Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: The first Lady of the United States. She's the partner
Speaker 2: of the President, hostess of the White House, and backup
Speaker 2: snuffle up Agus. But while hashtag all wives matter, there's
Speaker 2: one first lady who matters more than any other. Milania Trump,
Speaker 2: wife further fashion Icon, Animal Lover, Colonial Explorer. On January twentieth,
Speaker 2: twenty seventeen, this third wife became America's first Lady. It
Speaker 2: was a moment she celebrated with great joy and instant regret.
Speaker 2: And while public life can put a strain on a relationship,
Speaker 2: it only made Milania and Donald stronger. Since day one,
Speaker 2: they've been inseparable if you don't count the six months
Speaker 2: she stayed in New York while she reportedly renegotiated her prenup.
Speaker 2: But after that it was a love story for the ages,
Speaker 2: those ages being a hot fifty and I don't know,
Speaker 2: ninety seven. During their time in the White House, Milania
Speaker 2: and Donald were often seen taking long, romantic walks, holding hands,
Speaker 2: trying to hold hands, and refusing to hold hands. Yes,
Speaker 2: you could always see the look of fiery passion whenever
Speaker 2: Milania was at her husband's side, and it's easy to
Speaker 2: see why the First Lady's husband lived to spoil her.
Speaker 1: It's Malania's birthday, so happy birthday to Milania. Do you
Speaker 1: want to tell us what you got her?
Speaker 3: Well, I better not get into that because I may
Speaker 3: get in trouble. Maybe I didn't get her so much.
Speaker 2: There's nothing more romantic than a man of mystery. But
Speaker 2: a First Lady's job is more than just being a
Speaker 2: devoted wife. She's also in charge of turning the White
Speaker 2: House into a white home, and Milania nothing stand in
Speaker 2: her way.
Speaker 4: Malania Trump is defending a tweet she sent out about
Speaker 4: construction on the White House tennis pavilion, which some have
Speaker 4: criticized as tone deaf amid the coronavirus outbreak.
Speaker 2: Yes, even in the midst of a global pandemic and
Speaker 2: with less than six and a half weeks left in office,
Speaker 2: Milania had the courage to do something literally no one
Speaker 2: was asking her to do, personally, renovate the White House
Speaker 2: tennis court in foreign shields with a golden shovel. And
Speaker 2: while this renovation was so masterful it made the Property
Speaker 2: Brothers look like the Trump brothers. Amazingly, it came just
Speaker 2: months after her previous masterpiece, the new White House Rose Garden.
Speaker 1: The intensely private First Lady is facing the glare.
Speaker 5: Of the spotlight yet again, criticized for her recent renovation
Speaker 5: of Jackie Kennedy's famous rose Garden, the Rose.
Speaker 6: Garden that she puts some pretty dramatic changes to.
Speaker 2: Good for Milania. Who needs roses when a virus is
Speaker 2: destroying everyone's sense of smell?
Speaker 5: Anyway.
Speaker 2: Besides, if there's one thing a supermama knows, it's the
Speaker 2: importance removing unpleasant shrubbery. And at no point was Malania's
Speaker 2: flair for design more apparent than during the holiday season,
Speaker 2: when every Christmas she chose a fun holiday theme like
Speaker 2: ho Ho horror movie and The Grinch Who Murdered Christmas,
Speaker 2: all while never losing the spirit of the season about
Speaker 2: the Christmas stuff. Yes, thanks to Milania, America is saying,
Speaker 2: who gives a book about Christmas?
Speaker 7: Again?
Speaker 2: But perhaps Malania's greatest legacy as First Lady was her
Speaker 2: celebration of all God's children whose parents could prove they
Speaker 2: were citizens.
Speaker 4: This is a picture of Melania tron boarding Air Force
Speaker 4: Wane to head down to McCallan, Texas to visit some
Speaker 4: of the children being held in detention center. She's wearing
Speaker 4: a green jacket. On the back, it's written in white.
Speaker 4: I really don't care, do you.
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 2: Only Milania could pull off a sleeveless dress and a
Speaker 2: heartless jacket. But other than that, Milania overflows with love
Speaker 2: for children. You see, she's not just the stepmom of
Speaker 2: these four little boss babies, She's the nation step mom
Speaker 2: there for America every other weekend and on holidays. So
Speaker 2: when she saw the bullying epidemic that was tormenting the country,
Speaker 2: she stepped forward with the grammatically courageous initiative.
Speaker 8: Today, I'm very excited to announce be Best, an awareness
Speaker 8: campaign dedicated to the most valuable and fragile among us,
Speaker 8: our children.
Speaker 2: Milania told children across America to be best and be
Speaker 2: best they beat. Just look how much this bully learned.
Speaker 8: Bernie Sanders, Crazy Bernie, greatest loser on Earth.
Speaker 9: Crazy Bernie, one of the greatest losers of all time.
Speaker 1: This guy, no, but I meant that in a nice way.
Speaker 2: So thank you, Milania. You made America smile, and we
Speaker 2: hope we made you smile. Now there it is, wait,
Speaker 2: false alarm, there we go. Okay, whatever.
Speaker 9: Last week was President Trump's first international trip. Instead of
Speaker 9: his visits and looking at the effects on US Israel relations,
Speaker 9: everyone was focused on Donald Millennia relations.
Speaker 3: The thing that got enormous amount of media attention had
Speaker 3: to do with Milania Trump the First Lady and some video.
Speaker 3: Was this an actual.
Speaker 8: Slap or did she just pull her hand away?
Speaker 10: Well, she pulled her hand away, but I didn't quite
Speaker 10: see the contact of a slap.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 9: Leave it to Fox News not to recognize what rejection
Speaker 9: from a woman looks like.
Speaker 11: She h she slapped his hand away, which probably means
Speaker 11: she wants a promotion.
Speaker 1: First ride.
Speaker 9: Now, on the next leg of Trump's trip, which took
Speaker 9: him to the Vatican, Trump's hands really couldn't catch a
Speaker 9: break because this time the First Lady gave him the
Speaker 9: old down load too slow, which made me wonder, Like,
Speaker 9: when you watch that, do you think maybe Millennia is jealous?
Speaker 9: Maybe that's what this was about.
Speaker 11: Oh, now you want to hold hands, Donald? You sure
Speaker 11: you wouldn't rather be holding that ORB? I remember when
Speaker 11: you used to touch me like the orb. Donald, I told you, Millennia,
Speaker 11: me and the ORB was the one time thing the
Speaker 11: orb means rah. Thing to me means nothing.
Speaker 1: I was barely hard.
Speaker 9: I know a lot of people think we hear the
Speaker 9: Daily Show and nothing but hate us when it comes
Speaker 9: to the White House, but that's not true. I've always
Speaker 9: been a fan of Millennia Trump, you know, as a
Speaker 9: fellow immigrant. She inspires me because I know that I
Speaker 9: can never become President of the United States, but if
Speaker 9: I work hard, I might become First Lady. So she's
Speaker 9: my role model, which is why today Milania Trump is
Speaker 9: in my thoughts.
Speaker 3: First Lady. Milania Trump is hospitalized tonight after undergoing a
Speaker 3: surgical procedure on her kidney. The White House saying the
Speaker 3: procedure was for a benign condition and that there were
Speaker 3: no complications. President Trump tonight visiting his wife, who's expected
Speaker 3: to remain at the military hospital for the rest of
Speaker 3: the week. They're saying that they want to go ahead
Speaker 3: and keep her for a week, which is unusual in
Speaker 3: the case like this, but it could be because she's
Speaker 3: the First Lady and they just want to pay extra attention.
Speaker 9: Yeah, she's staying an extra week. I feel like after
Speaker 9: a couple of hours, the doctor told her she could
Speaker 9: go home, and Milania was like, no, I should stay.
Speaker 11: I should stay until you check everything out, I stay longer.
Speaker 9: I was like, okay, well, miss first lady, since we're
Speaker 9: keeping you longer. Your husband is on his way to visit.
Speaker 1: Okay, pull the blog. We've tried everything. Pulled the blog.
Speaker 1: It's like, you're not on life support. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I just try it.
Speaker 11: See what happens.
Speaker 12: What's wild about the story is, look at these two people.
Speaker 1: How is she the one with the health issue? How
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 9: Trump's blood type is KFC positive.
Speaker 1: He does not live a healthy life.
Speaker 7: At a rally last week, Trump vowed to fight for
Speaker 7: the rights of the LGBBQ community.
Speaker 9: You know, the weiratest part about this whole Millennia thing
Speaker 9: is she went into the hospital. It was supposed to
Speaker 9: be like a two day thing. Then she was there
Speaker 9: for a week, then was two weeks, then we didn't
Speaker 9: see her, and then now it's three weeks. And then
Speaker 9: they announced that maybe we'll see her at the end
Speaker 9: of June. I don't know what that means. What was
Speaker 9: even stranger was that Trump he was walking out of
Speaker 9: the White House and then he was being interviewed by
Speaker 9: the press gaggle and then someone said, like, where's Milania?
Speaker 9: And he was like, Oh, she's fine, she's looking at
Speaker 9: us right now. And he pointed out a window and
Speaker 9: then all the press turned and there was no one there,
Speaker 9: and then he just walked away. And I was just like,
Speaker 9: is this like a real thing?
Speaker 7: Is this Like he almost said it, like he's being
Speaker 7: haunted by Millennia, Like he sees a ghost that no
Speaker 7: one else sees. But he's like so dumb that he
Speaker 7: doesn't know he's being haunted, because I'd bean like Trump
Speaker 7: would be that kind of guy. He's so like self
Speaker 7: abserlved that he wouldn't even know that he's being haunted.
Speaker 1: Like the ghost would be there and be like woo.
Speaker 1: They'd be like little.
Speaker 7: Kids riding bicycles in the White House.
Speaker 1: And he'd be like, Barren, your friends are here.
Speaker 11: Do you guys know about my electoral college victory?
Speaker 7: Like the lady from the Ring would come out of
Speaker 7: the TV and then Trump would grow po and she'd
Speaker 7: go back in. She'd have to like test the fry
Speaker 7: in front of Congress.
Speaker 9: There's actually some fake news that is plaguing the president
Speaker 9: right now. It's about Millennia.
Speaker 6: The fake Millennia conspiracy is back. After the first Lady's
Speaker 6: visit to Alabama and Georgia this week. The theory that
Speaker 6: Milannia Trump had a body double for public appearances began
Speaker 6: in twenty seventeen that was denied by fact checkers. Now,
Speaker 6: though again, Twitter users are comparing this to other images,
Speaker 6: arguing it's not the same woman, but many also commenting
Speaker 6: lighting and makeup are likely causes for the mistaken identity.
Speaker 9: How is this on the news?
Speaker 6: How is this even a thing?
Speaker 9: Of course, Millennia looks a little different on some days,
Speaker 9: all right, She's a person. Every person looks different day
Speaker 9: to day. This was me like two months ago. Okay,
Speaker 9: this was me three years ago, all right, this was
Speaker 9: me yesterday when I found out j.
Speaker 1: Loo is engaged. Okay, I look different.
Speaker 12: I look different because clearly I'm so happy for her,
Speaker 12: and like the twentieth best Yankee, I'm very happy.
Speaker 7: I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I just I want
Speaker 7: to a rod for myself.
Speaker 9: So please, guys, let's start with this whole fake Millennia business, right,
Speaker 9: because it's not true. Although I will say this, if
Speaker 9: you do zoom in on that picture, there is something
Speaker 9: a little suspicious, and that is that they're holding hands.
Speaker 9: So on second thought, maybe fake Millennia.
Speaker 10: Yesterday was a momentous day for Donald J. Trump. He
Speaker 10: was indicted for thirty four counts of falsifying business records
Speaker 10: and also one count of clog in the courthouse toilet.
Speaker 10: They added that one at the last minute.
Speaker 1: So old Trump.
Speaker 10: He went down to the courthouse, looked around stupid for
Speaker 10: a couple of minutes, and then fled on his private
Speaker 10: jet to Florida because, as you owe, no, Florida does
Speaker 10: not have an extradition treaty with the United States.
Speaker 13: In a defiant speech at mar A Lango, the former
Speaker 13: president claimed he's a victim and targeted the prosecutor and
Speaker 13: judge in the case.
Speaker 9: They can't beat us at the ballot box, so they
Speaker 9: try and beat us through the law.
Speaker 1: The criminal is the district attorney.
Speaker 9: Why have a Trump hating judge with the Trump hating
Speaker 9: wife and family?
Speaker 1: Who who you know?
Speaker 5: Go to trial and talk shit about the judge? That's bold.
Speaker 5: The judge could destroy you. He could destroy you and
Speaker 5: you rolling them up.
Speaker 10: You about to fight cocaine bad You don't offer him
Speaker 10: crack first.
Speaker 1: And he didn't just call out the judge. Trump called
Speaker 1: out the kids.
Speaker 10: You don't pull the kids and the even rappers don't
Speaker 10: go after the kids, and they murder each other. And
Speaker 10: and Trump said, the man has a Trump hating wife.
Speaker 10: But to be fair, to be fair, I don't even
Speaker 10: know if that was an insult because Donald Trump also
Speaker 10: has a Trump hating wife. Yeah, you can't tell me,
Speaker 10: Milania don't hate that man. If anything, this week was
Speaker 10: confirmation if y'all think, let me ask you this sent
Speaker 10: During Donald Trump's forty five minutes as a political prisoner,
Speaker 10: where was his wife?
Speaker 6: So many people noticed the former First Lady, the former
Speaker 6: president's wife, Belania Trump, was not in attendance last night.
Speaker 5: His wife, former First Lady Milania Trump, she was not there.
Speaker 13: Among the guests were ardent Trump supporters, including Congresswoman Marjorie
Speaker 13: Taylor Green and the My Pillow founder Mike Lindell. One
Speaker 13: person noticeably absent last night was former First Lady Milania Trump.
