Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 3: time and a termino and gaye ad.
Speaker 2: We want to.
Speaker 4: Send you off in style.
Speaker 1: You wanna welcome you back home?
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 4: We scared her?
Speaker 1: Was it fine?
Speaker 4: Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need do you ride to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need with Karen and Chris you're listening to
Speaker 1: do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 4: Chris, you did the ending speech at the beginning.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. A lot of times we are at our
Speaker 1: peak performance wise at the end of a podcast, so
Speaker 1: I thought I would.
Speaker 4: Just start it in the end.
Speaker 1: Yes and no. This is another example of me not
Speaker 1: admitting my mistakes. It is embarrassing.
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry I embarrassed you and call.
Speaker 1: How often do I say welcome to Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. It's been twelve years,
Speaker 1: I believe, and they still don't know who you are. See.
Speaker 1: I take the mirror when it's on me, and then
Speaker 1: I shine it in someone else's face.
Speaker 4: That's right.
Speaker 1: Guess what, you're also a vampire.
Speaker 4: Guess what, it's not just my mirror.
Speaker 1: Yeah, two can look into this mirror, Dracula. But I
Speaker 1: do welcome you all. We are in the car driving
Speaker 1: on what most people would describe as a gloomy day.
Speaker 1: I would disagree. This kind of weather puts a pep
Speaker 1: in my step.
Speaker 2: It is strange for it being middle of May to
Speaker 2: have this San Francisco weather here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: Yes, but I don't mind it.
Speaker 2: I just started with an air conditioner on yesterday and
Speaker 2: had to turn it off and then turn the heater
Speaker 2: on today.
Speaker 4: That's a bit of a Yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 1: I love the fickle weather, and I love knowing the
Speaker 1: sun is not damaging my skin, which I've thanks to
Speaker 1: you and focused on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not to mention my eyeballs because you're wearing sunglasses.
Speaker 1: I never wear sunglasses, and now that I have prescription glasses,
Speaker 1: I wear them even less than never. What that's the.
Speaker 2: Prescription makes me wear my sunglasses all the indoors.
Speaker 1: I gotta get some. I gotta get yet another pair
Speaker 1: with tint. And I do not mean transitions good. The
Speaker 1: moment in between a clear transistor transition lens and a
Speaker 1: tinted one is a moment where you will scare me
Speaker 1: if you walk in the room with your hazy purple tint.
Speaker 2: It is that moment where Gary Ridgeway became the Green
Speaker 2: River Killer. It is in that moment.
Speaker 5: Yeah, on either end of the literal lens spectrum, he
Speaker 5: would have been an upstanding citizen.
Speaker 1: I did just watch about Larry. He is a scary,
Speaker 1: scary person who Gary garynn Larry his brother. He had
Speaker 1: two brothers named Larry. And the fact that all those
Speaker 1: years he was on New Art, I mean killing.
Speaker 4: People right in front of America.
Speaker 1: It's two brothers named Darryl. I'm bad at improv, but
Speaker 1: limprov is not not Yeah, started by Limpress lamp Limpressed.
Speaker 1: I am just gonna get out here, goodbye.
Speaker 4: I don't want to be.
Speaker 1: Embarrassed in front of our guests. But today we're doing
Speaker 1: two episodes. This first one is a solo. Even though
Speaker 1: Karen and I are two different people, we do share
Speaker 1: a mirror.
Speaker 2: We're both looking at the same vampire mirror. Yes, we
Speaker 2: have for quite some time.
Speaker 1: And we never There's not a lot of visuals with
Speaker 1: this podcast, but We always record in a two neck
Speaker 1: hold sweater that we both wear.
Speaker 2: Yep, we record cheek to cheek like many of the
Speaker 2: famous can join twins.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, sometimes only one of those twins will have
Speaker 1: a music career and the other is just along for
Speaker 1: the ride. I saw it on.
Speaker 4: TV Matt Damon and Greg Canaar.
Speaker 6: Uh.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's Farelli Brothers or fairly if I want to
Speaker 1: say it correctly. I New Year's Eve last year, my
Speaker 1: buddy Doug and I did at the club in Austin.
Speaker 2: And what's Doug's last name Mellard?
Speaker 1: Close to the duck but not quite the same Doug
Speaker 1: Mellard and I At the end of the show. Our
Speaker 1: plan for New Year's Eve after the countdown was to
Speaker 1: wear this two headed sweater together. That was the only
Speaker 1: plan we really had. And the putting on of the
Speaker 1: sweater made me lose track of time, and we started
Speaker 1: the countdown a good one and a half minutes after midnight,
Speaker 1: and the crowd really took it personally. Yeah, it ruined
Speaker 1: everyone's So I'd like to apologize to that room full
Speaker 1: of fiscal conservatives.
Speaker 4: They don't accept your bullege.
Speaker 1: They not. They want me to pull myself up by
Speaker 1: my bootstraps.
Speaker 4: They want to remind you that you had two jobs. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and you didn't do one of them.
Speaker 1: And it's okay to not have a job. But I
Speaker 1: also didn't have the wherewithal to publicly become part owner
Speaker 1: of Dell Computers, which is why their children were driving
Speaker 1: Lamborghinis to the show. It the comedy club. I love
Speaker 1: Cap City, It's my home club. I love everyone involved.
