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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 3: Being intentional about doing the work and the work looks

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Speaker 3: like on yourself, like really continue to show what when

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Speaker 3: you have those fears and when you have the doubts

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Speaker 3: and when the insecurity set in and say, I don't

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Speaker 3: know what that new door looks like or what it's

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Speaker 3: going to be, like what if I fail? What if

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Speaker 3: I Because pay will continue to tell you that this

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Speaker 3: is where you're supposed to be, But if you're going

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Speaker 3: to be powerful, there has to be an honest conversation

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Speaker 3: with how pain shows up in your life.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, Please leave us a

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Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: women like you.

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Speaker 4: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 1: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and understood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 2: where black women can just.

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Speaker 1: B Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating

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Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

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Speaker 1: state of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

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Speaker 1: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

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Speaker 1: Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M I

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Speaker 1: N I q U E B R O U S

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Speaker 1: s r D dot com to schedule a free fifteen

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Speaker 1: minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 2: All right, lady, Today we have a very special guest. Okay.

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Speaker 2: She means a lot to me and she's been an

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Speaker 2: inspiration throughout my journey, so I'm super excited that we

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Speaker 2: get to introduce her to you.

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Speaker 4: All right, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Hughes is an award winning speaker, best selling author, and

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Speaker 2: emotional wellness specialist at the Hello Suite. With more than

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Speaker 2: fifteen years of experience as a trainer, higher education professional,

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Speaker 2: and wellness coach. Y'all specializes in working with women who

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Speaker 2: are tired of putting themselves last okay, being stuck, living

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Speaker 2: with unresolved pain, and who are ready to be intentional

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Speaker 2: with cultivating a better life. Yah Hughes, welcome to cultivating

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Speaker 2: her space.

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Speaker 4: Thank you all so much for having me. I'm so

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Speaker 4: excited to be here.

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Speaker 2: We are so excited to have you. We can't wait

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Speaker 2: to jump into this juicy conversation.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, all right.

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Speaker 1: Our quote of the day, y'ah. This quote will sound

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Speaker 1: really familiar to you because these are your words, your goals, dreams,

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Speaker 1: emotional wellbeing, life and situations will always be a want

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Speaker 1: if you don't do what you need to get to

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Speaker 1: the other side. And I'm gonna say that again for

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Speaker 1: the folks in the back. Your goals, dreams, emotional wellbeing,

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Speaker 1: life and situations will always be a want if you

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Speaker 1: don't do what you need to get to the other side. Y'all,

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Speaker 1: when you wrote these words, or when you hear them,

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Speaker 1: repeat it, now, what comes up for you? What came

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Speaker 1: up for you? Then?

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Speaker 4: So this quote from me.

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Speaker 3: We always look at all of the things that go

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Speaker 3: wrong in our lives or all of the things that

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Speaker 3: we desire, but do we want it bad enough?

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Speaker 4: Right? If you don't realize that.

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Speaker 3: You need to put you first, that you need to

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Speaker 3: truly learn that you need to cultivate a better relationship

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Speaker 3: with yourself. Everything that you desire will always be just that,

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Speaker 3: a want and a desire because it never transcends to

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Speaker 3: a need. It's when a need is something that you

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Speaker 3: have to have to survive. It's what it's kind of

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Speaker 3: your life support.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 3: We need water, we need food, We need these things

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Speaker 3: to survive in our natural body.

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Speaker 4: But there are things that.

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Speaker 3: We need in our heart and our mind and our

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Speaker 3: emotion and and our well being to survive. And that's

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Speaker 3: what that book means.

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Speaker 2: Now, yeah, I know a bit about your backstory, but

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Speaker 2: can you tell the listeners because I mean we read

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Speaker 2: off some of your credentials. I mean we didn't include

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Speaker 2: Ted X speaker. I think you're a three times best

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Speaker 2: selling author. At this point, we see all the glow

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Speaker 2: up right, we see all the good things. Can we

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Speaker 2: talk about where you came from and like some of

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Speaker 2: the adversity you've experienced, and then we're going to dive

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Speaker 2: in deeper into other aspects of your story.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely so.

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Speaker 3: I love you know when you get the bio and

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Speaker 3: everybody talks all of these great accomplishments and people are like, goals, Yes,

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Speaker 3: you're doing it. But some of the things that they

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Speaker 3: don't know is that origin or that backstory of you know,

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Speaker 3: me growing up in the inner city of Philadelphia and

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Speaker 3: you know, in an epidemic of drugs and low income

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Speaker 3: and poverty and all of those things where.

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Speaker 4: Both of my parents were on drugs and I.

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Speaker 3: Really just was a young lady trying to survive, and

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Speaker 3: I remember making a decision out of a traumatic experience

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Speaker 3: that I don't even know whether a lot of people know,

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Speaker 3: but I think that it's very pivotal to My story

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Speaker 3: is that I came to college two weeks after my

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Speaker 3: brother was murdered. At the time, I was doing my

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Speaker 3: best to try to make a better life for me

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Speaker 3: and my siblings because our parents were in and out

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Speaker 3: of being incarcerated, just a lot of adversity, And in

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Speaker 3: that moment, I realized that I can't do anything else

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Speaker 3: for anyone until I really go and do something for myself.

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Speaker 3: That was in December. In January, I enrolled in college

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Speaker 3: and that began my journey of That was the first

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Speaker 3: time that I chose me. That was the first time

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Speaker 3: that I chose I needed something better. So growing up,

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Speaker 3: I always felt that I had to protect everyone. That

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Speaker 3: I just was a product of my environment. But something

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Speaker 3: deep down inside was like, there's more. There's more to life.

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Speaker 3: There's more. And while my story isn't conventional, I know

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Speaker 3: that there are so many that struggle with whatever their

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Speaker 3: family of origin is and feeling obligated to be that one.

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Speaker 3: I am the oldest, so there is this level of

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Speaker 3: making sure that we take care of you know, and

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Speaker 3: then I still struggle with that a little bit because

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Speaker 3: you're the one that made it out, so to speak. Right,

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Speaker 3: So that's just a little bit, just one day after

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Speaker 3: really answering a tough question that made me kind of say,

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Speaker 3: I want more to life.

