1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:06,560 Speaker 1: I had a third brother or a third child, second brother, 2 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: and he died three days later. He was born with 3 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 1: half a heart and had surgery that didn't save him. 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: When my parents came home from the hospital calling in 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,200 Speaker 1: the driveway with the wood paneled station wagon and just 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: their faces right red eyed zombies, I ran to missus 7 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: Gilliam's house. She held me on her lap and rocked 8 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: me and told me about cherubs and that Justin was 9 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,159 Speaker 1: an angel in the sky. To have, like, you know, 10 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: another adult that a child can run to, literally run to, 11 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: for support locally, is just so meaningful and so important 12 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 1: for parents, for families, for kids, for everyone. 13 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 2: And that obviously had a big impact on my life. 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 3: And boy have we lost that today. 15 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 4: Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. 16 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 4: I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, I'm a father, 17 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 4: I'm an entrepreneur, and I'm a foot ball coach an 18 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 4: inner city Memphis. And that last part led to an 19 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 4: oscar for the film about one of my teams. 20 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 3: It's called Undefeated. 21 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 4: Guys, I believe our country's problems will never be solved 22 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 4: by a bunch of fancy people in nice suits talking 23 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 4: big words. That nobody ever uses on CNN and fogs, 24 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 4: but rather by an army of normal folks. That's us, 25 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 4: just you and me deciding, Hey, you know what, maybe 26 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 4: I can help. That's what Vanessa Elias, the voice you 27 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 4: just heard, has done. Vanessa has lived in twenty eight 28 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 4: different places across the world, which has especially taught her 29 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 4: the importance of neighbors and community, and when she saw 30 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 4: a rise of incivility in her current community of Wilton, Connecticut, 31 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 4: she rallied citizens to host forty neighborhood block parties that 32 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 4: had one thousand, two hundred attendees so that people could 33 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 4: get to know their neighbors, realize that they don't hate them, 34 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 4: and even get this enjoy them. 35 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 3: Got so much attention. 36 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:10,240 Speaker 4: That she started block Party USA to spread this simple 37 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 4: solution across the country. I cannot wait for you to 38 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 4: meet Vanessa right after these brief messages from our general sponsors, 39 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 4: Vanessa Elias, Welcome to Memphis. 40 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 2: Thanks for having me. 41 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 4: Vanessa Elias is the founder of block Party USA. She's 42 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 4: from Wilton, Connecticut, and was kind of enough fly down 43 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,919 Speaker 4: and join us. Fly down last night, listen to some poetry, 44 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 4: avoid the paper tag driving idiots and enjoy Kings. 45 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta, I gotta take out the bb Kings 46 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,639 Speaker 1: and took it up to the rooftop and pretty cool. 47 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 3: Boy. 48 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was great. 49 00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 3: Good. 50 00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 4: Well, I'm glad you enjoyed a little bit of our 51 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 4: fair city. You're not far from the National Civil Rights Museum, 52 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 4: by the way. 53 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, I wanted to go there, but I'm going to 54 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 1: They were closed by the time I got in. 55 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,360 Speaker 4: Wasn't Well, that's probably Alex's fault for not scheduling properly. 56 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,639 Speaker 4: So founder of block Party USA. Certainly we're going to 57 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,079 Speaker 4: get to that. And I found reading about your childhood 58 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 4: really interesting and certainly Germaine to the whole block party focus, 59 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 4: I think, which I don't want to put words in 60 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 4: your mouth. You can explain that. But you and I 61 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,079 Speaker 4: studied the same thing in college. Oh yeah, yeah, And 62 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:39,880 Speaker 4: I think I want to start there with you to 63 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 4: give our audience a perspective, and then we'll go back 64 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 4: to your childhood maybe. But I think both pieces offer 65 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 4: really interesting perspective on why you've done what you've done 66 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 4: and how successful you've been. And by the way, it's 67 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 4: really really cool and I can't wait to kind of 68 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 4: unfold it for our audience, but start with what you 69 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 4: studied and kind of what that led to in your 70 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 4: world after your childhood, which some of them will double 71 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 4: back and go to that. 72 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: So I studied psychology, but only as undergrad I never 73 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: went further with that, and I also had a minor 74 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: in German. 75 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 2: Of course, that. 76 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 3: Makes total sense. 77 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,040 Speaker 4: Oddly, my degrees are in psychology and English, so there 78 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,960 Speaker 4: you go. I couldn't speak another language. I'm not good 79 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,400 Speaker 4: at that stuff, so go ahead anyway. 80 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 1: And so I think psychology was always of interest to me, 81 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:30,919 Speaker 1: and it's trying to figure out how the world works, 82 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: how people work, and understanding where people are coming from, 83 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,239 Speaker 1: what causes them to be the way they are, things 84 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: that we can do to impact our well being. And 85 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: I mean, I just I loved it. It was a 86 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: lot of fun. And then I never, like I said, 87 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: and then I went into marketing and use that psychology. 88 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 4: Actually psychology makes sense exactly, but I think it's interesting. 89 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,360 Speaker 4: I think you have people that struggle with some mental 90 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,480 Speaker 4: health issues in your family tell. 91 00:04:59,400 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 3: Us about that. 92 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 1: So growing up I think that was really I didn't 93 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,719 Speaker 1: have the family life that I wanted. 94 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 2: I mean, from the outside, everything. 