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Speaker 1: Hey, this is aam.

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Speaker 2: This is John, your og Okay Storytime podcast host, and

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Speaker 2: we got some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 1: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. My best friend gave her graduation

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Speaker 1: tickets to everyone except me.

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Speaker 2: Ooh, I guess you're not going to the graduation.

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Speaker 1: Call me. Nora thirty female. I've cried six times this week,

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Speaker 1: twice in front of strangers. And I don't cry ever.

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Speaker 1: I've been blubbering like a baby because I can no

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Speaker 1: longer delude myself. My closest friend of over a decade

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Speaker 1: does not value me the way I value her. By

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Speaker 1: the way. This comes from National Acadia forty three, forty eight,

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Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 1: to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carlyn, I'm Keon,

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Speaker 1: and we're here to give good advice goofully, But we

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Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

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Speaker 1: would do, So let us know what you would do

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Speaker 1: in the comments and pisas some context. Jess thirty one

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Speaker 1: female and I met in college. We bonded over shared

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Speaker 1: traumas did theater together, lived together for years, and became

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Speaker 1: deeply woven into one another's lives. We've celebrated birthdays, supported

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Speaker 1: each other through hardship, gone to nerdy cosplay events, hosted

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Speaker 1: dinner parties, talked crap about our exes, and spent weekends

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Speaker 1: on the couch watching mindless TV whenever her ancient dog

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Speaker 1: snort at our feet. She's my chosen family, someone who

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Speaker 1: has called me one of her best friends. Her fingerprints

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Speaker 1: are all over my life. I once thought she'd be

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Speaker 1: my maid of honor someday que to present day. For

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Speaker 1: the past four years, Jess and I have shared a

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Speaker 1: house with Ashley, thirty three, female Jess's childhood best friend.

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Speaker 1: The three of us are a fun little team, but

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Speaker 1: their bond is incredibly tight, borderlined, codependent, and I've always

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Speaker 1: been the third wheel. I made my peace with that

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Speaker 1: and have long since gotten used to being on my own,

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Speaker 1: at least I thought I did. These last few years

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Speaker 1: have been rough for both me and Jess. She worked

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Speaker 1: her butt off surviving grad school while managing multiple jobs,

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Speaker 1: and I got wrongfully fired and spiraled into a mental

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Speaker 1: health crisis that landed me in the hospital. It's brutal

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Speaker 1: out here, folks. We were both treading water. But still

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Speaker 1: I saw her struggling and kept pouring energy into being

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Speaker 1: a supportive friend, checking in, giving thoughtful gifts, being emotionally present,

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Speaker 1: even covering her rent if I could help, I did.

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Speaker 1: That's what you do for people you care about, right,

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Speaker 1: But Jess has not shown me the same care. She

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Speaker 1: rarely asks about my life unless I bring it up.

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Speaker 1: She doesn't connect with me on any deeper emotional level.

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Speaker 1: She'll sometimes leave the room shortly after I enter, and weirdly,

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Speaker 1: I've noticed she barely makes eye contact anymore. I've actively

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Speaker 1: supported her relationship with her boyfriend, while Ashley loudly disapproves

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Speaker 1: of him. Yet I get no appreciation for trying to

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Speaker 1: make our home comfortable for them. We had a game

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Speaker 1: night a few months ago where Jess described everyone in

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Speaker 1: our friend group with personal flattering descriptors fierce, friend, kind hearted,

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Speaker 1: loyal to the core. Her only words for me were short, lady,

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Speaker 1: enjoys singing in the shower, and taco bell. I was

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Speaker 1: baffled what happened to best friends, Most tellingly, when Justin

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Speaker 1: Ashley had a fight a few weeks ago. Jess suddenly

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Speaker 1: became warmer and more present with me. We gossipped about works,

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Speaker 1: sat cross legged on the kitchen floor, gabbing like we

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Speaker 1: used to. It felt so good to have her attention again.

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Speaker 1: But the second they patched things up, I faded into

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Speaker 1: the background once more. It hit me like a brick.

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Speaker 1: I am her spare tire, the backup plan, the understudy,

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Speaker 1: the bench player who's only useful when someone else goes

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Speaker 1: down first. My breaking point came just the other night.

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Speaker 1: Jess is graduating with her master's degree this weekend. I'd

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Speaker 1: ask to come a while back, and she said she

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Speaker 1: only had enough tickets for her family and Ashley. I

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Speaker 1: didn't take that personally, but while out for drinks with friends,

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Speaker 1: she casually mentioned that she acquired two extra tickets and

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Speaker 1: gave them to other people. I froze. One went to

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Speaker 1: her brother's girlfriend, and one went to Ashley's ex from

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Speaker 1: a few years ago, who lives on the other side

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Speaker 1: of the country and will apparently be flying in just

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Speaker 1: for this.

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Speaker 2: Dang, you just got spat in the face like an

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Speaker 2: ex that lives across the country and they lived with together.

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Speaker 1: They lived with each other, right, Something happened.

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Speaker 2: Something must have happened, or this is your friendship, this

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Speaker 2: has been the entirety of your friendship and you've just

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Speaker 2: noticed this. Yeah, which either or two major things not

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Speaker 2: not looking good? Op?

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Speaker 1: Because sure, why not? They're apparently still friends and chat regularly.

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Speaker 1: That's nice, and of course she can invite whoever she

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Speaker 1: wants to her milestone event. But Jess shows her besties

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Speaker 1: ex who lives twelve hundred miles away, over me, Me

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Speaker 1: who buys the extra toilet paper and walks her dog

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Speaker 1: and brings her surprise to Ex bars when she's sad, Am,

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Speaker 1: I really so negligible. I don't even think it occurred

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Speaker 1: to her to offer me a ticket, because the truth

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Speaker 1: is she didn't want me there. I thought what we

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Speaker 1: had was built on mutual care and respect. But in

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Speaker 1: that moment, it became crystal clear that I'm just background

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Speaker 1: noise in a life where I used to be a

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Speaker 1: main character. I sat frozen, sipping my bourbon with a

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Speaker 1: straight face, pretending my heart wasn't silently shattering in real time.

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Speaker 1: This isn't about the ticket, It's about what it revealed.

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Speaker 1: I'm not someone she considers when it matters. I've spent

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Speaker 1: years trying to convince myself otherwise, but the pattern is undeniable.

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Speaker 1: I look back at the last decade, at every warm memory,

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Speaker 1: every moment of friction, and I wonder was any.

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Speaker 2: Of it real?

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Speaker 1: Did it start out real and shift over time? Did

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Speaker 1: we outgrow each other? Was their intent behind the hurt

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Speaker 1: or was I just collateral damage in her self absorbed orbit.

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Speaker 1: I know she's been truly miserable. It could have just

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Speaker 1: boiled over onto me. Or maybe she pulled back on purpose.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it doesn't matter, since the result is the same.

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Speaker 1: It feels like betrayal in slow motion, like she's been

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Speaker 1: turning away from me, degree by degree for years. No explosion,

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Speaker 1: no big break, just a million tiny dismissals that add

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Speaker 1: up to one agonizing truth. She does not see me.

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Speaker 1: Maybe she never has. I think I should be angrier.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure it's in there, somewhere, simmering beneath the grief,

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Speaker 1: But mostly it just hurts, the dull, all encompassing a

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Speaker 1: of being slowly erased. I'm grieving someone who is still here,

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Speaker 1: who I still love, but who clearly let go of

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Speaker 1: me a long time ago. I feel stupid for allowing

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Speaker 1: this behavior for so long, for not having the backbone

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Speaker 1: to draw boundaries, I feel tiny, insignificant, worthless, even in

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Speaker 1: a relationship that I once considered sacred. Already, this has

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Speaker 1: shaken the fragile progress I've made since my hospital stay.

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Speaker 1: My deepest insecurities, freshly buried, are clawing towards the surface

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Speaker 1: once more. The cruel, insistent voices in my head are

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Speaker 1: louder now telling me this mass confirms every fear I

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Speaker 1: have that I'm not unlovable, that I'm disposable, that I

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Speaker 1: am not safe in my most intimate relationships, that I

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Speaker 1: cannot and should not trust anyone ever, that everyone everyone

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Speaker 1: will always leave. This is going to f me up

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Speaker 1: for a long long time. I don't know whether to

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Speaker 1: confront her. Part of me wants to just to speak

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Speaker 1: my pain out loud. I'd have to do it for

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Speaker 1: me alone, with no expectations. That might set me up

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Speaker 1: for more disappointment. But since she's moving out in two months,

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Speaker 1: another part of me thinks silence is simpler. I imagine

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Speaker 1: we'll drift apart naturally, and that'll be.

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Speaker 2: That it's what you want, op. If you really want

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Speaker 2: to get that clear answer, then do it. If you

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Speaker 2: are we want to be like, you know what, what's

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Speaker 2: two more months of just dealing with this and just

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Speaker 2: letting it sail away, fly away. You can do that too,

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Speaker 2: but that's up to you on what you want.

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Speaker 1: I agree that it's up to you, but I say, no,

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Speaker 1: don't let that simmer. You've been letting it simmer for

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Speaker 1: who knows how long, and that's how we got.

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Speaker 2: Here, and stop. Don't don't blame yourself. I think, yes,

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Speaker 2: you could be like that was dumb. I put so

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Speaker 2: much time into this, but I think it's you're like,

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Speaker 2: you can move on. Yeah it sucks, but just dwelling

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Speaker 2: on it is not gonna benefit you.

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Speaker 1: But actually and I are staying on our lease together.

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Speaker 1: And since she and Jess are essentially platonic life partners,

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Speaker 1: Jess will inevitably remain in my periphery no matter what.

