Speaker 1: Walk Uphill, w Ship, very Weird, free walk glasses.
Speaker 2: H. Hello.
Speaker 3: My name is Buddy Peace. I'm a producer and editor,
Speaker 3: a DJ and music maker, a positive cour in a
Speaker 3: much damaged society, and for intro and outr purposes, I'm
Speaker 3: temporarily standing in for your regular host and proud creator
Speaker 3: of this particular podcast, mister Brett Goldstein. As Rakim once said,
Speaker 3: I take seven MC's, put them in a line, and
Speaker 3: add seven more brothers who think they can rhyme. Well,
Speaker 3: it'll take seven more before I go for mine. Now,
Speaker 3: that's twenty one mcs eight up at the same time.
Speaker 3: And you might think this is a coincidence, but they
Speaker 3: were showing twenty one Grams, twenty one Bridges, and twenty
Speaker 3: one Jump Street last night at the local cineplex. The
Speaker 3: Lord works in mysterious ways, Rakim. Every week Breton wvites
Speaker 3: a guest on he tells them they've died and then
Speaker 3: talks to them about their life through the medium of film.
Speaker 3: But this week we are revisiting an earlier episode of
Speaker 3: the podcast. While we are on a brief springtime hiatus,
Speaker 3: we will be back as soon as possible with the newness, though,
Speaker 3: trust us on that. So yes, indeed, it is that
Speaker 3: time once more for a films to be buried with
Speaker 3: Rewind classic. This Rewind in particular is from September the sixth, sixteenth,
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one, originally episode one sixty four, featuring actor, comic,
Speaker 3: writer and vocal talent Desiree Birch. This one's a proper
Speaker 3: great one as Desiree and Brett catch up and check
Speaker 3: in on so much. So much in fact, that this
Speaker 3: could well be a two parter, with the run up
Speaker 3: before the actual movie talk playing out as its own episode.
Speaker 3: No stone is left unturned and as a result, it's
Speaker 3: a pure pleasure one for the books for sure. Let
Speaker 3: me take this opportunity to also remind you that Brett
Speaker 3: has a Patreon page for the podcast, upon which you
Speaker 3: get a bonus audio section in every episode with a
Speaker 3: secret from each guest, more questions, and a video of
Speaker 3: each episode which looks lovely. There are a selection of
Speaker 3: tears on there too, and on the uppermost tiers, I
Speaker 3: make you a cinematic soundtrack mixtape each month with full
Speaker 3: track list that you will definitely enjoy. So if you're
Speaker 3: of a supporting nature and feel like some extras from
Speaker 3: this show. You'll find them all there. So that is
Speaker 3: it for now. Let's get you settled in for a
Speaker 3: wildly entertaining look back at perfect episode with the Wonderful
Speaker 3: desiree Birch catch you with the end for a quick
Speaker 3: sign off. But for now, please enjoy episode one six
Speaker 3: four via Episode two nine five or Films to be
Speaker 3: Buried With.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to Films to be buried With. It
Speaker 2: is me Brett Goldstein, and I am joined today by
Speaker 2: a writer, a actor, a podcaster, a presenter, a comedian,
Speaker 2: a panel showist, a panel uh widder, a hero, a legend,
Speaker 2: one of the finest comics of her generation in the UK.
Speaker 2: Even though she's not from here, she came over here
Speaker 2: and basically took over comedy. Please welcome to the show's brilliant,
Speaker 2: the amazing, It's desire bat Oh.
Speaker 1: My god, Brad, thank you so much. You might have
Speaker 1: made up for my whole childhood just then.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I needed all of that. But like when I was eight,
Speaker 1: do you have a time machine?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we could do that. We could make that happen. Amazing. Listen,
Speaker 2: we listen. We are Films to be buried with. Towers.
Speaker 2: I'm delighted to have you on the show. You're y.
Speaker 2: You're a very busy lady. You got everything I don't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I appreciate you reaching out to me.
Speaker 1: It made me feel quite cool, So thank you. You're
Speaker 1: You're deceptively very nice. But you're also very cool. And
Speaker 1: I've known of you as being very.
Speaker 4: Cool guy for a while.
Speaker 1: I I don't mean that to sound bad, it's just cool.
Speaker 1: And I was like, cooled me to the party.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very yeah. Famously famously known
Speaker 2: as a as a cool guy. Now what you if
Speaker 2: you can share this with with the listener? Where are
Speaker 2: you right now? Where the fuck are Yeah?
Speaker 1: Where the fuck am I is a huge metaphysical question,
Speaker 1: But in the immediate physical I am in Greece for
Speaker 1: a very very brief and very wonderful and desperately needed holiday.
Speaker 1: I literally just got here like earlier, like in the
Speaker 1: wee hours of the morning, and now I am on
Speaker 1: the island of Kia, and I just came in from
Speaker 1: like being in the sea, which is why my hair
Speaker 1: looks like I took care of it. You know, there's
Speaker 1: nothing better than like just beach everything. Like when you
Speaker 1: come out of the beach. You're just like you could
Speaker 1: be ashy as fuck and it doesn't matter. You're just
Speaker 1: like gorgeous and sun kissed. I feel amazing.
Speaker 2: Come we ask you just you just finished something, your
Speaker 2: wine thing you're in. Did you well talk about it?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah?
Speaker 1: I was just like, yeah, yes we are, because it's
Speaker 1: out there in the universe.
Speaker 4: It's so funny.
Speaker 1: I feel so bad every time people were like, oh,
Speaker 1: you just worked on a thing, I was like, I've
Speaker 1: just worked on like so many things. I have no
Speaker 1: idea what thing we're even talking about, or what day
Speaker 1: it is, or who I am. So I just finished
Speaker 1: shooting a pilot for a new show for Channel four
Speaker 1: E four. It's called The Love Triangle. It's all It's
Speaker 1: a threuples dating show. Because at this point, I don't
Speaker 1: know how I became the dating show person. I guess
Speaker 1: between too hot to handle, like like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: They were just like, you are the perfect person for this,
Speaker 1: and I guess having worked as a dominatrix.
Speaker 4: Everyone's like, if it's about.
Speaker 1: Sex, desiree's got to talk about I'm like, honestly, like,
Speaker 1: for the amount that we talk about me and sex,
Speaker 1: I've had far less of it than everybody else who
Speaker 1: doesn't say a damn thing about it. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: really interesting, Like I really hope that it does well
Speaker 1: and kind of works. I think it's like a thing
Speaker 1: that still needs to be sort of perfected, because yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know that we have a very good mainstream
Speaker 1: understanding of what that is. Because what most people think
Speaker 1: of is a threesome.
Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: They think of like monogamous couple as the anchor, you know,
Speaker 1: whether it's romantic or sexual, and then there's just some
Speaker 1: sort of like satellite moon going around them that's like
Speaker 1: fun sometimes, which is not necessarily what a thrupple should be,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Even though I'm not polyamorous per se.
Speaker 2: What would be your ideal version of a thruple?
Speaker 1: See, I'm the worst person to ask because I have
Speaker 1: threesome mentality. My thrupple is me at the center and
Speaker 1: then other people making me feel like I'm at the center.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, So your one is not. Even if there's
Speaker 2: a couple, you're just the thing and then.
Speaker 1: It just me and then there's two people, right, or
Speaker 1: like there's like a couple, and then there's the other
Speaker 1: person for when I'm sick of that person. I mean,
Speaker 1: for me, I guess, you know, like I'm bisexual, so
Speaker 1: my boyfriend I'm dating a dude, So I guess it
Speaker 1: would be a woman, but I don't know exactly, like
Speaker 1: I couldn't name, like, oh, it's definitely gonna be this
Speaker 1: person or whatever who's famous and hot, but like I
Speaker 1: also probably wouldn't because it'd be someone I know in
Speaker 1: my life who listen to this and be like hey,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, actually, it's more of a fantasy than anything.
Speaker 4: Please don't phone. But yeah, I think probably it would be.
Speaker 1: But then again, I say that, and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't know if I should be that satisfied. And that
Speaker 1: sounds really like a very self denying like thing to say.
Speaker 1: But I don't know that that that amount of satisfaction
Speaker 1: allows for a lot for me, for a lot of growth,
Speaker 1: like I do need struggle, Like when I would date
Speaker 1: women exclusively, like it would be great, and I was
Speaker 1: like there's something missing here, like like the sex is nice,
Speaker 1: and then we eat dinners and we hang out and
Speaker 1: I don't know, I need something else, Like I need
Speaker 1: some trouble, like I need I need a problem, I
Speaker 1: need some frustration.
Speaker 4: I need to go huff and walk into the other room.
Speaker 4: And that's not happening here.
Speaker 1: And so I don't know that I would sustain the
Speaker 1: rest of my existence being that content.
Speaker 2: But wouldn't A. Wouldn't a Adding another person into the mix,
Speaker 2: it ups the chances of more struggle and problems and issues,
Speaker 2: And right, I mean it will keep you. The politics
Speaker 2: of that should keep you busy for a while.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: I think that we also, I at least always imagine,
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm at the center of my own
Speaker 1: universe with all these satellites around me, that I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be all about me and everyone's gonna make
Speaker 1: me happy. No, you're gonna have a fight with one
Speaker 1: and then the other one's gonna be like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: are wrong, and then you're gonna be like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: now there's accountability as opposed to just like one person
Speaker 1: said one thing and the other person said another, and
Speaker 1: I guess we'll never know.
Speaker 4: It's like, no, we know you fucked up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've now got a fucking majority to mas decisions.
Speaker 4: Yes, that's I do not want democracy in my house.
Speaker 2: You never want you never want a situation where could
Speaker 2: be a majority against.
Speaker 1: No, No, I'm outside my door. Great in my home. No,
Speaker 1: it's totalitarianismalitarian authoritarian Tell me this then.
Speaker 2: So this show, which obviously I'm now obsessed with, it's
Speaker 2: like different versions of a couple auditioning someone.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, the way that it's structured, and I even
Speaker 1: I don't know I even questioned this, but the way
Speaker 1: it is structured is that a couple comes and they
Speaker 1: are looking for a third to be part of their
Speaker 1: sort of life, not just for like a night, but
Speaker 1: you know whatever, to kind of incorporate and see if
Speaker 1: it works out. So, you know, it's basically like you've
Speaker 1: got three people you can't see, and you you know,
Speaker 1: you get to ask them questions and then they slowly
Speaker 1: sort of get eliminated and they sort of get to
Speaker 1: ask you some questions back and whatever, and then you
Speaker 1: get to the place where it's like, okay, we're going
Speaker 1: to look at each other, now do we still want
Speaker 1: to do this thing?
Speaker 4: And they're standing on this you know, well, I don't
Speaker 4: even know if I should say.
Speaker 1: This, but you know, cause it's like, oh, but Basically
Speaker 1: they secretly choose yes, I want to go on a date,
Speaker 1: and it's literally just a date. Yes I want to
Speaker 1: go on a date with this person of these people,
Speaker 1: or actually no, thanks.
Speaker 4: Now that I've gone through.
Speaker 1: This, and I hope that it'll sort of pull people
Speaker 1: out who are kind of like looking for you know,
Speaker 1: I would say that part of it calls into question
Speaker 1: just relationships in general, Like I'm someone that I'm like,
Speaker 1: even though I tend to practice monogamy, I feel like
Speaker 1: that's a construct that people created for the purposes of,
Speaker 1: like property and land and ownership and all these other things. Like,
Speaker 1: so why not have a totally different construct, Like why not?
Speaker 1: Because honestly, life is twice as long as it used
Speaker 1: to be because we have like penicillin and stuff, So like,
Speaker 1: why not figure out if something else works a little
Speaker 1: bit more functionally because who knows? And however, many hundreds
Speaker 1: of years, if that's the thing actually that we figured
Speaker 1: out three is actually the magic number and this works
Speaker 1: a lot better, is a lot more stable or something?
