Speaker 1: Shall we we shall, Let's go baby Hell. I Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating with Dean Angler and I Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello everyone, thank you for joining in for help. I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating Still the title of the show. I'm
Speaker 1: Dean Angler joined in studio by Mark Easton and Erica
Speaker 1: Um Today. It's gonna be a bit of a Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day centric episode. Yeah, because we all love Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1: I actually do. Yeah. Why because it requires you to
Speaker 1: step up married couples. I'm part of a married couple.
Speaker 1: It tends to get complacent after the over the years.
Speaker 1: You don't schedule as money date nights as you should.
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, you have to schedule something. So that's why
Speaker 1: I like it so and early in a relationship you
Speaker 1: learn a lot about the guy depending on what he does.
Speaker 1: Don't you think that it's kind of silly though, that
Speaker 1: we need one day every year to be like listen, listen, guys,
Speaker 1: you gotta get your together and set up a nice
Speaker 1: date for your your girlfriend, your wife with ever to
Speaker 1: I get that, but I'm not as anti Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: as some people are. You anti Valentine's I'm anti Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day for the fact of I mean, I think that
Speaker 1: you should be doing nice yesterdays occasionally. Understand it. We're
Speaker 1: obviously been married twenty years, so I can understand it's
Speaker 1: nice to like have an event, to be like, all right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go out and have a nice dinner and
Speaker 1: do all this. Um, I just hate like the crowds.
Speaker 1: I hate like the cliche of it all. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: going to dinner, waiting fixed menus, I hate prefixed I
Speaker 1: mean they're great, but it's like you could do that
Speaker 1: any other day of the week for you know, af
Speaker 1: fractional costs, and I think it's on a Wednesday. So
Speaker 1: you'll either go out the weekend before the weekend after right, No,
Speaker 1: you have to go out on Valentine's I don't think
Speaker 1: we will, really, I don't think so. So you're gonna
Speaker 1: go out on a Saturday night and be like, listen
Speaker 1: to Amy, this is your Valentine's Day date. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna put it that way. We will decide together when
Speaker 1: because Wednesday night, Brooklyn's got gymnastics alleys got tracked. There's
Speaker 1: just too much going on on a Wednesday evening with
Speaker 1: work the next day. Just not going to happen. We're
Speaker 1: in a similar problem because my wife works at a
Speaker 1: church and Wednesday Valentine's da is ash Wednesday. It's a big,
Speaker 1: big day, so she's going to have the ashes on
Speaker 1: her forehead, she's gonna have to work really late. But
Speaker 1: we're still going out. So because Black Panther opens the
Speaker 1: next weekend, I'm booked. IM spoking for um and Eric.
Speaker 1: What about you? I have a huge Valentine's Day plans,
Speaker 1: don't kid Well, I do. It's dinner and drinks with
Speaker 1: my single girlfriends. Yeah, which is cool and I'm fine
Speaker 1: with that. But I'm not a big like Valentine's person
Speaker 1: in general, Like, never even in relationships, done a big
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. How come there's no like Malan Melanine's Day.
Speaker 1: I call it Pine Palentine. That kind of sounds like
Speaker 1: we're Palestinians Palentine. Um, I don't know. I just think
Speaker 1: that I think it's great that you guys are going
Speaker 1: out on different nights. Then for Eastern Eastern's going out
Speaker 1: on ash Wednesday maybe more interesting. But maybe it may
Speaker 1: be the kids that prevent the weekday. Why don't they
Speaker 1: have my kids? Yeah? Um, they're Ali's eleven in Brooklyn's eight,
Speaker 1: and they're us kind of. Allie's noticing boys. She has
Speaker 1: a crush. Yeah, do you remember the first one of
Speaker 1: the first claus we had was Zoe, my middle school
Speaker 1: girlfriend and my first girlfriend. You remember the reason that
Speaker 1: she broke up with me? No, it's because I didn't
Speaker 1: plan a Valentine's Day date when we were ten years old. Wow,
Speaker 1: we're eleven years old. So I'm just saying, this is
Speaker 1: the age where that stuff starts to like, well, I
Speaker 1: have a story about Alie. A boy, a seventh grade boy,
Speaker 1: approached her. She's in sixth grade. There was a dance,
Speaker 1: and they have the sixth grade dance separate from the
Speaker 1: seventh and eighth grade dance. I'm guessing this a lot more.
Speaker 1: You know, booty shaking seven grade dance and the sixth
Speaker 1: grades have their own thing. So he went up to
Speaker 1: her and said, are you going to the dance? And
Speaker 1: she looked at him, like, why are you talking to me?
Speaker 1: And she said yeah, and he said, oh, are you
Speaker 1: in sixth grade? Yeah, okay, I was gonna ask you
Speaker 1: to come to our dance. And then he said to
Speaker 1: her maybe we could hang out sometime oh my god.
Speaker 1: And Ellie yelled no, thank you and ramped. She's not
Speaker 1: there yet, she's not ready for that conversation. And she's
Speaker 1: in sixth grade. Ye and he was in seventh grade. Interesting.
Speaker 1: I was very proud of her for that get it go,
Speaker 1: get away from those voice. I like it. I don't
Speaker 1: even know. I don't even know how to eleven year
Speaker 1: old is getting like more date requests than most four
Speaker 1: year olds I know, including myself, Like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is so good. So they have a Valentine's Day dance. No,
Speaker 1: this wasn't Valentine's this was for something else. This is
Speaker 1: just an independent They do him throughout the year in
Speaker 1: the afternoons, like it's like they have early day. They
Speaker 1: get out like one thirty and then they have dances
Speaker 1: until the regular time school would be out. And she
Speaker 1: she shows me video, she takes videos on her phone.
Speaker 1: It's a rager, like there's lights and there's all kind
Speaker 1: of loud music and she's having a blast. They put
Speaker 1: like black over the windows. It's like nighttime. We had
Speaker 1: this in my middle school, but it is nighttime. Were nighttime,
Speaker 1: three pm. It gets too racy at nighttime these days. Um, well,
Speaker 1: so what do you guys really like to do for
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day? Then? You know, for us, it's really we
Speaker 1: we we made a rule a few years ago, no
Speaker 1: more cards for any for any occasion. No more cards.
Speaker 1: They are a waste of money and you look at them,
Speaker 1: Oh that's nice, and you throw it in the garbage.
Speaker 1: And now they're like, they're like seven eight bucks cards
Speaker 1: and you feel bad throwing them in the garbage too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we no more cards. We're not doing that anymore.
Speaker 1: So there's no real expectation. Her birthday was a few
Speaker 1: weeks ago. Great, we don't do gifts really. We just
Speaker 1: kind of spend some time together and that's it. It's
Speaker 1: pretty low key at this point. Do you think that's
Speaker 1: a practice that we could all take in early on
Speaker 1: or is that something that you kind of get to
Speaker 1: after to this because there was pressure early on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm still surprised with flowers and stuff. A couple
Speaker 1: of years ago. She teaches group exercise on Saturday mornings.
Speaker 1: So I dressed the girls up in little red dresses
Speaker 1: and they each had a bouquet of flowers, and they
Speaker 1: walked into her group exercise class right before it started.
Speaker 1: And gave him that that was pretty good. That I
Speaker 1: got a lot of points for that one life. So
Speaker 1: I still tried to do a nice surprise every so often,
Speaker 1: but generally speaking, it's it's it's pretty quiet these years
Speaker 1: until the next big surprise. Come on something else. We'll
Speaker 1: take us through. You were looking through your Instagram, So
Speaker 1: where were you Valentine's Day? I wanted to go through
Speaker 1: my I guess chronicled pictures to the past four or
Speaker 1: five years. UM, February seventeen. It was like the month
Speaker 1: before I left for Bacherette filming, so I literally just
Speaker 1: sat at home. We were not allowed to be pursuing anyone,
Speaker 1: not even that. I don't even think I was in
Speaker 1: the process at that point, but I was like more
Speaker 1: single than ever, so I like literally ordered Indian food
Speaker 1: with my roommates, and like we watched movies or something
Speaker 1: that pines but not romantic movies. I assume we watched like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, like X Men or something like that. Um.
Speaker 1: And then the year before that, I think, um, I
Speaker 1: was I was dating someone. I can't remember exactly what
Speaker 1: we did, though, I was looking back because I was
Speaker 1: right around the Super Bowl time, and um, I remember
Speaker 1: watching the Super Bowl with the girl that I was dating,
Speaker 1: So I was like, I'm sure we had to do
Speaker 1: I've done something, but obviously recalled exactly what it was.
Speaker 1: It probably just like a dinner date and something like that.
Speaker 1: You were in a relationship two years ago on Valentine's yea,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure we went to dinner And the fact
Speaker 1: that I am unable to remember exactly what we did,
Speaker 1: it's just it's a sign that I think dinners are
Speaker 1: too cliche for Valentine's Day dates. Do we know about
Speaker 1: this woman? Uh, we haven't spoken much of her. We
Speaker 1: have talked to her. How long were you together? Put?
Speaker 1: And why did it end? Ah, it was just it
Speaker 1: was like messed from the start, and then we like
Speaker 1: kind of evened out in the middle and like things
Speaker 1: were going well and then near the end of this
Speaker 1: what does that mean? A mess from the start? Um,
Speaker 1: she worked at a company that I worked at formerly
Speaker 1: before moving here, and so we had like some mutual
Speaker 1: friends and she and one of my other good friends
Speaker 1: had something before her and I got together. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so it was like kind of one of those things
Speaker 1: where we have these callers calling and they're like, I
Speaker 1: like this girl, but my guy my like my friend
Speaker 1: used to date her kind of thing. Um, it was
Speaker 1: kind of one of those situations. So it's kind of
Speaker 1: like a rocky start. How how friendly were you with
Speaker 1: that guy best friend? Oh, and I made the horrible,
Speaker 1: horrible mistake of um pursuing her without telling him and
Speaker 1: without asking for permission. Not permission obviously, but like you know, um,
Speaker 1: not giving the courtesy heads up right, and in hindsight,
Speaker 1: I always say, I see really regret it. We lived
Speaker 1: together with best friends, moved I moved out here from
Speaker 1: together at the time with him. Yeah, um, I can't
Speaker 1: remember exactly how unfolded with like everything kind of like
Speaker 1: becoming to coming to the surface. But he was like,
Speaker 1: he's like, honestly, like it was like a very short
Speaker 1: fling that they had. They weren't like in a serious
Speaker 1: relationship or anything that. But he's like, honestly, if you
Speaker 1: just came to me and told me or like asked
Speaker 1: me or whatever, everything wouldn't perfectly fine. And it was
Speaker 1: perfectly fine. It was just like a little bit of
Speaker 1: like they weren't together at the time, but they had
Speaker 1: been together. No, no no, no, they weren't together at the
Speaker 1: time they had hooked up, maybe like a few months
Speaker 1: prior hooked up. It wasn't much. They were never like
Speaker 1: never never boyfriend girlfriends, but they had a history together.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because we were just talking about this in
Speaker 1: the Scrubbing In podcast this week with Becca in Twania,
Speaker 1: available for download now. Um about how Tanya is able
Speaker 1: to kind of if if she knows a guy who
Speaker 1: has done anything with any of her friends, he is
Speaker 1: like like switched off in her mind, Like she wouldn't
Speaker 1: even consider him as a possibility. That is just off limits, friend, brother, whatever,
Speaker 1: he goes mat category. Maybe guys don't have that. I
Speaker 1: think Tanya has a fault there because I think you
Speaker 1: have to be open to like some people like if
Speaker 1: it was a fling, you should have told him, yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. But I also think like that could have
Speaker 1: been okay, Yes, it might be weird at first, but
Speaker 1: what if that's your person? And in these situations, people
Speaker 1: always say that like the heart wants what it wants.
