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Speaker 1: Hey, this is am. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: Storytime podcast host, and we got.

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Speaker 2: Some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 1: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: I secretly paid my girlfriend's debts and I've never seen

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Speaker 3: her this furious before.

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Speaker 4: I don't know why she's mad. I just sold all

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Speaker 4: her designer stuff in her car and paid off her debts.

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Speaker 3: Recently, I'm having a big fallout with my girlfriend of

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Speaker 3: four years, and I don't understand why she's angry. I

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Speaker 3: have this amazing girlfriend we'll call Amy. She's the best

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Speaker 3: girl you'll ever meet. She's kind, understanding and makes the

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Speaker 3: best omelet in the world. You're right by the way

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Speaker 3: this comes from and Jack's guarantee thirty four And if

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Speaker 3: you want to spend your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 3: r slash Okay story Time subredded.

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Speaker 4: I'm Riley, I'm Dakota.

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Speaker 3: I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice goofully.

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. But if you

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Speaker 3: guys have anything you want to say, put it down

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Speaker 3: in the comments below and ope says she's very poor though,

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Speaker 3: and always has been. She was raised by a single

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Speaker 3: and they struggled all of her childhood. I came from

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Speaker 3: the opposite type of lifestyle. I know. I'm very privileged.

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Speaker 3: But me and her have been friends for years after

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Speaker 3: a chance meeting. She's always been a great girlfriend and

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Speaker 3: we don't argue often, but when we do, it's about money,

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Speaker 3: not as you would think. She probably has a very

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Speaker 3: different perspective of money than you do.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well, she's probably live as my debt. I'll pay

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Speaker 4: my debt. You don't pay my debt. I'll pay my debt.

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Speaker 2: But a lanister always pays their debt.

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Speaker 3: That's right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't like when I spend money on her,

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Speaker 3: and I can't understand it. I would give her nice

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Speaker 3: jewelry and she's always seemed to dislike it. Me being

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Speaker 3: love struck, upgraded and I bought her a new car.

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Speaker 2: Dang, that's where we started with jewelry to car.

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Speaker 3: I gotta talk to Angie.

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Speaker 2: I even got jewelry yet, I'll buy you, diamonds, buy you,

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Speaker 2: I do.

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Speaker 4: Uh. I think there's a little too much being done. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: if you're just starting your ship and buying someone in

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Speaker 4: a car would have been together for four years, I'd

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Speaker 4: be upset at that point.

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Speaker 3: At four years new car, four years, you'd be a

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Speaker 3: car at four years.

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Speaker 2: Nah, that's too much. I feel like that, like cool,

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Speaker 2: But if my partner bought something like that for me,

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Speaker 2: I don't know how I would do great, like you know,

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Speaker 2: or pay them back or like get.

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Speaker 3: A gift back you feel in debt to them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, I have some thoughts, but I.

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Speaker 3: Want to I want to see what else this guy's

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Speaker 3: gonna do. We got into a huge argument at that time,

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Speaker 3: and she told me she didn't want me to waste

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Speaker 3: money on her. He would waste money on her. She'd

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Speaker 3: rather me spend that type of money on something important.

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Speaker 3: But she is important, and I want to spoil her.

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Speaker 3: I learned that she appreciated things more if they were

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Speaker 3: directly given to her. If I brought myself a necklace

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Speaker 3: and didn't like it, she would accept it. So I

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Speaker 3: started buying her things, pretending they were for me but

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Speaker 3: I didn't want them. She would accept and things were

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Speaker 3: going good. That is such an interesting thing. I feel

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Speaker 3: like her getting gifts is tied to her self value.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, well, I feel like it's probably like guy

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Speaker 4: to Do is being brought up in an environment where

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Speaker 4: it's like you really get extrava good money to spare.

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Speaker 2: I feel like she's not used to getting extrava good gifts,

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Speaker 2: so one is just like something she's not used to.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, maybe she like it was like getting gifts

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Speaker 2: you had to like earn it kind of thing growing up,

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Speaker 2: or like, I don't know, it's just a weird thing.

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Speaker 2: She's not used to it, especially for OP, where OPI

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Speaker 2: was like, this is what I'm used to, So.

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Speaker 3: You have this could be a pride thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent.

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Speaker 3: That's a good point.

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Speaker 2: I believe it could be.

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Speaker 3: I want to propose soon, but she wants to pay

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Speaker 3: off all her debts first so we can have a

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Speaker 3: clean state to start on. I've known this since the beginning.

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Speaker 3: She works hard to pay them, so she doesn't pay

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Speaker 3: rent or any utilities in my house. I don't even

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Speaker 3: let her if she tries. Last week, with the help

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Speaker 3: of her mother, I paid off her student loans. I'm

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Speaker 3: guessing this is anywhere from ten grand maybe thirty.

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Speaker 4: Could be well, I wouldn't know.

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Speaker 3: I thought it would be a nice gift to her

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Speaker 3: considering it was her birthday. But once everyone left, she

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Speaker 3: up on me like never before. I've never seen her

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Speaker 3: so angry. She told me I crossed the line, that

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Speaker 3: she was working hard to pay it off, and that

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Speaker 3: I ruined that and I was a knucklehead for involving

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Speaker 3: her mom in my schemes. What she really said that

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Speaker 3: stuck with me was, you can't understand why I'm angry

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Speaker 3: because you've never had to struggle, and you've never felt

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Speaker 3: the pride of finally doing something yourself.

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Speaker 4: Hey, missy, ain't proud of seeing.

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Speaker 2: Oh dude, high was on it. It was a pride thing.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, oh.

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Speaker 4: My gosh, Yeah, it's not that deep.

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Speaker 2: It over it, I mean, yes, But also she has

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Speaker 2: communicated on her end of things. I can kind of

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Speaker 2: see where she's coming from too, where she said, stop

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Speaker 2: doing that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to. I want to feel this accomplishment.

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Speaker 3: And to him, it's like, oh, money, I have enough

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Speaker 3: money to throw up my problems.

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Speaker 4: Because I just be like, fine, then you can pay

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Speaker 4: me back.

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Speaker 2: But I feel like for her it was like her

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Speaker 2: life goal or like one like one of her main

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Speaker 2: goals right now in her life, where she's like, I'm

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Speaker 2: striving toccomplish this. Yeah, yeah, and you did it for

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Speaker 2: her like you cheated on a test, and like she

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Speaker 2: doesn't get the satisfaction of like I did this. I

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Speaker 2: wanted to do this on my own.

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Speaker 4: Guess what, You've got more stuff you can do now

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Speaker 4: instead of like what it was, scraped together as much

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Speaker 4: money as you can to pay off your student loan

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Speaker 4: debts that have interest.

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Speaker 3: I want to know what people think if OPI's the

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Speaker 3: a hole in this scenario, or if girlfriend is just

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Speaker 3: the ahole so op aole, GF AOL. I would like

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Speaker 3: to know what people think.

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Speaker 2: Here I can do it pull thank you.

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Speaker 3: And even then I didn't understand. She ended up leaving

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Speaker 3: and she's at her mom's house. I can't understand why

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Speaker 3: I'm losing her. I can pay the debt, but I

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Speaker 3: don't want to lose her. I just want her to

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Speaker 3: live in comfort, and I want to marry her. Now

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Speaker 3: that a few days have passed, I'm getting anxious and

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Speaker 3: I'm starting to feel like a real knucklehead for invading

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Speaker 3: her privacy. Our whole house is decorated to her taste

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Speaker 3: and it smells like her, but she's not here. Each

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Speaker 3: time I realize that I feel more and more stupid.

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Speaker 3: I've never felt like such a knucklehead before, or even

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Speaker 3: if I don't think I did anything wrong. So am

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Speaker 3: I the a hole for paying off my girlfriend's debt

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Speaker 3: without consulting her?

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Speaker 2: I think it's like I No, I think it's hard

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Speaker 2: because this is like one of probably like the most

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Speaker 2: generous things you can do and you love someone. And obviously,

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Speaker 2: for UOP, your love language is gift giving one thousand.

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Speaker 2: That's your love language.

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Speaker 3: What's your favorite video game you've ever played before Dark?

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Speaker 2: So, so yeah, what if you Yeah? Great, great analogy.

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Speaker 3: So let's say you told yourself I am not gonna

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Speaker 3: go on a trip to Bali that I've been really

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Speaker 3: looking forward to forever until I beat Dark Souls, and

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Speaker 3: then your girlfriend comes around. It's like, oh, I've beat

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Speaker 3: it before, I know how to do it, beats it? Okay,

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Speaker 3: if you don't get to have the experience of any

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Speaker 3: and I see what.

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Speaker 4: You're saying, that's a very false equivalency. Uh well, so

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna play a video game instead of go to Bali.

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Speaker 4: That's already insane. And then look we're talking about it.

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Speaker 4: We're talking, We're talking about debt.

