body is
Speaker 2: strong in serving me and hasn't hasn't you know, I've
Speaker 2: had a couple of injuries over the years. When you
Speaker 2: have those, you, oh my god, is this you become
Speaker 2: very grateful for just a healthy, functioning body, and that
Speaker 2: is much more. How I look at myself, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm strong as hell, and that is that has served
Speaker 2: me well.
Speaker 1: Yeah. If anything that should make you feel proud and
Speaker 1: love yourself, health.
Speaker 2: Can't, Jenny, I can't do it.
Speaker 1: Here's what I need you to do. I need you
Speaker 1: when we're done, I want you to go in the bathroom,
Speaker 1: look in the mirror and look into your beautiful eyes
Speaker 1: and say I love you. And you know it's going
Speaker 1: to feel gross.
Speaker 2: I can't do it. I am. I have a whole
Speaker 2: visualization process with sort of another.
Speaker 1: Mem wait meant wait another you like a younger.
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, that I take care of her and I
Speaker 2: tell her how great she is. It's perfect. I can't
Speaker 2: get to the mirror yet, but I do visual I
Speaker 2: do work very hard, and like you know, because when
Speaker 2: you're suffering, when you have anxiety, or fear. I always think, Okay,
Speaker 2: what do you need? It's not you. I'm the adult,
Speaker 2: I'm in charge. I am smart and capable and strong.
Speaker 2: This feeling is coming from some other place, probably an
Speaker 2: earlier place, and I just try and think about like
Speaker 2: this younger person, I'm like, what do you need? And
Speaker 2: just asking that question usually helps resolve the anxiety.
Speaker 1: That's amazing.
Speaker 2: Just acknowledge it and go, oh, poor thing, Okay, I
Speaker 2: get it. Just I see you. Life is scary. We
Speaker 2: all carry around so much old shit, and I don't
Speaker 2: try to necessarily get rid of the old shit.
Speaker 1: I just acknowledge it and just embrace it. I love this.
Speaker 2: I know you're there. I hear you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the best you can do, because you can't
Speaker 1: get rid of it.
Speaker 2: To watch that documentary on Phil Stutz, the one Jonah Hill.
Speaker 2: He has a whole thing about like I mean, I
Speaker 2: don't know. He could be a giant quack. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just watched the documentary, but he has a whole
Speaker 2: thing about like your shadow self, and that it's this
Speaker 2: like amalgamation of all the parts of you that you
Speaker 2: think that are bad and if you don't acknowledge it,
Speaker 2: it turns time. But if you could just acknowledge it
Speaker 2: and say, yep, it's like my shadow, it's my friend,
Speaker 2: it's just there, it somehow like turns the noise down
Speaker 2: and makes it less potent.
Speaker 1: And we all have that shadow or.
Speaker 2: That everybody has it. Everybody has it.
Speaker 1: Unless you're like you feel like it's only you.
Speaker 2: Sure, But that is the ultimate sort of like I'm
Speaker 2: a piece of shit, but I'm a piece of shit
Speaker 2: in the center of the universe and everyone's talking about it,
Speaker 2: and you're like, no, most people are really just thinking
Speaker 2: about whether or not they need to get their nails
Speaker 2: done or right.
Speaker 1: That's the most freeing thing I think as we age,
Speaker 1: you realize nobody's talking about you, nobody's even really looking
Speaker 1: at you. Yeah, it's allid stories we're making up in
Speaker 1: our heads.
Speaker 2: And the unintended side effect of being able to have
Speaker 2: a conversation like this is I always discovered that it
Speaker 2: takes I'm very self effacing and I don't like compliments
Speaker 2: and everything, and but when you're honest about sort of
Speaker 2: anxiety or fear, WHATEVERLSE is going on, you become more
Speaker 2: human and less of And this was never intended. I
Speaker 2: never intended this, but I always feared like being somebody
Speaker 2: on a pedestal that other people wanted to shoot down.
Speaker 2: M h. And I think that being open and human
Speaker 2: makes you less of a target, and that was never
Speaker 2: my intention, but it's a very welcome side effect. M hm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great. You mentioned We've all talked about and
Speaker 1: we talk about it a lot on this podcast, anxiety
Speaker 1: and stress and like different ways to do it. So
Speaker 1: I'm hearing from you that you you run, you play,
Speaker 1: pick a ball, do you meditate, do you do what
Speaker 1: are the things do you do to handle your stress
Speaker 1: and anxiety?