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Speaker 4: You know what am I going to do now?

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Speaker 3: Everything that I've tried, the end result was still right

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Speaker 3: there that I needed more knowledge, experience, I needed to

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Speaker 3: get out of this environment to be able to reach back.

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Speaker 3: So that kind of started my journey of really the

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Speaker 3: first part of that was really going to college, because

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Speaker 3: that day in time, you go to college to make

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Speaker 3: a better life for yourself. But what I didn't know

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Speaker 3: that when I stepped foot on campus, it was really

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Speaker 3: an opportunity for me to learn who I was, not

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Speaker 3: being in the shadows of anyone, not really identifying anymore

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Speaker 3: with what society has said, the statistics and all of

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Speaker 3: those things. And I am here today because I made

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Speaker 3: a decision, made a decision that I would no longer

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Speaker 3: fall victim and identify with the things that I was

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Speaker 3: born into. And I made a decision that I was

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Speaker 3: going to change the trajectory of my life. I didn't

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Speaker 3: know what that looked like. I just knew that it

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Speaker 3: couldn't result in where I was. So that's where I

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Speaker 3: started out as an inner city girl, a project girl

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Speaker 3: at that grew up in the heart of the projects,

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Speaker 3: really knew about community, but just knew that this wasn't

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Speaker 3: the space that I could thrive in. So I made

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Speaker 3: a decision that it on myself. Was an unconventional, non

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Speaker 3: traditional college student, didn't step foot on camp until twenty one.

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Speaker 4: And did all of the work to be where I

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Speaker 4: am today.

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Speaker 2: I think we had some technical difficulties, but I think

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Speaker 2: Down's going to join us in just a bit. The Internet,

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Speaker 2: you know what's so funny? Y, I feel like the

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Speaker 2: Internet sometimes the connection just did when it's so powerful

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Speaker 2: and you your intro right now was just like boom,

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Speaker 2: Like I'm sure that as listeners tune in, they're going

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Speaker 2: to be like, oh my gosh, like I resonate with

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Speaker 2: this aspect of her story, right, And so can you

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Speaker 2: talk a little bit about how you found your way

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Speaker 2: because you said that college changed the trajectory of your life.

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Speaker 2: But you're like, I didn't know where I was going,

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Speaker 2: So what did you focus on during that time when

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Speaker 2: you were away from home trying to find yourself after

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Speaker 2: not being in the shadows of Oh, I got to

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Speaker 2: take care of you know, family, or gotta do this,

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Speaker 2: Like how did you find your way?

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Speaker 3: The number one thing and when I first got to

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Speaker 3: college was I needed to make a better life so

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Speaker 3: that I can help my siblings. But in the process,

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Speaker 3: I really began to discover who I was and what

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Speaker 3: I wanted to do. So I began to introduce myself

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Speaker 3: to me and then my why. So it became okay,

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Speaker 3: So I didn't know what I was doing. Originally, I

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Speaker 3: just knew that I needed to get out, but then

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Speaker 3: after a while, it's like I can see myself just

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Speaker 3: beyond saving my siblings to really making an impact and

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Speaker 3: loving what I do. So I think it was more

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Speaker 3: of it went from focused on getting good grades so

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Speaker 3: that you could get a better job to really discovering

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Speaker 3: who I was and finding my way looked like taking

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Speaker 3: time to learn me, taking time to.

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Speaker 4: Learn what I desired.

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Speaker 3: And what other things were out there in the world,

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Speaker 3: and not just getting a good job.

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Speaker 2: Gotcha, that makes perfect and setting perfect? Can we dive

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Speaker 2: into going from painful to powerful? How do you go

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Speaker 2: from painful to powerful? Because sometimes the pain, it's like

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Speaker 2: it gets real, right, So how do I guess? And

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Speaker 2: if you have a story to go along with that,

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Speaker 2: let's let us let us.

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Speaker 4: Know, So how do you go from painful to powerful? Right?

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Speaker 3: And this may sound very familiar to you, and it's

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Speaker 3: very I know. It's that how do you eat it right?

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Speaker 3: One bite at a time. And that looked like choosing

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Speaker 3: to be intentional with doing the work. So a lot

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Speaker 3: of times we can identify with pain, right because for

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Speaker 3: a lot of us, it's present throughout majority of our

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Speaker 3: lives for whatever reason. And sometimes we get comfortable in

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Speaker 3: that pain because not that we want to stay here,

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Speaker 3: but if it is all that we know, or if

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Speaker 3: it was that starting point or what we were introduced to,

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Speaker 3: or it just overtakes and consumes us, we're like, I

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Speaker 3: know that I want to get to powerful, but we

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Speaker 3: usually get stuck in that middle, right, We get stuck

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Speaker 3: and we get paralyzed in the doing to go to

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Speaker 3: the next level. And it's that doing the work. So

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Speaker 3: being intentional about doing the work and the work looks

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Speaker 3: like on yourself, like really continue to show what when

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Speaker 3: you have those fears and when you have the dolls

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Speaker 3: and when the insecurity set in and say I don't know,

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Speaker 3: oh what that new.

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Speaker 4: Door looks like or what it's going to be like?

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Speaker 3: What if I fail what if I because pain will

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Speaker 3: continue to tell you that this is where you're supposed

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Speaker 3: to be. But if you're going to be powerful, there

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Speaker 3: has to be an honest conversation with how pain shows

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Speaker 3: up in your life. There has to be some time

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Speaker 3: for that self reflection. Self reflection was a huge part

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Speaker 3: of how I moved to the space that I am

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Speaker 3: in now. You know, there was a point where I

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Speaker 3: had to be honest and say that it all wasn't

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Speaker 3: my parents.

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Speaker 4: At some point I begin to really.

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Speaker 3: Identify with the victim, and I did things and made

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Speaker 3: decisions based out of my own anger, based out of

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Speaker 3: my own self. So it was that reflection part that

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Speaker 3: helped me with the unlearning. And you go from painful

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Speaker 3: to powerful by wanting choosing to be intentioned with doing

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Speaker 3: the work too, by reflecting on how have you ate it?

