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Speaker 1: Bugala. Hold on, tie, we got it for you. Here

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Speaker 1: it is this Yawberry letter. All right, subject. I want

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Speaker 1: to call it quits after twenty one years of dating

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley. My life could not be more complicated.

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Speaker 1: I'm a thirty six year old woman and I've been

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Speaker 1: dating the same man for twenty one years. Yes, that's right.

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Speaker 1: He's my boyfriend and we've been together off and on

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Speaker 1: since middle school. He was my first love and my

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Speaker 1: first sexual encounter. We have three teenage children, and we

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Speaker 1: have been through all of the ups and downs that

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Speaker 1: married couples have, but we've never been married. He has

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Speaker 1: never wanted to get married. I wanted to marry him

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Speaker 1: when we were in our twenties, but change my mind

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Speaker 1: because he was not treating me like a queen and

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Speaker 1: making me feel like I was the prettiest woman in

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Speaker 1: the world. I was thinking because he never had to

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Speaker 1: commit to me in marriage, that he started taking me

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Speaker 1: for granted. For many years now, he has not paid

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Speaker 1: any attention to me when he's home. He loves his

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Speaker 1: video games. We rarely go out to dinner, and we've

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Speaker 1: never been on vacation. After twenty one years, I'm done.

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Speaker 1: With trying to make this relationship work. It's like I'm

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Speaker 1: roommates with my best friend that I grew up with.

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Speaker 1: I want to call it quits, but I don't know

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Speaker 1: how it should be easy? Right since I don't have

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Speaker 1: to divorce him, How do I end things with my

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Speaker 1: best friend, lover and father of my children? Help? All right?

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Speaker 1: Something that you said in the letter about he doesn't

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Speaker 1: treat you like a queen, Well, I say, if you

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Speaker 1: really believe you're a queen, then act like it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: do what queens do. Put yourself first and stop allowing

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Speaker 1: him to treat you that way, just any old kind

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Speaker 1: of way. You know why you have to put up

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Speaker 1: with this foolishness. I have no idea for twenty one years,

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Speaker 1: and yes, he's taking you for granted because you let him.

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Speaker 1: If he doesn't want to marry you, leave him. If

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Speaker 1: you want to get married, leave you know, why are

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Speaker 1: you wasting your life with him? Twenty one years of

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Speaker 1: your life? I understand you know that he may have

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Speaker 1: a special place in your heart because he was your

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Speaker 1: first and you know he was your first love and everything.

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Speaker 1: He's the father of your teenage children. But it's time

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Speaker 1: to you know, just start using your head in this situation,

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Speaker 1: keep your heart out of it for a moment, and

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Speaker 1: this relationship because it's going to continually get broken. So

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Speaker 1: I just say stay awoke. You know, you have to

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Speaker 1: know that it's okay to feel how you feel and

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Speaker 1: be fed up and one out. It is okay. You

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Speaker 1: can walk away. I don't know what your living arrangement

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Speaker 1: is or anything like that, but either you can pack

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Speaker 1: your bags and get out, or you can pack his

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Speaker 1: bags and tell him to get out. Now's the time.

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Speaker 1: After twenty one years, Steve, Well, this is a crazy

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Speaker 1: letter man. Yeah, because it has a couple of problem

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Speaker 1: points in it, more than a couple. I want to

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Speaker 1: call it quits after twenty one years of dating. That

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Speaker 1: that's an alarming number of years for dating. I want

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Speaker 1: to call it quits after twenty one years of dating. Wow,

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Speaker 1: twenty one years. You ain't got a ring, a proposal,

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Speaker 1: a promise ring, nothing, You're just dating. But things is

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Speaker 1: happening in this relationship that goes a little bit past dating.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty six years old, which means you've been with

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Speaker 1: this man what ow long? Since you were fifteen? Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's right, and he's my boyfriend. You're not supposed to

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Speaker 1: be anybody's boyfriend after college. That's ladies. You're not supposed

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Speaker 1: to be somebody's girlfriend after college. After college, this stuff

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Speaker 1: has to start meeting stuff, get all that way with

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Speaker 1: stuff out your system in college. After college, it aught

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Speaker 1: has started meaning something to you. But you're still girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: H he was my first love and my first sexual encrownter, Well,

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Speaker 1: that's good. You were fifteen, That's that's good. I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying it happened at fifteen, but right at least, that's good.