Speaker 1: It's like, what if that's my person? Well, that's just
Speaker 1: like that's one of those things too, where she was
Speaker 1: like in our friend group and like we would hang out,
Speaker 1: you know, every a couple of Beegins a month, like altogether.
Speaker 1: Um And I always like a certain level of like
Speaker 1: admiration for like, always thought she was a great personal
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Obviously I wasn't gonna make any moves
Speaker 1: at the time, but um And there was like this
Speaker 1: one night where we made out or something like that,
Speaker 1: and they're like, all right, well, let's like hang out
Speaker 1: a few more times and see what it leads to.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of one of those things where like
Speaker 1: we didn't really know how to define it. And then
Speaker 1: because we didn't really know what we were I didn't
Speaker 1: want to go to my friend and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on. But then obviously hinds
Speaker 1: it's like easier to say I should have done it,
Speaker 1: but I could have. I don't know, like how to
Speaker 1: define our relationships. I didn't really know what to go
Speaker 1: to him with what information, you know, Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: could just tell him, Hey, I'm interested in so and
Speaker 1: so would you mind if I pursue this? Absolutely, and
Speaker 1: I wish I did. And I mean I mean obviously
Speaker 1: like there was no love lost between me my friend
Speaker 1: or meither or the girl that I kind of continued
Speaker 1: to continue to date but it's just it made very
Speaker 1: very rocky a couple of days. I guess is part
Speaker 1: of that early the early days, there is part of
Speaker 1: it the excitement of sneaking around, because that does add
Speaker 1: an element of excitement to the relationship. I don't want
Speaker 1: I don't know if we're necessarily we weren't like hiding
Speaker 1: it intentionally or anything like that. But it's it's funny
Speaker 1: now because like even I don't know how long we
Speaker 1: want to talk about this topic for but um, in
Speaker 1: our friend group, this girl who dated one of my
Speaker 1: good friends for like a year or two, so they
Speaker 1: lived together. They're like a very serious relationship. She's now
Speaker 1: um dating another one of our good friends in the group,
Speaker 1: and I think that the her x doesn't know about
Speaker 1: their currently even though everyone else in the friend group does.
Speaker 1: But it's like I feel like it's not like anyone
Speaker 1: else's place to like go to the guy and be like, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: this girl is dating uh this other guy. Bro code
Speaker 1: that you let him know what's going on, or is
Speaker 1: it you're loyal to the other bro. I mean, he's
Speaker 1: fully moved on from the relationship, but it's still like
Speaker 1: stings a little bit to like see that. Um, I
Speaker 1: just think that it's not necessarily I think a lot
Speaker 1: of us think that's not necessarily our place to start
Speaker 1: that drama. And like if and when they're ready to
Speaker 1: talk about it, and I'll talk about it. Two years later,
Speaker 1: it's been almost exactly two years. You were with her
Speaker 1: two years ago. But where what do you where do
Speaker 1: you stand with her? Is there any any friendship any anything? There? Um,
Speaker 1: there there's a friendship. We all try to have a
Speaker 1: good friendship, or at least I made an effort to like, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I want to be friends with you. I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: we like dated because I thought you were a great person. Um,
Speaker 1: but I think that it's just it's becoming increasibly increasingly
Speaker 1: harder to keep a friendship with like a former girlfriend,
Speaker 1: you know. Um, so we don't really have much of
Speaker 1: a friendship anymore, which kind of stings a little bit.
Speaker 1: But um, I think she's doing really well. So and
Speaker 1: what with the guy, the guy her, the guy that
Speaker 1: she hooked up with, it you were best friends and
Speaker 1: roommates with real Wow, you guys survived that, of course
Speaker 1: was he was a little ticked off at first, but
Speaker 1: not too bad. He was like he had moved on
Speaker 1: and had started dating someone. So it's not like they
Speaker 1: like he wasn't like like, I don't know he we
Speaker 1: were still best friends. Everything's fine there, everything's fine still
Speaker 1: to this day. Good. That's nice to hear. I got
Speaker 1: the threat up box that you gave us last week. Fantastic.
Speaker 1: My my wife and my daughter really appreciated because the
Speaker 1: denim jacket fit my daughter better than fit my wife.
Speaker 1: And so there she goes, she's got a new denim
Speaker 1: jack and for these Ontine's days. He's about to go on, Yeah,
Speaker 1: well you're getting ahead of yourself. But but but they're great.
Speaker 1: They don't seem like, you know, I don't know what
Speaker 1: kind of a stigma people put on used clothing or
Speaker 1: thrift store clothing. It didn't seem like that at all.
Speaker 1: There was no feeling of this is pre owned. It
Speaker 1: was a feeling of, wow, what a great denim jacket
Speaker 1: this is, and my daughter loves it, so thank you
Speaker 1: for that. You're welcome and Easton. Easton's wife sent a
Speaker 1: cute little thank you know, Yeah, she's very appreciative of
Speaker 1: the jacket. It looked brand new, I mean, like this
Speaker 1: had the tags on it. Still she got a Theory
Speaker 1: denim jacket and uh, I don't know if that's a
Speaker 1: nice brand or not, but it was very exciting for
Speaker 1: her to get. Fits are great, is really nice? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I see whenever I see a girl wearing a Theory jacket,
Speaker 1: it's just I don't know, I like it. It looks
Speaker 1: for those guys who are listening and for those girls
Speaker 1: that are looking to treat themselves for whether it's Gallentine's Day,
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, whatever it is. Um, I mean you heard
Speaker 1: Easton and Mark talked about how much their wives loved it,
Speaker 1: and in Mark's case, I guess his wife and his daughter. UM,
Speaker 1: be sure to check out threat up dot com. It's
Speaker 1: the world's largest online thrift store with brands you'll love
Speaker 1: from up to off retail price. Like I said, Easton's
Speaker 1: wife got hers and she said it was Brandy with
Speaker 1: the tax still on it. That's pretty common with thread Up.
Speaker 1: You'll get a lot of a lot of designer clothes
Speaker 1: basically you know, never worn, if they've been worn only
Speaker 1: once or twice. In Mark's case, I got them to
Speaker 1: two items for his wife. One of them didn't fit
Speaker 1: her quite as well. Fortunate in his situation, she was
Speaker 1: able to just pass it down to the daughter. But
Speaker 1: in an event where you get something that doesn't fit,
Speaker 1: you do have free returns and make it super easy,
Speaker 1: super convenient for you to do. So, say you get
Speaker 1: something a little bit too smaller than you expected it
Speaker 1: to be, people for just send it right back and
Speaker 1: they'll make it as easy as possible for you. So
Speaker 1: be sure to show your weal who's boss and don't
Speaker 1: wait another minute. Um, so go to throw up dot
Speaker 1: com slash Dean for an extra thirty percent off your
Speaker 1: very first order. Uh. And I know I said this
Speaker 1: at the top of this, but you guys need to
Speaker 1: remember that you're getting offer up to off retail price
Speaker 1: through threat up dot com. Um, you're going basically on
Speaker 1: to these online thrift stores. You're gonna be gritting great deals,
Speaker 1: getting great brands, and on top of all that, you
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Speaker 1: R E d up dot com slash dean for an
Speaker 1: extra thirty percent off today and be sure to make
Speaker 1: well there it's Valentine's Day or Galantine's Day as fashionable
Speaker 1: as possible. Before we get Genie on the phone, Genieus
Speaker 1: from e Harmony answers dating questions. I have an idea
Speaker 1: for the name of this podcast, and I really thought
Speaker 1: about this and I really like it because it's very succinct.
Speaker 1: It says everything you need to say. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: ready for this, because I I haven't liked a lot
Speaker 1: of the suggestions we've gotten. It's very simple. The new
Speaker 1: podcast name would be Dating Dean Unglert. Dating Dean Dating
Speaker 1: Dean Unglert like being John malkovis kind of but but
Speaker 1: he doesn't like it, and I can tell but let
Speaker 1: me just tell you. Let me tell you why. Because
Speaker 1: it's about dating. It's it's you dating, whether you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship or not in a relationship. It works either way.
Speaker 1: It's simple, it's three words. It encompasses what we're talking about.
Speaker 1: And you're gonna you know, this is the part that
Speaker 1: will make you a little bit uncomfortable. But I think
Speaker 1: of you as a very eligible bachelor. To the people listening,
Speaker 1: they probably think you're an attractive young man and they
Speaker 1: might want to be dating Dean Unglert, And that's why
Speaker 1: it's an appealing title as well. Let me ask you this,
Speaker 1: Let's flip it let's flip it around real quickly. Say
Speaker 1: Amy comes to you one day and says, here, Mark,
Speaker 1: I have this idea for myself. I want to come
Speaker 1: out with the TV show. Just bear with me. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be dating Amy. I'm gonna talk about my life,
Speaker 1: all the dating ins and outs that I go through
Speaker 1: on a daily basis, weekly basis, etcetera, etcetera. Um, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about that? You're worried about how this
Speaker 1: would come off to potential partners of yours or even
Speaker 1: hypothetically if you were in a relationship. Now, yes, you
Speaker 1: think it's weird, Yes, all right, what do you think? Well,
Speaker 1: how would you feel about Amy doing We're married. It's
Speaker 1: a different situation. So I think it's I don't know.
Speaker 1: I okay. Do you want to bounce it off somebody
Speaker 1: in your life and see if they like it? No,
Speaker 1: I don't like you don't like it? It's okay, I'll
Speaker 1: bounce it off, all right. I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I appreciate. I appreciate the fact that we are brainstorming
Speaker 1: new ideas. What about help dating? It can sucks? See,
Speaker 1: all of that is too negative. I don't like sucking.
Speaker 1: There it's too negative. It's too I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: too cynical. Yeah, I guess because they have one listener
Speaker 1: emails say that, and so now we're kind of stuck
Speaker 1: on that. Yeah. But also I like it. I like
Speaker 1: it short too, I don't like help. I suck a
Speaker 1: dating as too many words? What's another? Okay, well let's
Speaker 1: jump over to Genie. So Genie is from e Harmony.
Speaker 1: We we've talked quite a bit about online dating, all
Speaker 1: those types of apps that people use, but we haven't
Speaker 1: really talked much about e Harmony or the or the
Speaker 1: those types of I guess avenues of meeting new people.
Speaker 1: So Janie, are you there? I am here, How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm doing well? Thank you so much for calling in.
Speaker 1: Chief of Advice. Chief that's the title, chief, Chief of
Speaker 1: Advice and VP of contented the Harmony. That's impressive. I
Speaker 1: don't know how this happened, you guys. Um awesome. Well,
Speaker 1: so Jennie, tell us a little more about that then,
Speaker 1: Chief of Advice. Probably you're the only person in the
Speaker 1: entire world with that title. What does that meaning? I
Speaker 1: think VP of Content might be view. Um, so I
Speaker 1: managed the harmonade vice site which is a site, a
Speaker 1: content site, which is full of articles and blogs by
Speaker 1: different experts. So that's where that comes from. Um. I
Speaker 1: also work in the marketing department, and I've been here
Speaker 1: for nine years. I've kind of been there, done that,
Speaker 1: seen at all. It's always interesting, awesome. Well, so tell
Speaker 1: us a little bit more about the harmony. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously we know mostly what it is, but a lot
Speaker 1: more people at least, Um, I don't I don't necessarily
Speaker 1: want to say this, but I feel like more people
Speaker 1: in my age are more familiar with like the dating
Speaker 1: apps like a bumble. Yeah, that's that's swiping all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Yeah, of course. Um, you know, I
Speaker 1: always say that everybody will go onto those sites and
Speaker 1: then we don't. We don't find a great match. They
Speaker 1: come to harmade So um, we have apps as well,
Speaker 1: but we aren't swiping. So what you do when you
Speaker 1: go to harmonies You're gonna answer a bunch of questions.