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Speaker 3: And you staying in this place because it's not everybody

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Speaker 3: else They may have started where you are, but there

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Speaker 3: was some parts where you were relinquished control and you

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Speaker 3: decided that this was a place that you were going

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Speaker 3: to park, that you were going to stay. And then

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Speaker 3: that comes that unlearning and then that unleashing. Right when

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Speaker 3: you begin to unleash and you really begin to see

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Speaker 3: that you are capable of doing great things of hard things.

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Speaker 3: Leaving to go away to college was one of the

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Speaker 3: hardest things and one of the most bold and courageous

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Speaker 3: things that I've ever done. But Payne taught me or

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Speaker 3: made me believe that that was the only time I

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Speaker 3: could be courageous and right. And then every time I

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Speaker 3: came up on a new way of unleashing and unlearning,

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Speaker 3: I had to remind myself that you.

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Speaker 4: Stepped out, didn't know a soul.

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Speaker 3: You left, You went three hours away by yourself, not

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Speaker 3: knowing one person on this college campus, and you got

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Speaker 3: to continue to activate that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I get chills with you saying that because

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Speaker 2: I think about who you are too, because we're speaking

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Speaker 2: of you went to you and mes Is that right

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Speaker 2: for undergrad?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking about who you are and what you mean

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Speaker 2: to the students there, and it's making me a little

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Speaker 2: emotional because you went there not knowing anyone. But then

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Speaker 2: when you think about if you go on campus and

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Speaker 2: you talk to students like everyone knew y'all, you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean, Like you were such a pillar to

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Speaker 2: so many people, and so to come there and not

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Speaker 2: know anyone. That's just so powerful and speaks to your legacy.

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Speaker 2: But you start a mouthful right there. Okay, you talked

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Speaker 2: about accountability. That is I think sometimes so challenging for

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Speaker 2: people when you realize, wait, yeah, I was a victim.

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Speaker 2: This happened, Mama did this, Daddy did that. But then

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Speaker 2: when you did yourself reflection, you were like, hold up, wait,

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Speaker 2: oh there was some stuff that I was doing. Oh oh,

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Speaker 2: I need to work on some stuff with myself as well.

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Speaker 2: What was that like for you? What was the most

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Speaker 2: challenging part about understanding that, yes, these things may have

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Speaker 2: happened to you, but you also played a role in

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Speaker 2: aiding and being where you were in the journey. Because

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Speaker 2: that sounds very tough.

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Speaker 4: It was very tough.

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Speaker 3: It was like life in the face because you work

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Speaker 3: so hard to show people that this is why I'm

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Speaker 3: in the place that I'm in, and it was like,

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Speaker 3: oh wait, that may have been how I started, but

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Speaker 3: what about that eighteen nineteen, twenty twenty one, twenty two

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Speaker 3: year old that decided And it was hard to see

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Speaker 3: yourself right. And I think that that's the power of

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Speaker 3: self reflection. You get an opportunity to see you and

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Speaker 3: you are at a crossworld and you make pivotal decisions

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Speaker 3: based on that. So it was tough. It was tough

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Speaker 3: smelling your own stuff. It's easy to point out somebody

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Speaker 3: else stuff in the corner, but smelling your own stuff

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Speaker 3: it was very hard. And you know, at some points

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Speaker 3: there were some shame attached to it because you know,

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Speaker 3: but that accountability piece it was you got to own it.

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Speaker 3: You got to own what you've done and how can

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Speaker 3: you do something different? Allowing myself and giving myself permission

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Speaker 3: and grace to make mistakes and once I.

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Speaker 4: Know better, I do better.

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Speaker 3: So it was very tough, but I think it was

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Speaker 3: that tough love that you know that usually in our

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Speaker 3: culture we get from other people, but you get it

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Speaker 3: from yourself, and it's like, don't beat myself up about

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Speaker 3: it and don't be down about it, right, but looking

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Speaker 3: at it like, wow, I did so what can I

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Speaker 3: do different?

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Speaker 4: And how much work is this going to take?

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Speaker 2: The reward is so great, but it's like starting that process,

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Speaker 2: starting that journey. Oh my goodness. Oh I'm just reflecting

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Speaker 2: on my own journey and having to do that and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my gosh, it's deep. Can you talk

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Speaker 2: to us a bit about how do you guide women

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Speaker 2: to cultivate an authentic relationship with self. Know that there

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Speaker 2: were phases in my journey where I would get into

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Speaker 2: a relationship or like attach myself to a group of

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Speaker 2: friends to hide from myself because I did not want

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Speaker 2: to face myself. So how do you actually guide women

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Speaker 2: through that potentially challenging part of their journey to like

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Speaker 2: facing who they really are?

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Speaker 4: And that's exactly what I do.

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Speaker 3: It's more of that self awareness and that introspect to

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Speaker 3: really taking time to guide them through asking hard questions,

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Speaker 3: taking that time to reflect. And usually I start off

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Speaker 3: with asking them those questions and not to answer to me,

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Speaker 3: but really looking at it, to take time to journal

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Speaker 3: or really think about it if you're not a journaler.

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Speaker 4: But I've always pose hard questions.

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Speaker 3: And you know, it's that saying hello, that cultivating a relationship.

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Speaker 3: It's for me, saying hello is how I help them

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Speaker 3: to do that. And that's the ages having hard conversations.

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Speaker 3: You have to have horror conversations with yourself because if

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Speaker 3: you're not going to be honest with you, then you're

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Speaker 3: never going to get to the place of cultivating a

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Speaker 3: better relationship. Right, to cultivate means to foster, and it

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Speaker 3: means to grow. It means to really tend to and care.

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Speaker 3: When we cultivate the soil and the land and all

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Speaker 3: of those things, you have to continue to dig and

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Speaker 3: plant new seeds.

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Speaker 4: And all of that.

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Speaker 3: So that's the part of really having that was hard

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Speaker 3: conversations and really taking time to look at and I

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Speaker 3: know we're going to get into it a little bit.

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Speaker 3: I hope that we would look at how you show

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Speaker 3: up emotionally, right, So are you having hard conversations and

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Speaker 3: what are you looking at and doing emotionally? How do

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Speaker 3: you give yourself permission to be a work in progress?