95 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: Was great, but there was a lot of volatility at home, 96 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 1: and I didn't really feel like I belonged and didn't 97 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 1: feel connected and struggled to understand that it wasn't about me, right, 98 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: it was about the other person and the things that 99 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: they had struggled with and trying to make sense of 100 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: it all. 101 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 3: Stuff. 102 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 4: My dad left one was four, mom was married, divorced 103 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 4: five times. And I'm pretty sure that my going into 104 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 4: coaching and psychology was also a result of kind of 105 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 4: me trying to figure out who I was and where 106 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 4: I fit in the world. So I found that interesting, 107 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 4: which in addition to everything else. Don't you run a 108 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 4: support group or something? 109 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,360 Speaker 1: That kind of came tell me, But I'll just say 110 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: one more thing about college. I remember I found some 111 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: old papers that I had written you typed up and 112 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 1: I was blown way because what I had written was 113 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: how I wanted to help parents and understand their impact 114 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: of a child's self esteem. 115 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 4: And you feel like your self esteem was negatively impacted. 116 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so. 117 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 4: Your answer was not to be a victim, but was 118 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 4: to fix it for other people. Yeah, that says a 119 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 4: lot about you done it. It's very cool. So tell 120 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 4: me about support group thing. 121 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 2: So support group is. 122 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: It's with NAMMY, National Alliance on Mental Illness, which is 123 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: a nationwide grassroots organization with local chapters. 124 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 2: And when we were abroad. 125 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 1: For six years and things were really hard with one 126 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 1: of my child's mental health issues and was part of 127 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: the reason we came back to the US, we just 128 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: weren't able to get the support we needed. And I 129 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,719 Speaker 1: had struggled in silence for so long that when I 130 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,040 Speaker 1: came back to the US, I knew that I needed 131 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 1: to speak and I needed to find other people who 132 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,279 Speaker 1: were experiencing this. So I had said to a friend, 133 00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,640 Speaker 1: I need something like alan ON, but for me mental health. 134 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: And yeah, it's for loved ones of people who suffer 135 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 1: from alcoholism, right, and so it's like part of the 136 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: AA world, and uh. 137 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 4: People who are really the victims of the folks who 138 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 4: are in AA and are struggling. Yeah. 139 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 3: Right. 140 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: So I was just so lucky that she'd heard of it, 141 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: and she said, there actually is something. It's called NAMMY, 142 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: And there was a meeting once a month, you know, uh, 143 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 1: thirty minutes away, and I went and I felt like 144 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: I was in a room with people who understood the 145 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,040 Speaker 1: things that we couldn't speak about. Outside and so felt 146 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: like I just understood and that there was a world 147 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 1: in people. You know, it wasn't my fault, right, so 148 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: it was, yeah, it was I'm tearing up because it 149 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: was really meaningful. And so then I got trained, Like 150 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: once I felt like I was on solid ground and 151 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: got the help that we needed, I got trained to 152 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 1: be a facilitator and I started that. I think it 153 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: was about two years later, and I've been doing it 154 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: ever since. 155 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 2: We're running a monthly group. 156 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: We were in person, now we're online on Zoom, so 157 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: it makes it easier for people to join, so once 158 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 1: a month, and it's basically parents of or caregivers of 159 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: kids who are struggling with emotional and behavioral mental health 160 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: issues with a diagnosis or with not. We generally say 161 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: kids who are twenty one and younger, so you know, 162 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: it really ranges from seven year olds too. I mean 163 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: there are still people who come with older kids because 164 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: they've been coming for We've been doing it for a 165 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: long time. It's our eleventh year, so you know, kids 166 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,439 Speaker 1: are older that are still struggling. So but it's a 167 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: safe space where you feel understood and you don't feel judged, 168 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 1: so and you can find the resources right and you 169 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,559 Speaker 1: get a support from other people in the group, or 170 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: you know, things that worked or things that didn't, or 171 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 1: you know, just just a space where other people understand. 172 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:59,439 Speaker 4: While this is not the topic of our discussion today 173 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 4: is about block party, it's not about this. 174 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 3: I think. 175 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 4: I think as I read about block party, how it's 176 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 4: so much more important than just having a party. I 177 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 4: think that that experience of going to school and studying 178 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 4: psychology and what we're about to unpackage your childhood and 179 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 4: then what you've done since then, I think it's all 180 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 4: kind of part of the same bucket, don't you. 181 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: I agree, yep, it is. 182 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 4: So let's explain that a little bit, and you've alluded 183 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,320 Speaker 4: to it. I'll just set up what Alex told me 184 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,359 Speaker 4: and then. 185 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 5: You rarely ever listened. 186 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,079 Speaker 3: So this is nice, and well, this is crazy. 187 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 4: You've moved twenty eight times, lived in eight states in 188 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 4: four countries. True, and you were always trying to fit 189 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,560 Speaker 4: in and belong and be part of something, and you 190 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 4: were always the new kid of the new family. In 191 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 4: the minute you started subtle, it's time to go again. 