Speaker 1: I think we've got about a hundred questions in our
Speaker 1: relationship questionnaire. So why we do that? As we're getting
Speaker 1: to know who you are and as you know deep level,
Speaker 1: what your values are, are, what who you are as
Speaker 1: a person, and then after you goe for that process,
Speaker 1: we start delivering matches to you people who we feel
Speaker 1: like you'd be really compatible with. But that's really the
Speaker 1: primary difference is that we match based on compatibility and
Speaker 1: research that we've done for what seventeen years here on
Speaker 1: what makes the happy couple. And I mean you guys
Speaker 1: have been around, you said, for seventeen years, which means
Speaker 1: you're a something, right, Yeah, I think so. I think
Speaker 1: there's something too that I have to say that when
Speaker 1: I I mean a lot of the couples, like the
Speaker 1: have success couples when we do our commercials and whatnot,
Speaker 1: and they are always they always seem to be very
Speaker 1: compatible and happy and like we get it so easy
Speaker 1: with each other and we just get each other. So
Speaker 1: it makes me go, wow, we are doing something right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty cool. I'm sure that makes all of it
Speaker 1: worth it too. So that's why I'm here. Honestly, I
Speaker 1: used to work in entertainment and it was just very's
Speaker 1: rapid and you know, superficial. And here it's like I'm
Speaker 1: actually doing something that you know is positive. But I
Speaker 1: love that. I think that a lot of people and
Speaker 1: christ me if I'm wrong, please at any moment when
Speaker 1: I'm talking to some wrong a lot um. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people that use actually just had air
Speaker 1: coincident and she made this comment. I think it really
Speaker 1: struck a chord. She she said, a lot of people
Speaker 1: that use dating apps are more looking to I don't know,
Speaker 1: hook up and maybe date, and then the people that
Speaker 1: are going to jump on something like the Harmony are
Speaker 1: more ready for marriage that type of stuff. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't think that's I don't think that's false. I mean
Speaker 1: I think it's like, you know, it is about what
Speaker 1: you're looking for. You just want to have a date
Speaker 1: Thursday night and just have fun and aren't looking for
Speaker 1: anything serious, and that's fine that they serve their purpose absolutely. Um,
Speaker 1: if you want, you know, a happy relationship or maybe
Speaker 1: something just more substantial and meaningful, then that's we are
Speaker 1: the place for that, right And that's a great way
Speaker 1: to put it too, because I feel like if you're
Speaker 1: looking to fill a Thursday night or Friday night on
Speaker 1: your calendar, you're not really the Harmy is maybe not
Speaker 1: the spot for you because it's kind of more for
Speaker 1: like lifelong relationships that type of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think most people are really intentional and they take all
Speaker 1: this time to take the relationship questionnaire, and so they're
Speaker 1: there for a reason, which is to find you a
Speaker 1: good partner for them and a good fit. Can I
Speaker 1: ask you what you're what the average ages of like
Speaker 1: of a um? Yeah, I think number one Demo FOURT
Speaker 1: is like the second most popular group, very nice, so
Speaker 1: they just you know, fairly young still and I think
Speaker 1: a lot go ahead. And I was gonna say, I
Speaker 1: think a lot of the mindsets kind of apply to
Speaker 1: both to both dating apps in and the harmony and
Speaker 1: maybe there's like a healthy blend of the two, um,
Speaker 1: because it, I mean just dating in general is a
Speaker 1: difficult thing nowadays, especially so maybe once you once you
Speaker 1: do it more intentionally like you're talking about with the harmony,
Speaker 1: and once you kind of sit down figure out exactly
Speaker 1: who you are and what you want, um, it kind
Speaker 1: of makes moving forward. I think it's it's super important
Speaker 1: to know that you know you want a relationship, Like
Speaker 1: what am I looking for? What do I am? Ask yourself?
Speaker 1: What do I have to offer? Like what do I
Speaker 1: bring to the table. I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: are like what can what does this person have? But
Speaker 1: I think it's good to look at yourself to what
Speaker 1: do you what do you have to bring the table?
Speaker 1: So with it being February, what do you guys have
Speaker 1: planned for Valentine's Day? From like the harmony side of things. Well,
Speaker 1: we are releasing a study this Thursday, and UM it's
Speaker 1: called the Happiness Index. Um. What we did is we
Speaker 1: wanted to take part of the temperature of the pulse
Speaker 1: of relationships in America and find out how happy are couples,
Speaker 1: How are they doing, what are they fighting about? What
Speaker 1: are the happiest couples? Um? What makes them so happy?
Speaker 1: And the same with the unhappy couple. So that's really
Speaker 1: interesting that's coming out Thursday. Lots of interesting finding. Does
Speaker 1: this happyest Happiness Index? Uh? Embody just harmony users? Or
Speaker 1: is it every couple that you guys kind of Yeah,
Speaker 1: we had we surveyed. Harris did a survey for us
Speaker 1: Harrison are active and it's anybody in a long sim relationship, UM,
Speaker 1: married or just you know, anyone they don't have to
Speaker 1: be married. And what do you guys have to do
Speaker 1: with that type of information. We are putting a press
Speaker 1: the WETE out on Thursday, and we're doing a bunch
Speaker 1: of interviews. So there's just a bunch of cool findings
Speaker 1: from the study. So the CEO of the companies in
Speaker 1: New York this week talking about it. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: it to people like you, and so we're just sharing
Speaker 1: the information. So how does it work on any harmony?
Speaker 1: So you said that you fill out the questionnaire and
Speaker 1: you send matches and what happens at that point? Can
Speaker 1: either person reach out? Yes? Yeah, so we aren't like
Speaker 1: bumble you have to wait for the woman and then
Speaker 1: they chat within the app or on the site. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So we have like a Slack style communication where you
Speaker 1: can just you can reach out men or women can
Speaker 1: reach out. I'm always accuraging that women to reach out
Speaker 1: more because the guys love that, right, I think. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you know, steps up, ladies come on reach out. Um,
Speaker 1: and actually our success couples sixty six percent. I think
Speaker 1: the ways to initiate communications see it works. But um yeah,
Speaker 1: so when your match with someone, either you can send
Speaker 1: a smile or just start communication. Well you can also
Speaker 1: send them questions. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Erica sends gifts. She
Speaker 1: sends the sub sub seal. Yeah, what do you send?
Speaker 1: It's a little seal snuggling in the snow, and it
Speaker 1: says up it sounds so much, and it goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah, I think that's cute. I think that's
Speaker 1: very crue Erica. What did you want to? Um? Okay,
Speaker 1: So the whole issue, and it's a lot of people
Speaker 1: my age like the getting from the conversation online to
Speaker 1: actually getting to a date in person. How do you
Speaker 1: make that happen? I think sometimes you have to be direct.
Speaker 1: I mean I've even experienced it myself where it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: what's up. In a few days later, hey what's up? Like,
Speaker 1: you know, if the other party is not making it happen,
Speaker 1: and I think, you know, I love chatting with you,
Speaker 1: but I would love to actually, you know, meet you
Speaker 1: in person and have a drink. You have to start
Speaker 1: of take it there sooner than later, or a lot
Speaker 1: of times you're going to kind of run out of
Speaker 1: them and one person is going to lose interest. So
Speaker 1: I think after you after a few text conversations, it's
Speaker 1: either important to move to the phone or try to
Speaker 1: meet in person. Sometimes you gotta yeah, you gotta do it.
Speaker 1: That's kind of my thing with it. When I was
Speaker 1: using these types of platforms to meet people. Was I
Speaker 1: almost kind of wanted to string it out as long
Speaker 1: as I possibly could because because it was like it's
Speaker 1: kind of like a vetting process. It was like, if
Speaker 1: I'm able to have a nonsensical conversation with this person
Speaker 1: for a week, then I'm I'm more excited to meet
Speaker 1: up with them because than I know that we're gonna
Speaker 1: be having much more free flown conversation instead of five
Speaker 1: messages down than asking to get drinks, just because of
Speaker 1: the way that I look at the way that they look,
Speaker 1: you know, that type of thing. So there's definitely like
Speaker 1: there's like a heavy balance I think in the middle.
Speaker 1: So absolutely, like yeah, exactly having a conversation or sort
Speaker 1: of betting the person and getting to them a little
Speaker 1: bit via, you know, whether it's text or whatever you
Speaker 1: want to do. Absolutely, but I think moving it to
Speaker 1: the next level sooner than later is great. I know
Speaker 1: people who have chatted online four months and they don't meet,
Speaker 1: and they think and they think they're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you're not in a relationship unless you've
Speaker 1: actually met the person you know, fo months And this
Speaker 1: is kind of off topic, and maybe we can, well,
Speaker 1: I'll talk about it now, just it's like five seconds.
Speaker 1: So I was in college. When I went to college,
Speaker 1: I took a spring term class. It was like a
Speaker 1: week long class. You got a class every day for
Speaker 1: like six hours a day, but it was a full
Speaker 1: three credit loads. I remember I met this girl in class.
Speaker 1: We were sitting next to each other. She's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I gotta go meet my husband. Later. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's so great, Like, how did you meet your husband?
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, I met him playing World of Warcraft.
Speaker 1: We played World of Warcrafts together for six months and
Speaker 1: then we find the decided that we want to meet
Speaker 1: in person and we got married. It's I know, it's
Speaker 1: very off topic, but I'm a great shared interest. That
Speaker 1: is you already know they love video games exactly. It's
Speaker 1: important to have things in common, as we all know, right,
Speaker 1: which is which is obviously super important. All right. So
Speaker 1: besides I guess being more intentional with like trying to
Speaker 1: meet up with them, do you have any advice on
Speaker 1: on kind of how to like plan that first date
Speaker 1: because we're talking about if a first date can fall
Speaker 1: on Valentine's Day. Um, there seems to be like mixed
Speaker 1: reviews on that, But how do you go about navigating
Speaker 1: those waters? First date on Valentine's Day? I think that, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: that can be tough you have met the person because
Speaker 1: it kind of puts pressure on things. So if you're
Speaker 1: going to do that, I would just go somewhere really
Speaker 1: low key. I would not be going to like the
Speaker 1: prefixed dinner, you know, on Valentine's Day with someone you
Speaker 1: don't know, So I would, you know, maybe like you
Speaker 1: have just coffee that morning, or go get breakfast, try
Speaker 1: to let a little more casual. I would keep it casual.
Speaker 1: If you're going to have a first date on Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: I like that that works. Yeah, I think it's I
Speaker 1: think I can agree with. And who doesn't like going
Speaker 1: to breakfast and having pancakes? I mean, come on, that
Speaker 1: is kind of fun. Breakfast is fun. That's interesting. Breakfast
Speaker 1: first date. It's not something you hear about very often. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I think that's the best way. Then you get
Speaker 1: to move on with your day. You can say you
Speaker 1: have plans after or you don't, or you end up
Speaker 1: setting the day with them right, or you like, I
Speaker 1: gotta go to work now. I kind of eleven am.
