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Speaker 1: Trust me.

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Speaker 2: Trust me.

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Speaker 3: I'm like a swat person.

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Speaker 4: I've never lied to you.

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Speaker 1: If you think that one person has all the answers,

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Speaker 1: don't welcome to trust me. The podcast about cults, extreme

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Speaker 1: belief and the abusive power from two apostates who actually

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Speaker 1: experienced it. I am Lola.

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Speaker 5: Blanc and I am Megan Elizabeth.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe we've never said apostates, Wow, that was

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Speaker 1: a good one.

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Speaker 5: I can believe that we haven't.

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Speaker 1: That's where we differ, Matt. Today, our guest is Elana Auerbach,

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Speaker 1: former follower of the sexual wellness company One Taste, deemed

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Speaker 1: the orgasm cult by the BBC podcast of the same name,

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Speaker 1: and that is what it is. One Taste is known

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Speaker 1: for hosting orgasmic meditation circles with the women all lying

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Speaker 1: in a circle getting fingered together. It's fascinating, but whatever

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Speaker 1: you think of the sexual element, it has a history

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Speaker 1: of being destructive and abusive. So Elana's going to tell

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Speaker 1: us about how she was there in the very beginning

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Speaker 1: when it's founder Nicole Daydon. I think I'm saying that right.

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Speaker 1: Daydon was first developing her sexual program, figuring out her

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Speaker 1: jargon and perfecting her methods of manipulation.

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Speaker 2: We're going to talk about how after her divorce, Ilana

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Speaker 2: went from exploring her own pleasure with her partner to

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Speaker 2: centering her entire life around Nicole, working for free and

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Speaker 2: spending thousands of dollars for training to have an hour

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Speaker 2: long orgasm that never materialized. That would be really disappointing.

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Speaker 1: There is so much sex talk in this episode, y'all,

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Speaker 1: So if you don't want to hear us talk about pussies,

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Speaker 1: do not listen to this one. Also, some descriptions that

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Speaker 1: could be triggering that are related to assaults, so just

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Speaker 1: be aware of that. In the meantime, Megan, we have

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Speaker 1: the same cultiest things and we're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: it together.

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Speaker 2: Dude, somebody's going to jail for over a thousand.

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Speaker 1: Years this story. I can't believe I'm just learning about this.

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Speaker 1: It seems like it's so deep. There's like so much

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Speaker 1: which information. This man has been in the public eye

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Speaker 1: in Turkey for so long. I I'm sure we're only

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Speaker 1: scratching the surface. But Adnan, I think it's pronounced oak charm.

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Speaker 1: So he was arrested. He is a Muslim televangelist sex

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Speaker 1: cult leader. Is that a good description.

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Speaker 5: Anythink, yes, creationism, Yeah, so.

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Speaker 1: He preached creationism. He's like anti Darwin is how you

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Speaker 1: wrote this like eight hundred page book on how Darwin

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Speaker 1: is wrong. Meanwhile, he has literally no background in science.

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Speaker 1: He went to school for interior design. So that's how

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Speaker 1: you know you can trust him as the authority on science.

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Speaker 1: I don't really understand the inner workings of Like it

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Speaker 1: seems like he maybe was linked to a coup in Turkey,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know if that's real. He says that

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Speaker 1: he's Islamic, but he rejects the different ways of thinking

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Speaker 1: about it, and so he's got his own thing going

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Speaker 1: on that he's sort of perverted. Now, am I describing that? Okay?

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think it's I think it's really fascinating,

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Speaker 2: and you're describing it perfectly. He's just basically essentially when

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Speaker 2: you boil it down, as kind of a like pem.

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Speaker 1: Okay, y'all. So he's what I imagine Trump will be in

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Speaker 1: like five years. He has his like show that he

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Speaker 1: does where he talks about religion. But on this show

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Speaker 1: he's got this like brood of women who all have

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Speaker 1: a very similar face they all have this like heavily

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Speaker 1: plastic surgery, bleach blonde, big boobs, scantily clad outfits look

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Speaker 1: going on, and they're just like chilling in this room

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Speaker 1: while he's preaching his shit, and it is so fucking weird.

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Speaker 1: Not that there's anything wrong with having surgery, but I

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Speaker 1: would suspect, because the crimes he's been sentenced for include

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Speaker 1: sexual assault, sexual abuse of miners, among other things, I

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Speaker 1: suspect that he probably has something to do with why

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Speaker 1: they all look the same.

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Speaker 5: Yes, yes, I suspect the same as well.

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Speaker 2: I think that there's probably gonna be a lot more

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Speaker 2: information coming out on this.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, this stuff is so interesting and fucked up.

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Speaker 6: So.

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Speaker 1: One of the women at his trial told the court

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Speaker 1: he repeatedly sexually abused her in other women. Some of

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Speaker 1: the women he raped were forced to take contraceptive pills.

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Speaker 1: One joined when she was seventeen. There were sixty nine

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Speaker 1: thousand contraception pills found in his home.

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Speaker 2: Did you see where he says that they were for

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Speaker 2: their skin? He was like, the contraception pills are for

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Speaker 2: their skins. Like, oh, thank you, he's just being nice,

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Speaker 2: you guys.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's as sweet of him. Yeah, he says, I

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Speaker 1: am extraordinarily potent.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that is a great quote. He is just the worst,

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Speaker 5: isn't he.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's the fucking worst, And apparently he's got a

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Speaker 1: lot of people who buy his shit. He Oh, he

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Speaker 1: used to be a Holocaust denier. He like wrote a

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Speaker 1: whole book about that, and now he pretends that never happened.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Now he says that his friend actually wrote that book

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Speaker 2: and he was like, yeah, you can publish it under

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Speaker 2: my name, because he.

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Speaker 5: Was just like being nice.

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Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, of course he's

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Speaker 2: saying no, I don't really think that.

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Speaker 1: Once again, so sweet of him, He's so sweet. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He also, funnily enough, maybe this is just a thing

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Speaker 1: that all cult leaders do or abusers, because he refers

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Speaker 1: to the women in his crew as his kittens, like

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Speaker 1: Armie Hammer, like probably fifteen thousand other men who have

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Speaker 1: like a group of women who they abuse. Yeah, so Oakjar,

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Speaker 1: oak Jar, He's quite a guy. Thankfully, he will be

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Speaker 1: in prison for over one thousand years. God, he's the worst. Anyway.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that if we have any Turkish listeners, you

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Speaker 1: probably know way more about this guy than we do.

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Speaker 1: So if you have anything you think would be important

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Speaker 1: for us to add. Please let us know. I know

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Speaker 1: nothing about Turkish politics. I have to say I'm very

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Speaker 1: ignorant in that department. Yeah, so that's Oktar.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of crazy people out there, you know.

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Speaker 2: Luckily there's a lot of Ilana's too, though.

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Speaker 1: She's so cool. Anyway, y'all, I love this episode. I

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Speaker 1: hope you like it. Here we go, Hello and welcome

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Speaker 1: Ilana Auerbox. Thank you, whose name I butchered three times.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to talk to you today. One Taste

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Speaker 1: is something that is just like absolutely fascinating, and some

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Speaker 1: of these stories are horrific. Can't wait to get into

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Speaker 1: it with you. So just to give people like a

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Speaker 1: light overview and tell me if I'm describing this correctly.

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Speaker 1: One Taste is a San Francisco based sexuality focused wellness

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Speaker 1: in quotes company that promotes a practice called orgasmic meditation

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Speaker 1: or om. And OM is a fifteen minute long practice

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Speaker 1: in which a clothed man lightly fingers in a very

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Speaker 1: specific way a woman who's naked from the waist down,

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Speaker 1: without it turning into sex, and without it being a

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Speaker 1: reciprocal encounter. It's strictly for the connection of the orgasm

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Speaker 1: for the woman alone, and I saw in the demonstration

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Speaker 1: video the man is supposed to wear gloves. It's supposed

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Speaker 1: to be done on the floor, and it used to

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Speaker 1: be done in group circles, but they've sense abolished the

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Speaker 1: group practice. Is that correct?

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Speaker 4: That is what I understand when I was there.

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Speaker 3: It was before Nicole changed the name, which was a

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Speaker 3: brilliant marketing scheme to call it owming.

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Speaker 1: Nicole refers to One Tastes founder Nicole Day Doom.

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Speaker 4: So she didn't invent this practice. This was a practice.

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Speaker 3: Called deliberate orgasm, and when I was involved back in

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Speaker 3: two thousand and four, that's what it was called. So

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Speaker 3: deliberate orgasm, from what I understand, originated with this guy

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Speaker 3: sixties seventies named Vic Baranco, Okay, who ran these more

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Speaker 3: houses all over the Bay area.

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Speaker 1: Morehouses refers to these sort of communes where everybody has sex.

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Speaker 3: And people who were involved some of them. You know,

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Speaker 3: it was a hedonistic communities. They had very strict rules.

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Speaker 3: And I was never involved. I knew some people who

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Speaker 3: were involved. I knew people who considered it a cult

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Speaker 3: as well, and Nicole knew Vic, and I think was

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Speaker 3: involved in one of the houses.

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Speaker 4: I'm not really sure.

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Speaker 3: I got involved in what I called the pleasure community

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Speaker 3: back in two thousand and two I had left my

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Speaker 3: former husband. You know, each of us, from my experience,

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Speaker 3: have a lot of different.

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Speaker 4: Aspects of ourselves.

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Speaker 3: You could even look at them through the lens of

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Speaker 3: different archetypes, right that transcend culture, transcend divisions. So I

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Speaker 3: like to look at this story and my involvement with

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Speaker 3: Nicole and one Taste through the lens of the Eve

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Speaker 3: and Lilith archetype. So the good girl and kind of

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Speaker 3: the bad girl seductors. And so I was the quintessential

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Speaker 3: good girl, always doing what I was supposed to be doing.

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Speaker 4: And that's kind of how I grew up and.

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Speaker 3: Even into my young adulthood, even into my first marriage.

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Speaker 4: So Lilith was like banging on my door.

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Speaker 3: After a few years into that marriage, and I, you know,

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Speaker 3: finally said when this guy had proposed a few years prior,

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Speaker 3: what I should have said in that moment, you know,

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Speaker 3: when he proposed in this volcano erupted in my belly,

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Speaker 3: was like ah and tears come down.

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Speaker 4: He's like, well does that mean yes?

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Speaker 3: And I, well, I guess I answer, you know, like

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Speaker 3: this mean you've like, okay, whatever you want, darling.

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Speaker 4: So I finally did have.

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Speaker 3: The courage to say I have to leave this marriage.

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Speaker 3: I left the marriage. And I had been like, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to get a quote for you from Clarissa pinkla Estes,

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Speaker 3: who wrote that.