Speaker 2: I do meditate, and I'm not as religious about it
Speaker 2: as I used to be when I was going through
Speaker 2: divorce and my very very close friend and cousin was
Speaker 2: dying of cancer, and I just felt like it was
Speaker 2: just a cycle of like I could pick anything and
Speaker 2: it was a problem that you know, it was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, oh my god. I felt like I
Speaker 2: was constantly walking around the top of a turret just
Speaker 2: looking down at like incoming bad things. And I always
Speaker 2: thought sleep is for the week, lunch is for losers,
Speaker 2: and meditation is for like people that don't want to
Speaker 2: deal with life. I've since completely chansen all of those Thingskay, good, good,
Speaker 2: all of them. Lunch is not for losers.
Speaker 1: Lunch is for champions.
Speaker 2: Lunch is for champions. Really helps to have like great
Speaker 2: friends around to have your lunch with. Sleep is not
Speaker 2: for the week. It is. I had to say that
Speaker 2: for years, and you know what I mean, because when
Speaker 2: you have kids and you're working, you can't indulge in
Speaker 2: reading the New York Times. That's telling you that if
Speaker 2: you don't sleep, your brain is turning to rot. You
Speaker 2: have to survive.
Speaker 1: You're just surviving. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then meditation during that time when I was just thinking,
Speaker 2: oh no, it's all going wrong, and I didn't want
Speaker 2: to suddenly start doing a bad job at the thing.
Speaker 2: I loved my work and I could feel like the
Speaker 2: anxiety coming back. And I just started meditating and I
Speaker 2: just started by simply counting my breaths. That's it. And
Speaker 2: I was like, something crazy happened, you know, it just
Speaker 2: something switched, and I was like, oh, that's crazy. That
Speaker 2: just worked. Now I'm into breath work.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, bim Hoff.
Speaker 2: And like crazy breath work.
Speaker 1: That can really change your chemical your brain, how you.
Speaker 2: Feel, it's it can be really psychedelic because if you
Speaker 2: do it, yes, what do you do? I listened to
Speaker 2: this God, I listened to some dude that I found
Speaker 2: on YouTube. There's two people and they both have once
Speaker 2: forty minutes and one's like a half an hour, and
Speaker 2: sometimes you I'm back to back. It's it's almost like
Speaker 2: you're hyperventilating in a way. It feels very weird, and
Speaker 2: you do all this deep controlled breathing and then faster
Speaker 2: and then you're holding your breath and then at the
Speaker 2: end you meditate, and it is I've never done acid,
Speaker 2: but I imagine that. It's I mean, it is like
Speaker 2: I feel like doors of consciousness are opening.
Speaker 1: Oh, I need to know who these people are on YouTube.
Speaker 1: You have just sent this to me.
Speaker 2: I will send them to you. It's you know, it's
Speaker 2: not for everyone is going this like that is No,
Speaker 2: I don't because my nose is inside is like sideways,
Speaker 2: so I can't. That's such a deviated septim it's crazy.
Speaker 2: So one not. It's like I don't breathe through it anyhow,
Speaker 2: but I do the like you do belly chest, belly chest,
Speaker 2: belly chest. It's like two kinds of breathing and then
Speaker 2: holding it, holding it, holding it, and then reading all
Speaker 2: the way out. And I don't know why it works.
Speaker 2: I read a book that my cousin gave me called
Speaker 2: Breath That is great. I highly recommend it. It is
Speaker 2: it will by the end of that if you're not.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, I have to I
Speaker 2: have to breathe. I have to start freaking about breathing.
Speaker 2: I know. And so yeah, I'm very that. And also
Speaker 2: it is like such a great enhancement to meditation because
Speaker 2: it is like very psychedelic and great.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm inspired by that. I definitely want to try it.
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about you are single.
Speaker 1: You have been single since your divorce. I think that
Speaker 1: was around the time of my divorce, maybe a little
Speaker 1: bit later. But you've said that you love being single,
Speaker 1: and I love hearing that so much, Like what do
Speaker 1: you love about it? I'm a lot of jealous, Like
Speaker 1: I'm a little jealous because I really love being single too.
Speaker 1: For a minute, I.
