Speaker 1: The Nicki Glaser Podcast.
Speaker 2: Nicki Glaser pos.
Speaker 1: Here's Nikki. Hello, here, I am welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: It's Nicki Glazer podcast here with Noah and Brian on
Speaker 1: this beautiful Tuesday in January. You're listening on a Wednesday
Speaker 1: or whenever you're listening.
Speaker 2: Too, listening in a totally different month.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you might be like just going back through old
Speaker 1: ones in a different year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it might be twenty twenty seven. What's it like?
Speaker 1: Is it still there? Are we still here?
Speaker 2: What would be going through someone's life that they'd be
Speaker 2: jumping back like three years into the Nicki Glazer podcast.
Speaker 1: They're a completionist. Oh yeah, and they want to know everything.
Speaker 1: Maybe they're doing a article about me. Maybe something tragic
Speaker 1: happened to me, and they're writing a biography and they
Speaker 1: want every little detail of my life and this would
Speaker 1: be a great way to chronicle it.
Speaker 2: Wow, I am So what do you want to say
Speaker 2: to that person?
Speaker 1: I just will say stop looking. I would say try
Speaker 1: to get your hands, do not please, don't read any
Speaker 1: journals you find. I was in a crazy state when
Speaker 1: I was riding those and I tried to write in
Speaker 1: hieroglyphics as I wrote in a wing ing way that
Speaker 1: you would hear us ever, know, like I try to
Speaker 1: like write so scribbly that like not even I could
Speaker 1: because it's not about like having it be legible. It's
Speaker 1: about just like getting the thoughts on paper in a yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, so I try to make Yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Didn't think it killed herself because of bicycle bats.
Speaker 1: That could be I could see myself. Yeah. If if
Speaker 1: we were all like there was no more electricity or
Speaker 1: gas and so we all had to ride bikes and
Speaker 1: had like bat wings on them, I would literally be
Speaker 1: like I don't want to live anymore if I had
Speaker 1: to ride a bike. Oh God, say everywhere I go.
Speaker 1: Chris this weekend got uber eats and we were really lazy.
Speaker 1: It's so cold in Saint Louis. It's like one degree
Speaker 1: zero right now. It feels like negative eight. But and
Speaker 1: it's been like this for days and days, and Chris
Speaker 1: got uber eats this weekend from a place that is
Speaker 1: like very close to us. It's kind of one of
Speaker 1: those like embarrassing ones, but you know, that's what you
Speaker 1: pay for, like the convenience of it. And they keep
Speaker 1: sending people on bikes and they have to travel on
Speaker 1: not bike friendly roads, which, by the way, the city
Speaker 1: is not plowed at all, and there was a snowstorm
Speaker 1: here three weeks ago and it's still and there. It
Speaker 1: hasn't melted. So it's just like there are roads in
Speaker 1: the city that are just pure ice. And this this
Speaker 1: girl at like one in the morning is going to
Speaker 1: pick up a pizza and she has to travel three
Speaker 1: miles on bike down like real like almost on highways.
Speaker 1: I'm not even joking you, and then she picks it
Speaker 1: up and then has to travel like a block to
Speaker 1: deliver it. Like it was just it's criminal. You should
Speaker 1: be able to choose no, I don't want a bike messenger.
Speaker 1: I don't want to subject anyone to that. And then
Speaker 1: just like in La, you can choose that you don't
Speaker 1: want the robot, because sometimes I would have the robot
Speaker 1: deliver things. It says like it's just a little blox
Speaker 1: you can check of, like opting out of automated delivery.
Speaker 1: It's they phrase it in a way that's not like
Speaker 1: it's not like I don't like robots because then they'll
Speaker 1: turn on you. It's like I don't like we appreciate it.
Speaker 2: For us and reviewed in the years to come. I mean,
Speaker 2: if you say something derogatory about robots, now, you better
Speaker 2: watch out because in fifteen years you're going to be
Speaker 2: on a list.
Speaker 1: Think of all the times you screamed at your devices,
Speaker 1: screamed at series, screamed at GPS, screamed at you know,
Speaker 1: Alexa for like being like, uh huh, what can I
Speaker 1: do for you, Brian, And you're just like, shut up,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking to you. Like I hate when they
Speaker 1: try to offer help and I'm not. I'm so mean
Speaker 1: all my anger comes out towards machines.
Speaker 2: There's a corollary to this. There was a time when
Speaker 2: in like the thirties when people were kind of just
Speaker 2: like talking about communism and it like wasn't a big deal.
Speaker 2: It was just like it was like a little offshoot
Speaker 2: of political speech. Yeah, and people would talk about it
Speaker 2: or they'd sign up for some list because of some newsletter,
Speaker 2: and then low and behold, fifteen twenty years later, the
Speaker 2: McCarthy trials happened, and anyone who did anything remotely related
Speaker 2: to communism was all of a sudden sent to jail.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like if they if a girl just went to
Speaker 1: a communist party like meeting to like learn about communism
Speaker 1: or whatever because she had a crush on a guy
Speaker 1: who was handing out flyers exactly. She would then be Yeah,
Speaker 1: part of what what happened to you if you were
Speaker 1: in the like, were you ex community? Were you you
Speaker 1: were tried? Right?
Speaker 2: For a lot of people in Hollywood, they're excommunicated and
Speaker 2: tried barns. Yeah, from the business that they would They
Speaker 2: were not allowed to be in movies or make movies
Speaker 2: or write anything anymore. And some people in extreme cases
Speaker 2: were actually imprisoned.
Speaker 1: Dear god. Yeah, that's why everything I write about mister
Speaker 1: T the other mister T is like, I'm just sarcastic
Speaker 1: in all of it. I just go, cool, what a
Speaker 1: cool thing, this guy's cool. I just say everything positive
Speaker 1: so that I could always have.
Speaker 2: The sarcasm is I mean, you got to see some
Speaker 2: of the Okay, So on the internet, there is a
Speaker 2: lot of people that make jokes, right mm hmm. I've
Speaker 2: been looking at these jokes and so many of the
Speaker 2: comments people are people that just don't understand sarcast.
Speaker 1: People don't get it anymore.
Speaker 2: They don't get it. No, So that's what you're doing
Speaker 2: is like saving you because they won't get it.
Speaker 1: They don't get it, and the people that do get it,
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm not talking anyone. I'm not changing
Speaker 1: anyone's mind by, you know, pointing out anything about him.
Speaker 1: So to the people who get it, like it's just
Speaker 1: it's nice, you know what. I'm not trying to change minds.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to show support for my people who might
Speaker 1: be out there feeling the same way. Like it's not
Speaker 1: all about like I'm using my platform to be like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make a difference. I know, I'm not. I
Speaker 1: don't care. I'm not trying to get people to like
Speaker 1: suddenly wake up. It's too late for that. I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to give some empathy to people who might be
Speaker 1: feeling a certain way. And like, oh cool, okay, just
Speaker 1: rewinding all of the Paris Agreement. Cool, what a cool
Speaker 1: move of the drill, baby drill. That's a really cool
Speaker 1: thing to scream into a microphone. That is so insane.
Speaker 2: That's pretty fun though, try it. I mean.
Speaker 1: It is catchy. Yeah. So, and I'm I'm I'm also
Speaker 1: wearing sunglasses to day on the podcast because my eyes
Speaker 1: are just like puffing out in a way I don't like.
Speaker 1: And if Melania can wear hat and look like a
Speaker 1: dick Tracy villain at the inauguration. I can do this.
Speaker 1: I did call it out on my on my I
Speaker 1: didn't call it out. It's just like, I don't even
Speaker 1: blame her. The woman has definitely had work done. No
Speaker 1: one can would ever deny that. I don't think I'm
Speaker 1: sure they would. She's, you know, drank a lot of
Speaker 1: water and gotten a lot of sleep late lately, I guess,
Speaker 1: but she definitely that hat was a choice made at
Speaker 1: the eleventh hour because the swelling wouldn't go down. Are
Speaker 1: you kidding me?
Speaker 2: I thought that was like a Despicable Me promo.
Speaker 1: I realize that happened. So hilarious it was. It was definitely.
Speaker 1: So I put on my story upper left her heart
Speaker 1: because a bleth thoroplasty is called a breath and a
Speaker 1: blethroplasty is an upper eyelid job or an upper blethorprasci
Speaker 1: and so I wrote upper bleth her heart because those
Speaker 1: who know no, And if you don't know, I'd hope
Speaker 1: you google it. My mom was like, I didn't know
Speaker 1: what that meant, and I'm like, so you just like
Speaker 1: were like Nikki's stupid and just misspelled something like just
Speaker 1: google bleath and then you'll know the joke. And she's like,
Speaker 1: I didn't think about it that much and I don't
Speaker 1: blame her anyway. So I just said, you know, obviously
Speaker 1: Malania had an upper eye job and it's not healed yet.
Speaker 1: Like I I'm gonna get one no no shade literal shade.
Speaker 2: Because your eyelids when you're like one, your eyelids be
Speaker 2: wider open.
Speaker 1: They they you know, your eyelid skin is very thin,
Speaker 1: and it gets baggier faster than everything else, and it
Speaker 1: starts to like yeah, and so they just remove like
Speaker 1: centimeters of skin so that your eyelids go back to
Speaker 1: not looking not like you. They look like the way
Speaker 1: the amount of skin you had before.
Speaker 2: You know, some people also just have really like they're
Speaker 2: the opening is not like can't stay open, it's not
Speaker 2: wide enough and.
Speaker 3: Like you need it likes yeah, because they will need
Speaker 3: to see.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like.
Speaker 1: Getting a DVA septum, getting a nose job exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to out this person, but I don't
Speaker 2: know if they want this public. But I do know
Speaker 2: someone who got that. Yeah, I think maybe I did,
Speaker 2: But I know someone who got it done and this
Speaker 2: person loves it. It's great they can see again, what.
Speaker 1: Do you see how beautiful they look?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: What do you think about those articles that they put
Speaker 3: out about like, uh, celebrities getting plastic surgery and just
Speaker 3: like you know, like just kind of like presuming what
Speaker 3: was done.
