Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, coming to you live from my Orca Chelsea.
Speaker 1: My Spanish gets good and then it gets worse. It's
Speaker 1: so many dips of Spanish when I get here. So
Speaker 1: my trip here this time, I'm only here for two weeks.
Speaker 1: This time is to not put too much pressure on
Speaker 1: myself and to just let I say the words that
Speaker 1: I know in Spanish. I don't try to practice them
Speaker 1: on my bike rides going wood. It is the past tense,
Speaker 1: the future tense. I'm just saying what I know. It's Spanish,
Speaker 1: and then the rest I say in English.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, if you just use the verbs, someone
Speaker 2: else can conjugate for you.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: Or if you start everything with puaitus, which is can you,
Speaker 1: then I can just then I don't have to think about.
Speaker 3: Any other verbs. Yeah, exactly, you know.
Speaker 4: And of course like an aperall spirits or two doesn't
Speaker 4: really help with our commands of Spanish.
Speaker 3: I wish I could get back into aperol spritzes.
Speaker 1: I've kind of like I used to love aperaol spritses,
Speaker 1: and I guess I over It's like everything with me,
Speaker 1: I overdo everything and then I can never have it again.
Speaker 2: I got really into Elderflower Martiniz for a while.
Speaker 1: Elderflower is delicious, and they have Elderflowers Britzes, which are.
Speaker 3: Which actually I wouldn't mind having. Okay, right, actually again, Hey,
Speaker 3: Brian White, nice joy heir may who not spritz Elderflower.
Speaker 1: Our guest today is one of the top five smartest
Speaker 1: people that I know. He's a co founder of Crooked Media.
Speaker 1: He's a co host of Podsave America. He is the
Speaker 1: host of Love It or Leave It, And he is
Speaker 1: the co author of the number one New York Times
Speaker 1: bestseller Democracy or Else. And he's a contestant on the
Speaker 1: upcoming season of Survivor. Please well, and we don't know
Speaker 1: who won because it's not out and he can't say,
Speaker 1: but watch this.
Speaker 3: Please welcome John Lovett. Oh yeah, baby.
Speaker 1: This has been a long time coming. Yeah, here we are,
Speaker 1: John Lovett.
Speaker 3: God.
Speaker 1: I was just listening to you in the car on
Speaker 1: my way from my anal rectum exam this morning.
Speaker 3: I had one of those.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you've had one of those recently,
Speaker 1: but it was pretty demoralizing.
Speaker 5: Was that for pleasure? For medical This was.
Speaker 1: At a doctor's office. It was at a doctor's office.
Speaker 1: I know where you're going with that question, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to get out of it. John Lovett, Welcome to
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 5: Great to be here.
Speaker 1: I mean, it must be so exciting for you to
Speaker 1: be able to add one more podcast to your list
Speaker 1: of the things that.
Speaker 3: You do for a living.
Speaker 5: Listen. I just I spend more time speaking into a
Speaker 5: microphone than not speaking into a microphone. I've growing extremely
Speaker 5: comfortable in this medium. He's just so happy to be here.
Speaker 3: You're so good at this medium.
Speaker 1: I mean, nothing makes me laugh on a podcast more
Speaker 1: than your comments, whether it's pot Save America or love
Speaker 1: It or Leave It. I mean, I know, love It
Speaker 1: or Leave It is more comedy based. And you're having
Speaker 1: a really fucking good time doing it. I can tell,
Speaker 1: and I can hear, and I know you're touring a
Speaker 1: lot with the show and you're having a really good time,
Speaker 1: especially with this election season happening. But one of the
Speaker 1: most exciting developments that's happened to you is that you
Speaker 1: were you were on the newest season of Survivor.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, I am. It seems ridiculous, but it's true.
Speaker 1: It does seem But knowing you and knowing what a
Speaker 1: fan you are of the show. I'm going to project
Speaker 1: that you one Survivor.
Speaker 5: No, thank you. That means a lot, That means the
Speaker 5: world to me.
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean I would think that you we know
Speaker 1: exactly what you were doing going in there. I don't
Speaker 1: think the physical ailments that you're dealing with in a
Speaker 1: sort of permanent way, you know, his physical kind of
Speaker 1: shortcomings in terms of athleticism, et cetera.
Speaker 5: No, And I hear that. Yeah, just so people you're
Speaker 5: saying that I'm not athletic, but I'm just sort of
Speaker 5: an awkward kind of yes, careening jew barely able to
Speaker 5: walk one foot in front of the other, let alone
Speaker 5: balance and jump and so.
Speaker 1: And then I think what you lack in your physical
Speaker 1: prowess you make up intellectually.
Speaker 3: So I don't really feel like it's a shortcoming.
Speaker 1: I would think if you do as well as I
Speaker 1: think you will have done during Survivor. And this, by
Speaker 1: the way, will be the first, yes, the season of
Speaker 1: Survivor that I watch, because I'm going to have to
Speaker 1: watch you.
Speaker 3: I think what you lack in the physicality, you are.
Speaker 5: Goodes during gesturing vaguely.
Speaker 1: And direct, so you can't say anything about Survivor right, No,
Speaker 1: I can't say a thing.
Speaker 3: Did you want to say it was a positive experience?
Speaker 5: It was. I'm glad I did it. It was a
Speaker 5: fascinating experience. I learned a lot, and I am excited
Speaker 5: and nervous for people to see it.
Speaker 3: Did you lose any weight during Survivor?
Speaker 1: That's always the most fascinating aspect to me of the
Speaker 1: weight watching the weight loss transition.
Speaker 5: Well, so I will say two things. First of all,
Speaker 5: I am not going to answer, because I do believe
Speaker 5: that is a clue information I see. But I will
Speaker 5: say that Munjaro does prepare one for the experience.
Speaker 1: But you can only you couldn't take the Manjaro with you, right,
Speaker 1: You could only do it before you left, right, theoretically.
Speaker 1: Theoretically theoretically, but who knows what the new rules of
Speaker 1: Survivor are.
Speaker 3: Maybe they let you bring that.
Speaker 1: That's actually probably pretty good for the contestants, but it
Speaker 1: probably defeats the purpose anyway.
Speaker 3: So we can't talk about that.
Speaker 1: Then, let's talk about what you missed while you were
Speaker 1: on Survivor, Which were a couple of big political moments.
Speaker 1: Which political moment are you most upset about missing or
Speaker 1: are you happy that you missed it.
Speaker 5: So Trump conviction was obviously a very big deal.
Speaker 3: It feels like six years ago.
Speaker 5: Now, it feels like forever ago. We've completely moved on.
Speaker 5: But the story that was to me the most shocking
Speaker 5: to have just completely missed was the fact that Samuel
Speaker 5: Alito and his wife were flying these insurrectionist right wing flags.
Speaker 5: I believe it. They're beach house and it was like
Speaker 5: a it was like a short lived news cycle. But
Speaker 5: the idea that a Supreme Court justice is like connecting
Speaker 5: himself with that sort of awful group of people. And
Speaker 5: the fact that he claimed that it wasn't his flag
Speaker 5: but it was his wife's flag. So he's saying that
Speaker 5: in front of his house there is a I guess
Speaker 5: a flagpole, which again read but you know, listen, what
Speaker 5: are we doing? Are we doing a morning bugle? What
Speaker 5: are we doing here? But then he's claiming that it
Speaker 5: wasn't his flag, it was his wife's flag. That's not
Speaker 5: how flags work. If there's a flag bowl in front
Speaker 5: of your house and there's a flag waving on it,
Speaker 5: that flag speaks for you. That's the nature of flags.
Speaker 5: They're not per person.
Speaker 4: Great point, absolutely, it don't send specific messages. It's not
Speaker 4: his and hers flags, right.
Speaker 1: Yes, And it wasn't just one of their houses, it
Speaker 1: was two of their houses.
Speaker 5: So two of their houses.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So okay, as if that's not a family discussion.
