1
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,040
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's talk about intention. So I was in

2
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:19,799
Speaker 1: a relationship where we went out. He basically said he

3
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,440
Speaker 1: was going to be in New York, and he lived

4
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,279
Speaker 1: somewhere else, but he just showed up in New York

5
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,160
Speaker 1: to go on the date the next day, sent flowers

6
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,880
Speaker 1: like from day one. The intention was there. And it

7
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,800
Speaker 1: fell off a little and something went wrong, but we

8
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,880
Speaker 1: ended up getting back together, and the intention was really

9
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,360
Speaker 1: always there, like you always knew where you stood and

10
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:40,080
Speaker 1: it was great. And so most people think I'm not dating.

11
00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:42,320
Speaker 1: I am in an adventurer. I'm in a dating era.

12
00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:45,240
Speaker 1: The headlines say what the headlines say, haven't I don't

13
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,000
Speaker 1: clarify them. My publicist called me a list, which was lovely,

14
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:52,479
Speaker 1: and she said, a list people don't. She didn't mean

15
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,920
Speaker 1: like this is a rule only for a list, or

16
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,880
Speaker 1: that I'm alist. She just said a list people don't

17
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,480
Speaker 1: like clarify what's going on. So there have been a

18
00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,800
Speaker 1: lot of headlines with me, a lot of people I've

19
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,200
Speaker 1: been seeing, with a lot of different things. None of

20
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,880
Speaker 1: it defines me. I'll never make an announce of what

21
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,200
Speaker 1: I'm doing or not doing anymore. I'm not paid for that. Okay,

22
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:13,560
Speaker 1: So there's a person that I met who immediately very

23
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:17,199
Speaker 1: successful person, very successful person, and in like a very

24
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:22,600
Speaker 1: pressured profession. And so ironically, you give somebody busy something.

25
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,200
Speaker 1: Whatever you want, you want to get something done, give

26
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:25,760
Speaker 1: it to somebody busy, is what I'm saying. So, like

27
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,920
Speaker 1: I get everything done. I could be a good partner.

28
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,360
Speaker 1: I could do a relief effort. I could do ten

29
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,840
Speaker 1: TV shows. I could resolve a conflict on the phone

30
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,240
Speaker 1: with someone walking out on stage, talk to five thousand people,

31
00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:37,640
Speaker 1: like I'm a machine. So this guy that was interested

32
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,160
Speaker 1: in me right away just said to me by we

33
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,280
Speaker 1: were messaging, are you. It was like on a high

34
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,800
Speaker 1: end app are you? Are you Bethany Frankel? And I

35
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,560
Speaker 1: was like yes, and it was right away, and like

36
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,880
Speaker 1: there was something very transparent about it, and I was like,

37
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,440
Speaker 1: thank you for like asking right away. He's like, I

38
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,520
Speaker 1: just wanted to get that out of the way, like

39
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:55,600
Speaker 1: I know who you are, and I'm not going to

40
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,200
Speaker 1: like make it not level. So I thought that was great,

41
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,640
Speaker 1: like letting me know, and then I realized is a

42
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:06,680
Speaker 1: pretty successful person and little very light banter straight to tonight,

43
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,600
Speaker 1: I'm available at eight o'clock if you are I'm done

44
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,839
Speaker 1: with what I'm doing, which is a big thing, and

45
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,119
Speaker 1: I'd like to get together and back. It was like, oh,

46
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,440
Speaker 1: I'm with my daughter for dinner. But but but the

47
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,800
Speaker 1: ball was moving. And the reason I'm mentioning this is

48
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,440
Speaker 1: because we gaslight ourselves. And I've been in other situations

49
00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,480
Speaker 1: where you're making all these excuses for like, oh, well,

50
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,960
Speaker 1: he's got he's got his kids, or he's got this job,

51
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,959
Speaker 1: or he's got this thing, or he's running a marathon,

52
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,400
Speaker 1: and you're making his excuses for why someone couldn't like

53
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,280
Speaker 1: be super intentional about when they were going to see you,

54
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,160
Speaker 1: be totally transparent about what was going on. And then

55
00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,200
Speaker 1: the veil gets lifted and you see someone just do

56
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,160
Speaker 1: what you think is normal or what you would do,

57
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,160
Speaker 1: which is intentional, and you're like, how stupid And it's

58
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,799
Speaker 1: to your point. It's like someone's interviewing for the job,

59
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,359
Speaker 1: and it wasn't all like mucked up and crazy where

60
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,320
Speaker 1: they're asking you what days do I have to work

61
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,400
Speaker 1: and how many hours and when's my lunch break? They

62
00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,680
Speaker 1: were like, Hi, I got it, I'm on the job.

63
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,400
Speaker 1: I want the job. What's the job? Let's go Yeah, and.

64
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:07,760
Speaker 2: That's that is essential premise of any relationship is that

65
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,120
Speaker 2: you can't drag a guy to want to be the

66
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,720
Speaker 2: man you need him to be. Don't pay attention to

67
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,520
Speaker 2: just what happened on the date or how great he

68
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,240
Speaker 2: is on paper. Pay attention to how he follows up

69
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,920
Speaker 2: after the date, how quickly he does he say, I

70
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,000
Speaker 2: can't wait to see you again. What are you doing

71
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:28,000
Speaker 2: this weekend? Texting you regularly calling your right the ball right?