Speaker 2: Love I am by nature an introvert, not meaning that
Speaker 2: I'm introverted all the time, but that's where I recharge
Speaker 2: by being alone. Some people recharge by Yes, well it
Speaker 2: could be and I could be hiking. I could be,
Speaker 2: but I need a certain amount of alone time every day.
Speaker 2: And I've struggled with whether or not this is just
Speaker 2: inherently selfish because I'm not sure I'm as open to
Speaker 2: sharing my life because I guard my that alone time
Speaker 2: and I work a lot. I work from home. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm doing a development. I've got to deal with Universal
Speaker 2: for comedy that where I'm developing stuff. I've had a
Speaker 2: skinned care line. So there's all these women come to
Speaker 2: my house every day. There's usually be four or five
Speaker 2: of us, the four of us, and I'm constantly surrounded
Speaker 2: by people, constantly on zooms and digging meetings, and I
Speaker 2: need no one around for a while. And between kids
Speaker 2: and work and you know, friends, I don't know where
Speaker 2: I would put a relationship. And I really am not
Speaker 2: willing to give up any of those things just yet.
Speaker 2: I'm not willing to give up that alone time. I
Speaker 2: feel really stressed if I don't get it.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like you're just in this major like
Speaker 1: discovery of doing all these different projects and doing what
Speaker 1: you want to do now like you're not, I won't
Speaker 1: say stuck, but you're not committed to a show that though, isn't.
Speaker 2: It the scariest thing though? When come on, when we
Speaker 2: started out, you took any job because you needed a job.
Speaker 2: You need to do the work. Yeah, right, and so
Speaker 2: you took any job. It didn't have to be good,
Speaker 2: it didn't have to be the perfect job. You just
Speaker 2: took jobs. And it's much more challenging. And of course
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for the ability to have choice, but it's
Speaker 2: much harder when they're like, well, you have to pick
Speaker 2: now and you have to create, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: it was easier when I could just say yes to
Speaker 2: everything and just go do it and then let the
Speaker 2: chips fall where they may. It's much more challenging to
Speaker 2: say I'm not going to put my time and energy
Speaker 2: into that, or or put yourself out there like develop
Speaker 2: a project from the ground up with may never see
Speaker 2: the light of day. All of that, it's much more difficult.
Speaker 2: I miss the days of being able to just be like,
Speaker 2: it's a job. I'm going like my tendency is to
Speaker 2: say yes to everything, because I'm like, well, you say
Speaker 2: yes to jobs. But what makes it's easy to say?
Speaker 2: I know, because everything's out of town now, So I
Speaker 2: do say no to a lot of stuff because I
Speaker 2: don't want to leave.
Speaker 1: No, you don't want to leave your boys.
Speaker 2: No, And they're like right at the you know, fifteen, fifteen,
Speaker 2: and seventeen. One's going to be gone next.
Speaker 1: Year, and I need you so much right now, and
Speaker 1: I need them.
Speaker 2: And the idea of like this is they're such fascinating people.
Speaker 2: I loved having babies, I loved having toddlers and little kids,
Speaker 2: and this is so interesting who they are now, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't want to.
Speaker 1: Miss it, you know, oh yeah, Like I just want
Speaker 1: to hang out with my kids all the time, and.
Speaker 2: They don't want to hang out with me at all.
Speaker 2: Let me make it clear, it's not like we like
Speaker 2: I always hear people talk about how great religios they
Speaker 2: have with their kids, and they're all like doing things together.
Speaker 2: My kids have no interest in me. But what I've
Speaker 2: discovered is being around is like ninety percent of the work.
Speaker 2: Just if I'm not around, I'm not going to get
Speaker 2: that conversation that just suddenly happens where I'm not going
Speaker 2: to meet their friends who are over. If I am
Speaker 2: super busy all the time and out of the house,
Speaker 2: I just won't have access to that just don't know
Speaker 2: when that weird conversation is going to come when one
Speaker 2: of your kids sits down is like, Mom, I like
Speaker 2: this girl. You're like right, look ahead, don't make eye contact,
Speaker 2: and you know, I don't want to miss that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you were really close with your You mentioned this
Speaker 1: before your co stars that you shared the screen with
Speaker 1: for eleven years. I can relate very close to my
Speaker 1: co stars that we were on for ten years together.
