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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio, Arnold

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Speaker 1: Palmer's putts and Donald Trump's nuts. You are here at

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Speaker 1: this point in the map of madness where the New

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Speaker 1: York Times in Politico tried to get away with lying

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Speaker 1: and reporting that Trump's Arnold Palmer penis length monologue. The

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Speaker 1: first thing he has seemed actually interested in in weeks

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Speaker 1: was just quote telling golf stories. We are also at

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Speaker 1: that stage of this madness where oh, by the way,

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Speaker 1: Trump went to work at a McDonald's yesterday, so at

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Speaker 1: least McDonald's got its clown back. And following Fox polling

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Speaker 1: positing that Trump leads nationally but Vice President Harrison reads

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Speaker 1: these swing states by six and she's going to win

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Speaker 1: the electoral college without winning the popular vote, we now

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Speaker 1: have Nate Silver forecasting that Harris will win the popular

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Speaker 1: vote and the electoral college. And he still thinks Trump

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Speaker 1: has a fifty three percent chance of winning, because I

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Speaker 1: believe the odds are now one hundred percent, that the

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Speaker 1: polling and forecasts have now lost all meaning. So we

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Speaker 1: will have to land this plane ourselves, and on instruments too.

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Speaker 1: And don't call me. Surely you've heard the Arnold Palmers stuff.

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Speaker 1: So I'll come back to that. The McDonald's thing can

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Speaker 1: be summarized as yet another event we see as a

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Speaker 1: buffoonish disaster, but his cultists and bosses think was a

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Speaker 1: triumph of populism, even as he saw them figuratively making

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Speaker 1: the sausage, literally making the fries. Trump managed to reassure

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Speaker 1: his puppet masters like Elon Musk, that he would never

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Speaker 1: raise the minimum wage, while still managing to extol the

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Speaker 1: beauty of the process and the work he'd witnessed at firsthand.

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Speaker 1: And then you realize he was talking about the beauty

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Speaker 1: of the French fries. So the forecasting, the five point

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Speaker 1: thirty eight average is down to a Harris lead of

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Speaker 1: one point eight. The Times average is Harris plus one,

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Speaker 1: ahead by a whisker in Pennsylvania, Nevada, North Carolina, and Wisconsin.

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Speaker 1: Harris behind by a whisker in Michigan. The Bullfinch poll,

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, has Harris ahead in Michigan by eight,

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Speaker 1: so it's either too close to call or eight points.

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Speaker 1: The new Tip poll released yesterday is Trump plus two,

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Speaker 1: which I would be a lot more worried about if

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Speaker 1: the previous Tip pole released Saturday hadn't been Harris plus one.

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Speaker 1: And if your pole, even if your tracking pole swings

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Speaker 1: three points in twenty four hours, see your physician about

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Speaker 1: your poll Arnold Palmer, which brings me back to Nate Silver.

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Speaker 1: Who does he see winning the popular vote? Harris seventy

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Speaker 1: three percent chance of that? How much of the popular

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Speaker 1: vote does he see her winning fifty and a half percent?

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Speaker 1: That would be a majority. How many electoral votes would

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Speaker 1: that giver? He says two hundred and seventy one to

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Speaker 1: Trump's two hundred and sixty seven. So who is he

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Speaker 1: forecasting to win? Trump fifty three percent chance? He says

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Speaker 1: this based on forty thousand simulations. She gets more Electoral

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Speaker 1: College votes and more popular votes, and he wins forty

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Speaker 1: thousand simulations. You say, Nate, Nate, I'm beginning to thank

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Speaker 1: you yourself for one of the simulations. If there were

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Speaker 1: any remaining faith in the institution of polling, it has

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Speaker 1: been more than erased by the loss of any remaining

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Speaker 1: faith in American journalism. I'm not going to play the

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Speaker 1: entirety of Trump's hemorrhage inspired or tumor caused or madness

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Speaker 1: in speech from Saturday. I do want to repeat two

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Speaker 1: parts of it to emphasize the media cover up that

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Speaker 1: has followed. By way of introduction, I will mention that

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Speaker 1: for a putatively straight man, Trump spends an awful lot

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Speaker 1: of time talking about other men's penises and using expletives

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Speaker 1: to demean women. He took showers with the other pros

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Speaker 1: that came out of there.