Speaker 1: When somebody's hoisting a fucking flag up in front of
Speaker 1: your house, you're like, oh, like if you put up
Speaker 1: a KKK flag And I came home and I completely
Speaker 1: disagreed with that and didn't say anything to Doug, my dog,
Speaker 1: who hung it. That's not realistic at all to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I guess that's there now.
Speaker 3: The Supreme Court will never cease to amaze me. The
Speaker 3: current Supreme Court.
Speaker 1: I have this ideation that it's going to change in
Speaker 1: the future.
Speaker 3: I have fantasies about.
Speaker 1: What will happen to the Supreme Court if we get
Speaker 1: the right people elected.
Speaker 3: How are you finding this election season, John.
Speaker 5: Well So a lot of twist and turns. It is like,
Speaker 5: we have never lived through an election like this before.
Speaker 5: I know, we said that in twenty sixteen, we said
Speaker 5: that in twenty twenty. They've all been unique in their
Speaker 5: own special way. But the fact that what sixty days
Speaker 5: ago or so, Joe Biden was still the nominee and
Speaker 5: we all felt like we were slowly marching towards the
Speaker 5: edge of a cliff and with no hope of stopping ourselves.
Speaker 5: And then there's an assassination attempt. There is the most
Speaker 5: consequential debate any of us have ever seen in our lifetime.
Speaker 5: No debate has ever mattered more. Then there is this
Speaker 5: several week period of staring into an abyss, of truly
Speaker 5: coming to believe that Donald Trump would win, while everyone
Speaker 5: collectively I hope that Joe Biden would do what was
Speaker 5: in the best interest of Democrats and the country and
Speaker 5: listen to the better angels of his nature than he does.
Speaker 5: Then Kamala Harris comes out of the gate as like
Speaker 5: a fully formed, ready to go national nominee for presidential ticket,
Speaker 5: an extraordinary talent and skill and confidence and self resolved
Speaker 5: to stand up and carry this mantle, even though she
Speaker 5: hadn't had the year and a half that most candidates
Speaker 5: would have had, and is taking this pressure and responding
Speaker 5: so well to it better than I think. There are
Speaker 5: people that are critical of Kamala Harris. I've been critical
Speaker 5: of Kamala Harris in the past, but I don't even
Speaker 5: think her biggest fans could have predicted how ready and
Speaker 5: capable and up to this challenge she would be, how
Speaker 5: much she would rise to the occasion. And then on
Speaker 5: top of all that, we go through this extraordinary change.
Speaker 5: There's this incredible momentum, there's this incredible enthusiasm, and the
Speaker 5: polls are still fucking tied. So we head into this
Speaker 5: election feeling like the wind is at our backs. And
Speaker 5: yet we all have to recognize that the vibes are good,
Speaker 5: the enthusiasm is good, but we could lose this election.
Speaker 5: And that can keep you up at night. Maybe it should,
Speaker 5: But the more important thing is how we respond to
Speaker 5: it in this next what eight weeks to make sure
Speaker 5: we do everything we can because no matter how whether
Speaker 5: they'll be good polls or bad polls, like we should
Speaker 5: just assume that we are down by a quarter of
Speaker 5: a point everywhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, what would you suggest to those people that
Speaker 1: are listening? I know I have a lot of listeners
Speaker 1: who don't feel like they have a platform big enough
Speaker 1: to do anything. And what would you suggest, canvassing your neighborhoods,
Speaker 1: canvassing the states? What?
Speaker 5: So? First of all, if you've donated even like five
Speaker 5: dollars to a Democrat, somewhere in America, you're being dluged
Speaker 5: with text messages asking you for more money. Some of
Speaker 5: the texts are reel, some of them you don't know
Speaker 5: if they're real. At a time when people don't really
Speaker 5: trust the news and they don't really trust politicians, friends
Speaker 5: and neighbors matter more than they have ever mattered before.
Speaker 5: So there's I would say read big things people can do.
Speaker 5: One is they can donate campaigns need to be up
Speaker 5: on the air, especially in the home stretch. Two, they
Speaker 5: can volunteer for campaigns and do the phone banking and
Speaker 5: door knocking, the face to face, in person to person
Speaker 5: in directions that will matter the most. And three, you
Speaker 5: can talk to the people in your life in a generous, open,
Speaker 5: respectful way while trying to make them understand the stakes
Speaker 5: and why it's so important that whether or not you're
Speaker 5: an independent who doesn't really pay attention to politics or
Speaker 5: a lefty who's super frustrated with Democrats, generally both important
Speaker 5: groups of people that we have to reach. Everybody needs
Speaker 5: to come together to stop Donald Trump. Then we can
Speaker 5: have a whole bunch of fights after we got a
Speaker 5: whole bunch of fights we have to have and we're
Speaker 5: going to have them. And if you want to protest
Speaker 5: Kamala Harris at our inauguration, you go for it. If
Speaker 5: you want to be angry at Democrats are not delivering
Speaker 5: in their promises, you should make your voices heard. We
Speaker 5: will have those fights, we need to have those fights,
Speaker 5: but we have just a few weeks to do everything
Speaker 5: we can to stop Donald Trump. And unless we stop
Speaker 5: Donald Trump, we don't get to have any of those conversations.
Speaker 5: We don't get to have any of those debates. So
Speaker 5: people should go to vote Save America dot com. We
Speaker 5: will give you the most effective ways to volunteer, We
Speaker 5: will give you the most effective ways to donate, We
Speaker 5: will give you the most effective ways to help. You
Speaker 5: can tune out a lot of the kind of texts
Speaker 5: and noise and bullshit and pulls and just vote Save America.
Speaker 5: Will give you some steps that you can take day
Speaker 5: to day and if you do just a few things
Speaker 5: between now and election date, just you don't have to
Speaker 5: become volunteer of the year. You don't have to, you
Speaker 5: don't have to be out there every hour of every day.
Speaker 5: But if you just do a little bit more than
Speaker 5: you did last time, if you make sure you vote,
Speaker 5: and then make sure you if you didn't volunteer before volunteer,
Speaker 5: if you did one shift, do two shifts. If you
Speaker 5: just get out there you can, like that will make
Speaker 5: the difference. So vote Save America dot com. Sign up,
Speaker 5: we will we will help you through this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I feel like, you know, as a woman,
Speaker 1: I just feel like this one single issue is probably
Speaker 1: the most paramount issue for women.
Speaker 3: Whether or not you care or you're not enthused.
Speaker 1: About Kamala Harris, if you have that kind of attitude,
Speaker 1: like I'm not sure, it's like we're voting about our
Speaker 1: reproductive rights, Like that is the most important single issue
Speaker 1: I can think of that is going to affect the
Speaker 1: next five generations of people and so on. If you
Speaker 1: can't think of anything that you care enough about to
Speaker 1: get you to the ballot, think about your fucking rights
Speaker 1: as a woman, Like how could you possibly say I'm
Speaker 1: gonna sit this election out when that's on the ballot.
Speaker 3: That's unconscionable. And even for the men in my.
Speaker 1: Family, Like I like what you're saying, John, Obviously, it's
Speaker 1: you know, you have to be open and be able
Speaker 1: to talk to people who disagree with you. In a
Speaker 1: way that is deferential to all people involved. But I
Speaker 1: have a nephew who was asking to come to one
Speaker 1: of my Vegas residency dates and wanted to come on
Speaker 1: the private plane. And I was like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: he airs towards being conservative. I'm like, first of all,
Speaker 1: you're not old enough. He's like, I'm fiscally conservative. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you don't make enough money to be fiscally conservative, and
Speaker 1: you're not old enough to be fiscally conservative, so please
Speaker 1: stop that. And he's like, can I come to this,
Speaker 1: you know, November second date in Vegas. I said, well,
Speaker 1: it depends who you're voting for, you know, like, and
Speaker 1: he goes, come on, really, no, No, really, the person
Speaker 1: who is providing you with this time and this opportunity
Speaker 1: and all of the other fucking five star vacations you've
Speaker 1: been on in your life were given to you by
Speaker 1: somebody who had the right to choose, and who have
Speaker 1: the right to pursue her dreams and go after what
Speaker 1: she wanted to in life. And you cannot disregard that,
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of young guys seem to
Speaker 1: forget about all the women in their lives and how
Speaker 1: important of a decision that this is.