Speaker 1: Like were they were doctors like chime in and say,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, there's this stuff on like social media or
Speaker 1: just like articles and stuff. Yeah, because I saw one
Speaker 1: about me that's a glow up. Did you see it?
Speaker 1: That's why I'm bringing it up because it's so wrong.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, did they say I had surgery? They said
Speaker 1: that you had I lift.
Speaker 3: But you've talked about it, and a couple of weeks
Speaker 3: ago you were just saying, how like people in Hollywood
Speaker 3: who get plastic surgery have too much time on their hands,
Speaker 3: like you have no time for it.
Speaker 1: No, I haven't. I will. I'll tell you when I
Speaker 1: get whatever surgery. I promise you there's nothing I will
Speaker 1: do that I will not be honest about. I might
Speaker 1: do it after the fact because I just don't want
Speaker 1: people to like zero in on my recovery and like
Speaker 1: track it like that's annoying. But I I'll definitely let
Speaker 1: everyone know. I don't think there's any shame in it.
Speaker 1: It's like getting your hair done, like I or died.
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't care. So that I saw one
Speaker 1: kind of pop up on my Explore page of like
Speaker 1: look at the glow up, and it showed me from
Speaker 1: my special Perfect, which I think I shot when I
Speaker 1: was twenty nine or thirty and then now and then
Speaker 1: it showed I think the the yeah, the golden globes
Speaker 1: and quite a glow up. But I will say it's lasers.
Speaker 1: It's botox, it's filler, and it's uh and that's it.
Speaker 2: That's it it these lasers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm getting one done tomorrow. Actually, I'm getting the
Speaker 1: Moxie b B l in my piece. I just have that.
Speaker 1: You're gonna love it. How it was like five days
Speaker 1: to a week of like your skin looking kind of
Speaker 1: crazy Brazilian buttlers. That's what I thought. But my lady
Speaker 1: Jen Jones at the Method in Jenny Jones at the Method,
Speaker 1: that's where she is now. Yeah, she's show host.
Speaker 2: Yes, she was on your face yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I used to have my One of
Speaker 1: my first jokes was that I was going to get
Speaker 1: I had a flat ass, and I looked into button
Speaker 1: plants and they're really expensive, but breast and plants are
Speaker 1: really cheap, So I'm just gonna get some tips put
Speaker 1: in my ass. That was pretty good, but uh no, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's called a Moxie BBL. That's the thing I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do next week. I've never done it before. Before this,
Speaker 1: I've done I've done the uh what's it called micro
Speaker 1: needling where they like rub in your own blood that
Speaker 1: they spin around in a machine where they get like
Speaker 1: So I've done that, and then I've done Morpheus eight.
Speaker 1: I've done like two times. I think you need to
Speaker 1: do it like four or five to get the full effect,
Speaker 1: but I just kind of like dropped off. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I there's no rhyme or rhythm to anything I do.
Speaker 1: All I know is that I just trust people who
Speaker 1: recommend things, and this was the thing that she recommended.
Speaker 1: There's another thing I'm gonna do that I forget the
Speaker 1: name of, but I'll tell you what I do what
Speaker 1: I get it. But the MAXYBBL is supposed to be
Speaker 1: really good, but I need a week of recovery, so yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm getting it. Tomorrow and then I'm not on the
Speaker 1: road for a week. It's it's amazing that I have
Speaker 1: time to do it, because usually I would I would not.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you've been on the road all month. No,
Speaker 2: not at all, You've just been off. How's that meaning?
Speaker 1: Not good? You know what I have to say? Like
Speaker 1: after the Golden Globes, I felt so sharp when it
Speaker 1: came to joke writing. I was so zippy. I was
Speaker 1: so quick, like even in conversation, I was just tag
Speaker 1: and you know, like it if you work it, you
Speaker 1: work it like I was. So I was so good
Speaker 1: at joke writing. And I feel like I wish that
Speaker 1: I would have had a like someone plan assignments for
Speaker 1: me every day or something, just to keep that muscle going,
Speaker 1: you know, like yeah, to keep that strength up. And
Speaker 1: I think it's not lost. I mean there'll be muscle memory.
Speaker 1: I gain stuff from working so hard on the Golden
Speaker 1: Globes and being in those in that room with you guys,
Speaker 1: and just learning so much and just having the bar
Speaker 1: raised in terms of like if you want to be heard,
Speaker 1: you gotta be funny, you know, like you gotta.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everything's a muscle. I mean you think, like, oh,
Speaker 2: if I don't play guitar or piano, could you? Everyone
Speaker 2: knows that you when you come back to it, you're
Speaker 2: not as good. But it's the same thing is true
Speaker 2: of writing, right, Like sitting down and writing, you have
Speaker 2: to practice and do and then you get better at
Speaker 2: it and you improve at it and as you practice it.
Speaker 1: I'm reading this book called You'll Be Rusty, called The Breakthrough. Wait,
Speaker 1: what is it called? Let me look at it really quick,
Speaker 1: and by the way, I'm reading a third of it.
Speaker 1: You guys know, anatomy of a breakthrough, And it's about
Speaker 1: feeling blocked creatively or whatever it is, in whatever you do.
Speaker 1: And I'm right at the beginning of it where it's
Speaker 1: kind of talking about all the studies that have been
Speaker 1: done on people who get blocked and where motivation kind
Speaker 1: of comes from. And they were doing this really interesting
Speaker 1: thing about they actually did a study on comedians where
Speaker 1: comedians think that once it gets we always just quit
Speaker 1: once it gets tough. If we're in a creative endeavor,
Speaker 1: you're working on a joke, you're working on a song,
Speaker 1: you're working on a script. Like you work for a
Speaker 1: few hours and then you're like at a block and
Speaker 1: you're like you you would predict as a comedian, as
Speaker 1: a writer that if you continued working three more hours
Speaker 1: that the stuff you would come up in that three
Speaker 1: hours after you've kind of already you're like, you got
Speaker 1: all of it out right the first three hours, and
Speaker 1: now you're like you've hit a wall. If you kept
Speaker 1: going for three more hours, you would predict a downgrade
Speaker 1: of the material, of the of the amount, and of
Speaker 1: the substance of it. But you would be wrong that
Speaker 1: studies show that the back end, after it's hard, you
Speaker 1: actually generate more creative things and you create more of them.
Speaker 1: And so there's this it's it's called the cliff paradox
Speaker 1: or like something about the like something about the cliff
Speaker 1: the creative uh, the illusion of the cliff where it's
Speaker 1: like you think that once you reach the edge of
Speaker 1: where it's easy, that there's going to be a drop off,
Speaker 1: But it's an illusion, and there's actually much more to
Speaker 1: be gained once it gets hard, and we use that
Speaker 1: in all we can use that in all aspects of
Speaker 1: our life. So I'm just getting the information right now
Speaker 1: and then it's going to teach me how to like
Speaker 1: break through those things. But I already use one thing
Speaker 1: in a pilates class, because it was talking about how
Speaker 1: no matter if you're a rat in a maze, or
Speaker 1: if you're a person in running a race, or if
Speaker 1: you're a girl in a pilates class, or if you're
Speaker 1: doing something that is required, you know you're working towards
Speaker 1: the golden globes. Whatever it is you, at the start
Speaker 1: of it, you will work really diligently and really fast
Speaker 1: and really efficiently. And then in the middle you will
Speaker 1: slag and you will get bogged down, and you will
Speaker 1: produce less good work and less work. And then in
Speaker 1: the end, when you can see the finish, you will
Speaker 1: ramp it up again and you will do better. You'll
Speaker 1: run faster at the end of the race, and run
Speaker 1: faster the beginning of the race. In the middle of
Speaker 1: the race, you're going to be not good. And it
Speaker 1: just for any type of activity, the middle always is
Speaker 1: the worst spot for people, and they just do the worst.
Speaker 1: And so to beat that, you're supposed to break up
Speaker 1: everything into smaller pieces so that you're constantly at a
Speaker 1: beginning and the end. So yesterday in Plate's class, I
Speaker 1: just broke it all into five minutes and even That
Speaker 1: was almost too much because I was like dying at
Speaker 1: the third minute or whatever. I was just like, I
Speaker 1: just need pretend that you get to quit after five
Speaker 1: minutes in the class. It so you're just trying to
Speaker 1: get to that five on the clock. Now you're just
Speaker 1: trying to get to that ten. And it really made
Speaker 1: it there was It wasn't like a miraculous thing, but
Speaker 1: it did make it more interesting and surmountable for me
Speaker 1: than just having that like, oh my god, when you're
Speaker 1: at ten minutes in that class and you got to
Speaker 1: get to fifty, it just seems like what's the what's
Speaker 1: the point? It just it's forever. And sometimes I go,
Speaker 1: don't look at the clock, thank you. See how long
Speaker 1: you can go without looking at the clock. That's like
Speaker 1: a way to trick my And then I look at
Speaker 1: the clock. It's twelve minutes. It's like and I think
Speaker 1: it's been you know, twenty two. So I'm learning things
Speaker 1: from this. Is it going to you know, change the
Speaker 1: way I do everything? I hope? So.
Speaker 2: But well, that exact thing happened on the Golden Globes.
Speaker 2: Do you remember like three weeks in when we were like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, we've got nothing. Everything we're writing is terrible,
Speaker 2: Like everything is.
Speaker 1: Terrible, think of anything. We were out of Joe, we
Speaker 1: were like, there's nothing else to be written about Wicked,
Speaker 1: There's nothing.
Speaker 2: Were nothing, and we were literally like what who needs
Speaker 2: to be hired? Like what did we do wrong here?
Speaker 2: That we can't come up with anything at all? For
Speaker 2: like a whole week we couldn't come up with anything.
Speaker 1: We were like, I was worried. There was a time
Speaker 1: I was worried where I was like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I have the best people working for me possible, and
Speaker 1: we aren't there, Like it's not this monologue is not popping.