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Speaker 3: This would be more like I was trying to get

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Speaker 3: something to relate with you, maybe.

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Speaker 4: Something in like like the realms, like your job, you

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Speaker 4: get a promotion and somebody gets your promotion for you,

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Speaker 4: or something right. But it's like we're talking about something

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Speaker 4: that is a net negative. It's debt. It's not like

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Speaker 4: he was like, oh, yeah, wrote the rest of your

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Speaker 4: novel for you, or like he's like, I paid off

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Speaker 4: the debt that you owed. Now you are free to

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Speaker 4: do whatever you want. You can make a more you

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Speaker 4: can aspire to a different goal that doesn't just involve

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Speaker 4: paying off money that you owe to somebody. I don't

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Speaker 4: because guess what if we're getting married, it's my debt

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Speaker 4: too anyway, so it would be paid off regardless.

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Speaker 2: As someone who loves gift giving as well and it

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Speaker 2: but your partner or even your friend whoever, was like,

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Speaker 2: stop gift giving me things that are really extravagant. It

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Speaker 2: makes me uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: Now here's here's where the root of this is coming from.

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Speaker 4: This is what I would say, I don't think she's

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Speaker 4: ready to get married. And now the thing that she

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Speaker 4: said was there that oh that we need to take

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Speaker 4: care of that before we get married. Now it's gone.

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Speaker 4: So now she has no other reason to be like,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to get married other than just being

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Speaker 4: like I don't I'm just not ready yet. Mmm. And

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Speaker 4: so I think she's more upset about that. She probably

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Speaker 4: feels like he was trying to corner her into being like, well,

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Speaker 4: now we're ready, right.

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Speaker 2: I just feel again, if someone did that for me

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Speaker 2: paid my student loans, yes, I would be like, I

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Speaker 2: thank you so much, You're amazing, like, but then after that,

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, I owe this person so much, so much,

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Speaker 2: Like I feel like they're gonna use it against me.

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Speaker 3: And she's had a conversation with Ope about this before.

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Speaker 3: Has it really seen to listen after the new car thing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's not like a gift. This is just

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Speaker 4: like the gift of you don't have to pay an

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Speaker 4: institution anymore.

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Speaker 2: Which is great. I think it's great because there's well

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 3: Think I don't think you understand. It's hard he got

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Speaker 3: a gift from her. Earlier About the car, She's like,

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Speaker 3: I don't feel comfortable with this. He didn't listen to her.

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Speaker 4: Like a car.

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Speaker 3: Well, the thing is is like he's not really listening

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Speaker 3: to her that like doesn't build trust.

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Speaker 4: I don't know, I think he I don't know. I

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Speaker 4: feel like I just disagree.

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Speaker 2: I feel like this is going to be like a

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Speaker 2: really big conversation, like why do you not whire know

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Speaker 2: what's a pride thing? But like, I love you almost

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Speaker 2: been the rest of my life with you kind of thing,

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Speaker 2: and I thought this was a great gesture. I don't know,

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Speaker 2: it's this is prop okay, love.

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Speaker 3: I understand you want to give the world as you

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Speaker 3: know it to your girlfriend, and that your girlfriend wanted

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Speaker 3: to accomplish this goal before getting married. You doing this

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Speaker 3: without talking to her comes off as manipulating her into

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Speaker 3: your world without her consent. At the same time, hyperindependence

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Speaker 3: is a trauma response of always having to work hard

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Speaker 3: for everything in your life and not trusting anyone to

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Speaker 3: help you. Interesting, and most importantly, it's from learning the

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Speaker 3: hard way and deeply believing that nothing comes for free.

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Speaker 3: She will feel like it's pity or charity or she

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Speaker 3: owes you. Now. That's why she might struggle with you

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Speaker 3: doing nice things for her. The answer is apologize and

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Speaker 3: tell her that you want to understand, and then truly

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Speaker 3: listen and genuinely be curious about her reasoning. Then tell

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Speaker 3: her that giving her things make you feel happy, and

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Speaker 3: it's how you like to show your careful her. Ask

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Speaker 3: her if there are some things she can simply let

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Speaker 3: you do for her. Stop pretending things are for you,

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Speaker 3: and do not lie. That will only break the trust

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Speaker 3: she's slowly building. No a holes here, Wishing you both

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Speaker 3: the best. We have a little edit to add.

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Speaker 4: I like that.

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Speaker 3: I like that breakdown.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good one. That's there's a horrific lead.

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Speaker 4: Scary Taking the comments from austome, Ashley says hot take.

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Speaker 4: She doesn't want anything from him because she's using him

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Speaker 4: for somewhere to live and plans to leave him as

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Speaker 4: soon as she doesn't need him anymore, but never plan

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Speaker 4: to stay. Oh boys, ah, scary scary Ah, I.

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Speaker 3: Could see that. It's like an evil villain.

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Speaker 4: Well, yeah, it's like because honestly, hey, you're gonna pay

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Speaker 4: off on my debt. I'm gonna be like, that's thank

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Speaker 4: you so much, but I'm not gonna let you ever

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Speaker 4: come be like, well I paid off all your debt,

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Speaker 4: be like, yeah you did? Did you like it? I

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Speaker 4: thought you said you liked doing that that is not

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Speaker 4: my fault.

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Speaker 3: We have an update five days later. I'm gonna skip

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Speaker 3: that edit. Really didn't add anything. Do they break up?

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Speaker 2: No? No, no, but I feel like it would be

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Speaker 2: a pretty like I think coming from her end, she's like,

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Speaker 2: if you use something like that again behind my back,

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Speaker 2: or like keep buying me extravagant gifts. I can't do

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Speaker 2: this anymore because you're not respecting what I what I want, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: My perspective, my trust.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think they break up. Ah, I think they do.

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Speaker 4: It really is coin flip, yeah, go either way?

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Speaker 3: Really, yeah, but you gotta pick one.

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Speaker 2: I think they say together.

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Speaker 4: I thinke they break up and then they get back

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Speaker 4: that gatter and then they break up again.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so they break up. Update five days later, Hey, Reddit,

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Speaker 3: read your post responses and one to clear up some

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Speaker 3: things before the update. I'm a woman, and I saw

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Speaker 3: a lot of people refer to me as a heat

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Speaker 3: but me and my girlfriend are both women.

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Speaker 4: Yo. Oh, it's two ladies, all right, It's two ladies

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Speaker 4: in love.

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Speaker 3: I refer to it as my house because it is

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Speaker 3: now because I hold it over her head. It was

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Speaker 3: a gift from my parents, so I only pay the

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Speaker 3: property tax, utilities, and if there's anything that needs upkeep.

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Speaker 3: It's not a huge mega mansion either. It's a simple

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Speaker 3: five bedroom house and a nice neighborhood.

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Speaker 4: It's a five petroom house.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna mansion. My parents have a mansion.

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Speaker 4: One sane. It sounds like you guys are from polar

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Speaker 4: opposite like backgrounds. Dude, for you to call five.

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Speaker 3: Princes to me, it makes no sense to take money

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Speaker 3: from her for something that I can cover without her.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people called me manipulative for gifting her

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Speaker 3: things and in a shady way to avoid her saying no,

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Speaker 3: I get it. I don't really think.

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Speaker 4: Is it manipulative to put the dog's medication in a

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Speaker 4: spoonful of peanut butter?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: But does the dog need the medicine?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I do that too sometimes if like someone's like, oh

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Speaker 3: I like that, I really want it, But I'll just

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Speaker 3: be like, oh you have I never wear I never

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Speaker 3: used that anymore. That's all you. Man do that so

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Speaker 3: many times.

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Speaker 4: You have to do that. You don't have to do that, man.

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Speaker 3: Well it just happens. Yeah, it's only five bedrooms. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I have to admit I never saw it in that way.

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Speaker 3: I'm used to expressing my love with material items, so honestly,

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Speaker 3: I get a bit sad when she won't accept them.

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Speaker 3: That's just your love language, That's okay. You simply just

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Speaker 3: bought your girlfriend. Nah, there's love there. When I read this,

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Speaker 3: I almost immediately replied to deny it, because I wouldn't

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Speaker 3: do something like that. But I took a step back

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Speaker 3: to think, I, of course don't see it like that.

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Speaker 3: She's my girlfriend and I wanted to help her. But

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Speaker 3: I can see why it seems like that. A lot

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Speaker 3: of people also said I didn't respect her for doing this,

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Speaker 3: and I did it for myself.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think you kind of did that. It's

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Speaker 4: kind of both. You wanted to get married to her, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I think that's the hearing, like, oh, well, until I

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Speaker 4: pay this debt off, we can't get married. And then

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Speaker 4: you're like, well, then I'll just pay off all your

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Speaker 4: debt and then we can. Now he can get married.

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Speaker 4: It does feel a little like, well, you kind of

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Speaker 4: did this for I guess for both of us.