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Speaker 2: They said, Oh my god, that's unbelievable. I had to

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Speaker 2: say it. I had to say, we have women that

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Speaker 2: are highly sophisticated here, but they used to look at

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Speaker 2: our Eliza bed. So you have to tell Kamala Harris

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Speaker 2: that you've had enough that.

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Speaker 1: You just can't take it anymore.

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Speaker 3: We can't stand you.

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Speaker 1: You're a shit vice president. So you're covering that scatological

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Speaker 1: and genitalia ridden speech for the New York Times, and

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Speaker 1: your response is vote. Donald Trump opened his rally at

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Speaker 1: the Arnold Palmer Airport in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, with a ten

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Speaker 1: minute monologue about the golfer for which the airport is

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Speaker 1: named and who grew up here in the most pivotal

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Speaker 1: battleground state. With election day in just seventeen days, the

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Speaker 1: former president spent the entire opening telling Arnold Palmer golf

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Speaker 1: stories before finally launching in on the border Michael Gold reporter,

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Speaker 1: Unless Trump said Arnold Palmer played golf using his penis,

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Speaker 1: those were not Arnold Palmer golf stories. That was a

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Speaker 1: ten minute dissertation that concluded with a story about the

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Speaker 1: dead golfer's genitalia given by a manifestly insane presidential candidate,

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Speaker 1: so crazy and so guilty of so many crimes that

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Speaker 1: if he regains the White House it will almost certainly

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Speaker 1: required armed force to remove him. The Times would attempt

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Speaker 1: to clean up its latest sanewashing disaster. This is what

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Speaker 1: one hundred and seventy eight of them. By the what

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Speaker 1: if Biden had said this scale, They tried to clean

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Speaker 1: it up with something that was arguably worse. The same

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Speaker 1: paper that hung thirty news stories off one quote in

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Speaker 1: the corrupt Special Council Report from the Republican Operative Robert

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Speaker 1: Hurr about Biden's mental well being suddenly decided, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: we can put speculation or conclusion or analysis or guesswork

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Speaker 1: into a story about Trump's madness and ask why the

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Speaker 1: f he has just said something insane, and this is

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Speaker 1: what we write quote. It was unclear if the outbursts

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Speaker 1: and insults were an expression of his frustration as the

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Speaker 1: campaign grinds on, or of his reflexive desire to entertain

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Speaker 1: his crowds. At her own events on Saturday, miss Harris

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Speaker 1: called attention to mister Trump's temperament and his tendency to

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Speaker 1: go off script and ramble unquote Michael Gold again, who

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Speaker 1: I hope has fled the country already. You may have

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Speaker 1: noticed Michael Gold offered two possible explanations and only two

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Speaker 1: for Trump talking about penises and calling an African American

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Speaker 1: woman quote shit unquote, and they were frustration or a

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Speaker 1: desire to entertain ha ha. It's a minstrel show, right,

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Speaker 1: And neither of them were. Trump is a full on

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Speaker 1: KKK level racist and a rapist in spirit, if not

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Speaker 1: an absolute literal legal fact. And or Trump is absolutely

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Speaker 1: positively nuts. The Times later put together a thumbsucker about

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Speaker 1: Trump's supporters being worried about him. But I'm afraid at

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Speaker 1: the next cocktail party, somebody's going to have to explain

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Speaker 1: to ag Selzberger the publisher and Joe Kahn, the editor

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Speaker 1: that regardless of how this election turns out, they're done.

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Speaker 1: The Times is done. The Times actually more likely through

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Speaker 1: stupidity at a succession of Nepo baby publishers than by

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Speaker 1: wilful fascistic sympathies. They've actually destroyed the reputation of The

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Speaker 1: New York Times. And somewhere in Hell, Spiro Agnew and

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Speaker 1: Pat Buchanan are laughing, and yeah, I know, Pat Buchanan

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Speaker 1: isn't dead yet. I'm just trying to be upbeat here

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Speaker 1: for a moment. The nightmare, the true nightmare, is that

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Speaker 1: The Times has been front row for one of the greatest, unprecedented,

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Speaker 1: long running political stories in human history, just on to

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Speaker 1: sell more newspapers. First draft of history level. I mean,

