WEBVTT - How to deal with chatty co-workers

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of my Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is about how to deal with colleagues who

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<v Speaker 1>like to socialize when you have other things you want

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<v Speaker 1>or need to do. In my years of writing about

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<v Speaker 1>time management, I've learned that some questions come up more

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<v Speaker 1>often than others. This is one of the most frequent.

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<v Speaker 1>So first, let's be clear, socializing with colleagues is not

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<v Speaker 1>inherently a waste of time. Unfortunately, this idea is still

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<v Speaker 1>out there. I've met people who have described themselves as

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<v Speaker 1>good at time management because they hold themselves off, shut

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<v Speaker 1>the office door if they have one, and get stuff done. Indeed,

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<v Speaker 1>one person told me as a time management tip that

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<v Speaker 1>by refusing all coworker lunch and coffee invitations and keeping

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<v Speaker 1>all conversations to the bare minimum, he was able to

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<v Speaker 1>avoid bringing work home. This person suggested I share this

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<v Speaker 1>strategy so others could benefit from his hard one knowledge.

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<v Speaker 1>On some level, I get it, and some people really

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<v Speaker 1>do like a strict separation. They don't want to leave

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<v Speaker 1>work with anything hanging over them. And some people have

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<v Speaker 1>to leave at a certain time in order to say,

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<v Speaker 1>make a daycare pickup. Consequently, water cooler chats seem like

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<v Speaker 1>an easy thing to cut. It's not a direct deliverable,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's also short sighted. Humans are social creatures, and

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<v Speaker 1>people want to work with those they know and trust.

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<v Speaker 1>Trust is built up through low stakes, repeated interactions, which

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<v Speaker 1>is a fancy way of describing those how is your

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<v Speaker 1>weekend conversations? Getting promoted into management and then succeeding in

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<v Speaker 1>that role isn't just about being good at your job.

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<v Speaker 1>It's about having other people want to do their best

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<v Speaker 1>work for you, which doesn't happen when they don't trust you.

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<v Speaker 1>And even if you never want to move beyond an

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<v Speaker 1>individual contributor role, other people have valuable information that they

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<v Speaker 1>can choose to share or not. They're more likely to

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<v Speaker 1>warn you off troublesome projects or share the name of

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<v Speaker 1>someone in accounting who can help with your problem if

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<v Speaker 1>you've built up a rapport. Of course, some people seem

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<v Speaker 1>to have no boundaries, and sometimes this question comes in

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<v Speaker 1>a more sympathetic form. You do your best work in

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<v Speaker 1>the morning and would like to spend this time focused

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<v Speaker 1>on individual work, but a colleague wants to stop by

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<v Speaker 1>to shoot the breeze during this prime window, or you

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<v Speaker 1>socialize when you can. But you notice that many of

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<v Speaker 1>the most social sorts don't have any limits on their time,

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<v Speaker 1>or worse, seem to enjoy being seen as the person

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<v Speaker 1>who stays latest. Even if these people don't get going

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<v Speaker 1>on much until noon, you'd like to get home and

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<v Speaker 1>get on with your life. What's the best way to

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<v Speaker 1>manage this situation. One of the easiest ways to focus

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<v Speaker 1>if you work in a flexible environment is to do

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<v Speaker 1>your focused work away from the office. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>interview to CEO who carved out time to do his

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<v Speaker 1>focused work in a waffle house in the morning. That way,

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<v Speaker 1>when he showed up at work, he could be in

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<v Speaker 1>responsive mode and have those conversations in the hallway with

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<v Speaker 1>people who wanted to chat with him. If you have

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<v Speaker 1>some ability to work from home, do so one to

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<v Speaker 1>two days per week and put your focused work on

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<v Speaker 1>those days. You'll feel much more relaxed about social interactions

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<v Speaker 1>with colleagues when you know you're ahead of the game.

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<v Speaker 1>If that's not going to fly, then you can try

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<v Speaker 1>some other signal that indicates you are not available. Putting

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<v Speaker 1>on a big headset as if you're on the phone

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<v Speaker 1>can work even if you're not on the phone. It

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<v Speaker 1>makes people pause. If someone's just looking for an easy

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<v Speaker 1>entry into a conversation, they'll go elsewhere. Indeed, if you're

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<v Speaker 1>managing an office, you might propose that people come up

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<v Speaker 1>with some sort of not now signal to make this

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<v Speaker 1>matter less awkward. Laura Stack, one of my favorite productivity experts,

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<v Speaker 1>has propose the idea of a thinking cap, some sort

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<v Speaker 1>of humorous hat you could put on that indicates now

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<v Speaker 1>is not a good time. As long as it's not abused,

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<v Speaker 1>such a signal could generally be respected. There are other

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<v Speaker 1>approaches with anyone. If you really can't talk now, it

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<v Speaker 1>helps to indicate a time when the person knows they

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<v Speaker 1>can have your full attention. So as simple Hey can't

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<v Speaker 1>wait to hear more, I need to get to this

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<v Speaker 1>right now. Can we get coffee at eleven might deflect

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<v Speaker 1>the conversation to a more convenient moment. If conversations tend

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<v Speaker 1>to happen at the end of the day when you're

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<v Speaker 1>trying to get out the door, try walking around and

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<v Speaker 1>proactively checking in with people earlier, like after lunch. You

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<v Speaker 1>can also recognize that socializing sometimes doesn't mean you have

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<v Speaker 1>to socialize all the time. Going to lunch with a

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<v Speaker 1>group occasionally can allow you to catch up on what's

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<v Speaker 1>going on while avoiding going some other days. And you

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<v Speaker 1>also might be surprised at how quickly even seemingly chatty

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<v Speaker 1>sorts can run out of steam. You could try timing

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<v Speaker 1>it at some point. The difference between interrupting someone and

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<v Speaker 1>creating an issue and letting the person talk until a

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<v Speaker 1>reasonable closing point might be a few minutes. And let's

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<v Speaker 1>be honest here, how much are you really getting done

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<v Speaker 1>in five minutes If you're just deleting emails? You might

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<v Speaker 1>be better off sitting with the conversation, even if it's

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<v Speaker 1>not terribly convenient, and letting the other person feel heard.

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<v Speaker 1>I've realized this with one of my kids, actually, who

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<v Speaker 1>likes to have talks with me late at night. These

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<v Speaker 1>requests for the talks tend to come right as I've

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<v Speaker 1>picked up a book and after dealing with other people

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<v Speaker 1>during the day, part of me really wants to sit

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<v Speaker 1>in silence, But I've learned that almost always the talk

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<v Speaker 1>is done in five minutes. Then my kid is back

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<v Speaker 1>to his own book and I can go back to mine,

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<v Speaker 1>So I just have the chat and he feels much

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<v Speaker 1>happier within reason at work. Maybe you can do so too,

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<v Speaker 1>low cost, big payoff in the meantime. This is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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<v Speaker 1>You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast pod. That's B the number four, then Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>p o D. You can also shoot me an email

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<v Speaker 1>at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeart media dot com. That

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<v Speaker 1>so much, I look forward to staying in touch. Before

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