1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,040
Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

2
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:06,920
Speaker 1: podcast hosts, and we have some spectacular stories coming up.

3
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,080
Speaker 1: But real quick, we got a two minute break from

4
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:13,240
Speaker 1: our lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing. My husband gave

5
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,400
Speaker 1: our baby's name away, so I'm leaving him.

6
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,520
Speaker 2: You leave our baby's name, you leave me.

7
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,599
Speaker 1: I went to my friend's house and from there to

8
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,800
Speaker 1: my mom's and I'm currently writing from there. I've been

9
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,520
Speaker 1: with my husband for six years and married for four

10
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:32,040
Speaker 1: years now. I met him while gaming. I was twenty

11
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:39,800
Speaker 1: two and he was thirty five. We instantly clicked. Oh

12
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,839
Speaker 1: how do we know? Though? Because we were online, and

13
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,839
Speaker 1: we were only online. I feel like there's gonna be

14
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,760
Speaker 1: a lot of that in this story. It was like

15
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,640
Speaker 1: he was just made for me. He just poured his

16
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 1: heart out for me and told me that he wanted

17
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:59,960
Speaker 1: to marry right away. By the way, this comes from

18
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,240
Speaker 1: user jell Obello, and if you want us meet your

19
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,600
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subbured it.

20
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,800
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we are here to give

21
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,360
Speaker 1: you good advice. Goofly, but we don't have all the answers,

22
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,240
Speaker 1: really know what we would do. So if you do

23
00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,200
Speaker 1: something different, let us know in the comments, and op

24
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,280
Speaker 1: says he was just so attentive towards me, bought me

25
00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,080
Speaker 1: some expensive features in the game, helped me rank up,

26
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,440
Speaker 1: and talk to me for hours. And he had a

27
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:31,000
Speaker 1: job too, which he did with patience and honesty.

28
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:31,880
Speaker 2: How do you know that?

29
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,399
Speaker 1: How do you know this was his job in the game.

30
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,639
Speaker 1: Slowly things became very serious between us, and he asked

31
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,640
Speaker 1: me out and I said yes. We would have online

32
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,600
Speaker 1: dates and talk on video calls for hours while playing

33
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:50,400
Speaker 1: games together. However, after a year, slowly things changed. He

34
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,120
Speaker 1: was no longer giving me attention and didn't want to

35
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:58,520
Speaker 1: play with me. He kept asking me to send him

36
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:03,120
Speaker 1: money for game updates and upgrades because he spent his

37
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,520
Speaker 1: money on his family and his brother's family.

38
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,400
Speaker 2: So that's called a scam.

39
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,040
Speaker 1: Now, honestly, I don't even think this guy, I mean,

40
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,040
Speaker 1: it is, you're being scammed, but like I think you're

41
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,040
Speaker 1: being scammed by just having a terrible relationship with this guy,

42
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,320
Speaker 1: A horrible e relationship with this man. At the time,

43
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,880
Speaker 1: I didn't care much because family should help family, and

44
00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:27,160
Speaker 1: I did send him money for his hobby. This went

45
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,440
Speaker 1: on for a long time until I told him to

46
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,160
Speaker 1: stop spending so much money on games, and to maybe

47
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,400
Speaker 1: not spend so much money on his family too, and

48
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:40,000
Speaker 1: start saving up for himself an our future. He kept

49
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,320
Speaker 1: agreeing and saying he would start after this upcoming upgrade

50
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,000
Speaker 1: was finished. And this is how it went on. For

51
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:50,240
Speaker 1: two years. I kept telling him to save, he kept

52
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,080
Speaker 1: spending and having no money to himself, not even for

53
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,800
Speaker 1: medical checkups. And all this time he kept comparing me

54
00:02:56,919 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 1: to his sister in law, saying how beautiful she was

55
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,240
Speaker 1: and how smart she was, and why couldn't I be

56
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:10,320
Speaker 1: like that. I'm leave. I'm leaving, Oh Pea, call me

57
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,400
Speaker 1: Frank Sinatra the way I'm spreading the news because I'm

58
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:19,720
Speaker 1: leaving today today. I'm gonna be a part of it anywhere.

59
00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:22,320
Speaker 1: But this relationship, babe.

60
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,079
Speaker 2: I'm not being a part of this relationship anymore.

61
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:28,080
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that he really liked her and her children.

62
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,079
Speaker 1: It was like he saw them differently and had put

63
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,600
Speaker 1: them all on a pedestal. It was just so crazy

64
00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:37,480
Speaker 1: to me, and this turned me into a crazy jealous woman. Thus,

65
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,640
Speaker 1: I asked him to marry me, and I would show

66
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,080
Speaker 1: him that I was better than his sister in law.

67
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,360
Speaker 1: That might be the worst justification for marriage I've ever

68
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,240
Speaker 1: seen on the show.

69
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:54,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll marry me. I'll prove I'm better than that

70
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,880
Speaker 2: person that you definitely like more than me.

71
00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:01,760
Speaker 1: Oh, you had to know, right, someone had to tell you, no,

72
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,080
Speaker 1: it's gonna stay the same or it's gonna get worse.

73
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, was there anyone in your life that was saying

74
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,120
Speaker 2: this or were you just kind of because oftentimes when

75
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,920
Speaker 2: you have these relationships where they are really bad and

76
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
Speaker 2: you have a younger person, they don't they kind of

77
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,360
Speaker 2: like don't listen to the people in their lives because

78
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,800
Speaker 2: this older person, this older partner is saying, Oh.

79
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,400
Speaker 1: You don't have to Yeah, just tell him, ice him

80
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,240
Speaker 1: out or you don't have that. Just just just get

81
00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,080
Speaker 1: those people out of here. You're mine, You're mine and

82
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:31,920
Speaker 1: mine alone. So in August of twenty twenty one, we

83
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,560
Speaker 1: tied the Knot the Gordian Knot. You're gonna have a

84
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:36,839
Speaker 1: hard time untie in that one.

85
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:37,720
Speaker 2: It's impossible.

86
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,760
Speaker 1: Well except for who was that one guy who untied

87
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,640
Speaker 1: the Gordian Knot. Dang it, I'm missing on my Gordo Gordo. Yeah,

88
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:47,120
Speaker 1: that's right. Duh, I can I forget that since I

89
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,520
Speaker 1: was not doing anything for myself. I moved in with

90
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,440
Speaker 1: him and my in laws, which was a whole other story.

91
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,320
Speaker 1: Even marriage didn't stop him from comparing me to his

92
00:04:55,400 --> 00:05:00,760
Speaker 1: sister in the law and always praising her and his family.

93
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, just it's not funny. It sucks for you.

94
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:04,279
Speaker 2: Op.

95
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,240
Speaker 1: But like, of course, marriage wasn't gonna stop him from

96
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:08,640
Speaker 1: doing that.

97
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like, what, oh cut a known.