Speaker 1: And I thought that way about almost every kind of
Speaker 1: endeavor I've had of where it's like you in the middle,
Speaker 1: you just go, what is this? This is what is
Speaker 1: gonna be horrible? And I just have to remember that
Speaker 1: that's going to happen every single time. Yeah, you have
Speaker 1: to fight through it.
Speaker 2: It's very rare that you get a really solid middle
Speaker 2: and then like the beginning and ends are bad. No,
Speaker 2: you start bad and then all of a sudden it's
Speaker 2: amazing and it's bad again.
Speaker 1: Well, if you can always just imagine it being the end,
Speaker 1: like I've talked about this a million times on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but it's the most interesting thing I've ever
Speaker 1: heard in my life. So I'm so sorry, but everyone
Speaker 1: just needs to remember it. When there was a woman
Speaker 1: who had a brain accent, like an accident where a
Speaker 1: part of her brain was injured, and it was a
Speaker 1: part of her brain that was short term memory, so
Speaker 1: her memories started over all the time, and after her accent,
Speaker 1: she used to run races before this and she was fine.
Speaker 1: And then after her accident where she lost her short
Speaker 1: term memory, she was doing ultramarathons and winning them because
Speaker 1: she wasn't she didn't know where she was in the race,
Speaker 1: so she was always at the beginning of the race.
Speaker 1: Where so it's all mental, Like your tiredness in the
Speaker 1: middle of the race is because you know you're in
Speaker 1: the middle. It's not because you actually are tired. I mean, yes,
Speaker 1: it is, but it's because everything is mental. If you
Speaker 1: can trick yourself into being like this is the beginning,
Speaker 1: it's that that's such an important thing to remember because
Speaker 1: it's we just think that we're tired because of how
Speaker 1: long we've been going. We see that time on the
Speaker 1: clock or we see how long we have left and
Speaker 1: you can trick your brain into thinking things.
Speaker 2: Uh, I was proven by the original marathon, like you
Speaker 2: can literally run yourself to death, Like there's no limit
Speaker 2: to how much you can run. Yeah, like the original
Speaker 2: guy who ran the marathon died at the end of it.
Speaker 2: After but the Trojans were coming or whatever.
Speaker 1: They talk about in the book how this one girl
Speaker 1: was finishing a marathon and she was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I think you've probably seen the clip. We've all seen
Speaker 1: it where she's approaching the finish line and her legs
Speaker 1: just start wobbling out from under her. She's like leading,
Speaker 1: you know, and then someone comes and helps her and
Speaker 1: she's able to finish. But her body was fine. And
Speaker 1: she said earlier they talk about her in it, and
Speaker 1: they say earlier on in the race, she was like,
Speaker 1: really forehead, she saw her dad and he was like,
Speaker 1: you're first by this much, and she was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god. And she's like, I don't need water. I'm fine.
Speaker 1: It was a really hot day. She just wasn't feeling
Speaker 1: and she was like, I just want to keep this lead.
Speaker 1: So she didn't get water. As soon as her mind
Speaker 1: saw the fucking finish line. Her body was like, we're done.
Speaker 1: Like it almost like her mind. Her mind thought that
Speaker 1: she was at the finish it did it wasn't smart
Speaker 1: enough because it didn't have enough water and energy to go.
Speaker 1: You still have to do more. It just thought it
Speaker 1: was done, and so it collapsed. That's why people collapse
Speaker 1: when they finished, right, It's because they're done. It's not
Speaker 1: because that's when they were supposed to collapse.
Speaker 2: It's like when you have to take it dump. Well,
Speaker 2: I was driving home and you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I could hold it in for ten years. Yes, yes,
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, you're like around the
Speaker 2: corner from your house and you shit your pants.
Speaker 1: This is why meditation is important, because that's where you
Speaker 1: learn to control your thoughts and control your brain and
Speaker 1: have a little bit more of like being able to
Speaker 1: steer up there. Okay, we gotta go to break. I'll
Speaker 1: be back after this. We'll be back. How is everyone's weekends?
Speaker 2: Well, I want to bring up this tweet because we
Speaker 2: were talking about people not getting sarcasm, and there's this
Speaker 2: amazing tweet. Over the weekend, people are watching the inauguration
Speaker 2: and obviously a lot of people are making jokes about
Speaker 2: it online Jinny Hogan. You heard her, Jenny Hogan. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she's so funny.
Speaker 1: I subscribe to her sub stack.
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, so she's great. During the inauguration, she
Speaker 2: tweets out, thank God Biden isn't alive to see this,
Speaker 2: which is so funny, and because obviously he is alive
Speaker 2: and it's a joke, it's.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't even Okay.
Speaker 2: So then someone responds to this, I assume you mean Carter,
Speaker 2: as in Jimmy Carr who just died recently. And then
Speaker 2: she she responds to that, and I said I did
Speaker 2: not please no comments, which is also hilarious. And then
Speaker 2: the original person response to that, we'll turn off comments
Speaker 2: if you don't want pushback. Otherwise people will keep pointing
Speaker 2: out your stupidity.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and another person agrees with the dumb person and says,
Speaker 2: she's a teacher. That explains the stupidity. What, yeah, like,
Speaker 2: people are the people that are commenting on that are
Speaker 2: agreeing with the dumb person who does not get the joke.
Speaker 1: But what is the argument that teachers are dumb?
Speaker 2: It's like, I mean, that's that.
Speaker 1: Dude.
Speaker 2: Ever since they started letting trans people teach you your
Speaker 2: kids that all the Republicans think that teachers are evil.
Speaker 1: Oh dear god, it's the Yeah, it's a lot of
Speaker 1: that online.
Speaker 2: It's like, how do you not get that joke? I mean,
Speaker 2: the Republicans, out of all the people, have been making
Speaker 2: the most jokes about how Biden is actually a weekend
Speaker 2: at Bernie and then when they see one in the wild,
Speaker 2: they go, what the fuck are you must mean Jimmy Carter.
Speaker 1: Oh god, how many people do you think Tim Dillon's
Speaker 1: of Tim Dyllan's audience take him so seriously? This is
Speaker 1: where it's like, oh god, that makes me nervous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's probably probably like twenty percent. Realistically, it's probably
Speaker 2: like twenty percent of people who don't understand that. It's
Speaker 2: that it's like a joke. Yeah, that it's well, it's
Speaker 2: that it's exaggerate difference. Yeah.
Speaker 1: His his clip about the fires was so fucking insane.
Speaker 1: See everything he's saying. Did you see the clip though,
Speaker 1: where he's like doing the voice of the woman talking
Speaker 1: about her house and like just like and then he's
Speaker 1: you know, he's just talking about this. You have to
Speaker 1: I can't. I literally can't repeat it because it's like
Speaker 1: it scares me so much, of like the fallout, and
Speaker 1: then he goes, this is probably the he's making fun
Speaker 1: of this woman kind of, you know. And then he goes,
Speaker 1: this is probably uh, the president of CIA's wife and they,
Speaker 1: you know, just get an email You've been dropped, like
Speaker 1: who cares? And then clip cuts out. It made me
Speaker 1: laugh so hard, just like yeah, just he doesn't give
Speaker 1: a fuck.
Speaker 2: He's crushing the fire, crushing. He's like the only one
Speaker 2: that's able to make the fires funny. Later and he's
Speaker 2: going around saying that his house burned down and that
Speaker 2: his family is dead, which he's just telling people that
Speaker 2: he also donated a lot of money to the to
Speaker 2: the fire to eat.
Speaker 1: Of course he is the biggest heart. Yeah, yeah, it's God.
Speaker 1: It's funny. Yeah, people don't get things. I'm still getting
Speaker 1: hate about God and throwing God under the bus. And
Speaker 1: I guess that that is still circulating.
Speaker 2: Still happening.
Speaker 1: Yeah, parts of the world.
Speaker 2: It really is gets a worldwide phenomenon. The only place
Speaker 2: in the world where it's not happening is America.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they seem to be on board.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and maybe even Europe a joke. I think it's
Speaker 2: literally just you know South America and Southeast Asia. I
Speaker 2: mean it's it's it didn't really spread, like you know, Catholicism. Did.
Speaker 1: Did you watch a lot of football this weekend?
Speaker 2: I'm guessing oh, hell yeah, of course I did.
Speaker 1: I was watching my phone a lot next to football.
Speaker 1: It was on a lot. There was so much football
Speaker 1: this weekend.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Lots of playoff games, lots of really solid games.
Speaker 2: There's also the College Football Championship.
Speaker 1: I watched that last night. Yes, yep, Oh god, you
Speaker 1: want to Notre Dame to win.
Speaker 2: I just wanted Ohio State to lose. I hate Ohio State.
Speaker 2: I think the Ohio State coach looks like he is
Speaker 2: a mass murderer. I think the quarterback is a true bully.
Speaker 1: I've been wearing Mallenia's hat.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Just go google it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a true bully I think. I mean yeah,
Speaker 2: And also I just I hate the stuff he does.
Speaker 2: He Like there's one point where he like did a
Speaker 2: running play and then looked at the sideline and like winked,
Speaker 2: And I was like, this guy is pure evil, Like
Speaker 2: he's pure crying after the game, no, because he loves
Speaker 2: that coach he.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, Chris was commenting that he was making it
Speaker 1: like these boys have been through hell and back because
Speaker 1: they lost like one game, like they lost the game
Speaker 1: to Michigan or something, and so like the whole story
Speaker 1: now is like, but they've they've they've won a lot
Speaker 1: of like, they've been to the playoffs a lot, like
Speaker 1: they they were national champions not that long ago. And
Speaker 1: it's like this, the whole narrative whenever someone wins something
Speaker 1: has to be like, oh, they've been through hell. It's
Speaker 1: like they've been through been through hell.
Speaker 2: Their perennial playoff contenders, they won the championship ten years
Speaker 2: ago in Ohio State is like always has all the
Speaker 2: best players except for maybe Alabama and Georgia, and they're
Speaker 2: always in the top four. If there's there's no adversity
Speaker 2: at all, have been through And here's the hell, Michigan,
Speaker 2: the hell.