Speaker 1: Just go to Jinkies, get some blueberry pancakes. That's kind
Speaker 1: of more brunch hour. But well, but you're not going
Speaker 1: to have an eight for a first date. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's got to be a brunch. It's like a weening process.
Speaker 1: I just think, like too much pressure to you know,
Speaker 1: how nervous would you be, like go to some fancy
Speaker 1: dinner and I just can't even imagine that, So I
Speaker 1: would steer away from that for sure. Can you talk
Speaker 1: a little bit about how I guess the harmonies changed
Speaker 1: over the years. You said you've been there for nine years, right,
Speaker 1: so you've said I'm sure you've probably seen it change
Speaker 1: quite a bit over the past decade. What are kind
Speaker 1: of like some notice noticeable changes you've seen In some ways,
Speaker 1: it's changed. In some ways, it's still the same. Like
Speaker 1: our mission is the same, which is to put two
Speaker 1: people together who are would be a great fit. That
Speaker 1: we were still about compatibility, but we have changed our
Speaker 1: product a lot um, so you know, you have to
Speaker 1: do it. You have to change and progress at the times.
Speaker 1: Like you know, we can't have the old school email
Speaker 1: a question and email back, so we have more fract
Speaker 1: stele communication now we also last year, um, you know,
Speaker 1: we always kept compatibility like why you're good for someone
Speaker 1: behind the fold, and we hadn't. We have a new
Speaker 1: CEO started a little over a year ago. I said,
Speaker 1: I want everybody to know why you're a good match
Speaker 1: with this person. So we now show you all the
Speaker 1: ways you're compatible, whether it's like you know, adaptability or
Speaker 1: energy level or passions or whatever. So now you can
Speaker 1: actually see it's a cool chart that shows you, um,
Speaker 1: how compatible yours and this thing. It's changes like that
Speaker 1: that have gone on, you know, like better upload of photos,
Speaker 1: just you know, keeping up with the current, um, what's
Speaker 1: what's going on out there currently. But we really are
Speaker 1: in some ways have stayed the same with our mission
Speaker 1: that will never change. It's just we really believe, you know,
Speaker 1: we believe that, um, you know, who you decide to
Speaker 1: spend your life. But it's a huge decision, one of
Speaker 1: the biggest decisions that we're gonna make. We want to
Speaker 1: help you find someone that's a great for you, I'm saying.
Speaker 1: The other day, actually we were out for my wife's
Speaker 1: birthday and I made it a toast and I said
Speaker 1: that the key, the key to a happy life is
Speaker 1: to marry the right person and everything falls into place.
Speaker 1: If you can figure out how to do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: either going to have like a super happy life or
Speaker 1: it can be you know, make you miserable too if
Speaker 1: you pick the wrong person. That's it. I'm gonna express
Speaker 1: that to my daughters if they get older, that you
Speaker 1: just got. As long as you find the right person,
Speaker 1: everything is going to be great. But what makes them
Speaker 1: the right person? Well, I mean, like, well, if you
Speaker 1: look at our research, it's somebody who you're compatible left,
Speaker 1: so meaning someone that you're similar to in the important ways,
Speaker 1: Like it's better to be with someone that's more like
Speaker 1: you than justlike you those say are really adaptable, easy
Speaker 1: going person. Is it going to be easier for you
Speaker 1: to be someone similar or someone who's really rigid. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be hard if they're really rigid. So it's just
Speaker 1: it's it's similarities and the important Well, but like you say,
Speaker 1: it's the rigidity that would cause the problems even if
Speaker 1: you're not similar if you're not rigid about it, Like
Speaker 1: my I don't think my wife and I are that similar,
Speaker 1: to be honest with you, but but neither one of
Speaker 1: us are terribly rigid. We both respect each other's you know, feelings, beliefs,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And so we've kind of just merged
Speaker 1: together into this, this marriage that seems to be going
Speaker 1: well fifteen years in and that's the key. But but
Speaker 1: to Dean's questions, how do you know compromise? Yes, how
Speaker 1: do you know? It's it's such a cliche, but you
Speaker 1: just know, Like I just knew, and I don't know
Speaker 1: how to express that, and people like Erica just rolled
Speaker 1: dries at me and I get that. It's sweet. It's
Speaker 1: so sweet, and I hope someday, I just you will
Speaker 1: know someday, don't. You guys share values though you do
Speaker 1: share like certain Yeah, we've never really had a lot
Speaker 1: of disagreements when it comes to raising the kids, so
Speaker 1: that's important. So you guys are similar in that respect. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's cool, that's awesome. Um. I did want to get
Speaker 1: this email and just because it's it's something that we've
Speaker 1: kind of hit on. Actually, but I think that you
Speaker 1: could weigh in on this. It's from Sarah. She says,
Speaker 1: since you were talking about dating apps and messaging on
Speaker 1: dating apps, I was wondering do you think it's okay
Speaker 1: to ask a guy out. First. I've been messaging this
Speaker 1: guy for a while and we now have moved into texting,
Speaker 1: which I mean that's a big move in itself. They
Speaker 1: say it from the app to your text. We've talked
Speaker 1: for a while, but he has yet to ask me out.
Speaker 1: Should I ask him if he wants to get drinks?
Speaker 1: Love you all, Sarah? Yes, Yes, yes, Sarah do it.
Speaker 1: I agree, Erica, I'm kind of in the same situation.
Speaker 1: I'm waiting to see if I need to just ask
Speaker 1: someone out. So I'm down with your advice, Jeannie, I'm
Speaker 1: going to do it. How long has it been three weeks?
Speaker 1: We've been talking for three weeks? Yeah? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I'm going to say that. I usually would wait for
Speaker 1: the girl to ask me out, and I would say
Speaker 1: that in this instance, you should ask him out. But
Speaker 1: is it Shorty short guy? Oh my god, he's not
Speaker 1: actually short. We don't think, like, just to clarify, no,
Speaker 1: it's a joke because she thought he was and that
Speaker 1: was scaring her away. But we've done our homework on
Speaker 1: him and we don't think he is. But we're still calling.
Speaker 1: We're still talking to short I think is a whole
Speaker 1: another subject. But it is really important for him. What's
Speaker 1: what's on a harmony profile, like physically physical characteristics? Is
Speaker 1: there the picture of course, heightway all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but there is there is a hype um area to
Speaker 1: fill out. So it's important enough that we put that there.
Speaker 1: What other what I'm just curious, Um, what else is
Speaker 1: on there that makes every like besides the questionnaire all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff that allows you guys to fully
Speaker 1: understand who a person is to ensure that you're matching them,
Speaker 1: matching them up with someone that's compatible. What else is
Speaker 1: there is there? Like religious beliefs? Is there? Um? I
Speaker 1: don't know what type, like what type of girl they're
Speaker 1: into like that kind of stuff. I don't know. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So there's like a really detailed profile that you can
Speaker 1: fill out, so you can write what's most important to you,
Speaker 1: what you're passionate about, how people describe you, what you're
Speaker 1: looking for, Um, do you smoke? Do you drink? That
Speaker 1: kind of stuff is all. It's a pretty in depth profile.
Speaker 1: And then you can upload is I think, as many
Speaker 1: photos as you want. So I always encourage people more
Speaker 1: than Tupelo more than less because you know, one picture
Speaker 1: and an incomplete profile basically means no activity. That's like
Speaker 1: you gotta put some energy into it to get something
Speaker 1: out of it. Obviously, you can put as many as
Speaker 1: you want on there. I think it's like tend a swell. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can up a lot a lot of photos, which
Speaker 1: is nice. I mean, you know you want to you're
Speaker 1: gonna reach out to someone, don't you want to have
Speaker 1: some information about them? Yeah? Or what do you suggest
Speaker 1: for those photos? And there's there's one like main photo
Speaker 1: you see first? Yeah, there's one main photo. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the key, right that that first photo of the profile picture? Absolutely? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know a good quality picture is nice, not
Speaker 1: something blurry or you know, I've seen it all. I mean,
Speaker 1: don't wear sunglasses in every single photo. Don't have every
Speaker 1: photo be the same, but like it different, kills her
Speaker 1: on it, you know, don't like I was born against
Speaker 1: shirtless photos for the most part. You know, So I
Speaker 1: don't like a group photos. I think that's a mistake. Yeah,
Speaker 1: group photos, especially with the guys. A guy surrounded by
Speaker 1: like five women like what me? Well, yeah, what I mean?
Speaker 1: But you you see it all the time, so um,
Speaker 1: you think it would be intuitive, but it really is that.
Speaker 1: I think I think are good not with not with
Speaker 1: five geirls round you. I think that's I think you
Speaker 1: have to have some, but I think it's good to have.
Speaker 1: It's going to have a couple of solo pictures so
Speaker 1: they know what you look like. But it's also good
Speaker 1: to show that you have friends. But also but also
Speaker 1: don't come but they'll also compare you to the others
Speaker 1: and then like one of your friends think is more attractive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. People do that. Guys do that. Yes,
Speaker 1: Guys are like, oh she's nice, but I like second
Speaker 1: from the left a little better. So maybe I can
Speaker 1: get drinks with this girl and then be introduced to
Speaker 1: a friend through Oh yeah, you don't want that. I
Speaker 1: think full body shows are good too, to see out
Speaker 1: walking or hiking or whatever. Good to somebody can actually
Speaker 1: see what you can. I sell your profile picture, Erica,
Speaker 1: you want, Yes, I'll describe it to Genie and she
Speaker 1: can tell us if you're doing a good job or not.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure have sunglasses on in it. That's a mistake.
Speaker 1: I think you have other photo. Yeah, I've my full
Speaker 1: full things. Question. While she's pulling it up, how do
Speaker 1: e harmony, employees meet their wives and husband's harmony. That's
Speaker 1: a good question. Yeah, you know. I mean in the past,
Speaker 1: we didn't allow employees to use the service because we
Speaker 1: were afraid that you know, in certain departments you can
Speaker 1: get into Thinker out of back end. But now do
Speaker 1: you have the ability? And I've heard of several people
Speaker 1: meeting their significant other ony harmonies, so yeah, it does happen. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's critique Erica's photos. So here's the main one. The
Speaker 1: main one is her. It looks like she's at a
Speaker 1: music festival. I wou guess this is stagecoach okay. And
Speaker 1: she's in a how do you describe that outfit? Is
Speaker 1: that a jumper, sleeveless romper shorts okay? Is that ropper automatical? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, sunglasses, smiling hair, and a ponytail purse with fringe.
Speaker 1: And she's like on top of something because around her
Speaker 1: are other people, but they're up beneath her, like she's
Speaker 1: standing on a hay bale or something. Is that like
Speaker 1: a psychology thing? And I will say, I think this
Speaker 1: is great. I was I was gonna Yes, it's a
Speaker 1: great Erica smyle It expresses her personality. I'm mean, I
Speaker 1: know her, so I don't know if I would know
Speaker 1: that if I was going into this blind, but I
Speaker 1: know that this is Erica's personality to me, summed up
Speaker 1: perfectly in this photo. Now. Photo number two is with
Speaker 1: three other women, but I think she chose this right
Speaker 1: because she compares well to the other three women, so
Speaker 1: that was smart on her part. She kind of but
Speaker 1: you kind of glow in this photo where the other three,
Speaker 1: don't you pop in this one? The third one is
Speaker 1: her and another woman that I don't know. And that's
Speaker 1: a weird one for me. Who's that? But that's Alex?
