Speaker 1: And the folks did it Sunday, June twenty eighth, And
Speaker 1: we'll be honest with you. Right before we hit the
Speaker 1: record button for this episode, I said to Robes, this
Speaker 1: is so stupid and her response was, yeah, it is.
Speaker 1: And with that, welcome to this episode of AY and TJ. Look,
Speaker 1: you bring a lot of dating trends my way, and
Speaker 1: it's fun. And I know a lot of things are
Speaker 1: stuff we've been doing forever, and they get new labels
Speaker 1: and all these things, but I'm usually on board. This
Speaker 1: is one that, at least on its surface, Robes, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Well, what's so interesting about this particular dating trend, Yeah,
Speaker 2: is that it is what There have been headlines, but
Speaker 2: they've all had asterisks to them, which I think is
Speaker 2: pretty interesting. Okay, it sounds superficial, af and awful, and
Speaker 2: that's why we were both rolling our eyes were going
Speaker 2: into this. But the asterisk is that this could actually
Speaker 2: be a cry for help.
Speaker 1: Okay, there it is, So you're saying that there. Before
Speaker 1: we are dismissive of it, we need to recognize that
Speaker 1: there might be something going on.
Speaker 2: Yes, there's a deeper issue that this this thing we
Speaker 2: need to explain called the forting trend, and you might
Speaker 2: be like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 3: This is insane. I'm not here for this. And yet
Speaker 3: if you actually take a.
Speaker 2: Look at why maybe this is becoming a thing on TikTok,
Speaker 2: which it is, you might be able to say, ah, okay,
Speaker 2: you're trying to repair something.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, okay, you got to help me here, then
Speaker 1: please do tell, do tell.
Speaker 2: The four six is dating trends and women, right, women? Well,
Speaker 2: I guess it could be men too, gay men, But
Speaker 2: this is a dating trend for people who are into guys. So,
Speaker 2: whoever you are, you like men, this is a dating
Speaker 2: trend that might be something you've seen.
Speaker 1: It's okay to speak in general terms that this is
Speaker 1: about women talking about men.
Speaker 3: Or gay men talking about gay men. Okay, but yeah,
Speaker 3: but it's okay, or we're.
Speaker 1: Talking about women here talking about dudes and the yes.
Speaker 3: Had you heard of the four six?
Speaker 2: Of course?
Speaker 3: By the way, okay, you.
Speaker 1: Told me about this earlier today, and I still don't
Speaker 1: know what we're talking.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I did not hear about this either, But
Speaker 2: that just might be the fact that I'm in a
Speaker 2: loving relationship and I'm of a certain age. But Apparently
Speaker 2: this is a thing on TikTok the four sixes hashtag. Yes,
Speaker 2: six feet, six figures, six pack, and six inches, that's
Speaker 2: what people say.
Speaker 1: Okay, but is there a hashtag it just says six
Speaker 1: Is there a thing? Is it a dating trend called
Speaker 1: the four sixes?
Speaker 3: The four sixes?
Speaker 1: Sixes? All right? Six Okay?
Speaker 2: I went through six feet, six figures, six pack and
Speaker 2: six inches. If you want me to break it down,
Speaker 2: I will tell you it's six feet tall, yep or
Speaker 2: more yep. You got to earn a six figure salary,
Speaker 2: you got to have a six pack, app and you
Speaker 2: gotta be six inches.
Speaker 3: Okay, so speaking, so all right, okay.
Speaker 1: Now, okay, before you say the next thing, can I
Speaker 1: ask is that a reasonable expectation?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: No, it's not.
Speaker 3: Look I mean that that.
Speaker 2: So what people are saying is this is what fairy
Speaker 2: tales are made of. This is the Disney prince that
Speaker 2: every girl dreams of the hot guy who's tall, who
Speaker 2: has a six pack, who is rich, who is sexually satisfying.
Speaker 2: He exists, and that's what I want and that's what
Speaker 2: I deserve, and that's what this is based off of.
Speaker 2: This superficial Why superficial baby, why not a physical attributes?
Speaker 2: Are we're talking about anything with personality? You're not talking
Speaker 2: about morality, you're not talking about okay, I'm sorry you
Speaker 2: got connectivity.
Speaker 3: Or any that.
Speaker 2: You're just talking about physical attributes, including your bank account.
Speaker 3: That is what we're talking about.
Speaker 2: So the question is is this something that is solely
Speaker 2: based on having high standards or here is the big
Speaker 2: aha that I was referencing. Is it about avoiding intimacy?