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Speaker 3: I think that we do ourselves a disservice in the

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Speaker 3: day and time where everything seems cookie cutter, or everything

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Speaker 3: seems that like people are overnight success or you just

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Speaker 3: do all of this, that we don't give ourselves permission

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Speaker 3: to be flawed, to be human, to not have it

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Speaker 3: all together and to be perfect. But when you move

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Speaker 3: in that space, I guide them through permission. Like have

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Speaker 3: you even given yourself permission in space to mourn the

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Speaker 3: childhood that you didn't have to grieve a relationship of

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Speaker 3: a person that's still alive. Have you taken time to

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Speaker 3: take a moment and just give yourself permission to not

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Speaker 3: know what's next or what that looks like, and not

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Speaker 3: have all of the answers.

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Speaker 4: So it's really.

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Speaker 3: Taking you through that self reflection that I'm learning and giving.

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Speaker 4: Your self permission.

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Speaker 3: So I guide you on that, and then you get

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Speaker 3: to that unlearning and then you begin to hold yourself

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Speaker 3: kindly and have space for you.

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Speaker 4: And then the last part of that is owning where

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Speaker 4: you are.

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Speaker 3: And it's coined my theory and my technique is coined hello, right,

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Speaker 3: saying hello to yourself.

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Speaker 4: And the last part of that is owning where you

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Speaker 4: are while you are becoming. So saying hello isn't just

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Speaker 4: about a one time thing.

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Speaker 3: It's how do you say hello after motherhood, after extra pounds,

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Speaker 3: after all of these things? Who are you now that

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Speaker 3: you really need to embrace and begin to take a

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Speaker 3: closer look.

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Speaker 2: At That is so beautiful. And I'm assuming that when

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Speaker 2: you do this work with women, I'm assuming there you

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Speaker 2: have tissues nearby? Is that right? Because it sounds I'm

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Speaker 2: thinking about when you asked some of the questions, I

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Speaker 2: was thinking about my own journey and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I would definitely need some tissues for this part, because

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Speaker 2: this is it would get real. Absolutely, it gets very real,

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Speaker 2: and we have space and we hold that and there

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Speaker 2: are times when we don't talk again for another month

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Speaker 2: because you got a process and that's not something that

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Speaker 2: you do in forty five minutes.

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Speaker 4: And it's like, Okay, i'll see you next week.

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Speaker 3: Because next week you're gonna be angry at what showed

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Speaker 3: up and you're going to avoid some stuff, so we're

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Speaker 3: gonna give it a little bit of time.

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Speaker 2: I remember, and there my therapist was like, yeah, there

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Speaker 2: are going to be some days when you're probably not

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Speaker 2: going to want to show up. And there were some

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Speaker 2: days where I was like, I thought this was supposed

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Speaker 2: to be light. I feel heavy. I feel a little

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Speaker 2: bit a little bit depressed after. But it's part of

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Speaker 2: the process of you know, picking those things up and

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Speaker 2: digging through them and speaking of emotions and having our tissues.

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Speaker 2: I want to know why is it important for us

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Speaker 2: to manage our emotions and how can we manage them effectively,

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Speaker 2: especially during those hormonal times the month. I'm just going to.

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Speaker 4: Put that in there.

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Speaker 2: You know, sometimes you're like Okay, those it's one of

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Speaker 2: those days like how do we manage our emotions? And

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Speaker 2: why is that important?

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Speaker 4: So first, why is it important?

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Speaker 3: So our emotions kind of drive almost everything, right, who

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Speaker 3: we are, how we see ourselves, all of that, and

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Speaker 3: when we think about emotions, and not to get too technical,

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Speaker 3: but you know, we're coined emotional beings right as women

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Speaker 3: don't be emotional, but we are all wired and our

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Speaker 3: emotions come as data.

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Speaker 4: They come to say, hey, look at this.

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Speaker 3: Just like with your car, there's some lighte that go

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Speaker 3: off to say you need to do X, Y and z.

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Speaker 3: So different lights mean different things. And our emotions are

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Speaker 3: just a physical or a response to something that's going

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Speaker 3: on in our immediate world, whether that is a situation,

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Speaker 3: a circumstance, how we internalize something, but usually emotions, the

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Speaker 3: response of an emotion last sixty seconds. Sixty seconds, guys,

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Speaker 3: And afterwards there's this thing called the thinking, feeling behavior cycle.

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Speaker 3: So it suggests that you feel something, there's an emotion,

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Speaker 3: then there's a thought, It triggers a thought, and then

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Speaker 3: it triggers a behavior, and it's a circle and it continues.

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00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 3: If you don't have a good and healthy relationship with

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Speaker 3: your emotions, meaning you ignore them or you allow them

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Speaker 3: to make you lash out them to make you react

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00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 3: versus respond. So it's important because it shows up in

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Speaker 3: everything that we do. Some of us are in relationships

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Speaker 3: based on our emotional capacity and wellness. Some of us

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00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 3: are at jobs based on our emotional wellness and health.

443
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 3: Some of us internally have suppressed our emotions, and it's

444
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 3: showing up in our physical body and how we respond.

445
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,199
Speaker 3: So everything starts with a feeling right. You know, you

446
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:35,360
Speaker 3: feel something, my body feels or I feel. Our hormones

447
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 3: get all over the place, so understanding that they are

448
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 3: the cornerstone of every decision that we make. That if

449
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 3: I would say, outside of the relationship that you have

450
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 3: with yourself, having a relationship with your emotions is key.

451
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,919
Speaker 3: And that's what emotional wellness is. It's being an active

452
00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:00,919
Speaker 3: participant in the way that you respond to our emotions,

453
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 3: even when you're hormonal. It's not saying that I shouldn't

454
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 3: be hormonal and this shouldn't happen.

455
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 4: It's being aware how I show up when I'm feeling

456
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 4: that way, and what is it showing me to do? Right. So,

457
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 4: when I know that we all have dominant emotions. Right.