192 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 4: Lack of consistency and lack of connectivity had to have 193 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 4: been really difficult. So why what were we all running from? 194 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 4: I mean what I mean, I want to say it 195 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:16,560 Speaker 4: sounds like a military family, but I don't know. Unpack 196 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 4: your childhood, tell us about all of that, because again, 197 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 4: maybe it doesn't seem on the face of it, the 198 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 4: block party has anything to do with this, but I 199 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 4: think it has a ton to do with it once 200 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 4: we understand more. 201 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: Definitely, I've come to understand that myself. It was actually 202 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: Jenny Wallace, whose author of Never Enough, who pointed out 203 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: to me. She said, you're like a community architect because 204 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 1: of you were always looking for community as a kid, 205 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: and it never it was so obvious, but it had 206 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,079 Speaker 1: never hit me the. 207 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 2: Connection, right, It's like, it's obvious. 208 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:55,120 Speaker 1: So my dad was in that he had gotten a 209 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,679 Speaker 1: scholarship to penn State as a kid. He grew up 210 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 1: in his deal mining town and and he in Pennsylvania 211 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 1: and got kicked out. She played too many cards and 212 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:09,400 Speaker 1: so had to enlist in the military, and was lucky 213 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,559 Speaker 1: that he had taken German in high school and so 214 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:16,199 Speaker 1: instead of Vietnam, he was sent to Munich, Germany, and 215 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: there he met my mom, who's German and worked for 216 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 1: the German Secret Service. 217 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,439 Speaker 3: Are you kidding me? This is so cool. 218 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 4: So your mom worked for the German Secret Service and 219 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 4: your dad's a smart dude but played too much just 220 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 4: in the military and Munich, and that's where they met. 221 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 2: That's where they met. Had me got married. 222 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 3: In order in that order he got it Germany. 223 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 1: My dad was twenty one, my mom was twenty four. Wow, 224 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 1: and moved back to the US when I was two 225 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: and a half and went back to Penn State cut 226 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: his undergrad and his MBA. 227 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:55,439 Speaker 3: Wow. 228 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: Okay, so then so then he like in our first 229 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 1: home in state college was a trailer so we lived 230 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: in a trailer park while they you know, my dad 231 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: went to school, my mom worked, watched me called it. 232 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 4: A German woman from Munich from the German Secret Service 233 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:19,559 Speaker 4: hosted up in a trailer in state park. Okay, a 234 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 4: little bit of a culture. 235 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 3: Shock for her. 236 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,720 Speaker 2: Well, I don't you know. 237 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,200 Speaker 1: She had a rough childhood. Her mom died when she 238 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: was really young. Did remarried. They were from northern Germany actually, 239 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 1: and she had moved down to Munich to be with 240 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 1: Hamburg north of Homburg. 241 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 3: Well you get north of Hamborough here. 242 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 2: Near Denmark. 243 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, the North Sea silt or something. 244 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, the island that. Yeah, I've never been, but I'm 245 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:45,559 Speaker 2: pretty impressed. 246 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks, okay, So go. 247 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: Ahead, and I lived there, went to school, lived off 248 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: the GI bill, and then moved to Michigan to work 249 00:12:54,920 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 1: with Ford Motor Company and then Missouri behind your so 250 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: had we had a solid, small brick home in Michigan. 251 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 2: That's where my brother was born there. 252 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 3: So got it keep going because we're talking twenty eight times. 253 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,959 Speaker 1: So it was it was which Actually last night when 254 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,079 Speaker 1: I saw the Mississippi River, I was like, I think 255 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: this is the first time since I was nine years 256 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,520 Speaker 1: old that I've seen it. 257 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 2: When we lived outside of Saint Louis and. 258 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: So Michigan and Missouri, Missouri to Simmsbury, Connecticut, to Eastern Connecticut, 259 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: and then I went to college in Boston, studied abroad 260 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 1: in Wurtzburg, Germany, where I met my husband, who was 261 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,560 Speaker 1: an American studying abroad as well, and we went German. 262 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 2: She was not then. 263 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 1: And then I moved to London because I had a 264 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 1: German passport and it was part of the EU and 265 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,560 Speaker 1: I wanted to live abroad for a year, and we 266 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: tried to move back to Germany for him to get 267 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: his master's and it didn't work and I was like, 268 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: I'm staying. So I worked for Herod's and Bloomberg Financial 269 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 1: Markets in London and then moved for Hares. 270 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, that was it was pretty great. 271 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 3: The corner exactly, I know, it's great. 272 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,319 Speaker 2: So it was quite an experience. Al fay Ed was 273 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,080 Speaker 2: running it then. 274 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,360 Speaker 4: I don't know if you know absolutely his son is 275 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 4: who was killed in the car with Princess Diana. Rightly. 276 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, he was a pretty scary guy, so he kept 277 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: her head down. 278 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 3: He really was a scary guy. It was really scary guy. Yeah. 279 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: That moved to d C, where my husband was finishing 280 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 1: his masters, and then we got married in d C. 281 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: We wanted to go somewhere, you know, new. We wanted 282 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 1: to be in your mountains, think about Vermont. And a 283 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: friend said you should go check out Utah. So we 284 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 1: went to Utah for our honeymoon to go skiing. 285 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 2: Fell in love with it. 286 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 3: Park City Valley we went to. 287 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: We went to Salt Lake first and it was we 288 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 1: were like, what is going on? It's so quiet here, 289 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 1: and then we went up to Park City beautiful Updome. 