Speaker 1: And it's just when I went there, I thought I
Speaker 1: was going to Austin, and it is a outside portion
Speaker 1: of Austin known as the Domain, which is very scary,
Speaker 1: scary name, and that just it was a bunch. It
Speaker 1: was a mall, an outdoor mall, like a giant grove
Speaker 1: situation with parks in it, very expensive stores, surrounded by residents,
Speaker 1: super nice condos and nightlife. There was like a strip
Speaker 1: that was like you know New Orleans at night and
Speaker 1: fancy cars with doors that go up the James Bondway,
Speaker 1: and they were just partying and I was like, where
Speaker 1: are all these people getting their money? And someone said
Speaker 1: Dell Computers, and I didn't ask any questions.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a full answer.
Speaker 1: They were not employees. I do know that part of
Speaker 1: the answer.
Speaker 4: They were early stockholders.
Speaker 1: I guess so, kind of like Tesla and these other
Speaker 1: companies in the beginning they were publicly you could like
Speaker 1: become part owner or the Green Bay Packers. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine just being having a license franchise, just.
Speaker 1: And being a part of the community, getting that cheese
Speaker 1: right into your head, knowing that as you watch a game,
Speaker 1: you're also one of the players. Oh, I wish I
Speaker 1: could have sunk my teeth into one of those early investments.
Speaker 2: My dad had early Apple stock, which I think was
Speaker 2: the thing that kept him in a good mood throughout
Speaker 2: the late eighties and nineties.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: But then in the market crash of two thousand and
Speaker 4: was it six or seven?
Speaker 1: I think eight and if they were talking housing, but.
Speaker 2: Then everything else went, his stock crashed, And then I said,
Speaker 2: oh my god, are you so upset?
Speaker 4: And he goes, no, that's how it works.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I said, thank god I got you for
Speaker 2: a dad, and not some fucking psycho.
Speaker 1: Right. My dad was real casual about his loss of many, many,
Speaker 1: many many dollars. Dad's just it was that era.
Speaker 3: Well, and if you have a good dad, they're smart
Speaker 3: enough by that age to know that yes, we all
Speaker 3: want security, but if you have it, if you have
Speaker 3: enough financial security already, you don't need that extra shit.
Speaker 2: You can lose it, and you can lose it, and
Speaker 2: that's a chance for you to.
Speaker 4: To be exactly like that. In that moment.
Speaker 2: They may have been furious privately, right, but they demonstrated
Speaker 2: like a leadership quality to us, which is, we're already fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do not possess that I would lose it.
Speaker 4: The gyms have it covered for us. We can do
Speaker 4: what we want.
Speaker 1: You would think I would have a piece of that,
Speaker 1: with my mental name being James.
Speaker 2: Well, you did already admit that you were wrong, and
Speaker 2: you know take the hit on that.
Speaker 4: That's a great Oh on our last viral clip, could.
Speaker 1: We post it?
Speaker 4: No, you just did it on this episode.
Speaker 1: Our last viral clip. It went viral. As far as
Speaker 1: I know, I was admitting how I was wrong in
Speaker 1: that moment. Krit It was very fun I re listened
Speaker 1: to it several times.
Speaker 2: It's very funny. It sounded a little like Jimminy glick.
Speaker 1: Yeah any time.
Speaker 2: But I think it's so rare these days that a
Speaker 2: straight white man can just say, oh, I'm sorry, I
Speaker 2: did that wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm learning, you're doing great. I'm learning. I don't know
Speaker 1: that I was that way even a handful of years ago.
Speaker 4: We didn't have to be right, But now I didn't.
Speaker 1: Have to be right. I went and saw because it
Speaker 1: was free ticket time. The One Netflix is a joke
Speaker 1: festival event at the Hollywood Bowl. I watched Sebastian Maniscalco Seinfeld,
Speaker 1: who didn't talk about politics.
Speaker 4: And.
Speaker 1: Jim Gaffigan and Nate Bergatzi went up first. They pulled
Speaker 1: straws and Nate destroyed was got a standing ovation and
Speaker 1: he is a comic that does not try at any
Speaker 1: point to be funny, whereas everyone else. You could tell.
Speaker 1: It's not the best. It's an outdoor venue. It was
Speaker 1: a ton of people. You can't hear the laughs, I'm
Speaker 1: sure because it's the sky. Is there one thing I
Speaker 1: know about the sky being their laughs get sucked into
Speaker 1: the clouds.
Speaker 4: It doesn't like your material.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so they all were pushing it a little harder,
Speaker 1: which is what I would have done. You know, you
Speaker 1: cross your teeth, your eyes and cross your legs. You
Speaker 1: cross your eyes and dot your legs, and I h Yeah.
Speaker 1: Nate was so good, and I realized he does a
Speaker 1: relatable admitting its flaws, but not in a I'm down
Speaker 1: on myself way that I tend to lean into. He
Speaker 1: does it a perfect balance, which makes him relatable to all. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Also, he was such a wild success hosting Saturday Night Live,
Speaker 2: and I think that's probably one of the hardest things
Speaker 2: people can do. And if you do it and you
Speaker 2: kill it, I think there's very there are very few
Speaker 2: gigs after that that are going to put that same
Speaker 2: kind of nervousness into you. Right, and you have just
Speaker 2: really way bigger muscles from more recent times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, you can tell he's just got the juice.
Speaker 2: He's just so good though. I mean, and he always
Speaker 2: has been. It's like, that's the coolest thing. His comedy
Speaker 2: is always Sorry, what if I started crying because I
Speaker 2: loved Nate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I just realized and I look and see
Speaker 1: all these pictures of him on your dash.
