Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Don't bogart that prescription man. The groovous Federal Advisory Panel ever,
Speaker 2: has just released a report that claims patient suffering from
Speaker 2: serious diseases should be allowed to smoke medical marijuana.
Speaker 3: While critics all right, while.
Speaker 2: Critics contend marijuana is dangerous and often leads to much
Speaker 2: more addictive substances like laughter and sex.
Speaker 3: Here's the drugs are, where the drugs are.
Speaker 4: What I will absolutely support, though, is the notion that
Speaker 4: I think this report readmirably made that there are other
Speaker 4: cannabinoids besides thhc ah.
Speaker 2: Yes, the itching and swelling of cannabinoids and the embarrassment
Speaker 2: of eating your donut pillow. Doctors are worried about the
Speaker 2: respiratory effects of smoking marijuana, but there's some good news
Speaker 2: and some good news talk to me, dude.
Speaker 4: We recommend development of a rapid onset but non smoked
Speaker 4: delivery system, such as.
Speaker 5: An inhaler, perhaps similar to nasthma and haler.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and inhaler will likely be lauded by fourteen year
Speaker 2: old shop students, but drastically change the image of the
Speaker 2: high school burnout. I'm gonna kick your ass after Jim Dorth.
Speaker 3: Research.
Speaker 2: Monkeys become addicted to marijuana. They're desperate parents plea for
Speaker 2: them to just say, if you go to the zoo
Speaker 2: and see a gibbon in a beret reciting Ginsburg's howl
Speaker 2: over the whale of a Coltrane seventy eight, don't worry,
Speaker 2: You're not high the monkey is. A new study released
Speaker 2: earlier in the week reports that monkeys will repeatedly dose
Speaker 2: themselves with THCHC, the active ingredient of marijuana, if given
Speaker 2: the chance. Researchers found that squirrel monkeys repeatedly pushed a
Speaker 2: lever to self administer THHC through injection, though in all fairness,
Speaker 2: an earlier study had given all of the monkeys glaucoma.
Speaker 3: According to the.
Speaker 2: Scientists, the monkeys didn't show any sign of being sedated
Speaker 2: by the drug, though they did show signs of paranoia,
Speaker 2: claiming they felt like they were in cages while being
Speaker 2: watched by men in lab coats.
Speaker 3: Our next hell story.
Speaker 5: Should be of particular interest to our teen viewers who
Speaker 5: suffer from crippling glaucoma.
Speaker 3: For centuries, marijuana.
Speaker 5: Has been used as a self prescribed remedy for the
Speaker 5: terminal disease. Known as being alive. But last week, the
Speaker 5: Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives permitting
Speaker 5: the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law. It's
Speaker 5: a case that figures to settle once and for all
Speaker 5: the legality of medical marijuana and thereby effect the lives
Speaker 5: of no fewer than point zero zero zero one percent
Speaker 5: of American marijuana smokers. The federal government maintains, however, that marijuana,
Speaker 5: or as it's known on the street, funny pot cigarettes,
Speaker 5: is illegal period, and has severely criticized prescribing the drug
Speaker 5: to those free wheeling, long haired hippie aids and cancer
Speaker 5: patients just trying to score a free high off Uncle Sam.
Speaker 5: Those people are sick now, seriously, they're sick and they
Speaker 5: need help. Robert McGinnis of the Family Research Council has
Speaker 5: come out strongly against medical marijuana.
Speaker 2: I don't deny that, you know sick people who have
Speaker 2: been using it for a long time feel better after
Speaker 2: using this because they get high, and when you get high,
Speaker 2: you feel better.
Speaker 5: Robert McGinnis speaking out strongly and poorly against marijuana, medical marijuana,
Speaker 5: which is a miracle. Now the upcoming Supreme Court debate
Speaker 5: could even be a hotter button issue than Americans not
Speaker 5: sleeping enough. That's why it's the subject of tonight's even Stephen,
Speaker 5: you've just made.
Speaker 3: Me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like
Speaker 3: up your own acts?
Speaker 6: Tonight's topic should medical marijuana be legalized?
Speaker 7: Yes?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 5: The medical marijuana initiatives in California and New Mexico were
Speaker 5: approved by the voters solely to help seriously ill patience,
Speaker 5: for whom marijuana offers the only relief from pain. Who
Speaker 5: could deny an eighty year old woman a moment of respite.