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Speaker 1: this Trump saga is up there with the rise of

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Speaker 1: Hitler and the mid press conference suicide of the Pennsylvania

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Speaker 1: State Treasurer and the death of President Farat of France

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Speaker 1: at eighteen ninety nine, with his mistress atop him and

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Speaker 1: both of them atop the presidential desk. The madness of

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Speaker 1: King Trump and The Times could have owned this story

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Speaker 1: for all time. But the Salzburger Khan idea of how

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Speaker 1: to cover this presidential race is to put the digits

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Speaker 1: in the year twenty twenty four in alternating red and

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Speaker 1: blue boxes that look like kids wooden number blocks. Ooh,

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Speaker 1: that's journamalism. It continues to not be limited to the time. Sadly,

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Speaker 1: a news organization with a real fascism problem dos Politico still,

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Speaker 1: the employer of Ryan Lizza, also not only missed the

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Speaker 1: point Saturday, but buried the point and emphasized that if

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Speaker 1: there is not a provable case to be made that

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Speaker 1: the media is utterly controlled by the fascists, there is

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Speaker 1: one to be made that the media lives in utter

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Speaker 1: terror of the fascists. Politico. Trump appears energetic in scattered

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Speaker 1: Pennsylvania speech, and then the little picture of him with

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Speaker 1: the link to the article reads, Trump appears energetic in

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Speaker 1: scattered Pennsylvania speech. Yes, he was energetic talking about penises.

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Speaker 1: Energetic Trump Schwantz twenty twenty four Energy. Other news organizations,

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Speaker 1: most notably the Associated Press, got a completely right headline.

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Speaker 1: Trump kicks off a Pennsylvania rally by talking about Arnold

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Speaker 1: Palmer's genitalia correct, legally protectable, not weighted in any way,

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Speaker 1: letting the horror of the reality tell the story for you,

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Speaker 1: not even throwing in adjectives like energetic. Trump kicks off

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Speaker 1: a Pennsylvania rally by talking energetically about Arnold Palmer's genitalia.

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Speaker 1: Or Trump kicks off a Pennsylvania rally by talking about

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Speaker 1: Arnold Palmer's energetic genitalia. No, none of that, just the facts, ma'am.

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Speaker 1: Even the Washington Post got it past its deflavorizing machine.

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Speaker 1: Trump fixates on Arnold Palmer as all men in showers

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Speaker 1: during profane rally, although the writing on that is weak.

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Speaker 1: That kind of sounds like Trump was in the shower

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Speaker 1: during the rally, or he was providing the showers. And oops,

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Speaker 1: there we are back at the Russian pee tape. Seriously,

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Speaker 1: it is a terrifying thing to realize that Fox News

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Speaker 1: did a better job by several light years questioning Trump's

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Speaker 1: distortion field than did The New York Times this past weekend.

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Speaker 1: Yet there it is Howard Kurtz, blown out by the

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Speaker 1: Washington Post, blown out by CNN, and only a media

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Speaker 1: critic while he was there, now forced to scrap for

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Speaker 1: crumbs in murdoch Land weekends, sat face to face with

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Speaker 1: Trump and not only questioned Trump's original lie, but also

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Speaker 1: his lie to cover his original lie.

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Speaker 3: You're a famous line about Springfield, Ohio, and I take

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Speaker 3: your point that fifteen to twenty thousand legal Haitian immigrants

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Speaker 3: settling in that area causes a lot of friction. But

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Speaker 3: when you said, you know, it's gone viral there they're

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Speaker 3: eating the dogs, they're eating the cats. You say, you're

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Speaker 3: just reporting what had been said. But why not say, now, well,

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Speaker 3: look that turned out not to be true.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know if it's true or

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Speaker 1: not true. I read to this.

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Speaker 3: You don't know if it's true or not true. Now

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Speaker 3: it's been to month. Well what about the goose, the geese?

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Speaker 1: What about the geese?

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Speaker 3: What happened there?

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Speaker 2: They were all missing?

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Speaker 3: I was one, They say, he hell, he's how I

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Speaker 3: have no idea.

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Speaker 1: Howard effing Kurtz won New York Times. Nothing, it's a final.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah. The geese thing was also debunked. It was

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Speaker 1: a groundskeeper at the golf course who shot the geese,

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Speaker 1: not a Haitian, not an immigrant, A Carl Spackler. Oh no, wait,

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Speaker 1: Howard Kurts two New York Times. Nothing. It must have

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Speaker 1: been a double header. Howard got him to double down

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Speaker 1: on the enemy within Hitlerism.

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Speaker 3: If you talk about the enemy within, there's enemies America's

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Speaker 3: enemies outside the enemy within is a pretty ominous phrase

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Speaker 3: if you're talking about other Americans. Accurate, I mean, I

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Speaker 3: think it's accurate. And we were talking about and.

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Speaker 1: You know, I heard that the show The Enemy Donald

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Speaker 1: Trump's entire world is a lie. He reposted something that

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Speaker 1: actually reads January sixth will go down in history as

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Speaker 1: the day the government staged a riot. There's a picture

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Speaker 1: of the attempted coup to cover up the fact that

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Speaker 1: they certified a fraudulent election. January sixth, the day the

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Speaker 1: government staged a riot, certified a fraugilent election. So Trump's

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Speaker 1: morons are now so moronic and so unchallenged by the

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Speaker 1: media that he could repost that and nobody in The

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Speaker 1: Times or anywhere else bothered to even write about it

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Speaker 1: and write, Hey, wait a minute, the government staged a

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Speaker 1: riot on January sixth, twenty twenty one. I might have

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Speaker 1: to look this up, but the way I remember it,

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Speaker 1: the government was the was the Trump government, wasn't it.

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Speaker 1: Can we ask Maggie Haverman, She'll remember who is a

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Speaker 1: president on January sixth, twenty twenty one. Who staged the riot?

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Speaker 1: I mean, the media had the essence of an unprecedented

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Speaker 1: scandal involving Trump and Russia before he was elected, and

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Speaker 1: they blew it. And when the cover up came out,

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Speaker 1: they swallowed the cover up. And the scandal is so

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Speaker 1: obvious and needs so little work, so few threads to

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Speaker 1: be pulled on that even now, Trump's own director of

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Speaker 1: National Intel Diligence, a backwoods congressman named Dan Coates, is

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Speaker 1: still telling Bob Woodward that he still suspects Putin is

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Speaker 1: still blackmailing Trump. Did you read about that? No, you

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Speaker 1: read about Arnold Palmer's golf stories. The entire media please

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Speaker 1: remember to include Elon Musk and Joe Rogan and the

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Speaker 1: QAnon ecosphere in that phrase. They are the media to

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Speaker 1: these people just as much as CBS News is. It's

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Speaker 1: all the same now. The entire media is ninety five

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Speaker 1: percent a lie designed to make the liar's money and

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Speaker 1: to make Trump the dictator, period. But the New York

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Speaker 1: Times has pretty kids number blocks red blue, red blue.

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Speaker 1: See how that works, journalism, Use it or lose it.

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Speaker 1: On January twentieth, and if you think you're going to

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Speaker 1: placate him on this, mister sealzburger By prostituting yourself between

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Speaker 1: now and then join the long list of those who

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Speaker 1: figured they could handle him and wound up with nothing.

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Speaker 1: My ex SportsCenter co anchor the Dits Sage Steele, went

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Speaker 1: full Maga, got fired, full fascist, assumed the Maga martyrdom robes,

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Speaker 1: and then got to MC a town hall for Trump yesterday,

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Speaker 1: And because she mentioned the wrong football team, the Trump

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Speaker 1: crowd booed the hell out of her and Trump got

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Speaker 1: her name wrong. Congratulations, Sage, you sold your soul and

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Speaker 1: you have won a customized Maga hat with your name

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Speaker 1: on it misspelled. Mister Selzburger, you and your Times executives

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Speaker 1: and editors are becoming Sage Steel. You will have helped

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Speaker 1: end democracy in America or damn near done. So those

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Speaker 1: of us who survive will remember. So, how did we

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Speaker 1: get here? How a week and a day before the

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Speaker 1: election could we possibly be in this situation? I have

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Speaker 1: some thoughts. These thoughts are summarized by two words, Mike Tyson,

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Speaker 1: that's next. This is countdown. So what I asked before

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Speaker 1: the break, how did we get here? How are we

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Speaker 1: one weekend, one day to the election, And how is

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Speaker 1: it possible that the polls show anything other than a

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Speaker 1: double digit lead for the Party of the non racist

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Speaker 1: able to read non conspiracy theory candidate. How are we

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Speaker 1: in a place where one genuinely insane man in Donald

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Speaker 1: Trump is promising to appoint another one, Robert F. Kennedy

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Speaker 1: Junior to his cabinet? What as Secretary of Phone Sex.

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Speaker 1: The answer is two words, Mike Tyson. You may recall

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Speaker 1: that by marriage and adoption, Mike Tyson and I are cousins,

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Speaker 1: distant cousins. Legally we are distant cousins. The boxing trainer

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Speaker 1: custom Otto actually cared about the troubled and even abandoned

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Speaker 1: or orphaned kids he took on as fighters. He became

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Speaker 1: legal guardian for several of them, including Tyson, who told

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Speaker 1: me that Cus really was his father. Okay, that's his half.

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Speaker 1: My half is Cuss's niece, Geraldine. Jerry married my uncle John.

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Speaker 1: They were married for more than sixty years. She was

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Speaker 1: my aunt Jerry. When I met him decades ago in

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Speaker 1: La Tyson was surly and threatening and then I mentioned

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Speaker 1: Jerry and his eyes lit up. You're her nephew, cousin.

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Speaker 1: It was custom Otto and his associate Kevin Rooney, who

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Speaker 1: perfected the management of Tyson's medication in such a way

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Speaker 1: that they could keep him stable nearly all the time,

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Speaker 1: and then they would gradually lower the dose on the

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Speaker 1: meds in the weeks and the days before a fight,

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Speaker 1: so that all of Tyson's maniacal energy, murderous intent would

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Speaker 1: appear in the ring and only in the ring. Customatto

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Speaker 1: died in nineteen eighty five when Tyson was nineteen and

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Speaker 1: on the verge of greatness, and he left care of Mike,

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Speaker 1: both as a boxer and as a person, to Kevin Rooney.

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Speaker 1: And then in nineteen eighty eight, two men stepped in

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Speaker 1: to try to take over Mike Tyson's contract and Mike

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Speaker 1: Tyson's life, and the two men were Don King and

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Speaker 1: Donald Trump. And Don King said Tyson should be making

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Speaker 1: millions more than he did under Rooney and the manager

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Speaker 1: Bill Cayton, and Trump showed Tyson the world of jet setters.

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Speaker 1: When Tyson complained that the drugs that he needed to

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Speaker 1: keep life manageable and to keep him from, you know,

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Speaker 1: driving into trees and trying to kill people, that those

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Speaker 1: drugs made him sleepy and uncomfortable and unhappy, Trump told Tyson,

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Speaker 1: why are you taking them? You're the youngest heavyweight im

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Speaker 1: in this, or you can do it to you tell

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Speaker 1: them what drugs you'll take. They don't know you, who

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Speaker 1: knows if the drugs really do you any good. You're

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Speaker 1: not the trouble kid anymore. You're an adult man. You're

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Speaker 1: the champion you got. You remind me of Arnold Palmer.

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Speaker 1: Dump these idiots making money off you, Trump said, and

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Speaker 1: come with me and Don King, and we won't make

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Speaker 1: you take those drugs. For a long time, I thought

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Speaker 1: this was just Trump's pitch to get his fingers into

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Speaker 1: Tyson's career and money. But now I begin to think

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Speaker 1: it's Trump's philosophy of life, and it applies to those

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Speaker 1: people who endlessly, desperately and permanently support Trump no matter

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Speaker 1: what he does, no matter what he says, no matter

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Speaker 1: how he lies, no matter how he fails them, no

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Speaker 1: matter who's shlong he talks about, no matter what he

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Speaker 1: does to them. Between now and next Tuesday, Trump gives

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Speaker 1: to his apocalyptic health Gate portion of America the license

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Speaker 1: to metaphorically take the drugs or no doubt literally in

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Speaker 1: many occasions. You hate black people, and you've been pretending

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Speaker 1: all the time this is America Land of the free.