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Speaker 1: We have three teenage children, so you're having babies. Why

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Speaker 1: are you just dating? And you've demanded nothing as you've

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Speaker 1: given this man three children. You've demanded nothing, And you've

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Speaker 1: been through all the ups and downs that married couples

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Speaker 1: go through, like what what like threatening to divorce, threatening

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Speaker 1: to never see your children again, threatening to take everything

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Speaker 1: you own, threatening to take half of his income due

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Speaker 1: to child support. No you haven't, No, you haven't. That's

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Speaker 1: what happens when married people discussed leaving. Your discussion of leaving,

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Speaker 1: like Shirley said, requires nothing unless you're in the state

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Speaker 1: of California. Then you got problems now. But we've never

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Speaker 1: been married. He here's the line, he has never wanted

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Speaker 1: to get married. Well, ain't he been doing what he

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Speaker 1: want to do? He never wanted to get married, and

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Speaker 1: guess what he ain't ta where the hell is to

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Speaker 1: surprise at this man ain't ever wanted to get married.

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Speaker 1: And guess what he ain't married. I wanted to marry

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Speaker 1: him when we were in our twenties and change my

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Speaker 1: mind because he wasn't treating me like a queen. Listen

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Speaker 1: to me, He still don't treat you like a queen,

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Speaker 1: nor will he ever treat you like a queen. You

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Speaker 1: have gotten what this man at best was gonna get

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Speaker 1: of three babies, and it took you twenty one years

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Speaker 1: to get that. He has not treated you like a queen.

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Speaker 1: He will never treat you like a queen because he

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Speaker 1: don't do nothing he don't want to do. He didn't

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Speaker 1: want to get mard and for twenty one years don'g

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Speaker 1: gonna he ain't. This writing is on the wall. You

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Speaker 1: say in your letter, my life could not be more complicated,

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Speaker 1: or it could be more complicated. You could be married.

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Speaker 1: Oh it would be a lot more complicated if you

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Speaker 1: were married. So your life could be a lot more complicated.

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Speaker 1: But because you ain't married, like Shirley say, you can

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Speaker 1: Jay walk off and he would have to pay for

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Speaker 1: them kids. I got the rest of it when we

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Speaker 1: come back. This is twenty one year, twenty one year

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Speaker 1: relationship of dating with this man has produced nothing but

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Speaker 1: hardship for this woman and three beautiful children. So that's

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Speaker 1: what you got out of the deal. By beautiful kids,

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Speaker 1: they're gonna grow up to become something absolutely wonderful. Are

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Speaker 1: almost willing to bet that. But as for you, what

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Speaker 1: you've gotten from it has been what he said he

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Speaker 1: wasn't gonna do. He said he never wanted to be married,

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Speaker 1: and guess what, he ain't married. And this little you're

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Speaker 1: talking about, you've been together twenty one years. Since they've

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Speaker 1: been together, off and owned since middle school? The hell

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Speaker 1: do that mean? I keep telling y'all, men don't do off.

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Speaker 1: You always say that men don't do off. We own somewhere.

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Speaker 1: If we offer you, we own to Huh. If we

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Speaker 1: offer you, we own to Hu immediately. Period. That's how

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Speaker 1: men are built. Does that make us wrong? No, I'm

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Speaker 1: just telling you that's how we built. We don't need

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Speaker 1: no time to ourself go up in the mountains and

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Speaker 1: find ourselves. No, we go over to her house and

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Speaker 1: find ourselves that evening. Okay, so now you wanted to

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Speaker 1: marry him when you in your twenties, but I changed

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Speaker 1: my mind because he was not treating me like a queen.

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Speaker 1: And I'm telling you he still ain't treating you like

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Speaker 1: a queen. And I got some more news for you.

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Speaker 1: He will never ever treat you like a queen because

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Speaker 1: you are not his queen. He's not your king. So

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Speaker 1: why would he treat you like that? And why would

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Speaker 1: you keep expecting to be treated like a queen when

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Speaker 1: he has never performed or acted like a king. He

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Speaker 1: can't be the little monkey jack. He can't be the

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Speaker 1: jack jack on your side show he uh, everybody else up?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's a queen bow down. But they

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Speaker 1: can't come do nothing for you because they ain't the king. Now,

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Speaker 1: she said, I was thinking because he never had committed

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Speaker 1: to me in marriage, that he started taking me for granted. No,

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Speaker 1: listen to me again, you said he never after he

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Speaker 1: said the queen line and making me feel like I

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Speaker 1: was the prettiest woman in the world. I was thinking

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Speaker 1: because he had never committed to me in marriage, that

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Speaker 1: he started to take me for granted. No, you reverse that,

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Speaker 1: he's taking you for granted because he ain't got to

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Speaker 1: commit to you in marriage. I'll just flip it. That's all.