Speaker 3: From her tortured existence.
Speaker 5: But I suppose there are a few individuals out.
Speaker 3: There who get off.
Speaker 5: Aren't other people suffering?
Speaker 3: Steven far out, Steve.
Speaker 6: Groovy point man, you're blowing my mind. Face it, You
Speaker 6: and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind Grandma's oxygen tent.
Speaker 6: The real reason you're pushing pro pot legislation is so
Speaker 6: you can suck on a tie stick and watch the
Speaker 6: walls bring in to pulse and bread. And now that
Speaker 6: you've duped a few misguided state legislators, I'm sure we
Speaker 6: can all look forward to you coming down with the
Speaker 6: convenient case of glaucoma real soon.
Speaker 5: This marijuana is medicine, Stephen. I'm pro people, not pro poto.
Speaker 6: Come on, Steve, you love ganja and the exhilarating rush
Speaker 6: of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives you,
Speaker 6: Whereas I wouldn't know where to start looking for a
Speaker 6: dime bag, I'm sure you've got great connections, so let
Speaker 6: me in on the dirty little secret, Steve.
Speaker 3: Where do you get your pot? Stephen?
Speaker 5: Just because I support medical marijuana, it's ludicrous to imply
Speaker 5: that I'm a dope fiend. That's like saying because I
Speaker 5: support the repeal of the marriage tax penalty that I'm.
Speaker 3: Into wife swapping. Don't change the subject, Steve.
Speaker 6: You know exactly where I can get my hands on
Speaker 6: some really deep chronic don't you.
Speaker 5: Let's get back to my wife swapping metaphor. Fine, let's
Speaker 5: what you're suggesting about my access to sweet Malaysian skunk
Speaker 5: weed is just as ridiculous as if I said, Hey,
Speaker 5: Stephen Colbert, why don't you and your wife come over
Speaker 5: some night this week and we can exchange partners. Would
Speaker 5: that idea appeal to you?
Speaker 3: I don't know, Steve. Would we be high. I don't know.
Speaker 3: Would you bring the dope?
Speaker 6: Steve, You're not listening to my argument. My argument is that,
Speaker 6: if for instance, I tried to buy pot, I couldn't
Speaker 6: get any, but I think you could get me some.
Speaker 5: You're not listening, Steven. You're in a fantasy world where
Speaker 5: I smoke pot and could get my hands on some
Speaker 5: very kind butt. But we would be wife swapping this Friday.
Speaker 5: Have I made myself clear?
Speaker 3: Clear? Is crystal, Steve.
Speaker 6: But let me see if I can just recap your
Speaker 6: really twisted argument. You're saying that if we were to
Speaker 6: enter into some bizarre love quadrangle, you'd be supplying the weed.
Speaker 5: Yes, okay, that sounds perfect.
Speaker 4: Great.
Speaker 5: I'm Stephen Colbert and I'm Steve Carell and this has
Speaker 5: been even Steven.
Speaker 3: Should we bring anything?
Speaker 5: Yeah, bottle wine would be nice.
Speaker 3: We'll be right back.
Speaker 9: One of the challenges of this job is to engage
Speaker 9: the audience in stories they have no inherent interest in.
Speaker 9: And that's that's gonna be tough again tonight, because sadly,
Speaker 9: we're about to talk about marijuana.
Speaker 3: Now grow up.
Speaker 9: Now, not everybody in the medical community is a big
Speaker 9: fan of it, but last Thursday that may have changed
Speaker 9: thanks to America's favorite doctor. No, not him, I'm talking
Speaker 9: about the real McDreamy.
Speaker 2: Doctor Sanjay Gupta changes his mind on weed.
Speaker 5: Sanja, you were very critical of medical marijuana for a
Speaker 5: long time.
Speaker 3: You've changed your mind?
Speaker 1: Tell us why?
Speaker 9: Whoa oh Sanjay Gupta getting on the Mary Jane train,
Speaker 9: chief medical correspondent of the Cannabis News Network talking some
Speaker 9: weed with Aaron Burnout and Wolf spliffser So, Sange, what
Speaker 9: changed your mind about the gange?
Speaker 8: I think you know we've been terribly and systematically misled
Speaker 8: in this country for some time. I took the DEA
Speaker 8: at their word when they said as a schedule on
Speaker 8: substance and has no medical applications.
Speaker 9: Wait, you took the Drug Enforcement Agency at their word?
