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Speaker 1: If I could teach college students anything, I would teach

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Speaker 1: them to be empathetic, to try to understand other people,

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Speaker 1: to understand where they are. I look at these guys

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Speaker 1: over here and think they're freshmen and what they're going through,

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Speaker 1: and they're bringing with them their pain from home. They're

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Speaker 1: bringing with them their joy, they're bringing them with their successes,

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Speaker 1: their worries, and when I would deal with them, I'd

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Speaker 1: always try to understand what's going through this guy's head

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Speaker 1: or what's going through this woman's head in terms of.

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Speaker 2: Where are they.

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Speaker 1: If we had a class in teaching people how to empathize,

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Speaker 1: I think we'd be a whole lot better office in society.

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Speaker 3: I think amen.

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Speaker 2: Normal folks needed to learn how to do that.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney.

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Speaker 3: I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, a father, an entrepreneur,

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Speaker 3: and I'm a football coach at Inner City Memphis. And

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Speaker 3: the last part a few years ago led to an

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Speaker 3: oscar for the film about a team I coached. It's

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Speaker 3: called Undefeated. I believe our country's problems will never be

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Speaker 3: solved by a bunch of fancy people in nice suits

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Speaker 3: using big words that nobody ever uses on CNN and Fox,

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Speaker 3: but rather by an army of normal folks. That army

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Speaker 3: is us just you and me deciding, Hey, you know

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Speaker 3: what I can help. That is exactly what Sparky Reared

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Speaker 3: has done his whole life. He's the voice you just heard.

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Speaker 3: Sparky is a living icon in the Ole miss community,

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Speaker 3: and he's one of my mentors. He worked in student

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Speaker 3: affairs for thirty six years, including the last fourteen of

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Speaker 3: them as the Dean of Students. He's truly a normal

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Speaker 3: guy who's faced personal and professional challenges, mentored thousands, and

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Speaker 3: his leadership lessons can benefit the entire army. I genuinely

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Speaker 3: cannot wait for you to meet my friend and mentor Sparky.

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Speaker 3: Right after these brief messages from our general sponsors, Sparky

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Speaker 3: Reardon in Oxford, Mississippi. I can't believe him hanging out

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Speaker 3: with you today.

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Speaker 2: I'm surprised too.

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Speaker 3: Everybody, Welcome to an army of normal folks. We are

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Speaker 3: live as you can hear with an audience about three

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Speaker 3: hundred people in Oxford, Mississippi. Today's guest is Sparky Reardon.

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Speaker 3: Don't really know how to introduce Sparky properly because I

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Speaker 3: want to say he's my friend, but I almost have

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Speaker 3: too much reverence for him to call him my friend.

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Speaker 3: He's been a mentor, he's been a confidant, he's been

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Speaker 3: an inspiration, and he is my friend. And Sparky worked

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Speaker 3: in student affairs for thirty six years at my alma

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Speaker 3: moter Ole Miss, where we are today on campus. In

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Speaker 3: the last fourteen years of those thirty six years, he

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Speaker 3: was the Dean of students here, and I count myself

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Speaker 3: among the lucky ones that spent all of my years

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Speaker 3: at Old Miss under the tutelage of Sparky. Sparky is

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Speaker 3: the author of a new book, The Dean Memoirs and Missives,

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Speaker 3: which is available at Square Books in Oxford for those

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Speaker 3: of you that are here, but for those listening across

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Speaker 3: the country, Amazon dot Com and bookstores throughout the Southeast region.

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Speaker 3: I always say I'm so glad to be with you

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Speaker 3: to all of my guests, but tonight I really mean it.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad to be here too, and thank you for

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Speaker 1: having me. I'me to the Ole Miss Women's Council for

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Speaker 1: making this possible.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, I have a quick question for you. But

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Speaker 3: I got to tell you something that I've never told

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Speaker 3: you before. I asked the first question that I want

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Speaker 3: to tell you.

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Speaker 2: Oh he.

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Speaker 3: And I thought about this really on the way down here.