98
00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:16,159
Speaker 1: Even a marriage didn't stop him. It's like marrying the

99
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,560
Speaker 1: bank robber, but you work at a bank. Yeah, and

100
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,679
Speaker 1: you're like, even marriage didn't stop him from robbing that bank.

101
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,560
Speaker 2: I thought I could change him. He didn't change.

102
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:25,719
Speaker 1: He's a bank robber.

103
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:26,080
Speaker 2: He doesn't.

104
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,280
Speaker 1: If you work at the bank, it's gonna steal all

105
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:33,400
Speaker 1: your nickels and dimes and change and God forbid requarters.

106
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,279
Speaker 2: There's no pennies to steal anymore.

107
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,200
Speaker 1: It's illegal. I was obsessed with him and his happiness.

108
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,839
Speaker 1: His happiness was my happiness. He told me his sad childhood,

109
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,360
Speaker 1: and I wanted to make him the happiest man. I

110
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,760
Speaker 1: followed his every comment, cut off my friends, changed my clothing,

111
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,640
Speaker 1: fulfilled his spicy desires and went out of my comfort

112
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,320
Speaker 1: zone for him. I deleted all my socials, didn't post

113
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,599
Speaker 1: my photos anywhere. I put him over myself and my

114
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:04,080
Speaker 1: knee in everything, but in return I got nothing, and

115
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:08,360
Speaker 1: everything became unbearable. Living with my in laws was unbearable

116
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,240
Speaker 1: along with his behaviors. So I asked him to either

117
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,640
Speaker 1: change everything or we were done, and that was in

118
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:19,159
Speaker 1: June twenty twenty three. Surprisingly, we moved houses and he

119
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,240
Speaker 1: started to become a very good partner.

120
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,719
Speaker 2: I don't believe you.

121
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,160
Speaker 1: Fine, I mean, let's find out maybe what he could

122
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:31,320
Speaker 1: have been doing that was so good. Yeah. Yeah, he

123
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,479
Speaker 1: started to love me again. We went on dates, we

124
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,400
Speaker 1: became closer. He expressed that he wanted to be a

125
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:41,040
Speaker 1: dad and that we should start a family. Oh no,

126
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,720
Speaker 1: We took things slow and first built our relationships stronger,

127
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,240
Speaker 1: and he stopped his comparisons and was actively working to

128
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,320
Speaker 1: make our life and house better. He was not sending

129
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,160
Speaker 1: money to his family and was actually saving for us

130
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,279
Speaker 1: in our future. And I was the happiest no in

131
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,760
Speaker 1: law draw and I was near my parents as well,

132
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,240
Speaker 1: so everything was going very good. It was a peaceful

133
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,680
Speaker 1: two and a half years, so I decided that it

134
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,720
Speaker 1: was time for us to start a family. Since everything

135
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,440
Speaker 1: was perfect. Me expressed that he didn't want to wait

136
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:19,280
Speaker 1: anymore and we weren't getting any younger, and everything seemed fine. Oh,

137
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,559
Speaker 1: he was a different person now, and I also wanted

138
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:26,160
Speaker 1: a baby. Now. Fast forward to April twenty twenty five,

139
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,280
Speaker 1: and I was pregnant and everything was very well. He

140
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:34,800
Speaker 1: was a very present and loving partner, which I wanted forever.

141
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,120
Speaker 1: But my joy was short lived because around July something

142
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,320
Speaker 1: changed inside of him and he was no longer the same.

143
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,120
Speaker 1: He started coming home late and was spending most of

144
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,360
Speaker 1: his time with his brother's family because his brother lost

145
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,880
Speaker 1: his job and now they needed him. My husband had

146
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,400
Speaker 1: two businesses now he was very successful. Thus he could

147
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,360
Speaker 1: now help his family and we could have no problems,

148
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,960
Speaker 1: which I was okay with, though my opinion didn't matter

149
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,320
Speaker 1: to him in this case. Anyway, A little bit of

150
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:03,280
Speaker 1: a red flag, right.

151
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,960
Speaker 2: There so many red flags in this story. And it's

152
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:11,000
Speaker 2: tough hearing this because you can't stop Opie from walking

153
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:11,920
Speaker 2: towards the cliff.

154
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,280
Speaker 1: I mean, it's tough because you also have that two

155
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,920
Speaker 1: and a half year period where you know, he kind

156
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,120
Speaker 1: of turns it around, but I'm sure there's still a

157
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,400
Speaker 1: lot of rose tinted glasses. You know, when it comes

158
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,720
Speaker 1: to the red flags in the relationship.

159
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,520
Speaker 2: You're young, you don't want to see them. You want

160
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,520
Speaker 2: to see the guy that like shows up for you.

161
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. I would be alone for hours, so I decided

162
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,360
Speaker 1: that I wanted to go to my parents, since he

163
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,280
Speaker 1: was barely home with me, and my parents just wanted

164
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,000
Speaker 1: me to be safe. Fast forward to the issue at hand.

165
00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,480
Speaker 1: We had decided the name beforehand, that if it was

166
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,240
Speaker 1: a boy, it would be Cairo since we are Egyptians,

167
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,560
Speaker 1: and if it was a girl, it would be Nova

168
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,280
Speaker 1: for the Star. I read most of your replies, and

169
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,719
Speaker 1: many of you commented about how I was still with

170
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,320
Speaker 1: my husband even after all these things. It was just

171
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,480
Speaker 1: that love really is blind, and I was also a

172
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,720
Speaker 1: bit too naive and married him because he had potential.

173
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,720
Speaker 1: Looking back at how everything was going on and the

174
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,320
Speaker 1: way he treated me. If someone else was in my shoes,

175
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,199
Speaker 1: I would have told him to leave in the blink

176
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,080
Speaker 1: of an eye. But here I was who stayed and

177
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,559
Speaker 1: even married him and started a family with him. And

178
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,040
Speaker 1: there are some comments here. The first one is did

179
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,920
Speaker 1: you try to confront sister in law and brother in

180
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:25,600
Speaker 1: law the in laws. Opie replies, Yes, I did confront

181
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,560
Speaker 1: my brother in law way before, but I insulted a

182
00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,880
Speaker 1: lot and then I just backed off because my husband

183
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,920
Speaker 1: didn't support me, and honestly, I was overpowered and I

184
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,120
Speaker 1: didn't want to involve my parents a lot because they

185
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,000
Speaker 1: had to respect for anyone. And there is an update.

186
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it seems like you are on the

187
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:47,600
Speaker 2: path to understanding and you've just kind of written the

188
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:52,520
Speaker 2: update separately or something maybe, but yeah, it's just naive

189
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,160
Speaker 2: naivete Yeah.

190
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,920
Speaker 1: I gotta admit at the beginning, I was like, I

191
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,240
Speaker 1: don't know if we should leave someone just because of

192
00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,880
Speaker 1: the baby's name, being like.

193
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,600
Speaker 2: But you should leave this person.

194
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,760
Speaker 1: That's just the little tiny sprinkle on top of the

195
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,720
Speaker 1: entire sunday of bad aspects.