Speaker 9: Is there any other other medical misinformation that you may
Speaker 9: still believe just because someone told you? You do know
Speaker 9: that you won't actually go blind from jacking it, right,
Speaker 9: because I just found that out two weeks ago and
Speaker 9: it's turned my life around anyway, Doctor g please continue
Speaker 9: your report on we.
Speaker 3: What's next?
Speaker 9: An exclusive report on tasty mon cheese huh.
Speaker 10: Very early studies on mice are now showing the potential
Speaker 10: of marijuana to kill cancer cells. Amache is using marijuana
Speaker 10: to help him with the pain in nausea from chemo therapy.
Speaker 10: Residents here are using marijuana for pain, loss of appetite,
Speaker 10: Parkinson's disease, and dementia.
Speaker 9: Right, because, of course, marijuana actually has real medical benefits
Speaker 9: and can be prescribed by doctors. In fact, dispensaries sell
Speaker 9: different strains to treat different problems. And on that note,
Speaker 9: if you want this drug with serious medical benefits to
Speaker 9: be taken seriously, how about adulting up the names a
Speaker 9: little bit. That way, a sick old man doesn't have
Speaker 9: to ask for a quarter ounce of Rainbow Diesel Funkadelic
Speaker 9: Cheddar Harmony. It's just a suggestion, but I have to
Speaker 9: give see an end credit where it's due. So ange
Speaker 9: Gubda copped to his error. Their Weed special answered the
Speaker 9: most pressing questions about the legitimate medical uses of marijuana,
Speaker 9: and they also answered the question that absolutely no one
Speaker 9: has been asking, what's Piers Morgan like when he's high.
Speaker 11: I'm going to make a shocking revelation here. I've tried
Speaker 11: cannabis when I was a young, younger lad, and I've
Speaker 11: also had to have Vikerdom when I broke some ribs,
Speaker 11: falling off embarrassingly a segue in Santa Monica, and I
Speaker 11: can tell you that it was the Vikerdom, which I
Speaker 11: was prescribed by my doctor, which gave me a massively
Speaker 11: higher high than the cannabis ever did.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is important.
Speaker 9: I would like to personally offer ten thousand dollars in
Speaker 9: rewards to anyone who can bring me footage of Piers
Speaker 9: Morgan falling off that segue. I'm mean, it's neither vicarin,
Speaker 9: nor marijuana nor the purest ecstasy could bring anyone as
Speaker 9: much joy as that videotape could.
Speaker 3: Today is what is today?
Speaker 2: April twentieth, And that date, when written in numeric forum,
Speaker 2: indicates that it's time for Uncle Johnny's super cush totally chillacs,
Speaker 2: sticky icky informative marijuana news report.
Speaker 3: What's What's up? I didn't have time to do the
Speaker 3: whole thing, and the.
Speaker 2: I honestly look like a rainbow haired Larry Fine from
Speaker 2: the Three Stages. Right now for twenty man best day
Speaker 2: of the year, Let's tune in and drop out and
Speaker 2: get totally baked on news. And there's one network that
Speaker 2: gets the groove that I'm grooving.
Speaker 3: It's four twenty bra times are a changeing. I just
Speaker 3: legally purchased marijuana. A new movement is growing. One network,
Speaker 3: one groundbreaking event.
Speaker 12: It's four twenty, So grab your favorite Monchi's and get
Speaker 12: ready for a night you wouldn't expect on CNN.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Like I always say, CNN is coolest and I'm way
Speaker 2: ahead of you guys. I got the munchies all set.
Speaker 2: I got my Ben and Jerry's Vanilla. Whoa, but I
Speaker 2: got my Ben and Jerry's vanilla afy Cooman crunch. It's Uh.
Speaker 2: It's basically lack tight ice cream with a girl bits
Speaker 2: of matsa hidden right inside there. The good news is
Speaker 2: the more you eat it, the less matsa you have
Speaker 2: to deal with. Uh?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 2: First up Weed three, take it away, Sanjay, feel good,
Speaker 2: pah hope he ties up all the loose ends from
Speaker 2: weeds one and two.
Speaker 8: Could marijuana help save veterans? It seems to be helping
Speaker 8: her PTSD using marijuana to treat the symptoms of Alzheimer's.
Speaker 8: She says marijuana makes her nearly pain free. He was
Speaker 8: once suicidal, but Sean now has hope. Hope that comes
Speaker 8: from this plant.