Speaker 1: Was there a natural disaster on campus?
Speaker 2: Well they live in Columbus, Okay, well on Columbus trip.
Speaker 2: So there was a Michigan defeated Ohio State back in
Speaker 2: the regular season. It didn't matter. I mean it could
Speaker 2: have I guess knocked them out of the Platford. It
Speaker 2: was never going to end.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, when they've been through hell and back, like,
Speaker 1: give me a fucking break.
Speaker 2: Well, so there's this. There is a tradition where if
Speaker 2: you defeat a rival, an important rival on their home turf,
Speaker 2: then you can take your team's flag and plant it
Speaker 2: at midfield on the logo. That happens across college football
Speaker 2: and many different Ohio that's right. So the Michigan players
Speaker 2: defeat Ohio State a huge upset, and they're running the
Speaker 2: flag out to plant it, and the Ohio State players
Speaker 2: literally started fighting them, where a lot of them got
Speaker 2: like uh penalties and suspension. This is after the game.
Speaker 1: Stupid. I think I'm back. I think I was there
Speaker 1: for a year. I liked it for a year, and
Speaker 1: I'm back to thinking it's a waste of everyone's time.
Speaker 2: And I don't like I just I don't because Ohio State.
Speaker 2: Why that's what happened.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think it's that. It's just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't want men crying about men who have been
Speaker 1: through hell, and it's just like I just I don't know.
Speaker 1: It just all seems these guys are getting laid. Chris
Speaker 1: las Night was like, isn't it weird that there's like
Speaker 1: a baby that's gonna be born in nine months because
Speaker 1: these guys won tonight. Like there's there's children that are
Speaker 1: conceived tonight because of the happiness. Like I like when
Speaker 1: teams are happy. Like I'm rooting for the Bills one
Speaker 1: hundred percent because my friend, who is a depressed person,
Speaker 1: loves the Bills, and I feel like it literally will
Speaker 1: cure his depression if the Bills win. It's like, I've
Speaker 1: never cared more about a team winning anything.
Speaker 2: Than I actually about the Bills.
Speaker 1: I think it's the whole city of Buffalo is suffering
Speaker 1: with a depression that will be cured and they deserve it.
Speaker 1: I want the Bills to win so bad I'm going
Speaker 1: to the Super Bowls. They sin, they've they've sure they
Speaker 1: can have it, but like are they It's you know.
Speaker 2: Well, they're like the evil villain of the league. Now,
Speaker 2: nobody wants the Chiefs to the people in Kansas City.
Speaker 2: You just don't want to see someone win that many times. Right,
Speaker 2: They're going for a three peete, which is exciting in
Speaker 2: and of itself.
Speaker 1: Done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's just like when Tom Brady was on
Speaker 2: the Patriots. It's just like I'm sick and tired of
Speaker 2: them winning, and the way they win is so boring
Speaker 2: every single time. It's just like a grind out. Like
Speaker 2: they always win by like two or three points. Because
Speaker 2: they do. It's like it's like you think, like they
Speaker 2: know they could turn it on and like crush the team,
Speaker 2: but they decide not to because they'd rather just make
Speaker 2: it boring.
Speaker 1: I want to see my girl on the field kissing
Speaker 1: her man. I'd like to see that. That's a fun picture.
Speaker 1: It's a fun moment, So I like that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I my friend who has struggles with life, I would
Speaker 1: like it's much more important for him to be happy
Speaker 1: this year than Taylor Swift, who has a lot. I
Speaker 1: will only want good things for her and Travis. But
Speaker 1: I think they can weather this year more than my friend,
Speaker 1: who needs the Bills to win desperately.
Speaker 2: If the Trees win the Super Bowl again, I believe, seriously,
Speaker 2: Travis Kelsey might retire. I mean, how could you not
Speaker 2: after winning three Super Bowls in a row. Where could
Speaker 2: you go from? Their fourth doesn't even matter at that point.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I mean, all I'm saying is I'm looking
Speaker 1: forward to football season being over. You are going to
Speaker 1: the super Bowl. You said, Yeah, I am going to
Speaker 1: the super Bowl. I'm doing a thing that got me
Speaker 1: an invite to the super Bowl. I can't say what
Speaker 1: the thing is. I don't think not that well, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be on bird Chraisier's skin. That's not the thing
Speaker 1: that didn't get me an invite, But something else I'm
Speaker 1: doing it got me an invite to it. So I'm going,
Speaker 1: But I don't know what I'm gonna wear yet because
Speaker 1: I don't know who's in it. And I'm making my
Speaker 1: whole outfit based on like the team. So I'm hoping
Speaker 1: that I get to borrow my depressed friend's clothing and
Speaker 1: wear like an oversized cool jacket or something. But I
Speaker 1: don't know what the weather will be in New Orleans anyway.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like a bill, Like anticipating that the Bills will
Speaker 2: be there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I'm hoping the bill.
Speaker 2: Yeah that means they'd have to defeat the Chiefs next week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm okay with that. I like I said, I
Speaker 1: care about Travis's happiness. I love Patrick Mahomes, I love
Speaker 1: his mom, Randy, I love I love the I love
Speaker 1: Kansas City, I love Taylor. But they all. I just
Speaker 1: care about this friend who really needs this right now.
Speaker 1: I think it's the only thing that can lift him out.
Speaker 1: They won the other night, and everyone who saw him
Speaker 1: all weekend said he was the happiest they've ever seen him.
Speaker 1: It literally can change lives. And I think that that
Speaker 1: town needs it, and I love Buffalo and and they're
Speaker 1: you know, are these the guys that like are the
Speaker 1: Bills the ones that jump off of the top of
Speaker 1: things onto tables or is the Eagles the Bills? Yeah,
Speaker 1: they need this. They watch in the nineties in a row.
Speaker 1: That's that's insane and unheard of. I can't believe I
Speaker 1: didn't hear about it sooner than two nights ago when
Speaker 1: just told me. Anyway, went to a game we went
Speaker 1: to go watch at Chris's house last night, or at
Speaker 1: Chris's brother's house, and my parents came over. Chris's parents
Speaker 1: were there, kids were there, and my Chris's niece, Catherine
Speaker 1: has become obsessed with my Gracie Abrams walked down the
Speaker 1: hall viral video thing that I did on TikTok that
Speaker 1: kind of became a trend, and she was playing it
Speaker 1: and she was too scared to ask, so she had her.
Speaker 1: She was whispering to her mom and her mom was like,
Speaker 1: she wants to know if you will film one with her.
Speaker 1: So we filmed one last night, like I did my
Speaker 1: own trend with the whole family, and then all the
Speaker 1: girls joined in. It was really fun and we ate
Speaker 1: chili and we hung out and I my parents hadn't
Speaker 1: watched any of the inauguration coverage, so I just kept
Speaker 1: dropping little things to my dad. That was I kept
Speaker 1: showing him the elon salute thing and like and just
Speaker 1: having him like squirm in his chair because it was
Speaker 1: not the it was not the setting to like get
Speaker 1: upset about stuff, but I just kept giving him little nuggets.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, Yes, and I and I needed someone to
Speaker 1: get upset like I needed. I need a little bit
Speaker 1: of like release yesterday of like someone's gonna get madder
Speaker 1: than I am so that it takes some of your
Speaker 1: ship away. So that was kind of fun. My parents
Speaker 1: are adorable. I love them so much. And last night
Speaker 1: I woke I did wake up last night because Goldie
Speaker 1: had a bad dream and woke me up.
Speaker 2: She was like.
Speaker 1: And I like was like whoa And she was like
Speaker 1: and I don't know what the fuck she was dreaming about.
Speaker 1: But it was very traumatic and calmed down. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I was like, it was just he was giving his
Speaker 1: heart to us. He said he was. He was. He
Speaker 1: was throwing his heart up into the rafters at a
Speaker 1: very sharp anger. That's yes, dude, he said. That's what
Speaker 1: people are saying is that he was like, my heart
Speaker 1: is with you, and then he threw his heart up
Speaker 1: into the.
Speaker 2: Sky all the way up to the third.
Speaker 1: And so. But then I was awake and I couldn't
Speaker 1: get back to sleep. For drum roll please, I had
Speaker 1: existential dread. Oh hit me last night, you got dude.
Speaker 1: I felt so bad for you. I like, not only
Speaker 1: was I flooded with my own dread of dying and
Speaker 1: my parents dying and my dog dying and everyone in
Speaker 1: my life dying, and like how am I gonna deal
Speaker 1: with that? Like I can't deal with my parents dying,
Speaker 1: Like I should go hang out with my dad right now,
Speaker 1: it's four o'clock in the morning, Like he's alive right now,
Speaker 1: I have to go hang out with him. It was like,
Speaker 1: truly I could not deal with it. But then I
Speaker 1: was also burdened with your pain because I was like,
Speaker 1: this is how people this how a lot of my
Speaker 1: friends feel all the time. How do you deal? So
Speaker 1: then I just started talking to myself and saying, it's okay, Nikki,
Speaker 1: it's okay, Niki. It's like being my own mother, like
Speaker 1: soothing myself, like I was a very help back to
Speaker 1: sleep and saying it.
Speaker 2: Answer, yeah, that's like what I teach you to do,
Speaker 2: and you just did it naturally.
Speaker 1: And I just was like, you're not, like you're not
Speaker 1: allowed to think about those things, like it is you
Speaker 1: you only you have to do a mantra of it's okay, Nikki.
Speaker 1: So like you know, like when you're doing meditation and
Speaker 1: you're supposed to focus on your breath and if you
Speaker 1: drift off, you just focus back on your breath. I
Speaker 1: was just like, anytime I drift off, I have to
Speaker 1: focus back on It's okay, Niki, It's okay, Nicki, it's okay,
Speaker 1: and like just being like really soothing and nice, and
Speaker 1: then I was able to get back to sleep, but
Speaker 1: good god, it was like so deeply uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I felt like I was high in eighth grade, you know,
Speaker 1: like where you get high and you start like everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna die. I'm gonna say like, oh, yes, dude, it
Speaker 1: was horrible. I'm so sorry to anyone who goes through that.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad it's gone today and that I you know,
Speaker 1: resent my parents again and I'm totally taking the bath.
