Speaker 1: Hell I Suck It Dating with the Jared Haven Heart
Speaker 1: Radio podcast What is going on? Sucky Daters? Welcome to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating
Speaker 1: and Praise the Lord. Jared is back recording with us today,
Speaker 1: and Jared, let me say I speak for all of
Speaker 1: us when I say you were missed last week. You
Speaker 1: know it feels good. It feels good to be back.
Speaker 1: I had a week off, I got you know, refreshed.
Speaker 1: I'm ready to go bring it this this week. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of news. Obviously Coulton's the biggest news. But
Speaker 1: last week I missed because Ash and I went to Phoenix, Arizona.
Speaker 1: It was our first in person event pretty much since
Speaker 1: the pandemic started, and it felt good. It felt good
Speaker 1: to be around people now. Granted there were social distancing
Speaker 1: in place and we had to wear masks, but it
Speaker 1: was nice. It was it was there. You know, they
Speaker 1: had like this conference outside. It was the first time
Speaker 1: you were traveling to do something. It was quite weird,
Speaker 1: but it was cool. It was nice. Plus it was
Speaker 1: like ninety and sunny, so it's pretty awesome. And now
Speaker 1: we're back with Rhode Island and it's like forty one
Speaker 1: and it's snowing currently in April, which is quite weird.
Speaker 1: You know, how much did you get paid to go
Speaker 1: to Phoenix, Arizona? Are you joking? What you want me
Speaker 1: to tell this? On area you had your mind? It
Speaker 1: wasn't It's not like I'm messing. Let me say it's
Speaker 1: not breaking the bank. Let me say that. But it
Speaker 1: was still. You know, we're not gonna say no to anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got you, I got you. Well, it's gonna have
Speaker 1: you back. Like I said, we missed you last week.
Speaker 1: Obviously Sidney Lutwaco filled and admirably, but it's just she
Speaker 1: was around. We we move around a little more aimlessly,
Speaker 1: a little less intentionally without you here. So very very
Speaker 1: grateful to have you. Bet. I just try to keep
Speaker 1: everybody on track, you know, specifically Eastern Eastern Becky and Mark.
Speaker 1: They slack off when Umber I'm not here, So I'm
Speaker 1: back here. I like to I like to point out Sydney.
Speaker 1: Sydney So Sydney hosted last week's episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Sucker Dating, but she also hosted A Girl Wants Um
Speaker 1: which if you haven't listened to that, go check it out.
Speaker 1: It's fantastic. Sydney is fantastic. She really is. She's the
Speaker 1: best as actually ever hosted What a Girl Wants? Yet?
Speaker 1: Uh did they did? Her and Calin? No? Her and
Speaker 1: Calin hosted an episode of Help I Second Dating right
Speaker 1: during the pandemic? Didn't they did? They? Am I losing
Speaker 1: my mind right now? Did I dream? Oh? Yes they did?
Speaker 1: They absolutely did? Yeah, I uh nothing. My memory really
Speaker 1: has been so bad lately. You gotta get like those
Speaker 1: apps that work on your brain memory, brain power. Well, so,
Speaker 1: I think the reason my memory is getting so bad
Speaker 1: is because I'm on my phone so much, and so
Speaker 1: I just like I mentally checked out for twenty three
Speaker 1: and a half hours out of the day and it's
Speaker 1: just my mean, my brain is melting. So I need
Speaker 1: to stay away from the apps and stay off my phone.
Speaker 1: I'm like trying to intentionally put my phone down more
Speaker 1: as of like today. But yeah, but if you're on
Speaker 1: your phone at least maybe you can have an app
Speaker 1: that helps with brain memory, brain recognition. I find myself
Speaker 1: uh smarter ever since I've been back in school because
Speaker 1: I've been reading more. I mean I read a lot prior,
Speaker 1: but now I'm learning more, gaining more knowledge I might
Speaker 1: not sound smarter, but I feel smarter, and I'm getting
Speaker 1: my history degree. So I didn't tell you that. Again,
Speaker 1: you might have told me, but my memory is just
Speaker 1: it's shot. I have early on set Alzheimer's. I think
Speaker 1: that's not good. I would get that checked out. I
Speaker 1: don't remember you telling me that. I may or may
Speaker 1: not have. I don't know. Sometimes I play things because
Speaker 1: to the chess. It's also weird saying I'm back in school.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm thirty two. I'm a little insecure about it.
Speaker 1: But also it's never too late. And because of the pandemic,
Speaker 1: all the classes of virtual, and I never finished school.
Speaker 1: I never got my bachelor's and I only had five
Speaker 1: classes left because I was working the restaurant industry. I
Speaker 1: started making good money and then I started working full
Speaker 1: time there, so I dropped out. And then of course
Speaker 1: I've gotten the Bachelorette and then everything kind of changed
Speaker 1: since then, and so I always said I'd go back
Speaker 1: and finish. And then with the pandemic, classes are all virtual,
Speaker 1: so I literally have to get out of bed. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't even have to put pants on. I just
Speaker 1: put my ring line on and bought a big Botta boom.
Speaker 1: I'm in class UM, so that's nice. And I didn't
Speaker 1: know that you never finished your bachelor's I I always
Speaker 1: kind of figured that you did. You know, I come
Speaker 1: off quite intelligent, so I can. I you know, it's
Speaker 1: not a wonder why you think i'd have my bachelor's
Speaker 1: if not my master's UM. But I don't have either.
Speaker 1: But I will be getting my bachelors as the ones
Speaker 1: who have passed my classes at the end of the summer.
Speaker 1: So I'm taking four classes right now, which I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie. It's starting to catch up on me now
Speaker 1: because I have final projects do I have final exams
Speaker 1: coming up, and I'm getting a little nervous because I
Speaker 1: forgot how much work you really have to do with
Speaker 1: taking four classes, because technically that's full time. So a
Speaker 1: little stressed about that, but that's quite all right. I'll
Speaker 1: get through it and then I have to take one
Speaker 1: more class in the summer and then I graduate. What's
Speaker 1: your what's your goal or like reasoning for you want
Speaker 1: to get your bachelor's I feel like you know you're
Speaker 1: doing enough without a bachelor's degree. What's the point of
Speaker 1: going back and getting one? It's more. I I paid
Speaker 1: not a lot of money, so I went to rhodel
Speaker 1: In College, which I go to right now, and it's
Speaker 1: really not that much per semester um, but it's still
Speaker 1: money that I paid, and I never got anything for it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I gained knowledge, and I gained friends and experiences.
Speaker 1: But I really want you know that piece of paper
Speaker 1: saying are graduated with my degree, because I only have
Speaker 1: an associates right now, so I just wanted to go
Speaker 1: back finish it, say I did it, get my degree
Speaker 1: in history plus Dean as you and I both know,
Speaker 1: who the hell knows how long this is gonna last.
Speaker 1: So I want to plan for the future, make sure
Speaker 1: I have a bachelor's degree, have a backup plan, start
Speaker 1: thinking about what I want to do in five years, uh,
Speaker 1: if not shorter, depending on where this all goes. Hopefully,
Speaker 1: you know, hopefully in five years, you and I are
Speaker 1: you know, the you know, the highest rated podcast on
Speaker 1: iHeart Radio. But you know, in case help I suck
Speaker 1: at dating doesn't last that long, which I think it will.
Speaker 1: We're doing pretty well. Um, then who knows? Well? You
Speaker 1: know the age old adage that they always said, you
Speaker 1: know growing up is influencing won't lasts forever. And uh,
Speaker 1: bachelor's degree in history is way to go. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think Godly said that. Gandhi said, that's right, bachelor's degree
Speaker 1: in history sets you up for grade six. It was
Speaker 1: either Gandhi or Kim Kardashian. I can't remember one or
Speaker 1: the two said that at one point in their lives. Well,
Speaker 1: that's awesome, man, congrats. Yeah, let me know if you
Speaker 1: need any you know, any help. I'm happy to be
Speaker 1: like a study buddy with you. Oh, I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I've already tried bribing Ashley to write a paper for me,
Speaker 1: but it's not really going that well. It sounds like
Speaker 1: college to me if I've ever been there. But Jared,
Speaker 1: we got some big news in Bachelor this week. Do
Speaker 1: you want to I mean, fill people in. I'm sure
Speaker 1: they're already filled into to a pretty big extent, but
Speaker 1: if you want to, if you want to enlighten them
Speaker 1: even more, well, of course, obviously everybody is talking about it.
Speaker 1: Big news within Bachelor Nation. Former Bachelor Colton Underwood gave
Speaker 1: an interview on Good Morning America where he announced that
Speaker 1: he is gay. Um. He says that he is ready
Speaker 1: to live his truth. He came out and gay, obviously.
Speaker 1: On the interview that came out wednesday, he said, quote,
Speaker 1: I ran from myself for a long time. I've hated
Speaker 1: myself for a long time, and I'm gay, and i
Speaker 1: came to terms with that earlier this year, and I've
Speaker 1: been processing it and the next step and all of
Speaker 1: this was sort of letting people know I'm still nervous.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's been a journey for sure. I didn't
Speaker 1: know that the woman that he sat down with, Robin Roberts,
Speaker 1: is also gay, which I did not know that, and
Speaker 1: and it kind of makes it a little bit more
Speaker 1: powerful to me. Um. My first initial thoughts is, of course,
Speaker 1: I'm happy for Colton Um. I watched a little bit
Speaker 1: of the interview. I didn't watch the whole thing. I've
Speaker 1: always liked Colton Um. He's always been very nice to me.
Speaker 1: I think, listen, it's Calton a perfect person. Obviously not
Speaker 1: now we know that Cassie got a temporary restraining order
Speaker 1: against Colton Um, and two months after that, I'm reading
Speaker 1: from People magazine she did drop that restraining order against Colton.
Speaker 1: This was the quote it said from Colton Today. Cassie
Speaker 1: asked the court to dismiss the temporary restraining order against me.
Speaker 1: The two of us were able to reach a private
Speaker 1: agreement to address any of Cassie's concerns. I do not
Speaker 1: believe Cassie did anything wrong in filing for the restraining orders,
Speaker 1: and also believe she acted in good faith. This is
Speaker 1: uh from back in November. November of last year, so
Speaker 1: a couple of months after she got the temporary restraining order. Uh,
Speaker 1: and then she did ended up dismissing it. Um. But
Speaker 1: I'm certainly happy for him, um that he's feeling more
Speaker 1: comfortable in his skin. I can't imagine how difficult it is.
Speaker 1: I know he's a football player. You know, he's he
Speaker 1: was seen as you know, he's seen as kind of
Speaker 1: a sex symbol on the Bachelor. Um, It's I'm sure
Speaker 1: it was kind of difficult. Uh. But I think those
Speaker 1: are really my overall thoughts. UM. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong with saying that you can be happy for
Speaker 1: someone while also saying at the same time that it's
Speaker 1: not an excuse for past actions that they have. You know,
Speaker 1: the first and foremost thing in that situation, make sure
Speaker 1: Cassie felt okay and she seems to be doing all right. Um,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that you can't, you know, be
Speaker 1: happy that someone feels more comfortable in their own skin.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts, Um, well, yeah, I appreciate that
Speaker 1: take on it. I mean it's a secret that I
Speaker 1: am not the biggest Culton fan, dating all the way
Speaker 1: back to that very nice interview I gave him Las
Speaker 1: Vegas with Lauren's Emma about how his season is going
Speaker 1: to be a dumpster fire. And I mean, to be fair,
Speaker 1: his season was a little bit of a dumpster fire.
Speaker 1: It's not like you were way off right way off. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so I never been the biggest fan of Coulton. Uh.
Speaker 1: It just whether he's straight or gay in the closet,
Speaker 1: out of the closet. I still am not a fan
Speaker 1: of him in any sense of the word. I think
Speaker 1: that people to people showing him grace for this and
Speaker 1: like being before him, it kind of makes me. It
Speaker 1: frustrates me. Look listen at the other day, none of
Speaker 1: this affects me. So I don't have the strongest opinions
Speaker 1: of it, like who cares what I say? Who cares
Speaker 1: what you say? Because at the end affect us, right, look,
Speaker 1: I don't care if Colton is straight or gay or
Speaker 1: anywhere in between. I just think the guy is a
Speaker 1: loser and I just don't get the best vibes from him.
Speaker 1: I just don't like him. And like you said, Dean,
Speaker 1: if if this helps one person out there who is
Speaker 1: who is having difficulty, uh coming out and being truthful
Speaker 1: about their sexuality, then I it probably is a good thing.
Speaker 1: I mean you said that. I think you stand by
Speaker 1: your words because I know, uh, you know how you
Speaker 1: feel and who you are as a person, and I'm
Speaker 1: same here. I think you know, I think your opinion
Speaker 1: of Colton has nothing to do with his sexuality, like
Speaker 1: you felt like this for a very long time. Well,
Speaker 1: and so I always I always bring it back to
Speaker 1: the one moment that I experienced when I was on
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette. I've heard the story before, but I was
Speaker 1: about to open up about the passing of my mother
Speaker 1: and I was hesitant and scared. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: talk about it, and one of the producers leanked in
Speaker 1: and said that if, uh, if I'm able to make
Speaker 1: one person anywhere feel better about their you know, grieving
Speaker 1: their loss, whatever it is, then doing that will be
Speaker 1: worth it, and I can equate that to you know,
Speaker 1: people sharing their stories of coming out. If if Colton
Speaker 1: doing this on such a grand scale is going to
Speaker 1: make some even just one person feel more comfortable to
Speaker 1: come out, then yes, of course at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, that's worth it. I just don't like the
Speaker 1: way that he's going about it totally, and I'm don't
Speaker 1: you know, fault you for your opinion, and I I
Speaker 1: think for me, yeah, it's uh, like we said all along,
Speaker 1: like I uh, I'd like to think that I can
Speaker 1: have multiple thoughts on on a specific situation. I'm very
Speaker 1: happy for Colton coming out and being truthful for himself
Speaker 1: and speaking out that he's gay, um, because I don't
Speaker 1: think it was easy for him. Yeah, why don't you
Speaker 1: like Colton? That's a good question. I think Colton is
Speaker 1: a fame whore, phony narcissist. But listen, at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, we all have shadows of that within ourselves.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I'm not a narcissist or I
Speaker 1: don't dislike being in the spotlight. I just think he
Speaker 1: takes it to a level that is uh, shameful. So
Speaker 1: pretty much you're not gonna watch You're not going to
Speaker 1: watch the Netflix series on him? Do you hear about that? Well,
Speaker 1: I've heard the rumors. Um, it's frustrating to me how
Speaker 1: this guy who has been sketchy and in my opinion,
Speaker 1: is just a loser now gets rewarded with a rumored
Speaker 1: Netflix show on top of all of this national attention.
Speaker 1: It's just it seems so fishy to me, and I
Speaker 1: just don't like it. Yeah. No, well, I guess it's different.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to I'm trying to cor correlated to Ashley
Speaker 1: and minds engagement because obviously we went on national television
Speaker 1: got engaged, so we wanted all eyes on our us
Speaker 1: to a certain extent as well. But there's multiple factors
Speaker 1: to that. I don't know. It's a hard comparison. It's
Speaker 1: hard to articulate all my thoughts right now because it's
Speaker 1: all so fresh. Well, I want to end up to
Speaker 1: you real quick, because I understand what you're saying. It's
Speaker 1: because you're saying you and Ashley took to a national
Speaker 1: stage to make certain announcements similar to what Colton did,
Speaker 1: but just in a different aspect. So we started to
Speaker 1: take advantage of it as well. Now Granted, I don't
Speaker 1: think it's nearly as heavy as you know, declaring your sexuality,
Speaker 1: especially someone like Coulton, like we talked about football background,
Speaker 1: you know, was the bachelor getting chased by all these women,
Speaker 1: had a very public relationship, and then comes out it's gay.
Speaker 1: That's a bunch more heavy, rightfully, so obviously than something
Speaker 1: that actually and I you know, getting engaged and getting married,
Speaker 1: because that's kind of like the way society has has
Speaker 1: has taught us, and Colton is doing something you know
Speaker 1: that hopefully everybody's okay with, and it should be okay with.
Speaker 1: You know, you shouldn't have any in your heart for
Speaker 1: someone who chooses their sexuality or and I'm not saying
Speaker 1: choosing that's even a wrong phrase. You know, someone who
Speaker 1: is gay. It's not like they choose to like men,
Speaker 1: or it's not like I chose to like women. It's
Speaker 1: just like I like women, just like Colton likes men.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with that. Um But I agree
Speaker 1: with you. I it's definitely you know, anybody who's watching,
Speaker 1: of course, it's it's a little planned and contrived, so
Speaker 1: I guess everybody can have their own opinions about that.
Speaker 1: I mean, right, at the end of the day, all
Speaker 1: it is is an opinion. I just think he could
Speaker 1: have you know, let's say he neither of us will
Speaker 1: ever have the the need to experience coming out. You know,
Speaker 1: that's obviously a big step in any gay person's life.
Speaker 1: I just find it hard to believe that in the
Speaker 1: back of his head the best way for him to
Speaker 1: come out was be like, let me go ahead and
Speaker 1: do a nationally ties televised interview and announced to you know,
Speaker 1: people that I'm gay, when he could do the same
Speaker 1: thing on an Instagram post or I just it just
Speaker 1: seems I feel like you have more of an issue
Speaker 1: if I had to guess, And I don't want to
Speaker 1: put words in your mouth, but it feels like you
Speaker 1: probably have more of an issue with the Netflix thing,
Speaker 1: because hypothetically, say Colton just came out on Good Morning
Speaker 1: America and then that was it, and then he's now
Speaker 1: gay and he's open about and everybody can be happy
Speaker 1: for for that aspect while also still holding him accountable.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing is, I don't think people are
Speaker 1: holding him accountable. Even in our episode notes here that
Speaker 1: we have it says, let me go ahead and find
Speaker 1: the direct quote real quick. It says something like it's yeah,
Speaker 1: are you talking about like Bachelor Nation saying that they're
Speaker 1: very proud of him? Not necessary, No, there's something about him,
Speaker 1: oh says here right here. Colton Underwood publicly apologizes to
Speaker 1: Cassie Randolph after coming out as gay in quotes, I
Speaker 1: made a lot of bad choices full US Weekly article here.
Speaker 1: So maybe that's my biggest frustration with it is he's
Speaker 1: not actually like being specific about what he's holding himself
Speaker 1: accountable for. Got it. So you want more specificity and
Speaker 1: saying this is what I'm sorry about, this is what
Speaker 1: I apologize for, instead of just saying, hey, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: for things that happened. Yeah, okay, I mean, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that's unfair. Um, I don't know, it's just we
Speaker 1: live in such a sensitive time right now, and it's
Speaker 1: so difficult to know what's right and what's wrong. Because again,
Speaker 1: you know, I I like you, and I said, I
Speaker 1: don't know what it's like to come out of the closet,
Speaker 1: but I can't imagine it's easy. You know, I have
Speaker 1: a lot of friends who are gay and and it
Speaker 1: was difficult for them. One of my closest friends. He
Speaker 1: came out in high school, and he had a difficult
Speaker 1: time telling his father about it because his father was,
Speaker 1: you know, it was just his dad's I don't want
Speaker 1: to say old school, but he was just especially back
Speaker 1: in the two thousands, like he just wasn't really he
Speaker 1: didn't know how to handle it. So um uh my
Speaker 1: point being like to do it, I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: happy that he was able to say it, but I
Speaker 1: can still have concerns about previous allegations. I did want
Speaker 1: to point out to the one uh caveat to my
Speaker 1: argument against Colton and what he how he chose to
Speaker 1: announce this. Um. I would like to say that if
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it convinces one person
Speaker 1: who is like scared or uncomfortable to share that about
Speaker 1: themselves with anyone within their family or their friends or whatever,
Speaker 1: If at the end of the day, Colton's interview on
Speaker 1: Good Morning America changes that person's opinion of being fearful
Speaker 1: of coming out and like encourages them to actually go
Speaker 1: out and do it, then yes, of course it's worth it.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of why I'm like, I have this
Speaker 1: weird confliction in my head where it's like, I'm so
Speaker 1: frustrated that Good Morning America gave this loser a platform
Speaker 1: to announce this, but at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: like it could serve to be beneficial for people that
Speaker 1: are closeted and concerned, it's scared and hesitant too. So
Speaker 1: it's like, I see both sides of it, and I
Speaker 1: appreciate the fact that we that there are conversations being
Speaker 1: had more so about this more mainstream, but again, I
Speaker 1: just wish that they were better examples of people that
Speaker 1: would be, uh, you know, making the same statements, like
Speaker 1: there are way better coming out stories than Coulton's and
Speaker 1: with people that aren't as you know, are aren't alleged
Speaker 1: stockers or just generally bad people. In my opinion, that's
Speaker 1: my take on it. Before we go to break, I
Speaker 1: just do want to clarify that the restraining order that
Speaker 1: Cassie had against Colton was a temporary restraining order that
Speaker 1: she has since dropped. UM. I want to make sure
Speaker 1: I got that correctly. Cassie has dropped the temporary restraining
Speaker 1: order against Colton, UM that she did file. We also
Speaker 1: can't say that that Colton definitely stopped Cassie. We don't
Speaker 1: know that to be a fact. Is our all allegations.
Speaker 1: That's like Jared just said, Cassie dropped those before fully
Speaker 1: pressing the charges. And Dean, this is just your opinion.
Speaker 1: You know everything you talked about passionately Uh and me
Speaker 1: what you know what I talked about both of them? Uh?
Speaker 1: Is us just you know, trying to lay out the
Speaker 1: facts for me and then giving our opinions on on
Speaker 1: on what has transpired. Right, we have our opinions of
Speaker 1: him and this situation, and we have everyone has their opinions,
Speaker 1: and that's all. These are our our opinions. That's why
Speaker 1: we are fortunate enough to have this podcast is because
Speaker 1: sometimes um people want to listen to our opinions, and
Speaker 1: that's what they are. Like the Netflix show. The Netflix
Speaker 1: show is unconfirmed right now. It has not been announced
Speaker 1: by Netflix. There is a rumor out there that has
Speaker 1: been reported. I saw see an end reported UH and
Speaker 1: a couple of other news outlets report that he is
Speaker 1: filming a Netflix show that is um rumored to start
Speaker 1: to start. Colton Underwood, we don't know what it's about.
Speaker 1: We don't know if it's actually happening. Like I said,
Speaker 1: we haven't been officially announced for a Netflix. Um, but
Speaker 1: there's you know, to your pointing about some backlash facing Colton.
Speaker 1: There's a petition out there. I'm sure you've seen that that.
Speaker 1: I think twenty thousand people have signed to this point
Speaker 1: saying that Netflix should not have this show with Colton Underwood. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll sign that petition. I haven't yet, but I'll do it, Dared,
Speaker 1: Will you sign a petition? I'm gonna I'm gonna keep
Speaker 1: that opinion to myself. Hey, we don't pay you to
Speaker 1: keep your opinions to yourself, man, We pay you to
Speaker 1: keep your to share your opinions. Well, then I need
Speaker 1: a raise, all right, welcome back to help I suck
Speaker 1: at dating. I don't even know where we go with
Speaker 1: the conversation after that first segment. Dean Angler just bringing
Speaker 1: the heat on this week's podcast. I'll tell you. We
Speaker 1: do have an article from Men's Health, my favorite publication.
Speaker 1: Uh it's from the CEO of Hinge, Justin McLeod McLoyd.
Speaker 1: Hinge CEO answers twenty questions about exactly what to put
Speaker 1: on your dating profile? Uh, Dean, were you ever on
Speaker 1: the online dating Is he frozen? Oh? That's good? Well,
Speaker 1: I'll answer my own quie. I've been on dating profiles.
Speaker 1: I've been on Hinge, I've been on plenty of Fish.
Speaker 1: What else have I? Oh? No, I I don't. Yes,
Speaker 1: I've been on Hinge, plenty of fish. Match. I don't
Speaker 1: know if anybody out there was on match dot com.
Speaker 1: I went on one date from match dot Com. Wasn't
Speaker 1: a good experience. That's sad to say, but it was true.
Speaker 1: I got I forget the name of the dating term.
Speaker 1: We probably cover this on the podcast, But long story short,
Speaker 1: I went out with this woman. She looked one way
Speaker 1: in her profile and she looked another way in person.
Speaker 1: As as much as that breaks my heart to say,
Speaker 1: it was just true and it was sad. And then
Speaker 1: I never won on another day on match dot com.
Speaker 1: But that was like old school. This was like ten
Speaker 1: eleven years ago where I had, you know, there was
Speaker 1: no apps on phones that I could go on. I
Speaker 1: had to go on my computer and go on a
Speaker 1: website and create a profile. I didn't have to download
Speaker 1: an app. That's how old I am right now. Uh,
Speaker 1: what else have I been on? I was on riah
Speaker 1: for a little while. That actually was really cool. That
Speaker 1: made me feel really cool because Riah. If you guys
Speaker 1: don't know, it's like a dating app for quote unquote celebrities,
Speaker 1: and it's it's pretty stupid really because it's definitely it's
Speaker 1: like the l A of dating apps. You know, it's
Speaker 1: it's trendy, it's it's fun to look at, it's artistically cool,
Speaker 1: but you're definitely not meeting anybody who wants to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship from Ria. I feel like, like everybody
Speaker 1: calls Tinder the hook up dating app. I feel like
Speaker 1: Riya is the hook up dating app, but you also
Speaker 1: could get really cool connections on there. So there's that
Speaker 1: um hinge hinge might have been my favorite Eastern You've
Speaker 1: got news for me over here? No, no, I just
Speaker 1: wanted you said Riya was the hookup app. I feel
Speaker 1: like it is, do you know, isn't it that's for like, well, no,
Speaker 1: it's for like rich or not rich people, but like
Speaker 1: famous people, right, it's not the whole vibe. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a celebrity dating app. But that's why I think I
Speaker 1: I called it the l A of dating apps because
Speaker 1: you know how we talked about the dating scene and
Speaker 1: l A. It's sparkly, it's fun to look at. There's
Speaker 1: so many pretty people, but you're not finding any type
Speaker 1: of long term commitment by going on dates in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: you know, speaking and the majority here. But I feel
Speaker 1: like Ryan is the same thing. Like it's fun to
Speaker 1: look at your like Mini. If you have to get
Speaker 1: approved to get on the apps, you have to have
Speaker 1: like some sort of celebrity status. Most of the time,
Speaker 1: it's like social media following and it's all just like
Speaker 1: pretty to look at, and there's you know, pretty people
Speaker 1: on there, and they're mostly from l A or New York.
Speaker 1: But you're not gonna I like, I've never heard a
Speaker 1: story where I'm like, oh, how did you guys meet Riya?
Speaker 1: Never heard that. I've heard Hinge, I've heard plenty of Fish,
Speaker 1: I've heard Tinder, I've heard Bumble all of these dating apps.
Speaker 1: I've heard people tell me that they met from the app.
Speaker 1: I've never heard one couple say, yeah, no, we met
Speaker 1: on Riya and now we're married with three kids. It's interesting.
Speaker 1: There's not many riot success stories. You know something really quick?
Speaker 1: I love about Riya. You you can you put a song,
Speaker 1: you pick your song right, and I I learned that
Speaker 1: you can put a podcast in there, so when someone
Speaker 1: goes to your profile, they could just hear like Mark
Speaker 1: Marin start talking and uh that I think is very fun.
Speaker 1: I wish I could go on Ryan right now, just
Speaker 1: so when people go on my profile, the first thing
Speaker 1: they hear is Mark's voice, help by start get dating?
Speaker 1: And I heart radio podcast Darren Aron Ear and Earn Ear,
Speaker 1: so sure fire way to match. Welcome back to Yeah,
Speaker 1: welcome back guys. Sorry, I don't know what happened. I think, uh,
Speaker 1: your your WiFi was like Dean, don't talk anymore, We're
Speaker 1: shutting you down. Um, yeah, that's probably pretty accurate question.
Speaker 1: What would your song be, Jared if you were to
Speaker 1: have a RYE account now right now? So the thing
Speaker 1: about Riot, like I was saying, it's like you can't
Speaker 1: have a lame song on there, you know, because I
Speaker 1: would love to have like the Avengers theme, but people
Speaker 1: would just immediately swap swiped by my profile. I'd probably
Speaker 1: have the people that you don't want to date would
Speaker 1: swipe by, but the one true love which swipe left.
Speaker 1: I don't know because then I think about Ashley, and
Speaker 1: if Ashley saw my profile with an Avenger's theme on there,
Speaker 1: she might be like I don't know. I'd probably go
Speaker 1: with you know, three Am by Matchbox twenty. Always a classic,
Speaker 1: always a good pick. Can't go wrong with that, and
Speaker 1: my right, Easton's laughing, you know it to be true.
Speaker 1: I was waiting for Rob Thomas R Matchbox obviously, guys,
Speaker 1: what about you, Dean Well, I had a eye for
Speaker 1: a hot second. I had a Brandy Carlyle keep your
Speaker 1: Heart Young. I don't know that. What's uh, it's a
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just like a folk song. It's like
Speaker 1: my favorite song of all time. And what type of
Speaker 1: music do you like? Like folk music like stomp and
Speaker 1: shout type crap with like a freaking fiddle and uh
Speaker 1: like a banjo And any anytime R Monica comes on
Speaker 1: a song, I lose my crap and I do crazy
Speaker 1: And I instantly favorede it and put it in my playlist.
Speaker 1: Something that would be played at a jubilee, things like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So what are your thoughts on Mumford and Sons. Is
Speaker 1: that considered or is that like too mainstream for you?
Speaker 1: For sure, they're definitely a little too mainstream, but they've
Speaker 1: got I mean, they've got some bangers, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: And I've seen. I think I was with you maybe
Speaker 1: when we saw them live in Vegas, and they're fantastic.
Speaker 1: They did like a cover of a Rage against the
Speaker 1: Machine song and I lost. My face was melting the
Speaker 1: entire time they were playing it. Um So Mumford's good.
Speaker 1: But yeah, they're a little too mainstream. I'm misconcerts. Those
Speaker 1: are good times. Well, like we said, Uh, the Hinge ceo,
Speaker 1: Justin McLeod answers twenty questions about exactly what you should
Speaker 1: put on your dating profile. So remember one the question is, uh,
Speaker 1: it used to be all that my single friends were
Speaker 1: on Bumble or Tinder than a few years ago, everyone
Speaker 1: was subtly using Hinge as their default dating app. How
Speaker 1: did you do that? And he said, we call ourselves
Speaker 1: the dating app designed to be deleted, and that's because
Speaker 1: we really focused on effectiveness. Well, he just talks about
Speaker 1: his app here. We don't want to talk about that.
Speaker 1: They're not paying. Can I can I say something before
Speaker 1: we say why do we care about the CEO? He's
Speaker 1: the CEO right, Well, he created a dating app. I
Speaker 1: would hope that he knows a little bit about dating.
Speaker 1: If you're the CEO of Hinge, should you know a
Speaker 1: little bit about the dating dating landscape today, I would
Speaker 1: say he doesn't know anymore than we do. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: let's read a couple of his answers and then we'll decide.
Speaker 1: So one of the questions was, what do you say
Speaker 1: two couples who were who are still embarrassed to say
Speaker 1: they met on a dating app, which still very much
Speaker 1: exists in our branding and marketing that we do hug
Speaker 1: out this freaking guy speak from the heart. Man. We
Speaker 1: want people to be very proud of the fact that
Speaker 1: they met on our dating app. We wanted to be
Speaker 1: the way that you want to say that you met
Speaker 1: on Hinge because it's for people who are being thoughtful
Speaker 1: and making great decisions. And I do think that this
Speaker 1: that just given that the majority of people use dating
Speaker 1: apps today and the majority of relationships that start from
Speaker 1: the dating apps and online dating. At this point, I
Speaker 1: really think that people who are embarrassed are becoming fewer
Speaker 1: and farther between. There's really no reason to be embarrassed
Speaker 1: about meeting on a dating app anymore, which I agree
Speaker 1: Danny might be right. Maybe this guy sucks. That was
Speaker 1: the most generic answer all the time. This is a
Speaker 1: good question. You give your thoughts about that, and then
Speaker 1: I'll do the next one. I was just gonna say, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's only to be embarrassed, but I would I would
Speaker 1: just recommend just do it works for you, like if
Speaker 1: you guys don't want to talk about it, and like
Speaker 1: make up a fun funny story that you can both
Speaker 1: laugh about later on. Um. I mean, I know people
Speaker 1: that have lied about how they met. It's not that
Speaker 1: it's obviously not that big of a deal and like
Speaker 1: your close friends. No, I mean I always think it's
Speaker 1: funny whenever anyone asks how Calin and I met, and
Speaker 1: our answer has to be like, well it barries. I know,
Speaker 1: we've talked about this on the podcast before. Sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: say that she's slid into my d M s, which
Speaker 1: is true. Sometimes I'll say that we met on a
Speaker 1: TV show, which is actually kind of true. Uh as well.
Speaker 1: So I think you just have to either like be
Speaker 1: really honest or make up a funny story. And that's
Speaker 1: how you tell people. Wait, why is that kind of
Speaker 1: true and not the full truth? Did you meet? You?
Speaker 1: You've met Calin very briefly before the show, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I mean she did slide into my DMS, like
Speaker 1: like a year before we met on the TV show.
Speaker 1: But if you consider that meeting someone not necessarily like
Speaker 1: it's true because she and slide into my d MS.
Speaker 1: But it's also less true than we met on television
Speaker 1: because we never like followed through to actually meet in person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: fair point, alright. Next question was what's your best piece
Speaker 1: of advice for sending a first message to a match.
Speaker 1: This is a question that we get all the time.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we've ever answered it that well.
Speaker 1: So let's see what this guy says. This really gets
Speaker 1: to the core of what makes Hinge different. God, this
Speaker 1: freaking guy is that you don't just like someone in
Speaker 1: Matt you actually begin in conversation with them by liking
Speaker 1: one of their photos or prompts an ideal and ideally
Speaker 1: adding a comment as well. And so I think there's
Speaker 1: no perfect generic opener, or else everybody would use it, it
Speaker 1: it would no longer be a good opener. What's truly
Speaker 1: a good opener is to say something that's contextual and
Speaker 1: specific about what you notice about the person that you're
Speaker 1: interested in. I actually think that's a good piece of advice.
Speaker 1: Something we talked about, like the best way you shouldn't
Speaker 1: just slide into someone's d m s, even though it
Speaker 1: worked for Kalin. I'm gonna say what you should do
Speaker 1: is respond to someone's story or if you are going
Speaker 1: to slide into someone's DM, like this guy said, do
Speaker 1: something that's can textual, say something specific about their profile,
Speaker 1: Say hey, I were you know, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you if they like if I saw someone that liked Superman,
Speaker 1: you know that was a girl like, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: what did you think about Superman returns? I don't know
Speaker 1: what I'd say, but it would be something about that, right.
Speaker 1: Taking the Nick file approach, he goes super deep and well,
Speaker 1: I mean obviously doesn't anymore because he's happily in our
Speaker 1: relationship with his girlfriend. But he would always he would
Speaker 1: tell me like, yeah, if you find a girl in
Speaker 1: uh interesting on Instagram? What was that trying to say
Speaker 1: something about Nick Vile. He's got a method about sliding
Speaker 1: in d ms that I was not aware it was.
Speaker 1: There's a there's a very specific word I can't remember now.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, if you're interested in sliding into girls
Speaker 1: dms on Instagram, scroll back like a good couple of
Speaker 1: months to their on their posts and like send him
Speaker 1: a picture of maybe like they post a picture of
Speaker 1: their dog, send them that picture of their dog and
Speaker 1: be like, hey, keep the dog. Something silly like that,
Speaker 1: but contextual, like you said, go back and kind of
Speaker 1: like speak intentionally and like have a reason to reach
Speaker 1: out rather than just hey, I'd like to bring up
Speaker 1: that we talked about this like years ago on this podcast,
Speaker 1: but I want to bring it to the surface again.
Speaker 1: Here's here's the method. You go all the way back
Speaker 1: to their very first picture, and then you like it,
Speaker 1: and then you send it to them and say, what
Speaker 1: a great way to start. That's what you do. I do.
Speaker 1: I remember that conversation. That's I mean, it's a good
Speaker 1: it's a good one. I'm telling you it works. No,
Speaker 1: don't do that. Yes, do it. I'm wondering it. Do
Speaker 1: you think it would work on like even like Instagram influencers,
Speaker 1: Like let's say you have your you know, your some
Speaker 1: Joshmo and you're following this girl with like a million
Speaker 1: and a half followers. Do you think that would still work? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think we mean stand out at least it would
Speaker 1: stand out to be different. But also you could be
Speaker 1: labeled as creepy and My theory is, once you're labeled
Speaker 1: as creepy, there's no going back. It's over. You can't
Speaker 1: come back from being labeled. After you're labeled creepy, it's over.
Speaker 1: You're never gonna be with that girl. Just move on. Wow,
Speaker 1: don't you know? Am I alone on this? I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a creep lace and gentlemen, that that's me. I'm a
Speaker 1: creep for life. Oh no, No, I mean well, I
Speaker 1: would like to say something though, East and at least
Speaker 1: you're not allegedly stocking and terrorizing any of your excess.
Speaker 1: It could be a lot worse for you. And trust me,
Speaker 1: it's true. It can always got worse. I think. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean listen, if anybody's listening out there right now,
Speaker 1: I would love nothing more. If you want to slide
Speaker 1: into a girl's d M s or you've if you've
Speaker 1: been thinking about doing it, do the Eastern move. Go
Speaker 1: back to her first picture on Instagram and then what
Speaker 1: are they gonna say? You like it? And then you
Speaker 1: send it to them like you share the post to
Speaker 1: them in a d M and you say, what a
Speaker 1: great way to start. Yeah, somebody out there, if you
Speaker 1: want to slide into somebody's d m s, try that
Speaker 1: and then email us over the next couple of weeks
Speaker 1: see if they respond and let us know how it went.
Speaker 1: They might work. Actually, I guess it could work. What if?
Speaker 1: What if? Like let's say I want to be friends
Speaker 1: with like Ryan Reynolds or something. Do you think I
Speaker 1: could use that same approach on Ryan reynolds Instagram page.
Speaker 1: I think you need different approaches for different people. For example,
Speaker 1: if you are sliding into a d M with someone
Speaker 1: who has millions of followers, yeah, do the Eastern move
Speaker 1: Right do something that's going to stand out. But if
Speaker 1: you're sliding into someone's d MS that you work with
Speaker 1: that you're trying to get the attention of, I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's the best course. What do you guys think, Well, well,
Speaker 1: if you work with them, then you probably already have
Speaker 1: an inside line to talk to them anyways, right, Like,
Speaker 1: why would you need to d M them to talk
Speaker 1: to them when you work with them? Have you met
Speaker 1: the people that live in this world? People don't want
Speaker 1: to talk face to face anymore. I guarantee you. If
Speaker 1: we had a poll of women pre pandemic, obviously, because
Speaker 1: no one goes out anymore. But a poll of women
Speaker 1: who said I get more guys d m n me
Speaker 1: after we leave the bar saying they saw me there
Speaker 1: and want to meet up. Then I do guys actually
Speaker 1: coming up to me in the bar on the base
Speaker 1: this off of literally no evidence at all, my gut,
Speaker 1: how could how could you leave a bar and then
Speaker 1: people reach out to you on Instagram if they don't
Speaker 1: even know who you are because you find out like, oh,
Speaker 1: who's that? Or her name is so and so and
Speaker 1: it's so dude. My friend that signed me up from
Speaker 1: the show is like the ultimate social media stalker. Like
Speaker 1: she finds anybody on there. It's actually kind of crazy.
Speaker 1: She should really work for the FBI because she would
Speaker 1: find anybody like that in a heartbeat. So I'm not joking,
Speaker 1: Like I remember I remember girls like she like I'd
Speaker 1: be like, oh, that girl is cute, and then I
Speaker 1: wouldn't go up to her or something, and then somehow
Speaker 1: she'd find her. I wouldn't DM these girls, but she
Speaker 1: would find them on social media sometimes I'd like, you know,
Speaker 1: start following or like friend them on Facebook or some
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So I actually I wouldn't though, because
Speaker 1: it's also it's different friending someone on Facebook than it
Speaker 1: is following on Instagram. Do you guys agree or disagree?
Speaker 1: I don't think. I've been on Facebook and it was
Speaker 1: probably good three or four years all right, three or
Speaker 1: four years ago, Like think aback, I think back upon
Speaker 1: your Facebook days when you used it all the time.
Speaker 1: Don't you think that there's so much more of an
Speaker 1: emotional impact when you friend requests somebody than it is
Speaker 1: when you simply follow someone on Twitter or Instagram. I
Speaker 1: think the reason is because friend requests have to be uh,
Speaker 1: it's like a mutual thing, like you have to request them,
Speaker 1: they have to accept it. Instagram, yeah you cant have
Speaker 1: a private page, I guess, but then they're not automatically
Speaker 1: following you back. So it's kind of like bigger, bigger
Speaker 1: implications with the With the Facebook friend request, it does
Speaker 1: feel more intimate Facebook. I think maybe it's just being
Speaker 1: in the name, like it's friends, Like now we're friends
Speaker 1: on Facebook instead of following, it's like, oh, I'm just
Speaker 1: following your life, don't mind me. I'm just a casual viewer.
Speaker 1: Instead of like allegedly putting a tracking device on a
Speaker 1: car and following someone you're like following them on Instagram.
Speaker 1: All right, well we're gonna take a quick break after
Speaker 1: that one. When we come back, we got emails and
Speaker 1: we have a dating term which we haven't talked about
Speaker 1: in a while, but we have one coming up for
Speaker 1: your right after this break. All right, welcome back to
Speaker 1: help I suck at dating. Uh. We have two of
Speaker 1: your wonderful emails in the end the podcast with the
Speaker 1: dating term that I have for everyone, but Mark, if
Speaker 1: you'd be so kind singing, you have just such a
Speaker 1: beautiful voice. If you want to mind reading these emails,
Speaker 1: that'd be great. Mark is not here. His daughter left
Speaker 1: his hunter left her chromebook somewhere and he had to
Speaker 1: go retrieve it for her. So if, if, if you
Speaker 1: guys will have it. I can read the emails. I
Speaker 1: know how to read, and uh, I have them right
Speaker 1: in front of me. So let's do this. Um, this
Speaker 1: is from Lily. What was your first fight you had
Speaker 1: with your significant other? And what was your most recent fight?
Speaker 1: Do you agree that your significant other should be the
Speaker 1: best sex of your life? Yeah? I don't want to answer, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll start. I'll start just chipping away at this here.
Speaker 1: So what was your first fight you had with your
Speaker 1: significant other. What was mining Kalin's very first fight. I
Speaker 1: remember we were in Spain, San Sebastian, and she like
Speaker 1: she wasn't feeling well or something. But she was like
Speaker 1: we had just started dating, and I don't think she
Speaker 1: was like ready to communicate that she was like feeling
Speaker 1: a little she like a stomach bug or something like that,
Speaker 1: because she wanted to, like, you know, be positive all time. Uh.
Speaker 1: And so she was like kind of cranky. And we
Speaker 1: went to like this super super nice restaurant. Everything was
Speaker 1: like three and I was like, why are we here?
Speaker 1: And we kept ordering food and she didn't eat any
Speaker 1: of it, and I was like, why are we ordering
Speaker 1: all this expensive food if you're not gonna eat any
Speaker 1: of it? Uh? And that was like our first fight.
Speaker 1: I think maybe maybe not a fight, but that was
Speaker 1: like our first Uh. We're like pretty note to each
Speaker 1: other for at least a good couple hours after that.
Speaker 1: I know, I feel bad even answering this this first
Speaker 1: part of the question, because the first fight, like you know,
Speaker 1: it's going to be over the stupidest stuff. It's not
Speaker 1: gonna be dramatic, it's not gonna be anything serious. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I think the first fight that Ash and I had
Speaker 1: we were together was about Bachelor in Paradise three, which
Speaker 1: is where you know, obviously it was a very tumotalius
Speaker 1: time in our our our friendship. Uh And for some
Speaker 1: reason it came up in conversation after a few months
Speaker 1: of dating, and she just immediately became really annoyed and
Speaker 1: she said, I know it's in the past, but I'm
Speaker 1: really frustrated about this, and I said, okay, I totally
Speaker 1: get it, and so she vented for a while. So
Speaker 1: it really wasn't a fight because it was just more
Speaker 1: of her like being upset at me. But that was
Speaker 1: probably our first fight. And honestly since then, about your
Speaker 1: most recent fight, most recent fight, I honestly don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of a really heavy we don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Do you fight with Calin We get
Speaker 1: like annoyed with each other sometimes, yeah, we get annoyed,
Speaker 1: but there's never a time I can remember one time
Speaker 1: where we've raised our voices at each other. Knock on wood,
Speaker 1: you know. Oh yeah, we never yelled at each other,
Speaker 1: but we I like I do the opposite, like I
Speaker 1: get quiet. I think the most recent like fight if
Speaker 1: you will. That we had was I was on the
Speaker 1: phone with my friends with Alex actually, and she was
Speaker 1: really hungry and she a hyper glys semic, so she
Speaker 1: gets like really cranky when she gets hungry. Like I
Speaker 1: don't know if she gets me telling this story, she
Speaker 1: gets so angry, like like on like, I don't understand
Speaker 1: how she It's like a switch immediately if she gets angry,
Speaker 1: she just becomes really mean and angry. Well, we're going
Speaker 1: to go to dinner. And I was on the phone
Speaker 1: with Alex facetiming in and she was like, she was like,
Speaker 1: get off the phone, get off the phone, Let's go
Speaker 1: to dinner. Let's go to dinner. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm on the phone with my friend. Let me like
Speaker 1: talk to him. I'll get off the phone. And I'm
Speaker 1: off the phone. And then like I was kind of
Speaker 1: like frustrated for the rest of the night. I was like,
Speaker 1: you pushed me off the phone with my friend. And
Speaker 1: then we go to dinner and she had like three
Speaker 1: bites of her meal and she was like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: good now. I was like, so you really weren't that hungry. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That lasted probably day of job bus like kind of
Speaker 1: like giving each other some space. Just f y to
Speaker 1: eastn just deemed me with my first Instagram picture ever
Speaker 1: with the with the comment what a great way to
Speaker 1: start Eastern. I gotta admit it kind of worked. And
Speaker 1: you're interested or I'm interested. You were talking about it.
Speaker 1: You've piqued my interest and now you have my attention.
Speaker 1: It's effective. It's with Clark Clark. Well, it was a
Speaker 1: cute picture, Jerry. It took a long time to get there. Um,
Speaker 1: but do you guys agree that your significant other should
Speaker 1: be the best sex of your life? I'm very interested
Speaker 1: in your answers. Why don't you go first? Yeah, why
Speaker 1: don't you go first? No, I don't. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think that it has to be that way.
Speaker 1: Um in in my in my case, it is true,
Speaker 1: but I don't think that it has to be. Like
Speaker 1: I would be shocked if if I was the best
Speaker 1: sex of my wife's if I would be I just
Speaker 1: finded in myself to be fair, Like I can say,
Speaker 1: I'd like to think that I'm I've been the best
Speaker 1: sex of Ashley's life, but you know that's just by numbers. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: you're also the worst. I guess if you looking at
Speaker 1: that fair point, right, Um, but I I agree with
Speaker 1: you soon. I don't think it has to be the
Speaker 1: best sex of your life. Um, but you know, luckily
Speaker 1: for me, just like you Eastern, it is the best
Speaker 1: sex of my life, So very lucky in that department.
Speaker 1: So you guys, don't you guys kind of both copped
Speaker 1: out of that. Well, let's see what you have to say.
Speaker 1: They're deanie babies. I say it's it doesn't necessarily have
Speaker 1: to be the best of your life. It could just
Speaker 1: be good and as long as you're happy with it,
Speaker 1: that's all that matters. That's what we said to except
Speaker 1: we gave an answer saying that our significant others is
Speaker 1: the best sex we've ever had. So would you like
Speaker 1: to Probably one night, I probably did a whole lot
Speaker 1: of ecstasy, went to concert and probably did something that night,
Speaker 1: and that probably was, in that moment, the best of
Speaker 1: my life. But that's unres unreplicatable, so unreplicable. So I
Speaker 1: think as long as it's good, as long as you're
Speaker 1: happy with it, that's the most important thing. All Let's
Speaker 1: move on to anonymous before we get in trouble. All right,
Speaker 1: this this, this one's from anonymous. This is and this
Speaker 1: is a major shifting gears in in tone, so, um,
Speaker 1: I want to take this very seriously. This is for Dean.
Speaker 1: A few years ago, my boyfriend died in a car accident,
Speaker 1: and I know him dying in your mother passing from
Speaker 1: being sick, So sorry for your loss are two completely
Speaker 1: different tragedies. Uh. In my current life, I find myself
Speaker 1: dating and having a fear that someone I fall for
Speaker 1: may not make it home safely. I tend to push
Speaker 1: people away because of it. And I'm just wondering how
Speaker 1: you were able to move on from that trauma in
Speaker 1: your life, and if you have a terrible fear of
Speaker 1: someone close to you being in a similar situation and
Speaker 1: having to relive that pain, Well I'll take a good question. Wow.
Speaker 1: Well it's funny actually because uh so I'm on Reddit
Speaker 1: a lot, uh, and there was this Reddit post that
Speaker 1: was like, what was your first the first memory you
Speaker 1: have of your most traumatic experience? And I like wrote
Speaker 1: out my first traumatic experience that I ever had of
Speaker 1: when my best friend got hit by a truck when
Speaker 1: we were like six years old. And I started thinking
Speaker 1: about a little more and I was like, Okay, like
Speaker 1: that kind of prepared me for my mom dying, and
Speaker 1: then my mom dying kind of prepared me for my
Speaker 1: other best friend dying. So definitely, like just eventually you
Speaker 1: become numb and stop feeling that stuff that's actually not
Speaker 1: entirely true. You obviously feel everything equally, but it just
Speaker 1: like becomes easier to cope with. I guess so well
Speaker 1: before my mom passed away, I think because I had
Speaker 1: already dealt with death from my friend before that, I
Speaker 1: like had like ninety voicemail saved on my cell phone
Speaker 1: because every time my mom left a voicemail, I would
Speaker 1: save it. I'd be like, I'm gonna have this voicemail forever,
Speaker 1: um because I could always prefer back to it and
Speaker 1: like hear her voice, comforting, you know, all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. And then eventually I got to like, you know,
Speaker 1: fifteen years old, and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't need save these voice emails anymore. I think
Speaker 1: I'm ready to like be comfortable with the fact that
Speaker 1: she's not going anywhere. And then sure enough, she dies
Speaker 1: like a year later, and I didn't have any of
Speaker 1: voicemails anymore, which is just pretty unfortunate. Timing. Uh, and
Speaker 1: then that's actually kind of funny side tangent. My aunt
Speaker 1: got me a bill to bear with the note with
Speaker 1: like you know, you can like press little button it
Speaker 1: says the it says the voice that whatever you put
Speaker 1: in it. And it was my mom's old voicemail machine
Speaker 1: that you would get when you called her phone number,
Speaker 1: which is not my phone number. Funny enough, and I've
Speaker 1: still had it for the past fifteen years. So I'm
Speaker 1: getting off track here. So how do you handle, uh,
Speaker 1: the concern that your loved one might perish unexpectedly is
Speaker 1: I think you just kind of have to understand that
Speaker 1: that's just life at the end of the day. It's
Speaker 1: like you could die unexpectedly to anything could happen at
Speaker 1: any given moment, and like the the uncertainty I guess
Speaker 1: of that at any moment is kind of like you
Speaker 1: just need to understand that it's gonna it's something could
Speaker 1: happen in any moment, but hopefully it doesn't. Um, I
Speaker 1: don't know, this is such a bad answer. I guess
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to say, like, I understand where you're
Speaker 1: coming from because I've had the same experience. I felt
Speaker 1: the same way eventually, I think you just kind of
Speaker 1: are like, Okay, well, there's no point in clinging on
Speaker 1: to the possibility of something bad happening because it kind
Speaker 1: of like takes you out of the current moment. So
Speaker 1: just like be happy. Um, I don't expect bad things.
Speaker 1: If they do happen, obviously handle it separately. But I
Speaker 1: don't know, what do you guys think. I'll add in
Speaker 1: because my mom passed away as well, and I totally
Speaker 1: empathized with anonymous because I struggle that too. Like with
Speaker 1: to Mario, I'm like, please text me when you get
Speaker 1: home safe, like because my mind will just start to unravel.
Speaker 1: And I think like the only advice because I'm still
Speaker 1: working through it, is like be super present because yeah,
Speaker 1: Dean's right, like it's going to happen eventually, and like
Speaker 1: once you come to like terms with that, it's easier
Speaker 1: to just be present with like, Okay, it's going to happen,
Speaker 1: but like I have right now, so let's be like,
Speaker 1: you know, he's gonna be okay, like retraining your thoughts
Speaker 1: like he or she is going to be okay, they're
Speaker 1: going to get home safe, um, and like just enjoy
Speaker 1: the moments that you have with them um and be
Speaker 1: president in that um. Because if you think of like
Speaker 1: the the end or the expiration date or whatever you
Speaker 1: want to call it, it's like it takes you out
Speaker 1: of like those like really enjoyable moments when you're just
Speaker 1: like living in fear all the time. Hopefully that right
Speaker 1: and things are going to be like okay too. It's
Speaker 1: just it's so funny to think that everything that happens
Speaker 1: is going to be bad. Like that's not a good
Speaker 1: way to think about it. You know, like you've driven
Speaker 1: a car a million times, so they're probably gonna get
Speaker 1: home okay. And it's just like the fact that you're
Speaker 1: even going to like let your brain be overcome by
Speaker 1: negative thoughts about, oh, they might have got in a
Speaker 1: wreck or an accident or something like that, then that's
Speaker 1: just it's just no way of living life. In my opinion. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I I haven't lost you know, I've lost loved ones,
Speaker 1: but I haven't lost a parent or a sibling or
Speaker 1: best friend knock on wood. So I imagine the tragedies
Speaker 1: that you guys have gone through, but coming from an
Speaker 1: outside perspective, someone that does think about dying a lot,
Speaker 1: I try to control that anxiety by centering myself and
Speaker 1: bringing myself back into the present and thinking, don't worry
Speaker 1: first of all, don't worry about things that you can't control,
Speaker 1: and to stop concerning yourself about dying, concerned, you know,
Speaker 1: concern yourself with living because I you know, so many
Speaker 1: times I feel like if we take life in small samples,
Speaker 1: like there's so many moments in my life where I
Speaker 1: look back and think, Man, why was I not more
Speaker 1: present in that moment? Why was I so concerned about
Speaker 1: the future. You know, we're always so concerned about the
Speaker 1: future and we never really appreciate what we're in front
Speaker 1: of us. And that's a human emotion. You know, everybody
Speaker 1: kind of feels that way. So I would say that,
Speaker 1: really try to focus yourself on on on on living
Speaker 1: because unfortunately, uh, death is a part of living and
Speaker 1: it's something that we can't control, and it's scary, and
Speaker 1: it's something I'm terrified of. I'm terrified about losing my parents.
Speaker 1: And you know, obviously, Den you lost your mother and
Speaker 1: it's horrible, and Becky and and Anonymous and it's just
Speaker 1: really difficult and I can't imagine the pain that you
Speaker 1: guys have gone through and it's something that like I'm
Speaker 1: terrified to feel um, but also there's just nothing I
Speaker 1: can do about it. The only thing I can do
Speaker 1: about it is trying to take advantage of every moment
Speaker 1: that I have on this earth right now with the
Speaker 1: people that I love. I think you you put into
Speaker 1: words what I tried saying but I failed miserably at
Speaker 1: it is don't worry about stuff that you can't control.
Speaker 1: Like if you're worried about your friend getting in a
Speaker 1: car crash on the way home, like that literally is
Speaker 1: the thing that's most out of your control. So it's like,
Speaker 1: there's no point in wasting worry and go after the
Speaker 1: things that you love, you know, because that's another thing
Speaker 1: that you're always going to regret. There's a great quote
Speaker 1: that we talked about before that Jim Carrey said one
Speaker 1: time where he said, you can fail at what you
Speaker 1: don't want to do, so you might as well go
Speaker 1: after what you love. And I've I I think that's
Speaker 1: such an incredible, uh way of thinking. And then furthermore,
Speaker 1: I was listening to Kevin Smith interview. If you guys
Speaker 1: don't know who Kevin Smith is, He's a great director.
Speaker 1: He's he's like the geek who made it, uh, and
Speaker 1: he's directed Clerks and all these different movies. And he
Speaker 1: said after he had his heart attack, he stopped wishing
Speaker 1: for things and he started asking for things. And that's
Speaker 1: something I think about a lot as well. Um, So
Speaker 1: I think for Anonymous, just you know, try to do
Speaker 1: the best you can with focusing on what you can control.
Speaker 1: Focus on living because one day, just like all of us,
Speaker 1: we won't be living. And you know that's obviously scary.
Speaker 1: But thank you so much for your emails, Anonymous and Lily.
Speaker 1: We really appreciate it. We hope you're able to answer it. Um,
Speaker 1: And that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck a Dating, we do have a dating
Speaker 1: term that I do want to ask you, guys. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna get one here. I love two of them,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna give too. I'm gonna go the
Speaker 1: student has now become the master. Okay, so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do my best Jared Haben impression. Alright, everyone, I got
Speaker 1: a new dating term for us this week. I hope
Speaker 1: already we're going to try and figure out exactly what
Speaker 1: it means. So this week's dating term is el said, Elsa,
Speaker 1: al Right, I like being on this side of the guessing. Elsaid, well,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of Elsa from Frozen. If I know that
Speaker 1: name properly, so I'm assuming it has something to do
Speaker 1: with that. Now, I've never seen the movie Frozen, so
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to guess the plot. Trust me, I
Speaker 1: know I never caved. I didn't want to see it.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it. I haven't succumbed to the pressure,
Speaker 1: and now I think I'm just gonna hold out for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life and never see Frozen. I
Speaker 1: also heard the SE's lost because it's actually a pretty
Speaker 1: good movie. Sei right, So, if I remember correctly from
Speaker 1: the trailers, Frozen, Elsa is some sort of princess. I
Speaker 1: think she's I think she's frozen, right, that's the premise
Speaker 1: of the movie. She got Frozen. Okay, Okay, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say that Elsa. Is you. You freeze someone, You
Speaker 1: put the relationship on pause. It's going good, you've been
Speaker 1: on a couple of dates, you think, think you've scored
Speaker 1: the princess, You're gonna have the happily ever after, and
Speaker 1: then boom, out of nowhere, they freeze you. You it's
Speaker 1: not that they're not responding, but they're just like hitting
Speaker 1: the pause button on the relationship. They need to rethink things.
Speaker 1: You have no idea why they're not giving you reasons.
Speaker 1: They're just saying, hey, I need some time. And that's
Speaker 1: what I think. Else it is, okay, anyone else. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's when you're dating somebody and then without
Speaker 1: warning they go build a castle in the forests that
Speaker 1: they made themselves and they have no way of contacting them.
Speaker 1: It's like getting ghosted, but more exciting. But yeah, but
Speaker 1: more with a Disney flare on it. Yeah, better songs. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go with the song they sing, let it go, Um,
Speaker 1: let it go, Let it go. I want to take
Speaker 1: the PG or the radar route in the middle. Okay.
Speaker 1: I think it's and like you let out something like
Speaker 1: do something embarrassing a farm. That's not what I was
Speaker 1: gonna say. Yeah, like fart, like you let it go
Speaker 1: in front and you didn't mean to. Is this what
Speaker 1: makes it? PGT Becky, You're so innocent. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: makes it because the graded art was when like you
Speaker 1: just like let it go too soon, and I like
Speaker 1: that like a little premature, like a little like a
Speaker 1: little oops. Nice. Well, I'll tell you it's not right,
Speaker 1: but I appreciate the creativity with that one. Easton actually
Speaker 1: nailed it right on the head. It's just a fancy
Speaker 1: term for someone who has ghosted. I said that. What Wow,
Speaker 1: that's what Easton said. You said, you're getting frozen. Easton
Speaker 1: was talking about someone building a castle. I want to
Speaker 1: hear that in a definashion, a figurative castle being built.
Speaker 1: It was figurative, it's all. It's all figured speech. One more,
Speaker 1: one more kind of in line with the else that
Speaker 1: they This one is Kanye. Oh, we've we've done this
Speaker 1: one before. But I don't hold on Kanye. Oh. I
Speaker 1: know what it is. I think Kanye is. I think
Speaker 1: it has something to do with interrupting, because that's what
Speaker 1: Kanye is known for, right. He he interrupted Taylor Swift's speech.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you finish. I'm gonna let you finish.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you finish. But that's not we haven't
Speaker 1: had this one. I'm gonna let you finish. But east
Speaker 1: had the best answer of all time. Um, I think so,
Speaker 1: I think so listen, we all know that Kanye interrupted
Speaker 1: Taylor because he said Beyonce had the best music video
Speaker 1: of all time. So what I think it is is
Speaker 1: that it's it's someone you're dating and then they're talking
Speaker 1: about how good things are going, and then like you're
Speaker 1: talking about how good things are going, and then they
Speaker 1: interrupt you and they're like, I'm gonna let you finish,
Speaker 1: but I had the best relationship I ever had a
Speaker 1: year ago, and then that's it, and then you guys
Speaker 1: break up, and that's Kanye. I want to pay the
Speaker 1: picture for everyone real quick. Jared's been sitting back this
Speaker 1: whole podcast, but when he's like in the mic in
Speaker 1: the camera because I had it in my head, but
Speaker 1: I'm not articulating my thoughts, right. You know. It's like
Speaker 1: someone who interrupts you halfway while you're about to say,
Speaker 1: like I love you, you have the eye and you
Speaker 1: have the l O out of your mouth, and then
Speaker 1: they're like, hold on, I'm gonna let you finish in
Speaker 1: one minute, but I just want to let you know
Speaker 1: I had the best relationship with the previous girlfriend and
Speaker 1: we're never gonna get married, all right, Eastan Becky, what
Speaker 1: do you think? Well, I think it's It's when you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship with somebody and things are going well
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of passion there and and it's
Speaker 1: really exciting, and then all of a sudden they start
Speaker 1: tweeting some wild, insane stuff and then they run for president.
Speaker 1: That's what I think happens you at the very specific route.
Speaker 1: Both times it sounds like, yeah, I mean, these are
Speaker 1: these are terms for a reason. It's for a specificity.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna play off of like Jared a little bit,
Speaker 1: where it's kind of like they compare you to a
Speaker 1: previous like person that you were with, Like they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you do is great, but like my ex did this better,
Speaker 1: like and just like oh you finished, but yeah, well,
Speaker 1: for the first time in dating term history, I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone got it right. So being Kanye is when
Speaker 1: you're on a date with someone that has the narcissistic
Speaker 1: capacity of Kanye and they make you believe they're demigod
Speaker 1: while on the date with you. So all they do
Speaker 1: is talk about themselves the whole time. No one felt
Speaker 1: too obvious and we all, wow, we all big swing
Speaker 1: and misses on that one. Whoops. I do like you guys,
Speaker 1: switching the roles though, Like I liked um Jared guessing
Speaker 1: on this one because he was really into it. Yeah reversal, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm always down for a little role reversal. You know it,
Speaker 1: Just ask Ash. I'm kidding. That was too much information
Speaker 1: on that note. Each episode dating, Wow, help, I suck
Speaker 1: at role reversals. That's gonna do it for this week's episode.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to our emailers, Big thank you to Jared,
Speaker 1: Becky and Easton. Of course, be sure to keep emailing
Speaker 1: us Anonymous and Lily. You guys did so good. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for the questions. I suck at dating
Speaker 1: at iHeart media dot com. Email us if you want
Speaker 1: to do the Instagram thing of going down to the
Speaker 1: first post, sending it to them and saying, wow, what
Speaker 1: a great way to start, and you flop miserably, or
Speaker 1: you have a great success and you go on a
Speaker 1: first date, let us know, because that's fantastic. And I'm
Speaker 1: actually gonna try it with Ryan Donolds right now, despite
Speaker 1: Jared telling me not to. So I suck at dating
Speaker 1: at iHeart media dot com. That is where you can
Speaker 1: email us all of your stories, please please please send
Speaker 1: them in Um, that's gonna do it for this week's
Speaker 1: episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Jared. Good to
Speaker 1: have you back, Great to be here. Hopefully you're here
Speaker 1: next week, because we're all gonna suck just a little
Speaker 1: bit left. Follow Help by Suck at Dating on I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast m HM