Speaker 1: Episode three seventy one Managing Money with a Partner with
Speaker 1: Julia Lilly.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 2: save money, embrace simplicity, and live your life. Here your
Speaker 2: hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen,
Speaker 1: my name is Jill, and today we are talking about
Speaker 1: having conversations and managing money with a partner, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever.
Speaker 1: We are going to be talking any relationship where you
Speaker 1: are managing money together. You're gonna want to stick around
Speaker 1: for this one.
Speaker 3: Oh she's a good one. She's a real good one.
Speaker 1: That's all. And Jill learns some stuff from this episode
Speaker 1: from this interview.
Speaker 4: So health space, and yet I have a lot.
Speaker 3: Of room for improvement.
Speaker 1: So but first, this episode is brought to you by
Speaker 1: every couple's favorite bedtime pastime, scrolling on your phone in bed.
Speaker 1: If you can't wait to put your kids to bed
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Speaker 3: Don't come to make it through. You couldn't hardly make
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Speaker 4: I thought I was reading this as you were writing it,
Speaker 4: but I wasn't you You made.
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Speaker 3: The innuendos throughout.
Speaker 1: From gorugal Friends podcast dot com, slash c I T
Speaker 1: and phones are expensive and who who doesn't love a
Speaker 1: little bedtime scroll.
Speaker 4: That that high yield savings account is the most hot,
Speaker 4: salacious thing on the market doing the most.
Speaker 1: Also, it's doing the most. And if you are looking
Speaker 1: for other things to talk to your partner about besides
Speaker 1: your phones. Episode three eleven, Keeping Financial Secrets from your
Speaker 1: Spouse with Caroline Benseel. This was a little fill in
Speaker 1: with two, I was basically like three of my best
Speaker 1: friends in a room talking without me. That's what this
Speaker 1: episode is. Yeah, wow, so.
Speaker 3: Love that for babies.
Speaker 4: And every time John has a baby, then we bring
Speaker 4: in other people to talk with me and fill in
Speaker 4: for Jen.
Speaker 3: And that was why I.
Speaker 1: Bring in my Yeah, that was a friend good one.
Speaker 1: Yeah really. And then episode two thirty one being Frugal
Speaker 1: with a non frugal partner, That is also a really
Speaker 1: good one to queue up if you like this one. So,
Speaker 1: but today we're talking not just if your partner may
Speaker 1: be reluctant to be frugal or maybe reluctant to get
Speaker 1: on board with paying off debt, but but including that stuff,
Speaker 1: but also just like how to manage money well together
Speaker 1: long term. So like when you do get on the
Speaker 1: same page, where do we go from there? How do
Speaker 1: we create healthy plans, healthy conversations, healthy habits for managing
Speaker 1: our money together. And we wanted to call in a
Speaker 1: certified financial planner for this one. And we wanted because
Speaker 1: we wanted somebody who talks to a lot of couples. Right,
Speaker 1: so Jill and I have been married for a long
Speaker 1: time to other people, not each other, right, And we wanted,
Speaker 1: but we don't talk to enough married people about their
Speaker 1: money to really have a good like a full picture
Speaker 1: on all of the possibilities, and so we found Julia Lilly.
Speaker 1: She's a certified financial planner and a credited behavioral finance professional,
Speaker 1: so she's not just somebody who helps couples create plans
Speaker 1: for their money, but she makes sure those plans are
Speaker 1: based on your behaviors and your values. She's the founder
Speaker 1: of Ryerson Financial and she Ryerson Financial is an advice
Speaker 1: only financial planning firm. It's all virtual, so you basically
Speaker 1: she doesn't handle any of your investments. She just gives
Speaker 1: you advice on how to do it yourself, meaning she's affordable,
Speaker 1: and she works specifically with people who find values based
Speaker 1: spending to be more important than just getting to the
Speaker 1: goal as fast as possible. And it's all online so
Speaker 1: you can literally be anywhere. So if you really like
Speaker 1: what Julia has to say, then you can reach out
Speaker 1: to her. But we loved this conversation with her. She
Speaker 1: has so much wisdom after speaking with so many couples
Speaker 1: about managing money and making financial plans, and we're so
Speaker 1: excited to share her with you.
Speaker 3: Let's hear from Julia.
Speaker 1: Julia, welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. We are so
Speaker 1: excited to have you here.
Speaker 5: Jen Jill, thank you so much for including man. Excited
Speaker 5: for the conversation. Yay.
Speaker 4: This is a topic that we haven't delved into entirely.
Speaker 4: I don't think we've dedicated a specific podcast episode to this,
Speaker 4: and much less with an expert like yourself on this
Speaker 4: kind of topic where we're talking both behavioral finance with
Speaker 4: a certified financial planner. So this is just exciting for
Speaker 4: us all around. And as we get started, I am
Speaker 4: curious to hear from your experience in working with people.
Speaker 4: What's some of the most common money concerns or disagreements
Speaker 4: that you've run into that that couples can have when
Speaker 4: they are seeking out your advice.
Speaker 5: So it's a great question and it runs the gamut.
Speaker 5: You know. I talk about financial planning, and there are
Speaker 5: certain kind of models and paradigms that you can fit into,
Speaker 5: but everybody's unique on the things that they struggle with.
Speaker 5: I think some of the biggest ones I've seen is
Speaker 5: differences in opinion on like your sleep well sleep at
Speaker 5: night fund. What allows me to rest well at night?
Speaker 5: Is it one hundred dollars in the bank or is
Speaker 5: it a twelve month emergency reserve fund in cash? And
Speaker 5: so helping clients work through kind of understanding the lens
Speaker 5: with which each of them are approaching their plan, I
Speaker 5: think is really important. Other topics such as kind of
Speaker 5: spending versus savings. Some people approach spending as a chore,
Speaker 5: whereas the other partner might really get the thrill of
Speaker 5: the spending, and so aligning those behaviors and just allowing
Speaker 5: to have a conversation about what makes for a healthy
Speaker 5: financial life. So again, it runs the gamut. There's quite
Speaker 5: a few different topics, but I'd say the big ones
Speaker 5: is kind of cash flow management and then goal planning
Speaker 5: and looking towards the future and making sure that both
Speaker 5: parties are aligned on where you're headed.
Speaker 3: I love that term, the sleep at Night fund.
Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever heard it phrased that way,
Speaker 4: but I can get it. For me and my husband,
Speaker 4: we've been married coming up on twelve years now, and
Speaker 4: I think something I've realized for us, and then in
Speaker 4: talking with other people, is it's not so much that
Speaker 4: neither one of us has that value. It's just that
Speaker 4: that value differs from each other. We've got kind of
Speaker 4: these ideas in our head, but they might look a
Speaker 4: little bit different, we might implement execute differently. And I
Speaker 4: love the way that you're highlighting that and kind of
Speaker 4: giving words to it and how we can kind of
Speaker 4: phrase this to one another. And even I do because
Speaker 4: I feel like a lot of people, well you tell
Speaker 4: me our people knowing that, are they able to come
Speaker 4: to you and say we've got different ideas of what
Speaker 4: art needs to be in our sleep at sleep at
Speaker 4: night fund or is that like you help them to
Speaker 4: see where the rub is.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it kind of more comes out in conversation. And
Speaker 5: I think, Jill, you just highlighted I assume I kind
Speaker 5: of know in my own head, and you kind of
Speaker 5: think your partner who's been on this journey with you
Speaker 5: is on the same page. But until you really proactively
Speaker 5: have that conversation, you aren't necessarily on the same page
Speaker 5: and can have very different opinions of what the right
Speaker 5: kind of savings number is or what the right dollar
Speaker 5: amount is to spend on an item. I worked with
Speaker 5: another client, this couple who needed to remodel their living
Speaker 5: room space. They had a newborn and they needed a
Speaker 5: baby proof better. And it was interesting just even having
Speaker 5: the conversation of, Okay, we need to buy a bookshelf.
Speaker 5: How much did we send spend on the bookshelf? And
Speaker 5: almost at the same time, one saying five thousand dollars
Speaker 5: and the other one's like, ikia, three hundred, you know,
Speaker 5: and it's like, Okay, clearly there's a different vision, but
Speaker 5: getting aligned is important. So I think the key there
Speaker 5: is being more proactive in the conversation. I think a
Speaker 5: lot of us can get stuck in our own heads
Speaker 5: and assume that the other person kind of understands where
Speaker 5: we're coming from. But that's certainly not the case. And
Speaker 5: that's not exclusive to finances. That's in a lot of stuff,
Speaker 5: but I think it comes out and that's where a
Speaker 5: lot of friction can happen around money because it's such
Speaker 5: a big part of our everyday lives.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So when two people come to you and they
Speaker 1: learn like, oh, you think you need one hundred dollars
Speaker 1: to be safe and I think I need ten thousand,
Speaker 1: what's kind of like the first thing that you recommend
Speaker 1: for them to start getting on the same page, Like
Speaker 1: where do they move forward first? From that realization?
Speaker 5: So I think it's digging in a little bit. So
Speaker 5: every engagement for me, I start with a financial perspective's assessment.
Speaker 5: So prior to that first meeting together, each client takes
Speaker 5: this assessment and it looks at eight different attributes about
Speaker 5: their financial lens and so it's not so myopic only
Speaker 5: on that one hundred versus ten thousand, but it goes
Speaker 5: a little bit more into like what was it growing
Speaker 5: up around spending versus savings? You know, like all of
Speaker 5: that stuff informs why ten thousand dollars feels better than
Speaker 5: one hundred dollars. You know, someone who grew up maybe
Speaker 5: in more of a scarcity mindset household feels more comfortable
Speaker 5: and okay in that one hundred dollars space because they're
Speaker 5: used to just kind of operating at the margin. Versus
Speaker 5: someone who grew up in a household where it was
Speaker 5: much more planful and rolling in to spend it when
Speaker 5: we have it. They're going to be more comfortable with
Speaker 5: the ten thousand dollars because then they have that flexibility, Okay,
Speaker 5: I need to buy this item, I had the money
Speaker 5: in the bank. And so it's bringing those kind of
Speaker 5: different perspectives together. So that they can get a better
Speaker 5: understanding of why your number is what it is. And
Speaker 5: so then from there you step into okay, what would
Speaker 5: make you feel better? Would it be setting aside money
Speaker 5: every month on a on a systematic basis. Would that
Speaker 5: help mitigate you're at least moving towards that dollar amount?
Speaker 5: People say yes, or in other cases, when their emergency
Speaker 5: fund is almost too cushy, you talk about what could
Speaker 5: we get down to and what would make you feel
Speaker 5: comfortable while we're kind of being a little more efficient
Speaker 5: in our plan to make sure your money's working for
Speaker 5: you in the best way possible.
Speaker 4: Sounds like through that process you're gonna not just learn
Speaker 4: about your partner, but yourself too.
Speaker 3: I imagine there's.
Speaker 4: A lot of people to who take that assessment and realize, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: I didn't actually know these pieces about me, much less
Speaker 4: my partner and where they're coming from.
Speaker 5: Well, and I like it because I laugh with clients.
Speaker 5: It's kind of like a Meyers Briggs assessment. You could
Speaker 5: take it on Monday and get a very different score
Speaker 5: than what you got on Thursday, but it lets us
Speaker 5: have a better conversation around how do you feel about spending?
Speaker 5: We're able to look at this quantitative score that says
Speaker 5: you're a ninety nine. I'm spending that to me indicates
Speaker 5: you really enjoy it, and so we can then peel
Speaker 5: the onion a little bit better versus just saying yeah,
Speaker 5: Amazon's great and it's easy, you know, and it's it's
Speaker 5: It allows for a more robust conversation.
Speaker 1: M H. So when couples want to have these conversations
Speaker 1: at home, like after kind of starting to find out
Speaker 1: these things about each other, how can they like initiate
Speaker 1: them or kind of bring them up gingerly or graciously
Speaker 1: like in their relationship.
Speaker 5: That's a good question, and it's a big one. I
Speaker 5: like to challenge clients to work together on kind of
Speaker 5: goal planning and frame it as short term, medium term,
Speaker 5: and long term goals because that helps guide the conversation
Speaker 5: where it doesn't get stuck necessarily, but instead I kind
Speaker 5: of highlight that it's a north star that helps individuals
Speaker 5: understand the trade offs of I really want to do this,
Speaker 5: but I thought our goal we're here and really getting
Speaker 5: a ligne on what.
Speaker 1: Those goals are.
Speaker 5: Because I've worked with clients where their goals are very different.
Speaker 5: They love one another and they've got a strong foundation,
Speaker 5: but they have different visions of kind of that question
Speaker 5: of what does success.
Speaker 1: Look like for me?
Speaker 5: And so allowing people the space to kind of put
Speaker 5: that within a framework. And then I think the biggest
Speaker 5: thing on coaching clients on how to have those conversations
Speaker 5: independently would be to make sure that you kind of
Speaker 5: recognize the value of what the other person's bringing and
Speaker 5: why they maybe are having that particular sentiment around their finances.
Speaker 5: So really listening and hearing the why behind someone's particular lens.
Speaker 4: It sounds like it's pulling it a little bit away
Speaker 4: from finances first, not that it's not going to be
Speaker 4: a part of the conversation, but first beginning with something
Speaker 4: that maybe feels a little bit more neutral or approachable
Speaker 4: to talk about, of just goals, like we all have
Speaker 4: goals and we can see you where each other's at
Speaker 4: on that, and then how it intersects with finances From there,
Speaker 4: Am I understanding the method?
Speaker 5: Yeah? No, I think that's one hundred percent. I think
Speaker 5: it's goals plus values because those values help inform kind
Speaker 5: of where you want to allocate your resources. I highlight
Speaker 5: with clients that it's resources is not just money resources
Speaker 5: is also your time, and so it's about both of
Speaker 5: those kind of coming together and making sure that they're
Speaker 5: headed in the direction that aligns with what you all
Speaker 5: believe as kind of your client, your partnership, your marriage,
Speaker 5: you're dating, whatever the relationship looks like, but making sure
Speaker 5: that you're kind of understanding where each of you are
Speaker 5: coming from.