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I didn't know that. I've never seen it
Speaker 1: with her hair back like that before anyway, So I
Speaker 1: don't know. That's kind of a weird one, Like who's that?
Speaker 1: Is that your sister? Like? I don't know? That one
Speaker 1: brings up too many questions. Fourth, and she said another
Speaker 1: with other friends and they're hugging her and that I
Speaker 1: kind of like that she's likable. People like her, although
Speaker 1: there's sisters, so that's good too, okay, And then she's
Speaker 1: with another random woman. I don't know. If I don't
Speaker 1: I don't like the two shots with random, there's another
Speaker 1: with Alex, don't I guess it is good? I will
Speaker 1: say maybe a photo of her by herself, maybe at
Speaker 1: least one son. There's the profile pictures. It's good, right, Yes,
Speaker 1: I think it works for her um plus one point
Speaker 1: for not having a picture with any guys. Yes. But
Speaker 1: but Jennie question on these Harmony profiles, I imagine there
Speaker 1: would be a lot more just solo pics. I don't
Speaker 1: know why. I just imagine, with e Harmony being the
Speaker 1: service that it is and like leading more like lifelong partners,
Speaker 1: I think it's more like this is who I am
Speaker 1: as an individual, instead of like, how many photos do
Speaker 1: you have of just yourself doing things you're actually doing
Speaker 1: in your life and not just selfies? Don't Ever, since
Speaker 1: I've beencouraged supposed to Instagram post a day, I've got
Speaker 1: a lot more pictures of myself, which is I don't
Speaker 1: totally agree. I totally agree that you should have a
Speaker 1: variety of different photos, not just you selfie in every
Speaker 1: bathroom in l A or whatever. You know. I mean,
Speaker 1: you would be shocked. You We've I've talked about good
Speaker 1: photos like to death, and you'd be shocked at the
Speaker 1: pictures that still show up. It's just I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if people are you know, lazy or
Speaker 1: weapon And it's really important. It is aspect of your success.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I have some friends, like if you shop,
Speaker 1: you at hiking or whatever, but you don't get pictures
Speaker 1: of yourself that off unless you're a certain type of
Speaker 1: girl who says right right, right right, and that's not
Speaker 1: my personality. You almost have to stage your profile picture,
Speaker 1: which is sure. Yeah, no, I think that's not a
Speaker 1: bad idea. Like if you're walking with your dog and
Speaker 1: you're with your girlfriend, like you just keep pictures me
Speaker 1: walking the dog, you know. I guess I'll start asking people.
Speaker 1: I'll see someone's dog. There you go. You can throw mine, Jenny,
Speaker 1: you've been there nine years and it's evolved. Where do
Speaker 1: you see dating nine years from now? Oh my gosh, Well,
Speaker 1: hopefully not like a Black Mirror episode. How could it
Speaker 1: not be hanging the DJ. That was good though, That
Speaker 1: was my favorite one of the season. Yeah, more than Callister, Yes,
Speaker 1: my favorite by far, not by far, but definitely my favorite. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was good. Yeah, I mean, obviously we want people
Speaker 1: to always have free will, right, but I mean I
Speaker 1: think that, you know, just um, technology will obviously play
Speaker 1: a bigger role, and I know we've got research scientists
Speaker 1: who are constantly working on like right now, they're trying
Speaker 1: to figure other any other dimensions of compatibility we don't
Speaker 1: know about, and working with outside academics. And then I've
Speaker 1: heard talk of like facial recognition and you can kind
Speaker 1: of tell who might be a good fit based on
Speaker 1: facial features. So I wouldn't be surprised, you know, if
Speaker 1: the more technology will play a part in matching in
Speaker 1: the future, and it's hard to totally plan for that
Speaker 1: because we really don't know where technology is going to
Speaker 1: be nine year. Yeah, yeah, it's really yeah, it's really hard.
Speaker 1: But that I would just say more of a refinement
Speaker 1: at least here on just putting two people together who
Speaker 1: would be a good fit and looking at your habits
Speaker 1: and who you tend to click on and who you're
Speaker 1: talking to, and then saying, Okay, he likes this type
Speaker 1: of first and so we're going to deliver a lot
Speaker 1: more of that. So I think more, just more in
Speaker 1: that area. Nice um, All right, well, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for calling in. Uh everyone that's listening, of course,
Speaker 1: be sure to tune in. I guess we'll not tune
Speaker 1: in because you guys are releasing the Happiness Index on Thursday.
Speaker 1: You said, right, yeah, yeah, it'll be everywhere and you
Speaker 1: can get already Harmony Advice site and it'll be there too. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll be on the lookout for that. I'm excited to
Speaker 1: see that. Thank you. Yeah, of course, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for calling in and for all the advice and uh,
Speaker 1: thank you. All right, take care, okay, Yeah, everybody should
Speaker 1: go watch the Hang the DJ episode of Black Mirror.
Speaker 1: Why did it? Why was it your favorite? So it
Speaker 1: was my favorite, I think because the twist at the
Speaker 1: end I didn't necessarily see coming. Yeah, don't spoil anything
Speaker 1: because Black Mirror is still pretty underground. None, okay, so
Speaker 1: I would. I think that's a good starting point for you,
Speaker 1: is Hanging the DJ. So if you don't know Black Mirror,
Speaker 1: it's on Netflix and it's an anthology show meeting. Every
Speaker 1: episode is a specific story with different characters, different actors.
Speaker 1: They're all isolated, so you can watched them in any order.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. Each one's a little movie and Hang
Speaker 1: the and the only common thread and all of them
Speaker 1: is they have something to do with modern technology, and
Speaker 1: a lot of it is predicting future technology and hang
Speaker 1: the DJ is kind of the future of dating apps.
Speaker 1: And so that's why that's a good one for listeners
Speaker 1: of this show and Erica to start with. And then
Speaker 1: you can pick and choose as you go, but start
Speaker 1: with that one, I think, And there were that one
Speaker 1: I likes a lot too, because there was no there
Speaker 1: was no like really horrible thing that happened like every
Speaker 1: other episode, like something bad, like horrible happens. Certainly creepy.
Speaker 1: A lot of them are very creepy, and this wasn't.
Speaker 1: This one had like lows, of course, but there was
Speaker 1: definitely nothing where you're like, a, I don't know like it.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I don't know. It was just cute.
Speaker 1: Those episodes are horrific, and this one was quite sweet.
Speaker 1: I thought heard about why it's called black mirror. Do
Speaker 1: you know this? Yeah, it's like if you hold your
Speaker 1: phone up and like look at yourself, except mine just
Speaker 1: like lights up when Yeah, but I can see myself
Speaker 1: right now. It's not What was the other one you
Speaker 1: said you likes a lot. I loved uss Callist from
Speaker 1: this season that's the Star Trek episode. Oh see, I
Speaker 1: didn't like that one very much. Okay, I don't know
Speaker 1: why I think. I mean, I fell asleep and I
Speaker 1: like that really. I think just because they've overplayed like
Speaker 1: the computer programs becoming self aware and like all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Let me give you have you seen
Speaker 1: a lot of them? Everything? One San Jacinto, which I
Speaker 1: assume is how you pronounce it, that's probably my favorite.
Speaker 1: Remind me that one again. Okay. That one's the two
Speaker 1: women who fall in love and they're in the beach community.
Speaker 1: That's what I was. I'm sorry, I'm thinking of actual
Speaker 1: community in southern California, Santa San Junipero. Thank that one's
Speaker 1: good because I guess technically r computer programs. Yeah, Mark
Speaker 1: gave me a viewing order of Black Mirror. I hadn't
Speaker 1: seen it, really, any of them, and then Mark found
Speaker 1: I was interested, and he gave me this plan that
Speaker 1: I've been calling the Molnitsky Initiative is hopping from season
Speaker 1: to season, and it was a really really effective way
Speaker 1: to get introduced to the show. I felt, did you
Speaker 1: did you start him out at the top and then
Speaker 1: kind of like, I don't what did I start. You
Speaker 1: started me with Calcer you guys season, but it feels
Speaker 1: to Easton. Yes, he's a Side five guys, so that
Speaker 1: made sense for him. I think for Erica, hang the
Speaker 1: DJ at the perfect starting point. I have no plans
Speaker 1: later to san j NIPPERI you'd love and there's lots.
Speaker 1: I mean we could go from there, but we'll leave
Speaker 1: it at that for now. Oh, the entire history of
Speaker 1: us is that it is or you, the history of you,
Speaker 1: the entire history of you. That's another season one. Okay,
Speaker 1: how long are these episodes? Don't know about the one
Speaker 1: that John Hammon one is good White Christmas. That is
Speaker 1: a good one. Yes, that's a long one. Um, can
Speaker 1: we just change this podcast to help I suck at Netflix?
Speaker 1: And then we go on Netflix Suggestions logging in with
Speaker 1: there you go. What else do we want to talk about?
Speaker 1: I want to go on Man Creates, Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: I want to read some emails. Let's talk about Man Creates.
Speaker 1: We talked a little bit about him last week. Um,
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk a little bit a bit more about
Speaker 1: them right now because last time we talked about Man Creates,
Speaker 1: I didn't really have an opportunity to explore their website
Speaker 1: quite as much as I have to this time. You
Speaker 1: have now I did. It's great, it's it's amazing because
Speaker 1: I kind of thought that they were just like those
Speaker 1: wooden crates that you had to probably open with the crowbar,
Speaker 1: because my roommate got one of those, like I said,
Speaker 1: from his girlfriend. He absolutely loved it. So I was like,
Speaker 1: that's their that's their thing. That's what they do. They
Speaker 1: just send you an unopenable crate that you have to
Speaker 1: like earn your man car to be able to open.
Speaker 1: You have like some cool things inside, like some like
Speaker 1: some tumblers or that kind of stuff. But it's so
Speaker 1: much more than that, right, it's a cute little thing
Speaker 1: that they do, but that's not what Man creates. So
Speaker 1: much more than that, and so much more than just
Speaker 1: the crate, like they call themselves Man Creates, And I
Speaker 1: can see why they have. I mean, they've essentially four
Speaker 1: categories from their websites, Wooden Creates, Ammo Cans, Jerky Grahams,
Speaker 1: and then Project Kits. And I was going through each
Speaker 1: of these. They're all awesome. Um and actually my friend
Speaker 1: Naz just got a package from them yesterday that like
Speaker 1: a personalized guitar Wow, which is pretty cool. Um So
Speaker 1: the wooden crates we talked about a little bit. The
Speaker 1: am cans are really cool. You can like you can
Speaker 1: personalize like glasses all that kind of stuff. But the
Speaker 1: one that I really really liked, the one that kind
Speaker 1: of spoke to me the most, was was the project
Speaker 1: kits because if you click on project Kits, you'll go
Speaker 1: in there and it's like a knife making kit, a
Speaker 1: leather belt making kit, homemade brood kit. Uh what else?
Speaker 1: There was one that I really liked to his knife
Speaker 1: pipe carving. The pipe up carving was cool. Never I
Speaker 1: would never need or use a pipe, but I want
Speaker 1: to know how to make one. What are you going
Speaker 1: to do with this stuff? Hot sauce making kit, bacon ology.