Speaker 1: I don't know, but it's worth questioning everything that we
Speaker 1: thought we knew, because clearly, if the president has revealed
Speaker 1: anything to us, is that we don't know what we
Speaker 1: thought we knew, you know, just about everything.
Speaker 2: I'm sort of out a theory for a while that
Speaker 2: this century is going to be spent ondoing everything that
Speaker 2: happened in the last century, every every aspect of it
Speaker 2: that we did we did right, and we're only now
Speaker 2: realizing we did everything wrong. In now we have to
Speaker 2: undo everything. Until I guess we're just a village living
Speaker 2: in fields and living off the land.
Speaker 4: And ring in the torches to someone's house.
Speaker 2: But can I ask you, and maybe this is two personal,
Speaker 2: have you ever been in a relationship that is polyamorous.
Speaker 1: I've never been in a polyamorous relationship. I've been in
Speaker 1: the like one night situation, but like not in the
Speaker 1: like let's like live together and work this out. I
Speaker 1: do have some friends who have done that, but I
Speaker 1: tend to find it's not always true, but more frequently
Speaker 1: they are younger. I feel like like you and I
Speaker 1: are around the same generation. We're in that weird sort
Speaker 1: of like gen X millennial taint area. But I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, like that Gooch generation Gooch. Yeah, but like
Speaker 1: I feel like millennials and you know, are they jenset?
Speaker 1: What I don't know what letter we're on. Are we
Speaker 1: in the Greek alphabet?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: But anyway, I feel like those who are younger than
Speaker 1: us are a little bit more receptive to that. I
Speaker 1: think just in terms of going like, probably they've seen
Speaker 1: a lot of heterosexual or even not heterosexual at this point,
Speaker 1: but monogamous relationships not work, and so they're kind of like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's impossible to love more than one person,
Speaker 1: and let's work it out. You know. I'm of the
Speaker 1: generation where my friends go like, yeah, but at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, there's too many damn people in
Speaker 1: the room, Like I can barely deal with one other
Speaker 1: person at the same home where I can hear them breathing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really fascinated by the idea and I love
Speaker 2: the idea of it. And I read a book about
Speaker 2: where they were talking about like jealousy is a made
Speaker 2: up emotion that you can sort of get rid of,
Speaker 2: And I thought, is it? But I'm interested? But I
Speaker 2: also thought is it seems seems like a fairly common one.
Speaker 1: It is, But I think I don't know what the
Speaker 1: argument is. But if you go back to looking at
Speaker 1: monogamous relationships as an event to construct then yeah, jealousy
Speaker 1: would then be the emotions that are built on top
Speaker 1: of that, Whereas I guess even before, like you know,
Speaker 1: dual person relationships, maybe you might see someone that you
Speaker 1: snogged and the next dayre's sawny someone else You're like, hmmm, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, but I mean ultimately tends to be more
Speaker 1: about your insecurity, right, yeah, but that insecurity it's both
Speaker 1: real and made up though, right, Like our insecurities are
Speaker 1: based on weird stories that we have about ourselves and
Speaker 1: our shortcomings that pretty much nobody else.
Speaker 4: Holds about us typically.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that is also kind of in a way
Speaker 1: of made up emotion. It's kind of like when therapists
Speaker 1: talk about like feelings about feelings, where it's like, don't
Speaker 1: feel guilty about being sad, just have the pure emotion
Speaker 1: because emotions happen for a reason. Don't then then make
Speaker 1: up feelings about the feelings you had, because it's just like,
Speaker 1: why are you hitting yourself?
Speaker 2: You're so right, because I guess what jealousy is is
Speaker 2: saying I'm not comfortable with this thing happening with someone
Speaker 2: else because I don't believe in myself enough that this
Speaker 2: is gonna be fine. Or yeah, yeah, it's needing validation
Speaker 2: or yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah I think it is.
Speaker 1: I mean this may be related or may not be,
Speaker 1: but I remember there's this dude that I spent like
Speaker 1: right my year leading up this was like post sat
Speaker 1: in Return leading up to like thirty year of like
Speaker 1: being all messed up about and we had one of
Speaker 1: those relationships that isn't a relationship, but is one one
Speaker 1: that's like all this like handholding and late night talking
Speaker 1: and sharing of dreams and like not actually really having
Speaker 1: physical connection or actually being claimed publicly but still having
Speaker 1: a thing going on. Happens to a lot of women
Speaker 1: and a lot of gay men I've found, But like
Speaker 1: there's this whole thing of like me being like I
Speaker 1: feel like you're the one and you're not giving me
Speaker 1: the thing, and I feel all fucked up about myself.
Speaker 1: And then the minute he was like, I just don't
Speaker 1: think I'm as into it as you are, Like basically
Speaker 1: I'm just not that into you, right, Like it was
Speaker 1: a big kick to the cooter. But then after that
Speaker 1: I was just like ew, And it was amazing how
Speaker 1: quickly my psyche went like ew, you're gross, Like you're
Speaker 1: not into me and you spend a year like fucking
Speaker 1: diddling around and holding my and like, also, just like
Speaker 1: if you're not into me, Like I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily always have like a super high self esteem,
Speaker 1: but in this moment, I was like, you're.
Speaker 4: Fucking stupid, Like you're just dumb.
Speaker 1: I can't believe I like someone so dumb and fucking useless.
Speaker 1: And it was amazing how some part of me just
Speaker 1: like stood up for myself. Immediately after he was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just I don't really think I'm into you, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, okay, fine, and I cried for
Speaker 1: like a night.
Speaker 4: I woke on the next day, I.
Speaker 1: Was like fucking lame, bit gross vomb in emoji over
Speaker 1: and I was like, I wish that I had made
Speaker 1: that confrontation happen in a lot of other situations sooner,
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't have had jealousy or feelings of self
Speaker 1: worth that were in the gutter and all these other things,
Speaker 1: when I could just have had that feeling of like,
Speaker 1: al that cuts like a knife.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna cry like I've been stabbed in the street.
Speaker 1: It hurts, and then go other person's gross and stupid bye,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: Like no better feeling than being like, I feel nothing
Speaker 4: for you.
Speaker 2: That's the dream. The dream is to feel nothing at
Speaker 2: odd times. Oh, anyway, can I ask you one of
Speaker 2: the thing, Although you may, I know you've talked about
Speaker 2: it a lot, so genuinely, if you were like I'm
Speaker 2: bored of talking about that, say so and we won't
Speaker 2: talk about it. But in your time as a Dominate Chicks,
Speaker 2: there are two things I sort of want to know,
Speaker 2: and one is like your first day, your first time,
Speaker 2: like whether it was like scary or you were like ah,
Speaker 2: or was it I'm sort of interested in the very
Speaker 2: because everyone gets used to whatever the thing is. But
Speaker 2: the first time, first day at work, yeah, you thought
Speaker 2: you I don't know what made you go, I'll give
Speaker 2: this a go. But when you first did, well, you're like,
Speaker 2: this is weirder than I thought, this is better than
Speaker 2: I thought, this is scary, Like how was the very
Speaker 2: first time?
Speaker 1: If I may so, yeah, yes you can now normally
Speaker 1: like I usually, I'm like, I'm like, I'm so bored
Speaker 1: of talking about this because people tend to not have
Speaker 1: any questions, like.
Speaker 4: They just go, so you were Dominatrix. Oh, just for
Speaker 4: you to talk right and then you're like yeah.
Speaker 1: But the thing and the reason that I usually go
Speaker 1: like oh, is because people think they're interested until they
Speaker 1: hear the truth, and then suddenly they're not.
Speaker 4: Interested anymore, because like the truth is like you.
Speaker 1: Know, it's full of like reality and bluids and weird
Speaker 1: emotions and pain and stuff that people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: I thought it was gonna be like a cinemax like
Speaker 1: sort of situation that was gonna be all like airbrushed,
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm like, no, this is like for
Speaker 1: real people who go to their jobs, put on makeup
Speaker 1: and PVC or whatever, walk across, you know, a threshold
Speaker 1: into a room, just like you walk on to a
Speaker 1: stage and you're like, Okay, this is who I am,
Speaker 1: or you know, I've read the dossi of what the
Speaker 1: dude wants.
Speaker 4: This is who I'm gonna be.
Speaker 1: And also it's really funny because I always think about
Speaker 1: like I was a dominatrix, I went to Yale, and
Speaker 1: people always impressed when you say those things, but no
Speaker 1: one ever asks how you did it those things like
Speaker 1: I wasn't great.
Speaker 4: That.
Speaker 1: I was really bad, but yes I was not a
Speaker 1: good dominatrix. I was a much better comedian writer like
Speaker 1: fly on the Wall, I'm going to use this layer.
Speaker 4: I was not great at the job.
Speaker 1: I mean I was a virgin when I started it, Brett,
Speaker 1: so like I was, Yeah, that's the whole trick of it.
Speaker 1: I went into that job having I was a late virgin,
Speaker 1: I hadn't had sex at all. I went into that going, well,
Speaker 1: this is a sex free way of getting to look
Speaker 1: at men in a sexual way and starting to sort
Speaker 1: of like desensitize myself about like the.
Speaker 4: Fear around that.
Speaker 1: And you know, I got a lot of just body fear,
Speaker 1: you know, like I am a fat black woman. That
Speaker 1: is pretty much as far as sexuality goes in Western culture,
Speaker 1: pretty low on the totem pole, except for in the
Speaker 1: fetish world, where suddenly all the people who won't admit
Speaker 1: that they're attracted to you in the light of day
Speaker 1: are like So that was for me, It was in
Speaker 1: part validating, but I also kind of needed to feel
Speaker 1: some sense of empowerment with it, just because I just
Speaker 1: felt like so objectified, just in this body where so
Speaker 1: much attention is paid to you about like your flaws,
Speaker 1: and then no attention is paid to you as to
Speaker 1: like your qualities right, so going into it.
Speaker 2: So sorry, can I just go back? Please?
Speaker 4: Please please?
Speaker 2: So, if you were a virgin and you had this,
Speaker 2: you had this idea, but the did the idea come
Speaker 2: to you because you knew someone else who was doing it?
Speaker 2: Did someone suggest it? Where did it come from?
Speaker 1: So I was on a date with this girl at
Speaker 1: the time. She had a friend who was working out
Speaker 1: the same dungeon. So and it was just like, I
Speaker 1: don't know if you've like, well, okay, look, you probably
Speaker 1: have because you're an artist, and I'm certain you've done
Speaker 1: the thing where you do something for the story or
Speaker 1: because you want to say you've done it.
Speaker 2: I do everything for the story for the.
Speaker 1: Story, right, And so being a dominator, so something I
Speaker 1: wanted to say that I done because that makes me
Speaker 1: seem pretty cool, badass and more powerful than I actually am.
Speaker 4: So a fake it till you make it kind of gesture.
Speaker 1: So she was talking about it, and she was just
Speaker 1: sort of like a normal person, Like she wasn't sort
Speaker 1: of like hyper sexualized, like you look like a stripper
Speaker 1: or anything like that. She was just like a Brooklyn Witch,
Speaker 1: you know, like you do, right, who also worked as
Speaker 1: a dumb And I was just like tell me more,
Speaker 1: and she's like yeah, I mean we're always hiring, you know,
Speaker 1: because they are always hiring because there's a high turnover
Speaker 1: rate in a job like that.
Speaker 4: It's kind of like.
Speaker 1: Canvassing, where it's like you do that for one day
Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, I don't care about greenpeace never
Speaker 1: mind by So I'm done. Yeah, pretty much, I'm done
Speaker 1: because if one more person like gives me the evil
Speaker 1: eye on the street and just ignores my existence, I'm
Speaker 1: going to lose it.
Speaker 4: So I go in, I have the interview.
Speaker 1: They basically were like, you know what this job is, right,
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah. So then they're like, great, you're hired
Speaker 1: because basically, you know, you don't make any money until
Speaker 1: they make some money, so they may as well hire you.