Speaker 10: Even the pillow salesman showed up for the speech, but
Speaker 10: his own wife didn't show up. And the speech was
Speaker 10: at the house, Blaniga didn't even come downstairs. She opened
Speaker 10: up the bedroom door. Oh you're back from prison already. Now, look,
Speaker 10: we're making jokes. We're making jokes. But there's nothing funny
Speaker 10: about a former first Lady not showing up to her
Speaker 10: husband's speech where he's complaining about getting arrested for lying
Speaker 10: about paying off a porn stock Frankly, I'm concerned about
Speaker 10: Milania's whereabout, so we launched a search for that search
Speaker 10: is being headed by a very own dull. Say, Sloan,
Speaker 10: don't say, we'll say, they'll say you're in Florida. You're
Speaker 10: in Florida, dull sir, Yes we are. We are very
Speaker 10: poor dus. Now, I mean why you're down there on
Speaker 10: the coast. Are there any signs of Milania down there?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 14: Not yet. You know, I've been looking for her at
Speaker 14: the beach all day, and after this, I'm going to
Speaker 14: look for her at brun And then I might not
Speaker 14: gonna look for her at the front row of a
Speaker 14: Magic Mike show.
Speaker 11: You know, I'm.
Speaker 14: Vigilan, you know, vigil antsy out here?
Speaker 10: Yeah, ain't the Magic Mic show in Las Vegas. I
Speaker 10: think you're taking advantage of the corporate expense account. We'll
Speaker 10: talk about that later, but first, let's let's just while
Speaker 10: I got you, let's just talk about this whole thing.
Speaker 10: Don't you think that Millennia should leave Donald Trump. I
Speaker 10: mean the man was paying hush money to poorn stars.
Speaker 14: Roy, Roy, Roy, you don't understand, son. The hush money
Speaker 14: was for Millennia. She's the reason he didn't want people
Speaker 14: to know about Stormy Daniels.
Speaker 1: Shit. If he wasn't married, his campaign slogan would have
Speaker 1: been a porn.
Speaker 15: Stars Okay, before Millennia, he paid a poor star.
Speaker 1: One hundred and thirty thousand dollars. Oh to know a
Speaker 1: love like that?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I mean. You know it's kind
Speaker 1: of romantic for a man to just break bread like.
Speaker 10: That's okay, I got you. Then, So then you think
Speaker 10: Milania should stay with Donald?
Speaker 1: No, he cheating on her with a porn stime. Come on,
Speaker 1: I've dumped men for a lot less. I broke up
Speaker 1: with a guy last week because he left me a voicemail.
Speaker 1: A voicemail, sir, what year do you think this is?
Speaker 14: Just leave a comment on my TikTok like an adult grandpa.
Speaker 10: Okay, so I see what you're saying. So then you
Speaker 10: think Milania should have dumped Trump back in twenty sixteen? Gotcha?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 14: Hell no, listen, uncle Roy, are you listening in why
Speaker 14: would she dump him when he just got elected? L presidente?
Speaker 1: You cheat on me? You think I'm gonna let some
Speaker 1: porn starvey the.
Speaker 14: First lady with the hell Now, nah, bitch, I'm getting
Speaker 14: a portrait, Okay, a real one with paint and shit. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 14: I'm talking about a canvas an eagle and we're gonna
Speaker 14: sit there for seven hours and look happy.
Speaker 6: Damn it.
Speaker 10: Okay, doing every which way? Then, does say just tell
Speaker 10: me what the hell should Malania do?
Speaker 1: Then you should be doing what you've been doing. Take
Speaker 1: advantage of Trump.
Speaker 14: But he's president, and when he's not, let his ask
Speaker 14: twist in the wind while you're at home watching Martin ree.
Speaker 1: Runs and banging these pool boards. Okay, I mean she's
Speaker 1: doing it at mar A Laza right now. Wait, so
Speaker 1: you know what she is?
Speaker 10: Why are you running up an expense account over my week?
Speaker 6: What you what?
Speaker 10: This is my week hosting and you running up to
Speaker 10: build with all this travel.
Speaker 1: Come on, wow, this is how you treat a black woman.
Speaker 1: No no, that's not how a minute life women's history
Speaker 1: mon no no no no no no no no no
Speaker 1: no no no no, that's not how many what is
Speaker 1: not how many w that's not no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 10: That means no.
Speaker 14: I should be out here with a tell far Back
Speaker 14: and Morris check Nut and you out here trying to
Speaker 14: act like I'm not doing my job.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm gonna get on my jet ski.
Speaker 1: I got to do with you. I got to do
Speaker 1: nothing this too for my jet ski. They'll say, salo on, everybody.
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