Speaker 1: I know Mark loves that one anyways. It's just the
Speaker 1: cool things that you can send to someone instead of
Speaker 1: just having something to put in the cupboard or like
Speaker 1: on a bookshelf. It's like you're like kind of encouraging
Speaker 1: them to learn a new skill and like enjoy that
Speaker 1: learning of the new skill. To Look, you're racking your
Speaker 1: brain right now trying to figure out what to get
Speaker 1: a guy for Valentine's Day. This is it Man Creates
Speaker 1: dot Com. And this is gonna be a double blaming
Speaker 1: to say, you're dating this guy and he wears horrible
Speaker 1: belts and you also wanted to learn something new. Get
Speaker 1: him the belt making kit. He's gonna make himself a
Speaker 1: cool belt and he's a better belt and he's gonna
Speaker 1: wear it more often because he made it himself. Part
Speaker 1: of a relationship is improving your guy. I mean, let's
Speaker 1: be honest, I'm such a better person with Amy, and
Speaker 1: I mean like fashion, everything, fitness, diet, everything is better.
Speaker 1: This can play a role. You can steer your guy
Speaker 1: in the right direction with a man crazy. It's a
Speaker 1: great point, Dave. If you go to man Crez dot
Speaker 1: com slash Dean, you'll get five percent off and you
Speaker 1: you might be saying yourself five percent, but you're getting
Speaker 1: five percent off of these awesome Creates kits. They're a
Speaker 1: good deal already. They're a great deal already, and they're like,
Speaker 1: they're fun, they're exciting to open. It's something that a person.
Speaker 1: It's funny. We were talking about early at the top
Speaker 1: of this podcast, remembering dates and how those cliche dates
Speaker 1: are kind of boring. This is anything but a cliche gift,
Speaker 1: and people are gonna remember these gifts that you get
Speaker 1: them because they're just unique and they're awesome. So again,
Speaker 1: go to Man Creates dot Com slash Dean and you
Speaker 1: get five percent off. Offer that discount anywhere else but
Speaker 1: Man Creates dot Com slash Dean, So go check it out. Um.
Speaker 1: I again I advised the project kits. I think the
Speaker 1: project kits are great. I think that's any guy that
Speaker 1: you get that for Will would just be loving to habit. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And if he's got a favorite basketball team, football team,
Speaker 1: they have these for everything. You can get the NFL
Speaker 1: bar ware create with with his favorite football team logo
Speaker 1: on bar glasses. I mean, it's just there's so many.
Speaker 1: You know, we mentioned that breaking up in the crate.
Speaker 1: They're really pushing the limits of product delivery because you
Speaker 1: can get a main Create gift card and that comes
Speaker 1: in cased in a brick. They give you a pair
Speaker 1: of safety goggles too, so safety is a safety first.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you crack open the brick, you get your
Speaker 1: gift card, and then you're on your way to man
Speaker 1: Create Heaven. That's pretty fun. Never made this a smart
Speaker 1: so smart Yeah, Man Creates dot com slash Dean five
Speaker 1: percent off. Here's an email from Val and I feel
Speaker 1: for Vale Vale and I are kindred spirits Val and I. First,
Speaker 1: she says, I love the podcast to listen to it
Speaker 1: every week while I am at work. I definitely agree
Speaker 1: with Dean of the name needs to change. She has
Speaker 1: her own suggestion, Dean, with your strong opinions, how about
Speaker 1: dating dudes? And don't with Dean Anglert got the right
Speaker 1: amount of personification. I like it. I like it. Plus,
Speaker 1: that's what I meant to say. Not I'm emailing you
Speaker 1: all because I really do suck at dating. Well, keep
Speaker 1: coming back to that, don't. We spent two years since
Speaker 1: my last serious relationship, and I'm ready to meet someone new.
Speaker 1: The problem is I haven't had the best luck with
Speaker 1: men like Mark. I've been going at three time in
Speaker 1: a row. Now. That is rare. It is because I
Speaker 1: my fourth was Yeah, you're right. I think that's an
Speaker 1: incredible good my ghost, ghost ghost. And then the next
Speaker 1: one to come along twenty marriage, twenty your marriage. So
Speaker 1: that's a good sign. Volt But she says, one of
Speaker 1: the guys that I've been talking to even went out
Speaker 1: of his way to make a romantic night by blindfolding
Speaker 1: me and taking me to a special place for dinner.
Speaker 1: It was a great night. He even had my friends
Speaker 1: get together so I could spend time with all of
Speaker 1: them on my birthday. After being with him that weekend,
Speaker 1: he stopped talking to me. That's a weird one, but
Speaker 1: guys do this. But if you went to that, guys
Speaker 1: don't put that kind of effort into a birthday or
Speaker 1: the dates unless they're really interested. Guys out. Maybe he
Speaker 1: was interested and then he saw her in that environment
Speaker 1: and then just wasn't interested with her friends. Maybe she
Speaker 1: got really drunk not she doesn't say. I recently went
Speaker 1: on a date and it seemed like we have a
Speaker 1: very good connection. We have similar interests, and he opened
Speaker 1: up to me about his personal life. All signs show
Speaker 1: he's in interested. But I'm afraid that I'm going to
Speaker 1: ruin it, and I'm scared he's going to run off
Speaker 1: like the rest of the guys. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I'm intimidating or if these guys are just very good
Speaker 1: at faking their feelings and can't be honest with me.
Speaker 1: How do I get off the ghosting streak? Valve? First
Speaker 1: of all, it's not you. Val don't think that it's you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not, don't She's she's blaming herself. She's saying, I
Speaker 1: don't want to mess this up. You didn't mess the
Speaker 1: other ones up. I didn't. I still have advice for her, though,
Speaker 1: I think that she should and I don't even maybe
Speaker 1: think that it's her that's encouraging these people to do
Speaker 1: these like grandiose things. But that birthday party thing was
Speaker 1: a big gesture, this guy opening up a lot about
Speaker 1: his personal life. It for a first day, it's a
Speaker 1: big gesture in a lot of like emotional ways. I
Speaker 1: guess I think what she should do is slow things down,
Speaker 1: because what the way that I perceived this is these
Speaker 1: guys are going all out, playing out all these stops
Speaker 1: and putting, making themselves vulnerable and then maybe not getting
Speaker 1: what they had helped to get out of it. So
Speaker 1: then they're just like, all right, I'm bailing like that
Speaker 1: kind of thing. But what were they hoping to get
Speaker 1: out of it? Well, like maybe they just didn't didn't
Speaker 1: get the reaction that they were hoping to. That type
Speaker 1: of thing. Um not not like I understand, I understand. Um,
Speaker 1: So I would say that by like working up slowly
Speaker 1: and slowly and stillly, slowly building and like allowing a
Speaker 1: true foundation to form before like doing these great things.
Speaker 1: I just think that that would kind of limit the ghosting.
Speaker 1: Like think about this guy that through the birthday party,
Speaker 1: he's like, he's like, all right, I invited ten of
Speaker 1: her closest friends, blindholded her, pulled out all the stops
Speaker 1: for all this. Where where the hell do I go
Speaker 1: from here? I can't go anywhere from here, you know,
Speaker 1: like I can't. I can't improve upon that. But what
Speaker 1: she didn't like she didn't ask him now, Yes, you're right,
Speaker 1: and that's weird. I don't like she must have a
Speaker 1: great first impression or something, because she doesn't say how
Speaker 1: long she was with these guys before they bailed. But
Speaker 1: it's it's that birthday party. To ghost is weird. But
Speaker 1: my only advice is it's not you don't worry about that,
Speaker 1: and don't get in your head about this. You just
Speaker 1: have to treat this relationship you're in now as its
Speaker 1: own thing. Don't worry about messing it up, have a
Speaker 1: great time to be really open with him, don't play
Speaker 1: a lot of games. Erica is looking at me like
Speaker 1: she disagrees company No, no, I agree with you. But
Speaker 1: also they always come back around. They always come back
Speaker 1: with the ghosts. These guys will reach out to her
Speaker 1: at some point, I don't know how long it's been,
Speaker 1: but in a booty hallway or just in a like
Speaker 1: oh I messed up. And I hope that she does
Speaker 1: not get back with them at all. Like if you
Speaker 1: go someone, you're out, You're done. I think I've always
Speaker 1: come back around. I agree. I agree with that piece
Speaker 1: of logic. If you get ghosted by someone, you should
Speaker 1: never consider taking them back to it again, like cheatery, Yeah,
Speaker 1: did we help her at all? I don't feel like
Speaker 1: we did. How do you get off the ghost? How
Speaker 1: does she get off? I think again? My advice to
Speaker 1: her is just to take things slowly. I think has
Speaker 1: good advice. You can't predict a ghost. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Even if you're taking things slowly and some guy decides
Speaker 1: to ghost you because he's a dick, you're not as
Speaker 1: invested in that relationship, so you don't care quite as
Speaker 1: much for getting ghost like they'll bail out a little
Speaker 1: earlier if you've spent more time getting there, exactly like
Speaker 1: this guy this guy again through the birthday thing for her,
Speaker 1: Like she became very invested in that because it's such
Speaker 1: a it's a cool thing, Like he invited all her
Speaker 1: ends a great time to spend on her on their birthday,
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, and that's like she became invested
Speaker 1: in that. And then so when the ghosting happened, she
Speaker 1: like obviously was a little broken up about it. And
Speaker 1: I think, like, once you you have to build a
Speaker 1: level of trust with someone that takes time. You can't
Speaker 1: just do that overnight. Like you want to know that
Speaker 1: these proople that you're dating aren't going to ghost you.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, that's my advice. I think that's
Speaker 1: a good advice, But you can't. You also can't, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't plan on a ghost. What happens if she
Speaker 1: just like goes to the guy that she's dating now
Speaker 1: and be like, listen, if you ghost me, I'm coming out.
Speaker 1: I tried that. I tried that. After ghost one and
Speaker 1: goes to the third ghost, I said, look, last two
Speaker 1: they just kind of vanished. If it's not happening for you,
Speaker 1: you can tell me it's fine, I'll be okay. The
Speaker 1: third the worst ghost of all, Yeah, because I just
Speaker 1: said that to her, not just at that too, or
Speaker 1: was you know, a month after that or something, and
Speaker 1: that she just vanished. Like do you think if you
Speaker 1: didn't say it to her, she would have gosted you sooner? Maybe?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I got a principle. She's like, I
Speaker 1: gotta stick it out for another month and a half. Now,
Speaker 1: certainly possible. Eliza wants to talk to d and she
Speaker 1: has a very specific reason why. I love the podcast.
Speaker 1: It's been fun and interesting getting to know you. Dean.
Speaker 1: A little background. I'm forty, I've married five and a
Speaker 1: half years. We have two kids. Before I got married,
Speaker 1: I had mixed feelings about it, and my parents divorces
Speaker 1: a lot of that around me growing up. I always
Speaker 1: knew I wanted to be a mother. I would have
Speaker 1: been okay having kids before marriage, but my husband's a
Speaker 1: Christian who felt very strongly about being married before starting
Speaker 1: a family. We got married in a year later, had
Speaker 1: a first son. Now, like most married couples, we have
Speaker 1: her ups and downs. Some challenges for me, according to
Speaker 1: my husband, are my communication and not enough praise and thanks.
Speaker 1: I've heard you talk a few times about love, languages
Speaker 1: and my husband's is words of affirmation mineus touch. I've
Speaker 1: read the chapter several times and I must be missing
Speaker 1: something because I can't seem to provide enough to meet
Speaker 1: his needs. So my question is, how can I improve
Speaker 1: in that area? What does words of affirmation mean to you?