Speaker 6: So.
Speaker 1: I know there's not a lot of straight men listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast, but for the gay men and for
Speaker 1: the women out here, please make sure the men and
Speaker 1: your family are aware of how damaging this is and
Speaker 1: how important this is. Because you can't have a debate
Speaker 1: about all these issues. It just doesn't work, you know.
Speaker 1: Then you go back and forth about Ukraine, about Gaza,
Speaker 1: about this and about that, and these are unwinnable topics
Speaker 1: and arguments. But the right for a female to choose
Speaker 1: is not an unwinnable argument.
Speaker 5: No, and most people agree, and most people understand that.
Speaker 5: I think. Look, I think for the typical person, if
Speaker 5: you're listening to this and you're one, well, I can't
Speaker 5: hang a private jet flight over the head of my relative.
Speaker 5: Is there something else I could do? Thankfully? Yes, you
Speaker 5: don't need a private jet to do the persuasion work.
Speaker 5: I mean it helps, Chelsea knows it helps.
Speaker 3: Yeah, It's all I've got basically to you know what
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 5: I do think there's something like interesting right now, Like
Speaker 5: there's a New Times poll that came out shows what
Speaker 5: polls have been showing for a long time. There's just
Speaker 5: this big gender gap that women by a big majority
Speaker 5: are going to vote for Kamala Harrison and men are
Speaker 5: going to vote for Donald Trump. That's been true. That
Speaker 5: was true in twenty twenty, that was true in twenty sixteen.
Speaker 5: I do think that like there's a missing part of
Speaker 5: this debate where it's like like Trump pretends he's very masculine,
Speaker 5: like he's some like you know, big tough guys. Obviously
Speaker 5: not true. I do you think there's like an argument
Speaker 5: that we need to be making two men that's about
Speaker 5: like if you believe and like you can have a
Speaker 5: problem with the gender politics of this, you can wonder
Speaker 5: if this is like the best way to think about it. Whatever.
Speaker 5: There are a lot of men out there that take
Speaker 5: a lot of pride and believe they are going to
Speaker 5: protect women, like that they're protectors and that like they're
Speaker 5: going to protect the women in their lives. And to me, like,
Speaker 5: I do think there's an argument worth making to the
Speaker 5: men in your life that's like, Hey, you believe in
Speaker 5: being tough, you believe in being strong, you believe in
Speaker 5: protecting women. If you want to stand in front of
Speaker 5: the women in your life and help them and support
Speaker 5: them and protect them from the world. The way you
Speaker 5: do that is by voting for Kamala Harris, Like women
Speaker 5: need you to be their protectors in this election. And
Speaker 5: I do think there's a lot of men out there
Speaker 5: that feel a little bit like there's a reason right
Speaker 5: wingers are using trans issues and gender issues to try
Speaker 5: to bring young men into the tent, because I do
Speaker 5: think we spend a lot of time talking about like
Speaker 5: toxic masculinity and not enough time talking about positive examples
Speaker 5: of masculinity. And if people don't feel comfortable inside of
Speaker 5: a movement, if they don't feel welcome, if they feel
Speaker 5: a bit confused about what their place is, I think
Speaker 5: that leaves them vulnerable to the right. And I think
Speaker 5: saying to like young men, like hey, come on in,
Speaker 5: like we actually need your help. If you want to
Speaker 5: show what it means to be a man, this is
Speaker 5: what it means to be a man right now. I
Speaker 5: mean standing with the women in your life and doing
Speaker 5: what they need.
Speaker 3: I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1: I'm going to text that to my nephew as soon
Speaker 1: as we're done on this podcast today.
Speaker 5: See if it works.
Speaker 3: I have a personal question for you, John.
Speaker 1: I know that you are so busy and you're flying
Speaker 1: around and you're always recording podcasts and you're always and
Speaker 1: I could tell when I listened to Love It or
Speaker 1: Leavia that you write a lot beforehand. How do you
Speaker 1: keep your stamina up and your brain cells firing?
Speaker 5: So, first of all, love to re leave it. We
Speaker 5: have these incredible comedy writers, Hallie Keefer, Sarah Lazarus, a
Speaker 5: great team of writers, great producers that kind of make
Speaker 5: sure that the show stays on the rails and that
Speaker 5: I can plug in and do a fair amount of
Speaker 5: writing on Tuesdays before we record the Tuesday show, and
Speaker 5: then a lot of the day Thursday before we record
Speaker 5: the Thursday show. But like, I really do rely on them,
Speaker 5: and there are definitely days where I'll go to Sarah
Speaker 5: and Hallie and be like, you got to just hand
Speaker 5: me the show right now. Like I did as much
Speaker 5: as I could, but I am fully we were on
Speaker 5: the road and I'm tired, and like I'm We've spent
Speaker 5: years working together and they really understand the voice of
Speaker 5: the show and so I can really trust them. And
Speaker 5: I couldn't do it without a group of people that
Speaker 5: I really trust. I really worry that, like I could
Speaker 5: do this indefinitely, but I think it's sort of a
Speaker 5: larger example of like the way Twitter breaks people's brains,
Speaker 5: because if you're thinking in little, tiny increments all the time,
Speaker 5: you can have smart, funny thoughts to share, but they're
Speaker 5: not going to be that new. You're not going to synthesize,
Speaker 5: You're not going to be able to step back and
Speaker 5: like really take a look at what's happening right Like
Speaker 5: you can like kind of deal with your bit like
Speaker 5: Lucy on the conveyor belt, kind of like trying to
Speaker 5: keep things moving and trying to stay ahead of the
Speaker 5: next box of chocolates. But I don't think there's space
Speaker 5: to really step back. One thing I think we still
Speaker 5: have to grapple with all of us is what is
Speaker 5: the longer term way we are going to stop having
Speaker 5: presidential elections where the stakes feel fucking total? Right? How
Speaker 5: do we get to the point where we don't have
Speaker 5: to worry that the report publicans are going to put
Speaker 5: out somebody who, if they win, may try to take
Speaker 5: away basic human rights, basic democratic rights, Like why does
Speaker 5: every election have to feel like our last? And what
Speaker 5: is it that we're failing to do? Like I think
Speaker 5: there's a lot of reasons this is something that's happening
Speaker 5: all over the world. There's right wing figures rising all
Speaker 5: over the world. I think it's a result of what's
Speaker 5: happening the economy, it's the results of the media, it's
Speaker 5: in larger political trends, social media, the Internet. There's a
Speaker 5: lot of things causing it. But we really should step
Speaker 5: back and like look at this and say, hold on
Speaker 5: twenty sixteen, twenty twenty, twenty twenty four, we have seen
Speaker 5: Donald Trump. We know who Donald Trump is. Election after election,
Speaker 5: there's still forty seven percent of people that are like,
Speaker 5: thumbs up, that's my pick, right, that's like fucked up.
Speaker 5: There's no equity in pointing it out all the time.
Speaker 5: It's that, you know, it's not practical to be like,
Speaker 5: I can't believe someone like Donald Trump is this close.
Speaker 5: We all know it. I think it's actually part of
Speaker 5: what is driven a lot of liberals and progressives and
Speaker 5: democrats a little bit mad over the last decade. It's
Speaker 5: like there are certain kinds of I think, like online resistance,
Speaker 5: people that like their phones having lock since twenty sixteen,
Speaker 5: and they're just like fucked up. But I think that's
Speaker 5: like the core reason, which is like they can't understand
Speaker 5: how we live in a world where anybody would pull
Speaker 5: the lever for this guy. We should stop asking it
Speaker 5: like a rhetorical question and understand, like what does it
Speaker 5: look like to really fucking defeat this extremist version of
Speaker 5: Republicans beyond just beating them so often, so many times
Speaker 5: that a bunch of craven Republicans decide they need a
Speaker 5: better way. That's one important step we have to take.