196
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:14,000
Speaker 2: The garnish on top of the really crappy risotto.

197
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:20,720
Speaker 1: This is the the inconsequential visual esthetic to the steaming

198
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,320
Speaker 1: pile of rotten vegetables that you have been served. And

199
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,040
Speaker 1: there's an update. I'm sorry because I was a wreck.

200
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,440
Speaker 1: My life has fallen apart, and I just found out

201
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:33,120
Speaker 1: that he never loved me. No, No, he's a psycho.

202
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:36,400
Speaker 2: He was a cycle the whole time. Five year old

203
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,120
Speaker 2: man at the time, you took advantage of a twenty

204
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,640
Speaker 2: two year old to be found on the internet. It's

205
00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:45,960
Speaker 2: not your fault. You were manipulated into you know, all

206
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,280
Speaker 2: of these different things. But you live and you learn,

207
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,840
Speaker 2: and you're gonna get out of this and you're gonna

208
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,520
Speaker 2: be all right. It's gonna take a while.

209
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,240
Speaker 1: The day this all happened was my final straw. I

210
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,400
Speaker 1: was with him until my friend came, and he kept

211
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,360
Speaker 1: telling me sorry, but it was just a name, and

212
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,800
Speaker 1: some other things along the lines of the name suited

213
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,120
Speaker 1: him well, because he looked so beautiful, just like his mom,

214
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,120
Speaker 1: and that I should be happy because I picked the

215
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,079
Speaker 1: name for him, and then some other nonsense referring to

216
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:14,680
Speaker 1: the baby's name being I guess given away to someone else.

217
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,520
Speaker 1: Then when I left, he kept sending voice messages and

218
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,920
Speaker 1: I ignored him until the night I was with my

219
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,520
Speaker 1: parents and he called me. He told me to come

220
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,439
Speaker 1: back and to stop being childish over a name and

221
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,600
Speaker 1: not ruin our life together. Well, it's already ruined you

222
00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:32,320
Speaker 1: with you. Your life together is so bad. You can't

223
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,439
Speaker 1: ruin something that's already crap. Being with you ruins my life.

224
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,400
Speaker 1: I asked him why he did it, and he said

225
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,800
Speaker 1: because she deserved it, and that he told them the name,

226
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,360
Speaker 1: and his sister in law liked it, and he just

227
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:48,600
Speaker 1: couldn't make her upset because she deserves happiness in the world.

228
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,600
Speaker 2: Your husband is in love with his sister in law.

229
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:52,400
Speaker 1: It's weird.

230
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,640
Speaker 2: Your husband is in love with a sister in law.

231
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,720
Speaker 2: He's upset because he can't have her because she's with

232
00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:01,920
Speaker 2: his brother. He doesn't care about you, and we just

233
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:02,520
Speaker 2: need to go.

234
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,000
Speaker 1: We need to chop him off at the root. I

235
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,640
Speaker 1: just couldn't hold it anymore. I told him about how

236
00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:11,480
Speaker 1: he just managed to ruin everything for me, about how

237
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,000
Speaker 1: he took that one thing that was mine and gave

238
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,440
Speaker 1: it to her, about how he just sucked the joy

239
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,480
Speaker 1: out of anything for me, and that I had to

240
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,320
Speaker 1: live like this for years. I told him that I

241
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,080
Speaker 1: was done, and that I wanted to be an individual

242
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:28,200
Speaker 1: person on my own, and that I didn't need or

243
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,600
Speaker 1: want him anymore. I told him to go and live

244
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,880
Speaker 1: with his brother's family and wife, and that I would

245
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,920
Speaker 1: be naming my child myself. He cursed me a lot,

246
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,200
Speaker 1: and at the end told me that he never thought

247
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,880
Speaker 1: I would ever be able to leave him, and now

248
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,560
Speaker 1: that I have, I will never be able to find

249
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,960
Speaker 1: a good man because I am a damaged good. He

250
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,000
Speaker 1: said that he never loved me and I was just

251
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,199
Speaker 1: a time passed for him to fulfill his wishes.

252
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,120
Speaker 2: He's crazy.

253
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,839
Speaker 1: He's just saying whatever you can say to you to

254
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:53,640
Speaker 1: hurt your feelings.

255
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,480
Speaker 2: Exactly. Don't listen to him. You're not damaged goods.

256
00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:58,000
Speaker 1: Not at all.

257
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:58,960
Speaker 2: He's crazy.

258
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,880
Speaker 1: He is damage good, damage goods.

259
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,320
Speaker 2: His sister in law doesn't want to be of them,

260
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,200
Speaker 2: no matter how much he wants that. So just just

261
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,600
Speaker 2: be thankful that he is letting you free.

262
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,320
Speaker 1: Truly, he's upset that you're leaving him because he thought

263
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,000
Speaker 1: it would never happen, and he's being very transparent about that.

264
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,440
Speaker 2: He can control you by being nasty and you're realizing

265
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,199
Speaker 2: that you have free will and are an autonomous person,

266
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:22,880
Speaker 2: and he's.

267
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,240
Speaker 1: Like, we no, and there is just a little bit

268
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:29,000
Speaker 1: left of this story. Let's hit it. My dad yelled

269
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,880
Speaker 1: at him and some things were said. But yes, I've

270
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,800
Speaker 1: decided to end everything and move far away from him,

271
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:39,240
Speaker 1: and to name my baby myself. I'm exhausted, hurt and shamed.

272
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,800
Speaker 1: I feel ugly. I feel like I don't even know

273
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,640
Speaker 1: myself anymore. The only thing I'm alive for is my

274
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,480
Speaker 1: baby right now and my parents, and I'm filled with

275
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:51,000
Speaker 1: loads of regret. I will be okay because I have

276
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:55,040
Speaker 1: my parents. And there are comments, but stay strong, o pee.

277
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, you've got your parents, you have a support system.

278
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,959
Speaker 1: That's good. Believe a man when he says he doesn't

279
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,080
Speaker 1: love you he's in love with his sister in law.

280
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,960
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that this happened to you, hope, he replies.

281
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,320
Speaker 1: I had my doubts all the time, but now I

282
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,960
Speaker 1: believe it. Even told him to come clean. He just

283
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,760
Speaker 1: denied it and got angry at me, which is its

284
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,800
Speaker 1: own sort of confirmation. Yeah, because why would you get

285
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,400
Speaker 1: mad about that. You'd be more like, what what are

286
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,080
Speaker 1: you talking? It's more like confused. Yeah, you get mad.

287
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,400
Speaker 1: It's because you know it's true. It's true, and that

288
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:24,600
Speaker 1: is the end of that story.

289
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,800
Speaker 2: That's true too. But we've got another one coming right up.

290
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,440
Speaker 2: I wanted to move to the countryside, but my wife

291
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,040
Speaker 2: says it's her or the farm.

292
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,080
Speaker 1: I am not a country mouse. I am a city mouse.