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Speaker 1: They are the ones getting special treatment. You are the

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Speaker 1: victims of racism. You are uneducated, and even life's simplest

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Speaker 1: tasks confuse and scare you. Education is unnecessary. Your natural

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Speaker 1: common sense. Why that's much more valuable than a thousand

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Speaker 1: degrees from the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania

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Speaker 1: purchased after the fact by major donations by your father.

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Speaker 1: Oh maybe that's a bad example. You are told you

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Speaker 1: have failed in life, that you're lazy, that you're an underachiever.

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Speaker 1: You've let people down. Know you are the victims. They

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Speaker 1: are out to get you. They rigged the system so

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Speaker 1: you would fail. Look at what they did to me,

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Speaker 1: the multi millionaire, a multi billionaire victim. Look at the

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Speaker 1: great men in life and what they did to them.

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Speaker 1: Look at they did the Alphonse Capone and Hannibal Lecter

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Speaker 1: and Arnold Palmer. You have to have self discipline to

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Speaker 1: get something out of your life. You have to control

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Speaker 1: your impulses. You have to listen to your boss, or

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Speaker 1: your wife, or your government when they're trying to keep

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Speaker 1: you from getting killed by a disease. Nobody knows anything

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Speaker 1: about the hell. You have to listen to them. You're

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Speaker 1: not the troubled kid anymore. You're an adult man, a

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Speaker 1: champion of God. Work with me, and not only won't

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Speaker 1: I make you ever do anything you don't want to do.

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Speaker 1: I'll let you do whatever you want to do. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know how that turned out. You know how it

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Speaker 1: turned out for Mike Tyson. The next thing you know,

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Speaker 1: Mike Tyson has a giant face tattoo that looked like

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Speaker 1: he'd had a really bad collision with a wrought iron

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Speaker 1: bird feeder, and he'd been convicted of rape, and he

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Speaker 1: was living in a prison for three years. And we

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Speaker 1: know how it worked out for America. America got Trump

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Speaker 1: and four years in his prison, and now nearly half

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Speaker 1: of us are saying four more years in prison. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, but none of my failed life is my fault.

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Speaker 1: Where the hell do I sign? I've done all the

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Speaker 1: damage I can do here? Thank you for listening. We're

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Speaker 1: now back to five episodes a week, posting nightly just

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Speaker 1: after midnight Eastern. Follow me for the podcast promo videos

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Speaker 1: on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, x, Instagram, and U tak.

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Speaker 1: Once again, as you are listening to it now, there

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Speaker 1: is a Monday countdown. Please send it to somebody who

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Speaker 1: does not know that they need to listen to this,

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Speaker 1: but should, and as I say, at other points in

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Speaker 1: this broadcast, while they still can. Brian Ray and John

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Speaker 1: Phillip Schenel, musical directors, have Countdown, arranged, produced, and performed

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Speaker 1: most of our music. Mister Chanel handled orchestration and keyboards.

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Speaker 1: Mister Ray was on the guitars, bass and drums. It

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Speaker 1: was produced by Tko Brothers. Our satirical and pithy musical

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Speaker 1: comments are by the best baseball stadium organist ever, Nancy Faust.

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Speaker 1: Sports music is the Olderman theme from ESPN two, written

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Speaker 1: by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN Inc. Other music

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Speaker 1: arranged and performed by the group No Horns Allowed. Everything

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Speaker 1: else was pretty much my fault. It's countdown for today

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Speaker 1: two weeks in a day until the twenty twenty four

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Speaker 1: presidential election, three hundred and eighty fifth day since convicted

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Speaker 1: felon dissociative fugue Jay Trump's first attempted coup against the

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Speaker 1: democratically elected government of the United States. You know that

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Speaker 1: coup that was staged by the government, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: Trump was the government. I've been fooled, Use the election,

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Speaker 1: use the metal health system, use presidential immunity to keep

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Speaker 1: him from doing it again while we still have a chance.

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Speaker 1: He's found his life, my wife's work at McDonald's. Let's

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Speaker 1: send him there. The next scheduled countdown is tomorrow. Bulletins

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Speaker 1: as the news requires. Till then, I'm Keith Olberman. Good morning,

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Speaker 1: good afternoon, good night, and good luck. Countdown with Keith

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Speaker 1: Olberman is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

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Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

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Speaker 1: your podcasts.