Speaker 5: But like there's deeper rot here, like there's a there's
Speaker 5: like there are roots through the foundation, and we gotta
Speaker 5: we gotta figure that out.
Speaker 1: Period. That was the end of his thought. It was
Speaker 1: a period. I'm gonna put it there, Okay. On that,
Speaker 1: we're going to take a break and we're going to
Speaker 1: be right back with John Lovett. And we're back with
Speaker 1: John Lovett. John, we're gonna give advice to callers, and
Speaker 1: I know how passionately you feel about giving advice, so
Speaker 1: we're going to get right into it.
Speaker 3: What do we've got, Catherine.
Speaker 4: Our first email comes from Ella. Her subject line is
Speaker 4: to tell her not to tell my sister had her
Speaker 4: first baby two weeks ago and her partner, slash baby Daddy,
Speaker 4: is on a dating app. Dear Chelsea, I need your advice.
Speaker 4: My older sister just had her first baby. It's the
Speaker 4: first in the family. She's in her early thirties thirteen
Speaker 4: days ago. Her relationship is the epitome of non traditional.
Speaker 4: She's been seeing her boyfriend partner on and off for
Speaker 4: over five years. Earlier on, he had a pattern of
Speaker 4: sleeping with other women, mostly fans. It seems he was
Speaker 4: an athlete for several years until retiring a few years ago.
Speaker 3: That's so weird. Athletes hardly ever do that.
Speaker 4: I know, that's so bizarre, and my sister justified it once,
Speaker 4: telling me, you know, as long as he's going to
Speaker 4: therapy and working on himself, the cheating is okay, insane.
Speaker 7: I know.
Speaker 4: My middle sister isn't a fan of him, claiming she
Speaker 4: saw him four years ago or so while they were dating.
Speaker 4: While the sister and the guy were dating leave a
Speaker 4: bar with another girl, not even trying to hide it.
Speaker 4: I like him plenty, but I don't know him terribly well.
Speaker 4: She likes to keep parts of their lives compartmentalized anyway.
Speaker 4: He has a separate apartment that he keeps as a
Speaker 4: quote bachelor pad. Not my words, his now here's the
Speaker 4: huge thing I need your advice on. I just reopened
Speaker 4: two different dating apps. Haven't in months, but I gotta
Speaker 4: get back on the proverbial horse. I opened one, swiped
Speaker 4: no on just two people, and lo and behold, my
Speaker 4: sister's partner pops up. Keep in mind this happened just
Speaker 4: three days after they got new family portraits taken with
Speaker 4: my baby nephew.
Speaker 2: I am shook.
Speaker 4: I screen recorded and screen grabbed for safe keeping. Do
Speaker 4: I tell my sister that I saw him there active
Speaker 4: on said app? Do I avoid it and ask her
Speaker 4: if they've had a shift and are no longer exclusive,
Speaker 4: which I'm doubtful about. Do I say something to him?
Speaker 4: Do I pretend it didn't happen. I can't tell my
Speaker 4: other sister, who already hates him. So what do I
Speaker 4: do if I tell my oldest sister? What's the best
Speaker 4: way to approach it? I'm also afraid he'll see me
Speaker 4: on the app and blow his cover.
Speaker 1: Let me know, Ella, Okay, Well everyone knows how I
Speaker 1: feel about this, John, why don't we let you?
Speaker 3: I want to know how you feel about this.
Speaker 5: So you're saying your quote shook unquote, Why what about this?
Speaker 5: Is shocking. Everything you've described as a situation, which, of
Speaker 5: course this person would be on dating apps. It seems
Speaker 5: like the keeping of a bachelor pad described as such
Speaker 5: as sort of indicative of where they're at, like the
Speaker 5: person having the baby, like they've made a series of choices.
Speaker 5: Those are their choices. Were support women making their own choices.
Speaker 5: It seems like this is this the sister yeah, being
Speaker 5: like a little bit of a busybody here, like you know,
Speaker 5: it's like.
Speaker 1: I don't know, she was just on a dating app
Speaker 1: scrolling John. I don't know, is she being a business
Speaker 1: on her feed?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I don't think there's anything wrong to me with
Speaker 5: being like to your sister, like, hey, what's up with
Speaker 5: how's the relationship been? Although I have a feeling that
Speaker 5: the question like how has the relationship been is like
Speaker 5: a loaded question between these sisters because it is very
Speaker 5: clear the sister writing does not approve of their sister's choices, right,
Speaker 5: and so I find it hard to believe that doesn't
Speaker 5: come across with the like, hey, just a quick question
Speaker 5: like what's happening with the father your child? Because together,
Speaker 5: what's going on there? So, like you know, that's sort
Speaker 5: of where I'm at on this, which is like, you
Speaker 5: do want to tell your sister, you like, you want
Speaker 5: to point out that this guy fucking soff and like
Speaker 5: it seems like he does, but you're not dating him.
Speaker 4: True, since it's an older sister, I feel like maybe
Speaker 4: they have an open relationship and she just doesn't like
Speaker 4: share that with the rest of her family.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, first of all, I'm the I'm always tell
Speaker 1: on everyone, tell on them, tell on him, tell on him.
Speaker 1: But also I would agree it sounds like this woman
Speaker 1: who already said, okay, you know, like he we as
Speaker 1: long as he's going to therapy and working on it,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. I mean she just had a baby
Speaker 1: thirteen years ago. I think she knows what she's dealing
Speaker 1: with and she's okay with it. That wouldn't prevent me
Speaker 1: from saying, first of all, clicking yes on him when
Speaker 1: you scroll on him and go, hey, what's up?
Speaker 3: Funny meeting you here?
Speaker 1: Hey, B if I can get him from all sides,
Speaker 1: or B take the screen grab and make sure they're
Speaker 1: both together when you go, oh, funny, I saw you
Speaker 1: on my dating app this week. Just together together? I
Speaker 1: like to but no, but as a sister. I know, John,
Speaker 1: you're you're not a sister to anyone. You're a because
Speaker 1: you're a male and you identify as one. But I
Speaker 1: as a woman, will always especially if it's your sister,
Speaker 1: and I guarantee you it will have no impact on
Speaker 1: their relationship.
Speaker 3: But at least then you can know. And if you
Speaker 3: know that and you know it's not going to have
Speaker 3: any impact, then fine.
Speaker 1: But at some point she's gonna get sick of it
Speaker 1: or she's not, but she's it's not going to have
Speaker 1: an impact on the relationship. So it's just a matter
Speaker 1: of how honest do you want to be, because you
Speaker 1: have every right to tell her. It's not like you
Speaker 1: were snooping. You weren't over at his apartment looking through shit.
Speaker 1: You were on a public platform where you saw him
Speaker 1: actively pursuing dating. So there's really nothing there's no question
Speaker 1: about saying that you saw it. In my opinion, I
Speaker 1: think you should absolutely say something to your sister because
Speaker 1: hopefully she can get rid of him sooner than later.
Speaker 1: It doesn't like seem like he's going to stop cheating
Speaker 1: on her, especially with a bachelor pad. And if you
Speaker 1: have a new baby and you want to start a
Speaker 1: new life, which she's not going to want to do.
Speaker 3: She's going to feel vulnerable and go, oh, I'm with him.
Speaker 3: It's okay, he's.
Speaker 1: Working on it's not working on it, so just FYI
Speaker 1: is not working on it. You know, anyone who's working
Speaker 1: on a relationship isn't on a dating app when their
Speaker 1: significant other gives birth to their child.
Speaker 5: It's a very funny idea. That's like, as long as
Speaker 5: we're in therapy working on the cheating, you can keep cheating.