Speaker 4: I love all those words values and goals and alignment
Speaker 4: and all the other words that kind of coincide with
Speaker 4: that that you're not saying too. The kind of the
Speaker 4: freedom and flexibility for this not to look exactly one way.
Speaker 4: And it sounds like you've got extensive experience with couples
Speaker 4: who who might just have different goals not to mention
Speaker 4: different ideas around money, or do you find that when
Speaker 4: they're having these conversations in some of these you know, pulling.
Speaker 1: It out to the broader picture, that they're able.
Speaker 3: To find some common ground.
Speaker 4: Is that not as important or kind of like, what
Speaker 4: is the goal in then talking this out? Because I
Speaker 4: could imagine there's some people who know, like I know
Speaker 4: that my spouse's goal is different from mine, I know
Speaker 4: that their values different from me. What is the goal
Speaker 4: then in talking with them and bringing them together. Where
Speaker 4: do you see couples can find themselves once they're able
Speaker 4: to talk about it.
Speaker 5: I do. I think it helps people kind of put
Speaker 5: a name to it. You know, once you move away
Speaker 5: from being frustrated or annoyed that you spend so much
Speaker 5: more on Amazon than you should. It's moving into like
Speaker 5: one of the reasons why I do that is because
Speaker 5: I'm taking care of the family, and really I talk
Speaker 5: about kind of spend plan management. I'm less interested in
Speaker 5: a budget and more about spend plan management. Are we
Speaker 5: spending dollars a line to where we put our values
Speaker 5: in our goals? And so shining a flashlight on that
Speaker 5: so that there's more communication and transparency. I do think
Speaker 5: really helps people move more into the together versus just
Speaker 5: being so kind of diametrically opposed of like I'm mad
Speaker 5: about their lens regarding finances, versus recognizing the value that
Speaker 5: they do bring and more the why behind it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, to loop back to Jen's question and maybe like
Speaker 4: expand on it just slightly and briefly for someone just
Speaker 4: starting out who might be listening to this and thinking, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: this is where I need.
Speaker 3: To begin with my partner.
Speaker 4: Do you have any kind of couple of questions or
Speaker 4: even just one question that they could start with, maybe
Speaker 4: even before they get to a point of talking with
Speaker 4: someone like yourself, and of what can they go home
Speaker 4: and ask one another that might start and ignite these
Speaker 4: next few steps.
Speaker 5: One of the I think baseline questions to start and
Speaker 5: initiate just an open dialogue is what does success look like?
Speaker 5: And listening to the answer and not just success. I
Speaker 5: laughed with one client about retirement being this kind of
Speaker 5: like unicorn Land way out in the future, but more,
Speaker 5: you know, kind of this mythical creation where who knows
Speaker 5: what it will look like? But what can you do
Speaker 5: along the way to celebrate success? And so giving people
Speaker 5: a little bit more of that white page to say,
Speaker 5: what does success look like? And what does that feel
Speaker 5: like to you? Because then it allows you to kind
Speaker 5: of without the constraint or restraint of budgeting and the
Speaker 5: everyday mundane elements of finances, really move more in a
Speaker 5: bit of that dream. Then you get down into the
Speaker 5: nitty gritty, but starting more at the ten thousand foot
Speaker 5: level I think allows for better conversation.
Speaker 3: That's beautiful.
Speaker 4: It sounds like it really encourages partnership rather than this
Speaker 4: kind of clashing that can happen when there are differences
Speaker 4: of opinion or values, but rather what are you envisioning,
Speaker 4: How can I get on board with what you're envisioning,
Speaker 4: and where can there be collaboration amongst us? I think
Speaker 4: that's such a beautiful foundation to start with, and that
Speaker 4: question really lays that well well.
Speaker 5: And Jill, to go back to what you mentioned already,
Speaker 5: you kind of learn more about yourself in the process
Speaker 5: because that exercise also forces you to try and articulate
Speaker 5: what does success look like? And being able to explain
Speaker 5: that and have the conversation I think is kind of
Speaker 5: the core building blocks for everything else.
Speaker 1: What are some topics or conversations about money that you
Speaker 1: find couples often overlook.
Speaker 5: So I was thinking about this of you know, there's
Speaker 5: a ton on kind of who manages which role? There's
Speaker 5: that This is a tangent, but if you guys ever
Speaker 5: heard this fair play exercise around couples now where it's
Speaker 5: more about how do you recognize the value that each
Speaker 5: review are bringing and what you're doing, So it's taking
Speaker 5: for granted maybe one partner plays more of the role
Speaker 5: of like bill pay and managing everything that happens versus
Speaker 5: the other ones thinking more high level, why aren't we
Speaker 5: saving more while we have all these leaks over here,
Speaker 5: and so like getting that alignment another big topics of
Speaker 5: state planning, you know, really kind of more of that
Speaker 5: long term view of I don't want to talk about
Speaker 5: legacy and passing away and what happens to our assets,
Speaker 5: but that's that's important and one of the things that
Speaker 5: you kind of want to have checked off sooner rather
Speaker 5: than later, so that when and if you do need it,
Speaker 5: because eventually it is a win, it's not really if
Speaker 5: everything is executed according to your wishes. In that same vein,
Speaker 5: I'm not a huge fan, but life insurance is an
Speaker 5: important piece of kind of someone's financial plan, and I
Speaker 5: think that's an important conversation to have with partners. I
Speaker 5: see a lot of times in marriages, maybe there's one
Speaker 5: partner takes a break and they stay at home to
Speaker 5: take care of the children, and there's this assumption, well,
Speaker 5: they don't have a salary, they don't need life insurance
Speaker 5: because they're not adding money into this family business. I disagree.
Speaker 5: Think about the childcare that would be required if that
Speaker 5: partner wasn't able to contribute, it'd be huge for the
Speaker 5: partner that is actually still in the workforce. So again,
Speaker 5: I think life insurance and estate planning those kind of
Speaker 5: topics that none of us really want to talk about
Speaker 5: all that often, and they're kind of poke your eye
Speaker 5: out going through the exercise of setting them up. Those
Speaker 5: are important.
Speaker 3: What about.
Speaker 1: The parents of like how each partner's parents like impact
Speaker 1: their finances, because that's something that my husband and I
Speaker 1: have been talking about, like his parents have prepared and
Speaker 1: my mom has not. Like do you find that that
Speaker 1: is a something that you see with couples they have
Speaker 1: to think about.
Speaker 5: That definitely one hundred percent, because you're not only worried
Speaker 5: about the legacy leaving your children, but also even moving
Speaker 5: into caretaker What does this look like? And when we
Speaker 5: have space in our home if they're going to move here,
Speaker 5: what money should I maybe partition aside in the event
Speaker 5: that I need to support parents. So yes, those conversations
Speaker 5: are extremely important as well, and that does also kind
Speaker 5: of fold into your whole lens around money and what
Speaker 5: you're comfortable managing based on how you've watched and what's
Speaker 5: been modeled for you from your own parents.