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Speaker 3: But I love and respect my girlfriend more than anything.

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Speaker 3: She's the love of my life. She's literally perfection, and

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Speaker 3: she deserves to be loved like it. I've never disrespected

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Speaker 3: her intentionally, and she's the most important person in my life,

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Speaker 3: even more than myself. Saw a couple of comments saying

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Speaker 3: I should leave her if she's unappreciative, or that I

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Speaker 3: should start charging her, But feel like that goes back

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Speaker 3: into the I bought her arguments. I suddenly decide to

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Speaker 3: start charging her because I feel like she's ungrateful. I

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Speaker 3: don't feel this way. Just making a point and makes

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Speaker 3: it seem like I did this to own her. That's

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00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,280
Speaker 3: a good point. I don't really see that vibe. I

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Speaker 3: think you love your girlfriend, Opie.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I would agree. It doesn't feel like you're just

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Speaker 4: trying to just be like, look at all these things

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Speaker 4: I can give you, give give, give, be mine, be mine,

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Speaker 4: be my little beat my property.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like Citizen Kane, you're.

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Speaker 4: Paying off her debt. He bought her a car and

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Speaker 4: she's like, don't ever do that. You're like, okay, fine,

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Speaker 4: I'll pay off all your loans.

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Speaker 2: No, I'd be like, it's like, here's two cars.

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Speaker 4: I didn't buy you anything.

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Speaker 2: You didn't say not to buy you two cars.

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Speaker 4: I bought the opposite of a thing. I bought you

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Speaker 4: the lack of a thing which is no more, which

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Speaker 4: is debt, no, no debt.

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Speaker 3: I can't even deny that, even though I did those

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Speaker 3: things for her and made me happy inside, the first

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Speaker 3: time I gifted her anything, she lit up so quickly,

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Speaker 3: and it was the moment I knew I wanted to

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Speaker 3: marry her. I like seeing her and nice things that

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Speaker 3: she can call her own. Your responses have made me

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Speaker 3: realize I did it because I like seeing her like that,

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Speaker 3: rather or not she wants it or not. Someone said

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Speaker 3: wealthy people love giving gifts. That could be more true.

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Speaker 3: She just FLEs it, Honus, I.

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Speaker 4: Don't even know if that really is true.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, wealthy people. Wealthy people like giving gifts.

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Speaker 4: I think some some mice. I think the general stereotype

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Speaker 4: is that they're you know, greedy and they hoard all

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Speaker 4: of their wealth. But you know, I think you gotta

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Speaker 4: get you gotta reach like the big dog status to

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Speaker 4: get up there. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like I.

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Speaker 4: Gotta have like eighty billion to your name and be

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Speaker 4: like what, like what are we what are you even doing?

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Speaker 3: I'd buy a country at that point.

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Speaker 4: That is a moral failing. I have more than a

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Speaker 4: billion dollars what are you doing?

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Speaker 3: I'd probably buy like Chad and then just make it

376
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Speaker 3: like a superpower country and then just get after it education.

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00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,400
Speaker 3: That's gonna be like the next generational.

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Speaker 4: All herbocharge Chad.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we would go insane to the moon.

380
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Speaker 4: First order of business for renaming the country to Chad Lee.

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Speaker 2: Chadley and then make it like look like like Waconda.

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00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,120
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly, that's what we're.

383
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,280
Speaker 2: Building, vibrating and all.

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Speaker 3: Usually it's a power play to show you're better than someone,

385
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 3: but for me, I just want to see her happy. Also,

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Speaker 3: I didn't know the debt being paid off by herself

387
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Speaker 3: was a major goal of hers. She never mentioned it

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Speaker 3: to me, just said she didn't want to bring baggage

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Speaker 3: into our marriage. A few people said we weren't compatible,

390
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Speaker 3: or that she just was looking for an excuse not

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Speaker 3: to marry me. I would be sad if she didn't

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Speaker 3: want to marry me, but I'd accept it. I truly

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Speaker 3: love her more than anything, and I know she's a

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Speaker 3: soft hearted person, so I'll admit I started wondering if

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Speaker 3: this was the case, and if she just didn't have

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Speaker 3: the heart to tell me, which is an interesting point

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Speaker 3: because we're not even halfway through this story, m I

398
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,320
Speaker 3: feel like that's gonna come back. A lot of people asked,

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Speaker 3: if she left me right now after I paid it off,

400
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,399
Speaker 3: would I want her to pay me back? The answer

401
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,000
Speaker 3: is no, I've never expected her to pay me back

402
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,880
Speaker 3: for anything, even if we split up. I've never been

403
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,640
Speaker 3: overly emotional, so not even in anger, would I tell

404
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,560
Speaker 3: her she had to pay me back. Would I beg

405
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:28,320
Speaker 3: her not to leave? Absolutely? I don't financially abuse her.

406
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,879
Speaker 3: I saw this as a bit or not in the

407
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,920
Speaker 3: way Google describes it. At least she has a job,

408
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,879
Speaker 3: and of course living in my home is above her means.

409
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,359
Speaker 3: But if she were to move into a smaller town,

410
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,760
Speaker 3: she'd be okay on her own. Basically, if she did

411
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 3: leave me, she wouldn't be screwed. So I don't think

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00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 3: she's financially dependent on me, which that's good.

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00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:49,280
Speaker 4: It seems like.

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00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 3: Your girlfriend's a hard work or two. Yeah, and Sean

415
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 3: says Opie's a simp. I agree. I'm also a little

416
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 3: worried with how Opie is describing your girlfriend, because if

417
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,680
Speaker 3: you get to the point of putting someone as an

418
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,639
Speaker 3: idol and she's first, and you don't put yourself first.

419
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,920
Speaker 3: Eventually you're gonna lose yourself and your girl.

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00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,080
Speaker 4: Why is wisdoms?

421
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:12,800
Speaker 3: I've been there.

422
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:14,040
Speaker 4: Why is wisdom?

423
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:15,680
Speaker 3: I've had to rebrand myself.

424
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,240
Speaker 4: Never put the pretty lady on a pedestal. She might fall.

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00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,199
Speaker 3: I don't just throw money around either. It's not like

426
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 3: I get a hole in the wall and suddenly I'll

427
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,919
Speaker 3: just buy a brand new house. I just have a

428
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,159
Speaker 3: friend come and fix it. Don't even hire a company.

429
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,040
Speaker 3: I won't pretend I'm super frugal. Though. When my girlfriend

430
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 3: moved in, she showed me a lot of ways I

431
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,239
Speaker 3: wasted money, leaving the lights on, having more food than

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00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 3: we could eat. Small things like that up into always

433
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,400
Speaker 3: getting the newest phone model even though my old one

434
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,919
Speaker 3: is fine, or buying something I like even if I

435
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,719
Speaker 3: have no use for it, like cars.

436
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:51,360
Speaker 4: Woh, how much money do you have? Stop buying cars

437
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,720
Speaker 4: if you don't need them or want them.

438
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,200
Speaker 3: I think she's a very wealthy million.

439
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 4: Buy other things that aren't cars, jay Leno.

440
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,320
Speaker 3: When she moved in and she helped me settle these

441
00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,560
Speaker 3: habits that I never even thought about. A few people

442
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:08,200
Speaker 3: tried their chances in my messages not happening. I love

443
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 3: my girlfriend. I accept that I love her more than

444
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 3: she loves me. I'm fine with that. I suppose I'm

445
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 3: also not a complete love struck fool. It's not like

446
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,640
Speaker 3: if we break up, I'll support her and spoil her.

447
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 3: I'd respect her wishes. For the people saying I should

448
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 3: date in my social circle, I'm not against that. All

449
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 3: my exes have been from the same life as me.

450
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 3: Like I said, me and her met as a chance

451
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 3: encounter and hit it off. It's not like I go

452
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,919
Speaker 3: seeking out poor, vulnerable people to bring home with me.

453
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 3: But I don't think that just because she's not wealthy,

454
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,360
Speaker 3: I shouldn't be able not date her. I was essentially

455
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 3: raised by my nanny a normal person in terms of cash,

456
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,560
Speaker 3: so I've never looked down on people with less. They're

457
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,280
Speaker 3: just people, and if I like someone, I should be

458
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,919
Speaker 3: able to like them no matter where they're from, which

459
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 3: makes sense. And the reason why I involved her mother

460
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,639
Speaker 3: is because parents have access to her loans. I didn't

461
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,159
Speaker 3: involve her mother for her to convince Amy to accept it.

462
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,959
Speaker 3: I'm sure you can guess. I went to college scott Free,

463
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 3: so I don't know the process of paying off a loan.

464
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:14,440
Speaker 2: Google that's a big flex, Like, I get it, Op,

465
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 2: this is your life, but I like how it's like

466
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 2: this is the norm. This is for me and you

467
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,399
Speaker 2: just like five bedroom house. I don't know what a

468
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 2: loan is.