Speaker 4: So I believe this was my first gun.
Speaker 1: It was just a half hour spanking session. It was
Speaker 1: just a spanking session. But the thing is that's thirty minutes, right,
Speaker 1: And so you've.
Speaker 4: Got to create a war.
Speaker 1: Yes, you've got to create a world in which a
Speaker 1: spanking happens in a sexual way, which is not something
Speaker 1: I knew how to do because I don't have to
Speaker 1: do anything in.
Speaker 4: A sexual way. So I beat this guy's ass like he.
Speaker 1: Was a black kid who had stayed out past the
Speaker 1: street lights coming on.
Speaker 4: Like I beat his ass like there wasn't like if you.
Speaker 1: Give a sexy spanking, you have to like you have
Speaker 1: to do the spank and the rub.
Speaker 4: You know, it's like part of it is the teas
Speaker 4: and part of is the.
Speaker 1: Withholding and then the smack and like the exhilaration of
Speaker 1: not knowing when it's coming. It's not getting wailed on
Speaker 1: like your southern grandma with a switch was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I beat this grown man's ass, and like I didn't
Speaker 1: do a great job because like he didn't finish, which
Speaker 1: is how you know you've done your job right right,
Speaker 1: And he goes.
Speaker 2: Woof, no, no storyline, as in you just walked in
Speaker 2: and just yes.
Speaker 1: Mean I was like trying to be I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: been over, get on, get on this spanking horse.
Speaker 4: You've been bad.
Speaker 1: I just beat his ass and then took his cash.
Speaker 4: Can't you just so?
Speaker 1: Fortunately, you know you work with other people who like
Speaker 1: you know, they'll show you how to use a flogg,
Speaker 1: or they'll show you use the whip, or they'll let.
Speaker 4: You sit in on their session.
Speaker 1: Because the guy likes being you know, voyeurism or he
Speaker 1: likes being looked at or whatever. So you get a
Speaker 1: chance to go see and you go, oh, that's like
Speaker 1: how you create a character, and you know, or I
Speaker 1: mean not even a character, but like literally how you
Speaker 1: sort of create a power dynamic, you know when you
Speaker 1: come into the room and you know, I mean there
Speaker 1: were women who were younger than I was, who had
Speaker 1: been doing it for and you know, there were a
Speaker 1: couple women I worked with who would like either done
Speaker 1: it right out of high school or dropped it whatever,
Speaker 1: you know. And then there are other women who like
Speaker 1: went to Ivy League schools or putting themselves through nursing
Speaker 1: school or college or whatever.
Speaker 4: It was like the whole gamut of women.
Speaker 1: It's like the coolest aroar, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's not just like you know whatever girls named Jessica
Speaker 1: and learn who are like ah, but it was just
Speaker 1: like women from like all walks of life. And so
Speaker 1: you got to see someone who's like, I'm like this,
Speaker 1: Chuck's younger than me. She's basically a kid, but she
Speaker 1: knows what she's doing and she knows what she has
Speaker 1: how to wield this attention and how to give that
Speaker 1: attention back to someone in a way that's still you know,
Speaker 1: because the submissive is always the center. They are the
Speaker 1: ones who are getting you know, like I'm far more
Speaker 1: submissive than dominant because I like having attention paid to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you woant to be which is the.
Speaker 1: Exactly which is you know, when you're the submissive, everything
Speaker 1: is happening to you because of you at you, So
Speaker 1: then it is about being able to not only empathize
Speaker 1: but also to push beyond you know, what is comfortable
Speaker 1: for some people. Some people are like super into pain,
Speaker 1: and I get the way the brain works and how
Speaker 1: that fires off of pleasure because they're right next to
Speaker 1: each other. But at the same time, you're like, this
Speaker 1: is kind of of like but like I don't want
Speaker 1: to stick needles in you. I don't want to keep
Speaker 1: twisting you nipples to they fall off, Like I don't
Speaker 1: want to do that, but you're into that, So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to like find a way to do that
Speaker 1: or be like I can't do that level of pain session.
Speaker 1: You have to give that to someone who's really just
Speaker 1: like like I mean, I worked with a woman who
Speaker 1: was studying to be a nurse. She had no problem,
Speaker 1: Like she knew exactly how to put a needle in someone,
Speaker 1: cut someone whatever. She's like, wait, and those were fun too,
Speaker 1: because it's like that's just a science experiment. When a
Speaker 1: guy's like put postpins all over my balls, I was
Speaker 1: just like, let's see how many of these I can
Speaker 1: put on before you scream loop. You know, like at
Speaker 1: that point, you're just like a kid who's been given
Speaker 1: a chemistry set.
Speaker 2: The first one, Yeah, the first one were you scared,
Speaker 2: turning up we you like us, and then were like,
Speaker 2: I know it's just this, it's just a person in
Speaker 2: the room.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was less scared then than I would be now.
Speaker 1: Like I think that you can do magnificently terrible things
Speaker 1: when you're young because you don't know, you don't know
Speaker 1: what you're risking, you don't know what you have to lose.
Speaker 1: I always felt like you get much more sensitive as
Speaker 1: you get older, because I think you just like have
Speaker 1: enough experience to know what kind of pain or hurt
Speaker 1: or something could result from what you're about to do.
Speaker 1: When you're twenty three, twenty four, you're just like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, show me something, like I haven't done shit,
Speaker 1: so like just show me anything, like.
Speaker 4: I don't know what does this do like?
Speaker 1: And then later you're like, oh, I did spend a
Speaker 1: whole year in therapy about that thing when I was
Speaker 1: twenty three, but I needed to do that to have
Speaker 1: like something to work on. So when I came in,
Speaker 1: I was just more like, Okay, well they hired me.
Speaker 1: I guess they'll, you know, like any job. I guess
Speaker 1: they'll show me what to do on the day. Absolutely
Speaker 1: forgot an outfit.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So the second question I want to ask, and
Speaker 2: I appreciate you talking about it, is you went in
Speaker 2: a virgin and one of the reasons you did was
Speaker 2: to you know, learn stuff. Did it change your worldview
Speaker 2: on sex? And like did it make things better and
Speaker 2: more exciting? Did it make it worse?
Speaker 1: So there's a mini levels suck question. I can't just
Speaker 1: answer a question for like one sentence.
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: It'd be much snappy as a podcast if I did.
Speaker 1: But I think that there was what happened in the
Speaker 1: immediate and then what happened in the long term. Like
Speaker 1: I think there was part of it in the immediate,
Speaker 1: like when you I'll be real Frank when you have
Speaker 1: enough dudes on their hands and knees beating off to
Speaker 1: like something you just did. Like at some point you're
Speaker 1: just like, ugh ah, these guys just like want to
Speaker 1: get something from you, get off and then go, and
Speaker 1: it starts to change your worldview about men in a
Speaker 1: way for me that I was like, this isn't necessarily
Speaker 1: what I need upfront, do you know, because at some
Speaker 1: point you start to just go like, oh god, all.
Speaker 4: Of you just like seething animals looking.
Speaker 1: Ah everywhere your look just users uh, you know not
Speaker 1: that that isn't helpful information have because later you can go,
Speaker 1: you know, all of us have our moments in which
Speaker 1: were just gross. I happened to have worked in a
Speaker 1: place where I am seeing people at a certain state
Speaker 1: in their lives. Even though ninety percent of the time
Speaker 1: they're at home with their kids, or they're at the office,
Speaker 1: or they're doing other things. This ten percent they're just like,
Speaker 1: I need a stranger to do this thing to me
Speaker 1: because I'm too afraid to tell somebody who's in my
Speaker 1: life about this because I think they'll leave me. So
Speaker 1: I need a place where I can pay someone so
Speaker 1: I can be my most base possible, right, So I
Speaker 1: understand in retrospect that that was a specific kind of
Speaker 1: you know, view of humanity that I was getting at
Speaker 1: the time, But it did very much open my eyes
Speaker 1: up to kind of like what power dynamics can come
Speaker 1: into relationships, sexuality, and just like the outside world in
Speaker 1: a way that I think was really elucidating. Like once
Speaker 1: you see that, it's hard not to transpose those images
Speaker 1: onto like the default world and be like, I see
Speaker 1: what this scenario is, or like, you're the kind of
Speaker 1: guy who really just likes be shot on, so I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna say you listen to you like I can
Speaker 1: see from your face, so yeah, yeah, yeah, you're big
Speaker 1: and important, but like, shut the fuck up because you'll
Speaker 1: go in and just have a girl squad over your face.
Speaker 1: And not that there's anything wrong with that per se,
Speaker 1: but it makes me go, well, like, stop tooting your
Speaker 1: own horn, because I know what you like. So but yeah,
Speaker 1: for me, it let me go like, oh, I can
Speaker 1: see things that I might be into, Like I know
Speaker 1: that there are things that I maybe am not into,
Speaker 1: but there are other things. I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: definitely see the appeal of that, you know, and I
Speaker 1: think it made me a little less, Like I don't
Speaker 1: know that I would have been necessarily super judgmental anyway,
Speaker 1: but it made me a lot less just because anything
Speaker 1: anybody's ever been like, oh I'm really into this, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've seen people who are into ten Times worship. So like,
Speaker 1: that's not gonna it's not gonna make me walk away
Speaker 1: from you or judge you or whatever. It's gonna make
Speaker 1: me go like, huh, I wonder where that came from,
Speaker 1: because typically when you're enacting some weird fantasy, you're like,
Speaker 1: you clearly had something like this happened to you, like
Speaker 1: at puberty, and it got stuck, you know, Like I
Speaker 1: did one where like a guy wanted us to dress
Speaker 1: up like cheerleaders and make fun of him like he
Speaker 1: was in high school.
Speaker 4: And I was like, so when did this happen?
Speaker 1: And you got like a surprise boner and and this
Speaker 1: was like a thing that switched in your head. And
Speaker 1: now you're constantly trying to like, you know, get the
Speaker 1: same high that you got from that moment.
Speaker 4: You can't quite get it, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So anyway, anyway, it's.
Speaker 1: It's it's a fascinating view into the universe. But I
Speaker 1: also it's like we all everybody fucks, do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? I mean almost everybody, right, you know,
Speaker 1: I guess unless you whatever, but everybody fucks. And it's
Speaker 1: a thing that we're like, we can never talk about it.
Speaker 1: And I was like, but I wish that someone had,
Speaker 1: like I wish I didn't have to learn the things
Speaker 1: that I learned there there. I wish my mom would
Speaker 1: just spent half a day just being like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: is gonna happen, and then this is gonna happen, and
Speaker 1: don't feel bad because then that's gonna happen.
Speaker 4: It's gonna be fine, you know, like.
Speaker 2: And sometimes you're gonna be fucking grice. You do guys
Speaker 2: that sometimes it's like you're a fucking animal. And then
Speaker 2: and then you suddenly not like an animal, and infel
Speaker 2: wait about the bit that five minutes got you were
Speaker 2: like an animal?
Speaker 1: That's so yes, yeah, that's the best part when you're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, animals. And then you're like, remember what
Speaker 1: you said five minutes ago when you were like being
Speaker 1: discussing to shut up, you said you liked it.
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so. I also really like I suppose you're
Speaker 2: in a fairly unusual situation that if you're with a
Speaker 2: guy and he tells you what his thing is scared
Speaker 2: to tell you, and you're like, I've cut someone open
Speaker 2: and fed them there and tested like that. If Doggie
Speaker 2: Stirling's I think that's okay, that's not.
Speaker 1: Like I mean, I'm like, I'm like, half the time
Speaker 1: people thinks that people are like, I mean this thing,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, that's normal, Like people are into people
Speaker 1: who have sex for long enough are into that thing, like,
Speaker 1: you know, so weird.
Speaker 4: You know. Anytime a guy's.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I wanted to try putting something up my butt,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, of course you do.
