Speaker 1: Welcome to Reasonably Shady, a production of The Black Effect
Speaker 1: Podcast Network and I Heart Radio. Welcome to another episode
Speaker 1: of Reasonably Shady. I'm your girl, Giselle Barryance. What's up everyone,
Speaker 1: I'm Robin Dixon. Thank you so much for being here
Speaker 1: with us. Hey games, Oh my gosh, thank you guys
Speaker 1: for listening. I mean, jeez, you're out there. You love us.
Speaker 1: We love you too. Yes, we do not take you
Speaker 1: off for granted. Trust me, you have many, many, many,
Speaker 1: many many choices of things to listen to. So the
Speaker 1: fact that you pressed play on reasonably Shady means so much,
Speaker 1: it does, you know. Actually, Robin and I had a
Speaker 1: meeting this morning and we were informed that there are
Speaker 1: like a million podcasts literally, like literally a million, and
Speaker 1: they're growing and y'all keep coming back to us week
Speaker 1: after weeks. So we definitely appreciate absolutely. Yes. Yes, Now,
Speaker 1: without further ado, we got to her usually get into
Speaker 1: our recently shady moment of the week, right, Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I am going to give it to um Germany kids.
Speaker 1: Jermyn they have germs? Okay, yes, because so it's so crazy.
Speaker 1: The past year and a half, my kids weren't sick ever,
Speaker 1: because they were at home during a pandemic under eight
Speaker 1: you know, stay at home, quarantine, virtual school, water, all
Speaker 1: this stuff, now all it takes. We've been back in
Speaker 1: school for a month less than right, and my kids
Speaker 1: have been home for a week. Okay, wait wait wait wait,
Speaker 1: but don't they wear a mask? And that's what I'm trying.
Speaker 1: I asked my kids. I was like, how are y'all sick?
Speaker 1: Where did you get these germs from? And wearing a mask?
Speaker 1: And he was and both of them are like, well,
Speaker 1: lunch is off the hook, people, just lunch is off
Speaker 1: the joint. That's what the germs going. They are like,
Speaker 1: everyone is walking around and talking to each other and hey,
Speaker 1: you want to sit with me? And my kids are like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm sitting and stay by myself and trust that way.
Speaker 1: But you know, they're in the new school, the new
Speaker 1: kids at school, trying to you know, be a friend
Speaker 1: and all that type of stuff. So yeah, so they
Speaker 1: both have strep, throat congestion, all the stuff, and I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: I forgot what it was like to actually like take
Speaker 1: my kids to the doctor and take care of sick kids.
Speaker 1: That's a whole another animal. Oh my god, it's the worst.
Speaker 1: So who so who shady? The germs? Are your kids?
Speaker 1: The Germany kids at my kids school? Okay, they're the shady.
Speaker 1: Was were your kids sharing food? Because I understand that happens. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: they don't do that. They don't do that. I'm sure.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they don't do that. But clearly it's fun.
Speaker 1: I mean clearly they gave each other. Like Corey was
Speaker 1: sick first on Friday and then on Monday, here comes
Speaker 1: Carter with the day. So can what's the what's the
Speaker 1: new protocols at the school? Because I know what my
Speaker 1: kids school. If you get sick, you cannot go back
Speaker 1: for I think it's a week. Yeah, so okay, so
Speaker 1: the kids are well aware if you have any of
Speaker 1: these symptoms, you know what, sore throat, running, nose, cough,
Speaker 1: diary or whatever, then don't come to school. Right, So
Speaker 1: they're already well aware. Headache, so you know they try it.
Speaker 1: Oh I got a headache, boy, no, you don't stop.
Speaker 1: So so they they're well aware that if they have
Speaker 1: any of these symptoms, then they need to stay home
Speaker 1: from school. Okay, So on Friday, when Corey had a
Speaker 1: sore throat, I said, okay, stay home, I'm going to
Speaker 1: take you to get COVID tested. This is my other mean,
Speaker 1: can this be my shading moment of the week. This
Speaker 1: can have a two part I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1: So I go to this mobile testing place down the
Speaker 1: street and the hours of the testing place were from
Speaker 1: twelve to seven. Okay, okay, I got there at one thirty.
Speaker 1: I got there before the tester got there. Yes, So
Speaker 1: when I arrived, there was already a line literally like
Speaker 1: around the corner, down the down the road, and the
Speaker 1: people to do the testing weren't even there yet. Where
Speaker 1: where were they on a lunch break? Late just I
Speaker 1: don't know, just late. And so it was we were
Speaker 1: there literally for like standing in line for two hours.
Speaker 1: And okay, that's now. It's just like the rapid um No,
Speaker 1: what was they do? The rapid and the pcry do both.
Speaker 1: But it was insane. I'm like, people literally were lined
Speaker 1: up ready to get their COVID tests and and spent
Speaker 1: half of their day in the hot sun. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: though those are the real shady people. Yeah, that's the
Speaker 1: real shady people. So I did that to them, Okay,
Speaker 1: but they can't go back unless they have a negative test,
Speaker 1: right right, Yeah, so they have have a negative test.
Speaker 1: So they have a negative test, but they had positive
Speaker 1: strip tests. Okay, that'll be home for a minute. Good luck, mom,
Speaker 1: good luck with that. All right. So let me tell
Speaker 1: you about my my shady moment. So I had to go.
Speaker 1: I was traveling. I was ad to go to New York.
Speaker 1: So I just added to come home on like the
Speaker 1: last train from New York to d C. I get
Speaker 1: on the train, yes, get I get. I get on
Speaker 1: the train. I get in my little seat, and I'm
Speaker 1: like exhausted and all I want to do is close
Speaker 1: my eyes and go to sleep. But for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: two rows ahead of me was a full fledged loud
Speaker 1: conversation with people. And this is like ten thirty at night,
Speaker 1: like this is me. No, it wasn't robbing, but it
Speaker 1: was like a loud conversation like yeah, girl, I know,
Speaker 1: and that's right. And he did it, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. So I would fall asleep a little
Speaker 1: bit and then here they come, and I really wanted
Speaker 1: to tell those people shut up, shut up. But guess
Speaker 1: what you weren't in the quiet car. No I wasn't.
Speaker 1: But but okay, this particular train is business class. It's
Speaker 1: one car, okay, And I was in the business class car.
Speaker 1: I didn't think to go to the quiet car because
Speaker 1: that's not business class. That's that's for everybody. And I mean,
Speaker 1: I could be with everybody, but I just didn't want
Speaker 1: to be with everybody that night, right and close on them.
Speaker 1: So that's so funny because I wrote that same train,
Speaker 1: and I remember being on and I was. I was
Speaker 1: on the train with my hairstylus and my makeup artist,
Speaker 1: and I heard the lady behind us because we're chatting.
Speaker 1: I heard the lady behind us say to the conductor
Speaker 1: who's walking through, Um, excuse me, where is the quiet car? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So you want to shady people on y'all train, okay,
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to get the people to two rolls
Speaker 1: ahead of me, shut the hell out because I want
Speaker 1: to take a little nap, right, And that's try That's
Speaker 1: that's what I know what training were on, because like
Speaker 1: you probably didn't even get to your station until like
Speaker 1: one thirty years more. It was very late. But these people,
Speaker 1: thank god, got off at Philadelphia. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: You had like an hour. Yes, Billy took them away
Speaker 1: from me. Thank you very much. But those were the
Speaker 1: shady my week. Yes indeed. Alright, so this you have
Speaker 1: some you have something that, um, you want to share
Speaker 1: something with the people. Yes, yes, yes, yes, okay, So
Speaker 1: before we get into our very important topic, I just
Speaker 1: want to share some love. Um. You know, yes, we
Speaker 1: called reasonably shady. We like to talk about shady stuff,
Speaker 1: but I also like to share the love we received.