Speaker 1: And I know it sounds to me like you kind
Speaker 1: of were a little bit of a motherly figure off
Speaker 1: screen as well as on screen, and I think that
Speaker 1: that is such. You're a nurturing person, so it's probably
Speaker 1: natural for you to want to help people, and you know,
Speaker 1: just those relationships that I know you form with your
Speaker 1: kids on screen, yes, it feels like they're really your
Speaker 1: kids kind of.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, especially Nolan, who I'm so grateful for
Speaker 2: because he was eleven when we started and twenty two
Speaker 2: when we finished, and so I got to see a
Speaker 2: boy older than my boys who were babies at the time,
Speaker 2: and I got to see a boy go through all
Speaker 2: these changes and he'd be really into something for a
Speaker 2: while and super into something or annoying about something, and
Speaker 2: I could say, oh, these are all phases, like you
Speaker 2: don't have to go in there and micromanage because I'm
Speaker 2: not his actual mom, so it wasn't my job. But
Speaker 2: I'd be like I could just watch him grow and
Speaker 2: develop and make mistakes and come back from them and
Speaker 2: try new things. And it was like parenting light because ultimately,
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I wasn't responsible for him,
Speaker 2: but he allowed me, and I love him so much
Speaker 2: and I'm so grateful to him for allowing me into
Speaker 2: that process. Like he would talk to me and we
Speaker 2: would talk about girls or school or you know, family stuff,
Speaker 2: and I realized, Okay, boys are real people, which I
Speaker 2: really didn't know because I only knew dudes who were
Speaker 2: like you know, I was dating or adults like I
Speaker 2: did know boys. And he was my first boy that
Speaker 2: I got to know, and he really helped me be,
Speaker 2: I hope, a better boy.
Speaker 1: Mom. That's so interesting that you said that, because I
Speaker 1: had a very similar experience on what I like about
Speaker 1: you with Amanda. I had three at the time. I
Speaker 1: had two young girls. Yeah, and I had two young girls,
Speaker 1: and I had no experience around teenage girls other than
Speaker 1: my own experiences and those weren't great. So I was
Speaker 1: really nervous about having a teenage girl. And then I
Speaker 1: got to work with Amanda so closely, and we became
Speaker 1: very very close, like sisters, and I got to see
Speaker 1: what I was in.
Speaker 2: What what you're in for?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: What was I in for? But not necessarily in a
Speaker 1: bad way, but just like this is normal teenage behavior, right,
Speaker 1: and I should be scared of it, I should love it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, getting to have relationships with teenagers is like one
Speaker 2: of the perks of our job, you know, like how
Speaker 2: many because my kids they let me in and then
Speaker 2: they don't. And I got to have full, realized relationships
Speaker 2: with teenagers and that allowed me to allows me to
Speaker 2: accept my own teenagers better as exactly as they are
Speaker 2: right now, because I also know it's everything is, everything
Speaker 2: is changing, everything's a moment, and you can't get to
Speaker 2: I mean, I would love to tell them to cut
Speaker 2: their stupid hair and wear different clothes, and it's like
Speaker 2: not just you know what, it's this is all a
Speaker 2: work in progress. And the more I can step back
Speaker 2: and let them kind of live, the closer I get
Speaker 2: to them m.
Speaker 1: Hm, because they have to figure it out on their own.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they do, They really do, and they have
Speaker 2: to learn to fail and pick themselves up, and it's
Speaker 2: really hard not to want to go in there and
Speaker 2: just fix everything. But I'm so proud of the people
Speaker 2: that they're becoming, and it's so exciting to see them
Speaker 2: becoming adults. And it's exciting when my sister, the doctor's
Speaker 2: kids a little older than me, and she said about
Speaker 2: this age when I was because I was like, they
Speaker 2: don't want me around, and she's like, teenagers do not
Speaker 2: need you ninety five percent of the time, but the
Speaker 2: five percent they need you, they need you, and the
Speaker 2: only way you'll find out when that is is by
Speaker 2: being around.
Speaker 1: And very true. Yeah, we had also similar experiences. I
Speaker 1: think it just growing up in the business and being
Speaker 1: in the press and you know, having people talk about
Speaker 1: our bodies and our faces and our aging and our
Speaker 1: weight and all the things that they feel that it's
Speaker 1: their right to talk about, but also sort of pitting
Speaker 1: women against one another. Did you ever have that experience
Speaker 1: with your castmates?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I felt it. On Modern Family, the press kept
Speaker 2: trying to make me and Sophia sort of Betty and Veronica,
Speaker 2: and I know they did that with you and Shannon.