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Speaker 1: We're both going to the same wedding next year. We

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Speaker 1: share a city and a friend group. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to detonate anything. Frankly, nothing has changed except now I

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Speaker 1: know the truth, and with our history, I just don't

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Speaker 1: know if it's worth digging up old graves. I think

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Speaker 1: it's best I bite my tongue detach quietly, slowly, back away,

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Speaker 1: and let distance do the rest. That said, I know

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Speaker 1: I'm deeply avoidant. I know the only reason things feel

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Speaker 1: peaceful right now is because I'm muzzling myself. Trauma. Uh

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Speaker 1: question Mark taught me early on that expressing emotion is dangerous.

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Speaker 1: I learned to swallow pain, play Kate, keep the peace.

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Speaker 1: That reflex runs deep. Yes, I know it's maladaptive, but

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Speaker 1: it kept me alive once. I try to give myself

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Speaker 1: grace for that. Heck, I even feel paranoid writing this

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Speaker 1: like this anonymous reddit post could just blow up my

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Speaker 1: entire life, Like Jess, we'll find this and I'll get

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Speaker 1: in trouble, like she's my middle school principle, as if

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Speaker 1: she'd have any right to be angry at me for

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Speaker 1: sharing my experience. But that's what trauma does. It convinces

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Speaker 1: you that telling your story will lead to punishment, that

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Speaker 1: expressing pain makes you the problem. So when I'm hurt,

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Speaker 1: my instinct is to freeze, uh, to disappear, to show

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Speaker 1: no reaction, Give them what they want, and you might

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Speaker 1: make it out alive. Extreme sure, but part of me

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Speaker 1: still believes it, and maybe always will. So if there's

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Speaker 1: a path of least resistance here maladaptive or not. My

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Speaker 1: gut says, take it. God, what a nightmare. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what comes next. Thankfully I have therapy next week.

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Speaker 1: Deborah will help. She's amazing. Maybe she'll suggest meditation and

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Speaker 1: deep breathing, keep it classic. Or maybe she'll recommend kickboxing

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Speaker 1: classes where I can tape Jess's face to a sandbag

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Speaker 1: and work through that repressed anger. Maybe both. It's to say,

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Speaker 1: I contain multitudes. We've got a little bit more, and

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Speaker 1: I don't think we're getting an update post talk.

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Speaker 2: I really, really hope you can have a conversation. Good

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Speaker 2: for you. We're getting therapy and going to therapy and

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Speaker 2: you know, dealing with your trauma. But I think I hope, Sorry,

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Speaker 2: I'll go ahead.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I hope the therapist gives you

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Speaker 1: some ideas besides kickboxing, just as face and meditation.

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Speaker 2: But it's a start, But I start. I think I

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Speaker 2: hope your therapist does say, hey, there needs to be

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Speaker 2: a huge elephant address in the room, and the only

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Speaker 2: way to address it is on your behalf. Jess isn't

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Speaker 2: going to do anything, you know this, so you need

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Speaker 2: to go up to Jess and be like, so what

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Speaker 2: are we? Where do we stand? What do you see

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Speaker 2: this friendship? As? That's it? Did I do something where

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Speaker 2: you know what happened to us? Kind of thing? And

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Speaker 2: then hopefully you get an answer and a truth that

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Speaker 2: gives you closure or something that you can work on.

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Speaker 2: But the only way you can find out is by

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Speaker 2: asking and talking to her.

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Speaker 1: But we got a little bit left for now. I'm

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Speaker 1: not doing anything rash. I'll sleep on it, journal, try

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Speaker 1: to feel my way through the fog. I'm keeping my

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Speaker 1: cool around us, pretending I'm fine, not like I've never

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Speaker 1: done that before. We're getting drinks next week with the group,

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Speaker 1: so I'll put that theater degree to use and act

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Speaker 1: like everything super normal. Hopefully I'll have enough clarity to

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Speaker 1: decide what to do later when I'm feeling less activated.

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Speaker 1: I'm not even sure what i want from posting here.

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Speaker 1: Maybe just to feel seen. My mother, everwise, told me,

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Speaker 1: this really sucks, sweetheart, but maybe you'll learn from it.

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Speaker 1: That's the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: My best friend pushed me away. Now she's mad. I

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Speaker 2: made friends.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can only have one friend.

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Speaker 2: I lost all my college friends because my closest friend

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Speaker 2: sent me a text right before graduation telling me she

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Speaker 2: didn't want to be my friend anymore and that she

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Speaker 2: had been leading me on in lining to me for

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Speaker 2: a long time. As a result, all my other friends

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Speaker 2: from that group stopped being my friend too, because they

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Speaker 2: chose her over me. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: user effective Beach twelve seventeen, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 2: story time separate it. I'm Keon, I'm Carly, and we're

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Speaker 2: here to give good advice Goofily, but we don't have

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Speaker 2: all the answers. We only know what we do, so

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Speaker 2: let us know what you do in the comments below.

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Speaker 2: As Opie says, this obviously affected me a lot leading

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Speaker 2: up to graduation, as I didn't really have any other

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Speaker 2: close friends from college, But nonetheless I focused on my

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Speaker 2: finals in getting out of that school, and I did.

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Speaker 2: For basically the whole first year postgrad, I was almost

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Speaker 2: exclusively hanging out with my best friend from high school,

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Speaker 2: who I'll call Stella. Since any other friends I had

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Speaker 2: didn't live close by, she was my only option most

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Speaker 2: of the time, and that didn't bother me. I loved

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Speaker 2: hanging out with her I was moving on with my

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Speaker 2: life and not caring about my failed college friendships. That

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Speaker 2: is until a few months in Stella would mention pretty

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Speaker 2: regularly how badly she wanted me to have other friends

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Speaker 2: and for me to hang out with people other than her.

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Speaker 2: At first, I didn't think much of this because I

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Speaker 2: thought she was just genuinely trying to help me, but

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Speaker 2: it became a pattern. Anytime we would hang out, she

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Speaker 2: couldn't resist bringing me up hanging out with other people,

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Speaker 2: asking me if I had been, and even suggesting specific

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Speaker 2: people for me to reach out to. On top of this,

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Speaker 2: it seemed like she was sort of bragging about all

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Speaker 2: the friends from college that she still had. She also

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Speaker 2: had just graduated, and would say things like, you don't

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Speaker 2: have anyone from college that you can hang out with. Oh, well,

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Speaker 2: I have the people from college asking me to hang

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Speaker 2: out almost every day, so I can't imagine that. And

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Speaker 2: if I would mention hanging out with another friend, she

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Speaker 2: would literally start clapping and say, Wow, I'm so glad

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Speaker 2: you're finally making other friends.

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Speaker 1: Yay.

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Speaker 2: I know she didn't mean this in a mean way,

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Speaker 2: yes she did, oh, pe, come on, but it still

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Speaker 2: made me feel small and unappreciated, almost like she was

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Speaker 2: trying to push me onto other people. It felt like

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Speaker 2: she was acting like I had never had other friends,

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Speaker 2: like I was just walking around friendless for the entirety

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Speaker 2: of college, even though so she knew that wasn't true.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I would even tell her I had plans with

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Speaker 2: people even if I didn't, just to get her to

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Speaker 2: stop talking about it. Because of this, I started thinking

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Speaker 2: back to my college friends a lot more than I

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Speaker 2: wanted to. Since I have rumination OCD, my brain went

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Speaker 2: through all the should have, could have, would have of

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Speaker 2: college on a daily basis. I should have made another

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Speaker 2: friend group. I shouldn't have made those people my main group.

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Speaker 2: I should have been more active in my sorority. For months,

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Speaker 2: I thought there was something wrong with me because I

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Speaker 2: could because I could not stop thinking about it, about

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Speaker 2: how much easier my life would be now if I

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Speaker 2: still had those people that I went through the motions

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Speaker 2: and realized Stella. I was ready to move on until

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Speaker 2: Stella continuously brought it up, until she made me feel

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Speaker 2: bad about it, until she belittled me and made me

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Speaker 2: feel like a child. She was the main reason I

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Speaker 2: couldn't move on or heal. The reason I beat myself

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Speaker 2: up all the time about it is that Stella made

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Speaker 2: me feel like it was abnormal, and I believed her.

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Speaker 2: The main reason and I wish I had friends from

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Speaker 2: college was that so Stella couldn't say I didn't. I

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Speaker 2: honestly don't think I would have cared much otherwise. No,

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Speaker 2: I'm not trying to blame the whole thing on her.

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Speaker 2: I know a lot of it is a me problem,

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Speaker 2: and I know I should be able to move on regardless.

301
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Speaker 2: But this whole time, I thought Stella was my saving grace.

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Speaker 1: Nah, she sucked.

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Speaker 2: She was there for me when no one else was,

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Speaker 2: and I appreciated every second of it. I know she

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00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 2: never had any bad intentions, and she most likely was

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Speaker 2: just trying to help me make other friends, but being

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Speaker 2: around her is the reason I haven't been able to

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Speaker 2: just forget about it and focus on the present. Realizing

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Speaker 2: this has been so hard because at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, she is still my best friend, no stop that,

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Speaker 2: but I can't forget the way she treated me, and

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure what to do about it. And Stella

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Speaker 2: and I basically stopped hanging out a few months ago

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Speaker 2: when she got into a toxic, awful relationship with someone

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Speaker 2: who doesn't really let her go go out without him

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Speaker 2: and forces her to come over to his place every

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Speaker 2: weekend no matter what. All her other friends lived with

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Speaker 2: her boyfriend. Yeah, I know, so she was basically only

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Speaker 2: allowed to hang out with them for a few months

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00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 2: and didn't have time for me. So I devoted more

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Speaker 2: time to my other friends, most of whom I made

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Speaker 2: because of pressure from you know it Stella, and hung

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Speaker 2: out with them regularly and I had a good time.

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Speaker 2: But everything changed last week. We hung out for the

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Speaker 2: first time in over two months, and she suddenly was

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Speaker 2: interested in hanging out with me again. I was talking

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Speaker 2: a bit about my plans for Halloween and she was

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Speaker 2: asking him to come with me, which was a complete

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Speaker 2: one to eighty from last year when we had plans

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Speaker 2: suspended together for well over a month. Then she canceled

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Speaker 2: a few days before and I had to go with

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Speaker 2: a random girl from bumble BFF, who I literally met

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Speaker 2: for the first time that night.

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Speaker 1: I will say, o, Pie, I think we need to

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Speaker 1: get a little bit better about doing things alone.

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Speaker 2: I I think, yeah, But.

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Speaker 1: I don't always think that we need these friends. I

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Speaker 1: think we can say boo Stella. I'm gonna go have

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Speaker 1: a good time and eat people out and then maybe

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Speaker 1: I'll actually like them and they won't be poopy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I at this point, I don't want to it, Like, yes,

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Speaker 2: Stella sucks, but I feel like, OP, you stick to

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Speaker 2: one person that's like, that's it. That's my best friend,

344
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Speaker 2: no other friends. I can't hang out with anybody else.

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, Like, get out there, just meet

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Speaker 1: people naturally instead of like through college or through BUMBLEBFF. Like,

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00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,840
Speaker 1: let's just see what happens if we just go out about.

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Speaker 2: Like what do you like, OPI do you like musicals?

349
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,480
Speaker 2: Do you like video games? What do you like movies?

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Speaker 2: I feel like the best way to do that is

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Speaker 2: go to those types of things. You go to a

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Speaker 2: musical or go to a show.

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Speaker 1: And I would suggest things where you can talk to

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Speaker 1: people a little more. But yes, I agree.

355
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there's always meetups too, and.

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Speaker 1: I would say more of like a meetup for.

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Speaker 2: The Yeah, I think you can.

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Speaker 1: But also, don't be afraid to go to movies alone,

359
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,480
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to go to musicals alone. Don't be

360
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Speaker 1: afraid to do things alone because sometimes you just run

361
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Speaker 1: into cool people.

362
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Speaker 2: Don't be afraid to treat yourself like at the end

363
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,920
Speaker 2: of the day, do what's best for you yourself. And yes,

364
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 2: I think having friendships and relationships and going out and

365
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Speaker 2: hanging out with groups of people or another person wonderful.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes giant friend groups can be very overrated though. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's cool to just have a couple of people. Sometimes

368
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Speaker 1: it's great to know a lot of people. But just

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Speaker 1: get out and about put yourself out there. Let's get

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Speaker 1: Stella out of here.

371
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Speaker 2: Yeah, get still out of here, put yourself out there.

372
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Speaker 2: I was happy, but a bit confused. It turned out

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Speaker 2: that the girls who live with her boyfriend, who were

374
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Speaker 2: her friends, had suddenly stopped inviting her places and had

375
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:34,639
Speaker 2: started acting very rude towards her. Because of this, she

376
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,479
Speaker 2: told me she never wants to go back to her

377
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,399
Speaker 2: boyfriend's house because she doesn't want to see those girls

378
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:44,119
Speaker 2: and she basically doesn't really have friends besides them. Here's

379
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 2: the best part. I had found out that all the

380
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,400
Speaker 2: friends Stella supposedly had and bragged about all of it,

381
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 2: all of it was a lie. She never actually hung

382
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Speaker 2: out with most of them, most of them were never

383
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 2: actually her friends, and they all ended up abandoning her

384
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Speaker 2: eventually too. This made it all more upsetting that she

385
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 2: was pressuring me to have other friends, when in reality

386
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 2: she was a hypocrite because she didn't have any other

387
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 2: friends either. She acted condescending and treated me like she

388
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,919
Speaker 2: was somehow above me, when in reality she was just

389
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 2: the same as I was. So what I tried to

390
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,120
Speaker 2: write off as her trying to help me was really

391
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,920
Speaker 2: her trying to feel better about herself and look good

392
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Speaker 2: in front of me. When I thought we would could,

393
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,080
Speaker 2: when I thought we could open up and be honest

394
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:31,880
Speaker 2: with each other because I thought we were best friends,

395
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 2: she was putting on an act the whole time. Now

396
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,359
Speaker 2: she wants me back after she pushed me away. She

397
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 2: spent months telling me to hang out with others and

398
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,880
Speaker 2: trying to dump me onto them, and now she's practically

399
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,680
Speaker 2: begging to hang out with me again. I did exactly

400
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 2: what she asked me to, and now I guess she

401
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,640
Speaker 2: regrets it because I hung out with others instead of her,

402
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 2: which I thought was the goal. But now she's going

403
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 2: back on it, and I do feel bad for her, because,

404
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 2: whether she realizes it or not, she is in an

405
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:05,640
Speaker 2: awful relationship and it's probably secretly very unhappy. But when

406
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 2: push comes to shove, I don't trust her. She's done

407
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 2: this before, and as soon as she made new friends,

408
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 2: she ditched me again. I do love her as a person,

409
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,120
Speaker 2: I don't see why, and love spending time with her,

410
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 2: but I'm just not sure what to do from here.

411
00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 2: I know she likely was trying to help me, but

412
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 2: it got to the point where I couldn't even enjoy

413
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 2: my time with her because literally all she ever wanted

414
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 2: to talk about was me hanging out with other people.

415
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 2: And I feel like I feel like it was a

416
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,120
Speaker 2: way of like, oh, you should go hang out with

417
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 2: other people because I can't make friends, but you can

418
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 2: make friends, and I can tag along and make those

419
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Speaker 2: friends with you.

420
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Speaker 1: Yeah it could have been.

421
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 2: That's it could have. But probably still at the end

422
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 2: of the day, stop seeing what she did OP as

423
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,880
Speaker 2: like a friendly gesture or like she was looking out

424
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 2: for me. She was doing what's best for me, right, No,

425
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 2: none of that was for her for Uop, it was

426
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:55,960
Speaker 2: for her.

427
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,120
Speaker 1: And don't keep letting her crawl back in and out. Yeah,

428
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 1: I mean, you seem to know exactly what she's doing,

429
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 1: but just believe that that's what she's doing.

430
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, she is gross. I just ended up feeling very pressured,

431
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 2: and when I'm hanging out with someone, I don't want

432
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 2: to think about hanging out with other people. It got

433
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 2: to the point where I would make other friends, but

434
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 2: then they went ted toxic and I felt like I

435
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 2: needed to keep them as friends just so I can

436
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,919
Speaker 2: tell Stella I had more friends. The part that bothered

437
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 2: me the most is that she was constantly bringing up

438
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 2: my old college friends and basically interrogating me about what

439
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 2: went wrong with them when I didn't want to talk

440
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 2: or think about it. The worst part was that she

441
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 2: didn't really even have other friends herself. She lied about

442
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,440
Speaker 2: the ones she said she had and basically lied about

443
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 2: her whole college experience. But that had the audacity to

444
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 2: pressure me about mine, and that is the end of

445
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 2: that story.

446
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,159
Speaker 1: I loved my friends since I was eight, but he

447
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 1: erased me like I never existed.

448
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,159
Speaker 2: Ooh, that's rough, buddy.

449
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 1: I'm writing this as it's something I've held in my

450
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: heart for too long, and I need to get off

451
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 1: my chest to finally close the chapter because now I

452
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: know that life is never bringing us together again, and

453
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: I can't reveal the real name, so I'll call him

454
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 1: a Rov. By the way, this comes from trashy Bubblegum.

455
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: And if you want usubmit your own stories, go to

456
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,439
Speaker 1: the r slash okay storytime Supreddit. I'm Krly, I'm Keon,

457
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 1: and we're here to give good advice goofully. But we

458
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

459
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,639
Speaker 1: would do, so let us know what you would do

460
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 1: in the comments. And Opie says, I met him back

461
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 1: when I was eight. Back then, I absolutely hated his guts.

462
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 1: We were forced to sit together for a whole year,

463
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 1: and I made sure to test every bit of his patients.

464
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 1: Any other kid would have complained to the teacher, but

465
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: not a Rov. He never raised his voice, never fought back,

466
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 1: just quietly helped me whenever I struggled, especially in the

467
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 1: computer lab. He was smart, calm, patient, and I was

468
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: his total opposite. Over time, something changed. Our silly fights

469
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: turned into in side jokes, especially this one where we'd

470
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,159
Speaker 1: pat each other's on the head saying, oh so sad

471
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 1: for no reason. It became a competition. Who knew that

472
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:15,120
Speaker 1: stupid little game would mean so much Later? One memory

473
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: that stillburns bright is. When he switched his seat just

474
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 1: to sit beside me, he looked me right into my eyes,

475
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: said a shy high, and smiled. That high lived rent

476
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: free in my head for years. Then came separation. We

477
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 1: got different classes and with that distance, but every time

478
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: our eyes met in the corridor, we still smiled. Somewhere

479
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 1: that little spark survived. By fourth grade, I realized that

480
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,640
Speaker 1: the weird fluttering feeling I got whenever I saw him

481
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 1: had a name. A crush.

482
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 2: Oh crush, you like a rude.

483
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 1: I didn't even understand it then, just that my stomach

484
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 1: would flip whenever he smiled at me. Once during a

485
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 1: school function, I could feel his gaze from across the auditorium.

486
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 1: When I turned, our eyes met, we smiled shyly and

487
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: looked away. I swear my nine year old heart skipped

488
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 1: to beat. Then came the slam book scandal. I wrote

489
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 1: his name on mine and nearly got caught. My friends

490
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,239
Speaker 1: teased me non stop. It was obvious I like him,

491
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: You like him, you like him. In fifth grade, my

492
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 1: best friend told me she liked him too.

493
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 2: Oh that's so messed up, so mused, that's really messed up, so.

494
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 1: I tried to let him go for her. I failed miserably.

495
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: She even carried around his newspaper cutouts. I laughed it off,

496
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: but deep down it made me uneasy. Years passed. Every

497
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 1: time his class walked past mine, my heart would just freeze. Then,

498
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: in ninth life did a full circle. That best friend

499
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: and I fell apart. Eventually she stopped liking him, and

500
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 1: I slowly reconnected with a mutual from a class I

501
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 1: told him everything, our history, my guilt, all of it.

502
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: He told me I wasn't wrong for still caring that

503
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: my ex best friend's obsession had crossed lines. He even

504
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 1: promised to update me about Arov's life in school. And

505
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: then one night, the thing I'd waited for actually happened.

506
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,440
Speaker 1: Arov made an Instagram account.

507
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: That's what you've been waiting for this entire time, was

508
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 2: an Instagram account when you go to this same school.

509
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 2: Then you could have just been like or you could

510
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 2: have just texted him.

511
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 1: I followed him, oh, and he accepted how fast though,

512
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 1: but he didn't follow me back. Everyone else yes, me No.

513
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 1: I cried that night until the next day he had

514
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: followed me back. I don't think I've ever felt that

515
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: kind of a dopamine rush in my life. That same night,

516
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: I got a message from him. Do you still remember me?

517
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 3: He said, Oh, a rob, How could I ever forget?

518
00:26:55,320 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 1: We texted NonStop, talking about childhood, our stupid games, teachers.

519
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 1: I used to stay up till late night waiting for

520
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: him to come online after his tournaments and ask how

521
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: they went, even looked out for his name in the newspaper.

522
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 1: The following morning. He told me about his tournaments, how

523
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 1: he was planning to go abroad through his sports quota.

524
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: I was proud of him, but a little scared, too,

525
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: scared of losing him again. We even flirted a bit, quietly, softly,

526
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: like two people who knew they shouldn't but couldn't help it.

527
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: But as the months passed, our messages slowed down. We

528
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 1: both got busy, and when school reopened we'd just exchange

529
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,199
Speaker 1: glances in person and text later about how neither of

530
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 1: us made the first move. You're talking about not making

531
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 1: the first move. Yes, this is going to be a dramatic.

532
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,719
Speaker 2: Reason, because this is like normal people. I know you've

533
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 2: ever seen it, but this is like normal people. Is

534
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 2: a kind of not as depressing as only like the

535
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 2: high school part before they break up.

536
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: And then out of nowhere, found out he was dating someone.

537
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,719
Speaker 1: I didn't even know how to process it. She was

538
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 1: nothing like me, outgoing, bold, the total opposite. I swallowed

539
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:14,479
Speaker 1: my feelings and acted fine. Years rolled by, we barely talked.

540
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,919
Speaker 1: Then came eleventh grade. I walked into a new school,

541
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 1: ready to start over until I saw him again, same batch,

542
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: same class. The universe wasn't done with me. We actually

543
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 1: got close again, helped each other with assignments, joked around,

544
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 1: more friendly, healthy, and I was happy. I told myself

545
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: I was over him. Until one morning at the bus

546
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: stop changed everything. I'd had a fight with my dad

547
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: the night before and was still puffy eyed. A ROV

548
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 1: came up to me to talk about my art project.

549
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: When I turned to look at him, he was already

550
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: staring at me. For a few seconds, the world just

551
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: blurred out.

552
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 2: You have allergies right now?

553
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: That eye contact, it felt magnetic, like time stopped. And

554
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: then just like that, he disappeared. He removed me from

555
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: his socials. Wait what, no fight, no reason, just gone.

556
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 2: He was you guys were at the bus stop.

557
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: He didn't disappear right then, But.

558
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 2: That's you imagine He never was real this entire time

559
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 2: the peace son.

560
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: I just assumed it was because of his girlfriend, so

561
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: out of respect, I stayed silent. But in school he'd

562
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 1: still try to talk, asking teachers about me, try to

563
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 1: get me to react. I ignored him, pretended he didn't

564
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 1: even exist. He and his girlfriend broke up later that year.

565
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 1: Something terribly dark happened between them, one of those things

566
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: that leave scars on everyone involved. Oh my gosh, one

567
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 1: that made me realize we're no longer innocent kids anymore.

568
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 2: What happened, Well, don't tell us, But what what did

569
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 2: this ever happen to you? I don't I never experienced it.

570
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 1: Then came twelfth We had separate groups, it her, but

571
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: I got used to it until the pre boards, when

572
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: we suddenly got placed in the same practical group. My friend,

573
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,479
Speaker 1: who knew about my history with him, acted jealous the

574
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 1: moment she found out. She even complained about her group

575
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 1: being idiots, but I knew what the real issue was

576
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 1: A ROV was with me and not her. But soon

577
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: I realized that he'll be moving away after graduation, moving

578
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: away from me again. But I didn't lose hope. I

579
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: thought maybe destiny was giving me one last chance. On

580
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: the day of our chemistry practical well speak of chemistry.

581
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 1: I got ready like it was a festival perfume, lip gloss.

582
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 1: I even practiced how i'd start the conversation. When I

583
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: finally got to talk to him, he answered coldly, and

584
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: then he said Tom instead of two. We always used

585
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: to address each other informally. It sliced right through me.

586
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: That one shift in tone told me everything I didn't

587
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: want to know. I smiled through it, pretending to focus

588
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 1: on the experiment, but my eyes burned. That day broke

589
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 1: something inside me. It was also our last day at school.

590
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: I'd imagined a proper goodbye, but instead I went home,

591
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: collapsed and cried until I couldn't breathe. I remember lying

592
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: there thinking this must be what heartbreak really feels like.

593
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 1: But somehow I still hoped, because we still had boards,

594
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: maybe fate would give us one more moment. During our

595
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: physics exam, he ignored me completely. I asked a question,

596
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: He looked up, saw me, and just shook his head

597
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 1: before talking to my friend. That was the final nail

598
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: on our very last day. March eleventh of twenty twenty five.

599
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

600
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: I stayed back after the exam just to see him

601
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: one last time. He stood at the end of the corridor,

602
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: laughing with his friends. I stared for what felt like forever,

603
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: until something inside me whispered, He's never coming back.

604
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 2: How long were you staring at him and his group

605
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 2: of friends.

606
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:10,719
Speaker 1: I turned around, whispered quite goodbye, and walked out of

607
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 1: school for the last time. We're both nineteen now and

608
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: in very different stages, very different places in life. But

609
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 1: I still dream about him, vividly, painfully. Sometimes he's just there,

610
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 1: smiling like old times. Once I woke up at three

611
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: am from a dream where I wished him happy Birthday.

612
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 1: I checked my phone and realized it actually was his birthday.

613
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: And recently, when he reactivated his Instagram, I gathered every

614
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 1: ounce of courage and sent him a follow request. He

615
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: didn't accept, he didn't follow back. Maybe he's moved on,

616
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 1: maybe he's erased me completely, but I can't seem to

617
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 1: do the same. It's been eleven years, eleven whole years

618
00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,040
Speaker 1: since a stupid seating arrangement in second grade, and I

619
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 1: still can't stop writing about him. To him, I was

620
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 1: just a chapter, but to me, he was a whole book.

621
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: We have an update. Last night while thinking about him.

622
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: Yet again, I tried understanding the world from his point

623
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: of view after that terrible incident. For a long time,

624
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 1: I was consumed by hurt and anger, but I started

625
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 1: wondering what it must have felt like for him.

626
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 2: It's just so tumblr esque.

627
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: Right now, so I was kind of hoping we would

628
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 1: get an update.

629
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 2: I'm trying to give it the most Tumblr esque answer,

630
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 2: which is, you got to write a letter, and you

631
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 2: got to like secretly put in like his book bag

632
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 2: or something like that, something, because I feel like confronting

633
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 2: him would be too too real.

634
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: I think the funniest answer would just be oh so.

635
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 2: Sad at the very end of it, like, oh, I

636
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 2: love your head. I've loved you this entirety. I know

637
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 2: who you are for what the real I know, the

638
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 2: real you, or of only I know.

639
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: I think you love deeply op and that's a very

640
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: admirable trait in a lot of ways. But your little

641
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 1: heart's gonna be broken.

642
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 2: I'll always be here waiting for you.

643
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: Or of but just know you'll find someone. I love

644
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 1: you so sad whisper your goodbyes. Maybe he was scared, overwhelmed,

645
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 1: or maybe he was protecting his peace even if it

646
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: doesn't justify the pain. It made me realize that sometimes

647
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,839
Speaker 1: people don't act this way out of cruelty, but out

648
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: of fear, confusion, et cetera. And this realization softened inside me.

649
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: I still miss the person he was to me, but

650
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 1: I'll have to stop blaming him for not staying. And

651
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 1: even if he decided to deliberately avoid me, it's his

652
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: choice and I can't do anything but respect that. I

653
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 1: just hope wherever or however he is right now, life

654
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 1: is giving him the warmth he deserved in school. That

655
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 1: is the end of that story. Hey, it's Sam, your

656
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 1: og host here.

657
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories.

658
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My

659
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: girlfriend tried to become my son's new mother behind me

660
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:05,280
Speaker 1: my back. Oh no, not two moms. I was married

661
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 1: to the most amazing woman six years ago. We had

662
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 1: been dating for two years before we got married. She

663
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: got pregnant after graduating from college. We were both happy

664
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 1: and this was what we had wanted. Our son was

665
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 1: born and life was awesome. By the way this comes from,

666
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: I can't blog it, and if you want usubmit your

667
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the rslage. Okay, story time sub Reddit.

668
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm Carly and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give

669
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 1: good advice. Goofully, But we don't have all the answers.

670
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 1: We only know what we would do. So let us

671
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 1: know what you would do in the comments. Ten months

672
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 1: after his birth, while on a trip to get some

673
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 1: stuff for the house, her car collided with two others.

674
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,760
Speaker 1: He passed away. By the time the ambulance arrived. Life

675
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: was a witch. Suddenly, the whole world collapsed on me.

676
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:55,240
Speaker 1: I was in shock and therapy didn't help. The only

677
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: thing that kept me going was my son. He was

678
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: barely ten months old, but he I forgot about everything

679
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: else in life and functioned solely as a father. I

680
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: didn't go out, ignored my friends, and stopped my social

681
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 1: life altogether. Still, I was proud of what I had

682
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 1: accomplished as a single father. Sure there were a few

683
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: scares here and there, but overall it was great. My

684
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 1: son was healthy and happy. Money was never a problem

685
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: for me. It still hurt like a witch inside. I

686
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 1: literally felt no temptation to meet anybody else. I was

687
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: still recovering from it all. I guess then I started

688
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 1: going out a little. My sister offered to take care

689
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: of my son. She was great with him, so I

690
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: felt comfortable. I got back in touch with my friends.

691
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 1: I still retained a good physique. There wasn't much to

692
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 1: do at home, so I just worked out. I had

693
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 1: started taking care of myself too. I got used to

694
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 1: the female attention after blowing off the initial four or

695
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,760
Speaker 1: five dates. I know it's bad, but I just couldn't

696
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: go ahead with them. Then I started meeting with other women.

697
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 1: I just have casual dates with these women, but I'd

698
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 1: turned them down before anything physical happened. It took me

699
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 1: a long time to even kiss a girl again. On

700
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: this cycle, I met Natalie Random alias here. She was

701
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: exceptionally beautiful girl who worked in my industry. Loved that

702
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 1: I was a single father and sympathized with my loss.

703
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: She was a great person and had an awesome personality.

704
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 1: I found something special about her, so I stuck with her.

705
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: It took us almost a month to have spicy sleep,

706
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: but she was very patient with me. I had told

707
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 1: her upfront that meeting my son was not something that

708
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 1: would happen very soon, and she understood. We had a

709
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: great relationship. She complained a few times about me spending

710
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: a lot of time with my son and barely enough

711
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 1: with her, but we made it work after talking about

712
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 1: the issue. She only met my son for the first

713
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 1: time two months ago. I brought her along when we

714
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,880
Speaker 1: were at the park. She said hi, and he just

715
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: looked up and sort of laugh. He's four and able

716
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: to articulate properly, at least small words and greetings, so

717
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 1: I told him to say hello. He said that, and

718
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: then his attention went back to the racquet and the ball.

719
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 1: She clearly liked him. I know she wasn't feigning interest,

720
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 1: because even when I went a bit away and was

721
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 1: busy with something else, she was trying to play with

722
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: him and interact with him a lot. That was supposed

723
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 1: to be a happy moment, but seeing with her reminded

724
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: me of my wife, and it hurt like a witch again.

725
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,239
Speaker 1: But I got over it, so I gradually increased their

726
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: time together. We still met outside most of the time,

727
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: and not that much inside. We spent the daytime at

728
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 1: her place, and late at night she would come over

729
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,800
Speaker 1: to mine when my son was asleep. After a point,

730
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 1: I felt a little comfortable leaving them alone together. So

731
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: this week my sister was visiting in town. My son

732
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:46,319
Speaker 1: absolutely adores her. She was his first female contact. I

733
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 1: had to leave to take an overnight flight to get

734
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 1: some work stuff sorted out, so she stayed at my place.

735
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,960
Speaker 1: Natalie called me in the morning and told me that

736
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: she wanted to visit my son. She had been visiting

737
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 1: him a lot, so I thought it was okay. When

738
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 1: I came back, this is That's what my sister worriedly

739
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: told me. Natalie came around in the morning. She spent

740
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: an hour with my son and my sister. They're good

741
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 1: friends and get along very well. My sister got up

742
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 1: to make something for them and went into the kitchen

743
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: while Natalie and my son were in the living room.

744
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: He was on the floor playing with his toys. I

745
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,840
Speaker 1: guess as soon as my sister went into the kitchen,

746
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 1: Natalie picked up my son onto her lap. My sister

747
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 1: said she hurt Natalie trying to get him to call

748
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 1: her mommy. He usually calls her by a short inversion

749
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:31,720
Speaker 1: of her name, which makes him giggle. For some reason,

750
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: he said that and giggle. My sister leaned in to

751
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: see what they were doing, and according to her, my

752
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 1: girlfriend was saying to him, No, not the nickname that

753
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 1: my son has for her, Mommy, repeating it until my

754
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 1: son said it. Then she kept saying I'm your mommy, mommy,

755
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 1: and more like that. My sister was alarmed but didn't

756
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: say anything. He's done that with her too, but she

757
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,959
Speaker 1: always brought up a picture of his mother to show him,

758
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,879
Speaker 1: so he stopped calling her that I had always told

759
00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 1: her him that the angel in the picture was mommy.

760
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 1: It took him some time, but he stopped calling anyone

761
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 1: else mommy. I had told my girlfriend about this before,

762
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 1: and she had agreed. I had told her that it

763
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 1: was important to me that my son knows who his

764
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 1: real mother was. She said she understood. And now here

765
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: I am angry, frustrated, enraged, and feeling a bit betrayed.

766
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: I don't know how long this has been going on.

767
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 1: I haven't said anything to her. She knows I'm pissed

768
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 1: about something. We have our one year anniversary coming up

769
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 1: in twenty days. I had big plans for that. Now

770
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. Edit. This is not

771
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,320
Speaker 1: about me moving on for my wife. This is about

772
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,760
Speaker 1: my son's mother, and that's all. We have. An update

773
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 1: four days later that's kind.

774
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 4: Of crazy, Like I I would be very weird about it.

775
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 4: He's so mad, just like why Yeah, I would be

776
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,919
Speaker 4: very very weirded out, like especially because like he's never

777
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 4: actually heard it, like the sister heard it so obviously,

778
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 4: like maybe she might have been saying it before and

779
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 4: he just does no, and then now it's like no, no,

780
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 4: this is like I want you to call me on

781
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 4: which I think I don't know, like maybe she like

782
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,840
Speaker 4: because it hasn't even been like a year.

783
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 1: It's almost a year, yeah, which means it's less time

784
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: since the son's known her too, because that was like

785
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:20,320
Speaker 1: at least three or four months in exactly. So I'm like, yeah,

786
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,800
Speaker 1: because he didn't he didn't right away? Yeah yeah.

787
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 5: So I'm like how I would deal with this is

788
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 5: I would immediately bring it up and be like, hey,

789
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 5: my sister heard this.

790
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: Is this correct?

791
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 5: First of all, like you know, obviously, if she like

792
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 5: says yes, then we'll go into If she says no,

793
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 5: I'd be like you're a liar.

794
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 1: Bye.

795
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 5: But by yeah, I mean I can't can't take it,

796
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 5: you know, Like if she's like, oh, yeah, I did

797
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 5: do that, I'd be like, okay, you know how I

798
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 5: feel though, right, yeah, so, what's what's going on here?

799
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 1: Basically, I talked to her. She did agree that this

800
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: had indeed happened, so she didn't deny it. That was

801
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 1: a good I asked her why she did it. She

802
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 1: gave the reason that she always felt like an extra

803
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 1: in my life, and she thought that we could be

804
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 1: closer if we tried to be a family. No, no, no,

805
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 1: that works, honey.

806
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can't just force it, be like, yeah, no,

807
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:15,800
Speaker 5: i'm your mom.

808
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 1: Now because the four year old called me mom a

809
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 1: couple of times, I'm actually now his mother. Yeah, like

810
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 1: that's how it works.

811
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 5: No, you need to like actually, And plus I feel

812
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 5: bad for you know, op, because he's like I thought

813
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 5: she understood that, and now it seems like, you know,

814
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 5: she's overstepping that boundary.

815
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:33,759
Speaker 1: And yeah, I hate that.

816
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 5: I hate when you find people's true colors out, you know.

817
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: Months later, I explained to her, in a calm, composed manner,

818
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:42,439
Speaker 1: that we can't just pretend to be a family, and

819
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: that her trying to make a permanent bond with my

820
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 1: four year old son, whom she'd known for only two months,

821
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 1: way too the way to do it. She cried and apologized. Nevertheless,

822
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 1: This was a huge setback in our relationship. It's difficult

823
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 1: to look at things the same way after what happened.

824
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 1: Our big anniversary surprise is canceled. I'll make up for

825
00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: it sometime later. We are still dating, but she isn't

826
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 1: going to meet my son anytime soon. This meant that

827
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 1: we'd be spending less nights together, but she understood. I'm

828
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: also going to see a child therapist to get this

829
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 1: mommy thing sorted out once and for all, so that

830
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:25,320
Speaker 1: my son isn't emotionally affected. For those of you saying

831
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: that what she did was one hundred percent right, it wasn't.

832
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 1: My girlfriend and I are dating. She has known my

833
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: son for two months. If a mommy bond were to

834
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 1: form right now and we were to break up, it'll

835
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,239
Speaker 1: affect my four year old too. That'll have to wait

836
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: for marriage, which honestly is something I have mentally pushed

837
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 1: back for now. It'll take time to get trust back

838
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 1: with her. We have another update. I know all of

839
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 1: you guys would be expecting a wonderful update with all

840
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: of us becoming one big, happy family. Sorry, but I

841
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 1: got witch slapped by life. Knew it, honestly knew it

842
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, she kept pushing me again

843
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 1: and again over visiting my son. I told her no firmly,

844
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 1: but she kept on being passive aggressive. All I wanted

845
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 1: was a little more time, but she pushed me to

846
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: a limit. She said that my son was missing her.

847
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 1: He was not, and that I'm doing him a disservice

848
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: by keeping her out of his life, and that I'm

849
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: a horrible parent and I can't raise my son alone.

850
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: We had a big fight over it, and we broke up.

851
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:31,360
Speaker 1: She broke down and crawled back and apologized, but things

852
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: were never going to be the same. Life effing sucks.

853
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: Got a little bit more. I'll tell you the title

854
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: update three one year later.

855
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 5: Oh wait, I wonder if it's the same girl or different.

856
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 1: Oh okay, take your what are your final thoughts? Take

857
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: your guesses.

858
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,600
Speaker 5: I would have to say she is trying to come

859
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 5: back like things didn't work out for her, and she's

860
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 5: trying to slip back and things probably like haven't been

861
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 5: so great for him, and this is something that's familiar,

862
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 5: so I feel like they're gonna fall back into it,

863
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 5: but he knows that he shouldn't, and then he'll figure

864
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 5: out and be like ahnah, it didn't work.

865
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: Again, I'll go more hopeful. I'm gonna say he's moved

866
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: on and maybe he's recently introduced his son or to

867
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 1: someone new that he really likes. Update three one year later,

868
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:19,280
Speaker 1: almost a year ago, I came here to talk about

869
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 1: my life going upside down. I lost a great girlfriend,

870
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,879
Speaker 1: someone I thought I could finally trust and allow into

871
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 1: my son's life. That did not go well anyway. That

872
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,320
Speaker 1: time of my life was very difficult, but I really

873
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 1: got some great perspective from the people on here, so

874
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 1: I just wanted to thank you all once again. I

875
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 1: feel like I'm in a really good position in my

876
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: life right now and everything feels awesome. I've put all

877
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 1: the pieces together, and my son and I are really happy.

878
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 1: He's doing great and is healthy. Ps. I'm thinking of

879
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,360
Speaker 1: getting us a dog. What do you guys think about

880
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:53,280
Speaker 1: border colleagues? And that's the end of that story. Way

881
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: they're gonna get dog. That wasn't an update. That was

882
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 1: just like, guys, I'm doing good bye to know the drama.

883
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 1: But that's the end of that story. And we got

884
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 1: another one.

885
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 5: My girlfriend wants to take her ex husband to her

886
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 5: work party instead of me, Oh, that's.

887
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:12,439
Speaker 1: A little weird.

888
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 5: I've thirty five male been with my girlfriend forty four

889
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:20,240
Speaker 5: female for nine months. When we met, she was open

890
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 5: about the fact that she had fully separated from her

891
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 5: ex and that they would be starting official divorce proceedings.

892
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 5: Those started around one month ago and are basically in

893
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 5: the early stages. By the way, this comes from Confused

894
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 5: Throwaway two three to two and if you want to

895
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 5: submit your own stories, go to the Okay storytime subreddit.

896
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 5: I am Savannah, I'm Carly, and we are here to

897
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 5: give you some good advice. Goofy, but we don't have

898
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 5: all the answers. These are just our opinions and we

899
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 5: tell you what we do, so let us know what

900
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 5: you do in the comments. As op says, yesterday, we

901
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 5: were talking about work Christmas parties and she told me

902
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 5: her workplace is currently running a pool where where the

903
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,439
Speaker 5: options were go alone, go with your partner, or say

904
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 5: you're not going. When I asked what she was thinking

905
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 5: of doing, she said she needed to talk to her

906
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 5: ex husband about it because she was going to take

907
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 5: him if that option won. She explained that she didn't

908
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,919
Speaker 5: want to go and sit alone while everyone else was there.

909
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 5: With their spouses. Obviously, I reacted pretty badly to this.

910
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 5: She said she couldn't bring me because nobody there knew

911
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 5: about me or us. She had started her job about

912
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:30,280
Speaker 5: three months before we met, and everyone there was basically

913
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 5: under the impression that she was still married, as that's

914
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 5: how things had been when she joined. She didn't like

915
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,280
Speaker 5: lots of people knowing her business, such as the separation

916
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,319
Speaker 5: and divorced, so she just went along with it. She

917
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:43,319
Speaker 5: said that bringing me would therefore be weird, and that

918
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 5: she temporarily wanted everything to still look normal by bringing him.

919
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 5: I questioned why she would need to go and pretend

920
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:57,160
Speaker 5: to essentially strangers She could easily just go on her

921
00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 5: own instead, but she told me I didn't understand how

922
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 5: how difficult it was for her.

923
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:02,399
Speaker 1: She told me I was.

924
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 5: Making it all about me by asking to be prioritized.

925
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 5: In my eyes, it was just consideration. She said I

926
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 5: was acting irrational and being jealous, and that she didn't

927
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 5: have to run any of her decisions by me. She

928
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 5: then started crying, hung up on me, and texted me

929
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 5: to say she wanted space for a few hours. She

930
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 5: hasn't been in touch since, and that was twenty four

931
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 5: hours ago. I haven't reached out because I feel I

932
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 5: haven't done anything wrong. I feel horrible about her wanting

933
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 5: to take him along so easily because it feels like

934
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:37,319
Speaker 5: she has not considered my feelings about it. We haven't

935
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 5: had a conversation about it. She just told me to me,

936
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 5: it feels a little disrespectful to me in our relationship.

937
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:45,839
Speaker 5: I know we haven't been together long either, so maybe

938
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 5: I have no right to be involved in her decisions,

939
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 5: but I would expect to at least have a conversation

940
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 5: about that because that decision does directly affect us. I

941
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 5: also don't understand why she needs to go and pretend

942
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 5: to people she doesn't really know why she wouldn't have

943
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 5: just been able to take that opportunity to explain. I

944
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:06,280
Speaker 5: don't know if I'm just being selfish, like she said,

945
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 5: I've never been married, so I don't know if I

946
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 5: have just majorly downplayed everything and been inconsiderate. I honestly

947
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 5: appreciate anyone's advice and opinions.

948
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 1: I don't think it's weird at all to be like, hey,

949
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 1: I'm a little on comfy with this, and I do

950
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 1: think that one percent is something that you guys should

951
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:27,240
Speaker 1: have at least a conversation to like express those feelings

952
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,280
Speaker 1: about whether or not she listens and decides to change

953
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 1: it as something completely different, but like to at least

954
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: hear you out and maybe get that new understanding and

955
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 1: potentially change her mind.

956
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:37,879
Speaker 2: I'm with Uop.

957
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: I feel like she could just go alone, right.

958
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 5: I feel like she could definitely go alone and just

959
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 5: not explain, Like you don't have to explain anything if

960
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 5: you don't want any.

961
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: Easy to just be like something came up like last minute,

962
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:49,360
Speaker 1: couldn't make it exactly.

963
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 5: If you don't want anyone in your business, then don't

964
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 5: tell your business. No one's making you tell your price,

965
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 5: so you know, I feel like that's just you. Like

966
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 5: she's making it feel like everyone's going to be on her.

967
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 5: They're gonna be like, what, where's your husband? Where's you

968
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 5: know this that?

969
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,720
Speaker 1: I feel like most work functions like they wouldn't care.

970
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, they'd be like, oh, they can't make an end

971
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:09,879
Speaker 5: of story. I'm gonna go get a drink. We're gonna

972
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 5: go to the comments now.

973
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:16,280
Speaker 1: Fifty bucks, she's still banging her ex husband. Fifty bucks.

974
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 5: She was probably cheating on her husband, and Op was

975
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:24,240
Speaker 5: or maybe still is her side piece, not the a hole.

976
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 5: This is a massive red flag. You're worried about reacting badly,

977
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 5: but the real problem is that nine months into a relationship,

978
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 5: she's actively choosing to prioritize the appearance of an intact

979
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:40,840
Speaker 5: marriage over publicly acknowledging her actual relationship with you. She

980
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,359
Speaker 5: isn't worried about people knowing her business. She's worried about

981
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 5: admitting she has moved on before the divorce is final,

982
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,800
Speaker 5: which suggests she is keeping open the option of reconciliation.

983
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 5: The excuse that it would be weird to bring you

984
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 5: but normal to bring the man she is divorcing is

985
00:50:55,560 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 5: absurd and deeply disrespectful. Demand honesty and transparency, or walk away,

986
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:04,240
Speaker 5: because right now you are her secret and the ex

987
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:07,839
Speaker 5: is her preferred public face. OPI response. I've read this

988
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 5: over and over again because it articulates and validate so

989
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 5: much of my thinking. That whole thing about actively prioritizing

990
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 5: an appearance of an intact marriage is what felt so

991
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 5: ironic and also uncomfortable when she told me I was

992
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:24,400
Speaker 5: being selfish for demanding which I wasn't to be prioritized.

993
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,720
Speaker 5: Thank you for this comment and there is an update.

994
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 5: Who filed and did I definitely know they were divorcing?

995
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:34,600
Speaker 5: My ex girlfriend had always made out that she had

996
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:38,759
Speaker 5: begun proceedings. Honestly, I don't know for definite that they are,

997
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,880
Speaker 5: but she did have a few meetings with the lawyer

998
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 5: when I was with her, and she'd moved into her

999
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,320
Speaker 5: own place in March. To me, all the signs pointed

1000
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:48,359
Speaker 5: that way, but of course it may have not been

1001
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 5: the truth. Why would her ex not ex husband agree

1002
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 5: to go This is a solid question, and if I'm

1003
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 5: honest from what she told me about him, I genuinely

1004
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 5: don't think he would have. One of the reasons she

1005
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 5: gave for their marriage collapsing was that he became more

1006
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 5: antisocial and introverted and stopped wanting to go anywhere and

1007
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 5: do anything with her.

1008
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:11,800
Speaker 1: Then why would you invite her? Why is that your choice?

1009
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 5: I'm gonna bring my ex husband, who has social anxiety

1010
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:20,319
Speaker 5: and doesn't like to be like interacting with anyone to

1011
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 5: and I divorced him because of it, and I divorced

1012
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,400
Speaker 5: him because of that. But I'm gonna force him to

1013
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 5: come with me to my work party. I mean, is

1014
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,399
Speaker 5: this girl Craig Cray or what. I think that's why

1015
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 5: it felt worse, because if she was telling the truth

1016
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:37,239
Speaker 5: about him, she was willing to take someone who had previously,

1017
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 5: on multiple occasions, said he didn't want to go and

1018
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:44,640
Speaker 5: do things. If I'm honest on reflection, I think that

1019
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 5: this is an example of her refusing to face reality

1020
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:50,399
Speaker 5: and clinging onto her old identity. Thank you so much

1021
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 5: to the commenters who gave me this insight. She probably

1022
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:56,840
Speaker 5: just thought he'd agree because previously he probably always begrudgingly

1023
00:52:56,920 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 5: had and she had an appreciated or logically thought the

1024
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 5: weight of what she would be asking. If it was me,

1025
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,320
Speaker 5: I certainly would have said no like everyone else.

1026
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 1: Said they would too. Oh so on to the update

1027
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:09,759
Speaker 1: we split up.

1028
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 5: Thanks to all the perspectives here. I texted her to

1029
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,840
Speaker 5: say that I hoped she was okay and that the

1030
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 5: space had given me time to reflect on the situation.

1031
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 5: I explained that I could see things from her perspective

1032
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:23,960
Speaker 5: and what her attentions might have been, but that I

1033
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:27,719
Speaker 5: was hurt that she hadn't felt she could communicate that

1034
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,360
Speaker 5: with me first. If she had, the outcome might have

1035
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 5: been different and we could have worked something out. However,

1036
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:37,960
Speaker 5: I felt her behavior in calling me selfish and saying

1037
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 5: I shouldn't be involved in her decisions was disrespectful and inconsiderate,

1038
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 5: and that was now my major problem in moving forward

1039
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:48,359
Speaker 5: with the relationship. She replied to say that if I

1040
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 5: was going to just bring another source of pain and

1041
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 5: stress to her life, then I might as well go,

1042
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 5: because I was still making the whole thing about me

1043
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 5: and my feelings and not appreciating her not breaking apart

1044
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 5: at the seams while her life did. She added that

1045
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:07,240
Speaker 5: she'd be taking more space until I decided what I wanted.

1046
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:11,040
Speaker 5: Thanks to all of you, I realized how invalidating and

1047
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,359
Speaker 5: again manipulative that was, so I told her we'd make

1048
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,840
Speaker 5: the space permanent and wished her.

1049
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 1: All the best. Nice for you.

1050
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:25,760
Speaker 5: Her response was just okay, and asking if she could

1051
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:30,239
Speaker 5: still use my Netflix password Netflix comes with me, not

1052
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 5: with you.

1053
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 1: Oh, I changed it.

1054
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 5: Then she texted again a little while later asking why

1055
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 5: I changed it and if I could put it back

1056
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:41,319
Speaker 5: because it had locked her out of a show she

1057
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 5: was watching.

1058
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 1: I had a good laugh to myself.

1059
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 5: About the irony of decision making without running it by her,

1060
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,799
Speaker 5: and did it respond on to better things and a

1061
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 5: definite lesson learned for the future and seeing the red flags.

1062
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 5: I also just wanted to thank the commoners who have

1063
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,360
Speaker 5: lived it and shared their experiences. It did make it

1064
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 5: easier to under nderstand what her motivations and intentions might

1065
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 5: have been for carrying on as normal. As I said

1066
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:07,800
Speaker 5: in a previous comment, she has had a bad experience

1067
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:09,920
Speaker 5: with a previous job and was out of work for

1068
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 5: some time in between. I also knew she was nervy

1069
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 5: about this one as it was beginning to ramp up.

1070
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,800
Speaker 5: I can see why she may have obfuscated the truth

1071
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 5: so that her employers didn't think she had any personal

1072
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 5: distractions which might have stopped her being at her sharpest.

1073
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 5: Where we live, you need two years to be safe

1074
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 5: from being fired, and she was only a year in.

1075
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:36,280
Speaker 5: I can totally get why someone suddenly on their own

1076
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:40,799
Speaker 5: with individual finances plus lawyer fees and divorced settlement if

1077
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 5: true fees, would not want to risk their income suddenly

1078
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,759
Speaker 5: being shut off or being back out of work for

1079
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 5: a long period. Having said that, I also agree with

1080
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 5: everyone that there's a difference between obfuscating the truth and

1081
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:57,799
Speaker 5: showing up with your ex and essentially playing pretend when

1082
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:00,120
Speaker 5: there was the option of going alone and just make

1083
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:02,839
Speaker 5: you an excuse for them, though I guess I can

1084
00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 5: also see why maybe that would feel a little awkward

1085
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,840
Speaker 5: or uncomfortable being surrounded by others. End of the day,

1086
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:11,400
Speaker 5: if she had come to me and explain, maybe we

1087
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 5: could have worked it out. However, she didn't, and everyone

1088
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,160
Speaker 5: was right that her behavior and attitude towards me and

1089
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 5: the situation was incredibly disrespectful and problematic in the end,

1090
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 5: and that is all of that story.

1091
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 1: I yeah, I can totally understand not wanting to go

1092
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 1: to things alone, but ultimately, like you have to be

1093
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,759
Speaker 1: able to do that. Yeah, can just be like, well,

1094
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 1: I can't go alone so much that I need my

1095
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:37,160
Speaker 1: ex husband.

1096
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:40,239
Speaker 5: Here right and like you feel more comfortable having your

1097
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 5: ex husband there than like the person that you've been

1098
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 5: seeing for nine months. That is the end of this story.

1099
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 5: But we have another one coming up here right now.

1100
00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 1: Here's johnio og host here.

1101
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:50,840
Speaker 5: We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a

1102
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:52,760
Speaker 5: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1103
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 1: My ex ruined my life and almost our business too.

1104
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 5: It's one thing to do the relationship, but you can't

1105
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 5: go after the business.

1106
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:04,680
Speaker 1: Come on, and this comes directly from the Okay Storytime subreddit.

1107
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 1: And we do have a trigger warning for substance use

1108
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 1: disorder and verbal I twenty nine female have been broken

1109
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 1: up with my ex thirty mail since May twenty sixth

1110
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty five. We used to live together and

1111
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 1: we own a business together, but he has absolutely changed

1112
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 1: into someone I don't recognize and became grossly addicted to

1113
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 1: adult beverages and substances. By the way, this comes from

1114
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 1: Maleficent Bite ninety three sixty eight. And if you want

1115
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 1: us to meet your own stories, go to the rslash

1116
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 1: Okay storytime subreddit, which is where this is from. I'm

1117
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:41,960
Speaker 1: Carly and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice. Goofuley,

1118
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

1119
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:46,440
Speaker 1: what we would do, so let us know what you

1120
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 1: would do in the comments. We own a catering business.

1121
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 1: So he got booked for a consultation job in another

1122
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 1: state very far away and was gone for almost the

1123
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:59,040
Speaker 1: whole summer. He left in April and came back in August,

1124
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:02,200
Speaker 1: but his comtract was supposed to go until the end

1125
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: of September. Right before he left for the contract. His

1126
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,800
Speaker 1: best friends moved to town. While he was in the

1127
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:10,760
Speaker 1: other state. One of my other groups of friends decided

1128
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 1: to float the river to celebrate their birthday on Memorial Day.

1129
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 1: They invited me, and I asked if my now ex

1130
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 1: boyfriend's friends could join the birthday boy said he didn't

1131
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 1: want to associate with my boyfriend or any of his friends.

1132
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 1: When I asked what he meant, he said he thought

1133
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:30,080
Speaker 1: my boyfriend was a lying and manipulative person who always

1134
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 1: needs to be the center of attention, and he didn't

1135
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 1: want to spend his birthday with people like that. I

1136
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,680
Speaker 1: told him that was fine, and I said I couldn't

1137
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 1: make it since I already had plans with my boyfriend's friends.

1138
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:43,959
Speaker 1: When I called my boyfriend about it, he freaked out,

1139
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 1: started screaming and cursing, and called me horrible names. He

1140
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:51,040
Speaker 1: then broke up with me after I told him that

1141
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,360
Speaker 1: wasn't an appropriate reaction. I was trying to solve the

1142
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 1: problem and figure out what to do. He left me

1143
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,760
Speaker 1: a voicemail when I had turned my phone on airplane mode,

1144
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 1: breaking up with me again. I don't know why he

1145
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 1: needed to do it twice in one hour. He then

1146
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:09,480
Speaker 1: spent the entire summer begging for me back, even though

1147
00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:12,000
Speaker 1: I told him multiple times I did not want to

1148
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:15,320
Speaker 1: talk about getting back together until he got therapy and

1149
00:59:15,480 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 1: went to AA. He swore up and down that he

1150
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 1: would go to AA and therapy, and he did not.

1151
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 1: When he came back home in June to work a

1152
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:25,920
Speaker 1: wedding that we had booked for a catering company, he

1153
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 1: had a huge meltdown. He got blackout, wasted in the

1154
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:33,240
Speaker 1: airport on his layover and was threatening not to even come.

1155
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,960
Speaker 1: He told me multiple times not to pick him up,

1156
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,920
Speaker 1: even though I had originally planned to book a hotel

1157
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 1: and we were going to have a night together to

1158
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:44,200
Speaker 1: talk about our relationship and whether it was a good

1159
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:46,640
Speaker 1: idea to get back together. Because he told me not

1160
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,880
Speaker 1: to come, called me horrible names, and his friends who

1161
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 1: had moved to town told me not to pick him

1162
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 1: up and were scared for my safety. When I wasn't

1163
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 1: there to pick him up when he landed, he had

1164
00:59:56,320 --> 01:00:00,720
Speaker 1: another breakdown and was texting me horrible, horrible, horror things.

1165
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 1: He ended up working the wedding and everything turned out fine,

1166
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:08,040
Speaker 1: but through a tantrum the whole time and treated me horribly.

1167
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:11,680
Speaker 1: He did start therapy after his big breakdown and went

1168
01:00:11,720 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 1: to AA while he was in town, but when he

1169
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:18,720
Speaker 1: went back to finish the contract, he continued drinking, using

1170
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:21,160
Speaker 1: our business credit card to go out and party, and

1171
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 1: wasn't showing up to work. Fast forward to August, we

1172
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:28,280
Speaker 1: had another wedding. He came back two weeks before the event,

1173
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 1: unlike the June wedding where he got here five days before.