Speaker 1: So we received an email from Erica. Her subject is
Speaker 1: you never know how you're touching people. She said, Hey, ladies, First,
Speaker 1: love the podcast. Love it. Thank you Erica. Next, I'm
Speaker 1: not emailing to share my embarrassing sex moments or what
Speaker 1: shallow reason I broke up with someone, she said. See,
Speaker 1: I'm a real listener. But what I'm emailing for is
Speaker 1: to say thank you. I've learned in my life that
Speaker 1: you never know how you're touching someone. I'm a two
Speaker 1: year breast cancer survivor and I'm currently short days away
Speaker 1: from my wedding, and I've had a health scare that
Speaker 1: could mean my cancer is back. I'm trusting God that
Speaker 1: he will make everything okay, but of course I'm scared.
Speaker 1: But in the midst of all of this, I'm sitting
Speaker 1: here laughing at or with the two of you. So
Speaker 1: in this moment, I stopped working to send this email
Speaker 1: to say thank you for taking my mind off of
Speaker 1: life right now. I also love the show. You guys
Speaker 1: are the only franchise I watch. I'm over the others
Speaker 1: potonac keep them coming. Congrats on everything and God's blessings
Speaker 1: of health, love, increase, and prosperity to the Green Eye
Speaker 1: Bandits and your family best Erica and Erica, I want
Speaker 1: to say to you, thank you so much. That means
Speaker 1: so much to us. And I am praying for you
Speaker 1: and for your health. I wish you, you know, many
Speaker 1: blessings in your marriage and I pray that your health
Speaker 1: improves um so. And I hope our listeners can say
Speaker 1: a prayer for Erica as well. Yes, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And and that's actually you know, because I was going
Speaker 1: through my d M S and I got called like
Speaker 1: a bitch about four times. So stuff like that, like
Speaker 1: nice notes just to let us know that we are
Speaker 1: helping you, touching you. I mean, this is that's why
Speaker 1: we do what we do right exactly, Yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: Like I mean, I can honestly say that the negativity
Speaker 1: definitely is Um, it's not easy, you know, but it's like,
Speaker 1: but when we hear from people positive notes like that,
Speaker 1: I mean, so like, while we're brightening up your day,
Speaker 1: you're also brightening up our day. So people coming, we
Speaker 1: love you, yes, yes, yes, okay, So all right now,
Speaker 1: A lot of times we don't talk about you know,
Speaker 1: we laugh, we giggle, we do, we do our thing.
Speaker 1: But you know, we definitely wanted to get to especially
Speaker 1: with um the journey that Robin has been on, we
Speaker 1: wanted to get into some mental health. So we put
Speaker 1: a question out to you guys about the misconceptions of
Speaker 1: mental health. And this episode is called mind your Mentals. Okay,
Speaker 1: mind your Mentals. And because I'm not an expert, Robin's
Speaker 1: not an expert, we did get an expert to come
Speaker 1: and chat with us today. And yes, I'm going to
Speaker 1: introduce our guests, but just to talk about like the
Speaker 1: with the show, just me talking about, UM, how I
Speaker 1: was feeling during COVID or my seasonal depression. Honestly, I
Speaker 1: was floored by the response that I received from the viewers,
Speaker 1: for people who said, thank you so much. You're verbalizing
Speaker 1: everything that I feel, you know, thank you for representing
Speaker 1: people like us. Thank you for making me feel human. Um.
Speaker 1: And so I've realized how important it is to talk
Speaker 1: about these things, you know, not just in your private
Speaker 1: home or in your you know, with your trusted confidante,
Speaker 1: but like you know, in a public setting, to make
Speaker 1: people know that people like us who are on TV,
Speaker 1: we're human as well. UM, and you know, just to
Speaker 1: make this forum, in this topic a little bit bigger,
Speaker 1: you know, so that people don't have to hesitate to
Speaker 1: talk about mental health. And also to make it not
Speaker 1: feel so taboo. You know, it's not, um a subject
Speaker 1: in which we can't talk about. We definitely need to
Speaker 1: talk about it, and we need to make it we
Speaker 1: need to normalize it a bit. So please tell us
Speaker 1: who I guess. So I'm going to introduce our guests,
Speaker 1: and then we're gonna take a short pause. Okay, because
Speaker 1: so so I just wanna, um let you all know,
Speaker 1: Gazelle and I will now be sharing a microphone own.
Speaker 1: Um we we um, since we are by residential, which means,
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes we record at Gazelle's house and sometimes
Speaker 1: we're at my house. UM, we forget a piece of equipment,
Speaker 1: which would be called a third microphone for our guests.
Speaker 1: So once we introduced our guests, She's gonna have one
Speaker 1: microphone and then Giselle and I will share one. So
Speaker 1: it might sound a little wonky, but you know where human,
Speaker 1: so bear with us, all right. So, Mereja Paul is
Speaker 1: the owner and clinical director of Soul Counseling and Consulting.
Speaker 1: Merjor received her Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology from
Speaker 1: the Pennsylvania State University and her Master of Science degree
Speaker 1: and clinical Community Counseling from Johns Hopkins University OKAY credentials.
Speaker 1: Mere is a licensed clinical professional counselor and is an
Speaker 1: approved clinical supervisor by the Maryland Board of Professional Counselors
Speaker 1: and Therapists. In April, Merjor open Soul Counseling and Consulting,
Speaker 1: a group mental health practice that provides individual, family, and
Speaker 1: couples counseling. Marriage's mission mission is to decrease the stigma
Speaker 1: of mental health, particularly particularly in communities of color. Her
Speaker 1: vision for the practice is to create a safe and
Speaker 1: supportive place for clients to feel comfortable, heard, and understood.
Speaker 1: Marriagor's goal is to help people feel empowered to live,
Speaker 1: not merely exist or settle. She chose the name Soul
Speaker 1: because the sun is a daily reminder that we two
Speaker 1: can rise again from the darkness, that we two can
Speaker 1: shine our own light. I love that. And before I
Speaker 1: let Mirg to talk, I have to sing something. Marriage
Speaker 1: is the sister of Carly, who is our director of operations. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you all have heard us talk about Carly. Carly
Speaker 1: is the one that kind of like handles our logistics.
Speaker 1: She's helping us set up. She forgot to bring the
Speaker 1: third microphone. Okay, I'm car and Carly is also like
Speaker 1: my very good friend, like you've seen Carly on the show,
Speaker 1: helping me out with a lot of my different ventures.
Speaker 1: But I just want to say this. I found it
Speaker 1: very comical. So I'm looking at our emails on the
Speaker 1: reason the Reasonably Shady Emails, and I see this email
Speaker 1: from our director of operations, Carly, to her sister mere
Speaker 1: Ja that says, hello, miss Paul, we are I am
Speaker 1: writing to confirm your appearance on the Reasonably Shady podcast
Speaker 1: at dot. If you have any questions, please forward them
Speaker 1: to to me whatever blah blah blah, sincerely Carly, the
Speaker 1: director of Operations. And I was like what, I was like,
Speaker 1: this girl is literally talking, literally talking to her sister
Speaker 1: in a business manner. She takes her director of operations
Speaker 1: job very seriously. Okay. I was dying, like, okay, if
Speaker 1: that was me and I was talking about sister, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, hey, girl, we're gonna see you on Friday
Speaker 1: at four o'clock, alright, peace, Like what, yes, you gotta
Speaker 1: keep it professional at all times. But were you like
Speaker 1: sister No, I found it very professional, and I was
Speaker 1: I was very proud of her, like I'm a professional woman.