Speaker 2: I mean, I remember it. I remember it so clearly,
Speaker 2: and then I remember seeing you guys. It is just
Speaker 2: so stupid, but I remember seeing you guys on like
Speaker 2: a Today Show segment where you took or some morning
Speaker 2: show and you guys were taking some correspondent like thrift
Speaker 2: shopping or something. You probably don't even remember it, and
Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, they're friends. This real. That's we're
Speaker 2: not getting real life in the press. I am granted
Speaker 2: that you know it. It was a morning show segment,
Speaker 2: but when Sophia, they were just like determined to pit
Speaker 2: us against each other. I'm like, we hated each other
Speaker 2: or there was only like it's this scarcity mindset that
Speaker 2: there's only only one woman can be happy at a time.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh no, I love Sophia and
Speaker 2: I love how different we are, and I love what
Speaker 2: she is funny and self effacing and body and she
Speaker 2: loves life and she loves dancing and eating cake and
Speaker 2: all these things. And I'm like what. And I learned
Speaker 2: so much from being around her about what it is
Speaker 2: to be a really powerful, completely in herself like woman.
Speaker 2: No one would mistake her for like a fourteen year
Speaker 2: old boy from behind like they do me all the time,
Speaker 2: and yeah, I found that to be really disappointing on
Speaker 2: the part of the press. But I just never fed
Speaker 2: into that. You know, it was it is, that's a
Speaker 2: scarcity mindset, and there's no such thing as like, oh,
Speaker 2: if one woman's doing well, that means others have to
Speaker 2: step back. It's I can't support.
Speaker 1: That, right.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: It was definitely tricky to navigate through those young adult
Speaker 1: years of being like, wait, what are we Yeah.
Speaker 2: We are we enemies and they yeah people. You know,
Speaker 2: I would see things because I never have never banned tabloids,
Speaker 2: and my mom would always send me pictures out of
Speaker 2: a tablished like, look, but it's a good picture. I go, please, Mom,
Speaker 2: I love you, But no, don't. I don't want to
Speaker 2: see it, right, I don't want to know because also
Speaker 2: they like, you get a picture that you I don't
Speaker 2: where was that camera? I was having lunch with my kids,
Speaker 2: and then you start to get the neurosis about where.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I'm like, I can't live like that. But
Speaker 2: I would see sometimes, you know, you're just at the
Speaker 2: grocery store and you see like your face and see
Speaker 2: my face and Sophia like in how we hated each other.
Speaker 2: So I was like, that's so crazy, that is just ridiculous.
Speaker 2: I don't understand why society doesn't have room again like
Speaker 2: goes back to the witches, like we're too scary if
Speaker 2: we're all together. I don't know there's.
Speaker 1: Something there for sure.
Speaker 2: M hm.
Speaker 1: I would be remiss not to ask you this because
Speaker 1: I am a big fan of your early work. Maybe
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety six Pavy Gilmore. Oh, yeah, they're bringing it back.
Speaker 1: They're they're doing a sequel right now. Tex is doing something.
Speaker 1: Are you going to be on it?
Speaker 2: I'm going, Uh, we shoot in September. I just got
Speaker 2: my dates yesterday, which panics me because it's in It's
Speaker 2: on the East Coast, so I'm like, oh no, I
Speaker 2: did so much back and forth and I'm going to
Speaker 2: miss my kids. I will say I'm not in it
Speaker 2: a ton and I'm okay with that. Adam was so
Speaker 2: sweet and like called me multiple times to make sure,
Speaker 2: like before I got the scriptisay, Adam, I love you.
Speaker 2: You're like one of the kindest people I've ever met you.
Speaker 2: I don't care if I'm not in this movie. I'll
Speaker 2: show up and support it. And but in order for
Speaker 2: it to be, you know, a story about Happy's journey.
Speaker 2: We need to he can't be happy. He can't be
Speaker 2: happily with a girl. So that's all I'll say about that.
Speaker 2: But yes, I'm going to do it and I can't
Speaker 2: and I'm very excited.
Speaker 1: People are going to freak out. Also about your new
Speaker 1: show that's.