Speaker 1: Because that's yours, right Dean, that's your love language, words
Speaker 1: of affirmation, that's my second okay, So what does that
Speaker 1: mean to you? And how do you see it being
Speaker 1: played out in a relationship I love, I would love
Speaker 1: Mark and Easton's perspective as well being married and all
Speaker 1: thanks guys a lies uh oh, and then we'll get
Speaker 1: to her ps in a second. But that's a good
Speaker 1: question too. But let's talk about this at first. Words
Speaker 1: of affirmation. Yeah, I think that with words of affirmation
Speaker 1: be my second one. Physical touches my first. I think
Speaker 1: my at least perspective on this is I like to
Speaker 1: go out of my way to do um small things
Speaker 1: for the girl that I'm dating, whatever it is, um
Speaker 1: and or just anyone in general, friends, family, and I
Speaker 1: don't do it for the sake of like feeling good
Speaker 1: for myself. I like to obviously make people happy for
Speaker 1: those types of gestures that you do. But it is
Speaker 1: really really nice when someone's like, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for this for dinner, for taking us up to Tallo
Speaker 1: for the weekend, for whatever it is, for taking us
Speaker 1: to Hawaii for the weekend. You know, it's like all
Speaker 1: it takes is like a very small uh like appreciation
Speaker 1: and may maybe that's not even words of affirmation is
Speaker 1: but it's like if if she could go to him
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, babe, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: cleaning the dishes after I cooked or something like that.
Speaker 1: You know, like that type of stuff I think that
Speaker 1: typically goes unnoticed or at least unmentioned. Um can kind
Speaker 1: of like build up over time, and maybe like he
Speaker 1: would think that she's ungrateful of that type of stuff.
Speaker 1: So I've had trouble with this this words of affirmation
Speaker 1: concept too. So it's not so much oh you're the greatest,
Speaker 1: Oh you're so handsome, Oh you're so strong. It's not
Speaker 1: so much that as it is thank you for what
Speaker 1: you do. Uh. Oh you hung your towel up after
Speaker 1: the shower, Thank you for doing that. Oh you put
Speaker 1: your socks in the happer, thank you good. You know
Speaker 1: that sort of thing is without without patronizing because that
Speaker 1: sounds that you're right, But it's more thanking you for
Speaker 1: the effort you put forth in the relationship. Is it
Speaker 1: also I love you so much. You're the greatest thing.
Speaker 1: Oh you're such a great part boyfriend. I love you.
Speaker 1: I love you. I hear that. Yeah, what do you
Speaker 1: think I'm I'm still wrapping my brain. I don't think
Speaker 1: words of affirmation are high on my list because I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think I need that sort of I think
Speaker 1: that's because you're a confident person. So what I'm slowly
Speaker 1: realizing too, that's why words words affirmation is number two
Speaker 1: on my list is because I'm insecure as all hell,
Speaker 1: and so what I kind of gain out of the
Speaker 1: words of affirmation is like it kind of tempers my
Speaker 1: insecurities a little bit. You know, Yeah, I suppose that's true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm obviously I don't know her husband. But where does
Speaker 1: that Where does the insecurity come from? I don't know
Speaker 1: self worth that type of stuff. Did this go back
Speaker 1: to your parents? I don't know. It's honestly something that
Speaker 1: I really dealt with before. But in in like the
Speaker 1: last six months or so, I feel like my self
Speaker 1: worth is kind of diminished a little bit. And so
Speaker 1: it's interesting because now you're coming off of being on TV,
Speaker 1: and that's that's not a coincidence, I don't think I
Speaker 1: don't think so either, But it's just it's it's it
Speaker 1: goes a long way when the person that I'm dating
Speaker 1: reassures me or affirms me in a relationship or just
Speaker 1: in general. Because I don't know, having a self deprecating
Speaker 1: podcast help I suck a dating. I need I need
Speaker 1: that affirmation in my life, and it goes a long way.
Speaker 1: Interesting because because you seem you come off to me
Speaker 1: as a confident guy. Oh you're you're a handsome guy.
Speaker 1: You got a lot going on for you, You're young,
Speaker 1: keep goingmation. Is it's interesting that being secure, But that's
Speaker 1: a lesson that everybody has insecurities, no matter how they
Speaker 1: appear from the outside, right, isn't that the lesson there?
Speaker 1: Um Erica? Yeah, do you know your love languages? I
Speaker 1: just pulled them up quality time and then words of
Speaker 1: affirmation then goes down from there. But you know what
Speaker 1: I think is interesting is like, is the husband paying
Speaker 1: attention to her love language? Are they just not good? Questions?
Speaker 1: Physical touch through each other's love languages, and therefore there's
Speaker 1: a slight disconnect. It kind of sounds like to me
Speaker 1: like he's being a little bit selfish and saying we're
Speaker 1: having problems because you don't affirm me enough. Um. And
Speaker 1: maybe that's just because I want to take the woman's
Speaker 1: side a little bit, but it kind of sounds like
Speaker 1: he isn't compromising as well. That's very good point that
Speaker 1: it goes both ways. She didn't really mention much about
Speaker 1: him doing anything for her physical touch needs, right. Is
Speaker 1: she getting foot massages? By the way, this is strange
Speaker 1: because I just pulled up my words of affirmation. I
Speaker 1: forgot about this because I took it a year ago.
Speaker 1: Your love languages, love languages? What did I say? Words
Speaker 1: of affirmation is my tough one. So maybe I'm crazy.
Speaker 1: Although there is something to be said about that test
Speaker 1: because the questions are very leading to the answers, and
Speaker 1: so it's like, I think I'm physical touch, and so
Speaker 1: I was answering questions like physical touch, physical touch, physical touch,
Speaker 1: you know right right, It's like, would you prefer to
Speaker 1: be snuggles or would you prefer to have someone buy
Speaker 1: you a present snuggle? I wonder which question leads to
Speaker 1: which answer you know, yeah, But then there's like me
Speaker 1: who like physical touch is my last one and that
Speaker 1: is spot on, like I'm not a cuddly person market
Speaker 1: because I won't hug doesn't hugever like under any circle
Speaker 1: I hugged Dean Hello. So we see each other less frequently,
Speaker 1: maybe once a week. I see Mark so many hours
Speaker 1: of every day, like I spent a whole lot of
Speaker 1: time with you, So that I'm just saying that's true,
Speaker 1: that she has rules like if you're going away for
Speaker 1: a two week vacation, other than that, forgive it weekend
Speaker 1: handshake nothing nothing. Did we help Eliza? I think so?
Speaker 1: I think I think the key is Erica's point that
Speaker 1: it's got to go both ways. And I hope he's
Speaker 1: giving you the touch you need as well as you
Speaker 1: as you're giving him the affirmation he needs. And I
Speaker 1: think you answered her question about what does that mean
Speaker 1: to you? And I think you answered it on to me,
Speaker 1: A word of affirmation is best applied when there's an
Speaker 1: active service involved. So it's like say he like I said, like,
Speaker 1: say he does something. If I were him, I would
Speaker 1: really really hope that she that it doesn't go unnoticed.
Speaker 1: I guess is the thing and it goes appreciate it
Speaker 1: and that would just really make everything. But let me
Speaker 1: read her ps because it is something we neglected to
Speaker 1: talk about. She says, I don't know if I missed
Speaker 1: it or what, but I hope it's okay to ask.
Speaker 1: How did Hawaii go with your siblings and your mom's
Speaker 1: ashes over Christmas and New Year's? It went well. We
Speaker 1: never really talked about that. We kind of touched on.
Speaker 1: I don't remember it after the fact, remember beforehand, but
Speaker 1: I remember after the fact. Yeah, we went, Uh, there's me,
Speaker 1: my two brothers, and my sister. My father did not
Speaker 1: join us. Um. I think this is kind of one
Speaker 1: of the things where words of affirmation was important to me.
Speaker 1: I didn't really get that like I felt. So it
Speaker 1: was like it was I took the responsibility to plan
Speaker 1: the trip and get everyone out there, organize everything, logistics,
Speaker 1: financed everything, whatever it is. Are you the oldest, I'm
Speaker 1: the youngest. You're the youngest. Yeah, how many siblings? Three?
Speaker 1: So it's me, I'm twenty six, My sister is twenty eight,
Speaker 1: Bratt Ross's thirty one, Brat is thirty four. So these
Speaker 1: four siblings and you had the ashes. Yes, I don't
Speaker 1: know if I necessarily, so I guess I can say that.
Speaker 1: So for three months when I was in college, Um,
Speaker 1: I was like a junior senior. My brother, one of
Speaker 1: my older brothers, came under like hard times. He's always
Speaker 1: kind of been like financial hardship, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So I was like, yeah, please come live with us.
Speaker 1: I'm more than have you, like take you under my
Speaker 1: roof and allow you to kind of get back on
Speaker 1: your feet sort of thing. And he had the ashes
Speaker 1: at the time, um, and he likes put him in
Speaker 1: the closet or something like that. And then when he
Speaker 1: moved out, he like forgot to take them with him
Speaker 1: or something like that. And this was like five or
Speaker 1: six years ago, so he forgot them. Um. And then
Speaker 1: I was like cleaning out, and I like, it's funny
Speaker 1: too because I forgot like something stupid, like a pair
Speaker 1: of shoes or something when we were fully moving out,
Speaker 1: because I was moving to Denver after I graduated college.
Speaker 1: And I go in and I could do one final
Speaker 1: clean sweep of the apartment as we're moving out, and
Speaker 1: I look in like a closet, like one of the
Speaker 1: back corners and I see like the um, the box
Speaker 1: with the ashes in it. The box is not an urn,
Speaker 1: it wasn't a earn, it was it was what the
Speaker 1: crematory put it put the ashes in UM. And that
Speaker 1: was just really frustrating to me too, because it was
Speaker 1: like he wasn't trusted with the ashes for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: I don't know exactly why he was chosen to watch
Speaker 1: after them the oldest, he's the second oldest. And then
Speaker 1: he just left him and I was like, well, like,
Speaker 1: these are okay, this is obviously something sorry for the curse.
Speaker 1: This is obviously something that you never should have been
Speaker 1: responsible in the first place. If that's like the way
Speaker 1: that you would kind of like go about that, I guess.
Speaker 1: So I just kind of took it upon myself to
Speaker 1: be like, all right, like these are mine now. UM.
Speaker 1: Whenever anyone asked me for him, and they're like they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: can I have that? Can hold on to them, I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: you can't hold onto anything. I'm holding on to them now.
Speaker 1: You guys are all idiots. UM. And then so we
Speaker 1: went to who I did all that stuff everything, um,
Speaker 1: flight hotel meals, flight hotel meals probably like I would say,
Speaker 1: the meals, rental car um activities, all kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: and I mean that's not that like that's fine, but
Speaker 1: there was never like a moment where they were like
Speaker 1: they were like thank you for like doing this for us.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there were like small thank you, but um,
Speaker 1: it was still as just you know, it's I kind
Speaker 1: of almost hate myself like being like, well, you guys
Speaker 1: didn't thank me for the trip because that kind of
Speaker 1: makes me suit like sound a little b conceded. But
Speaker 1: it was just like annoying that they didn't show any
Speaker 1: like it is annoying. But but as some people do
Speaker 1: have a hard time with that. It's hard thanking people sincerely.