458
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 3: I know that you think that there are only about

459
00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 3: like ten emotions, happy, sad, all of that, But there

460
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 3: are over twenty seven emotions. And we have dominant emotions,

461
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 3: meaning we have reoccurring emotions that show up no matter

462
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 3: the situations we're in.

463
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 4: And my dominant.

464
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 3: Emotion usually show up as overwhelmed because it's tied to

465
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 3: growing up, always taking on the caretaker and all of that.

466
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 3: So when you have those emotions of being overwhelmed, how

467
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 3: do I show up when I'm overwhelmed?

468
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,199
Speaker 4: What does it make me think? What does it make

469
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:56,680
Speaker 4: me do?

470
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 3: So when we think about what are dominant emotions are,

471
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 3: and we can take and look and say, if I'm overwhelmed,

472
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 3: how do I respond?

473
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 4: What are the top three things? What's my go to response?

474
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: And then it's looking at those patterns to say, Okay,

475
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 3: what caused me to be overwhelmed? Because I said yes

476
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 3: to because I was being nice to this person, that person,

477
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 3: all of that. I signed up for what I thought

478
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 3: the role of a wife or mother should be.

479
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 4: I don't know that I like doing that anymore. So

480
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 4: I get overwhelmed.

481
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 3: Hence I get snappy, Hence I begin to get flustered

482
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 3: and I don't like this right, So it's paying attention

483
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:48,360
Speaker 3: to how you show up emotionally and looking at it

484
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 3: to say, one does it warrant this behavior, and one

485
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 3: does it say hello? This is the data that you

486
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 3: need to say it's time to take a pause, it's

487
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 3: time to walk away, because if you add another thing

488
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:06,439
Speaker 3: to that emotional piece, that overwhelmed or that anger or

489
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 3: that frustration, then it's going to lead to this. So

490
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 3: I think that it's very key and it's very pivotal

491
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 3: that we learn how we show up emotionally so that

492
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 3: we can have a better relationship and manage them. And

493
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 3: the first part of that it's knowing and understanding that

494
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 3: it always starts as a physical response. So those people

495
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 3: that get angry, and you know how some people cry

496
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 3: when they're angry.

497
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 4: That's the physical response of the emotion.

498
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 3: When you're scared, some people sweat right when you're anxious,

499
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 3: when you're nervous, So your body goes through a physical

500
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 3: response and then it goes intel your mind something. And

501
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 3: once it tells your mind something, you pull out what

502
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 3: you learn to survive. And normally we learn that in

503
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 3: our childhood. So that's why the unlearning is important because

504
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 3: how you learn to handle being overwhelmed at ten. Studies

505
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 3: and research say that you are where you are by

506
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 3: seven respond to things by the age of seven. So

507
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 3: depending on how you learned and what was mirrored in

508
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 3: your home is how you respond. So if anger was

509
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 3: shutting down, I shut down. If anger was punching and

510
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 3: lashing out, I lash out. I may not lash out

511
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 3: how I saw, but I lash out in different ways.

512
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 3: So it's recognizing how you show up and knowing that

513
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 3: it doesn't have to direct you. So I always say

514
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,400
Speaker 3: that emotions are data but not directed. It doesn't tell

515
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 3: you what to do. It just comes to say, hey,

516
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 3: this is a little off or this is great. Some emotions.

517
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 3: Emotions aren't good or bad. And I think when we

518
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 3: stop compartmentalizing them, we would stop just trying to be

519
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 3: one side, We would stop just trying to be happy,

520
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 3: and we would embrace that there are times that we

521
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 3: should be sad, that we should grieve, that we should

522
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 3: be fearful, that we should be.

523
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 4: All of these.

524
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 2: It was amazing. I feel like you could just drop

525
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 2: the mic right now. But there were a couple of

526
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 2: things that you said that stood out and I have

527
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 2: a couple questions. Okay, So one, you said something about

528
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 2: the cycle of emotions, how the emotion only lasts for

529
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 2: a moment, and then you kind of go through the

530
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 2: cycle of feeling it, thinking and then acting. And so

531
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 2: you're saying with that in mind, you're saying that something

532
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 2: can potentially happen to you in childhood, and you can

533
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 2: continue this cycle of the way you respond, the way

534
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 2: you're thinking, the way you're acting, and that same thing

535
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 2: that happened in your childhood, you can still feel that

536
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 2: way at like forty years old or fifty years old.

537
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 3: Absolutely prime example, if you grew up and people talk

538
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 3: down to you, or you were always yelled at at work,

539
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 3: the moment that somebody yells at you, you're like, first

540
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 3: of all, you're not going to disrespect me. And then

541
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 3: you go to defending yourself because you think that you're

542
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 3: defending the child because you couldn't do it. Then, so

543
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 3: your brain automatically tells you that this is how you

544
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,239
Speaker 3: need to respond. So it triggers a thought, right, and

545
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 3: you begin to think like, oh no, or that reminds me.

546
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 3: Your spouse can say something and that reminds you of

547
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 3: how your parents talk to you, and then it becomes

548
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 3: so because of that, I'm gonna do this. So you

549
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 3: just have to disrupt the cycle. And that's where the

550
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 3: as we call it and counseling and therapy terms the

551
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 3: thoughts stopping, right, So you got to stop it. But

552
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 3: all of us enter the cycle at a different stage.

553
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 3: That's what I want to make sure that it's very clear.

554
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 3: For some of us. It's a thought that triggers an

555
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 3: emotion than a behavior. So you can get on a

556
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 3: hamster wheel at any part. So sometimes it's I feel

557
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 3: this way and then my mind starts racing, and then

558
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 3: you got me messed up, so I'm gonna act this way.

559
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 3: Some of it is I'm in my head first and

560
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 3: I think about something, and now I'm in my feelings.

561
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 4: Right, you think.