290 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 2: It was gorgeous. 291 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: We rented a house uh, moved back to DC, quit 292 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: our jobs, and moved out six weeks later. It was 293 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,320 Speaker 1: it was like we've done all travel in Europe and 294 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: we were driving. I have pictures of me driving up 295 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: the Highway of eighty Interstate eighty because it was so beautiful. 296 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: I had no idea this existed in America. It was 297 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 1: so gorgeous, beautiful. So then my husband got a job 298 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 1: he was working with Morgan Stanley, got a job offer 299 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 1: in San Francisco, where we bought a house, lived a 300 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: total of six months. Hated it, and we got out 301 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: right before the crash. 302 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,479 Speaker 2: So we got lucky. Moved to Greenwich, Connecticut. 303 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 1: Then nine to eleven, we're like, everyone's like, oh, they're 304 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: going back to Utah, and we finally did. And then 305 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 1: you know, we had a kid in Connecticut, kid in Utah, 306 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: and then we moved to London. He got an opportunity 307 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: with Morgan Stanley in London, were there for three years, 308 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: had another kid, and then moved to Zurich for two years, 309 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: then back to Surrey, England outside of London, and then 310 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: we moved to Wilton, Connecticut. 311 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 4: Smoke first of all, honest, that's crazy. And now a 312 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 4: few messages from our gender sponsors. But first, I hope 313 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 4: you'll consider signing up to join the army at normal 314 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 4: folks dot us. By signing up, you'll receive a weekly 315 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 4: email with short episodes summaries in case you happen to 316 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 4: miss an episode, or if you prefer reading about our 317 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 4: incredible guests, we'll be right back. My question is certainly 318 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 4: has to be an adventure, but how do you ever 319 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 4: feel like you have roots and rule, friendships and connectivity 320 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 4: when you're never anywhere for any period of time? 321 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 3: How does that work? 322 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's definitely hard, but I also keep in touch 323 00:16:58,880 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: with people. 324 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 2: It's kind of it. Really, someone feels like a full 325 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 2: time job. 326 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:11,400 Speaker 4: There's only seven I mean, so yeah, that an outpost 327 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 4: on the moon. I'm sure you would have been there 328 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,959 Speaker 4: at some point. That is incredible that you've moved like that. 329 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 4: So from a childhood standpoint. 330 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 3: Though, what was lack of connectivity for you? 331 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:23,440 Speaker 2: It was hard? 332 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: I mean there were good parts of it because you 333 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: could every time you move, you can reinvent yourself, right, 334 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,400 Speaker 1: you can show up as a different person and you're 335 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 1: you're still the same person. But you know, they don't 336 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,400 Speaker 1: know that whatever happened in kindergarten, you know. 337 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 2: So there is a positive to it, and I actually really. 338 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,840 Speaker 1: I rolled with it as a kad and it just 339 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,880 Speaker 1: became sort of who I was. That I never really 340 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: thought like, oh, how long are we going to stay 341 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: here now? That that didn't occur to me. But I 342 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 1: threw myself in really every single time. It was hard 343 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: when I moved in seventh grade to break into the 344 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 1: clip like that. 345 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,400 Speaker 3: That was a hard anyway. 346 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, that was that was really hard. That was trickier 347 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,640 Speaker 1: to try to make friends. And you know, these people 348 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 1: all knew each other since preschool. That's really what I 349 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 1: credit with learning how to do the work to make 350 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,440 Speaker 1: friendships and throw yourself in. 351 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 3: So that kind of sets who you are. 352 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 4: You are a kid that's lived all over the place, 353 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 4: grew up with actually a really interesting family dynamic I 354 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 4: think is fair to say, I mean a German secret 355 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,879 Speaker 4: service and all of that. That's really kind of cool. 356 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 4: And you've lived everywhere and you studied psychology because you 357 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 4: care about the connectivity of the human being, and you 358 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 4: show up in Utah, I think is when you started 359 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 4: having these ideas that we need to connect with people? 360 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 3: Is that right? Am I missing that? 361 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 2: I don't know if it was Utah. 362 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: I mean I always I enjoyed the block parties and 363 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,880 Speaker 1: neighborhood connections of my childhood, like those were really important 364 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:56,199 Speaker 1: to me. 365 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 3: Go into some of those stories, some of those stories. 366 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,479 Speaker 1: Yeah, they remember moving in when we moved to Michigan 367 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 1: neighbor I was. 368 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,119 Speaker 3: In first grade, okay, first grade. 369 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 1: Six seven, six seven, Oh gosh, the meme. I remember 370 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: Missus Fisher coming from next door and delivering us a pie. 371 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 3: And I thought I would have I would have thought, 372 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 3: for sure been a cast role. But go ahead. It's 373 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 3: what you did right, or what you used to do. 374 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: Right, what we need to be doing, even if it's 375 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 1: not homemade. And that really left an impression on me. 376 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 1: That made me feel welcome as a kid. And we 377 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: had a great I mean we had sidewalk and so 378 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,479 Speaker 1: got to know all the neighborhood kids. 379 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,440 Speaker 2: Like that was the joy, right just. 380 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:45,000 Speaker 1: Being outside mixtage, play up and down the sidewalk with 381 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,159 Speaker 1: my bike, you know, crashing, you know, things, things happened. 