Speaker 1: It's difficult for some people for whatever reason it is.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's guilt that they didn't do this. They didn't
Speaker 1: think of this, they forgot the ashes there that there
Speaker 1: might be guilt involved. There prevents them from someone said
Speaker 1: that I was talking to my friend about this and
Speaker 1: they're like, well, sometimes like maybe ego gets involved where
Speaker 1: your siblings are all older than you and they wanted
Speaker 1: to do this for you, but you were the one
Speaker 1: that did it for them, so they kind of felt
Speaker 1: slighted a little bit. Um so other than that, Like again,
Speaker 1: that didn't didn't take back from the trip. The trip
Speaker 1: was still beautiful, Like Hawai's incredible place. Um. We hiked
Speaker 1: up to this lighthouse on Christmas Day at sunrise, uh,
Speaker 1: and and I was able to spread the ashes. There's
Speaker 1: a lot more ashes in there than I was expecting
Speaker 1: them to be. Was there, um or the reason for
Speaker 1: that location? Had she been there? She said, when she
Speaker 1: was on her on her on the bed in the hospital,
Speaker 1: She's like, I want my ashes scattered on the cliff
Speaker 1: side in Hawaii. So we were just like this seemed
Speaker 1: a good cliff. My sister brought four packets of wildflower seeds,
Speaker 1: so we like, uh, mixed the wildflower seeds in the
Speaker 1: ashes and spread him. It was great. And then my
Speaker 1: sister left the next day. My brother left the next day,
Speaker 1: and then my other brothers stayed for like three or
Speaker 1: four more days and just kind of hung out. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: was it emotional when you let them go? Was there tears?
Speaker 1: My sister cried. It wasn't necessarily emotional for me or
Speaker 1: my brothers. It was just like it was just nice
Speaker 1: that we could kind of like close that, not necessarily
Speaker 1: to worry about it anymore, you know, because I think
Speaker 1: all of the grieving that we've done has kind of
Speaker 1: already transpired already kind of like and I don't say passed,
Speaker 1: because we're never gonna be passed it essentially, but it
Speaker 1: was more of just a matter of like, this was
Speaker 1: her dying lish and we're like, we're finally grateful to
Speaker 1: be able to be doing Um. So yeah, so it
Speaker 1: was good. There's a great book I recommend called Kids
Speaker 1: of Appetite, h And part of it is this teenage
Speaker 1: boy and he's trying to fulfill his dad's dying wishes
Speaker 1: that he found in the urn that was in his
Speaker 1: mom's house. All that he opened up the urn in
Speaker 1: was a note in there, and it was all these
Speaker 1: things he wanted done with his ashes, put them here,
Speaker 1: puts them here. And so that's kind of the book,
Speaker 1: him going, him and his new friends going place to
Speaker 1: place and scattering some ashes. And it made me think
Speaker 1: of that that, Yeah, it is nice to get, like
Speaker 1: you said, the closure and doing that internal thing for
Speaker 1: your mom. Yeah yeah. So yeah, So I guess to
Speaker 1: Eliza's point, so if for not talking about it a
Speaker 1: little bit more depth, but um, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's why I find that very interesting. I still like, really,
Speaker 1: it's been what two and a half months, it's Christmas.
Speaker 1: Haven't talked to my siblings since? Were you close growing up?
Speaker 1: I think the age gap made it difficult for us
Speaker 1: all to be close. I was like such a big dork,
Speaker 1: like I was. I like, but never my brothers brought
Speaker 1: their friends around. I embarrassed the crap out of them.
Speaker 1: That's the youngest child. Yeah, yeah, my sister. I would like.
Speaker 1: I remember like when my sister's friends would call the
Speaker 1: house because it's like a communal house, and you would
Speaker 1: get on the other phone line and listen. No, I've
Speaker 1: never done that either as a twelve year old boy.
Speaker 1: Markets And I'm sure I hope at least you share this. Um.
Speaker 1: Your voice comes across as very feminine when you answer
Speaker 1: the phone, and when and when my sister's friends were calling,
Speaker 1: they were expecting her to answer, and so I would
Speaker 1: answer and they would be like, oh my god, Sky, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you And I'm like, no, it's Dean. So
Speaker 1: I would start answering the phone like hello, like in
Speaker 1: the deepest voice I could. And I just remember there's
Speaker 1: like small things like that, like it was just I
Speaker 1: was always kind of more of like an embarrassment for
Speaker 1: my siblings than I was like a friend. I doubt
Speaker 1: they feel that way about you. Well now they don't
Speaker 1: at all. Now they don't at all. I'm just saying, like,
Speaker 1: as like that's those are those growing up because then
Speaker 1: when my mother passed away when I was fifteen, like
Speaker 1: when I was finally starting to be like tolerable around
Speaker 1: hit their friends. It's like that's when we like didn't
Speaker 1: really start hanging out anymore because like they didn't live
Speaker 1: anywhere nearby. So it's just we're friends. But you know,
Speaker 1: there's just an age gap. I guess yeah, And I
Speaker 1: guess my sister and I are like that, Like we
Speaker 1: talk a couple of times a year, like there's not
Speaker 1: a there's not there's huge months and months and months
Speaker 1: will go by without chatting. So I guess that's natural.
Speaker 1: How often you talk to your siblings, like one of
Speaker 1: my sisters every single day. I think sisters are different
Speaker 1: because I have two sisters. I talked to one every
Speaker 1: single day. I talked to the other multiple times a week.
Speaker 1: I'm in a group text of my siblings. I was
Speaker 1: blown up earlier today but I'm twenty four. My brother
Speaker 1: is thirty and he's the oldest. I'm the youngest. We're
Speaker 1: all really close in age any of one in the middle.
Speaker 1: The ones in the middle are nine, oh seely and
Speaker 1: four two twins twins. But like, your story is fascinating
Speaker 1: to me. Yeah, Like I I don't. I wouldn't handle
Speaker 1: everything the way you do. I don't think that I
Speaker 1: handle it capably at all, but I don't. Well, it's
Speaker 1: just like being willing to take in your brother when
Speaker 1: you were still in college. That's like a that's something
Speaker 1: that's like abnormal, and like you should praise yourself for that. Well,
Speaker 1: it's funny too, because I asked you were when I
Speaker 1: was in New York last week. We're talking, uh to
Speaker 1: like some interviewer and he's like, what do you think
Speaker 1: about like your fans or something like that, And I
Speaker 1: was like, first of all, the word fans of me
Speaker 1: is so weird because because people are fans of the
Speaker 1: people that go on the show because they can find
Speaker 1: something to relate to them about, you know, but when
Speaker 1: you're like living through those experiences, like when every moment,
Speaker 1: every like trial retipulation has happened to me, in my life.
Speaker 1: I didn't look at it as something like this is
Speaker 1: like something that's changing me. It's just it's another thing
Speaker 1: you have to get through, you know. And now, like
Speaker 1: when you're twenty six years old and you can look
Speaker 1: back and you can be like, those are kind of
Speaker 1: like the pivotal transformational moments, but you didn't really think
Speaker 1: of anything as about them while they were happening. And
Speaker 1: that's what people like find it's just really weird. So
Speaker 1: like like you like you're saying, like you have a
Speaker 1: fascinating life. I don't really see my life as fascinating.
Speaker 1: I just saw it as me like getting through every
Speaker 1: moment we've come to. That's but that's the point. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like anyone you can ask anyone I'm sure
Speaker 1: that's been through a lot, Like Eric Biger went and
Speaker 1: grew up on the streets of Baltimore, and he I'm
Speaker 1: sure like if he looks back, he's like, no, I
Speaker 1: was just like getting waking up in the morning from
Speaker 1: bed at night and I wasn't really sure what I
Speaker 1: was doing. It's just life exactly. But to us it's
Speaker 1: fascinating because there's so many stories and the fact that
Speaker 1: it's fascinating. Just blows my mind because no one's ever
Speaker 1: thought it was fascinating before. But then you put on
Speaker 1: this platform with But I'd like to say, if you
Speaker 1: had never been on the Bachelor at I think we
Speaker 1: still find your really fascinating. If we sat down and
Speaker 1: talked like I'd still be like, I'm sorry what all
Speaker 1: of these things? Yeah, I suppose I wouldn't ever talk
Speaker 1: about it though, the thing here we are. Can I
Speaker 1: just say one thing real quick, totally off topic. I
Speaker 1: had this sounds so crazy. I had a dream the
Speaker 1: other day about and they're like teasing up this. There's
Speaker 1: this new couple coming from Bachelor Nation. This is a
Speaker 1: dream dream And into the studio walks Dean and Rachel
Speaker 1: Lindsay and I literally woke up. It almost texted you
Speaker 1: to be like, why are you back with? And then
Speaker 1: I had to process the fact that she is totally
Speaker 1: you are hypothetically maybe going to be in a relationship
Speaker 1: soon Like it was it was so real. Do you
Speaker 1: ever talk to her? So I don't know where this
Speaker 1: came from. I had to put it out. That's hilarious.
Speaker 1: Dreams are very I mean, I wish we could have
Speaker 1: a podcast just dedicated to dreams because I have the
Speaker 1: most insane dreams. Well, let's book a dream expert, because
Speaker 1: that's easy. We can get a Yes, book a dream expert.
Speaker 1: But it's not even like I don't even have dreams
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, I kind of remember some things
Speaker 1: I remember like the weirdest dreams ever, and I don't
Speaker 1: know why, Like do you have you have a lot
Speaker 1: of weird dreams. Oh, I have like full relationships and dreams.
Speaker 1: It's weird stuff. All right, Well let's get a dream
Speaker 1: Um okay, Well, so that'll do it for episode X
Speaker 1: of Help I Second Dating. Big thank you to Genie
Speaker 1: Asamos from e Harmy dot com. Uh. Their happiness Index
Speaker 1: comes out on Thursday. Be sure to check it out.
Speaker 1: You can check it out on the harmy dot com
Speaker 1: slash advice. UM, we love your emails. Keep emailing them in. Honestly,
Speaker 1: the first half of this podcast typically, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: just looking forward to this part of it is, or
Speaker 1: the email part of it, So keep them coming. I
Speaker 1: really want to reincorporate phone calls back into the podcast.
Speaker 1: I want to do and ask Dean anything segment, but
Speaker 1: we can't do that until Winter Games ares, because then
Speaker 1: people can actually ask you anything. Can we actually circle
Speaker 1: back quickly to the dating Dudes and Don't with Dean Angler.
Speaker 1: I like that. It's a lot, it's a mouthful, but
Speaker 1: it's almost so long to the point that it becomes
Speaker 1: gimmicky to be acceptable. You know, it sounds like a
Speaker 1: college course or something. Dating Dudes and don't with Dean,
Speaker 1: But maybe this is Dean's college course for everything. I
Speaker 1: think it's just dating Dean, like forgetting Star Marshall dating
Speaker 1: Dean Alert you don't hit it, don't hate him? What
Speaker 1: about dating Deans and don'ts that incorporates both of them
Speaker 1: dating Dean for Mark dating Deans and don't know. We're
Speaker 1: not making up boards. No, we're not compromising. Well, we'll
Speaker 1: find a title that you like by uh yeah, okay, um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: we'll be back next week potentially. Thank you again for
Speaker 1: listening to episode seventeen of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: We'll be back next week for the show still called
Speaker 1: Help I Suck At Dating? Next week yields a new
Speaker 1: possibility for a greater future for all of us, So
Speaker 1: be sure to tune in next week because maybe I'll
Speaker 1: suck a little bit Less, Follow, Help I Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio, or subscribe
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts.