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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode. In her Space.

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Speaker 3: And her Child just keeps coming up at all these

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Speaker 3: different phases of my life, and it was just so

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Speaker 3: it was just mind blowing to me to have that

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Speaker 3: experience in therapy, sharing that those personal details and just

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Speaker 3: to know that you can make it so far and

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Speaker 3: still internally have so much healing to do. And yeah,

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Speaker 3: it was just it was deep.

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Speaker 4: It's work is and.

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Speaker 3: Trust the process because I definitely wanted to like leave

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Speaker 3: for a little bit.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, she was like, wow, thank you.

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Speaker 4: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

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Speaker 4: like you.

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Speaker 2: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 4: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and a motivational speaker. In

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Speaker 3: a world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood,

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Speaker 3: Please join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything

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Speaker 3: from fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space

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Speaker 3: where black women can just.

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Speaker 4: Be okay, lady. So today, recognizing that we are as

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Speaker 4: this episode is airing, not necessarily when you be listening

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Speaker 4: to it, but when this episode is airing, we are

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Speaker 4: within the month of May, which is National Mental Health

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Speaker 4: Awareness Month, and so what we want to do today

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Speaker 4: is kind of kind of walk you through that process

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Speaker 4: of what therapy is like, and what you can expect

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Speaker 4: and what things you might need to advocate for when

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Speaker 4: you decide when you make that decision and you want

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Speaker 4: to address your mental health. In previous episodes, we've talked

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Speaker 4: about anxiety, We've talked about depression, and we've also talked

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Speaker 4: about ways to address certain things like we have a

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Speaker 4: whole episode on self care, right. We also have episodes

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Speaker 4: that dive into confidence or conflict and relationships, sexuality. All

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Speaker 4: of those things might be reasons why you decide to

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Speaker 4: go and seek the services of a mental health professional.

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Speaker 4: So today we want to kind of give you a

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Speaker 4: guide on how to seek those services. I'm going to

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Speaker 4: start us off with our quote of the day. When

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Speaker 4: we talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting,

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Speaker 4: and less scary. That quote comes to us from mister Rogers.

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Speaker 4: Well team, when you think about mental health. Because I

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Speaker 4: love not I will be up front and transparent that

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Speaker 4: as a mental health professional, I'm biased. I encourage any

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Speaker 4: of everybody to seek the services of a mental health professional.

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Speaker 4: My friends and family will tell you I have no

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Speaker 4: problem saying you think maybe you need to go see

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Speaker 4: a therapist for that, or I'm not your therapist.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's a good one.

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Speaker 4: And so I acknowledge that when it comes to this

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Speaker 4: particular topic, I have a bias. What do you think

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Speaker 4: about mental health and seeking therapy?

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Speaker 3: Well, I will say my opinion on this has evolved.

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Speaker 3: I know, growing up, this was something so far fetched.

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Speaker 3: It was only therapy, was only something I saw white

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Speaker 3: people do in lifetime movies. I watched my mom like, oh,

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Speaker 3: go on a therapy that's crazy. And you just think

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Speaker 3: of this image of like, oh, this person laying, you know,

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Speaker 3: lying on the therapist's couch and they're just talking about

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Speaker 3: their problems and you're just like, oh my gosh, that's

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Speaker 3: so weird. Right, And now I think for me, it's

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Speaker 3: crazy that I've been through so many traumatic experience because

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Speaker 3: they had this crazy life, right, and didn't start going

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Speaker 3: to therapy until I was in grad school. And I

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Speaker 3: remember going to this woman in Southbury, Maryland, where I

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Speaker 3: was living. And it's interesting because I kind of thought

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Speaker 3: that experience was what therapy was. It wasn't a very

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Speaker 3: good experience for me. I was with the therapist that

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Speaker 3: she actually talked a lot about her life and what

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Speaker 3: she was going through, and I was like, I wanted

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Speaker 3: to say, I really want to say, bitch, I'm not

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Speaker 3: your therapists.

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm here to see you. I need no help,

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Speaker 2: But I.

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Speaker 3: Didn't say that, but it was I will say it

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Speaker 3: was nice to be able to get just get shit

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Speaker 3: off my chest that maybe I didn't want to tell people,

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Speaker 3: you know, that were close to me.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I didn't want to be judged.

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Speaker 3: And so having a safe space that was confidential where

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Speaker 3: I knew she wouldn't tell my business or anything like that,

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Speaker 3: that was nice. But it wasn't a good fit.

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Speaker 4: So talk to me about because there were multiple things

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Speaker 4: that you said in there that I could imagine that that,

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Speaker 4: being your first experience with therapy, that would be the

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Speaker 4: thing that would keep you from going back. Right, if

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Speaker 4: you're in therapy and your therapist is telling you about

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Speaker 4: their problems and you don't necessarily feel like you have

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Speaker 4: the space to share your own stuff, I could see

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Speaker 4: where you would be like, I'm not coming back.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that In addition to that, I remember she I'm

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Speaker 3: very observant. I feel like, yeah, I'm very observant. And

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Speaker 3: so I've I noticed that when you talk to some people,

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Speaker 3: they would they would sort of try to not diagnose you,

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Speaker 3: but try to maybe just speak to you in a

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Speaker 3: certain way that you just weren't feeling. And so she

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Speaker 3: would say, I might share something and she would just

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Speaker 3: assume like, oh, this is the thing that's going on

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Speaker 3: with you, and it's it's like not really, And I

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Speaker 3: knew that wasn't it, but it was more so, I'm

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Speaker 3: sharing this with you to just give you some backstory,

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Speaker 3: but I don't really need you to say.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how to explain it. Does that make

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Speaker 2: sense not?