293
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,480
Speaker 2: Growing up I, thirty nine male, spent a lot of

294
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,000
Speaker 2: time on my grandma and uncle's farm, which has been

295
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,560
Speaker 2: in the family for one hundred and fifty years. The

296
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,160
Speaker 2: farm consists of an eighteen acre homestead, six hundred acres

297
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,920
Speaker 2: of farmland, and two hundred acres of forest. It also

298
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,040
Speaker 2: has two barns, several smaller sheds, a chicken coop, and

299
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,720
Speaker 2: a large pole shed for equipment. By the way, this

300
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,080
Speaker 2: comes from farm Farm thirty two forty two. And if

301
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,520
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own or to go to

302
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,720
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay, storytime suppered it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota,

303
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,560
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice. Goofiley, but we

304
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,800
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

305
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,040
Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the

306
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,080
Speaker 2: comments and OPI says there is a small cabin in

307
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,239
Speaker 2: the forested area where my older brother and I practically

308
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,720
Speaker 2: lived every summer from ages ten to eighteen. I love

309
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,000
Speaker 2: the property and have wanted to live there full time

310
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 2: since I was a kid. It's located about forty minutes

311
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,120
Speaker 2: away from the city where my wife thirty seven, a female,

312
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,840
Speaker 2: and I currently live with our six year old son.

313
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,520
Speaker 2: When my grandmother passed away, she left the entire farm

314
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,480
Speaker 2: to my uncle. He's taken very good care of the

315
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,680
Speaker 2: property and has slowly transitioned the six hundred acres of

316
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,640
Speaker 2: farmland to farming tenants as he's gotten older. He currently

317
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,440
Speaker 2: has terminal cancer and only six months to a year left.

318
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 2: The property will be split equally between my brother, myself,

319
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,680
Speaker 2: and a cousin, since my uncle never married or had children,

320
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 2: and he wants it to go to the next generation.

321
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,000
Speaker 2: I've expressed wanting to move there permanently since I was

322
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,359
Speaker 2: a kid, long before I met my wife in college.

323
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,680
Speaker 2: Knowing this five years ago, my uncle structured his will

324
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,880
Speaker 2: so my brother and cousin would inherit more of the farmland,

325
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 2: and I would get the homestead, most of the woods,

326
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,800
Speaker 2: and a smaller share of the farmland. But did you

327
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,280
Speaker 2: tell your wife.

328
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,640
Speaker 1: That have we spoken to our Why.

329
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,200
Speaker 2: Did you say from the beginning that, oh, I've always

330
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,120
Speaker 2: wanted to live on this homestead.

331
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,440
Speaker 1: Or was it a little secret you kept on the inside.

332
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:31,040
Speaker 2: Financially, everything is set. My wife works as an elementary

333
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,720
Speaker 2: teacher and won't have any problems finding a new job

334
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,040
Speaker 2: in one of the nearby towns, both about fifteen minutes away.

335
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 2: I work remotely as a software engineer in a flexible

336
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,280
Speaker 2: role I've navigated myself into so I would have time

337
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 2: to maintain the property. There are property taxes and inheritance

338
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,880
Speaker 2: taxes that will need to be paid, but if we

339
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 2: sell our current house and place the equity into that debt,

340
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,760
Speaker 2: the income from the rented farmland will reduce our mortgage

341
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,520
Speaker 2: to about one third of what it is now. Once

342
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,240
Speaker 2: the mortgage is paid off in ten years, we'll have

343
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:07,320
Speaker 2: an incredible income stream to retire on. We're also inheriting tractors, lawnmowers,

344
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,639
Speaker 2: and other equipment needed to maintain the property. If something

345
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 2: were to happen to one of us. The farmland is

346
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,239
Speaker 2: so valuable that it could be sold to take care

347
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 2: of our family. I've recently been spending a lot of

348
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,040
Speaker 2: time at the farm, helping my uncle take care of

349
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,119
Speaker 2: the place as his health has declined. Last week, I

350
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,040
Speaker 2: got home after a long weekend there and my wife

351
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,600
Speaker 2: asked me to sit down. She's upset that I've been

352
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,879
Speaker 2: spending so much time at the farm and drop the

353
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 2: bomb that she has no intention of selling our home

354
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,400
Speaker 2: in the city and moving to the farm. She likes

355
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,679
Speaker 2: where we lives, likes her job and her social life.

356
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,919
Speaker 2: She also doesn't want to move into a smaller house

357
00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:46,399
Speaker 2: thirty three hundred square feet versus nineteen hundred square feet.

358
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,760
Speaker 2: She doesn't think it's fair to be ripped away from

359
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,760
Speaker 2: all of that to follow my dream. I understand where

360
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,919
Speaker 2: she's coming from, but she's known I've wanted to do

361
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 2: this for nearly our entire relationship and hasn't voiced any

362
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 2: concern before, which that does put, you know, a little

363
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 2: spin on this, But in her case, it might just

364
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,960
Speaker 2: be it didn't seem real before. When my uncle sat

365
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,920
Speaker 2: down with her airs and restructured his will five years ago,

366
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,159
Speaker 2: she didn't say anything to me. When we met in college.

367
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,160
Speaker 2: I told her it was my intention to do this

368
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,880
Speaker 2: after our relationship became serious, and she was excited. We've

369
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,200
Speaker 2: spent probably five to ten weekends in the cabin every

370
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,399
Speaker 2: year since we got married, and she's enjoyed it. My

371
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,879
Speaker 2: son loves going there and regularly asks when we are

372
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 2: going to the farm. I'm heartbroken that she's changed her mind.

373
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,000
Speaker 2: I've asked her how long she's known she wasn't on board,

374
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,639
Speaker 2: and she says it's been since around the time our

375
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,120
Speaker 2: son was born six years ago, and she didn't.

376
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,000
Speaker 1: Bring that up. Could have talked about that six years ago,

377
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,280
Speaker 1: even five years ago, maybe four years ago, maybe last year,

378
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,760
Speaker 1: three years, last month, at any point. Ever.

379
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,199
Speaker 2: I feel a bit betrayed that she didn't let me know.

380
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,480
Speaker 2: Even when my uncle first got sick two years ago.

381
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,680
Speaker 2: She thinks I should just sell my share so we

382
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 2: can live very comfortably and retire early. My brother lives

383
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,160
Speaker 2: in another country now, and my cousin has no intention

384
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,520
Speaker 2: of moving there. It won't make sense for us to

385
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 2: keep the property if we don't move in, and it

386
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,679
Speaker 2: will be sold off, something I really don't want to do.

387
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:21,200
Speaker 2: My entire vision of my life seems to be changing

388
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 2: with no warning, though hers must be too. I think

389
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 2: we both feel stuck and there is an update.

390
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 1: Brother. I don't think hers is changing at all. Yeah.

391
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,480
Speaker 2: I think there is a way where you guys, like,

392
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 2: take a minute and then you go to her and say, like,

393
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 2: why are you feeling this way? Why did you mind change?