72
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,480
Speaker 2: He makes that out. You don't, and that's You're just

73
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,959
Speaker 2: sort of standing there waiting to receive love and this

74
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,240
Speaker 2: guy has to make an effort, and you're not running away.

75
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,000
Speaker 2: You're not playing games. You're just waiting to see how

76
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,600
Speaker 2: he shows up for you and rewarding him for his efforts.

77
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,080
Speaker 2: He texts you, you text them back. No games, he calls you,

78
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,880
Speaker 2: you call him back the game. It's really easy, actually.

79
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, but nothing's worse than when someone texts you text

80
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,520
Speaker 1: them back, and then they take four hours to text you.

81
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,080
Speaker 1: Then you are playing a game because now you're taking

82
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,520
Speaker 1: six hours to text him back, and you're in the

83
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,560
Speaker 1: middle of a fucking swamp that you don't want to

84
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:57,760
Speaker 1: be in.

85
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:57,880
Speaker 3: It.

86
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,200
Speaker 1: It's not who you are, you're acting like you don't

87
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,320
Speaker 1: because of the way the other person's acting, and so frankly,

88
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,160
Speaker 1: they're dragging you down to be who you're not in

89
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,120
Speaker 1: your best dating life right.

90
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,400
Speaker 2: In the healthiest relationships that I've seen with my clients,

91
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,080
Speaker 2: it's this really smooth on ramp between when they meet

92
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:18,880
Speaker 2: very often online to when they become an official couple,

93
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,440
Speaker 2: take their profiles down, start sleeping together, call each other

94
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,599
Speaker 2: boyfriend girlfriend. That happens in four to six weeks or

95
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,080
Speaker 2: something like that. If it drags on much longer than that,

96
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,560
Speaker 2: probably not going to happen. Maybe your life circumstances different.

97
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,520
Speaker 2: Because you travel so much, there's a long might be

98
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,000
Speaker 2: a longer on ramp. But for people with like regular

99
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,640
Speaker 2: lives and you know, rooted in their communities, there's nothing

100
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,719
Speaker 2: stopping people from starting with once a week, going to

101
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,520
Speaker 2: twice a week, going around the base, ye and.

102
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,720
Speaker 1: Balancing your kids with that, because some people make their

103
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,040
Speaker 1: kids their entire I've had so many men make their

104
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:53,119
Speaker 1: kids their entire identity. I'm a very involved father, something

105
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,440
Speaker 1: mothers don't say. And also, like you're in the middle

106
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,680
Speaker 1: of a conversation, they're like panic stricken, jumping off the

107
00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,720
Speaker 1: phone to get on with their kids, like there's no emergency.

108
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,200
Speaker 1: And I see it with adult kids, like men that

109
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,400
Speaker 1: have adult kids that are like like jumping off, Like

110
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,240
Speaker 1: I'm not like that with my kids, Like hold on, Brinn,

111
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,920
Speaker 1: hold on two seconds, I'm on a call, Like it's

112
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 1: not a fucking emergency. I have a great level, healthy

113
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,240
Speaker 1: relationship with my child, and I have a good relationship

114
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,919
Speaker 1: with her, But she's not my entire life. People like

115
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,080
Speaker 1: my kids my whole world. No, my kid is my is.

116
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:24,840
Speaker 1: I love her. I'm going on a date with her

117
00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,080
Speaker 1: tonight for dinner. I cook dinner for her every night,

118
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,560
Speaker 1: we talk about it. I drive her to school every day.

119
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:33,960
Speaker 1: I do primarily put her first. But yet this weekend,

120
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,080
Speaker 1: she's having a party here at the house and someone's

121
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:37,760
Speaker 1: going to be here, and I'm going to a spot

122
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,080
Speaker 1: because that's something I need if I want to go

123
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,120
Speaker 1: on a date, I'm going on a date. I went

124
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,239
Speaker 1: to a party last night. She was like, Mama, go, Mama,

125
00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:47,320
Speaker 1: you need to get out, Like that's balance. She's not.

126
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,080
Speaker 2: I'm really glad you're going there.

127
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,120
Speaker 1: Fuck is going on with these fucking people.

128
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,320
Speaker 2: So there's a book that I read when I first

129
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,800
Speaker 2: became a parent. My kids are twelve and thirteen. I

130
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,600
Speaker 2: don't remember the title of the book, but it talked

131
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,280
Speaker 2: about the difference between two styles of parenting. There's the

132
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,599
Speaker 2: child centered parenting and there's the parent centered parenting. Child

133
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,479
Speaker 2: centered parenting is the kid gets whatever they want, anything

134
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,040
Speaker 2: to make the kid comfortable. And those are the kids

135
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,160
Speaker 2: who don't never have a babysitter, have never been out

136
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,480
Speaker 2: of their parents' site. They don't do anything independently. The

137
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,200
Speaker 2: mom's cutting their meat when they're fourteen years old. And

138
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,880
Speaker 2: we chose to be like you. We had like a

139
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,800
Speaker 2: roster of babysitters and there was never going to be

140
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,799
Speaker 2: a reason that we couldn't go out because some eighteen

141
00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,480
Speaker 2: year old girl had plans. And so our kids grew

142
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,040
Speaker 2: up like your kids. Mom and dad have a life.

143
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,119
Speaker 2: We fit within that life structure, but not everything goes

144
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,799
Speaker 2: towards the kid's comfort. And I think you're raised more mature,

145
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:41,600
Speaker 2: resilient kids.

146
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,640
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And these guys are like bitch ass

147
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,480
Speaker 1: is like running in circles. It's a child. They don't

148
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,000
Speaker 1: have to be wrapped in bubble wrap. You don't have

149
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,680
Speaker 1: to make everything a soft landing. That's it, like, I'm

150
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:52,840
Speaker 1: so not into that shit.

151
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,240
Speaker 2: It's really don't think it's kind of just generational. You

152
00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,440
Speaker 2: and I are about the same age, I think. I

153
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,600
Speaker 2: think it's one of the things.

154
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,360
Speaker 1: No, the maner aal late fifties. It's divorsational. It's guilt

155
00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:08,640
Speaker 1: over compensation. It's a Superman theory, and it's afterwards. I'm

156
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:12,080
Speaker 1: a very involved father putting the putting, the putting your

157
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:15,080
Speaker 1: kids in your profile with like emoji faces over it

158
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,040
Speaker 1: or like just next to you, coloring with them to

159
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,160
Speaker 1: perform that you're a father. You don't get a cookie

160
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,560
Speaker 1: for being a father. Good for you. You're there, great

161
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,240
Speaker 1: step to the side, go on a date, be with

162
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,200
Speaker 1: your kids, go to the kids concert, like live a

163
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,960
Speaker 1: fucking life. I hate that. I hate it. It's so stupid.

164
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,360
Speaker 1: So anyway, yeah, that's ridiculous, and I'm positive about it

165
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,920
Speaker 1: because I've seen like grown men in desperation over it.

166
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,760
Speaker 1: It's like, relax, it's gonna be okay. Your kid's not

167
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 1: on fire.

168
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,000
Speaker 2: Most kids are not on fire when they're texting their dad.

169
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:53,000
Speaker 4: That is true.

170
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,920
Speaker 1: So you said something, and I'd like to take on

171
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,960
Speaker 1: the matchmakers. This is he's my honest opinion. About matchmakers.

172
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:07,920
Speaker 1: Matchmakers are like headhunters or publicists. They're doing the same

173
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,480
Speaker 1: thing that you could literally do yourself. Okay, they really are,

174
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:15,960
Speaker 1: and there's no magic, proprietary formula to it. They often

175
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,600
Speaker 1: say it doesn't matter, like if he doesn't text you

176
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:23,920
Speaker 1: back for like several hours, he's really busy, Like he's

177
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,360
Speaker 1: at work and he's really busy, and I'm like in

178
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,560
Speaker 1: any other scenario, like I'm the busiest people I know,

179
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,640
Speaker 1: the billionaires that I know, and I mean like the

180
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:35,920
Speaker 1: Mark Cubans, then the Nicole and David Teppers, the Steve Cohens,

181
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,120
Speaker 1: like I know some major people, the Kevin O'Leary's, the

182
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:46,559
Speaker 1: Gary Vaynerchuk's, Like they respond instantly, okay, running multi billion

183
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:52,280
Speaker 1: dollar high stakes sports teams, operations, philanthropic, Like immediately, I

184
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,480
Speaker 1: don't believe what the matchmakers say. He's at work, he's drowning,

185
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,199
Speaker 1: he's so busy eight hours. What do we I'm on

186
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 1: a fucking We're in a horse and carriage society. So

187
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,040
Speaker 1: that's my first opinion. The second is they'll be like,

188
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,920
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter, how do you feel when you're with him?

189
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,960
Speaker 1: And you're basically just saying the opposite and I'm kind

190
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,000
Speaker 1: of with you because I've been with people that I

191
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:15,760
Speaker 1: feel amazing with then we separate and the way they're acting,

192
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,760
Speaker 1: the cock in between the tiles is not there, and

193
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,760
Speaker 1: you can't keep those tiles on that bathroom floor without

194
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,160
Speaker 1: the cock. And it's and I've been in long distance

195
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,520
Speaker 1: relationships and if the person's not nurturing that, and it's

196
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,640
Speaker 1: the FaceTime or the FaceTime sacks or the calls, like

197
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,680
Speaker 1: just relying on what's going to happen when you're together

198
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,360
Speaker 1: because it feels great, that model doesn't work. And that's

199
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,040
Speaker 1: what matchmakers often say.

200
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,640
Speaker 2: So I'm going to tread really really lightly for a

201
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,000
Speaker 2: number of reasons, because you.

202
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,920
Speaker 1: Work with a lot of matchmakers. You're like a dermatologist

203
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,880
Speaker 1: that works with a lot of plastic surgeons and vice versa.

204
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 1: A little bit got.

205
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,480
Speaker 2: It, And so I've spoken at the matchmaker's conferences and

206
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:52,040
Speaker 2: I even got benned from a matchmaker's conference once upon

207
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:56,240
Speaker 2: a time for saying something like this, which is matchmakers

208
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,520
Speaker 2: have actually a really hard job. The reason the matchmaker

209
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,480
Speaker 2: might not be able to do what you can do

210
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,000
Speaker 2: is because they're limited in their access. If there's three

211
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:10,080
Speaker 2: people involved in this equation, and there is the there

212
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,000
Speaker 2: you you are the client. There's the matchmaker, who is

213
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,520
Speaker 2: the executive recruiter who's out advocating on your behalf and

214
00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,720
Speaker 2: doing a talent search. And then there's the coach to

215
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:25,280
Speaker 2: help guide the process and make the client more self aware,

216
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:29,920
Speaker 2: more datable. Again, everybody has blind spots, everybody has skills.

217
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,679
Speaker 2: Someone holding someone's hand through that journey to make sure

218
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,160
Speaker 2: they're making good decisions consistent with their goals. Now, to me,

219
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,880
Speaker 2: there's something that really works. I think the problem is

220
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:42,160
Speaker 2: matchmakers often think that they're dating coaches, but I don't

221
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,960
Speaker 2: think I'm a matchmaker. Yes, I've never taken that as

222
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,480
Speaker 2: a challenge. I stick with advice. I try to make

223
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,920
Speaker 2: it reality based advice. I don't favor men, don't favor women.

224
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:55,439
Speaker 2: Like you know, we're playing spoken here, and so people

225
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,959
Speaker 2: who turn to dating coaches often are like saying, are

226
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,760
Speaker 2: the people who say, I admit that I have a

227
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,440
Speaker 2: blind spot or I can't trust my judgment. Help me.

228
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,320
Speaker 2: I want to be able to do this myself. People

229
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,120
Speaker 2: who go to matchmakers say, there's nothing wrong with me,

230
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,480
Speaker 2: Could you just hand me someone. I'm so sick of

231
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,480
Speaker 2: the apps and somewhere in that. Then diagram is a

232
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,800
Speaker 2: place where everybody can get help. You might be and

233
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,599
Speaker 2: I'm not pitching you, you might be one of the

234
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,000
Speaker 2: people who might need more of this dialogue. So I'm

235
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,600
Speaker 2: seeing this guy. Here's what happens. What do you think? Yes,

236
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,000
Speaker 2: I'm trusting my judgment. Maybe you don't need it someone

237
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,120
Speaker 2: to go on a talent hunt. Maybe maybe you do.

238
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,480
Speaker 2: I don't don't know that. That's interesting, right, I think

239
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,440
Speaker 2: it could because you have resources, you could do the

240
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,120
Speaker 2: both end. You could be on your exclusive app, you

241
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,719
Speaker 2: could talk to someone about your love life. You could

242
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,560
Speaker 2: have someone out there doing a hunt. And if because

243
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:47,160
Speaker 2: it only takes one guy, if that matchmaker could lay.

244
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,840
Speaker 1: The one exactly. And they, in fairness to the matchmakers,

245
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,200
Speaker 1: their model or they say they really they interview, they wait,

246
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,920
Speaker 1: and they present you something when it's really good. They're

247
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,599
Speaker 1: not like kind of like throwing spaghetti against the wall. Theoretically,

248
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,200
Speaker 1: I've had some lame guys. The matchmakers have set me

249
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,160
Speaker 1: up with lame But.

250
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:07,640
Speaker 2: Matchmakers charge big prices, and with good reason. You have

251
00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,160
Speaker 2: an important job, you've got high end clients. And if

252
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:14,040
Speaker 2: you're paying x thousand dollars per date. It better be

253
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,240
Speaker 2: comparable to the kind of date you can get in

254
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:16,880
Speaker 2: real life.

255
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,840
Speaker 1: Right. Also, you can have them vet someone. Theoretically, they

256
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,760
Speaker 1: can also be like a dating agent, which is a

257
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,719
Speaker 1: great dating agent. Like you're talking about deals with them

258
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,640
Speaker 1: and they're giving you different Yeah, you want.

259
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:30,920
Speaker 2: To work with a matchmaker who acts with integrity, who's

260
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,320
Speaker 2: honest with you, who doesn't blow smoke up your ass

261
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,600
Speaker 2: and tell you that everything in the world is possible,

262
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,360
Speaker 2: who could be real with you and you're working together.

263
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,360
Speaker 2: It is a little bit probably like you have with

264
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,240
Speaker 2: your business partner, where you're not going to agree on everything,

265
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,960
Speaker 2: but you have to agree on the mission that their

266
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,920
Speaker 2: job is to get you what you want and not

267
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:50,480
Speaker 2: to settle.

268
00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:50,760
Speaker 3: Yes.

269
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,200
Speaker 1: But here's the thing I think that they are. I

270
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,480
Speaker 1: just want to tell people who like feel like they

271
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,319
Speaker 1: don't get to find the best guys because they can't

272
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,559
Speaker 1: afford a matchmaker, et cetera. Like I'm saying, I have

273
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,240
Speaker 1: an amazing publicists. I could be a publicist. I if

274
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,520
Speaker 1: I don't have the time or the bandwidth, and I

275
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:07,199
Speaker 1: could be a lot of things. But I could be

276
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,200
Speaker 1: a trapeze artist. But I literally could be now a

277
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,640
Speaker 1: publicist and I literally could be now a matchmaker, and

278
00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,679
Speaker 1: my friends are always like, I can't fucking believe the

279
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,000
Speaker 1: guys you find on your own. But I will say

280
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:22,600
Speaker 1: this about the matchmakers. They're like diamond dealers or real

281
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,680
Speaker 1: estate brokers. Okay, so yes they're good ones, yes they're

282
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,280
Speaker 1: bad ones, but ultimately, all the diamonds are there on

283
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,719
Speaker 1: some system. It's which got When you call I call,

284
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want a cushion cut diamond. I want

285
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,679
Speaker 1: a five carrot diamond. Okay, I want I want this diamond.

286
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:40,600
Speaker 1: You call Shlomo on forty seventh Street. He's going to

287
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:44,920
Speaker 1: search the system and he's going to find Moisha and

288
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:49,560
Speaker 1: who's gonna have the diamond. But if I call Shlomo, Joe,

289
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,960
Speaker 1: Jack and Jane, and if Moisha is the one who

290
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,920
Speaker 1: has it, they're all going to get it from Moisha.

291
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,719
Speaker 1: I just came in through one person. So if you're

292
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,439
Speaker 1: calling five different matchmakers, let's just say they are often

293
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,839
Speaker 1: pulling from the same system. In fact, they've all learned

294
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,880
Speaker 1: to like work together now where they share guys. Let's

295
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,080
Speaker 1: say somebody's got a big fish, a prince moved to

296
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,360
Speaker 1: New York and they got a blanket the system. They

297
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,600
Speaker 1: might say to somebody on in LA, which is another

298
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,680
Speaker 1: wealthy city coast or Chicago, I got a guy, I'll

299
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,400
Speaker 1: give you a piece if you have give me some

300
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:25,400
Speaker 1: of your network. But that's what does happen because with

301
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,280
Speaker 1: a diamond, if you have a twenty carrot diamond, that's

302
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,840
Speaker 1: a million dollars, you're not going to risk not getting

303
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,200
Speaker 1: it for the person. So if you have to share

304
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,600
Speaker 1: part of that commission with someone on the other coast,

305
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 1: you will. So it's not some majestic thing where people

306
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,720
Speaker 1: have like diamonds in their own safe. For the most part,

307
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,920
Speaker 1: people have some stuff inventory, and matchmakers don't have men

308
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,680
Speaker 1: in some vault either. They're just looking up on different systems,

309
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,680
Speaker 1: whether it's LinkedIn or they're looking at the apps. There's

310
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,960
Speaker 1: no majestic formula.

311
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 2: I think that's a realistic way of looking at it,

312
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:57,120
Speaker 2: and I think most matchmakers would concede something as much

313
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,000
Speaker 2: without saying anything negative about matchmaking, because it's a good

314
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:04,600
Speaker 2: and it's a noble and important profession. But matchmakers aren't magicians.

315
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,040
Speaker 2: Dating coaches aren't magicians, and you pay for the convenience

316
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,160
Speaker 2: of Hey, I don't want to swipe right on the

317
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,720
Speaker 2: thousand guys to try to find a good one. You

318
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,600
Speaker 2: hand them to me. I'm going to tell you what

319
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:18,760
Speaker 2: I want. You pay a premium price and sometimes you

320
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,200
Speaker 2: get some amazing results.

321
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,800
Speaker 1: And summer pocket listenings too. Some matchmakers might meet a

322
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,960
Speaker 1: guy at a party, he's not on any app, he

323
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,720
Speaker 1: didn't say he wanted to do anything, and they just

324
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,200
Speaker 1: met him. He's getting a divorce, and then they say,

325
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,680
Speaker 1: yep with them. So there are other options. I'm just

326
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,520
Speaker 1: saying for those people who feel like they can't afford like,

327
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,800
Speaker 1: be your own advocate and you can figure it out

328
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:37,280
Speaker 1: on your own. Even if you can't afford a dating

329
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,400
Speaker 1: coade a matchmaker, like you can figure it out on

330
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 1: your own. Just takes a little more work.

331
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,280
Speaker 2: And that's what I When people turn to me that,

332
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,280
Speaker 2: that's usually what I what I tell them is you

333
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 2: could have someone catch a fish for you, or we

334
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,760
Speaker 2: could teach you to catch the fish exactly right like

335
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,440
Speaker 2: And to me, obviously advocating for myself, you know I

336
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,560
Speaker 2: would rather give a woman the power to make better

337
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,840
Speaker 2: dating relationship choices instead of hope being someone hands or

338
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,200
Speaker 2: someone But no, I mean you are.

339
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 1: Very valuable because if you get a good fish and

340
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,720
Speaker 1: then you fuck it up. You're going to help someone

341
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,000
Speaker 1: not fuck it up. You can't hire someone to run

342
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,200
Speaker 1: your business and not be running your business yourself. Really,

343
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,560
Speaker 1: you have to be. It's a CEO thing. You have

344
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,720
Speaker 1: to be running your own company.

345
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,080
Speaker 2: Once upon a time, Bethan, you wouldn't know this about me.

346
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:20,640
Speaker 2: I was a writer. I came to l A to

347
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:24,040
Speaker 2: b a screenwriter. And so what they tell you is

348
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,960
Speaker 2: almost the same thing we always I always thought agents

349
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,160
Speaker 2: had magical powers. Oh my god, No, I get an agent,

350
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,760
Speaker 2: my career is made. They're going to get me staffed

351
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,840
Speaker 2: on friends. And I just realized, oh, that was just

352
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,760
Speaker 2: like a piece of the puzzle. So much of it

353
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,160
Speaker 2: is about who you know and how your network and

354
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 2: the friends you make along the way.

355
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,400
Speaker 1: I don't have an agent. Look at all the deals

356
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 1: I do every day.

357
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,880
Speaker 2: Right, But I'm saying when I was a twenty five

358
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 2: year old guy in LA waving my script around, I

359
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,000
Speaker 2: finally got an agent and I finally got a manager,

360
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 2: and I thought that was it right, and they're just

361
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,920
Speaker 2: they said, no, No, you kind of get your first job.

362
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,240
Speaker 2: And once you get a job and you notize yourself,

363
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,600
Speaker 2: then we can negotiate for you, but we're probably not

364
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:04,720
Speaker 2: going to get you your first job.

365
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,080
Speaker 1: No, but you're I'm saying it's the same at this level.

366
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,080
Speaker 1: Tom Cruise has an agent. Famous people have an agent.

367
00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,920
Speaker 1: You get new projects. I'm saying at this level, it's

368
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,520
Speaker 1: even more rare that I would not have an agent

369
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,760
Speaker 1: because I just exercise the muscle myself. Like there's no

370
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,480
Speaker 1: majestic formula to what they're doing. Most of what they're

371
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,440
Speaker 1: doing is incoming calls. I've learned that I've had agencies

372
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 1: hustling for me the hardest they can and still all

373
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 1: my incoming calls are about ninety five percent of their

374
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,880
Speaker 1: five percent right now at this time. And I make

375
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,480
Speaker 1: agencies a lot of money bringing me deals, but because

376
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,959
Speaker 1: of the type of person I am, ninety five percent

377
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,159
Speaker 1: and it's a big amount of money comes from me.

378
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 1: And that's the same thing with the dating. So I

379
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 1: guess the lesson is be aggressive. I don't mean they

380
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,959
Speaker 1: have to see that you're being aggressive, but be your

381
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,760
Speaker 1: own advocator, be your own publicist, your own matchmaker, your

382
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,120
Speaker 1: own you know hunter. I think I.

383
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,160
Speaker 2: Think that's a good lesson for everything in life. It's

384
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,240
Speaker 2: part of why you've been successful. You can't take a

385
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:06,440
Speaker 2: passive approach to something that's important. And I think in love,

386
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,520
Speaker 2: that's what people do. We feel so beaten down by

387
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 2: our inability to find a good guy, a good quality

388
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 2: commitment to renton man that we sort of just like

389
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,080
Speaker 2: go into a shell, focus on our work, focus on

390
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 2: our friends and our travels, and we sort of hope

391
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,919
Speaker 2: it happens. I admire the fact that you are still

392
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,399
Speaker 2: proactively dating, that you're doing this podcast. You could be

393
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 2: doing anything, but you're doing this podcast because this is important.

394
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:35,040
Speaker 2: Love is important. It's easy to put on the side

395
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,200
Speaker 2: while you're out living your best life.

396
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,080
Speaker 1: Well, I'm doing it for my self. What I'm doing

397
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 1: for the people. Well, I'm doing it for myself. What

398
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,959
Speaker 1: I'm doing for the people, Like because I know how

399
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,160
Speaker 1: scared people are to date. I know how defeated they are.

400
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,720
Speaker 1: I know they get in their heads. They don't have

401
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 1: as much institutional knowledge. They don't go away as much

402
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 1: as I do, do as much as I do, meet

403
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 1: as many people as I do, have dated as much

404
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 1: as I do, have as fucked up childhood. Necessarily that

405
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 1: I do what many do, but like so they get

406
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 1: a divorce and they have three kids. They literally think

407
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 1: they have baggage and they're like, you know, washed up,

408
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 1: or they think they're fifty five and they can't date,

409
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 1: and it's like what, Like, people really don't realize that

410
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: it is great out there. They just need that confidence

411
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,880
Speaker 1: and the knowledge and these tools to navigate what they're doing.

412
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 1: I don't think. I think most people believe the myths,

413
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,399
Speaker 1: and most of them are actually myths.

414
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 2: They're known as lending beliefs, things that are partially true.

415
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,040
Speaker 2: Is it harder when you're fifty five than when you're

416
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,400
Speaker 2: twenty five? Sure? Is it harder if you have three kids?

417
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,200
Speaker 2: And if you don't, I don't.

418
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,639
Speaker 1: I actually don't agree. I think. I think when you

419
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 1: go up to a Caesar's palace buffet, it's disgusting and

420
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:56,439
Speaker 1: you play. It is full and you know what the

421
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: fuck you're eating, and it's gross and you want to

422
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,840
Speaker 1: start over. I think when you're fifth, five years old,

423
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 1: fifty four years old, fifty years old, you know exactly

424
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: what you want. You're not wasting any time, you're not

425
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,680
Speaker 1: eating any garbage. You're going in for exactly the thing

426
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 1: you vetted it. You know what it is. You go

427
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,439
Speaker 1: and you either do it or you don't. But you

428
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 1: haven't like flapped your wings and fucking made yourself disgusted

429
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 1: by that buffet. It's not all over the place. You

430
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 1: know exactly what you want. I think it's much better.

431
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:26,879
Speaker 2: I love your optimism about it. I would only point

432
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:31,639
Speaker 2: out gently that these the divorce rate for second marriages

433
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 2: is sixty six percent. The divorce rate for third marriages

434
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 2: is seventy five percent. So all the people who think

435
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 2: they know better are not always correct.

436
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 1: I wasn't talking about if it's your I was not

437
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 1: going at it. If it's harder to succeed at it, that's different,

438
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,399
Speaker 1: and maybe that's why people need you. I'm saying to

439
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 1: meet people, like, yes, my daughter's fourteen years old, she's

440
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,640
Speaker 1: got seventeen guys in her grade that she meets all day.

441
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 1: And of course that's different than me sitting home in

442
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 1: my pajamas going out one night. But I'm not getting

443
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 1: up at there's a guy that texted me that like that.

444
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 1: I said that immediately knew what he wanted, and like,

445
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: I'll get out of it. I'm getting on i pajamas

446
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,879
Speaker 1: for that. It's intention, but I'm not getting out to

447
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 1: stand around at a bar and look around at the buffet.

448
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: So the success the success rate is different, and that's

449
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,440
Speaker 1: that is a very staggering statistic.

450
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 2: If people have the capacity to learn from their mistakes,

451
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 2: then yes it gets better. But sometimes people have an overreaction. Right,

452
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 2: we've probably talked about it, talk about the pendulum concept. Right.

453
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 2: So I was with a guy with no money. Now

454
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 2: I really want a guy to take care of me financially.

455
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 2: I was with a guy there was no passion. Now

456
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 2: I'm backing for chemistry exactly, and then we just end

457
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 2: up making a different kind of mistage. But to your

458
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 2: greater point, it almost doesn't matter. Certainly statistically there are

459
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 2: more single men at twenty five than fifty five, But

460
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 2: how many men do you need to be happy for

461
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,199
Speaker 2: the rest of your life? One, If you can create

462
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,679
Speaker 2: an act of love life, that's what I help people do,

463
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 2: create an active love life. And you can get yourself

464
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 2: online a date a week, which is a very achievable

465
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 2: goal no matter what age you are. If you can

466
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 2: get a date a week and good quality date. Right,

467
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 2: And there's a mechanism for marketing yourself. There's a mechanism

468
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 2: for screening, like there's a technique to do this, but

469
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 2: I main brain surgery. There's nothing I do that's brain surgery.

470
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,639
Speaker 2: I tell people, you work with me for six months,

471
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 2: you go in one day a week. You're going to

472
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,919
Speaker 2: find something you like. Someone just finished up with me.

473
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,919
Speaker 2: She's fifty four years old. She was I think married

474
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 2: three times. I could be mistaken fifth match dot com date,

475
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 2: fell in love. They're celebrating their sixteen week anniversary. They're

476
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,439
Speaker 2: an adorable couple. It's never been healthier. He's her equal

477
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 2: and she didn't even know it was possible.

478
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: Right, I'm going to work with you. You reached out,

479
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 1: but I've been crazy. I'm going to work with you.

480
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 1: I think this is interesting, even if it's for like

481
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 1: a even if it's for like a sociological experimental research.

482
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 1: I'm going to work with you and see what I think.

483
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 1: Because on here, I mean, you're really smart and really

484
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,479
Speaker 1: get it and it's very digestible. So I really do

485
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,640
Speaker 1: like it. Oh but here's the thing I think that's

486
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,680
Speaker 1: interesting that I just thought of for the first time.

487
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: So you and I have talked about the reaction and

488
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: the pendulum. Like you with someone they were very controlling.

489
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 1: Now you want to be with someone that lets you

490
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 1: be independent if you don't. It's sort of like the

491
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: way that like your house will crumble if the foundation

492
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,879
Speaker 1: isn't strong. So if you're in a relationship, let's put

493
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: let's take marriage out of all of this. We're not

494
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: talking about marriage because if you're with someone twenty five years,

495
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 1: we're not telling someone to dissolve your marriage because you're

496
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 1: not you know, that's different. Let's talk about like we're

497
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 1: talking about dating. So if you're in a relationship with

498
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: someone or dating someone and they show you who they

499
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 1: are so you are ready or getting these red flags

500
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 1: about they're cheap or they're controlling. I think the reason

501
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: the pendulum swings so far is because people stay in

502
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,159
Speaker 1: way too long. It goes way too far. They have

503
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: absolute deal fatigue for that thing, so they really react.

504
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 1: But if you're in something, let's just say three months,

505
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 1: I think three months is three months is a critical period.

506
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: I think six months is a really critical period. And

507
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: you see after three months the red flags and someone's

508
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,719
Speaker 1: showing you who they are, You're not gonna go and

509
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: swing the pendulum so far to the other direction because

510
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: you had three months of that. You it hasn't been

511
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: like ingrained and beaten into you where you are just

512
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 1: like shell shocked, and you need to do the opposite.

513
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: So if you're taking care of yourself and not accepting

514
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 1: less than what you deserve, or someone's not meeting you

515
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 1: where you're at, you won't get to that point and

516
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 1: you'll always be able to find your get back to

517
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 1: your baseline, get back to your true north and your

518
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,159
Speaker 1: center of what you really believe is right for you,

519
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 1: versus it being some reaction.

520
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 2: I really love when you do the hot take and

521
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 2: you land somewhere that's pretty profound and it's humbling to

522
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 2: me because again, I've been doing this for twenty years

523
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 2: and we say almost the same thing. So it's like,

524
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 2: maybe anybody could do this job. It's possible. I could,

525
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 2: at least I'm sort but it's possible. Right, But that's

526
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 2: you've just come back to the concept of being the CEO, so.

527
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,640
Speaker 1: You hind full circle. We can end maybe.

528
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 2: Maybe three months in they get their health insurance. They don't.

529
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 2: You didn't sign a one year extension. You do with

530
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 2: a quarterly review. You check in on your feelings. So

531
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 2: just because the guy gets the job, I had a client.

532
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 2: This is just yesterday. That's true. I had a client yesterday,

533
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 2: lovely woman, beautiful, late thirties, wants to get married, have kids,

534
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 2: feeling kind of panicked about it. And she's so she's

535
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 2: trying to figure out from like the bumble profile, is

536
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 2: this guy going to be my husband? So she's looking

537
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 2: six or five finance guy, like I'm really like looking

538
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 2: for this guy, and I'm just like, you can't tell

539
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 2: anything from a profile. And she's basically paralyzed by indecision.

540
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 2: She's so afraid of making a mistake at this juncture

541
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 2: or juncture in her life. I don't want to choose

542
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 2: the wrong man and be stuck in some bad marriage.

543
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,199
Speaker 2: I was like, you need to loosen up on this.

544
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 2: You're just going on a date, and if you go

545
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,360
Speaker 2: out with a date and you're not inspired by him,

546
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 2: then you don't need to go on a second date.

547
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: Her fear is literally she's going to go out with

548
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 2: the guy and the next thing, you know, five years later,

549
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 2: she's a board house wife.

550
00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 1: And my date get that.

551
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 2: My dating coach set me on that path, and I

552
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 2: was like, no, no, you have the power to say no.

553
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 2: After a FaceTime call, a first date, a kiss, a

554
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,880
Speaker 2: third date one month at any point in time.

555
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 1: But that's why I think the three month and the

556
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 1: six month period is important. I've never really assigned it

557
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: to this. I've said the three months is when you

558
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: decide are we doing The six months is like, wait,

559
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 1: are we really doing this? But I think those are

560
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 1: important because that's how you don't get too far down

561
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: the wrong road. We talk about it about. We often

562
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: talk about it being the right road. Like the guys

563
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 1: in control, like, we made it three months. This means

564
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 1: it's real. I'm going to meet his parents. We made

565
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: it six months. This means you're probably gonna get engaged,

566
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 1: versus like this is three months. This is like really, like,

567
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 1: let's be really honest because I don't have to go

568
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: too deep into this, and then the pendulum will have

569
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: to swing and up my whole entire bio rhythm and

570
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,120
Speaker 1: system will be out of whack. So I like that

571
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: a lot, and it's different. No one talks about that.

572
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:54,880
Speaker 1: That's very interesting.

573
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 2: I talk about that shit all the time. Yeah, but

574
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: you're correct, you're just putting different label. You're putting different

575
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 2: labels on it, and so there is the I would say,

576
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 2: you know, six months, are we doing this. That's the

577
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 2: first time I told my wife I loved her right,

578
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 2: everything was nice and easy, and then six months in

579
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 2: and we're like, Okay, you're thirty eight, I'm thirty five.

580
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 2: We both want kids. We're not screwing around here. I'm Jewish,

581
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 2: you're Catholic. Can we work this stuff out?

582
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 3: Yes?

583
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 2: And if so, then I think we've got a pretty

584
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 2: smooth path right right. And the problem is, for most people,

585
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 2: the sunk cost fallacy is when you're on that track

586
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 2: with someone you love right, and then you see the

587
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 2: cracks in the armor and you don't want to see them. Oh,

588
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 2: he is a bit narcissistic. He does have a temporary.

589
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: But you don't want to cut bait because you don't

590
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 1: want to have to swim back.

591
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 2: Right, because then I have to go back to the

592
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 2: shitty data people.

593
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: It sucks.

594
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 2: And that's how people end up in twenty year marriages

595
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 2: with people where they knew six months in it was

596
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:54,679
Speaker 2: not yes.

597
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, preach. That's the problem. And also, as you

598
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: get older, you get to be my age, you meet

599
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 1: someone who's interesting, who's attractive, who you care about, you're like, wait,

600
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,680
Speaker 1: and you're in your own head thinking, but I won't

601
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 1: meet anybody else in the same reason people do that

602
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 1: at twenty thirty forty the whole time. And you're right,

603
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 1: we have to have higher standards for ourselves and you

604
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 1: have to be able to cut bait if you need

605
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:17,399
Speaker 1: to cut bait, and you have to.

606
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 2: And that's why feeling and we're having a pretty cerebral conversation,

607
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 2: but that's why talking about feelings is so important. Women

608
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:29,399
Speaker 2: in particular tend to ignore their feelings. Right. He is

609
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 2: a investment banker, a doctor.

610
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:33,880
Speaker 1: The ladies.

611
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 2: We have amazing sex, you know, when we're connected. He's

612
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 2: so interesting, he's so generous with his family. So we

613
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 2: can come up with all the reasons, yes, and what

614
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 2: are we losing? I feel really anxious, like I don't

615
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 2: feel like I could be myself. I feel like if

616
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 2: I say the wrong thing, this whole thing could implode.

617
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 2: That is the opposite of what it feels like to

618
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 2: be in a healthy relationship. And then we hold on

619
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 2: to that, yeah, anxiety forever.

620
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: You could someone could love you. You could know that

621
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: they love you, but you're not feeling loved.

622
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: Right.

623
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: You could know for a fact that they love you,

624
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: They've told you and you know it. In your body.

625
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 1: But if you're not feeling loved and taking care of it,

626
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: doesn't fucking matter.

627
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 2: That's correct. And so what we do here is we

628
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 2: dump those guys. We don't say maybe I can get

629
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 2: him to know the way he did him the first

630
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 2: six weeks.

631
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: No, no chasing the dragon amazing.

632
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 2: Well it's the saying uh, And you know this better

633
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 2: than I do because you've you've run much bigger businesses, higher, slowly, fire, quickly, nice.

634
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 1: All right, that's a good place to stop. Guys. You

635
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: love this, My podcasting loves this.

636
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 2: Thanks Evan, my pleasure, Thank you.

637
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 3: Bye.

638
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 2: We got to bat the back of burn