Speaker 4: Once we do have these important deeps for conversations that
Speaker 4: really does involve mindset and emotion and relationship, and we're
Speaker 4: coming to a better understanding of ourselves, of our partner.
Speaker 4: We're valuing each other, we know our values, and then
Speaker 4: we get to the action point. I know that there's
Speaker 4: a lot of people out there talking about different strategies
Speaker 4: of actual tangible money management as a couple, like who's
Speaker 4: paying the bills, who's got their sights on it, how
Speaker 4: many accounts are joined, if any or maybe all?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 4: This is a big question, So like tackle it however
Speaker 4: you see fit, and maybe I'll have some follow up
Speaker 4: questions too. But I'm curious for the couple who's kind
Speaker 4: of had this conversation and is now curious about what
Speaker 4: should we be doing as far as these different types
Speaker 4: of strategies. What's going to be the approach or even
Speaker 4: we're at the process where we need to build and
Speaker 4: create transparency with money, what are you recommending to couples
Speaker 4: in the actual tangible management of accounts and banks and
Speaker 4: paying bills?
Speaker 5: I mean, is it's a big question, and I think
Speaker 5: historically it's been very segregated and if you want to
Speaker 5: like pure gender lines and this is going more of
Speaker 5: the gender role. It's usually the woman who does more
Speaker 5: of the bill pay and this is again just the truth.
Speaker 5: Like typical male female environment, they take on more of
Speaker 5: the bill pay role, like operating the household, and then
Speaker 5: the man takes on more of the investment strategy. I
Speaker 5: think that all needs to shift where there's more communication
Speaker 5: on both sides, and so that would be my biggest
Speaker 5: thing on combining finances is making sure there's open communication.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 5: Practically and tactically, it's a lot easier when one person
Speaker 5: is able to play the point for these different things
Speaker 5: and then create those open lines of communications so each
Speaker 5: partner's aware of what's going on. I think that's very important.
Speaker 5: But when it comes to just kind of normal managing
Speaker 5: of day to day life, typically one individual steps up
Speaker 5: to control certain elements like the bill pay versus investment management.
Speaker 5: You can't everybody can't be in there placing trades and
Speaker 5: actively doing investments. But making sure that there's an open
Speaker 5: line of communication I think is the key, and recognizing
Speaker 5: and understanding different people's interests. I do work with clients
Speaker 5: where when you follow more on that kind of typical
Speaker 5: line of female operating and more of the bill pay
Speaker 5: and the mail and the investment. That's fine as long
Speaker 5: as there's communication because that's where their interests are. And
Speaker 5: I think that that's wonderful, great have at it. But
Speaker 5: making sure that both parties understand where all the accounts are, and,
Speaker 5: like you mentioned, Jill, building that trust and transparency that's
Speaker 5: paramount to a strong financial foundation for any relationship.
Speaker 4: Are there any specific strategies that you see work well
Speaker 4: in general as far as should we combine all of
Speaker 4: our accounts, should it just be a percentage? How should
Speaker 4: we handle discretionary spending and allotment, especially where you have
Speaker 4: couples where yeah, maybe one is primarily caretaking kids, or
Speaker 4: different levels of income between spouses. What do you recommend
Speaker 4: in those circumstances?
Speaker 5: Again, I think everybody's different, but and then everybody's kind
Speaker 5: of paradigm will look different. Where some people do really
Speaker 5: really well having one central account and then separate accounts
Speaker 5: that they kind of get allowances out of, and then
Speaker 5: you do your spending. That's more just discretionary, no questions asked,
Speaker 5: happening over there? Some people have that happening on credit
Speaker 5: cards versus in separate actual accounts. I am a fan
Speaker 5: of the keep it simple because getting too over engineered
Speaker 5: with a number of differ and accounts to manage just
Speaker 5: the administrative burden of that can be tricky. However, for
Speaker 5: some clients it completely works where they keep everything separate
Speaker 5: and they've got eight accounts and they're just kind of
Speaker 5: managing all of that shuffle. Again, the key being just
Speaker 5: open and honest communication and making sure that it doesn't
Speaker 5: feel as though there's things happening in those other accounts
Speaker 5: that you're not aware of and it creates any kind
Speaker 5: of that like acky friction that you question, or it
Speaker 5: kind of chips away at any of that trust in
Speaker 5: the relationship. So I do think it is unique, especially
Speaker 5: as people get married later and are combining legally their
Speaker 5: finances later on, that process could take a lot longer.
Speaker 5: You know, if you get married at thirty five, that's
Speaker 5: very different than twenty five. You've got your financial habits
Speaker 5: a lot of times in place, and in that situation,
Speaker 5: I would recommend slow stepping into combining everything because it
Speaker 5: could create more issues rather than fewer. However, when you're
Speaker 5: younger and there's less complexity, it could be just that
Speaker 5: much easier to pool everything and make life work a
Speaker 5: little bit better. So I don't think there's a one
Speaker 5: size fits all, but I do think that the one
Speaker 5: fundamental piece is open communication.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that there's so much more software and
Speaker 1: budgeting apps available now for people who may want to
Speaker 1: couples who may want to keep their finances separate, but
Speaker 1: still want to be able to see what the other
Speaker 1: person's doing. To create that transparency and trust, I think
Speaker 1: it's like a great time if you are, like you said,
Speaker 1: getting married later and maybe don't have the energy to
Speaker 1: combine everything like, there's still options for creating that transparency,
Speaker 1: which is great, And I.
Speaker 5: Have one caveat on the transparency is super important, but
Speaker 5: you also want to maintain some channel of being able
Speaker 5: to have autonomy on I'm going to spend this and
Speaker 5: I don't want anyone to question it. I don't want
Speaker 5: too much of your double guessing. You know, there's it's
Speaker 5: this delicate balance of like, what's your number that you're
Speaker 5: comfortable as a couple. Hey, if it's under one hundred dollars,
Speaker 5: it's a no question ask it could be if it's
Speaker 5: under twenty five, depending where you are financially, but making
Speaker 5: sure that you don't take away too much of that
Speaker 5: sense of financial freedom that I'm not so kind of
Speaker 5: burdened or going to be watched in my every move
Speaker 5: is being criticized, So it's it's a balance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Definitely, financial autonomy is something that's super important to me.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to ask permission on anything,
Speaker 1: and that's like just something like personal for me. And
Speaker 1: thankfully Travis is totally okay with that. He trusts me
Speaker 1: in that. But like I I hate the idea of
Speaker 1: having to ask for permission and that would be like
Speaker 1: so stifling if I had a partner that like required
Speaker 1: that like babysitting of me. But yeah, but something like.
Speaker 5: And I think it's one of those things that you
Speaker 5: grow into, you know, when you're first maybe starting out
Speaker 5: and you're learning each others spending habits and patterns. It
Speaker 5: requires more conversations and just getting that level of comfort
Speaker 5: and trust that Okay, we're both aligned, You're spending is
Speaker 5: not going to be crazy.