382 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,400 Speaker 1: It was a great pushing my little baby brother around 383 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,880 Speaker 1: in a stroller, and so you know, that was that 384 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,719 Speaker 1: was the belonging first. Before you know, I was in 385 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: missus Nassa's class, and I'm still friends with a friend 386 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: of mine from from first and second grade. Crazy, And 387 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 1: then moved to Saint Louis, Missouri, where we had We 388 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,640 Speaker 1: lived on a dead end street near a farm. 389 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 2: And we had the best block party of my memory 390 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 2: there and. 391 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,080 Speaker 1: It was just it was full of joy, Like it's 392 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,479 Speaker 1: sort of an all American experience, you know. We were 393 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: chasing fireflies, playing flashlight tag. The adults are having fun, 394 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,359 Speaker 1: us kids are having fun. There's a there was a trough. 395 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: I have a picture of an old cattle trough where 396 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,359 Speaker 1: they you know, for the water, and us kid swimming 397 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,199 Speaker 1: and my dad getting in with a full suit, you know, 398 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,200 Speaker 1: and just the joy. 399 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 2: There's a picture and the joy on my face of 400 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 2: that experience. 401 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: So it was just it was just so much fun, 402 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 1: and those neighborhood connections were so important. 403 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 2: I vividly remember the story. 404 00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 1: So I had a third brother or a third child, 405 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 1: second brother, and he died three days later. He was 406 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: worn with half a heart and had pioneering surgery that 407 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,119 Speaker 1: didn't save him. And when my parents came home from 408 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 1: the hospital, you know, pulling in the driveway with the 409 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 1: wood paneled station wagon, and just their faces right red 410 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:11,440 Speaker 1: eyed zombies. And I ran to missus Gilliam's house down 411 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,920 Speaker 1: the road and she had four kids, and she held 412 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,159 Speaker 1: me on her lap and rocked me and told me 413 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: about cherubs and that Justin was an angel in the sky. 414 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 1: And to have like another person that you can, you know, 415 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 1: another adult that a child can run to, literally run 416 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: to for support locally, is just it. It's so meaningful 417 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:37,400 Speaker 1: and so important for parents, for families, for kids, for everyone, 418 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: And that obviously had a big impact. 419 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 2: On my life. 420 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 3: And boy have we lost that today. 421 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember sitting here listening to you, who hadn't 422 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 4: even thought about this before now. But I remember always 423 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,640 Speaker 4: having two or three phone numbers of our closest neighbors. 424 00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 4: And I remember always as a kid feeling comfortable that 425 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,879 Speaker 4: if something bad happened, I could go to my neighbor. Yeah, 426 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 4: and my neighbor knew me and everything else. And the 427 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 4: truth is I only have the phone number of one 428 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:10,120 Speaker 4: neighbor right now. 429 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,160 Speaker 3: You got any phone numbers your neighbors. 430 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 5: Alex, Yeah, I actually I do, probably got four or 431 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,400 Speaker 5: so really, But it's the topic I've we've talked about, 432 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,280 Speaker 5: I think on a shop talk that you probably are 433 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 5: familiar with the art of neighboring. Yeah, probably want to 434 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,240 Speaker 5: interview that guy, but his whole thing of trying to 435 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 5: know your seven closest neighbors and writing it down, so 436 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 5: it's it's front of mine for me. But yeah, I 437 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,160 Speaker 5: mean a lot of people don't. A lot of people 438 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 5: couldn't say that well. 439 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 4: And I think we've also lost something that you know, 440 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,159 Speaker 4: video games and handhelds have replaced kicked the can and 441 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 4: Hide and go seek. And when you play hide and 442 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,160 Speaker 4: go seek and kick the can, you're usually doing it 443 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,399 Speaker 4: in the eight or nine or ten houses up and 444 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,120 Speaker 4: along your street, and adults are sitting there looking at 445 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,479 Speaker 4: you out the window, and there becomes familiarity and that 446 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 4: kind of thing. And I think we've lost a lot 447 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,080 Speaker 4: of that connectivity for sure. 448 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,640 Speaker 1: I think there's a couple of reasons for I think 449 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: cars definitely play a role in that our streets are 450 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: so busy, Yeah, lack of sidewalks, but also fear parental 451 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 1: fear of letting your kid outside on supervised and also 452 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,920 Speaker 1: I mean well founded because a lot of times people 453 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,480 Speaker 1: get in trouble for letting their kids outside unattended. Now, 454 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: so I mean I've been working to reverse that problem. 455 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,960 Speaker 1: But also, you know, we think is a good neighbor 456 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,439 Speaker 1: now is someone that stays quiet, takes their trash on 457 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,399 Speaker 1: time and you know it doesn't bother you. 458 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 3: And Carris a little plastic bag for their daughters totally. 459 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,439 Speaker 5: So you know, Bill, if you really wanted to get 460 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,200 Speaker 5: into your neighbors, you know you would do. 461 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 3: Walk around undressed and leave the dripes open. You need 462 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:41,640 Speaker 3: to get rid of your gate. 463 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:42,880 Speaker 5: You bulldoze your gate. 464 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, you could do. 465 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,679 Speaker 2: That black party, but you know I'll be following up 466 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,199 Speaker 2: with both of you. 467 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 4: All right, So those were experiences. There was a point 468 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,680 Speaker 4: I think I've read and Salt Lake maybe I'm wrong, 469 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:00,719 Speaker 4: that led to Connecticut. It's well, oh but you were 470 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 4: having some block parties in Utah, right, we did. 471 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,639 Speaker 1: We had neighborhood block parties too there. But I was, 472 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,120 Speaker 1: you know, just a participant. 473 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying as an adult. 474 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 2: As an adult. Yeah, absolutely. 