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Speaker 4: Book Women Who Run with the Wolves, which is.

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Speaker 7: A fabulous book for everybody, and she's a youngiin psychoanalyst.

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Speaker 7: It really describes where I was at at the time,

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Speaker 7: which is this is a quote from her book, Women

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Speaker 7: Who Run with the Wolves. Overkill through excesses or excessive

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Speaker 7: behavior like alcohol, drugs, anger, promiscuity, or even body fitness

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Speaker 7: and junk food is acted out by women who are

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Speaker 7: famished for a life that has meaning and makes sense

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Speaker 7: for them.

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Speaker 4: And so I fit into that really perfectly.

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Speaker 3: And I was thinking, you know, as I read this recently,

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Speaker 3: that that's true for you know, how particularly women can

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Speaker 3: be susceptible to getting involved with colts for sure, because

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Speaker 3: you know, however, we're unculturated.

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Speaker 4: Whatever wounding we have in childhood, however we're trying to

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Speaker 4: make it.

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Speaker 3: By disconnecting from our authenticity and going along with you know,

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Speaker 3: accommodating others can just get along, to go along and get.

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Speaker 4: Along, and you know, that whole story so makes me

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Speaker 4: want to throw off.

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Speaker 3: And I have such compassion for you know, many of us,

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Speaker 3: not all of us, but many of us who have

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Speaker 3: lived through that or are still living that.

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Speaker 4: And so I left this marriage.

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Speaker 3: And I had a friend who's still a dear friend

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Speaker 3: of mine, who was involved in this pleasure community.

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Speaker 4: And so she was hosting a course at her house

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Speaker 4: and I said, sure, I'll come. I mean, I'm single,

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Speaker 4: now I'm ready. Let's explore.

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Speaker 3: And so this man named Erewhon who led the pleasure course.

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Speaker 3: I called them the pleasure people. And so I went

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Speaker 3: to the course. It was a day long thing and

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Speaker 3: it was similar. He also had been trained by VIC.

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Speaker 3: He had been involved with this another group called the

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Speaker 3: Welcomed Consensus, which was an offshoot of the Moorhouses. Everyone

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Speaker 3: was involved there. Then he came to San Francisco started

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Speaker 3: his own groups. I had a fun time in the group.

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Speaker 3: A couple months later, I signed up for the advanced course.

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Speaker 3: I didn't even want to go to it. I ended

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Speaker 3: up going in his kitchen because he used to host

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Speaker 3: in his apartment in San Francisco. I met this guy,

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Speaker 3: and it was kind of like that, Oh my god,

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Speaker 3: where do I know you from? I recognize you? Turns

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Speaker 3: out that's Bill, who's my man, who's still my mom

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Speaker 3: and my partner, the father of my son and all

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Speaker 3: of that. That's a little spoiler for So I met him.

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Speaker 3: We were in this course, and of course I just

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Speaker 3: wanted to take him back to my place, but especially

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Speaker 3: I did, and so this is where I met Bill,

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Speaker 3: and he was also interested in just exploring my pleasure.

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Speaker 3: It was all about, primarily, uh, this practice of deliberate

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Speaker 3: orgasm where one person and it wasn't only the woman,

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Speaker 3: but you know where one person is at effect, so

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Speaker 3: just lying down receiving and the other person is at cause,

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Speaker 3: so either stroking, stroking the genitals. Okay, so we in

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Speaker 3: the course we did switch off and I was stroking

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Speaker 3: Bill and he stroked me, and so we became research partners,

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Speaker 3: researching orgasm, but primarily my orgasms.

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Speaker 4: It was fun.

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Speaker 3: We had an open relationship, which meant that we could

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Speaker 3: date whoever we wanted. So it was super edgy for

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Speaker 3: me being like serial monogamousts.

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Speaker 4: I mean both of us had been serial monogamists.

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Speaker 3: You know, my divorce wasn't even final when I had,

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Speaker 3: you know, med Bill, And so we're involved this fun

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Speaker 3: and this is a group of super sexy, beautiful, fun,

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Speaker 3: titillating people that we would join. They'd have game nights

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Speaker 3: every week and so forth. So we're hanging out with

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Speaker 3: this group for about a year or so. And the

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Speaker 3: following summer, so this is the summer of two thousand

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Speaker 3: and three, I'm hearing about this woman, Nicole, who had

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Speaker 3: been a former lover of air Ones when they were

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Speaker 3: in the Welcomed Consensus or something, and so I keep

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Speaker 3: hearing about her, and I'm hearing about her, and this

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Speaker 3: one night that it was a games night happened to

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Speaker 3: be down in Brisbane, which is a sleepy suburb of

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Speaker 3: San Francisco, just south of San Francisco. So Bill and

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Speaker 3: I show up and there is this woman on the

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Speaker 3: couch who it's not that she's so beautiful, and she's

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Speaker 3: certainly an attractive woman, but it was just her magnetism

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Speaker 3: in her charisma. And I was at a time in

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Speaker 3: my life, pretty much my whole life up till then,

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Speaker 3: where I would my go to was to look outside

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Speaker 3: myself for approval and for what I should be doing

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Speaker 3: for interest, for purpose, for guidance, for everything.

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Speaker 4: Like it was always like out there, it's going to

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Speaker 4: be out there.

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Speaker 3: Well then I seen Nicole and even though Airwan is

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Speaker 3: supposedly the leader of this group, she has got him

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Speaker 3: wrapped around her finger.

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Speaker 4: And I've known.

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Speaker 3: Air one now for maybe a year and a half,

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Speaker 3: and I've seen him lead groups and he's a very

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Speaker 3: strong leader, and yet he's like putty in her hands, right,

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Speaker 3: And the way she works the room, and I mean

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Speaker 3: I really put her up on a pedestal, like this

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Speaker 3: is what an empowered woman looks.

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Speaker 1: Like, right, And I want to be that, right.

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Speaker 3: I yes, I wanted to find who that was in me,

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Speaker 3: But it's like emulating her, like that's what that means.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 3: So Nicole and Irwan started working together co leading groups.

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Speaker 4: In fact, I mean, this is an interesting thing one

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Speaker 4: of the.

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Speaker 3: Things that Vic did because I remember watching from the

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Speaker 3: nineteen seventies or nineteen eighties a demo, and a demo

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Speaker 3: was a demonstration of a woman in orgasm for one hour.

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Speaker 1: WHOA yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah is.

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Speaker 4: That it is because you train, you know, it's very

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Speaker 4: serious training.

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Speaker 5: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Wow, it's like the marathon version of an orgasm got it.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 3: And really what it is is it's a practice of

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Speaker 3: continuing to expand and expand and dissolve into sensation so

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Speaker 3: that you know, often and I speak from my own

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Speaker 3: experience of you know, when the orgasm it's like you

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Speaker 3: go over the edge, and you know it's building, building, building, building,

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Speaker 3: and then you go over that edge and then the

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Speaker 3: genitals are so sensitive that you don't even it's like,

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Speaker 3: don't touch me, you go touch my clip. And what

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Speaker 3: I found as I was exploring orgasm with Bill primarily,

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Speaker 3: even though I had other do partners, but it was

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Speaker 3: mostly built is that if you stay with that sensation

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Speaker 3: and just relax into it and surrender into that sensation,

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Speaker 3: then it just opens up again and again and again,

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Speaker 3: and you can keep going over and over and over

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Speaker 3: and opening.

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Speaker 4: Now interesting, that was my practice.

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Speaker 3: What Nicole taught was not in what I think the

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Speaker 3: predecessors from this lineage, if you want to call it,

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Speaker 3: or this, you know, this way of teaching orgasm was

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Speaker 3: to not have the women go over the edge. So

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Speaker 3: if you can imagine you're stroking, you're stroking're strugging, and

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Speaker 3: you're plateauing them. So that's what the do date is

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Speaker 3: you bring somebody up, you're kind of taking control of

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Speaker 3: their nervous system through their genitals and taking them on

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Speaker 3: a ride. So you know, you can stroke in a

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Speaker 3: different way, with different firmness, with different to bring them

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Speaker 3: up higher and then to bring them down, to bring

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Speaker 3: them up and then plateau and then up and then plateau,

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Speaker 3: but never to bring them over the edge, which I

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Speaker 3: thought that was always curious, And then in retrospect, I

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Speaker 3: recognized that that was a way to control people, certainly

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Speaker 3: control women, because you're keeping them in this heightened state

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Speaker 3: of titillation and yet not having that come down of

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Speaker 3: the going over the edge, right and then coming back

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Speaker 3: into the body and then building up again.

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize that. I thought that it was all

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Speaker 1: about having the orgasm. You're saying that they never actually

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Speaker 1: achieved the orgasm in the practice.

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Speaker 3: Well, so it depends what you call orgasm, Okay, because

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Speaker 3: Nicole and all these people who taught this were it's

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Speaker 3: expanding your definition of orgasm. An orgasm being you know,

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00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,639
Speaker 3: where you're feeling the most sensation in your body, So

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Speaker 3: it doesn't necessarily have to include a climaxing going over

341
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Speaker 3: the edge or an ejaculation. It simply is the most

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Speaker 3: sensation you're feeling in your genitals, then you could be

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Speaker 3: an orgasmic.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. Interesting, Yeah, But it was a part of the

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Speaker 1: practice to not take them over the edge or it

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Speaker 1: was just okay if that was.

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Speaker 3: What when I was there, you know, back in two

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Speaker 3: thousand and four, it was keeping them at.

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Speaker 1: The edge but not going that's very interesting.

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Speaker 4: And then what I was.

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Speaker 3: Exploring with myself and with Bill was you know, going

352
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Speaker 3: over continuously, you know, like going over and then gushing out,

353
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Speaker 3: opening and then building up again and then going over

354
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Speaker 3: and then out and then again, and so it just

355
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Speaker 3: continues to expand and expand.

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Speaker 4: And since I never did the demo, but I will

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Speaker 4: get to that in.

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Speaker 3: The story, I don't know if during the one hour

359
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Speaker 3: demonstration of a woman in an orgasm they were going

360
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Speaker 3: over or not really. I mean there was definitely a

361
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Speaker 3: lot of contractions of the you know, the pussy was

362
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 3: contracting and so forth.

363
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Speaker 4: So back to the demo.

364
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Speaker 3: So it's the fall of two thousand and three and

365
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,879
Speaker 3: Airwon and Nicole are going to have a demo with

366
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Speaker 3: Air one is the doer and Nicole, you know, being

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Speaker 3: an orgasm for an hour.

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Speaker 4: Bill and I went.