Speaker 1: Because there's too.
Speaker 5: Many stories of financial issues being a real downfall in
Speaker 5: a relationship. The foundation of love is there, but they
Speaker 5: can't figure it out on a kind of financial infidelity
Speaker 5: is very real.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my last question is like when should somebody seek
Speaker 1: professional help like from you? Like so not not from
Speaker 1: like a marriage therapist, like a marriage and family therapist,
Speaker 1: but like from a financial advisor, Like is it communication breakdown?
Speaker 1: Is it certain? Like point in finance is like when
Speaker 1: because a lot of people want to do it themselves,
Speaker 1: but there comes a point where it's more beneficial to
Speaker 1: seek like third party heut, like what is that point?
Speaker 5: It's a great question and a confusing one, like the
Speaker 5: only answer because I'm in the space and I think
Speaker 5: it's confusing. So I'm a financial advisor. I love this space,
Speaker 5: but I don't only focus on the behavioral elements. I
Speaker 5: build the whole plan we're wanted at all the technical elements.
Speaker 5: There is a whole nother burgeoning space called financial therapy,
Speaker 5: and their goal is only really to moderate the conversations
Speaker 5: and work through kind of where you're stuck and have
Speaker 5: someone there to guide the conversation. So it depends on
Speaker 5: what your needs are. If it's an issue of financial
Speaker 5: infidelity or overspending and really not being able to get
Speaker 5: on the same page, that could be more in the
Speaker 5: financial therapy realm vice working with an advisor who really
Speaker 5: my value is not only on the behavioral and getting
Speaker 5: couples blind and getting our goals defined, but also I'm
Speaker 5: working through all the technical elements of a truly robust
Speaker 5: financial plan. So that's where I say it's confusing because
Speaker 5: it depends on what you're looking to solve. And I
Speaker 5: think that's really what it comes down to, is figuring
Speaker 5: out what you're looking to solve.
Speaker 1: And if somebody is looking more for the whole, all
Speaker 1: encompassing plan but just kind of like navigating, how do
Speaker 1: we come together on a plan that would be like
Speaker 1: the financial planner? Correct?
Speaker 5: Correct, yep? And how do we kind of bring our
Speaker 5: whole financial life together? Because I'll laugh. I talk to
Speaker 5: a lot of financial therapists, so they're like, to be clear,
Speaker 5: Julia one plus one E goals five, Like, I'm not
Speaker 5: interested in balancing the checkbook, but i want to help
Speaker 5: people get more aligned on their outlook regarding finances.
Speaker 4: I'm hearing the importance of communication, understanding, self and partner, simplification, transparency.
Speaker 4: Are there any other final pieces that doesn't have to
Speaker 4: be because that's enough, But any other final pieces that
Speaker 4: you from your perspective, your expertise, people often miss that
Speaker 4: would be helpful for those curious about managing money better
Speaker 4: with a partner that might be overlooked, or.
Speaker 3: Any final tips that you want to share.
Speaker 5: I mean, you laid out a number of kind of
Speaker 5: there those key words, but I think to add to
Speaker 5: it would be proactive communication, trying to make sure you
Speaker 5: stay ahead of having the conversation. And then the other
Speaker 5: piece is to put a little element of fun into it,
Speaker 5: where you know, like you got to go through the
Speaker 5: spend plan, let's couple it with a really fun coffee
Speaker 5: date or like going out to dinner some other fun
Speaker 5: activity so that it doesn't have to to feel too
Speaker 5: much like drudgery and kind of an exercise of we
Speaker 5: have to do this, like I mentioned before, this estate planning,
Speaker 5: poke your eyes at out, really trying to look at it,
Speaker 5: and how can we make it more fun as part
Speaker 5: of the journey, versus just another chore on our to
Speaker 5: do list.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had a couple. We had a girl email
Speaker 1: us because we do in our newsletter the last Friday
Speaker 1: of every month a budget toolkit for the next month.
Speaker 1: And she said that now her and her husband, every
Speaker 1: time they get the budget toolkit, they'll do their budget
Speaker 1: based on it. And then go out for ice cream
Speaker 1: after and there is so fun, what a cool And
Speaker 1: it's like on the calendar because the email always goes
Speaker 1: out the last Friday of the month. So that's yeah.
Speaker 5: We honestly jen circling back to what we talked about
Speaker 5: with parents and kind of helping them manage their assets.
Speaker 5: But what they've passed down to you, that's cool modeling
Speaker 5: for their children. If there's another generation watching that, this
Speaker 5: is the way you can approach finances is that it
Speaker 5: can be a fun exercise of what we're allowing ourselves
Speaker 5: to do by being properly planful.
Speaker 4: I think that links back to to what you're even
Speaker 4: trying to create together. It is a partnership. It's not
Speaker 4: a business at the end of the day where you're
Speaker 4: only concerned about the numbers on the paper. You're concerned
Speaker 4: about your long term relationship with one another and how
Speaker 4: you're caring for each other. And so if we're not
Speaker 4: making it enjoyable and having fun with one another and
Speaker 4: created light, creating lightheartedness around it and within it, then
Speaker 4: that's also not going to have much longevity to it.
Speaker 4: We're not going to be then growing closer together in
Speaker 4: more collaboration if it feels like drudgery, So I am
Speaker 4: always here for the tip about making it fun.
Speaker 5: Yeah, going back to that whole of what does success
Speaker 5: look like? Where yes, there's numbers on the page, but
Speaker 5: those numbers on the page translate to us being able
Speaker 5: to go on an awesome vacation that we've thought about
Speaker 5: and we've planned and enjoyed that journey. So it's more
Speaker 5: how do we reap the benefits of the work that
Speaker 5: we're putting in.
Speaker 4: Do you know what allows us to reap the benefits
Speaker 4: of the work we've put in over the last five
Speaker 4: and a half years. It's not drudgery. It's always fun.
Speaker 1: It's my week's coming back, ass the bill of the week.
Speaker 2: That's right, It's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 2: entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name
Speaker 2: is William. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage. Maybe your
Speaker 2: car died and you're happy to not have to pay
Speaker 2: that bill anymore. Duck bills, Buffalo bills, bill claim, this
Speaker 2: is the bill of the week.
Speaker 1: Awesome, Julia. Every week we invite our listeners and our
Speaker 1: guests to give us their bill of the week, and
Speaker 1: we know you have one prepared for us, so we'd
Speaker 1: love to hear it.
Speaker 5: So my bill I should have come up with a
Speaker 5: guy named Bill, But I don't know that guy named Bill.
Speaker 5: But my bill is my husband, Pete had Childer surgery
Speaker 5: recently and they had him prepay for this ridiculous surgery,
Speaker 5: which in a high deductible insurance plant it was high.