475 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 4: So then on your four hundred and sixty seventh move 476 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,399 Speaker 4: you go to Wilton, Connecticut. Yeah, which is where you 477 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 4: are now. And this is what I read. That are 478 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:26,159 Speaker 4: your words, I think, so in our town of Wilton, Connecticut, 479 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:32,440 Speaker 4: in twenty sixteen, there was a rise in incivility on Facebook. Man, 480 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,520 Speaker 4: that hit me when I read that, a rise and 481 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 4: incivility on Facebook, a lot of vitriol. There was a 482 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 4: legislator who talked about how she was receiving horrible emails 483 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,360 Speaker 4: from constituents on Facebook messages, but when she met them 484 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 4: in real life, they were lovely people. She had an 485 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:55,600 Speaker 4: entirely different experience. The reason that hit well, there's about 486 00:24:55,680 --> 00:25:02,200 Speaker 4: nine reasons that information hit me. One was an army 487 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:06,200 Speaker 4: of normal folks. It's literally about connectivity and that how 488 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,920 Speaker 4: I don't care how you vote, who you love, what 489 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,440 Speaker 4: you espouse, or what you look like. If you're doing 490 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:18,960 Speaker 4: something extraordinary for someone in our community, I can celebrate you. Likewise, 491 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 4: if I'm doing something extraordinary for somebody in my community, 492 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,800 Speaker 4: you can celebrate me. And all of a sudden, those 493 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 4: barriers of political affiliation, race, religion, creed become really less 494 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,399 Speaker 4: important because I see you as a human. 495 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 3: So we talk about that all the time on the 496 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:39,119 Speaker 3: show You Do. 497 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 4: I also absolutely believe that one of our biggest problems 498 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:52,960 Speaker 4: in leadership and all over our country is that there's 499 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:57,320 Speaker 4: an enormous amount of power and wealth garnered by people 500 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,680 Speaker 4: who continue to increase both out power and wealth by 501 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,640 Speaker 4: crafting narratives that divide us. I think they work at Fox. 502 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 4: I think they work at CNN. I think they work 503 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,880 Speaker 4: up and down the halls of Congress, and I think 504 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:14,080 Speaker 4: they are in government businesses connected to those people's and 505 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 4: halls of Congress. I think they work in Silicon Valley. 506 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 4: Certainly they work all over the country. But you get 507 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,359 Speaker 4: what I'm pointing now, And I think it's high time 508 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:29,320 Speaker 4: that we quit like sheep being led around by these 509 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,879 Speaker 4: folks as if they're shepherds, because they are anything but 510 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 4: a shepherd. And I think it leads to a rise 511 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 4: in civility, which continues to break down our country. And 512 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:45,199 Speaker 4: most recently, Alex gave me some information that wouldn't make 513 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 4: me throw up. But did you know that just this 514 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 4: year they did a survey of Americans who said that 515 00:26:56,359 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 4: in some cases, at least some cases, thirty eight percent 516 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,120 Speaker 4: respondents said that violence against another person if I don't 517 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 4: agree with what they say is acceptable. Now, that is 518 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 4: the definition of incivility. And I think it's really easy 519 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 4: to be all brash and and civil on a computer screen. 520 00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 4: Last thing I want to say is one of our 521 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:27,360 Speaker 4: guests said, it's really hard to hate somebody you sit 522 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:32,480 Speaker 4: down across from. So when you compound all of that 523 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,400 Speaker 4: stuff we've been talking about for the last six months. 524 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:38,359 Speaker 3: And I've never met you, and I read so. 525 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,160 Speaker 4: In our town of Wilton, Connecticut, in twenty sixteen, there 526 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 4: was a rise in incivility on Facebook, a lot of vitriol. Basically, 527 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 4: we could replace so. In our country of the United 528 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 4: States of America in twenty sixteen, there was a risin 529 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 4: incivility on Facebook, and a lot of vitriol just happened 530 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 4: to be you lived in Wilton. There was a legislator 531 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,719 Speaker 4: who talked about how she was receiving her emails from 532 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,440 Speaker 4: stituents on Facebook messages. 533 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 3: We could be saying. 534 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 4: There's legislation of public people that are being assassinated in 535 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 4: the public square. 536 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 3: Today we can say that. 537 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 4: But then she met them in real life, and they 538 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,680 Speaker 4: were lovely people, and she had an entirely different experience. 539 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 4: She's exactly what we're begging people to do. Meet get 540 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,680 Speaker 4: out of your comfort zone, get out of your vacuumum thought, 541 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 4: and you might find that people can be lovely and 542 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 4: have a difference and opinion of you. But civil liberal, 543 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 4: open discourse can break down so much of what is 544 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 4: destroying our civility, thou. 545 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:46,400 Speaker 3: We will be right back. 546 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,440 Speaker 2: When I was twenty sixteen, I were in twenty twenty five. 547 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, and so when I read you said that, I thought, well, 548 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:11,000 Speaker 4: my gosh, there has to be some huge governmental program 549 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 4: to fix this. There has to be some huge top 550 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:18,920 Speaker 4: down proclamation. We should start locking people up, or maybe 551 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 4: we should start passing laws against things like this, or 552 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,719 Speaker 4: maybe we can have a bottom up approach where just 553 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 4: a normal person says. 554 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,960 Speaker 3: I know something that can help this. That's why I 555 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,400 Speaker 3: love your story. Thanks, So why don't you take it 556 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 3: from there? 557 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 2: Yeah? 558 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:41,480 Speaker 1: So I saw this over and over again. And also 559 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 1: with my work I used to call excellent. I still 560 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 1: do call people's homes. 561 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 2: Little silos of hell because they're so isolated. 562 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: From others, and what they're struggling with is stays in 563 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 1: their home. What they need is their community, our village. 564 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: And so that experience of I'm needing, you know, more 565 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 1: face to FaceTime coupled with I was running a nonprofit 566 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,520 Speaker 1: and had established a Free Play Task Force a free 567 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:18,800 Speaker 1: Play so it basically was helping educate parents and community 568 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,560 Speaker 1: about the importance of well mixtage play. 569 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,320 Speaker 2: So basically neighborhood play. Right. 570 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,800 Speaker 1: Kids are so structured, right, they go to school, they 571 00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,800 Speaker 1: listen to, you know, the adults in charge. Then they 572 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,360 Speaker 1: go to Kuman for math and they have to do 573 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 1: what they're doing, and then they go to ballet and 574 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:36,600 Speaker 1: then they have. 575 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 3: To do what they're doing. But it's the same thing. 576 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 2: But it's the same thing. It's adult led and there. 577 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 1: Is which is have about right. They all fit in 578 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,160 Speaker 1: our lives, but it had overrun. Kids were having played 579 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: deficit disorder and they still do. This is not a 580 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 1: real term. 581 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 2: Okay, this is. 582 00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 1: So, and trying to find a way for kids to 583 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 1: connect with each other was again block parties came in here, 584 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 1: so I saw it coming back from Europe, from specifically 585 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 1: from Switzerland. So it's only changed me in a big 586 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 1: way my parenting in terms of what I learned kids 587 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,120 Speaker 1: were capable of. But you don't realize how much your 588 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 1: culture affects you and your parenting and so well, the 589 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,840 Speaker 1: number one thing was I learned how to stop saying 590 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,360 Speaker 1: be careful, so that. 591 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 3: Therese that's assumed because it's unimportant. 592 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: It is you have confidence and the kids going to 593 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:39,160 Speaker 1: figure it out, and you don't need to. What I've 594 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 1: learned now with my own kids, distract them by your worry, right, 595 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 1: and it's it's almost. 596 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:50,720 Speaker 4: Like slow down your second because that's that's profound. Don't 597 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:55,760 Speaker 4: distract your kids with your own worry. Let them figure 598 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 4: it out, don't quash their own creativity and problem solving. 599 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:01,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, and take them out of their zone. 600 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,800 Speaker 1: Right if they're climbing up something, you want them paying 601 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: attention to what they're doing, not the be careful that 602 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: you know, derails them from their concentration and also feels 603 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: like you're supposed to do that, like it was a compulsion. 604 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 3: What's the cf How how do you let them climb 605 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:19,760 Speaker 3: up the tree as. 606 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: High as they you know, maybe you say like you 607 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 1: give a you know, so how are you You're pretty 608 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:25,000 Speaker 1: high up there? 609 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:25,600 Speaker 3: Right? 610 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:26,560 Speaker 2: How are you feeling about? 611 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:26,719 Speaker 3: That? 612 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 2: Is something I would suggest to American parents, right. 613 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 1: Well Swiss parents, but you wouldn't say anything, nothing, anything, no, 614 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 1: And I still don't. 615 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 2: I mean, you know, it's it's you try to find 616 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:37,120 Speaker 2: a balance here. 617 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,680 Speaker 3: Right, like just get help. But that is so interesting 618 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:42,440 Speaker 3: to me, really. 619 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, nothing shelf out, Well, I moved there and all 620 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: of a sudden kids. I literally I saw a kid 621 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 1: with a broken arm. Okay, and I lived in Utah, 622 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,680 Speaker 1: so it wasn't great. It wasn't just buttoned up Connecticut 623 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 1: and I saw kid with a broken arm, and I said, 624 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,320 Speaker 1: I thought to myself, I didn't know kids still got those. 625 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:00,719 Speaker 3: Man. 626 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,800 Speaker 4: So many of kids when we grew up, everybody had 627 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:08,120 Speaker 4: a broad It was a thing beside the broken leg. 628 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,719 Speaker 1: You name it, right, And it was such a different culture, 629 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,160 Speaker 1: Like we weren't allowed to drive our kids to school. 630 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:15,840 Speaker 1: They came home for lunch. My kids had like a 631 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:20,240 Speaker 1: mile walk to and fro. The headmaster was like, this 632 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,560 Speaker 1: is not we are not that's not the culture we 633 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,200 Speaker 1: have here. We don't let your kids walk. And they 634 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,160 Speaker 1: walk from four and five years old. 635 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:28,640 Speaker 2: They have like a. 636 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,760 Speaker 1: Little safety tag. They're taught how to do it, but 637 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:35,240 Speaker 1: they they walked to and from school in kindergarten. I 638 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 1: mean literally, my kids would walk four miles a day 639 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 1: when they come that. Yeah, So it was just a 640 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: different It was really an adaptation. Like and now, the 641 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 1: one vivid memory I have is of like a I 642 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,480 Speaker 1: must have been a sixteen month old trying to climb 643 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:54,239 Speaker 1: on this steel railing around an ice skating rink and 644 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,560 Speaker 1: it was snowy, right, and so they were trying to 645 00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: climb up it and their mom is right there and 646 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 1: I literally have to buy my tongue not. 647 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 2: To say anything. But they see their kids, they know 648 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,520 Speaker 2: what they're doing. He falls, they just pop them back up. 649 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,480 Speaker 2: He goes right. It's just it was such a different culture. 650 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: And then we moved back to the US and there 651 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 1: was a Facebook rant I did of how I had 652 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,320 Speaker 1: to go in and sign my nine year old out 653 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 1: after a club and my Facebook rant was like, what. 654 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,759 Speaker 2: Are we doing? We're creating a weak. 655 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,239 Speaker 1: Children Like it was just a whole you know, fragilizing, 656 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 1: like we're so paranoid about safety and fear and liability 657 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,640 Speaker 1: in this country that it kills a lot of the 658 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,759 Speaker 1: you know, things that our kids would be able to 659 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: do because somebody is going to be mad if a 660 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 1: kid got anyway. 