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Speaker 1: So?

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Speaker 4: What kept you in those moments? What kept you from

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Speaker 4: saying to her, hey, lady, no, this is not no,

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Speaker 4: this is not what I need, like basically, like what

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Speaker 4: kept you from advocating for yourself in that moment?

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Speaker 2: Ooh, that's a really good question. One.

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Speaker 3: I was in a different place in my journey. I

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Speaker 3: actually it wasn't until one of my girlfriends recently told

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Speaker 3: me that she got into like an argument or something

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Speaker 3: with her therapist. I didn't realize that it was that

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Speaker 3: type of interaction or exchange. It was, I think sometimes

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Speaker 3: and I was so young back then. I was just

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Speaker 3: in a whole different space mentally, emotionally, self esteem wise,

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Speaker 3: So I didn't think it was my place. Part of

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Speaker 3: me kind of saw the therapist as the professional, the

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Speaker 3: sort of the not parent, but the expert. There you go,

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Speaker 3: the authority figure. And I didn't know that it was

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Speaker 3: like my space to do that. I didn't know I

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Speaker 3: could do that. And I was just happy to be

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Speaker 3: in somebody's chair talking about my problems, and so I

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Speaker 3: didn't know.

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Speaker 4: M yeah, because when I so, when I hear that

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Speaker 4: from the therapist perspective, what I hear is that she's

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Speaker 4: trying to like hypothesize with me, yes, right, And I

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Speaker 4: think sometimes that it may depend on how that comes across.

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Speaker 4: So one of the things that I might say, like

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Speaker 4: if I had been in her position, one of the

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Speaker 4: things that I may have said instead was so, here's

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Speaker 4: what I'm wanting and then put it out there right.

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Speaker 4: And so just adding that piece, I think, at least

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Speaker 4: to me and correct me if I'm not putting it

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Speaker 4: right by putting it out there, by starting off by saying, well,

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Speaker 4: here's what I'm wondering, or maybe this might be the perspective, like,

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Speaker 4: so just phrasing it in the question first to me

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Speaker 4: invites room for you to correct me if I'm wrong.

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Speaker 3: I've had three therapists in my life, and my third

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Speaker 3: therapist that's something she did very well, where we talk

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Speaker 3: and she's like, well, I wonder if X y Z.

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Speaker 3: And that gave me an opportunity to let her know

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Speaker 3: what my thought was and where I was coming from,

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Speaker 3: and also an opportunity to consider what she was sharing

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Speaker 3: instead of her just giving me this sort of direct

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Speaker 3: I guess hypothesis would be the word.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. So giving you giving you this directive almost as

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Speaker 4: if to say, as if to say, well, what I'm

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Speaker 4: saying is the gold standard exactly is the Bible truth.

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Speaker 4: You have to follow what I'm in agreed with what

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Speaker 4: I'm saying. By offering the question, it gives you room

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Speaker 4: to be back into the conversation. It puts it in

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Speaker 4: a perspective of being equals in this journey.

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Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely so.

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Speaker 4: Another thing that you mentioned with this therapist was that

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Speaker 4: they talked about themselves a lot. So talk to me

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Speaker 4: a little bit about how that really made you feel.

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Speaker 3: Now, I will say it's interesting because I've had other

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Speaker 3: therapists do the same thing, but they did it in

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Speaker 3: a way where they were connecting it to my story.

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Speaker 3: And so for me when she did that, I felt like,

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Speaker 3: I'm paying you money for me to come here, and

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Speaker 3: we are on a time but we have a time

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Speaker 3: frame here. We have a very clear, hard we have

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Speaker 3: a very hard, very clear hard stop sign.

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Speaker 2: Right, this is over.

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Speaker 3: And so when you're sharing your stories and it's becoming

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Speaker 3: more it's just kind of being drawn out.

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Speaker 2: It's sort of cutting into the time that I'm paying for.

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Speaker 2: It's kind of wasting my time.

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Speaker 3: Because your life experience and what you've been through the

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Speaker 3: way that she was telling a story, it wasn't like

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Speaker 3: a learning opportunity. It was kind of more like just oh,

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Speaker 3: that's that I had the same experience, and it's just

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Speaker 3: like oh, okay, okay, yeah, like okay. But I did

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Speaker 3: have another therapist that she would share her experience and say,

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Speaker 3: you know what, there's a similar situation I went through,

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Speaker 3: and I actually appreciated hearing her story because I could

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Speaker 3: see how it connected and I could see what I

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Speaker 3: could grab and grasp from her story for myself to

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Speaker 3: use on my journey.

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Speaker 4: Okay, and so what would you tell yourself back then

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Speaker 4: on how to address that situation with the therapist?