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Speaker 3: I first became aware of you at freshman orientation, which

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Speaker 3: was in the chapel at that time, when you stood

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Speaker 3: up in front of everybody with a green jacket on

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Speaker 3: and said, no, I'm not the Grove, and I thought, well,

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Speaker 3: that's kind of funny. And he was the Dida students,

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Speaker 3: and so you know, as a freshman, you spend most

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Speaker 3: of your time trying to avoid any interaction with the

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Speaker 3: Dana students because you assume that just means you're in trouble.

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Speaker 3: So I did things to avoid you. And then as

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Speaker 3: a sophomore and junior, I became a little more aware

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Speaker 3: of you. And then as a junior I really became

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Speaker 3: indebted to you by some things you said to me

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Speaker 3: after I wrote a column, and then also when I

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Speaker 3: had this crazy idea to start this thing called the

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Speaker 3: Charity Ball. And then my senior year I took your

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Speaker 3: leadership class and grew from you and the weird transformation

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Speaker 3: that took place over those four year Sparky is I

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Speaker 3: didn't do things against the rules at first because I

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Speaker 3: just didn't want to get in trouble and I was

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Speaker 3: scared of you. By the time I left college, I

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Speaker 3: wanted to do things right because I didn't want to

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Speaker 3: disappoint you. Man. I cannot think of a more poignant

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Speaker 3: example and illustration of what true leadership is when you

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Speaker 3: convince somebody just through your actions that you are worthy

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Speaker 3: of not being disappointed. Sparky, you had such an effect

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Speaker 3: on my life and so many others. And I don't

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Speaker 3: presume to be the most affected person by you, because

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Speaker 3: my gosh, there are thousands. But I just want you

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Speaker 3: to know, on a very personal level, I still to

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Speaker 3: this day don't want to disappoint you.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate that, Bill, thank you very much.

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Speaker 3: Well.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate your praise, and I just don't feel worthy

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Speaker 1: of it. I just came to work and did what

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Speaker 1: I did, and I don't deserve all this. I got

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Speaker 1: paid for what I did. I had a great life

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Speaker 1: and I loved every second of it, and I put

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Speaker 1: it in the book, and that's why I ended up

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Speaker 1: here tonight.

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Speaker 2: I guess because of the.

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Speaker 3: Book, maybe, but without the book, without the book, I'd

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Speaker 3: still want to do this with you, So here we go.

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Speaker 3: You write in your introduction of the book, I think

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Speaker 3: it was Mark Twain who said the two most important

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Speaker 3: days in your life or the day you were born

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Speaker 3: and the day you figure out why. Tell us some

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Speaker 3: day up the day you figure out why you were born.

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Speaker 3: I think it was the day I retired.

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Speaker 1: Really yeah, that when I look back on everything that

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Speaker 1: was given to me, the people who supported me, the

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Speaker 1: opportunities that I was given, I realized how blessed I was.

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Speaker 1: And I guess my wife a lot of it has

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Speaker 1: to do with my faith and that I feel like

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Speaker 1: that we have an obligation to lead, to chastise, to rebuke,

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Speaker 1: and I did some of that, but to also serve.

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Speaker 2: And I like to think that some of what I

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Speaker 2: did was service.

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Speaker 3: You tell a story about when it clicked that you thought, hey,

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Speaker 3: I might want to be a dentist students, it was

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Speaker 3: actually when you were in trouble or something.

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Speaker 2: I think, well, I was a social chairman of my fraternity.

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Speaker 3: That's already a ticket to trouble.

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Speaker 1: And Lester Williams to tell you I was real damn

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Speaker 1: good too.

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Speaker 2: So.

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Speaker 1: Good in fact, that Tom Hines called me to his office,

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Speaker 1: who was the director of student activities at the time.

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Speaker 1: It was it could have been a curfew violation, a

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Speaker 1: noise violation, a fight, or could have been that there

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Speaker 1: was some alcohol involved.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure, but.

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Speaker 1: I had I was a pre law major and I

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Speaker 1: had no interest in being a lawyer. Everybody in Clarksdale

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Speaker 1: had told me I was involved in debate, I was

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Speaker 1: involved in student leadership, did stuff with the church, and

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Speaker 1: everybody said, well, you need to go to law school

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Speaker 1: at Old Miss, you need to go to law school

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Speaker 1: at Ole Miss. And that came from some men that

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Speaker 1: I greatly admired. So I came to law school at

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Speaker 1: ole Miss and had about a two point twenty four

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Speaker 1: by freshman year and didn't supersede that the second semester.