Speaker 5: It's well, that's not it's not how I mean like,
Speaker 5: that's this is not how like oh, it's not like
Speaker 5: it's not like plugging the BP oil spill. You know,
Speaker 5: it's not like, oh, like there's still leakage, but we're
Speaker 5: making progress. Like he is actively cheating on you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like I want to stop doing heroin, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to continue snorting it while we talk about
Speaker 1: me stopping it.
Speaker 5: Exactly.
Speaker 4: There's a question that comes up for me, which is,
Speaker 4: even if she's fine with him sleeping with other people,
Speaker 4: she is someone who just had a baby with this guy,
Speaker 4: what's she going to feel like when he comes home?
Speaker 4: Like not if, but when he comes home and says like, hey,
Speaker 4: I got.
Speaker 2: Someone else pregnant. Oh right you now, oh yeah, there
Speaker 2: might be something to talk to your sister about.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. But you know, people don't want to hear shit.
Speaker 1: No they don't. But I mean, when it is your sister,
Speaker 1: you really have to be honest with your sisters. And
Speaker 1: there's a reason why her other sister hates him. Hopefully
Speaker 1: your sister will snap out of it sooner than later.
Speaker 1: But there's your advice from us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Chelsea says, bring it up in a family party.
Speaker 1: I'm of the school hotel on everyone.
Speaker 3: No secret keeping here.
Speaker 5: That's good now, actually.
Speaker 1: Not for men, not for straight men. I don't think
Speaker 1: keep secrets for straight man. If I was like, did
Speaker 1: you watch Lady Peterson documentary?
Speaker 5: I didn't. I didn't.
Speaker 3: Okay, well you know this one. There's two. Now there's two.
Speaker 1: There's one on Netflix and then there's a secondary one
Speaker 1: on Prime which people are like, oh, that actually shows
Speaker 1: some doubts. I'm like, only if you're a fucking moron,
Speaker 1: does it so any doubts. There couldn't be anyone more
Speaker 1: guilty than Scott Peterson. And I don't have to say
Speaker 1: allegedly because he actually got convicted of the fucking crime.
Speaker 1: So I also want to say, like, these two sisters,
Speaker 1: how they're still on his side? One of him became
Speaker 1: a lawyer to represent him.
Speaker 2: And like the innocence project has taken on his Oh.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, the innocent project.
Speaker 1: First of all, if I fuck your brother, okay, I
Speaker 1: don't care if he is your brother. When you come home,
Speaker 1: when you find out that your brother's wife is missing,
Speaker 1: then the next piece of information you find out is
Speaker 1: that he had a bowl of cereal and was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: my wife is missing, let me call her parents. And
Speaker 1: then the next piece of information is that he had
Speaker 1: a boat that no one fucking knew about. I would
Speaker 1: if that were my brother, I'd be like, you're a murderer,
Speaker 1: and I know it. I'm not on your side anymore.
Speaker 1: You took it too far this time. Forget about the
Speaker 1: Amber Fry of it all. There's already enough evidence leading
Speaker 1: up to the fact that before even they even revealed
Speaker 1: that he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 3: It's like that kind of blind loyalty.
Speaker 1: And the only two people who believe he's innocent, well's
Speaker 1: parents obviously are his sister. One is not even a
Speaker 1: real sister, it's a sister in law. She's the one
Speaker 1: who got a legal degree. It's so crazy to me
Speaker 1: that these women they found him at the border with
Speaker 1: blonde hair and fucking forty thousand dollars. And she's like,
Speaker 1: it's not what you think, bitch, is exactly what we think,
Speaker 1: and you need to get your fucking head examined.
Speaker 7: Huh.
Speaker 4: And I think, oh, that brings us right back to Ella,
Speaker 4: exactly what you think. That's exactly what you think, right well.
Speaker 4: Our next question comes from Penny. Penny is thirty three,
Speaker 4: and she says, Dear Chelsea, I was wondering if you
Speaker 4: would have any advice on letting your very close friend
Speaker 4: know that she has a very annoying tick. My friend
Speaker 4: is constantly sniffing, like constantly. During my bachelorette party, while
Speaker 4: laying in bed trying to will my hangover away, all
Speaker 4: I could hear was sniff, sniff, sniff, and I was
Speaker 4: in a separate room. I just about screamed, Tiffany, please
Speaker 4: stop sniffing. I thought about it again, as I'll be
Speaker 4: riding with her to the beach tomorrow and I'm already
Speaker 4: getting annoyed knowing she will be sniffing the whole way.
Speaker 2: She does not do cocaine that I know of.
Speaker 5: She does not have Thank you, thank you for putting
Speaker 5: that aside, because that was my first question.
Speaker 4: Okay, when she finally blows her nose, it sounds like
Speaker 4: pure air. I firmly believe this is a nervous tick,
Speaker 4: and I think someone needs to make her aware of it.
Speaker 4: Every single person I mentioned it too has said, OMG,
Speaker 4: know what is with the sniffing? So I'm not the
Speaker 4: only one any who Let me know what you think.
Speaker 4: Lots of love, Penny, and she's going to join us here.
Speaker 1: Oh good, this seems like a long conversation. We really
Speaker 1: have time to delve into this.
Speaker 3: Hello, Penny, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 6: Guys?
Speaker 3: You're with our special guest John love It today.
Speaker 7: Hi.
Speaker 3: Hey, Oh my gosh, Hi Amy, he's a survivor.
Speaker 5: That's true.
Speaker 3: I yeah, I think you should say something. I would say.
Speaker 1: I would say something to my friend, especially if people
Speaker 1: are talking about her behind her back. You should just say, hey,
Speaker 1: you sniff a lot. It's kind of annoying. Do you
Speaker 1: know if it's a nervous tick or what?
Speaker 8: Okay, Okay, I mean yeah, why not?
Speaker 3: Why wouldn't you say something?
Speaker 5: Yeah? And I would not reference. I would not mention
Speaker 5: that you brought this up not just to people behind
Speaker 5: your friends back, but also on a podcast with Chelsea Handler. Yeah,
Speaker 5: let the first conversation play out. See where that lands you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, definitely that makes sense.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Can I just ask, since we have you, what, what
Speaker 1: would be your hesitation in telling her that it's a
Speaker 1: pretty innocuous thing to say to someone. I know it's
Speaker 1: kind of uncomfortable, but it's helpful too.
Speaker 2: Oh, definitely.
Speaker 8: It's just she's an overthinker, and I just don't want
Speaker 8: to give her anything else to be nervous about. And
Speaker 8: I feel like maybe it'll even make it worse, or
Speaker 8: she'll just retract even more.
Speaker 1: Well, was if you yelled at her, like if you
Speaker 1: did a Chelsea style, that would not be well received
Speaker 1: if she's an overthinker. But you can, in a very gentle,
Speaker 1: loving way, go you know, hey, I wanted to bring
Speaker 1: something up with you, and I hope this isn't I mean,
Speaker 1: this might be a little sensitive for you to hear,
Speaker 1: but I've noticed that you sniff a lot, and I
Speaker 1: remember sitting in my bed the other day hearing it,
Speaker 1: and I kind of felt myself being like what And
Speaker 1: then I thought, Oh, I.
Speaker 3: Should just talk to you about it.
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know, like maybe you're
Speaker 1: not aware that you do it, and I want to
Speaker 1: you know, you can do this in a totally loving,
Speaker 1: friend loving way, because it is helpful to know if
Speaker 1: you're doing something that annoys other people.
Speaker 8: Yeah, definitely, I would want to know for sure.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: My cousin, my nick niece, told me the reason I
Speaker 1: had to stop smoking pot was because it was having
Speaker 1: this deleterious impact on my esophagus. And I was going
Speaker 1: like this all the time, and she goes, do you
Speaker 1: know how fucking annoying that is? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I didn't realize anyone else heard me. She goes, you
Speaker 1: do it all the time, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have to stop smoking pot, Like I can't do
Speaker 1: that anymore. So that's sad for all of us.
Speaker 3: I know, Gummy's only Yeah.
Speaker 4: I do wonder and maybe it is like a legitimate tick,
Speaker 4: like it is diagnosed OCD or something like that, and
Speaker 4: maybe this will.
Speaker 5: Yeah, see energy, could you post nasal drip?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then she could get some medicine for that
Speaker 1: as well. But it's everybody does better with a little
Speaker 1: self awareness and as long as it comes from a
Speaker 1: place of love, then you have nothing to worry about.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's true. Yes, as long as.
Speaker 1: You're not screamaters, stop fucking sniffing, it's gonna be fine.
Speaker 5: Yeah. And if her name really is Tiffany, Sniffeney's right there,
Speaker 5: just so you know, if you need something in your
Speaker 5: back pocket, there you.
Speaker 1: Go in case you go back to elementary school and
Speaker 1: want to make fun of her behind her back.
Speaker 5: And then two No, I'm saying that's exactly what not
Speaker 5: to do, even though Sniffiny is very good sitting right there,
Speaker 5: leave it, leave it there, leave it on the shelf.
Speaker 5: Don't take that one down.
Speaker 3: Leave it on the table. Okay, Well, thanks for calling in.
Speaker 3: This was an important one.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Bye bye. Listen.
Speaker 2: John is here to do hard hitting news and here
Speaker 2: we are.
Speaker 1: That's absolutely right. That is hard hitting for sure for snizzle.
Speaker 5: Yes, I just think that like, look, if I had
Speaker 5: a delicate overthinker as a friend with a small and
Speaker 5: ultimately harmless tick, I'd want it on a pretty big
Speaker 5: podcast as soon as possible.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I used to do this thing where I would scratch
Speaker 1: my hand all the time.
Speaker 3: You guys can see me.
Speaker 1: But I would scratch my hand when I was on
Speaker 1: camera and my producers were like, hey, do you are you?
Speaker 1: Is this a nervous tick that you scratched your hand
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I didn't even know I
Speaker 1: did it. And then when I tried to stop it,
Speaker 1: I couldn't and scratch you even more.
Speaker 5: I was doing something which was like on stage, putting
Speaker 5: the cards like in front of my face, and like,
Speaker 5: of course you can't don't cover your face when you're
Speaker 5: on stage. Sort of one of those rules your moneymaker.
Speaker 5: Yeah right, this is yeah right, this is These are
Speaker 5: my surgeon's hands exactly.
Speaker 3: You don't want to fuck up that plastic surgery.
Speaker 5: M hm.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 4: Our next question comes from wit wit Is thirty eight
Speaker 4: in Quebec. Dear Chelsea, I'm a trans man in a
Speaker 4: relationship with a wonderful SIS woman.
Speaker 2: It's been a little over a year and we're very
Speaker 2: much in love.
Speaker 4: She's only ever dated SIS men and sees me as
Speaker 4: a man and embraces all parts of me. The thing
Speaker 4: is her family doesn't know I'm trans. I'm not exactly stealth.
Speaker 4: You can easily find out I'm trans by googling my name,
Speaker 4: and I'm just living my quiet, normal life. But I've
Speaker 4: never been a fan of having to come out to anyone.
Speaker 4: I hate that it's an issue or something that has
Speaker 4: to be done, and so I guess that's why I'm
Speaker 4: hesitant to do it. I don't want me being trans
Speaker 4: to be a thing that defines me their eyes. That
Speaker 4: and there's always the worry of rejection. My girlfriend has
Speaker 4: no issue telling them, but wants me to make the
Speaker 4: decision about when I'm comfortable doing so. I really really
Speaker 4: like her family and they like me, and she and
Speaker 4: I plan on being together and I've talked about having
Speaker 4: kids eventually, but the issue of.
Speaker 2: Telling her parents does weigh on me.
Speaker 4: I'm not sure how or when to go about it,
Speaker 4: or if we need to, but I guess they deserve
Speaker 4: to know. I'd rather them find out from us than
Speaker 4: from some interaction with my family or friends or an
Speaker 4: Internet article that.
Speaker 2: Makes them think we've been keeping a big secret from them.
Speaker 2: Any advice? Thanks?
Speaker 6: Wit Hi, wit Hi? Hi.
Speaker 3: This is John Lovet. He's our special guest today.
Speaker 4: Hi.
Speaker 3: How are you?
Speaker 7: Hi?
Speaker 6: John?
Speaker 7: I listened to all of y'all's podcast past Dream Team.
Speaker 3: That's awesome.
Speaker 5: That's exactly what this is exactly?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean I would just say, you don't why
Speaker 1: do they need to know? That's what my instinct says.
Speaker 1: But then I understand what you're saying. You don't want
Speaker 1: them to find out going down the road, Like I
Speaker 1: just don't feel like I just don't feel like that's
Speaker 1: pertinent information at this stage in the game, Like why
Speaker 1: why do they need to know that you know? And
Speaker 1: and I hear what you're saying. I don't, John, what
Speaker 1: do you think? What do you have to say about this?
Speaker 3: Let me say some more.
Speaker 5: It's interesting, right, And there's this debate around passing, right
Speaker 5: because there are trans people that can pass, and there
Speaker 5: are trans people that can't pass. I'm actually dating a
Speaker 5: non binary person uses they then pronounce assigned female at
Speaker 5: birth now more masculine presenting. And I do think the
Speaker 5: challenge is that, like this is an important part of
Speaker 5: who they are, right, Like their past is their biography,
Speaker 5: how they got to where they are. It's like, as
Speaker 5: you're getting closer to a family, the family of your partner,
Speaker 5: you want them to know who you are, that is
Speaker 5: who who you are. And so I guess it's like
Speaker 5: maybe the answer is somewhere in between coming out and
Speaker 5: not talking about it, right, Like everyone is focused on
Speaker 5: the election and everybody's talking about politics. I find it
Speaker 5: hard to believe that at family gatherings and other settings
Speaker 5: that trans issues aren't coming up and just saying oh,
Speaker 5: just so you know, by the way, they're trans and
Speaker 5: they've been through a transition and it was a really
Speaker 5: hard and important decision, but it made their life a
Speaker 5: lot better, right. Like, I think that can be a
Speaker 5: really valuable thing for people who might not realize when
Speaker 5: they see the news demagoguing around LGBT issues, that actually
Speaker 5: there's a trans person they really like and have come
Speaker 5: to know. So that's sort of where I fall.
Speaker 3: On this because I guess it is the question of John.
Speaker 3: You bring up a good point.
Speaker 1: Of course, it's part of who you are, but it's
Speaker 1: almost like I don't want to be light about something
Speaker 1: that's serious. But it's like, I think certain things in
Speaker 1: your past are not pertinent information for the family that
Speaker 1: you're about to marry into. It's like my previous sex
Speaker 1: life and my previous sexual partners, that's not necessary, that's
Speaker 1: not pertinent information for my future partner's family to know.
Speaker 1: I kind of feel that way about a person who
Speaker 1: has transitioned.
Speaker 3: Although I'm not trans, so I can't speak to that.
Speaker 1: I would just think, like, you've worked so hard to
Speaker 1: become this person that you want it to be, that
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable in your own skin. It doesn't feel
Speaker 1: fair that you have to even explain your.
Speaker 3: Past to these people. That's where I'm coming from.
Speaker 1: But if that is a huge part of who you
Speaker 1: consider yourself to be today, then that is a different
Speaker 1: story than that is sharing with them. You know your
Speaker 1: innermost feelings and like being as intimate as possible with
Speaker 1: your partner's family, And the question is do you need
Speaker 1: to be that intimate with them?
Speaker 6: Wait?
Speaker 5: Wait, wait, I'm sorry, is you or your partner?
Speaker 7: No, it's my girlfriend's it's your girlfriend parents. Yeah, my
Speaker 7: girlfriend's family doesn't know.
Speaker 5: It's your girlfriend's family. Well, I guess it's sort of
Speaker 5: like there should be just zero pressure. I think there's
Speaker 5: a lot of people who live in the kind of
Speaker 5: gray middle where they like, maybe don't know a trans person,
Speaker 5: maybe they haven't thought about it very hard, Maybe they're
Speaker 5: going to say some weird stuff, maybe they're going to
Speaker 5: screw up, but ultimately are want to be empathetic.