Speaker 2: Would be a coping mechanism. Okay, So the point being,
Speaker 2: dating experts are saying, hey, they're all seeing this trend
Speaker 2: on TikTok Okay. So people are trying to unpack it,
Speaker 2: and they're saying, Okay, after repeated disappointment for women who
Speaker 2: have just had like failure after failure, I see.
Speaker 1: Where we're going. I see where we might be going.
Speaker 2: Okay, some women might become more rigid and have higher
Speaker 2: expectations as a form of self protection.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: A stamp is so heavy.
Speaker 3: Isn't it interesting?
Speaker 2: So yes, to have very specific physical requirements of somebody,
Speaker 2: it's easier to control what happens rather than being vulnerable
Speaker 2: and resk being rejected. So here are my standards, and
Speaker 2: they're so insane that if someone doesn't meet them, I
Speaker 2: can just point to that as the reason why it's
Speaker 2: not working versus me actually getting rejected, being vulnerable having something.
Speaker 3: Not work out. Does that make sense now? Isn't that fascinating?
Speaker 1: It is so fascinating robes to set a standard so
Speaker 1: high it can never be met, so therefore it can't
Speaker 1: be meant.
Speaker 3: Do you come around with us, Dawn? I would bring
Speaker 3: you this dating trend?
Speaker 1: Okay, I would never have just brought.
Speaker 2: You a superficial dating trend that had no that didn't
Speaker 2: have legs. And this, actually, to me, might be an
Speaker 2: interesting jumping off point to a lot of what we
Speaker 2: don't understand about the world or this generation or other
Speaker 2: people who don't think like us. Much of what I
Speaker 2: think we don't get that we might throw judgment at
Speaker 2: actually is based in insecurity. So you set a standard
Speaker 2: so high, but it looks like you're being an asshole.
Speaker 2: It looks like you're being like, yeah, I deserve better, YadA.
Speaker 3: YadA, YadA.
Speaker 2: The reality is you don't think you can get what
Speaker 2: you need, so you create this expectation and then say, yeah,
Speaker 2: he didn't meet it, and then you're not the problem
Speaker 2: they are.
Speaker 1: But we never rolled the Aren't there people out there
Speaker 1: preaching just that thing that you should not compromise, that
Speaker 1: you shouldn't lower a standard?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Isn't that what we are preaching these days, and certainly
Speaker 1: on social media, we're preaching this to our to young
Speaker 1: people these days. So how do you combat this? I
Speaker 1: didn't you said this to me. I had an idea
Speaker 1: of what we were talking about.
Speaker 2: I set you up for it a little bit, but
Speaker 2: I didn't tell you what the I didn't know that.
Speaker 3: What the through line was, what.
Speaker 2: The lesson was in all of this, and it goes
Speaker 2: beyond what the what the obvious would be like. So
Speaker 2: people are getting upset. People who are looking at this
Speaker 2: just in a black and white scenario. How dare you?
Speaker 2: How dare you have this? Four to six is dating trend?
Speaker 2: Like people are offended. Some people are offended that you
Speaker 2: would actually have height and income requirements? Does that offend
Speaker 2: you if a girl sets out on her dating journey
Speaker 2: and has a height and an income requirement before she
Speaker 2: decides whether or not she's going to pursue or continue
Speaker 2: no relationship.
Speaker 1: No, this is the thing. It's all about how you
Speaker 1: go about pursuing it. It's because at the end of really, robes,
Speaker 1: all women have a height and an income requirement. You
Speaker 1: don't put it down on paper and you don't say
Speaker 1: and you don't put it out on social media. That
Speaker 1: makes you look like an absolute asshole except.
Speaker 3: For that now.
Speaker 1: But no, no, no, no, but no, But robes people have
Speaker 1: just in the terms of what you're attracted to, you
Speaker 1: end up naturally attracted to a guy who happens to
Speaker 1: be a certain height, of a certain race, of a
Speaker 1: certain thickness of his hair, who is in a certain profession,
Speaker 1: who is able to have health care benefits. Right, So
Speaker 1: it kind of you kind of go that way without
Speaker 1: setting this standard when you stop putting, when you start
Speaker 1: putting stuff on paper and having a certain height requirement,
Speaker 1: that just makes that just comes off in a in
Speaker 1: a crappy way and almost as.
Speaker 2: If you're eliminating people who might be actually really amazing partners.