Speaker 2: And here in the glovebox there's a little shrine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did. I could tell, And it also was
Speaker 1: inspiring for me, like I'm going to try that. He
Speaker 1: did stand up in that venue and on SNL. Is
Speaker 1: if it was just fifty people at a comedy club
Speaker 1: in the beginning of his career. Yep, casual, no nervousness.
Speaker 4: Yep, it's great, He's great.
Speaker 1: That is my report on one of the more notable
Speaker 1: things I've done in the time we've been apart.
Speaker 4: Cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, congratulations.
Speaker 1: It seems like I'm bragging. I went to a big,
Speaker 1: fancy comedy.
Speaker 2: Should I say, Well, let's see. Oh well, I went
Speaker 2: and saw. I went to New York for my birthday.
Speaker 2: Really I did. And I saw Cola Scola's play Oh Mary,
Speaker 2: which is off Broadway now, but just recently it was
Speaker 2: announced that it's moving to Broadway and it was really hilarious,
Speaker 2: And we went there for the five o'clock show and
Speaker 2: Jeff Tweety was in the audience, and a girl from
Speaker 2: TikTok who is so funny, who does an impression of
Speaker 2: her German mother, and her name is Laura, and I
Speaker 2: can't remember her last name right now, but I spotted
Speaker 2: her first and I was like, I need to say
Speaker 2: hello to her, but then it was too nerdy and
Speaker 2: so we just left there.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I always do that. Yeah, I'm a big fan.
Speaker 1: You know what. People always appreciate it. I sure do
Speaker 1: on the streets say hey, I like your stuff but
Speaker 1: then leave, but go.
Speaker 2: But also this felt it was very New York theater people,
Speaker 2: so I was like, well.
Speaker 1: How do you say Cole's last name esla at Scola.
Speaker 1: I guess I've never said that out loud. But they
Speaker 1: make me laugh very much.
Speaker 2: They are the funniest but it's such an interesting, funny thing.
Speaker 2: And I was so excited because no spoiler alerts. But
Speaker 2: if you want to see this play and you don't
Speaker 2: want to know anything about it, and don't listen for
Speaker 2: the next ten seconds, I'm just going to say at
Speaker 2: the end, they sing, and it is so they're such
Speaker 2: a good singer and I believe have worked on Broadway
Speaker 2: themselves a lot, from what I can tell, And it
Speaker 2: just made me so happy because the rest of it
Speaker 2: was just a regular play play right, So it was
Speaker 2: a real tease till the very end.
Speaker 4: God damn, they're a good singer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, having that in your back pocket trained, Oh, I've
Speaker 1: had an entire other life where I did this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a nice surprise.
Speaker 2: It's a real because at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: everybody loves it. Makes me think of when I was
Speaker 2: in high school and we had a like a school
Speaker 2: assembly and the people from the San Francisco Opera came
Speaker 2: up to Petaluma to give us like a demonstration of
Speaker 2: what they could do. And of course I was stoked
Speaker 2: because I love all performing and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: let's see this shit. But I was so scared because
Speaker 2: it was like a school full of bullies and assholes,
Speaker 2: and I.
Speaker 4: Was like, they're not going to appreciate this.
Speaker 2: And these fucking people rang that auditorium like a bell,
Speaker 2: like it was mind blowing how loud they can sing
Speaker 2: and how good it was, and just how inarguably talented
Speaker 2: they were.
Speaker 4: And everybody was like standing ovasion.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all the bullies stopped arm wrestling to go.
Speaker 4: I love the arts. I also need the.
Speaker 1: Arts in my life. Right. It's so funny that we
Speaker 1: had such different high school experiences because the only thing
Speaker 1: I can compare that, to compare to that is the
Speaker 1: Power Team coming to my They would flex their muscles
Speaker 1: kind of for Christ, for God, and they would remind
Speaker 1: you often and then they would rip apart. Was it
Speaker 1: the Bible that doesn't seem the telephone book and just
Speaker 1: do feats of strength while drunk for the Lord. And
Speaker 1: they're still active today, are they? They just do tours
Speaker 1: of high schools. I don't think you even have to
Speaker 1: ask them to show up. There's no scheduling. They just arrive.
Speaker 2: They hang around in high school parking lots and wait
Speaker 2: for the call.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so the same kind of crowd. Most of
Speaker 1: the guys in my class, you know, used to fight
Speaker 1: on the weekends, and so that just got them riled
Speaker 1: up in a different way. They'd fight each other or
Speaker 1: fight like oh strangers. It was a weird I just
Speaker 1: was thinking about this last night. The nineties were a
Speaker 1: very violent time, yes, but in a old timey. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna punch you because it's the weekend, and what
Speaker 1: else are we're going to do. We're all driving around downtown.
Speaker 4: Yes, we'll settle this outside energy with everything.
Speaker 1: And it was, you know, it was just everyone had
Speaker 1: rifles in their gun racks, but nothing nothing. No one
Speaker 1: ever thought about that. It was just a different type
Speaker 1: of violence.
Speaker 4: Yeah, mono a mono.
Speaker 1: Yes. See. I most fights I saw growing up, I
Speaker 1: would be the only one crying in the audience. Sometimes
Speaker 1: cars would be fanned out in the middle of the road,
Speaker 1: ksey lamps and lights turned on, and I would watch
Speaker 1: my friend punch someone in their twenties and get just
Speaker 1: many scary memories and I would get emotional, but there
Speaker 1: was always a handshake at the end, that old timey,
Speaker 1: good decent, good game. It is something I appreciate now
Speaker 1: but was just confused about. Then they're shaking hands.
Speaker 4: Now, good game. Call nine one one. I agree. My
Speaker 4: esophagus has collapsed.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's it was just that that's not happening now,
Speaker 1: and I suppose that's a good I.
Speaker 4: Think it's for the better.
Speaker 2: The same thing used to happen in both high school
Speaker 2: with the people I went to high school with, and
Speaker 2: of course in college. But by the time we were
Speaker 2: all in college, we were really used to it. But
Speaker 2: so the guys my sister hung out with, we'll get
Speaker 2: in fights every weekend, like every night of the weekend.
Speaker 2: And the girls that the the girlfriends of the guys
Speaker 2: they were fighting, would stand next to like my sister
Speaker 2: and be like stop Cody and like scream and shit,
Speaker 2: and she'd be like, hey, sit down, this is gonna
Speaker 2: take like four minutes. Relax, like I also need a
Speaker 2: ride home.
Speaker 1: Just calm down, and they if and four minutes is long,
Speaker 1: yes it is.
Speaker 4: With that with hands to the face wireless.
Speaker 1: It was four minutes of constant back and forth. That
Speaker 1: is two exhausted people. Yeah, there's a reason a round
Speaker 1: of boxing is only three. Don't quote me on that,
Speaker 1: but it's funny. I'm remembering now one of the early
Speaker 1: when I recorded a few episodes in Montana on my
Speaker 1: own a decade ago. I kind of drove around those
Speaker 1: roads and I'm like, describe the scary fights and just
Speaker 1: submitted it. And you probably never even.
Speaker 4: No, I don't listen to this podcast.
Speaker 1: I do. I've started to. I think it's pretty good,
Speaker 1: is it. Yeah, we're good. We have a thing, certainly
Speaker 1: a rapport, and you can tell we do our research that.
Speaker 4: We really care.
Speaker 1: At the end, I always say a non truth.
Speaker 4: Just to throw it out there as a test.
Speaker 1: Two truths and a lie. My favorite party game.
Speaker 2: Here's what I don't like about me No, no, oh, sorry
Speaker 2: about drive time traffic. Yes, is the fucking stop and
Speaker 2: go of those two right lanes. Like if you're over there,
Speaker 2: this lane could be going full tilt. That lane can
Speaker 2: be starting to go full tilt and then come to
Speaker 2: a complete stop and the people behind you don't know right,
Speaker 2: And then when you go to get out of that lane.
Speaker 4: You're donning it toward a stopped car.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 4: Just want to remind everybody this is a real car ride.
Speaker 1: Yes, and we will give you the details and hopefully
Speaker 1: you pick up on some of the advice. If you're
Speaker 1: in the far left lane, it is for the people
Speaker 1: going fastest. If you aren't planning on going fast, get
Speaker 1: out of it, get over, get over to the right.
Speaker 4: Please get over yourself.
Speaker 1: And speed up.
Speaker 4: Ate Bargatzi, get over yourself.
Speaker 1: Let me scoot up to your career.
Speaker 4: Nate.
Speaker 1: Remember that time in a van and we chewed kodiak together,
Speaker 1: bonding over the fact that we didn't care about the
Speaker 1: health of our lips. That's a true story.
Speaker 4: It doesn't sound true, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Know, because it's so landish. It's like you can't even
Speaker 1: write stuff like that because it's boring to talk about.
Speaker 4: It's like a real la story.
Speaker 1: I came here with nothing but some hopes and dreams
Speaker 1: and a can of tobacco.
Speaker 2: Making friends with chewing tobacco.
Speaker 1: And I've quit that. I've quit making friends with that stuff.
Speaker 4: Smart.
Speaker 1: But yeah, what we're experiencing now is I believe in inversion.
Speaker 1: We don't have to worry about weather today, which would
Speaker 1: cause sound problems. I think how many podcasts have we
Speaker 1: done in the rain.
Speaker 4: It's only a handful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, those are the episodes you can fall asleep to,
Speaker 1: really any of them? Look those up? I think there
Speaker 1: are no Rain episodes.
Speaker 2: Try to like do a crossover with like a sleep
Speaker 2: app Oh yeah, fifty more. I don't know what the
Speaker 2: fuck's going on. Yeah, yeah, calm would have been good. Okay,
Speaker 2: hold on, that's why I'm here. Take two mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Those episodes you can find on the call map.
Speaker 1: Yeah, o, colab, we did.
Speaker 4: Let me finish.
Speaker 1: Sorry, those rain episodes we did?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, those are available over on the call map
Speaker 2: for three ninety nine apiece.
Speaker 4: We have figured out how to monetize those.
Speaker 1: Oh you just wanted to brag about how we were
Speaker 1: making money.
Speaker 4: It wasn't even funny. Okay, take forth, I'll take it out.
Speaker 1: And if you enjoy that's the pitter patter of rain.
Speaker 4: Go over onto the call map.
Speaker 1: Yeah aggressively, yello screaming it.
Speaker 4: Go to the comap.
Speaker 1: Jug hold your breath for the punchline.
Speaker 4: Did that's ah? The anti Bargazzi delivery system right.
Speaker 2: There, blurting, unpredictable panic, clench it, shove it out of
Speaker 2: your mouth.
Speaker 4: When you first well not even just first started. I did.
Speaker 2: This was me for a long time when I was
Speaker 2: doing comedy is I would get nervous, and I would be.
Speaker 4: Frustrated to be nervous because I.
Speaker 2: Was like, I know, I just want to do good,
Speaker 2: and I know being nervous is going to make me
Speaker 2: not too good, right, And then I would just become
Speaker 2: very short of breath, so it kind of run out
Speaker 2: of air, and the audience knows you're doing it and
Speaker 2: knows why it's happening, so they can't be comfortable, right,
Speaker 2: and then you just kind of like a like a
Speaker 2: balloon losing its air slowly in the corner. You just
Speaker 2: kind of eat it quietly until you're done with your set.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that when you meet people that actually say,
Speaker 1: I do not enjoy stand up comedy. I've met people,
Speaker 1: even people that have a sense of humor, they can't
Speaker 1: handle how makes them feel to see a comedian not fail, yeah,
Speaker 1: or just being nervous, or they put themselves in their
Speaker 1: shoes and then they can't enjoy it. Yeah, And I'm
Speaker 1: starting to understand that, right, well.
Speaker 2: Because you can't you as the stand up comedian can't
Speaker 2: afford to entertain that mindset.
Speaker 4: So you've taught yourself how not to even address it.
Speaker 1: Right, But I just pretend it's not happening.
Speaker 4: It's not that's not real. Don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid, I very much. I've always done that. But
Speaker 1: I'm trying to take my time, take my breaths, and
Speaker 1: take my beta blockers, and then that takes your nervousness.
Speaker 1: It doesn't take it away, but it doesn't make you
Speaker 1: react in a shorter breath, handshaking type of way.
Speaker 4: Oh does it make your give you dry mouth?
Speaker 2: It?
Speaker 1: Certainly yes, and leg spasms. But but I'm worth it.
Speaker 1: I have a little one like if it's a big
Speaker 1: scary audition and you blow it because you show your nerves,
Speaker 1: which I have done countless time.
Speaker 4: That's all I've ever done.
Speaker 1: I only wish it's a it's a it's a the
Speaker 1: stars use them. It's not something you should take rigor regularly.
Speaker 1: Mm hm. Always had trouble with that word and Steph, Yes,
Speaker 1: but I am. I'm going to take a little bit
Speaker 1: of a beta blocker for this. An upcoming golf tournament
Speaker 1: that isn't celebrity comedian. It's just pros and ams. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be one of the ams. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: big one and I'm nervous already. But if I take
Speaker 1: that little blocker, it shuts out some of the voices.
Speaker 2: No, does that affect performance?
Speaker 4: If you are not tapped in authentically, you're.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. And I'm I'm speaking about this this
Speaker 1: drug without knowing much about it or having ever taken it. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's just been prescribed to me by passers by that
Speaker 1: don't know me.
Speaker 4: The unsafest way to take drugs.
Speaker 1: Actors and people that get voices. I self sabotage in
Speaker 1: the moment with everything, especially physical things skateboarding and golf, Like,
Speaker 1: I know I can do something, and then there's a
Speaker 1: voice and with stand up. This voice in my head says,
Speaker 1: let's let's see what it would feel like to blow
Speaker 1: it right now, or just have your mind go blank,
Speaker 1: or do something weird with your elbow as you bring
Speaker 1: the club face up, or maybe let's just see what
Speaker 1: it feels like to have the skateboard blast into your
Speaker 1: taint area. These are all things I know I can control,
Speaker 1: and when they happen, I'm so frustrated that I let
Speaker 1: my brain tell my body to do that. That's a
Speaker 1: famous rock. It has to be.
Speaker 4: I think it's Eagle Rock.
Speaker 1: That is the great Eagle Rock.
Speaker 4: Because look, it looks like an eagle.
Speaker 1: It sure does, wow, doesn't it. It looks like the
Speaker 1: muppet eagle that does the news.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there he is the eagle.
Speaker 1: Yes, Samuel Eagle, the h Peabody Award winning you're analist.
Speaker 1: People climb on that rock.
Speaker 2: I also love self sabotage myself, and one of my
Speaker 2: favorite ways to do it is to actually look into
Speaker 2: the audience and see who you can see, and see
Speaker 2: who you can immediately tell a story about all the
Speaker 2: ways they hate you, and get so lost in that
Speaker 2: story that you can't even focus on what you're supposed
Speaker 2: to be saying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you're not saying this story out loud to
Speaker 1: the people. You're keeping it.
Speaker 2: To yourself while you do your dumb jokes that you've
Speaker 2: done twenty nine times. So then you're just like, man,
Speaker 2: this guy fucking hates me because he's blonde.
Speaker 1: I better focus on him.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, just because of the way his arms are
Speaker 5: crossed and his shirt pattern, I know he does like me.
Speaker 4: Andy's a Nazi.
Speaker 1: Yes, usually usually, Yeah, it's amazing this thing that I
Speaker 1: have in my pocket that i'm saving, Well apparently lessens
Speaker 1: that voice. And you know I'm not a big drug dealer.
Speaker 4: Not But if you want some, say the word.
Speaker 1: Say the word. I've got a whole bag of them.
Speaker 4: How about now that we've made it to Pasadena? Can
Speaker 4: you smell my shirt?
Speaker 1: No? It smells Grayton here.
Speaker 2: I have a concern a sour shirt smell concern almost
Speaker 2: all the time.
Speaker 1: And you mentioned it happens after a shirt has maybe
Speaker 1: stayed damp too long, and not the driver. When I
Speaker 1: brought up mildew, you said no.
Speaker 4: Never I shouted no when I slapped you on the knuckles.
Speaker 1: But if I were to describe the smell of mildew,
Speaker 1: the word sour would be the first on the.
Speaker 2: List, would it, really? I don't. I think mine is
Speaker 2: more of a there's always something going on with my
Speaker 2: washing machine, and so it just feels like it should
Speaker 2: have run in the washing machine longer with more soap,
Speaker 2: but it didn't, so because it didn't didn't get fully clean.
Speaker 4: The way it was supposed to.
Speaker 1: Do, right, I always use plenty of soap sometimes it's
Speaker 1: a bad thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The first time I worked a comedy club in Dayton, Ohio,
Speaker 1: I was featuring for the great Eddie Gosling, oh and
Speaker 1: Ryan Singer was emcing. This was two thousand and one
Speaker 1: or two. I The condo was a like twelfth floor apartment,
Speaker 1: and I went to do the dishes, trying to be responsible.
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up with a dishwasher. You put the
Speaker 1: powder detergent in a dishwasher. Yeah, I put like liquid
Speaker 1: soap in the dishwasher, and the entire apartment turned to
Speaker 1: a nineteen nineties eternity foam party, like all wall to wall, four.
Speaker 6: Feet of phone and I did damp it tripped it
Speaker 6: then turned to soapy water that damaged I don't even
Speaker 6: know about the damage because I left town.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Smart, Yeah, it's uh oh, that was such a
Speaker 1: memorable weekend.
Speaker 2: You know what's funny too, is because that is a
Speaker 2: very understandable mistake, So like the idea that that mistake
Speaker 2: is so wildly out of control when it must happen
Speaker 2: often right on.
Speaker 7: No one was on my side, Yeah, I was, even
Speaker 7: Eddie Gosling.
Speaker 1: Eddie laughed his ass off. He couldn't believe I did it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I do I have to yell that I
Speaker 1: grew up for I mean, hand washed dishes. I only
Speaker 1: know this liquid stuff to be for dishes. The powder
Speaker 1: that's rich people. Yeah, maybe we did have a dishwasher.
Speaker 1: I just wasn't. I didn't have a lot of chore.
Speaker 2: You didn't actually do the dishes. It's different than growing
Speaker 2: up so poor you didn't have.
Speaker 1: The dish True, it's true. I think on the fourth
Speaker 1: floor of my childhood home we did have a dishwasher. Jesus, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that third kitchen. But I don't know. Every time I
Speaker 1: asked about it, our butler was like, don't snap back
Speaker 1: at me.
Speaker 4: You're like, wait a second. Butlers aren't supposed to talk
Speaker 4: like that, are you my father?
Speaker 1: I just realized, Yeah, oh, so many costumes, so much confusion.
Speaker 1: It's being homeschooled. Now I'm the gym teacher. Now I'm
Speaker 1: the class bully.
Speaker 2: Now I'm the care taker, sorry, undertaker to the undertaker
Speaker 2: of the wrestler.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the school's gravedigger for all those students, the.
Speaker 4: Six students school.
Speaker 1: Oh man, Yeah, that was that's quite the weekend that
Speaker 1: that was. You know, I don't like pranks ha ha
Speaker 1: I got you. I lied, Yeah, and you were scared.
Speaker 1: It's the first holiday. Yeah, I was that. I kind
Speaker 1: of knew that i'd turned the apartment to a phone
Speaker 1: party because the guy called me, the club owner called
Speaker 1: me at six am and said, what are you still
Speaker 1: doing there? You're supposed to be a morning radio And
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I've heard of morning radio. Oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. What do I do? I'll call it
Speaker 1: taxi And he's like, a gotcha, woke me up for
Speaker 1: this prank?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't remember his name, but I remember his face
Speaker 1: etched into my list of enemies.
Speaker 4: Etched into your ear listening on the phone.
Speaker 1: Yes, maybe to this podcast.
Speaker 4: Hey, Jim, here's here's the thing, Jim.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jim.
Speaker 2: Pranks are all fun and games until you're calling people
Speaker 2: on the phone at fucking six am.
Speaker 4: Are you joking?
Speaker 1: Yeah, on the heels of us, just praising all gems.
Speaker 4: Yeah, pranks. Jim runed it for the good gems.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I also left in Dayton, Ohio, where I saw
Speaker 1: Dave Chappelle at the skate park doing three sixty flips.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 1: That's the part of the story I tell the most
Speaker 1: because he used to be a little skinny skater kid.
Speaker 1: He sat at the bar and didn't watch any of
Speaker 1: our shows. But he was nice.
Speaker 4: He was a child, he was tired of comedy.
Speaker 1: I knew him from from that weed movie Baked Faith,
Speaker 1: Baked Half, the Baked Half. But I was doing a
Speaker 1: thing to add time to my act, where I drew
Speaker 1: picture like a Bob Ross thing. I had an easel
Speaker 1: and I would do these drawings that gradually became sexually
Speaker 1: explicit to me. It was my last episode of my
Speaker 1: PBS show. I would wear a curly wig and it
Speaker 1: was called the Imagination Station, and you know, pentagrams and
Speaker 1: sexual things ensuit with drawing trickery. It was actually, now
Speaker 1: looking back, more creative than things I do now. Sure,
Speaker 1: But I needed an easel, and I went to an
Speaker 1: art instruction place and said, may I borrow an easel?
Speaker 1: She said, well, we need something of yours. And rather
Speaker 1: than give my driver's license or something, somehow, I don't
Speaker 1: know if it was her idea or mine, I left
Speaker 1: one of my shoes and so I walked home with
Speaker 1: this easel. What She's like, well, you'll definitely come back
Speaker 1: for your shoe, and I'm like, yeah, I kind of
Speaker 1: wish I had it for the walk home. I had walked,
Speaker 1: so I walked back with this easel, one shoe and
Speaker 1: a sock. And I never did Yes, of course I
Speaker 1: didn't the flight. I woke up late. I left that shoe.
Speaker 1: Yeah you did, But I did organize an easel drop off.
Speaker 2: Oh you You didn't keep the easel.
Speaker 1: I left it in the condo, but it was safely
Speaker 1: brought back. Nice maybe baby by that. There's a sweet man,
Speaker 1: Jim that I spoke ill of. He did it. I
Speaker 1: think he did it for me.
Speaker 2: But you wouldn't take just one extra moment to get
Speaker 2: your fucking shoe.
Speaker 1: I it was across town. It wasn't the day of
Speaker 1: ubers and easy ways to transport yourself. Okay, I was drunk,
Speaker 1: care of it's not what you want to hear it.
Speaker 1: I was probably throwing up. I knew I had a
Speaker 1: flight the next day. You stay up all night and
Speaker 1: you'd drink your friend whiskey. That's probably what exactly happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, at least you organized something. Yeah you got
Speaker 2: the important part. You didn't steal an easel for no
Speaker 2: reason and leave it somewhere.
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, that's good. Very responsibly responsively extensively. Uh, I'll
Speaker 1: just get out here. Well I arranged for it, yes, smart, Yes,
Speaker 1: we're on our way to our friend. Friend of the show,
Speaker 1: David Huntsberger lives just past this up this daunting bridge.
Speaker 1: Not bridge, it's like a I think it is a bridge.
Speaker 1: It's just walls.
Speaker 2: Oh, maybe have some retaining walls that were built to
Speaker 2: look like a bridge.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's very of course featured in the movie Chinatown.
Speaker 1: But I he had hernia surgery and they needed and
Speaker 1: will need help as he recovers. Taking his children to
Speaker 1: school and I literally just needed to put them in
Speaker 1: and out of the car seat and we had it
Speaker 1: was so fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little, a little so what it's like to
Speaker 2: be a dad, Just that one tiny part.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's all I need. And uh yeah it was
Speaker 1: a great It was a great time.
Speaker 4: That's nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's it was enjoyable. I may I may
Speaker 1: do it again.
Speaker 4: I mean, don't spoil them.
Speaker 1: No, no, I've learned from my years in daycare. Uh
Speaker 1: there's a daycare center next to my apartment. I had
Speaker 1: a few hours a week. Really, I did not spoil.
Speaker 2: There's no way they would just let some random work
Speaker 2: at the daycare, would they.
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh, I was friends with the owner, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: I was great with those kids. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 5: They individually wrote me letters of pictures of me driving
Speaker 5: to Texas to start my comedy career.
Speaker 4: They had to.
Speaker 1: It was the assignment that maybe maybe their parents put
Speaker 1: them up to it.
Speaker 4: You think about it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, did I get that. At the beginning of the day,
Speaker 5: I said, Okay, we're all going to draw pictures today
Speaker 5: to send.
Speaker 1: Me off to Texas.
Speaker 2: Kip, so all your well wishes and nothing negative.
Speaker 1: They'd say, okay, Chris with a mustache, because that's what
Speaker 1: they called me.
Speaker 4: So you'll go.
Speaker 2: First, old man, and you won't use your turn signal
Speaker 2: too late.
Speaker 4: Did you see he turned it on halfway through?
Speaker 1: Oh? Wow, enjoy your senior year.
Speaker 2: I bet you're not even graduating with a three point five.
Speaker 1: Yeah. The only graduating you're doing is the cylinder graduated
Speaker 1: cylinder in the science class. Here, let's do it again.
Speaker 4: Okay, take two. Uh, you're a full senior year. We'll
Speaker 4: only get a three point five.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you're not graduating.
Speaker 4: Cylinder.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, unless we're talking about a cylinder. You'll never
Speaker 1: be graduated unless we're talking cylinders. There we go.
Speaker 7: It is it is, and.
Speaker 4: You've been listening to need a ride?
Speaker 1: D y n A are did we really just stop?
Speaker 4: Sure?
Speaker 1: Was that a quick one? Oh that's all right?
Speaker 4: Well that could be the ending. It could be, but
Speaker 4: good luck stitching anything into the middle.
Speaker 1: Consider this bonus content since we did just wrap the
Speaker 1: credits and rolls.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, but now we're gonna play bloopers.
Speaker 2: This is a yeah post a post show talk down
Speaker 2: about what didn't didn't work?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely the redoing of jokes hilarious. It was
Speaker 1: a great idea on paper the whole time we wrote
Speaker 1: it out here. But there's been times we've had like
Speaker 1: a forty five minute episode. Yeah, that one's like I
Speaker 1: want my money back. No.
Speaker 2: I think most people are satisfied if it's over thirty minutes,
Speaker 2: and happy if it's over forty five.
Speaker 4: Right, although we have on average done like our hour ten. Right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you've given more than enough and now consistently
Speaker 1: you're all given us guff for this this maybe forty
Speaker 1: five second episode if you're lucky.
Speaker 2: This just the constant bitching about this episode.
Speaker 1: Why do you keep going on and on?
Speaker 2: We read your email. We got your tersely worded long
Speaker 2: handed email. Uh regular mail?