Speaker 4: That's where your g spot is. Like I was, I've
Speaker 4: been waiting.
Speaker 2: I can't believe you wait till date too.
Speaker 4: Come on, yeah, let's go, right, I thought liked me.
Speaker 2: Come on, let's do this.
Speaker 4: Amazing. It's the best podcast ever, all right.
Speaker 2: I mean no, I'm absolutely loving this. So, I mean,
Speaker 2: I obviously could talk to you about this all day,
Speaker 2: but I've forgotten to tell you something and I should
Speaker 2: have told you when you came on the zoom.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do like full disclosure up front.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know you're on holiday as well, so
Speaker 2: it's a bit of it, like, uh, but I'll just
Speaker 2: say it and then we'll deal with it. Okay, But okay,
Speaker 2: you've died. You're You're dead.
Speaker 4: Bomber?
Speaker 2: Is it is, isn't it? It is a bummer.
Speaker 4: I had plans and stuff.
Speaker 2: I know. I'm so sorry. How did you die? How
Speaker 2: would you die?
Speaker 4: All right? I have too many answers to this question.
Speaker 1: So what I want to say and what I want
Speaker 1: to put out into the universe is that I either
Speaker 1: die in my sleep after being at least mid.
Speaker 4: Eighties, or I die fast.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: If I don't die in my sleep, I just want
Speaker 1: to die fast. I don't necessarily like I don't want
Speaker 1: to be in the bottom of a well putting lotion
Speaker 1: on my skin kind of situation, Like I don't want that,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I don't want to be murdered. But
Speaker 1: I've often I don't even want to say this good thing,
Speaker 1: this tables would I'm gonna knock on it because I'm
Speaker 1: quite superstitious, but I've definitely had sort of I don't
Speaker 1: know if this is just a natural human thing, because
Speaker 1: we're not supposed to be in these scenarios, but like,
Speaker 1: have you ever done the thing where you've been on
Speaker 1: the freeway driving in a car and.
Speaker 4: Just had a flash of like smash, do you know
Speaker 4: what I mean?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 4: Like, and I was just like, is that did I?
Speaker 4: Did I dine a car accident a previous life?
Speaker 1: Or am I just thinking about how my body's going
Speaker 1: ninety miles an hour and it probably shouldn't be doing
Speaker 1: that in this piece of metal? And so I'm always like,
Speaker 1: would it be? You know, like what I don't want
Speaker 1: it to be is to be like I'm on one
Speaker 1: of these winding roads and then like it goes.
Speaker 4: Off and I'm like, ah no, this is how fuck?
Speaker 2: Like so what you drive off a cliff?
Speaker 1: Yeah, or just like you know, into something like I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily maybe it's cool to have that moment, but
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want to have that moment where I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: this is how it happens. And I know that, you know,
Speaker 1: people talk about stories where they have evaded death, where
Speaker 1: they've had that thought of like, oh, I guess this
Speaker 1: is how I go. You know, I just don't want
Speaker 1: it to be murder anything else?
Speaker 2: Right, Okay, you can well I'll make a night you.
Speaker 1: Just no just no murder, like no murder and no
Speaker 1: stereotypical deaths like I'm big and black. So I don't
Speaker 1: want to dive of like heart disease or diabetes because
Speaker 1: fuck everybody not going out that that. I don't want
Speaker 1: to fall down a flight of stairs. But you know,
Speaker 1: I'm a klutchy person, so to be honest, it'll be
Speaker 1: an accident.
Speaker 2: Do you want to go with drive off a cliff?
Speaker 2: Because great mind drive off a cliff because you get
Speaker 2: a moment of flight.
Speaker 1: And I think that it is a question answered. It
Speaker 1: is the last question answered. You're like, this is what
Speaker 1: it's like to be in free fall?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then and then hopefully you'll be quick
Speaker 2: We'll see.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like, but I don't want to answer the
Speaker 1: question like this is what it's like to have the
Speaker 1: steering column go through your.
Speaker 2: Torso yeah, but here we are, so we are. I'm
Speaker 2: so I get in person, you worry about death? Is
Speaker 2: that true?
Speaker 4: It is?
Speaker 1: I think because of where I am in life, it
Speaker 1: has become a lot more present and real, like I
Speaker 1: think somewhere between sort of like I'm forty two now,
Speaker 1: so like from like thirty seven thirty eight, particularly thirty
Speaker 1: nine was a big one, I guess won the lead
Speaker 1: up to forty and two.
Speaker 4: My mom got really sick at that time, and she.
Speaker 1: Was thirty nine when she had me, So I was
Speaker 1: kind of looking at like the mirror image of being like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm the age that she was like when she was
Speaker 1: my parent and all of that stuff, and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't have any of that shit figured out.
Speaker 4: But then neither did she. I just thought she did.
Speaker 1: So mortality became a very real concept of like, oh,
Speaker 1: you really do need to like figure out what you're
Speaker 1: doing because you don't have that much time left, and
Speaker 1: do you want to die still doing some of the
Speaker 1: same stuff you're doing. So I think about it in
Speaker 1: that way in terms of being like I'd love to
Speaker 1: change certain patterns in my life just so that I
Speaker 1: don't keep doing this same thing to the exclusion of
Speaker 1: other things that this life could contain, you know, because
Speaker 1: like I guess my belief is that we do choose
Speaker 1: to come into a physical form, that there is some
Speaker 1: point at which there's like I like to think of
Speaker 1: it as the waiting room or whatever. But like people
Speaker 1: have NDEs talk about like oh and then I saw
Speaker 1: my grandparents or my parent or whatever, and it was
Speaker 1: all this beautiful light and it's like this beautiful technicolor
Speaker 1: dream and everyone's like, it's okay, and it's not your
Speaker 1: time though, go back and all that stuff, but like
Speaker 1: it's all okay, it's gonna be great, and you're surrounded
Speaker 1: in love. And I do feel like there's an element
Speaker 1: of that that is true. But I feel like when
Speaker 1: you come into a form, you choose to take it
Speaker 1: all right, you know, you choose to go for the
Speaker 1: sake of feeling, and in my opinion, for the sake
Speaker 1: of sort of moving forward some karmic debts. I'm going
Speaker 1: to go back into a physical form for all of
Speaker 1: the beauty, majesty and absolute horror that it contains. And
Speaker 1: so yeah, like I guess I think about death in
Speaker 1: terms of, like have I done the things that I
Speaker 1: came here to do? When I was sitting up there
Speaker 1: going I choose her, and I choose this one, and
Speaker 1: I choose all of these circumstances, a lot of which
Speaker 1: can be quite heavy.
Speaker 4: But I think that I can do it.
Speaker 1: Like I think I can get us across the next
Speaker 1: I can click us over a little bit more and
Speaker 1: get us across the next finish line?
Speaker 4: Am I doing that?
Speaker 1: Or did I get lost in the whirlpool and forget
Speaker 1: why I came and get lost in the store and
Speaker 1: go fuck I fucking forgot God damn it.
Speaker 2: Do you think in terms of no, I love love
Speaker 2: love this, So you think you you don't plan out
Speaker 2: your life, but you put the kind of roadblocks in
Speaker 2: the way you go.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you choose the circumstances.
Speaker 2: I'll deal with for example, And I'm guessing nothing to
Speaker 2: do with you, but as in i'd choose a death early,
Speaker 2: I choose this, I'd choose you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I don't know if you get to
Speaker 1: choose your death, but I do know, Yeah, maybe you do,
Speaker 1: because I think everybody has their time. Like there's enough
Speaker 1: people who have evaded death and enough people who just
Speaker 1: died apropos of nothing for me to go, there's a
Speaker 1: day with your name on it?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I mean. And I didn't used
Speaker 4: to believe that way, but.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you could know the day with your name
Speaker 2: on it, would you want to know?
Speaker 4: Oh? Fuck, no, that's too much, Like it's okay, I
Speaker 4: have a two minds of that, Like if I was
Speaker 4: in the position where someone's like, you have X amount
Speaker 4: of weeks or months to live, that's a gift.
Speaker 1: That's like, okay, great, then I'm going to do it
Speaker 1: all because now's the only time that there is and
Speaker 1: it immediately puts you into the present in a way
Speaker 1: that most people don't actually live their lives.
Speaker 4: But if I knew, I don't know. Like if I knew,
Speaker 4: I don't know. Like if I knew it was like
Speaker 4: ninety five, maybe I'd forget. But if I knew it
Speaker 4: was like fifty five, I spend so much time being
Speaker 4: like why me? And what the fuck?
Speaker 1: And like, well, maybe I need to be famous or
Speaker 1: maybe I need to write all of the Like it's
Speaker 1: different when it's like five months than when it is
Speaker 1: like fifteen years. Like that's just sort of like a
Speaker 1: lot of unfair. Like I know, me, I'd spent a
Speaker 1: lot of time sulking.
Speaker 2: You really make the best of it, Yeah.
Speaker 4: Five months, I can deal with that. Like I don't
Speaker 4: know about you. I'm a coper. I do well with
Speaker 4: a deadline, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And if and if a deadline's in a month, or
Speaker 1: like if a deadline's tomorrow, that's what I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: the most work. If deadlines in the month, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wait until the deadlines tomorrow and.
Speaker 4: Then do the more.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, So a.
Speaker 4: Deadline of fifteen years not good for me interesting, and
Speaker 4: a deadline of ninety five is like, well, who gives
Speaker 4: a fuck? That's life?
Speaker 2: Yeah, why are you telling me this?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I was hoping for something nearer, you know, So I
Speaker 2: get most shit, don Yeah, I.
Speaker 4: Get a light of fire under my ass.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So when you die, you return to this waiting room,
Speaker 2: that's what you think? Or is there like a bit
Speaker 2: where you get to have some fun? Is there a
Speaker 2: heaven bit? Oh? You guys the waiting room and you
Speaker 2: like top up your score of like this was the plan.
Speaker 2: Here's the things you've you missed.
Speaker 4: And maybe I mean like so it is still a
Speaker 4: worldview of like spiritual reality and consciousness that I'm still
Speaker 4: fully forming.
Speaker 1: So I couldn't give you like a clear sort of
Speaker 1: lay of the land. But I do think that we
Speaker 1: as sort of different souls expressions of consciousness don't always
Speaker 1: come back into this planet, this world, this existence. I
Speaker 1: do think that there's time that we just sit out
Speaker 1: and whether we're in heaven and whether it looks like
Speaker 1: clouds and pearly gates or whether it looks like, you know,
Speaker 1: like an acid dreamscape of just like color. And you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but like I do think that there's
Speaker 1: time that you're just kind of like up there and
Speaker 1: being like wow, things are really magnificent. Wow, the universe wow.
Speaker 1: And then at some point, like I don't think everybody volunteers,
Speaker 1: but some people are like, yeah, I'll go in there
Speaker 1: and play, like I'll go and you know, go in
Speaker 1: for around, because somebody's got to go in for a round.
Speaker 1: And look at these people like they're about to have
Speaker 1: a baby and they're all fucked up and they're definitely
Speaker 1: going to pass on a bunch of like you know,
Speaker 1: like generational trauma and this and that and whatever, and
Speaker 1: maybe I can help or maybe I can do something there.
Speaker 1: And then I think you get here and you go
Speaker 1: what the fuck have I done? And and you're whipped
Speaker 1: out of a womb and you're like, this is the
Speaker 1: most uncomfortable I will be for however long this thing
Speaker 1: is about to last.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't disagree with you.
Speaker 4: Nevertheless, I am dead.
Speaker 2: You are dead. And I imagine at this point people
Speaker 2: are like, this is a film podcast, and I'm like, yeah, yes,
Speaker 2: what's your present?
Speaker 4: But also you're dead, so yeah.
Speaker 2: It's absolutely is well. I have I have some news.