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Speaker 3: I think for me, you know what, I think, no

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Speaker 3: one what I know now. I would probably come from

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Speaker 3: a place of curiosity and just ask her is it

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Speaker 3: customary for her to share her experiences in the session? Yes?

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Speaker 4: Or no?

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Speaker 2: Like is that something that?

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Speaker 3: And maybe what is the purpose or what are we trying?

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Speaker 2: What are we doing here?

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't say it like that. I would say it taxicly,

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Speaker 3: but like what is the purpose of this?

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Speaker 4: Right? You wouldn't even have you don't even necessarily have

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Speaker 4: to say it tactfully. I think, just a piece of

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Speaker 4: advocating for yourself and asking the question, like what is

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Speaker 4: customary here? Is this part of the process. How does

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Speaker 4: this work in the process. I think that it's key

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Speaker 4: to not as the client, to not be afraid to

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Speaker 4: ask the questions, Like if you have concerns about what's

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Speaker 4: happening in the therapy, it is perfectly okay for you

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Speaker 4: to ask.

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Speaker 3: Yes. And this is super random, but I just remembered,

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Speaker 3: I actually I've had four therapists.

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Speaker 2: In my life.

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Speaker 3: I feel so good saying that. I feel so like liberated,

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Speaker 3: because there was a time when that was looked at

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Speaker 3: as something that was so like bad. There was a stigma, oh,

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Speaker 3: you're crazy. But I feel so empowered saying that because

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Speaker 3: I am worthy of getting help for myself, because I

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Speaker 3: can't handle all this shit by myself. Life is rough

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Speaker 3: sometimes and you need to consult with someone. And so

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Speaker 3: I think for me, it just feels so good to

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Speaker 3: say that, not in a not in a brag adocious way,

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Speaker 3: but more of in a way of trying to destigmatize

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Speaker 3: the stigma around it. So let people know, like, yo,

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Speaker 3: I got to go on them out here doing stuff

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Speaker 3: and I got I've had four therapists. Yes, you know,

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Speaker 3: but and.

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Speaker 4: That's how I got here. Yes, because I've had helped you.

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Speaker 4: We cannot be on this journey.

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Speaker 3: Alone and we shouldn't be, you know, whether it's a

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Speaker 3: hotline or you know, if you can't go to therapy,

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Speaker 3: we do have resources on our site. If you go

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Speaker 3: to her space podcast dot com and click on resources,

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Speaker 3: we have resources there. So their damas talked about therapists

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Speaker 3: offering sliding scales, and so this is something available for uh,

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Speaker 3: for a lot of people out there.

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Speaker 4: And nowadays we have apps. There is an app for everything, yeah,

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Speaker 4: and they're all are apps for mental health. There are

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Speaker 4: apps where you can go online and get guided meditation

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Speaker 4: activities where you can get different information on how to

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Speaker 4: manage anxiety, how to manage depression. And there are apps

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Speaker 4: that and because we don't get paid advertisements, oh yeah.

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Speaker 3: We don't put them out there out there.

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Speaker 4: You can find them on our website. Uh. There are

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Speaker 4: multiple apps that you can utilize that will provide therapy,

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Speaker 4: like will provide you with connections to live therapists.

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Speaker 3: And do m have a question for you? Okay, So

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Speaker 3: my question is when you typically begin seeing a new clients,

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Speaker 3: like what does that first session look like and what

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Speaker 3: is the goal and like what are some of the

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Speaker 3: questions you might ask for someone that might be wondering like.

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Speaker 2: What do I expect?

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Speaker 3: I don't even know, And okay, I've got like a

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Speaker 3: ton of questions for you that will cover that first.

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Speaker 3: And then I want to talk about the confidentiality piece,

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Speaker 3: because I know for me, when I first started going

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Speaker 3: to therapy, I was just like, it feels so weird,

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Speaker 3: like telling someone on my business and then I know

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Speaker 3: they probably have to take notes or like where's this

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Speaker 3: going to go?

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Speaker 2: All that?

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Speaker 4: Okay, So the first question of what happens like kind

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Speaker 4: of like in that first session, well, I think so

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Speaker 4: it varies depending on the setting in which you're seeing

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Speaker 4: a therapist. And so you can be seeing a therapist

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Speaker 4: in who's in like private practice, so you go to

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Speaker 4: their office and it's in an office building or a

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Speaker 4: house or some type of setup like that. Or you

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Speaker 4: might be seeing a therapist if like where I work

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Speaker 4: on a college campus, or if you're a veteran, you

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Speaker 4: might be seeing a therapist at the VA. So there,

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Speaker 4: and there are lots of other configurations on how we

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Speaker 4: might receive therapy. The general setup is is that in

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Speaker 4: that initial session, the therapist is trying to get to

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Speaker 4: know you. But one of the things that I always

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Speaker 4: like to stress to people is that that's also an

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Speaker 4: opportunity for you as a client to get to know

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Speaker 4: the therapists.

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Speaker 2: How do you ask them questions?

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Speaker 3: Or yes, you see, I've never done that before. I

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Speaker 3: feel like they usually volunteer information. But I never even

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Speaker 3: thought like, I never saw it as that way. So

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Speaker 3: I think this is so important, like that we're having

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Speaker 3: a conversation to share that, because sometimes when you see

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Speaker 3: someone as an authority figure, you're just like, Okay, I'm

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Speaker 3: just going to sit and I'll do what you say.

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Speaker 2: You ask questions, I'll answer.

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Speaker 3: Like I never thought about what would I even ask

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Speaker 3: my therapist.

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Speaker 4: So I constantly tell students to like I constantly say, well,

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Speaker 4: do you have any questions for me? And usually when

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Speaker 4: I start off the first session, I'll tell them at

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Speaker 4: the beginning that I kind of give them an overview.

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Speaker 4: This is a process where I'm going to be asking

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Speaker 4: a lot of questions. Some of the questions might seem unrelated,

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Speaker 4: some of the question may seem uncomfortable, but stick with

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Speaker 4: the process. Trust the process. That's one of my favorite phrases.

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Speaker 4: Trust the process. And if at any point throughout this process,

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Speaker 4: any questions come up for you, feel free to stop

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Speaker 4: me and ask no matter what the question is, because

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Speaker 4: this therapy session is for you. And so I constantly

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Speaker 4: try to strive and stress to people that, like you

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Speaker 4: mentioned before, this is a surface that you are cameing for,

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Speaker 4: so advocate for yourself. The therapy is the perfect space

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Speaker 4: for you to try things out that you might be

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Speaker 4: scared to do in your real life. Right, So, if

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Speaker 4: you struggle with advocating for yourself, therapy is that space

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Speaker 4: where you can practice and let's say it doesn't go right,

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Speaker 4: let's say it's hella awkward. That's the space where you

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Speaker 4: do it. It's hella awkward. You and your therapist process

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Speaker 4: why is hella awkward? And then you practice until you'll

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Speaker 4: get better at it. That's what therapy is for.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Ooh, this is I'm excited

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Speaker 3: for this conversation. I'm taking my own little notes and

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Speaker 3: I'm learning, and so I think about you do want to.

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Speaker 4: Go back to you because I realized I didn't answer

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Speaker 4: your other questions about confidentiality, right, and so but before

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Speaker 4: I get to that, I do want to say that,

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Speaker 4: like generally that first session. We are asking a lot

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Speaker 4: of questions to kind of get to know your background. Okay,

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Speaker 4: in some settings, we have to come up with a diagnosis,

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Speaker 4: especially if you're using insurance and we have to build

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Speaker 4: an insurance company, we have to provide a diagnosis, and

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Speaker 4: so we're gathering information to kind of figure out what

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Speaker 4: your potential diagnosis might be.

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Speaker 3: Ooh, that makes me think of something. So one of

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Speaker 3: my old therapists we were working together, and I think

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Speaker 3: my diagnosis may have been like depression and anxiety. And

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Speaker 3: at one point I was doing really, really well and

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Speaker 3: she basically it was so interesting to have this conversation,

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Speaker 3: but she basically said that I was doing very good,

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Speaker 3: which was great, but I guess the insurance wouldn't cover

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Speaker 3: it because I now didn't have those same the same

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Speaker 3: diagnosis that I had initially.

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Speaker 2: Is that sound about right?

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Speaker 4: That might happen depending on your insurance.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Yes, we had that conversation.

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Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, I'm like, well, I kind of

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Speaker 5: want to just still come see you because I want

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Speaker 5: to maintain this level that I'm at, But it sounded

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Speaker 5: like based on my insurance, and I guess what insurance

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Speaker 5: she took.

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Speaker 3: If you were doing well to a certain point, it's like, okay,

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Speaker 3: like you're off to go fly, which is good too,

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Speaker 3: because I think it's a great source of sort of empowerment.

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Speaker 3: And I think for me, my goal was always how

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Speaker 3: can I become self sufficient? Like I just as an individual,

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Speaker 3: I do not look down on any medications or any

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Speaker 3: continued support, but I do want to I want to

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Speaker 3: ideally just be to a place where I know the

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Speaker 3: addictions run in my family, and so I'm very like,

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Speaker 3: you know, leary of just using things because I know

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Speaker 3: that that runs in my family.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to become addicted to anything.

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Speaker 3: And so for me, it's always like, how can I

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Speaker 3: reach a level of like internal peace or at least

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Speaker 3: gain tools for myself where I can depend on that

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Speaker 3: and get help as needed because I know where it's at,

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Speaker 3: but also be able to sustain myself.

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Speaker 4: If that makes sense, Yes, it does many things within that.

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Speaker 4: If we're going to have an addiction, an addiction to

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Speaker 4: therapy is not a bad thing if you are doing

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Speaker 4: the work right. So if you are using therapy to

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Speaker 4: grow and you're addicted to growing, I don't necessarily look

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Speaker 4: at that as a bad thing. And again, I own

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Speaker 4: that bias, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. However,

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Speaker 4: my goal, and I can't speak for all therapies out there,

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Speaker 4: but my goal when I'm working with students is to

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Speaker 4: get them to a point where they have developed the

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Speaker 4: skills within themselves that they don't need me anymore. We

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Speaker 4: all have the potential in ourselves. We are all our

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Speaker 4: own experts on our own lives. My job as the

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Speaker 4: therapist is to help you tap into that, is to

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Speaker 4: help you reach your inner great, excellent self, to help

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Speaker 4: you reach your black girl magic. Yes, I want to

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Speaker 4: get back to because I know we keep veering off.

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Speaker 4: You want to get back to the confidentiality piece, right

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Speaker 4: that Essentially, as a therapist, I keep what you say confidential, right,

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Speaker 4: So what that means is that you could come in

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Speaker 4: and there might be things that you don't feel comfortable.

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Speaker 4: I kind of this is an interesting thing. It's almost

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Speaker 4: similar to in the Catholic Church going to the priest

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Speaker 4: for confession, right that basically the priest has to hold

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Speaker 4: everything confidential, right. The priest can't share anything. It's between you,

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Speaker 4: priests and God. So with therapy we keep those things.

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Speaker 4: We violate confidentiality if it means that someone that someone

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Speaker 4: is at risk. Right, So if you tell me that

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Speaker 4: you are, like you have a plan to harm yourself,

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Speaker 4: to harm other people, if you tell me about abuse

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Speaker 4: for yourself an elderly person or person with disabilities, then

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Speaker 4: I have to do something about that. I'm what's called

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Speaker 4: a mandated reporter, just like your teachers in the school system,

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Speaker 4: and just like daycare work, Like there are certain people

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Speaker 4: who are a mandated recorse, I'm a mandated reporterer.

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Speaker 2: In that sense.

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Speaker 3: That makes perfect sense. And so I think I have

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Speaker 3: an idea of the type of you said. You kind

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Speaker 3: of asked like introductory questions to lee about the person,

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Speaker 3: and there was something else. Oh, I guess what kind

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Speaker 3: of questions should someone ask the therapist in that first session,

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Speaker 3: or like, what questions do you get asked? Because I'm

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Speaker 3: literally going to use this because I've never really intentionally

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Speaker 3: asked questions because I'll usually do research online, look at

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Speaker 3: testimonials and then they provide information in the beginning, but

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Speaker 3: I never really I don't really know what to ask.

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Speaker 4: So what would you want to know about the therapists?

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Speaker 4: What would make you feel comfortable being in the room

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Speaker 4: with that therapist?

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Speaker 3: To be honest, I feel like it's all the stuff

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Speaker 3: that they put on their website, so the situations they

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Speaker 3: typically handle, their background degrees, all that stuff, qualifications, any testimonials,

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Speaker 3: I know, let me think. I mean, I guess it

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Speaker 3: might be nice to know if they've been through like

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Speaker 3: a specific situation that you.

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Speaker 2: Might be struggling with.

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Speaker 3: But that's like the only thing that comes to mind

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Speaker 3: for me. It's just I feel like this is a

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Speaker 3: door that's just opened in my mind where it's like

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Speaker 3: I can ask you questions too, Like that literally never

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Speaker 3: created in mind. So I'm just like, what kind of

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Speaker 3: what do I want to ask? You know?

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Speaker 4: And so I think that's the thing, is like it's

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Speaker 4: really about asking the questions that would make you feel comfortable.

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Speaker 4: And so that's going to vary from person to person.

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Speaker 4: So I've had people that have asked because maybe like

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Speaker 4: particularly like I said, because I'm on a college campus,

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Speaker 4: I've had people maybe ask me, well, where did you

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Speaker 4: go to school? What are your degrees in? Because even

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Speaker 4: though those things might be available online, that might not

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Speaker 4: be not everybody might everyone might not go to the.

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Speaker 3: Website, Okay, right, interesting, some.

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Speaker 4: People might ask, well, what is your theoretical orientation, So

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Speaker 4: basically like, what theories have I do I utilize within

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Speaker 4: the therapy process, what's my approach to therapy?

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Speaker 2: That's a good one.

440
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 4: And those questions come from people like oftentimes for people

441
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 4: who have done research or who are like in the

442
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 4: field of mental health. Okay, right, cool, Most people wouldn't know,

443
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,680
Speaker 4: and I wouldn't expect most people to know to ask

444
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 4: those particular questions. But what I say, the key thing

445
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 4: that I really say is again going back to asking

446
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 4: the questions that will make you feel comfortable to work

447
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 4: with that particular person.

448
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 2: I just thought of a.

449
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 3: Question because I just I had a session last week

450
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 3: because I told well, I think I said in our

451
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,880
Speaker 3: last episode it's a rough time for me. I'm still

452
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,919
Speaker 3: going through and I went to a session. I've been

453
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 3: going to therapy. I went to a session last week

454
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 3: and my therapist mentioned to me that she was working

455
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 3: through something with her therapists, and I wanted to get

456
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 3: up and like shout like they did back in church,

457
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 3: because I was like, this is so dope, Because I

458
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,160
Speaker 3: think it's so important for your leaders and your mentors

459
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 3: to have leaders and mentors that they look up to.

460
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 3: Your therapist should have a therapist, And the fact that

461
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 3: she said that it just was so comforting to me

462
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 3: because what I noticed about myself sometimes is that I

463
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 3: will when other people need help, I'm like, oh, oh yeah,

464
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 3: get help.

465
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 2: You're a human being, like go do it.

466
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,400
Speaker 3: But when I need help, I'm like super judgment fiel

467
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 3: sometimes and sometimes I don't hold space for myself to

468
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 3: get help because it's.

469
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 2: Like, you got to be strong.

470
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 3: You've always had to be strong. You've always had to

471
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 3: be this you know, this mother figure role, and you've

472
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,719
Speaker 3: always had to keep things together. You got to keep

473
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 3: it together. And I went to a session. The session

474
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 3: I went to last week, it was a little more

475
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 3: emotional and I was just, like I told my therapist,

476
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 3: I was like, I just want to say that I'm

477
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 3: feeling a little like I'm feeling very vulnerable right now.

478
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 3: So I'm going through a difficult time and I feel

479
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 3: like sometimes when I go to therapy it might just

480
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 3: be to talk with this is like, I really like

481
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 3: I need a support right now, like I really do,

482
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 3: because I don't feel like I can just do it

483
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,920
Speaker 3: on my own. I need that extra support. I need

484
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 3: the I just need that extra layer there for me

485
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 3: and so and sharing that with her. She was just

486
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 3: saying how courageous it is to say.

487
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: That and then to also be there. And I was

488
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 2: just like, when.

489
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:03,440
Speaker 3: She said she's going to therapy, I'm like, Oh, that's

490
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 3: course she's going to therapy too.

491
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 4: Oh that's so cool.

492
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 3: It's not just me, like it makes me feel like

493
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 3: I'm not the only one. And so even though we

494
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 3: had these conversations and their stigma around it, sometimes there's

495
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 3: a little judgment that comes from within, especially what I

496
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 3: really need help.

497
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 4: And it's about giving yourself some compassion, about being kind

498
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 4: and gentle with yourself when you need it most. Like

499
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 4: you mentioned, we can be our own worst critic, right,

500
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 4: But the idea but going to therapy, what I tell

501
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 4: people is that going to therapy takes a level of courage,

502
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 4: takes a level of vulnerability, that it's hard. It's hard,

503
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 4: and so as a therapist, like I always feel honored

504
00:26:55,359 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 4: that I've been allowed to be in that space, that

505
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 4: I'm the person that you've chosen to share your vulnerability with.

506
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 4: And I don't take that lightly. And so I think

507
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 4: that it's therapy is just one of those things that

508
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 4: is really it can be really really powerful when we're

509
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 4: willing to actually do the work. And it's so interesting

510
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,479
Speaker 4: because there was an article that recently came out that

511
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 4: was shared amongst some of my people in the therapy

512
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 4: world about what our clients are not telling us.

513
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,159
Speaker 2: Must be reading my mind over that.

514
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,440
Speaker 4: And so one of the things that as I'm thinking

515
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 4: about this idea of being vulnerable and being courageous, one

516
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,400
Speaker 4: of the things that I think about is recognizing that

517
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:58,360
Speaker 4: a client coming into the therapy room is sharing forty

518
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 4: five to sixty minutes of what a two week, three week,

519
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 4: in some instances a month out of their life. That's

520
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,439
Speaker 4: only a tiny fraction of their life. So like, I

521
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 4: recognize that I'm not getting everything, But I can only

522
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 4: help you with the information that you give me. So

523
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 4: I can only give you the tools to grow based

524
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,879
Speaker 4: on what you share. So if you're telling me that

525
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 4: you're having difficulties in your relationship with your partner, but

526
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 4: you're not giving me, if you're painting a picture that

527
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 4: your partner is the only person who is doing wrong,

528
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 4: I can only help you navigate that situation based on

529
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 4: what you are providing me.

530
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 3: That makes perfect sense, and it makes me about the

531
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 3: fact that when I feel like this third round of

532
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 3: therapy for me was the time when I got super vulnerable.

533
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,479
Speaker 3: But it literally took a year for me, Like I

534
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 3: was going to sessions. I think it was what every

535
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 3: two weeks, I was going to sessions. I was building

536
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 3: a great relationship with my therapist, and it's really like

537
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 3: any other relationship. You I want to get comfortable. You

538
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 3: want to just see how much you can tell them

539
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 3: and how they'll react, because there was definitely fear of judgment.

540
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 3: And I felt like this was a period where I

541
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 3: went all in and shared things that I had never

542
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 3: shared before, and it was so freeing to get that

543
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 3: shit off my chest and you're just like, oh my gosh, I'm.

544
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 2: Not holding that.

545
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 3: And I also got to hear a perspective on what

546
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 3: was going on and how to deal with it. But

547
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 3: the fact that it took me a year to do that,

548
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 3: I was just like, I mean, I know, she, I

549
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 3: know it's safe here. But it literally still took a year.

550
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 3: It took about a year for me to actually like

551
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 3: cry in a session because I don't like to cry

552
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 3: in front of people, and so it just took a

553
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 3: long time to get to that point where I'm like.

554
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh, I don't.

555
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 3: Want to be crying right now, but I'm just emotional

556
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 3: and it's a sensitive topic. And I think about the

557
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 3: fact that you said it to work. And I remember

558
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 3: when I spoke to my therapist and I after a

559
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 3: year started talking about some of the sexual abuse that

560
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 3: I endured as a child. And when we start talking

561
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 3: about that, it got emotional. I realized that my inner

562
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 3: child needs so much healing, which I've been working on.

563
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 3: I'm just like, oh my gosh, the inner child just

564
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 3: keeps coming up at all these different phases of my life.

565
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 3: And it was just so it was just mind blowing

566
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 3: to me to have that experience in therapy, sharing that

567
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 3: those personal details and just to know that you can

568
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 3: make it so far and still internally have so much

569
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 3: healing to do.

570
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: And yeah, it was just it was deep.

571
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 3: It's work, it is, and trust trust the process. Because

572
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 3: I definitely wanted to leave for a little bit. I'm like, oh,

573
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 3: she was like, wow, we're still talking about this, and

574
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 3: was making statements about what I was sharing, and She's

575
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 3: like a lot of people they would just like they

576
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 3: would be ghost on me right now. And I'm like, really,

577
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 3: mind I was thinking about that too. People just leave therapy.

578
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 3: I feel like this is a commitment. I got to

579
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 3: show up, but it's like no people do, especially when

580
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 3: it gets hard. And sometimes I have homework where it's

581
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 3: like I want you to go home and do this

582
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 3: and have this conversation or do this with yourself and

583
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 3: process and it's just like yo, going back into that

584
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 3: stuff that happen to you. I mean, it takes a

585
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 3: lot of courage and I feel really proud of myself

586
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 3: for being for doing it with the help, but it

587
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 3: really is it's a lot.

588
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 4: It is a lot, and you should be proud of yourself.

589
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 4: Thank you, kudos to you on the back, because that

590
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 4: does take a lot of work, and sometimes depending on

591
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 4: what you're going to therapy for, it can feel and

592
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 4: appear worse before it appears better. So true and don't

593
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 4: give up on the process. You know the process that

594
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 4: it may feel so hard, and there may be points

595
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 4: where you are in therapy and you're like every session

596
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 4: you're balling your eyes out and you're like, this is

597
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 4: I leave the session feeling worse than when I came in.

598
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,479
Speaker 4: Across the process, and know that if you keep putting

599
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 4: in the work. It will get better.

600
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 3: It will get better.

601
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 4: I think about you know, they say, what's that phrase

602
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 4: that we learned in elementary school, April showers bring May flowers?

603
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 4: Not realistically we know, like, for instance, right here in

604
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 4: the Bay Area their showers in May, so where are

605
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 4: my flowers?

606
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 3: Like?

607
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 4: But what that phrase really says to me in terms

608
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 4: of relating it to therapy is that you've got to

609
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 4: have the ugly stuff. You've got to get through the

610
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 4: ugly stuff to get to the beauty of it first. Right,

611
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 4: You've got to do the work to get to the

612
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 4: other side, and if you stick with it, you will

613
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 4: get to the other side. But I get it. I

614
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 4: totally understand why some people, depending on where you are

615
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 4: in life too. I think that's the other thing of like,

616
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 4: in terms of where you are in life, how that

617
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 4: relates to your readiness for change. You might enter therapy

618
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 4: at one point and it's like, yeah, I mean, I'm

619
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 4: here because I knew that therapy was a good idea,

620
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,479
Speaker 4: but I'm not ready to dive in. I have a

621
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 4: launder list of things happening in my outside world and

622
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 4: my day to day life that I don't have the

623
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 4: capacity to come into the therapy room for one hour

624
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:57,959
Speaker 4: every two weeks to dive into all my trauma and

625
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 4: then get out in the real world and have on

626
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 4: my laundry list. I'm not ready. Well, you know what,

627
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 4: Keep going to therapy, talk about whatever it is that's

628
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 4: coming up for you in the moment, because I guarantee

629
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 4: you what's coming up for you in the moment is connected.

630
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 2: To your trauma.

631
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:22,399
Speaker 4: Right, And eventually, if you hang in there, eventually you'll,

632
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 4: like you said, it took you a year, but eventually

633
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 4: you'll get to that space where you are ready to

634
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 4: dive into the heavier stuff. Or even if you might

635
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 4: not have experienced trauma in your life, it may take

636
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 4: you a while to really dive into unearthing all of

637
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 4: the patterns that from childhood that might be currently impacting

638
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 4: your relationships. But stick with it. Statistically, what we know

639
00:34:55,360 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 4: is that some therapy is even if it's like your

640
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 4: first therapy experience where you said you really did not

641
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 4: have a good real match with that therapist, some therapy

642
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:13,359
Speaker 4: statistically is better than no therapy at all.

643
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 3: And that makes me think about, like, what are the

644
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:16,240
Speaker 3: benefits of therapy?

645
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 4: Right?

646
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 3: And I think for me, some of the top benefits.

647
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 3: I mean, when you think about the people that are

648
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 3: in your corner, right there were typically like my bestie.

649
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,760
Speaker 2: My best friend is like the one and only.

650
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 3: Like she is the my rider or died for years

651
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 3: and so we know everything about each other. That's the

652
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 3: person I call like, girl, let me tell you what happened.

653
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,959
Speaker 3: She's married with you know, with the kid, and she's

654
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 3: on the East coast, and so the time difference is crazy,

655
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 3: and so sometimes we.