469
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, drive a car. Someone usedly jugs that for me.

470
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 3: I don't I just buy it?

471
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know. I have too many.

472
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,879
Speaker 2: I usually see something and I say I want that,

473
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 2: and I get it.

474
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,679
Speaker 4: There you go, Ariana, pay my you could pay my

475
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 4: debt though he thinks you just buy that's.

476
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 3: Like it would be nice, but technically I did live

477
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 3: in a six bedroom house a nice neighborhood for a

478
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 3: little bit.

479
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,720
Speaker 2: Again, it's like the two different mindsets, like the two

480
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 2: different worlds, Like I get it, Op, You're it's hard

481
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,119
Speaker 2: because you I think saying what she said to you

482
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 2: is like you'll never understand, like what it's like to

483
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 2: work like that towards something. I guess I work.

484
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 3: My parents would never just let me do nothing with

485
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 3: my life. Granted I'm spoiled. I'm the youngest and the

486
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 3: only daughter, and though they were often around when they

487
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 3: were they would give me their attention. Onto the update. Okay,

488
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 3: so that Opie's got a lot of money, then baby sister.

489
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 2: Was she and the only daughter? Yeah yeah, youngest and

490
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 2: only daughter. Man, I like I just like I was humbled,

491
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 2: but I was also spoiled.

492
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 3: No, no, I didn't hear anything. Yeah, it was like,

493
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,359
Speaker 3: oh because of the n anything.

494
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

495
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 4: Yes, I had one of the peasantry raise me. So

496
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 4: as you see, I'm in touch with the common man.

497
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 2: I can speak their lingo.

498
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 3: Yes, oh my goshdud Onto the update. It definitely wasn't

499
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,119
Speaker 3: what I expected. She came back the day after I

500
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 3: made my post so we could sit down and talk.

501
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 3: I took her suggestions and wrote her a letter explaining

502
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 3: my thoughts and why I thought she'd appreciate the debt

503
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 3: being paid off. She read it, but she kind of

504
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 3: skimmed it, which was my first sign I completely lost her.

505
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 3: I called it code kind of called it, but I

506
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,920
Speaker 3: called it day. I read every last comment, and at

507
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 3: this moment it felt like everyone was whispering. Told you

508
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 3: so in my ear. She set some strong ground rules.

509
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 3: She wanted me to get therapy because she believes my

510
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,959
Speaker 3: need to give her things is because of how I

511
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 3: was raised.

512
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 4: Well, you' date therapy because your belief in not taking

513
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 4: the things I want to give you is from how

514
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 4: you were raised.

515
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 3: Next, yeah, I think I think everyone should go to therapy.

516
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 4: Stop throwing therapy at me, boying flip, I throw it

517
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 4: right back at.

518
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 3: My parents weren't bad by any means, but they worked

519
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 3: hard so to show their love. They gave me a

520
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 3: lot of gifts when they couldn't be there, but it

521
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,439
Speaker 3: never missed birthdays or holidays. She also wants absolutely no

522
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 3: gift giving.

523
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 2: Boom, didn't I call this? I always like, yeah, they're

524
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 2: gonna say some some rules here and if not.

525
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 3: No gift giving.

526
00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,880
Speaker 2: That's Opie's love language. But you know what you can

527
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,120
Speaker 2: your partner and do an you can discover a new

528
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 2: love language.

529
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,479
Speaker 3: I think you could give gifts if you made it

530
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 3: like you put time into it. Yeah, that would make sense.

531
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I made you this solid gold statue exactly.

532
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 3: You have to mind the gold in that act.

533
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 4: I bought the gold and I forwarded it with the

534
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 4: help of my friend in hell Deep.

535
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 3: I asked her about her birthday and holidays, and she

536
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 3: said that after something like this she wouldn't accept anything.

537
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 3: She said that me spending that much money on her

538
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 3: was ridiculous, and the fact that I just could was

539
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 3: also ridiculous. At this point, I asked her if she

540
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 3: understood that when we get married, my assets would become hers,

541
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 3: she wouldn't just be marrying a wealthy woman, She'd become

542
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 3: one herself too. I asked her if she was uncomfortable

543
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 3: knowing that, but she didn't really answer. She just kind

544
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 3: of brushed past it and said it wouldn't be like

545
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 3: that because we'd still have separate finances.

546
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 4: Bro, she's obsessed with this, and I think that is

547
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 4: a trauma response. She's obsessed with that idea, like it

548
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 4: has to be it has to be me, it has

549
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 4: to come from me, it has to be mine, or

550
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 4: none of it means anything.

551
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 3: Having that chip on her shoulder.

552
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 4: But you're actually you're staring the the end result of

553
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 4: what you want to get out of all of your

554
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 4: hard work, right in your face. It's staring at you,

555
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 4: and it's like money doesn't solve all your problems, but

556
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 4: it opens a lot of doors for you to have

557
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 4: opportunities to do things that you wouldn't be able to

558
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,159
Speaker 4: do otherwise because you would be too concerned with making

559
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 4: more money to pay for your bills and your debts,

560
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,360
Speaker 4: like buying chad, like buying the nation of chad renaming

561
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 4: it to chad Lee.

562
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 3: You know what I'm getting after that? What not a gascar?

563
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 4: It's a good island. All the vanilla used to come

564
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 4: from Madagascar. I think so to.

565
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 3: Us, they're just secret, they're just sleepers. You know, you

566
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:50,640
Speaker 3: only want you to get into that. So I asked

567
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,640
Speaker 3: her something that probably wasn't very smart because I saw

568
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 3: a lot of comments about her hyper independence. I asked

569
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 3: her if she enjoyed struggling and then accomplishing her goal,

570
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 3: if that somehow paying off a debt was more fun

571
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 3: or something. You know, how entitled you sound saying it

572
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 3: like that.

573
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 4: No, I mean like it's no, it sounds to from

574
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 4: like it's coming from like a genuine place of curiosity.

575
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 3: Though I don't know.

576
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 4: It's like, do you enjoy the struggle, Like does the

577
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 4: struggle make it more of like an accomplishment when you've

578
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 4: done something because there was a struggle involved, So.

579
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 3: You really like just struggling, you know, and paying off

580
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 3: your stuff with the little money you get, you really

581
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 3: like that.

582
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 4: But no, it's it's the same thing as like a gym.

583
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 4: It's like you have to struggle in the gym to

584
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 4: like get results, and it's like, if there was no struggle,

585
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 4: you wouldn't really get any results. So I think it's

586
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 4: more just coming I think it is coming from a

587
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,919
Speaker 4: genuine place curiosity of like why wouldn't you want me

588
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 4: to pay all your debts off? Like is the struggle

589
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 4: of something that you enjoy?

590
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:53,439
Speaker 3: Yeah?

591
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, I guess it's the same that gym

592
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 2: mentality in a sense, like you pay for a gym

593
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 2: membership and then you just have if somebody do it

594
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 2: for you, like they get big and swollen, you're just like,

595
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 2: all right.

596
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 3: Thing that was no fun. She answered honestly and said

597
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 3: she struggled all her life and it's a part of

598
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 3: the process that she watched her mom's struggle and yet

599
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 3: she still managed to raise her into a strong woman

600
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 3: and they were never on the streets. I suggested that

601
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 3: she should look into therapy too, because it sounds like

602
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 3: she trapped in the mentality where if she doesn't struggle,

603
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 3: she didn't do enough. She refused and said she was fine,

604
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 3: and I just wouldn't understand. Perhaps I got voted the

605
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 3: a hole. I didn't argue.

606
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 2: I don't like that response.

607
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,400
Speaker 3: I don't like that response that they were like everyone

608
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:38,880
Speaker 3: here needs some therapy.

609
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like that responsive like, m you don't

610
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 2: understand and you'll never understand. But I don't need therapy,

611
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 2: so move on from that notion. But you need therapy.

612
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 2: It's like mm hmmm.

613
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't call out the speckle in your brother's eye

614
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,360
Speaker 3: when you have a log in it the Bible verse.

615
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 2: So look, Bella actually says if someone paid off my

616
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 2: debts behind my back, I don't know contact dang. Is

617
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 2: there a reason why, Bella? I know you said you

618
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 2: didn't like gifts earlier, but like, is it just like

619
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,439
Speaker 2: for Opie's partner, is it a pride thing? Is it

620
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 2: because you want to work towards that goal, like because

621
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 2: that's that's your debts, or you feel like maybe they'll

622
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 2: have it like hanging over your head, or like you

623
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: know they'll use it against you. But let us know.

624
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just figured it was another thing I didn't understand.

625
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 3: So that was the end of that. She made a

626
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,199
Speaker 3: few more demands that aren't really important, but then she

627
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,120
Speaker 3: said that she didn't even want to think about marriage

628
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 3: for a few more years.

629
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 4: There it is there, it is there, it is.