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Speaker 1: So I had no idea what I wanted to do,

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Speaker 1: but I was a good social chairman when I got

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Speaker 1: when I got called into his office, I just looked

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Speaker 1: across the desk.

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Speaker 2: He wasn't really hitting me hard, he wasn't getting on me.

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Speaker 2: He was teaching me.

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Speaker 1: And I thought to myself, sitting there, it was kind

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Speaker 1: of like the clouds rolled back, the sun shone through

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Speaker 1: the angel saying, and I said, somebody's got to do

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Speaker 1: what this guy's doing, you know. And it was at

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Speaker 1: that point that I decided that I wanted to become

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Speaker 1: an education major. Uh and my grades went up exponentially

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Speaker 1: they had to, but that I wanted to be the

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Speaker 1: dean of students at ole Miss and kind of carved

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Speaker 1: my career path in that direction.

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Speaker 3: Before he became the dean, you were a teacher and

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Speaker 3: a coach in Clarksdale and worked in student activities at

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Speaker 3: ole Miss and student services, And we're going to dive

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Speaker 3: into that through the lens of your book. But to

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Speaker 3: open the lens of your book, you wrote something that

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Speaker 3: I've reread now probably six times, and it's best in

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Speaker 3: your words. So would you just mind reading this excerpt

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Speaker 3: from your book and then let's talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Well, if I could give a little preamble to this,

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Speaker 1: which you would that people would always ask me, said,

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Speaker 1: what is the danas students do? And so you know,

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Speaker 1: you couldn't tell them you did all these other things,

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Speaker 1: but so I had this kind of little pad answer,

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Speaker 1: I'd say, well, every day I work with CEOs, and

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Speaker 1: I worked with doctors, and I work with lawyers. And

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Speaker 1: I work with farmers, and I work with military people,

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Speaker 1: and I worked with criminals, and.

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Speaker 2: So that's a little precedent to this.

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Speaker 1: My first day on the job at Old Miss was

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Speaker 1: August fifteenth, nineteen seventy seven, the day before Elvis died,

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Speaker 1: and I retired in twenty fourteen April of twenty fourteen.

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Speaker 1: That's approximately five hundred days. Those days were a blessing, fulfilling, unpredictable, fun,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes heartbreaking. It was a long, strange ride. I

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Speaker 1: endured the tenures of here you go, I'm gonna get

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Speaker 1: on a roll.

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Speaker 3: Here.

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Speaker 1: I endured the tenures of four chancellors, six vice chancellors

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Speaker 1: of student affairs, nine head football coaches, and four popes.

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Speaker 1: I witnessed the long shaggy Pike haircut.

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Speaker 2: Some of y'all going to remember some of this. I

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Speaker 2: witnessed the long shaggy Pike haircut, the.

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Speaker 1: Butt cut, the sec frat boy swoop, nineteen eighties, big hair, hiking, boots,

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Speaker 1: Chaco's and flip flops, the Preppy handbook, planking, spanking, the

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Speaker 1: Internet gossip site, Juicy Campus, hell Fire and Brimstone, Preacher,

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Speaker 1: Brother Jim, the KKK, the Skinheads, Animal House, the Hangover,

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Speaker 1: the Society for Creative Anachronism, the Old Miss pagans, potato guns,

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Speaker 1: surgical tubing, slingshots, beer funnels, pledges, fishing in the Five Fountain,

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Speaker 1: flash mobs in the Old Miss student Union, raves in

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Speaker 1: the library, streakers at football games, home run showers in

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Speaker 1: right field, looking for the doorknob to the universe, crawling

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Speaker 1: through the steam tunnels and selecting a mascot. I watched

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Speaker 1: and prayed as our students marched off to three wars

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Speaker 1: in Kuwait, Iraq.

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Speaker 2: And Afghanistan.