Speaker 1: But a lot of women don't do that without being
Speaker 1: a jerk about it.
Speaker 3: I'm saying they don't verbalize it, but they think standards.
Speaker 1: Everybody has a standard, of course, robes. But when you
Speaker 1: go about this and you promote this The problem here,
Speaker 1: or the danger here, is that you're actually putting this
Speaker 1: in other people's heads and other women's heads, that you
Speaker 1: have to do this, that this is what is required,
Speaker 1: that this is what somebody else is doing that you
Speaker 1: don't deserve, right, I don't like the lesson that's being Oh.
Speaker 3: Can you flip it?
Speaker 2: Can you imagine if men put a high requirement on
Speaker 2: women or like other I don't know, Oh my god,
Speaker 2: this is you got to have a You've got to
Speaker 2: have a cup size, right, that would be what the
Speaker 2: equivalent would be. You've got to have at least a
Speaker 2: sea cup or larger. You have to have a way
Speaker 2: size of this. You have to have a height of this,
Speaker 2: you have to have a whatever. Like if you reversed it,
Speaker 2: it would be like them are fighting words.
Speaker 3: But if women do it.
Speaker 2: So that's what some people are saying, Hey, this is
Speaker 2: not okay that you are judging men's bodies so publicly,
Speaker 2: And then others are saying, yeah, welcome to what women
Speaker 2: have been subjected to since the beginning of time.
Speaker 3: We have been objectified based on how.
Speaker 2: We look, not what we offer as a companion, not
Speaker 2: what we offer as a mother, a wife, or any
Speaker 2: of the other. But it's just been solely physical attributes.
Speaker 2: So welcome to what we've been subjected to forever.
Speaker 1: You know how I am about comparative suffering. So nobody's
Speaker 1: going to be no, so nobody. So who's going to
Speaker 1: be the adult in the room to set a new standard?
Speaker 1: This is the standard. So this is what we're going
Speaker 1: to teach our daughters. Any any woman listening right now,
Speaker 1: if you have a kid, if you don't have a kid,
Speaker 1: any young mother or hope to be a mother, you
Speaker 1: really want to tell me this is what you want
Speaker 1: to teach you a child, your daughter. Okay, so let's
Speaker 1: just keep it at that.
Speaker 3: Someone put it like this.
Speaker 2: How about this? Okay, so this is going viral right
Speaker 2: now on TikTok. So whether we knew it or we
Speaker 2: were aware of it or not, our kids probably are.
Speaker 2: But someone put it like this, because this ain't going viral.
Speaker 2: I want someone I'm attracted to who is kind, emotionally available, consistent,
Speaker 2: and looking for the same kind of relationship. That isn't viral,
Speaker 2: that isn't sexy, that isn't something that people click on,
Speaker 2: that's not a hashtag, But that is actually what we
Speaker 2: should all be encouraging one another to look for that
Speaker 2: was a.
Speaker 1: Quote you just rich. Yes, okay, yes, that's why we
Speaker 1: lost jobs. Well, I have moments where I get just
Speaker 1: it's stings, man, it's stings. It sucks. The truth is
Speaker 1: you and I were best friends. It turned into a
Speaker 1: beautiful friendship, turned into a beautiful love in a relationship
Speaker 1: that doesn't sell. Nope, right, And that's the truth, and
Speaker 1: it sucks. I'm sorry, but that happened to us, and
Speaker 1: it's the reality of the matter. But it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: You gotta have a scandal, you gotta have salacious, you
Speaker 1: gotta have all the shit.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: So here we go. Here we go again, ropes.
Speaker 3: And it's what people are.
Speaker 2: People are looking for what we have. But you need
Speaker 2: to have this thing, this this collective hashtag where people
Speaker 2: are like, yeah, I'm gonna say this, I'm gonna do that,
Speaker 2: and that's gonna make it okay. But look, here's the deal.
Speaker 2: This is fascinating with this new trend. This I'm gonna
Speaker 2: say it again.
Speaker 3: The four to.
Speaker 2: Six is dating trend. Would you imagine? I'm sure you
Speaker 2: can get your head around this. How a I Artificial
Speaker 2: intelligence has played a role in this trend, and we
Speaker 2: have some experts advice, which you might imagine might not be.
Speaker 3: In favor of this new dating trend.
Speaker 2: You have people this is fantasy not reality. Welcome back,
Speaker 2: everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ. We're talking
Speaker 2: about this four six's dating trend. Maybe you're cooler than
Speaker 2: we are. You've already heard of it.
