WEBVTT - Love Stories: Samantha Greenstone And Jacob Hoff 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:06.320 Hey, there're folks in this episode. 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:11.440 Our Love Stories series continues with what is undoubtedly the 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:16.360 most unorthodox married couple in our series, Couple number three, 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:21.360 Newlywed's Jacob and Samantha. He's gay, she's straight. They're married, 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:25.599 and they're here to help us, help you. Welcome to 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:29.000 this special Cuffing season edition of Amy and TJ and Robes. 0:00:29.040 --> 0:00:31.800 We need to make this clear. They are in a 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:35.800 monogamous marriage even though he's a gay man, she's a 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:36.400 straight woman. 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:36.960 That's right. 0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:40.960 This is Jeff Hoff and Samantha Greenstone. I first read 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:43.000 about this couple in the New York Times, and I 0:00:43.120 --> 0:00:49.479 was fascinated because they are not your typical married couple, 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:52.040 and they really want to make it clear. This is 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.880 not to be confused with a lavender marriage. 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:55.160 Yeah. 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:56.520 Wa to know what that want, I had to google 0:00:56.520 --> 0:00:59.640 that as well. Basically, that's two people who get together 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:04.080 and and one person is gay and is using the 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:08.319 other as a beard, basically making other people believe he 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:12.039 or she is straight. All the while they're stepping out 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:16.240 of their marriage and having those relationships that they actually 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:19.160 wish they could have if it weren't shunned or in 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.319 some way frowned upon to be gay. 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:23.560 So it's a very important distinction. 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:24.080 Correct. 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:28.559 These are two people who love each other, who are 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:33.720 dedicated and devoted to one another, who are monogamous. And 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:36.240 the way well you'll hear Jeff say it for himself. 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:37.759 I don't want to put words in his mouth because 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:41.160 it really is fascinated. We asked him, you know, how 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:43.679 are you not gay? Why aren't you a bisexual? Why 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:46.560 aren't you a pan sexual? He addresses it all and 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:50.480 it really makes a lot of sense. It's ultimately one 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:52.880 soul connecting to another. It has nothing to do with 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:54.800 gender or sexual orientation. 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.680 And again, this is a monogamous, yes, monogamous relationship, but 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.920 a monogamous sexual relationship as well. And this is not 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:04.920 a situation where she's saying, Okay, you go do your 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:08.440 thing somewhere else. Absolutely not. It is not that. So 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:11.080 it's we were trying to get a diversity of couples. 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:12.520 This is as diverse as we could get. 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.680 Yep, it's true series, and it's cool because this wasn't 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:19.920 some impulsive thing they did either. They met at an 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.960 audition for Fiddler on the Roof, They dated for seven 0:02:23.120 --> 0:02:26.600 years and really went through it debating whether or not 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:32.120 they could each make this kind of I don't want 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:35.959 to say sacrifice, but just devotion to one another despite 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:37.079 their differences, and they. 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:39.119 Have talked about it, they have talked about it publicly, 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:43.000 and they continue to promote, if you will, their relationship 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:46.240 and having this type of relationship and giving people another 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.440 way to think about relationships in marriage with their accounts 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:52.480 on social media in particular TikTok. But no matter where 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:55.520 you might be in your relationship and your dating life, 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:56.200 we could. 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:58.320 All use a little help. And this is why Ropes 0:02:58.360 --> 0:02:59.160 and I've been doing this. 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:01.320 We have a number of couples we've talked to ask 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:07.000 them all the exact same list of relationship questions. Who 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:09.800 said I love you first? How often do you have sex? 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:11.600 How often do you fight? You go to bit angry? 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:14.360 You ever threatened to break up during an argument? 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:14.920 Stuff like that. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:17.440 But we got practical as well, about finances and chores 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:18.000 around the house. 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:20.680 Yeah, the things that a lot of times, the mundane 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:23.560 things that weigh couples down. But we, as we mentioned, 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:26.359 talk to a diverse bunch. We have an interracial couple 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:30.160 with a thirty year age difference, a couple celebrating eleven years, 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:32.919 but she was married when they first met. An actress 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:36.160 and a country singer and her pro soccer hubby who 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:40.120 lived in another continent. A mixed orientation and couple who 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:41.440 you're going to hear today. 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:44.600 So we're going to drop a new episode with a 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:48.200 new couple every single day leading up to Valentine's Day. 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:52.880 So today it is Samantha and Jacob. Please take a 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:54.320 listen to our conversation with him. 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:56.200 Thank you so much for being with us. 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:58.480 Thank younas. 0:03:58.720 --> 0:03:59.880 We're so excited. 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:03.000 Oh good, because I hope you can match my enthusiasm. 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:09.640 So you guys kind of exploded in terms of being 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:13.240 known because the New York Times did an article on you. 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.800 You all, this is self described. 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:21.240 Are a mixed orientation couple. Tell us what that means? 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:26.239 Okay, So the technical definition of mixed orientation is that 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:32.719 one partner's sexual preference or their identity is different than 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.719 the other partners. So one person can be straight and 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:39.600 the other person can be gay or a whole slew 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:43.800 of whatever you identify as. But they're two different things 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:46.039 coming together in a relationship. 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:51.360 How does that work? Is the first question. I'm sure 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:54.920 you all get because it's just not something we're used 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:56.680 to seeing and hearing about totally. 0:04:56.839 --> 0:05:01.080 So I think the most important thing for me as 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:05.560 the person who identifies as gay is to be able 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:11.240 to continue my identity outside of the fact that Samantha 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:15.120 and I are in a relationship, married, what have you. 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:20.200 And the reason is for the mental health benefits to 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:26.240 be able to own your identity as a person and 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:29.440 to say that doesn't change. It doesn't change who I 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:32.799 am just because my soulmate. 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:36.320 Is Samantha, right, And I think it works because we 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:40.240 are soulmates, and when you find your person in life, 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:47.719 it transcends whatever logic or anything we put ourselves into 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:53.320 a box as because like, your person's just your. 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:56.320 Person, right. And so people will say, well, then why 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.800 don't you identify as bisexual or why don't you identify 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.800 pan sexual or all these other labels that they have now, 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:07.440 And I think that those are all fantastic. I just 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:12.320 don't in my brain, fit into those categories. Bisexual means 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:15.400 you're attracted to both sexes, and outside of Samantha, I'm 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.960 not attracted to women. There would never be an instance 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:21.479 where a woman would be sexy to me and and 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:26.479 sexual as they say on Shit's Creek is about the wine, 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:30.080 not the label, And to me, the label is important. 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:33.760 I am attracted to men, so that doesn't fit my 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:37.960 definition either. So gay is the correct definition. But then 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.680 we also have to acknowledge the fact that I'm married 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:41.440 to a woman. 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.000 And so the next question I know that you all get, 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:47.279 so I want to get it out of the way, 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:51.560 is do you have a sex life and are you monogamous? 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:58.120 Yes? And yes, right, which that also creates confusion for 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:01.039 people to say, say, how can you, as a gay 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:05.160 man have a sexual relationship with the woman? And that 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:10.560 is as we say, it's a sole connection. It's it's 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:15.000 not the same thing as that lustful one night stand 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:19.400 sort of energy. It's the closest we can be as 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:22.880 a couple when we are intimate. It's it's a closeness, 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:26.960 it's a bond. It's something transcendent of just sort of 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:31.800 that lustful, horny sort of stuff, and you know, and 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:36.000 it's very it's it's beautiful. There's nothing more wonderful than 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:37.360 those moments. 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:39.960 And apparently I have to spell it out too to 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:44.080 some people because when we say intimate, people don't get that, 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:45.240 like we're having sex. 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:48.120 So we're having sex. Yes, it's not just like we 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:50.120 kiss and hold hands. 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:54.440 Right, but we have to be that specific. 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:58.680 Do you relish the opportunity you have to get a 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:01.400 message out to show different type of love that people 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:03.520 aren't seeing. Or are you getting to a point of 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:06.040 folks leave us alone, don't want to answer any more questions. 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:07.720 Let us live our life and live our love and 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:08.760 you do your thing. 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:12.240 No, I think we do relish. That's the best way 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:14.360 that I could. I love that you put it that way, 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:18.440 because that is the perfect way to describe our passion 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:22.080 for this. I think had we had an example like 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:24.800 us at the beginning of our relationship, it would have 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.120 saved us a lot of confusion. It would have saved 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:30.960 us a lot of just feeling like a freak show 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:34.320 for a few years. Yeah, because we knew we loved 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:39.080 each other, but we were so confused at the facts 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:42.880 that this was working because we'd never heard about it 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:44.440 before or seen an example. 