Speaker 2: There is this waiting room you talk of. It exists,
Speaker 2: but we call it heaven, and it's nice. It's pretty great.
Speaker 2: It's quite you. It's quit your favorite thing in it.
Speaker 2: What's your favorite thing?
Speaker 1: Off the top of my head, it's shellfish and oral sex.
Speaker 2: Right, so basically the wolves, I mean you might regret
Speaker 2: that choice. The wolves are made of shellfish and oral sex.
Speaker 1: I'm just it's if it's got oysters and scallops, I'm
Speaker 1: so good.
Speaker 2: Okay, there's ois and scallops everywhere, but unfortunately, whenever you
Speaker 2: get near them, they try to perform or a sex.
Speaker 2: So is it mixed? It's a mixed. Bill But me up.
Speaker 1: Against the wall legs Kimball like, this is fine, this
Speaker 1: is totally fine.
Speaker 4: God said it was cool.
Speaker 2: This isn't quite what I member. It's pretty good. And
Speaker 2: in this heaven, well, whilst you're eating oysters and mussives,
Speaker 2: we also having all of sex performed on you by them.
Speaker 2: The people that are there just watching casually walking past.
Speaker 2: They want they want to talk about your life. Weirdly,
Speaker 2: You're like, I'm kind of busy, but they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's fine, and they're like.
Speaker 4: Oh no, just keep going. We just have some questions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you can concentrate on two things. You're like,
Speaker 2: I think so. And they say, we want to talk
Speaker 2: about your life but through film. And the first thing
Speaker 2: they ask you is and you're like, this, I've got
Speaker 2: to say, guys, this heaven is fucking weird.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, we know we wanted someone. No one could
Speaker 1: have guessed. None of the religions got this part right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a lot of people who misinterpreted the
Speaker 2: older books. We left.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I love this.
Speaker 2: Okay, so they say what the first thing they want
Speaker 2: to ask is what is the first film you remember seeing?
Speaker 4: Desiree bit so okay, Yeah, I mean I don't want
Speaker 4: this to be the first film, but I think it
Speaker 4: is because of the nightmares it gave me. It's this
Speaker 4: film called The Gate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was a horror film from the eighties
Speaker 1: and I feel like I saw part of it, but
Speaker 1: just the part where the things under the bed were
Speaker 1: like eating the fingers of the person on the bed.
Speaker 4: It was like a kid like. It was basically I
Speaker 4: couldn't let any of my limbs hang off the bed,
Speaker 4: which is a common kid thing. But it was in
Speaker 4: part because I had seen the scene where there were
Speaker 4: these little demons that came out from underneath the bed
Speaker 4: and like saw the hand and the fingers and we're
Speaker 4: like ah, and I was like, see, I knew it.
Speaker 1: The shit under the bed. It's going to eat me,
Speaker 1: Like I'm going to get on. And so I know
Speaker 1: that I've seen other films around that time, but that
Speaker 1: I remember so distinctly because I think it just the
Speaker 1: fear response that it ignited in me was so salient,
Speaker 1: Like for years, well beyond the point of rationality, I
Speaker 1: was afraid to have anything hanging off the bed.
Speaker 2: How well do you remember?
Speaker 1: I had to have been somewhere around six.
Speaker 2: I was six.
Speaker 1: I grew up in a city called Diamond Bar, California,
Speaker 1: which is right next to Pomona. So because you know La,
Speaker 1: I can say Pomona, but nobody knows what's next to that.
Speaker 1: It's right next to her to Pomona, which people have
Speaker 1: heard of. And so yeah, my parents had moved out
Speaker 1: of Los Angeles, to the suburbs. But like at the time,
Speaker 1: they didn't even have a street light in that town.
Speaker 1: But now it's like a Ridge Pittown or whatever. So
Speaker 1: this would have been in Diamondbar, California. I would have
Speaker 1: been you know, this would have been around eighty five.
Speaker 4: Maybe I have to.
Speaker 1: Check in some when that film came out, but I'm
Speaker 1: guessing like it was on TV and I had two
Speaker 1: working parents, which means a lo of parental things that
Speaker 1: should have happened, like me not watching shit like that
Speaker 1: on TV did not happen. Also, my dad was not
Speaker 1: good at being a father in that way, Like he
Speaker 1: let me watch The Predator with.
Speaker 4: Him and I'm like, I'm eight, what the fuck's wrong
Speaker 4: with you?
Speaker 1: Like even at eight, I was like, this is inappropriate,
Speaker 1: Like what are we do? You know? I I've talked
Speaker 1: to other people have dad like that, and I don't
Speaker 1: know what they think they're doing, but it's not a favor. I.
Speaker 2: Well, but then look how you've turned out. He went wrong.
Speaker 1: You're but because I'm afraid of like seventy five to
Speaker 1: five percent of things, because there's so many things like
Speaker 1: entities and creatures to be afraid of. In the yes,
Speaker 1: that I'm just like, just be good and nice to everyone.
Speaker 1: You never know who's a demon wh wants to eat
Speaker 1: your fingers?
Speaker 2: Are you? Are you an any child?
Speaker 4: No? I am. Yes, I have siblings.
Speaker 1: I have an older half brother and sister and a
Speaker 1: younger brother, so I'm three out of four. I am
Speaker 1: a desperate for attention middle child.
Speaker 2: Nice. Okay, that's a great first film. What is the
Speaker 2: film that made you cry the most? And now you
Speaker 2: a crier?
Speaker 1: I am? And it depends on the thing. I hope
Speaker 1: a no one on the podcast can hear how much
Speaker 1: wine I'm pouring. But I'm on vacation, so I am
Speaker 1: a crier. So when you said that, the okay, So
Speaker 1: a couple of films come to mind. The first one,
Speaker 1: and I wish I could tell you why, but it
Speaker 1: was when I was younger, was Legends of the Fall.
Speaker 1: It was the first film that made me cry, like
Speaker 1: ugly cry. It was like, you know, right around when
Speaker 1: Anthony Hopkins has the stroke and the sons are all
Speaker 1: kind of coming back, and I was.
Speaker 4: Just like, oh.
Speaker 1: Like ugly crying at that, you know, And I mean
Speaker 1: in retrospect, I don't know how great the film is,
Speaker 1: but it's got a lot of sad stuff, like poor
Speaker 1: Elliott from ET gets all like killed in World War
Speaker 1: Two and like all it. I mean spoiler alert, but
Speaker 1: the shit's fucking thirty years old anyway, like you know,
Speaker 1: like it's just like there's like a lot of generations
Speaker 1: of stuff. So that's the first film that I remember
Speaker 1: like gut crying at, but a recent one. And I
Speaker 1: don't know how much this counts because it was on
Speaker 1: a plane, and I cry pretty much anything I see
Speaker 1: on a plane, yes, because I think it's just the
Speaker 1: altitude and the transit. I cry on trains a lot too,
Speaker 1: like anytime I'm moving. I think that like those liminal
Speaker 1: spaces are places where like something can just hit you
Speaker 1: and you're like oh and like no defenses. You know,
Speaker 1: it'll take a day for my soul to catch up
Speaker 1: with me. So I always cry on planes and trains.
Speaker 1: So but I watched The Hate You Give.
Speaker 4: Which was really really really welcome.
Speaker 1: It's fucking great, and I was sobbing on the plane
Speaker 1: and it was so hilarious because I was next.
Speaker 4: I was in a it was an international flight.
Speaker 1: I was flying from London back to la to see family,
Speaker 1: and I was in that middle row of three seats.
Speaker 1: I was on the aisle, so I'd watched the film,
Speaker 1: and then they were two friends likes of each other,
Speaker 1: not my friends, but just two people were friends. But
Speaker 1: I say two white girls only because like I was
Speaker 1: watching the film and then I watched it. I was like,
Speaker 1: sobbing whatever, and then I moved on something else, and
Speaker 1: then I saw her turn it on get about twenty
Speaker 1: minutes in and was like nope. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: what happened to all that work y'all said, y'all wanted
Speaker 1: to be doing. Everybody's reading the books and everything. You
Speaker 1: can't even make it this damn film.
Speaker 2: It's not a long film, Weaver, It's not.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: She just got to the first time.
Speaker 1: And I get it because like a lot of times,
Speaker 1: I get to tense moments and I know the horrible
Speaker 1: thing that's coming and I have to pause and just
Speaker 1: go like okay, and then but it's like, because I
Speaker 1: know it's worth watching, I'll go back.
Speaker 4: But like I saw her pause and be like I can't,
Speaker 4: I can't do it.
Speaker 1: I need to watch, you know, I don't know whatever
Speaker 1: something light and I was like okay, fine, fine.
Speaker 2: Really good. I said that film has not come up
Speaker 2: on this podcast before, and it's a really good film.
Speaker 1: Not cry God, you watch a lot of films. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can believe you've seen all of this.
Speaker 2: This is so my fing in it? What is that?
Speaker 2: It'd be really fun if this book it was just me?
Speaker 2: Gay I tell what is.
Speaker 4: Nope, no one either, Nope.
Speaker 2: This is the film book aspisiody hasn't really save FIBs.
Speaker 2: That sounds right, check it out. Yeah, Uh, what's what's
Speaker 2: the film that scaged you the most? You're easily scared?
Speaker 2: Oh you're not, you will?
Speaker 4: I am easily scared.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, I think I want to save that one
Speaker 1: because there's Okay. So The Ring scared the shit out
Speaker 1: of me. But it was a really well made film.
Speaker 1: I really liked it. I watched it. I think I
Speaker 1: saw it in a theater first, I think. But what
Speaker 1: happened was I was in New York City at the time.
Speaker 1: I bought the DVD off it off the sidewalk, like
Speaker 1: you do, off of someone who's selling bootlegs.
Speaker 4: And what happened was the bootleg didn't work.
Speaker 1: But I didn't really so I'd seen the film, right,
Speaker 1: And that's the whole thing. It's like, you watch a
Speaker 1: thing the screen, you have seven days the phone rings.
Speaker 1: I put it in and then it wouldn't come on,
Speaker 1: and I was like, cause I wanted to watch it again.
Speaker 1: That's right, I'd seen it before and I wanted to
Speaker 1: watch it again because it was that horror film that
Speaker 1: scared the shit out of me. But I was also like,
Speaker 1: is really fucking cool and I want to watch it again.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what the fuck it's not working
Speaker 1: and I literally ran because we had a landline and.
Speaker 4: I ripped the fucking corner out of the wall.
Speaker 1: I was like, no one can call right now, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I will buy into a thing enough to
Speaker 1: believe that shit like, and it was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just a bootleg that didn't work. But I swear
Speaker 1: to god, I spent the rest of the night scared shitless.
Speaker 1: And my tag onto that is that. As I mentioned
Speaker 1: before about my father not knowing what is appropriate, I
Speaker 1: told him I'd really enjoyed that movie and he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you should really see Ring Goo, the Japanese one, Like,
Speaker 1: so that's the bit it's based on. It's so much better,
Speaker 1: and oh like, if you like that, you should watch audition.
Speaker 4: I bought audition. I couldn't make.
Speaker 1: It through audition because you've see an audition, you know
Speaker 1: what the fuck happens in there. And at some point
Speaker 1: when the tongue got pulled out, I was like, goodbye.
Speaker 1: I did what the white girl on the plane did
Speaker 1: next to me. I never finished that film because I
Speaker 1: was like, I could tell there were still a good
Speaker 1: half hour left, and I was like, oh, we're we're started,
Speaker 1: yeah at dismemberment, So I got a dip. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that stopped me doing horror for a little bit,
Speaker 1: because my dad was like, you should really get into horror,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I can't objectively appreciate things like
Speaker 1: when people get shot in action films. I like tense
Speaker 1: up and like hold myself, Like I'm too emotionally empathetic
Speaker 1: for violent films like that, So I just had to stop.
Speaker 1: But yeah, the Ring was amazingly scary, but like scary.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great. What is the film that people don't like?