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Speaker 1: I survived the impending doom of Y two K, the

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Speaker 1: swine flu, killer bees, the ice storm of nineteen ninety four,

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Speaker 1: the earthquake prediction of nineteen ninety and the remnants of

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Speaker 1: Hurricane Katrina. I spent many sleepless nights, weekend nights waiting

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Speaker 1: for parties like Paddy Murphy or Derby Day, or Ivy

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Speaker 1: League or south Sea Island to come to an end.

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Speaker 1: I went with UPD to shut down parties at two

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Speaker 1: am and was on a first name basis with EMT's

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Speaker 1: law enforcement officers and er nurses and doctors. The coroner

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Speaker 1: had me on speed dial. Nervous and scared. I watched

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Speaker 1: his students knelt and prayed in the student union on

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Speaker 1: September eleventh, two thousand and one. I've received scotch for Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I've made students pour out their scotch.

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Speaker 3: And.

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Speaker 1: Way back when, in a more sensible age, I taught

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Speaker 1: a student to drink scotch like a gentleman. I brought

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Speaker 1: in concerts with the likes of Jimmy Buffett, the commodores, B. B.

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Speaker 2: King, Willie Nelson.

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Speaker 1: And Ram But you might ask, what does the Dean

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Speaker 1: of students really do? I've been asked this so frequently

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Speaker 1: that I crafted a clever go to response. I tell

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Speaker 1: anyone curious enough to ask, well, every day I collaborate

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Speaker 1: with CEOs, doctors, lawyers, educators, engineers, senators, ministers, and yes.

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Speaker 2: Even criminals.

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Speaker 1: I always like to think that I might be working

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Speaker 1: with the person who would write the next great American novel,

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Speaker 1: or find.

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Speaker 2: A cure for the incurable.

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Speaker 1: At a beautiful dinner that friends gave to celebrate my retirement,

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Speaker 1: I looked around at the people in the room and

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Speaker 1: thought of the emails and notes that I had received

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Speaker 1: since announcing my retirement. I realized that my answer was

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Speaker 1: not so frivolous. As I started to speak, I found

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Speaker 1: myself looking at a room full of CEOs, doctors, lawyers, bankers, educators, engineers, ministers,

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Speaker 1: movie directors, farmers, and others. And I feel sure that

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Speaker 1: criminals would have been.

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Speaker 2: There had they been able.

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Speaker 3: So and now a few messages from our general sponsors.

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Speaker 3: But first, I hope you'll follow us on your favorite

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Speaker 3: social media channels, where we share more powerful content, including

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Speaker 3: reels from our video studio and testimonials from army members.

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Speaker 3: We're at army of normal folks on every channel. Give

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Speaker 3: us a follow. We'll be right back. As I read that,

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Speaker 3: the last line killed me. I just started tying it laughing,

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Speaker 3: because there's a story there that's all the way to

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Speaker 3: the very creation of this book. Why write the damn thing?

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Speaker 2: Anyway?

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Speaker 1: Well, I loved right, and so when email first came out,

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Speaker 1: I would have people, some of y'all probably would email

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Speaker 1: me and say, what's going on up there, you know?

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Speaker 1: And I would type out, well, we're getting ready for

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Speaker 1: a football game.

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Speaker 2: Leaves are changing, it's pretty you know, that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1: And then I kept getting more and more and more,

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Speaker 1: and people started circulating those things, and so I just

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Speaker 1: put them all in one body and it was called

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Speaker 1: from the desk of the Dean, and it ended up

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Speaker 1: being about two hundred people in this email that I

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Speaker 1: would send out every Friday. And really what it was

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Speaker 1: was I was kind of gigging the people because it

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Speaker 1: said I'm here and you're not, you know, And I

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Speaker 1: talk about football Fridays, and I talk about snow in

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Speaker 1: the grove, and I talk about the Square on a

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Speaker 1: Friday night. And so when social media started, I started

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Speaker 1: writing just I guess I'm a disappointed columnist.

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Speaker 2: And I would write essays that I.

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Speaker 1: Would post on social media and got great responses to those.

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Speaker 1: And a wonderful woman here in town who has been

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Speaker 1: my biggest supporter through this, a woman named named Kay Bryant,

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Speaker 1: had pushed me to write a book, and she kept

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Speaker 1: saying she would send me messages on Facebook, you need

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Speaker 1: to write that book. You need to write that book.

