1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a Mental Wealth podcast 2 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,799 Speaker 1: Build you from the inside out. 3 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 2: Now here's Jay Glacier. Welcome into Unbreakable, a Mental Wealth 4 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 2: podcast with Jay Glazer. I'm Jay Glazier and we are 5 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: just a week outside the NFL Draft and there's a 6 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 2: lot of players here who are just going to start 7 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,440 Speaker 2: their journey. If I want to do chime with somebody 8 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 2: who just entered their NFL journey and is now using 9 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 2: football as an opportunity to branch out into a music 10 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,199 Speaker 2: career so much more in transition. This is former Pro 11 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 2: Bowl tight end from the Raiders and the Giants, Darren Waller. 12 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 2: How you doing, buddy? 13 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 3: I'm great man. How are you doing? 14 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 2: Living the dream? 15 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 3: Man? 16 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 2: Trying crazy a couple of weeks here? But man, glad 17 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 2: that you're joining, because, like I just said, a lot 18 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 2: of these players are just about to start and they 19 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 2: have no idea what's about to you know, what is 20 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 2: about to hit that? 21 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 3: Right? 22 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 2: If you can get these guys some advice from what 23 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 2: you've already been through, what would have what would I 24 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 2: guess you know, what would you give young Darren Waller? 25 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: Uh? 26 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 2: You know, first year Darren Waller? 27 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:06,399 Speaker 1: Uh? 28 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 2: The lessons life lessons that you want to shet them 29 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 2: off on the right path with. 30 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: I would say it'd be a combination of patience being 31 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 1: the answer and also, you know, develop a relationship with 32 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 1: the present moment. I feel like I spent so much 33 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: time thinking about what my future needed to look like, 34 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: how I needed to arrange it perfectly, or I was 35 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: in shame about things I did in. 36 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 3: The past or what I could have done better. 37 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,279 Speaker 1: Or you know, as opposed to as being like, I'm here, 38 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 1: I have an opportunity each and every day, each and 39 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 1: every meeting, each and every workout, each and every like 40 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,479 Speaker 1: in those individual moments stack and create the. 41 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 3: Career that you want. 42 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: It may not happen as fast as you like it 43 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 1: to happen, but you know, you need to develop your 44 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: character and your game slowly before you get an opportunity 45 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: to have a big moment and you're not ready for it. 46 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 2: Man, that's deep, and you know, because look, anxiety is 47 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 2: really worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet you can't control, 48 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 2: or stuff, like you said, stuff that's happened in the past. 49 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 2: It's so hard for us to live in the present. 50 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 2: How did you teach yourself or training yourself to accept. 51 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 1: That well, life had to humble me and ended up 52 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 1: in rehab in twenty seventeen, and they're one of the 53 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: first few days where they taught us the practice of meditation, 54 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: and it was like a five minute meditation. It felt 55 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: like an eternity and it was the first time I 56 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: felt like I ever, like really truly paused and was 57 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: just like in where my feet were like. 58 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 3: Just in that moment fully. 59 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 1: And then from there and doing a lot of work 60 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,960 Speaker 1: in recovery allowed me to step back into football, like 61 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll. 62 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,079 Speaker 3: Ever play in the game again. 63 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: I don't know if another team would touch me or 64 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: trust me with an opportunity. So really, all my focus 65 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: can even be on is just improving my game and 66 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: if there's an opportunity for me, that can happen. So 67 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: it's like my life circumstances arrange themselves in a way 68 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 1: to where I had to focus on the moment, and 69 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 1: then I can look back in hindsight and be like, wow, 70 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 1: that actually helped me succeed and not focus on things 71 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: that I didn't really need to even focus on that 72 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: would take care of themselves down the road if I 73 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: just kept working. 74 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 2: Man, It's funny because I went I went out to 75 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 2: Thailand to learn how to do breathworking meditation. So man, 76 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,920 Speaker 2: I was there for maybe I'm thirty seconds and the 77 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 2: time monk kind of looks at me and he looks 78 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 2: in my direction and he says, oh, man, you're a 79 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 2: lot of pain. You go to learn how to love 80 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 2: yourself up. And I kind of turned around, like who 81 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 2: is this guy talking to and I realize he's talking 82 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 2: to me. I was like, oh my god, but you're 83 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 2: right like having it. Look I got beyond ADHD, I 84 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 2: got element. 85 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 3: O p still. 86 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 2: So for me to for me to like be able 87 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 2: to focus on that and look inside and turn off 88 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 2: the noise, what's such a powerful thing for me? 89 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's it's amazing because our like the mind 90 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: is just constantly yapping and yapping and yapping, and just 91 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: we can step back away from that noise and just 92 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: like allow it to exist, not judge it, not repress it, 93 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 1: suppress it, whatever, just allow it to be. 94 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 3: It'll go, it'll pass. 95 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: It's like a lot of times we just kind of 96 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: latch onto those thoughts and you know, form an identity 97 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,839 Speaker 1: out of them or whatever it may be. 98 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 3: But it's like they'll they'll pass if we let them. 99 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,839 Speaker 2: I want people to understand I want to Thailand. But 100 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 2: you can go online and look up breathwork. You get 101 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 2: on one line, look up meditation. I still do. I 102 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,279 Speaker 2: go around different apps and stuff, so it's really available 103 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,599 Speaker 2: for you. You just got to do the work. So 104 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,599 Speaker 2: you end up going to rehab. What was the tipping 105 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,160 Speaker 2: point for that? 106 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 1: So I overdosed in twenty seventeen off of you know, 107 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: I was an addict. My main drug of choice was 108 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: like persets, opioids, painkillers there I can yeah, and people 109 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 1: in the Baltimore area I was my first team have 110 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: been saying like, you know, be careful out here. Depressing 111 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 1: pills could be fitting all. And I'm like yeah, yeah, 112 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:58,479 Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And then one day, August eleventh, twenty seventeen, 113 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: was the day that happened. And from there I just 114 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: kind of like came out of that moment. Within a 115 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: couple of days, I got a call from the Ravens doctors. 116 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,280 Speaker 1: They were like, we're still getting your toxicology results from 117 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 1: your drug tests. 118 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 3: We're afraid for your life. 119 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: We want you to go see this addiction specialist and things, 120 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: just trying to start the fall in order. I met 121 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: with the specialist in Atlanta, that's where I'm from, and 122 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: they sent me to rehab there. Things started to unfold 123 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: and my life kind of slowly started to turn around. 124 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,239 Speaker 3: But yeah, I had to crash and burn. 125 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 1: It wasn't like a conscious life decision of I'm gonna 126 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: turn my I'm gonna just make some changes and be better. 127 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 3: It was like no, like I learned best from rock Bottoms. 128 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what you got to do. I Look, I've 129 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 2: helped so many players out you know. Look I got 130 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 2: Balden Smith back in the NFL. Who I met him. 131 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,479 Speaker 2: He was homeless and he helped me with a lot 132 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 2: of players and a lot of veterans. And the same thing, like, hey, 133 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,360 Speaker 2: you got to hit rock bottom before you want to 134 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 2: go back up. Are you going to just keep going 135 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 2: back down? You said your indeed? Was it laced with fenerol? 136 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 2: Is that what happened? 137 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: It had to have been, because it was not anywhere 138 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 1: near the dose that I usually took, so like I'm 139 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: used to, I was grabbing like, you know, three thirty 140 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: milligram like whatever. 141 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 3: It is. 142 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,919 Speaker 1: Like that day they had like some twenty milligrams and 143 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: it was like a few of them and I was 144 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: like okay, Like so just that day, I was just 145 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: trying to pass time until I was moving out of 146 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 1: my apartment because I was suspended in Baltimore, and it 147 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: hit me instantly and it was just like lights out, 148 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: Like I pulled from on the TV off of an 149 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: amount that I usually don't even take. 150 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 3: So it's just like, did. 151 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 2: You realize that in the moment or you just passed out? 152 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 3: That was It was no realizations. This was all in hindsight. 153 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 2: Wow, that's wild, man, it's deep. Give me the couple 154 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,559 Speaker 2: things that you learned in reapp then you wish others 155 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,280 Speaker 2: could learn without having to go. 156 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: I don't think anybody knows the real power of just 157 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 1: like honesty and vulnerability and allowing people to see you 158 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 1: exactly as you are instead of trying to manufacture yourself 159 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,840 Speaker 1: to only allow people to see you when you think 160 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: you're doing well or you think you're measuring up. It's 161 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: like I started to feel lighter and lighter every day 162 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 1: as I You know, that's what the people talking about 163 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: the twelve step program. A lot of people probably don't 164 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 1: know what that is all it is is just something 165 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: that's allowing you to see your limitations and where your 166 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: life has gotten you, and to accept help from other 167 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: people and to be honest with yourself and to develop 168 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: a spiritual life. 169 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 3: And that's the key for me. 170 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,119 Speaker 1: It's like if we're living closed up, walled off still 171 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: by these old definitions of what a man should be, 172 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: or you know, just kind of blocked off from the world, 173 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: it's like that's you're going to suffer. 174 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 3: You're going to be in your own prison. 175 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,239 Speaker 1: So for me, it's like the biggest thing I learned 176 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: was honesty and vulnerability, and therefferent times in my recovery 177 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: where I've drifted away from that and I've had to 178 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: pay for that in other ways that aren't drugs and 179 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 1: alcohol related, but it's I realized, like I have to 180 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 1: keep coming back to living honestly and vulnerably with other people, 181 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: not isolated. 182 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 3: Is the biggest thing that I took away. 183 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 2: What the stress of playing in the NFL is there 184 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 2: a temptation to get back into the bills. How hard 185 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 2: was that to fight that? 186 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: So I think the things that I'm learning now in 187 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: my life, it wasn't tempting after the first six months 188 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: of sobriety. 189 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 3: I've never been. 190 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: Like had a thought of like it would be nice 191 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: to do a pill again, like or drink again or 192 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: anything like that. I feel like for me getting into 193 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 1: like deeper stages of recovery, I realized, like the drugs 194 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: and alcohol were soothing for me. But it was like 195 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: as soon as I gave those up, it was relationships 196 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: with women that became. 197 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 3: The new drug. 198 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: Especially you know, where my career was going, the options 199 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,679 Speaker 1: that were available, like that became my new drug. 200 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,200 Speaker 3: Choice was like I don't even have to drink, I 201 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 3: don't even have to do bills. 202 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,960 Speaker 1: Like this is a drug in of itself, and it 203 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: wasn't tearing my life apart. 204 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:43,559 Speaker 3: Honestly. 205 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:45,679 Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you get to that level of 206 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: status in your career, it's like people celebrate you for 207 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: they honestly think that you're supposed to do it. That's 208 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,319 Speaker 1: a way of like enjoying your life. And yeah, so 209 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: what I didn't have to go back to using that. 210 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 1: I was just I found a new drug. 211 00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 3: Look. 212 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 2: I started charity Emerging Guts Some Players eleven years ago, 213 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,240 Speaker 2: ten years ago, where I would take performer pro football 214 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 2: players and fighters and Olympians and put them together with 215 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 2: combat bets to help them in transition for when the 216 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 2: uniform comes off, right, because you lose that locker room, 217 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 2: it sucks. You lose that structure, It sucks. How have 218 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 2: you been able to find structure? What have you done 219 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 2: in transition here? But now you're not with that team? 220 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 3: Right? Yeah? 221 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: Honestly for me, I look back and it's like it 222 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 1: really helped pay off for me that I've had these 223 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 1: relationships with people that are like in recovery and going 224 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: to meetings and friends outside of football that are the 225 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: people that spend a lot of time with now and 226 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: lean on in this transition with you know, the difficulties 227 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 1: or the fears or the uncertainties. Even though this is 228 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: a decision I wanted to make and am glad that 229 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: I made, it doesn't mean it doesn't come with levels 230 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: of grief and things like that. So it's like that's 231 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: things I process in therapy, and yeah, you got to 232 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,560 Speaker 1: have a support system to do it, because it's like 233 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 1: our whole life, Like I've been on the same loop 234 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 1: since I was four years old. I'm thirty two and 235 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: I just retired, you know, So it's like I can't 236 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 1: expect there to not be levels of discomfort as I 237 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,319 Speaker 1: try to figure out, Okay, who who is it that 238 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: I want to be in this next chapter. 239 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 3: Like it's gonna be hard. I'm gonna miss you know, 240 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,080 Speaker 3: the highs. 241 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: Of playing that and that that the competition provided. But yeah, 242 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 1: I'm just grateful to have people that I can lean 243 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,440 Speaker 1: on with, therapists that I can work with, you know, 244 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 1: going back and doing like a lot of the early 245 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 1: you know, childhood work. Like I feel like, even with 246 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,559 Speaker 1: the work I've done in recovery, being in recovery for 247 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 1: almost eight years, I'm still like just the tip of 248 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,680 Speaker 1: the iceberg as far as like the total picture of 249 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: who I am and how I've come to be myself. 250 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm just grateful to have people that can 251 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 1: walk through me with it, because some days are great 252 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: and then some days it's just like what the fuck 253 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:41,200 Speaker 1: am I doing? 254 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 3: You know what? 255 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 2: What made you hang up? 256 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 3: The clicks? 257 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: It was getting to the point where I was realizing that, 258 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,679 Speaker 1: you know, playing football like for me, I don't know, man, 259 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,680 Speaker 1: It's just like it just kept me in survival mode 260 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: a lot, and I don't like who I am in 261 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,959 Speaker 1: survival mode and how I try to cope with, you know, 262 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: because football is pressure. 263 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 3: It takes a lot from you. It gives lines like 264 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,199 Speaker 3: the game has blessed me with so much. 265 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 1: I don't even want to get up here and act 266 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,440 Speaker 1: like football hasn't blessed me with a tremendous life. But 267 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: it's like, man, it takes so much from me that 268 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 1: the only reason I'm here is because, man, I should 269 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,680 Speaker 1: be making this money, I should. 270 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 3: Be collecting this check. 271 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,199 Speaker 1: I don't feel like it's somewhere that I need to 272 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 1: continue to show up, especially with. 273 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,199 Speaker 3: All that's required of the process. 274 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,880 Speaker 1: All of your teammates are wanting from you, all that 275 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,199 Speaker 1: your coaches are expecting from you to give, and it's like, 276 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm in a position to give that. 277 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm just doing it to kind of 278 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: please people. I feel like I've pleased people my whole life. 279 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,199 Speaker 1: So this was like the first step in me being like, 280 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 1: all right, this is I'm going to look to create 281 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: the life that I want to create, you know. 282 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 3: So it's just I feel like that was probably the 283 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 3: biggest thing. 284 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: And then having another my body kind of letting me know, 285 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 1: like I had this viral coffection of my lungs randomly 286 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,440 Speaker 1: during my last season in New York. It's like in 287 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: November of that season, I was in the hospital for 288 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 1: three days. I couldn't pissed by myself, couldn't shit by myself. 289 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,600 Speaker 1: Like it was just I was in rough shape. Like 290 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 1: my body is like, hey man, like we had a 291 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: we've had great running here, but it's like it's time 292 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: for something new. And it's like it's also my body 293 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 1: letting me know, which I don't think was even possible. 294 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,319 Speaker 1: But yeah, I was trying to hang on and get 295 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,959 Speaker 1: the most I could add football. But it's almost like 296 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 1: in the way God was like, hey man, I'm done 297 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: with you in the game, but I got new things 298 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: for you. 299 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 3: So that's kind of how I came to the decision. 300 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,599 Speaker 2: I want you to understand. Also, this is what I 301 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 2: always tell our athletes. You play in the NFL is 302 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 2: not who you are, right. You got something different behind 303 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 2: your ribcage that got you to beat out millions and 304 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:31,199 Speaker 2: millions and millions to play in the NFL. That's who 305 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,600 Speaker 2: you are that suddenly doesn't just leave when the uniform 306 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 2: comes off. Too many guys thinks it does, and that's 307 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 2: just not the case. It's always behind that ribcage. 308 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so good, Man's that's so true because. 309 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: Even with all things I feel like I've tried to 310 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: do to actally like separate my identity from just being 311 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: the football player, it's like, naturally it's so woven in 312 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: there because you get so celebrated for it your whole 313 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: life and it just like you've been doing this since 314 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 1: you were a kid. And yeah, it's hard to separate 315 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,440 Speaker 1: the two. But that's that's that's so to I tire 316 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,559 Speaker 1: mind myself of that every day. 317 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 2: Well, and I want you to celebrate that. I want 318 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 2: you to like, we've got to work on being proud. 319 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 2: And it's hard also, I know, even the addiction part right, 320 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 2: because our egos really what gets in the way there. 321 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:13,640 Speaker 2: But we've got to work on being proud. So even 322 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:17,200 Speaker 2: though career is over, I want you every day to 323 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 2: work on being proud that you did have this great career. 324 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 2: You're a pro bowler, You've had the fame and the ford, 325 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 2: You've had the gift that we all hope for as 326 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 2: little kids, and nobody can take that for you. So 327 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 2: work on that always. 328 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, man, that's that's actually real. Advice that I can 329 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,560 Speaker 1: apply because I feel like a lot of what got 330 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,679 Speaker 1: me to where I was and the engine behind it 331 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: was like this perfectionism. And it's almost like, you know, 332 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 1: I don't want to be seen as not good enough 333 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: or just like you know, So it's now when it's 334 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 1: time to actually celebrate things. I've never really been able 335 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: to stop and celebrates. I've aways been just go grind, grind, grind. 336 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 2: So that. Yeah, So what I do every morning when 337 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,959 Speaker 2: I do my breathworking meditation, I'll meditate to like two 338 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 2: three different songs. One of them I'll do things I'm 339 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 2: grateful for and another one is things I'm proud of. 340 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 2: And like I said, sometimes man it's hard. You know. 341 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 2: It's like, at least for me, I ned to beat 342 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,959 Speaker 2: up on myself like crazy. So it's like I've got 343 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 2: a I'm a fighter. I learned how to fight back 344 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,280 Speaker 2: on things, you know, so I will fight back on 345 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 2: in the room. It's my crazy rooms in my head 346 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 2: tell me that I'm not worth it, haven't done enough, 347 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 2: or ain't shit or something like that. So you got 348 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 2: to work on it. You got to practice. But one 349 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 2: thing you know you could do if you wrap it 350 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 2: things you'll get better, right, So that means you got 351 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 2: to wrap at this also, so I wrap it every morning. 352 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 2: I do this every single morning in my life. Things 353 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 2: that I'm proud of, what you just got to get 354 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 2: in that happen a little bit, right, Like I want 355 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 2: to hit here a little bit. Also, good football is 356 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,320 Speaker 2: I think it was Herr Edwards said this to I 357 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,120 Speaker 2: learned from John Lynch and Rende Barber. He's like, football 358 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 2: is not a career, It's an opportunity. It's an opportunity 359 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 2: to set you up on some great things for the 360 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 2: rest of your life. What you've done now, right, and 361 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 2: you have the transition and you've moved over to music. 362 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 2: Tell me a tell us about your music career. You 363 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 2: just came out with I think a new ballad also, right, 364 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 2: tell us about that. I would come on to dive 365 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 2: in a little bit. 366 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, A lot of people probably don't know. 367 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: I've been making music for like a year, Like the 368 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 1: same week I got drafted to Baltimore, and I was 369 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: in the hotel like that. They put the rookies in 370 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 1: in Owings Mills and I was, I've. 371 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 2: Been in there. 372 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I out. 373 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: I would sit out back in the parking lot and 374 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: smoke black and miles back there and just chill and 375 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 1: I was just like I have been saying, I'm going 376 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: to start writing music, and it's like I'm not doing 377 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: nothing up here if I'm not in the building, like 378 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: I'm just kind of chilling out, like I'm just going 379 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: to start making music. And I started making music back then. 380 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: The first two years, I didn't let anybody know that 381 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: I was making music. And then I started like realizing 382 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 1: some of my friends from back home were producers, started 383 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 1: locking in with them. It just kind of became a 384 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: thing and I started. I've been releasing music since probably 385 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 1: like twenty seventeen. It's just like off of just hey man, 386 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,160 Speaker 1: Like I am naturally drawn to this and I love 387 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: doing it. 388 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 3: And I've seen the growth in myself. 389 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: I say what I've seen growth like as a as 390 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: a player, like going from like a guy that had like, 391 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: oh he's got some potential, and like it really just 392 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 1: work working in on like little details, Like I've been 393 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: in the same way with music with like deliveries and 394 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 1: ideas and perspectives and melodies like things like that. It's 395 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 1: just it's just been a super fun journey for me 396 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: and it's like, now that I'm done playing football, it's like, yeah, 397 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 1: I'm definitely an artists, I'm definitely creative, but it's like 398 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: this is just like something that I want to do, 399 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 1: Like this is something that whether anything comes from it 400 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: or not, I will always be creating like this. It's 401 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: it's like a spiritually like my great grandfather was a 402 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: jazz musician, so it's like these are kind of things 403 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 1: are in me. So I'll always be doing this and 404 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: I'm just grateful to have the time to pour into 405 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 1: it more and just continue to share it with the world. 406 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 2: Is music your way of journaling? 407 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 3: It is? 408 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: It is, man, It is because my songs can range. 409 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 1: They reflect all the different parts of me. There's like 410 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 1: songs like the one I just released, the top play song, 411 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, the more competitive, like football type 412 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: side of me, and there's like emotional song. We're like 413 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: ones of depth and just like what's going on in 414 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: my head. Like it's just and they can they'll all range, 415 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,680 Speaker 1: they'll all be different like peopleill see, like the next 416 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: few songs that I have coming out will sound nothing 417 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 1: like each other. 418 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,600 Speaker 3: So it's like it's a it's a great creative tool. 419 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: In a lot of ways when I'm not even truly 420 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 1: conscious of it, the words that are deep within me, 421 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 1: like subconsciously are coming out in what I'm writing. And 422 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,920 Speaker 1: that's like I'll look back and I'll be like, damn, 423 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: that was trying to come out of me. I was 424 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 1: almost maybe trying to suppress it in a way. I 425 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 1: don't know, but it is a great expression tool. And 426 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 1: like when as I was doing it and getting more 427 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: into it, when I got sober, like that's what it was. 428 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: It was almost a way for me to like speak 429 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 1: things into existence before they happen. So that's why it's 430 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: become such an amazing tool and just way of doing life. 431 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 2: You know, what's your process for creating a song? I've 432 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 2: trained With's Khalifa, Demo, Levado, Jonas Brothers, Snoop Michaels that 433 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,880 Speaker 2: I hang out every week, so I hear a lot 434 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 2: about different processes of creating a song, creating music. 435 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 1: What's you Yeah, it usually revolves around like hearing some 436 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,400 Speaker 1: type of sound or being sent a beat that i'll 437 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,400 Speaker 1: just you know, kind of sit with. I don't ever 438 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:12,080 Speaker 1: really write things before music is there. It's kind of 439 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,479 Speaker 1: like the music moved in a way. So it's just 440 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,879 Speaker 1: you know, and being patient with that. It's not putting 441 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: a timer on the process or going into it saying 442 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: like all right, I gotta make a banger today or 443 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: I got to make a hit today. It's more so 444 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,160 Speaker 1: like what is this music? What are these sounds? Where 445 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 1: are these chords? Like bringing out of me? What is 446 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 1: my you know, spirit trying to express as it meets 447 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,159 Speaker 1: this music like, and it's usually something with some with 448 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 1: some depth to it. 449 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 3: Sometimes you get some hard hitten bangers out of me. 450 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 3: But it's like, yeah, it's. 451 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 1: Just like being being patient with it and not allowing 452 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 1: like the instant gratification parts of my mind to be like, 453 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 1: all right, what's me the song being bing, being mean 454 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: and being put it out make it impressive. It's like, no, 455 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: let's make this authentic, Let's make this have intentionality behind it. 456 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 3: Trying to approach it from that standpoint. 457 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 2: But is it show it's the music first, and then 458 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,919 Speaker 2: is it an idea and everything comes from an idea 459 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 2: or is it just like I just want to put 460 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,439 Speaker 2: words in to this music that that's that's motivating me. 461 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 3: For me, honestly, I think words and ideas flow simultaneously. 462 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 3: A lot of times. 463 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,359 Speaker 1: I usually will come up more times than not, and 464 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 1: usually coming up like with a hook or a chorus first, 465 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 1: and then from there it's like me and like if 466 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: I'm collaborating with people will be like all right, like what, 467 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 1: like what do you think? 468 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:29,800 Speaker 3: Like what are we talking about here? 469 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,120 Speaker 1: And it's like okay, Like from what I have right now, 470 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 1: it's it's trending towards this way I'm talking about overcoming 471 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 1: this or like this tough chapter in my life. It's 472 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 1: like from there, it's like okay, boom, like that's the 473 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 1: direction we're going with for the verses. So it's like 474 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,680 Speaker 1: I feel like the idea comes as those initial words 475 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: are to come out. 476 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,199 Speaker 3: And like it's almost like the same thing, like my 477 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:48,840 Speaker 3: body will be. 478 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,680 Speaker 1: Like there's like this natural like yes, this works, or 479 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 1: it's like something I'll be like okay, like now let's 480 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 1: just keep working with to see what comes. But it's 481 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,919 Speaker 1: like that feeling of like yes is so clear in 482 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 1: my body in my mind like and feel it, and 483 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 1: then it's from there it's whatever that idea was, we're 484 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,760 Speaker 1: moving in that direction with the verses, with the lines 485 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 1: with the wordplay kind of moves like. 486 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 2: That how often are you in studio. 487 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,160 Speaker 1: I'm not an everyday studio person, but I mean I'm writing, 488 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:19,200 Speaker 1: I'm cooking up stuff at least like every other day minimum. 489 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: Because for me, it's like I understand like getting the reps, 490 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 1: getting the work in, so I am recording fairly regularly 491 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: and writing fairly regularly. But at the same time, it's 492 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 1: like my music is more like authentic, and so it's 493 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,439 Speaker 1: like I need like life experiences and not like being 494 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: locked in the studio almost because then I won't have 495 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,679 Speaker 1: much life to write about. It's kind of like my standpoint. 496 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's at least a few days a week. 497 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,400 Speaker 2: You said something earlier too, like, man, you've been doing 498 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 2: this since you're four years old. So one thing I 499 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 2: always get, you know, nervous by guys when their careers 500 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,760 Speaker 2: ending is they don't have their structure as far as 501 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 2: like you're away is told where to go, when to go, 502 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,439 Speaker 2: who to train with, who to sit with, who to 503 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,160 Speaker 2: heat with, what time you're studying, what time you're you're playing, 504 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 2: what time you practice, what time you're lifting. Now that 505 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 2: you don't have that, how difficult has that been? And 506 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,879 Speaker 2: are you doing things to make sure you have a 507 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 2: structure in your life. 508 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, Luckily I've gotten introduced to like a new group 509 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,720 Speaker 1: and fellowship of men over the last year that have 510 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: been on me about like writing up, writing out my 511 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 1: daily schedule. It's like, you know, like this morning, I've 512 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,280 Speaker 1: woke up, meditated, prayed, walked around my neighborhood, gone a 513 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 1: twelve step meeting at eight, and after this, I'm going 514 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 1: to go work it out because I'm training for this 515 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 1: high Rocks event. 516 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,200 Speaker 3: So I got to workout at ten. I got therapised 517 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 3: this afternoon. 518 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,719 Speaker 1: On Mondays, I help out with this like seven year 519 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,199 Speaker 1: old kids flag practice. 520 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,399 Speaker 3: They do like offensive drills on Mondays. So I'll go 521 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:44,880 Speaker 3: over there. 522 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,639 Speaker 1: So it's like and writing those things out in my 523 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,399 Speaker 1: journal before my day starts. I was like, I can 524 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,400 Speaker 1: check them off as I go because that idle time 525 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,919 Speaker 1: it's just as dangerous as it is. 526 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 2: And that's what I want to every offer to listener 527 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,919 Speaker 2: to understand that when you're done, don't look at it 528 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 2: like what am I going to do now? I'm just 529 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,920 Speaker 2: gonna float through life. No, you got to continue to 530 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 2: have that structure because that's how we are ingrained to do. 531 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 2: We're ingrained practice, practice, practice, and like Darren saying, too, 532 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 2: you don't want your out of mind to sit there 533 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 2: and take you down a bad road there, So make 534 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,399 Speaker 2: sure you have a structure, all right. Last question, I 535 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,920 Speaker 2: asked all my guests, give me your own breakable moment, 536 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 2: the moment that should have broken you could have and didn't, 537 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,400 Speaker 2: and as a result, you came through the other side 538 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,880 Speaker 2: of that tunnel stronger forever in life. 539 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: I think we talked about my overdose. I want to 540 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 1: talk about a different one. I think a lot of 541 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: people have heard about the story of how I got 542 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: acquired by the Raiders, from the Ravens, from being on 543 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,239 Speaker 1: the practice squad and from them seeing me work out 544 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: before the game. But that was Thanksgiving of that season, 545 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 1: so that was like two thirds of the way through 546 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,720 Speaker 1: that season, and I felt like I was approaching the 547 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,639 Speaker 1: practice squad. 548 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 3: And coming with a good attitude. I think eleven it 549 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:53,959 Speaker 3: was twelve weeks. It was eleven of them. 550 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: Leading up to that week before that Raiders game, I 551 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 1: was kind of down because there was a lot of 552 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,440 Speaker 1: tight ends that were getting hurt and I was thinking, like, man, 553 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 1: like I should be getting my shot, I should be 554 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:03,640 Speaker 1: getting an opportunity now. 555 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,919 Speaker 3: And it was kind of discouraging. It was like kind 556 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 3: of comes to the realization, like. 557 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,200 Speaker 1: Man, I really might not ever play in the game again, 558 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 1: and so it was kind of like tough for me 559 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: to kind of get going at practice that week. I 560 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,040 Speaker 1: think I still like performed well, but it was just 561 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,240 Speaker 1: like the state that I was in wasn't as good 562 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 1: and as strong and as president as I was weeks before. 563 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 1: And I get to that Sunday morning and that workout 564 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,119 Speaker 1: that that got claimed from I was debating, like I 565 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: don't even want to really do this this week, like 566 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 1: I've been doing it every week, what's the point? And 567 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,680 Speaker 1: going out there and doing it anyway opened the wind, 568 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,919 Speaker 1: opened the door for them to see me and for 569 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 1: me to be claimed the very next day. And I 570 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,439 Speaker 1: look back on that moment and it's like, man, Like, 571 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,159 Speaker 1: there were times where it's like, man, it wasn't like 572 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,800 Speaker 1: I said at the beginning, it wasn't happening the way 573 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,640 Speaker 1: that I wanted to wasn't happening fast enough the timing 574 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,640 Speaker 1: of it, and I was about to let that throw 575 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:56,400 Speaker 1: me off from. 576 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 3: The opportunity that I was there. 577 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,880 Speaker 1: So it's like you never know who's watching, You never 578 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,199 Speaker 1: know what could be right around in the corner, and 579 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 1: you just got to continue to stick to what your 580 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,720 Speaker 1: values are, what your practices are, even if there's no 581 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,360 Speaker 1: results that are coming, because it's more so a reflection 582 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,600 Speaker 1: of who you are as opposed to like if your 583 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,879 Speaker 1: circumstances are perfect, Like circumstances can be great one day 584 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,639 Speaker 1: rough than next, but like who you are can always 585 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: remain constant, and you may walk smack into an opportunity 586 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:23,680 Speaker 1: not even knowing. 587 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 3: And that's what happened for me that day. 588 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 1: So it was like I was feeling like I was 589 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 1: broken in, like I was gonna be back working at 590 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,880 Speaker 1: sprouts leading up to that week, but I was presented 591 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 1: with an opportunity that changed the trajectory of my life 592 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: that weekend. And I'm grateful that I chose to lace 593 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,640 Speaker 1: up my leaves and just go out there and put 594 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,560 Speaker 1: more reps in that day. 595 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 2: Man, I love that dude. So first of all, mental 596 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 2: toughness is doing stuff that you don't want to do. 597 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 2: And second, I always say, you never know what lies 598 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,399 Speaker 2: around next Tuesday. You never know when that opportunity is 599 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,160 Speaker 2: gonna come. So you got to give your all even 600 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,880 Speaker 2: when you don't want to. Man, I love that, dude. 601 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 2: I appreciate you joining us. Tell everybody where you could 602 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 2: find your music and what's your latest? 603 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:04,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, music wise, just my government, it may Darren Waller, Spotify, 604 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,400 Speaker 1: Apple Music, whatever wherever you stream at. 605 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 3: Definitely more music on the way. 606 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 1: The most recent song up put out was called top 607 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,399 Speaker 1: Play That's Out and Instagram rack wall with two k's 608 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,119 Speaker 1: r A c kk W a l L. Same on 609 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: TikTok Twitter's rack wall eighty three. Lots of cool stuff comes, 610 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: lots of different kinds of content. But yeah, man, just 611 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,160 Speaker 1: grateful to be able to have this conversation with you today. 612 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 2: You too, man, prid you dude, I really remember you, 613 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,240 Speaker 2: keep working on being proud of you. Thank you, man, 614 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 2: appreciate you joining up. 615 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 1: Product