Speaker 5: Then he finished the surgery and we got a huge
Speaker 5: bill in the mail and it was like, wait a minute,
Speaker 5: we already paid it. So I had to coach him
Speaker 5: on no, no, don't pay it. Just wait with these
Speaker 5: annoying medical bills. Wait until you get the second or
Speaker 5: third one when they reconcile everything. And it turns out
Speaker 5: it actually was a zero by the end because they
Speaker 5: just hadn't caught up. But it caused a lot of
Speaker 5: stress and anks. My husband's very much of a check
Speaker 5: things off my list. I need to pay it, but
Speaker 5: that bill, I was able to remind him to just park,
Speaker 5: not pay, and wait, which is not his normal tendency.
Speaker 5: So it was it was a good reminder for him
Speaker 5: on not getting to the to do list too quickly,
Speaker 5: but also that reminder of how messed up our medical
Speaker 5: system is.
Speaker 4: We're getting those reminders, just regularly, regular reminders.
Speaker 5: It's crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a good one last year, and I the medical bills. Gosh,
Speaker 1: I've spent so much time on the phone.
Speaker 5: I'm curious. Jen. I had a client who was explaining
Speaker 5: to me her payment plan for having the baby, and
Speaker 5: she was making significant payments before having the baby for
Speaker 5: the delivery in the future. I had never heard of
Speaker 5: this before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, h yeah, I had to. Technically my prepaid I
Speaker 1: was supposed to pay four thousand dollars, but because of
Speaker 1: the healthcare sharing plan I have, I was covered up
Speaker 1: to ALI to pay like seventeen hundred, so I stopped
Speaker 1: paying it. But when I was on insurance with my
Speaker 1: first son, I did have to pay that four thousand
Speaker 1: before I gave birth.
Speaker 5: Wow. Yeah, I struggle because they don't even know what's
Speaker 5: going to happen. I mean, I the whole the system again,
Speaker 5: it's broken.
Speaker 3: They just want their money. Who doesn't Who doesn't want
Speaker 3: their money?
Speaker 1: They don't want our money?
Speaker 5: Be with it.
Speaker 1: We will want our money.
Speaker 5: I'm from Missouri original and I'm originally and I'm from
Speaker 5: the show me state, so I'd rather them show me
Speaker 5: the work and then I'll pay. Have my baby, that
Speaker 5: just seems.
Speaker 1: Yeah, show me the work, Yeah, show me that.
Speaker 4: Wow, baby, that's a good bill, a bill you already paid,
Speaker 4: so then the next bills you don't have to pay.
Speaker 3: I appreciate that.
Speaker 4: It's a good reminder to all of us to double
Speaker 4: check everybody's work, because.
Speaker 5: Well, I don't need to be given on medical bills.
Speaker 5: They really recommend wait until the second.
Speaker 1: When comes mm hmmm, yeah, which is crazy mm hmm.
Speaker 1: And then figured that out. Figure that out too.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, if you all listening, have a bill about bills paid, bills.
Speaker 3: You don't have to pay.
Speaker 4: Your name is Bill you you know the drill for
Speaker 4: friendspodcast dot com slash bill. Leave it for us. We
Speaker 4: can't wait to commiserate or celebrate.
Speaker 3: And now it's time for.
Speaker 1: Well and now it's the vulnerability segment of the show
Speaker 1: where we are going to share all of us what
Speaker 1: is a money topic that you find personally challenging or
Speaker 1: uncomfortable to discuss with your partner. And maybe you've gotten
Speaker 1: over it, maybe it's still uncomfortable, but Julia, we will
Speaker 1: let you go first.
Speaker 5: So you guys have had you been married for a
Speaker 5: long time. I'm about to be married seventeen years later
Speaker 5: on this month, and we just recently had a major
Speaker 5: money kind of hiccup where it goes to what we
Speaker 5: discussed a little earlier around what's that threshold of a
Speaker 5: dollar amount that we should vet with one another before
Speaker 5: we just go ahead and make the purchase. And it's
Speaker 5: interesting because, like I said, we've been married seventeen years,
Speaker 5: combined finances for a long time, and it caused a
Speaker 5: lot of angst between the two of us where I
Speaker 5: was more curious about the vendor and he thought I
Speaker 5: was pressing more on the dollar amount. It was just curious,
Speaker 5: and so it led to this whole conversation of his
Speaker 5: dollar amount that he feels I should just be able
Speaker 5: to spend and not say anything, and mine were a
Speaker 5: little different and it was less jen to say you
Speaker 5: can't do it and more just hey, I tried framing
Speaker 5: a little more. It was part of the estate planning
Speaker 5: conversation because even though it was a toy for him,
Speaker 5: now it's part of our home and it's my estate.
Speaker 5: So you didn't buy that.
Speaker 1: He was like, no, good try.
Speaker 5: Anyhow, it was it caused a lot of conversation in
Speaker 5: a way that we don't.
Speaker 1: Necessarily always dig into.
Speaker 5: But it was healthy and actually it brought in modeling
Speaker 5: for our kids, and like, what are you talking about
Speaker 5: so heatedly, But we landed at a good spot where
Speaker 5: we were able to recognize kind of where the two
Speaker 5: of us were coming from and that there is that
Speaker 5: foundation of trust. That it was less a question of
Speaker 5: trust and whether I trust it or not and more
Speaker 5: just let's be transparent. It's no big deal. So that
Speaker 5: was my recent money hurdle of even after almost seventeen years,
Speaker 5: trying to make sure that the open, proactive communication is happening.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, because life ebbs and flows, and yeah, we
Speaker 4: can still come back to some of the same sticking
Speaker 4: points that we've had throughout a lifetime. So we bring
Speaker 4: a whole lot of ourselves to it, or these things
Speaker 4: kind of shape shift and now there's a new way.
Speaker 3: We have to talk about it.
Speaker 5: Totally.
Speaker 1: What about you?
Speaker 4: So my background is in mental health, There is nothing
Speaker 4: off limits to talk about in our household. So for
Speaker 4: me personally, there's no conversation that makes me uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: However, but I can't speak for Eric.
Speaker 4: He probably is so uncomfortable by all the things that
Speaker 4: I want to discuss, but I would say that there
Speaker 4: are typical rubs for us on kind of where we
Speaker 4: are spending or not spending, and that includes going out
Speaker 4: to eat. Eric really values going out to eat. I
Speaker 4: love it too, don't get me wrong, but I'm definitely
Speaker 4: more of the savor of the two of us, and
Speaker 4: I think would would be very open to just eating
Speaker 4: whatever's in the fridge day after day after day, just
Speaker 4: stack money up for no real reason. And he is
Speaker 4: a little different from me in that, and we've found compromises,
Speaker 4: but depending on where we're at month to month, I
Speaker 4: can feel the rub of that a little bit more
Speaker 4: because I am the one primarily in the nitty gritty
Speaker 4: of the finances. Certainly keep him updated, but that's always
Speaker 4: the rub for us. But actually, my takeaway from this
Speaker 4: you didn't ask for this, but I'm telling you is
Speaker 4: what you both said. This term of financial autonomy, This
Speaker 4: is definitely a gut check for me because I am
Speaker 4: so detail oriented with our spending plan. I know it
Speaker 4: down to the penny. I'm looking at it a lot,
Speaker 4: and I very much the one who is yaying or
Speaker 4: naying things and Eric's not complaining about that, but it
Speaker 4: is making me realize. I think some financial autonomy could
Speaker 4: really do us well, Like in this next season, I
Speaker 4: think that there's room for us to be able to say,
Speaker 4: this is your money spend however you want it. This
Speaker 4: is my money spend however you want it. That's going
Speaker 4: to be. That's my takeaway. That's the goal I'm going
Speaker 4: to do create more comfort here. I made the like
Speaker 4: question whatever I wanted it to be.