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Speaker 1: That is why we got to commit to you. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna take you for granted here. We ain't married to you.

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Speaker 1: You can't make us do nothing. We're not married. And

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Speaker 1: you keep saying your life couldn't be could not be

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Speaker 1: more complicated. It would be a lot more complicated if

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Speaker 1: you was married. For many years now, he has not

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Speaker 1: paid any attention to me. That's because you're not his queen.

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Speaker 1: Let me go in the house and not pay attention

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Speaker 1: to the queen of that house, and see how long

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Speaker 1: I'll be sitting up. But I tell me I'm the

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Speaker 1: damn king. For many years now, he has not paid

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Speaker 1: attention to me. When he's home. He loves his video games,

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Speaker 1: and that's what he paid attention to. O. You gotta

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Speaker 1: do to know where you're staying with a man. What

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Speaker 1: do he pay attention to if he don't pay attention

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Speaker 1: to you? What? What? But you say he loves his

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Speaker 1: video game sitting on that stand at the screen. No,

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Speaker 1: ain't because that's what he loves. We rarely go out

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Speaker 1: to dinner for what. Ain't you eat nothing? House? Hello,

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Speaker 1: And we've never been on vacation after twenty one years,

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Speaker 1: and you're not going anywhere. Listen to this right here,

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Speaker 1: y'all ain't been nowhere because he has no plans of

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Speaker 1: this going anywhere. Oh godly, listen to me, ladies. When

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Speaker 1: a man don't care you nowhere, it's because he don't

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Speaker 1: see this going nowhere. To you, I'm teaching you how

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Speaker 1: men are ye. If I'm game carrying you nowhere, it's

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Speaker 1: because he don't see this going nowhere. Bam, news flash,

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Speaker 1: print it, put it on Twitter. It's like I'm roommates

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Speaker 1: with my best friend that I grew up with. That's

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Speaker 1: a great analogy because that's exactly what you are. I

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Speaker 1: want to call it quits. Okay, now we're okay. Now

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Speaker 1: we're getting down to it. But I don't know how

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Speaker 1: well won't you just do what he's been doing nothing

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Speaker 1: because he ain't paid your attention in years. He'd been

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Speaker 1: off and on. He don't want to get married. So

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Speaker 1: now all you gotta do is take everything he's done

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Speaker 1: and just do it to him, Stop paying him attention,

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Speaker 1: stop wanting to go out to dinner with him, Free

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Speaker 1: yourself from the loser, and I bet you a winner

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Speaker 1: come along and want to take you out to eat

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Speaker 1: and probably take you somewhere. You ain't even been on

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Speaker 1: a vacation. You're grown ass woman. Ain't never been on

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Speaker 1: vacation twenty thirty six years old. You ain't never seen

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Speaker 1: whay y'all live Caroline. You ain't been the South Carelina,

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Speaker 1: your hands ain't been the South Carolinas. The damn you

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Speaker 1: live in? You live in? You live in Florida. Ain't

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Speaker 1: been to the beach. Yeah, we'll just drive over that man. Well,

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Speaker 1: he don't take me. No. Uh, I don't know how

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Speaker 1: it should be easy, right since I don't have to

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Speaker 1: divorce him? How do I end things with my best friend,

200
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Speaker 1: lover and father of my children. Let's just go over

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Speaker 1: these three things that you're claiming his. He's your best friend,

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Speaker 1: he treats you like your best friend, or you claiming

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Speaker 1: him as your best friend. You need some new friends

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Speaker 1: because you don't know what best friends do. Best friends

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Speaker 1: care about each other. He's your lover, he ain't paid

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Speaker 1: attention to you in years So even if y'all dude

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Speaker 1: get to love it, ain't it all just about him? Hello?

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Speaker 1: And he's your father of your children, which he will

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Speaker 1: always be. Eat that ain't gonna change now. You make

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Speaker 1: him continue to be the father that's for damn show.

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Speaker 1: But the best friend and the lover he out. That's

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Speaker 1: my response, Strawberry, let him kiss it? Why Steve, we go,

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Speaker 1: We gotta get out of here. Email us us your

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Speaker 1: thoughts go to uh my girls Shirley. Okay, you're listening

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Speaker 1: to morning show