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Speaker 3: It was in someone's living room in Brisbane, so they were,

370
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Speaker 3: you know, kind of putting themselves on the map sort

371
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 3: of and carrying on the tradition of the people that

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Speaker 3: they learned from. Then, as I understand the story, Nicole,

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Speaker 3: because by this point, airone had a thriving business, his

374
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 3: pleasure people business, and Nicole wanted airone to surrender his

375
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:33,120
Speaker 3: business to her, as you know, that's what she wanted,

376
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Speaker 3: and that was what was best for Air One because.

377
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Speaker 4: He was attached to his business. So if he could,

378
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Speaker 4: if he show that he.

379
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Speaker 3: Could surrender it, then that would show that he was

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Speaker 3: very spiritually evolved.

381
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Speaker 1: Oh so enlightened to give your business away.

382
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Speaker 4: Well, as you can imagine, Eyone was like fuck no.

383
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Speaker 1: So there was a big.

384
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Speaker 3: Rift, and so Nicole had a few devotees with her

385
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 3: and then Air one big community and we had really

386
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 3: merged until this big blow up and then.

387
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Speaker 4: There was the separation.

388
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:11,359
Speaker 3: Okay, so this is like December something, two thousand and three.

389
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Speaker 3: For New Year's Eve, Nicole invites Bill and I down

390
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 3: to Brisbane where they're living to celebrate New Year's with

391
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Speaker 3: her and her few devotees.

392
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Speaker 4: Who have gone with her.

393
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Speaker 3: Everyone else went with arewon gotcha because they'd been working

394
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,680
Speaker 3: with him for a long time and part of his community.

395
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Speaker 3: So we go down there and it was, you know,

396
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 3: it was pretty uneventful. I mean, the whole evening was

397
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Speaker 3: mostly focused on Nicole.

398
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,360
Speaker 4: And we were sleeping over because it was the wee

399
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Speaker 4: hours of the night.

400
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Speaker 3: And I'm walking down the stairs to go to the

401
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 3: bedroom and I see, I see like this energetic shapes

402
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 3: of skulls and crossbonts. Now I am not one to see,

403
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,400
Speaker 3: you know, I have friends, I'm now an ordained priestess,

404
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 3: and I have friends who actually see.

405
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,359
Speaker 4: Energy and they can see, you know, different beings and

406
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 4: they can see energy that is not one of my

407
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 4: channels of perception.

408
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:07,359
Speaker 3: And except on this particular night, I could see them

409
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 3: on the walls in the bedroom that we were in,

410
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 3: these skulls crossbones as if I could touch them, and

411
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 3: I mean, the message was clear that there was toxicity

412
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 3: here and this is not for me.

413
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 4: So the next morning I wake up and I'm like, okay, no, we.

414
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 3: Go upstairs and I'm just like I think I'm done

415
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,199
Speaker 3: with this, Like this just feels off, And we go

416
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 3: upstairs to the kitchen. And meanwhile, so there's been this

417
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 3: big split, right, So now Nickole needs to find her

418
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:41,439
Speaker 3: grounding again and start to get more people to follow

419
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 3: her and start a community, you know. And so she

420
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 3: has now come up with that one of the women

421
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 3: in the community, who i'll call Patricia, is going to

422
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:56,359
Speaker 3: have a demo of her own and nick Cole is

423
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 3: going to be her doer.

424
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Speaker 4: So this is going to again Nicole on the map in.

425
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 3: A different way, because it's always been, as far as I.

426
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 4: Know, it's a male doer with a female.

427
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:10,400
Speaker 3: Well, so here's a female doer with a female So

428
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 3: this woman, Patricia's having her demo at the end of February.

429
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 3: And there we are in the kitchen. I'm feeling really awkward.

430
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 3: I'm holding Bill's hand, and Patricia, whose petite woman, comes up,

431
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 3: stands right in front of Bill.

432
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 4: And says, Bill, I really want you to come to

433
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 4: my demo. Let you come, And Bill was like sure.

434
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Speaker 1: Fuck.

435
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,200
Speaker 4: So you know, my head's like, holy shit.

436
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,679
Speaker 3: I can't let him go and have fun without me

437
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,359
Speaker 3: and do this whole thing without me, and he's gonna

438
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 3: then go and find someone else, and I gotta stick

439
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,720
Speaker 3: with my man and so like in that moment, the

440
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 3: experience was like unhooking from my own knowing of this place.

441
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,160
Speaker 3: Is not for me to going along with the guy

442
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 3: right the age old story.

443
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: I mean, it's understandable.

444
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 5: So Bill is a trader. I'm just kidding.

445
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 4: And susceptible to the feminine.

446
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 1: Wild sure.

447
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 5: Be like why are you kicking me?

448
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 2: Like that would be my boyfriend, Like why are you

449
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 2: kicking me under the table right now, Megan?

450
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: Because we're not knowing Belle.

451
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 3: Okay, well, and Megan, I did not even have the

452
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 3: presence of mine.

453
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 4: To to do that.

454
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 5: To be right, You're not right.

455
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 3: So they're now training for this demo, and Nicole and

456
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 3: Patricia are blogging, you know, about their training sessions. And

457
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 3: at this point in my life, I am kind of lost.

458
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 4: I'm in my early thirties. I don't really know what

459
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 4: i want.

460
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 3: I'm looking for passion, I'm looking for community, I'm looking

461
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 3: for purpose. I'm looking for something to devote myself to

462
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 3: for creating energy, you know, to be expressed and so forth.

463
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:07,640
Speaker 3: And so I am becoming obsessed with their blog posting

464
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,880
Speaker 3: and feeling jealous and envious of this.

465
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 4: Seems like they're working towards a goal. I mean, now

466
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 4: it seems so ridiculous.

467
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 3: However, at the time it was I was so seduced

468
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 3: into their world and feeling like there's something exciting happening

469
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 3: there and they're actually doing something meaningful, you know, and

470
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 3: just comparing, you know, that whole comparing mind, that whole

471
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 3: comparison thing that's so predominant.

472
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 1: Ever done in my life.

473
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I think you know, it's all part

474
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 3: of the patriarchal scheme. So that's why we're healing this.

475
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 3: So we're not comparing anymore.

476
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 1: No more comparing. Amen.

477
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 3: So but I'm back at the you know, twenty years ago,

478
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 3: that's where I was at. So I had agreed, I'm

479
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 3: going to the demo. Bill's going to the demo. The

480
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,199
Speaker 3: day before the demo, on a Saturday, Nicole's lead a

481
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 3: course because she was continuing to try and lead courses

482
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 3: to make some money and draw people in to become

483
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 3: her followers. So we're back at that house in Brisbane.

484
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 3: It's a Saturday morning. That maybe about ten of us

485
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 3: in this course.

486
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 4: I don't even know what she called. I think it

487
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 4: was called the Being course.

488
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 6: Now that I think class.

489
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: So Nicole had this practice that she came to call,

490
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 3: not while I was around, but later on pulling desires.

491
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: Okay, I love the jargon already going right, right, Okay, she.

492
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,479
Speaker 3: Didn't have hadn't owned the jargon yet at this point, however,

493
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 3: the same practice. So she comes in, she scans the room,

494
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 3: and then she lands on someone.

495
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 4: And when Nicole is looking at.

496
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 3: You, you are simultaneously being completely embraced by someone who's

497
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 3: just seeing you for exactly who you are, while also

498
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 3: being as.

499
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 4: If you're under a microscope, being like picked apart, you know, with.

500
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:03,440
Speaker 3: When like col tools, you know, really so, so it's

501
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 3: this this cognitive dissonance sort of experience.

502
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 4: Of like you like it, but then it's really uncomfortable, and.

503
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,880
Speaker 1: Oh, but like you feel like you're growing because she's

504
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 1: right as she pointing out things that you need to

505
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: do to grow. Is that the idea?

506
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 4: Absolutely? Absolutely? And you also feel really seen right and

507
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 4: she's seeing these I.

508
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 3: Mean, she's embracing the dark parts of you and also

509
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 3: showing you what you can do to grow.

510
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,639
Speaker 1: Like you said, have you seen the movie Sound of

511
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: My Voice? No, it's by this filmmaker Britt Marling, who's amazing, but.

512
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 5: It's she's it's so good. I love that movie.

513
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: She plays a cult leader. And it's just the way

514
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: you're describing this sounds exactly like a scene in that movie.

515
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: I just wanted to shout that out.

516
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 4: But go on, okay, I'll have to watch that.

517
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll have you really do.

518
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 5: Yeah.

519
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 3: So she so she locks onto me and she starts,

520
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 3: you know, what do you want? That's how the pulling

521
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 3: desire starts. What do you want?

522
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 4: And so I start to say, I want to have.

523
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 3: More fun, I want to have more creativity, I want

524
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 3: to have more community, I want.

525
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 4: To have more orgasm. Okay, keep going.

526
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 3: I want to have more passion, I want to have

527
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 3: more purpose, I want to have.

528
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,360
Speaker 4: You know, more sex. Keep keep going, keep going, keep going.

529
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 3: So finally, you know, after quite a while, I finally

530
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 3: get down to this place of wow. I don't know

531
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,680
Speaker 3: if I could say that out loud, And then I did,

532
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 3: and I said I want to have a baby. And

533
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 3: I'm sitting right next to Bill, and I never even

534
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 3: really admitted that to myself, lit alone said that to Bill,

535
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 3: and I was like, holy shit, But it felt so

536
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:38,439
Speaker 3: good to get that primal desire out. And I was

537
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 3: like yes, uh, oh, not so fast, Nicole says, what else?

538
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 4: I mean? I was at the bottom.

539
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 3: And so then I start regurgitating some of what I'd

540
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 3: already said. I want to have more sex, I want

541
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 3: to have again, I do want to have a baby.

542
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 3: I want to And then I start to get to

543
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 3: realize what she wants me to say, and I know

544
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 3: what she wants me to say, and finally I capitulate

545
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 3: and I and I say I want.

546
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 4: To have a demo.

547
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 3: And then she's like, did you feel it? Did you

548
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 3: feel it? We hit bottom?

549
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:09,880
Speaker 4: That was it.

550
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,719
Speaker 3: That was the that was the deepest desire, at the

551
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 3: bottom of her well of desire. And so this was

552
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 3: something that Nicole was masterful at, was of what was

553
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 3: the jargon that she would call it affirming reality or

554
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 3: something like that, basically telling you what was happening.

555
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is a that's just such a good manipulator already,

556
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 1: please continue.

557
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 3: She was you know, we all thought she was a magician,

558
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: but really she was a master manipulator. And her tactic

559
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 3: was that Nicole agreed that something was true if it

560
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 3: matched what she wanted to hear.

561
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 4: So clearly that's what she wanted.