661 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 2: I could rant on. 662 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:46,440 Speaker 4: About that, talk about that forever, helicopter parents, all of it. 663 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,799 Speaker 4: I mean, you're right, and my Bailey Wick, our kids. 664 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,839 Speaker 4: We were fortunate that when our kids were coming up, 665 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 4: we lived on three acres, I mean not a farm, 666 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 4: but enough land. And I love my wife for about 667 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:05,480 Speaker 4: a thousand reasons, but this is one of them. She 668 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,640 Speaker 4: would literally, at six and seven years old, tell them 669 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,040 Speaker 4: to go in the yard and find something to do 670 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 4: and shut the door and not come in until eleven thirty. 671 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 4: And if they got thirsty, there's a hose. 672 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,439 Speaker 2: Awesome, that's awesome. 673 00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:20,720 Speaker 3: It is awesome. Awesome. 674 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,160 Speaker 6: The boys got to pee in the yard. They can't 675 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,080 Speaker 6: come here in the yard. The girl's pete in the yard. 676 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:25,879 Speaker 6: I mean, what's wrong with the girl pee in the yard? 677 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,120 Speaker 6: I mean, it's no big deal. I'm serious. We had chickens. 678 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:35,000 Speaker 6: And but the point is our kids are pretty creative 679 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,400 Speaker 6: because they had the problem solve and they had to 680 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,960 Speaker 6: come up with ways to have fun. 681 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 4: And there weren't nothing that you could plug in the 682 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 4: wall was outside with them. Yeah, and I think that 683 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 4: is really uncommon these days. 684 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,080 Speaker 1: Unfortunately, unfortunately, and you see it. We already have the 685 00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:01,360 Speaker 1: evidence kids are I have parents of kids who's seven 686 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:06,160 Speaker 1: year olds want to die right, eleven year olds that 687 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:11,000 Speaker 1: have attempted suicide right that are in and we are 688 00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:16,719 Speaker 1: taking why why they are they feel so unhappy? I 689 00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:20,160 Speaker 1: think there's a lot of reasons. I think that our 690 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 1: are limiting their free their freedom limiting their finding joy. Right, 691 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:31,120 Speaker 1: they're so programmed that there's little room for joy. 692 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,120 Speaker 3: It really is almost institutionals. 693 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, it really is. 694 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:41,799 Speaker 1: Wow, it's I wrote an article for Lecro londonar Skinesi's 695 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,279 Speaker 1: organization I know Alex knows, and it was the headline was, 696 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,359 Speaker 1: we're raising our kids in captivity and expecting them to 697 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,839 Speaker 1: survive in the wild. It just sums it up right. 698 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 5: You might find this of interest bill for your PRAP. 699 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 5: I pulled some data on this whole topic, and so 700 00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:01,040 Speaker 5: forty years ago, sixty six percent of kids walked her 701 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,400 Speaker 5: bike to school. Today only ten percent do. In A 702 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:08,759 Speaker 5: twenty eighteen survey found that American children spend thirty five 703 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,440 Speaker 5: percent less time playing outside for ly than their parents did. 704 00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 4: I think the hi way taking your kid to structured 705 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,360 Speaker 4: soccer practice is not what I call playing outside. 706 00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,280 Speaker 2: No, thank you, m it's not practice. 707 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 4: Playing outside is go in the backyard, build a fort, 708 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 4: build a tree house, exactly, dig a hold of china, exactly, 709 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,960 Speaker 4: get some bruises, if you get dirty, if you get stitches, 710 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,080 Speaker 4: well you get stitches. 711 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:42,880 Speaker 2: But culturally then that's like were you watching them right? 712 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:43,600 Speaker 2: Like the parent? 713 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,880 Speaker 1: The parental blame piece in terms of them getting stitches 714 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,560 Speaker 1: or getting hurt or all of those things, right, or 715 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,960 Speaker 1: we as parents feel like we've done you know, could 716 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,240 Speaker 1: be external or could be our own internal worry. 717 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 3: Don't cripple your kids by your own worry. 718 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,840 Speaker 1: What was I don't remember what I said, but that 719 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,400 Speaker 1: sounds yeah, basically that was it. Yeah, I mean that 720 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,240 Speaker 1: goes that's that's a huge I mean, that's cell phones 721 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,600 Speaker 1: in schools and you know the pushback on bell de 722 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:15,200 Speaker 1: Belle bands is because parents are terrified, right, it's their 723 00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:18,120 Speaker 1: own parents. Like obviously, school shootings are an issue. That's 724 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:22,360 Speaker 1: true and right, just connectivity with your kid doesn't doesn't 725 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: mean you know, it's it's a parent's anxiety that wants there. 726 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,120 Speaker 1: We had it in our town when we first introduced 727 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,200 Speaker 1: it a year ago. Parents went crazy and they want 728 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,120 Speaker 1: the bell to Bell school band on cell phones. So 729 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,399 Speaker 1: that meant they went in a lock pouch. Anyway, I'm 730 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:41,400 Speaker 1: going off topic, but but yeah, it's it's it's the 731 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:45,439 Speaker 1: biggest pushback was from parents in terms of not being 732 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:46,680 Speaker 1: able to get a hold of their kids. 733 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,600 Speaker 2: And that's all. 734 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,840 Speaker 5: The front office folks, parental anxiety. 735 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,279 Speaker 1: Right, it's about our own fears that are getting in 736 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:58,960 Speaker 1: the way of giving our kids the opportunity to pay 737 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,560 Speaker 1: attention in class, not be worried about bullied or filmed, 738 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,239 Speaker 1: and actually have a conversation, learn social skills in the 739 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: lunchroom and in the halls. 740 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,400 Speaker 4: And that concludes Part one of our Conversation with an 741 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,959 Speaker 4: us Elias, and you don't want to miss part two 742 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 4: that's now available to listen to. Together, guys, we can 743 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:22,920 Speaker 4: change the country, but it starts with you. 744 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 3: I'll see in part two.