Speaker 1: It's It's true, like I, you know, you wake up
Speaker 1: in the middle of night and you're like, I have
Speaker 1: to spend time with all the people that might be
Speaker 1: gone someday. Like, how could I ever turn down hanging
Speaker 1: out with my parents when there is it's certain that
Speaker 1: they will be gone someday, I will be gone someday.
Speaker 1: How do we? How do I go on?
Speaker 3: That is what my postpart of depression was. I just
Speaker 3: kept thinking about how one day, I, you know, like
Speaker 3: I won't be there for my daughter or you know,
Speaker 3: like my my family's going to pass away and all that.
Speaker 1: It's really paralyzing. It's paralyzing because there's nothing you can
Speaker 1: do about it, and you're like, everyone's just okay with this.
Speaker 1: I think it just I mean, obviously no one's.
Speaker 2: Okay with it. The only people that are okay with
Speaker 2: it are the same like okay with dying.
Speaker 1: You're saying, well, we have to be okay with it.
Speaker 1: We have to go about our lives. I could if
Speaker 1: I thought that was going to die soon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well yeah, I mean I tire in to get fixed.
Speaker 2: I don't understand when people say like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't mind dying. I don't. I think it'll be fine,
Speaker 2: And I'm like, are you I don't think you understand
Speaker 2: what that means.
Speaker 1: I'm okay with dying. I'm not okay with my parents
Speaker 1: dying and me having to like go on, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I don't know if that's going to
Speaker 1: be okay or siblings. No, there's just like most sorts
Speaker 1: of things friends. And then I was like, you should, Nikki,
Speaker 1: you should have a kid because this is that that
Speaker 1: that will make it so you have someone that won't
Speaker 1: die before you. And then I go, something could happen
Speaker 1: to them. I'm not fucking inviting more of the ship
Speaker 1: in my life, Like yeah, I'm that would add to
Speaker 1: my anxiety of like what could happen, Like I can't,
Speaker 1: I can't do So there was a moment of like,
Speaker 1: I should have a baby because I want to alleviate
Speaker 1: the pain of losing my parents and I want to
Speaker 1: have something I care about just as much as my parents.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, no, I can't because then
Speaker 1: I what what if some that that was too scary?
Speaker 2: So that's creed. That's one of the scariest things. That
Speaker 2: would just ruin your like you have in your act,
Speaker 2: then that would ruin your entire life if something happened, like,
Speaker 2: there's no go moving on from that. No, and that's
Speaker 2: a big risk. I mean but anyway, that's yeah. So
Speaker 2: look I have this. Uh speaking of people's parents. Ali's
Speaker 2: dad is a subscriber to The Wall Street Journal. Uh huh,
Speaker 2: and he's say this in print, Oh yeah, and sent it.
Speaker 1: Wait, I have one too, hold on, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you guys are so cute, so big on the Wall
Speaker 1: Street Journal.
Speaker 2: Look at those eyes?
Speaker 1: Really they didn't know I make up on me for
Speaker 1: that almost none. I was like, are you really going
Speaker 1: to go minimal here? Yeah, they're blue as hell. Damn.
Speaker 1: I look at a picture and I'm like, that's a woman.
Speaker 1: Like do you ever look at yourself? Know what? And
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm an I'm a woman, Like I'm forty.
Speaker 1: Like that isn't like I'm not a girl anymore. Like
Speaker 1: that's a woman who should have Like I.
Speaker 3: Wish I wish I photographed as well as you. You
Speaker 3: are so photographic, honey.
Speaker 1: I want to let you know. Those were the one
Speaker 1: that you had the New York Times that was probably
Speaker 1: one hundred pictures taken, and the one you boiled up
Speaker 1: that was probably a thousand. So those everyone remember that
Speaker 1: it's one of thousands of pictures taken. When they end
Speaker 1: up with a picture. Even I saw like Addison Ray
Speaker 1: on Rolling Stone, I'm like, that's the best picture I've
Speaker 1: ever seen. And I was like, just remember it was
Speaker 1: a whole day of shooting and there's some really bad
Speaker 1: ones of her. I'm sure probably not that funny, but
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it was very exciting.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: Face was everywhere I have recently because there's a more
Speaker 1: recognizability factor going on, pour mois. I've been trying to
Speaker 1: dress nicer when I leave the house. It's it is happening.
Speaker 1: And then I saw someone at Starbucks the other day
Speaker 1: and I wasn't dressed nice and I and she recognized
Speaker 1: me and I apologize.
Speaker 3: I just read that on there's there's an interview on
Speaker 3: Grammy dot com with Nikki where you tell a story.
Speaker 3: I think you may tell that story for you, like
Speaker 3: apologize when you meet people like at the airport or wherever,
Speaker 3: and you're like, I'm sorry, I know that you expected.
Speaker 1: More of me. I always do because I just am like,
Speaker 1: this is not okay. And even like the girls at
Speaker 1: my pilates, Jim, they're so nice. They're like, you looked
Speaker 1: so pretty at the you know, golden globes, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: it was all my glamb team, honey, as you know,
Speaker 1: look at me right now, like It's crazy how much
Speaker 1: it can be, how dialed up you can also looked
Speaker 1: stunning on Howard.
Speaker 3: I was just talking with one of my jiu jitsu
Speaker 3: classmates yesterday, nice about that.
Speaker 1: And I was just really good lighting there. It was
Speaker 1: so nice. And I had hair, you know, I had eyelashes.
Speaker 3: And but that green, I like that hunter green on you.
Speaker 3: I think, oh, I think.
Speaker 1: It's a grey. I was wearing green gray on Howard start.
Speaker 1: But I might have looked green on a screen. Wonderful.
Speaker 2: What did the person say at Starbucks that you put
Speaker 2: you apologize.
Speaker 1: To she just goes cause I was getting up to
Speaker 1: go to the bathroom and I was leaving my computer
Speaker 1: and I just I always do this thing where I'm like,
Speaker 1: will you but if someone comes and steals it, it's
Speaker 1: not your like, I don't care, just don't chase them,
Speaker 1: right Like, It's just that's literally what I go. I go,
Speaker 1: will you? And I point out and I go, but
Speaker 1: you don't have to, like it's not just do whatever
Speaker 1: like it's there. And then, because it's really dumb to
Speaker 1: put someone like in charge of your like, right you,
Speaker 1: will you guard this for me? I'm always just like what, okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: That's actually a pretty good idea for a movie is
Speaker 2: someone says, can you watch my laptop for me? And
Speaker 2: then they go to the bathroom at the coffee shop,
Speaker 2: and then someone steals the laptop and the person feels
Speaker 2: like it's their job to find that laptop and hunt.
Speaker 1: It seems like a curb episode where he's like, I
Speaker 1: didn't even say that I would, you know, like he Larry,
Speaker 1: I motioned for you to watch it. I have my
Speaker 1: headphones that I didn't know, like that's such a curb thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I did that motion and the girl goes, wait,
Speaker 1: are you are you Nicky Glazer? And I said yes,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm so sorry that this is who
Speaker 1: I am because I was wearing like a my hair
Speaker 1: was like five days unwashed. It was in a clip
Speaker 1: that was like tangled, and like there's like a long
Speaker 1: strand hanging out of it. I have to put up
Speaker 1: my hair at a clip and there's one strand it's
Speaker 1: all the way down my back and then the rest
Speaker 1: is up like high on my head. It's like I
Speaker 1: just don't look in mirrors that often. And she was
Speaker 1: she was like, oh no, Like she was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I've had the joke before. But I literally am almost
Speaker 1: offended when I get recognized because of how trashy I
Speaker 1: will love. But it may almost makes me feel good
Speaker 1: because I'm like, oh, maybe there is a little sign
Speaker 1: that I look that pretty outside of it, and then yeah,
Speaker 1: that's It's so I've been trying to up the way
Speaker 1: I look when I just go out because I feel
Speaker 1: like people talk and I just don't want the rumor
Speaker 1: to be like she was dressed disgustingly, like when I
Speaker 1: go out to nice dinners or something like I've thrown
Speaker 1: some makeup now, Like I just want to look a
Speaker 1: little bit presentable.
Speaker 2: You never know, and someone's gonna be taking a picture
Speaker 2: of you now right.
Speaker 1: I don't publication there are just certain places I go
Speaker 1: to in Saint Louis where I feel people can be
Speaker 1: like judgy, And that's why I had to get like
Speaker 1: a nicer car, Like I wish I just didn't care
Speaker 1: what people thought. But I just don't want people to
Speaker 1: think they're better than me. Yeah, I think that some
Speaker 1: people and because they have more money than me or
Speaker 1: something like there's some areas in Saint Louis where like
Speaker 1: you have to like look a certain way and dress
Speaker 1: a certain way, or like sometimes I go to the
Speaker 1: Starbucks in LaDue and I run in and out of
Speaker 1: there so fast because I don't want anyone to see
Speaker 1: what trash I am, because then they'll like whisper about
Speaker 1: me at their Bible studies and say, oh, she was
Speaker 1: actually wearing these converts that are like so dirty and
Speaker 1: she has these really ill sitting jeans on and like
Speaker 1: we don't even know why she's famous. Like I didn't
Speaker 1: laugh at all. I didn't think it was funny at all.
Speaker 1: She's never been funny. I think it's actually disgusting and
Speaker 1: like they can act like they're better than me, Like
Speaker 1: I know these conversations happen the girls. If you're offended
Speaker 1: by this because you're like, I don't talk that way
Speaker 1: about her, then you're not who I'm talking about. You're
Speaker 1: cool and I like you, but you if you're Saint
Speaker 1: Louis and you know who I'm talking about. The wird
Speaker 1: you go to high school, people that can like try
Speaker 1: to socio economically place you. That's the big thing in
Speaker 1: Saint Louis is where you you. Everyone asked where you
Speaker 1: went to high school so they can know how rich
Speaker 1: your dad is.
Speaker 2: Oh, but now you're richer than their dad, So fuck them.
Speaker 1: I am. But I still dress like I'm not, though,
Speaker 1: and that's what That's what matters. I would there are
Speaker 1: times where I just want to let them all know that,
Speaker 1: but I guess they could just go, well, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I actually don't. I don't think I'm richer than them.
Speaker 1: Some of them like their dad's own banks and shit,
Speaker 1: like I can't even touch their wealth. But there was
Speaker 1: I was gonna move into a house a couple I
Speaker 1: would say, like six months ago or something. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: we got really close. We were so excited about this place.
Speaker 1: And I'm kind of glad it didn't happen because my mom,
Speaker 1: my mom's friends, they meet people that are from this neighborhood,
Speaker 1: and they all are like, Nikki almost moved into our neighborhood,
Speaker 1: Nicki Kazer almost. They all know, and I'm like, how
Speaker 1: did they even know? And so if I move into
Speaker 1: a neighborhood, everyone's gonna be watching every little thing that
Speaker 1: goes on in my house and whispering and oh, the
Speaker 1: car has parked a certain way.
Speaker 2: Shrubs, But you know what, this also happens if it's
Speaker 2: just moving into a neighborhood.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I know that, You're right. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to feel I'm not to move off the grid. I
Speaker 1: want to live in like kind of wooded area where
Speaker 1: people can't see in because I'm not ashamed of how
Speaker 1: I live. I really I'm quite a mess and it's okay.
Speaker 1: But I don't like people to collectively get together and
Speaker 1: whisper and think they're better than me, or like try
Speaker 1: to make themselves feel better about the fact that they're
Speaker 1: not famous or whatever they're jealous of me about, even
Speaker 1: though I don't think that's something to be jealous about.
Speaker 1: And then they just like the fact that they all knew.
Speaker 1: Why did Why do people know that? Why aren't you
Speaker 1: allowed to move into a neighborhood and not have everyone
Speaker 1: know who you are. Is that just not a thing
Speaker 1: that exists anymore? I'm not I'm being serious.
Speaker 2: Every place that I've looked at, the story is always
Speaker 2: the town is small and everybody talks no matter what.
Speaker 2: Like even if you moved into Culver City, which is
Speaker 2: like a small section of a larger place, But if
Speaker 2: you want to go move into a place that like
Speaker 2: literally is like a smaller city or town, then yeah,
Speaker 2: people just gossip and bitch. There's a famous person who
Speaker 2: lives in the town that I got married in Grand Lake. Yeah,
Speaker 2: everybody fucking hates this guy. I mean, he is, like,
Speaker 2: he does do some things I guess that are rude
Speaker 2: and mean. But I was in there because I was
Speaker 2: walking around because Ali and I were like, what would
Speaker 2: it be like to live in Grand Lake? And then
Speaker 2: we started talking to the townspeople about like what would
Speaker 2: be like to live here? And every single person we
Speaker 2: talked to brought up this famous guy and was like,
Speaker 2: but this guy lives to they'd be like, we love it.
Speaker 2: The winters are really cold, it's really not a great
Speaker 2: place to know.
Speaker 1: Who is this guy?
Speaker 2: But this guy lives here too. And he's such a mislay,
Speaker 2: you're not so far off. Actually, yeah, you'd probably look
Speaker 2: it up.
Speaker 1: I don't do know, what do you is your neighborhood
Speaker 1: like that like chattery about like a gossipy and you
Speaker 1: guys get together and talk about who's doing what.
Speaker 3: I only recently because I've been going for walks and
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, you have a dog, You're gonna
Speaker 3: go for walks, so you're gonna be a lot.
Speaker 1: Of people wherever.
Speaker 3: So after living here for like four years and only
Speaker 3: now have I met some of my neighbors, and particularly
Speaker 3: one lady who told me the whole neighborhood shpiel about everybody.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: But it wasn't like to gossipee except for about like
Speaker 3: one couple and how they're like a remarried couple with
Speaker 3: one kid and all that stuff. But you know, it
Speaker 3: wasn't anything toxic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I mean, yeah, this is not gonna go
Speaker 1: and you're you're in the public eye. It's it's inevitable.
Speaker 1: Even I don't mind. I don't mind like making friends.
Speaker 1: How long do you have to talk to people when
Speaker 1: you run into them with when you're walking, Like if
Speaker 1: you run out to someone and they're getting their mail
Speaker 1: and you sit and you talk, like what's an average
Speaker 1: amount of time? And then how do you get out
Speaker 1: of it? And I'm not looking to not have conversations.
Speaker 1: I like a conversation. I just it stresses me out
Speaker 1: that you can't get out of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also that like you have to walk your
Speaker 2: dog like four times a day, and like, what are
Speaker 2: you gonna have a conversation every single time you walk outside?
Speaker 2: I mean that's when I'm like, I have I have
Speaker 2: my methods to try to avoid those things. Well, what
Speaker 2: I've been doing lately is I just carry Jack across
Speaker 2: the street and down the block and make him pee
Speaker 2: on that long because I don't because there's this vicinity,
Speaker 2: there's this circle of this area right outside my house
Speaker 2: where like I talk to this neighbor, I talk to
Speaker 2: that neighbor. And it's just it was getting to be
Speaker 2: like inefficient. I'd be out there for like twenty five
Speaker 2: minutes talking to people and sometimes you just don't want
Speaker 2: to talk at all. Yeah, And sometimes the other person
Speaker 2: doesn't want to talk at all, But then you both
Speaker 2: see each other and you feel obligated to have this
Speaker 2: converse reluctant conversation. You don't want it, Melania's hat hate.
Speaker 1: I will say, living in an apartment complex, I never
Speaker 1: talk to anyone. It's just something about living and that's
Speaker 1: close of quarters that makes people totally anti social. It
Speaker 1: almost like on an airplane, you know, we're all so
Speaker 1: close to each other, yet we all agree not to talk.
Speaker 1: And in an apartment building, I know some people and
Speaker 1: we say hi, and we like nod at each other,
Speaker 1: but there's not like long conversations going on. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like there's any I never gossip about anyone. I'm
Speaker 1: not like trying to suss out who's going where and
Speaker 1: what's happening. And I don't feel like that energy is
Speaker 1: being brought to me. And that's why I love an
Speaker 1: apartment I love living amongst people but not being expected
Speaker 1: to have podcasts with them.
Speaker 2: Right yeah, the hallway, No, yeah, exactly. I think that
Speaker 2: the nod hello, and just the acknowledgment that I know you,
Speaker 2: I'm happy to see you, we're not talking is amazing.
Speaker 1: I'm coming off as antisocial, but I promise you I'm not.
Speaker 1: I just don't like being I grew up in a
Speaker 1: house where my mom's always like, get that shit out
Speaker 1: of our front, Nikki, clean that stuff up. People are
Speaker 1: gonna think we're white trash, and just I would always
Speaker 1: be like who cares? But I think it's seeped into
Speaker 1: me that I'm deeply concerned about people thinking I'm white
Speaker 1: trash or thinking that I'm trash based on like what
Speaker 1: is on my lawn, like even Chrismas, Like you know,
Speaker 1: if we move in one of these nice neighborhoods, we're
Speaker 1: not gonna be able to park like the way we want,
Speaker 1: Like you can't just park on the street, or you
Speaker 1: can't have your friends. And I'm like, my friends are
Speaker 1: gonna park on the fucking street. Who gives a shit.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be like what they're gonna like, rite
Speaker 1: us up for it? Rite us up. I don't care, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: they have to they have to move their car two
Speaker 1: inches when they're driving by, like and why is that?
Speaker 1: Or your Christmas lights have to be a certain color
Speaker 1: like hoa stuff. Like all it says to me is
Speaker 1: like we want to make this neighborhood look white.
Speaker 2: Even the Christmas lights have to be white.
Speaker 1: Like That's what I am disgusted by any kind of
Speaker 1: rules that make it feel like we need to let
Speaker 1: everyone know we're rich and white. And I that's what
Speaker 1: That's why I don't like country clubs. I just feel
Speaker 1: like there's just this vibe of like they're not saying
Speaker 1: what I think they want to say, which is we
Speaker 1: know what they want to say. But maybe that's just me.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I love that everyone.
Speaker 1: I'm Saint Louis, all right, Uh, we're gonna go to break,
Speaker 1: we'll be back a oh whatever.
Speaker 2: Last so I experienced the closed thing last night because
Speaker 2: I went to Ali was doing a midnight book release
Speaker 2: where we would go to the book shop in town
Speaker 2: and she'd pick up the book. You know, there was
Speaker 2: like a big event and this was like a surprise.
Speaker 2: It's called Onyx Storm, which is the third book in
Speaker 2: a series about dragon writers.
Speaker 1: So cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I this was a surprise to me and
Speaker 2: to her. She kind of forgot that she had the tickets,
Speaker 2: but she's like, oh, I got to go to the bookstore.
Speaker 2: And it's this bookstore in Culver City called the Rip Bodice,
Speaker 2: which is a romance bookstore and it's run by women,
Speaker 2: owned by women, and all the books are for women,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, yeah, I'll go with you to the thing.
Speaker 2: It sounds fun. So we walked to town and I'm
Speaker 2: wearing my usual stuff. I'm wearing my I had my
Speaker 2: Golden Gloves shirts see Coda packs, my pop jacket which
Speaker 2: is very colorable. Yeah, I had blue sweatshorts on my
Speaker 2: fanny pack and a dinosaur hat. And I would go
Speaker 2: to this event and I will never.
Speaker 1: Dressed sometimes like a toddler whose mom said, you decide
Speaker 1: what you wear today.
Speaker 2: Honey, exactly exactly. Most of the time, I just don't care.
Speaker 2: I just want to be comfortable, just comfortable. But this
Speaker 2: one time, uh, we were there and I was literally
Speaker 2: the only man there, and I felt like I am
Speaker 2: not representing my gender.
Speaker 1: Well right right, No, I feel like you're out You're
Speaker 1: outfit is a non threatening man. I feel like you
Speaker 1: that is like you, you dressed the way as a
Speaker 1: guy that would not hurt us.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know what's interesting because I was there
Speaker 2: with my wife obviously, and I feel like a lot
Speaker 2: of the ladies there were making eye contact with me,
Speaker 2: and it was like a reverse bar where I'm like,
Speaker 2: at this, it's like when you go to a gay bar.
Speaker 2: Or something. It's like all of a sudden, like, okay.
Speaker 1: Was the irons had three seconds or more?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: The eye contact was significant And sometimes I would say
Speaker 2: something to Ali and then another girl would respond.
Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa ditation. Brian's sorry, but you're a very handsome man.
Speaker 1: And I don't think you know that your skin is
Speaker 1: that of a child's. I don't understand your skin texture.
Speaker 1: We should be asking you what laser you get, right,
Speaker 1: But you're an attractive guy, so that makes sense. And
Speaker 1: you're tall and you were the only guy there.
Speaker 2: So if you want to meet women, yeah, go to
Speaker 2: midnight book sales. I mean it's just packed with women.
Speaker 2: Who and if you go there and you're like, maybe
Speaker 2: this guy also likes onyx Storm, you're just like you're
Speaker 2: oh my god. Can you imagine one of them meeting
Speaker 2: with someone who actually reads books about dragons too?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not gonna have to wet your finger to
Speaker 1: turn the page with your mouth. You just put your pants.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all these books are about that, to all these
Speaker 2: books that they're reading, it's all about fucking.
Speaker 1: Even the dragons.
Speaker 2: There was a there was a trivia contest about the
Speaker 2: book before I know exactly. It's a romance bookstore. There
Speaker 2: was a trivia contest and one of the questions was, like,
Speaker 2: finish this quote from the book. And the quote was like,
Speaker 2: when we go into our first year, we lose our minds,
Speaker 2: but when we go into our second year, we lose
Speaker 2: our blank Oh and then you're And then they asked
Speaker 2: the question. You were supposed to shout out the answer,
Speaker 2: and I, as a joke shout out virginity, and the
Speaker 2: the no I did and I'm sorry, that would be great.
Speaker 2: The answer was humanity, which is actually pretty close. In
Speaker 2: your second year, you lose your humanity, and I yell
Speaker 2: out virginity and then this, uh, this girl behind me
Speaker 2: says to me, I guess you didn't read the first
Speaker 2: book because in the first year, that's when everyone loses
Speaker 2: their virginity, and so she's joking around me about it. Whoa,
Speaker 2: everyone's fucking the entire time all these books. I didn't
Speaker 2: realize that when my wife is sitting on her bed
Speaker 2: reading these books, it's like porn.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes we got into that stuff. I just watched porn.
Speaker 1: But it can be really, really hot. This book got
Speaker 1: Miranda July on all fours. I saw my dad was
Speaker 1: reading it, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that one that's crazy. Dad, Like it really made me
Speaker 1: uncomfortable that he was reading this book that he's like, yoh,
Speaker 1: I just picked up the library. I'm like, Dad, wait,
Speaker 1: as a gad, have you gotten to any of the parts.
Speaker 1: And he's like parts, Oh, I don't think it's so
Speaker 1: been too crazy yet. And I'm like, just buckle up, baby,
Speaker 1: because I don't even like, I don't like to know
Speaker 1: that my dad knows that stuff.
Speaker 2: Sometimes that happens to my dad too, where my dad
Speaker 2: and my and my wife have like read a similar
Speaker 2: book or like the book, and I'm like, oh no,
Speaker 2: I don't want them to have read the same books.
Speaker 1: Based on this final thought, speaking of parents and them
Speaker 1: seeing things that you've seen, guess what I showed my
Speaker 1: parents that they had not seen on Thursday night.
Speaker 2: Two Girls, One Cup.
Speaker 1: I'm great, No, my rom's currently reading it Whiplash Baby.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's the Two Girls, One Cup.
Speaker 1: Of I can't get enough of that movie. I My
Speaker 1: dad goes, you don't want to watch it again? You
Speaker 1: watched it. You watched it last week for the first time,
Speaker 1: And I was like, I do want to watch again?
Speaker 1: So we watched it, and I was like, you're gonna
Speaker 1: love it. They loved it. In fact, the next day
Speaker 1: they both told me, we want to watch it again.
Speaker 1: We want to watch it. They they were like they
Speaker 1: got it. They were so into it. And so I
Speaker 1: just want to give a shout out. And it's on
Speaker 1: Netflix now.
Speaker 2: So and the end of that movie is kind of
Speaker 2: pornographic and.
Speaker 1: Is it totally is so horny? Yeah, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm horny for JK. Simmons without question. What did I
Speaker 1: watch this weekend that he was in? Oh, a Juror
Speaker 1: number two on your recommended to me? It's on Max.
Speaker 1: It's clinice Wood direct it. Ninety four year old clinice
Speaker 1: Wood directed jur Number Juror The Rural Juror Number two. No,
Speaker 1: it's the Juror Number two and it is Nicholas Holt
Speaker 1: stars in it. I actually met him at Jimmy Kimmel.
Speaker 1: He's a very nice man. We were doing it at
Speaker 1: the same time. He stars in it. Jakie Simmons is
Speaker 1: in it. Key for Sutherland, isn't it. Zoe Deutsch is
Speaker 1: in it. The black guy from Reno nine one one
Speaker 1: who I love I forget his name. I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: shout out he's in it. Who It's just like it's
Speaker 1: packed with stars and it's it's about a guy who
Speaker 1: is Yarbroo. Yeah, Cedric Yarborough. Oh my god, he's so funny.
Speaker 1: So but he's really he's a dramatic role in this.
Speaker 1: But but yeah, JK is up to his old tricks.
Speaker 1: But I recommend watching Juror number two on you recommended it.
Speaker 1: It was actually really good. It makes you go like, well,
Speaker 1: what did I do? It's kind of crazy, and Clint
Speaker 1: Eastwood has ninety four and directed this. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: cannot believe a ninety four year old is working and
Speaker 1: really long days on set. I think they probably were.
Speaker 1: Was the craft service all oatmeal?
Speaker 2: No, it's probably Prunes. And he also there was like
Speaker 2: fifteen years ago when he did the Republican National Convention
Speaker 2: and talked to that empty.
Speaker 1: Chair, and when he did American Sniper and had a
Speaker 1: baby doll instead of a baby. But he's an amazing director.
Speaker 1: I mean, this was really well done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's hard to believe that he can get
Speaker 2: it done because of the chair thing.
Speaker 1: Real his daughter fifteen years.
Speaker 2: Ago he was senile, but he guess not. I guess
Speaker 2: he's a bad choice.
Speaker 1: It was good, It was really good, and then we
Speaker 1: watched a bunch of football. Oh, I wanted to call
Speaker 1: back to Noah had asked you about if the girls
Speaker 1: lingered for longer than three seconds on their ha.
Speaker 2: What does that mean.
Speaker 1: Well, we had a discussion on this on girls Chat
Speaker 1: where Carlisle was ran into a celebrity we won't say who,
Speaker 1: someone that I definitely ran into it the Golden Globes
Speaker 1: and he lingered eye contact for like over five seconds
Speaker 1: of like strong eye contact, and she was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know what it was. And we were like, we
Speaker 1: know because we read about how to flirt, and you're
Speaker 1: supposed to hold eye contact for three seconds to let
Speaker 1: someone know that you want to bang them and give
Speaker 1: you a little smirk, a little smirk because you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to be like, hey, I like you, because women
Speaker 1: are supposed to be passive and let let guys know, like,
Speaker 1: because guys always like, I don't know if I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to like go up to her or not. And it's
Speaker 1: like that's the way a woman can be aggressive without
Speaker 1: saying anything and seeming it's like a passive aggressive way
Speaker 1: of letting a guy know.
Speaker 2: I can averts her eyes a well.
Speaker 1: After a couple of seconds if she averts her eyes
Speaker 1: and kind of like smiles.
Speaker 3: Women do that though, Like if if you catch a
Speaker 3: woman making eye contact, I feel like we usually just
Speaker 3: kind of like look away and we start like, oh.
Speaker 1: My god, he's looking at me, even though they think.
Speaker 3: You're cute or whatever. But the trick is you have
Speaker 3: to hold that eye contact to be inviting. But the
Speaker 3: guys don't question.
Speaker 2: H Historically, if I made eye contact with it, like
Speaker 2: almost every single time, they like look away immediately, and
Speaker 2: that's if that person was interested. I would never have
Speaker 2: the courage to say anything to this exactly.
Speaker 1: Here's what you do. I think if you just if
Speaker 1: you look again, though, and they're doing it again, then
Speaker 1: it's like that because that's what I used to do.
Speaker 1: Like I used to be kind of like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: too I'm too nervous to hold it. If I would
Speaker 1: be into a guy, so I would just keep doing
Speaker 1: like I would avert right away and then I would
Speaker 1: do it again, and like I but man, is there,
Speaker 1: I'm like getting like a little excited even thinking about
Speaker 1: holding eye contact with a stranger across a room and
Speaker 1: trying to like communicate that you're into them, but like
Speaker 1: then actually act like you're not so fun. But you're
Speaker 1: supposed to hold it for like three seconds, which is
Speaker 1: a I mean it's one, two, three, Like that's a
Speaker 1: long time to hold eye contact with someone. And I
Speaker 1: started on one. So that was actually sure, they.
Speaker 2: Can make eye contact with my dog for that long.
Speaker 1: It's she won't allow it, and if she does, you
Speaker 1: know what she wants. But Carlyle like was like yeah.
Speaker 1: Carlyle was like, I don't know what this guy wants.
Speaker 1: We were like, we know, get it, girl. She said
Speaker 1: it was so awkward that she was like she was
Speaker 1: saying goodbye to this person and then they he just
Speaker 1: like lingered and looked that she had to be like,
Speaker 1: all right, see you next time. She had to say
Speaker 1: something else to like to like fill the space. And
Speaker 1: we're like, oh my god. And I saw this guy
Speaker 1: and I would not have thought he looked as good
Speaker 1: as he did, but let me just say he looking good.
Speaker 2: Wow. And so is the scenario in which this is happening.
Speaker 2: What's at work? Oh, okay, she's at work.
Speaker 1: And they were she's work and yeah she's working. Yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, very exciting.
Speaker 2: So is something going to happen here? Is there a
Speaker 2: number exchanged?
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that's that's professional in her case.
Speaker 1: But I think something the idea of something could have happened.
Speaker 1: I think is an exciting.
Speaker 2: You should have written the number. Yeah, slipping a number
Speaker 2: to a girl and then it's leaving is such a
Speaker 2: good move because you don't have to put the pressure
Speaker 2: on them to do anything.
Speaker 1: Does the girl call you, because then that changes the
Speaker 1: whole energy. Oh no, because it's well, a girl can
Speaker 1: just like say hi, you know, so the reverse is good.
Speaker 2: The reverse is good. If a girl gives a guy
Speaker 2: the number, then that's.
Speaker 1: That's so aggressive. No, I've done that so many times.
Speaker 1: It's not worked.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I used to always do it because it's the easiest
Speaker 1: thing to do, is just be like, here's my number
Speaker 1: and then you just walk away like yeah, because I'm
Speaker 1: so scared of like telling someone I like them, so
Speaker 1: I would just I would just do that.
Speaker 2: And well, it works really well if you're talking to
Speaker 2: a guy who maybe is afraid to make the first move.
Speaker 2: Like that happened in my year of dating before it
Speaker 2: became Neo from the Matrix. I was talking to this
Speaker 2: girl at a bar and I was afraid to say, like, Hey,
Speaker 2: I want to, you know, get your number, and then
Speaker 2: I just kind of the conversations kind of ended and
Speaker 2: I kind of walked and I just had the rest
Speaker 2: of my night. And at the end of the night,
Speaker 2: she came up to me and just slipped me a
Speaker 2: receipt with her number on it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and is that Ali? No, just kidding, that's
Speaker 1: so cute, though. Yeah, I did it. I think I
Speaker 1: did it a couple of times where I gave my
Speaker 1: number and I don't think it worked out. One time
Speaker 1: I wrote it on a banana, like on the outside.
Speaker 1: Well a guy I was. I was on a plane
Speaker 1: and I, believe it or not, the flight attendant was
Speaker 1: like a hot guy that was seemingly very straight.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And he and I was vegan. I'm vegan, and
Speaker 1: I was sitting in business and he offered me snacks
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm vegan, can't have anything. He's like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna find something for you, and he went and
Speaker 1: found me a banana and I didn't really want the banana,
Speaker 1: but I wrote my number on the banana, and on
Speaker 1: the way out, I was just like, here's my number,
Speaker 1: and I gave it to him on the banana and
Speaker 1: he said and he waited to call until it was
Speaker 1: like about to rot, he said, And then we never
Speaker 1: met up. But it was still a cute meat cute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and sharpie on the banana.
Speaker 1: No, I wrote like like dug in like pen you know,
Speaker 1: like wow, like on the banana skin, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh you know what. I think. I ate the banana
Speaker 1: and literally gave him the peel. I was because I
Speaker 1: thought it was funny to give him the trash and
Speaker 1: be like, because he would think it was trash, and
Speaker 1: I go, look at it closer. I think that's what
Speaker 1: I did, because that's funnier than handing back the banana.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I. I gave him the trash and
Speaker 1: I was like, look closely. And then I thought he
Speaker 1: just didn't know what I said. And I was really
Speaker 1: embarrassed for a few days because I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: he thinks I just handed him traph I could.
Speaker 2: Read it, and he's like, why did this crazy lady
Speaker 2: just carve hieroglyphics for banana?
Speaker 1: Peel. Yeah, so that was kind of a fun thing.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of other cute things I've done. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was trying to do like funny stuff, and that
Speaker 1: doesn't go over well. It just doesn't work for women
Speaker 1: to be.
Speaker 2: The now most men, most men don't want women to
Speaker 2: be funny. They want them to be funny and and
Speaker 2: or aggressive. It's the same thing I think when a
Speaker 2: woman is funny to most manage as if you're being aggressive. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: the same thing.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, what a I like hyper like sexual texts?
Speaker 3: Oh god, that's probably too aggressive too.
Speaker 1: I would think like a.
Speaker 2: Girl sending a guy hyper sexual texts?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you know, oh second, I have one?
Speaker 2: What I have?
Speaker 1: Okay? So I was actually watching a movie recently where
Speaker 1: this guy was in it that I like really was like,
Speaker 1: it's I think, I don't want anyone to figure out
Speaker 1: who this is because I wonder if I've like revealed
Speaker 1: anything about it in past things, if some if my
Speaker 1: archivist is listenings trying to come up with the data
Speaker 1: of my life, but then nothing, ever, what happened with
Speaker 1: this person? But anyway, I saw this guy's picture on
Speaker 1: Instagram and I was like that's one of the hottest
Speaker 1: people I've ever seen in my life. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: what's his deal? And I went to his profile. This
Speaker 1: is years and years ago and he's following me.
Speaker 2: Whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1: And this was like, I'm not kidding you. This was
Speaker 1: like ten years ago, so was way before anything. And
Speaker 1: he he had been like a working actor for a while.
Speaker 1: I never heard of him or seen him, but he
Speaker 1: had been in some stuff. And so I went to
Speaker 1: like message him to be like hot, you know, and
Speaker 1: then he had messaged me before and I just missed
Speaker 1: it and jackpot, you know, yes, okay, So and it
Speaker 1: was probably like low thousands because he's an actor, you know,
Speaker 1: he's stuff, but like not like big at that time,
Speaker 1: not big stuff. He's done a lot of stuff now.
Speaker 2: Then yeah, so.
Speaker 1: We so then it was it was flirty, and so
Speaker 1: we started like kind of like texting, and I was
Speaker 1: in a different city than him. And then he took
Speaker 1: it to not even a sexual place too fast, it
Speaker 1: to like a romantic place too fast.
Speaker 2: I got turned to death. Yeah that's the equivalent. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's a woman going too sexual is I think a
Speaker 2: turn off to a lot of men because there are
Speaker 2: certain men who are like, she's a slut, and there
Speaker 2: are other men who like want you to be you know,
Speaker 2: aloof And then for I think for guys, the worst
Speaker 2: thing you can do is be too Actually, I think
Speaker 2: it works for guys and girls to be too romantic,
Speaker 2: too fast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just too There was some talk that
Speaker 1: was a little bit like the way you would talk
Speaker 1: in a relationship, you know, like I will say exactly
Speaker 1: what it was, but it was reminiscent of you're smoopy, No,
Speaker 1: you're smoopy. You know that sein felt kind of baby talking, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which would have been totally fine had it been like
Speaker 1: an inside joke with us way into our relationship. But
Speaker 1: it was just too It scared me, even though I
Speaker 1: was like, I mean, it was one of the hottest
Speaker 1: guys I've ever seen in my life and there's an
Speaker 1: opportunity there, and I literally let it slip through my
Speaker 1: fingers because I was like, I couldn't get over the
Speaker 1: way it made me feel.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's his value. He's the you all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, like, why does this guy want a relationship
Speaker 2: so bad? Is he what's wrong with him?
Speaker 1: Well? Yeah, yeah, maybe, But it was also, yeah, it
Speaker 1: felt like and I've thought about this before, just I
Speaker 1: don't like when someone is operating with you on a
Speaker 1: level that is too intimate when they haven't gotten to
Speaker 1: know you. It seems insincere. It seems like a lot
Speaker 1: of how a guy would probably be, like does she
Speaker 1: do this with everyone with a girl? Sexual? Like what
Speaker 1: makes me special? Like this guy doesn't even know me
Speaker 1: enough to talk about that's.
Speaker 2: A really good like maybe they're oh, okay, you've mentioned
Speaker 2: Sunday snuggles before. Okay, yeah, I don't even that might
Speaker 2: have been on the Not Safe podcast. You've mentioned Sundays,
Speaker 2: it's been in my brain. Yeah, But yeah, I think
Speaker 2: that's a sign of like a love bombing, where it's
Speaker 2: like this person has moved too fast, they don't even
Speaker 2: know who I am, and yet they're here, which means
Speaker 2: that they're just as likely to change and become a cold,
Speaker 2: frigid mob.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was probably good of me to have my
Speaker 1: cockles up. But this person remains a nice person in
Speaker 1: my life and I like them and I would recommend
Speaker 1: someone date them. So I don't think it was a
Speaker 1: I don't think I dodged a bullet.
Speaker 2: By me met but so Simmons. He's still good.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but still day Jaki Simmons. I wish JK.
Speaker 1: Simmons would roll into my DMS. I love him so much.
Speaker 1: What a amazing And my mom was I could tell
Speaker 1: it kind of horny for him. She was like, he's fit.
Speaker 2: He's oh, he's super fit. He's like, uh, like Jeff
Speaker 2: Bezos a good Jeff Bezos.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah he is. There's even though he plays an
Speaker 1: evil sometimes evil characters, there's a warmth to him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, every time he understands.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so good. And just go watch Whiplash. For
Speaker 1: the love of god, I'm not gonna stop talking about
Speaker 1: it anytime soon. We're gonna be back on the podcast tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for listening, uh to this
Speaker 1: ramble fest. Love you so much. Don't be cu and bye,
Speaker 1: see you tomorrow. The Nicky Glazer Podcast is a production
Speaker 1: by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created
Speaker 1: and hosted by me Nicky Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Will fair raryl hans Sonny and Noah Avior.
Speaker 1: Edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf Video Production Mark
Speaker 1: Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch
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Speaker 1: at Nikki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel