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Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kaylie Shore, and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say asking questions. Turn it out you okay. Like

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Speaker 1: many of my episodes, I want to start today off

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Speaker 1: with the trigger warning. UM, I'm gonna be talking about

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Speaker 1: addiction and um loss and just it's a depressing episode.

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Speaker 1: So as always, if this is not for you on

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Speaker 1: this lovely Wednesday morning, then that is completely fine. And

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Speaker 1: UM we'll be back next week with something a little

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Speaker 1: bit cheerier hopefully. UM. It's hard sometimes when there's a

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Speaker 1: lot going on in my life personally to do the

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Speaker 1: podcast and come up with something that's just funny and

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Speaker 1: making fun of my ex boyfriends and all of that

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Speaker 1: when there's so much on my mind. And um, last

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Speaker 1: week I honestly needed to do a sort of lighthearted

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Speaker 1: episode because I I had a lot going on. But um,

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Speaker 1: yesterday I got back in town from one of my

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Speaker 1: best friend from fourth grade on her funeral, and I

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Speaker 1: went back home and I sang at the funeral. Her

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Speaker 1: dad asked me to her dad, and since turn it

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Speaker 1: was really really, um, really powerful. UM. I love hate

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Speaker 1: relationship with singing at funerals and weddings because it's just

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Speaker 1: already very emotional, but um, it meant a lot to

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Speaker 1: me that they asked me to do that. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: but this has been occupying my entire brain for you know,

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Speaker 1: the past two weeks since um, since she passed, and

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Speaker 1: I am, I couldn't really talk about anything else today

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Speaker 1: because this is this is just what's what's on my mind,

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Speaker 1: and that's the point of this podcast. So, UM, most

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Speaker 1: of you know that I have a lot of experience

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Speaker 1: with them, with addicts. It runs my family and I

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Speaker 1: lost my sister to an overdose in nineteen on January six,

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Speaker 1: and it was really fucking hard, and it was a

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Speaker 1: twenty year battle. Um, I mean it was it was

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Speaker 1: almost two decades that she was she was struggling with that,

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Speaker 1: and it was not it's not a linear process. There

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Speaker 1: was a lot of recovery in between, but eventually, UM,

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Speaker 1: she just couldn't. She just couldn't do it. And the

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Speaker 1: most comfort I've been able to find in the situation

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Speaker 1: is knowing that, um, where she is now, she's free

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Speaker 1: from it. Because addiction obviously weighs on the family so

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Speaker 1: much and and loved ones and you have to watch

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Speaker 1: the person they love go through that. But it's like

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Speaker 1: the loss of self that happens because the addiction just

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Speaker 1: takes over their personality and their values, and it's just

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Speaker 1: a races everything about them. Um. So the history of UM,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be focusing on opioids. There's a lot

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Speaker 1: of addiction and a lot of things one can be

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Speaker 1: addicted to, but opioids are the most deadly UM and

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Speaker 1: they're the like largest largest drug that people overdose on

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Speaker 1: by a massive margin. So, and that's just what I've

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Speaker 1: um seen in my life close up. So. Opium comes

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Speaker 1: directly from the opium poppy, of flower found in various

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Speaker 1: parts of the world. Um Opiates have been around for

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Speaker 1: thousands of years since they were first cultivated in Mesopotamia

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Speaker 1: around Over the centuries, compounds from the opium poppy have

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Speaker 1: been used as medicine for treating pain and various illnesses.

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Speaker 1: They've also been abused by people looking for you for experience.

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Speaker 1: Heroin itself was first made in eighteen seventy four by

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Speaker 1: processing morphine, a compound extracted from the poppy stap which

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Speaker 1: has been used in medicine since the early eight hundreds.

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Speaker 1: At first, it was thought that heroin would be less

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Speaker 1: addictive than morphine, serving as a safer substitute. However, it

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Speaker 1: was soon realized that heroin was just as addictive, and

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Speaker 1: it became an a legal substance in the US. So

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Speaker 1: heroin has not always been a street drug. It started

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Speaker 1: as something in UM in medicine and morphine. There there's

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Speaker 1: a there's a time and place for these medicines. I mean, like,

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Speaker 1: I think it's really important that people are are dying

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Speaker 1: from cancer or or AIDS or something that's just putting

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Speaker 1: them in immense pain. UM. I think it's really important

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Speaker 1: that for the last you know, part of their lives,

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Speaker 1: they're they're in they're comfortable and um and not in pain.

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Speaker 1: But these are end of life drugs and they were

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Speaker 1: thrown out in the nineties as like like they were

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Speaker 1: candy to people with headaches and people with sprained ankles,

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Speaker 1: and it's just that's just not what a drug this

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Speaker 1: powerful is for. UM. It can take UH five days

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Speaker 1: to become addicted to opioids. There are some of the

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Speaker 1: strongest on the planet. UM and prescription opioids are very

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Speaker 1: chemically similar to heroin, and it's UM. It's glossed over

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Speaker 1: a lot by the medical community and has been and

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Speaker 1: UH if you guys listened to my podcast that I

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Speaker 1: did around the holidays for True Crime Christmas. I talked

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Speaker 1: about the Sackler family and their development of oxyconton, their

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Speaker 1: knowledge of how addictive it was, how easily it was abused,

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Speaker 1: and they're pushing of the drug like it was crack

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Speaker 1: to all these different doctors who were being lied to

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Speaker 1: or being paid, and the combination of the both of

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Speaker 1: both it ended up with a the heroin epidemic. So,

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Speaker 1: right before oxyconton came out, which is not not a coincidence, Um,

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Speaker 1: there were less than two thousand overdoses on opioids, and

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Speaker 1: at this point, you know, there were there were other

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Speaker 1: drugs around that involved them. I believe, um, um, what

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Speaker 1: is it? It's not valium. It starts the v Vicadin,

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Speaker 1: Vicadin and percocet and all that I believe we're about

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Speaker 1: or around. And there was obviously morphine, and there was

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Speaker 1: this thing called MS Cotton which was like morphine with

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Speaker 1: a continual release, and that was where oxyconton morphed Um.

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Speaker 1: We're kind of morphed out of but um. So there

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Speaker 1: were two thousand overdoses right before oxyconton came out, and

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Speaker 1: by there was sixteen thousand a year. Um. And those

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Speaker 1: are just the ones that are documented. I mean there's

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Speaker 1: a whole issue within the like medical prescription drug community

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Speaker 1: where they weren't It's like corners and morticians and all

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Speaker 1: that were to processing autopsies weren't assigning the cause of

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Speaker 1: death to the ovoids. And they were frequently mixed with

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Speaker 1: other drugs and people's system, um, and the combination killed them.

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Speaker 1: But also if they hadn't taken the oxy, then they

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have died. And just because there was alcohol in

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Speaker 1: their system too, or there was meth and their system.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think any logical deduction tells you that

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Speaker 1: the most deadly one probably killed them, and the oxy

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Speaker 1: and or the you know, the meth and the alcohol

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Speaker 1: just kind of supported that. Um. So it's like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's been out of control for a while. And nearly

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Speaker 1: half of all Americans have a family member a close

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Speaker 1: friend impacted by drug addiction. UM. I mean, I can

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Speaker 1: definitely testify testify to that for sure. And my my

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Speaker 1: friend over whose freener I went over the weekend, passed

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Speaker 1: away from a and all overdose and ventinyl is a

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Speaker 1: huge problem right now because it makes the drug stronger

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Speaker 1: so they can stretch out the heroine longer. Ventinel is

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Speaker 1: really cheap. It's a it's a synthetic drug, and it's

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Speaker 1: actually used in pregnant women weirdly enough, um as they're

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Speaker 1: giving birth. Like Ventyl is a drug that's that's used

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Speaker 1: by doctors as well, but it is so so strong,

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Speaker 1: And there's even like marijuana that's that's laced with ventanyl.

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Speaker 1: There's um, there's cocaine that's lace to ventyl. I mean, like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's a lot less people at parties

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Speaker 1: doing cocaine now that they know that, you know, a

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Speaker 1: lot of it is laced with um with ventyl, and

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Speaker 1: it can kill you and instantly, like so fast. And

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Speaker 1: that's what happened to her. And it's just been really

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Speaker 1: hard to watch this happen again to somebody that I love,

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Speaker 1: and watch it through the eyes of her younger sister,

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Speaker 1: having been the younger sister. UM and addicts are are

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Speaker 1: not easy to be around or deal with, and it

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Speaker 1: can really really feel like you hate them sometimes and

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Speaker 1: there's a there's a lot of reasons why, but I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna share some of my stories, but that coming up next.

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Speaker 1: So when my sister first started UM abusing opioids. Uh,

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Speaker 1: there were things that went missing around the house UM

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Speaker 1: by you know, the next Over the next few years,

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Speaker 1: all of our family jewelry was gone. My grandma had

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Speaker 1: some really special stuff from Germany and UM, like heirlooms

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Speaker 1: and stuff, and we didn't have a lot of money,

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Speaker 1: but there were some really really special special things that

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Speaker 1: had a lot of value and a lot of sentimental value,

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Speaker 1: and they are just gone. There's nothing left, UM nothing.

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Speaker 1: And there's a lot of there's a lot of lying,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of stealing, there's a lot of borrowing

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Speaker 1: money and finding different ways to manipulate the situation. And

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Speaker 1: they become expert liars and addicts become narcissists, and it's

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Speaker 1: important to realize that they weren't before. And it's the

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Speaker 1: addiction talking. But it doesn't mean it hurts any less

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Speaker 1: for the loved ones who are being manipulated and taken

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Speaker 1: advantage of UM. There was one particularly rough time with

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Speaker 1: my sister where and I think I think my dad

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Speaker 1: was really in denial about the fact that she might

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Speaker 1: be on oxy again UM or heroin, I don't know which.

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Speaker 1: When she finally moved to that, but he didn't want

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Speaker 1: to believe it. And so they're so good at lying,

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Speaker 1: and it's they say everything you want to hear about

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Speaker 1: how they're getting clean and they're doing this and whatever.

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Speaker 1: And so by the time a st started lying about me,

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Speaker 1: my dad just didn't have it in him to believe

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Speaker 1: anything else other than what she was saying. And I

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Speaker 1: understand that, and I don't blame him for it. But

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Speaker 1: I was about fourteen and my um niece, who now

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Speaker 1: my my dad's the guardian of um, she was a

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Speaker 1: newborn baby and we were um my sister wanted to

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Speaker 1: go to Walmert and we were picking up something for

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Speaker 1: dinner or whatever. This is the New Hampshire in the

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Speaker 1: middle of winter. There's a blizzard. I mean, if you're

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Speaker 1: from New England, you know you just have to drive

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Speaker 1: through it. There's no like, I mean snow days. It

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Speaker 1: has to be really bad to have a snow days.

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Speaker 1: So we're like, okay, we're gonna go. And I noticed

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Speaker 1: that she had this really big, like a big gulp cup,

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Speaker 1: like the really big ones, like the forty four ounces

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Speaker 1: or whatever. And I was like, she hadn't really had

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Speaker 1: an alcohol problem, but an addicts an addict, and you know,

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Speaker 1: substances are are rough on them no matter what. Um.

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Speaker 1: But I smelled alcohol in it and I could I

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Speaker 1: could tell she'd been drinking. And we're already on the

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Speaker 1: road and she'd been promising me that she's going to

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Speaker 1: teach me how to drive, and again it was fourteen,

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Speaker 1: cannot legally drive. And I was like, noticed that she

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Speaker 1: was swerving and that the um, I mean, her driving

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Speaker 1: was just so erratic and there's a new porn in

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Speaker 1: the backseat, and I'm freaking out and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to call her out on it, because I mean, she did.

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Speaker 1: She did scare me. She wasn't herself, you know. And

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Speaker 1: and at that moment, realizing that she was um, she

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Speaker 1: wasn't sober anymore, that she'd relapsed, I was if I

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Speaker 1: was afraid, and I didn't want her to be mad

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Speaker 1: at me, and I didn't want to push her away,

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Speaker 1: so I was like, Okay, um, hey, do you remember

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Speaker 1: when you said that you were going to teach me

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Speaker 1: how to drive? What if we did that now? I

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Speaker 1: was like, I mean, we we live in Maine, like

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Speaker 1: I should, I should learn how to drive in the snow, right,

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Speaker 1: And she was very out of it clearly because she

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Speaker 1: said yes. And so the first time I ever drove

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Speaker 1: a car, I was fourteen. It was snowing. We're on

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Speaker 1: the kank of Mangus Highway in New Hampshire, which is

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Speaker 1: like a ridiculous back road. There's like a river on

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Speaker 1: either side, and like you can I mean, if I

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Speaker 1: had lost control of the car, would have been really,

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Speaker 1: really bad. But I still knew that I was a

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Speaker 1: better person to get us home than she was, and

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Speaker 1: so I am. I got us home safely. I drove

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Speaker 1: like probably five miles an hour. I was so scared,

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Speaker 1: but I was just like, we need to get the

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Speaker 1: baby out of here. And I told my dad and

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Speaker 1: he just like completely ignored me because he just couldn't

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Speaker 1: He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it.

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Speaker 1: She'd been doing so well, and um, she was already

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Speaker 1: had been in and out of prison and she was

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Speaker 1: out and just promising everybody the world that she was

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Speaker 1: doing so well, and um, he just didn't want to

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Speaker 1: believe it. And so a couple of months after I

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Speaker 1: believe this might have been. They were around the same time,

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Speaker 1: so I'm not really I think it was after it

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Speaker 1: it's a little bit blurry. Um. So around the same time,

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Speaker 1: I had gone up to my dad's house, and I

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Speaker 1: had already stopped visiting him as frequently. Um, I hadn't

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Speaker 1: been going up every other weekend. I had been, you know,

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Speaker 1: but my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I came up

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Speaker 1: to see her, and, um, my dad is bizarre and

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Speaker 1: doesn't trust banks, and like it's just kind of a

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Speaker 1: kind of a doomsday conspiracy theorist. Thing is, his political

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Speaker 1: affiliation is just conspiracy theories. Um. And he like hides

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Speaker 1: money and wolves. So when our house burned down when

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Speaker 1: I was nine, a lot of cash on missing. And

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Speaker 1: you can only claim, like on your insurance up to

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Speaker 1: because you could lie and say there was a ton

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Speaker 1: of cash in the walls. But the thing in our

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Speaker 1: situation was there was, and so all of that money

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Speaker 1: just went poof. And that was like his savings because

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Speaker 1: he didn't believe in banks. To think would teach you

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Speaker 1: a lesson. But um, so there was like a hole

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Speaker 1: in the wall in the back of his closet, and

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Speaker 1: I guess he'd put some money there. And I came

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Speaker 1: up for a couple of days and the money went missing,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh ship, And I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: obviously it was actually I mean, she's like on drugs,

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Speaker 1: but nobody else saw it that way because she was.

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Speaker 1: She had she already gotten out ahead of it and

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Speaker 1: told my dad that I had been like bragging about

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Speaker 1: taking the money and then she'd seen me, and like

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Speaker 1: he wanted to believe that so bad because me being

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Speaker 1: a shitty fourteen year old was easier for him to

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Speaker 1: believe than his daughter being back on that path that

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Speaker 1: could kill her and ultimately would and so um and

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Speaker 1: I just remember like looking at im and being like, Dad,

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Speaker 1: I'm like a kid. Don't you think you would notice

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Speaker 1: if I stole seven thousand dollars? Like don't you think

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Speaker 1: I would maybe be wearing nicer shoes and like probably

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Speaker 1: gotten a pair of hugs or something like. I don't

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Speaker 1: think a kid can really hide that they stole a

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Speaker 1: bunch of money. I didn't have a job. Me having

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Speaker 1: any money on me would have been like a red flag.

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Speaker 1: But he just didn't. I he just couldn't see passed it.

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Speaker 1: And he's since like really really previously apologized to me

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Speaker 1: for both of those things because now that he has

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Speaker 1: the benefit of hindsight, he can he can see what

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Speaker 1: was going on. But um, I was really angry and

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Speaker 1: it made it so hard for me to empathize with

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Speaker 1: her because she like destroyed my relationship with my dad

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Speaker 1: and it was so awful and embarrassing to just I mean,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing worse than somebody just fucking lies about you,

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Speaker 1: you know, because you can deny it all you want,

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Speaker 1: but it's just gonna have to take time for it

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Speaker 1: all to come out. And that's like liars are so

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Speaker 1: scary because there's there's one thing when it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: someone talking shit or embarrassing you and exposing you for

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Speaker 1: a secret or whatever, like that's shitty. But when it's lying,

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Speaker 1: it's like none of this is even real and everyone's

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Speaker 1: believing it, and it's just scary because they could say

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Speaker 1: anything about you. And you know, I mean, if very

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Speaker 1: just right in the scrap, do you can write anything

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Speaker 1: you want. So that was kind of when I started

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Speaker 1: to drift apart from that side of my family. Um,

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Speaker 1: and it was really hard, and I just remember, I

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Speaker 1: mean I would have she still stuff from me. Um,

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Speaker 1: there was so much lying. There was so much like shoplifting.

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Speaker 1: I mean when she got arrested. And I don't remember this,

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Speaker 1: but one of my parents told me this recently, so

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Speaker 1: I'm going off their word, but uh, one of the

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Speaker 1: first time she got arrested that landed her in prison.

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Speaker 1: I guess I was there and she'd like just jacked

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Speaker 1: a bunch of stuff at the mall and I had

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Speaker 1: no idea and it was like really valuable stuff, and

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Speaker 1: I was just there as a kid, just you know,

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Speaker 1: going along for the ride. I did not realize until

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Speaker 1: recently that I had been to a methodon clinic as

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Speaker 1: a kid. I thought we just went somewhere and she

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Speaker 1: got cool, aid, Um, that is not what that was.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't. I didn't realize what all the random

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Speaker 1: stuff around her house was that was just out and

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Speaker 1: clearly you know, paraphernalium. And so when we went to

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Speaker 1: clean out her house after she passed away, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it was just it is a nightmare. And and by

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Speaker 1: then I knew what it was, but at this time

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Speaker 1: I didn't. I just thought my sister was messy. Um.

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Speaker 1: So when we went to clean out the house, like

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Speaker 1: I remember, like heroine needles just crunched underneath my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad's feet and there was because it was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, really really soon after she died, and they

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Speaker 1: were just cleaning out the house and getting stuff for

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Speaker 1: the kids, and there was just like aluminum foil and

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Speaker 1: rubbing alcohol and all these things out on the counter

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Speaker 1: and I'm looking at them like and I was like,

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Speaker 1: what the fund is? Oh, oh, that's what that is.

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Speaker 1: And the whole house was just a mess because clearly,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't think a heroin attics first first

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Speaker 1: priority is throw pillows and vacuuming um. But when I

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Speaker 1: walked in, there was just stuff all over the floor

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Speaker 1: and then just like one area cleared, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: that's so weird. And then I realized that's where her

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Speaker 1: body had been. So that's burned into my head. That's

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Speaker 1: really messed up. And I just wouldn't wish that on anybody.

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Speaker 1: Like the things that I can't forget, And there's so

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Speaker 1: much that my my little sister remembers. I mean, they

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Speaker 1: were upstairs when my sister overdosed, and thankfully they didn't

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Speaker 1: come down and find her themselves, but they had to

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Speaker 1: like have the police take them out of the back door,

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Speaker 1: and it was just I mean, I can't imagine, and

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Speaker 1: my nephew was like four or five, but the the

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Speaker 1: nine year old girl, I mean, that's old enough to know.

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Speaker 1: So that was that was really really hard. And so

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Speaker 1: it's just it's not easy on the people who love addicts,

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00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:57,440
Speaker 1: and it's not easy on the attics. But they just can,

335
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 1: really they can push through anything to get what they want,

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00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 1: and they'll they'll just completely ruin the lives of the

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00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 1: ones they love. And it's important to remember that that's

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00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 1: not then. But again, like I said earlier, it doesn't

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00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 1: make it hurt any less. And I was talking to

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Speaker 1: my little sister and niece the other day about, um,

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00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 1: you know, we just had a really good conversation and

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Speaker 1: she's twelve, and it freaks me out how mature she is,

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Speaker 1: but it makes sense, um, And she was saying that,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was telling her about there's another addict

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Speaker 1: in her family that's behaving erratically and stealing from children,

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Speaker 1: and just really I don't want to get too far

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Speaker 1: into it because I don't want to. You know, anybody

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00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:41,719
Speaker 1: who listens to this and knows me don't know who

349
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,880
Speaker 1: it is. But it's gotten really at hand. It's really bad.

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Speaker 1: And so while I'm you know, going to my friend's

351
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Speaker 1: funeral for an overdose. I'm also terrified I'm gonna get

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Speaker 1: another call about this other family member. And I was

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Speaker 1: talking to this little twelve year old girl and she's like,

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Speaker 1: I was like, well, you know, when when this person

355
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 1: does that, they don't they don't know what they're doing

356
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 1: because there it's not them, it's it's something else that's

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00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 1: taken them over. So it's important to know that this

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00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,639
Speaker 1: person they're not a bad person. They're just have something

359
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 1: that makes them bad. But they would never ever do

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Speaker 1: these things if they weren't on these substances. And I

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Speaker 1: try to be as real with her as I can.

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00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't she's seeing more than I have.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm not going to be condescending to her

364
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Speaker 1: and not let her know what's going on. I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's so much more unhealthy. I mean, there's definitely

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Speaker 1: things she doesn't need to know. But so I'm telling

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Speaker 1: her this and she's like, yeah, I know. Like I mean,

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Speaker 1: Mommy used to get really angry really fast with me

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Speaker 1: and just be really you know, she just snapped. And

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Speaker 1: I I would always remind myself that that wasn't mommy,

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00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 1: that was that was something else and I just I

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Speaker 1: just would be quiet and I just love her anyways,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, holy sh it, there are

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Speaker 1: things a child shouldn't have to think about. Um. So

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00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 1: next up I'm going to talk about the recovery process

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Speaker 1: and how that can be its own form of hell

377
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 1: um even just like, I mean, the whole the whole

378
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: process is terrible, from watching them get into it, to

379
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: watching them completely go out of control looking for it,

380
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: to watching them desperately trying to crawl themselves out of

381
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Speaker 1: this hole. And it's it's not easy and I can

382
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 1: only imagine how hard it is, but from what I've seen,

383
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 1: it's it's terrible stuff right back. So the thing about

384
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:38,159
Speaker 1: recovery is there's a lot of there's a lot of

385
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: really pretty places with ranch in their name, you know,

386
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 1: like and and and like you know, the Summit and

387
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 1: just like dramatic names like that. I hope that's not

388
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,199
Speaker 1: a real place, but you know, the the names that

389
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,119
Speaker 1: are just so clearly like you know, something river and

390
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: just you know, they sound so great and they can

391
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: promise you all this stuff on their website, and there's

392
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: as these pretty pictures and people go horseback riding and

393
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 1: there's a lake, and you know, they get to be

394
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: introspective and and rehab absolutely works for some people, but

395
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 1: a lot of it, I mean, there's some of these ways.

396
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 1: These ways are for for profit businesses. They make money

397
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 1: by people being addicts. So it's like, if you want

398
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: to dive into conspiracy theories, like as far as these

399
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 1: big ones that have been caught doing really fucked up ship,

400
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: it's like, well, what incentive do they really have for

401
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 1: people to get clean? Because people will keep coming back

402
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 1: and coming back and be repeat customers of this this

403
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: recovery center, and that's its own kind of sucked up.

404
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 1: And obviously I'm not talking about every single recovery center.

405
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: Rehabs really really important, and um, if you can find

406
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 1: a good one, i mean, it can really say it

407
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: saves lives completely. But um, I've also seen some really

408
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 1: fucked up sides of that. And there's a lot of

409
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:57,199
Speaker 1: resources for addicts that they can't get their hands on. Um.

410
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be talking about prescription drugs, and just

411
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,159
Speaker 1: keep in mind, I'm not a doctor and I've never

412
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,360
Speaker 1: taken these things, but these are just things I've read

413
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 1: about that seems like they can be really helpful. And

414
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's some sort of controversy because it is

415
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:14,919
Speaker 1: the prescription drug industry, but um, there's obviously methodone, but

416
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 1: that's really hard because you have to take it like

417
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: every day. You can't like take it home, you have

418
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: to go to the clinic and get it. But sabok

419
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: zone is a type of UM opioid drug abuse like

420
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: combat combating medicine. I think that was such a long

421
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 1: way of saying that, but UM and it it's like

422
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 1: really really really can help people. And on the TV

423
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: show Dopes like which I highly recommend you guys watch

424
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 1: if you want to learn about this and really see

425
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: just an incredibly raw and and factual UM showing of

426
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: of these stories. But there a lot of times it

427
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: isn't covered by insurance. And so this family member UM

428
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: that I was talking about earlier, there were UM on

429
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: the streets and doing heroin and math and then started

430
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 1: taking the box zone and stopped taking heroin and that

431
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,400
Speaker 1: was like obviously the first huge step towards recovery. And

432
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 1: they were still using other things, but then they didn't

433
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,479
Speaker 1: have access to the box down anymore because it can

434
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: be really expensive, and their insurance wouldn't cover it for

435
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,679
Speaker 1: whatever reason, and so then they immediately go back to heroin,

436
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 1: you know, And that makes perfect sense. And so it's like,

437
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,639
Speaker 1: what's the point of giving people these drugs if you

438
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,120
Speaker 1: can't what's the point of these drugs being invented if

439
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: people can't fucking take them, you know. And so there's

440
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 1: also this um, this shot called vi vitrol, and it

441
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 1: can frequently also not be covered by insurance. But it's

442
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: like a shot you can get like sort of like

443
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 1: the birth control shot, where it lasts for months and

444
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: you only have to come in once and it um

445
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: you know, does things to your op ward receptors that

446
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: can and it can really it can cure alcohol addiction

447
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 1: as well. But the only thing, the only thing is

448
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: if if they do take caroin on top of this,

449
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: it will completely wreck their body because it's already I mean,

450
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:25,199
Speaker 1: it would just like basically blow you up essentially, like

451
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: from the inside out. So you you have to stick

452
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: to it, but you also don't have the desire or

453
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 1: the withdrawal for the drugs. So um, So my friend

454
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 1: who passed away, um they had taken the shot and

455
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: she was getting so much better and had been sober

456
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: and then lost access to the drug because of her

457
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: insurance back in December January and then passed away like

458
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 1: two months later, and they didn't they didn't find a

459
00:26:56,359 --> 00:27:00,159
Speaker 1: way to get the drug. And it just break use

460
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: my heart knowing that if they had had access to that,

461
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 1: they she could still be here. And it's just really

462
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 1: really heartbreaking and hard to accept. So it's important for

463
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: me to talk about this. And obviously I focused a

464
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 1: lot on my sister's negative aspects, but um, I mean,

465
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 1: it's also just like my my very real experience with this,

466
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: but with my my friend um from childhood who passed away.

467
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 1: There's just everybody I know who's been an addict has

468
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 1: been an incredibly empathetic person, and I think that that's

469
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: part of why they get lured into drugs like these,

470
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 1: where they can really erase all these negative feelings and

471
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: and and produce this euphoria effect and it's just such

472
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 1: an escape. Like you know, cocaine is an escape in

473
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 1: its own way, but it's not it's not the same

474
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 1: Like heroin puts you in this suspended state of existence

475
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 1: that makes you feel like everything is absolutely fucking wonderful

476
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: all the time, and that's why people do it. And

477
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: I think that empaths take on so many emotions for

478
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 1: other people, and so these these addicts are escaping from

479
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: from that feeling and those things they've taken on for others.

480
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 1: But I wanted to end on reading my friend Casey's obituary.

481
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 1: Um it's one of the most beautiful things, and her

482
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 1: story is incredible. She had a psychology degree. She cared

483
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 1: so much about people. I mean, I couldn't have made

484
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: it through high school without her because I was having

485
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 1: such a hard time. And nobody loved with less judgment

486
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 1: than Casey. She was so so empathetic and would just

487
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: listen and was I mean, I don't I don't think

488
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 1: I've I've ever experienced that kind of lack of judgment

489
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 1: from someone. You could tell her anything and she'd be

490
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 1: real with you, but you knew that she could keep

491
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 1: the secret, and you knew that she would love you

492
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 1: no matter what. So this is, um, this is the

493
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 1: kind of person she was. So I'm gonna skip over

494
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: the details, but like of you know where she graduated

495
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: from it stuff. But Casey would tell her dad from

496
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: a very young age, Daddy when I graduate school, I

497
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: don't want a new car money. I want to go

498
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: to Africa and help the orphans. She might have been

499
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: seven or eight years old at the most. Once Casey

500
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: was in high school, she didn't mind her father, Dad,

501
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: don't forget. We're going to Africa when I graduate to

502
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: help the orphans. So the summer after she graduated, Casey,

503
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: her sister and dad headed to Zimbabwe and broke ground

504
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: to build a complete orphanage. The orphanage now consists of

505
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 1: a school, a community center, a computer learning center, dormitories

506
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: for the children to live in, a water well, a

507
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: farm with crops and animals. Because of Casey's dream, today

508
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: a hundred and seventy five children are fed three meals

509
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: a day and about a hundred or so live in

510
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: the orphanage. Some of the first children she've met have

511
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: gone on to graduate from the orphanage and are living

512
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 1: on their own. Some of them have stayed in touch

513
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: with the family and considered Casey and her sister to

514
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 1: be their sisters. Casey's passion to work with kids with

515
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: disabilities took her to a facility where she worked. She

516
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 1: continued her education received a registered behavior technician license, but

517
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: she was very proud she worked with children that have autism.

518
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 1: Her work was not just work, it was her passion.

519
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: Casey's patience and love for her kids was evidence. She

520
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:35,719
Speaker 1: talked about them all the time and often sent us

521
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: pictures of her day. She was always looking for ways

522
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: to help them learn. Casey's love her kids spread far

523
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: and why what far and wide one can say globally

524
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: due to her dream and work in Zimbabwe, she always

525
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: wanted to simply help people. From the age of five

526
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: years old, she would volunteer with her family at the

527
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: pro um, at the soup kitchen and portly main feeding

528
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 1: the homeless. Over the years, she would come to know

529
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 1: many of the homeless on a first name basis. Of course,

530
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 1: when she saw them, she had to buy them a

531
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: coffee and food. Casey and her sister grew up with

532
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 1: family dinner. She would come home and say, can I

533
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: bring a few friends tomorrow night? They don't have family

534
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 1: dinners like we do. How many, Casey? A few was

535
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: the response, and often it could be four or five

536
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 1: and we would scramble to make more food. She always

537
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: wanted to return to Zimbabwe and lived there for a

538
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 1: year more at the orphanage, and her dad was talking

539
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: during the funeral service, she was one of the hardest

540
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: things I've ever had to watch, was a parent telling

541
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 1: their twenty seven year old child story like that. UM.

542
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: But he said that her like reward and something she

543
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 1: was working for with getting sober was going back to

544
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: Zimbabwe and going to the orphanage, and that was something

545
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: she was really working towards. And she'd been sober for

546
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: I think it was like five or six months before

547
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: she overdoes. A couple of weeks ago, apparently she had

548
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: texted one of her friends who is also an addict,

549
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: and asked them if they had any Narcan, which is

550
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: a really, really really important drug that can reverse the

551
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 1: effects of an overdose. It is absolutely hell to take, um,

552
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: but it it saves lives. And if you're at a

553
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 1: party and someone smokes weed or does coke and there's

554
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: ventel in it, like, and somebody has an Arcan on them,

555
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 1: you can you can save their lives. It's like an

556
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: undo button and then they, you know, are in pain

557
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: for days and days. But like, it's so important and

558
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: I really want it would be amazing if we could

559
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: just all have access to it and keep it in

560
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: our purses. And I mean that's what I want to do.

561
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: It's expensive, but I mean I just can't being able

562
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: to stop that, and knowing that there's something out there

563
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 1: that can stop it, but it costs too much money

564
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 1: so people can't fucking have it is insane. UM. And

565
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: so she ext her friend to knowing that she was

566
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: about to use for the first time in five months,

567
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: and said, hey, do you have any narcan? And her

568
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: friend didn't, and she didn't she didn't want to overdose.

569
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: She just it's just so hard. It's very hard, and

570
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: for any of you who have experienced this, I'm so

571
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 1: sorry you've had to go through this. Um. I mean,

572
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: there's not really a lot of words for it. And

573
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that this week was such a downer episode,

574
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 1: but I just can't think about anything else. I can't

575
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: talk about the guys I had crushes on in high school.

576
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: I can't make fun of my ex boyfriend, mostly because

577
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: it's just at this point it's like, yeah, he's a joke.

578
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: You know, I'm running out of punchlines guys. UM. So yeah,

579
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: that's just that was what was on my heart this week,

580
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 1: And it's so important for those of you who don't

581
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: really know an addict to know that these people are

582
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 1: are real people. They're not junkies and trailers or people

583
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: with dreams. There people with degrees, They're people with children

584
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 1: and parents are people who take care of other people,

585
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 1: and they just had this drug just trigger something inside

586
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 1: of them. And it is so heartbreaking to watch. And

587
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:23,680
Speaker 1: I still don't know exactly what I can do to help.

588
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 1: I try so hard to be outspoken about it, and

589
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: I think that it's important for me to use my

590
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: platform in this way, but at the same time, I'm like,

591
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: I just feel I feel helpless because I can't just

592
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 1: you can't just get run around giving everybody, nor can

593
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 1: like I can't just find every single person who's overdosing.

594
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,839
Speaker 1: But yeah, do some research on that, guys. And if

595
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:50,280
Speaker 1: you're you know, in college and you have party friends

596
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:53,240
Speaker 1: who are you know, messing around with drugs, it happens.

597
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: It doesn't make it okay, but like I mean, it

598
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 1: just it happens. People experiment, But if somebody at the

599
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,479
Speaker 1: party has that on them, you can save someone's life.

600
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: It's literally like an undue button. So um, yeah, do

601
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 1: some research on that. It's really important and I know

602
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,760
Speaker 1: that I will be carrying it in my purse. It's small,

603
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 1: police carry it on them. You know, It's just why

604
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 1: not right? But thank you guys so much for listening.

605
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 1: My name is Kaylie Shore. This is too much to

606
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: say and um, this week's episode is dedicated to Casey.

607
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: Don't ask me questions, I turn it out. You