562
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 3: About something, you hear a certain songs, it triggers. Now

563
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 3: you are emoe, and now you go to the behavior

564
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 3: of retreating or isolation or seclusion. So knowing where you

565
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 3: are on that cycle will begin to help you really

566
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 3: get to it. But the first part of that is

567
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 3: knowing that your job is to manage your emotions and

568
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 3: not allow them to dictate what you do. They don't

569
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 3: get to hold you on puppet strings and say, when

570
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 3: I'm angry, get out my way. When I'm angry, everybody

571
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,239
Speaker 3: don't matter who is in the way. I'm gonna say this,

572
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. And it's like,

573
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 3: at some point you got to take a step back

574
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 3: and evaluate why are you angry? What does this remind

575
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 3: you of? Do you have validity in being angry? And

576
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 3: if you do, how do you begin to move from

577
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,719
Speaker 3: reacting to responding?

578
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 2: Because wow, thank you, that was good. That was good.

579
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: When you were talking about the dominant emotions and you

580
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 2: talked about yours being overwhelmed. We have similar upbringings and

581
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 2: so when you said that, I was like, oh, wait,

582
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 2: is that mine too? But I don't know if I'm

583
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 2: just projecting. How what's the best way to figure out

584
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 2: what your dominant emotion is?

585
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 3: Take some time and just either journal or write down,

586
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 3: like how you keep a food diary when you want

587
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 3: to change your habits or see that. How do you

588
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 3: respond in seven day span? What has been the top

589
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 3: emotions that you experience or go to your last situation disappointment,

590
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,239
Speaker 3: whatever that is, and what was the first thing that

591
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 3: you felt usually your dominant emotion shows up first, Right,

592
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 3: It's like that personality trait that's going to shine brighter.

593
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 3: So that's how you kind of can look at it

594
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 3: and take some time over the next, you know, a

595
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 3: couple of days to say, what is my dominant emotion?

596
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 4: And usually it's more than one, but sometimes they kind

597
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 4: of run impact.

598
00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 3: So overwhelmed then makes me feel frustrated, Right, so I.

599
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:03,719
Speaker 4: Get mad because I'm overwhelmed.

600
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 3: But then I look at it and be like, was

601
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 3: that a because I wanted to take on all of

602
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 3: this what is this tie to?

603
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 4: Like? Why didn't I say?

604
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 5: No?

605
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 2: That's super helpful.

606
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: So sorry, I'm jumping back in the conversation after having

607
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: had some technical difficulties. But yeahs, I'm listening to you

608
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 1: and you're talking about how we understand and how we

609
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: can identify and start to navigate our emotions or our

610
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: dominant emotion. But what I'm curious about is do we

611
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 1: have one dominant emotion all the time? Because I think

612
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 1: of various seasons in my life and where I might

613
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 1: have had different emotions dominating based on that season that

614
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 1: I was in.

615
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 3: Absolutely, because in some seasons it may not be overwhelmed.

616
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 4: It may be something else.

617
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 3: You have to kind of take inventory and look at

618
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 3: where you are in your life and in that season.

619
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 3: Is this emotion okay because of the season. Is it

620
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 3: something that is temporary? And so when we were in college, right, there.

621
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 4: Is always a season at.

622
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,800
Speaker 3: The end of a semester around this time that you're anxious,

623
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 3: that there's anxiety, that there is overwhelmed because you are

624
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:36,359
Speaker 3: coming off of sixteen weeks of focusing on something in

625
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 3: that season, some stuff is par for the course, right,

626
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 3: And knowing and understanding the season that you're in and

627
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 3: then looking at those emotions this too shall pass type

628
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 3: of season or did I bring these emotions with me

629
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 3: from other seasons?

630
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 4: I think that being intentional with paying attention to.

631
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 3: Where you are and knowing when this is just temporary

632
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,319
Speaker 3: and a part of that moment and that season and

633
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 3: it is par for the course. Or is this something

634
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 3: that I'm carrying with me? And if it is, how

635
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 3: do I begin to learn how to better steward or

636
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 3: manage this emotion Because they aren't going to go away.

637
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 4: They're a part of who we are. It's a part

638
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 4: of our makeup.

639
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,760
Speaker 3: And again, when we categorize and think that we should

640
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 3: only be happy, that there should not be no sadness

641
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 3: or no fear or no overwhelm. Then we're doing ourselves

642
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,879
Speaker 3: a disservice and we'll always be chasing something that's not

643
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 3: intended for us. And I always share that fear is

644
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 3: an emotion that was intended to help us survive.

645
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 4: If we're walking down the street as a woman and you.

646
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 3: Kind of know to look to the side or the

647
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:57,879
Speaker 3: back because something doesn't feel right, that fear should make

648
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 3: you do one of three things that fight, fight, or freeze.

649
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 3: So you either ready to like, let me grab my

650
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 3: pepper spray, let me look for exit and how I

651
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 3: can run, or you freeze and stop and be like

652
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 3: let me let them go buy me right, So it's

653
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 3: so that you can pay attention. A dog is coming,

654
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,879
Speaker 3: you know, to that's where you freeze, like you don't

655
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 3: run with the dog, and we hope that you don't

656
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 3: try to fight it. So, depending on what the fear is,

657
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 3: you are supposed to do that. But somewhere along the way,

658
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 3: we were taught that when we're fearful of certain things,

659
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 3: we should always retreat and be paralyzed, or we run

660
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:42,879
Speaker 3: away from things that we should be looking at it's

661
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,839
Speaker 3: only when we are in danger or those things that

662
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 3: we are to use fear as survival and not with

663
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 3: our goals, our dreams, and our lives.

664
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, from everything that you have shared with us today,

665
00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: it is clear that you have been doing your work

666
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: on yourself and that you have truly moved from a

667
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:12,399
Speaker 1: painful to a powerful place. And so when I think

668
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: about the women who are listening to us, and they're saying, Okay,

669
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 1: I want to get to that space. If you could

670
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:27,800
Speaker 1: name one thing that you've had to unlearn to become

671
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,919
Speaker 1: the woman you are today, what would that thing be?

672
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 3: Well, how much time do we have? No, because I

673
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 3: wish that I could say there was one thing. So

674
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 3: the few things that come to mind was I unlearned

675
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 3: living in this a viral moved that was I would

676
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 3: say paramount because of my upbringing.

677
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 4: The viral mode is you just do what you have

678
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 4: to do to.

679
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:58,919
Speaker 3: Get to the next Right, there was no thinking through

680
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 3: how to how to thrive, and we talked about.

