WEBVTT - Alexia Nepola and Jennifer Fessler and the Gray Divorce 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:17.120 Hi, guys, welcome back to I Do Part two. I'm 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:19.800 so excited to be on today on one of your 0:00:19.840 --> 0:00:23.520 celebrity mentors, Alexia Nicola from the Real Housewives of Miami. 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.120 And I'm so excited to have my fellow mentor, Jennifer 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:30.240 Bestler from the Real Housewives of New Jersey on with 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:30.960 me today. 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:34.440 Hi girl, how are you good? And I'm doing great? 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:35.879 How are you, Patsey. 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:38.720 I'm very excited to have a chance to like we've 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.639 I mean, we've met before, but we haven't really had 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:45.560 a chance to sit down and shoot. I'm a huge fan, 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:46.319 to be. 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:47.000 Honest, thank you. 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.360 I'm also a fan of your show, and i'm you 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:51.120 and I'm so happy that we get to do this 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:52.320 together and have some fun. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:53.480 Me too, Me too. 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.800 It's going to be, actually, I think, a really interesting episode. 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:01.040 I mean, the longest it's not about me and my divorce. 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:03.880 I can talk about anybody else's divorce, right. 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:07.880 What divorce going there? I have a feeling you're a 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:08.800 little tired of it. 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:11.520 Yeah, I kind of am. Yes, I am here. You 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:13.400 want me to ask you about it? When I've got 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:14.960 the notes, Well, you know it's not in the notes. 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:16.319 And when I got the notes, and I'm like, oh 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:18.080 my god, of course, yes, I'll do it as long 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:19.880 as I don't have to get to talk about mine. 0:01:20.120 --> 0:01:22.920 But you know, divorce is going on every single second, 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:26.760 every single minute that we're talking unfortunately, but you know, 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.360 sometimes you know it is necessary, and I feel like 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:33.000 being in the public eye is is just one of 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.080 the causes of divorce just in itself, just like for 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:38.840 me personally, Like that's what I believe. And today we're 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:42.440 going to be talking about celebrities who are you know, 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.320 who are going through a divorce right now, and you know, 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:47.240 different kind of divorces we're going to talk about, which 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.040 is actually like fawn and cute because I don't know 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:51.240 about you, but I had never heard about great divorce 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:52.160 and silver divorce. 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:53.200 You know. 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:54.680 I just I want to say you and I'm not 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:56.680 asking you anything. I just want to say that I 0:01:56.680 --> 0:02:00.960 think that, Uh, it's like, I think so easy right 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:04.120 for people in the outside to watch. They don't know 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:06.440 what you've been through, but they know what they read 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:09.880 or they know what they hear, and it just what 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:13.040 you've been through reminds me. I hadn't been divorced, but 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:14.720 I was separated for like a year and a half 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:20.840 and there is it is such I'm very crass, Alexias, 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:22.960 so forgive me, but it is such a mindfolk right 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:25.600 when you have those types of feelings that you have 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:27.880 immu least at my age I had. I was seeing 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:30.480 someone when I was in my separation, and the feelings 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:33.440 are overwhelming for me, especially I was, you know, I 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:36.960 was older and got caught up in this relationship that 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:41.680 I had. It felt like the sparks in the chemistry 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:43.959 and ultimately it wasn't right for me. And I'm not 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:47.239 asking you about you and Todd, but people don't understand 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:53.040 how hard that can be when you are intimately emotionally 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:56.400 involved with someone for whatever reason, and it doesn't matter 0:02:56.440 --> 0:03:00.360 what everyone says or what everyone does. It's like you 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:02.720 close your eyes. At least for me, I remember, and 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:05.320 all it is is about that person, that person, that person, 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:07.280 that person, that person, And I just know you've been 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:10.799 through it, and Sister, I admire you because that's not easy. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:11.440 It's not easy. 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.840 And you know what's the most diffical part is having 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:18.040 to share this, you know, on TV, because you know 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:19.320 it's already hard enough to end. 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:20.600 You're going through this privately. 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:23.400 You know between you know, your husband and wife and 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:26.600 then you you're like put in a position that I 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:29.000 was filming a show. And I've always been very real, 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:31.840 you know, I lived my truth. I've been very authentic. 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:34.560 And that's what you guys got to see. You know, 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:36.840 you got to see and will continue to see because 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:39.160 you know, our episode is you know, will be airing 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:42.280 for a few months now, so for a few months, 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.160 so you'll get to see like my whole journey and 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:46.560 it really has not been easy, but there was I 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:47.480 had no other choice. 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:48.880 I had no other choice. 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.560 And you know, like I said, you know, you guys 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:53.680 don't get to see the full story. You know, you 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:56.000 get to see, you know, whatever day I was filming, 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:58.280 whatever Alexa was feeling that way, you know I was that. 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:00.680 You know, I was an emotional roller coaster. You know, 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:03.000 sometimes it was good, sometimes it was bad, the highs 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:06.080 the lows. So you guys got to see me like 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:09.680 the most vulnerable and however I showed up that day 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:12.360 whatever I was feeling, that's what you guys saw. But 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:15.720 it was really difficult, Jen Like I honestly like I 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:17.400 don't know, but I feel like every season for me 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:17.720 is like that. 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:19.440 Well, I can't. 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.640 I'm not and I don't say this just to be 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:24.080 self deprecated. I was a friend of a housewife for 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:27.080 two years. It's not the same, right, Apple's stablished. I 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:29.760 haven't been through years and years of this. So but 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:32.880 for me, even on days that were bad, there's there's 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:36.839 life outside of what the camera catches. To have to 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:41.040 sit there, go through glam, you're getting phone calls, whatever 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:44.640 part of your life is creeping in and whether it's 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:47.239 you know, for me, my husband, my kids, a friend 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:50.080 is in trouble a and then it doesn't matter because 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.920 then boom, cameras are on. But all of that stuff 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:55.600 is still there. It's in your stomach, it's in your body. 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:56.120 You know what I mean. 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:59.760 It's like once you get that anxiety, my friend always 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:01.159 says is I think it's so true, Like it's hard 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:02.880 to get it out of your body. So now you're 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:05.159 filming and you already have the lump in your throat 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.080 and you're interacting and you're talking about things that it's 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:09.200 hard to even focus on. 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:10.120 I don't know. 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:15.280 I I give it one of the hardest things that 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:16.840 I that I've had to do, you know, one of 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.080 the hardest things, and then reliving it, because that's the 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:21.600 other thing that was some months ago. I had to 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:25.559 relive all that, you know, episode one, episode two, which 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.479 was a breaking point for me. And you know, and 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:30.400 you'll get to follow my journey, you know. That's all 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:31.720 like I want to say, Like for now, I don't 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:33.760 really want to talk about it, but you know, you 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:35.919 guys will get to see it. And you know, for me, 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:38.479 the most important thing is that it's unfortunate that you 0:05:38.560 --> 0:05:41.039 only get to see like, you know, bits and pieces, 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:42.760 you know, because the show is not only about me, 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:44.960 it's about other you know, but I shared the show 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:45.760 with eight other women. 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:47.440 You know, we all have a story to tell. 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:53.479 And again it's about Todd. I mean it's not easy, right. 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:54.640 I mean you don't get to see the full story, 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:57.360 you know, unfortunately for him. You know, since we're talking 0:05:57.360 --> 0:05:59.080 about him, you know you're going to get to see that. 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:02.400 But you know, there's good and bad, like in every relationship, 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:05.279 and there's highs and lows, and you know we're here 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:08.479 today to talk about other people's. 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.520 Yes, yes, I just wanted to make sure that that 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:13.960 you know that I appreciate just what you're doing, how 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:16.880 you're hanging on and you're inspiring. 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:20.400 I sometimes thank you sometimes like your pain turns into 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:22.839 a purpose, into purpose and if I can help any woman, 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:24.440 and that's not what I want. I'm not trying to 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:27.520 play victim. I'm not trying to be inspiring. I'm just 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:29.400 leaving my truth and I'm telling my story. 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:30.000 Well that's why. 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.159 By the way we're talking, we're talking about you guys, yes, divorced, 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:35.880 but right now specifically, we're talking about women of a 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:40.320 certain age that get divorced. And Alex and I were 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:42.560 just talking about something called gray divorce, which I hadn't 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:45.159 heard of, or silver divorce, and I guess it's when 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:50.799 people that are over fifty get divorced, over the people 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:54.000 that have had a long term marriage. But there's all 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:55.760 of this these tips. I guess it was in USA 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:59.760 today talking about how to survive that, because I think 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.800 it's probably different. Divorce is gonna suck, doesn't matter, the 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:06.680 age doesn't matter. But it's probably a little different and 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.600 maybe even in some ways scarier when you're older and 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:12.320 you've shared a life with someone for so many years. 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:14.680 House is someonney. You just shared kids with them, and 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:19.480 you shared money with them, and these things become you know, 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:23.560 all of a sudden, you get upended and everything that 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:26.320 you knew I think, I mean I haven't I haven't 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:32.080 gotten a divorce yet, you know. But anyway, so, but 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:35.720 there's this advice that in this article. So we'll just 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:37.200 like you're just go through it and then you'll tell 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:40.360 me what you'll take you So, uh, one of the 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:44.280 tips is don't expect to have the same lifestyle after divorce. 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:46.800 That's a problem that stops a lot of women from 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:48.720 wanting to get divorced because they're afraid, you know, to 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:50.200 lose their lifestyle. 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:50.920 Yeah. 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:55.240 Women, Yes, I stick you know, to their relationship and 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:57.920 because they're afraid, you know, they're gonna afraid what's going 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:00.600 to happen to them? And you know, like we said, 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:03.440 you know, they're older, so like where do they start again? 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:05.840 You know, the women in the workforce don't have the 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:08.720 same opportunities when they're fifties, you know, versus their twenties 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:09.360 or thirties. 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:13.160 So it's like a really scary position to be in. 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.240 And by the way, I have friends who got divorced 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:20.440 later in life, and I honestly, I hate to say it, 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:21.920 not all of them, some of them are living their 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.560 best lives. They some of them that say divorce is 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:27.800 so underrated, like it's the best by many of them 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:31.240 who also say they wouldn't do it again. You know, 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:33.600 their lives got turned so upside down. 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:35.520 What do you mean they wouldn't do They wouldn't have 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:36.280 to divorce again? 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:36.760 Right? 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:41.400 And so much of this. I know you guys know this, 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:42.920 but I'm sorry to say it out loud, But it's 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:45.960 just about finances, right, And I guess for a lot 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:48.120 of people, when you've lived a certain way, you know, 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:51.080 you don't have to necessarily lived like a housewife or 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:56.360 a billionaire. But even whatever makes you whatever's comfortable, might 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:59.320 not be so comfortable anymore, right, And like your standing 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:02.040 habits may have to change, and your home may have 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:05.080 to change. And forget about the fact that you're also 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:08.719 divorcing and all the complications that go along with that. 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:22.200 Not easy, right, Well, luckily we're going to ski about 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:28.079 delm what's his name, Delmo Dylan mulroney. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:31.360 he because he just also he filed for divorce from 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:32.200 his wife whose name. 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:33.960 There's no way you try that. I can't do it. 0:09:34.040 --> 0:09:37.120 I know, Prima, something she changed her name. Actually, I 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:38.000 think she made it worse. 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:40.480 I felt like her name before she changed, it was 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:44.840 a lot easier to see She's Italian sense, but from 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:48.800 her new name Prima. And you know, and in their case, 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:51.080 you know, you would you would wonder. You know, they're 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:54.360 both she's a singer songwriter. You know, he's an actor. 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:59.480 They have, you know, two teenager children, and they were 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:01.920 together for fifteen years, you know, and he filed. 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:03.960 But so, what do you think is happening? 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.240 Do you think that people are just getting like tired 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:08.480 of each other or they just like grow apart because 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.880 they spend too much time apart, and then they get 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:14.680 comfortable with being alone. I mean, there's so much to unpack, 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:18.319 you know, with these divorces. First of all, we don't 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:20.400 live in their houses. That's to start off with, because 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:21.880 you know, we all have an opinion, but you know, 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:24.040 we don't live in them, we don't sleep in their bedrooms. 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:25.800 We don't know what goes on, right, so we're just 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.960 kind of like speculating, you know, on what could have 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:31.800 gone wrong, and don't need them to know what went wrong. 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.520 And I'm sure I don't know. I'm guessing they didn't 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.400 read this article before they got divorced, and I think 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:40.040 their issues I don't know if it would be if 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:43.200 their issues are similar to getting a great divorce, but 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:46.280 like the money stuff, I would think for these types 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:49.439 of people from really big celebrities is also a very 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:52.319 different thing, maybe more complicated, maybe less complicated. I think 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:56.160 that he it says that they're amicable, right, I mean, 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:58.360 that's what the article said. It said, no one's asking 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:01.000 for anything, no one's denying anything, not arguing over children 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:03.240 or money. That seems very very unusual. 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:05.920 It seems to have a mediator. They haven't, you know, 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.480 hired a churney. They're trying to resolve it. 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:08.960 You know. 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:11.600 I think too that some people sometimes also, I think 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:14.480 it's a huge factor is when they both want out. 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:17.240 So when they both want out, I feel like it's 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.400 going to be amicable because there's nothing to fight about. 0:11:19.400 --> 0:11:20.840 I don't want to be with you and you don't 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:21.559 want to be with me. 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:24.520 And you know, we have two children and they're almost 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:26.920 sixteen years old, and we want to be good parents 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:28.680 and we're going to be civil about this. 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:30.400 So I think that's a lot easier. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:33.680 I think it becomes a problem when, you know, when 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:36.480 it's not consensual, you know, when they're not in the 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.040 same page. It's not mutual, like one really wants something 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:42.439 the divorce, the other one doesn't want it. And that 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:44.920 and also money, if you're not fighting over money, I 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.160 think money is like the number one thing that couples 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:47.839 fight about. 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.000 Yeah too, you see it. You see even like the 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:54.840 doorces that maybe could have started out amicable dissolve. I 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:58.440 don't know how pk and reads divorce started out if 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:00.199 it was amicable getting but all I keep reading is 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.120 I don't know the truth, but they're fighting over money. 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:06.160 Let me ask you this, Alexi. If you you're getting divorced, 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:08.520 you've lived in a house for years and years and years, 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:11.520 do you because they said something about don't get hung up. 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:12.320 On the house. 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:14.400 Yeah, because women usually get hung up on the house. 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:17.320 But then guess what happens. They can't afford it, because 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:19.840 you know, that's what happens. And then whatever little money 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:22.560 they're getting or whatever, even if it's a lot of money, right, 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.240 they're spending everything on the home, on the mortgage, on 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:27.440 the expenses, and then they run out of money. I 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:29.880 am always a firm believer that it's better to have cash, 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.400 you know what you want the house, stick your app, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.440 stick your boot, stick your house up your butt, And 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:37.280 I don't want your house, and you stay with the 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:39.439 house and you deal with it. I always feel like 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:41.840 it's better to have cash, you know, in your in 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:42.559 your brank. 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:48.199 Yep, yep, yep. So listen, I think that for me personally, 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:51.200 I wouldn't even want to stay in the house, like 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:53.560 the house is part of the old life, you know 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.360 what I mean. It's like I don't know, but I 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:56.599 know a lot of women do. They don't want to 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:58.160 be kicked out of their house. And I understand that. 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:02.160 But for me also, I and again I maybe I'm 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.160 just saying this, and when if it actually happened, I 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:06.679 would feel differently. But I would want such a fresh 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:10.000 start such I would want smaller, I would want easier, 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:12.920 whatever makes my life more peaceful. And I think a 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:14.240 lot of women do get caught up in that. And 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:15.920 I think they get caught up on it. First of all, 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:18.719 it feels like it's their house. Of course, maybe it's 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:21.480 the size they don't want to downsize. But also, I mean, 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:24.320 the experts are now saying, you know, just you won't 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:25.720 leave that I won't leave the house like it, you're 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.480 doing yourself a disservice in a way, so which I 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:29.200 can think is interesting. 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.120 Right, if you can't afford it, you're definitely doing yourself 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:35.160 a disservice. But sometimes it's more like fry, you know, 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.520 like I stayed with the house. You know, I understand 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:41.280 sometimes that moms want you know, women that are moms 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:43.360 and have children want to day in the house. People 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.240 the children are already going with your trauma of you know, 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.640 their father not living there and the separation. So then't 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:50.839 want to keep the children in the home because it's 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.200 familiar and it just you know, it's just better for 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:55.600 them as a family unit, for the mom and the children. 0:13:56.200 --> 0:14:00.320 But you know, speaking about divorce, data on in life, 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.520 the grades divorce, right, these older women are staying with 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:06.560 the homes, and then what happens is they burnt all 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:08.440 their money. They go through the money just to maintain 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:10.400 the house, and then they're left with nothing. 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:14.120 Right, Yeah, I'm totally on the same page. What about 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.880 So when I was separated and we were talking about 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:21.000 divorce just goes back a long way. But we've I 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:22.520 in my mind, like you have to be married to 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:25.000 a certain a certain amount of years, then you get 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:27.840 permanent alimony and what kind of alimony was getting. But 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.120 I don't think any of that. 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:29.680 I don't know. 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:31.960 I don't know exactly how it stands right now. But 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:33.400 I don't even know if there's any such thing as 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:36.000 permanent alimony, right, and if you get to the rest, 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.400 I don't things have changed a lot. 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:40.360 They have, you know, to benefit the men. 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:42.800 And with all the defense, you know, you know a 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.520 lot of these men, you know, they do were stuck 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:48.680 with permanent alimony so many years ago, you know, do 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:51.360 grow older and then what are the chances that they 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:52.080 can retire? 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.320 You know, and like some might have money for them. 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.920 Too, So you know, I'm I'm fifty to fifty, you know, 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:58.920 I feel like there should be some kind of law 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:02.800 that money can't be you know until you know, like 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:05.680 social security agents or you know, you're so much older, 0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:07.280 because you know, a lot of men have to keep 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.200 on working, can never retire because they need to take 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.600 care of their wife. But I think that also depends 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:14.400 on the state, right It depends also, like every state 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:17.560 has like different laws, you know and whatnot. But some 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.000 of these women, in other defense have never worked and 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:22.800 day in their life. So imagine you marry your high 0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:25.880 school sweetheart like in their twenties or and you know, 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:28.640 you have children, you never work. You know, they give 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:32.200 you like this, you know, beautiful, incredible life where women 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:33.040 have never like. 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:35.440 Had to, you know, be responsible for bills or anything. 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.400 And then they're left at fifty something and they usually 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:41.360 replace you with somebody that's younger. So you know, apart 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:43.640 from everything that you're going through, you also have to 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:46.000 worry about how are you going to live the rest 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:46.640 of your life? 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.480 No, it's brutal, and you know, I just I feel 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:53.480 like all of this depends on the specific couple, and 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:56.040 but there's always just so much mess. Did you hear 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.120 about Portia Williams? You did you? 0:15:58.200 --> 0:15:58.360 Yes? 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.200 By the way, you see that in What was It In? 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:03.960 What was It? In? And People and People Magazine? 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:06.240 Oh no, she was doing the Angela basset thing. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:10.240 Oh that was so bad. As I love Porscha. I 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:12.480 got to know Porsche. We want the ultimate girls' trip 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:16.680 together to Thailand, and she brought so much joy, you know, 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:18.600 just she just likes a pro room when she comes 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:20.600 in and by the way, she had just she flew 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:23.560 because you know, her work ethics are so strong. And 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:27.040 she left Simon and her family to come film with 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:28.960 us at the Ultimore Girls Trip. And she had just 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:32.200 been on this beautiful vacation, you know, with Simon all 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:35.800 over Europe, and she flew from there basically to Thailand 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:39.600 so she can work. And you know, I totally understand 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:41.720 Porsche because I feel like she's like me, like we 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:45.280 believe in love, the idea of love and the romanticism 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:48.440 and the whole thing. So she meets this guy and 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:50.720 she swept off her feet because he's like a prince, 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:53.320 you know from Africa whatever, you know. I mean not 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:55.640 literally a prince with with with the title, but I'm 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.000 just saying like, and he tweats her like a princess, 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.240 and she's just like falls in love with him. 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:01.040 You know, she's hot. 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:04.160 She doesn't have such great relationships in the past, so 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:07.080 it's easy, you know, when you're like down in Vronerbo whatever, 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.119 like somebody comes, you know, into your life and you're like, WHOA, 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:12.000 I feel like that, you know, you fall in love 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:12.840 with a person. 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.200 She talks about. I think they were like fIF there's 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:19.160 a fifteen year age gap, right, a seventeen year seventeen years. 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:20.920 You know, do you think that that's a factor. 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:23.000 I think that's the break. If I had to do 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:26.280 it again, I'm going older and I am. I don't 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:29.640 know if that was a factor specifically in their breakup. 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:33.560 I feel like, especially when you've been through a lot, 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.600 what you look for probably, at least my opinion, I 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:37.560 would look for peace. 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:39.680 Yeah, but that doesn't guarantee peace. 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:42.760 An older man that literally does piece and an older 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:44.920 man does not guarantee stability either. 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:46.359