630
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,439
Speaker 3: We've been together for four years and lived together for

631
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 3: two of them. I'm twenty five, she's twenty seven. Yes,

632
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 3: still pretty young, but I've always saw myself getting married

633
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 3: by thirty at the latest. Then this sparked a deep conversation,

634
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,199
Speaker 3: and I asked her if she wanted to marry me

635
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 3: at all, because it felt like she didn't. It took

636
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 3: a while, but she admitted some private things I won't

637
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 3: say here, but ultimately she doesn't want to get married

638
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 3: because she says that's more or less the start of

639
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 3: all pride problems, that she doesn't want to be contract

640
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 3: bound to anyone. I was hurt by this and blindsided, honestly,

641
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 3: because marriage has always been my goal and she knew this.

642
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 3: When I made that point. She said paying off her

643
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 3: debt had been her goal, and I ruined that, so

644
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 3: I should accept it as a way to make things

645
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 3: even between us. Y'all need to go to a counselor together.

646
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 4: Nah. I think y'all should just break up at this point.

647
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I don't think y'allre built for each other.

648
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 3: No, she's holding this against you after doing something nice.

649
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,400
Speaker 4: I don't think you're built. I don't think you're built

650
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 4: for each other, Oh, she doesn't want to marry She

651
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 4: doesn't she didn't want to get married. Yeah, she's like,

652
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 4: once I pay off my dad's because she knows it's

653
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 4: gonna be like years from now, and at that point

654
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 4: maybe there'll be some other reason why you can't get married.

655
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 4: But she literally said it. She's like, I don't ever

656
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 4: want to get married. I don't want to have to

657
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 4: be contract bound to somebody, which is like, she didn't

658
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 4: want to marry you.

659
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I tried explaining I didn't know it was

660
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 3: that important to her yet she knew how much I

661
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 3: cared about marriage, but nothing I said seemed to be right.

662
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 3: She kept combating everything I said. By the end of

663
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 3: the conversation, I didn't feel better like I thought I would.

664
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:09,479
Speaker 3: The next day, I have my lawyer draft up a

665
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 3: contract that just basically says I don't want anything exchange

666
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 3: for paying her debt and I won't try and force

667
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 3: her to pay me back. I gave it to her

668
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 3: and told her that we should end things because we

669
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 3: didn't have the same goal in life, and she kind

670
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 3: of blew up on me more. I've said it before,

671
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 3: but she's the sweetest girl you're ever meet. So I

672
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 3: was definitely surprised by this. We have a little bit

673
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,959
Speaker 3: more left here. She's mad about bringing up breaking up.

674
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 4: What does this woman want exactly? I don't know. I

675
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 4: don't think she knows either.

676
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll tell you what. She doesn't want your gifts

677
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 2: and therapy.

678
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, she doesn't want there and breaking up It

679
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 4: makes no sense. Yeah, it makes no sense. She was like, yeah,

680
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 4: I don't ever want to get married, and you're like,

681
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 4: well that you know that. That's what I've wanted to

682
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 4: do the whole time, right, like you talked about that. Yeah,

683
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 4: and now she's mad at you for breaking up after

684
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 4: she wasted four years with you because she always knew

685
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 4: she didn't want to get married. That's crazy.

686
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 2: And here Bella does respond to our question. It's because

687
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 2: in the past, I've had stuff like that used against me,

688
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 2: almost like they now own me in the sense of

689
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 2: what again somewhat a lot of people are saying to Opie.

690
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 2: But that being said, it's also something I like to

691
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,719
Speaker 2: work towards. Again, it's it's that thing. I think, it's

692
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 2: that mentality, like that's my goal.

693
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, Krishana says she knows everything could be taken away

694
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 3: and commitment feels like something that can be taken away.

695
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 3: This woman needs therapy. Yeah, I agreed, I agreed. I

696
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 3: think everyone would benefit from this. Yeah, John here, og host,

697
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:36,959
Speaker 3: We're gonna get back to these stories.

698
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 4: But a quick three minute break.

699
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 3: From hous from our sponsors reading the last little bit

700
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 3: here dun't be heard just because she won't marry me. Essentially,

701
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 3: after I made a mistake, wasn't right and that I

702
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 3: was being selfish, she still loved me and we didn't

703
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 3: need a wedding to prove that. I simply told her,

704
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 3: I disagreed and left. I'm at my parents' house right now.

705
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 3: I just kind of sat with my mom for a while.

706
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 3: I didn't cry, but she knew something was. She let

707
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 3: me sit there, just sit there in her presence, in

708
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 3: pure silence, and it felt pretty good. So yeah, not

709
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: exactly what I expected to come from this conversation, especially

710
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 3: not just three days since my post. Here we are

711
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 3: keon Riley.

712
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 2: I'll check.

713
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 3: Please, Oh my gosh.

714
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 4: Is there mow or there has to be she has

715
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 4: to call her back. I think that maybe.

716
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 3: Call her bad.

717
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 4: I think you break up? Oh you find someone? I mean,

718
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 4: you know, it's definitely nice knowing that someone's not with

719
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 4: you just because of your financial assets, but like this

720
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 4: person was like holding them against you, and it's like

721
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 4: you just wanted to be like yeah, I don't know,

722
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 4: I want to be able to And it's again, all

723
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 4: this it just comes back came back down to not

724
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 4: want to get married. Yeah, you know, not wanting to

725
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 4: be not wanting to be wed, and yeah, that's that's that,

726
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 4: that's that and if that's your you know, I need

727
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 4: that and she's like I can't do that. But also

728
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 4: it's kind of crazy to be like that is the

729
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 4: root of all problems in a relationship. Oh yeah, and

730
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 4: just like the contract of it is, it's like that's

731
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 4: insane that you can have terrible relationships with nothing close

732
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 4: to marriage. So it doesn't make any sense.

733
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 3: I also think that Amy has a little bit of

734
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 3: resentment towards Opie for being so wealthy.

735
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 4: I don't yeah, I don't even know if it's I

736
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 4: don't think she was ready admit towards her.

737
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 2: I think it's more like I don't think she was

738
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 2: ready for that lifestyle. I don't think she want she

739
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 2: wanted that lifestyle. One two Again, she she saw that

740
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 2: as like I mean, and she made the excuse of like, yeah,

741
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 2: we can look at marriage until I do or finish

742
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 2: off my loans. But I think it again, it was

743
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: a scapegoat. And then you you did the You finished

744
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 2: off her loans. You completed that for her.

745
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 3: And she was like, oh, everyone's saying that them parting

746
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 3: ways was the best.

747
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 2: And unfortunately stop. Oh my gosh, it looks like they

748
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 2: don't get back together. There's no other conversation. Looks like

749
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 2: that's it.

750
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 3: Literally the worst thing ever. This is gonna ruin my day.

751
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 3: I have no idea what happened to these people. They lived,

752
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 3: they're the u people broke up.

753
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 4: They broke up, and they moved on.

754
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,479
Speaker 3: Just a Amy doesn't understand what she had.

755
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 4: I mean, I think she did.

756
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 2: Think she I think she did. I think she was

757
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 2: happy with what she had.

758
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 4: I think I think she was just kicking the can

759
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 4: down the road, trying to, you know, avoid the marriage discussion.

760
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 4: And I'm sure who knows is the reason that her

761
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 4: mother struggled in her life because she had a father

762
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 4: who abandoned them. My money would be on that, or

763
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 4: they had a really bad marriage. If you think that

764
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 4: the marriage is the root of all problems. Then I

765
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 4: guarantee you you grew up in an environment with a

766
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 4: bad marriage. Yeah, so they're a ponyous please please?

767
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,479
Speaker 3: That would that would literally if there was a therapy

768
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 3: for six months and Amy was open to it so much.

769
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 4: I just think she's confused. She's mad at you for

770
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 4: doing this stuff and then mad at you for being like,

771
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 4: all right, well I'm gonna stand all my values. I

772
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 4: want to get married and you don't, and so I

773
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 4: don't think this is gonna work. She's mad, like, well

774
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 4: that's not right. I just made a mis It's like wait,

775
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 4: wait what yeah, run back here you want.

776
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 2: I think this is also an eye opener for Op

777
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 2: because again I feel like Op was love bombing a

778
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 2: lot or like again, that's what the gift giving, that's

779
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 2: your love language. But maybe that blinded you. Yeah, and

780
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 2: because like maybe she didn't feel that same weight towards you.

781
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you were together for four years, but

782
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 2: definitely shows that one she was not willing to get

783
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 2: therapy for you.

784
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, she was very.

785
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 2: Anti therapy and she wanted to stick in her own little,

786
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 2: uh mindset. I don't know.

787
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, what be you could be scay you, but you

788
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 4: gotta go if you if you're yeah, if you're in

789
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 4: that state of mind, you gotta go.

790
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

791
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 4: Oh and guess who'd pay for it?

792
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, we know that. Sean says, therapy for only one

793
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 3: person automatically means break up.

794
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially when she wasn't willing to do it, and

795
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 2: she sadden, no, I don't need that, but you need it.

796
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,439
Speaker 3: He's like, yeah, I kind of knew it wasn't gonna

797
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,959
Speaker 3: be good when she was like, she's the most perfect thing,

798
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 3: She's great, blah.

799
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:11,359
Speaker 4: Blah blah blah blah.

800
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,760
Speaker 3: It's like, ooh, yeah, you lost yourself therapy.

801
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 2: Maybe those omelets weren't as good.

802
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 3: There is a certain deal I never eat again.

803
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, those omelets are always gonna taste pretty crappy now,

804
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 2: but you know it doesn't taste pretty crappy.

805
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 3: Pikota No nixt story.

806
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 4: My boyfriend couldn't set boundaries with his X, so I

807
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 4: ended things between us.

808
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 3: What she just wanted us stay here, what's the problem,

809
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 3: cuddle a little bit?

810
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 4: She was cold? Uh? I Female thirty four started seeing

811
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 4: my ex we will call him Josh, male thirty seven,

812
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 4: just over three months ago in August. At the time,

813
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,919
Speaker 4: neither of us were in a space where we wanted

814
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,839
Speaker 4: to rush into a relationship, but things kind of took off.

815
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 3: I wish people stopped saying that like it, just think

816
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 3: life happens people.

817
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 4: Life happens with three months Josh. By the way, this

818
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 4: comes from user Azazelies And if you want to submit

819
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Owkay story

820
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:05,439
Speaker 4: time subburned at I'm Dakota.

821
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,320
Speaker 2: I'm Riley, I'm Keon, and we're here.

822
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 4: To give you good advice goofly, but we don't have

823
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 4: all the answers. We're not the all seeing eye of truth.

824
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 4: That guy's he's on vacation, so we just know what

825
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 4: we'd do. Let us know what you would do. In

826
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 4: the comments, and Ope says he was one month out

827
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 4: of a seven year relationship at the time. Oh and

828
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 4: his sister had passed away the previous year.

829
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 3: Oh buddy, all right, Okay, wow, that's a lot hew.

830
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 4: These are understandable life challenges. But he continued progressing the

831
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 4: relationship and we were very open about his internal struggles

832
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 4: as they arose.

833
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 3: So we didn't have a great foundation starting off here.

834
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 4: I mean, one month out of a seven year relationship.

835
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 4: You need to look more time for that.

836
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 3: You need at least a year to comprehend what just

837
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,839
Speaker 3: happened and losing your is your sister had a few

838
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 3: months there.

839
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 4: I checked often to make sure continuing the relationlationship was

840
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 4: what he wanted, and he always assured me it was. Additionally,

841
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 4: his actions were aligned with someone who wanted more daily

842
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 4: phone calls, weekly well thought out dates, sentimental gifts, emotional

843
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 4: and physical intimacy.

844
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 3: How long have you o been together?

845
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 2: This is?

846
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 4: This has gotta be in the first month, right, It

847
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 4: was a slow burn, but the chemistry and compatibility were palpable.

848
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 3: What does that mean? It's not a slow bird, it's

849
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 3: about to happen.

850
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 4: Palpatinable. Palpable is it's like.

851
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 3: It was had some substance.

852
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 4: What does it mean? I just know, I just know

853
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 4: it's meaning.

854
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,400
Speaker 3: But is it like Palpatine palpable?

855
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 4: Like like because your.

856
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 2: Part Palpatine Palpatine.

857
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's like it's like it's it's a.

858
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,720
Speaker 2: Live able to be touched or felt.

859
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 4: That's palpable, my p I'm gonna palp you. It's I'm

860
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 4: gonna palp you, dude. I'm going to palp you.

861
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 2: Have a feeling or atmosphere so intense as to seem

862
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 2: almost tangible.

863
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 4: Ah, So it's so intense as to seem almost tangible.

864
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 3: Yes, it's palpable. It's in front of me.

865
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 4: I can touch it. Throughout our time together, there were

866
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 4: a few instances where he expressed guilt about his ex,

867
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 4: how he didn't treat her right, that she stuck by

868
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 4: him when his sister got sick and passed, et cetera.

869
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,919
Speaker 4: But the more he spoke about her, the more red

870
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 4: flags I saw.

871
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, you get what do you mean? But you get

872
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 3: maybe a few passes. I'm talking about your ex, so

873
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 3: like not like, oh, I didn't treat her right, more like, uh,

874
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 3: kind of like you know, I wish they wouldn't come

875
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 3: up in my mind here and there, Like I wish

876
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 3: I could forget about him, that kind of thing.

877
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, And this is also like a month or two

878
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 4: or three at this point, and only we're together for

879
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 4: three months, and.

880
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 3: He wants all those things because he doesn't have him anymore,

881
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 3: and he's like, these are the things I like and

882
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 3: what he's dating.

883
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 4: You, and also being like I didn't treat my ex right.

884
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 3: Has anyone been in that relationship where they're like they

885
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 3: missed their X. What do you mean, like you're dating

886
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 3: someone and then you missed her AX and they're like,

887
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 3: I miss my AX and you kind of get that

888
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 3: vibe and.

889
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:07,320
Speaker 2: I think if I've ever heard.

890
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 4: I was dating somebody, but you can't. It's you can't

891
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 4: if when you know that you're not over someone and

892
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 4: you're trying to date.

893
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 2: I mean I've been I know for I've been a

894
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 2: rebound before and they're.

895
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 3: Like, okay, I've been that.

896
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but like not in like a relationship. No, nothing,

897
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 2: I could.

898
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,320
Speaker 3: I'm just grabbing the board, you know, I'm Dennis Raminin.

899
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 3: I'm not there yea long time.

900
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 4: I'm just grabbing the boards.

901
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 2: Man, I'm putting points on the board.

902
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 3: I get it.

903
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 4: I can.

904
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't think of anything like that.

905
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 4: Okay, here's to name a few red flags.

906
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 3: Lovely yay.

907
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 4: She insisted that if they ever broke up, they had

908
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 4: to stay friends. Their entire friend group consisted of her

909
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 4: guy friends who became Josh's friends, which he expressed indirectly

910
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 4: put him in a weird internal state of competition. Their

911
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 4: relationship was heavily centered around drinking. I do not drink often,

912
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 4: but I don't judge those who this just seemed to

913
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 4: be a central focus of their connection. During the relationship,

914
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 4: they suggested they hook up with other people and come

915
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 4: back together later, which he was understandably against. Breaking up

916
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 4: had been on the table for her for five out

917
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 4: of the seven years they were together, mostly due to

918
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 4: her needs not being met, but she stayed and he

919
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 4: felt more and more guilty.

920
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 3: Colley, dude, you gotta leave. This guy's gotta process this.

921
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 4: You mean she was just like hover like break up,

922
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 4: like breakup, We're gonna break up. We might break up

923
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 4: for five.

924
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 3: Years, brother, ooh yeah, and you like I treated her

925
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 3: for all?

926
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 4: Oh, poor guy. The relationship was centered around living separate

927
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,800
Speaker 4: lives and then coming together to have fun when things ended.

928
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 4: She stated she regretted staying with him through his sister's illness.

929
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 4: This cut him deep, and it was a detail he

930
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 4: hid from friends and family. What the crowd and he

931
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 4: misses this girl? What all sounds like?

932
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 3: She when your sister, you know, passed away. I don't

933
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 3: like you for those months. You were really bad to

934
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 3: be around.

935
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just like you were just such a drain. Yeah,

936
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 4: because I hadn't stayed with you that time, because.

937
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 3: They only won. The only time they hang out is

938
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 3: a drink or to have fun. Think if you're sad

939
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,240
Speaker 3: and drinking. If you're sad and drinking, what's happening?

940
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 4: You're down at the frolic room? Baby, You're not? You

941
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 4: know what is Wait? What happened?

942
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 3: If you said when you're sad and drunk cry or

943
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 3: like isn't if like whatever, I've never drank, but like

944
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 3: whatever emotion you feeling when you drink, it kind of

945
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 3: like multiply.

946
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, sure it'll amplify. Yeah, if you're like depends on

947
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 4: sad and then you go drink alone and then you

948
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 4: get sad or that's probably that's that's what it would be.

949
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,879
Speaker 4: So naturally I thought that this woman had not been

950
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 4: great for him. I did my best not to interfere,

951
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 4: but it kept coming up directly in conversation, and he

952
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,280
Speaker 4: frequently asked for my opinion. He was very open about

953
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 4: whenever she reached out and what was going on, and

954
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,399
Speaker 4: the relationship kept progressing and deepening between us. It felt

955
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 4: like he was doing his best to enforce boundaries, even

956
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 4: though he seemed conflicted about guilt and the perceived loss

957
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 4: of his friend group.