681
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,280
Speaker 4: Going from painful to purpose so powerful.

682
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 3: You know, survival says I just need to get out

683
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 3: of this situation. But thriving says, what have I learned

684
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 3: from this? Situation and how will I never get here again?

685
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 3: Or what are some new things that I need to

686
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 3: introduce myself to because if I no longer have this,

687
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 3: what's going to fill that space up now? So I

688
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 3: really had to unlearn survival because I was making decisions

689
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 3: from just surviving right.

690
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 4: And another one was the.

691
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 3: Need to people please and put others before me. And

692
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 3: that's something that I wish that I could say that

693
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 3: I learned at twenty You know, I am probably standing

694
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 3: right now at forty two, and I would say that

695
00:38:56,320 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 3: about thirty five is when I learned life.

696
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 4: Truly, you say that.

697
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 3: You don't put this first, but in the back of

698
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 3: your mind, you're making decisions and there's some people that

699
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 3: you have in the back of your mind that you

700
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 3: want to make sure that you please or you do that.

701
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 3: And I had to unlearn that it's it is totally

702
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:23,720
Speaker 3: okay to choose only me, that I can make decisions

703
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:28,359
Speaker 3: for me with no justification, with none of that. And

704
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 3: I think that unlearning this stigma of your emotional women

705
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 3: are emotional or if you don't talk about things and

706
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 3: you just keep it bottled up. That one was hard

707
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 3: because in my household and and my family. You just

708
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 3: you don't apologize by saying, hey, I'm sorry, I was wrong.

709
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 4: It's what you want to eat.

710
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 2: You know, you want to come to the store with me,

711
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 2: and you want to come to the story got air

712
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 2: rus right.

713
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 4: You want to watch this movie with me? So really

714
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,240
Speaker 4: unlearning how to manage.

715
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 3: And learn my emotions, and that's what kind of brought

716
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 3: me on the quest of I know that if I

717
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 3: had to do all this work, how many people that

718
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 3: look like me, that has similar upbringings are still struggling

719
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 3: with those same things.

720
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 4: So these were things that I really had to let

721
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 4: go up.

722
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 2: That's so powerful, And I really appreciate you sharing that,

723
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 2: y'all because I feel like when you share that and

724
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 2: you're so open with it, it gives, like you said,

725
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 2: it gives other women permission to do that too, because

726
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 2: then it's like, oh, well, actually I was struggling with

727
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,399
Speaker 2: that same thing too, So now I'm going to work

728
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 2: on that. We've done a couple of pisodes about addressing

729
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 2: our toxicity and discussing when we've been the toxic one

730
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 2: in the relationship and stuff like that, because we do

731
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 2: have to look in the mirror and you know, realize

732
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 2: that we contributed to this. So, y'all, you've provided so

733
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 2: many gems you have. I'm going to re listen to

734
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 2: this episode and take some notes. You've been so amazing.

735
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 2: But right now we want to shift up the energy

736
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 2: of this conversation. Okay, okay. And because we recognize, appreciate,

737
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,399
Speaker 2: and celebrate the multifaceted woman, and we believe that it's

738
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 2: okay to be bougie, classy and ratchet. You can still

739
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 2: be elegant and dance to strip club music if you

740
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 2: so choose. So, y'all, we want to invite you to

741
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 2: the oh You Blatchett segment. So do you take on

742
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 2: the challenge?

743
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 4: I welcome it with over an arm.

744
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 2: Okay, okay. So now that you've agreed, we're going to

745
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 2: tell you what to expect.

746
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 4: Okay.

747
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 2: So we're going to ask you three questions. Then we're

748
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 2: going to share three sentence completions, and then in closing,

749
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 2: we're going to have you choose a number from one

750
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 2: to three. We have three photos quota of you on screen,

751
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 2: and we're going to show you that respective photo and

752
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 2: we want you to provide more context, something that we

753
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 2: wouldn't know about the photo just by looking at it.

754
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,279
Speaker 2: All right, you ready to go?

755
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 4: I'm ready, all right, lady.

756
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 2: First question is what's the best piece of advice or

757
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 2: wisdom you've ever received.

758
00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:01,359
Speaker 3: Best piece of advice or wisdom that I've ever received.

759
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 1: Was to.

760
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 4: Always make sure that.

761
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:12,279
Speaker 3: You do things that bring you joy and not so

762
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 3: much always chasing the bag.

763
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,399
Speaker 2: I'm gonna just let a moment of silence, just chill

764
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 2: right there, because that's a word. It's not always about

765
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 2: the money boom. You should y'all have to see y'all

766
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 2: right now, she's shaking her head like I done been there,

767
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 2: done that.

768
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 4: It's not and it's not okay.

769
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 2: Next question, it's not even I'm not eve gonna say

770
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,359
Speaker 2: it's a question. I just have four words for you. Okay, yeah,

771
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 2: twork or two step twork or.

772
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 3: Two step and I'm God gave me too much and.

773
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,800
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, just you go TWK.

774
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 4: I love it all right, yea.

775
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,759
Speaker 2: Our next question is what's the sexiest item you own?

776
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 4: A poll?

777
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:10,399
Speaker 2: You better go ahead. We've never had poll. We've had

778
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 2: a lot of different answer We've never y'all. You were

779
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 2: the first person that's come dough with a poll. I'm

780
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 2: trying to be like you when I grow up. Okay,

781
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 2: y'all heard her. Y'all heard it here first, okay. And

782
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 2: your facial expressions are so funny.

783
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: I love it.

784
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:23,879
Speaker 2: I love it's so cute.

785
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 4: Okay.

786
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 2: So now we're going to move on to the sentence completions.

787
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 2: And you're wondering, lady, where doctor donal went the end

788
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 2: that was not trying to let her be great, so

789
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 2: her computer fold. So I'm just gonna go ahead, and

790
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 2: we're gonna finish the old you blatchet segment.

791
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 4: But it's all good.

792
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 2: We're gonna make it work, all right. One question or

793
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,480
Speaker 2: topic I wish people ask me about more.

794
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 3: Often is either my music choices or things that I

795
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 3: like to do outside of this.

796
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 4: That's good, all right.

797
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 2: The next sentence completion is things you like to do

798
00:43:57,800 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 2: outside of this are.

799
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 4: Listen to music, reenact movies.

800
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 3: I can pull up a line from almost anything that's funny,

801
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 3: and I am very competitive, so games, taboo, all kinds of.

802
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 2: Stuff that's such a vibe that sounds so fun I

803
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 2: love it. The last sent of this, the completion we

804
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 2: have for you is what I love most about myself is.

805
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 3: That I am a risk taker, that it does not

806
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 3: matter what it is I'm gonna take the risk and

807
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 3: not always bad me.

808
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 2: I love it. Yes, that is something amazing to love

809
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 2: about yourself and it's so inspiring. And so now what

810
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 2: we're gonna do, y'all is I have three photos pulled

811
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 2: up and I want you to choose a number one

812
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 2: to three, and I'm gonna reveal the photo and you

813
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 2: give us more contact throughout the photo. They're fun photos too,

814
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 2: so choose wisely.

815
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 4: I'm too.

816
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 2: I feel like everyone chooses too. I love it. Okay,

817
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 2: so let's do it. Let's do it. Tell us about

818
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 2: this photo. No, y'all, everyone's not gonna be watching this,

819
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 2: so for the listeners, tell them what we're looking at

820
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 2: and then give us more context behind this image.

821
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 3: So this was my last speaking engagement of twenty twenty,

822
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 3: right before the PAN clinic. It was literally March the

823
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 3: sixth of twenty twenty, and the world shut.

824
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 4: Down like the twelve.

825
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 3: So I am on the stage for a woman's conference

826
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:44,239
Speaker 3: and I am sharing how you can continue to cultivate

827
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 3: a better relationship with yourself.

828
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,840
Speaker 2: That is a bomb photo number one. But that's just

829
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 2: so wild to write. Before the pandemic hit, it was

830
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 2: just like, oh, twenty twenty is my year. I got

831
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 2: my I'm doing this, I'm doing that, and then it

832
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 2: was like, Paul, Dang, what a time, what a moment

833
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:05,839
Speaker 2: to capture, to capture on camera. Yeah, we just want

834
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 2: to thank you so much for your time, your energy,

835
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:13,279
Speaker 2: your gems, the wisdom. I just love, love love when

836
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,959
Speaker 2: we have inspiring women come on and just talk about

837
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 2: their journeys authentically, because it really does liberate other women

838
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 2: to do the same. It makes us not so afraid

839
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 2: to dig into our past or dig into the things

840
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 2: that we may not find us pretty about ourselves right,

841
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 2: and just dive into them and become better and cultivate

842
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 2: our best selves. So thank you so much for sharing.

843
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 2: We appreciate you, and I'd love to know where can

844
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 2: listeners support you, Where can they buy their books? Where

845
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 2: can they follow you let them know?

846
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 4: Thank you all so much for this opportunity.

847
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 3: I absolutely love this space and I'm so glad that

848
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 3: I was able to be here to share, to add value,

849
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 3: to learn all of the great things, and you all can.

850
00:46:55,440 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 3: I am Yahues on all social media platforms. You can

851
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 3: go to cultivate Wholeness dot org to purchase the book

852
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 3: to learn more, about me and the things that I

853
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 3: have going on.

854
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:14,279
Speaker 4: So I look forward to just connecting.

855
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:18,240
Speaker 3: I talk back in the DMS, so I look forward

856
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 3: to connecting and sharing this journey with you.

857
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you so much. Hey lady, it's Terry

858
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 2: here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. I'm hosting a

859
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 2: free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you how

860
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 2: to create your impactful podcast and how you can generate

861
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:41,280
Speaker 2: multiple streams of income. You can visit podcast with Terry

862
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 2: dot com to register for free. I hope to see

863
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 2: you there.

864
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 1: Thank you, thanks for joining us today. Please note that

865
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 1: our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment,

866
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,800
Speaker 1: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

867
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 1: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

868
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 1: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

869
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 1: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

870
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

871
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:17,720
Speaker 1: insurance provider.

872
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 6: If you like what you heard and want to keep

873
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 6: the conversation going, visit our website at cultivatinghirspace dot com

874
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,799
Speaker 6: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

875
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 6: access to video content bonuses and our weekly after show

876
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 6: and before we meet again, repeat after me, what's meant

877
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 6: for me? Will never miss me? I don't have to chase.

878
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,440
Speaker 5: Tee. Okay, I'm not trying to interrupt the show, but

879
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,399
Speaker 5: I had this random idea I want to share with you,

880
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 5: and I don't want to forget it.

881
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 2: Tell me, tell me what is it?

882
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 5: Okay? So you know how at the start of every

883
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 5: New Year, birthday, new moon, anniversary, new month, new anything,

884
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 5: people find themselves wanting to have a reset, but they're

885
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 5: not sure where to start.

886
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 2: I sure do What are you thinking?

887
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 1: What if we.

888
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:17,279
Speaker 5: Hosted a workshop where we could interact with our listeners

889
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 5: to talk about stuff like self care and self love, oh.

890
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 2: And g and we could even have a session about manifestation,

891
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 2: leaving toxic relationships and becoming our best selves. Girl, I

892
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 2: am so excited.

893
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 4: I'm sold.

894
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 2: We could call it the Vibrate Higher Empowerment Workshop.

895
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, that is it. And we could even host

896
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:45,800
Speaker 5: our live quarterly wind down to check in and build

897
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 5: community as we vibrate Higher all year.

898
00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:49,839
Speaker 4: Yo.

899
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,280
Speaker 2: I love it, I love it. I'm sold.

900
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 4: Let's do it.

901
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 5: Lady.

902
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 2: If this sounds like fun to you, visit New Year

903
00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 2: Workshop dot com and join us for the Vibe Higher

904
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 2: Empowerment Workshop.

905
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 4: If you want to release.

906
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 2: Baggage, set intentions, and manifest the life you desire, this

907
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 2: is just for you, lady.

908
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 5: That's New Year Workshop dot com.

909
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 4: We can't wait to connect with you.