Speaker 1: Yes, sorry, yes here, we've got your curtly or tersely
Speaker 1: hand take for you. We've got your Curtly tersely. Now
Speaker 1: I want that on my desk in the morning with
Speaker 1: your badge. Take four.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm too old for this shit.
Speaker 1: I'm too old for this shit. Got to me on
Speaker 1: a toilet with a long beard.
Speaker 2: Isn't that what you said the night that you dressed
Speaker 2: up like you were on a toilet on Halloween?
Speaker 5: I guarantee I did, because I always thought it would
Speaker 5: be funny to cut it, like if you were doing
Speaker 5: pranks while filming a lethal weapon. If during the iconic
Speaker 5: line read he was like, I'm getting too old for
Speaker 5: this ship. If it showed him then on that scene
Speaker 5: where he's stuck on the toilet because it's.
Speaker 1: Got a bomb on it, right, let me think. Let
Speaker 1: me I honestly think that I just did and have
Speaker 1: been doing a Doug Benson joke, because I think he
Speaker 1: has a joke where he says I'm getting too old
Speaker 1: for this ship and he points down it is the same.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, sorry Doug.
Speaker 4: Props to Doug Benson.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the checks in the mail. Please don't be litigious.
Speaker 2: Doesn't it seem like there's no traffic anywhere and it's
Speaker 2: kind of creepy, Yeah.
Speaker 4: Wide open roads.
Speaker 1: Yeah, whenever it feels like that, I'm like, should I
Speaker 1: be listening to the radio? Yeah, we've been told to
Speaker 1: stay indoors and I'm just walking around whistling.
Speaker 4: Where's Julia Roberts right now? Me?
Speaker 1: T help me everything? You know? Julia? She used to
Speaker 1: live somewhere near me in Venice. Really, she'd have big sunglasses,
Speaker 1: but she has such a recognizable mouth that I was like,
Speaker 1: that is Julia.
Speaker 4: Roberts, lifelong famous person forever.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Did you ever see Mystic Pizza?
Speaker 1: I love Mystic Pizza. Pizza, Mystic Pizza Pizza. It is
Speaker 1: to be called where are you pointing at?
Speaker 4: I was supposed to turn down there?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, but I was laughing Pizza It's okay. Who
Speaker 1: is the the actress in that that is always good?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And has an interesting voice?
Speaker 7: Name?
Speaker 2: She's the one that gets together with the with the
Speaker 2: married man. Accidentally, Yes, that is I want to say. Okay,
Speaker 2: it's Annabeth Gish. Her grandmother or maybe great grandmother was
Speaker 2: Lillian Gish, one of the first famous actresses in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, and I love that history, but I'm thinking
Speaker 1: of someone else.
Speaker 4: You're thinking of the one that's all business short.
Speaker 1: Yes, sadass Yes, I like her and everything.
Speaker 7: Yes, and Lily, Yes, Lily, Yep, it's Lily, Lily, Lily
Speaker 7: hal damn joy Lily.
Speaker 2: Lily, who was also in Sae Anything. She's the woman
Speaker 2: that rand yeah fifty six songs.
Speaker 1: About Yes, stop yelling, Tomlin.
Speaker 2: It is Lily blank Lily one syllable.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm gonna look it up. I mean, that's what
Speaker 1: it's resorted to. You guys, this is a podcast where
Speaker 1: I look at my phone. You might as well be
Speaker 1: watching a movie with me, because I'm going to IMDb.
Speaker 4: Lily Saylor, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 5: I couldn't remember my own passcode, and it doesn't. My
Speaker 5: phone says, there's no way this is what you look
Speaker 5: like anymore.
Speaker 2: I also was totally wrong, Oh look at giant skeleton.
Speaker 1: Yeah, year round.
Speaker 2: I was totally wrong about it being one syllable that
Speaker 2: hurts me.
Speaker 4: I was just flat wrong.
Speaker 1: About that, right right. You don't care when the word
Speaker 1: itself isn't coming up but when the rhythm of that word.
Speaker 2: Is off, then it means I'm off right, I might
Speaker 2: as well hang it up, sir, Please be careful in
Speaker 2: the bird scooter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I almost feel like he because of that helmet.
Speaker 1: There is so little confidence in it boots bird scootering.
Speaker 1: What is happening? Bird scootering ability?
Speaker 4: We may have been struck by an invisible laser, right.
Speaker 1: I think that's what happened, and it went right to
Speaker 1: my frontal lobe, which assembles words. Oh, I fix her upper.
Speaker 1: What if it's our.
Speaker 4: Guests not looking good? We'll go up here?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: What? This is an interesting episode where we're we're still
Speaker 1: recording and we are picking up the guests for the
Speaker 1: next episode. This is like a perfect teaser.
Speaker 4: Should we stop it and start I.
Speaker 1: Think we should stop it and start again.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is where we cut together my ending, where
Speaker 2: I end it for the first time in twelve years.
Speaker 1: I love it. I didn't know you've been wanting to.
Speaker 2: I don't think I did want to, but I did
Speaker 2: it because I see an opportunity and I'll fucking take it.
Speaker 1: That's me.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I've just every part of me is itching
Speaker 5: to say, you've been listening.
Speaker 1: Do you need a Ride? Do you yan a R?
Speaker 4: Double ending?
Speaker 1: This has been an exactly Right.
Speaker 4: Production produced by Analise Nelson.
Speaker 1: Mixed by Edson Choi.
Speaker 2: Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.
Speaker 4: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
Speaker 2: podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 4: Thank you both.
Speaker 1: You're welcome