958
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,759
Speaker 3: Oh lawyer princess. I didn't even think about this. So

959
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 3: he got out of an abusive relationship, Okay, chill, Yeah,

960
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 3: I guess it was.

961
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 4: It sounds like it could have been for sure. If

962
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 4: you even say, I'll tell you what saying that about

963
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 4: his sister is abusive. That is crazy, without a doubt,

964
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:26,920
Speaker 4: that's wild.

965
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 3: But dude, you gotta can't just date someone right after

966
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 3: a seven year relationship ends.

967
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 2: You gotta y'all let them work on. Yeah.

968
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not well. I don't you know, honestly, Like,

969
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 4: given how the relationship was, I don't even know if

970
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 4: that's true. Now now I'm like, I think you need

971
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 4: to get as much exposure to a normal dynamic with

972
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 4: somebody as possible.

973
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 2: That's what I'm friends.

974
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, but no, in like the relationship context, he was

975
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 4: with this girl for five years where she just like

976
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 4: held the guillotine over his head. Yeah, it sounds like

977
00:42:58,440 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 4: and he was just like, well this is just must

978
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:02,760
Speaker 4: be the way. That is so, And now you're still

979
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 4: being like, oh, mister, I didn't shoot her, right ew yeah,

980
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 4: she got her hooks deep India. To be clear, I

981
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 4: never stated that he couldn't remain friends with these people,

982
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 4: but I told him there had to be boundaries in

983
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 4: place if he wanted to continue a relationship with me.

984
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,240
Speaker 4: I was clear from the beginning that I'm not okay

985
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 4: with lingering X energy, especially when said X would resurface

986
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 4: even after he asked for no contact, expecting him to

987
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 4: honor their continuing friendship and had ridiculous expectations such as

988
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 4: being entitled to seeing his kids if he were to

989
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 4: ever have them with someone else.

990
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:36,439
Speaker 2: What.

991
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 3: Oh, no, this woman is giving me the vibe of

992
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,959
Speaker 3: Rapunzel's mom. Yeah, she needs youth, or like she needs

993
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 3: to suck the life out of someone. This person is

994
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 3: probably an energy member.

995
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 4: She's given the energy of like a big spider, like

996
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 4: a big spider up in the corner. Yeah, and I

997
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 4: mean a big like a seven foot spider.

998
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know.

999
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 4: That's the big spider. She's like the big I'm the

1000
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 4: big spider. You get stay in my web the rest

1001
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:03,959
Speaker 4: of your life.

1002
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:05,800
Speaker 3: Nine foot tall lady spider.

1003
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 4: Nine foot tall lady spider with a Southern accent.

1004
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,799
Speaker 2: Go, that's just a month from Coraline.

1005
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, Coraline, M what them legs do? Ladys and stab

1006
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:22,760
Speaker 4: Pierce Peers Peers in his defense he told me. Whenever

1007
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 4: she reached out, he assured me he wanted to be

1008
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,799
Speaker 4: with me and defended our relationship when she said that

1009
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 4: I was just a fling. His actions also reflected softness, consideration,

1010
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 4: and commitment. But eventually she gave him an ultimatum two

1011
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 4: weeks ago, saying that if he didn't meet up with

1012
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 4: her that weekend, she would start dating someone else. He

1013
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 4: told her that even if he wasn't with someone else,

1014
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,400
Speaker 4: he wouldn't get back with her, and that Sunday he

1015
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 4: asked to go from dating to being official with me.

1016
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,840
Speaker 3: You that's kind of weird though, what that happened on

1017
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 3: in your own timing. He's asking this question because his

1018
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:57,839
Speaker 3: ex is getting with someone else.

1019
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 2: Is he doing that for? You know? I was say,

1020
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 2: is he doing that for you or competition? Or is

1021
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 2: he doing that for her? Or is he doing it

1022
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 2: for himself?

1023
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 4: It could be that that's the thing that you need

1024
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 4: to hear. And again, this is really early, so it's

1025
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 4: probably not. But sometimes you just need to hear like

1026
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 4: a phrase, and like maybe hearing her going like well,

1027
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 4: or I'll date someone else just made him go, yeah,

1028
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 4: wait date someone else? What do you wait? What am

1029
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 4: I over here talking about being like, all date someone

1030
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 4: else for it. What do you mean if I don't

1031
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 4: meet you, go go. I don't want you, I don't

1032
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:37,439
Speaker 4: want you back go. But yeah, it's highly unlikely that

1033
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 4: he's ready for this relationship.

1034
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam Oghs. We're gonna back to these delectable stories.

1035
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to

1036
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:45,279
Speaker 1: help support the show.

1037
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,879
Speaker 4: That same night, after blocking her, her sister called with

1038
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:53,320
Speaker 4: an emergency. Apparently his ex, who we will call Amy

1039
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:55,399
Speaker 4: Wow Double Amy's.

1040
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 2: Double Amy Stories Today.

1041
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 4: Was stuck in Florida for a few extra days and

1042
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 4: she couldn't get back to the dog who used to

1043
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 4: belong to Josh's sister. Of course, he has an attachment

1044
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 4: to the dog, but she could have called the landlord

1045
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 4: or done something else to address the issue.

1046
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,360
Speaker 2: I swear, I swear if this was a setup, I

1047
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 2: know what's happening. If this is a setup and you're

1048
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 2: using ID you know what, I'm not evenna put that

1049
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 2: in the story. I'm gonna not put that out in

1050
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 2: the world.

1051
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 3: I'll finish it for you. That's gonna bait him with

1052
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 3: the dog dog bait.

1053
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 4: Instead, she had her sister reach out to him and

1054
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 4: had him deliver the key to an old friend whoa Okay,

1055
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 4: Rice is averted good. I was tired of his unwillingness

1056
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 4: to set boundaries and frustrate it at his weakness in

1057
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 4: the moment.

1058
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 2: Okay, I think this is a little bit different in

1059
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 2: that moment. For this one is the dog.

1060
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 4: This is for the dogs, the dog, It's for all

1061
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 4: the dogs, man or Drake sid So I told him

1062
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 4: she would have to learn to solve her own problems.

1063
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 4: Eventually he started asking if I would never be okay

1064
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 4: with him and Amy being friends, even though my stance

1065
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,959
Speaker 4: have been clear the entire time we dated. Also, brother,

1066
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 4: why do you want to stay friends with this girl?

1067
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 2: I hate how, I hate how the situation for the like,

1068
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 2: this is a specific situation that has clearly nothing to

1069
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 2: do I mean, yeah, it's her dog, but like, I

1070
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,840
Speaker 2: guess this is like out of that bubble in a sense.

1071
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 3: It's weird.

1072
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 2: It has nothing to really do with her. It's just yeah,

1073
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know.

1074
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:20,719
Speaker 3: It's pretty weird.

1075
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:22,840
Speaker 2: They shouldn't be the melting point. But the fact that

1076
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 2: he brought it up is like, I can't be friends

1077
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 2: with Amy though It's.

1078
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 4: Like, why wouldn't you Why would you be friends with Amy?

1079
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 4: She's telling you that your new relationship is trash and

1080
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,319
Speaker 4: she is a bad part of Ope.

1081
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 3: Let's go find another project to work on because this

1082
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 3: one is getting out.

1083
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 4: Hair, I don't want to play with you anymore.

1084
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 3: Yes, please just drop him, I would say. I know

1085
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 3: this sounds a little harsh.

1086
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 4: Hit the toy story, Hit the andy from toy story.

1087
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 3: This guy's not over his X.

1088
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 4: Drop him in the bucket full of arms, Drop him

1089
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 4: in the pit, Put him in you know what. Put

1090
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 4: him in the pit.

1091
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 2: Put him in the pit, let.

1092
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 4: Him climb out.

1093
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,240
Speaker 3: If I was in a dirt pit, I'd be okay,

1094
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 3: because you can like scrape the dirt and then make

1095
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 3: your own like little handle.

1096
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 4: Like yeah see there's resourcefulness right there. So we get

1097
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 4: you get out of the dirt pit. We go, Great job, Briley.

1098
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,320
Speaker 4: We're taking you over to the stone pit. Now do

1099
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 4: I get a big X and you could make one?

1100
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 3: Oh that would anyways, you just carve it.

1101
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 4: Right out of right out of the stone and get it.

1102
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:15,719
Speaker 4: Cast a spell and put your fingers to here.

1103
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,320
Speaker 3: Now you're getting off. I have no idea where you're going.

1104
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 4: Well, there's a pit. Us. You weren't here yesterday when

1105
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,279
Speaker 4: we were doing the pit hypotheticals. No, it's like, you know,

1106
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,359
Speaker 4: somebody needs to get Sometimes you just need to put

1107
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 4: people in a pit and let them climb out of it,

1108
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 4: like Batman from that movie.