Speaker 2: It's not critically acclaimed, but you love it unconditionally and
Speaker 2: you're let everyone else is dumb?
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know if people dislike it, like I
Speaker 1: haven't looked at it's rotten tomato score.
Speaker 4: But I know that it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Get mentioned very much from like the sort of cadre
Speaker 1: of nineties films that like we all sort of really
Speaker 1: enjoyed and talked about. And I love Don't Tell Mom
Speaker 1: the Babysitters Dead.
Speaker 4: So much, right, and I don't and I don't know
Speaker 4: if people are like that's a great film where but
Speaker 4: like people don't talk.
Speaker 2: About it's a done, dude, that is such a good
Speaker 2: thing and that it was right.
Speaker 1: And it was like, you know, it was like I
Speaker 1: think Christina Applegate had come out of the like married
Speaker 1: with children sort of like and like I didn't even
Speaker 1: know what a grunion was until I.
Speaker 4: Saw the film.
Speaker 1: Like there was so much good stuff happening in that
Speaker 1: and the whole like we're going to band together and
Speaker 1: sort it out because there was like I must have
Speaker 1: been around the time of stuff like adventures and babysitting
Speaker 1: and probably you know, like there was like like Ferris
Speaker 1: Buellis The Day Off started that thing of like.
Speaker 4: Hey, we're kids left on her own, like wait can
Speaker 4: we get up to But like I.
Speaker 1: Don't know, I can watch Don't Tell Mom The Babysitters
Speaker 1: Dead Now and she'd be like, yep, I'm into it.
Speaker 4: I love this movie so much.
Speaker 2: Right, great, Great, said, I'll tell you what. I'm actually
Speaker 2: giving you sixty points for that. Thank you. Yeay, Hey,
Speaker 2: what is the film that you used to love? You
Speaker 2: loved it a lot, and then you've watched it recently
Speaker 2: and you've gone out, No, I don't like this anymore
Speaker 2: for whatever reason that might be.
Speaker 1: The thing is all that's coming up is stand up.
Speaker 1: That's that isn't a film, Because when you ask me
Speaker 1: this question, the first thing I think of, obviously it
Speaker 1: isn't going to stand up. But the first thing I
Speaker 1: think of is watching Bill Cosby himself, which is not
Speaker 1: a film.
Speaker 4: It's a stand up thing.
Speaker 1: But it was one of the things that I watched
Speaker 1: when I was younger, before I became a stand up,
Speaker 1: that was like, wow, this is the thing you can do,
Speaker 1: Like wow, like I want to be a stand up.
Speaker 1: And I remember watching it with some friends and this
Speaker 1: was like before all of the you know, like before
Speaker 1: we all knew he was a rapist, and we watched
Speaker 1: it and I was like, this isn't funny, and like
Speaker 1: that was the first experience I remember having of just
Speaker 1: being like I thought this thing was like golden and
Speaker 1: untouchable and it's not, you know, And I guess stand
Speaker 1: up has an easier time of doing that.
Speaker 4: If I think of a film, I'd.
Speaker 1: Have to think, like the problem is I love so
Speaker 1: many things from like the eighties that are classic eighties comedies.
Speaker 1: I don't know I would ever abandon, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, like everything that like Bill Murray, Steve Martin,
Speaker 1: or like Chevy Chase did in the eighties, Like I
Speaker 1: don't give a shit. I mean, I don't care which
Speaker 1: vacation movie it is, like I don't like and I
Speaker 1: don't care how dated it is, Like fuck, this is
Speaker 1: the one where you've got me stumped.
Speaker 2: I would accept Bill Cosby himself because it was released
Speaker 2: as a film. There is stand up films.
Speaker 1: I invited people over and we were like, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: gonna watch it, and we all sat there not laughing.
Speaker 1: And this was not because we judged the man. But
Speaker 1: I remember watching this and just being like this was
Speaker 1: so key to me, like thinking that stand up comedy
Speaker 1: was a thing that I could ever do, and I
Speaker 1: don't understand what I saw in it or what is
Speaker 1: missing anyway, but that was the one. I'm sure in
Speaker 1: two days I'll be like, ah, this was the movie
Speaker 1: and I'll just record myself saying it and we'll super
Speaker 1: impose it.
Speaker 2: Cool. Yeah, we could do that. We could do that.
Speaker 2: What's the film that might not be special, but it's
Speaker 2: the film that means that nice to you because of
Speaker 2: the experience you had around seeing it that will always
Speaker 2: make it meaningful.
Speaker 4: Ah fuck, this is okay.
Speaker 1: There are two answers, and one has a much better story.
Speaker 1: I should tell that one, even though it's not like
Speaker 1: the film has meaning to me, even though the film
Speaker 1: is not like so like, the lighter answer is the
Speaker 1: film Scrooged. I watched that film over and over with
Speaker 1: my family. It's the one holiday thing that we actually do.
Speaker 1: We never celebrate Christmas really and like there wasn't very
Speaker 1: much that happened around that time, but we always sit
Speaker 1: down and watch that, and it was something that could
Speaker 1: bring everybody together. And it's just my family's taste of
Speaker 1: Christmas film because it's not going to be too you know,
Speaker 1: schmalty or two whatever, but it's something we can laugh at.
Speaker 1: But it's something that does always sort of hit you
Speaker 1: in the gut.
Speaker 4: At the end and make you go like uh.
Speaker 1: So that to me, like, I'll still put it on,
Speaker 1: and even though it's extremely dated and all that stuff, like,
Speaker 1: I still have those like warm cockles of like feeling.
Speaker 1: I had to say that before I say the film
Speaker 1: that probably actually deserves the rightful spot of this answer
Speaker 1: because of what happens surrounding it. So that is Jordan
Speaker 1: peels Us, which is one of the scariest films that
Speaker 1: I've ever seen, but also scary in a like psychologically, spiritually,
Speaker 1: very profound way, obviously because of what the message of
Speaker 1: the film.
Speaker 4: Is, but because of how I saw it.
Speaker 1: So back in good old Diamond Bar, California, the house
Speaker 1: that I grew up in is where my dad lives.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: My mom when they get out divorce, moved out blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, but my dad still lives there. So and
Speaker 1: when I hang out with my dad, he wants to
Speaker 1: watch something like a movie or something because that's his language,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Like, you know, like
Speaker 1: he's that kind of man who like doesn't know how
Speaker 1: to communicate, and he's like, let's spend time together and
Speaker 1: watch a screen and you're like, Okay, sure, and at
Speaker 1: some point you.
Speaker 2: Just say ye, yes.
Speaker 1: So because we had we had watched Get Out together,
Speaker 1: you know, when us came out, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: we should watch that one too, you know, and he
Speaker 1: obviously has no problem watching a horror film with his
Speaker 1: child and being like this is fine.
Speaker 4: So you've seen that film.
Speaker 1: It has, you know, on top of all of the
Speaker 1: like you know deep you know, the sort of like
Speaker 1: mirror image of the underworld whatever, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: like eleven symbology in the film, which has already got
Speaker 1: sort of mystical connotations, but also in this film quite
Speaker 1: sort of dark, sort of like there's like a gate
Speaker 1: through which things can pass through whatever connotations. I bring
Speaker 1: that up because I was at his house. We were
Speaker 1: watching it, you know, like on his TV whatever. And
Speaker 1: when I go out there, I use my brother's electric car.
Speaker 1: He has like a Nissan Leaf and it's an old one,
Speaker 1: which means it needs to be charged up all of
Speaker 1: the time. So I had plugged the car into my
Speaker 1: dad's garage port and just left it charging when I
Speaker 1: came over to whatever, right, which means I had to
Speaker 1: go unplug it when I came back out. So he
Speaker 1: was walking me out to the car, saying goodbye, because
Speaker 1: like when I go up to visit, I see my
Speaker 1: dad a couple times, but then that's it. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's always good to see. Let's hug and be awkward whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 1: so he's walked me out to the street. Now, Diamond
Speaker 1: Bar is a very suburban town, very quiet at night. However,
Speaker 1: it does have a large I mean in the UK
Speaker 1: we call them boy racers, right, It's because it is
Speaker 1: quite moneyed. There are very wealthy families, very sort of
Speaker 1: wealthy U predominantly East Asian families with kids who are
Speaker 1: driving around in BMW's Mercede Like it's crazy rich Asians
Speaker 1: in this town basically, right. So there's a kid sixteen
Speaker 1: seventeen who has a car he has no business fucking
Speaker 1: touching that he is driving around, right, which means sometimes
Speaker 1: there's zippin' down streets late at night because fuck all.
Speaker 2: Is going on.
Speaker 1: Right, So I'm setting up the scenario for this because
Speaker 1: my dad's walking me out to my suburban street, right,
Speaker 1: and you know, he's you know, saying goodbye, we hug
Speaker 1: and I'm going to unplug the car. He goes up
Speaker 1: to the garage up the driveway to go unplug that
Speaker 1: part of it, to like.
Speaker 4: Pull the plug back into the car.
Speaker 1: So I'm standing in the street next to my car
Speaker 1: that's parked on the street. As I'm unplugging the car,
Speaker 1: I feel and here before I see a car at
Speaker 1: the top of my hill booming down the street. Like
Speaker 1: this is a residential twenty mile an hour street. This
Speaker 1: car is going sixty right because this kid is going
Speaker 1: to like just zip down the street and zip onto
Speaker 1: his home and whatever the fuck else. And it's a
Speaker 1: hill that has a curve and then you get to
Speaker 1: the bottom, which is where my house is. So I'm
Speaker 1: standing in the street and I feel with my gut
Speaker 1: and like my third eye and like my soul this
Speaker 1: car coming. And the only I can only describe it
Speaker 1: like the way you feel in a dream where you're
Speaker 1: like something's wrong. And I felt this car coming and
Speaker 1: I wanted to in my gut, I just wanted to
Speaker 1: run up into the house. I wanted to run up
Speaker 1: into the driving into the house because I was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't safe, Like it's not even safe for me
Speaker 1: to be on the street. I need to get the
Speaker 1: fuck away from this. The car zooming around the corner.
Speaker 1: The guys in the car don't expect there to be
Speaker 1: anybody on the street because it's eleven o'clock at night.
Speaker 1: It's eleven eleven at night, which I find out afterwards
Speaker 1: after what happens next, which is they see me in
Speaker 1: the middle of the street because I can feel the
Speaker 1: wind of it. He slams on the brakes fish tails
Speaker 1: into a wall, into like a residential wall of someone's
Speaker 1: house halfway down the street because he saw me. I
Speaker 1: saw him, and I was like, this can't fucking happen.
Speaker 1: And he slams on the brakes and flies into a wall.
Speaker 1: So then we spend the next forty five minutes like
Speaker 1: getting nine one one in the fire department whatever, because
Speaker 1: these kids have slammed a fucking convertible into a wall.
Speaker 1: Air bags have gone off there, passed the fuck out,
Speaker 1: you know, and I like, like, and my dad's running
Speaker 1: down and he's like, what happened.
Speaker 4: I was just like standing.
Speaker 1: I was still standing in the street, because you know
Speaker 1: how you're like in that situation, I would do this,
Speaker 1: and that you're not gonna do shit. You're gonna stand
Speaker 1: stock still and try not to piss yourself, like I
Speaker 1: couldn't move, and I went down to call nine one
Speaker 1: one after the crash and it was eleven fucking twelve,
Speaker 1: which means it happened at eleven eleven. And I just
Speaker 1: watched that fucking film and I was freaked the fuck
Speaker 1: out the entire night.
Speaker 4: Because like we waited for an hour, they got taken away.
Speaker 1: You know, they were okay in the end, but like
Speaker 1: I was just like something about that film felt like
Speaker 1: I had crossed over into the like from the upside
Speaker 1: down into the real world in a way where I
Speaker 1: was like I didn't expect that shit to follow me.