Speaker 3: You get it.
Speaker 2: It's six feet six figures, six pack and six inches.
Speaker 2: This is what a lot of ladies are going online
Speaker 2: saying that's what they're looking for in a relationship. And look,
Speaker 2: as you might imagine, there are a lot of opinions
Speaker 2: about this new trend, and some people point to the
Speaker 2: fact that this is fantasy versus intimacy. That's interesting. I
Speaker 2: would have thought this was fantasy versus reality. But no,
Speaker 2: they're saying this actually equals to loneliness because some people
Speaker 2: might be looking to upgrade their lives. Yeah, with this
Speaker 2: perfect man that they think exists that they're entitled to.
Speaker 3: But like the reality is, if they say this is what.
Speaker 2: They want and what they need and they're not getting it,
Speaker 2: then there's some safety. I don't choose this because he
Speaker 2: doesn't equal this. Therefore, I'm not going to go after
Speaker 2: this person, but therefore I'm safe from being hurt.
Speaker 3: But I'm lonely as hell.
Speaker 2: And that is what many and most dating experts say.
Speaker 2: This trend is leading to loneliness because no one is
Speaker 2: going to a fit this bill, or very few people will.
Speaker 3: And even if they do, what else do they have
Speaker 3: to offer?
Speaker 2: Okay, say you get all of those physical attributes, you
Speaker 2: don't need anything else. Can you even apply this? This
Speaker 2: is what women? This is about men, But flip it
Speaker 2: and imagine men requiring this of women. First of all,
Speaker 2: the outrage would be deafening, but what would you be
Speaker 2: left with, Say you do get that woman who has
Speaker 2: the I don't know what is a perfect woman?
Speaker 3: What do they say? Thirty four.
Speaker 1: Idea?
Speaker 3: Twenty four thirty four? I don't even know what it is.
Speaker 3: What do you.
Speaker 2: That's very sweet, that's what?
Speaker 1: But I just I know this. Maybe it's supposed to
Speaker 1: be fun, it's supposed to be cute, and maybe it's
Speaker 1: just a social media thing, but it does spread, and
Speaker 1: I always have concerns about us continuing to promote the
Speaker 1: idea that a relationship is one that you're only supposed
Speaker 1: to get something out of. You're not supposed to contribute to.
Speaker 1: And that's the mindset I guess. It seems so often
Speaker 1: in these conversations where it is a a relationship is
Speaker 1: not one in which you're supposed to compromise anything of
Speaker 1: what you are for the betterment of that relationship. It's
Speaker 1: instead of what does that relationship bring to me me?
Speaker 1: How does it improve me? How does it improve my
Speaker 1: status in some way? And that? And sure, I just disagree,
Speaker 1: but some people can think that, yes, that's the way
Speaker 1: of modern relationships these days. It's just it's it's tough,
Speaker 1: and this trend you're talking about makes it tough, bab.
Speaker 3: Is it listening to you?
Speaker 2: I actually really got a sense about whether or not
Speaker 2: this could be overcorrection a sorts where women have felt
Speaker 2: so unempowered for so many years that now they feel
Speaker 2: like they have the right to kind of just dictate
Speaker 2: who they want, what they want, what they expect from
Speaker 2: their partner and if you don't like it, by see
Speaker 2: you next. Do you think that do sense that that
Speaker 2: possibly is happening right now?
Speaker 1: We would never pretend to have studied those trends enough
Speaker 1: to be an expert in that thing, but I do
Speaker 1: we disagree that relationships are supposed to be partnerships in
Speaker 1: which both you do have to sacrifice. Every relationship that
Speaker 1: is successful and has done well required each of the
Speaker 1: individuals to sacrifice, which sometimes means giving up something of
Speaker 1: what you like, to who you were, or what you wanted.
Speaker 1: That's okay, it's for the betterment of that relationship. Doesn't
Speaker 1: you have to do with kids. It doesn't for the
Speaker 1: sake of the kids, or no, for the sake of
Speaker 1: the improvement of this thing you claim to want to
Speaker 1: be in. It's not that complicated.
Speaker 2: I do think that gets lost, and I do think
Speaker 2: that's a really important point because I do think as
Speaker 2: exists in many situations in this world, when you have
Speaker 2: someone or a.
Speaker 3: Group of people who feel.