Speaker 7: What do you think, Yeah, well, I think I kind
Speaker 7: of have feelings of both John and Chelsea. On the
Speaker 7: one side, I am fortunate enough to pass, and I
Speaker 7: feel like it's really unfair that it's a piece of
Speaker 7: information that this society and the climate that we're kind
Speaker 7: of political climate that we're living in, feels like you
Speaker 7: have to disclose this very personal piece of information. Unfortunately,
Speaker 7: it's what we live in. At the same time, I
Speaker 7: don't want them to find out in some other way,
Speaker 7: whether it be through an interaction or online or whatnot,
Speaker 7: and them have a worse reaction, like we've been lining
Speaker 7: to them or or didn't trust them with the information.
Speaker 7: So wanting to avoid that reaction, but also being kind
Speaker 7: of like, you know, it's it's very personal. It's something
Speaker 7: that I don't think defines me. I think it's a
Speaker 7: part of who I am, but I have a chip
Speaker 7: on my shoulder and I think it's just an insecurity
Speaker 7: that once you divulge the information, you have this feeling.
Speaker 7: It's like when you go in public and you think
Speaker 7: people are looking at you, but no one gives a shit.
Speaker 6: It's like the same thing is, as soon as they
Speaker 6: know that about me.
Speaker 7: I feel like, oh, that's the first thing they're going
Speaker 7: to think about me, which is probably not true. I
Speaker 7: think it's just this insecurity that I have.
Speaker 4: You mentioned there are certain situations where it would be
Speaker 4: maybe helpful for them to know ahead of time, like
Speaker 4: you mentioned like oh, we're all going to the lake,
Speaker 4: or and there was going to be maybe a swimsuit situation,
Speaker 4: and so like to have them know ahead of time
Speaker 4: would be helpful. But then it's also like, are you
Speaker 4: going to ask your potential future in laws about their
Speaker 4: medical history?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's I think I would say, just from a completely
Speaker 1: objective point of view, that if there's an organic time
Speaker 1: where it comes up, like you know, Will Ferrell has
Speaker 1: this new documentary out with his best friend and she
Speaker 1: and they talk about like like say they bring that
Speaker 1: up to you or sell some and that comes up
Speaker 1: in conversation, that would be a nice organic time to
Speaker 1: go oh yeah, because you don't really want to put
Speaker 1: so much weight on an issue that is no longer
Speaker 1: an issue.
Speaker 3: You are a man now.
Speaker 1: So you present as a man, you're living as a man.
Speaker 1: That would be a great opportunity to be like, oh god, yeah,
Speaker 1: don't I know that story. You know I'm trans as well,
Speaker 1: like in a way where it's not like we're sitting down,
Speaker 1: we're having this big conversation.
Speaker 3: We have to tell you I used to be a woman.
Speaker 1: It doesn't deserve all of that because that it's totally
Speaker 1: unfair to you, and it's totally unfair to any trans
Speaker 1: person to have to sit there and explain themselves over
Speaker 1: and over again. So I feel like if you have
Speaker 1: an opportunity to say it lightly and kind of extract
Speaker 1: yourself from that situation and let them deal with the
Speaker 1: aftermath and the questions they have, that shouldn't be on
Speaker 1: you to explain to them. And if anything, it's more
Speaker 1: on your partner to have to explain to them, because
Speaker 1: she's the one who's decided to be with you and
Speaker 1: she can answer their questions.
Speaker 3: I just don't think it's fair for people who make.
Speaker 1: These decisions to constantly have to explain themselves, especially when
Speaker 1: you're in a loving relationship and they already love you
Speaker 1: and you know what I mean. So I think maybe
Speaker 1: if you can wait for something organic like that to happen,
Speaker 1: wait for them to see that movie, or wait until
Speaker 1: you see that trans person or the subject of transit.
Speaker 3: You know, trans people, gad transgender comes.
Speaker 1: Up, or you know whatever, and then just say it
Speaker 1: lightly and anyone's going to look at you and think
Speaker 1: you're a man. And I think that's all you owe anybody.
Speaker 7: Yeah, Like and talking with my therapist who's very I
Speaker 7: guess protective and is like it's nobody's business.
Speaker 6: I understand that side.
Speaker 7: But my partner had talked to her therapist and she's
Speaker 7: a little older and I guess uninformed, and she asked
Speaker 7: really invasive questions, like about my body. So it really
Speaker 7: scared because her parents are in their seventies. But we're thinking,
Speaker 7: maybe take me out of the equation because it isn't
Speaker 7: fair or something organic, not like at a dinner and
Speaker 7: be like, hey, mom passes salt and by the way,
Speaker 7: but like have an organic conversation that is, isn't so
Speaker 7: much weight while sitting them down.
Speaker 6: If we don't think it's a big deal, we shouldn't
Speaker 6: make it a big deal.
Speaker 5: Do you want them to know?
Speaker 7: In the perfect world, I wish that nobody knew. I
Speaker 7: think that's kind of a part of being trans. I mean,
Speaker 7: not everybody's the same. Some people are very out and
Speaker 7: loud and proud, and that's okay, that's not where I stand.
Speaker 6: Although I'm not.
Speaker 7: I don't hide it because, like I had said to Catherine,
Speaker 7: as you could easily find on trends, whether it's by
Speaker 7: googling my name or lots of people that I know.
Speaker 7: So I don't hide it, but I don't outwardly, you know,
Speaker 7: disclose it to everybody.
Speaker 6: But I think it's not even that they deserve to know.
Speaker 6: It's just I don't.
Speaker 7: We don't want to feel like we're walking on eggshells,
Speaker 7: whether we're around a group of friends that are like
Speaker 7: very open and talk about things and then it just
Speaker 7: come out in that way.
Speaker 6: So it's more so that. But yeah, I wish that
Speaker 6: they didn't have to know.
Speaker 5: To do what other fuck you want? You know, you
Speaker 5: don't know these people anything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if they do find out, it's like, yeah.
Speaker 5: It's on them to fit, it's on them to it's
Speaker 5: on them for how they handle it.
Speaker 3: There was no reason.
Speaker 1: And also when they find out and say, oh, you
Speaker 1: were hiding, We weren't hiding anything.
Speaker 3: There was no reason to tell you.
Speaker 1: It's a google away that's that's yeah, that's you could
Speaker 1: find that information.
Speaker 7: Out.
Speaker 1: We know that information's out there, it just never came
Speaker 1: up and what we didn't feel like we had that
Speaker 1: you know, we needed to tell you. But I do
Speaker 1: think if you do tell them, you decide differently. Yes,
Speaker 1: let your let your partner deal with it and let
Speaker 1: her tell them, you know, in your absence.
Speaker 3: It's like, haven't you been through enough?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 7: And I think, like, I mean, our politics in Canada
Speaker 7: are a little less entertaining, but also a let less scary,
Speaker 7: a lot less, a.
Speaker 1: Lot more civilized, and a lot less funny, let's be honest, exactly.
Speaker 7: Yeah, but you know, I mean we're surrounded by US politics,
Speaker 7: and the political climate is very wacky over there, and
Speaker 7: there's a lot of things that I don't see reflected
Speaker 7: back and like who I am about like trans politics
Speaker 7: and that kind of stuff. That that's the only that's
Speaker 7: one thing that sort of sways me of being like,
Speaker 7: you know, I wish there wasn't this big fireball about
Speaker 7: all these policies and issues coming up that is really
Speaker 7: non issues.
Speaker 6: It's not people's business and everything.
Speaker 3: It really is it.