Speaker 2: On Peacock Hysteria.
Speaker 1: I saw Hysteria. I watched the trailer for it this morning.
Speaker 1: First of all, I love your whole eighties look, and
Speaker 1: your face looks incredible, like they did like a close
Speaker 1: up on you. I was like, hello, that was good.
Speaker 2: That's either good lighting or someone did some digital retouching,
Speaker 2: which takes the bananas, because you know.
Speaker 1: When you so touch it. I'm looking at you right now,
Speaker 1: you are beautiful.
Speaker 2: Oh that is You're so kind. I mean, we all
Speaker 2: feel like, you know, we came of age right alongside
Speaker 2: of digital and and high death and you go do.
Speaker 1: It must we it's a little too intimate.
Speaker 2: I'm really I'm excited about it. It was it's like
Speaker 2: hoary and which is a genre that I can't watch
Speaker 2: because I get so scared. But it was the people
Speaker 2: that were doing it were so fun. And exciting, and
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I'm gonna try this. I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna do something different, just radically different. And I had
Speaker 2: so much fun.
Speaker 1: You're just you're taking so many great chances right now.
Speaker 1: I love this about this chapter for you.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, the backup plan is living in a
Speaker 2: cabin far far away and like some state where you
Speaker 2: don't have to pay high taxes.
Speaker 1: So I'm into that. Take me away if it all.
Speaker 2: Goes wrong, if these chances are are don't pay off,
Speaker 2: that's where I'll be. You can come and visit.
Speaker 1: Well. I want everyone to make sure that they do
Speaker 1: check out Hysteria because it looks really good. It's on
Speaker 1: Peacock and I think it debut is on October eighteenth.
Speaker 1: If I'm not mistaken.
Speaker 2: You have so much more information than I do. I
Speaker 2: just got the trailer yesterday and they Peacock said would
Speaker 2: you post, and I was like, have you watched it? Wait,
Speaker 2: I'll watch. It was like the microwave one, the microwave
Speaker 2: yes with the baby you know, yes, good. Yeah. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, this is fun. And the eighties you know,
Speaker 2: the eighties look is not my favorite, but I got
Speaker 2: so into it. While we were there and just I.
Speaker 1: Just loved it, and you're like, great, you look great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I do a ton of stunts. You did, yes,
Speaker 2: flying to the air and but being bad things happened
Speaker 2: to me. I'm not sure what I wanted to say yet,
Speaker 2: so bad things.
Speaker 1: How did your own stunts you have?
Speaker 2: I mean I had to like, yeah, there's a lot
Speaker 2: of stunts in it. I did a movie for Netflix
Speaker 2: like a couple of years ago, and I wasn't Netflix, sorry,
Speaker 2: it was Amazon. That's why I'm taking miss That's okay,
Speaker 2: and I get killed. I get killed in like the
Speaker 2: first ten pages. But I get to have this really
Speaker 2: massive brutal fight scene with the with the killer in
Speaker 2: the movie, and it was so fun and I had
Speaker 2: to like do so many stunts and learn to shoot
Speaker 2: guns and do all this stuff that I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I want more of that. That's really fun. I'd like
Speaker 2: to lean into it because for years and years, I mean,
Speaker 2: Modern Family, the comedy was sometimes physical and I liked
Speaker 2: that totally killer. I don't know why, I'm being just
Speaker 2: a daft idiot, and it was that was really fun,
Speaker 2: and that kind of got me like, yeah, I want
Speaker 2: to do more of that I love.
Speaker 1: You are unstoppable. Come on, look at You're very inspiring. Okay,
Speaker 1: before I let you go, I need to ask you,
Speaker 1: Julie Bowen, what was your last I Choose me moment?
Speaker 3: That's such a big one. I'm looking outside, I'm looking outside.
Speaker 3: This is a dumb one. It's dumb, but it was big.
Speaker 3: I never ever spend money on myself.
Speaker 1: Ever.
Speaker 2: I will spend money on education or travel, but like,
Speaker 2: I never buy myself. I'm a huge Poshmark fan. If
Speaker 2: it's over one hundred dollars, I got it on Poshmark,
Speaker 2: I guarantee you.
Speaker 1: I love Poshmark.