Speaker 2: Like they have not been seen or heard, there tends
Speaker 2: to be oftentimes in overcorrection, and this could be one
Speaker 2: of them. And I'm not Maybe I'm giving this more
Speaker 2: weight than it deserves, but I thought it was interesting
Speaker 2: the expert advice when they were confronted with this new
Speaker 2: TikTok trend. They I thought this was really cool. They
Speaker 2: wanted to caution younger folks especially, but people who are
Speaker 2: getting into relationships do not confuse intense chemistry with compatibility.
Speaker 2: So yeah, you might be really hot for somebody, and yeah,
Speaker 2: they might check all the boxes physically, that does not
Speaker 2: mean that you are going to have a compatible long
Speaker 2: term relationship. You might have hot sex one night, so
Speaker 2: don't mistake somebody who's got the four to sixes with
Speaker 2: somebody who you might want to spend your life with,
Speaker 2: or somebody who you might want to enter a relationship with.
Speaker 2: And so they reiterated and Babe, this is good for us.
Speaker 2: But studies continually show study after study after study that
Speaker 2: relationships built on friendship have a significantly better chance at
Speaker 2: long term success. And I believe that we have lived it.
Speaker 2: I have walked that walk, and it is kind of awesome.
Speaker 2: It's one of those moments just to remember, yes, you
Speaker 2: can be hot for somebody, and yes somebody can look great,
Speaker 2: but at the end of the day, hotness for one
Speaker 2: another chemistry does.
Speaker 3: Not mean that you guys have the.
Speaker 2: Have what it takes to be compatible, have what it
Speaker 2: takes to have a relationship. And people get focused oftentimes
Speaker 2: on the physicality and what they think they deserve or
Speaker 2: what's going.
Speaker 3: To make them hot. And that's great.
Speaker 2: Fine, you're young, you're hot, knock yourselves out. But they
Speaker 2: actually go through the questions you need to ask yourself
Speaker 2: about the person you're dating. And these questions, they say,
Speaker 2: will tell you way more than whether or not somebody
Speaker 2: has a six pack or a six feet tall or
Speaker 2: has all the other four sixes.
Speaker 1: What what's the trend again? I'm sorry? What the trend is? What?
Speaker 3: So it's four sixes?
Speaker 1: The for this is how you should date or the
Speaker 1: trend of what women are doing now today.
Speaker 3: It is the four to six's dating trend. For what
Speaker 3: you're looking for in a guy.
Speaker 2: Okay, six to be tall, six figure salary, six backags abs,
Speaker 2: excuse me, and six inches.
Speaker 1: That sounds great? Okay, I mean, but I'm saying if
Speaker 1: every wanting listening, anybody listening thinks that's sounds good, and
Speaker 1: that's what you find that is great, knock yourself out.
Speaker 2: But just gonna give you these questions. If you've got
Speaker 2: that guy, you've got that person you think, man.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm living it up. I got the four sixes.
Speaker 2: The experts in relationships tell you to ask yourself these questions.
Speaker 2: Are they emotionally available? Do their words and actions match?
Speaker 2: Are they consistent or Are they always trying to decode?
Speaker 2: Are you always trying to decode mixed signals? Do they
Speaker 2: make room for your needs? Can they communicate honestly? Do
Speaker 2: they respect your boundaries? Do they take responsibility when.
Speaker 3: They hurt you?
Speaker 2: Are they interested in who you are? Do they want
Speaker 2: the same kind of life? Bottom line? The big question
Speaker 2: they said, do you feel like yourself around them? Or
Speaker 2: do you feel like you're auditioning for love? And so
Speaker 2: I think sometimes women find this guy who they think
Speaker 2: they want.
Speaker 3: But I thought that was so interesting.
Speaker 2: You're auditioning for love, You're trying to prove to them
Speaker 2: that you're the.
Speaker 3: One they want.
Speaker 2: And the reality is the four sixes are not the
Speaker 2: determining factor in who you want as a partner.
Speaker 3: And so, yes, it's on TikTok.
Speaker 2: Yes it sounds sexy on a headline or in whatever clickbait,
Speaker 2: but the truth of the matter is, let's get real,
Speaker 2: that's not what makes for a long term relationship.
Speaker 3: You and I both know that.
Speaker 1: Well, I hope I get the partner.
Speaker 3: The same baby, same that.
Speaker 1: Folks, we always appreciate you spending a little time with us.
Speaker 1: From my dear every Robot com T. J. Holmes we'll
Speaker 1: be talking to y'all soon.
Speaker 2: M h m hm hm hm