Speaker 1: So that is the right answer to your question, because
Speaker 1: I will never forget that film or that evening or
Speaker 1: what happened to my life after I.
Speaker 4: Saw that film.
Speaker 1: King Hell, yeah, and I'm glad that I'm alive because
Speaker 1: I could not be.
Speaker 2: And they're okay. They were like, yeah, they were.
Speaker 1: I mean they're okay, only because I was checking the
Speaker 1: newspaper to see if they had died.
Speaker 4: It was just like, oh, there's a car crash.
Speaker 1: And my dad was like, I assume they're okay because
Speaker 1: there's no flowers in front of that wall.
Speaker 4: And I was like dude, that from a fuck up
Speaker 4: thing anyone's ever said. But you're not wrong.
Speaker 1: So I think they're okay, probably because they're seventeen, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? The kind of shit that'll
Speaker 1: kill you when you're forty is the kind of thing
Speaker 1: that you kind of like go like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 1: remember that fucked up thing that happened I was seventeen,
Speaker 1: you just like walk away from. So I think they
Speaker 1: were okay because there was no notice that they died, but.
Speaker 4: Yeah that happened. God that scar So yeah, I've me.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm like, I try not to fuck with
Speaker 1: horror films, but like though, there are some really excellent
Speaker 1: horror films out there, so I get why people are
Speaker 1: into them because of what they do to the human psyche.
Speaker 1: I just I feel like there's a thin membrane between
Speaker 1: me and all of that nightmare, and I'm a very
Speaker 1: fearful person underneath it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, well it's into obviously. The obviously, the next
Speaker 2: logical question is what's the sexiest film you've ever seen?
Speaker 1: I mean, come on, we're talking about fear, we definitely
Speaker 1: need to talk about sex, So these are I mean,
Speaker 1: my answer to this is secretary because obviously it's an
Speaker 1: S and M film, But that's not the reason or
Speaker 1: the sole reason. The reason is that is the film
Speaker 1: that I went on a date with the guy I
Speaker 1: lost my virginity to. So I yes, that's how old
Speaker 1: I was when that happened. We went to see the
Speaker 1: film in the theater in the East Village. I can't
Speaker 1: remember if it was Sunshine or somewhere else that we
Speaker 1: went to. And I remember going into the bathroom after
Speaker 1: the film and look at myself in the mirror and
Speaker 1: be like, we're getting fucked.
Speaker 4: Like we both walked out. It was like clearly we're
Speaker 4: turned on and like sure as shit.
Speaker 1: Like we went home together and that's when it happened.
Speaker 1: So in my head, that's the sexiest film because I
Speaker 1: deeply associated with having happ it was it was done,
Speaker 1: which is what I wanted it to be.
Speaker 4: At that point in my life. Like it wasn't bad.
Speaker 1: It was just like it's like the first time you
Speaker 1: get high or something, like you don't know what to expect,
Speaker 1: so you don't get the full appreciation out of it,
Speaker 1: Like you don't even you're just like is that it
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, you know what I mean, so
Speaker 1: like when it happened, I was like, okay, cool, Like
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, he didn't have a small dick
Speaker 1: or a big dick. He just had a dick and
Speaker 1: we just did some sex and like it was fine.
Speaker 1: But I was mostly so in my head about like
Speaker 1: is happening the thing I've been waiting for happen?
Speaker 2: Is happening that.
Speaker 1: Like I couldn't tell you it was like it was.
Speaker 1: It was mostly just sort of like comical, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like, also, he had a small bed
Speaker 1: that I think that we maybe cracked a bit, Like
Speaker 1: I heard a crack.
Speaker 2: So it was funny. There's a subcategory which I mean
Speaker 2: I don't even know. Well, we'll see where we get
Speaker 2: how we got with it. Traveling boners, worrying why dunes
Speaker 2: a film you found a rousing that you weren't sure
Speaker 2: you should.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean I don't have a lot of like
Speaker 4: I've never found like a kid's film arousing. So aside
Speaker 4: from that, I mean some people do, but like I
Speaker 4: don't necessarily have a lot of judgment about the things
Speaker 4: that I found arousing.
Speaker 1: But I'll tell you things that weren't supposed to be
Speaker 1: arousing that I found arousing, so mostly because of Okay,
Speaker 1: so the one that comes to mind is Batman Returns.
Speaker 2: Returns is one of the sexiest films ever made.
Speaker 1: Okay good because I just I'm between Michelle Pfeiffer and
Speaker 1: Michael Keaton's Batman. Like I love a lot of Michael Keaton,
Speaker 1: like I was big, like and some of the more
Speaker 1: you know, like Johnny Dangerously night Shift like loves some
Speaker 1: Michael Keaton. So like I as far as his Batman,
Speaker 1: he's my preferred Batman. I'm multipole, that's my preferred Batman.
Speaker 1: And yeah, that scene where they're fucking dancing, you know
Speaker 1: what is it? A mistletoe can kill you if you
Speaker 1: eat it. A kiss can be deadlier if you mean.
Speaker 4: It or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then a mask but not wearing musk. It's fucking.
Speaker 4: So yeah.
Speaker 1: I definitely humped a lot of pillows as a teenager
Speaker 1: to that image in my head, so that I don't
Speaker 1: but maybe that was supposed to be sexy, but like
Speaker 1: after that, I was just like, boom, that's that's it.
Speaker 1: That's the first deposit in the wank bank.
Speaker 2: Is that lovely? I mean absolutely nothing. I mean, there's
Speaker 2: nothing to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't even know if that's troubling, right, Like,
Speaker 1: that's not even worried, that's just I mean sense and
Speaker 1: sensibility is another one, only because Alan Rickman is so
Speaker 1: delicious that like, and everything about his character and that
Speaker 1: film is so delicious. I made a comment about him
Speaker 1: on stage once where I was like, you know, when
Speaker 1: a man sounds like he's good at eating you out,
Speaker 1: that's he sounds like he's good at eating And I
Speaker 1: just just but is you know, he's done a lot
Speaker 1: of things, but him specifically in that film, which is
Speaker 1: not a particular like him being super broody or whatever,
Speaker 1: was always just like whoo, just got me wide on
Speaker 1: a flowin' yeah a widen.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well is the film? What is the film that
Speaker 2: you relate to?
Speaker 4: So I need to give you a single answer, not
Speaker 4: to the first one that comes. Well. No, So there's
Speaker 4: this film and I don't even remember if it's it's.
Speaker 1: A film that was like a made for TV movie
Speaker 1: kind of thing. I don't even know if it ever
Speaker 1: came out in a cinema and I saw it when
Speaker 1: I was young, and it's called Most Likely To and
Speaker 1: it's basically about this chick who's like a fat chick
Speaker 1: who gets made fun of in high school. And then
Speaker 1: she has a car accident and somehow she comes out
Speaker 1: skinnier after the surgery or something. They fix her up
Speaker 1: and they make her hot, which never happens, and then
Speaker 1: she like goes about getting revenge on everybody now that
Speaker 1: she's fucking hot.
Speaker 2: Yes, she's a serial killer or something, right or something
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I just remember seeing it when I was young,
Speaker 1: and just because like you know, I still have a
Speaker 1: lot of petty grievance about like, you know, when you
Speaker 1: receive an award, when you imagine the speech, you're supposed
Speaker 1: to imagine all the people that you're thinking who got
Speaker 1: you there, But like also part of you imagines being
Speaker 1: like fuck you, fuck you and fuck you.
Speaker 2: I have a dream fuck you well.
Speaker 1: And also I'm just saying because you have a very
Speaker 1: high likelihood of winning an Emmy, so like you really
Speaker 1: need to think of make some choices now about what
Speaker 1: the future is gonna hold, because you might be like,
Speaker 1: you know and missus Torrance in fifth grade, but like
Speaker 1: probably not so. But but I think only because I
Speaker 1: have a lot of like deeply seated just being a
Speaker 1: fat kid resentment about like taking that rage out. But
Speaker 1: I think this is a better example True Stories. The
Speaker 1: talking heads are David Byrne film True Stories, so that
Speaker 1: in that film, Swoozy Kurtz plays the lazyest woman in town,
Speaker 1: and I just was like, fucking goals, Like she lives
Speaker 1: in her bed and like people come to like the
Speaker 1: hairdresser comes to her bed, people bring the phoneder her bread,
Speaker 1: people bring like meals for a bed and she's sitting
Speaker 1: there watching TV and John Goodman is on this show
Speaker 1: talking about stuff, and she's like, I want to meet him,
Speaker 1: find me him.
Speaker 4: And then he comes over for a day in her
Speaker 4: fucking bed, and I just was like, you're I just yes.
Speaker 1: Like everything about her living her life from her bed,
Speaker 1: I was just like exactly that, Like that, why do
Speaker 1: we not accept that that is a reasonable way to live?
Speaker 1: When I saw that, I was just like, yep, I'm
Speaker 1: all about this life. So the laziest woman in town.
Speaker 1: I was just like, I've never had a film speak
Speaker 1: so directly to.
Speaker 2: Me that is really funny? Is great? Okay, well it
Speaker 2: is objectively, objectively the greatest film of all time. Shit
Speaker 2: not your favorite necessarily, it's just like.
Speaker 4: Maybe there's another one. This is been said before. I
Speaker 4: think it's just a perfect film.
Speaker 1: I mean it's definitely been said in a million times before,
Speaker 1: But Farris Bueller's Day Off is a perfect film in
Speaker 1: my mind.
Speaker 2: It's a pilm. No, No, I don't think anyone's put
Speaker 2: it in the greatest category.
Speaker 4: I think like it.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not people put like big heavy dramas and
Speaker 1: Oscar winners and whatever. I'm a huge comedy person, so
Speaker 1: to me, like that is a perfect film, Like that
Speaker 1: Bill and t has excellent adventure. Perfect film in my mind,
Speaker 1: but like especially because it happened in San Demus, which
Speaker 1: is right next to me. But I think Ferris Bueller's
Speaker 1: Day Off is a perfect film. And objectively, I think
Speaker 1: that anyone could watch that in any era and be like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a kid dipping out of some shit you don't
Speaker 1: want to do.
Speaker 4: Who hasn't been that person?
Speaker 1: And you were set about having the perfect day and
Speaker 1: guess what you fucking had it?
Speaker 4: Perfect film?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Right? What is the film that you could or
Speaker 2: have watched? The miscet Iver and Iver again.
Speaker 4: Ooh coming to America.
Speaker 1: I've probably seen two hundred times, I mean easily like
Speaker 1: just you know, I can do that film with my
Speaker 1: family coming to America. And what about Bob? I should
Speaker 1: say groundhog Day? Everybody says groundhog Day?
Speaker 4: What about Bob?
Speaker 1: I've watched that film with our family so many times,
Speaker 1: love that film so much, will continue to quote it
Speaker 1: with like just someone will say something and then we'll
Speaker 1: start popping off of each other. Both of those films
Speaker 1: I've seen so much, love them so much, can quote them.
Speaker 1: We'll watch them again, put them on, doesn't matter. And
Speaker 1: I think, what like a close second Tommy Boy, I've
Speaker 1: seen a bazillion times and loved that movie so deeply,
Speaker 1: and we'll laugh at it now and always.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Good list. That is a solid list. We don't
Speaker 2: like to be negative, do we desiraate? What's the worst
Speaker 2: film you've ever seen?
Speaker 1: There's worst as in amazingly bad, and then there's bad bad,
Speaker 1: like amazingly bad. Is anything by Neil Breen like Fateful Findings,
Speaker 1: like you know, amazingly bad, hilariously bad, like you know
Speaker 1: MST three K kind of bad but like enjoyable. But
Speaker 1: for me, I will say the film Olympus has fallen
Speaker 1: only because I walked out of it, because I walked
Speaker 1: into it, and then they were just shooting up people
Speaker 1: on the White House lawn and it was so extraordinarily
Speaker 1: violent for no reason right up top that I was
Speaker 1: just like, no, like.
Speaker 4: It just it made me mad.
Speaker 1: I was like, you haven't even earned any of this,
Speaker 1: and you put Morgan Freeman's ass in there to like
Speaker 1: fucking condone this shit, you know, because he's the voice
Speaker 1: of the president and God and everything. Anytime is like,
Speaker 1: we need an official voice, call Morgan up right, And
Speaker 1: then it's just a bunch of fucking random violence for
Speaker 1: no reason. Like that's not how the government's gonna get
Speaker 1: taken down. The Government's gonna get taken down by fucking Facebook,
Speaker 1: as we all figured.
Speaker 4: Out, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like, I was just I was so mad at all
Speaker 1: of it that I was there for ten minutes and
Speaker 1: I was with my brother and we walked out and
Speaker 1: got our fucking money back. I was just like, it's
Speaker 1: so gratuitously violent, like it's and I don't abhor violence,
Speaker 1: but it's just like you know, when you see a
Speaker 1: Hollywood film that disrespects you, that goes like, oh, they'll
Speaker 1: just take the shit, you know.
Speaker 4: So yeah, that was one.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put it on the worst list only because
Speaker 1: I don't know. It might have been an okay film,
Speaker 1: but fuck that film.
Speaker 2: Because that's really interesting.
Speaker 4: And also sometimes they're selling the violence.
Speaker 1: What they're selling is look at how well and how
Speaker 1: much we did the violence. I'm like, you can't see
Speaker 1: a single fucking titty, but you can see all like
Speaker 1: someone be a viscerated and like like it's just so
Speaker 1: I just felt like offended about our society and about
Speaker 1: filmmaking and everything. I was just like, no, fuck you,
Speaker 1: I'm getting this whatever twelve fifty back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is so fucked up. I mean, look, you probably,
Speaker 2: I'm sure people notice about me. I would rather see
Speaker 2: a titty than violence.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think everyone on this planet would rather see
Speaker 1: a titty than violence, except for certain Republicans who are
Speaker 1: in charge of you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very Yeah, it's real, that whole thing with
Speaker 2: the censorship in America, that sex stuff will get you
Speaker 2: an ah and shooting people we'll get you up. Yeah.
Speaker 1: This is a suitable for children over thirteen. Yeah, now
Speaker 1: it's fucking not because those the kids who are shooting
Speaker 1: up the schools, it's absolutely not okay for them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, comedy. You're very funny, very good. What's the film
Speaker 2: that made you laugh the most?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like the answers I want to come
Speaker 1: back to were the ones that I've watched over and over,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like Coming to America, Tommy
Speaker 1: Boy make me laugh, like and I've watched them over
Speaker 1: and over and they continue to make me laugh over
Speaker 1: and over, like it is.
Speaker 4: The accommodation of like physical comedy.
Speaker 1: And you know, I don't know, just like just some heart,
Speaker 1: you know, like I just I don't know, I'm basic.
Speaker 2: Just you know, like they fucking classics that they are.
Speaker 1: I wish I could think of something that was just
Speaker 1: like so much funnier, funnier, but like those are really funny, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, and there was like basically, you know, like
Speaker 1: how sn L had like a really good run of
Speaker 1: every time someone would leave and do a film, You're like,
Speaker 1: it's fucking great, you know what I mean, Like the
Speaker 1: eighties and and well into the nineties, you know, and
Speaker 1: I mean I mean even some of the Adam Sandler wants,
Speaker 1: some of them quite good, quite good, you know, and
Speaker 1: even his dramatic turns quite good. But then sometimes I
Speaker 1: was just like man, you gotta knock it off. But like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, who wait a second, hold on, I made
Speaker 1: a quick list. I'm gonna see if there's anything on
Speaker 1: my cheat sheet that's better than what I've said, because
Speaker 1: I did. I was like, I made a little list
Speaker 1: of things that i'd seen. Here's another one, and this
Speaker 1: is the one that I've seen a lot that is
Speaker 1: very quotable. The Golden Child, a lesser, more unsung Eddie
Speaker 1: Murphy film. But again, I mean it could go into
Speaker 1: a number of categories. But love that film just like
Speaker 1: I mean, just you know, like he had to comment
Speaker 1: on every fucking thing. Only a man who his ass
Speaker 1: is narrow can fit down just every moment, even though
Speaker 1: they're all like super Buddhist. It's like the juxtaposition of
Speaker 1: like the super like Tibetan Buddhist whatever with fucking Eddie Murphy,
Speaker 1: who's the one in charge of saving them. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a great one. I could watch that a million times in.
Speaker 2: Laugh now, Desiree, You've been absolutely brilliant, wonderful.
Speaker 4: I've loved this. It's been a joy.
Speaker 2: Oh for me too. However, when you were driving along
Speaker 2: a windy road and I knew what day it was
Speaker 2: because I know the day you're going to die, but
Speaker 2: you don't want to know. So I saw you saw
Speaker 2: nothing coming, and you just sort of turned the corner,
Speaker 2: but the corner was much more turny than you thought,
Speaker 2: and you just drove off. You just drove off the cliff,
Speaker 2: and for a brief moment, you were flying, Jack, You
Speaker 2: were flying, and you you held out your arms and
Speaker 2: you were amazingly peaceful, despite knowing that very soon it
Speaker 2: would all end. And you crashed into the ground and
Speaker 2: your body went straight through the windscreen into the ground
Speaker 2: and crushed within too itself. It was. It was disgusting.
Speaker 2: And then the car exploded. And I was walking about,
Speaker 2: walking about the sort of valleys, and I was like,
Speaker 2: where's Desra? Seeing her for a while and I got
Speaker 2: a coffin with her, you know what I like. And
Speaker 2: I see this sort of smoldering wreckage and I looked
Speaker 2: through it and there's coyotes eats in your remains, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, bloody, yeah, as if she's not been through it,
Speaker 2: and I show them off. I go, fucking hell, that's
Speaker 2: come to get you, come to get what's left of you.
Speaker 2: But it's a fucking mess. There's like ash, there's bits
Speaker 2: everywhere glass. Anyway, I do what I can. I put
Speaker 2: everything in the coffin, but there was I've packed you in,
Speaker 2: but there's no room in this coffin. Now it's like
Speaker 2: it's absolutely full because of the bits of car that
Speaker 2: came with and the bits of sort of coyote ship.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm really sorry, but it's not pretty.
Speaker 1: Okay, as long as you can fit it into like
Speaker 1: a mushroom bag. I want an eco burial and I
Speaker 1: want to be compost it, so.
Speaker 4: Get it in the bag.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, there's only enough room in this
Speaker 2: eco bag for me to slip one DVD into the
Speaker 2: side review for you to take to the other side.
Speaker 2: And on the other side, it's movie night every night,
Speaker 2: and one night it's your movie night. What film are
Speaker 2: you going to show everyone when it's your movie night
Speaker 2: while the oysters and clams are are performing or a
Speaker 2: sex and you during the screening.
Speaker 4: I've used up so many good films I wish I
Speaker 4: could so, I think.
Speaker 1: I mean, is this a terrible answer? It's my movie
Speaker 1: night in the afterlife.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's the funny answer, and there's the email. No,
Speaker 4: there's a funny answer. I think I want to just
Speaker 4: put on be Peewee's Big Adventure.
Speaker 2: Right, that's a great film to show people. They'll fucking
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 1: We all just need to remember to you know. And
Speaker 1: also like that was you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: everyone I talked to who's around our age talks about
Speaker 1: being freaked out about Large March at that point, and
Speaker 1: they're like, you know, we're all like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's so scared.
Speaker 4: It's a fucking claimation. We're all scared shitless.
Speaker 1: And there's something so delightful, you know, when he's going
Speaker 1: through Exhibit B and then he's like Exhibit CU. Like
Speaker 1: there's just so many great moments. It's such a darling film.
Speaker 1: Paul Rubin's such a darling person. Like, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: was like, that's what That's what I'm gonna put on.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've gone through all of the films and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, this means so much to me.
Speaker 1: But like, once I'm in the afterlife, it's like, come on,
Speaker 1: you know, let's have a fucking laugh. Let's you know,
Speaker 1: let's put something on for the whole family. Let's let's
Speaker 1: scare some of the kids who died too early. Because
Speaker 1: they're here too and they got to watch.
Speaker 2: Something they need to see and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: that's right, you're brilliant. Is there anything you would like
Speaker 2: to tell people to look out for to watch to
Speaker 2: listen to before we go? Sure?
Speaker 1: So, uh, if you are in the UK, please do
Speaker 1: watch the pilot of the Love Triangle which is going
Speaker 1: to be on E four and then see for But
Speaker 1: also I think if you are in other places.
Speaker 4: You could check me out.
Speaker 1: I'll be on this next upcoming season of Task Master,
Speaker 1: which is very exciting and with such a delight, like
Speaker 1: one of the delights of my life to do. You
Speaker 1: don't get gigs that fun very often, so that was
Speaker 1: really wonderful. So and that'll be out in the like soon,
Speaker 1: like in the autumn, like I think it's to where
Speaker 1: the end of the month or you know, beginning of
Speaker 1: octob or something like that. Also, there's gonna be another
Speaker 1: season of Too Hot to Handle because I'm in it's
Speaker 1: not gonna stop, so check it out so I can
Speaker 1: keep having work.
Speaker 4: I'm trying to buy house, guys.
Speaker 1: So please please also please please watch it. Please do
Speaker 1: not slide into my DMS to ask me how you
Speaker 1: can get on the show, my name is not undercasting.
Speaker 1: If I could collect the hundreds of messages they're like, hey.
Speaker 4: Hell, can I get onto it? I'm like, may, I
Speaker 4: don't know. I don't want to know. I don't know
Speaker 4: how these people. I don't even know where.
Speaker 2: The people come from.
Speaker 4: Like they're lovely, but I have no idea. Please stop,
Speaker 4: but yes, do check it out.
Speaker 2: Deserate, You're amazing. Thank you so much for doing this
Speaker 2: and for your time. I hope you have. You're amazing.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, and I'm so glad that I
Speaker 1: avoided doing during the podcast. What most people do is
Speaker 1: to congratulate you on how amazing your show is.
Speaker 4: I feel like your podcast. Stop, no, it's so good,
Speaker 4: it's so good, and cut this part out. But I
Speaker 4: just wanted to tell you that you're fucking dope and
Speaker 4: well done.
Speaker 2: And I'm going to start. Do you hate it when
Speaker 2: people thank you good night?
Speaker 4: Just say good name?
Speaker 3: So that was Desiree Birch on a rewind classic episode.
Speaker 3: Be sure to check out the Patreon page at patreon
Speaker 3: dot com slash Brett Goldstein, where you get extra chat,
Speaker 3: video and mixtapes at various tears and otherwise. If you
Speaker 3: fancy leaving a note on Apple podcasts That would be
Speaker 3: lovely too, but make it a review of your favorite film,
Speaker 3: much more fun and way more interesting to read for
Speaker 3: everyone involved. Thank you so much to Desiree Birch for
Speaker 3: fun times and presents on the podcast. Thanks to Scrubius
Speaker 3: Pipp and the Distraction Pieces Network, thanks too. And this
Speaker 3: is where Brett thanks me for editing and producing the podcast,
Speaker 3: so I say it's a pleasure. Thanks to iHeartMedia and
Speaker 3: Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network for hosting it. Thanks
Speaker 3: to Adam Richardson for the graphics and Lisa Lyden for
Speaker 3: the photography. We will be back next week with another
Speaker 3: Ewine classic. But that is it for now. Brett and
Speaker 3: I and all of us have films to be buried with.
Speaker 3: I hope you're all very well, and in the meantime,
Speaker 3: have a lovely week and now more than ever, be
Speaker 3: excellent to each other.
Speaker 4: By backs outcasts, Bass backs back