Speaker 2: Well you hear me, san n I'm ready for weed, stock,
Speaker 2: the whole thing, and you're giving me this.
Speaker 3: This is an actual news report.
Speaker 2: What are you gonna bore me with an economics lesson?
Speaker 12: Now?
Speaker 13: It has been over a year now since Colorado legalized
Speaker 13: recreational marijuana. In February, the state reported a fifty three
Speaker 13: million dollar tax revenue increase.
Speaker 3: This pot story isn't fun at all.
Speaker 2: It's all about disease and taxes and what about free
Speaker 2: love hot boxing and free love hot boxing?
Speaker 3: Come on, guys, hot raging dudes.
Speaker 14: Okay, lose the wig wavy gravy, which is a reference.
Speaker 14: I don't even understand. Nobody knows what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: Es happy four twenty you chilling ew ew Okay, stop
Speaker 2: enough enough.
Speaker 3: I'm just grooving to the hash Bama.
Speaker 14: No, no, you're not. You're making everyone look bad. Pot
Speaker 14: isn't just for shirless old dudes with bongos. It's a
Speaker 14: non addictive, proven effective medical treatment that is now raising
Speaker 14: much set a tax revenue for like schools, libraries, and roads.
Speaker 2: Ooh, look at the square what.
Speaker 3: Four twenty? What can't we just sit back, hit the
Speaker 3: dube and use a pink.
Speaker 2: Floyd gatefold album to sift out the seeds in our
Speaker 2: lid of skunk weed?
Speaker 7: What what?
Speaker 14: I literally don't know what any of those words need.
Speaker 14: Nobody uses record albums to sift their pot. Nobody owns
Speaker 14: record albums. I mean like I do because I'm cool.
Speaker 14: But what the hell is skunk weed?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 2: Skunk weed?
Speaker 3: Twag twag?
Speaker 14: What like free t shirts?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Like bad weed? There's a such thing as bad weed?
Speaker 3: You know what? Never mind?
Speaker 14: Look, this is now, John, and we don't smoke. We, babe,
Speaker 14: are scientifically cultivated, medical grade buds that we had hand
Speaker 14: delivered using a phone app called Dankstagram, which signs of
Speaker 14: delivery to show up precisely five minutes before our typhood.
Speaker 14: It's right.
Speaker 3: I got a vape?
Speaker 2: I vape?
Speaker 1: Oh really?
Speaker 3: Which one you got?
Speaker 14: Jeepin?
Speaker 4: You got a pax?
Speaker 3: I believe it's a vix it's a vaporizer.
Speaker 2: It's not a I add some albuterol sometimes if my
Speaker 2: allergies are kicking, an idea.
Speaker 14: You know, pollen in amazing, John, you make me so sad.
Speaker 3: I love you.
Speaker 9: She's awesome.
Speaker 2: But even with all marijuana's proven benefits, there's always one
Speaker 2: guy's got.
Speaker 3: To be a total nark.
Speaker 14: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Chris Christie says if he becomes president, he will.
Speaker 3: Crack down on states that allow the sale of marijuana.
Speaker 1: Marijuana is a gateway drug. We have an enormous addiction
Speaker 1: problem in this country. Marijuana is an illegal drug under
Speaker 1: federal law, and the states should not be permitted to
Speaker 1: sell it and profit from it.
Speaker 2: You heard the man, Hey, Let the man be ideologically consistent,
Speaker 2: or at least appear that way. No Christian administration will tolerate,
Speaker 2: let alone raise revenue from anything addictive or that federal
Speaker 2: law disapproves of. Roll the tape.
Speaker 13: Chris Christie is the guy that signed into lawby to
Speaker 13: legalize internet gambling.
Speaker 5: He claims legalizing sports gambling would add a new source
Speaker 5: of cash for his stake.
Speaker 2: Well, there is a difference, though, to be fair, if
Speaker 2: you smoke too much pot, no one comes to break
Speaker 2: it in knees.
Speaker 15: My guest tonight is a multi platinum selling recording authors
Speaker 15: whose new album is called Rolling Papers Chew.
Speaker 3: Please welcome, Where's Kalifah?
Speaker 15: Welcome to the show, up, dude, this is the second
Speaker 15: time so you I met you backstage now and I
Speaker 15: got high just meeting you.
Speaker 3: That's awesome.
Speaker 15: And I'm not joking. This is the second time. There
Speaker 15: was one time I was flying out of LA and
Speaker 15: you were ahead of me in the TSA line and
Speaker 15: you had to like take everything off. You had like
Speaker 15: hoodies and all that, and you were like taking it
Speaker 15: all off and I'm standing behind you and it smelled
Speaker 15: like every Snoop Dogg album. And I remember on that
Speaker 15: I was like, oh, I'm high, And this is like
Speaker 15: the second time is just like you do this everywhere
Speaker 15: you go.
Speaker 7: You inspired way I want people to get. I want
Speaker 7: you to get stoned free. You know what I'm saying, Zach,
Speaker 7: I'm the homie, you know what humanitarians.
Speaker 15: Before we get into the week, let's talk about the
Speaker 15: album though. Rolling papers to twenty five songs on the album.
Speaker 15: That's that's a lot of songs. Is that something you
Speaker 15: always planned this? Why did you want to have twenty
Speaker 15: five songs on the album.
Speaker 7: I've been working on this album for like three close
Speaker 7: to four years, and early in the process I asked
Speaker 7: my fans, like should I make it a double album
Speaker 7: or not? And they all told me that I should
Speaker 7: make it a double album. So it was always my
Speaker 7: intention to release a lot of music. I just had
Speaker 7: to figure out a way to make it flow in
Speaker 7: a way to you know, put it all together. But yeah,
Speaker 7: I definitely wanted to give people a full course meal.
Speaker 15: Right and when like when you it's just like we
Speaker 15: talk now, is.
Speaker 3: That what we're doing?
Speaker 7: Why did they hy a turkey burgers?
Speaker 15: It's been seven years since your your first studio album,
Speaker 15: Ruining Papers. Why's it taking so long?
Speaker 7: Well, I've just been growing, growing pot but for real, real,
Speaker 7: like I have a really extensive catalog. It's really really long.
Speaker 7: So I've been just you know, satisfying everybody on everything,
Speaker 7: you know what I mean. And now I'm back with
Speaker 7: another album where it's like, Okay, let's let's get back
Speaker 7: to and then create another ten fifteen years a legacy.
Speaker 15: And people think you're joking about growing part but you
Speaker 15: you are really big into the legalization of weed. You
Speaker 15: have a business Khalifa Cushion. Yes, sir, right, how how
Speaker 15: is the weed business going? Isn't as booming as people
Speaker 15: say that?
Speaker 7: Absolutely, it's really good and it's it's super cool because
Speaker 7: people are not as afraid of pot as they used
Speaker 7: to be, So it's like they ingested in different ways.
Speaker 7: They eat it.
Speaker 1: It's cream.
Speaker 7: It's like CBD where they've taken the THHC which got
Speaker 7: you stoned.
Speaker 3: They took that, they took that out.
Speaker 7: And now you can just enjoy the medicinal effects of
Speaker 7: it as well.
Speaker 3: So you have a choice as.
Speaker 15: A dad, would you let your kids smoke weed.
Speaker 7: When he gets to the legal age?
Speaker 3: Absolutely? Oh does he know you smoke weed?
Speaker 7: Absolutely?
Speaker 9: How do you know?
Speaker 7: It's hard not to know. Oh.
Speaker 15: Before I let you go, I wanted to talk to
Speaker 15: you about your body. The no this this became a
Speaker 15: big thing online, you know, which was always known for
Speaker 15: being like this scraggly dude, like you were really told
Speaker 15: six foot four? I think you started working out?
Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 15: Put on what thirty pounds?
Speaker 7: Thirty pounds? Absolutely, you look like you work out too, man.
Speaker 3: No, I just eat.
Speaker 2: Kind of like this suit.
Speaker 15: But how did you get thirty pounds on you?
Speaker 3: What did you like? What did you do? And how
Speaker 3: did you just get into working?
Speaker 7: I joined the gym in LA It's called Unbreakable, right.
Speaker 7: They put me on a meal plan and diet and
Speaker 7: all of that stuff, and it's a lifestyle thing. So
Speaker 7: something that I'm gonna do like for the rest of
Speaker 7: my life.
Speaker 15: So the new album is out, are we going to
Speaker 15: wait another seven years for the next one we know?
Speaker 15: Is it like, is it going to be Khalifa Kush
Speaker 15: all the way and then an album? Or do you
Speaker 15: see yourself on the road writing some of you?
Speaker 7: I see myself making a whole lot of music. I
Speaker 7: have a label, Taylor Gang, and I have a lot
Speaker 7: of artists that I focus on as well. Chevy Woods
Speaker 7: just put out a project called eighty one. We just
Speaker 7: signed Skate. We got a bunch of other people who's
Speaker 7: been working on music, Burner TOOKI, We got producers like
Speaker 7: TM and things like that. So just as long as
Speaker 7: the music is getting out there, it doesn't even matter
Speaker 7: if it's one of my albums, Like, just as long
Speaker 7: as people getting stone.
Speaker 12: I want to dig into all these angles with the
Speaker 12: greatest news team in the world.
Speaker 3: Let's go to the airport right now with Roy Wood Junior.
Speaker 4: Roy Right, well, you you interviewed.
Speaker 12: The flight attendants. What did the flight attendants say?
Speaker 3: Oh this is so good?
Speaker 16: Oh my god?
Speaker 3: Right, Roy, you you interviewed the flight attendants?
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, yeah, I was was I was gonna interview him.
Speaker 3: But damn, Mars is so good. It's so small, but
Speaker 3: it's so good. Right, I'm sorry. What's going on, right, Jordan?
Speaker 3: I just wanted to relax a little bit. Is full
Speaker 3: torning spots one is so so? I on a four twenty.
Speaker 5: I just smoked and smoked a little bit of weed,
Speaker 5: and I smoked a whole lot more.
Speaker 3: You're high during the show?
Speaker 15: Come man, the news.
Speaker 3: Is so depressing. Up then, I just needed a break. Plus,
Speaker 3: it's Black History month, man, Back up, off.
Speaker 16: Roy.
Speaker 3: You literally just told me it's four twenty that is April.
Speaker 3: Is that what the fall stands for me?
Speaker 12: Dead right, David, I'm disappointed. Sorry, folks, it's very unprofessional.
Speaker 12: Let's just let's go to Southwest headquarters to get the
Speaker 12: corporate reaction from our own Desi lighting, Desisi, Desi is
Speaker 12: Southwest policy on baby attendance going to change?
Speaker 13: There's an even bigger question here, Jordan, which is how
Speaker 13: did planes even fly?
Speaker 3: Like they have wings? But the wings don't flap. I've
Speaker 3: never seen a plane take off like this. God, David, Desi,
Speaker 3: are you I what?
Speaker 10: No?
Speaker 3: I mean yes, but on weed, I'm not like high
Speaker 3: in a plane?
Speaker 4: Is that what?
Speaker 9: You meant.
Speaker 12: No, that's not what I meant. Honestly, folks, look, I'm sorry.
Speaker 12: There's a total lack of professionalism. You deserve better. It's unbelievable.
Speaker 12: Let's let's try this one more time. Michael Costa, are
Speaker 12: you there with us?
Speaker 10: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, of course I am Jordans. I'm Michael Castla,
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah. And don't you worry because I'm not
Speaker 3: high on weed. I'm high on a cocaine.
Speaker 12: Okay, I'm very illegal, and.
Speaker 16: Well, don't you worry it it's medicinal. I bought it
Speaker 16: behind a Walgreens, So we're good.
Speaker 3: Did you at least interview anyone?
Speaker 16: Oh, buddy? I interviewed everyone. I interviewed the guy, I
Speaker 16: interviewed the baby. I interviewed every piece of luggage. I
Speaker 16: interviewed myself. That was interesting. And I'm gonna interview the
Speaker 16: plane once the lands on this run right, WHOA.
Speaker 3: Well, how did you get on an active runway? It
Speaker 3: was there was a door, it was unlocked. It was
Speaker 3: basically unlocked. You just walked through a punch of security
Speaker 3: guard and then you're here. You're there. Got to get
Speaker 3: out of there. It's not safe. Don't worry dude, I
Speaker 3: can't physically die.
Speaker 16: Okay, I see the plane coming, but bring it out,
Speaker 16: bring it out.
Speaker 7: Let's go ender the cinepon.
Speaker 6: A rock.
Speaker 3: What are you doing? There's a plane coming right right?
Speaker 3: But how did they get in the bunch? How did
Speaker 3: you even get that? You weren't even at the airport.
Speaker 12: Oh, I flew this does work?
Speaker 3: You said, start an airlocks. I was telling about the
Speaker 3: time that we could get the plane. You can leave
Speaker 3: the man, don't get hit by a plane. I can't
Speaker 3: believe you all got a high of work without me.
Speaker 12: Deisi Roy and Michael everyone.
Speaker 3: Hey, yea, you're old.
Speaker 17: Call Sarah Silverman and I'm back in New York City
Speaker 17: where now weed is so legal they have stores stores
Speaker 17: with weed.
Speaker 3: I mean, what is this? Twenty three other states?
Speaker 8: Great?
Speaker 17: But could I find someone to smoke this fancy new
Speaker 17: legal lead with. Do you guys smoke pot?
Speaker 8: Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 17: You buy it from the store now? Or do you
Speaker 17: guys still are you loyal to your old dealers?
Speaker 3: Yoused to have to go all around? I'm like, hey,
Speaker 3: I gotta text you a menu.
Speaker 7: So now you just go down.
Speaker 1: The corner and then there's like.
Speaker 16: A store right there.
Speaker 17: I noticed a couple of you have walkie talkies? Is
Speaker 17: it for work?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 16: Hey, you know this is Sarah Silverman.
Speaker 17: I just want to let you know that Curtis has diarrhea.
Speaker 9: And he might be a little bit late.
Speaker 17: Okay, well these guys didn't get Stoner comedy. But maybe
Speaker 17: i'd find some bud buddies at one of the new
Speaker 17: license dispensaries like the Union Square Travel agency, where buying
Speaker 17: drugs feels like, well, a little bit like making an
Speaker 17: appointment at the not so genius part.
Speaker 9: So when you'll legalize, they granted the first licenses, so
Speaker 9: people being fully incostrated.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 17: When I first up to New York City, the way
Speaker 17: I got weed was call my dealer or get into
Speaker 17: his Toyota Yaris and have to sit in a smelly
Speaker 17: car while I listen to his band's demo and here
Speaker 17: I mean, are you in a band?
Speaker 14: Not in a band?
Speaker 17: It's refreshing. Instead of dealers without professional boundaries, these new
Speaker 17: dispensaries have weed baristas aka bud tenders. I want the
Speaker 17: giggles and the creativity of a sativa with the feeling
Speaker 17: like I'm being held by like a sixteen foot man
Speaker 17: cradled like a baby.
Speaker 15: We have something for that, really, So what's your preferred
Speaker 15: method of consumption?
Speaker 17: Do you have anything that I can put up anally,
Speaker 17: like as a full story of some kind, not with
Speaker 17: weed in it, just anything.
Speaker 3: Not here?
Speaker 11: Are you high right now?
Speaker 13: No?
Speaker 3: I'd like to speak to a manager.
Speaker 17: Please, non high weed dealers. What a strange new world.
Speaker 17: At least the custom were just like in the old days.
Speaker 17: What are you guys going to do when you're high?
Speaker 10: We giggle?
Speaker 17: Yeah, lah laugh and do we get intimate?
Speaker 7: We get intimate and we get brownies.
Speaker 16: What's brownie is?
Speaker 17: Is that kind of some kind of sexy feminism? Oh,
Speaker 17: it's just an actual brownie.
Speaker 3: We're old fashioned, just brownies.
Speaker 16: Well that sounds good.
Speaker 17: That's right up my alley. Can I get high with you?
Speaker 8: Sure?
Speaker 17: When it's time to get intimate, you know, one of you.
Speaker 3: Guys will have to leave. Can we choose extraws?
Speaker 17: H And people aren't just using weed to enhance their
Speaker 17: eating and love making.
Speaker 2: It helps with a lot.
Speaker 3: Of anxiety or just like bet.
Speaker 9: Nerve pushing button where you're just like I don't want
Speaker 9: to talk to you anymore.
Speaker 17: It's like I feel like you smoke pot, and you
Speaker 17: realize that nothing you're worried about matters. I mean, basically,
Speaker 17: we're already dead. These users were so stoked on their
Speaker 17: legal weed it seems like anyone could sell it to
Speaker 17: them notes of hick or like anyone at all. What
Speaker 17: ills are you trying to solve with drugs?
Speaker 3: I'm just looking to get higher than I've ever been. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just ultimate high.
Speaker 17: We can do that with this st That's going to
Speaker 17: be seven hundred and thirty eight dollars. It is expensive,
Speaker 17: but it is cheaper than therapy. That's perfect.
Speaker 3: All in all.
Speaker 17: It's crazy to think that something you can buy now
Speaker 17: for a lot of money in a fancy store used
Speaker 17: to get people sent to prison, and many are still there.
Speaker 17: There are people here that were put in prison for
Speaker 17: weed crimes. Yeah, it would be great if there was
Speaker 17: a radical exchange of wealth with people who have served
Speaker 17: time for something that politicians are making millions from now.
Speaker 16: Absolutely, I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker 9: I'm I'm stoned.
Speaker 17: I still hadn't found anyone to smoke with besides the
Speaker 17: horny brownie lovers, But as usual, New York City didn't
Speaker 17: let me down.
Speaker 9: This is crazy.
Speaker 17: We're actually doing story about people smoking weed in New York.
Speaker 3: No, I'm smoking weed in New York right now. That's
Speaker 3: crazy and you're doing it.
Speaker 2: What kind of weed is this?
Speaker 14: So this is like sativa as a cookies blend, you know, classic.
Speaker 3: But I get it from a smoke shop.
Speaker 17: You get it illegally from a deli, Well.
Speaker 3: From a smoke shop. You gotta be careful with what
Speaker 3: you give.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 12: Yeah, my guy showed me photos of where he grows
Speaker 12: and stuff, so I trust him.
Speaker 17: Yeah, he is a picture of it.
Speaker 3: Hee, It's definitely true.
Speaker 17: Which led me to address the most serious question that
Speaker 17: this issue had raised. I've got a dog at home, Like,
Speaker 17: do you think she loves me? Or do you think
Speaker 17: it's just like I'm the person that feeds her, so
Speaker 17: she just plays ball.
Speaker 3: Your dog is love, and that might be what you need.
Speaker 14: And even if it's not directed to you, that's the
Speaker 14: love you got, Like, that's you, your dog. So does
Speaker 14: it matter?
Speaker 17: I guess it doesn't really matter whether you get your
Speaker 17: weed from a fancy dispensary or as part of some
Speaker 17: tragically misguided drug war, as long as you smoke it
Speaker 17: with a friend. My dog is love.
Speaker 11: I could cry.
Speaker 14: That's so beautiful.
Speaker 4: Love.
Speaker 3: My dog is love.
Speaker 17: Love made a mess on the carpet, and.
Speaker 3: Love clean that mess up. It's all love.
Speaker 16: You start tonight with the fundamental battle of the ages,
Speaker 16: not the one between good and evil evil one that
Speaker 16: immediately I'm talking about the fight between marijuana and alcohol.
Speaker 16: Alcohol has had the upper hand for decades, but now
Speaker 16: it appears that marijuana is pulling ahead well.
Speaker 12: For the first time ever, daily marijuana use is now
Speaker 12: pacing daily alcohol use.
Speaker 13: This is according to a new national study. Millions of
Speaker 13: people in the US report using marijuana daily or nearly
Speaker 13: every day. According to the National Survey on Drug Use
Speaker 13: and Health, those people now outnumber those who say they
Speaker 13: are daily or near daily drinkers of alcohol.
Speaker 16: That's right, daily pot smokers are beating daily alcohol drinkers
Speaker 16: in the race to see who can escape their sad
Speaker 16: lives more quickly.
Speaker 3: But in some ways it makes sense. You know, edibles
Speaker 3: are just much.
Speaker 16: More efficient than booze. I mean, have you ever tried
Speaker 16: to get a trick or treater drunk? It's almost impossible.
Speaker 16: Of course, the rising popularity of weed is a good
Speaker 16: reminder to the beer.
Speaker 3: Industry that they got lazy.
Speaker 16: They thought they could just sit back and relax while
Speaker 16: Tommy Chong bought every goddamn ad on Twitter. You know, congrats,
Speaker 16: beer companies, you lost to that well known super ambitious type,
Speaker 16: a hardworking go getter Tommy Chong now weed an alcohol aside.
Speaker 16: The larger issue is that maybe, just maybe we shouldn't
Speaker 16: be depending on all these substances in the first place.
Speaker 16: You know, life is much better when you're sober and
Speaker 16: we can really feel everything authentic. Please, That's an epiphany
Speaker 16: I had on my weekly ayahuasca voyage.
Speaker 3: So explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe
Speaker 3: by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 5: Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Speaker 5: Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 14: Paramount Podcasts