1174
01:00:31,640 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 1: We scheduled for him to renovate the guest room in

1175
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 1: my house for my landlord, and he was getting paid.

1176
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:40,800
Speaker 1: I was staying in a hotel while it was under construction.

1177
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:43,440
Speaker 1: A day after he got back, we had a conversation

1178
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,600
Speaker 1: to talk about our relationship again, and it was an

1179
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:50,680
Speaker 1: utter screaming match for three hours. I'm genuinely shocked the

1180
01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:53,400
Speaker 1: hotel didn't give us a noise complaint because he was

1181
01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:55,800
Speaker 1: screaming at the top of his lungs and I was

1182
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:58,120
Speaker 1: begging him to calm down. He ended up going to

1183
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:00,640
Speaker 1: stay at his friend's house that night and showed back

1184
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: up at my hotel room at four am, pounding on

1185
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:05,960
Speaker 1: the door and demanding a safe place to sleep. He

1186
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,040
Speaker 1: said he didn't feel like he had a home anymore

1187
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:11,320
Speaker 1: because we were no longer living together. On the wedding day,

1188
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:14,800
Speaker 1: his friends worked for us and treated me like absolute

1189
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:18,200
Speaker 1: garbage during the event in front of guests. I asked

1190
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:20,440
Speaker 1: them to help him calm down because he was throwing

1191
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:23,920
Speaker 1: another tantrum the morning of the wedding and didn't want

1192
01:01:23,960 --> 01:01:25,800
Speaker 1: to get up to do his job. He sent me

1193
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:29,600
Speaker 1: horrible messages again threatening not to work during the event.

1194
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:31,920
Speaker 1: He messaged me about how he was going to make

1195
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,760
Speaker 1: somebody else work the event. Even hired a random guy

1196
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:37,800
Speaker 1: and showed up to the event in a swimsuit, skateboarding shirt,

1197
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 1: and flip flops. He said he was just dropping off

1198
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:42,120
Speaker 1: the food and we had to figure it out. When

1199
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:44,480
Speaker 1: I told him he was contracted to work the event,

1200
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 1: he gave me a bunch of alternatives, excuses, curse words,

1201
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:51,160
Speaker 1: and name calling. I was the wedding planner on this event,

1202
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:54,439
Speaker 1: so I had to wrangle all the vendors, including him,

1203
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,000
Speaker 1: and he just assumed I was only wrangling him because

1204
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:00,680
Speaker 1: we worked together and own a business. His friend was

1205
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 1: so rude to me. He even went out of his

1206
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 1: way to talk to my assistant about how he didn't

1207
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:07,880
Speaker 1: know I was a wedding planner, even though I told

1208
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:11,040
Speaker 1: him multiple times in advance and sent over all the

1209
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:14,040
Speaker 1: roles and duties each of us would be responsible for.

1210
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:16,640
Speaker 1: The wedding passed and he was supposed to help me

1211
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:19,520
Speaker 1: clean up, but because he was drinking and smoking the

1212
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:22,720
Speaker 1: entire event, he decided to leave way up before he

1213
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:25,440
Speaker 1: was supposed to the next day, he never joined me

1214
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 1: to finish the cleanup. Side note, we had a rental

1215
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:30,040
Speaker 1: car at the time. Because his car was in the shop,

1216
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,880
Speaker 1: instead of helping me clean up, he returned it in

1217
01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 1: a different city, an hour away instead of five minutes

1218
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 1: from where we were located. When he and his friend

1219
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,320
Speaker 1: returned to the car, they did not check in or

1220
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:44,160
Speaker 1: hand the keys to anybody. They just dropped it off

1221
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,600
Speaker 1: in the airport parking lot in a random spot. I

1222
01:02:46,640 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 1: got a call about a week later saying that the

1223
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:51,400
Speaker 1: car was never returned and we were getting charged over

1224
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 1: two hundred dollars a day in late fees. When I

1225
01:02:54,200 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 1: called him, he angrily hung up. The rental car company

1226
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,160
Speaker 1: later called to say it was resolved and I was

1227
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:01,480
Speaker 1: not going to be charged. We also had to put

1228
01:03:01,480 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 1: the rental car in my name because he constantly loses

1229
01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 1: his wallet, phone, and keys. The day after the wedding,

1230
01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 1: when he threw that huge tantrum, I told him I

1231
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 1: was absolutely done. He could have the business and I

1232
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:16,720
Speaker 1: just wanted him out of my life. I'm done for good,

1233
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:20,480
Speaker 1: leave me alone. I mean, this guy is actually the

1234
01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:26,600
Speaker 1: worst thing. Like what a baby. If this hadn't resulted

1235
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:28,960
Speaker 1: in I'm completely hutting him out for my life and

1236
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,320
Speaker 1: you can just buy I be like, what are we doing?

1237
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:34,840
Speaker 5: No, this guy's absolutely insane and needs like professional help,

1238
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 5: like in many different ways, and that's not your job. Ope,

1239
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:42,000
Speaker 5: he can get his crap together and then you know,

1240
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 5: maybe you could be together. But seems like he's just

1241
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 5: gonna be crazy and doesn't want to help himself.

1242
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:50,160
Speaker 1: So bye bye. His thirtieth birthday was a couple of

1243
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 1: days later, and he went around telling everybody that I

1244
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 1: broke up with him on his birthday. It's wild to

1245
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 1: me because he broke up with me and May and

1246
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 1: we never got back together. Remember they were never back

1247
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 1: together over the summer. They've then broken up. He told

1248
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 1: everyone that I cut him off out of the blue,

1249
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:10,240
Speaker 1: and he had no idea why I wouldn't talk to

1250
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 1: him anymore.

1251
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 3: He even wrote a Facebook post with thirty pictures of us,

1252
01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:19,200
Speaker 3: talking about how we broke up, how horrible we were

1253
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:22,000
Speaker 3: to each other, and that he wished we would have

1254
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 3: gotten therapy, saying he's going to love me forever and

1255
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 3: cherish our memories.

1256
01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:31,680
Speaker 5: What so, you're completely like he's like ten different people

1257
01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 5: in one thing. He's like, oh, I you know, like

1258
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:36,600
Speaker 5: I'm gonna be manic over here, and then I'm gonna

1259
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 5: be like, you know, all fun and levey over here.

1260
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 5: But then on Facebook, I'm gonna be like, oh, like

1261
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:42,440
Speaker 5: she broke my heart. Everyone feel bad for me. To

1262
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:45,200
Speaker 5: my friends, you know, yeah, I love you forever, cherish

1263
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:47,920
Speaker 5: the memories we have. But when I see you, I'm

1264
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 5: gonna make you feel so much less than me.

1265
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:52,960
Speaker 1: It is now October and he still hasn't gotten the

1266
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:56,280
Speaker 1: rest of his furniture and is dragging out resolving the business.

1267
01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:59,240
Speaker 1: He flip flops between telling me he's sorry and loves

1268
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:02,200
Speaker 1: me me back and then how much he hates me.

1269
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 1: He tells me I can have the business and then

1270
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:06,960
Speaker 1: wants it again and then wants to dissolve it.

1271
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:10,480
Speaker 5: I mean, I absolutely dread this man's existence.

1272
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:12,160
Speaker 1: It's like it hurts me.

1273
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:16,080
Speaker 5: To think that people like this are here and interacting

1274
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:19,960
Speaker 5: with other people, because like not that OPI is probably

1275
01:05:20,040 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 5: you know, like the best person ever and like you know,

1276
01:05:23,040 --> 01:05:26,440
Speaker 5: perfect beyond compare and all these things. Like, but she

1277
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,680
Speaker 5: seems to be normal enough to be like, yeah, I

1278
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:32,840
Speaker 5: don't think I deserved all of this, and yeah, I'm

1279
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:35,600
Speaker 5: trying to do these things. Run this business, keep it mature,

1280
01:05:35,760 --> 01:05:39,240
Speaker 5: keep it, you know, in check, and you can't do

1281
01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 5: that with an unstable person.

1282
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 1: Honestly too. A plus for the friend whose birthday was

1283
01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:49,160
Speaker 1: near Memorial Day for like finally coming straight up and

1284
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:52,840
Speaker 1: being like, your boyfriend kind of sucks and treats you horribly,

1285
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:56,080
Speaker 1: because sometimes you can be so just like into that,

1286
01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 1: like no, he totally loves me, like cycle with him

1287
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:00,800
Speaker 1: that you're not seeing that, And a lot of times

1288
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:03,160
Speaker 1: friends don't want to like upset you or like make

1289
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:05,760
Speaker 1: you cut them off. So to come out and be like, hey,

1290
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 1: like take a real deep look at who you're dating

1291
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:10,960
Speaker 1: kind of thing, and like who he's friends with is

1292
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:13,959
Speaker 1: very bold but seemed to be a good call. Next,

1293
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 1: kudos to that friend you did. You did the right thing.

1294
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy since June when I told my

1295
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:22,880
Speaker 1: therapist that I've decided I will not get back together

1296
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:25,720
Speaker 1: with him. She got so excited and told me how

1297
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 1: proud she was of me for getting away from someone

1298
01:06:28,280 --> 01:06:31,560
Speaker 1: so manipulative. I've been trying to dissolve or resolve the

1299
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 1: business with him since we originally broke up in May,

1300
01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:37,080
Speaker 1: but we had to finish the weddings before we could

1301
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:39,520
Speaker 1: do that. My first question is am I the a

1302
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:41,640
Speaker 1: hole for telling him I never want to talk to

1303
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:44,840
Speaker 1: him again, just a couple of days before his thirtieth birthday.

1304
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:47,440
Speaker 1: My second question is how do I get out of

1305
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:51,440
Speaker 1: this drawn out cycle of emotional abuse and manipulation. I've

1306
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:54,000
Speaker 1: spoken to a lawyer and she's giving me a bunch

1307
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:58,000
Speaker 1: of resources, but at this point it feels depressing and overwhelming.

1308
01:06:58,080 --> 01:06:59,760
Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story.