Speaker 5: You're not responsible for people's reactions. You're not responsible for
Speaker 5: how important someone judges this or how the fact that
Speaker 5: they didn't know becomes a stand in for their discomfort
Speaker 5: or uncertainty or a lack of knowledge or lack of empathy. Like,
Speaker 5: you don't You're not responsible for that at all, and
Speaker 5: so whatever reaction they have has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 5: When they find out how they found out and what
Speaker 5: that means to them has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 5: So like, I think that's to me important. I was
Speaker 5: at a wedding and the person I'm seeing saw a
Speaker 5: bunch of people from their childhood that hadn't seen them
Speaker 5: since they were presenting as a woman. And these are
Speaker 5: people that probably, like a lot of older people, don't
Speaker 5: know trans people. This is all does a little bit
Speaker 5: new and confusing, but it was really just interesting watching
Speaker 5: an older person say like, nice to meet you, and
Speaker 5: then the person I'm seeing saying, you know me, remember,
Speaker 5: like we grew up together, and then you see on
Speaker 5: their face the sort of dawning recognition and a little
Speaker 5: bit of like, oh my god, a transperson, one of
Speaker 5: those trans people that I've heard about in the news.
Speaker 6: It's like the new my gay best friend.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, And so like like I don't know, you
Speaker 5: don't know what their reaction is going to be. But
Speaker 5: you also don't know in a good way, right, Like
Speaker 5: some people will surprise you.
Speaker 1: I also think you know what you were just saying,
Speaker 1: talking about Canadian politics versus American politics, and how there's
Speaker 1: a shadow of us in your country, a big one,
Speaker 1: a big, dark one. It's almost like this conversation is
Speaker 1: becoming necessary to you because of the way America is
Speaker 1: acting around this issue. And if you took that out
Speaker 1: of the equation, how would you feel about telling your
Speaker 1: significant other's family, Like it would probably be a lesser issue,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be such a big thing. So you're letting
Speaker 1: all of this and all of the noise kind of
Speaker 1: complicate your own personal life. So I would say to
Speaker 1: think about that as well.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you're right, And I think what's important is just
Speaker 7: remembering that I'm not responsible for their reactions and I
Speaker 7: can't control their reaction, so whether we decide to tell
Speaker 7: them or when we do, and how that, I just
Speaker 7: have to remember that it can't control any of that.
Speaker 7: But yeah, you're right, if there wasn't all this political
Speaker 7: crap going around, the weight would be a lot later.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I would I always think about when I
Speaker 1: have a big decision or something like what you're talking about,
Speaker 1: thinking about making it less of an issue for the
Speaker 1: people that come after you. Right, so you not addressing
Speaker 1: it and say you go through, say her parents never
Speaker 1: find out, and they're in their seventies and you have children,
Speaker 1: and they never know, they never needed to know. It's
Speaker 1: almost like you're kind of paving the way for future
Speaker 1: people to go, Oh, yeah, I don't have to make
Speaker 1: this proclamation and declaration to everybody.
Speaker 3: It's not necessary. Absolutely necessary.
Speaker 1: It could be necessary in different areas of your life,
Speaker 1: but it's really not in this So I just think
Speaker 1: that's something you should think about too.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, you keep us posted on how things go
Speaker 4: if you decide to tell them or not.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 7: It's And I had said to Katherine that it was
Speaker 7: like one of the last things off the books.
Speaker 6: And I've been together like a little over a year.
Speaker 7: We lived together, now, both of our families, we've met
Speaker 7: both of families quite a few times, and it was
Speaker 7: like the last it's the last thing that I think
Speaker 7: is weighing on me. It really doesn't care. She's like,
Speaker 7: we can tell them or not. It's no big deal
Speaker 7: for me. But she wants me to be comfortable. So
Speaker 7: it's like the last thing before I don't know, a proposal,
Speaker 7: or we'd like to get married and have a future together.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, well I think you will. I think
Speaker 3: you will.
Speaker 1: And if for some reason, say you decide not to
Speaker 1: tell them, and for some reason down the road they
Speaker 1: find out I have a big problem with them, have.
Speaker 3: Them call into the podcast and we can explain everything perfect.
Speaker 1: We'll tell them, we'll talk back and everything.
Speaker 3: It'll be perfect. It'll be like a reunion.
Speaker 6: It sounds good.
Speaker 3: Okay, take care, thank you with thank you so much.
Speaker 4: I heard something recently that really stuck out to me,
Speaker 4: and it's a It was from a trans creator that
Speaker 4: I follow on TikTok mother Birdie, and they said, you know, people,
Speaker 4: even queer people, are like, well, what were you assigned
Speaker 4: at birth? Like really trying to like get in the comments,
Speaker 4: being like, but you know, what are your pronouns? What
Speaker 4: were your pronouns? Sort of thing, And they said, a
Speaker 4: signed female at birth or a sign male at birth
Speaker 4: isn't a thing that represents who you are. It's a
Speaker 4: moment in time and a thing that happened to you,
Speaker 4: a medical thing that happened to you, and it's just
Speaker 4: really really stuck out to me. It's not doesn't really
Speaker 4: have anything to do with who the person is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, that's what people don't understand is that you know,
Speaker 1: that's what Republicans who are who think that you know,
Speaker 1: you're you go to school. I mean, what did Trump
Speaker 1: say the other day that that what did he say
Speaker 1: that people are changing people's sexiest. Oh yeah, they're doing
Speaker 1: They're changing their sexes at schools, and people are assassinating
Speaker 1: their children after childbirth. People are killing their babies after
Speaker 1: they're born. Mike, you mean at schools where they get
Speaker 1: shot every day because the fucking NRA helps spun the
Speaker 1: Republican Party. Okay, we're out of time. We're gonna take
Speaker 1: a break and we're gonna come back and we're gonna.
Speaker 3: Wrap up with John Lovit and we're back. John Lovid
Speaker 3: and I just took a virtual bath together. It was epic.
Speaker 3: But John, thank you for.
Speaker 1: Your knowledge on everything and for being here today.
Speaker 3: I love you so much.
Speaker 1: You make me fucking laugh so hard anytime you're on
Speaker 1: pod Save America and insert yourself with one of your
Speaker 1: ridiculous jokes and the rest of the boy and the
Speaker 1: other boys are just like, ah, fuck, here we go,
Speaker 1: Like nothing gives me more pleasure than when you pull
Speaker 1: that shit. I wish I could quote one right off,
Speaker 1: but I can't because I listened to too many of them.
Speaker 1: But anyway, John is the funniest, So go see him
Speaker 1: on tour. He goes on tour with Pod Save America,
Speaker 1: and he's on tour with Love It or Leave It,
Speaker 1: and you can listen to all of their podcasts on
Speaker 1: the Pod Save America channel, Pod Say World, Save America,
Speaker 1: Pod Save the World, blah blah blah, saving countries, oceans.
Speaker 3: Boulevards, you name it. John, did you have any Yes?
Speaker 5: I thought there was the end. I didn't want to.
Speaker 5: I think we're I think we're in that fucking outro
Speaker 5: Go to vote save America dot com. I'm just I'm
Speaker 5: trying to be respectful. I'm a guest that's right to
Speaker 5: vote America dot com. Sign up and.
Speaker 1: Do something, do something, do something to save democracy.
Speaker 3: People. This is it. We're in the home stretch.
Speaker 5: And tell WIT's future in laws that he's trance.
Speaker 3: Go do one of your other podcasts now, Chelsea.
Speaker 5: I just hope the rest of your day anally is
Speaker 5: going as well as it could go. That's what I want.
Speaker 1: So far, there have been no repercussion, so I appreciate
Speaker 1: your concern.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna investigate after this and that's.
Speaker 3: A good way to close.
Speaker 5: That's what your doctors said. Oh, this is good, exactly
Speaker 5: what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3: All right, bye, Jo.
Speaker 1: Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm
Speaker 1: coming to Texas.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas.
Speaker 1: City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing
Speaker 1: at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel November two
Speaker 1: and November thirtieth.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to.
Speaker 1: Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth,
Speaker 1: and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of
Speaker 1: the year in December, So if you're in a city
Speaker 1: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
Speaker 1: or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law, and
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our march at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 4: com