562
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 3: To hear, right because she wanted to groom me, and

563
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 3: she wanted to get our money and to seduce Bill

564
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 3: and I into her web.

565
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 4: There. So, if you said something that she didn't like,

566
00:28:59,240 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 4: she called it a lot.

567
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 3: And if you had doubt, she knew how to increase

568
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 3: your doubt until what she told you was true became

569
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 3: what you believed.

570
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 1: Wow.

571
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it is very insidious.

572
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 3: She knew how to manipulate people into speaking the answers

573
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 3: that she wanted to hear.

574
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, she did this all the time to me.

575
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 3: But so so I agree to be have this demo

576
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 3: with Bill as my doer.

577
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 4: Bill and I paid Nicole.

578
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 3: Fifteen thousand dollars back in two thousand and four.

579
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 4: You know, I don't know what that that would be today.

580
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 1: That's so much a demo cost fifteen thousand dollars at

581
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: the time. Wow.

582
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 5: Back then, why what do you have to do to

583
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 5: prepare for that?

584
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 3: She's supposed to be training us. She's going to be

585
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 3: training us. It's indefinite. We haven't scheduled the demo because

586
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 3: it could take many months, could take.

587
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 4: Years, we don't know. But according to Nicole, this is

588
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 4: a very good price.

589
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: Wow.

590
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 4: So okay.

591
00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, Nicole has this vision of getting her her flavor

592
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 3: of sexuality out into the world. And she envisions this

593
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 3: community that is you can imagine concentric circles with her

594
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 3: at the center.

595
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 4: So the people who were most.

596
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 3: Devoted either in their blood, sweat and tears or their

597
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 3: money would have the most access to Nicole. And so

598
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 3: it's about bringing people closer and closer in right. She

599
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 3: used to get a lot of people coming into her

600
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: courses from another transformational healing work community.

601
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 4: However, her and the leader of that.

602
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 3: Community had a falling out, so that dried up that source.

603
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 3: So she had to think of something else, and that's

604
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 3: when she came up with the idea of opening a

605
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 3: storefront south of Market, which became the one Taste Center

606
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 3: in San Francisco. And I had always, you know, ten

607
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 3: years before, I had had this vision of having a

608
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 3: workout aerobics.

609
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 4: I was really into aerobics back in the day before

610
00:30:56,160 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 4: Your Times and coffee shop, bookstore and whatever.

611
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 3: So this center that Nicole was opening was close enough

612
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 3: to that vision I had had maybe a decade before that.

613
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, I'll do this. This sounds like fun.

614
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 3: I was needing something to do, Okay, So we're shifting

615
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 3: towards opening a center, okay, or Nicole is shifting towards

616
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 3: opening a center, which meant I was shifting towards opening.

617
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,719
Speaker 4: A center too. And we'd paid this money.

618
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 3: A couple months later, this is like in May two

619
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 3: thousand and four, we're going away and this is supposed

620
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 3: to be the opening of my demo. Course, they rent

621
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 3: a house up in Sea Ranch and myself and Bill

622
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 3: and Nicole and a few of her closest devotees come

623
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 3: with us. Now, mind you, all this time, I can

624
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 3: see how Nicole is manipulating other people, and she's really

625
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 3: grooming me, even.

626
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 4: At this stage, to be her second.

627
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 3: She used to call me that, you know, like she

628
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 3: to stand in when she's not there.

629
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 4: And I could see.

630
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 3: I knew she was manipulating other people. She was teaching

631
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 3: me how to manipulate other people. But I wasn't willing

632
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 3: to see how she was manipulating me.

633
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: So what did you think about that, about the fact

634
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: that you could see that happening? What did you How

635
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: did you justify it?

636
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 3: You know, I justified it that you know that they

637
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 3: were kind of dumb right, like that I was better

638
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 3: than them, Like I saw myself as better that they

639
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 3: were willing to act like lapdogs and really kind of

640
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 3: embarrass themselves to serve her and do really whatever she asked.

641
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 4: I mean, meanwhile, I mean, geez, how dunce could I be? However,

642
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 4: you know, it's just like in the denial, right, you.

643
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 3: Know, all the signs are there, and yet I'm unwilling

644
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 3: to look at it because I'm unwilling to confront it

645
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 3: in that moment. Until we're willing to have the courage

646
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 3: to confront what we have been unwilling to see that's

647
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 3: right there in front of our face, right, And you know,

648
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 3: I thought I was smarter than you know, I was

649
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 3: always smart. So I was like, I'm smarter than them,

650
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 3: and I'm a leader in this community.

651
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 4: So even so I wasn't the leader.

652
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 5: Right air one just like no more.

653
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 4: He had his own group that yeah, they were doing.

654
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 4: We were now like all in with Nicole, both God

655
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 4: and I.

656
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 3: Anyway, here we are out in the Sea Ranch, which

657
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 3: is beautiful place a couple hours north of San Francisco

658
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 3: on the coast. They have a beautiful house. Of course,

659
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 3: we go in and you know, nobody says a word.

660
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 3: Nicole takes the huge master bedroom. Bill and I are

661
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 3: in a small room, you know, and we.

662
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 4: Don't go outside. It's like two days there.

663
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 3: The beach is right outside the windows, but we're all

664
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 3: in the living room. And Nicole starts it off by saying, well,

665
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 3: I'm surrendered to all of you because you're here. You

666
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 3: wouldn't be here if I hadn't surrendered to you. So

667
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 3: now it's time for you all to surrender to me.

668
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: Whoh oh, my god.

669
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 4: Right, and so what the hell does that mean?

670
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 3: Okay, I don't so if she does her thing where

671
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 3: she just goes around and works each of us, and

672
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 3: really she is very skilled at identifying what is your

673
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 3: core wound and so then hooking into that core wound

674
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,800
Speaker 3: and making it better as long as you're connected with her,

675
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 3: Like she sees your core wound and she'll make it better.

676
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 4: But you have to go to her right, you know.

677
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 3: So it's really just like assuaging the ego, you know,

678
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 3: not healing any core wounding.

679
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 4: It's keeping the core wound intact. But just come to

680
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 4: me and I'll make everything better.

681
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 3: So, you know, mine is like feeling like I don't matter,

682
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,439
Speaker 3: and so she knew that and she would often ask

683
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,279
Speaker 3: me well, what do I think of this one? You know,

684
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 3: this one, Patricia. You know, she relies on you to

685
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 3: not feel abandoned. So Nicholl's like saying, Patricia, you almost

686
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 3: didn't come to this, which taps right into her feeling abandoned.

687
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 3: All of that, and and she does reflect things that

688
00:34:58,680 --> 00:34:59,359
Speaker 3: you don't see.

689
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 4: So at one time point.

690
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 3: In this, you know, hours long exploration of surrendering to Nicole,

691
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 3: she turns to me and she says, you're rocking. And

692
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 3: I hadn't even noticed that I was rocking, but I was.

693
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 3: I was rocking to soothe myself. And I stopped, and

694
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 3: then I had an interaction with Nicole where I felt

695
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 3: simultaneously completely embraced and also being picked apart under a microscope.

696
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 3: And then when she pulled away and turned her attention

697
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,359
Speaker 3: to somebody else, you know, because finally I finally gave

698
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 3: in and I said, Okay, I surrender. I don't really

699
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:31,799
Speaker 3: know what that means, but I surrender. So I was

700
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 3: willing to do that. So but then when she stopped

701
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,720
Speaker 3: looking at me, I you know, I could feel that loss.

702
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 3: It was like, you know, I felt like I wanted

703
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 3: to start rocking again, but now I had this awareness

704
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 3: of this rocking.

705
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:44,800
Speaker 4: Habit I had.

706
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: So now you're craving this like attention from this person

707
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 1: who's become this figure to you. I mean like a

708
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 1: maternal figure or like how would you describe it.

709
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 4: You know, not so much maternal, just someone who really

710
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 4: gets you.

711
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, who's really gets you and and and makes it

712
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 3: seem like she's really there for you. She really sees you,

713
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 3: she understands you, and she'll be there for you.

714
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 8: Not in a mothering way, like in a you know,

715
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 8: like I love you, because it wasn't love. It was

716
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:23,720
Speaker 8: really just like a depth of understanding of your psyche.

717
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 5: Yeah.

718
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 2: It feels like a lot of people feel lost, and

719
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 2: she's like, and I can show you the way home.

720
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 3: Well, all of us, you know, till the wee hours

721
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 3: of the morning, surrendered, except for Bill.

722
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:37,840
Speaker 1: Bill.

723
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:38,360
Speaker 4: Bill.

724
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 3: Bill was not willing to do it. He was like,

725
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 3: I don't know what it means. I don't know what

726
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 3: that entails.

727
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 4: I'm not doing it. Go Bill, I'm not doing it.

728
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 4: She was pissed.

729
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 5: I'm sure pissed.

730
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 1: That's amazing.

731
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 4: He's a good one. I'm thank god, thank God for Bill.

732
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 4: I mean, I wouldn't have gone in there likely if

733
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 4: it hadn't been. But I also could have stayed in

734
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 4: had it not been for Bilson. All right, Yeah, so

735
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 4: she's pissed. She's like gone.

736
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 3: The next morning, even before we woke up, and we're

737
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 3: driving back to San Francisco, and I remember being in

738
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 3: the back of the car and someone else was driving,

739
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 3: and I was thinking, what the fuck was that? That

740
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 3: was supposed to be my opening course for my demo

741
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,399
Speaker 3: of me being an orgasm for an hour?

742
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 4: I did not get stroked once on my clip, Like

743
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 4: what is that about?

744
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: Wow?

745
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,720
Speaker 3: And then I thought, like then I noticed this thought

746
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 3: was like, well, it must have been what I wanted,

747
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 3: and that was something that Nicole said and a lot

748
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 3: of the members of the community. Well, if that's what's happening,

749
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 3: it must be what you want.

750
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:46,320
Speaker 4: So I started.

751
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 3: That was the first time that I remembered that I

752
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:49,839
Speaker 3: was starting.

753
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:50,720
Speaker 4: To mind fuck myself.

754
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 5: Wow.

755
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, like convincing myself, Well, I guess that's what I wanted.

756
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 3: If that's what happened, why didn't I say we're gonna

757
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 3: where's the table? Why am I not having a due

758
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:01,919
Speaker 3: date here?

759
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 7: Wow?

760
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 6: Right?

761
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

762
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: The specificity with which you're describing this is amazing. I

763
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,879
Speaker 1: feel like a few people can articulate these like very

764
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: specific things that are happening in their brains and the

765
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: manipulations that are happening. So I just really appreciate.

766
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 3: That I spent a lot of time writing this story,

767
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 3: which was really healing for me and ultimately very very

768
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 3: meaningful in my whole journey with this. So I'm just

769
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 3: working on this for this center that's about to open.

770
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 4: Nicole found a spot.

771
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 3: She's got this guy named Rob who's you know, had

772
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 3: made a bunch of money in the dot com world,

773
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,359
Speaker 3: and so he was funding the center to open up

774
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 3: the space, furnish the space, and there was going.

775
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 4: To be a juice bar.

776
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 3: There was a yoga studio upstairs, and the whole idea

777
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 3: in a little shop to bring people in for juice

778
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 3: or a healthy bite or a yoga class.

779
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 4: And then you know, bring them into the courses, bring

780
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 4: them to the community and so forth.

781
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 3: And so meanwhile Bill and I were living in San

782
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 3: Francisco and I had a house that was the mortgage

783
00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 3: was really high, and Nicole said, listen, if you're going

784
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 3: to be my second, you have to move down and

785
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 3: live with.

786
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 4: Us in Brisbane.

787
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 3: And I thought, well, sure, because I can't afford to

788
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,240
Speaker 3: pay my mortgage anymore anyway, because I'm not making any money,

789
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,280
Speaker 3: I'm just working for you for free.

790
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 4: So wow. Now Bill never.

791
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 3: Left his job, thankfully, but I had a mediation practice

792
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 3: at the time that I then let lie fallow and

793
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 3: just devoted all my time and energy to opening this

794
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,800
Speaker 3: center with Nicole. Meanwhile, the center is going to open

795
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 3: at the end of July two thousand and four, and

796
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 3: I'm like the poster girl. I'm on the front of

797
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 3: all the posters and all of the marketing materials. So

798
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 3: my egos loving this shit.

799
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 6: You know.

800
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 3: It's like my parents are coming up for this. My

801
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 3: Bill's parents are flying out from the.

802
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 4: East Coast, I know, I know. It's so weird.

803
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 3: And all my friends, it's like all my time is

804
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 3: at this center. So I have some friends who have

805
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 3: gotten involved with it. If you want to see me,

806
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 3: you have to come to this center. That's where I

807
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 3: am like most of the time, other than being down.

808
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 4: In the house in Brisbane just to sleep for a

809
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 4: few hours a night.

810
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: And you're not getting paid at all.

811
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 4: No, no, wow.

812
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 3: And really, the group of us are doing whatever it

813
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 3: takes to get the most approval from Nicole.

814
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: You know.

815
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 4: Meanwhile, I'm learning how to get people to do what

816
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 4: I want them to.

817
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,720
Speaker 3: Do, which was mostly whatever's going to get me approval

818
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 3: from Nicole, so to get them.

819
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 4: Into the course to have a session with her, you

820
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 4: know whatever.

821
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 2: How did the next day, after your demonstration kind of

822
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 2: failure where Bill didn't surrender, how did you, guys, like

823
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 2: make it good with her again?

824
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 5: Does she just forget and move on?

825
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 4: No?

826
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 3: No, she's fine with me because I surrendered, Right Bill,

827
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 3: there's already some friction, so to say, there's friction, and

828
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 3: he's kind of moving away, and he's kind of stepping back, going, No,

829
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 3: I don't really want to take over the educational arm

830
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 3: of the Insight Institute.

831
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 4: That's what they called it at the time.

832
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 5: Okay, you know, I don't really.

833
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 4: Want to do that.

834
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 3: Bill, much to his chagrin, was the one who came

835
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 3: up with the name for the center, called One Taste,

836
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,200
Speaker 3: which then became the name of the whole organization.

837
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 4: It is a brilliant.

838
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 3: She was really into Ken Wilbur, and so there was

839
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:12,479
Speaker 3: a book by that name by Ken Wilbur, and Bill

840
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 3: just thought, Hey, what about this?

841
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: So who's Ken Wilber.

842
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 3: Ken Wilbert is a He's like a Buddhist theorist, perhaps

843
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:23,800
Speaker 3: like an analyst as well. Nicole was really into Ken Wilburn,

844
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 3: Alan Watts a kind of Alan thinker, like spiritual, more

845
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 3: thinker than practitioner.

846
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 4: I would say, got it.

847
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: I'm curious as to the practice itself, like how you

848
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 1: looked at it? Was it a spirituality thing or was

849
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 1: it more just like trying to find your confidence as

850
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 1: a sexual being? Like how are you viewing the actual practice?

851
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 4: The actual practice was not a spiritual thing.

852
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: It was never a spiritual thing, Okay.

853
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 3: Nicole renamed it to market it as a spiritual practice

854
00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 3: and as a meditation mindfulness practice. It was about bringing

855
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 3: your whole self to this practice. It was bringing your

856
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,799
Speaker 3: attention to your genitals or to your finger or to

857
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 3: your hand, you know, if you're stroking a man's genitals.

858
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 4: Now, that's what it was, and asking for what.

859
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 3: You wanted and just surrendering to the sensation in your

860
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 3: body and asking for what you wanted.

861
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,359
Speaker 4: Which is a great practice to be able to ask

862
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 4: for what you want.

863
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:26,320
Speaker 3: Of course, no spirituality, no heart, no nothing, no okay,

864
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 3: but I did have a spiritual practice and I still do,

865
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 3: and so did Bill. We were both students of Zen,

866
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 3: so I was still having due dates you know with Bill,

867
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,280
Speaker 3: and we had a couple training sessions, but not much

868
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,720
Speaker 3: you know for my demo. And the practice was really

869
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 3: it feels good. It feels good, and it also energizes

870
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 3: you and gets you high. It really does, and it

871
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 3: becomes like an addiction, like you know, okay, you're feeling something,

872
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,399
Speaker 3: you're feeling a difficult emotion, go have a due date.

873
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 3: So it's like go smoke a joint or go have

874
00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 3: a glass of wine. You know, it's the same kind

875
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:00,359
Speaker 3: of thing.

876
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 5: I have a due date just means do the fifteen

877
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 5: minute practice.

878
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 3: So it wasn't so defined, I say, and I was involved,

879
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 3: so she hadn't yet you know, marketed it to such

880
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 3: a degree of like the structure and but it was

881
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 3: just have a due date where you know someone's stroking

882
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 3: you for a certain amount of time, but not with

883
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 3: a timer.

884
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 4: And you know that wasn't happening back then.

885
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 5: Got it on the early days the Stone Age.

886
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,879
Speaker 4: Yeah.

887
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 3: Bill actually went away on a week long meditation retreat,

888
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 3: which was such a blessing for both of us, but

889
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 3: basically him going away allowed him to reconnect in with himself.

890
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 3: And that's the power that Nicole had over a person

891
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 3: was you had to be around her, which is why

892
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 3: she wanted to always be up in everybody's business. I

893
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 3: was suggesting when she was overwhelmed at one point that

894
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 3: people not everybody go to her all the time with

895
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 3: their issues, and she.

896
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 4: Was like, oh, no, no, no, no, I want people

897
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 4: to come to me. That's what I want. Right.

898
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 3: But Bill had, you know, seven days to reconnect in

899
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 3: and recognize, Wow, how he had disconnected from himself and

900
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 3: also the harm that Nicole was causing, not only to himself,

901
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 3: to our relationship, and also to those people around her.

902
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 3: So he was really able to have that distance and

903
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,840
Speaker 3: see what was happening.

904
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 4: And he came back and did not want to be

905
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 4: involved at all.

906
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 3: However, I was like one hundred and fifty percent in,

907
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 3: so he didn't want to leave me either.

908
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 4: So we have this big grand opening.

909
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 3: You know, I'm running around, I'm in charge of all

910
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 3: these events that are happening at the center, and Bill

911
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 3: is just becoming more and more persona non grata.

912
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 4: Nicole's ignoring him.

913
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 3: Of course, the organization of the group is very much

914
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 3: about being in or being out, and everybody wants to

915
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 3: be in.

916
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 4: You know, you want to be in with Nicole, so

917
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 4: to be in with Nicole.

918
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 3: If someone else is out, then you treat them out too,

919
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,760
Speaker 3: you know they're out for you. So people are ignoring

920
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 3: him as he's invisible, like standing in the kitchen of

921
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 3: where we're living, like is.

922
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 4: Really really detrimental.

923
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 3: And I could see, you know, the harm happening to him.

924
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:14,279
Speaker 4: And I can tell you another story, or I could

925
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 4: just go to the end.

926
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,320
Speaker 5: One more story.

927
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:21,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, So was after Bill was really taking a step back.

928
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 3: It was a Saturday night and there was a ton

929
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 3: of the whole place was a mess.

930
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:27,399
Speaker 4: The kitchen was a mess. Everything was a mess.

931
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 3: At the center, we had had some big event and

932
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 3: everybody was cleaning up, and there was Nicole sitting like,

933
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 3: you know, the queen, not lifting a finger, And I said,

934
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 3: what you know, are you not going to help?

935
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 4: Like what come on? Yes, she didn't do anything. And

936
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,240
Speaker 4: I flashed back to my zen teacher at the time,

937
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 4: who was like in her seventies, okay, and at the

938
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 4: end of a meditation retreat and she's mopping the floor.

939
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 3: So she's probably doing the worst most heavy lifting job

940
00:45:56,640 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 3: of anybody, you know. And so I just juxtaposed those

941
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,800
Speaker 3: two images. I was like, Okay, this is fucking off,

942
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 3: you know something. So that was another like crack, you know.

943
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 3: I'd had these like moments of like, this is off.

944
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,279
Speaker 3: And so the next morning, Sunday mornings, we had a

945
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:16,879
Speaker 3: meditation at the One Taste Center and I was the timekeeper.

946
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 4: So I show up that morning and I'm still pissed.

947
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,760
Speaker 3: And the only other people who show up are Nicole

948
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 3: and her boyfriend at the time, and so I'm kind

949
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 3: of I'm being icy, and I'm feeling really powerful, and

950
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:30,439
Speaker 3: I got that Lilith kind of energy like fuck you,

951
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:34,320
Speaker 3: you're not gonna I'm angry, and I felt powerful and strong.

952
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:38,840
Speaker 3: And Nicole then says, well, how about we do a

953
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 3: training session for your demo instead of the meditation this morning,

954
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 3: And I was like no, no, And so she's working

955
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 3: on me, and she's working on me, and finally I

956
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:53,840
Speaker 3: acquiesce and I say okay, And so, you know, we

957
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 3: get out the massage table and I get up on

958
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 3: the table and just me and Nicole was stroking me,

959
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,799
Speaker 3: and her guy is right there too, and as she's

960
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 3: stroking me, I feel myself disassociating and disconnecting, and yes,

961
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 3: it feels good, the actual physical sensation. It's kind of

962
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,359
Speaker 3: like an abuser, like when I've worked with people who

963
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 3: have been sexually abused as kids, when it's so confusing

964
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 3: because often it feels really good, because it feels good

965
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 3: when somebody touches your genitals, right, But yet it's so

966
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 3: conflictual because you don't want it to feel good when

967
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 3: this person is touching. Now, it's not exactly because I

968
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 3: gave my consent I was an adult. However, it's similar

969
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 3: because of the disassociation that happens, you know often with

970
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 3: you know, sexual abuse survivors.

971
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: It's something that you didn't want to do. It sounds

972
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 1: like she coerced you into doing something.

973
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I.

974
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 3: Did agree, And yet you know, I disconnected from that

975
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 3: powerful feeling inner Lilith, that anger, and I was back

976
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,760
Speaker 3: into Eve going along, and I was like out of touch,

977
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 3: out of my center and performing. So for me, a

978
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:08,800
Speaker 3: due date with Nicole became getting off how Nicole wanted

979
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 3: me to get off, and then what I found Since

980
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:15,240
Speaker 3: over the years, I've known many people and many people

981
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 3: who stayed in Unfortunately, I had a lot of friends,

982
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 3: and I was a loyal friend, and so people trusted me,

983
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:24,920
Speaker 3: and both Bill and I brought a lot of people

984
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 3: into there, and some people stayed for years. So I

985
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 3: came to find out, you know, more and more. She

986
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 3: got very specific about, you know, this area of the

987
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,279
Speaker 3: clit is supposed to feel like this, and this is

988
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 3: supposed to feel like this, and for fifteen minutes, and

989
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 3: all this structure, making it seem that there's a particular

990
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 3: way that you're supposed to feel when the clit is

991
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 3: touched in a particular way right now, So that for

992
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 3: me then becomes a prison. It was more of a

993
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:53,319
Speaker 3: performance and trying to get off the way Nicole wanted

994
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:55,840
Speaker 3: me to get off, as opposed to getting off the

995
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 3: way that is totally natural and innate and authentic for me.

996
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 1: All right, which is the opposite of what she's presenting

997
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: it as exactly for you, which is a way to

998
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 1: ask for what you want. I did notice I watched

999
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: some of their like online demonstrations on YouTube and stuff,

1000
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,439
Speaker 1: and I took note of the fact that she very

1001
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:19,399
Speaker 1: specifically says it must be the upper left quadrant of

1002
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 1: the clit, and like, why is that just because that's

1003
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 1: where she likes it, like yeah, and yeah, the fifteen

1004
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,080
Speaker 1: minute limit. I'm like, that's not where my pleasure spot

1005
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 1: would be. But like, okay, noicle, whatever you say. And

1006
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: what about women who you know, maybe don't have orgasms

1007
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:36,319
Speaker 1: in the same way or don't have orgasms at all.

1008
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just seems so like limiting and like

1009
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: it could very easily turn into why am I doing

1010
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,560
Speaker 1: this wrong? Why isn't this working for me?

1011
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 4: Exactly exactly?

1012
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 3: And I would say those women who feel like they

1013
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 3: don't have orgasms, they're just limiting the definition of the orgasm.

1014
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 4: To like, you know, having a lot of contractions.

1015
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,479
Speaker 3: Of the cervix, you know, and going over the edge,

1016
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 3: as opposed to if you look at it as like

1017
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 3: the most sensation I feel in my body is right

1018
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,800
Speaker 3: now in my pussy, maybe that could be a orgasm,

1019
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:07,399
Speaker 3: you know, if that's empowering to you, right, But yes,

1020
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 3: I mean the whole upper left hand quadrant thing is

1021
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 3: definitely from vic baranco, you know, comes from that, and

1022
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 3: sometimes it is the most sensitive part, but not all

1023
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 3: the time. You know. It's like, no, that's the whole

1024
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:23,280
Speaker 3: point is That's why you're directing somebody to move around.

1025
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 3: So meanwhile, Nicole is really grooming me, Like I said,

1026
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 3: she wants me to stay. She's grooming me to be

1027
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,839
Speaker 3: her second. Where Bill I can see, I mean, he's

1028
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 3: aging before my eyes. So I feel like I'm being

1029
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:38,319
Speaker 3: pulled between the two of them, and so I go

1030
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 3: away by myself for just a night.

1031
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 4: I went up to Point Raise, and it didn't take long.

1032
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:46,160
Speaker 3: For me once I was away to just drop in

1033
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 3: and reconnect with a little bit of myself more than

1034
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 3: I had been for you know, ten months at this point,

1035
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,520
Speaker 3: nine months.

1036
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 4: And realize that, hey, I want to have it all.

1037
00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:00,440
Speaker 3: I mean, living in this communal house is really not

1038
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 3: good for Bill.

1039
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,399
Speaker 4: So we've got to move out of that house. And

1040
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:04,960
Speaker 4: I was still really committed.

1041
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 3: I've put in countless hours and energy into this center.

1042
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:11,720
Speaker 4: I'm committed. I'm gonna.

1043
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 3: I was still like had drunk the kool aid and

1044
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 3: was feeling like, okay, I was still in to partner.

1045
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 4: With Nicole on her vision.

1046
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 3: So I'm driving back from being away and I call

1047
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 3: up Nicole and I say, Nicole, I know what I want.

1048
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,919
Speaker 3: I mean you always talk about like how this work

1049
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:30,839
Speaker 3: that you do is about women having everything that they

1050
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 3: want and I want to have everything.

1051
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:34,360
Speaker 4: So I want to stay.

1052
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 3: With Bill, and we're going to move out of the

1053
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,840
Speaker 3: house and I'm going to be your partner in one taste,

1054
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm going to be at the center all

1055
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 3: the time that I'm always there.

1056
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 4: I'm just going to live back in the city.

1057
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 3: The other end of line goes silent, and then I

1058
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 3: hear her like Nicole knows best voice. Oh, honey, I

1059
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 3: don't know if you're going to make it out of

1060
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:58,359
Speaker 3: this one. What are you talking about, Nicole. I mean,

1061
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 3: I've made it out. I know what I want. I want,

1062
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 3: I want to have it all. Oh honey, I don't

1063
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:05,839
Speaker 3: know if you're going to make it out of here.

1064
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 3: And then she hangs up the phone. Wow. So that

1065
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 3: is the master manipulator, so trying to delude me that

1066
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 3: I'm deluded right right.

1067
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 1: Wow, it's so abusive.

1068
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:23,280
Speaker 3: So I was in that place for a few days

1069
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 3: of like I don't know where I am, and I

1070
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 3: felt awful and everything is uh and I'm really murky,

1071
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 3: and you know, like in the fog. In the fog,

1072
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 3: I can't see anything clearly. Luckily, there was an intro

1073
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 3: evening for an upcoming course, and so I was there

1074
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:43,400
Speaker 3: sitting on the couch. The couch was a place of

1075
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 3: leadership and kind of a hierarchical place. So I was

1076
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,399
Speaker 3: sitting on the couch for the Nicole that night, well,

1077
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,280
Speaker 3: she was in a bad mood and I was feeling

1078
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 3: really awkward because I was in this fog, not knowing

1079
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:58,440
Speaker 3: what was really real. And Nicole announces that she's going

1080
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:02,000
Speaker 3: to do a demo of a deliver orgasm, and so

1081
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 3: there's electricity in the air of the women in the

1082
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 3: community because she's going to call on somebody, and so

1083
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:13,920
Speaker 3: she calls Patricia's name, and I remember both feeling relieved

1084
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 3: and also a little disappointed. And so I was on

1085
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:21,360
Speaker 3: the couch and Patricia drops her pants, climbs up onto.

1086
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 4: The table, and I wanted to get out of.

1087
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 3: The way of the show, if you will, So I

1088
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 3: moved to the back of the room thankfully, like something,

1089
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 3: you know, had me move to the back. And so

1090
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,919
Speaker 3: I start watching this and Nicole is like and she's,

1091
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,200
Speaker 3: you know, making a lot of noise and kind of

1092
00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:42,799
Speaker 3: like pushing, you know. She told me that during Patricia's

1093
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 3: demo back in February, that that was not Patricia's orgasm,

1094
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:48,720
Speaker 3: that that was Nicole's orgasm.

1095
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 4: That she was pushing into her she couldn't have years ago.

1096
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, okay.

1097
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 4: So this is Nicole also doing this whole thing.

1098
00:53:57,040 --> 00:54:00,720
Speaker 3: And at that moment, the rose colored glove asses shatter

1099
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:04,840
Speaker 3: and the spell like breaks. And I see, like all

1100
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 3: of these men, mostly men, there are a few women

1101
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,440
Speaker 3: who are like gawking and amazed at what they're seeing.

1102
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 4: I mean, what they've happened upon for free. They're they're

1103
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 4: you know, coming to this evening seeing this woman get

1104
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 4: her pussy stroke.

1105
00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 3: And I recognized that if Nicole had called my name,

1106
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,839
Speaker 3: that would have been me up on the table. And

1107
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:28,080
Speaker 3: I just saw it for the first time that how

1108
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:34,320
Speaker 3: she was using Patricia and her you know, sacred orgasmic

1109
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:36,720
Speaker 3: energy in her body to get.

1110
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 4: These people into a course, right and and and I

1111
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 4: was like, holy shit.

1112
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 3: And I think it was really just that recognition that

1113
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 3: that I would have just done that in a second,

1114
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:52,040
Speaker 3: jumped up, pulled off my pants and spread my legs

1115
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:55,240
Speaker 3: and let her use me in that way which she had.

1116
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 5: Before, right right, you know.

1117
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 3: I I told her the next morning that I was leaving,

1118
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:05,479
Speaker 3: and you know, and Bill was obviously thrilled to leave,

1119
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:08,880
Speaker 3: but it took years for me to really get her.

1120
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 3: I considered like vampiric tendrils out of my system and

1121
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 3: out of my body, with the help of a really

1122
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 3: powerful sister healer, having a few sessions with her.

1123
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 4: This was probably like six months after I left one taste.

1124
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 4: She couldn't believe.

1125
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 3: She's like, I've felt this kind of energy before that's

1126
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 3: wrapped around you, but never been someone who's still walking

1127
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,840
Speaker 3: the planet. It's more like people who had been dead

1128
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:36,280
Speaker 3: or people who were no longer still in the body.

1129
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 3: So thanks to her, many many blessings to my dear

1130
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 3: sister friend. And it was in looking at betrayal and

1131
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:47,799
Speaker 3: how not only had I been betrayed by Nicole, who

1132
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 3: I trusted, but how much more importantly, how I had

1133
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 3: betrayed myself first with Bill, going along with Bill to

1134
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:58,400
Speaker 3: go to the demo of Patricia, and then going along

1135
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,120
Speaker 3: with what Nicole wanted.

1136
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 4: Me to a dude to say, I wanted to do

1137
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 4: my own demo.

1138
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 3: And it was in the writing. It spent several years writing,

1139
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 3: you know, on and off, this story, so I could

1140
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 3: just write it out. And it was a few years ago,

1141
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 3: and it was winter solstice, and I was in the tub,

1142
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 3: and I was going on a journey into the underworld

1143
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:23,360
Speaker 3: at the darkest, longest night of the year, and something

1144
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 3: just happened. And it was I was finishing up another

1145
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:29,239
Speaker 3: draft of my story and my involvement with Nicole in

1146
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:30,440
Speaker 3: one Taste, and.

1147
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,399
Speaker 4: I was singing, and I just.

1148
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,720
Speaker 3: Remember, you know, my eyes were closed and I could

1149
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,719
Speaker 3: feel It's like I called Nicole in and we were

1150
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 3: just both like sitting like in the etheric, if you will,

1151
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 3: and sitting facing each other, and it was just like

1152
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:50,839
Speaker 3: this burst of golden light, and I could feel all

1153
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:54,680
Speaker 3: of her pain, and it was no longer like personal,

1154
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,799
Speaker 3: and it was no longer her doing something to me

1155
00:56:58,120 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 3: or me, you know, betraying myself.

1156
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:01,600
Speaker 4: It was just like this universal.

1157
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:07,280
Speaker 3: Kind of human experience of wounding, you know, the wounded another.

1158
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 3: And so I just it was just infused with forgiveness

1159
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 3: and compassion. And I had spent quite a while steeping

1160
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 3: in different archetypal energies and was actually leading priests and

1161
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 3: priests trainings for people to connect in with the archetype.

1162
00:57:21,440 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 3: So I'm very familiar with the archetypal energy.

1163
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 4: So as these.

1164
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:28,440
Speaker 3: Came in, I was inviting them and welcoming the energy

1165
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 3: of compassion forgiveness. It was really kind of an unexpected

1166
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 3: spontaneous healing and forgiving.

1167
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:40,680
Speaker 1: That's amazing. I mean, for somebody who has caused harm

1168
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:43,160
Speaker 1: to so many people, that's very advanced of you to

1169
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: get to that place.

1170
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 4: I don't know about.

1171
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 3: Advance, but thank you because it wasn't like I had

1172
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:52,960
Speaker 3: planned it or I had it was attempting to do that.

1173
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 3: And that's not to say that which is why I'm

1174
00:57:56,000 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 3: telling my story to you. Thank you for asking me

1175
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 3: to tell this story. Is because I want people to

1176
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:05,959
Speaker 3: know that there's real harm here and.

1177
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 4: So don't be like me.

1178
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 3: And if you know, whether it's with Nicole or if

1179
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,400
Speaker 3: it's with someone where you feel like you're giving your

1180
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:15,920
Speaker 3: power over to someone else, you know, in a relationship,

1181
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 3: that my story that that may be a window for

1182
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 3: you to see that there's another way, that there's a

1183
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:24,360
Speaker 3: way to free yourself and to take your power back,

1184
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,080
Speaker 3: because you know, I would have never been free in

1185
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 3: relationship and in serving Nicole.

1186
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was not a dynamic for my you know, liberation. Right.

1187
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 1: It sounds like it was really important for both you

1188
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 1: and Bill to have your own separate, spiritual practice that

1189
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 1: you could eventually come back to to like reconnect with

1190
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 1: yourself and your own needs. I think that's something that's

1191
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 1: really important for people to have a practice outside of

1192
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 1: the person, Like have something else that you do that

1193
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 1: enables you to like get in touch with how you're

1194
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,320
Speaker 1: feeling and what you need that has nothing to do

1195
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 1: with the Nicole in your life, you.

1196
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,000
Speaker 4: Know, absolutely absolutely so.

1197
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: Now Nicole since then, I mean, she's gotten so good

1198
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 1: at marketing herself. She's done a TEDx talk. Gwyneth Paltrow

1199
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 1: gushed about One Taste on Goop. Chloe Kardashian recommended her

1200
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: book on her website, like it's become this thing now

1201
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 1: they're trying to get more mainstream, and it's so expensive.

1202
00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 1: The Bloomberg article, there's a big Bloomberg article about it,

1203
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:29,160
Speaker 1: said that, I mean there's so much information in that

1204
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 1: article about how abusive this group was, and not just Nicole,

1205
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 1: another woman as well, but said that it's four thousand

1206
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:38,040
Speaker 1: dollars for a weekend retreat, twelve thousand dollars for a

1207
00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 1: coaching program, sixteen thousand dollars for an intensive and there's

1208
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 1: a year long membership that's sixty thousand dollars and one

1209
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:47,960
Speaker 1: woman and her husband left having spent one hundred and

1210
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars on one taste classes. Like people just

1211
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 1: totally financially ruining their lives. They talk about how they

1212
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:59,080
Speaker 1: just lost their connection with the idea of money, Like

1213
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 1: she got them to a place where money was meetingless

1214
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 1: to them and debt was meetingless to them. And that's

1215
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 1: on top of all of the sexual practices where people

1216
01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 1: are being directed to have sex with people and coerced

1217
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:12,640
Speaker 1: into situations they don't want to be in. How for

1218
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:17,760
Speaker 1: you watching this thing grow and become this bigger thing

1219
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 1: where Nicole has, you know, gained more followers and gotten

1220
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 1: more power and got more money, Like, how has that

1221
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,000
Speaker 1: experience been for you watching that?

1222
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 3: Well, I can't say that I have been watching really closely.

1223
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 3: I'd say I was probably ignoring it until I got

1224
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:35,200
Speaker 3: to the place where I had at least forgiven.

1225
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 4: Myself, you know, for the self betrayal.

1226
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:42,439
Speaker 3: I had started writing my story back in like two

1227
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 3: thousand and five, and so there was some regret that

1228
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 3: came up. It's like, oh, if I'd written my story

1229
01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 3: and I'd gotten my story out there, could that have

1230
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 3: averted something because my story it was always with the

1231
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:56,280
Speaker 3: intention of as like a warning, like, let my story

1232
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 3: be a warning for you.

1233
01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 4: You know, I'm not interested in destroying the you know, she.

1234
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:05,280
Speaker 3: That's her business. She'll do that herself. You know, it's

1235
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 3: all yeah, so, but it's more of a warning. And

1236
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 3: it's interesting because when my son was I think less

1237
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 3: than a year, there was an article in the New

1238
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:19,200
Speaker 3: York Times and this reporter came to our flat that

1239
01:01:19,240 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 3: we used to live in Berkeley and interviewed Bill and

1240
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:24,439
Speaker 3: I and we were completely misquoted in the New York

1241
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,880
Speaker 3: Times article about the reason why we left. It was

1242
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:31,520
Speaker 3: a mostly positive article about one taste, and we had

1243
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:33,400
Speaker 3: to write a letter that was published, you know, the

1244
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:37,400
Speaker 3: following week, which of course nobody, nobody reads with the correction.

1245
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,400
Speaker 4: So you know, Nicole is a master seductress.

1246
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 3: So I could see that with the New York Times

1247
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:47,000
Speaker 3: reporter and just on and on. So as she she

1248
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 3: got bigger, you know, I think now because of the

1249
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 3: Bloomberg article, there was an FBI investigation.

1250
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:55,600
Speaker 4: I don't know what happened with that.

1251
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 3: I know Nicole did leave the country for a while

1252
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:02,760
Speaker 3: and supposedly was entail there were some a couple of

1253
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 3: lawsuits that were settled, and yet I think that they

1254
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:08,680
Speaker 3: were still had made like twelve million dollars or something

1255
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:11,640
Speaker 3: like that, you know, as a company, So that's.

1256
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 4: Not like a small thing. And yet you know, it's

1257
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 4: it's a cult.

1258
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 3: And I know, and I think I mentioned this to you, Lola,

1259
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:22,560
Speaker 3: that there is a documentary in the works. There are people,

1260
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:26,720
Speaker 3: you know, in the entertainment industry who have been burned.

1261
01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:28,800
Speaker 3: Like you said, by the way, I want to put in,

1262
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 3: I did get my money back from Nicole.

1263
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 4: That's when they were returning money.

1264
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,920
Speaker 3: They want fifty thousand dollars back, which was part of

1265
01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 3: the healing.

1266
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:38,840
Speaker 4: It was like, no, you know, this is what I

1267
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:40,720
Speaker 4: paid for. This is not what I got, you know,

1268
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:41,439
Speaker 4: money back.

1269
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:45,440
Speaker 3: But they really got much slicker and what I understand,

1270
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 3: she learned a lot about what not to do from

1271
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:51,520
Speaker 3: Bill and I leaving to just cover her ass more.

1272
01:02:51,720 --> 01:02:55,040
Speaker 3: Even though you know stories of when there was a

1273
01:02:55,120 --> 01:02:57,440
Speaker 3: barracks and they were all living in bunk beds and

1274
01:02:57,480 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 3: bunk rooms. There was a like a dormitory that a

1275
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:03,200
Speaker 3: bunch of the people involved with One Taste lived in

1276
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:06,000
Speaker 3: south of Market, and Nicole would wake.

1277
01:03:05,880 --> 01:03:08,240
Speaker 4: Up in the morning with her lieutenants. I think she

1278
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:08,840
Speaker 4: called them.

1279
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 3: When I was around, she called it her seconds, but

1280
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 3: now she was calling, you know, making more militaristic or something.

1281
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,000
Speaker 3: They would sit on her bed and she would tell

1282
01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:17,919
Speaker 3: them who she wanted sleeping with who and what beds.

1283
01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:18,240
Speaker 5: Wow.

1284
01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean yeah, it got really super super creepy.

1285
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 4: Even worse.

1286
01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 1: Apparently. I read some statements about how they've changed their practices,

1287
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:31,280
Speaker 1: and one woman left and was like, I have to resign.

1288
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 1: I realized my behavior was maybe not up to par whatever,

1289
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 1: but clearly it's just like putting the sketchy stuff, like

1290
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 1: hiding it better, is what it seems like to me.

1291
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:45,040
Speaker 1: I also think it's a really interesting lesson in the

1292
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:48,840
Speaker 1: idea that not only men are occult leaders. We have

1293
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 1: this really strong perception because the most famous ones have been.