394
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,719
Speaker 1: Because she's the city mouse. I have a feeling her

395
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 1: mind never changed, and she says that it's because her

396
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,720
Speaker 1: when her sun was born, maybe it was fine. I

397
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,479
Speaker 1: think that's a really great way to be, Like, let

398
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 1: me take all the pressure on me, because what is

399
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:54,159
Speaker 1: this going to be our son's fault now? Like checkmate, checkmate.

400
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 2: I think you guys just need to keep talking about

401
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 2: this and maybe even therapy because you both have really

402
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 2: like you know, she's not reasonable for not telling you

403
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 2: for six years, but her desires to stay with you know,

404
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 2: her job and her friends and stuff are fair.

405
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's a city mouse. Yeah, she wants to live

406
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,120
Speaker 1: in a city. Your country mouse, you won't live down

407
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 1: there in a country.

408
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,400
Speaker 2: And you guys just have to decide whether or not

409
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 2: that is a deal breaker and who can compromise, or

410
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 2: if neither of you can compromise.

411
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: Maybe y'all can live there part time.

412
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,879
Speaker 2: Well, but I don't know if they could afford it,

413
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,600
Speaker 2: because the whole reason, or the whole thing way of

414
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,239
Speaker 2: how they were going to afford it was selling their

415
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 2: house in the city. Yeah, you gotta find out.

416
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a nice lit lawyer being made brindled property.

417
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe maybe that's it. Updates. My wife and I

418
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 2: sat down last night and had a more productive conversation.

419
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,640
Speaker 2: We're going to have a long dinner date on Saturday,

420
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,919
Speaker 2: and I've listed out a lot of the concerns on

421
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 2: this thread to bring up. I also called the financial

422
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 2: planner today and set up an appointment with my wife

423
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 2: in a couple of weeks we get a more concrete

424
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,399
Speaker 2: idea about all of the expenses and what options are

425
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 2: open to us. Update two. I wanted to make this

426
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,119
Speaker 2: post to get some more input from others regarding this situation.

427
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,359
Speaker 2: My wife and I are starting couples counseling next week,

428
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 2: and I would like to go into it knowing what

429
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 2: we should discuss. I want to be more considerate to

430
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 2: her perspective. After making my previous post, my wife and

431
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 2: I had a dinner date. We discussed why she had

432
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 2: changed her mind, and it came down to her feeling

433
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,679
Speaker 2: like I pushed my dream onto her and her feeling

434
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 2: like she couldn't say no to it. She's made friends,

435
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 2: likes her jobs, likes where we live.

436
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 1: So this is literally just we bought a zoo. Yeah,

437
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,399
Speaker 1: this is matt Damon zoo.

438
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 2: Our son is in first grade, and as a few

439
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,600
Speaker 2: friends he met in kindergarten last year, we would be

440
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 2: ripping them away from that too. Moving to the homestead

441
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 2: was never her idea and her agreeing to it was

442
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 2: mostly just her trying not to upset me.

443
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 1: See how that works.

444
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 2: It didn't work out, Girl, didn't work out that, Yaw.

445
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 1: It works when we just try to appease people.

446
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 2: With works always comes crashing down. My dream is going

447
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 2: to upend her life. She said, she's been waiting for

448
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 2: years for me to have a very long discussion about

449
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 2: it with her. She's been waiting for you.

450
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 1: Girl does not is she doesn't know how discussions work.

451
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,439
Speaker 2: She's like, I was waiting for years for you to

452
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 2: bring up that I didn't want to go and live

453
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 2: on the farm, but you never did.

454
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: You just that whole time, you thought I I was

455
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 1: true to my word about what I said.

456
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 2: She was going to initiate that discussion herself eventually, but

457
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,119
Speaker 2: she kept putting it off. Looking back, I agree, we

458
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 2: really should have had a very long discussion about this

459
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 2: years ago. I realized I kind of just assumed she

460
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 2: was on board with it and acted and spoke about

461
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 2: it as if it were an inevitable thing without ever

462
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 2: really confirming it with her. She did kind of say

463
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 2: that she was on.

464
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,360
Speaker 1: Board with it every time. She sounds like she kind

465
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 1: of implied she was down.

466
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,920
Speaker 2: After the date, we made an appointment with a financial

467
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 2: planner and a couple's therapists. I did more research into

468
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 2: possible compromises we could make before our meeting with the

469
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:57,160
Speaker 2: financial planner. We met with the financial planner, and after

470
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 2: crunching the numbers and looking at her local market, to

471
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 2: term that we could sell our current house and buy

472
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 2: a smaller condo in one of our city's suburbs. This

473
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,920
Speaker 2: would let her continue working and living close to the

474
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 2: city during weekdays and commute out to the homestead to

475
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 2: try out living there, at least for a while. If

476
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 2: she chooses to move out to the homestead permanently, we

477
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 2: could sell the condo or keep it as a rental

478
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 2: or get away property. When we figured out this solution

479
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 2: was possible, she said she would consider it. We also

480
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 2: determined that while we could rent out the homestead, if

481
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 2: we wanted to keep the option of living out there

482
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 2: open into the future but still live in the city now,

483
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 2: we could barely break even on the rent versus mortgage.

484
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 2: I would probably still have to constantly drive out there

485
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 2: to keep up the maintenance, unless we had a tenant

486
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 2: who was willing to do it for a large percentage

487
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 2: of the rent, and even finding such a tenant might

488
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 2: be very difficult. We would either be losing time or

489
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 2: money with a tenant. After the meeting, she was quiet

490
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,399
Speaker 2: about this issue and didn't want to discuss it for

491
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: almost two weeks until we had to Dinnernate this past Thursday.

492
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 2: We both knew going into the date that we actually

493
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 2: discuss it, and it was awkward. I started discussing the

494
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 2: homestead and she got upset. Then she said that if

495
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 2: I want to move on to that farm so badly,

496
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 2: I can sell our house and lead, but she and

497
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 2: our son won't be coming with me, and our marriage

498
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 2: will end in a divorce. Her bringing up divorce and

499
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 2: threatening the custody of our son was really upsetting to me.

500
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, as it would be.

501
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 2: It usually is those things.

502
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 1: It would be for anybody. I'd assume.

503
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 2: Our date grounded to a halt, and once we arrived home,

504
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 2: we got into an argument about the divorce comment that

505
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 2: ended up with both of us agreeing to discuss this

506
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,399
Speaker 2: in our first couple's counseling meeting next week. There is

507
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: a little bit left to this story. Any final thoughts.

508
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 1: I think as a crazy, uh crazy low blow for

509
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,199
Speaker 1: her to immediately be like, well, fine, then I'll divorce

510
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: you in take your son.

511
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, after you guys had one therapy appointment and you're like, hey,

512
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 2: we find like we kind of found a compromise. And

513
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 2: she's like, I know, are there and we're not staying here.

514
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 2: That's it.

515
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: And the way she said that, like it's like your

516
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 1: spring honor, like it hasn't been literally since the year

517
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 1: the beginning of your relationship.