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:45.760 Yeah. 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:50.040 So we basically timeline We were best friends for eighteen 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:54.640 months before dating, and then once we started dating, I say, 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:57.520 there was about a six to eight month honeymoon period 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:02.800 and then there was maybe three plus years of like, 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:06.120 so there was a lot of ups and downs of 0:09:06.160 --> 0:09:09.640 confusion and what's going on here? And is this something 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:12.800 that's really going to last? And insecurities and things that 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.640 came up that I think come up in a lot 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:20.320 of relationships once that honeymoon period fizzles. But I think 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:24.840 that that was hyper intensified because of our dynamic and 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:28.160 because we didn't have anybody else to talk to about this. 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:30.720 So sometimes people on our videos will be like, we 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:33.360 get it, you're married to a gay man. 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:36.000 You don't have to tell us every time, And I'm like, no, 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:37.079 we do. 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:41.520 Because if we can reach one new person because of 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:45.840 that tagline, and we reached the right person who's like 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:49.439 also in this relationship dynamic, and we can cause them 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:52.440 to be a little less confused as they're just like 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:54.959 exploring their relationship, that's worth it. 0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:58.800 Yeah, I mean it's beautiful. It's one soul recognizing another. 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:02.080 I think it's awesome. So I'll start now on the 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.000 questions that we have been asking. 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:06.240 Everybody, but you just are so special. We had to 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:10.600 ask a few out of the box. So I thank you. 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:13.439 We we so appreciate your willingness to talk about it 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.000 because it's so special and it's so cool. So if 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:19.440 you could describe your relationship right now, each of you 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:22.439 in three words, what three words would you use? 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:30.640 I would say honest, I would say loyal. 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:34.080 Yeah, disloyal and honestly the same. 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:38.240 I think they're a little different because you can be 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:40.440 disloyal and you're to be honest. 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:42.920 You're right, okay, come on, so these are his words. 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:43.840 Let him have his words. 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:53.160 You get free too, and loyal, honest and playful. 0:10:55.160 --> 0:11:03.760 Okay. And for me, I would say fun, happy and. 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:06.920 Just perfect. 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:09.440 Well, and you all already the next question here you 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:12.360 already said that you were friends, so best friends for 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:14.320 a while before you actually got into a relationship. But 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:19.480 was there immediate chemistry, whether that was friendship chemistry or 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:22.480 romantic chemistry when you first first met. 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:27.719 Yeah, the very first meeting, I say, was like a 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:32.920 fan meeting the diva at the stage door because Samantha 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:36.319 was going in for the callback of the show. They 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:39.200 were calling back. The Frumisarah's which, if you know Fiddler 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:42.000 on the Roof is this witch who comes in the 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:46.280 nightmare sequence, and there's more of a ghost witch, but 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:50.319 she's like in the room, it's quiet. Everybody else is 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:52.400 in the lobby in this like you, there's a lot 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:55.920 of audition energy and everybody's nervous, and I just hear 0:11:55.960 --> 0:12:00.560 this like through the through the walls, and I'm like, 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:05.079 what is this And she comes out of the theater 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:07.520 and I knew it was her. I mean there was 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:10.520 like ten different girls in the room, and I knew 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:13.480 this was the person who made that cackle. And I 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:16.160 was like, if they don't give you that part, they're crazy. 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:19.360 And she goes, you know, thank you, thank you. You know, 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:20.800 she just funny to be out of there. 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:21.400 Yeah. 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:23.400 Like, I'm like the type of person who's like, once 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:25.560 I do an audition, I like to like just leave 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:29.800 the building and pretend it didn't happen, because it's if 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:32.640 you dwell on it, it just you know, it's it 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:33.720 can drive you cucko. 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.880 So I'm like he was telling me what I was 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:37.760 already thinking. I was like, I just killed that. 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:42.559 And then so I was like, great, he's like reaffirming that. 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:44.920 I feel like I just killed it, and he's telling 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:45.720 me that I just killed it. 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:50.280 But there was like this like immediate friend after once 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:54.040 we were cast and were in rehearsals together, we were 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:59.200 immediate friends. Spending every minute together, I mean till four 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:01.720 in the morning. We would be hanging out every day 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:02.679 after rehearsal. 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:06.160 Was Sunrise Sunset? Was that a part of your wedding? 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:09.800 H No, no, no, Well. 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:10.840 I love that song. 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:13.480 I do too. I that's like the most beautiful. So 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:16.079 our friends did it at their wedding like a month 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:20.160 before ours, and it's like, you know, we'll let them, 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:21.440 let them have that one. 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.280 But he did enter the Phantom of the Opera I 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.319 did with a mask. 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:27.920 With a mask? Yeah, whoa? 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:29.760 So you love that? 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:32.440 Yeah, there's a there's a portion towards the end of 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:35.920 the musical where like she rips off his mask in 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:38.400 front of a bunch of people and there's like this scream, 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:41.920 and so I wanted that to open the wedding, but. 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:45.560 Of course then it sets off our two year old nieces, 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:47.400 who are the flower girls in the back. They hear 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:51.199 the scream and then you hear it's like this beautiful 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:54.280 moment where it's like the scream and then Jacob's mom 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:57.600 walks out to walk him down the aisle to all 0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:58.880 I ask of you. 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:04.600 But like, oh, she's freaking out, and she's like, that's 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:05.520 so funny. 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:09.200 But that's so cool. Another one of my favorite musicals, 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.760 who said I who said I love you? First? 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:12.719 He did? 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:17.319 Did yeah, and he had threw tears. I was about 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:21.400 to say, yeah, I need that sort of drama. 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:23.080 You know what. 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:25.160 We will follow up there since you said there were 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:28.760 tears involved, What did the what did it look like 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:31.360 when you said I love you? What was the setting, 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:33.720 what was the scenario and what prompted it? 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:39.800 It was post coitus and yeah, we were laying in 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:42.280 bed and I just started crying and I said I 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:45.760 love you. And this was like what like a week 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:50.520 in questioning, I've been easy easy gal. 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:56.000 Oh my goodness, that's amazing. 0:14:56.200 --> 0:15:01.000 So what is your age difference and has that had 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:03.240 any kind of impact on your relationship? 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:07.040 We are six six seven years, six and a half 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:11.560 years right now for six years because he's turned Yeah, 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:13.920 we're in like that six month grace period where we 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:17.560 get to be six months apart or six years apart. 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:20.560 Yeah, but in April we'll be seven years apart. 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.800 That's so Samantha, you're older, right, I'm older. Yeah, So 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:26.560 that's why we have the same thing. We're four and 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:28.560 a half years, I'm older and he loves it. When 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:30.440 there's a five year difference, because he can just somehow, 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:31.480 it just feels like. 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:32.360 He can just twist them. 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:33.720 Samantha is coming up very soon. 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:36.160 It's gonna be five years. 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.400 Like in like a week, we're in the five year difference. 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:39.960 Yeah, I've lived for it. 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:42.760 But I also think, don't they say that, like women 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:45.840 live longer. So I'm like, maybe, like the age difference, 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:48.200 like maybe it will like balance out and will like 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:52.120 to die at the same time. Universe, please like not 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:54.640 like from like a freak accident. I have to like 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:56.000 talk to the universe about these. 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.040 Things, since well I almost feel like a freak accident 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:01.480 would be the easiest thing, like a year like ninety 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:03.560 and a freak accident happens in your bother. 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.680 Okay, so don't be like I want it to be 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:07.440 like that later on in life, not. 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.880 Like well yeah, way later on. Why last we've lived 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:14.280 dark gray golden years turning dark real quick? 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:19.880 Next question though, make suio it's not too dark. Okay, 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:23.560 this one should be okay. Why did you want to 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:27.600 be married? Why was it important to have that label 0:16:27.640 --> 0:16:30.440 actually of marriage and to make it official. 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:36.000 It's fascinating because we've been raised in very different upbringings. 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:40.920 I my parents have been together since the day they married. 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:45.920 Both of my brothers married to their i mean their wives. 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:51.119 They were like long time dating before they started their marriages, 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:55.760 and so to me, I've always had an example of 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.920 just marriage being this beautiful, amazing. 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.000 Health the thing. 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:09.080 Jacob has divorced parents, his mom's been married several times, and. 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:14.480 Yeah, I had a very different perspective of marriage growing up, 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:20.280 and that when I was like, before meeting Samantha and everything, 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.400 my whole thing was like I'm not going to get married, 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:26.640 and like that's not going to be my life. And yeah, 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:29.159 it just it became this thing over the years of 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:32.040 us dating where it was just like, of course, that's 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:34.199 what we want to do. That is, of course the 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:38.360 next step. And seeing her family being so rock solid 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:42.720 really helped me understand the beauty of that. 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:56.240 So you mentioned your family, Samantha, but I'm curious, did 0:17:56.280 --> 0:18:00.119 you all both have the support of your friends and 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:04.359 your family. Did they support your relationship and ultimately your marriage. 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:06.360 Yes, one thousand percent. 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:12.080 Yeah, I've never felt from any aspect of our life 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:16.439 that we weren't supported. The only time I feel like 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:21.119 I actually feel like our relationship helped reiterate. 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:22.640 Who the loving people in our lives were. 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:27.160 Friendship wise, it always felt like we had our family support, 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:30.800 but the people who like can't wrap their. 0:18:30.680 --> 0:18:32.440 Heads around our dynamic. 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:37.840 Once we started being so vocal about just Jacob being 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:42.160 gay and just talking about being in a mixed orientation relationship, 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:45.439 we saw that some friends were like, well, this is 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:48.639 making me feel conflicted about my own gay identity, and 0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:51.280 we're like, okay, Like they're just like, that's not like 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:53.600 someone who's like a lifer. 0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:56.520 Like that. 0:18:56.840 --> 0:19:01.040 Yeah, you all on newlyweds now not through the whole 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:04.240 first year of marriage, but how would you describe marriage 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:07.960 so far? And has something changed in the relationship once 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:09.280 it became official. 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:14.879 Well, interesting, we've just been through probably one of the 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:18.240 most insane months of our lives with the buyers. Yeah, 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:23.040 and it's put some of our family members the homes 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:23.720 have burned down. 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:26.600 Yeah, like my brother's home burned down and then our in. 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:30.160 Law or his in laws allasades and we've. 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:32.760 Kind of like put our lives on hold to help them. 0:19:33.080 --> 0:19:37.360 Yeah. So we had basically six weeks into marriage we 0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:40.800 went into this thing where it was like it was 0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:43.359 almost like the universe, putting it to the test and 0:19:43.440 --> 0:19:46.520 saying like, how devoted are you to your family and 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:50.280 devoted to being a team together and getting through a 0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:51.639 crazy ass time. 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:52.680 Wow. 0:19:53.080 --> 0:19:54.800 So it's like crazy that we went from like the 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:57.280 highest time in our life to like, yeah, this like 0:19:58.000 --> 0:19:58.760 dark time. 0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:03.760 Yeah, So I put yeah, yeah, the Palisades was our community. 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:07.840 I mean, I work for her brother, taking care of 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:11.480 his kids, taking them to school. We spend our holidays 0:20:11.520 --> 0:20:15.119 there or spent our holidays there, and it's just like 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:20.720 to see it all disappear is pretty pretty devastating, and 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:23.840 it's like that was that was something that anchored us 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:25.960 to where we live and made us feel a sense 0:20:26.000 --> 0:20:29.520 of community. And it wasn't just like a couple people 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:33.840 lost their house. It was a whole you know, community. 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:36.560 But we got through it together one thousand percent. 0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:37.159 Yeah. 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:40.560 And I think it's interesting because I've been saying to 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:45.520 people like, he doesn't feel any different than when we 0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:47.840 were dating, Like it feels like we've always been married. 0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:51.160 But it did feel on the day of the wedding 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:57.159 like I felt like maybe like a spiritual shift a 0:20:57.160 --> 0:21:00.159 little bit where I was like, okay, like we are 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:03.720 now in this I felt like our relationship was always 0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:08.600 predetermined in the stars, I don't think that. It's like 0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:11.719 I feel like it's just our fate to be together. 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:13.840 So then when we were like making it. 0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:18.360 Like official by law and in the stars, it did 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:19.440 kind of feel. 0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:21.080 Like okay, like I do feel like we have a 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:22.440 little extra magic. Now. 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:26.600 Well, the first time you said husband, oh yeah, that's weird. 0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:30.160 That's really weird. This is my husband rail now. 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:33.200 Really, so I love that. 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:37.360 How important is we've discussed and established that you all 0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:41.280 have a sex life, But how important is physical touch 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:43.959 to you? Like holding hands and just you know, some 0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:46.280 people don't like it, some people aren't touching really, how 0:21:46.359 --> 0:21:48.120 are How do you all handle physical touch? 0:21:49.280 --> 0:21:52.400 I think it's very important, Like Jacob like helps reassure 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:55.359 me about anything in life through physical touch. 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:57.960 Yeah, and we all like sometimes I'll wake up in 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:00.000 the morning and as we all do, like I guess 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:02.080