1294
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:56,479
Speaker 1: But she's doing all the same things. I mean, she's

1295
01:03:56,680 --> 01:04:00,240
Speaker 1: abusing sexual behaviors, she's getting drunk on her power, she's

1296
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:04,160
Speaker 1: abusing people financially or at least this is my opinion,

1297
01:04:04,200 --> 01:04:09,480
Speaker 1: that she's doing those things. Okay, a legedly, yeah, exactly

1298
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:11,520
Speaker 1: the same way that all these male cult leaders do it.

1299
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:14,800
Speaker 1: I mean, anybody can become that kind of figure. And

1300
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:17,760
Speaker 1: I think that's important too, because you know, I don't

1301
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:21,760
Speaker 1: know women trust women more. Yeah, sometimes exactly exactly.

1302
01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:24,400
Speaker 4: Well, you know, as I went through why is this

1303
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:24,960
Speaker 4: a cult?

1304
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:29,600
Speaker 3: Nicole was the unequivocal, charismatic leader who established herself as

1305
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:34,600
Speaker 3: the single source of truths full stop. Nicole's followers, including

1306
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 3: myself for those ten months, followed her with zeal.

1307
01:04:38,160 --> 01:04:40,760
Speaker 4: There was no tolerance for questioning.

1308
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:45,200
Speaker 3: Nicole's authority or for critical inquiry, and dissent was prohibited.

1309
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:49,680
Speaker 3: Followers who left were harshly judged and considered less sand

1310
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 3: a strong us versus them mentality that in out was

1311
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:59,560
Speaker 3: cultivated and ohming was used and prescribed as a mind

1312
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 3: altered practice to suppress.

1313
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,120
Speaker 4: Doubt and keep members in tow.

1314
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:08,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, all followers centered Nicole's desires and we're expected to

1315
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:11,080
Speaker 3: devote time, energy, and money to fulfill them. And a

1316
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 3: focus on getting new members to join was prevalent. The

1317
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 3: message Nicole sold this liberation but an actuality what you

1318
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:18,560
Speaker 3: received with bondage.

1319
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's an excellent description.

1320
01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:25,760
Speaker 2: Yeah wow, Yeah, what a story, my god.

1321
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 3: What I also want to tell all those many many

1322
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:30,320
Speaker 3: people who hopefully will be listening.

1323
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:32,600
Speaker 4: To this once we're out on the other side of

1324
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:33,400
Speaker 4: the pandemic.

1325
01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:37,760
Speaker 6: I imagine there will be a big push to research

1326
01:05:38,080 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 6: and you have a second like a resurrection of one taste,

1327
01:05:41,760 --> 01:05:45,440
Speaker 6: and so everyone be really aware and wary.

1328
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 4: And if you hear about it, your friends are talking.

1329
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 1: About slow down watching her ted talk. The one thing

1330
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 1: that struck me is that she did the classic thing,

1331
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:56,240
Speaker 1: which is you take something that's like basically true, which

1332
01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 1: is that orgasm is good for you and being connected

1333
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:03,120
Speaker 1: to their people is something that's good for you, and

1334
01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:06,920
Speaker 1: sort of turning it into the solution for all problems

1335
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:10,280
Speaker 1: as opposed to just yes, it's good for you. Nicole

1336
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:11,160
Speaker 1: is not the answer.

1337
01:06:11,560 --> 01:06:14,720
Speaker 2: That's all that cannot be the title of this episode,

1338
01:06:14,800 --> 01:06:16,160
Speaker 2: Nicole is not the answer.

1339
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:21,120
Speaker 5: So are you? Are you a therapist? Now you seem

1340
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:21,960
Speaker 5: like a healer.

1341
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 4: What are you have a priestess? Yeah, healer, but you know,

1342
01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:28,240
Speaker 4: not not in the talk therapy.

1343
01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:31,600
Speaker 3: Way, but more in the healing using archetypal energies. I

1344
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:35,160
Speaker 3: practice cultivating, you know, really having people free themselves.

1345
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:38,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know, loving ourselves exactly as we are.

1346
01:06:38,720 --> 01:06:42,520
Speaker 2: And is owning or is masturbation or sexuality a big

1347
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:45,680
Speaker 2: piece of what you think can heal or is that

1348
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,480
Speaker 2: just a small it's.

1349
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:51,520
Speaker 3: Not it's not at all a focus, but just enjoying

1350
01:06:51,560 --> 01:06:54,840
Speaker 3: our body, enjoying the senses, opening the senses, enjoying the

1351
01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 3: smells that come our way, and certainly having you know,

1352
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,919
Speaker 3: self love practices and love practices with a partner, if

1353
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:05,480
Speaker 3: you know, we're so fortunate to have a partner. But

1354
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:08,440
Speaker 3: that's all part of waking up and making love to

1355
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 3: the morning, you know, to the hunting bird.

1356
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 4: That's outside, to my cup.

1357
01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:20,440
Speaker 2: Of tea that I yeah, oh, that's beautiful. I'm so

1358
01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 2: happy that you got out and aren't able to share

1359
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:26,760
Speaker 2: the story so eloquently, and that's just beautiful.

1360
01:07:26,880 --> 01:07:29,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, yeah, thank you for sharing with us.

1361
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:32,000
Speaker 1: Is there anything you'd like to promote or shout out

1362
01:07:32,080 --> 01:07:32,560
Speaker 1: or mention?

1363
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:35,120
Speaker 3: What I'd love to promote is for all of us

1364
01:07:35,200 --> 01:07:38,800
Speaker 3: to just trust ourselves more, to take the time like

1365
01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:40,400
Speaker 3: it's worth it, to slow down.

1366
01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:43,200
Speaker 4: If something feels off, it is off.

1367
01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:46,080
Speaker 3: Our bodies don't lie to us, So take the time,

1368
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:49,760
Speaker 3: take your space, find a place that you know that

1369
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:52,160
Speaker 3: you can connect more deeply, whether that's in nature, whether

1370
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 3: that's in the bathtub, whether wherever that is, in your bed,

1371
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:58,560
Speaker 3: that you can really listen to your heart and listen

1372
01:07:58,600 --> 01:07:59,960
Speaker 3: to your body and listen.

1373
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,720
Speaker 4: To your soul voice take the guidance from there.

1374
01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:04,000
Speaker 5: I love it.

1375
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:07,280
Speaker 1: Love that. Ooh wow, well, thank you so much.

1376
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:09,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you so much.

1377
01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:12,600
Speaker 1: Oh man, she's so cool. I really like her.

1378
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:15,640
Speaker 5: I literally want to be her. She is so cool.

1379
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:19,720
Speaker 1: Here's the question, Megan. Yes, if you were obviously not

1380
01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:21,840
Speaker 1: knowing everything that you know, but if you were just

1381
01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:24,679
Speaker 1: like in Elana's position, or being exposed to a later

1382
01:08:24,760 --> 01:08:26,439
Speaker 1: version of One Taste, do you think that you would

1383
01:08:26,479 --> 01:08:27,360
Speaker 1: join One Taste.

1384
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:30,200
Speaker 2: I could see myself getting sucked into One Taste for sure.

1385
01:08:30,439 --> 01:08:33,679
Speaker 2: It has a lot of Nexium similarities to me, which

1386
01:08:33,720 --> 01:08:38,280
Speaker 2: are that like pushing yourself past blocks, you know, kind

1387
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:42,360
Speaker 2: of self punishing shit that you and I both admit

1388
01:08:42,479 --> 01:08:44,040
Speaker 2: we could get really sucked into.

1389
01:08:44,360 --> 01:08:44,799
Speaker 5: Totally.

1390
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:50,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I would definitely go to one. I

1391
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:52,640
Speaker 1: don't know that I would keep going, but I'm the

1392
01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:55,720
Speaker 1: kind of person who will go to weird shit just

1393
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:59,200
Speaker 1: for the experience, you know. I went to Sanctum, and

1394
01:08:59,280 --> 01:09:01,800
Speaker 1: I've worked at sex parties, not doing anything sexual, but

1395
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:05,439
Speaker 1: still I'm interested in like going to all the things

1396
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:08,040
Speaker 1: and seeing what's out there if only for the story,

1397
01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:09,960
Speaker 1: you know. I just I'm all about the story. Man

1398
01:09:10,120 --> 01:09:10,759
Speaker 1: fucking love.

1399
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:11,559
Speaker 5: The street, that's right.

1400
01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:14,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I remember that you were like, we

1401
01:09:14,840 --> 01:09:17,120
Speaker 2: should go do this, and I was like, oh wow, okay,

1402
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:19,120
Speaker 2: so I think you really would have gone.

1403
01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:21,040
Speaker 5: But they have shut those down for.

1404
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:24,240
Speaker 1: Group Yeah, the groups are no longer happening. So now

1405
01:09:24,680 --> 01:09:26,400
Speaker 1: maybe I'll make a man do it to me one

1406
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:29,080
Speaker 1: time and see what we think. I'm not going to

1407
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:29,400
Speaker 1: do that.

1408
01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:32,200
Speaker 5: Oh okay, I was on board for you to try

1409
01:09:32,240 --> 01:09:32,559
Speaker 5: it out.

1410
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:36,679
Speaker 1: Who knows, maybe the upper left quadrant of my clid

1411
01:09:36,800 --> 01:09:38,679
Speaker 1: is the secret that I never know exactly.

1412
01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:42,400
Speaker 2: This is really inspired learning, actually, I mean yeah, I

1413
01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:45,680
Speaker 2: could see myself going. I wish that wasn't true, but

1414
01:09:45,960 --> 01:09:46,760
Speaker 2: it probably is.

1415
01:09:47,040 --> 01:09:50,240
Speaker 1: Well, fortunately now we know. Now we know, we know

1416
01:09:50,960 --> 01:09:52,880
Speaker 1: not to ever go if they ever bring the group

1417
01:09:52,880 --> 01:09:55,599
Speaker 1: thing back. So I would love to have another one

1418
01:09:55,640 --> 01:09:57,640
Speaker 1: taste guest on. I would love to see what the

1419
01:09:57,680 --> 01:09:59,559
Speaker 1: experience is like for someone more in the later years.

1420
01:09:59,600 --> 01:10:03,559
Speaker 1: In addition into Ilana's amazing story from the beginning years,

1421
01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:05,680
Speaker 1: what a group It does seem so next to me

1422
01:10:05,720 --> 01:10:08,559
Speaker 1: in so many ways. But anyway, that's all I have

1423
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 1: to say. About that.

1424
01:10:09,360 --> 01:10:10,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, same, I think.

1425
01:10:10,880 --> 01:10:14,040
Speaker 2: I think this week's guest taught us a lot, and

1426
01:10:14,560 --> 01:10:17,599
Speaker 2: I can't wait for us to learn even more next week.

1427
01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:22,240
Speaker 2: Until then, remember to follow your gut, watch out for

1428
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:25,760
Speaker 2: red flags, and never ever trust me.