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's like there's a factor of trust too, Like
Speaker 1: if I'm being babysat, I don't feel like I'm being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: trusted for sure. So yeah, for sure, I trust.
Speaker 4: Him implicitly with the parameters that I give him.
Speaker 1: I have seen actually I have been witnessed to a
Speaker 1: rub in your financial conversation or.
Speaker 4: Should we spa ever later, like when we're not recording,
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 3: You can share her? Fine, I will.
Speaker 1: I'll talk about my my difficulty before I talk about Eric's,
Speaker 1: so mine. I still find it uncomfortable to talk about
Speaker 1: my spending on coffee and alcohol with Travis because he
Speaker 1: does not spend. He does not drink coffee or alcohol,
Speaker 1: not because he's opposed to them, because he doesn't like them,
Speaker 1: and he thinks they are like just wastes of money,
Speaker 1: and he's the savor in our relationship. He would eat
Speaker 1: out of a dumpster every day to save money. He
Speaker 1: would dumpster dive, not more as right, right, he would
Speaker 1: dumpster dive more frequently than he does. I like to.
Speaker 3: We love our husbands. We found such jem we do.
Speaker 1: I I love him and I love his dumpster diving
Speaker 1: even uh so, but still because I these things that
Speaker 1: I really highly value is you know, going out to
Speaker 1: coffee with friends, going happy hour. I value these things
Speaker 1: and he like opposite of values them. He would never
Speaker 1: tell me no, but he always gets his like judge
Speaker 1: face on when I mentioned it.
Speaker 3: So it's a tough one.
Speaker 1: It's still uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Can you fix that?
Speaker 5: I love that, you know, the judge face?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I mean after nine years, I've he's got
Speaker 1: it down, pat, he has refined his judge face. He's
Speaker 1: good at it.
Speaker 5: Does he have a hobby or something where you can
Speaker 5: almost feel like it's you get to do this, you
Speaker 5: get to do that?
Speaker 1: Where then yes, he loves disc golf, and so he
Speaker 1: has a mile high stack of discs and.
Speaker 3: Most of them finds a dumpster most of them.
Speaker 4: He used, if you guys coffee and alcohol in the dumpster,
Speaker 4: it's fair game, Jen, And this is this is our problem, right.
Speaker 1: Uh so, yes, he does have that hobby, but he
Speaker 1: doesn't get to I mean, neither of us get to
Speaker 1: do our hobbies very often with like two small children.
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, he finds that he believes his hobby
Speaker 1: is an actual hobby and doesn't believe drinking alcohol is
Speaker 1: a hobby. It's crazy.
Speaker 5: You could you could pitch it as the education there
Speaker 5: it is.
Speaker 4: It's a little something that could turn into a side hustle.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to do an episode on beer and
Speaker 1: one and alcohol type saving money on them so that
Speaker 1: I can justify my hobby.
Speaker 5: Totally, or it becomes like a club where you bring
Speaker 5: different things you can sample them. I don't know if
Speaker 5: you can pitch this into like it is your hobby.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to get in contact with with the
Speaker 1: Deadpool guys so I can we can do aviation gin
Speaker 1: and I can be a business partnership.
Speaker 4: I can't remember his name, no, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Reynolds,
Speaker 4: I remember Blake Lively's name.
Speaker 1: We all do right, Gosh speaking of jobs, yeah, Julia, Yeah,
Speaker 1: speaking of gems, Julia, thank you so much for talking
Speaker 1: with us today. It has been fantastic your views on
Speaker 1: values and incorporating those into your financial plan uh and
Speaker 1: building it around your behaviors. It was just so great.
Speaker 1: So if people want more of that from you, maybe
Speaker 1: want to seek your services or just find out more
Speaker 1: what you have to say. Where can people find you?
Speaker 5: So? Yeah, my firm is called Ryerson Financial, and I'd
Speaker 5: be happy to chat with anybody. I do advice only
Speaker 5: financial planning, so I'm more work with those people who
Speaker 5: are interested in doing it themselves but just need a
Speaker 5: little coaching and guidance along the way. But yeah, it's
Speaker 5: been awesome chatting with you all and having this conversation
Speaker 5: Jen and Jill, it was great.
Speaker 3: Thank you beautiful, thanks for being here.
Speaker 1: Well, Jill, you've taken a lot away from that. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited.
Speaker 4: For Yeah, better things for him and me.
Speaker 3: Right, it's good.
Speaker 4: It's good to relinquish control, and you know, it's good
Speaker 4: to give somebody something that they're not even asking for. Yeah,
Speaker 4: he's not asked. It's a lot on me and then
Speaker 4: look at me. I'm going to give him and isn't
Speaker 4: that just good on good wife?
Speaker 5: So cool?
Speaker 4: No, But truly I did enjoy the alignment of so
Speaker 4: many things. I saw such congruence in what she's describing
Speaker 4: regarding some of the deeper work that needs to happen
Speaker 4: to truly see shifts and our finances. And the same
Speaker 4: goes for when we're managing money with a partner and
Speaker 4: we're doing this in collaboration with another person, it's not
Speaker 4: just going to be about actions and behaviors. It's going
Speaker 4: to be about conversation and understanding and mutuality and negotiation.
Speaker 5: And it, in the.
Speaker 4: One hand, kind of stinks to be like, ah, dang,
Speaker 4: I don't have like a checklist of one, two, three,
Speaker 4: do this.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, it's good to know that there's.
Speaker 4: Just actual, authentic, helpful tips in have conversations, get to
Speaker 4: know one another, make it fun, work towards transparency and simplification.
Speaker 4: And I think that that's more accurate. Although we do
Speaker 4: love the simple quick tips, but I think this one
Speaker 4: has a more lifelong impact.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And something I didn't think I was, I didn't ask for,
Speaker 1: but I got was the difference between seeing why you
Speaker 1: would see a financial planner versus a financial therapist. So
Speaker 1: if your questions and your disagreements, your concerns with your
Speaker 1: partner are more of the how do we get on
Speaker 1: the same page with money, that's for a financial therapist,
Speaker 1: and there are amazing people that have designations that focus
Speaker 1: on that. While if you are most looking for okay,
Speaker 1: how do we get we know our plans, we're okay
Speaker 1: with it. How do we get them create a plan
Speaker 1: so that we can create, you know, reach these plans together.
Speaker 1: That's the financial planner. I think maybe in the past
Speaker 1: I would have thought it's like, oh, we're not on
Speaker 1: the same page, so let's just seek the you know,
Speaker 1: financial planner and she'll get us on the same page.