518
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 2: Beyond six years, because he said that. When they met,

519
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 2: he was.

520
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 1: Saying yeah, and she was like, oh my god, that's exciting.

521
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, And now she's like, how dare you push me

522
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:16,480
Speaker 2: into this girl? What?

523
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's a light bit left trash, yeah, behavior.

524
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 2: I don't know. My hand is being forced. I don't

525
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: like that. My options are now, sell my inheritance, spend

526
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 2: huge amounts of time away from my family, caring for

527
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 2: a property we don't live on, throw money down the

528
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 2: hole with hope I will get to live my dream

529
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 2: even further in the future, or get divorced. When it

530
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 2: comes down to it, I will choose my marriage over

531
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 2: the homestead, at least for the sake of my son.

532
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 2: I'm very worried that if I choose that option, I'll

533
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 2: end up bitter and our marriage will fail. Anyways, I

534
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 2: hope we can work out some of this in couples counseling.

535
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 2: I really wish I hadn't created this mess. If it

536
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 2: is my fault, dude, you have said from the beginning

537
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 2: of your relationship, from day one. But Dave Numero Uno.

538
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 1: Man, honestly, I might get that divorce. Yeah, I might

539
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 1: get that divorce and just go live on the farm.

540
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,919
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just the sun. I thinks, you know,

541
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 2: thinking about now.

542
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: You get split that their custody down the middle. I

543
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,200
Speaker 1: don't know, because you're so you know, your son's gonna

544
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 1: love it. Every time he comes to he loves the farm.

545
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,439
Speaker 1: He loves the farm, and he's gonna say and whenever

546
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: he's old enough to this, but he say, son, it's

547
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 1: just something didn't click right, And uh, your mom didn't

548
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: couldn't leave the city and I had.

549
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,360
Speaker 2: To mom, and I had to come to the country branch.

550
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 1: I couldn't sell it. She's a city mouse and I'm

551
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 1: a country mouse.

552
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 2: I'm a country mouse. But that is the end of

553
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 2: that story. Good luck, op. I hope that counseling works.

554
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 1: Yes, and we do have another story. Hey, it's Sam,

555
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 1: your ogi host here. Bring it back to the stories.

556
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

557
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: My husband refused me date nights for years, but bought

558
00:26:55,880 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 1: himself a golf vacation. Get out of here. What he's

559
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: gonna do? My husband just told me he booked a

560
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: flight to go golfing with his best friends in a

561
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: few weeks. He never once talked to me about the

562
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,399
Speaker 1: dates or his plans before he booked. Typical. We've been

563
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: together almost twenty one years, married for fifteen next week. Oh,

564
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 1: he just spent five days away over Labor Day while

565
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 1: I stayed behind with our thirteen year old dude. What

566
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: a bad start for this man. By the way, this

567
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,360
Speaker 1: comes from us, your soul slayer, And if you want

568
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

569
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: Showcay Storytime Suburn. I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and we're here

570
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 1: to give you good advice. Googly, But we don't have

571
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 1: all the answers. We only know what we do, So

572
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 1: let us know what you would do in the comments

573
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 1: and dope, he says he has never done anything like

574
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 1: this before. For context, he is incredibly cheap. We haven't

575
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 1: gone away for even a night in years, even with

576
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,719
Speaker 1: the kids. I wanted to get Disney tickets this summer,

577
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 1: but he said no.

578
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 3: I will be on his side here if you're cheap,

579
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 3: Disney is very expensive.

580
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, it may be the happiest place on earth, so

581
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 1: they say, but it's certainly not the cheapest place on earth.

582
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that he went on this golf trip.

583
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 3: The only way he can get buy it with me

584
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 3: is if he went on this golf trip or a

585
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 3: business work thing and he was able to write off

586
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 3: in his taxes.

587
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 1: That's what he's gonna say. He's gonna say, it's baby,

588
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: I gotta get better at golf for business. That is

589
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 1: a thing. I gotta be able to impress the big dogs.

590
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 3: Yes, that is the thing networking with golf. Sure, and

591
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 3: that better be his excuse. If it's not, there's no

592
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 3: hope for him.

593
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: No matter what I spend, he always has an issue

594
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 1: with it. Every time I go grocery shopping, he almost

595
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: always complains about how much I spend, even though it's

596
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: well within the allowance. What The last time we went

597
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 1: out to eat was November twenty twenty three with our

598
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: thirteen year old. Oh so he would complained about you

599
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 1: buying the food to feed your family.

600
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 3: So you're just not even having date nights. That's crazy,

601
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 3: D make grocery store date night. I told Angie that

602
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 3: everything we do is at date night.

603
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 1: If we're together, that's a date done. I've asked so

604
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: many times to go out to dinner or something, but

605
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: we never do. Recently, in an argument, I brought it

606
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 1: up again and he said that he doesn't like going

607
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: out to eat, so why would he do it? Bro what,

608
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: I just like it when you cook for me. Who's cooking?

609
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: Who's cooking at home? I want to know that who

610
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 1: really doesn't like to go out to eat? That there's

611
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: good spots out there. You gotta go, you know, you

612
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: gotta go out on the town every once and wow.

613
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 1: He told me I should consider the time we spend

614
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: on the weekends cleaning the house and doing yard work

615
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: as spending time together. I could see yard work not

616
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: cleaning the house. Okay. I spent a lot of time

617
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 1: in the gardens with my grandparents. Yeah that's that good

618
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 1: yard work.

619
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 3: Yeah's yard y's yard play? Yeah yeah, but like you know,

620
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 3: weed eating and mowing the lawn. Huh, did you eat

621
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 3: dandelions as a kid, No, the yellow ones?

622
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: I did not. You look like you ate a lot

623
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: of them.

624
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 2: I did.

625
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 3: I only ate you sound like you ate a lot

626
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 3: of them. I only ate one or two mm mmmm

627
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 3: every now and then.

628
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 1: You were in the double digits. Oh ill, maybe baby babe,

629
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: I built it up one day. Maybe I got there. Anyways,

630
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: I don't work, and I have no friends or family.

631
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: Oh so she is the one that's cooking. She's doing

632
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: it all. Oh, I feel this is the final straw.

633
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 1: I feel neglected. But he says that's not it. He

634
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: has an unhealthy relationship with money and is always stressing

635
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 1: over it. We don't struggle and live comfortably. But he

636
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: was laid off years ago when it took him nine

637
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: months to find work. Since then, he has been overly

638
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: crazy about money. Our oldest is twenty four, and she

639
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: says he has caused her so much anxiety about money

640
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: that she's always worried about running out of it. He

641
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 1: stresses about spending five dollars to rent a movie. He's

642
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: bothered that I want to pay for movie service that

643
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 1: costs eight dollars a month. Money is such a huge

644
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 1: issue in our marriage. He always says, we are broke,

645
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: the kids have been around this, and it's so unhealthy

646
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: for them to worry about finances. What I kind of

647
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 1: disagree with that. At some point, I feel like sheltering

648
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,960
Speaker 1: your children from financial reality is like doing the more

649
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 1: of a disservice than anything. Not like making them like

650
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: we're broken, we're gonna be on the street, but like

651
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: being like, hey, so this is what money is, this

652
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: is how it works, this is why we can't get

653
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: that thing, this is why blah blah blah blah. You're

654
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: kind of dooming them to be financially illiterate anyway. Yeah.