Speaker 1: Don't talk to me like I'm some regular chick off
Speaker 1: the street business. Okay, okay, okay, I didn't want to
Speaker 1: say that. Um, we're just soul counseling. It spelled s
Speaker 1: o L, not so s o u L. I thought
Speaker 1: that was like so like soul, Like, oh it isn't
Speaker 1: soul s o l. That's so. That's son in Spans.
Speaker 1: So that sun in Spanish. It's also like the root
Speaker 1: word of like a lot of words with sun solstice
Speaker 1: in French, so you know, trying to go back to
Speaker 1: my my French roots, and no one can say so le.
Speaker 1: So I was just like, never mind, you just keep
Speaker 1: making us think. Yes, okay, so getting into it. So
Speaker 1: with the misconceptions about mental health, a lot of people
Speaker 1: said that they feel like they're weak right when they
Speaker 1: go seek out counseling, they feel like they're quote crazy, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, they don't want to feel like they have
Speaker 1: mental issues. Are what are your thoughts on that? So
Speaker 1: we get that a lot, right, And that's the whole
Speaker 1: thing about the stigma. How you were saying, Robbin about
Speaker 1: like making it, you know, just more normal normalizing it. Right.
Speaker 1: So back in the day, it was for quote unquote
Speaker 1: crazy people, right, it was for severe mental health issues.
Speaker 1: They would go to the you know, psychiatric hospital and
Speaker 1: things like that. And I don't know if we've really
Speaker 1: changed from that. We're changing, you know, but it feels
Speaker 1: like do you wait until like your arm is about
Speaker 1: to fall off before you go to the doctor. It's like,
Speaker 1: are you weak for going to your regular doctor for
Speaker 1: your regular checkups? No? So I feel like we take
Speaker 1: care of our body, you should also take care of
Speaker 1: our mind. So that idea about it being for weak
Speaker 1: people or just for crazy people. And you know, as
Speaker 1: a therapist, we don't like to use the word crazy. Um,
Speaker 1: but no, I feel like there are a lot of
Speaker 1: different issues that people have, and don't wait until it's
Speaker 1: too late or you're super struggling with something before you
Speaker 1: go talk to somebody. Okay, but I'm sorry. A lot
Speaker 1: of people used crazy, right, That's what they said, Like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna feel crazy. That's for crazy people. So what
Speaker 1: word should we be using because I don't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: using that word. Sure, just say how you feel, right, So,
Speaker 1: like if you say I'm gonna feel crazy for going
Speaker 1: or do you feel like a crazy person? If you
Speaker 1: feel like a crazy person, that's your word to use. Okay,
Speaker 1: but you can say I'm feeling really anxious, I'm feeling
Speaker 1: really overwhelmed, Like I feel like I just gotta get
Speaker 1: like would you say on the show Rob and get
Speaker 1: my life together? Like, you can just say how you feel.
Speaker 1: You don't have to just go to the word crazy
Speaker 1: to say how you're feeling like that. So, so when
Speaker 1: would you say, like is there a point when people
Speaker 1: should know like, Okay, I need to go talk to
Speaker 1: someone because I'll be honest with me. I can. I
Speaker 1: consider myself to be a very thick skinned person. I'm
Speaker 1: very like, Okay, you know life isn't perfect. You know,
Speaker 1: suck it, up, move on, it's in and I probably
Speaker 1: don't spend the time to kind of like really sit
Speaker 1: back and check in with myself. And so for you know,
Speaker 1: people like me or even other people who who kind
Speaker 1: of just you know, have this stigma in their mind
Speaker 1: about mental health, when do you say, like, okay, I
Speaker 1: need to now, I need to go talk to someone,
Speaker 1: I need to check in. But it's just like, whatever
Speaker 1: you're doing hasn't been working. So if whatever you're doing
Speaker 1: is not working, then you try something different. Sometimes it's therapy,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's something totally different. But if you're feeling like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I've been dealing with this for a
Speaker 1: long time and whatever I'm doing is not working, be
Speaker 1: open to trying something different. And therapy is not for everybody,
Speaker 1: but you could try it and see if that works
Speaker 1: for you. But the whole thing about thick skin and
Speaker 1: being weak, it's just like like I said, I mean,
Speaker 1: if you're if you're struggling with something, just to try
Speaker 1: it out. Okay, So that that's that's good to know.
Speaker 1: But let's let's back all the way up. So let's
Speaker 1: say I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling overwhelmed, which is easy
Speaker 1: for me in my life because I have it's just
Speaker 1: a lot going on. Would your recommendation be for me too,
Speaker 1: first step seek therapy or would you recommend I don't know,
Speaker 1: I go to the gym, I work out, I you know,
Speaker 1: drink a glass of wine at night? Like what what
Speaker 1: what are your steps before therapy for somebody to think
Speaker 1: about or consider prior to going to therapy. Sure, So
Speaker 1: here's the other thing too. When you talk to a therapist,
Speaker 1: they're going to suggest things like that too. Right, it's
Speaker 1: not all about this. It has to be so structured
Speaker 1: and so serious. It could just be does he do
Speaker 1: you have a schedule? Are you writing notes? Are you
Speaker 1: going to sleep at the right time? Like sometimes the
Speaker 1: therapist is just suggesting normal things like make sure you
Speaker 1: are going to the gym, make sure you are going
Speaker 1: to bed on time, make sure you are drinking your
Speaker 1: water every day. Right, So, if you're not at that
Speaker 1: place where you're like, uh, okay, I'm feeling anxious but
Speaker 1: I'm not quite ready, reach out to friends and family.
Speaker 1: Like that's what we do, right, We talked to our friends,
Speaker 1: we talked to our family. Social media although it has
Speaker 1: you know, it's pros and cons. Sometimes there's a lot
Speaker 1: of resources on social media as well. Right, I'm sorry, record, Okay,
Speaker 1: if we all go to social media to feel better
Speaker 1: about ourselves pros and cons, that is not happen. Okay, resources, Right,
Speaker 1: there are a lot of mental health Instagram pages, right,
Speaker 1: So it's not just the shade room, it's not just
Speaker 1: shoutouts to the shade your room, you know, for entertainment.
Speaker 1: But there are other pages that are about mental health
Speaker 1: and anxiety and motivational quotes and things like that. So again,
Speaker 1: you know, pros and cons, but there's some resources on
Speaker 1: there as well, right. And I feel, you know, for
Speaker 1: some people who are maybe embarrassed to talk about their
Speaker 1: struggles or they don't want to be judged by you know,
Speaker 1: their family members or their you know friends or whatever
Speaker 1: for what they're thinking or they're feeling. I think the
Speaker 1: therapist is that great you know, mutual party. That's not biased.
Speaker 1: They don't know you, they've seen it all their professional
Speaker 1: they're all about the privacy and the hip of laws
Speaker 1: and all that type of stuff. So even for someone
Speaker 1: it's like if there's just anything that you're dealing with
Speaker 1: in your life, whether it's just you know, a disagreement
Speaker 1: with your sister or something. You know, A therapist is
Speaker 1: always that neutral party that you can talk to that
Speaker 1: you don't have to worry about being judged, because that's
Speaker 1: what they do, you know. And it's unfortunate because so
Speaker 1: many people live their lives and all they worry about
Speaker 1: is being judged. So you know what I mean, It's
Speaker 1: like they they worry about what people think and whether
Speaker 1: it's the way they look, they dressed, their weight, you know,
Speaker 1: their job there, whatever, their their relationships, like they're all
Speaker 1: they care about is how they're being judged. And so
Speaker 1: I think a therapist is a neutral party that you
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about that. There's something special about that.
Speaker 1: So some people are like, well, you're a stranger and
Speaker 1: I don't know you. On the other hand, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're a stranger and I don't know you, right, oh,
Speaker 1: which means you don't know me, which means I can
Speaker 1: say whatever I need to say and be okay about it.
Speaker 1: So there is that definitely like Okay, you don't know
Speaker 1: all of my background. I'm telling you a little about
Speaker 1: myself and you can kind of chime in from that
Speaker 1: outside perspective. Think about when a company needs, you know,
Speaker 1: just a shift or a chain, they hire an outside consultant, right.
Speaker 1: They don't talk to people who are necessarily in the company.
Speaker 1: They're like, let's go outside for someone who's like outside
Speaker 1: the box looking in. So that's what a therapist does
Speaker 1: for you. It's a different perspective. It's someone that does
Speaker 1: not know you, and it's just like, Okay, you're not
Speaker 1: gonna see me at the club. You know, well now
Speaker 1: it's pandemic, but you know what I mean, Oh, you're
Speaker 1: gonna see this therapist that club to day. But it's not.
Speaker 1: I kind of I feel like a lot of people
Speaker 1: feel that it's scary, right, they're really gonna sit down
Speaker 1: with somebody that's a professional, that knows what they're talking about,
Speaker 1: that knows when you lie in and can call you
Speaker 1: on your ship. So that means that you have to
Speaker 1: have a level of vulnerability to can sign up for this.
Speaker 1: You do, you do, but in the very first conversation,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit here and ask you, in the
Speaker 1: very first conversation your deepest, darkest secret. Like there's a
Speaker 1: method to how we do things right. It's like, let's
Speaker 1: get comfortable, let's build some rapport, let's get to know
Speaker 1: each other, and you'd be surprised, like once you kind
Speaker 1: of let your guard down a little bit, the things
Speaker 1: that you say. I mean, I've had people say to
Speaker 1: me like, oh my god, I haven't told anybody that
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm telling you this, Or you sit down,
Speaker 1: you're just like, so, what's going on? And it's like
Speaker 1: tears and you're like, oh, you've been holding that in
Speaker 1: for a while. So yeah, of course it is about
Speaker 1: being vulnerable, but it is also for the therapist to
Speaker 1: kind of guide you and lead you and not start
Speaker 1: with all right, tell me what what's going on? Was well,
Speaker 1: come on, what why did you do that? What's no, Like,
Speaker 1: let's ease into it, let's get comfortable, let's get to
Speaker 1: know each other. Then third session, fourth session, fit session.
Speaker 1: Then it's like, all right, now I'm gonna call you
Speaker 1: out on your stuff. Okay. So, I mean, it's so interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm looking through all the responses that we got and
Speaker 1: and they all are or not all, but a lot
Speaker 1: of them. It's like the misconception or the things that
Speaker 1: they worry about is that there's something wrong with you,
Speaker 1: that you're crazy, it's so like I was just really
Speaker 1: looking through these um is there something would you say,
Speaker 1: What is like the most common reason someone comes to
Speaker 1: you or seeks with therapists? Well, you know now anxiety, right,
Speaker 1: People who didn't have anxiety before, well now it's COVID,
Speaker 1: and so we all kind of have a level of anxiety, right,
Speaker 1: So that is I think everybody has anxiety even before COVID.
Speaker 1: I don't think we named it as anxiety. I think
Speaker 1: it was like I get stressed out, so so and
Speaker 1: explain anxiety anxiety because that comes in different forms, very
Speaker 1: different forms. So is it like worry. It could be worried, Sure,
Speaker 1: it could be worried. It could be worried about everything,
Speaker 1: or it could be worried about just something specific. Right.
Speaker 1: It could be you have a need to control everything
Speaker 1: and you're just like, oh, I'm just controlling, or I
Speaker 1: just like to know the plan, I know what's going
Speaker 1: on at all times. That could be a little bit
Speaker 1: of anxiety kind of creeping in, like I need to
Speaker 1: know what's going on so I can get my mind
Speaker 1: right and then prepare for it. That's a little bit
Speaker 1: of anxiety there too, And that's not a bad word.
Speaker 1: I don't want people to say, oh, I have anxiety,
Speaker 1: and it's just like now we're labeling you. You have
Speaker 1: this diagnosis, something's wrong with you. We're using the word
Speaker 1: that we're talking about mental health. But if you want
Speaker 1: to stay stressed, if you want to say overwhelmed, fine,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to be like it's a
Speaker 1: stigma to label, but um yeah, it comes in different forms. Well.
Speaker 1: I was just asking because people need to be able
Speaker 1: to say to themselves when they are feeling whatever kind
Speaker 1: of way they're they need to be able to label
Speaker 1: it for themselves as opposed to just like wallowing in
Speaker 1: it or not knowing what direction to go to get
Speaker 1: out of it. Right. They need to understand what's going
Speaker 1: on with themselves. That's why I was like, an anxiety
Speaker 1: is never really explained, but you you gave a good explanation.
Speaker 1: It's not always like a panic attack. Sometimes it is right,
Speaker 1: but it's not always that right. It's like like I said,
Speaker 1: and come out in different ways. It could be like
Speaker 1: I'm not sleeping, well, i'm having bad dreamsames you know,
Speaker 1: there's a little like feeling in in my chest or
Speaker 1: in my belly, and I'm not really sure where that
Speaker 1: comes from. Every time I'm about to go to work,
Speaker 1: I had this like pit in my stomach. So I
Speaker 1: like what you said about just kind of paying attention
Speaker 1: to that and seeing what that is, naming it and
Speaker 1: then take it from there. Right. I almost think they're
Speaker 1: you guys almost need to come up with an alternate
Speaker 1: word that's not therapy or mental health, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, because like when you hear the word therapy,
Speaker 1: you think, Okay, there's something wrong with me and I
Speaker 1: need to be rehabilitated for mental health, you know, the whole.
Speaker 1: I'm crazy, I'm weak. So it's like I wish they're like,
Speaker 1: what is another word that you all could like start
Speaker 1: using so that people would know? Like you know, it's
Speaker 1: like almost like you're checking you know, you're I don't.
Speaker 1: I guess you start using hearing the accountable accountability partner
Speaker 1: partner type stuff, but not so much that but more
Speaker 1: of like a check in check in person. Yeah, Like
Speaker 1: what can that be? Because I person, because I think
Speaker 1: the word itself is what is misleading for people? Sure,
Speaker 1: you know, um, I don't know what those words could
Speaker 1: be because like I think, like I said, just personally,
Speaker 1: I'm like, ain't not wrong with me? You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, yeah, I'm busy and I'm stressed, but
Speaker 1: isn't everybody you know? So I think it's the actual
Speaker 1: word therapy that makes it sound like you know, there's
Speaker 1: something wrong with you versus you know, no, you just
Speaker 1: have a lot going on. You need to check in,
Speaker 1: you need to balance maybe like a balance coach, balance coach.
Speaker 1: I might take that. Want to trademark that you might
Speaker 1: take that balance coach that That's good though, because that's
Speaker 1: what we do. We're trying to keep everything in balance
Speaker 1: for you, right, A little bit of this, a little
Speaker 1: bit of that, Yeah, that's good. I like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: don't want to take that, I'll give you credit. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'll give you credit for that. So okay, um, we
Speaker 1: have just a couple more a couple more questions. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about how social media plays a role in our
Speaker 1: mental health. We touched on it and Giselle kind of
Speaker 1: was you know, she got something to say, we need
Speaker 1: to take a little bit deeper because I think it
Speaker 1: does you know, yes, for people like Giselle and I
Speaker 1: who who are on a public platform, but I know
Speaker 1: that it affects the everyday person. Yes you know, yes, Okay, So,
Speaker 1: like I was saying pros and cons right, benefits of
Speaker 1: social media community, right, some sort of like online support, um,
Speaker 1: motivational messages, inspiration, things like that. Think about during COVID
Speaker 1: TikTok was our friend, like during quarantine, like the Internet
Speaker 1: states undefeated, right, So like it provided comic relief and
Speaker 1: such a stressful time, it was nice to just go
Speaker 1: and see memes and do these TikTok challenges and things
Speaker 1: like that, right, So social media can be our friend.
Speaker 1: It could be nice, it could be a good thing.
Speaker 1: Didn't get as many views as your tikto I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm glad because I was thinking about that. And then
Speaker 1: there's also the issue of you're literally just looking at
Speaker 1: filtered pictures of absolutely which can mess with your mind.
Speaker 1: You know what your body looks like in a real
Speaker 1: mirror with no filters, and then you're comparing yourself to
Speaker 1: these images that you've seen all day that are perfect
Speaker 1: and that's not reality. So like, how mentally are we
Speaker 1: able to handle that well? I always say that to
Speaker 1: take a break, you don't have to be on social
Speaker 1: media all day. If you're on it and you're feeling
Speaker 1: like this is not feeding my soul, this is not
Speaker 1: making me happy, then take a break, or you know what,
Speaker 1: start on following certain things. Sometimes you follow pages and
Speaker 1: it's always cute for that moment, and then you're like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: about all this gossip. I don't want to hear about
Speaker 1: what's going on, or even like when the police brutality
Speaker 1: stuff was happening, that's it's just too much, Like you're
Speaker 1: allowed to say, this is too much. I I can't
Speaker 1: deal with this right now. I'm shutting this down right
Speaker 1: Or I also think it's okay to like see things
Speaker 1: on social media and realize that, you know what, maybe
Speaker 1: maybe not today. So let's just say, like Mother's Day
Speaker 1: or Father's Day post what if you have a tumortuous
Speaker 1: relationship with your parents or they're not here right, so
Speaker 1: it's just like on that Sunday and Mother's Day, don't
Speaker 1: don't don't do that to yourself, like pay attention to
Speaker 1: what you actually need. It's not you being a hater.
Speaker 1: It's not you like, oh, I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: about all these No, just like it's okay. Or if
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't know if you're trying to conceive
Speaker 1: and you're having trouble conceiving and all you're seeing all
Speaker 1: these baby posts, right, It's like that doesn't happen that
Speaker 1: way where it's just like, how come all of a
Speaker 1: sudden everybody but everybody's right COVID babies. Right. But it's like,
Speaker 1: it's okay to say, you know what, I'm happy for
Speaker 1: you and I'm also sad for me. You can have
Speaker 1: two feelings at the same time. So is it okay
Speaker 1: to just like straight up be selfish and and think
Speaker 1: about what you need as opposed to what everybody expects
Speaker 1: of you. Yes, please be selfish. Selfish is not a
Speaker 1: bad word. It's not a curse word. It's not a
Speaker 1: bad word. And even when we're thinking about going to therapy,
Speaker 1: that is one hour usually one hour to yourself, right
Speaker 1: where you don't have to worry about I'm monopolizing this conversation.
Speaker 1: I didn't ask how she was doing. You know, I
Speaker 1: talked to my friends all the time, and it could
Speaker 1: be like a two hour conversation because the first hour
Speaker 1: is catch me up on your stuff. Okay, is it
Speaker 1: my turn? Okay? Now, let's go. It's just like sometimes
Speaker 1: you wanna be like, girl, let me tell you what happened.
Speaker 1: But your therapist there, there's like it's all about you.
Speaker 1: It's all about you. That's true. That's a great point
Speaker 1: because there I feel like, you know, when you are
Speaker 1: like sometimes with a group of friends, you know, it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna listen. I don't want it to be about me,
Speaker 1: and then everyone else is talking, and then and then
Speaker 1: it turns into like, well, you don't share nothing, you
Speaker 1: don't think it's just like but but I'm like, but
Speaker 1: I'm listening you when me listening when we talk. And
Speaker 1: then so I I always feel like I'm a listener,
Speaker 1: Like I don't really not that I don't share, but
Speaker 1: I recognize that other people maybe have the need to
Speaker 1: get something off their chest more than I do, you know.
Speaker 1: But but then but then there are times when it's like,
Speaker 1: well damn, I I didn't share anything, so right, yeah,
Speaker 1: So so that is true. It's like, you know, even
Speaker 1: if you have a great group group of friends or
Speaker 1: support systems, sometimes you can't get it all out to
Speaker 1: them because it's not enough time, or because you know,
Speaker 1: people cut you off or whatever. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1: And the social media like what about the people who
Speaker 1: will like post a picture using like a fake background,
Speaker 1: Like they'll like pretend like they're like traveling. Yes, Like
Speaker 1: how do we get them to stop? I don't see
Speaker 1: have you in their life that that is a little
Speaker 1: beyond what I do for my work. But um, but
Speaker 1: just acknowledging that too, right, acknowledging that this you know
Speaker 1: what social media is like, come into it knowing this
Speaker 1: is entertainment, this is what it's for. And yes, the
Speaker 1: constantly comparing yourself and all that stuff, just be mindful
Speaker 1: of like, like you said, it's filtered. People are only
Speaker 1: showing their best life right there, living their best life
Speaker 1: on social media, and just kind of keep that in
Speaker 1: mind that no one's going to share. Well, some people are,
Speaker 1: but most people don't share. I'm downtrodden, I'm going through. No,
Speaker 1: they're gonna share the smiley face. They're gonna share. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm here, I'm there, I'm jet setting knowing damn well,
Speaker 1: maybe like their credit card is maxed out because they
Speaker 1: can do this. Sraff b Right, we don't know, we
Speaker 1: don't know that, we don't know what's behind the scenes right,
Speaker 1: speaking of broke broke, Um, your therapists, we have we
Speaker 1: have heard and we have found that a very expensive
Speaker 1: out here in these streets. Glad that up. And you know,
Speaker 1: earlier in this conversation you said that you're gonna get
Speaker 1: to know the people that you are counseling. So you're
Speaker 1: not gonna get into that business until like, I don't
Speaker 1: know session four, and I didn't paid you for session one,
Speaker 1: two and three. So, um, how you know for your
Speaker 1: everyday person that you know might not be able to
Speaker 1: afford you? Guys, you know, what do you say to that?
Speaker 1: So people sometimes don't realize that your insurance most of
Speaker 1: your insurance companies pay for therapy. Oh really, yeah, that
Speaker 1: is I'm so glad you brought this up because this
Speaker 1: is really a misconception. People are just like, so, how
Speaker 1: does this work? I don't give us a range of
Speaker 1: like our session all right? Now, everybody's different, right, and
Speaker 1: somebody who's you know, counseling a real housewife might charge something,
Speaker 1: you know, just kidding. Price people are different. Depends on
Speaker 1: your level of credentials, It depends on where your market is.
Speaker 1: New York probably charges more than Alabama. Right to give
Speaker 1: to it, give us the range to the just. I
Speaker 1: would say a hundred up to a hundred to two
Speaker 1: hundred could be the rain for our session, which is
Speaker 1: like an hour, which is like an hour. Now, think
Speaker 1: about when you use health insurance, whatever plan you have,
Speaker 1: it's a copy. Anytime you see a specialist, your insurance
Speaker 1: company pays, I don't know, eighty percent, you pay, twenty percent,
Speaker 1: you come in, you pay your ten dollar copay. You
Speaker 1: don't know where the rest of it go. Somebody is
Speaker 1: paying these people. So are all of you all taking insurance?
Speaker 1: Not all of us. So if you are, you know,
Speaker 1: feeling like, oh this is steep, go through your insurance.
Speaker 1: Find somebody who accepts your insurance. I did not know that.
Speaker 1: I thought I was out of you know, I would
Speaker 1: camp doesn't have to be and I would see that,
Speaker 1: you know, when I when I had jobs and they
Speaker 1: would send, um, you know, the packet of the health
Speaker 1: insurance stuff, and I would see that in there. But
Speaker 1: I just always felt like I don't need that, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? But I think, honestly, if it's
Speaker 1: there and it's provided to you, and if you're someone
Speaker 1: like me who thinks you don't need therapy because you're fine,
Speaker 1: like still take a vantage of it. But it's it's
Speaker 1: it's you should normally be in your regular just like
Speaker 1: just you go to dermatologists, you go to the chiropract
Speaker 1: or whatever it is, like you just you use your
Speaker 1: health insurance the same thing. So how often, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess it really varies based on what's going on,
Speaker 1: and but like how frequently should people just say, for
Speaker 1: someone like, you know, like just people feeling anxiety, they're stressed,
Speaker 1: you know, how often do you think they should come
Speaker 1: to the most people their balanced coach? Most people start
Speaker 1: once a week. That's kind of your typical forty five
Speaker 1: to sixty minutes once a week. That's kind of typical
Speaker 1: for most people. Sometimes though it's like like you said,
Speaker 1: it's just kind of like I don't need to check in.
Speaker 1: I just need to just you know, make sure that
Speaker 1: I'm on the right path and I'm doing what I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing, you know, every two weeks. I
Speaker 1: have clients now that are like on maintenance so to speak,
Speaker 1: and they started seeing me once a week and then
Speaker 1: it was like, okay, every other and it's like you're
Speaker 1: doing pretty good, but you still kind of want me
Speaker 1: around just in case. Once a month I had somebody
Speaker 1: call the other days and be like, hey, I haven't
Speaker 1: seen you in a while. I'm like, are you doing okay?
Speaker 1: Everything's fine? Okay, Sure, come on you want to chat? Sure,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm gonna start doing what I'm going once
Speaker 1: a month, really find somebody. I mean, I feel like
Speaker 1: we're just gonna talk. You might as well, you might
Speaker 1: learn something about yourself. I haven't. Right now, what about
Speaker 1: like couples? I'm so glad. Okay, can I call you
Speaker 1: answer that question. Let me just say this. I've been
Speaker 1: in some major couples therapy, y'all. Don't just say to
Speaker 1: tag you years and years of couples therapy and me
Speaker 1: and that Jamal Bryant now listen, it always helped us. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, he is a is a I think he's
Speaker 1: trained per his profession to counsel. Right. So I always
Speaker 1: felt like, we can't just have a regular conversation if
Speaker 1: we haven't a problem, because you know all the tricks,
Speaker 1: so we need to go to somebody else. And and
Speaker 1: I was always just very happy because you know, he's
Speaker 1: a black man. He was open to it. But it
Speaker 1: always did push us to like another level. So I'm
Speaker 1: an advocate of a couple of therapy. I just want
Speaker 1: to say that, and I'll just share my experience. While
Speaker 1: Want and I were married, or even before we got married,
Speaker 1: he was like the typical black man that was like,
Speaker 1: I don't need anyone to tell me how to feel
Speaker 1: or what to think or what to do. So I think,
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of times in a couple of
Speaker 1: therapies there's a resistance from one partner that just thinks
Speaker 1: like this cannot help this. They're like, I don't, like,
Speaker 1: what can they tell me that I don't already know.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that because no one's telling you
Speaker 1: how to feel. I feel how you feel. I'm not
Speaker 1: telling you how to feel. I might be exploring with
Speaker 1: you what's behind that feeling? Where did that come from?
Speaker 1: Even just basic communication, you think you're speaking the same language,
Speaker 1: and it's just like, that's not what she said. Did
Speaker 1: you hear what she said? Oh, that's not what he said.
Speaker 1: So a couple of therapy, it's just like, can you
Speaker 1: guys please start coming before you're about to divorce? Okay,
Speaker 1: So I'm I just a little know I totally agree
Speaker 1: with that, And I feel like, if you're gonna get married,
Speaker 1: you should go before you get married, absolutely, because the
Speaker 1: whole time y'all been dating, y'all have been talking the
Speaker 1: same language. Yeah, y'all don't know what you'all talking about. Y'all.
Speaker 1: It's always good to get like a third party or
Speaker 1: like a bird's eye view on the relationship. And I
Speaker 1: feel like, if you don't do that work in the beginning,
Speaker 1: you damn sure you're gonna have to do it in
Speaker 1: the end or it's just gonna be over. I think
Speaker 1: you're forced to talk about certain topics. Right. You could
Speaker 1: be dating somebody for four years. I know him, I
Speaker 1: know him and met his mama, We went on vacation together,
Speaker 1: I know how he travels. We talk about everything, and
Speaker 1: it's just like, but there's that one thing that you're
Speaker 1: not really comfortable saying because it might rock the boat,
Speaker 1: old or whatever the case. Maybe you come to therapy
Speaker 1: and it's kind of like the therapist might just bring
Speaker 1: it up and you're like, oh, I guess we've gotta
Speaker 1: talk about it, right. So I'm definitely an advocate for
Speaker 1: premarital um, But yeah, I feel like the same thing
Speaker 1: when we're talking about, you know, when should people go
Speaker 1: to therapy. It's like, please don't come when you're at
Speaker 1: your wits end and your bag is packed and you
Speaker 1: have one ft out the door. You're like, you know
Speaker 1: what the last before I can just check off this
Speaker 1: box to say I tried everything. Fine, let's go to
Speaker 1: the therapist when they go. So when do they go?
Speaker 1: You should again, you should go before you get married.
Speaker 1: Because I am a therapist. I'm like, just go, just
Speaker 1: go when you don't even have a problem, just go
Speaker 1: to check in and be good. We're still good. Everything good,
Speaker 1: You still like me, I still like you great? And
Speaker 1: then you move on right, not saying it has to
Speaker 1: be weakly, but if you're feeling like, you know, when
Speaker 1: you can tell something's off right, you're you're not connecting
Speaker 1: as much. Maybe the intimacy has been affected it. You know,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of change that has happened. Like you know,
Speaker 1: when you feel a little bit off right, same thing
Speaker 1: like with your health, you're like, you know what, something
Speaker 1: just not right. So that's when you I'm gonna call
Speaker 1: my doctor and see, like what's going on. Like I
Speaker 1: feel like, for example, I just went to attrition this.
Speaker 1: My something's not right. My blood sure goes up and
Speaker 1: goes down. I have a headache. I don't like feeling
Speaker 1: like this anymore. I don't like having a headache every day.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but maybe you can
Speaker 1: tell me what's going on. I'm not gonna wait till
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't get out the bed. I'm crawling
Speaker 1: to the car, but I gotta take myself to the doctor.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, like you start feeling like something not right,
Speaker 1: but we need a little check in. We need maybe
Speaker 1: sure this is still good so you can keep going
Speaker 1: and things don't just fester right, Like how many couples
Speaker 1: do you know where it's just like, yeah, I've been
Speaker 1: dealing with this for years and I just didn't know
Speaker 1: how to say it, or I've said it and this
Speaker 1: person is not listening to me. It's just like, Wow,
Speaker 1: I wonder if we had sat down and talked about
Speaker 1: this five years ago, could all of this been right?
Speaker 1: And clearly, I'm sure the main issue that you see
Speaker 1: is like the root cause of problems between couples communication
Speaker 1: and so the therapist or the balance coach um helps
Speaker 1: facilitate that communication. Yeah, so that's that's good. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll keep that in mind. You know, Robin's going to therapy.
Speaker 1: But I'm just here to tell y'all before they walk
Speaker 1: down the out for the second time. No, this this
Speaker 1: is really good. So I feel like so that we're
Speaker 1: gonna recap a little bit. This is what I've learned today. One,
Speaker 1: you can go through your insurance to get this thing paid.
Speaker 1: So if you can go through your insurance, why wouldn't
Speaker 1: you do it? Right? You know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: and as you said, it is kind of a no brainer.
Speaker 1: If you had a sore throat, your nose is running,
Speaker 1: you're going to the doctor. So if you feel like
Speaker 1: you you're waking up every morning and you're like in
Speaker 1: a funk, don't nobody at work when to deal with
Speaker 1: your funk? So get it together. And your friends don't
Speaker 1: want to either. We love our friends, but you don't
Speaker 1: want to be a burden to your friends either, because
Speaker 1: your friends are busy, you know, have their own stuff, right,
Speaker 1: And a lot of people hesitate to even talk to
Speaker 1: their friends or their loved ones because they know she's busy.
Speaker 1: I don't want to bother her. So now, but okay,
Speaker 1: so let's talk about then the process of finding a therapist.
Speaker 1: And then I just want to Okay, yes, we it's
Speaker 1: covered by insurance, but what about people who don't have
Speaker 1: insurance too? Are there, like, you know, maybe some sort
Speaker 1: of community resources that they can find. Absolutely, there's always
Speaker 1: some sort of program in the community for people who
Speaker 1: don't have insurance or some sort of um sliding scale fee.
Speaker 1: You know, there are resources out there right. So psychology today,
Speaker 1: for example, has a directory of providers where you can
Speaker 1: filter by what your insurance is, or filter by if
Speaker 1: you don't have insurance, or gender, or you know, it's
Speaker 1: okay to have certain preferences. Therapy for black girls. I
Speaker 1: think it's a good one. If you're looking specifically for
Speaker 1: a therapist of called LERT what is that. They have
Speaker 1: an i G page. They have a website. It's basically
Speaker 1: a provider directory, so you can go on there to
Speaker 1: say if you if you are a black girl, or
Speaker 1: if you want to talk to a black girl, you
Speaker 1: can go on there and locate someone. There are lots
Speaker 1: of resources. Again, we use to insurance for example, like
Speaker 1: your insurance company will give you a list of providers
Speaker 1: that they cover. UM so I have come across better
Speaker 1: help dot Com, which I think is awesome because because
Speaker 1: it's like a virtual balanced coaching, virtual therapy. Um, you
Speaker 1: can do it, you know, I think by the telephone
Speaker 1: or by a zoom or whatever your method of you know,
Speaker 1: preferred communication isn't I think that's kind of good for people,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of like me, who I don't like
Speaker 1: to leave the house. So for me, if if if
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, I'm gonna go to therapy, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I gotta leave the house and go
Speaker 1: sit in the room. Blah blah blah blah. So I
Speaker 1: also think that's cool to find, um, you know, if
Speaker 1: that's what works for you, look up online therapy. Absolutely
Speaker 1: because of COVID, a lot of us are doing telehealth,
Speaker 1: a lot of us are doing virtual therapy. And I'm
Speaker 1: so glad this kind of came out because obviously pandemic
Speaker 1: was not a good thing, but I think it also
Speaker 1: taught us we can do things in a different way. Right,
Speaker 1: how many of us are now working promote because it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: y'all can't work remote? Well, actually we can't because we
Speaker 1: had too so we kind of figured that out. But
Speaker 1: that's what we found. When I started the company. We
Speaker 1: got so many referrals because it was just like, you know,
Speaker 1: especially living in this area, by the time you get
Speaker 1: off the Metro and get in your car and all
Speaker 1: this stuff, it's just like you're stressed out. You're stressed
Speaker 1: out right, But now it's like, Okay, I work out,
Speaker 1: you've got the anxiety. You know, I work nine to five.
Speaker 1: I can log onto my virtual therapist right in the
Speaker 1: comfort of my home. So, so are you doing telehealth?
Speaker 1: I am doing telehealth? So we're doing both. Okay, So
Speaker 1: I think you should you should tell people where they
Speaker 1: if they say I want to talk to me or
Speaker 1: to Paul, because I heard her on Reasonably Shady and
Speaker 1: it sounds so balancing, so balancing. Well, I will say
Speaker 1: this because I am now a CEO and clinical director
Speaker 1: and all that good stuff. Thank you. I actually I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want any more clients. However, the what's she's saying,
Speaker 1: She's saying she's busy. I'm a little busy. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: a little busy. I'm a little busy. However, I have
Speaker 1: an awesome team of therapists who work at my practice.
Speaker 1: So how do they find your team. So we have
Speaker 1: an i G page at Soul Counseling, so all counseling.
Speaker 1: We have a website and we can give you all
Speaker 1: the information www dot s o L Counseling and Consulting
Speaker 1: dot com. Which my sister the d O O a
Speaker 1: k A. Carly a k A. Robin's friend a k A.
Speaker 1: Whatever she is that you know, particular day she she
Speaker 1: built my website to go on to so she didn't
Speaker 1: build a reasonably shading website. Well, jeeze, what is going
Speaker 1: on here? Get yourself a sister, Like I do I
Speaker 1: do want to talk about because you know, this kind
Speaker 1: of blew me. I had a conversation with my kids,
Speaker 1: and my kids are you know, high schoolers, they're in
Speaker 1: between that fourteen to seventeen age range, and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: everybody in schools and therapy, like what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: So apparently it COVID pandemic last year, being at home
Speaker 1: going to school hit them all very very hard. Are
Speaker 1: you seeing that with these kids and are they getting
Speaker 1: better now that they're back in school? Are they feeling
Speaker 1: are they still feeling overwhelmed? And I felt like they
Speaker 1: were feeling isolated, you know, because they didn't have you know,
Speaker 1: we found clearly that they need social um outlet every day.
Speaker 1: So what's going on with our teens? I think it's
Speaker 1: like everyone, right, so you dealt with COVID either, just
Speaker 1: to that now we're dealing with things are opening up,
Speaker 1: we're back at work. Some of us were back at school,
Speaker 1: so now we're dealing with adjusting to being back at school. Right.
Speaker 1: So life is a constant adjustment, constant transition, which is
Speaker 1: also shameless plug why it's okay to go to therapy
Speaker 1: because maybe you were okay six months ago and then
Speaker 1: something shifted and now it's like I don't know how
Speaker 1: to deal with that. So, um, I'm glad the teams
Speaker 1: are going. I'm glad they're opening up. I'm glad that,
Speaker 1: you know, it's trending. Now. I'm glad with like athletes
Speaker 1: like Simone Files and Naomi Osaka are talking about it
Speaker 1: because they're young and so it's just like, okay, if
Speaker 1: they're talking about it and they can do it, this
Speaker 1: is okay and it doesn't have to be shameful. Right. So,
Speaker 1: and I do want to say that, you know, I
Speaker 1: when listening to my kids talk about you know, their
Speaker 1: friends or whatever. I remember being that age and feeling
Speaker 1: occasionally like off or depressed or anxious, over wound. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I felt my test you know, all kinds
Speaker 1: of things that teams go through, hormones, all of that
Speaker 1: and and not. And I dare not share that with
Speaker 1: my parents, right, Like, if I even thought to share that,
Speaker 1: they would either tell me to kick rocks, get over it,
Speaker 1: go to your room, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: there was no way that I would feel comfortable sharing
Speaker 1: it with anybody. So to know that at least these
Speaker 1: kids feel comfortable talking about it. They have each other,
Speaker 1: they are all in it together, so to speak, is
Speaker 1: a great thing. And I think that we all have
Speaker 1: to be mindful that our brain, our mental stability, what
Speaker 1: we think, how we feel is not taboo. It's not
Speaker 1: for you to keep to yourself, like, we're all in
Speaker 1: this thing called life together and find a therapist that
Speaker 1: works for you. Right, We're all not these stuffy people
Speaker 1: that are going to, you know, shake our finger at you. Like.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of really cool, down to earth,
Speaker 1: relatable therapists. So it's it's nice that the kids have
Speaker 1: someone to go to that might be, you know, a
Speaker 1: cool down to earth person. It's not always going to
Speaker 1: be some old old white men, right, old white men
Speaker 1: or worth therapist. That's what you see on TV for example,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's just like, no, there are some
Speaker 1: just really relatable, cool people that also have their stuff
Speaker 1: going on to that can relate to you, but also
Speaker 1: have the training to deal with whatever you're coming in with.
Speaker 1: I definitely relate to you, justl just I remember being
Speaker 1: a teenager and just being like mad for no reason,
Speaker 1: like like just then I'd be like why am my mad?
Speaker 1: Like why am I feeling like this? And there's like no, like,
Speaker 1: it's just it's it's hormones. Really, it's hormones. It's the
Speaker 1: changing in your body and your mind and just so
Speaker 1: much going on. And so I think it is so
Speaker 1: important for parents to be in tune to that with
Speaker 1: their kids and not get so like, you know, thinking
Speaker 1: that there's something wrong with them, but realized like they're
Speaker 1: going through big changes in life for them, it's a
Speaker 1: big change. You get defensive, what's wrong with you? Right?
Speaker 1: We have we have everything you need? You have this house,
Speaker 1: you know, you go school, what else what else you need?
Speaker 1: It's like there are other things going on yesterday, right exactly, exactly, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's important. We could talk about this, I think, for
Speaker 1: you know, a whole another five minutes or so. But um,
Speaker 1: this has been a great conversation. Do you have anything
Speaker 1: else you want to close with or at or just
Speaker 1: kind of going back to the misconceptions. I just also
Speaker 1: want to put out there that you know, going to
Speaker 1: therapy is not advice giving. It's not like you come
Speaker 1: to me and then I say, Giselle, this is what
Speaker 1: you should do, Now go ahead and do it. That's
Speaker 1: not really what it's about. It's about exploring what's going on,
Speaker 1: you know, helping you figure out what is going to
Speaker 1: be the best choice for you. And if you decide
Speaker 1: to do something that I don't necessarily agree with, that's okay.
Speaker 1: We're gonna walk you through it, and I'm not going
Speaker 1: to judge you for it, and I'll be here tomorrow
Speaker 1: when you cry to say that, oh my gosh, shouldn't
Speaker 1: have done that. That's what we're here for. Are you?
Speaker 1: Can you prescribe medication? So I'm glad you asked that.
Speaker 1: Everybody has a different like, what do you you know? Soiatrists?
Speaker 1: Psychiatrists prescribes medication? Their actual medical doctors. Therapists do not
Speaker 1: prescribe medication. We do talk therapy. Most psychiatrists don't do therapy.
Speaker 1: You come in, you have a check in, how the
Speaker 1: meds working for you? You're good, any side effects? Good
Speaker 1: to see you. I'll see you in a month. Got it.
Speaker 1: And I think, and you know, I think that's so
Speaker 1: important for people to know the difference with that because
Speaker 1: I think when they think therapy or mental health, they're
Speaker 1: thinking medication and it's all the same. Were two different people. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's important. Um. And this is my last little bone
Speaker 1: to pick with our people. Okay, black people. We know
Speaker 1: we love our people. Okay, seriously, guys like we the
Speaker 1: worst because we think that therapy is is for not
Speaker 1: for us. You know, we were taught and we're built
Speaker 1: to be so strong to get over it, to keep
Speaker 1: it moving, to not even deal with the day. You
Speaker 1: gotta look for tomorrow. So like, no, we gotta stop
Speaker 1: doing that. We gotta stop doing that to ourselves. We
Speaker 1: got stop doing that to our children. It is okay
Speaker 1: to take a time out and make sure that you
Speaker 1: get your mind right. Grandma said get your mine right,
Speaker 1: and she really meant it. What's called therapy. That behavior
Speaker 1: of self sabotage. It really is to like think like
Speaker 1: I'm tough, I got this, I don't need, you know,
Speaker 1: and to talk to anyone, and I'm gonna keep it moving.
Speaker 1: And then you're just bottling up all of the emotions
Speaker 1: and the anxiety, stress and not learning any tools of
Speaker 1: how to deal with it. It's okay that you have
Speaker 1: these feelings, you are valid in that, but tell me
Speaker 1: how to deal with this, right, all right? Well, I
Speaker 1: hope somebody listening, more than one person has learned something
Speaker 1: and it's motivated and you know, encouraged to go to therapy,
Speaker 1: seek out a therapist, a balance coach, um, and you know,
Speaker 1: and hopefully just just you know, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Is it like getting clarity or it as
Speaker 1: sometimes getting clarity? It is sometimes getting clarity. I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that you mentioned black people because you know, that
Speaker 1: really is like what I said in my bio, right,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's about reducing that stigma and making it comfortable.
Speaker 1: And that's where I mentioned therapy for black girls for example,
Speaker 1: or you know my you know, my team, we're all
Speaker 1: of color, right, So it's like if you want someone
Speaker 1: that looks like you, if you want someone that maybe
Speaker 1: has a little bit of understanding about your background, you
Speaker 1: can do that. If that's not for you, that's okay too.
Speaker 1: But let's have more of more therapists that look like us,
Speaker 1: and that way it makes it a little bit more
Speaker 1: comfortable and that it's okay. You don't have to keep
Speaker 1: everything inside or everything in your house, or just feel
Speaker 1: like you can only talk about it with you know,
Speaker 1: your pastor you know, shout out to the church. But
Speaker 1: there are other resources out there besides that. Well, we
Speaker 1: love you, and we thank you so much for stopping by.
Speaker 1: We've learned so much, not only about therapy and you,
Speaker 1: but about our d o O over there, our director
Speaker 1: of operations, because she has not done anything for us
Speaker 1: that she has done for you. But anyway, that's for
Speaker 1: a whole another episode. This is our reasonably Shady episode,
Speaker 1: and uh, throughout the course of your week, just find
Speaker 1: a little reasonable and find a little shady. We love
Speaker 1: y'all so much. Next week. Reasonably Shady is a production
Speaker 1: of the Black Affect podcast Network. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: our Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app Apple
Speaker 1: podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and
Speaker 1: you can connect with us on social media at Robin
Speaker 1: Dixon ten, Giselle, briant and reasonably shady