Speaker 1: But there is a more effective professional in financial therapy,
Speaker 1: which is thankfully like a rapidly growing therapy specialization.
Speaker 4: So excited for that. Also so excited that you guys
Speaker 4: are here listening to this. Thank you, Thanks for to listen.
Speaker 4: Thank you also to those of you who have given
Speaker 4: a review. It helps us a ton, and it helps
Speaker 4: fellow potential listeners to find us, to know what it's about,
Speaker 4: to know if they want to be in on this community.
Speaker 4: Every week we want to give a shout out to
Speaker 4: this one review that came from Profanograms.
Speaker 3: Love that name.
Speaker 4: Titled Frugal Fun Friends. Jen and Jill are the fun
Speaker 4: friends that we all wish we had with us every day.
Speaker 4: I love that it feels like you are hanging out
Speaker 4: with two best friends who understand the struggle of being
Speaker 4: a young person dare I say millennial who with student
Speaker 4: loan debt and trying to overcome slash deal with pressures
Speaker 4: from society. Fridays have become even more special because these
Speaker 4: two ladies let it drop every week with a dope
Speaker 4: new podcast. Never disappointed. I highly recommend this podcast. You
Speaker 4: will fall in love with them just as I have.
Speaker 4: If you like money, minimalism and fun people, this is
Speaker 4: going to be your jam upside down face emoji, Aoka
Speaker 4: emoji side WINKYI emoji. Profanograms, you get it us And yeah, you.
Speaker 1: Definitely have a singing fund called Tasteful New Phone Fund.
Speaker 3: Thank you well, that was a good one.
Speaker 4: You know, we are pretty much with you every day
Speaker 4: between Instagram, our newsletter, the friend letter for walfriendspodcast dot com,
Speaker 4: and this podcast. Because I don't know if you know this,
Speaker 4: Profinagrams and others of you. We let a new episode
Speaker 4: drop Tuesdays and Fridays, and then you're getting the newsletter Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
Speaker 4: and then you're getting Jen at least in January, which
Speaker 4: is right now every single day on Instagram, talking to
Speaker 4: you about our no Spend challenge.
Speaker 1: Yes, so thank you so much. If you enjoyed the
Speaker 1: so please take a minute to leave a rating and review.
Speaker 1: It helps potential new listeners know what the show is about.
Speaker 1: If there was an episode in particular that really impacted
Speaker 1: you and you really liked, please drop that in the review.
Speaker 1: So it kind of gives people a recommendation on Maybe
Speaker 1: the last few episodes aren't for them, but they can
Speaker 1: go back and and listen to one that might be
Speaker 1: better from the archives for them. So thank you so
Speaker 1: much for your kind reviews.
Speaker 3: Thank you, see you next time.
Speaker 1: Grugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.
Speaker 3: Okay, Jen, I'm dying to know what what the rubs
Speaker 3: the rub that you witnessed was.
Speaker 1: It was what I refer to the Sirianni shoe saga
Speaker 1: of probably twenty twenty twenty, where you were con convinced
Speaker 1: that Eric spent a certain amount of money on shoes
Speaker 1: had a certain number of shoes, and Eric was convinced
Speaker 1: he spent far less and had far fewer shoes, And
Speaker 1: you were both like at home, and the shoes could
Speaker 1: have been counted and were eventually counted.
Speaker 4: But it was a rub, yes, and I was present
Speaker 4: for it. Yes, yes, yes, you remember far better than
Speaker 4: I do. There was discomfort in that conversation for sure,
Speaker 4: that there was literal rubs. You're not the only one
Speaker 4: who witnessed this. We have a couple, like a handful
Speaker 4: of visiting guests who can attest to how that conversation
Speaker 4: could become uncomfortable even for them. Like it was definitely
Speaker 4: a point of contention, more so for Eric than for me.
Speaker 4: I felt like I had a little bit less skin
Speaker 4: in the game. It felt personal for Eric, which I
Speaker 4: mean it was. It was you know, fingers points at him.
Speaker 4: So mm hmm, what do you back? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Did you feel uncomfortable?
Speaker 1: Uh No, I was enjoying the show, I really, But
Speaker 1: here's the thing. I felt uncomfortable because I knew that
Speaker 1: it was so possible for us to know how many
Speaker 1: shoes he had, but there was nobody going into the
Speaker 1: room to count. I was like, we could know this.
Speaker 1: You guys are like talking about this, but we could know, No,
Speaker 1: we could right.
Speaker 3: Now, We could know it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I forget what the outcome was.
Speaker 4: It was a beautiful outcome, actually it was. It was
Speaker 4: truly the best possible outcome for both of us.
Speaker 3: No one won, no one lost because.
Speaker 4: At the end of the day, Eric and I had
Speaker 4: exactly the.
Speaker 3: Same number of shoes.
Speaker 4: That said, I really was convinced that he had more
Speaker 4: than me. So in some ways I was wrong.
Speaker 1: But he was convinced he had. You were wrong.
Speaker 4: He he was convinced he had way less than me.
Speaker 3: So we were both wrong.
Speaker 4: We were both right, and honestly, since we've done the
Speaker 4: reconciling and the inventory that we've not we've not talked
Speaker 4: about shoes. The Sirianni shoes saga is over. And it
Speaker 4: also helped me. As we've frugal friends have come into
Speaker 4: our robust understanding of values based spending. I have been
Speaker 4: able to value that he values shoes.
Speaker 3: Again, he's gonna push if he listens to this, he's
Speaker 3: gonna be like, no, I don't you think I love
Speaker 3: shoes And I don't love shoes.
Speaker 4: So that part of it really does that for me,
Speaker 4: don't talk about it. I am talking about it here.
Speaker 4: He truly does. If he's going to buy anything, it's
Speaker 4: gonna be shoes. He loves them, and that's fine.
Speaker 1: Does he love him or does he feel safer with
Speaker 1: them because he is color blind?
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't know. That's a whole other layer.
Speaker 4: I mean, if I'm not going to give him a
Speaker 4: hard time for wanting to buy new shoes, because Okay,
Speaker 4: this is what you value, this is what you love.
Speaker 4: It brings you so much joy if I love it
Speaker 4: for him to have more shoes than me, Like.
Speaker 1: If I have like a solid grasp of color, I
Speaker 1: would not buy shirts and pants, but I would feel
Speaker 1: very confident buying shoes.
Speaker 4: But see the reason he loves shoes so much is
Speaker 4: because of all the different designs. He's like, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: I like this color, and this the design, this design
Speaker 4: and this, oh yeah, designs, but also color schemes. I
Speaker 4: don't know, Jen, but you know what, I'm okay with it. Good,
Speaker 4: and he's okay with it.
Speaker 1: And I would love to know who has more shoes today.
Speaker 3: That's a good.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: We'll never know that, we will never know.
Speaker 1: I will go in and I will, honestly.
Speaker 3: He might.
Speaker 4: He might actually, because I did just get rid of
Speaker 4: like three pairs of shoes that I don't plan to replace, So.
Speaker 1: He still has more shoes than you don't think.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he's always had more shoes.