Speaker 1: The Nick Agliser Podcast. Glaser, here's Nikky.
Speaker 2: Hello, it's me.
Speaker 3: It's Nicolaser Podcast. Welcome. I'm looking at Brian. You look
Speaker 3: like you're posing for a mug shot. It's your little days. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you've been working hard. You're here with me and we're together.
Speaker 3: Brian and I are together on the same tiny couch
Speaker 3: in Airbnb in West Hills.
Speaker 4: Beautiful, glorious West Hills, home of the Serenapple Sonoco gas station.
Speaker 4: Is it really I don't know. I'm just saying.
Speaker 3: It's it's bleak out here.
Speaker 4: I don't get it. I mean, this is supposed to
Speaker 4: be like the fanciest part of LA It's supposed to
Speaker 4: be a Calabasas, it's near Calabasas, but it just kind
Speaker 4: of looks like a suburb to me. I'm sure the
Speaker 4: houses cost like five million dollars Z. But I guess
Speaker 4: there's a charter.
Speaker 3: School in the corner out here. That is so it's
Speaker 3: really far from it's like forty five How long did
Speaker 3: it take you to get here today from Culver City.
Speaker 4: It took me about forty five minutes. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 4: get it. Yeah, you think it'd be by the beach,
Speaker 4: you think it'd be somewhere where people would recreate, but
Speaker 4: instead it's just up in the mountains. It's hot out here,
Speaker 4: it dries, it's nothing around sad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's I'm saying, and such a crap. Shoot you
Speaker 3: have land if you don't have and all, you know,
Speaker 3: that's right. I think Whitney lives out here, or like
Speaker 3: Tomster Girl. Whenever I would do a podcast of someone
Speaker 3: with millions and millions and millions of dollars, like Rogan,
Speaker 3: it was always driving out.
Speaker 4: Well, I want to see where they're living because I'm
Speaker 4: sure that it's I mean, this to me just looks
Speaker 4: like this could be when I grew up, except without
Speaker 4: the palm trees.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is worse than where I grew up. It
Speaker 3: is worse. Is this? What was that The Kardashians don't
Speaker 3: they live in Like, yeah, they live in Calabasas. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's I think they made this place kind of cool.
Speaker 3: At least that was the first time I'd ever heard
Speaker 3: of it. Anyway, I'm here for a show. Brian is
Speaker 3: working with me on the show, so we're both You're
Speaker 3: commuting every day, like, yes, it's gonna be insane in
Speaker 3: our shooting times. Sorry, secret show. Can't say the name,
Speaker 3: but the shooting times are from three to three Are
Speaker 3: you aware of that?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm aware.
Speaker 3: Three pm to three am wow, Sunday through Thursday. Yes, yes,
Speaker 3: And I didn't realize I could have kept working on
Speaker 3: the road. I'm glad I did it because I would
Speaker 3: have done it and it died. Yeah, Like I could
Speaker 3: have done it Saturday nights. I would have passed away.
Speaker 3: But I am already booked up. And if you're in
Speaker 3: the LA area, I'm going to be doing sets every
Speaker 3: single Friday and Saturday, and I will pass away at
Speaker 3: one of those shows on the day's hair in like
Speaker 3: four weeks. When it all to me and I'm like,
Speaker 3: I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2: Why are you doing.
Speaker 5: This to me?
Speaker 3: And they're like, you asked us for a set, That's
Speaker 3: when I'll pass away.
Speaker 4: But when you have a breakway when you ask for
Speaker 4: a set and then you just don't want to do
Speaker 4: it at all.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want to do anything I ever do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm unhappy with all of my life's decisions.
Speaker 3: I mean, isn't like I dread everything and then I
Speaker 3: do it and I'm like happy, But I'm always I
Speaker 3: feel like even Taylor Swift shows, do your horn hong.
Speaker 3: Whenever I go to those shows, I'm the anticipation is
Speaker 3: always better than no. The thing is great, but the anticipation.
Speaker 3: Like I've always said, I like Christmas Eve. I don't
Speaker 3: like Christmas. I like May thirty first. I don't like
Speaker 3: June first, that's my birthday. I don't I want Tomber
Speaker 3: thirty first. Yeah. I don't really give a shit about
Speaker 3: New Year's Eve, so I care about it.
Speaker 4: There's too much pressure. I think you got to figure
Speaker 4: out what you're going to do, so every year for.
Speaker 3: When you were saying, I bet that was a nightmare, Yeah.
Speaker 4: It's a nightmare. There was a one year that Zoey
Speaker 4: Deschanel did a duet with I think it was Joseph
Speaker 4: Gordon Levit or something. Oh yeah, what are you going
Speaker 4: to do on New Year's Eve?
Speaker 2: That old What are you gonna do around New Year's.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's pretty good. And it made me so sad
Speaker 4: because I was just like, nothing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a lot. And then you got to kiss someone.
Speaker 3: It's all the things.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah that. Where did they add that?
Speaker 3: I don't know who added that, but yeah, I think
Speaker 3: I only did that once and then now I do
Speaker 3: when I'm with my partner. But yeah, Reagan Ronald, he
Speaker 3: did it. So we're Are you ready to embark on
Speaker 3: this journey?
Speaker 4: Oh I'm ready. Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 3: To do anything life of show business.
Speaker 4: I gotta tell you, I've been languishing.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 4: It was a word that became popularized during the pandemic
Speaker 4: because many people were languishing. It's this idea that there's
Speaker 4: articles written about it in the publications. Wow, yeah, I
Speaker 4: was languishing. It's just like this feeling. Do you guys
Speaker 4: know what languishing is.
Speaker 3: It's languid. It feels like what you do when you're
Speaker 3: like in a uh, you're depressed and you're stuck and
Speaker 3: you can't You're just like it's waiting.
Speaker 4: It's like nothing bad's happening, and you don't really feel
Speaker 4: that bad, but you don't feel good. You don't feel someone.
Speaker 3: Look up the definition of language.
Speaker 4: Please it don't feel anything.
Speaker 1: It sounds also like a procedure that a woman would
Speaker 1: do if she was like not feeling fresh. Like it's
Speaker 1: almost like doucheing. It's like I have to languish really quick, yes,
Speaker 1: like a quick rinse something. But yeah, languishing sounds like
Speaker 1: you're meandering through two different parts of your life, like
Speaker 1: you're sort of listless, and I picture someone laying down, yeah,
Speaker 1: on a bed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I know there's a lot of that, but
Speaker 4: it's not quite like depression. It's not quite like as
Speaker 4: low as depression. But it's that it's that slow Chinese
Speaker 4: water or drip torture that over time, you know what
Speaker 4: I'm talking. Yeah, over time. Uh, you just start. You
Speaker 4: just wake up one day and you're like, I have
Speaker 4: done nothing for ten years. I feel like a husk.
Speaker 4: That's what languishing is.
Speaker 2: The Oxford definition is lose or lack vitality, grow weak
Speaker 2: or feeble. Yeah, and then the second definition is suffer
Speaker 2: from being forced to remain in an unpleasant place or situation.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I picture a waiting room with those little kids, like,
Speaker 3: you know, they look like roller coasters with the little lines,
Speaker 3: and then you put the beads and the beads go,
Speaker 3: and you do that like twice, and then you're bored
Speaker 3: as a child. And then there's maybe some fish. Why
Speaker 3: there was fish in a waiting room, I guess they're
Speaker 3: beautiful to watch.
Speaker 4: And there you go.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the FI file question. Yeah, he never.
Speaker 4: Asked that question, but it would be a great one.
Speaker 3: What's with the fish in the dentist's waiting room?
Speaker 4: A fish in the waiting room?
Speaker 3: Do they have teeth?
Speaker 4: They?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I enter definition. Mm hmmm, entropy, Like I feel like
Speaker 1: languishing can lead to entropy. I remember the first time
Speaker 1: I was ever depressed, and I was a teenager. My
Speaker 1: mom said something like, you have to be careful of entropy.
Speaker 1: It's like a physics thing. But it's not like lack of.
Speaker 3: Which is too much.
Speaker 2: Lack of predictability, yes, well, lack of order of predictability,
Speaker 2: gradual decline into disorder physics, Yeah, and physics, it just
Speaker 2: means that everything tends towards tends towards entropy, which is chaos.
Speaker 1: I felt like that.
Speaker 3: It's like, oh yeah, it's lack of order. Okay, I
Speaker 3: wonder what that is. As I look at my spilled
Speaker 3: suitcase and just yeah, I wonder what entropy is. It's
Speaker 3: like spelled out in front of me, my clothes spell
Speaker 3: the word.
Speaker 4: It made me read that.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we read it in high school.
Speaker 4: Don't remember anything about the book. I just remember saying.
Speaker 3: Over and over again, why were you feeling languish?
Speaker 4: Just well, besides the fact that I got married, which,
Speaker 4: by the way, congratulations on you. We're going to talk about.
Speaker 4: But besides the fact I got married, outside of that,
Speaker 4: on either side of it was just like A was
Speaker 4: just I felt like nothing, nothing was going on, So
Speaker 4: I'm I'm ready to uh do something that takes up
Speaker 4: a lot of time, is really what it comes to.
Speaker 3: Yes, who was just saying they want to? Yeah, I
Speaker 3: have a friend that's going through a heartbreak and she's like,
Speaker 3: I just want work. I need some work to throw
Speaker 3: myself into. I need something to just hurl myself into
Speaker 3: to get me to not at it so solidified your
Speaker 3: relationship and you're like, I need She's going through a
Speaker 3: breakup and she's like, I need something to fill my life,
Speaker 3: and you're like, I just got more solid than ever.
Speaker 3: I need something to fill my life. WHOA, break ups
Speaker 3: and weddings are kind of the same thing, Like there's
Speaker 3: just a finality, there's a new A wedding is just.
Speaker 4: A breakup with your single self.
Speaker 3: Oh whoa I have? Yeah, that's not like the that's
Speaker 3: the author It's not like the Swahili for that quote. Okay,
Speaker 3: I don't want you to start saying.
Speaker 4: About hakuna matata.
Speaker 3: So yeah, well I'm glad me too. I feel I
Speaker 3: feel the same way. I feel like there's been just
Speaker 3: a lot of turmoil and like there's storms brewing in
Speaker 3: my emotional state recently, and I'm just excited to turn
Speaker 3: it over to like just get on a train to Jesus,
Speaker 3: turn it over to the show that I'm working on,
Speaker 3: and just be. And when you work on a show,
Speaker 3: you it becomes your life. You can't do anything else.
Speaker 3: These shows are so intense you can't think about anything else.
Speaker 3: And we are thinking about the characters of the show's
Speaker 3: lives more than your own, you know, like you get
Speaker 3: to be obsessed with someone else's mental state.
Speaker 4: You want to think about your own pain, you think
Speaker 4: about someone else's.
Speaker 3: Yes, so that'll be fun to do. But and I'm
Speaker 3: not nervous at all. I used to get so nervous
Speaker 3: about these things. And that's a little that's a little
Speaker 3: worrisome to me when I have zero anxiety about a
Speaker 3: thing that most people would be very anxious about. But
Speaker 3: I just am like, I don't know, I just don't You're.
Speaker 4: A veteran, you're a pro.
Speaker 3: Maybe that's it. But do you get nervous.
Speaker 4: When you go on stage to do stand up?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: So do you feel like you're worse because of that?
Speaker 3: No? But I felt no. Yeah, yeah I do. Actually
Speaker 3: I feel like anxiety makes me work.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess I don't. I should have some anxiety
Speaker 4: right now.
Speaker 3: You don't have any You always have something. You didn't
Speaker 3: bring any with you to.
Speaker 4: I didn't bring any. I forgot it. I was supposed
Speaker 4: to bring an SD card in an anxiety.
Speaker 1: When's the last time you were nervous about something career wise?
Speaker 1: Or I guess so many.
Speaker 3: I think for me, it's like when there is someone
Speaker 3: in the audience watching who is famous or who's like
Speaker 3: I really care about their like your friend Tristan Prettyman
Speaker 3: coming to our show, and like san Diego. I think
Speaker 3: that I was like, she's I really respect her as
Speaker 3: an artist, and like she's so pretty man. My name
Speaker 3: is yes, and she's pretty man, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: And I didn't even see her after the show. I
Speaker 3: didn't want to see her because I didn't want her
Speaker 3: to have to be like nice to meet. But I'm
Speaker 3: only reminded that because I saw her at your wedding,
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, I think that was the
Speaker 3: last time I felt like, oh god. I felt bad
Speaker 3: because I'm like, she's coming to see Anya, she has
Speaker 3: to sit through my shit. She doesn't want to. I
Speaker 3: always feel like I'm burdening people with the show. I
Speaker 3: really do. It's so weird.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you feel I feel you feel like you're burdening
Speaker 4: people all the time, like, uh, you hired me for
Speaker 4: this show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm like and last night.
Speaker 4: Last night you were like, uh, by the way, if
Speaker 4: you don't want to come at all, don't worry about it.
Speaker 4: No pressure, And it's like, what, well.
Speaker 3: I met, like you have to draw, Like, my call
Speaker 3: time on set is ten am and we're doing the
Speaker 3: podcast at eight am to buy me some time to
Speaker 3: drive there and everything. And I thought, if your call
Speaker 3: time is not until like one, like what if I'm
Speaker 3: getting there so early to just do hair and makeup.
Speaker 3: But I didn't really know what time we're shooting, so
Speaker 3: I was like, maybe you should get there at twelve instead.
Speaker 3: That means it'd be better for you to do the
Speaker 3: podcast at your place, and then that's why. But yes,
Speaker 3: I did feel like I.
Speaker 4: Don't like, yeah, I know my call time is your
Speaker 4: call time?
Speaker 3: Okay, sweet man, I'm your helper, all right, good well,
Speaker 3: watch me gets painted. Yeah, it will be so fun.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be nice to have Brian here in person
Speaker 3: since we've we haven't had you here. Well, we only
Speaker 3: did it once time.
Speaker 4: I haven't never been in the studio, right, Saint Louis,
Speaker 4: I've never even seen it. Those pink walls are are
Speaker 4: stranger to me.
Speaker 3: My mom painted them in twenty twenty one, and yeah,
Speaker 3: she did a good job. And we're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 3: do a re re remodel soon. But it's we're gonna
Speaker 3: get trading spaces. We're gonna get Paige from Trading Spaces
Speaker 3: to come in. Do you guys remember that show? Yes,
Speaker 3: I just time, dude. I just saw like a recap
Speaker 3: of like some of the worst remodels. So the show
Speaker 3: was this. It was in the nineties early two thousands.
Speaker 3: A couple would go to TLC and be like to
Speaker 3: this show and be like, we need this room, redon,
Speaker 3: we don't know what to do with my husband's wreck room.
Speaker 3: And then they would be like, what are you into?
Speaker 3: And then they would h they had a little a
Speaker 3: cabal of designers that they would choose from, and then
Speaker 3: each each person would get to choose one of these
Speaker 3: designers that was like just these wacky people, and then
Speaker 3: they would use I think it was like a thousand
Speaker 3: dollars budget. It was cheap, and they would redo the
Speaker 3: room and they would turn it into like a beach
Speaker 3: theme and they put sand on the floor and like
Speaker 3: like staple fucking booie's on the wall.
Speaker 4: And it's important to note that these are people's actual houses.
Speaker 3: Yes, and they leave it in. One time, a girl
Speaker 3: from our high school had trades Spaces come and it
Speaker 3: looked amazing on the show and they were all happy
Speaker 3: with it, but in reality, it was all very cheaply
Speaker 3: done obviously for a thousand dollars, and they ruined everything
Speaker 3: and it just they took it down as soon as
Speaker 3: they came in and and they all cried when it
Speaker 3: was when they saw it, and most people in the
Speaker 3: show would be like because they you know, they cover
Speaker 3: their eyes when they walk in. Then they go like
Speaker 3: this and they go, I love it, like the way
Speaker 3: you do when you get your haircut and you hate it,
Speaker 3: and you go, I like crying because it's so good.
Speaker 3: I really I told you I wanted it just an
Speaker 3: inch off, but I did want six inches. You let
Speaker 3: my mind. But there's like a compilation of the worst one.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I think I saw that a video of
Speaker 4: that woman like it's a surprise, and then there's a
Speaker 4: female host.
Speaker 3: Right, yes, Page and she liked he like this and
Speaker 3: she had like a really she had a little pixie cut.
Speaker 3: She looked like Peter Pant.
Speaker 4: Because when the but when they made the reveal, the
Speaker 4: husband had already seen it, and the wife really hated.
Speaker 3: It because one person would maybe work with the team,
Speaker 3: like the husband would work with the team, and then
Speaker 3: they'd surprise a wife something like that.
Speaker 4: And then Paige was like, what's the matter? You don't
Speaker 4: you don't like it? And she was so like, so well,
Speaker 4: it's empathetic, but also like she couldn't believe how upset
Speaker 4: the person was that this person's living room was just destroyed.
Speaker 3: Oh was awesome.
Speaker 1: Name is Page?
Speaker 4: Show is just.
Speaker 6: Yes.
Speaker 4: I just watch people's houses get ruined and we reveal
Speaker 4: it on national television and see how they react.
Speaker 3: But I always wanted them to come to my house.
Speaker 3: I was so naive to it. And then as an adult,
Speaker 3: you're like I would never let these fucking kooks in
Speaker 3: my room to redecorate it and make it like into
Speaker 3: a I don't know, a rodeo theme, however, like turn
Speaker 3: into the Rainforce.
Speaker 1: Camp got it when I went away to camp, like
Speaker 1: summer camp. I was thirteen, and I actually I went
Speaker 1: to Mormon camp with my friend China, and I came Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was Mormon. I was not. And it was so embarrassing. Dude,
Speaker 1: I utah, they startedwashing you. I came back and.
Speaker 3: Was like, I think I'm Mormon, Like if they.
Speaker 1: Have this thing the last day called testimony, and we
Speaker 1: were in the redwoods in the Santa craz Mountains, and
Speaker 1: I was like, what is testimony? What is testimony? They're like,
Speaker 1: it's when you like give your testimony that like God
Speaker 1: has touched you this week.
Speaker 3: And touched you where they peer pressure you into yes.
Speaker 1: And I went up there and I was like, I
Speaker 1: feel I mean, I don't believe in God and my
Speaker 1: mom is a Communist, but I really have felt the
Speaker 1: spirit this week and I don't know what to the same.
Speaker 3: And I was cris.
Speaker 1: Sobbed and I remember telling China I was like, God,
Speaker 1: I love this song. You guys sing about your reverend.
Speaker 1: She was like, what I'm like, reverently, quietly, humbly, now
Speaker 1: we pray. She's like reverent Lee, not Reverend Lee. But
Speaker 1: I can't musician back then, No, I was in a spy.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be in like choirs and musicals, but
Speaker 1: I had a soft voice, so I always would get
Speaker 1: like like in Jack and the Beanstalk, I got the
Speaker 1: part of like a sprout. I was way in the background.
Speaker 1: But I came home and my dad and mom had
Speaker 1: redone my entire bedroom in this cool like eighties like
Speaker 1: everything was modern and white and lacquered and red and black,
Speaker 1: and it was like my room before was frilly and pink.
Speaker 1: And I remember they had cameras and they were taking
Speaker 1: all these pictures of me, and I was just sobbing.
Speaker 1: But I was so happy, but I remember feeling traumatized,
Speaker 1: like everything you know.
Speaker 3: From the camp come from a Mormon camp where you
Speaker 3: gave your life to Jesus Christ because you fear pressured
Speaker 3: into it, and you definitely dropped it as soon as
Speaker 3: you left. There was no way you could just say that, yeah, the.
Speaker 4: Mormon Jesus though, the one born in America.
Speaker 3: After a right the one where Joseph Smith amends his
Speaker 3: version of the Bible anytime he feels like he wants to.
Speaker 3: And if you're Mormon out there, just so you know
Speaker 3: you're you're the guy who founded your religion went in
Speaker 3: and just changed the Bible to fit what he wanted.
Speaker 3: So when he started to like want more wives, he
Speaker 3: just went in and was like, God talked to me
Speaker 3: last night and he says I should marry this thirteen
Speaker 3: year old like and he just starts. And then the
Speaker 3: best part, if you want to know all about how
Speaker 3: fucked up Mormonism is, read what's the one that Andrew
Speaker 3: Garfield was says justin it's a John Krackauer and they
Speaker 3: did a remakeup and it's like the Banner of Heaven
Speaker 3: under the Banner of Heaven. Yes, But the craziest part
Speaker 3: was so Joseph Smith always said that everyone in Mormonism
Speaker 3: gets to have a direct connection with God, like you
Speaker 3: have a personal relationship with God. You get to pray
Speaker 3: to him and talk to him. And then people started
Speaker 3: getting their own kind of ideas of what God wanted
Speaker 3: for them, and it was kind of people were dissenting
Speaker 3: and he wasn't able to control him anymore. So one
Speaker 3: day he was like, by the way, God just let
Speaker 3: me know, like he only is talking to me. He's
Speaker 3: like not talking to you guys anymore. And everyone was like, no,
Speaker 3: we're not actually that and they didn't let him change
Speaker 3: that part. Wow, he would you change things as he
Speaker 3: wanted to fund.
Speaker 4: Oh, God just told me he wanted me to have
Speaker 4: the last cupcake.
Speaker 3: Just told me, yeah, well we got God just told
Speaker 3: me we have to take a break. And by God,
Speaker 3: I mean Noah, we'll be back after this to discuss
Speaker 3: a ton of other things, but not treating spaces and
Speaker 3: definitely on his wedding. All right, we're back. Let's just
Speaker 3: get to it. Anya Marina is married. Yeah, we started
Speaker 3: this podcast with two people who were not married, and
Speaker 3: now a month later they're both married.
Speaker 4: The people here are now married.
Speaker 3: It's crazy.
Speaker 1: But then we're just doing it for ratings, ratings of
Speaker 1: triple Do we know married people get more? Wait? Is
Speaker 1: that true?
Speaker 3: Now we need to have a baby on the way,
Speaker 3: Like this is the things that happened. We need to
Speaker 3: trade space character. I definitely stopped watching the Office and
Speaker 3: I know the this is like criminal, but I didn't
Speaker 3: give a fuck. About the office after Jim and Pam
Speaker 3: got together. I think it's really fucked with my life.
Speaker 3: I don't care about things after people are together.
Speaker 4: You care about the anticipation, the eve.
Speaker 3: Of Ross and Rachel. I don't want them to be
Speaker 3: together and to thrive and to have a baby with
Speaker 3: you know. I want them to be like, will they
Speaker 3: won't they? And I think that's really affected my relationships
Speaker 3: in my life because if it's not like I don't
Speaker 3: know if he likes me as soon as he does,
Speaker 3: I'm just like, well, this is boring. This is season
Speaker 3: two of Friends. Yeah, and Emily's gone. There's no more tension.
Speaker 3: They're happy, and I'm tired. I'm bored.
Speaker 1: I think that's the secret to a good relationship too.
Speaker 1: My friend Bob has been married a while and he said, honestly,
Speaker 1: the only thing keeping us together is that I am
Speaker 1: constantly afraid that my wife is going to leave me.
Speaker 3: That okay, I don't think that they're not the best
Speaker 3: relationship I've ever heard. Yeah, he's not serious. He just
Speaker 3: probably thinks that he.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I think it's different for different probably
Speaker 4: threaten a lot. That's not good. I mean, I have
Speaker 4: been in both types of relationships, and I can say
Speaker 4: definitively that my current relationship where I have no fear
Speaker 4: at all that the person's going to leave me while
Speaker 4: perhaps watching your show perhaps Yeah, no one wants to
Speaker 4: watch that show. I feel I feel a lot better
Speaker 4: about my life overall.
Speaker 3: Because of that. I'm joking. I think it's terribly unhealthy
Speaker 3: to seek something that well. I feel like. Also, though
Speaker 3: marriage a little languishy, it can be.
Speaker 4: But you got to figure out ways to manufacture that feeling.
Speaker 3: That you're he I want entropy, I want chaos. Okay,
Speaker 3: so Anya, you're married. Do you feel different? First question?
Speaker 1: No, I don't feel different. I thought I would.
Speaker 3: People are like, it's already living in sin together. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and we're very committed ex premaratively.
Speaker 1: And we had some conversations about how in this we
Speaker 1: were together a while ago. So I don't feel different.
Speaker 1: But I do feel I mean definitely, there was like
Speaker 1: a giddiness and a happiness that day, and but it
Speaker 1: hasn't sunk. Like I don't feel the thing of like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's my husband. I don't know.
Speaker 3: Weddings and funerals are so similar. I thought, oh, getting
Speaker 3: an Amazon packagey listen. I'm seeing in the airbnb and
Speaker 3: the host is living next door. That's why I gotta
Speaker 3: get the fuck out.
Speaker 4: That's why VRBO has those new ad campaigns.
Speaker 3: Where it's like, you'll never have to talk, never have
Speaker 3: to see your host. Yeah, she just dropped the package. Lady,
Speaker 3: She's like, are the door shit? Fuck?
Speaker 4: She looks. She looks like she's pretty well to do. Yeah,
Speaker 4: well to do.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. I was commenting on her looks and you
Speaker 3: were like, no, she looks.
Speaker 4: But I mean you were said looks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you didn't say she was smart. Okay, yeah, well
Speaker 3: you go get the dog, please, please, please, she's gonna be.
Speaker 1: Let's take bets on how long Nikki is staying in
Speaker 1: this air BnB. I say, you're out within seventy two hours?
Speaker 2: Yeah, same, I think I definitely am.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, here we go.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Sorry, we're recording a podcast. Thank you so much. You're fine,
Speaker 3: you're fine. Thanks.
Speaker 1: I'm changing it to forty eight forty eight hours, three hours.
Speaker 3: It's very nice.
Speaker 1: I just got an airbnb from my folks and I
Speaker 1: accident I brought my dog over to say hi to them,
Speaker 1: and we were like and I brought her inside for
Speaker 1: a second, even though I knew pets weren't allowed, but
Speaker 1: I like wiped her feet immediately, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: she starts barking like a crazy person, and I was like, oh, fuck,
Speaker 1: shut up, let's get out of here. So I leave.
Speaker 1: I have a message within half an hour from the
Speaker 1: host because the host lives upstairs, and it's like, if
Speaker 1: you thought that you were gonna rent this Airbnb secretly
Speaker 1: and have a dog and there secretly, like you're wrong,
Speaker 1: we will know because we live upstairs. And I was.
Speaker 3: Like, they said if you saw it, like sarcasts, like
Speaker 3: a little.
Speaker 1: Bit of somethings.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 1: It was like, hey, we heard a dog today, just
Speaker 1: let us know if you if you book this. We
Speaker 1: were very clear though in our pet policy and like
Speaker 1: if you think that we're not gonna yeah, there was
Speaker 1: something in there like we're gonna know if you have
Speaker 1: a dog, and I was like surveilling, easy, easy. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I was a super host. I know the deal. I
Speaker 1: would never try to pull one over on you. I
Speaker 1: was visiting my mom and I had her in the
Speaker 1: house for one second. I should have given you a
Speaker 1: heads up, But is it okay if I bring her
Speaker 1: over and we just stay in the backyard, and she
Speaker 1: was like yeah, yeah, no problem. But yeah, there was
Speaker 1: a little bit of.
Speaker 3: Like, this is so funny when people come at you
Speaker 3: like and you're nice to them and they're like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's totally fine. Yeah, she's like great, and then there's
Speaker 3: so much nicer and then I do that all the time.
Speaker 3: I was, I was such a bitch this weekend. Where
Speaker 3: was it? There was a moment where I was so oh,
Speaker 3: I was grumpy in an Uber. This guy like went
Speaker 3: to the wrong terminal and I go, I said, one?
Speaker 3: Was it not? Because he asked me twice? And I go,
Speaker 3: I said, I go, I said one right, like you
Speaker 3: asked me twice. This is clearly too. Like I was
Speaker 3: late and he was his car smelled like cigarettes and
Speaker 3: he was blasting music and it was just you can't
Speaker 3: get a good Uber in Saint Louis. They're all shit.
Speaker 3: There's no Uber black as shit, and Uber black is
Speaker 3: like four times the price of Uber comfort. And I
Speaker 3: don't know what comfort is the difference between comfort and X,
Speaker 3: but there isn't one comfort. They're not blowing the smoke
Speaker 3: in your face. I guess but and I and then
Speaker 3: he I felt bad immediately it like clicked sorry ma'am
Speaker 3: or something. You know. He may yeah, but I mean
Speaker 3: like I was being a mam, like the tone I
Speaker 3: was using on purpose. Yeah, I mean no, it is
Speaker 3: not I always get mam. I never get hun or
Speaker 3: the I was going through TSA recently and this guy
Speaker 3: go you know when they like wave you through the
Speaker 3: X ray and he goes, come on through, little lady,
Speaker 3: and I was like yes. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: he thinks I have a little lady. And then I
Speaker 3: sort of got He said it two seconds later answered
Speaker 3: around is an elderly woman. And I'm like, oh, that's
Speaker 3: just what he se me to an elderly woman with
Speaker 3: a cane that he had to hold while she went through.
Speaker 3: It was terrible.
Speaker 4: Okay, So can I just quickly say that I was
Speaker 4: quite charmed by that woman.
Speaker 3: She seems so nice.
Speaker 5: Your host, the host brought the Amazon.
Speaker 3: Amazon delivery person is gonna knock on the door and
Speaker 3: wait and say hi. They're good people. I was unclear,
Speaker 3: like they don't have time to do that. They're on
Speaker 3: a fucking timer and they've got a catheter in. They
Speaker 3: don't let those people schmooz and go, oh you're podcasting
Speaker 3: and wave. Yeah, I'm gonna be out of here pretty soon,
Speaker 3: but uh gotta, I gotta find another spot anyway, wedding,
Speaker 3: we stare at the dinner. Yeah, because no, you were
Speaker 3: there too, right, I was there too.
Speaker 2: The whole crew was there, most of the crew, Kristen, Saralina,
Speaker 2: Taylor and Kat was there for the most part.
Speaker 3: And yes, and Chris Convey me and Nicky oh Christ
Speaker 3: and yeah. So we all flew into New York on Saturday.
Speaker 3: We had gone to Taylor Swift. Me, Kirsten and my
Speaker 3: sister and Kat went to Taylor Swift in Kansas City
Speaker 3: on Friday night, and then Kirsten and I and Taylor
Speaker 3: flew out or no, and then Taylor flew from Saint Louis.
Speaker 3: We all landed in New York at the same time.
Speaker 3: On Saturday. We went to lunch, and then that night
Speaker 3: we went to dinner. I got foot rubbed that day
Speaker 3: as well, and then we went to dinner and it
Speaker 3: was a lovely rehearsal not rehearsal dinner, but rehearsal dinner.
Speaker 3: I mean, like, what's the difference between that and a
Speaker 3: rehearsal dinner, because you were like, this is not a
Speaker 3: rehearsal dinner. What is There's no rehearsing done. But I
Speaker 3: don't think there's ever rehearsal done at rehearsal dinners.
Speaker 1: I'm not paying for it. I think that's what it means.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 3: I paid for half, not most, but not all. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that was a lot. We got dope ass appetizers.
Speaker 1: I hate family style because I'm I don't want someone
Speaker 1: else choosing my food. So I just picked a bunch
Speaker 1: of appetizers with Matt for people, and I wanted everybody
Speaker 1: else to figure out their entrees and their drinks and
Speaker 1: all that. And it was so much fun. It was beautiful.
Speaker 1: It was it Greca and Tribecca, which is recommended by
Speaker 1: Sarahlina and.
Speaker 3: I so lovely.
Speaker 1: But it was it was packed. There were tons of
Speaker 1: people and we got to just hang. It was a
Speaker 1: little long for my taste. I got started to get worried.
Speaker 3: There was a point when we all got there and
Speaker 3: everyone's just mingling. We get there and everyone's standing up
Speaker 3: and like you know, probably like forty to fift it's
Speaker 3: probably fifty people in a room and everyone's standing and
Speaker 3: talking and it's like, you know, people are just saying hi,
Speaker 3: and then it's like seven thirty. Then it's seven forty five,
Speaker 3: and ours tummies are starting to grumble, and it's like,
Speaker 3: let's do this and.
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, can I pause you right there? Because okay,
Speaker 2: So we walked into the restaurant was very beautiful. Anya
Speaker 2: had her section quartered off in the back the rest
Speaker 2: I mean really nicely decorated. And we're standing there and
Speaker 2: talking and Nikki goes like, did you guys think that
Speaker 2: we would be standing around talking to people? Or did
Speaker 2: you think it was a sit down dinner? And all
Speaker 2: the girls from Girls Chat we were like, oh, we
Speaker 2: thought we were gonna be sitting down for dinner because
Speaker 2: like all of us, we were like kind of like
Speaker 2: we didn't really want to step outside our comfort zone
Speaker 2: and go mingle.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we were like, how's your what's your guys'
Speaker 3: like feeling on mingling? And we're all like we hate it?
Speaker 3: Who likes me?
Speaker 5: I go?
Speaker 3: And I go? Who likes mingling. It's like the time
Speaker 3: my sister was like, I don't really want to go
Speaker 3: in that mosh pit because I don't I don't know
Speaker 3: like crowds, like really like she was talking about something
Speaker 3: wasn't a moshpit, but it was something that was very crowded.
Speaker 3: And she was like, I just don't like really crowded
Speaker 3: spaces where people are like right next, And I go, who,
Speaker 3: what what are you talking about? Like, no one actually
Speaker 3: likes that so mingling. I can't imagine someone actually likes it.
Speaker 3: Your psychopath regation, yeah, that's true, but I think they're
Speaker 3: probably languishing over on that.
Speaker 2: No, I feel like.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's the bride and groom's job to mingle,
Speaker 1: which I did not do enough of. But if you know,
Speaker 1: I was. I liked looking over at you guys, and
Speaker 1: you were just as we were, like and having fun
Speaker 1: and laughing.
Speaker 2: And I was the one that sat first.
Speaker 3: I said, I said, guys, I'm I think we need
Speaker 3: to send a signal to everyone. If one table sits,
Speaker 3: the rest will get the note. And so we said,
Speaker 3: and then guess what happened? Everyone else sits, And I said,
Speaker 3: it's like shushing that way said for years. Finally someone
Speaker 3: said it it's like the shushing I even did it.
Speaker 3: I was like, it's if you you can start something huge,
Speaker 3: if you just do a little thing, and so I
Speaker 3: started going sh and like, it's amazing how everyone around
Speaker 3: you just starts quieting down. And I was just doing
Speaker 3: it to test, just to prove my point how it's
Speaker 3: like a virus and it spread so quickly. But yeah,
Speaker 3: everyone sat down and then we had the best time
Speaker 3: at that fucking table. It was like it reminded me
Speaker 3: of like the cafeteria lunch crew, like in high school,
Speaker 3: but like when it was at its best, and like
Speaker 3: it's it was just so much fun. It was Your
Speaker 3: wedding was similar, Like it's just a great if you're
Speaker 3: at a good table. There's nothing more I love in
Speaker 3: the world than sitting down and eating and like sharing
Speaker 3: dips and like different salads and being like can I
Speaker 3: try yours? And then and then getting to talk and
Speaker 3: laugh with all your friends. It was so awesome. Our
Speaker 3: table was superb, and our table and yeah, I was
Speaker 3: glad to see you.
Speaker 1: On your lege.
Speaker 3: I got nervous you weren't. You didn't visit our table
Speaker 3: too much, because I'm like, we know you love us,
Speaker 3: we know you want to come over here more than
Speaker 3: any of the other tables. I know that at least
Speaker 3: I'm convincing myself of that. I don't need you to like,
Speaker 3: go do what you need to do.
Speaker 1: I don't I didn't have all. Yeah, you guys are
Speaker 1: so cute.
Speaker 2: It was I thought you were high.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 3: You came over and started laughing and you couldn't stop,
Speaker 3: And it was like she was on PCP. Yeah she
Speaker 3: probably was. I was under so much.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know what it was. At some point Matt
Speaker 1: told me Nicki said that you look like my mom.
Speaker 1: We were like sitting there. I'm like, wait what, and
Speaker 1: he goes, yeah, Nicky said, you look like my mom.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I have a long face. Your mom
Speaker 1: has a round face with these wide cheek buds. We
Speaker 1: look nothing alike. We are in a similar height world
Speaker 1: and she's a elderly woman. And he's like, I know,
Speaker 1: I don't think you look like my MoMA. Like there's
Speaker 1: no way she said that, and he goes, she did.
Speaker 1: I thought it was funny too, and I'm like, that's weird.
Speaker 1: And then later on we went over there, maybe a
Speaker 1: minute later, and I go Matt said, you look like
Speaker 1: uh Matt said, you said I look like his mom,
Speaker 1: and you got so mad.
Speaker 3: It started making me laugh. When Nickie said, I looked
Speaker 3: like an elderly woman. I'd fucking burn the place like
Speaker 3: I was that sod. But but NICKI was like, what
Speaker 3: the fuck? Why would I?
Speaker 2: She's like, I did not say that.
Speaker 3: I can't believe. Do you ever have that happen? A second?
Speaker 3: I said, where you look like?
Speaker 1: I said, your mom looks like Matt's mom.
Speaker 3: Fuck, I can't well.
Speaker 2: And she started getting so heated.
Speaker 3: And it's the eve of your wedding night. You're supposed
Speaker 3: to feel the most beautiful, and I'm telling you you
Speaker 3: look like an old woman. No offense to MAT's mom,
Speaker 3: beautiful old woman, but like I would not want to
Speaker 3: hear that I looked like Jane Fonda. I didn't take
Speaker 3: it right. Now's the hottest old woman ever?
Speaker 1: Features or something. I didn't get offended when.
Speaker 3: I was offended. No, that's I was offended at first
Speaker 3: on behalf of you that like you think that I
Speaker 3: would say, like I would infer that on your wedding
Speaker 3: night to like it just felt like something a shitty
Speaker 3: person would kind of like throw and be like, you
Speaker 3: kind of look like his mom, like the way she
Speaker 3: looks now, it's just like something that would like yes,
Speaker 3: And so I thought pump jab and so I felt
Speaker 3: offended that anyone would think I would do that. But
Speaker 3: then Matt said, we thought maybe that you were joking,
Speaker 3: and I was super offended because I go, what is
Speaker 3: funny about that? It was like the fact that you
Speaker 3: you should stop working for me, Matt, if you think
Speaker 3: that's the kind of joke that I make, it's nothing funny.
Speaker 1: Funny if you fired him on our rehearsal.
Speaker 3: Obviously you think that I'm capable of that kind of like, yeah,
Speaker 3: you shouldn't be like you think you shouldn't work for me, Yeah,
Speaker 3: like you should free yourself from this comedian who you're
Speaker 3: working for who makes jokes like this. That's what I meant, Like,
Speaker 3: you're working for someone who's not good at their job,
Speaker 3: if you like, it'd be like if Matt was like
Speaker 3: came over and sang a song and it was like,
Speaker 3: I don't know, I'm trying to think of someone who
Speaker 3: I hate that a bad singer, Like it sounded bad
Speaker 3: or something, you know what I mean, Like it was
Speaker 3: an off key song, and I'm like, what I work
Speaker 3: for you? You're an artist and this is what you just
Speaker 3: brought to me is yeah, yeah, even though who let
Speaker 3: the Dogs Out. It's kind of a it's a it's
Speaker 3: a hit, sick.
Speaker 4: Best song with a whistle.
Speaker 3: Then and lost you were laughing, not stop laughing because
Speaker 3: and then I got angrier, and then she's getting laughing
Speaker 3: more and there's nothing worse than me. You're getting angry.
Speaker 3: And then she's laughing, and I was just like, now
Speaker 3: I think you're laughing at my anger, which is funny
Speaker 3: because you're just and then I just got so upset and.
Speaker 1: I wasn't upset at all, so made me laugh.
Speaker 3: I know, I don't feel like I was on a dress.
Speaker 3: I felt bad that, like I was so offended because
Speaker 3: I was just saying like, I'm sorry, when i'm Matt's
Speaker 3: mom's age, I'm gonna look away that I don't think
Speaker 3: women younger than me want to look no offense. Are
Speaker 3: we all in denial that none of us want to
Speaker 3: look old? Like? Are we all pretending like I'm I
Speaker 3: know people are gonna be like this is so mean
Speaker 3: of Nikki to say, but it's like no one wants
Speaker 3: to look old.
Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, say you look just
Speaker 1: like your mom, you know, so your mom's like thirty
Speaker 1: or so years older than you, but no one.
Speaker 3: Get I get a little offended.
Speaker 2: That's why I want plastic surgery.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get offended because my mom is older than me,
Speaker 3: and I don't think there should be that much Like
Speaker 3: I can. I get what they're saying. But if you'd
Speaker 3: pick an old woman that you're not, you didn't come
Speaker 3: out of her, Regina, that's it seems like you just
Speaker 3: look old.
Speaker 1: Well, it all got cleared up and we figured out
Speaker 1: what you actually meant.
Speaker 3: Well, the funniest thing happened soon after that. So Noah,
Speaker 3: do you want to start us off? Sure?
Speaker 2: Okay. So we're all sitting at the table and all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, it quiets down. The music stops. Everyone
Speaker 2: turns to the main table where Anya and Matt are sitting,
Speaker 2: and Anya's sister comes up and she starts giving a
Speaker 2: speech about Anya and Matt. Very nice speech. Then a
Speaker 2: couple of friends stand up and give speeches. And I
Speaker 2: think it was your friend Maria.
Speaker 1: Oh, she was doing a poem, right.
Speaker 2: Yes, so she wanted to read you a poem. So
Speaker 2: she starts to read you a poem. Now we're at
Speaker 2: the table, we're already like very very good, we're quiet,
Speaker 2: we're listening, we're paying attention, and as Maria starts to
Speaker 2: read you the poem, we start to hear this like
Speaker 2: lonely saxophone music. And at first I was like, Wow,
Speaker 2: this restaurant has really great production, like there's like a
Speaker 2: sound guy who put up this saxophone music for this poem.
Speaker 2: But suddenly Kirsten So she's kind of like at the
Speaker 2: head of the ship. She's like the head of the
Speaker 2: table facing you. All of a sudden, yeah, I see
Speaker 2: her like start vibrating. It was the and she turns
Speaker 2: around and she is laughing but trying to hold it back.
Speaker 2: Then Sarah Lena catches it. Then I catch it, Taylor
Speaker 2: catches it, Nikki catches it, Chris catches it, cat catches it,
Speaker 2: and we can't figure out where the fuck it's coming from.
Speaker 1: I was looking around like a bird, like darting my
Speaker 1: head around, like what the fuck is that?
Speaker 3: So, you guys, we thought it went with the speech,
Speaker 3: like someone was trying to be like, this is a
Speaker 3: jazzy speech, kind of like this is spoken poet, like
Speaker 3: you know, spoken word poetry.
Speaker 1: What is that about that loud that it would sound
Speaker 1: like background music to a speech.
Speaker 3: So Taylor checks her phone.
Speaker 2: She's you know, she's like, that's it's it's someone's phone,
Speaker 2: someone's phone, and the table next to us, you know,
Speaker 2: they're like, oh, it's not our phone, it's not our phone.
Speaker 2: So then uh, Kate Walsh, who I feel like she's
Speaker 2: kind of like the one who is helping you get
Speaker 2: through these two days, kind of like just making sure
Speaker 2: things are in order. She comes over and she's like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck is no music coming from? And Taylor
Speaker 2: gets them. Kirsten gets up. She starts looking in the
Speaker 2: plants to see if there's a speaker.
Speaker 3: There's a speaker in the plants, like these little potted
Speaker 3: plants behind us. We're looking in the curtains, like where
Speaker 3: is the secret speaker? Why is this music blaring? Then
Speaker 3: they get the staff involved. I seek going to the manager,
Speaker 3: and then the manager gets our waiter. Shout up to
Speaker 3: aiden our waiter, and everyone's like talking about it all
Speaker 3: out there, just kind of like there's some speaker, and
Speaker 3: we are laughing so hard because people are trying to
Speaker 3: give these incere speeches and they can't hear the jazz
Speaker 3: music because it's like they're in the o in.
Speaker 1: The middle of her poem, she goes, excuse me, she said,
Speaker 1: excuse me, and I think she was she was looking
Speaker 1: in that direction, and I'm like, I know because I
Speaker 1: just asked the restaurant to turn off the PA, which
Speaker 1: I thought they did. But then this fucking saxophone kept.
Speaker 1: It would stop for a second and then it would
Speaker 1: start again.
Speaker 3: Well it would it would stop because it would like
Speaker 3: you know, it would just be a moment in the
Speaker 3: song where it would stop. It wasn't like it was
Speaker 3: turning on and off. It was just like that's it
Speaker 3: would just get loud, and it.
Speaker 5: Was like we just couldn't find the source and we're
Speaker 5: freaking along with the genre.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like it did it fitted.
Speaker 2: It wasn't like if it would have been like, yeah,
Speaker 2: well everyone at our table, everyone at our table is
Speaker 2: just like vibrating. Taylor said that Chris sounded like one
Speaker 2: of those dog toys that you step on.
Speaker 3: We're just gonna yes, and it's so rude because people
Speaker 3: are giving a speech and we're laughing so hard and
Speaker 3: everyone's quiet. It's the jazz music, and then it's our table.
Speaker 3: Everyone's quiet except the jazz music. So you could hear that,
Speaker 3: then our table is laughing. If the people look over
Speaker 3: at us, they think we're laughing at them, Like our
Speaker 3: whole table is just like Facer laughing the poem.
Speaker 2: And we're covering our face. You could just see our tears.
Speaker 2: And then anytime there's like a light moment in the
Speaker 2: speech and there's a joke, we just kind of like
Speaker 2: let it all.
Speaker 3: Out and then yes, oh yeah, that's the thing, like
Speaker 3: anytime there's a moment of levity. But also anytime the
Speaker 3: saxophone would pick back up, it would just recharge us.
Speaker 3: All the start dying laughing, and we couldn't find it.
Speaker 3: And then probably three minutes later or something like that,
Speaker 3: like this is going on for a long time.
Speaker 2: It was a change of speaker. It was like way
Speaker 2: more than three minutes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there, it was a change of speaker and a
Speaker 3: change of song, like it went into a new song.
Speaker 3: And so then all of a sudden, this girl that's
Speaker 3: sitting at the table bright in front of us goes,
Speaker 3: it's my phone. She suddenly realizes it's her phone. It's Rachel.
Speaker 1: She had a beautiful pink she had pink hair and
Speaker 1: a cool headdress as.
Speaker 3: She had like when they wear those things at British funerals.
Speaker 3: A fast fascinator.
Speaker 1: Oh, I've never I don't know.
Speaker 3: What to talk about. It's like a headband and then
Speaker 3: it has like a little thing coming off and it's
Speaker 3: almost like you're wearing, like it's a thing you put
Speaker 3: on your head.
Speaker 1: It was Origami Swan with with Gold. She's a really
Speaker 1: cool U chick, and so she had if you.
Speaker 3: If my Spotify would have accidentally gone on, it would
Speaker 3: have been like Sun.
Speaker 2: It was like Taylor Swift. Hers was like cool.
Speaker 3: John Coltrane, I'm like, you got so lucky that this
Speaker 3: wasn't like some conspiracy podcast that started playing, like Rogan
Speaker 3: or Dyings. Yeah, a pedophile podcast. So it was like
Speaker 3: the best case scenario. But she was she was little.
Speaker 3: I was so glad she wasn't totally embarrassed because it
Speaker 3: was I just kept telling her like, it was the
Speaker 3: greatest gift you've ever given us. Because we're laughing so hard,
Speaker 3: we'll never forget it. We will. And then so after that,
Speaker 3: after we're all laughing about the jazz music and it's off,
Speaker 3: then Chris and I both get the same idea at
Speaker 3: the same time to pull it up and start to
Speaker 3: get at.
Speaker 2: Our table, just to get people laughing again.
Speaker 3: So the next speech goes starts happening, and then Chris
Speaker 3: and I start playing jazz music at the same time
Speaker 3: on our phones very quietly, like just so our table
Speaker 3: could hear, not to like actually fuck with the thing anymore,
Speaker 3: but just to get the giggles going again because we
Speaker 3: couldn't really hear the speeches that well. Because this is
Speaker 3: what people do at wedding speeches. I'm so glad that
Speaker 3: Anya and that's each other, and I'm just like, I
Speaker 3: really love like they just they make points with the
Speaker 3: microphone so they don't know how to work a mike. Yeah,
Speaker 3: they which It's it is hard like even when you know,
Speaker 3: my mom does my podcast, she'll be like doing like
Speaker 3: this a lot. You know, it's just hard to remember
Speaker 3: to keep it here. And we're professionals, so we know that.
Speaker 3: But it was like hard to hear the speeches, so
Speaker 3: we were just deciding to like make jokes and so.
Speaker 3: But it was so funny that Chris he goes, I'm
Speaker 3: doing the same thing. It was like double saxophones, like
Speaker 3: under the table, and it's gonna be a thing that
Speaker 3: I reference the rest of my life. Yes, like when
Speaker 3: those I'm around those people, I will start playing sad
Speaker 3: jazz music at like poignant times, and I poignant is
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm using that correctly. What does poignant mean again?
Speaker 1: Sad?
Speaker 2: Sad?
Speaker 4: Apart?
Speaker 3: We all thought it meant like when something special, it's poignant.
Speaker 3: It's a good point, Like it's like, wow, it's a
Speaker 3: strong point, I thought, But it's sad sad Yeah, I
Speaker 3: thought touching, yeah, touching or like just like it really.
Speaker 2: Lands like sadness or regret.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it has sadness related to it. So if that
Speaker 3: didn't blow your mind, okay, So then the speeches were lovely,
Speaker 3: though we did hear them. I mean, the joke went
Speaker 3: on for like two seconds later, But then we were
Speaker 3: listening to the speeches and they were great. People tend
Speaker 3: to make speech. It like, if you listen, you'll find
Speaker 3: out a lot about the person. People can't help but
Speaker 3: tell you something about themselves, and there are speeches. So
Speaker 3: I was very aware of that when I was writing
Speaker 3: my what was it called the Officiating thing, I was like,
Speaker 3: don't make this about you at all. Try not to
Speaker 3: say anything about yourself, because this isn't about you. People liked, well,
Speaker 3: you have to it's your perspective.
Speaker 4: Sure, so I don't.
Speaker 3: Fault anyone, but I especially think that people like expect
Speaker 3: celebrities to be like, this is my day, I want
Speaker 3: to shine, I'm the star. So I was very cognizant
Speaker 3: of like don't even say your name, don't say don't
Speaker 3: reference anything of like ah, like I said we were
Speaker 3: on tour together. I didn't say it was my cho
Speaker 3: Like I took out any reference that would be like
Speaker 3: Nicky thinks she's sweet, because I think a lot of
Speaker 3: times that can happen on wedding speeches.
Speaker 4: To avoid the judgment, the silent judgment, yes.
Speaker 1: Because everyone really does project stuff. My dad gave us
Speaker 1: speech during our wedding, and it was like I'm going
Speaker 1: to give you I loved it, and everybody loved it,
Speaker 1: and it was beautiful and loved it was basically his advice.
Speaker 1: He gave advice about like because his father died when
Speaker 1: my when he was you know, before they got married,
Speaker 1: right before they got married. Actually he was wishing that
Speaker 1: he had had a dad give him some advice about marriage.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I've been married fifty five, you know,
Speaker 1: fifty six seven years something like that, so I have
Speaker 1: a little bit of experience, which I'm going to give
Speaker 1: you the advice I wish my father had given me.
Speaker 1: And it was a great speech, but like yeah, he's like,
Speaker 1: okay to begin regrets. He like, what's a bunch of regrets.
Speaker 1: And then he's like, around five or seven years, you're
Speaker 1: gonna get bored. You might want to act out or astray.
Speaker 1: I'm like, here we go, cheer all right?
Speaker 3: He said therapy, He said, go to therapy before you
Speaker 3: think you need it, go to couple's therapy. I thought
Speaker 3: that was good, and I'm not kidding you. I looked
Speaker 3: around the room and everyone who was in like a
Speaker 3: committed long relationship was just like, yes, it happens, jage.
Speaker 3: And everyone who's not married was just like giggling because
Speaker 3: it was just so real. Seven years into the marriage
Speaker 3: or seven years being together.
Speaker 1: Probably into the marriage. Yeah, yeah. And then he did
Speaker 1: like a cute, cool Shakespeare quote that was something about
Speaker 1: like you're basically marrying like your mother, your father, your son,
Speaker 1: like you become everything to the other person. I can't
Speaker 1: really remember the point of that, do you well.
Speaker 2: It was it was like along with the point that
Speaker 2: he made where it's like your relationship is you it's Matt,
Speaker 2: and then there's it's the third, which is the relationship itself.
Speaker 1: I thought was, oh yeah, and guard it like a
Speaker 1: Faberge egg, like the when you're when you're in a
Speaker 1: fight and you were threatening to leave, You're like, you're
Speaker 1: damaging the relationship. I love that it's not.
Speaker 3: Just like nothing about it's like a baby or something.
Speaker 3: Maybe my friend talking about how a marriage is like
Speaker 3: a newborn baby and you have to be so delicate
Speaker 3: with it. I think it was maybe your dad. Maybe
Speaker 3: it was something about like it's an infant, it's a newborn,
Speaker 3: like you don't shake it, don't like like soft tones
Speaker 3: around it, like you have to be I thought that
Speaker 3: was a very interesting point, poignant because it was a little sad, like,
Speaker 3: oh god, now we have we don't even have a baby.
Speaker 3: Now we have that we have one, and but it
Speaker 3: is weird with weddings, like I was thinking. I was like,
Speaker 3: if you don't get married, you never get to hear
Speaker 3: all these nice things about you, Like it's all stuff
Speaker 3: that we would have said at your funeral, no offense,
Speaker 3: not sense, but like not to be bleak or like
Speaker 3: not to be depressing, but every speech, even when so
Speaker 3: the girls chat. The girls were too like nervous to
Speaker 3: give speeches. I didn't even want to give one either.
Speaker 3: I was so glad I officiated because I just get
Speaker 3: so nervous about being so sincere. So I was glad
Speaker 3: that that god took the place of a speech I
Speaker 3: would give because it would have been too much for me.
Speaker 1: And all the people speaking had known me forever, like
Speaker 1: all my Russian girlfriends that I've known from like the
Speaker 1: age of two.
Speaker 3: On which I say, like we had more on them,
Speaker 3: Like yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have stopped because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: they've known her since she was two. I'm like, well,
Speaker 3: they don't talk to her literally every day for the
Speaker 3: past ten years. So that didn't intimidate me, but a.
Speaker 2: Little possessive and jealous too, like that's but I'm so
Speaker 2: glad they I know you guys did end.
Speaker 1: Up doing speeches, because my girlfriends will be like people
Speaker 1: that would have known me the longest would all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, out of nowhere, these peace and love hippie
Speaker 1: girls would be like, and I know they're listening. They'd
Speaker 1: be like, and we love on you so much. And Matt,
Speaker 1: if you ever fuck with if she one of my friends.
Speaker 1: It was if she sheds one tier, I will cut you.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck is happening?
Speaker 3: Hear that? Oh you did not?
Speaker 1: They all one after the other were like, and we
Speaker 1: love her so much, You're really lucky, which I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't love that one. Kate what I think?
Speaker 2: Kate, not your other friend, Kate, not Kate Waite.
Speaker 3: I love her. I love the Kate home. Those Kate
Speaker 3: wash and Kate Hunner were so good. And I loved
Speaker 3: your sister's speech, and I love and I mean it
Speaker 3: really was like these speeches they I love them because
Speaker 3: they do. I do like the fact that people put
Speaker 3: personalized stuff in and they do kind of quote unquote
Speaker 3: make it about themselves. That's not a judgment. It's more
Speaker 3: like you get to hear, you get to see people's
Speaker 3: emotional states regarding like and how much Anya means to them,
Speaker 3: and like how But it's there's something about it where
Speaker 3: you you just get I can see I can like
Speaker 3: psychoanalyze people through their wedding speech.
Speaker 4: Well, you can talk about yourself in relation to the
Speaker 4: bride and groom. Yes, you can do that as much
Speaker 4: as you want.
Speaker 3: Okay, Yes, yes, you don't.
Speaker 4: You don't want to be like, well, you know when
Speaker 4: when I get married or something like that. Yeah, like
Speaker 4: when I first met this person, I think.
Speaker 3: It's just a little I guess I feel I'm again projecting.
Speaker 3: So I was like, if I if my worst version
Speaker 3: of myself gives a speech, I just want to prove
Speaker 3: to everyone how much I know this person and how
Speaker 3: much I love her more than you guys, and how
Speaker 3: much she loves me more than you guys. And so
Speaker 3: I think I look for any sign of that in speeches,
Speaker 3: and I kind of roll my eyes because it's my
Speaker 3: worst version of myself that I really want to prove
Speaker 3: how much more than all of you.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, Brian, you have that at your wedding where
Speaker 1: because when you allow other people to make speeches, you
Speaker 1: sort of surrender control. Is there was there any part
Speaker 1: of you that was afraid of stuff people would say?
Speaker 4: Yes, I brought my two speeches. I brought them aside
Speaker 4: and had a little seminar the day before about what
Speaker 4: they can't say. So smart and they said, we're not
Speaker 4: going to say any of that. Are you nuts?
Speaker 2: On your wedding day?
Speaker 4: You think we're going to say that about you and
Speaker 4: uh and uh they didn't and but yeah, speeches were great.
Speaker 4: I really wasn't worried. I was kind of just half joking.
Speaker 4: It was just like in my persona to'd be like, hey,
Speaker 4: here's what you can't say, but also like, please don't
Speaker 4: say anything like that.
Speaker 3: We got to go to break But I want to
Speaker 3: hear Onya, you answer that question. Things you wish you
Speaker 3: would have told people not to say or not to
Speaker 3: do if someone is listening and getting married, what you
Speaker 3: think people should tell people before speeches, or like, let's
Speaker 3: just talk about regrets of your wedding, things you would
Speaker 3: have done differently, things you're glad you did the way
Speaker 3: you did them, all of that and more. Would we
Speaker 3: get back? Okay? Anya, is there anything you wish you
Speaker 3: would have told people before they give speeches? Or like
Speaker 3: did you feel a sense of lack of control? All
Speaker 3: those things?
Speaker 1: I mean, after the fact, you hear things that you're like,
Speaker 1: what what happened? Like someone was telling me that someone
Speaker 1: was like networking at you know, there were a couple
Speaker 1: of celebrities at the wedding and someone had asked me
Speaker 1: prior to like, do you mind if you know my
Speaker 1: daughter is like a really big fan of Kate Walsh's show.
Speaker 1: I forgot what it was Umbrella Academy or Emily in Paris,
Speaker 1: and can I get it a selfie? And I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's really sweet and Kate can certainly handle herself,
Speaker 1: and so can NIGGI. But I would love them to
Speaker 1: just enjoy the day. Like, so if can you are
Speaker 1: a big deal, it's it's just odd. But I don't
Speaker 1: wish I had said anything. I think that was like
Speaker 1: a nice thing to tell the person. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'd rather they just enjoy the day and and like
Speaker 1: let them hang out and if you want to do
Speaker 1: that maybe later.
Speaker 3: I'm so glad you told all those people who wanted
Speaker 3: selfies with me. No one asked. The whole day.
Speaker 1: Of fans, there a lot of best if people are
Speaker 1: obsessed with you, they're trying to play it cool. So
Speaker 1: many people came up to me and were like, I'm
Speaker 1: not talking to Nikki because I'm just feeling like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna like fan girl out, so I'm just leaving them alone. No,
Speaker 1: so many people.
Speaker 4: That same thing happened at my wedding. It's interesting we've
Speaker 4: both had that same experience, but yeah, it's Uh, it's
Speaker 4: interesting how people come up to you and like, what
Speaker 4: what should I do if I get a fuck it up?
Speaker 3: Or I'd always like do these people? If you listen
Speaker 3: to the podcast, please know that I always want to
Speaker 3: be bothered, and I want it quick. I don't need,
Speaker 3: like I don't need a twenty conversation with you, and
Speaker 3: we're like it's especially if I'm with my friends. But
Speaker 3: I never don't want you to get a selfie and
Speaker 3: to just have like a two minute conversation, like and
Speaker 3: I'm just doing that for you. Two minutes is like
Speaker 3: benefit for you too, Like you don't want to talk
Speaker 3: to me longer than that, it's going to ruin the illusion.
Speaker 3: Always always approach me, no matter what, even if you
Speaker 3: see me crying hysterically and like I'm breaking up with
Speaker 3: my boyfriend on the street, approach me.
Speaker 2: I always.
Speaker 3: That's why I did this for a living. I like attention.
Speaker 3: I like people who like me. I like for my
Speaker 3: friends and family people to.
Speaker 1: Work on your next special. Here's my resume.
Speaker 3: No, don't ever do that. No, that's not the way
Speaker 3: you get jobs. It's never gonna work that way. But
Speaker 3: but if you want to a selfie is always fun
Speaker 3: and I hope you always approach me no matter what
Speaker 3: the event is. I always want to friends.
Speaker 4: Was NICKI loves people going up to her and asking her.
Speaker 4: But the key is you go. You go up to her,
Speaker 4: you get the picture. The most important part is then
Speaker 4: you leave. Yes, yes, don't linger and let your interaction
Speaker 4: with Nikkey languish. Just walk away. You don't say anything.
Speaker 4: You could just walk away silently. It'll be fine, and.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'll keep you there like I don't know. But
Speaker 3: also this doesn't happen to me that often. But it
Speaker 3: always makes me very sad when people miss an opportunity
Speaker 3: because they don't want to bother me when I could
Speaker 3: have gotten something from that, as well as obviously you
Speaker 3: getting something from it if you wanted to talk to me,
Speaker 3: So don't and and also just don't pass up on
Speaker 3: those opportunities in life ever with or without me. Like
Speaker 3: if something matters to you, if someone has moved you,
Speaker 3: or like you enjoy their work, we all want to
Speaker 3: hear it. It's so rare. I think we all get
Speaker 3: in our heads that celebrities don't want to hear it
Speaker 3: because we only hear the bad stories. Because the good
Speaker 3: stories aren't that interesting? Oh I got a selfie and
Speaker 3: he was pleasant. The bad stories move, you know, we
Speaker 3: spread them around and like that's all. What is that?
Speaker 3: There's some like law of like the that you that
Speaker 3: bad news spreads fast. There's some law of like, you know,
Speaker 3: you only hear the bad stuff. But it's that's so
Speaker 3: rare that it happens that way. So always just quick
Speaker 3: drive by.
Speaker 1: One of the best things I heard all night was
Speaker 1: the caterers came up to me and they were like,
Speaker 1: your guests and your friends are so fucking cool and
Speaker 1: so nice. Like I could tell they're not used to working.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I think that was I think that was from
Speaker 3: our I'm sure you're the rest of your they're all nice.
Speaker 3: But we were interacting with them a lot, and they
Speaker 3: saved the day for us, and we kind of brought
Speaker 3: them in for us because something happened that I can't
Speaker 3: even believe. So we're in Kate Walsh's beautiful, beautiful jewel
Speaker 3: box and an immaculately jewel box of an apartment. Final thought.
Speaker 1: Final thought, I haven't even talked about your officiating.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's tomorrow. Tomorrow. Yeah, there's gold wallpaper along.
Speaker 1: The gold look at the ceiling. She has Gucci wallpaper
Speaker 1: in her bathroom. Everything is perfect. She has incredible taste
Speaker 1: in art. She has crystal it's like so pretty, and
Speaker 1: all the cultures. Her boyfriend perfume picking up at Kay
Speaker 1: walstt No, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I know, it's it's just everything. I can't believe. Let
Speaker 3: so many people walk around with shoes on in her
Speaker 3: apartment and just sit.
Speaker 1: And doesn't give a fuck.
Speaker 3: So she's beautifully like white couches that it was. It
Speaker 3: was like Champagne velvet, the couches good, good calls, Champagne
Speaker 3: velvet couch. And there's there's red wine being drunk. Yeah,
Speaker 3: dangerous everywhere, and she couldn't be more chill. She's not
Speaker 3: like I didn't I didn't see Kate Walsh give a
Speaker 3: fuck at all the whole time. She's so nice. She's
Speaker 3: such a good friend to Anya. Anya, me and Kate
Speaker 3: were like backstage and Kate room.
Speaker 1: Of the whole wedding.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was so fun us three. But she was
Speaker 3: like so supportive of Anya. I'm still touching up my makeup.
Speaker 3: She's like doing anything and I'm like I could use
Speaker 3: and she's like I'm not asking you, it's like, is
Speaker 3: my winged eyeliner? No, she was just like such a
Speaker 3: good friend to Anya. She's so sweet, and it's also
Speaker 3: happening all at her house and she couldn't be more chill.
Speaker 3: So after the after the ceremony, we're all eating and
Speaker 3: hanging out in her living room and there's tons of
Speaker 3: people around, but we're sitting down and on or Noah
Speaker 3: and Carson are doing a bit that I put on
Speaker 3: our Instagram, And this happened while that bit was happening.
Speaker 2: Yes, I just need to give it a quick origin
Speaker 2: story of influencer. So we were we went to go
Speaker 2: get coffee and macha for breakfast, and we're sitting outside
Speaker 2: in the West Village and on the corner we see influencers.
Speaker 2: We see this woman influencing on the corner and she's
Speaker 2: got a light by.
Speaker 3: People are just like, what are you up to? Can
Speaker 3: I do that?
Speaker 2: Like she's got a life guy and she's got a
Speaker 2: camera guy. Right. So then, of of course Kirsten gets
Speaker 2: up and tries to like mimic the influence And as
Speaker 2: this is happening, I'm just like whispering into Kirsten's ear
Speaker 2: I'm like, influence, influence, influence, influence, it's happening influence. So
Speaker 2: Kirsten gets up, she influences and we sit down.
Speaker 3: We laugh.
Speaker 2: We look over to the corner and everyone is hunched over,
Speaker 2: all the influencers, hunched over on their phone, just looking
Speaker 2: to see how they are.
Speaker 3: Just my favorite thing is like at every video you
Speaker 3: see of a girl looking hot on Instagram or just
Speaker 3: someone doing something quirky, know that seconds later they are
Speaker 3: hunched over in the worst position for their bodies, like gargoyles,
Speaker 3: looking at their phone and like analyzing it and look
Speaker 3: and having their stomachs out, like everything's not tight anymore,
Speaker 3: things are loose. Anything they were just projecting it is
Speaker 3: wiped away. Just always picture that whenever you're picturing perfection,
Speaker 3: because it always happens, the hunch over and the analysis
Speaker 3: of it. And so then what happened?
Speaker 2: Okay, So then we were just doing that all day,
Speaker 2: just coming up with stupid influencer rhymes, and we were
Speaker 2: at Anya's wedding sitting together and of course you know,
Speaker 2: the phones come out, so we're like, oh, let's do
Speaker 2: these like influence bits, which is what Nikki posted on
Speaker 2: our on our Instagram page. Okay, do you want to continue.
Speaker 3: On the story. Well, what's the what's the thing? It's
Speaker 3: like influencer, influencer, what you're gonna do? Influence influencer. They're
Speaker 3: watching you and then he has like something influence and
Speaker 3: they would just be like sexual with each other when
Speaker 3: they're saying it influencer influencers. So I was trying to
Speaker 3: film them doing this and get it perfect. And then
Speaker 3: Kristen's like, oh, I have an actual better idea, and
Speaker 3: she scoots up on the couch and behind her, I
Speaker 3: see no go and I be hand down. She goes
Speaker 3: to pit her brand down to cover it. Carson has
Speaker 3: bled through her dress. The fresh period blood stayed on
Speaker 3: Kate's velvet.
Speaker 2: She had earlier in the night. In the day, she
Speaker 2: had a premonition that that was going to happen, so
Speaker 2: she yes, yes, that that was the whole thing. She
Speaker 2: like almost she had a premonition.
Speaker 3: A premise. Furious.
Speaker 1: It's not like she's fucking psychic. It's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I didn't put a tampon in.
Speaker 3: I cannot tell you the last time I bled through
Speaker 3: onto it. Like it doesn't happen that often. I think
Speaker 3: men think we're just bleeding everywhere. It does not happen. Yes,
Speaker 3: you bleed through to your underwear. But and Kirsten's wearing
Speaker 3: a light dress, so and I'm not wearing dress that often,
Speaker 3: so maybe it would be like it would happen more often.
Speaker 3: But I think it went through her dress. She wasn't
Speaker 3: just sitting on the couch.
Speaker 2: Well, her dress was really short, so probably she was
Speaker 2: just sitting on the couch with her underwear. And you
Speaker 2: made a good point about tampons because she did have
Speaker 2: a tampon in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, tamp it doesn't matter if your tampon is freshly.
Speaker 3: In those tampons, sometimes they just find a fast crack
Speaker 3: and there's like a little river, and well what it'll
Speaker 3: be like the carpool lane totally, so it'll be a
Speaker 3: perfectly white tampon. But there's you'll pull it out because
Speaker 3: you're bleeding all over your fucking pants. You're like, I
Speaker 3: just put this in and there'll it will find a
Speaker 3: little track, a little fucking mole will have to find
Speaker 3: a stream and it will go in it. The levee
Speaker 3: will break and it's ruined everything. So she leaves a
Speaker 3: stain and we're all like like a quarter.
Speaker 2: Really it was like this big I don't know, this
Speaker 2: is like one and a half two inches, it's the
Speaker 2: size of a date.
Speaker 1: Yeah, big blood stain, white velvet.
Speaker 3: And so we're like, oh my god. And so Noah's
Speaker 3: covering it, no one's touching it.
Speaker 2: I Kirsten and I are blood sister, sister because I
Speaker 2: got her blood all over my hands. So then I
Speaker 2: forget who runs to the kitchen?
Speaker 3: Me you ran into the kitchen. I tell the girls
Speaker 3: that are the the like red HeLa amazing women.
Speaker 2: Couch and so I was like, we have did you blood?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah? Oh, I was like because girls just like
Speaker 3: it's we're not like and I would say to a guy,
Speaker 3: I think there should be no shame in the fact
Speaker 3: that we're bleeding from our vaginas once a month, Like
Speaker 3: we can't help it. We shouldn't be ashamed of it,
Speaker 3: Like it's not something we chose, Like we can't help that,
Speaker 3: we can't find a way to plug it up. And
Speaker 3: sometimes it's heavy and we and there's no like nerves
Speaker 3: down there to know what the flow is. You just
Speaker 3: have to like find out when it flows out. There's
Speaker 3: no way men might think that we like know when
Speaker 3: it's heavy when it's not. You only know based on
Speaker 3: what you see and you're under Like when you pull
Speaker 3: it out, you can't you can't feel it gushing. There's
Speaker 3: not a knob to turn, you can't turn it off.
Speaker 3: So no shame. So I walk in, I'm like, there's
Speaker 3: blood on the couch, and everyone's like and so they
Speaker 3: quickly get some club soda and we're dabbing it, and
Speaker 3: then they get some saline solution, like contact solution is.
Speaker 2: A drive by with saline. So we are okay. So
Speaker 2: we have this like wet tissue and the chef she goes,
Speaker 2: just put just use a lot of water, Use a
Speaker 2: lot of water. So Taylor and I are holding this
Speaker 2: wet tissue that's like now absorbing the blood. It's like
Speaker 2: blood is like running down our hands and stuff, and
Speaker 2: we're we're pumping it.
Speaker 3: We're doing like CPR on the couch to try to
Speaker 3: like it's like it's like Logan Roy in the plane.
Speaker 3: They're just like pumping over and over NonStop.
Speaker 1: Tom dances in the background the phone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do want to say goodbye.
Speaker 2: And we're being very discreet, like they're you know, we're
Speaker 2: kind of like huddled around it and we're being very discreet,
Speaker 2: and a miracle happens. The pumping works, like everything just
Speaker 2: kind of comes up into the tissue.
Speaker 3: She wouldn't be able to find the stain if she
Speaker 3: looked totally amazing, totally evaporated. But I also was like Kate,
Speaker 3: if she came in, she'd be like, oh, no, big
Speaker 3: dal like she's just so cool. Kate would be like that, yes,
Speaker 3: don't even worry about it's all some big deal, like
Speaker 3: she's just so chill and that she can't now. Kirsten
Speaker 3: said it was okay because it came up, like, I
Speaker 3: don't think she'll be able to.
Speaker 1: Find it gall it happens, Listen. She doesn't care to
Speaker 1: have a story to trump that with something she've lit on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we posted a photo, Anya, and you didn't even
Speaker 2: see it. You like my photo and said how beautiful
Speaker 2: we were. We were like presenting it.
Speaker 3: We were like, really put our hands next to it,
Speaker 3: around it.
Speaker 1: I'm scared.
Speaker 3: So that's awesome story. Yeah, but it's it doesn't happen
Speaker 3: often that you bleed on something, but of course the
Speaker 3: time it does, it's on a perfectly near white couch
Speaker 3: in a celebrities apartment on a wedding day.
Speaker 1: Can I just say, Nikki that the greatest gift of
Speaker 1: my wedding day, which truly was Brian, like you said,
Speaker 1: the best day of my life was hearing my now
Speaker 1: husband's vows, which I'd never heard him say some of
Speaker 1: these things before, Like the night he met me, I
Speaker 1: was so he thought I was, who is this pretty?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I would have killed my strong girl
Speaker 1: or whatever.
Speaker 3: I've never heard so many people say you're small, like
Speaker 3: I was, like, did she give a note? I'm like,
Speaker 3: if I if I can married and someone doesn't say
Speaker 3: I'm small, I'm gonna fucking cry. Because he never once
Speaker 3: he thought I was so tiny a tiny and small twice.
Speaker 1: But for me, pretty was so important because I get
Speaker 1: like cute. And also I've begged him to tell me
Speaker 1: what he thought of me the night we met, and
Speaker 1: pretty has never come up, like maybe hot, which is
Speaker 1: very nice, but there's something.
Speaker 3: Hit for some reason as much as pretty does. Yes, agreed,
Speaker 3: Agreed is.
Speaker 1: So nice, it's just like he thought it was pretty.
Speaker 4: Yes, a word too hot can sound like I'm just
Speaker 4: trying to bang you exactly what.
Speaker 3: Two couch cushions place together can be hot to you
Speaker 3: guys at this is a certain time of day, you know, like,
Speaker 3: but pretty means you want to marry it?
Speaker 1: And Nikki, I all I was thinking as I was
Speaker 1: like dying, laughing and tearing up while you officiated, was
Speaker 1: I am so lucky that this one is my best friend,
Speaker 1: that she knows my husband so well, that she's witnessed
Speaker 1: this relationship from the inception from the night I met
Speaker 1: Matt and I texted her I have a visitor too,
Speaker 1: and I saw his shoes in the hallway. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: you were so you hit every note. The writing was
Speaker 1: so funny and so incredible, and I have it here
Speaker 1: in front of me because you gave it to me
Speaker 1: and you the girl's chap blessed it by kissing the
Speaker 1: last they killed it.
Speaker 2: But it was my lips looked like a dirty pussy.
Speaker 3: You're Noah, like, put her chin on it. There's a
Speaker 3: chin print on.
Speaker 1: The yah, but I think it was pre period blood.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 1: Can I just read my favorite line? Yeah, welcome everyone.
Speaker 1: Today we're gathered here to together to witness and celebrate
Speaker 1: the marriage of Anya Marina and Matt Pond. We also
Speaker 1: get to go back home and tell people we were
Speaker 1: in Kate Walsh's backyard.
Speaker 3: I died.
Speaker 1: I was liked it, nailed it. It was so so good.
Speaker 1: I mean, so many hilarious moments, so many great little
Speaker 1: inside jokes. But it was uh, I mean, I could.
Speaker 3: Go on if you want, No, it was really it was.
Speaker 3: It was a lot of pressure because it's just like,
Speaker 3: I don't want to make it about me everyone's because
Speaker 3: it's a it's a what my previous definition of poignant.
Speaker 3: I felt like it was a poignant moment before I
Speaker 3: knew that was about sad. I think, like, you can't
Speaker 3: make it too funny. It's just like this note you
Speaker 3: have to hit of like. I don't like being too
Speaker 3: sincere because then I start to feel like it's like
Speaker 3: a funeral, and I also am just like it was
Speaker 3: just a lot of pressure. So I looked up this
Speaker 3: is the perfect thing to do if you ever want
Speaker 3: to get do anything that you're out of your comfort zone,
Speaker 3: look up an example of something sure, and then make
Speaker 3: it your own. So I just like stole ones that
Speaker 3: were pre written and then put my own shit into it.
Speaker 3: Mads die, it.
Speaker 1: Is all original. Don't listen to whatever she just said.
Speaker 1: It is all original, incredible content that was so perfectly
Speaker 1: said and so you and it was was so touched
Speaker 1: the crowd.
Speaker 3: You want so many compliments? Amazing in my life? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm not kidding. You made me go, where is this be?
Speaker 3: It not do comedy for a living? I would have
Speaker 3: thought this was a moment that would have changed my
Speaker 3: life if like the amount of people that I'm not
Speaker 3: kidding you. I've done four specials, I've done six tonight shows,
Speaker 3: I've done so many big fucking things, and I've never
Speaker 3: once gotten this many compliments about something afterwards that were sincere.
Speaker 3: Now I know all the compliments I've gotten in the
Speaker 3: past were insincere because these were like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: Like people wanted my autograph. It was like the most
Speaker 3: I've ever the most love I've ever gotten for something.
Speaker 3: And I wrote it that morning and I.
Speaker 1: Hate you you wrote it that morning. I have labored
Speaker 1: over my vows and you fucking knocked You're such.
Speaker 3: A like did a rough draft the night before, and
Speaker 3: then the next night, when we were at a rehearsal dinner,
Speaker 3: I was asked the table like for some advice and
Speaker 3: we came up with some good No what you gave
Speaker 3: me something right.
Speaker 2: And you didn't use mine, but you use one of Taylor's,
Speaker 2: which was like at the end, I forgot what it was.
Speaker 3: Well, that was my idea and she wrote the joke,
Speaker 3: so I, okay, I just want to be clear. But
Speaker 3: she did come up with the joke. So my idea
Speaker 3: was like, you know how that the power vested in
Speaker 3: me by yeah, I said the power vested in me
Speaker 3: by instant officiator dot net and but Taylor rode a
Speaker 3: very instant officiator dot net. But I was like, I
Speaker 3: need to come up with a funny website, and she
Speaker 3: came up with that, so I do want to give
Speaker 3: her credit.
Speaker 1: But it was you know, I'm a co writers. I
Speaker 1: loved as Anya's roommate and friend. I was front seat
Speaker 1: from Matt and Nanya's courtship, which was love at first
Speaker 1: sight for Anya, and.
Speaker 3: That yes, that was the night before where I was like, guys,
Speaker 3: I need to come up with some stuff. I was like,
Speaker 3: so it was love at first sight for Anya and
Speaker 3: they go use that.
Speaker 6: I was like, I wasn't just being funny, realize yeah, what, well,
Speaker 6: I didn't want to be mean to you by like
Speaker 6: saying like Matt didn't like you at first, and so
Speaker 6: I needed to make something to.
Speaker 3: Like give you the the the the place of power.
Speaker 3: Where like in the beginning of the relationship, Anya was
Speaker 3: fully in Matt was not. But then I needed to
Speaker 3: change it, where like now Matt's fully And I was like,
Speaker 3: where's an example of that. And I'm like, oh, it's
Speaker 3: like their music like Anya's if and I said, for
Speaker 3: those of you who like, don't know, like a lot
Speaker 3: of the speeches reference their like rocky start and it's
Speaker 3: and also I was referencing it as well, and I go,
Speaker 3: for those of you don't understand like what we're talking about,
Speaker 3: if you weren't around for that, you can there's you
Speaker 3: can find an example in Anya's You can hear about
Speaker 3: the beginning of the relationship in Anya's album.
Speaker 1: Uh paper Plane Sane at currently at currently check out.
Speaker 3: No, particularly the songs not Mine's the one and shut
Speaker 3: Up and shut Up. And then I was like, to
Speaker 3: hear where they're currently at. Just check out Matt's entire
Speaker 3: the Natural Lines, entire album. He's fucking obsessed with her.
Speaker 3: So it was kind of like it made it like,
Speaker 3: now Anya's like the cool one and Matt's kind of
Speaker 3: the one that's like head over heels, so it balanced
Speaker 3: it out, but it is true, like this guy cannot
Speaker 3: write a song without being like professing his love his
Speaker 3: music video. What's the one where he drew the cartoon?
Speaker 1: That is an amazing uh song? It's so good? Hold on, fuck,
Speaker 1: I can't remember it.
Speaker 3: It's okay, it's a weird title. Again. Anya's half I
Speaker 3: got her foot half out of this relationship. But there's
Speaker 3: this one song that she sent us the video to
Speaker 3: and she's like, Matt has a new video today, you guys,
Speaker 3: you should check it out on the Girl's shut And
Speaker 3: I'm like, what the fuck is this? It is a
Speaker 3: music video where.
Speaker 1: Scene that will never die.
Speaker 3: You die for a scene that die loves a girl
Speaker 3: And if you to see how what you deserve in
Speaker 3: a relationship and how much a man should love you
Speaker 3: watch a scene that will never die and then be
Speaker 3: mad at your husband all day because he'll never feel
Speaker 3: that way about you. He'll never write anything as amazing
Speaker 3: as that. Like it depressed me so much after I
Speaker 3: watched that music video, I was just like, no one
Speaker 3: will ever feel this way about me, and no one
Speaker 3: will certainly ever put it to an animation where a
Speaker 3: little dog is carrying a string that leads to me
Speaker 3: or whatever the fuck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and.
Speaker 2: He's got a new thing out.
Speaker 3: You guys, check it out. I'm like, oh, you mean
Speaker 3: the nicest thing, the most sweet thing I've ever heard
Speaker 3: my life.
Speaker 1: Nikki was there, I was playing la and we were
Speaker 1: there together. I was at Hotel cafe and I hadn't
Speaker 1: heard from Matt in eight weeks, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: he texted me do you want to go camping? While
Speaker 1: I was on stage performing, and I told the crowd,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with being a musician. I'm obsessed with you guys,
Speaker 1: and this is the most fun career of my you
Speaker 1: know ever. But the best moment of my life just
Speaker 1: happened because this guy that I just wrote that song
Speaker 1: that you heard about just texted me. And I've been
Speaker 1: dying for this text. And so Matt Man I got
Speaker 1: together after that and have been together ever since. But
Speaker 1: that story I told him. He wrote a song about it,
Speaker 1: and then the animated video shows that happening, like me
Speaker 1: on stage and then him asking me camping and us
Speaker 1: ending up together.
Speaker 3: And I remember when you said that to the crowd.
Speaker 3: I knew exactly who you're talking about, and I was like,
Speaker 3: stay the fuck away from I was so mad because
Speaker 3: I was sick of this guy coming in and out
Speaker 3: of your life. And I thought it was one more
Speaker 3: round of this. She's going to go into a deep
Speaker 3: depressive hole. Yeah, I was like, fuck, get away from her.
Speaker 3: But if you are listening, it happened exactly eight weeks,
Speaker 3: like the book says.
Speaker 1: Six point five, six point five weeks.
Speaker 3: But the book says to me, hey, six after you
Speaker 3: tell a guy the book being getting to I Do?
Speaker 3: And also I wanted to put in a reference to
Speaker 3: getting to I Do in the speech so badly.
Speaker 1: I was you didn't he doesn't know.
Speaker 3: I know, but he wouldn't have known. It was a
Speaker 3: way for me, me to get you to go look
Speaker 3: at me like this. But he wouldn't have known because
Speaker 3: it would have been so seamless of like and now
Speaker 3: you guys are getting to I Do. I was gonna
Speaker 3: do something like that, but anyway, it wouldn't ever have
Speaker 3: been like the book Getting to I Do by Pat
Speaker 3: I would have never said that.
Speaker 1: It was just gonna be at the back of the
Speaker 1: bar ninety nine.
Speaker 3: But the book getting to I do is the book
Speaker 3: that on your read And what you do is like
Speaker 3: you give a guy an ultimatum of like, I want this,
Speaker 3: this this in our relationship. What is it continuity, exclusivity,
Speaker 3: and longevity.
Speaker 2: Do in the speech?
Speaker 3: Yes, I wanted to representity, but I thought you might
Speaker 3: not remember those three things. And then you tell the
Speaker 3: guy that's what I want and if you can't give it,
Speaker 3: and I love you, and if you can't give it
Speaker 3: to me, then I gotta go. And then you leave
Speaker 3: and you wait eight weeks without any contact. He can't
Speaker 3: have any of you, Like, don't let him see you
Speaker 3: want Instagram or anything, because it will it will keep
Speaker 3: him thinking that you're still in his life, and then
Speaker 3: he will start to field withdrawal. And it takes eight
Speaker 3: weeks before they actually are gone forever. And if you
Speaker 3: wait eight weeks, then let them go. But give them
Speaker 3: eight weeks because it takes out long for a man
Speaker 3: to like start missing you. And it was six and
Speaker 3: a half weeks and then boom.
Speaker 1: Not that it's that important, but I didn't give him
Speaker 1: the ultimatum. I just finally, after knowing him for like
Speaker 1: six years, I don't want to do this casual with
Speaker 1: any thing anymore. I'm like too in love with you
Speaker 1: to do that.
Speaker 3: That's all I had to say, well that's what yeah, Okay's.
Speaker 1: And then he came back and then I had to
Speaker 1: do a little more free tooling, but that really worked,
Speaker 1: and that I'm just saying that for any girl who's listening,
Speaker 1: was that's all. It sounds very simple, but it was
Speaker 1: the hardest thing I ever had to do because it
Speaker 1: was so vulnerable to say how I actually felt about him.
Speaker 1: And I'd always been taught like, never tell a guy
Speaker 1: you love him, but then I learned, no, you can.
Speaker 1: It's actually more vulnerable than everything you've been doing up
Speaker 1: until now, which is like giving him everything you've got
Speaker 1: except yes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true, and to not talk to them after that,
Speaker 3: and to not keep like watching their Instagram stories. So
Speaker 3: your name popular.
Speaker 1: You helped me so much with that. You have helped
Speaker 1: me like write breakup speech emails to Matt one time.
Speaker 1: I was so shattered. Nikki's like, give me your phone,
Speaker 1: just give it to me, and she wrote a whole
Speaker 1: thing and goes, look at this, reread it.
Speaker 3: How is it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's actually great, and then she just hit
Speaker 1: sand and I that was like six months that I
Speaker 1: didn't talk to him and that was an important email.
Speaker 1: All it's all snowballed to this Oh god, we were
Speaker 1: seeing an Empire diner. I was shattered over ssheto peppers.
Speaker 1: I'm just so glad that it all worked out. And
Speaker 1: it's just goes to show that someone that I I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: If Matt is listening, I don't think he is. But
Speaker 1: I had zero faith in you. I hated you.
Speaker 3: I literally I didn't know him, so I couldn't hate him,
Speaker 3: but I hated what he was able to make. It
Speaker 3: was like my friend was an heroin addict, and when
Speaker 3: he would come in her life, she would just like
Speaker 3: it would ruin her. Like if you have a girlfriend
Speaker 3: that's going through a similar thing where it's like anytime
Speaker 3: a guy comes back in, you're like, by friend, I
Speaker 3: won't see you for a bit because every conversation we
Speaker 3: have will be about this guy who is giving you
Speaker 3: nothing and you're giving him everything and you're trudging through
Speaker 3: the snow to bring him food and you're risking your
Speaker 3: life like it was just and this guy who I
Speaker 3: had given up It just this gives me so much
Speaker 3: faith in people because they can't. People can change, or
Speaker 3: people can find the best parts of themselves. He was
Speaker 3: always this person because he is one of my favorite
Speaker 3: people of all time, and just never give up hope.
Speaker 3: People can change. But you need to tell your friend
Speaker 3: to get the book getting to I do. If you
Speaker 3: have a friend like this, that's a really great way
Speaker 3: to put it. Poignant that people not the people.
Speaker 4: Poignant, not that people can change, but that people can
Speaker 4: discover a part of them that was missed, that was
Speaker 4: there the whole time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, whenever i feel like I've been in a
Speaker 3: relationship where I'm like, this is not what I want
Speaker 3: and I want a man that's gonna I want this
Speaker 3: kind of man and I'm waiting for that guy, I'm
Speaker 3: always like and it could be you. It is you, Yeah,
Speaker 3: but that guy's not you yet, Like you're not you
Speaker 3: need to.
Speaker 1: Because I'm not the me that I need to be.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm starting to be by putting my foot down
Speaker 3: about like the person I want to be doesn't accept
Speaker 3: this stuff. So maybe I'm not there yet, but I'm
Speaker 3: going to start trying to live like the person I
Speaker 3: want to be. And you said you used to manifest
Speaker 3: Anya by thinking about like how do I want to
Speaker 3: feel in the relationship, and like what do I want
Speaker 3: a man to say to me? And you used to
Speaker 3: like say to yourself the things that Matt now says to.
Speaker 1: You, Yeah, that you're small and pretty and I love
Speaker 1: your family. Sweet said in his vows was when I
Speaker 1: met you, we got along so well and we laughed
Speaker 1: and it was just like so perfect the night we
Speaker 1: met and I and it was so easy, which is
Speaker 1: why I knew we couldn't be together like he had
Speaker 1: it explained why he wasn't available. He just didn't have
Speaker 1: anything to offer me at that point. But that got
Speaker 1: a laugh out of everybody. And then I love that
Speaker 1: he's like forever just took a while. That killed me too.
Speaker 3: There were so many lines he was His was amazing,
Speaker 3: and I love that he was like I need to
Speaker 3: go first because I can't follow Anya. I'm like, I
Speaker 3: know you're a sleep You've got a sleeper speech there
Speaker 3: that is going to be so good. You're a fucking
Speaker 3: poet poet, Like, yeah, it's going to be amazing. It
Speaker 3: was such a great wedding, best day ever, what more
Speaker 3: stories from it when we come back tomorrow. I hope
Speaker 3: you'll join us. Thank you for coming all this way, Brian,
Speaker 3: we got to get to set. Thank you, Noah, Thank
Speaker 3: you Anya. We'll be here tomorrow. Delbyka and use cub
Speaker 3: soda to get period. Say those just gosh and a
Speaker 3: little bit of Stally solution and it works