656
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 2: Wouldn't be able to catch up.

657
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 3: And then I thought, you know, sometimes it's a heavy

658
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 3: burden on her to handle all my stuff and then

659
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 3: we'd be switching baggage kind of like giving each other advice,

660
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 3: and it'd be wearing on us both or it has

661
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 3: the capacity to do that. But I think having someone

662
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 3: that I'm paying that's guaranteed to be there for me

663
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 3: and be able to let me just unload my stuff

664
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 3: and all so know how to listen, because everyone can

665
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 3: hear your stuff, but everyone may not know how to

666
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 3: handle it. And so being with a professional that's there

667
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 3: to handle it and manage it and know how to

668
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,319
Speaker 3: respond accordingly and challenge and support you and all that

669
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 3: good stuff that was really important for me. So having

670
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 3: a safe space to unload and not having to wait

671
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 3: on you, my friend, or my family's schedule on when

672
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,240
Speaker 3: they could talk, and having them give like a very lazier,

673
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 3: irresponsible response. I think that was key for me. And

674
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 3: also doing the work. I'm the kind of person I'm

675
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 3: like overachieved. I just want to get a plus and everything.

676
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 3: And so for me, I have become a lot better

677
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 3: and I'm very interested in diving into my shit, like

678
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 3: I want to know how can we make this teary

679
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 3: person like a better person? Like how can I be

680
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 3: the best me? And therapy allows me to have a

681
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 3: safe space to explore that and not be judged. And

682
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 3: then I want to think of like a third benefit.

683
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 3: I would say, I think the third benefit for me

684
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 3: is you get a lot of great language for what

685
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 3: you're going through so that you can help someone else.

686
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 3: But also you can just have the knowledge and the

687
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,360
Speaker 3: capacity and articulation to explain what you're going through. Like

688
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 3: I was saying, I struggle with anxiety and depression for

689
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 3: almost my whole life. I didn't know that's what it was.

690
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,240
Speaker 3: I just thought, oh, I just have all these thoughts.

691
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 3: My mind is just racing all the time, Oh, I

692
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 3: get really sad, and this happens a lot, and I

693
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 3: stay there for a long time, and when you don't

694
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 3: have language for it, it's hard to find a cure

695
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 3: and coping mechanism. So those are my top three benefits

696
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 3: of therapy, and.

697
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:34,360
Speaker 4: I will let those benefits speak for themselves, because again

698
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 4: I'm going to acknowledge that bias in encouraging everyone to

699
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 4: go to therapy and to not be afraid to ask

700
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 4: for what you want in that therapy process. If you

701
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 4: have a preference, I know oftentimes it feels a lot

702
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 4: better to talk to someone who looks like us or

703
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 4: who we feel that we can identify. If your preference

704
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 4: is to see a black female therapist, then look for

705
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 4: that advocate for that. If they don't have any in

706
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 4: your area, it's okay to ask the therapist that you

707
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 4: might be seeing, what is their experience in working with

708
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 4: black women, And trust your instincts. If you are working

709
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 4: with a therapist, whether they look like you or not,

710
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 4: if it does not feel good, have a conversation with

711
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:44,359
Speaker 4: that therapist. So before you say I'm just gonna quit therapy,

712
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 4: talk to your therapist first.

713
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 3: Like a real relationship, because we don't just leave a

714
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 3: relationship as soon as it doesn't fit right. We ask

715
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 3: questions and all that exactly.

716
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 4: And this goes back to what I was saying in

717
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 4: the very beginning about one of the biggest unspoken goals

718
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 4: of therapy is teaching you how to advocate for your

719
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 4: in creating that space for you to practice the skills

720
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 4: that you want to apply in the real world. So,

721
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 4: if you are unhappy with something that's happening in the

722
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 4: therapy space, say something, have a conversation with your therapist

723
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 4: about it so that you all can work through it.

724
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 4: And again, like you said, that gives you an opportunity

725
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:31,399
Speaker 4: to practice how to navigate conflict, how to advocate for yourself,

726
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 4: and hopefully your therapist is willing to dive into that

727
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 4: conversation with you and process with you what is happening

728
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 4: and why it might be happening. And so with that,

729
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 4: I want to encourage everyone to seek out a therapist.

730
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 4: Know that you don't have to be in therapy for

731
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,919
Speaker 4: the rest of your life, but if you are, that's

732
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 4: okay too. On our website and in our show notes

733
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,320
Speaker 4: and on our social media accounts, be able to find

734
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:06,240
Speaker 4: lots of information on how to seek access to mental

735
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 4: health professionals in your area. Thanks for joining us today

736
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 4: in her Space. Please note that our show may contain

737
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 4: conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health,

738
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 4: but it is by no means meant to be a

739
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 4: substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental

740
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,840
Speaker 4: health provider. If you or someone you know is in

741
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 4: need of mental health care, please visit the Therapy for

742
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 4: Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

743
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

744
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 3: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

745
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 3: Twitter at her Space podcast or check out our website

746
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 3: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

747
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 3: after me, I released what no longer serves me to

748
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,280
Speaker 3: manifest what I desire.

749
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 4: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week, Lady