655
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, As a parent, you got to make sure they're

656
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 3: good to, you know, be adults when they leave.

657
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: Right when our oldest was in middle and high school,

658
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: she suffered from medication resistant depression and had a failed

659
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: self deletion attempt. Her counselor even then told him to

660
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: stop talking about money, but he couldn't. We haven't had

661
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: a date night in years. My birthday was last month

662
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: and we were going to go out, but we ended

663
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 1: up shopping and working on a Holloway project together instead,

664
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: which I was fine with, but the attempts are few

665
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: and far between. Yeah, I don't know. I gotta say,

666
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: if I had a child that was struggling with your

667
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: mental health like that, and it had to do with,

668
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: you know, my partner talking about finances constantly and they

669
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 1: still couldn't stop, I think I would cut it off there.

670
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I'd be done. She might not have

671
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 3: like understands that it's option or the power too. Yeah,

672
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 3: because she doesn't have a job. She's very relying on him.

673
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. That is really hard spot. Yeah,

674
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: I just it sounds like the love is lost here.

675
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 1: Our thirteen year old has had anxiety and depression since

676
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: the VID struck. She is incredibly smart, but has no

677
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: drive or ambition. She mishes this too much school, never

678
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: does homework and lies about it. So it's an absolute

679
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: nightmare dealing with that stress. I never get to get

680
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: away from it. He typically works sixty hours a week,

681
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: so most of that burden falls on me. The stress

682
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: caused me to lose twenty pounds last May, just trying

683
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: to be sure she passed seventh grade. Oh my gosh,

684
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: twenty pounds in one month. Oh my god, that's like

685
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: hospital visit type situation, I would think unless it's waterweight.

686
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 3: I have an old friend that lost twenty pounds in

687
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 3: one month because she took certain medication and got rid.

688
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 1: Of all her waterweight. I don't know. That's probably not

689
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: the case. I hope it's not, but I mean, yeah,

690
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 1: it's dang. I would get that. I'd make sure you're

691
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: okay after that. That's wild. I voiced this and even

692
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 1: wrote him a thirteen page letter last spring about how

693
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,479
Speaker 1: I needed more from him. He even said he wouldn't

694
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,239
Speaker 1: want his daughters to have a husband like himself, and

695
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 1: that he would have a real problem with it if

696
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,040
Speaker 1: our oldest was marrying someone who had done some of

697
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: the things he has done to me. Oh my gosh.

698
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 1: He is not physically harmful in any way, but he

699
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,960
Speaker 1: has said some hurtful things out of spite over the

700
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: years that he knows were wrong. I feel like I

701
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: need to show my girls a good example, and how

702
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 1: can I do that? Staying married to him, he has

703
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 1: continued to ignore most of my needs for quality time

704
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 1: and a chance to check out once in a while.

705
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 1: My heart is breaking into a million pieces right now.

706
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 1: I just booted him out and I'm not sure I

707
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: made the right decision. And there are some comments here.

708
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 3: Space helps, Ti'm helps, and plus you're here, you're gonna

709
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,320
Speaker 3: be getting a lot of advice pretty quickly.

710
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, we do have some comments. Yeah, I gotta say,

711
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: I can't imagine it working out if it's been that

712
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: long and it just hasn't improved with multiple, you know,

713
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 1: chances and conversations where you've made it clear that it

714
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: needs to what to love that. That's what he's saying.

715
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 1: Comments Comment one, get a job and independence, short and sweet,

716
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: easy comment too is a reply this. This is the answer,

717
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: staring op in the face. It's not like she has

718
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 1: a three month old at home. Her kids don't need

719
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 1: her to dote over Wait, I'm sorry, it's not like

720
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,240
Speaker 1: she has a three month and she's got a thirteen

721
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 1: year old. You know, can't leave those alone at home.

722
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: Well what are you talking about? It's like, ah, whatever,

723
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: it would be simple.

724
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,439
Speaker 3: I mean it is technically less responsibility, but still that's

725
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 3: a kid that she's responsible for.

726
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 1: Yeh. Her kids don't need her to dote over them constantly.

727
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,720
Speaker 1: Go create a separate life, make some friends, and earn

728
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 1: some of your own money to spend as you wish,

729
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: and Opie replies, it's not that simple. Yeah, agreed. I

730
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 1: unfortunately no longer worked due to disability. We moved to

731
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 1: a different state twenty years ago. I had friends when

732
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 1: I worked, but it's hard to keep friends when you

733
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: have a debilitating illness and have to cancel plans. No

734
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 1: one wants to hear about how bad you feel. We

735
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 1: had many friends on our block, but we lost a

736
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 1: few to cancer, car accidents and stroke. Oh my gosh,

737
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: that's wild. That is terrible. Others moved away. We have

738
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: a few people in our life now, but not on

739
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 1: a personal level, if that makes sense. I drive my

740
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 1: youngest to and from school daily, as she goes to

741
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,720
Speaker 1: a charter school and has no bus transportation. Opie replies

742
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: to a comment that satus quote this is it's just excuses.

743
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,320
Speaker 1: Opie says, she can't ride a bike. We are miles

744
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: from school and don't have sidewalks. We are out in

745
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 1: the suburbs right now, I couldn't possibly think of working.

746
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: I'm having an exasperation of symptoms, and my doctor did

747
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: a huge increase in my meds in an attempt to

748
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: stabilize me. I see him next week and only have

749
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: gotten weaker and big issues with my breathing. The stress

750
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 1: doesn't help. Additional info here. OP has MG may aesthenia

751
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 1: gravis mentioned in her previous pot. Some one comment with

752
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: that is so everyone can refer to it mayasthenia Gravis.

753
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna get some maybe elaboration. Okay, okay, hey,

754
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 1: it's Sean here og, host of the show. We're gonna

755
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,399
Speaker 1: get back to these juicy stories. But here's a quick

756
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. A comment supporting

757
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: Ope says, I'm sorry this is happening. I'm an RT

758
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 1: so I've seen your illness up close and it is

759
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 1: a m effort. Ooh, don't listen to the nasty folk.

760
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:02,760
Speaker 1: Rest Sending you healing thoughts and care. There is an update. Okay,

761
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: so we don't know exactly what MG is, but we

762
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 1: do know it is bad news. My Asthenia gravis is

763
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disease that causes muscle weakness that

764
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,720
Speaker 1: worsens with activity and improves with rest. It is caused

765
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 1: by the immune system mistakingly attacking and blocking the receptors

766
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 1: that allow nerves to communicate with muscles, got it? Okay? Oh?