1109
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 3: Oh okay, I could see the Batman pit. Yeah, I

1110
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 3: was in a sense pit. I don't know if we

1111
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 3: should put a lot of people out on that.

1112
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 4: I mean, that's a that's a that's the kind of

1113
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 4: level ten pit. Yeah, we can work our way up

1114
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 4: to that pit.

1115
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1116
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:43,760
Speaker 4: He was so resistant to setting boundaries that the glow

1117
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 4: of being his new girlfriend was immediately tainted taint. All

1118
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 4: of a sudden, it seemed to him that I was

1119
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 4: being restrictive and stopping him from hanging out with his friends.

1120
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,439
Speaker 4: I was frustrated because I just wanted him to set

1121
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 4: firm boundaries with his X, which he expressed the intention

1122
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 4: and willingness to do multiple times prior. He had even

1123
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 4: blocked her for goodness sake. The issues only arose when

1124
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 4: she pushed past his boundaries and used guilt and emotional

1125
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 4: leverage to get to him. I don't know, getting making

1126
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 4: like the you're letting her blow past your boundaries when like,

1127
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,240
Speaker 4: first of all, they're already still in the same circle

1128
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 4: of friends. And then also this involves the dog, his

1129
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 4: sister's dog, Like if he's gonna, of course he's gonna

1130
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 4: do stuff for the dog, and he didn't even he

1131
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:29,359
Speaker 4: just gave a.

1132
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 2: Key to somebody, was even her.

1133
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, and let me be clear. Things escalated during the

1134
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,920
Speaker 4: anniversary month of his sister's passing, and her ultimatum landed

1135
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,480
Speaker 4: a week before the actual day she passed. That is

1136
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 4: when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Perhaps he

1137
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 4: thought I would feel less insecure and accept the ex

1138
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 4: as a friend if things were official, but it was

1139
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 4: never about that, and it infuriated me that he was

1140
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 4: unable or unwilling to see the manipulation at play. I

1141
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 4: gave him space to think, and he ultimately reached out

1142
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 4: and provided a litany of reasons why he was not

1143
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 4: good enough for me and not ready, and stated he

1144
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 4: needed his friends at this hard time. Skirting around the

1145
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 4: X situation, he offered for us to be friends for

1146
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 4: now until he's ready, or to take things casually. It

1147
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 4: was obvious he had been talking to the old friend

1148
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 4: group or even the X about this, but he decided

1149
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 4: he couldn't give up hanging with the friends, and that

1150
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:22,359
Speaker 4: he couldn't do things like organize outings without her or

1151
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 4: avoid her if he knew she'd be attending.

1152
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 3: I see where he's coming from. It's just a weird,

1153
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 3: weird thing.

1154
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 4: You're just picking your e You go, okay, bye, hang

1155
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 4: out with her, that's cool. She she literally wants to

1156
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 4: break us up. She literally made an ultimatum about her

1157
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 4: dating other people, which shouldn't matter at all. So she's

1158
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 4: weird and you're weird for entertaining her. I hope you

1159
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 4: realize that I'm the best things in slash bread. I

1160
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 4: hope you misseding out.

1161
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 3: I hope this guy can have this spell broken from him.

1162
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:59,720
Speaker 4: Yes, chamblaha, I break a spell.

1163
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 2: Oh.

1164
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 4: I held firm on my boundary. I told him I

1165
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 4: had enough friends and I would not diminish what we

1166
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 4: had built by moving backwards, especially while he reconnects with

1167
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 4: an ex who obviously has no respect for him, me,

1168
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,800
Speaker 4: or herself. We had a three hour conversation ending things

1169
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 4: on the phone. He tried to bargain to keep me

1170
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 4: in his life, but I stood on business. Good for you, girl,

1171
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 4: he cried, told me the grief he was going through

1172
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 4: and how he needed the support and love of his

1173
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 4: friends right now. It hurt me to think that he

1174
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,440
Speaker 4: believed I wanted to take away his friends and support group,

1175
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 4: but I could not turn a blind eye to the

1176
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 4: destructive and manipulative behavior of his ex. He also said

1177
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 4: he was sorry he was an a hole and that

1178
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 4: it was too hard to be the good man I deserve,

1179
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 4: but in the same breath told me how much he

1180
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,320
Speaker 4: valued and cherished our connection and how much all the

1181
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 4: little things meant to him.

1182
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 3: Dude, pick a side. I'm confused by this.

1183
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think he's just been confused.

1184
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 3: I think he hasn't been in the mindwash for so

1185
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 3: long he doesn't know what he's saying and like what

1186
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 3: his words actually mean. Yeah, I exist.

1187
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 2: I feel like this guy needs he needs to just

1188
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,919
Speaker 2: fully stop talking to this chick. But also he needs

1189
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 2: time to just really yeah really, just focus on himself

1190
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 2: and not have anyone there as like a placeholder like UOP.

1191
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 2: I think he just needs to really work on himself

1192
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 2: and just hang out with friends, like his actual friends,

1193
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 2: not her, because she's not a friend.

1194
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:23,279
Speaker 4: That's that He closed with saying he'd like to pick

1195
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 4: up where we left off, and that i'd definitely be

1196
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 4: hearing from him again and that we'd talk soon. I

1197
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 4: told him he's full of crap and that when he

1198
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 4: comes back, I'm gonna make him kiss my butt. He

1199
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,480
Speaker 4: said he will hold me to it. I also laid

1200
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:38,520
Speaker 4: out conditions if he were to return. Don't come back

1201
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,240
Speaker 4: if you've dated others, haven't set boundaries with your ex,

1202
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 4: or want anything less than what we built up to

1203
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:46,399
Speaker 4: this point, he agreed, before telling me we will talk soon.

1204
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:48,479
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, stop making this a game.

1205
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:51,280
Speaker 4: I think I think you needed to give him way

1206
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:54,239
Speaker 4: more cold water about his ex. I know you, you

1207
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 4: said so. I think you needed to be like brother.

1208
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 4: You were straight up in an abuse relationship with this woman.

1209
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:02,320
Speaker 4: She's still trying to manuelate you with her little hooks. Yeah,

1210
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,879
Speaker 4: and you need to tell your friends what she said

1211
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 4: about your sister, because I guarantee you they won't want

1212
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,319
Speaker 4: to hang out with her anymore after they hear that

1213
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 4: she said that to you, and go to therapy. Man,

1214
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 4: go to therapy and hit the gym. Okay, there's a

1215
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:17,840
Speaker 4: little more story here. That was a week ago, the

1216
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 4: Friday before the anniversary of his sister's passing. It hurt

1217
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 4: me to see him struggle with guilt, grief, overwhelm, and

1218
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:27,879
Speaker 4: feelings of inadequacy. And I feel all that we had

1219
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 4: was real. Otherwise he would have gotten with the X

1220
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:33,160
Speaker 4: as soon as an opening presented itself. But I feel

1221
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 4: like his friend group thinks I'm just some knucklehead who

1222
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 4: tried to force him to shun his X and his friends,

1223
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 4: and he decided to believe that rather than protect me

1224
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 4: and what we had started to build together. I'm glad

1225
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:46,440
Speaker 4: I stood firm on my boundary, though it hurts, but

1226
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 4: I couldn't move forward entangled with the drama of the past.

1227
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 4: And yes, let's just read this comment. He's absolutely manipulating you.

1228
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 4: He was never going to go no contact with his ex.

1229
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 4: He has no intention of doing that moving forward. He

1230
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 4: also said he's sorry he's an a hole and that

1231
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:06,320
Speaker 4: it was too hard to be the good man I deserve.

1232
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 4: This is manipulative language.

1233
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 3: Yeah boom.

1234
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:12,919
Speaker 4: He's trying to just like balance off it. He's like, oh, well,

1235
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:14,880
Speaker 4: i'll leave you here and then i'll come back and

1236
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:17,000
Speaker 4: it'll be fine. And I'll go over there and that'll

1237
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 4: be fine, and everything's fine and it only it doesn't

1238
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:20,240
Speaker 4: matter what you want or feel.

1239
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:22,440
Speaker 3: It's too much, too much going on. He needs some

1240
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 3: time to just breathe. Yeah, and I be responsible to

1241
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 3: be anyone's partner for a minute.

1242
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:29,399
Speaker 4: He needs to tell his friends what she said about

1243
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:31,959
Speaker 4: his sister. Yeah, he never told them that she said

1244
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 4: that to him. No one would be on her side

1245
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 4: knowing that she said that to him. That's insane. And

1246
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 4: you know how messed up you gotta be by that

1247
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,640
Speaker 4: relationship to want to go back to that, like that

1248
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 4: was a messed up, messed up situation. Yeah.

1249
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:47,359
Speaker 3: So well, guys, we're gonna go live a little bit later.

1250
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 3: I think we'll be back soon. And if you love us,

1251
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 3: make sure to subscribe We love you and see you