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Speaker 1: And I'd get that from other students. And so at

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Speaker 1: a party in twenty twenty four at the home of

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Speaker 1: the mclarty's, who are good friends of mine, I see

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Speaker 1: sitting there. We were sitting there and Kay pulled Anne

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Speaker 1: Aberdey aside. Anne was the work at the Center for

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Speaker 1: the Study of Southern Culture and was very familiar with

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Speaker 1: the University Press in Mississippi, and so she case said, now, Anne,

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Speaker 1: we're going to make him write this book, and we're

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Speaker 1: going to have coffee Wednesday. So we had coffee and

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Speaker 1: that turned into the next Wednesday, and the next Wednesday

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Speaker 1: and the next Wednesday, and the book was coming along,

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Speaker 1: and sadly Anne passed away that summer and the book

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Speaker 1: was dormant. Fast forward in October of last year a

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Speaker 1: year ago, former student and good friend Neil White was

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Speaker 1: doing a book that over in the Delta and he

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Speaker 1: wanted me to go with him. He knew where he

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Speaker 1: was going, but he didn't know how to navigate the

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Speaker 1: history and the weirdness of the Delta, and so.

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Speaker 2: He wanted me to go with him.

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Speaker 1: And we had a great visit over there, and on

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Speaker 1: the way back he just said, how's your book coming?

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Speaker 1: And I told him, I said, well, it's pretty much dead.

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Speaker 1: And we talked about it and he said, we'll send

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Speaker 1: me some stuff. And then he got back with me

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Speaker 1: and said, let's do it. And so Neil White is

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Speaker 1: just I mean, he's become a better friend than he

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Speaker 1: was through this process. But a funny story is if

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Speaker 1: you have not read Sanctuary of Outcast, then you really

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Speaker 1: need to read Sanctuary of Outcast. It is a wonderful

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Speaker 1: book about reflection and redemption and it tells about Neil

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Speaker 1: and his stint and federal prison in Louisiana. And so

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Speaker 1: we were doing a reading around my dining room table

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Speaker 1: with two copy editors and Neil and I and I

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Speaker 1: was reading and so I read that passage and I

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Speaker 1: got to the point where I said, and the criminals

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Speaker 1: would have been there if they could have.

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Speaker 2: And Neil raised his hand and said, I.

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Speaker 3: Was there, and Neil is Nautilus.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just been an amazing collaboration with Nautilus Press,

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Speaker 1: and this thing, this sport is unbelievable.

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Speaker 3: And you're about to do an audio version, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: A little nervous about that because a couple of years

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Speaker 1: ago there was a video that came out some of

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Speaker 1: you might have seen.

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Speaker 2: It went the COVID year.

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Speaker 1: I wrote a letter to the Old Miss Baseball team

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Speaker 1: called Dear Old Miss Baseball, and it ended up on YouTube,

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Speaker 1: had one hundred thousand views. And I read the letter

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Speaker 1: and Mark McCool, who's very talented videographer put scenes from

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Speaker 1: Old miss Baseball to it, and it got a lot

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Speaker 1: of response on on social media. But I was reading

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Speaker 1: the comments on YouTube and somebody said, who's that reading

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Speaker 1: Forrest Gump?

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Speaker 3: And now you're gonna read your whole book.

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Speaker 2: I've read. I've read my whole book and it sparky.

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Speaker 3: Stupid is a stupid? Does you wrote that? It's interesting

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Speaker 3: how behavior of students is something that has been with

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Speaker 3: us since the beginning of time. That Plato said, of

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Speaker 3: all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. I

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Speaker 3: also think Plato was the same person who said the

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Speaker 3: penalty for not engaging in politics as you end up

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Speaker 3: being governed by your inferiors. So Plato said some pretty

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Speaker 3: profound stuff. I think that's why we still know about them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so he said, of all the animals, the boy

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Speaker 3: is the most unmanageable. At the very first class, everybody

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Speaker 3: at the University of Mississippi, it was apparently pretty unmanageable too,

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Speaker 3: you write. One professor described them as disorderly and turbulent, idle, uncultivated,

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Speaker 3: and ungovernable. At the end of the first academic year

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Speaker 3: of eighty students in the inaugural year of our beloved

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Speaker 3: University of Mississippi, only forty seven had lasted through the

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Speaker 3: full term. Five had been expelled, eight had been suspended,

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Speaker 3: twelve had been allowed to withdraw, and eight had absented

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Speaker 3: themselves from the university, their whereabouts unknown. As I read that,

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Speaker 3: I thought about my freshman year at Ole, miss in

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Speaker 3: eighteen seventy six. In addition to hazing, kangaroo cords, gambling, drinking, cheating,

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Speaker 3: and disrespectful behavior toward faculty, students were also fond of

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Speaker 3: pursuing their favorite pastime of tying balls of flaming rags

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Speaker 3: to the tales of faculties cattle at night and watching

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Speaker 3: the animals run through the dark. I guess one case.

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Speaker 1: Students don't get any ideas, ok.

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Speaker 3: I just wonder if one I've ever called a forest

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Speaker 3: on fire. But anyway, I guess one could say that

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Speaker 3: the bad apples with which I had to deal one

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Speaker 3: hundred and fifty years later hadn't fallen far from the tree.

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Speaker 3: I always viewed student discipline matters as both the best

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Speaker 3: part of my job and the worst part of my job.

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Speaker 3: Justice might be blind, and while on a college campus,

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Speaker 3: one might need to be near sighted or far sighted.

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Speaker 3: I experienced that from you. By the way, Grace, tell

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Speaker 3: us more about how and why you approached these issues,

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Speaker 3: sometimes with near sightedness and other times with far sightedness.

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Speaker 3: Tell us why, as a leader of young men, which

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Speaker 3: is exactly what you were, that every offense didn't have

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Speaker 3: a specific reaction and every action the reaction changed depending

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Speaker 3: on the people involved in the situation, and why you

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Speaker 3: were so and how you were so creative and your

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Speaker 3: response to these type of issues. And feel free to

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Speaker 3: roll with some metaphorical examples of these times.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think that the one that really means both

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Speaker 1: to me is we had five students who got caught

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Speaker 1: for stealing the flag from behind the union and they

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Speaker 1: were ROTC students, and one of them they had been

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Speaker 1: to the square because one of them was being deployed

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Speaker 1: to Afghanistan, and they had gotten drunk and they had

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Speaker 1: come back to campus and they decided that they were

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Speaker 1: going to take the flag down and give it to

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Speaker 1: the one going to Afghanistan. And of course they got

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Speaker 1: caught on the camera, and the police report came to

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Speaker 1: my office and I looked at it and I called

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Speaker 1: the ROTC commander and I said, if this young man

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Speaker 1: is you know not, wouldn't be suspended, but if he's disciplined,

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Speaker 1: that's it going to do to his deployment. And he

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Speaker 1: said it'll probably cost him his commission, and so I

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Speaker 1: thought about it. So I said, we'll bring the five

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Speaker 1: five of them into my office and I have the

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Speaker 1: flag that they stole, and bring another flag.

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Speaker 2: And so I let them talk.

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Speaker 1: And we had a process where if a student would

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Speaker 1: take responsibility for their actions, then it was left up

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Speaker 1: to us to issue a sanction or whatever. But they

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Speaker 1: had to say we did this, and so I let

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Speaker 1: them talk and they talked and they said, we did it.

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Speaker 1: We were sorry we were doing it because we were

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Speaker 1: celebrating his leaving and wanted him to have something to

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Speaker 1: take with him. And so I said okay, and I

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Speaker 1: had the two flags folded, and I took the new

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Speaker 1: flag that the commander had brought and I handed it

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Speaker 1: to the four that were staying here, and I said,

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Speaker 1: your job until you graduate is to put that flag

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Speaker 1: up at dawn every day and take it down at

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Speaker 1: dusk every night. And I'm going to check and know

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Speaker 1: that you're doing it. And to the one who was

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Speaker 1: going to Afghanistan. I took the flag that they had stolen,

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Speaker 1: and I handed it to him and I said, take

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Speaker 1: this with you, and your job is to bring it

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Speaker 1: back to me.

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Speaker 3: We'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: I get kind of like I felt when I did that,

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Speaker 1: and I looked over the commander and he was wiping

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Speaker 1: tears from his eyes too. So but you know, I

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Speaker 1: think he might have learned as much of that from

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Speaker 1: that had we had put him on probation or suspended

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Speaker 1: him or whatever. I just felt like that there's discipline,

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Speaker 1: you know that you can you got to be careful too.

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Speaker 1: The one part in the book I tell about amnesty

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Speaker 1: where fraternities have a and guys don't take it. Don't

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Speaker 1: get any ideas again, but they have this thing where

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Speaker 1: they will steal composite. Sororities do it too, so don't uh.

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Speaker 1: They would steal composits and trophies and different things from

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Speaker 1: different houses, and so we were having a bad problem

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Speaker 1: with that. So I declared Amnesty Day and the uh

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Speaker 1: SO that said that if you had something at your

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Speaker 1: house that had been stolen from another fraternity or sorority,

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Speaker 1: you could bring it to my office and there wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be any sanks, no questions, asked, just bring it to

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Speaker 1: our office and we'll get it back to the right house.

438
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: Next day a couple of them brought trophies in and

439
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 1: then I started getting calls from the sorority house directors

440
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 1: and and uh uh, said, Sparky, these boys over here

441
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: taking plants off our porch. And you said, you said

442
00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 1: it was okay, And in one comment said they just

443
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 1: stole the portrait out of our chapter room. And I said,

444
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: where are you going with that? He said, sail down, ladies,

445
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: spark he's got it covered on this. And so was

446
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 1: the last amnesaidyay we ever had. We never had another one,

447
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: so creativit.

448
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 3: He didn't always work.

449
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't work, but there there was some humor.

450
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: We did have a student who was a freshman. He

451
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 1: lived in Huddleston and under his bed he was growing

452
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: marijuana plants with the glow light, and you know, and

453
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,399
Speaker 1: the police who who discovered it said they were the

454
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: most perfect plants that you had ever seen. They were

455
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 1: all perfect color, they were all the same height, and

456
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 1: there must have been at least two hundred of them

457
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,959
Speaker 1: under his bed, and they were about this tall. And

458
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: so they took him confiscated. He came in. Of course,

459
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 1: that was pretty serious. That was going to cost, that

460
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 1: was intent to distribute. And so uh he came into

461
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 1: our office and he went through a judicial hearing and

462
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: I was in there and he was expelled. And so

463
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 1: we were sitting there while they were filling out the

464
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 1: papers and he was crying. He said, mister Sparky, what

465
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:19,200
Speaker 1: am I gonna do now? I got a smart, smart.

466
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 2: Alec streak in me.

467
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 1: And I said, well, you could start a nursery and.

468
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 3: Pretty good at it.

469
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 2: He was crying. He blew snot bubbles out of his nose.

470
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 3: It's another part of the job, where leadership and just

471
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 3: being a normal guy doing a big job. There's another

472
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 3: brother job besides discipline, and that's handling trauma, the one

473
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 3: closest to me. And I'm going to try to do

474
00:28:55,440 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 3: this without breaking up. And I was reminded of it

475
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 3: driving here two hours ago when I passed by the memorial.

476
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 3: I was a freshman when the Coos were hit. That

477
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 3: had to have been certainly as traumatic for our town

478
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 3: and our campus and certainly the Coos and anybody who

479
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 3: was here then when I talk about it, I know

480
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 3: they feel it. I know you feel it. How to

481
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 3: even deal with that as a dean, as someone who's

482
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 3: supposed to lead kids and we were just kids. And

483
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 3: for those listening who don't know, I don't want to

484
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 3: be I don't want to sensatialize it. But there was

485
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 3: a walk and the coyos were raising money on the highway.

486
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 3: A truck with a trailer and some WAT equipment came

487
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 3: over a hill. The highway patrol was not escorting them

488
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 3: for some reason and hit a car and the truck

489
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 3: and the car and the trailer overturned and scattered through

490
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 3: a large group of girls walking down the side of

491
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 3: the road and five paris but many were injured. In

492
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 3: Oxford at that time, it was every ambulance, firetruck and

493
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 3: police probably within a thirty mile radius, on the scene.

494
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 3: And it shut us down and it paralyzed us. And

495
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 3: you were on the front lines.

496
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: About well, I really wasn't on the front lines. I

497
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: see my good friend and supervisor, Dean Trot here.

498
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 3: You about to say, Judy Trotz, Yes, Judy trot Holy smokes, ye,

499
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 3: please stand up, stand up, please, please stand up. Please

500
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 3: you get another round of a bus for everybody listening

501
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 3: that does no. Basically, Bartie handled the Knucklehead Boys and

502
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 3: Judy Trott was the dean for the Lovely Ladies at

503
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: Old Miss at the time pretty much, and so I

504
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 3: guess you were partnered on this mess. Well.

505
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 1: The day it happened, it was just a pristine spring day,

506
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 1: and we had an incredible team at the time, with

507
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: Gerald Turner and Tom Merritt and Donfrey, Jay and Robert

508
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: Kayat and everybody scattered and went to different places Memphis,

509
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: the trauma center, the emergency room, and I got a

510
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 1: call from the Coyo House and nobody was there and

511
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: they said, can somebody come over here?

512
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 2: So I went to the Coyo House.

513
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 1: And I didn't realize at the time what that was

514
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 1: going to mean, because I ended up serving as the

515
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: conduit between the administration the university and the chapter.

516
00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 2: And the advice. And I tell you, the Kymega advisors.

517
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 1: Were unbelievable in what they did in making that thing happen.

518
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 1: The hardest part was that Gerald Turner called me who

519
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: was the chancellor, who was the chancellor, and said, can

520
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 1: you get the girls together? And we want to tell

521
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: them that two of the women have passed away. And

522
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 1: I said, well, who do you want to do it?

523
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: And he said you And so that's probably the hardest

524
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: thing I've ever had to do.

525
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 2: I think.

526
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: I write in the book that we had called the

527
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: campus ministers over and my good friend Duncan Gray came

528
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: over and before I did it, I asked him to

529
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: offer a prayer. And I said in the book that

530
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: while he was talking to God, I had him on

531
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 1: a different line, asking him to help me to what

532
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:48,239
Speaker 1: I was going to say. But the university's response to

533
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 1: that was pretty amazing. And there was a group from

534
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 1: d C, a federal funded program and National Organization of

535
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 1: Victims Assistance came in and they shepherded us through that process.

536
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 1: But there were no right answers, there were no wrong answers.

537
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 1: You just took care of what was in front of you,

538
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: and it just something kicked in And till this day

539
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: I talked to women who I got to know through that.

540
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 3: How do you you have to be there for the

541
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 3: people you're serving, You have to lead them through this

542
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 3: trauma and this pain. But you're only a human being.

543
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 3: I mean as a dean, you're the dean, and everybody

544
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 3: that's the dean. This is the person in charge, this

545
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 3: is our leader, this is whatever. But when all of

546
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 3: it's over, you haven't had a chance to mourn, you

547
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 3: haven't had a chance to decompress. You haven't had a

548
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 3: chance to self care. How does that work?

549
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 1: We did some debriefing as a staff and working with

550
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: Universal Counselors for ourselves. The National Organization Victims Assistants pulled

551
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: me aside and said, you're going to hit the wall

552
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: when it's all over that You're adrenaline is going to

553
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: keep pumping and there's going to be nothing to do,

554
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: and that'll drive you crazy. You know, where you wanting

555
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: to do something, You're pumped up and there's nothing to do.

556
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:17,879
Speaker 1: And so it really did hit me hard. Almost eight

557
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: months later, we lost a student that I was very

558
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: close with and ended up giving the homily at his

559
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 1: memorial service in Florida.

560
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 2: And I'd learned from the CAO incident how to handle it.

561
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 1: So when I got back from Florida that night, I

562
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 1: got me, turned out the lights, put on a Jimmy

563
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 1: Buffett album and laid on the floor with two Hannickins

564
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 1: and cried.

565
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 2: Everybody handles it differently. There's no right way or wrong way.

566
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 1: I think you just do what your heart tells you.

567
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 3: And that concludes Part one of my conversation with Sparky Reared,

568
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 3: and trust me, it gets better. You don't want to

569
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 3: miss Part two. It's now available to listen to. Together, guys,

570
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 3: we can change this country and it starts with you.

571
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 3: I'll see in part too,