767
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 1: Oh god, oh god, you can't even work out. That's

768
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: terrible tough. Yeah, it's you work out, you get weaker. Oh,

769
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: I know. There is an update. My husband was needed

770
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 1: back home to help with hurricane prep. Man, you just

771
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 1: cannot freaking catch a break.

772
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 3: Because of Florida people that this all checks out, You're

773
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 3: all from Florida, Floridians.

774
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: He was supposed to only help and stay that night,

775
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 1: but then as things got more real, he stayed because

776
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: I needed help preparing the house and yard for the storm.

777
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: He talked about evacuating and booked a hotel some three

778
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: hours away, but as the storm shifted south, we decided

779
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 1: to stay put. He stayed during the storm and after

780
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 1: we ended up doing a lot of talking, but he

781
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 1: would not cancel the trip. I told him he should

782
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: be begging for my forgiveness, but it seemed like it

783
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: was me fighting for this marriage. Yeah, it's been you

784
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: fighting for the marriage. Sounds like this, it's been the

785
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 1: whole time. He had that trip two months ago where

786
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 1: he went alone, had no responsibilities, no one to answer to,

787
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 1: and had a lot of fun. He just wanted to

788
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: feel that again. I told him, if he didn't cancel

789
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 1: the trip, the marriage was over. Oh my gosh, and

790
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 1: there it is, folks, we've laid it on the table. WHOA.

791
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,439
Speaker 1: I told him he couldn't have his cake and eat

792
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 1: it too. I would never be able to get away

793
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 1: with doing something like this, nor would I try. I

794
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 1: don't understand why this trip is so important. He's been

795
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 1: love bombing me and promised he would change and start

796
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: treating me to vacations and date nights. There have been

797
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 1: some issues in the past that I forgave, and he

798
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,919
Speaker 1: feels like I still can't forgive him for them.

799
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:09,919
Speaker 3: Oh, little mischievous activities late at night.

800
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,279
Speaker 1: He's been getting up to some mischief, for sure. This

801
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: is a mischievous man if I've ever seen one, then

802
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: I don't understand why he would add to the problem

803
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 1: if that's how he feels. It sucks when you love

804
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 1: someone so much and they hurt you like this. I

805
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 1: don't want my marriage to be over, but he literally

806
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 1: told me he would put me first after his trip.

807
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 1: How about it?

808
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 3: Now, you can still do things before the trip, you

809
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 3: know that, right? You still take her out on a

810
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 3: little date night or something, a book. The trip right now. Okay,

811
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 3: we're gonna do something, boocket, Let's get it on the

812
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 3: books right now. Ah.

813
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: Why can't I be a stronger person and know that

814
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,919
Speaker 1: there is someone out there who will cherish me and

815
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 1: love me the way I deserve. My daughter sent him

816
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: a text explaining her feelings and basically told him he

817
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 1: chose this trip over his family. He left Friday, and

818
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: he comes home today. All of his stuff is packed

819
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 1: up and out of the house in his truck. Oh

820
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 1: my gosh, most he packed himself on Friday before the trip.

821
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: Whoa tank? I wonder where I'm gonna go after this story? Though,

822
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: you are truly better off without this man in your life,

823
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,720
Speaker 1: making you feel worthless, like you have no value, because

824
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 1: that's what he does. And then he told him straight like,

825
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 1: please just pick me over this trip, and he's like,

826
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: I will right after I take this trip. I'll start

827
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,320
Speaker 1: picking you in front of this trip. But I'm taking

828
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 1: the trip. Oh, you're gonna divorce me. I'll pack my

829
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: stuff up and put it in the truck before I leave.

830
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 1: Ridiculous wild. He knows what he wants. He wants his

831
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 1: life back because he doesn't like being with you in

832
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: his life. He wants that freedom. But we have a

833
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: little bit more story. He did miss his flight, trying

834
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,399
Speaker 1: to convince me I was making a bigger deal out

835
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: of this than it needed to be and he deserves that.

836
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 1: I texted his brother's sister in law and the friend

837
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 1: he's visiting to basically say we are over and explain

838
00:40:56,760 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: the circumstances leading to it. I also explained the history

839
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: of how we've had no date nights and how he

840
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,320
Speaker 1: didn't do anything for our fifteen year anniversary that was

841
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: almost a month ago. Oh my gosh. He told me

842
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,919
Speaker 1: no one took his side, which I told him would

843
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: be the case. Yeah, yeah, no one's on your side? Man,

844
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: what side side? He's like, Yeah, I don't know. I

845
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: just wanted to be a completely absent partner and show

846
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: her no support or lover or care whatsoever and tell

847
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: her to stay home with a thirteen year old And.

848
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 3: She laughed, she's crazy, right, yeah, overreacting.

849
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: No one in our life would treat their spouse like this.

850
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 1: So I'm so torn as to whether I'm going to

851
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 1: let him stay tonight or not. Heartache sucks. And that

852
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: is the end of that story.

853
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,320
Speaker 3: Wow, I mean, I hope everything turns around for you.

854
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 3: This is rock bottom and you can only go up.

855
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. I wouldn't let him stay. I

856
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 1: think it's over. I think it needs to be over. Yeah,

857
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 1: oh yeah. I think if you can get out of

858
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:54,319
Speaker 1: there and like not be you know, just on the streets,

859
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: and you can, you know, find a way to make

860
00:41:56,600 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 1: it through there with your disability and verse going on.

861
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 1: I get out of there. If you if you can

862
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 1: find a semblance of independence, I'd get out of there.

863
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:05,479
Speaker 1: This is stuff.

864
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 3: Sorry, I'll be Yeah, you can pick up a new

865
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 3: hobby now, drout gothing.

866
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: It's real fun. You're gonna have to make your hobby

867
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 1: briefly a divorce attorney and getting a good settlement out

868
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: of that. Anyone being like, I feel like our relationship

869
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,439
Speaker 1: is gone, and if you go and choose this trip

870
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 1: over me, I think we're getting divorced. And he goes, oh, yeah,

871
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 1: well it's okay, I'll do it. After it's like, what

872
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: do we need to talk about it? It's just like

873
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 1: it's gone, it's all gone.

874
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm pretty sure in the vows it said I

875
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 3: would choose you over any golfing trips that come up

876
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 3: in the future. I think they're in there somewhere.

877
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's implied.

878
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 3: Somewhere along the lines between like Sickness and Health and

879
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 3: till Death Throst part it's in there and spin whiles

880
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:46,360
Speaker 3: as I heard it.

881
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 1: But I'm pretty sure it's in there if you take

882
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 1: the really like really good mandifying glass and you hold

883
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 1: it up there though you can see really tiny, little,

884
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 1: tiny eighty bitty letters in print. Yeah, it says like take.

885
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 3: There is check it for yourselves. But guys, that's the

886
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:04,839
Speaker 3: end of this episode. If you love us, make sure

887
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 3: to subscribe.

888
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: We love you and