Speaker 2: I love it. I live for Poshmark. And I was
Speaker 2: just away with my sister and she went to this
Speaker 2: boutique and everything there was gorgeous, but it was all
Speaker 2: very pricey and I couldn't justify it. But there was
Speaker 2: this one necklace that had made with a stone from
Speaker 2: I was on Martha's vineyard and the woman who were
Speaker 2: in the boutique made the necklace. It's like a stone
Speaker 2: that's been like like it's held in gold. And it
Speaker 2: was expensive and it was beautiful and meaningful, and I
Speaker 2: bought it for no reason other than I wanted to,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, still feel like vaguely guilty even saying it,
Speaker 2: but I was like, yeah, it's a really pretty thing,
Speaker 2: it's from a specific place. I get to do this
Speaker 2: for me. It was it's hard to even admit that, Jenny,
Speaker 2: I can't believe, Like, I didn't know how heavy this
Speaker 2: was going to be.
Speaker 1: No, but it's so important to give yourself things like
Speaker 1: that because you deserve it, and if nobody else is
Speaker 1: buying you gifts at the moment, like buy yourself something,
Speaker 1: make yourself feel good.
Speaker 2: Well that was. That is the first thing that I
Speaker 2: did not posh in I can't even remember how long.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I really and I did. I do feel
Speaker 2: good about it, but I also feel vaguely selfish. So
Speaker 2: that was. I wish that I could choose me without
Speaker 2: it being having an undertone of selfishness. But maybe that's
Speaker 2: exactly why you're doing this podcast, is to make people
Speaker 2: have these deeper thoughts about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that it's okay to choose yourself.
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: It is? I promise you, I promise you, okay, But
Speaker 1: I'm right there with you. I struggle with it too.
Speaker 1: I think we all struggle with feeling of the feeling
Speaker 1: of guilt or that you know, it's it's really hard
Speaker 1: to be kind to ourselves or do things for ourselves
Speaker 1: when we're so used to doing things for everybody else.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really really hard. And when your kids get
Speaker 2: older and they my kids need that less of that
Speaker 2: one on one, you know, like constant attention. You realize
Speaker 2: I realized I didn't have anybody to be nice to,
Speaker 2: you know, like my friends. But then you go, oh,
Speaker 2: I guess it could be nice to me as long
Speaker 2: as as long as nobody makes me say it out loud.
Speaker 2: And then Jenny Garth is going to make me say
Speaker 2: it out loud.
Speaker 1: You're going to make you look in the mirror and
Speaker 1: say it. Oh, Julie, I could talk to you forever.
Speaker 1: I love you. Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 2: Thank you. You're such a delight. I've always enjoyed running
Speaker 2: into you. I can't wait to see more of you.
Speaker 2: I hope this leads to us getting to see each
Speaker 2: other more. Me too, Thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Okay, Wow, that conversation with Julie was just
Speaker 1: so good. I want to thank her for being so
Speaker 1: incredibly open and fun to hang out with. I can
Speaker 1: really relate so much to her journey from the impostor
Speaker 1: syndrome feelings that we talked about, to the struggles with
Speaker 1: body image and how hard it is to believe that
Speaker 1: you are enough. I know a lot of us have
Speaker 1: had these same feelings, but I think this conversation is
Speaker 1: an important reminder to all of us that we're all
Speaker 1: works in progress. It's never too late to start improving
Speaker 1: ourselves and changing those negative thoughts that try to keep
Speaker 1: creeping back in. All they want to do is derail
Speaker 1: us as we continue to choose ourselves week after week.
Speaker 1: This week, let's try to do some breathing, like some
Speaker 1: real breathing. We talked about it with Julie and how
Speaker 1: it has helped her with her anxiety. So this week
Speaker 1: I challenge you to find a guided breathwork video online,
Speaker 1: something that looks good to you, and follow that in
Speaker 1: the morning one day when you wake up or when
Speaker 1: you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, and if you're into it,
Speaker 1: keep it up. Maybe it will become your new me
Speaker 1: time ritual. Remember it's never too late to start something new.
Speaker 1: You can check out all our social links in our
Speaker 1: show notes. Are you following us on social media, because
Speaker 1: you should be. Rate and review the podcast, and use
Speaker 1: the hashtag I Choose Me whenever you feel like it.
Speaker 1: I love you, I'll be right here next week, and
Speaker 1: I hope you choose to be here too,